endorphns

[endorphns]

its fucking 2 am and i have to be up for work by 5:30 im so fucked

[endorphns]

i want a girlfriend or maybe a boyfriend or something close enough to intimacy but im also like wow what if no one wants me unless im thi/nner. im not even fat but i'm also not th/in but just knowing there's anything of excess on me at all makes my skin crawl. sometimes when im feeling Normal and self-accepting im like wow. it's nice to have hips and boobs and maybe i am kinda hot n sexy but then sometimes in my life goes slightly wrong and im like GET IT OFF OF ME!!!!!! its so funny because if someone actually loved me they would more likely than not love me for the body i ALREADY possess but im like NO. everything will be PERFECT if i just RELA/SPE and lose a concerning amount of weight an then maybe someone will hold me like i'm something worth cherishing.

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lmao. long time no post. i had kinda moved on to another acc that's solely dedicated to more lighthearted subject matter, but tonight i am just kinda struggling. i have specific personal reasons, but i'm also like wow! maybe if i wasn't so gross then i wouldn't be having this problem!! as if the two issues are related in any way. but yeah. feeling insecure about your place in the world? hm.... maybe it's because you're not thi/n and perfect all the time. maybe you should do something about that again to compensate!

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I really want to get a tattoo just because I want someone to hurt me. I am very normal about most things also.

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[endorphns]

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mealspo

from 📌

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I Am Music #sorrymom

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I’m going to preform medical malpractice on you cuz I love you

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lesbian situationship so absurd im on psychologytoday looking for therapists in my area

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someday 🐞

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tonight’s consensus: I might be pathetic.

tonight’s solution: st/arve myself later.

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to touch on this subject, we dated in middle school and a little in high school and even after dating continued to like kiss and be really affectionate and talk about dating but I always said no because I felt like I couldn’t have been a good partner. it evolved into somewhat of a situationship, but we remained friends because we love each other and have a very strong bond. I’m glad that we didn’t date back then, but it does pull at my heartstrings a little bit to see what I could have had with her, while she has it with someone else. & that we are together and can’t kiss or linger for too long. idk.

holidays have me feeling so fucking gross. I want to do so much cardio to compensate for existing. I’m with my friend and her family all of who I love, but I’m ready to st/arve myself when I go home. (also said “friend” is my ex and I have to be around her boyfriend and it’s a little depressing because maybe I’m feeling a little bit of something I shouldn’t)

[endorphns]

holidays have me feeling so fucking gross. I want to do so much cardio to compensate for existing. I’m with my friend and her family all of who I love, but I’m ready to st/arve myself when I go home. (also said “friend” is my ex and I have to be around her boyfriend and it’s a little depressing because maybe I’m feeling a little bit of something I shouldn’t)

[endorphns]

I’m so sloppy drunk at a Party and thinking about how I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life lol

[endorphns]

Oh fuck oh god oh fuck oh god oh fuck. I'm kinshifting into Jesus everyone please stop sinning it's making my stigmata hurt