cutting-the-strings

[cutting-the-strings]

the only reason I knew something was wrong was through an ego death.

It may be hard to hear but do y'all really want to learn the hard way? I don't think so.

But wherever you are right now, I hope you're doing ok. You deserve love and compassion anyway even if this isn't where you are right now. This is super hard to get to on it's own. It's so so so hard you have to go through so much denial and I'm still in it myself but, I know we can get through it, we can get through it together, we might've never been able to get through it together then, but we can be able to get it together through being together now. Togetherness will help us. You got this and I love you all.

im gonna say something thats gonna make a lot of u real mad but it's the truth and u need to hear it. real recovery starts with ego death.

otherwise u will just continue to stand in ur own way by finding ways to justify and excuse ur own negative and unhealthy behavior

u are wrong. u are the problem. ur behavior and thought process is unhealthy and harmful to u and needs change. u are the only person who can change those things. u are whats standing in ur way. u do not know what is healthy. ur ideas and understanding of others is skewed and incorrect. u are the problem.

in order to get anywhere real and make meaningful progress towards being happier and healthier, u first have to be able to accept those statements without anger, rejection, and shame. because those are not shameful statements. they dont make u irredeamable. they dont mean u deserve to be abused or punished or mistreated. u still have value and worth even when ur wrong. being wrong is not the same as being worthless. everyone will be wrong sometimes, it is an unavoidable part of life

u first have to get to a place where those statements elicit curiousity, not anger or sadness. because u can always change ur behavior. u can always make a different choice. if u control ur behavior and ur behavior is the problem, then u control the problem, u have all the power to fix it. being wrong in the moment never means u cant be right in the future. u can figure out the what and why and how and do something differently next time. u can change and grow if u allow urself

being wrong isnt a value judgment, it's an opportunity for growth

[cutting-the-strings]

Hello!

My name is Saturn and actually, I'm not officially diagnosed with any personality disorder, but I recently found out I had narcissistic and borderline traits and was terrified so I made this blog. I wanted to make this blog to ultimately help people understand what it is like living with cluster B personality disorders, trauma in general, and how even though we express our trauma in different ways, we are all still human inside and capable of change.

This blog is a safe space for people with Cluster Bs, as well as neurodivergent people, people with mood and anxiety disorders, as well as generally any personality disorder. The only exception is that you are actively working on healing your traits if your disorder leads you to act out inappropriate impulses. Otherwise, you're welcome here.

Hopefully we can all understand each other.

[cutting-the-strings]

Parents don’t beat their kids because they’ve been beaten themselves, they do it because they want control, terror, obedience and power that violence gives them.

Parents don’t shame their kids for being ungrateful because they want more gratitude; they do it became they don’t want to do more than absolute minimum and hate to be asked to.

Parents don’t force their kids into ungrateful, bad conditioned and heavy work to teach “responsibility” and"work habits", they do it cause they don’t wanna do the work and humiliating a kid with calling it a chore is easier. If they wanted to create work habits they would offer rewards for it.

Parents don’t emotionally manipulate children into believing nobody would love them to “force them to live in reality”, they do it to keep the child too terrified and dependent to ever be able to look for love outside of parents.

Parents don’t fly into raging tantrums because they’re disrespected and hurt, they do it to make it too dangerous to stand up to them, they enjoy the power their rage obtains, to never be questioned, resisted or disobeyed. Its the ultimate power to always be cruel, selfish and wrong, yet never questioned or stood up to.

Parents don’t keep you in suspense and anxiety over what they’re gonna do to you because you deserve it or to make you a better person, they do it because they enjoy the power of torture and seeing terror and pain in children’s eyes.

Parents don’t overpunish, overplay concern, make themselves victims or deny the child’s feelings out of love. They do it out of greed, entitlement, neglect and contempt.

Good parents never do any of this. Only abusive parents could even think of doing this to children.

[cutting-the-strings]

It’s unfortunately a common experience for autistic individuals to feel lonely due to them not being able to have the social skills needed to make and keep friends long term.

The lack of social skills also puts them at risk for ending up in toxic, codependent, and abusive friendships in the future. Without the social skills to speak up in these situations, autistic individuals often end up feeling traumatized and then go on to develop chronic trauma conditions like CPTSD, DID, OSDD, BPD, DPD etc.

Being autistic is inherently a very lonely experience.

[cutting-the-strings]

i hate how this is 90% of my life.

every resource ever: you need to learn to deal with conflict and not run away from it

me in a conflict: I have already lost control of myself because my body thinks we're about to die and freeze/fawn/flight response had already taken over, I am shaking and I can't control my words, and I will now take 2 months recovery and that is IF I actually get out of this alive

[cutting-the-strings]

Autistic school trauma is:

knowing you’re disliked, but not being able to know why

consistently being called out for your stims because they’re “disruptive” or “annoying”

trying to simply mesh in with others to avoid getting targeted

suppressing your anger to the point that you feel it’s not justified

never being able to form connections no matter how hard you try, and thinking it’s your fault

being able to form connections but never being able to be true to yourself or set boundaries since you’re so used to being disrespected

witnessing ableism from classmates but not doing anything about it because they’ll just invalidate you

never feeling like your opinions can be validated because you’re “weird”

being outcasted by your classmates constantly

having classmates either let you know outright or subtly that you’re disliked

eventually believing that you deserve to be disliked

suffering from chronic low self esteem that affects your grades, your ability to function, and even your ideas of love

frequently getting into toxic/codependent friendships

having teachers criticize you constantly for your symptoms

living from a complex of never being good enough

feeling like you have to reach a neurotypical standard on a daily basis and if you don’t, you’re incompetent

if you’re feeling any of these things because of school, autistic or not, know that what you are experiencing is trauma, and that your trauma is valid. You don’t deserve to be in a school environment where you are consistently criticized or made to feel like you don’t belong nor can’t be good enough. You deserve an environment that makes you feel safe enough to be neurodivergent, to be yourself. You deserve to feel loved, to feel cared for, exactly as you are, with no strings attached.