xoluvuxo

[xoluvuxo]

I am sad everytime I am with him. He only cares when I cry. It's like he needs me to cry so he can say he's the one who wiped my tears

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Am I actually insecure

Or am I triggered and need a sense of control and my apperence is the only thing I can change

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You constantly trying to fix me makes me feel so broken

I didnt know I was

[xoluvuxo]

On my quest to become a jobless millionaire

[xoluvuxo]

BORA AKSU Fall/Winter RTW 2025 if you want to support this blog consider donating to: ko-fi.com/fashionrunways

[xoluvuxo]

Still occasionally think about that one post about how americans on the internet push back against anti US military rhetoric in a way they don't do with anti cop rhetoric because, unlike their police, the victims of the US military are mainly foreigners, and then some yank cunt decided to show up to do the standard you don't get it the military is made up of poverty-stricken uneducated kids who were fed propaganda :((((( etc etc shtick but also decided to go with "meanwhile the police can straight up murder you, steal your property and kill your dog with no consequences" like sorry friend what exactly do you think your military does.

[xoluvuxo]

People really don't understand how ridiculous that no Israeli tried to resist the genocide while being literally right next to it, that's like if Philadelphia was being bombed nonstop for months and people in NYC just went about their lives normally. Like they really did not care. Palestine is a small place, israelis could have gone to right outside gaza's borders and back to their houses in a day if they wanted. They could have organized like a weapons blockade or blocked the road to air bases but no one did anything. They were literally right there. Tel Aviv is like an hour from Gaza. It has like 4 million people. No one cared. Literally mind boggling to me.

[xoluvuxo]

BODIES

I keep seeing so many comments about ariana grande's body and I find it so interesting how disingenuous it is. If you genuinely think she has an ED, making videos pointing out hee body parts will not help someone who has an ED.

Then also the people saying "im only saying this bc i care" but saying "ariana's body scares me". Like how is that loving? "You your body makes me uncomfortable. You should hide it"

And the stupid bullshit "oh well they are influencing young girls to look like that." Um all you do is talk about skinny people. If the celebrities you talk about were overweight and didn't look conventionally attractive yall wouldn't make them celebrities. If you care so much about inclusion, but then you yourself aren't trying to find different kinds of celebrities then what are people supposed to do about it.

Also, to sit up her and make comments after comment, video after video, about people's bodies that you have never met, as if youre doing the world some great justice is weird bc what actually are you going to do? Also, if you really did care about "influencing beauty standards," you would actually care about the cause instead of pinning it on a few celebrities. And it's funny bc when people talk terribly about a celebrities' appearance, it's crickets, as soon as someone is skinnier than you, its non stop videos about toxic beauty standards. Yall never care to defend anyone when people make fun of their apperence. You shit on them when they ugly, you shit on them when they fix the thing that makes them ugly, and you shit on them when they fail to fix the thing they wanted to fix.

[xoluvuxo]

Really excited for saturn to finally leave my 5th house ugh. I mean it's good that it's during the spring season so I can get everything together

[xoluvuxo]

I need for be bored again

[xoluvuxo]

People are so annoying complaining that they are single. Like the stupid "why do i have to love myself in order to receive love" is so selfish to me. You are requiring someone to fill the lack of love you have for yourself.

This is why I also refuse to be friends with extremely insecure people. Like, sorry, yall are annoying. You need to love yourself before you are ready to be in a relationship. You are going to put all of your insecurities onto that person.

Choosing to stay insecure and not love yourself is a you problem. I am soooo sick of the self-pity, self victimization, woe is me. Like shut the actual fuck up. Why are you begging and crying for a man.

If you don't love yourself, why should I love you? You are with yourself every day all day, and you still can't find things to love about yourself. Why is it someone else's job to do that for you? You are trying to get into these relationships, not even knowing what love is.

[xoluvuxo]

Ugh i was gonna get tinker bells wings tattooed on my back. But honestly fuck disney.

[xoluvuxo]

I rather be a nappy headed hoe than a flat hair lice launcher

I know I shouldn't say that bc they want a race war but still lmao

[xoluvuxo]

What Trump is trying to do to Gaza is so similar to what the US did to Iraq. They destroyed it and limited Iraqi economic capabilities, then American companies swooped right in and benefited off that.

Same shock and awe playbook.

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The fact that there were literally fucking nazis in mt home town. Proud cincinati niggas burnt the flag. Stupid ass coward that got they face covered.

We will fight back again and again! Idgaf. Fuck a peaceful protest.

[xoluvuxo]

"live like every moment is your last"

This quote scared me so much. I never wanted to think about death. At the age of 5, I've already experienced the death of a close family member. Then, year after year, turned into every 6 months, I was going to a funeral. I didn't understand at the time. But maybe that started my need for control.

I did turn to religion when I was really young. I thought this magical being could protect me, and if I died, at least there was a guaranteed place I could go.

"guaranteed" was my desire; not realizing it was my biggest setback. I needed to KNOW what was happening next. Growing up, everything was so uncertain. I hated that.

I would spend hours daydreaming for years. I felt safe. I felt in control. I could guarantee anything in my head.

That was just mental illness.

But for some reason, I have been trying to fill this void? I don't even know what I was doing. But I know I was always chasing the future. But I still feel unsatisfied. I realized It's because I am scared to die? Was it death, or the fact I can't control when, where, why, how.

Getting more and more into astrology and learning about death as well, I notice I actively try to avoid it. I don't like to watch shows where anyone dies, yet I think about death- trying to avoid thinking about death every single day.

For the past few weeks, I have kept thinking about my friend who passed away a year ago; if any more of my loved ones are gonna die, and if I am going to die, why should I try to do anything.

I thought I accepted the fact that I couldn't control death. But I didn't accept that it could happen at any moment in any way.

This made me a little sad. Thinking that I wasted so much time not getting to this idealized future that I wanted for myself. Granted, I can't even think of a "perfect future" for myself. Obsessing over the future IS a waste of time. Looking back at my life, I feel like it has been pretty eventful. I have experienced so much. I am grateful for my life. Why do I waste so much time thinking about a future that is not guaranteed.

"The only way to learn is to live", the midnight library sparked a change that slowly unraveled the appreciation I have for my life. I just want to experience as much community as possible, create, travel, and somehow help Mother Nature.

Accepting death gave me the freedom to live. The only thing I can control is my actions at this current moment.

[xoluvuxo]

I really took an 8 year gap year and became a college freshman at 25 😭😭😭