catmonk

[catmonk]

Fan fic writers act like they’re a marginalized class and not tumblr search result terrorists

[catmonk]

What ships do you do

I can't think of what ships I wouldn't do, however I haven't written NSFW before (not that I won't in the future). My most common pairings are mm or self insert.

Hope this helped! Thank you for the ask:)

[catmonk]

Bruised Waynes

Part One Part Two

Pairing- (GEN) Bruce Wayne and His Kids

Leaning on the counter of his sink, Bruce looked in the mirror and sighed. It seemed everyday that he looked older and older. Perhaps aging wasn't a horrible curse, but it had been long since he had heard that he looked like his late father. Shouting in front of his window interrupted his reverie.

CRACK! Shards of his window rained down as his daughter leapt into his arms.

“What is going on here-” He shielded Cass with his body as another figure leaped through the window. 

POOF! 

Glitter blasted into his face. 

He could feel Cassandra trembling with laughter behind him. Bruce opened his eyes slowly, what greeted him was a horrified Spoiler.

“Look it wasn’t me, it was all Tim’s idea-” Steph threw the glitter gun out of the window. 

Beneath the window someone yelled “SNITCH!”

“Stephanie. I suggest you run.” He said with an eerie calm.

She dived out of the window with the speed and grace that would make an olympic diving judge cry, but it wouldn't be enough to save her. Not even an alien invasion would postpone his revenge. Bruce grabbed the fire extinguisher, kissed his innocent daughter on the nose, and dove out of the window to his victims. 

Revenge would be served with a trail of glitter leading to his victims. 

Ping!

Update to the Medical File- 

The Spoiler: 🖕

-

Bruce tapped his foot against the elevator floor. No one could ever claim that elevator music was good, especially the music that Barbra had picked out for her clock tower. It seemed that every time he visited, that one song would be playing- what was it called? Ah yes, the “Rick Roll’. He sighed as finally the elevator doors opened, allowing his escape from that awfully persistent song. The click of his loafers echoed against the floor as he strolled to the mass of computers in the room. 

“Good evening, Barbra- oh why hello there.” The new cat, Cat-Bruce, rubbed against his leg. 

“You should talk to Cass about adoption habits, you don't want her to be like you.”Barbra turned her wheelchair from her screen to face him. 

Bruce exhaled fondly, “For the record, it’s Alfred that she takes after.” He handed the redhead the tupperware he brought with him. “From the last family dinner.”

“I’ll make it to the next one.” She smiled, pushing up her glasses. “Oh, there’s an issue I needed your assistance on.” She turned to her computer, clicking through the various tabs.

Bruce’s brows creased. “What is it?” Concern flooded him, Barbra rarely asked for help.

“I was reviewing the medical file from my Batgirl days, and I couldn't recall what the injury on February first was. It’s not my memory that's fading mind you, I remember the day before that perfectly.”

He peered over her shoulder. 

Update to the Medical File- 

Batgirl: FUCK

Bruce sighed, pinching his nose.

“I don't want to hear it from you about using the medical file wrong Mr Hypocrite.”

He grumbled under his breath.

Barbra rolled her eyes. “I've compared it to the dates of case filed, and the only case on that day is locked by you. Care to tell me why?”

“That is none of your concern.” Nothing betrayed his thoughts but a small twitching under his eye.

“Ohh it must be bad, but Bruce, I’m willing to bet that the nipple suit would go viral on the internet should I release it to Vicki Vale. Weigh your cards carefully.

Bruce sighed, and typed into the password for the file. Barbra shoved him out of the way only to look at the screen in complete horror. 

“My god, Bruce… it's worse than the nipple suit.”

The two watched the security footage, one with disgusted fascination and the other with simply disgust. On the screen, Bruce from Earth-803 entered the cave, or more accurately, Ratman. The footage showed Batgirl decking the alternate Bruce, only to be shot in the back by the actual Bruce with a memory gun. Bruce then continued to throw his counterpart’s limp body through the portal and then laid Barbra on the medical bed. The footage cut out.

Barbra turned slowly to the cringing Bruce.

“God, that’s why we have that rat helmet in the archives, I thought you got into a fight with the city mascot.”

