xandraeducates - Tumblr blog

[xandraeducates]

Hey,

A good friend of mine is hoping to reach their goal for top surgery. Any support is welcome.

Shared with permission x

[xandraeducates]

I saw this post on pinterest (though it's obv from tumblr), and I never see people talk about the first point! I'm curious, what do other autistic people experience when they have caffeine?

For me, caffeine actually makes me tired. Both my friends have caffeine addictions and need coffee to function, but if I drink the same coffee, I would be ready to take a nap.

Energy drinks don't have an effect on me. I've tried taking them before to wake up, but it always just ends up being that I wasted my money for a drink that tastes terrible because it doesn't get me going at all.

I probably save a lot of money because of this compared to my coffee addicted friends 😅

[xandraeducates]

I've decided to put my own ridiculous spins on my traits and habits.

Now, whenever I know I'll need to mask for others, my brain summons that one scene from Venom-

Eddie: MASK!

Venom: READY!

So now when I actively decide to start masking, I feel bolstered by pretending that I have my own powerful force helping me from inside.

Because who doesn't want a symbiote of their own.

And I feel hench

[xandraeducates]

For the first time in a long time, I felt my Autism in a negative way yesterday.

A coworker was gossiping about my Autism, telling me "I would never have known if you hadn't told me", which she thought was complimentary. She told our boss he wasn't allowed to be mad at me because "you realise you're angry at someone who's AUTISTIC right???". I nonlonger feel very comfortable around her, which pisses me off because we were friends!

I did not hide my Autism from my boss but... now he treats me differently. Like I'm less capable when he was pushing me to apply for his job a couple weeks ago.

I knew I was lucky that my Autism doesn't appear to have hindered my life (once the vicious bullying stopped in school of course).

But when she did this, and others behaviours changed... I suddenly felt powerfully lucky that I have the support I do. One of my best friends is Autistic too and when we were in school together, it was lovely that we GOT each other. My partner never cared and made the point to understand better. My mother expects just as much from me as my siblings (in a positive manner, like getting a job I enjoy). Those siblings always support me.

This experience has me doubting again. Doubting how open I've chosen to be with my Autism. It felt like any other facet of my identity. And now I remember how I used to feel before I became so skilled at camouflage.

Does... anyone else get that feeling?

[xandraeducates]

Finding others who GET you is priceless. Even in a professional setting.

I have a lecturer who knows I'm Autistic, and he's amazing. Always supportive of that being my assignment focus, he sends me links to webinars he thinks I, an Autistic woman, would enjoy.

He has verbally supported me in shifting my dissertation focus to being about autistic women and their experiences. (He would almost certainly become my supervisor). Gave me some guidelines on what methods I could use.

He heard me talk to a guest speaker about wishing I could wrote books to help others and has sent me things about that too.

I am unapologetically obsessed and this man has gone "cool, here's all the support you need and also books". Other lecturers don't respond like that. I've been shamed in the past by lecturers for my behaviour or narrow focuses or working pace.

Not to mention the instant support from that guest speaker. He heard my career goals and immediately presented me with books he was giving me that were relevant. He encouraged me to write and recommended publishing companies. These book ideas have been a dream for most of my life. Suddenly, I have the validation to start writing them

[xandraeducates]

god knew i would be too powerful if he gave me a good short-term and long-term memory

[xandraeducates]

Autistics spend so much time and effort into masking, into fitting in and not looking different. I think this makes us feel we HAVE to have the stereotypical life. Tick all the boxes, do what is expected of you.

Personally, multiple people my age are engaged and getting married. I am not, which did not bother me at all before I learned of these engagements. Now I feel I'm being left behind, I have to catch up. That I have to do it right.

I got obsessed with the idea, to the point of working out exactly how fast I could catch up. I calculated wedding costs, venues, budgets. Everything you can think of in that vein. Even though before this, it wasn't an issue for me.

It took my partner pointing out that I had talked about wedding and future stuff everyday for 2 weeks, for me to realise this huge shift in my thinking.

Although this might be more personal for me, since I got my degree 2 years later than my school group and always felt self conscious of it, I wonder if it affects others?

Having talked with my lovely sister about her future desires, I realised just how much I was ramming myself into the box of a stereotypical life.

Degree, work, find partner, marry, house, kids. It really doesn't need to be like that. I was so consumed with it that I was perfectly fine with not bothering with a career after kids, when actually I love my work!

I feel I'm rambling at this point, but what I'm trying to say, to my fellow #neurodivergent #actuallyautistic people, that maybe we should examine our goals and plans every now and again. Check that they are what WE WANT, instead of being about what is expected of us.

[xandraeducates]

Friendly reminder that self-diagnosing is VALID AS FUCK and you can absolutely still consider yourself autistic, or ADD or whatever it is you suspect yourself to be.

I don't give a fuck if you think medical diagnoses are the only valid ones, because it tells me that you have no idea how hard it is to get one (especially as an adult!!!!). It tells me that you have never encountered that process and have the privilege of it not affecting you.

