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xyanei · 2 months ago

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goro akechi having two (2) distinct rebel attires and two (2) “true” persona that awakened to an amalgamation third is accidentally symbolic of several defining traits of borderline personality disorder, namely:

a disturbed and disjointed sense of identity

distorted self-image

self-destructive behaviors

unstable and chaotic interpersonal relationships

the disturbed sense of identity and distorted self-image are shown in the dramatic contrast between the black mask garb and the robin hood garb. the robin hood attire is the hero he wanted to be as a child:

When I was a kid, I bought a toy gun just like this. Back then, I thought I wanted to be a hero. But now I think there’s many different ways to be a hero (lit., there are various stances [to take] even if I say “hero.”) For example, having a sense of justice that isn’t accepted or even understood by other people. But how I act and think are the sort of things required of me because I am a hero. (Source)

the “sense of justice that isn’t understood by others” is the kind of hero that his black mask self represents. it is the justice of someone seeking righteous revenge, the justice of someone who has suffered, who was wronged, and who is coming back for vengeance. but robin hood’s sense of justice is closer to akechi’s childhood ideal: the justice of someone who avenges the wronged, the mistreated; the justice of someone who speaks truth to power, takes away from that power, and gives it back to their victims.

do you see the difference? black mask!justice is revenge, an act that only benefits one person (the one getting vengeance). robin hood!justice is an act of revenge that benefits many people. both of these things are acts of justice, it’s just that one is more widely approved by others (hint hint, robin hood), and the other is seen as dangerous, illegal and even “immoral.” people will point at black mask!justice and say, “two wrongs don’t make a right,” but that glosses over the anger and the pain of the person who wants to avenge being wronged in the first place. not to mention that robin hood!justice can only happen if there is more than one person who will benefit from the revenge.

but what if you’re alone? what if you don’t have anyone to fight for, or with? what if you are isolated, shunned, unloved? to the point, what if you are goro akechi, a wild card persona wielder–the only type of persona wielder who is defined by bonds with others.

i think this gets accidentally glossed over by people, even akechi fans. wild card persona users need to have others around to bond with in order to understand themselves, get stronger as people, and then get stronger as persona wielders. akechi doesn’t have anyone. he has no one to fight for but himself–

–until ren comes along. ren, his equal, his rival; ren, the boy who will never back down from a challenge, who is glad to spend time with akechi no matter what the reason; ren, the boy who takes akechi at his word, no matter what akechi says, thus making akechi even more paranoid about what he lets slip out because of the double life he’s living; ren, the boy he confides in about his painful past, a past he hasn’t told anyone, a past he is certain will get him shunned even by those who pretend to love him; ren, the boy that akechi asks flat out to join him, side with him, casting aside his friends; ren, the only boy he invites to his “favorite place”; ren, the boy he gives his glove to as proof of a rematch, proof of meeting again, proof to always come back for one more round, one more duel, one more meeting.

and finally, akechi has someone else to fight for. finally, akechi has a way of making his childhood ideal of a hero–robin hood–come true.

and this is where the borderline traits of “chaotic interpersonal relationships” and “self-destructive behaviors” come in. because this person akechi can fight for? this one person who understands akechi, accepts him, wants him, cares about him? this boy who would damn all his friends to the lie of a dream world if it means he and akechi can spend more time together? that’s the same boy akechi is told to target. the same boy akechi is told to kill. the same boy akechi has to keep an eye on, not just as part of shido’s plot, but because akechi, y’know, is a detective. and fights crime.

the only person in akechi’s life who has made that life less lonely, who has made that life exciting and interesting–the one person who has made his life feel more like the life he wanted it to be–is the same person akechi cannot have or be with. the only way akechi can express any interest in staying with ren is by layering it in playfully aggressive banter, except for the times it slips out unawares and he always backpedals with an apology. seriously, read any of the conversations i’ve translated from his confidant and count how many times akechi will cut himself off and go, “oops, was that weird?” “oh, did i say too much?”

so when akechi awakens to hereward–at leblanc, by the by, which is further proof that leblanc is like home to him, since all the PT awaken to their third tier Persona either in their homes, or the place they feel at home–this is the unification of his fractured selves. it’s combining black mask!justice–revenge for yourself–with the robin hood!justice–fighting for someone, fighting to protect the weak or the innocent, fighting to steal power back from the tyrants in charge. the real hereward not only rebelled against his tyrannical father, but joined a rebel faction to fight against the normandy invasion of england. he fought for himself and for others.