Bruce sighed deeply. He should have chosen the nipple suit.

-

Bruce dragged his body to the chair, barely making it far into the batcave. He grunted as he pulled himself up and grabbed bandages off the table. Gritting his teeth he ripped the bandages with his teeth and wrapped them with his left hand. A sloppy job but it would have to do. He winced at every move he made, but he would heal, he needed to, Gotham needed him. He heaved his body to turn to the batcomputer, he needed to write the report.

Ping! 

Update to the Medical File- 

Batman: 1:12 AM. Bane

Crash!

“Me first!”

“Unhand me, Drake! Your cheeto dust is unsightly.”

“Outta the way, Demon Brat, I’m the one taking care of Pops.”

“Children, don't fi- OW CASS NO BITING!”

Bruce watched with a weary smile as his children clamored over the cave’s entrance, all fighting to take care of him. 

“Master Bruce, might I suggest that we bring you over the medical bay?” Alfred appeared behind Bruce, eyeing the wounds disapprovingly. “And perhaps setting an example for your children by using the medical file correctly yourself.”

Bruce just gave the man a warm smile. 

[catmonk]

Bruised Waynes

Part One Part Two

Inspired by this post from @sepia-stained-sunset

Pairing- (GEN) Bruce Wayne and His Kids

The one where his kids drive him insane.

The streets were lively today but it was Gotham, no calm nights existed. The rumble of an engine filled the cave as the Batmobile slid into its place. The driver’s side opened and two figures tumbled out.

“Father, that fiend deserved death at my blade.”

“Robin. The criminals deserve a second chance, your personal opinions should not dictate who lives and dies.”

“Tsk.” Damian stormed off, likely to complain to Alfred.

Bruce slid the cowl off his face and rubbed his eyes fiercely. He sat down in front of the Batcomputer, chair creaking under his weight. The nights seemed to get longer the older he got. If only raising children was as easy as defeating the latest villain. His thoughts were interrupted by a light ping. 

Update to the Medical File- 

Nightwing: two weeks 😅

Bruce’s heart clenched. What injury would take Dick that long to heal? He flicked through the tabs, opening the comm line to his son. He had to stay calm.

Click.

“Champ, report.”

“Ghauuh, I tore my hamstring doing squats.”

He signed. “Put some ice on it, and come to the manor for a checkup from Agent A.” Bruce leaned back in his chair, “And use the medical file correctly.”

“What, you said in more detail so I added an emoji.”

“That's- ok fine, I’m proud of you son.”

Click.

-

Batman was the night. He was terror. The dark knight of Gotham. Currently, the said dark knight is attempting to stop the Condiment King. 

"The big bad Bat-guy. I knew you'd ketchup to me sooner or later. How I relished this meeting. Come, Batman. Let's see if you can cut the mustard." 

Ping! Bruce would recognize the sound anywhere. Instantly, he flipped behind Condiment King- god that’s a horrible name-, picking him up by the scruff of his neck. 

“You’ve done enough damage, Standler.” He growled. Grabbing one of the man’s wrist, he handcuffed it to the kiosk of the terrorized restaurant. 

A man crouched behind the counter rose up. “Thank you Batman, you saved my restaurant.” 

Batman was nowhere to be found. 

Well, no one would find him on the rooftop.

Update to the Medical File- 

Red Hood: stabbed. 

“Oracle, alert the GCPD that Condiment King was apprehended. Connect me to Red Hood.” Batman spoke into the empty air. He heard his comm crackle only a few seconds later.

Click.

“Talk to be Jaylad, where did you get stabbed.”

“Kinda busy here, B. Kori just started another bar fight.”

“Jason, I need to know how injured you are.”

“We’re winning, if you care. Toodle-o, Pops” 

Click.

Bruce stared down at the city in frustration. Why were his children like this? He sighed and radioed in for Alfred to prepare his aspirin. Not that any medicine would help, his tolerance had long required enough tranquilizer for a rhino. 

-

Update to the Medical File- 

Red Robin: hand =͟͟͞͞( •̀д•́)))

Bruce rubbed his eyebrows, looking down at the notification. He was sure that Tim was in the manor. In fact, as he opened his window he could hear two voices yelling in the yard below.

