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[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x17: Fail Safe

Man this was slower than I remembered.

An asteroid is heading towards Earth, oh no! And the Asgard won't help because it's a natural disaster! Oh no! So off SG-1 pop to fix up that cargo ship from last episode, fly out to the asteroid, set a bomb and blow the thing up.

It's lots of wandering around veeerrrryyy slloooowwwwlllyyy for a while. There's a meteor shower but nothing comes of it beyond a hull breach and Daniel and Sam leaping into the escape pods to survive. Those pods give me the heebie-jeebies, I think I'd have a panic attack if I had to be in one for very long. Daniel and Sam handle it like champs though.

As it happens, all is not as simple as it seems, because of course the asteroid's core is the highly explosive non-naturally-occurring naqahdah. Oh those crafty Goa'uld. Their ideas are just getting whackier and whackier. We don't actually find out who did it, but I bet it was Anubis. It sounds like the kind of thing he'd find funny.

So the bomb is a no-go and has to be disarmed, leading to one of the many good comedic moments: "Cut the red wire." "They're all yellow."

To its credit, this episode does a great job with the tension. I mean, we know they're not gonna die. We know the asteroid doesn't hit Earth and the day is saved and all that. But it's still pretty tense. The slow pacing definitely helps.

There's also a great little repeated moment: "I'm confident." "Me too." "As am I." I dunno, I enjoyed it. Even in such terrible danger, they're all still fucking around. Never change, SG-1.

Anyway Daniel solves the issue by working out that the Goa'uld had to get the asteroid there somehow. Sam expands the hyperdrive whatever, and they literally fly the asteroid through Earth and out the other side. Excellent job.

And then comes a terrible ending to spoil it all.

A minute left on the clock, they're stuck on an asteroid, gonna die, not much they can do about it. And then... "Oh hi. I'm some Tok'ra we've never seen before and will probably never see again. Need a hand?"

Yeah, that's just weak. Tok'ra ex machina. I'm glad it's over and done with so I can stop whining about it, god knows how many times I've mentioned that ending in the course of this blog. It's just... bad. No setup, nothing SG-1 did, just Tok'ra out of nowhere to save the day. It wouldn't be quite so offensive if it was a Tok'ra we'd seen before, like Anise perhaps, but it's not, it's a complete stranger. Apparently she was in last season's finale but she can't have been very important, hmph.

I dunno, I just don't like it.

Decent episode overall though. A slow-moving episode is welcome on occasion when the show is usually so frenetic. I hope next time will be a little more action-packed though. And with less deus ex machina.

Carter! I can see my house!

Speaking of it: next time is The Warrior.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x16: Last Stand

...I'm gonna need a minute here. :'(

We start where we left off, but the situation is quickly and painlessly resolved by Daniel's magic ring, convincing Osiris that he's Yu's lo'tar. Daniel continues to be a moron and refuses to set off the poison because a bloo bloo bloo Sarah, and even when the plan changes he ignores Jacob and sticks around because of reasons. Daniel, you are terrible. Even Jacob thinks so. "Dammit, Daniel..."

Meanwhile back in the Tok'ra tunnels the rest of the crew gather up crystals to make their way out. Elliot's in rough shape but still hanging in there (just about). While Zipacna's men are still hunting them down, there's also a transmission being sent out saying no survivors, so they need to get to the transmitter to change that or Jacob and Daniel will just go home without 'em. There's some touching scenes between Elliot and Sam. Lantash was in love with her all along, awww :(

The Goa'uld vote Anubis back into their ranks almost unanimously, Yu being the only outlier. I guess Anubis is pretty big and scary and bad. He sounds like he'll be fun. Then there's a frankly bizarre scene where they all eat symbiotes. I... I don't get it. Wonder what they taste like? Fish, probably. Eel. I like eel. Now I'm grossed out.

Daniel is an idiot yet again and chats to Ba'al's lo'tar for some reason, I really don't know what his objective was here, I guess to find out what's going to happen to him? I just, I don't know. What the hell, Daniel, stop being dumb. Unsurprisingly, the lo'tar grasses him up to Yu, who is not best pleased.

Daniel concocts a scheme to get Osiris out with him by trapping her in Yu's cargo ship and stealing it, which would've worked if he hadn't been a dumby and talked to Ba'al's slave, because Yu comes over and flattens Daniel out and lets Osiris out - she promptly stabs him for his trouble. While they fight, Daniel basically goes "welp" and hops into an escape pod. The smartest thing he does all episode.

Aaaaaanyway he and Jacob end up crash-landing onto the planet in a vague attempt to rescue the survivors, so now they're all probably in trouble and the poison won't cover a big enough area to kill everyone. So poor little Elliot sacrifices himself to save them all, staying behind to be captured and taken to the Stargate where he can release the poison and kill everyone.

Oh mannnn :'(

I was way more upset than I thought I'd be, I managed to get attached to the kid even knowing he wasn't gonna make it out of this episode. The actor does a remarkable job at tugging at the heartstrings too, which doesn't help, and I was in floods at the end. Poor guy got a hell of a rough deal, dying on his first mission. :( Not fair.