Drives me round the bend when places like schools only consider medical proof when people ask for simple accommodations. I've watched kids struggle because they don't have an "official diagnosis". Get stuffed, honestly.

[xandraeducates]

You know, it's the smallest things that can make life so much easier when you're #actuallyautistic. But some people still don't want to give them.

I ended up with Dyspraxia to boot, which made my handwriting AWFUL when I was at school. The more I wrote, the worse it got. Two sentences for a Physics question? I can make that legible for orher people.

An essay for English? Hahahahahaha. No. I really loved English too, so I would write fast to get all my ideas on paper. My writing would get worse and worse, words get linked together and my brain misses words out from the sentences.

My 1st year in Secondary school, my English teacher was a fucking demon. Took my handwriting as a personal fucking affront. Got three days in, and she told me she would refuse to mark anything that I didn't "put the effort into".

She did this ALL YEAR. AN ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR. Nothing was marked, I got no feedback at all and I felt unbearably fucking stupid. I always had to choose between writting a messy blob of an essay OR writing slowly enough to make my handwriting perfect, which meant I could never hand in more than a paragraph.

My mother ripped her a new one on Parent's Evening but it was too late.

My second year I had a new teacher. He told me to do my best in class but to write everything else on my laptop if that was easier. He even accepted a mixture.

What do you know, I'm TOP OF THE FUCKING CLASS. All because I was offered a better method of submitting work. I was accommodated.

TL:DR, Just accommodate your students. Please. I cried so much because of that awful teacher.

I still get anxious about my handwriting as an adultq

[xandraeducates]

just to be clear, the fact that music was nominated for a golden globe is absolutely disgusting. every single (adult) involved in that gross, ableist movie should be sickened by themselves.

for those of you who don't know, music (2021) is a movie being directed by sia about a nonverable autistic girl. not only does it not include any actually autistic people in the movie itself but it also only took advice from autism speaks which is looked at as a hate group by the majority of the autistic community. leaked scenes have also shown the movie glorifying prone restraints which are incredibly dangerous and have resulted in major injuries and even death to disabled people as recently as last year.

autistic people just like me have been incredibly outspoken about how harmful this movie is but the allistic have been mostly silent. we are already seeing reviews calling this movie 'inspiring' and important' and it's absolutely horrific! we need your help calling this out. please stand with us and call out this disgusting display of disrespect to autistic folks.

💛 - your local actually autistic pal

p.s. please, please reblog if you aren't autistic.

[xandraeducates]

Does this resonate with you?

I find it pretty accurate.

Big thanks to myautisticsoul for making this.

[xandraeducates]

Not to be all "go outside" because i'm not, but i feel like in online communities autism is viewed as basically interchangeable with any number of Minority Identities(tm) that people claim, to the extent that people will accuse you of calling yourself autistic for Sympathy Points

like people on this website will often treat autism like Minority Group Lite or something, or at best kind of assume autistic people are one of the Generally Recognized Categories of Marginalized People for most of the world

But. How do i say this. there are whole branches of academic study for most of the "Minority Identities" people plunk autism in lists with. Open a literary magazine and you will find essays and poems plumbing the depths of those marginalized people's lives. You can google "[xyz] poets" and get loads of results for them.

Obviously it's not perfect, not enough! But i can't emphasize enough how there are no Autistic Readings Of Shakespeare. There are no essays on the Autistic Body. There is no Autistic Photography, Autistic Poetry. There is no Autistic Spirituality, no Autistic Literary Criticism, no deep thinky pieces on Autistic Identity, no body of work on the Autistic Experience that is in communication with itself.

Google Autistic Books and you will get dozens of results that are either "here's how to fix you" or "we can't fix you, but here's why you need so badly to be fixed" and relatively few that are actually written by autistic people.

It is completely, totally different.

[xandraeducates]

Low Empathy =/= Caring less about people, being evil, less intelligent, more aggresive, unwilling to try to understand people.

Low Empathy = The lack of/impaired ability to percieve and detect other people’s emotions. Someone who has trouble putting themselves in other people’s shoes. Facial expressions do not translate as clearly into emotions, nor does tone of voice. One can understand what you are feeling, but they may just have to ask how someone else is feeling rather than detect it from cues! This means putting more effort into understanding other people. A person with low empathy is still kind, compassionate, loving, and good. 

[xandraeducates]

Never underestimate the importance of knowing a part of yourself. I wasn't told I was diagnosed autistic (as a child), until I was 15.

The amount of understanding I have about myself now??? The connection I feel knowing that other people are out there experiencing the same things? Unparalleled.

Using stuff actually DESIGNED for autistic people? Revolutionary. I know better ways to learn now. To study, have relationships, communicate, look after myself.

My self care now? Actually helps. I know more about what is causing me the stress and discomfort so I can get away from it. I know how to let myself recover, recharge. I know what masking is and why it makes me tired.