“Your cow BIT ME.”

“Tch, it was your fault, Drake. She was only protecting her master.”

“Protecting you?” Tim scoffed, “You're the menace here, no one else in this city wears platform crocs.”

Bruce peered below to confirm that yes, Damian was indeed taller than usual. 

“I’ll have you know that these are designer!” Damian pulled a knife out of his pants, only to get toppled over with a push. 

Bruce slowly closed the window. What he didn’t see wasn't his problem. 

Ping!

Update to the Medical File- 

Robin: avenged.

-

The halls of the Justice League overlooked the vastness of Earth. Batman glowered out the window while Signal looked around in awe. These meetings could be a business email, but Alfred had wanted him to ‘socialize’. Behind him, Superman would fall for a prank from Hal Jordan again. 

“Psst, B, can you introduce me to Wonder Woman?”

“Hgnh.” Better Diana than Clark at least. Bruce motioned for Duke to follow, leading him to Green Arrow and Wonder Woman talking about their weekend. He nodded at them. “This is my new protege, The Signal.”

Green Arrow stroked his goatee, “Geez, where do you get these kids?”

“...aren't you Oliver Queen?” 

“TELL YOUR KIDS TO STOP EXPOSING ME!”

Ping!

Update to the Medical File- 

The Signal: mentally scarred

If anyone saw Batman’s lips quirk up, they certainly wouldn't say anything. 

-

Neither of them could be seen against the pitch black of Gotham’s skyline. Batman and Orphan stood silently, overlooking the city. Orphan tilted her head, nudging to the right. 

“What is it, Orphan.” Batman growled. 

She didn't respond, electing to jump down the side of the building. 

Batman followed, looking around he saw her with her hand down a street gutter. He pinched his nose bridge, Agent A would scold both of them later. As he got closer, he could hear a faint mewing from the street gutter, and he watched as Cassandra scooped a tiny black kitten. He kneeled down beside her carefully.

“This is the sign for cat.” Using both hands he pinched his index and thumb together by the side of each cheek.

Putting the kitten in her lap, she mimicked the sign.

“It looks like he needs a home. Catwoman will be glad to foster him.”

Cass shook her head. “Cat Alfred…needs Cat Bruce.”

“Eta back to the cave in seven minutes.” Bruce sighed. 

He could tell she was beaming behind the mask.

Ping! 

Update to the Medical File- Orphan: image.png 🐈‍⬛

[catmonk]

about to drop a batman fanfiction

[catmonk]

No I in Denial

Wednesday Addams x Enid Sinclair

Part One

Wednesday learns that betrayal and denial go hand in hand.

Enid channels the power of lesbianism.

Bianca periodically beats the senses into Wednesday using the powers of friendship.

“Weeeednesday.” Enid rolled around until her head was hanging off her bed. 

Wednesday put a new page into her typewriter. “Enid, I'm busy.”

“I know. Can I see what you’re writing?”

“No.” She stared down the blank paper.

“You know, I can help you edit it. You’ve seen my blog.”

“That’s more of a reason that you can’t, your grammar is atrocious.” Her fingers moved swiftly producing clattering sounds.

“Meanie.” 

Neither of them noticed the hand watching their conversation. Thing tapped its pointer finger cheekily. It was doing this for Wednesday’s own good really. Besides, there needs to be kindling for a slow burn.

“So…I think you should add a love interest for the main character- what's her name- Viper.” Enid thumbed through the pages as Wednesday whipped her head up from the bermuda triangle book. “I thought you wanted me to read it.” She tapped her colorful nails together nervously.

“What could possibly make you think that-” Wednesday turned around with a slow screech from her chair. “Thing,” she growled. The hand rubbed its pointer finger on its thumb as if it was whistling.

“It’s not totally Thing’s fault; if you’re going to blame anyone you should blame me.”

“I certainly shall.” Wednesday stormed over to Enid's desk to retrieve her manuscript.

“Wha-hey! Wednesday...” Enid trailed behind her. “It was good, really good.” 