Yeah I enjoyed this, best two-parter since... well, since the season opener I guess. Enemies was really great. But this was still good. :)

Gif courtesy of my brother, who I should employ to make accompanying gifs for every episode. Good job little bro! Mind you, watch all that dirt vanish into thin air at the end there. Stargate's effects budget in action!

Next time: Fail Safe.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x15: Summit

Well this was good.

So many plot threads brought together! From the ongoing (Osiris) to ones I thought long dead (Martouf, the whole Tyler thing), and then a whoooole bunch of new ones... including the first appearance of everyone's favourite villain.

Zipacna also makes a return, attempting to work with Osiris under the instruction of Anubis. Oh, that Zipacna. Not the most independent of Goa'uld, is he? The Systemlords are having trouble with power struggles after losing a bunch of their own lately (thanks SG-1), and one unknown foe in particular is causing a lot of problems. They've called it quits for now and are meeting up to discuss it like civilised folk. The Tok'ra, having developed a weapon that can kill the lot of them at once, need someone to infiltrate the summit and set it off.

Since that person has to speak fluent Goa'uld, it's Daniel's time to shine!

Unfortunately, Zipacna knows about the weapon, and thus so does Osiris. This won't end well.

While the others, plus Major Mansfield and his team which includes little Elliot from Proving Ground, wait in Tok'ra-land (which looks remarkably like Billings, Montana), Daniel gets in good with our old friend Yu, disguised as his servant.

Tokraland features Martouf's symbiote Lantash still alive. Apparently they tried to save Martouf and failed - or just quit, Sam isn't quite sure, but boy is she pissed. Sam, lady, you never really liked Martouf all that much when he was alive...

The summit itself is ridiculously cool. We meet a whole bunch of new Goa'uld! The list includes Morrigan (crazy BDSM spikes-and-leather lady), Kali (Hindu goddess of Horrid Things reborn as a gorgeous woman, love love love), Olokun (African guy, supposedly a god of wisdom and patience and lovely things but here he's fairly unremarkable) and - my favourite - Bastet, Egyptian cat goddess. I hope she comes back after this two-parter, I adore her.

Oh yeah and also some guy called Ba'al but it's not like he's going to be important or anything right?

Back in Tok'raland, bad stuff goes down - the tunnels are bombed and the escape route blocked. When Teal'c, Jack and their new Tok'ra friend Aldwin (thought it was Alduin the whole episode, had a good giggle at that) go outside, they find an invading army. Poor cute Aldwin is bumped off shortly after that, as is Mansfield down in the tunnels, and Lantash goes into Elliot when he too is seriously hurt. I gotta hand it to that kid, he acts his guts out. Got a bit tearful for a minute there. I like that guy. All the sighs. :(

The summit ends up badly for Daniel also when Osiris shows up and recognises him and he doesn't set off the weapon straight away. Daniel I am going to kill you with my bare hands you sentimental twat. The episode ends with him being confronted by Osiris in the middle of reporting to Jacob, and Sam, Jack, Teal'c and Elliot surrounded by dead Goa'uld and in a looooot of trouble.

Oh dear.

Really enjoyed this, especially all the new bad guys to fight. Probably most of them will get killed soon but I hope at least Kali and Bastet make a return. I'm also pleased to see a whole bunch of non-Egyptian Goa'uld! Kali and Olokun and Morrigan and Yu are obvious. Zipacna is a Mayan caiman God known to be arrogant and violent - sounds about right. Ba'al isn't a god but a Hebrew title for gods or some humans, maybe he's supposed to be Hadad who was commonly called just Ba'al since his name was taboo. See look, I like this about Stargate. I'm learning things!

To be continued next time, in Last Stand.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x14: 48 Hours

Well there's the most exciting intro credits I've seen in a long time. Tom McBeath! Yay! ...DAVID HEWLETT! YAY! :D

A setup for a guaranteed good episode, and it doesn't disappoint. Honestly I'd forgotten almost everything about this episode, so I was surprised to find that it combined three setpieces that I thought were completely separate. Certainly not complaining.

Teal'c gets stuck in the gate because of science, and the rest of the team split up to work on different methods of getting him back. Daniel heads off to Russia to negotiate safe return of the other offworld teams and use of the DHD. Sam is paired up with a face who wouldn't have been familiar to anyone at the time but these days even I know how great he is. And Jack... well, he gets sent home, but bumps into another familiar face.

The best part of this episode is Maybourne's appearance. Jack explodes. "YOU RAT BASTARD!" Remember, Jack still thinks Maybourne shot him. Maybourne manages to be supremely irritating - I just love how he says Jack - and yet still convinces him that it didn't go down that way and he wants to help. Well, maybe he wants to help, maybe he's just curious. Who knows with that guy.

Somehow managing to be more annoying than Maybourne is Rodney McKay. Everything about this man is annoying, right down to the way he holds his spoon. Dear god, he is irritating. He and Sam have a couple of fantastic conversations and in the end he gets sent packing to Russia. Bye McKay!