and ren showed him he could do that. ren accepting him, loving him, choosing him again and again; ren keeping their promise to always fight for the truth, to refuse to give in to the demands of those in power, no matter how that power might tempt you. ren saw these two halves of akechi–the one that wanted revenge, the one what was desperate to fight for justice–and basically said, “you don’t have to choose one over the other. you can be both.”

all of ren’s decisions in the third semester are a lot like what the PT do when they infiltrate a palace. they are targeting a cognitive distortion, weakening it to allow it to “heal”/reform, and then sit back as the person’s brain does the rest of the work. only instead of weakening akechi–who is already in an incredibly precarious mental state–ren has steadily been getting to know bits and pieces of akechi’s distortions over a period of several months. he’s responding to them, embracing them, reaching out to them, and also opening himself up to akechi in turn. the culmination of that–the “final confrontation” that can allow akechi to fully heal and achieve a balance–is when ren tells akechi he will not back down from their deal, when ren tells akechi he knows they’re partners.

and you know what that is? that’s ren targeting the last known distortion in akechi’s heart: how desperately he wanted people to need him. how desperately he wanted people to want him. ren saying that he’ll fight maruki, no matter what maruki told him, is a relief to akechi–because it means that ren values their promise more than anything else.

for extra angsty goodness, if ren tries to protest that he’s afraid of what will happen to akechi, and akechi counters that his life is just a “little thing” and doesn’t matter, ren can flat out say “it’s not a little thing/it does matter.”

to which akechi responds: “That’s exactly what it is! Do you think I’d be happy with you feeling sorry for me? I don’t need your pity, and I don’t need that kind of hesitation!”

… which means he’s saying “do you think i want you to say yes to this world only because you’re afraid of what will happen to me?”

akechi wants ren to choose reality–to choose the truth, to choose to fight for what they believe in–no matter what the cost of that reality might be. akechi wants ren to value their promise in an uncertain world more than a safe lie in a false world.

by giving ren his glove as a promise for a rematch right before akechi betrays the PT and “kills” ren, akechi is basically saying he promises to both give ren a chance to find him and to find ren again, no matter what. when ren chooses to fight maruki, destroy the dream world, and return to their reality–a reality where akechi’s fate is still uncertain–he’s saying that he values their promise more than anything else, because that promise is stronger than his fear. that promise is their ray of hope. that promise is their light–our light. by holding onto that glove, and the promise, ren and akechi are absolutely destined and certain to meet again, because they kept their promise.

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xyanei · 3 years ago

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I loved this, it was so wholesome! Im such a big fan of QPRs and would hope to have one too someday. I need to find more stories like these because it just makes me feel so happy inside 🥰

Hello, can you continue the aroace story between the hero and the villain about a QPR?

I really liked reading it

Thank you anon for the request! I really hope you like it :)

Part 1

QPR, Part 2

The hero sucked in a breath. The villain was at their door.

The villain was at their door . . . and holding a bouquet of flowers?

“For you!” they said, and handed the bouquet to the hero before brushing past them into the apartment.

“This is a secure facility,” the hero said, staring down at the flowers.

“I got blue periwinkle and salvia, white camellias and tulips, and then orange marigolds. It’s like your flag!”

“This is a secure facility. There are trip wires, and dogs. How on earth did you get in here?”

The villain waved their hand. “I have my ways.” They stood in the living room, peering around at the furniture. “Nice place you got here. Do you like the flowers?”

The hero closed the front door, and glanced down again at the bouquet. “They’re beautiful,” they admitted. “Did the florist help you pick them out?”

The villain shrugged. “Didn’t go to a florist. I just raided the Agricultural Department’s botanical gardens.”

“[Villain], that’s a federal building! You can’t do that!”

“Oh no, who will protect the poor widdle federal government?” The villain shot them a smile. “Come on, who cares? That’s not even what I came here for.”

“Why did you come here?”

The villain moved to the couch and settled themself down. “Well, we’re going to have a QPR together, right? Might as well figure out what that means for us.”

“Oh.” The hero felt their face go warm. “Right. Of course.”

They walked on wooden limbs to sit in the armchair opposite to the villain.

“So, [Hero].” The villain leaned forward, as though this were a business deal. “What do you want from a relationship?”