Wednesday put the manuscript back into her desk. “Key.” Thing scrambled to put the key into her outstretched hand. She turned the lock twice with a glare at the hand. “I shall be out on the balcony.” She didn't look at Enid as she stalked past.

Bianca walked over to the gray mat, “Someone looks cheerful today.” 

“Quite the opposite.” Wednesday grumbled, pulling the long saber out of its sheath.

“I was being sarcastic.” Bianca pulled down her fencing mask. “Any special reason for sliding a letter under my door with a challenge? Perhaps to…get a certain someone off your mind?”

Wednesday readied her stance. “We've done enough talking.” She lunged towards the siren's chest, intent on catching her off guard. “En garde!”

Bianca parried swiftly. “Sloppy today are we?” They circled each other like sharks. 

“Tch, Your tongue is sharper than your sword.” Wednesday feinted to the right.

Bianca moved to block her, only to be grazed on the side. “And I bet Enid would know a thing or two about your tongue.” Bianca swiveled her wrist to touch the point onto the shoulder of her opponent. 

“You know nothing about-” 

“Are you saying I’m wrong?” Bianca laughed and with a swish of the saber she scored two more points. 

Wednesday ripped off her mask, throwing it to the floor.

“You're off your game today, Adams. Challenge me again when your head is in it."

The sunlight filtered through the large windows showing every line in Wednesday's scowl, she stormed off, with nothing but her thoughts to accompany her.

She stared down at her typewriter. 

If inanimate objects could spontaneously combust, it certainly would have. It was only luck that Enid had gone off to Yoko’s room- else she would surely ask pestering questions again about her writing. A love interest for Viper…it was certainly a silly thought. Viper de la Muerte was a chronically misunderstood detective, she had no time for romance- yet Wednesday found her fingers hovering over the keys. Viper had been previously betrayed by a man named Hunter Dohand, if she could find it in her cold dark heart to trust someone again…

Viper stared off into the darkness outside her window. 

‘Knock, knock, knock, knock.’ Rapidfire taps on the door signified the arrival of her informant, a woman by the name of Emma Myers. The brunette walked into the room with a cheeriness, “Detective, there seems to be another problem.” 

“What problem Ms Myers, the Dohand case has long been solved.”

“There is a new case I need your help with, Detective.”

“There seems to be one everyday.”

“Yes but-” Ms Myers perched on the mahogany desk. “This case is special, you see.”

“Oh?” Viper leaned forward, intrigued.

She ripped the page off her typewriter with a vengeance. How dare Enid put puerile ideas in her head. 

 Enid paused her creep into the room to take in the scene. The window casting rainbows of light over the room and Wednesday sleeping on her desk like a dragon protecting a hoard of crumpled papers. 

Thing landed on the floor with a light thump. It pointed to Wednesday and widened the gap of the pointer finger and the thumb.

Enid shook her head rapidly, “Why do I have to be the one to wake her up?” She lowered her voice to a whisper, “She's already mad at me.”

“There is no need to do so.” 

Enid whipped around to see Wednesday looking as if she had not been sleeping just a few minutes ago. 

“Did you enjoy the inane celebration of the Bechdel test?” “Huh?” Enid cocked her head.

“Your ‘girls night’ at Yoko’s room.”

Enid rocked back and forth on her feet. “Yeah sure we had fun uh- please please please forgive me Wednesday IfeelsobadIswear.” She took a deep breath before snapping her mouth shut with watery eyes. 

Wednesday tilted her unblinking face, “You are forgiven on the condition that this indiscretion shall not occur again.”

Enid lunged across the room, tackling the goth with an armful of pink sweater. “Thank you Wedn- sorry sorry I forgot no hugs.” She made to back away.

“You should stop creating situations where I must forgive you Sinclair.”

“Well what can I say.” Enid beamed.

