youcanbehappytoo

[youcanbehappytoo]

Forgiving a Narcissist, yay or nay?

Before we jump to deep into this rabbit hole, lets understand what a "Narcissist" is.

A narcissist is someone who has a set of personality traits that include a lack of empathy, an excessive need for admiration, and a grandiose sense of self-importance. These traits can manifest in a variety of ways, including: 

Forgiveness is the act of intentionally letting go of anger and resentment towards someone who has wronged you. It's not just about accepting what happened or no longer being angry. Forgiveness can be a difficult process, but it can help to strengthen relationships and lessen the grip of the act that hurt you.

Many people have the belief that you should always forgive, that it helps you and heals you. I politely disagree..

In some cases, yes forgiveness is both necessary and healing to both parties involved in whatever the situation may be. When it comes to people who are abusive, narcissistic, selfish, and a few other adjectives I choose to not mention - no it is not healing. Why?

Forgiveness only works if the person you are trying to forgive can:

Take Accountability

Work toward repairing or mending whatever the issue was

Personal Growth - Digging deep to see why they did what they did

These are just 3 things, in my opinion that someone must do in order to start the forgiveness process.

It is almost impossible to forgive a narcissist and I don't feel they should be forgiven, unless they do the 3 items above. In my case, my ex-husband of 10 years NEVER took accountability, always had an excuse, and others made excuses for him..including ME. I was one of his biggest enablers. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it needed to happen for me to move on. I had to take ACCOUNTABILITY for my role in this marriage and what I allowed to go on for so long. With that being said, I took that and made the changes, and worked on myself and my self worth.

A big part of forgiveness is taking accountability and taking the steps to not only fix the situation, but do the long term work to repair what damage was done. People who suffer from narcissism aren't capable of that, not hard-wired. When they apologize there is no "weight" behind the words, and after so many "I am sorry" with no changes, the words mean nothing.

Forgiveness doesn't happen overnight, it takes time. It is not up to the person needing the forgiveness to dictate when the time is up and the moving on must commence. Usually the person doing the forgiving is in a position to be the "bigger" person, and most always finds themselves in that role. Which, I think is shitty.

Those are my random thoughts for the day, chime in below in the comments!

[youcanbehappytoo]

The Process of “Brain Dumping”

What is “brain dumping”?

Brain dumping is a personal organization technique that involves writing down thoughts, ideas, tasks, worries, and reminders onto a tangible medium, such as paper or a digital note-taking platform. The goal is to “dump” everything on the page without judgment or editing. Brain dumping is unstructured and doesn’t require sorting or categorizing thoughts as they arise.

Why is it important?

It gives the mind clarity and helps to organize thoughts.

Brain dumping can help you let go of overwhelming thoughts and tasks, which can reduce stress and improve productivity.

Writing down your thoughts and feelings without judgment can help you gain perspective and rationalize worries.

When your mind is cluttered, it can be difficult to focus and deal with new problems. Brain dumping can help you see your thoughts and tasks more clearly, so you can organize them by priority and focus on what’s most important.

Writing down worries and to-do lists before bed can help you calm your nervous system and fall asleep more easily.

How does using “brain dumping” help manage your mental health?

Brain dumping is similar to journaling but differs in its time constraints. Unlike traditional journaling, which might involve reflecting on the day’s events, brain dumping requires you to jot down all your thoughts within a strict limit of 5 minutes or less. This technique aims to clear your mind by transferring the clutter of thoughts onto paper, thereby freeing up mental space for increased productivity and learning. The beauty of brain dumping, is there are no rules. The main goal is to “dump” out all of those thoughts running around inside your head.

Different examples of “brain dumps”

Start of the day brain dump

At the beginning of your day, take out your brain dump notebook and start writing with no specific direction in mind.

After learning brain dump

Writing things down after learning them can help you recall the information later.

Gratitude brain dump

Rather than journaling about the negative experiences in our lives (which can sometimes make us feel worse), gratitude journaling helps us to focus on the positive aspects of life.

To do a gratitude brain dump, jot down as many things as you can think of that you feel grateful for.

To get the most out of a gratitude brain dump, use mindfulness to pay attention to how you feel after completing it. Keep this positive feeling with you as you move through your day.

End of day brain dump

At the end of your day, take out your brain dump notebook and empty out all of those thoughts in your head. Do not overthink it, just write what comes to mind.

Many people use brain dumps, especially at the start of their day, to clear their minds, reduce stress, and boost productivity and learning.

Once you’ve written down all your tasks, worries, and ideas, you can begin to organize them. For instance, prioritize the tasks you need to complete today or develop actionable solutions for the concerns you can address.

Hopefully this post on “brain dumping” helps you get one step closer to your goal and self-care, thanks for joining. Always remember YOU CAN BE HAPPY TOO!