“Uh, I guess I . . .”

The hero paused. Because, well, they’d never really thought about it before. They were viscerally aware of what they did not want, but it was hard to think about what they did.

“I don’t want to kiss,” they said, voice decisive.

They’d forced themself to do that, back then. Back when they thought they needed a significant other, or they’d be a loser. Back before they’d learned better.

They remembered the slimy wetness. The wriggling tongue. The unwavering awareness that someone else’s spit was in their mouth.

They’d rather eat a live bug than do that again.

If the villain was disappointed by the hero’s declaration, they didn’t show it. “Fair enough,” they said. “How about cuddling?”

The hero thought about that too. Thought about being warm. About the weight of an arm around their chest. Gentle fingers twining in their hair, soft music playing and a novel in their hands.

“Yes,” the hero said, their voice soft. “But could we mainly do it in private?”

The villain nodded. “Sure thing. And I know you don’t want any sex or romance, but what about the occasional date activity? Like a movie, or a restaurant? Those are things that can also be done platonically.”

“Sure,” the hero said. “That would be nice. But um . . .” They cleared their throat. Scrunched their fingers in their lap. “About the no sex or romance thing . . . In your, um, research, did you see that some aces are sex favorable, or sex neutral?”

The villain’s eyebrows shot up. “Are you saying that you’re . . .”

“I don’t know!” the hero said. Then they sighed, looking away. “I don’t know. There are some days where I’m sure that I’m sex repulsed. But then other days where, I don’t know, I kinda feel like I might want to experiment a little?”

The villain sat there, looking dumbfounded.

“I wouldn’t want to do anything intense,” the hero continued quickly. “And absolutely nothing goes in my mouth.”

This seemed to help the villain regain their footing. “Fine by me,” they said, holding up their hands. “How about you come to me when you’re feeling experimental, and we’ll talk about specifics then.”

The hero released a breath. “I can’t promise it’ll happen soon. Or ever.”

The villain shrugged. “Sounds good. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I like sex as much as the next criminal, and it’s a pleasant surprise to hear that you might be interested at all. But it also isn’t everything. There are many ways to feel closeness, and to express care. You are so much more valuable to me than any kind of physical activity.”

The hero blinked, memories flashing. Their ex had insisted that if the hero loved them, they’d compromise their boundaries.

They stared at the villain’s open face, their eyes that held no trace of judgement.

“You asked me, earlier,” the hero said, “what kind of relationship I want.” They glanced to their well-stocked kitchen. “I want someone to eat my food.”

The villain raised an eyebrow. “That’s all?”

The hero ran a hand through their hair. They needed to make themself clear.

“I want to go to the grocery store.” They breathed. “I want to go to the grocery store, and I want to pick out all my partner’s favorite foods, because I’ve memorized their preferences long ago. I want to take the ingredients home, and take the extra time to roast the spices whole, and grind them myself, because oh my god you don’t know the difference it makes. And I want to stand at the stove, taste testing over and over again, finding the perfect combination of flavours. And then I want my partner to come home, to a house that smells like a fresh-cooked meal. And we’d put on a k-drama, and I’d hand them a bowl, and they’d tell me it’s the best food they’d ever had.”

The hero looked to the flowers. Thought about the time and effort the villain had put into gathering them.

“I don’t get crushes. I don’t feel sexual attraction. I don’t always understand why people make such a big deal about romantic gestures, or physical intimacy. I just really, really want someone around, to eat my food.”

The villain paused for a moment. And then offered a warm smile. “[Hero], may I come to dinner tomorrow?”

The hero smiled back. “I’d love that.”

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A/N – Thank you all so much for the love and support you showed for Part 1. I read every single comment, and they all made me insanely happy

This part gets into specifics much more than the previous one did, so it inevitably can’t be 100% relatable for everyone. And frankly, that’s okay. There are countless different ways to be a-spec, and there are just as many different ways to have a QPR

If you are looking for a relationship (of any kind), I encourage you to think seriously about what you want, and what you don’t. Know where your boundaries are fixed, and where they’re flexible. And if you’re unsure about some things, that’s fine too! Just communicate your uncertainty

Asexuality and aromanticism are beautiful identities, and I’m so grateful for the communities that have formed around them. You can have any kind of relationship you want, whether that’s sexual, romantic, platonic, familial, or otherwise. Happy pride month

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