Authors note: I got my writing teacher to beta read this- he definently doesnt get paid enough. Im not satisfied with it but it'll do for now

[catmonk]

yall im so sorry abput being gone on hiatus for so long however ill be back soon with a wednesday x enid fic

[catmonk]

y’all i’m really struggling with school, as soon as the quarter is over i’ll be back to devouring content and writing shit

[catmonk]

i wanna consume notes with the same vigor of eating pasta

[catmonk]

Pain In The Neck

Suzaku x Lelouch

It's Halloween and Milly Ashford is at it again, join the student council as they suffer through awkward flirting

 -bzzt-

“Hello Ashford Academy! This is your student council president Milly Ashford speaking. I'm proud to announce a schoolwide costume contest for Halloween! The judge will be yours truely, the students! Don’t worry, only I will be able to see who you voted for. Third place is a study session with a student council member, second is a DATE with a student council member, and first is…drumroll please… a kiss from a student council member!” 

-bzzt-

Groans went up from everyone in the student council building.

“Ooooh Milly should have told us about that beforehand!” Shirley stomped her foot, nearly dropping the stack of papers she was holding. 

Lelouch sighed, leaning back in his chair. “You have to admit it's cost effective, even if there's definitely going to be biased judging.”

“Someone is going to get a kiss from Madame president, I just know it!”

Suzaku chuckled, “Milly didn't say anything about someone from the student council joining.”

Rivalz suddenly perked up. Shirley shook her head, bemused, while Lelouch looked pensive, eyes furrowed in a way that said ‘plotting’. 

“Oh I’ve- um I've never celebrated Halloween before.” Kallen mumbled.

Nina smiled at her, “Neither have I, let's ask the others for help.”

“Ouch, Sayoko please be more gentle.” Lelouch winced at her touch. 

Nunnally wheeled into the room. “Oniisama I wish I could see you now.” 

“Don’t worry Nunnally, Milly will be sure to take pictures for when your sight comes back. Is Suzaku done with his costume?”

“Yes, but I couldn’t be a big help to him.” 

Lelouch put his hand on Nunnally’s. “I'm sure he appreciated you being there.”

Nunnally smiled, her eyes curving upwards.

“Now go get into your own costume, we have to win this contest.”

“You'll definitely win for sure, Oniisama.”

Millly ambushed him before he could enter the room, “Well, well, well it looks like I found a way to get the grumpiest of my minions to have fun.”

“Now where did you manage to get that costume.”

Milly flashed a pose, showing off the gaudy sequins of her top. “You like it? I'm going for a succubus theme this year.”

“I doubt you'll seduce anyone in that.”

Milly laughed, “You’ll seduce several the way you're dressed, Mr Vampire.”

“I simply had to make sure I wouldn't lose.” Lelouch smirked, brushing past her.

Several people gasped when he entered the student council room. Lelouch flaunted under the attention. He had Sayoko airbrush his skin to perfection and an elegantly ruffled outfit that would put several nobles to shame, complete with a cape that flourished perfectly. 

Rivalz slung his arm over Lelouch’s shoulders, “Wow, you really outdid yourself this time. I really am surprised that you coordinated outfits with Suzaku instead of Nunnally.”

“Now what does tha-” He stopped in his tracks. A ripped flannel shirt showing just enough, tight jeans, complete with ears and a tail. Suzaku looked…adequate.  “Ahem, Suzaku, I wasn't expecting you to come as a werewolf.”

Suzaku looked sheepish, rubbing the back of his neck. “Sayoko recommended it to me.”

Kallen snickered, “How smart of her, maybe you should give her a raise.”

“What a good idea, Kallen. Ohh everyone must have put so much effort into Halloween today, that makes me so happy.” Nunnally clasped her gloved hands together, a perfect image of Alice.

“Everyone except Rivalz that is,” Shirley said.

“Now how did that happen?” Milly playfully put her hands on her hips.

“Don’t tease me! I spent all night on ideas, and then it was already morning!” Rivalz pouted.

“Oh Kallen, don't rub at your face paint, it took me so long.” Nina flustered, she was dressed as, ironically, Einstein.

Kallen rubbed at her green face paint harder, the frankenstein lines smearing. “I can’t, its so itchy. I think one of the freshmen might take the cake, I saw a whole group of them dressed as the emperor. They're out in the main hallway giving contradictory commands.” She snorted.

Shirley laughed, “That group certainly isn't winning. Speaking of which-” she adjusted her mummy wraps, “who’s winning so far, Pres?”

“There’ll be an announcement at the end of the day.” She winked playfully.