Jack and Butch Maybourne Cassidy, meanwhile, go visit that Goa'uld guy from a few episodes ago. He's told Simmons how to get Teal'c back, and Simmons being a giant jerk just straight-up blackmails Hammond in his office, no shame. Conrad isn't talking, but he gives the game away anyway since there's a camera in the cell and Simmons was there and yeah. So in the end all the strands come together, Russia loans the DHD, Jack finds out how to get Teal'c out using it, McKay is a giant bitch, all goes to plan and Teal'c is returned.

The DHD explodes also. That's the end of that, then. Russia is... probably not pleased.

Oh yeah and Tanith is dead now. This show has a strange habit of killing its recurring villains in the most anticlimactic and pointless ways imaginable, doesn't it? I dunno, I guess it's preferable to each death being a giant spectacle of epic proportions every time, but it still feels a little sour every time a decent villain goes out not with a bang but a whimper.

Simmons is probably gone too since now they have plenty of incriminating evidence against him, so that's good I guess.

The jelly cups continue to be the hot item in the SGC cafeteria.

This is a fucking all-star episode, I'm suitably impressed. Excellent stuff. I don't remember enjoying this one as much the first time around, but yeah that was great, would watch again.

I'm fairly happy with the amount of Maybourne episodes this season. More please.

Next time: Summit.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x13: Proving Ground

We go hang out with some newbies for a while.

Making a return appearance is horrid Cadet Hailey, who has improved significantly and now manages to be tolerable. We also have Elliot, Grogan and Satterfield, the former of whom is the only one we'll see again, I expect.

It's not immediately blatant that the foothold situation at the SGC is a training exercise, but it doesn't take much working out, and they don't keep up the charade for the audience for all that long anyway. Despite that, it manages to be pretty tense, especially at the end where suddenly again it's not completely obvious that it's a test. Just mostly obvious.

It's pretty Stargate-by-numbers, just with a different awesome foursome. Jack's hurt, Daniel and Teal'c are compromised (Daniel gets to play bad guy for a while), Sam has escaped capture and provides support for the newbs. It's ultimately an interesting episode, but not one that could be anything more than a one-off. I have a bit of a soft spot for it.

It's got a decent sense of humour. Shooting Jack is great, he's so put out about it, but even better is his gleeful anticipation of Daniel getting shot. To be fair, the guy probably deserves it, he hasn't been shot in a while. And he does get to sit in Hammond's chair while Teal'c doesn't get the privilege. "Indeed I have not."

Major props for female-audience-substitute, Satterfield. "She thinks he's cute", indeed. We'd've all done the same. It also sets up for a great moment near the end when she comes up behind Daniel and straight-up blows him away, no hesitation whatsoever. She's a good kid.

I want to see Grogan again if only to continue the running gag of him getting shot. Only next time it'll probably be for real. We'll see.

The good old standby, The Set From Tin Man, makes yet another return. I love that set, it's like an old friend every time it shows up. :3

Well, anyway, next time we're back with the regular gang, and it'll be 48 Hours.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x12: Wormhole X-Treme!

Really, what is there to say about this... thing?

Full of silly references, in-jokes, cameo appearances - generally just a giant clusterfuck of fun. Marty is still adorable, and my favourite almost-3D villains are still almost-3D. It's... a monstrosity. But the best kind of monstrosity.

The worst kind of monstrosity is Teal'c's choice of attire. Those shirts are horrific.

It's not a complicated storyline or anything. A ship's heading to Earth, probably Marty's, so let's go find Marty and talk to him about it. He's had his memory wiped again, Tanner's on the case, the NID are involved, the usual stuff, all interspersed with this ridiculous TV show. The best bits are SG-1 reacting to their WORMHOLE X-TREME!!! counterparts.

And, y'know, it's nice that Jack finally does the right thing and lets Tanner and his guys go home. I don't know why it was such a big deal in the first place. All they wanted was their control device, why not just let them take it? They clearly have no interest in being on Earth or hurting anyone, they just want to go home. I like those guys. :)

Yeah I'm out of things to say, it really defies words.

Next time: Proving Ground. Okay? Okay.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x11: Desperate Measures

Ninjas!

oh yeah this episode owns bones. I had seen it before - in fact it was my first proper introduction to The Best Character Not Named Daniel - and I liked it even back then out of context, so you can guess how much I like it now. Starsky and Hutch are back!

Can I just marry Maybourne already?

Sam gets kidnapped by ninjas and Jack suspects the NID might be involved, so he arranges a meeting with Maybourne and promptly doesn't trust or obey anything he says. Which, you know. Can't really blame him. Maybourne doesn't know a thing about it, but points the finger at the NID and horrible Colonel Simmons, who promptly returns the favour and reveals that a business tycoon called Conrad and his partner, who has the most immaculately sculpted eyebrows I have ever seen in my life, paid Maybourne a significant amount of money recently.

If I'm honest it's kind of a jumble of names and characters and Things Happening. It's a little hard to follow for a while. There's also a thing with the Russians capturing a Jaffa, and Sam's being held in a hospital, and Maybourne's off doing his own thing and being the jackass we know and love, but eventually Daniel finally manages to put 2 and 2 together and make 4, instead of 5 or 9 or whatever he usually does, and Sam is traced to the abandoned St. Christina's hospital, one of Conrad's many holdings.

