xiaolin-chronicles-recaps - Tumblr blog

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

As an aside, lest you think I've lost my fiery hate for this series, last week I had settled in with my morning cup of coffee before work, just about ready to face the day, when a thought jumped, unbidden, into my mind:

Did those assholes call human children "Buppies" in Planet of Dragons as a portmanteau of "babies" and "puppies?!?"

And it absolutely ruined my day.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Where we at.

So I guess it might not surprise you that I've run into a snag with this project. You probably guessed around the third month of radio silence that I was struggling. I haven't actually checked how much time it's been since the last recap because I'm extremely embarrassed that I let yet another project fall by the wayside over a tiny little snag that I let get insurmountably huge in my emotional reality.

But!

I think I've figured out the problem and I know how to correct it.

See, I made the huge, fundamental mistake of trying to meet Disney halfway and deal with the show in the order they aired episodes. I thought it would enhance the experience in some way to be as confused as audiences were the first time around. I should have realized that I'm interested in narratives, and dealing with a narrative that inherently can't make sense because it's been chopped and screwed in a cynical attempt to front-load it with the interesting bits was as bad an idea as it said it was in the beginning. Once I got out of the episodes I was familiar with, I felt like I'd been left spinning my wheels trying to force my way through a story I couldn't see the plot of. Also it's pitch black. And the road is soupy mud. And there's an annoying dragon crying in my ear.

So my current plan is this: I will take time to watch the entire series, front to back, in the proper order and go from there. I've also been rereading my own recaps to refresh even though, like most artists, I hate everything I write the instant I'm finished writing it.

I plan to have the whole series watched by at least next week, which, in my metaphor, is attaching a wench get me out of the mud puddle.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Please keep going, your recaps arehilarious and I seriously need you to make it to the Super Cow Patty episode.

Oh shit, yeah, I did kind of let this get away from me, didn’t I? Sorry about that.

I can’t promise that it’ll happen soon, but to tide you over I would like to present a topic of debate: On a scale of 1 to Disowned, how embarrassed do you think Jesse is by her brother Patrick?

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

I read somewhere that Xiaolin Chronicles was apparently written in English, translated into French for the production team, and then translated back into English. Christy Hui herself said that there was some very troubled production.

I do think it’s worth acknowledging that the deck was stacked against Chronicles from the very beginning, and that Christy Hui really went above and beyond to get it made. I don’t remember if I’ve made this clear, but I really do admire Hui and when I say “the writers were lazy,” she’s the one person I can be sure I’m not throwing under that particular bus. I do believe that Xiaolin Chronicles was a passion project for exactly one person on the project and that was her.

So it really just breaks my heart to say that Xiaolin Chronicles would most likely have been bad even if the language barrier wasn’t there. Taking apart these episodes has convinced me that the basic story foundations were rotten even before they started to build a TV show on it. It would have been harder to see, sure. We’d have gotten snappier dialogue, tighter plots, maybe someone could have said “can we please ease up on the puss and vomit jokes” before they got wildly out of hand, but...

Xiaolin Chronicles, is, at it’s core, a story just not worth telling about characters not worth following, and I really don’t think a smoother production would have fixed much more than surface level details.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Yeah, it’s a bit-

WAIT.

WAIT!

IT DID AIR IN FRANCE!

I don’t mind telling you I’m embarrassingly excited to get confirmation on that. Somehow, seven year old international cartoon airing schedules are difficult to get a hold of, so I had no idea if there was any play for this show outside out the US. Was it dubbed in French too?

I’m jazzed mostly because Chronicles seemed somewhat like it was a French studio trying to appeal to an American audience, but it didn’t seem enough like that to say for certain.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Whither the next recap?

Honestly? Probably quite yon.

Now, I’ve had spells where I thought my writing was stale and fallow before. It’s a pretty common affliction among those of us who attempt any sort of creativity and I myself get it semi-regularly. Normally, when I get that way, I do a certain something to recharge my batteries.

Unfortunately, that the first step of that something is leaving the house.

To put a much finer point on it, I’m going so stir-crazy it’s a wonder I haven’t popped off each individual key on my keyboard and eaten them while muttering an incantation to the sun that I have started to worship as a rarely-seen god.

I’m also starting a prolonged job search and...well, if I told you the world was in a bit of a state right now I’d probably be the 8 jillionth person to say it, but as far as that goes for the blog...well, it all adds up to me just not feeling very funny at the moment.

I guess this is really wordy way to put up a hiatus notice. I know for a lot of internet projects that’s almost the same as saying the blog is dead, but I don’t feel that way. I truly do want to see this through to the end and I have hope that this will pass. But I, like the rest of us, have no earthly idea when that could be.

I honestly don’t know how to sign this off, except to say that if you yourself feel like you might be losing your mind, just know that you are not alone. If I come back to start a nudest cult that rejects being Inside as being eaten by the devil’s cubic stomach you are welcome to join.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

May I present: Xiaolin Chronicles’ Burn Book

Most of the characters are bare shells of themselves, simple chocolate bunny versions of the personalities they used to have...but I have to give special demerits for Kimiko, who’s engaging mix of temper and enthusiasm has been watered down into a pH-neutral Generic Girl Character.

There is an art to gross-out humor, and I think one of the biggest problems with Xiaolin Chronicles is that the aesthetic is too clean.