Rivalz groaned, slumping over.

Lelouch was twirling his pen around and around. He felt Suzaku sit down beside him, but he didn't look up.

“…uh Lelouch?”

“Yes Suzaku?”

“I swear I didn't plan this out.”

“Of course you didn’t”

“Yeah..HEY wait what’s that supposed to mean.”

Lelouch smiled fondly.

Suzaku averted his eyes.“You uh, you look good.” 

Lelouch paused. Using his fingertips, he ghosted Suzaku’s arm. “So do you.”

Neither of them made eye contact.

“Ahem, well I believe I have to bring Nunnally her lunch.” He made a move to get up.

“Of course, tell her I said hi.” Suzaku watched Lelouch leave, rubbing the back of his neck.

-bzzt-

“Hello Ashford Academy, this is Nunnally Lamperouge reading the results of Halloween’s winners!” Nunnally smiled, feeling the braille under her fingers. “Our third place winner is, collectively, Emperor Charles zi Brittania. A very royal study session awaits. Our second place prize is Suzaku Kurarugi, or as many people wrote down, the sexy werewolf.” Giggles were heard over the intercom. “Our first place prize is…Rivalz! Everyone congratulate our winners for their amazing costumes- or lack of. Have an amazing Halloween!”

-bzzt-

The school bell rang, students flooding out of the classrooms chatting away. Lelouch sulked, before he felt a light tap on his shoulder.

“Will you accept me as your date?”

[catmonk]

god gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers (my username was taken on twitter)

[catmonk]

i created a “twitter” under the name of catmonkk this is so hard

[catmonk]

yall i finished watching code geass and now i want to write something for suzalulu send me prompts!!!!

[catmonk]

At the Kraken of Dawn- Prologue

Jamil x Azul

Twisted wonderland

A snippet of what I'm working on so far

Jamil paced back and forth on the deck, creating new groves into the wood.

“Relax Jamil, maybe they're friendly.” Kalim laughed, grating his nerves..

“They’re pirates, Kalim.”

“Friendly pirates then.”

Up ahead, a ship with an octopus jolly roger approached, the dreaded Sea Witch. Jamil shook his head and sighed, he could feel it in his bones that they were certainly not friendly pirates no matter how much Kalim insisted. The merchant ship they were on was surely a giant target, especially with the Al Asim heir on it.

“Kalim…if they ask, tell them I'm you.”

“I'm sure they won’t do anything bad, let's invite them to a feast!”

The gangplank lowered onto the Scarabia.

“This is an incredibly bad idea.” As usual, no one listened to him.

A man with silvery hair stood in front of a pair of twins who looked like they could snap a ship with their bare hands.

“What the hell are they doing?” the twin with downward sloping eyes whispered loudly.

The other twin whispered back equally as loud, “I haven't got the foggiest clue, Floyd.” 

Jamil felt his teeth grate.

“We’re inviting you to feast with us as a show of peace!” 

“My, that's certainly new.” The man with the silver hair nodded.

Kalim cheered, “It's this way to the dining room.”

“So, Azul, would you like more shawarma?”

“No thank you.” The pirate patted his lips elegantly with a napkin, “I'm watching what I eat.'' If it wasn't for the large hat on his head, he could have been mistaken for a noble.

Kalim smiled.“I'm glad we had this chance to meet. Now that we’ve had good food, we can part our ways as friends.” 

Floyd paused from ripping into the meat and snickered.

“Oh, I'm afraid you have the wrong idea.” Jade smiled, revealing his sharklike teeth.

Click

Azul set down a revolver on the table. “I'm afraid I'm here to kidnap the Al Asim heir.”

Kalim tensed, glancing at Jamil.

“I won't go quietly.” Jamil said firmly.

Jamil woke up with a splitting headache that was kindly being treated by a finger poking his forehead repeatedly. Fuck.

“Ehehehehe, look, Yellow Belly is up.”

Jamil only groaned in response. It looks like he did go quietly.

[catmonk]

hello i will be updating straight as a spy exclusively on a03 due to lack of interest here

[catmonk]

babey..my little pony

why bother with twiyor when princess twilight is right there