There's a really great bit I watched twice where after leaving Eyebrow Lady, Maybourne goes to get in his car and, reflected in the car, Jack pops up behind him and grabs him out of nowhere. It was really clever.

So the hospital gets assaulted. Maybourne does not get a gun. Daniel pretends to have electrocuted himself to get inside - "Do you have any idea how that feels? *zat* Something like that." Daniel~ <3

I've skipped over the whole reason Sam was kidnapped in the first place. It's because Conrad's dying and a Goa'uld has been obtained and can save him, but they kind of want to get rid of it afterwards. They implant it anyway and go to take Sam's brain apart but luckily enough Jack and Maybourne burst in with not a second to spare. There is so much going on in this fucking episode, I don't even know.

Anyway, Goa'uld Conrad kills Eyebrow Lady and makes his escape, and everyone else goes looking for him while Maybourne stays and guards the poor hapless doctors. "You'll be here when we get back, right?" "Oh, yes." :3 you liar, we all know you're lying, I love you.

Someone gives Daniel a gun, but amazingly he's not the one to fuck it up or hurt himself or anything - actually that's Jack, who finds Conrad but gets shot in the back by - dun dun daaah - Simmons, who takes Conrad and leaves. Naturally, everyone assumes the worst and thinks it's Maybourne who did the shooting. That guy gets a bad rap.

Jack's right - bulletproof vests should totally have sleeves.

I love this episode. It's frantic, but not in a bad way, and although it's a bit messy and unpolished it's worth it for the hospital invasion and Maybourne being amazing. You just need to pay a bit of attention while all the names are thrown around.

There's a quote so great I have to include it:  

Maybourne: I played a lot of hide and seek as a kid. I could always find anyone, but they could never find me.

Jack: Because they didn't want to! ahahaha :3  

Let's count up what episodes I know are upcoming.

Wormhole X-Treme is next. I remember it well (who doesn't?). Proving Ground is that one with the newbies doing their training stuff, I reckon. After that, I know there's one with the thing about the Russians obtaining a DHD, there's one that features one of the Proving Ground kids, there's a sequel to this episode, and 48 Hours is probably the one where Teal'c gets stuck in the gate. There's also the Tok'ra ex Machina episode, which I think is Fail Safe? I thought that was the last one I watched, but I've got too many episodes now, and one of the upcoming ones is a two-parter! I'm so confused! Is the two-parter the sequel to this one? I hope so, that'd be nice. Let's be honest, the only one I know for sure I haven't seen is Revelations, the finale.

i'm scared

Let's go see Marty next, okay? Wormhole X-Treme!!

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x10: 2001

Should've known that whole 2010 thing would come back to bite us in the ass.

fffffff you guyyssssss

SG-1 come back from a mission triumphant: a little agricultural society has put them in touch with our old friends the Aschen. Oh goody. So we get a nice little sequel - or prequel? - to 2010, with Sam's future husband Joseph leading negotiations with the boring, boring, boring Aschen, and Daniel and Teal'c being reckless in an unstable cavern finding old newspapers and such from the civilisation that the Aschen, nice guys that they are, destroyed.

The President is finally being proactive and really wants these negotiations to work out - he's finally losing faith in Jack and Hammond, and Kinsey just can't resist stopping by to be an asshole and rub that in Jack's face. I hate that guy.

With Daniel's discoveries and Jack's gut feeling making things more complicated, they come up with a plan to try and get the Aschen to reveal their true colours, which works quite nicely. They deliver co-ordinates as a gift, get boring Borren to translate a word that language genius Daniel was stumped on (it was "sterility"), and that's that really. The Aschen promptly change tack and try to drop a bomb through to Earth, Sam rigs up an escape route but has to leave poor Joseph behind :( That's just brutal. The poor guy. I liked him, he was kind of sweet. Another of Sam's relationships down the pan.

It's okay, by the way, the co-ordinates were duds - the black hole planet, among other things. Charming. Hopefully that's the last we'll see of the Aschen, because holy god they're boring.

Uh yeah. Not much to say on this one, it was pretty dull. I didn't like 2010 much and I like this one even less. The main Aschen guy has the most punchable face ever.

The end.

Next time: Desperate Measures. Hmm I expect we're getting back into ones I've seen now but I can't place this one.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x9: Between Two Fires

Something is rotten in the state of Tollana.

Yes, we're back with the Tollan again, and I actually find myself quite pleased to see them. It's been a little while, and although Narim is still as full-on and creepy as ever, and the Chancellor is acting very strangely, and Omoc has suffered a heart attack and died, it's still good to see them again.

But something is most definitely not right, though the team only realise it when Narim slips Sam a message as she leaves: Earth's in a lot of danger. Well, it's weird enough that it appears the Curia have changed their minds about sharing technology at last, and everyone is appropriately suspicious (though not nearly suspicious enough).

In exchange for trinium, at first the Chancellor offers one of the big ion cannons. When that proves to be insufficient to defend the planet (though really the Goa'uld have only ever gone for the SGC), she promptly offers as many as they need. Something is definitely rotten.

