absobel

[absobel]

I love eldritch horrors

Did anyone notice how quickly the internet turned into a Lovecraftian horror scenario?

Like we’ve got this dimension right next to ours, that extends across the entire planet, and it is just brimming with nightmares. We have spambots, viruses, ransomware, this endless legion of malevolent entities that are blindly probing us for weaknesses, seeking only to corrupt, to thieve, to destroy.

Add onto that the corrupted ones themselves, humans who’ve abandoned morality and given up faces to hunt other people, jeering them, lashing out, seeing how easy it is to kill something you can’t touch or see or smell. They’ll corrupt anything they think could be a vessel for their message and they’ll jabber madly at any who question them. Their chittering haunts every corner of the internet. They are not unlike the spambots in some ways.

Add on top of that the arcane magisters, who are forever working at the cracks between our world and the world we made. Some of them do it for fun, some of them do it for wealth, others do it for the power of nations unwise enough to trust them. There are mages who work to defend against this particular evil, but they are mad prophets, and their advice is almost never heeded, even by those who keep them as protection.

All people know several spells to use the internet. Facebook asks you for the magic words to log in, so does your email, so does your twitter and on and on. The spells are words or a gesture with the hand, some use the colour of your eyes, or the shape of your finger. Our chief of security joked about requiring users to give a drop of blood before they could log in. Many do not understand the humour of mages.

The cracks between the two are breaking. IP cameras filled our world with eyes and the magisters learned how to open almost all of them. We all carry magic slabs of glass that if you hold it up to your ear can sing to you with a loved one’s voice, but if you look at it with your eyes, can show you a corrupted human with bleeding orange skin scream the profane with a thousand voices. The other day I saw someone hack a moving vehicle. At one point they made it stop. At another they made it so it couldn’t stop. Some of our best and brightest are going to create an army of four winged bats hovering throughout every city and we are going to connect them directly to the dimension where the nightmares live.

I’m not saying it’s all bad, but I am saying Cthulhu lies deathless dreaming in this web we built him and he is waking up.

[absobel]

I have a strong drive to have people to talk to, I loooove talking to people about everything and anything. But like I don't feel like what I hear about friendship from people and on the internet

I kinda hate that ngl. Like I will never have a group of friends I truly feel part of ? Or friends I'd die for ?

We’re pretty new to knowing that we’re apl-spec and reading others’ posts and stuff makes us doubt it sometimes

Like we still have people we consider friends but they aren’t like alloplatonic friends if that makes sense. We care about them and want to spend time with them and stuff but we don’t really have any sort of drive to actively maintain those relationships for the sake for friendship, or to seek out friendships in general. But we still want companionship. It’s so weirdly contradicting ragghhhh

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[absobel]

I always thought I was not autistic because I don't take things literally at all. And then I realized I was always like "I knoooow this is just a joke and I'm being pedantic buut"

So mood o7

Getting the basic point of the whole "doctors can't figure out autism as fast as school bullies can" thing but like no in most cases your bullies did not catch that you were specifically autistic they just knew you were weird which the doctor may have picked up on too or even if they didn't they probably would've had a better chance of it if they saw you as often as the kids at school. Hell for some of us a random stranger who briefly saw us would get that same impression. Doesn't mean they have any insight into it. Like I sort of get it and I'm being pedantic but like autism means a specific thing a vague "that person is different" is not the same as a diagnosis and there are plenty of other reasons a person will be treated like that

[absobel]

Omg I love when the internet does this thing of finding out things about yourself that you had on the back of your mind, giving you the words to talk about it and making you aware that you're not alone on this all at the same time

so embarrassing to get obsessed with your own oc but it doesn't fuel you creatively or motivate you at all you just sort of sit there. like yeah I've been thinking a lot about blorbo from my mind. no images of them exist in the world and they have maybe 3 personality traits so far. I would rather die than attempt to write about them. I've spent the last 48 hours rotating them in my brain though

[absobel]

Do I want a romantic relationship or do I want someone I can fully trust with my life, or worse my thoughts, and reciprocally ?

Actually is there a difference ?

[absobel]

It is way funnier when it's not Friday

happy friday and nothing else !! 🥰🫶

[absobel]

You won't believe who is on Tumblr while having to finish this 20 page essay for two days ago !

people who dont experience it cannot comprehend how awful executive dysfunction is. I WANT to do the task, i have the resources TO do the task, i will feel better having DONE the task

but i cant fucking do the task

[absobel]

How can I give both the vibe of a badass texan biker with sunglasses and no fucks to give and of a delicate princess on top of her ivory tower ?

[absobel]

I don't know if it's the adhd, the autism or whatever but I feel like I only exist when I'm with people. My notion of self disappears when I'm alone in my room. Time doesn't exist anymore, my thoughts are beings of their own who don't leave any traces of their existence and then when I have to interact again with real human beings, it is as if I was waking up from a deep slumber.

[absobel]

So you're telling me that when I take my meds and feel happy for no reason, that's just normal human behavior? And I've been missing that all my life ??

[absobel]

No but yeah "what is romantic attraction" and all but like, tf is even platonic attraction or like friendship. Help

[absobel]

It's insane how much just walking outside gets me motivated and full of energy. It's also insane how it's an insane battle to initiate the process of going outside

Not to go "if you have ADHD just go for a run" or anything, but I am so serious if you have ADHD you should regularly go outside, no headphones no phone no nothing and just stand and observe for a while until you've had enough. Not until you get bored, until you've had enough. Drink your coffee without watching tiktok. Have a bath without music. Turn down the volume in your headphones. I cannot overstate how much learning to be bored is cruicial with ADHD. Life is not just about pleasure, no matter what your dysregulated dopamine system thinks, and when you teach your brain to be okay with being bored, then boring tasks stop feeling like torture. By letting yourself be bored you are yoinking your system out of the high/low binary and allow for the highs to feel like actual highs and not just anything that isn't low. I am so serious go literally touch grass. Listen to the sounds in your flat. Stimulate your body the way it was designed. It lowers anxiety and makes you feel like you're real and best of all it's completely free

[absobel]

Taking meds and discovering I'm actually funnier and more interesting than I already was. If I didn't revert to the sleepy slug state afterwards I'd be long of the world

[absobel]

I want aftercare but without the sex part

[absobel]

There should be like, a dating app , but it's for Aro/Ace people who want a QPR.

[absobel]

Literally one of the things that calm my impostor syndrome

meeting with your fam for christmas so crazy cuz ure just reminded where u got ur autism genes from

[absobel]

How do I solve this crippling need of control over myself if I can't exactly know and catalog every single emotion and pattern I have ???

Reminder that you don’t need to label every single feeling and emotion you have. We’re all just big balls of chemical soup using words invented before we were born to describe an emotion that we can’t possibly share with anyone else as our brains react and produce emotions differently.