The best example I can think is Ren and Stimpy. Regardless about how you feel about the cartoon itself, it has a rough-hewn sensibility that tells you right off the bat that you’re in for something that’s gonna make you chunder, probably because the characters are also going to chunder.

Xiaolin Chronicles is polished so smoothly there is nothing in it to suggest that it’s going to get that gross, and when it does it just feels uncanny.

Part of the reason that I love animation so much is that even a short film is such a huge undertaking it’s a minor miracle that good animation gets made at all. Unfortunately, the other side of that coin is that it is so incredibly easy to see when corners are cut and where priorities lie. That’s part of why Xiaolin Chronicles was so baffling: The priority wasn’t the animation, it wasn’t the characters, it wasn’t the plot or the world-building or even putting in fun callbacks for fans...so what could it have been?

(Omi. It was Omi.)

Dumb humor that repeats ad nauseam. It’s not uncommon for running gags to get tiresome but Chronicles feels like it was written by drinking bird toys.

Schrodinger's Showdown. 

It happened and didn’t happen. 

It matters and doesn’t matter. 

The fact that it can be both at the same time is perversely impressive.

My only theory on this was that it was made in France and France doesn’t share the American mores about what is and isn’t acceptable for children’s entertainment... buuuuuut I don’t think the show was ever aired in France or even dubbed into French. I think it was specifically made for an American audience, and I highly doubt nobody on the team was aware of what flies in the states. And Disney aired it anyway! Nobody is more conscious about their image than Disney!  

If nothing else, it’s an extremely interesting mystery.

Ping Pong as a character is more superfluous than anything, but the fact that he fundamentally splits Omi into his good and bad halves is one of the biggest flaws of the show.

The fact that they keep sprinkling aspects of Showdown Chase onto Chronicles Chase is like trying to add oregano to your elementary school’s cafeteria chicken nuggets. If you’ve already started with an inferior product, there’s no replicating the taste.

Not even a one-off joke! They keep coming back to it! Clay exclaims “My goat Molly” twice in the span of a minute in the next episode! Why do you want to call back to that!

In a way, Raimundo lucked out because his “hat” is now crippling depression. He can just scoot to the back of the group and stay quiet and no one will notice him.

All I can tell you is: hold on to that fortitude. If you lasted 15 episodes into this crap then you have the stomach of a superhero.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

I’m giving this another day, but I do want to point out that everyone who has responded has had a completely different answer.

There’s something in this show for everyone! To hate!

Not a minute -four fucking seconds, in fact- into this episode of Chronicles, and I am already too mad to contain it. Now we get to shake it up into a cocktail of feeling like this blog should be more active outside the recaps and that gives us this informal poll:

What is your absolute least favorite thing (scene/character/aspect) of Xiaolin Chronicles?

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Not a minute -four fucking seconds, in fact- into this episode of Chronicles, and I am already too mad to contain it. Now we get to shake it up into a cocktail of feeling like this blog should be more active outside the recaps and that gives us this informal poll:

What is your absolute least favorite thing (scene/character/aspect) of Xiaolin Chronicles?

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Quick note:

This space does not participate in April Fools Day, as it’s the Valentine’s Day of silliness: forced, route, and no one has any fun.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

I need help

 Alright, so, update!

Planet of Dragons is just about in the can. I’m going to do one or two more editing passes before I post it, but expect it within the week.

However, I’m watching Mask of the Green Monkey and um...

I can’t recap this.

Not a goof, not a joke, not a misdirection. I legit have NOTHING to say about this episode. There’s no substance to any of it, no important plot, no situations I can use to uncover deep psychological damage in the characters, nothing I can twist in my usual impishly bleak way...

I can’t even make any jokes about how nothing makes sense because I already blew through my entire stock on Laws of Nature.

So I guess my question is this: Should I skip the episode entirely, do a mini recap where I run through a list of bullet points of observations I make, or try something entirely new? 

You know, once I think of it.

Reply here or hit up the ask box, your choice!

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

Hey! I dont want to sound rude or anything, but are you going to make another recap soon? Im new to your series and i want to know your usual speed at writing them

My usual speed seems to be “slow as frozen molasses” and the only official ETA I can give right now is “after I fight off this sinus infection.”

I truly don’t mean to be slacking, it’s just that working a day job while half of your face is on fire and swollen just isn’t conductive to a Ha Ha kind of mood.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

No, I have no idea how Wordpress buying Tumblr is going to affect this blog.

I’m just hoping that if it must connect them, it connects them smoothly. I know this will not be the case, and yet I hope.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

If you were curious, I have written a little over 6 pages of the recap.

Those 6 pages cover about...oh, let’s ballpark it at a single minute of Planet of Dragons.

...Gird them loins everyone, this is gonna be a long one.

[xiaolin-chronicles-recaps]

I went back and forth on how to respond to this, and I’ve decided I’m just going to reblog this as-is as both an informative piece and a testament to how much Xiaolin Showdown means to people before Chronicles fucked it up royal.

Thank you so much for your contribution, @surreal-reality-ala-salvadordali! I admit, I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me to research Brazilian circuses for the recap, but I’m comforted by the fact that either it didn’t occur to the XC production crew either or they decided to disregard it to make Raimundo’s Oliver Twistian backstory work.

…Which is a little crazy because what this suggests to me is that Raimundo was not forced into the circus to make ends meet for his family, but was forced into labor as a victim of a child trafficking ring.