Narim meanwhile is freaking out and believes Omoc was murdered; what unravels is an array of deception and lies coming from the very heart of the Tollan government. Sam, Narim and Daniel discover that a large portion of a meeting has been stricken from the record, and on sneaking into the Chancellor's office find that a Goa'uld ship had entered orbit and proved to be impervious to the ion cannons. It then left. Peacefully.

Uh, nope.

Now, no one actually states the obvious here, but I'm choosing to believe that's because no one wants to believe that the Tollan government has been compromised and not just because they're incredibly dense. I mean, I know Daniel can be infuriatingly dim at times, but not this dim. Surely not.

As it turns out, there's weapons being developed. Very dangerous weapons. Sam, Daniel and Narim are captured, and taken to the Chancellor, and her Goa'uld contact reveals himself.

Tanith.

(I genuinely clapped and went OH YES because this was a pretty exciting development, don'tcha know.)

Narim escapes and hooks up with Jack and Teal'c; they form a plan, and while the two of them take Narim's tracking chip and cause a distraction, he can move freely, and promptly puts an ion cannon to good use and destroys the weapons. Tanith retaliates violently, and SG-1 book it the hell out of there leaving Narim to fight in a war he probably can't win.

Definitely can't win, as it turns out: the episode ends on a sad note with a garbled transmission from him, suggesting that the Tollan are no more.

oh man I liked those guys :( :( :(

Even creepy Narim was starting to grow on me, despite being even weirder than ever, what with using Sam's voice on the computer systems in his house, and all. She takes that really quite well, considering. I would be flipping my shit. Sam's doomed to never have a successful romantic relationship, it seems - that's all her love interests bar Jack dead and buried, which is a convenient bit of railroading.

Well, Tanith's not operating alone, as it happens, so this is a vague little way of introducing our next Big Bad (about time too) - I know who it is, though they didn't say in the episode. Really should stop reading the Stargate wiki, it's good for recaps but also spoils everything in existence.

Daniel's pretty great in this episode, incidentally. He's just so awkward. It's pretty funny.

I really liked this one. And I hadn't seen it before, which is definitely a plus! It almost feels like it would work better as a two-parter - it went so quickly that by the time the Tanith revelation came about, I had a kneejerk "stealth two-parter?!" reaction, but there was still fifteen minutes left on the clock. For that reason the pacing is a little funky in the third act, but that's almost appropriate considering the speed with which shit went south. Definitely really enjoyed it, despite the fact that I can't abide Tanith. What a cock. This comes second place in my favourite season 5 episodes so far I think (no matter what you say, Enemies was fucking awesome).

Next time: 2001. Not a clue. Let's find out.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

Hello hello! I haven't read those in a while... (Not been on tumblr much) but I'm glad I started again. It just makes me want to see the whole series again...! Oh, and about the Goa'uld voice thingy? They can actually talk with normal voices, except they chose not to. It's not as frightening. And speaking of Goa'ulds.... You haven't encountered Ba'al yet, have you? Ah, that time will come. I have to say, I have the feeling you'll either end up loving the guy or hating him. I do love him to bits.

Goa'uld are kind of dumb then. They choose to talk funny, they choose to make their eyes glow... it's like, guys, I get that you're dedicated to being ~*~scary~*~ but you could make things so much easier for yourself if you didn't do half of the stuff you do. Just... try and contain your desire to murder everyone, just for a little while.

Nope, Ba'al hasn't shown up yet. Soon, I think? All I know about him is that he just does not go away, so judging by how I feel about most long-term recurring villains so far, I'll probably hate him.

(and still be sad when he dies, I miss you Apophis ;_;)

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x8: The Tomb

You know, it's funny. I can go into an episode not remembering a thing about it, but within ten seconds of the opening I know exactly what it is. I can't believe I forgot about this one! It's actually a lot of fun.

To Jack's chagrin, Hammond arranges for a bunch of Russki redshirts (not a communism joke) (well it is now) to accompany SG-1 to attempt to recover a team that went missing back when the .ru program was still ongoing. They've vanished inside a ziggurat (not a pyramid), so half the episode is spent fucking around looking for them. The Russians are a funny bunch: the abrasive leader, the quiet big guy, the girl, and some other nondescript fellow who surely won't become important at all. Familiar, huh? It's also immediately clear that there aren't going to be many survivors.

Well, Teal'c-analogue is first to go, crushed by the closing door when Jack-analogue fucks up and triggers a trap. And there's a nasty creature on the loose. We've got a Mummy kind of situation, ancient powerful guy eaten to death in a sarcophagus, only he is actually dead and not juicy at all. The symbiote, on the other hand... yeah, this episode isn't exactly subtle about where it's going. It's entirely on rails. 

Obviously the symbiote ends up in someone, and obviously it's not dead big guy, nice girl, angry leader, or any of our friends. Don't worry about avoiding the clichés, Stargate, we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves if you did something unexpected. Nondescript guy gets Goa'ulded and goes nuts, pretty par for the course really.

As a side note I think it's hilarious that the moment you get a snake in your head, you're compelled to do crazy eyes all the time. Is it just a shortcut to saying "I am evil!" without actually having to do much in the way of acting? Anyway, nondescript guy is clearly having a ball with it, which is nice.

After much faffing around and Jack and Zukhov sniping at each other, nondescript guy reveals himself, Zukhov blows him up in the most unconvincing grenade explosion this show has ever seen, and they're both crushed by falling debris, with only Jack making it out alive.

OR ARE THEY

cue bloodied hand reaching up from the wreckage. No, really, Stargate, we love clichés! Keep 'em coming!

Luckily there's rings - there's always rings - so the remaining five get on in there. Bad guy comes staggering on through and declares he will get his revenge - KEEP 'EM COMING! - but for whatever reason Sam's set up C4 and as they ring out, the whole place goes up. Why? I don't know. Don't ask too many questions.

I like this episode but boy is it predictable. Lots of nice Jack and Daniel sniping at each other, "ziggurat" being what made me laugh out loud. The Russians are wholly uninteresting, unlike our other Russian friend Svetlana, who gets a brief shoutout at the start. I also question some of the teamup decisions made - first Sam and Russian Girl get paired off, then when there's a symbiote running around, Sam and Teal'c - a.k.a. the two people who can sense symbiotes - go together. It's just a big setup for "I don't sense anything" "Nor do I", which again is a running theme in this show. Teal'c is as good as ever. I love how instead of saying "Nope" he says "Indeed I have not". It's like, man, you say "indeed" instead of "yes", mix it up a bit will ya?

In conclusion: боже мой. I love Russian. :)

Next time: Between Two Fires. No idea again, but I bet I've seen it and will know immediately. 

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x7: Beast of Burden

In keeping with tradition: forty minutes of Daniel looking concerned and attempting to communicate with aliens.

Okay, I hold my hands up: I'm not a fan of this episode, particularly. Six weeks of absence and I return to this one? What a letdown! It's the second Unas episode: Daniel's buddy Chaka has been kidnapped by slavers who've domesticated the Unas and need new blood. SG-1 (reluctantly) go to get him back, but Jack and Daniel end up getting captured since Chaka won't leave without the other Unas prisoners.

The best parts of this episode are the interactions between Jack and Daniel. Jack really isn't all that bothered about the Unas, though he doesn't like the slavery it is, as he says, the people's way of life - they rebelled against the Goa'uld-controlled Unas back in the day, and now the situation's reversed. It's a big deal for Daniel though, since Chaka's his pal, but he doesn't seem all that upset about the rest of the slave Unas which doesn't really jive with what Daniel's usually like. I mean, he lives for this kind of thing! But he's so focused on Chaka that it takes him a long time to realise that the Unas are living, feeling, intelligent beings (which we already knew, but Daniel's not always the brightest spark). Jack doesn't really get Daniel's insistence on rescuing Chaka, consequences be damned, but Jack doesn't really get Daniel in general.

So Daniel looks sad a lot, Jack is irritable, and Sam and Teal'c are pretty much relegated to background noise and providing support. Eventually they bust Chaka and company out and make it to the gate, but Chaka brutally murders the head trader of the town (the antagonist of this episode, but not a very compelling one; evil for the sake of being evil, his position is difficult to understand. Mostly he's just stubborn.) and Daniel realises he never intended to go with them - he wanted to help them escape, then go back and fight for his people's freedom.

Basically they've inadvertently created a rebellion that may well result in a lot of death and yet another reversal of the situation, depending on how Chaka feels - assuming he even survives. Daniel's definitely not getting a birthday present from Jack this year. Probably not even a card. He's annoying as hell, is what I'm saying, and quite rightfully Jack is irritated.

I've missed these guys. It only hit me when Jack pointed out at the beginning "I don't care, for the record." It was just such a Jack thing to say and made me wonder what the hell I've been doing with myself these past few weeks. Got to get back on this train.

Next time: The Tomb. No idea. Well, some idea. Is this the Tok'ra ex Machina episode? Gonna have a field day with that one when it comes up. We shall see. Hope you're all still on board with me! Thanks for reading.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

Watching SG1 for the first time? Have you seen SGA yet?

I have not, nor have I seen SGU. In fact I'm not sure I've seen a single full episode of either of them. SGA at least is definitely on the cards for after I finish SG-1... which at this rate will be in five years time.

And on that note, sorry guys! Just not digging the rewatching. I'll get back on it soon.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x6: Rite of Passage

Poor Janet. Her cute little adopted kid has grown up into a bratty teenager.

Cassandra falls seriously ill and can't be cured; she also keeps babbling about going to the forest. SG-1 go back to her planet to investigate, and what they find there is pretty shocking.

The kid literally does the whole "you're not my real mom" thing. For real. Damn.

In the forest they find a glowing handprint, and on pressing the handprint they're ringed into a Goa'uld laboratory. Nirrti's, to be exact - turns out the lady has been conducting some experiments, genetically modifying children to create the ultimate host. None of them worked, and she cured the kids in the end to stop them dying too soon, only now Cassandra's affected and a cure is nowhere to be found since Nirrti has a terminal case of "imprisoned by the system lords".

Well, so they think. Remember that little thing about Cronus dying? Guess who had Nirrti prisoner. And yes, there's the lady in person, still terrifyingly beautiful and pretty horrible all-round. Once they realise she's in the base, they go after her with those guns they used to see the Reetou way back when, and eventually take her prisoner. She states her demands: freedom and a sample of Cassie's blood, in exchange for the girl's life.

Welp.

There's not really any way around it. Hammond is undecided. No surprises, Jack, Sam and Daniel speak in favour of releasing Nirrti back into the world. I mean, how much harm can she possibly do? Oh wait. Lots. Teal'c is the only one not letting emotions cloud his judgement, and argues for keeping her and sacrificing Cassandra, but the matter is pretty much decided by Janet going rogue and pointing a gun in Nirrti's face. Good old Janet. She gets the job done, and Nirrti discovers the everlasting human truth: never get between a mother and her child.

They agree to the terms - release, but no blood - and take Nirrti to Cassandra, where she literally tries the same goddamn trick she tried when she nearly killed Cronus. "Oh, sorry, you waited too long, it's too late, never mind". Back then, Sam saved the day with her new Goa'uld powers, but this time no one's fooled and they force Nirrti to do it properly. She does, Cassandra is fine, and Nirrti's allowed to go. She looks very smug about it.

OK Nirrti is probably my favourite living Goa'uld (not that there's much choice any more, isn't it pretty much between her, Yu and Zipacna at this point?) so I hope she comes back soon! She's rad. This episode is pretty good, soured only by the writing for the poor kid playing Cassandra. The girl herself isn't a bad actor, which is usually the downfall of child/teen-centred episodes of any show, but the writing for her is so dreadful it hurts. I hope someone was fired for that. Actually, who wrote this? Oh, Heather E. Ash, writer of episodes such as Beneath the Surface (decent), New Ground (all right) and Learning Curve (worst of that season). I guess she just can't write for children. Anyway she never comes back after this so no complaints here. She did write Foothold though which I actually really liked, as I recall...

The best part of the episode for me was by far the totally adorable moment between Daniel and Janet, holy god those two are adorable! If I was the fandom type I'd be doing some serious shipping. I'm not though, so I'll just say god I hope they hook up, screw the rest of Daniel's conquests, she's the one! Soooo cute :3

And awww the new kid they got to play Cassie was also Ally from Bane! She's all grown up! :3

Yeah this wasn't bad at all, I enjoyed it even on a rewatch. I know I'm blitzing through now, I really just want to get the rewatches out of the way so we can get back onto fresh ground. Rewatches just aren't as fun somehow. We have a ways to go though, let's get on with it! Next time, it's Beast of Burden. Definitely don't remember that title... 

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x5: Red Sky

GUYS! Stop ruining things!

SG-1 break a sun and almost destroy a planet because everyone is an idiot and no one stops to think "hmm, we can't dial this address for some reason, maybe we should leave it alone for now". I mean, goddamn. This is getting beyond a joke.

It's an Asgard episode! The planet in question is one under the protected planets treaty, and the Asgard, Freyr specifically, are their gods. The people are... well, they're pretty devout, though nice enough, except one guy called Malchus who... uh, with that name he was pretty much going to be horrible, I mean it's like being called Malfoy. No chance.  Anyway he's a dick, but everyone else is okay :)

The Asgard are, as usual, incredibly unhelpful. They can't fix the sun since that would break the treaty allowing the Goa'uld to go crazy over everything, so it's up to SG-1 to sort things out. Well, let's face it, it's up to Sam. Teal'c does nothing, Daniel attempts to get the people to relocate, Jack shouts a lot and gets really, really angry. The first attempt to fix their fuckup, a rocket blasting a stable superheavy element into the sun, is ruined when Malchus has it blown up, and Jack utterly loses his shit. He beats the crap out of Malchus and storms off like a furious toddler. It's only Daniel whining at him that stops him packing up and going home.

Whiny Daniel is on top form, by the way. He's such a child sometimes. I mean he seriously does the pouty bottom lip and everything, he's ridiculous. Jack is furious, I don't think we've ever seen him so angry, it's a little scary actually. He even attempts to shatter their entire belief system, despite the Asgard High Council specifically requesting that he doesn't, but they don't believe him.

When the second attempt - an unlikely strategy involving shutting down the wormhole depositing the element into the sun - appears to not have worked, Daniel goes to say goodbye (and get one over on Jack), and then... the sun goes back to normal. I actually like the ambiguity of that ending - we don't know whether Sam's plan worked, or the Asgard stepped in behind the scenes under cover of the SGC's attempt. Well, we'll never know for sure, and that's pretty cool.

The Asgard are just fucking useless aren't they? I like the intergalactic diplomacy and all that, but jeeeeez, PAPERWORK. They're such fucking bureaucrats. Such assholes. No Thor either, guy's busy or something.

I'm pretty fond of this episode, but it's not so great really - I just like it as one of my first proper episodes I guess. And Daniel is so ridiculous, it's unreal. He's regressed! We're back to season 1 Daniel. I hope he doesn't stay there for long.

We'll find out next time, in Rite of Passage. Probably I've seen all these episodes now, I'm trying to work out from the titles which ones they are, and coming up blank on this one. I didn't remember Red Sky either though, despite the obvious title, until the very first scene and suddenly it was "oh yeah". So we'll see.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x4: The Fifth Man

Well, I was completely wrong as usual! Actually I think I prefer this to any potential Fifth Race sequel, this was pretty great.

SG-1 end up in trouble, attacked by Jaffa, and Teal'c and Tyler get hurt. While Sam, Daniel and Teal'c make it to the gate, Jack and Tyler get left behind, and Jack orders the others to go home and bring back reinforcements. But when they get back, clearly something is horribly wrong, because Hammond doesn't remember Tyler at all!

What is going on?!

Simmons is hanging around again, stirring up trouble, making it clear he doesn't think any of SG-1 are fit for duty (most of his objections, let's be honest, are true - Teal'c has been wavering in his allegiances, although not through any fault of his own, and Daniel is most definitely propelled by his emotions and often allows them to get the better of him). We all hate Simmons. I'm sick of him already to be honest, he's just unbearable. Can we have Apophis back? :(

Meanwhile Jack and Tyler are pinned down and struggling, and Hammond won't send anyone back until he can determine what's actually going on. How can you not remember Tyler, Hammond, don't you remember all the fun times we've had with him? Eventually Janet determines that Tyler is caused by a chemical compound in SG-1's brains creating false memories, and then Tyler himself reveals his true form to Jack. I like that, actually. The guy is so taken aback by Jack's willingness to die for him, he never expected that to happen at all. Reinforcements arrive, Tyler plays the hero, the entire Jaffa army is wiped out by a couple of guys with big guns, and they send Tyler home. Meanwhile Hammond is a complete badass and tells Simmons where to stick it. Go Hammond!

Simmons is shifty as fuck. Who's he getting his orders from? Got to be some shady above-the-law organisation like the NID. What an asshole.

Tyler is awesome, I wish he was really on the team. He's creepy in his real form though, albeit humanoid. How many non-humanoid aliens have we actually seen, anyway? Replicators, Reetou, the Entity... oh, the water from Watergate, the bugs from Prodigy, the Goa'uld themselves... all right, forget that, we have quite a lot of non-humanoid aliens on the books. I don't know what my point was but I've proven it wrong anyway.

We get a cop-out "we'll bury the gate" thing, which is later redacted to "we'll probably bury the gate", so we might even see Tyler's species again! Also, Daniel is not at all bitter about being zatted. Not in the slightest.

It's interesting to see the Stargate wiki thinks Tyler was captured by the Jaffa at the end. I don't think he was. He wasn't restrained and he walked as a pair with another guy, in the middle of their ranks - I think he disguised himself among them when he got grabbed. They don't try to do anything with him when SG-1 attack them, and I really find it hard to believe that they wouldn't restrain a prisoner, even when there's so many of them. They always have in the past. SG-1 still saw him as "Tyler" because they were still under the influence of their own memory additions, but the Jaffa were seeing him as one of them. That's what I thought anyway. 

This was quite good! Looking forward to seeing how this Simmons arc unfolds, though... well, I already mostly know. Never mind, onwards: next is Red Sky.

[youreferredtomeaslucy]

5x3: Ascension

Sam's relationships have a history of being weird, but this was something else entirely!

After discovering a possible weapon on a destroyed planet, Sam is stalked by an ascended being who falls in love with her. Since he can make himself invisible at will, everyone thinks she's crazy, until the Pentagon starts keeping an eye on her and Orlin makes himself corporeal. He tries to stop the use of the weapon, since the last time it was used the rest of the ascended beings killed the entire civilisation, but Simmons from the Pentagon is an asshole and insists, and also goes to capture Orlin. Fortunately the guy is pretty good and has literally built a literal Stargate in Sam's basement, which they use to get back to the weapon and stop its activation. Orlin is shot in the process, and ascends again and stops the reactor exploding.

This was a really weird one. A strange mixture of comedy and seriousness that doesn't really work too well, plus the oddness of Orlin, who is both creepy and sweet at the same time... yeah, it's very weird. I liked it a fair bit, but it was strange. There's also the creepout factor of Sam being stalked, which culminates in a horror-movie-style flash of a mysterious figure in a doorway. Made me jump out of my damn skin.

The best bit was Jack and Teal'c showing up unexpectedly with pizza and Star Wars. Teal'c loves Star Wars. Teal'c is just the best! Also, what the hell is he wearing? Also, "I have read of a place where humans do battle in a ring of jello." "Call Daniel." hahahaha.

I'm guessing ascended beings are going to continue showing up, aren't they? And I know Simmons is recurring for a while. God I hate him >:(

I didn't cry at the end. I know that might surprise you but it's true! Just didn't touch me like I think it was intended to. Orlin is a pretty cool character, I love how alien he is while still being human. You really get the impression that he's not been human for a very long time.

The worst part of the episode was the extras in the background when Sam and Orlin go for a walk. Where the hell are they going?! Why don't they walk on the damn path?!

Next time: The Fifth Man. A sequel to The Fifth Race, perhaps? We haven't heard from the Asgard in forever, kind of hope it's an Asgard episode.