#“jon im telling you the ”i dont really see it“ was a start of a sexuality crisis for ol' zachy poo.

[i-like-books-and-women]

Welcome back to the bits of soup I deem good enough for the public:

Angel 100% thought Zach and Ruben were dating for a hot second. It would've been like somewhere in between after the talent show and before canon starts. But either way I think it went something like this.

Ruben: yeah so there's this guy

Zach: ooh guy?

Angel: oh do you guys have an open relationship?

Zach & Ruben: what-

Angel: aren't you dating?

Zach: i mean ruben's an amazing person but I'm straight-

Angel was then confused about this for the next like month. After this interaction he ran it by Jon and Jon was like "bro what planet do you live on?". Then after Zach and Ruben came out to Jon and Angel, Angel pulled Jon aside and was like "fuck you I knew it I was right".

Secondary thought. After Zach and Ruben got their shit together but before Jon and Angel knew (that's a time window of like 2 weeks right??? I don't remember lol) they like put together that something was going on and were trying to make the math math. Eventually Angel got to "they've gotta me a thing man no way they aren't" which was very "I've connected the dots. You didn't connect shit. I've connected them.)

[stevie-petey]

Anything you want to tell us about Come Home that hasn’t been asked about yet? Like a head canon, Easter egg, reference, song rec, something you wrote in particular that made you feel a certain way, etc ?

anon these questions always make me so giddy omg i cant even choose what i wanna talk about because theres a LOT we havent unpacked together yet but ok ok ok lets start here: how jon and steve differ with loving bug.

weve already established that jon helps bug because theres an obligation there from years of being together, while steve does it because he wants to. to add to this, the love is almost reflective of that

jon: i will never deserve to love but i will love you anyways because its all i know (selfishly, co dependently, raw, messy, instinctive)

steve: i will never deserve to love you but if you believe i do then i will love you with everything within me (trusting, comforting, forgiving, replenishing, complete)

for an easter egg im shocked no one has pointed out the bonus episode titles !!! season 1 bonus ep is “the beginning” because its the beginning of everything between bug and steve. the beginning of their friendship, their dynamic, their budding relationship. it all starts in that chapter. as for season 2, “the fall”, this is LITERALLY steve falling in love with bug. the bonus eps are meant to really piece together the dynamics i create throughout the seasons canon, and then bring it all together outside of canon to set up for future seasons ! the bonus ep titles will always tell you whats in store for the couple ;)

the titles of the seasons overall are also the ending of them !!! for 1 (we dont talk about it) we end with jon and bug never talking about their love for one another and instead promising to stay the same. for 2 (we thought love was something we werent meant to find), the season ends with steve and bug both finding love within one another after being led to believe they werent meant for the love they craved because of nancy and jon. for 3 (now youre a stranger) ,,,, well ! wait n see <3

ok now for some a quasi reference (more symbolism): everyone who meets bug has a crush on her but not in a cliche “reader is so pretty” way but in a “this person is so genuinely lovely and has this pull to them that you cant help but fall in love with”. they arent actually in love with bug per say, theyre in love with her kindness. its infectious, i like to think bug embodies everything we wish to be <3

finally because im sleepy i will say that the ending scene in season 2 between bug and steve still makes me so <333 to reread. the idea that someone will wait for you, and that they trust you to come back, is just so beautiful to me. not only was bug putting her heart in steves hands, he placed his in hers as well. she trusts that he will love her in the end, she wont rush him, and he trusts that she will be there for him when he falls :’)))

i also really really adore the final scene between jon and bug in season 1, when theyre in the car and everything settles between them and bug makes jon promise that nothing will change. ugh. it breaks my heart every time. its so so so bittersweet :( it parallels steve and bug a year later at the end of season 2 and i just. im so proud of that as well

i blabbed so much my god. pls enjoy

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 20 REACTION (SPOILERS)

Firstly before I even START, it's called social stigma. PLEASE tell me it's not another social influencer one I'm begging you I cannot take another laughing fit like ep 16.

Also wait the dedication is so me

WAIT ALICE CAME AS WELL??? ALSO HELLO SAMALICELIA PROTOCULE

Alice. Did you really talk him OUT of it??? Because lats I remember, Colin slammed the door in your face.

"It's more about who killed the Magnus Institute" DAMN

Okay I did kind of suspect that the OIAR had a hand in destroying the institute. But like also Alice knows a bit too much about Starkwell. Something you wanna tell us, honey?

SAM'S TALKING ABOUT THE PROTOCOL HOLY SHIT.

Alice babygirl. The things you are saying seem like you're actually inadvertedly conforming all of Sam's suspicions. Like are you saying there IS a government conspiracy???

Okay I love Alice but she's starting to take the s1 Jon route where she refuses to believe things are supernatural or suspicious to the the point where it actually makes LESS sense. Someone is gonna get hurt because of that. And if it's Sam, Alice is going to be in a WHOLE different world of guilt.

DID JON SEND SAM THE EMAIL ABOUT THE STARKWALL 1999 REPORTS???

Alice sweetie you have a point but being so...Dismissive of it when there's CLEARLY something was just not the way. Sam is obviously the kind of person who will keep digging unless you directly tell him the truth.

"We already know we work in a global atrocity factory. It's called the British Government" God Alice I love you

Alice's hatred for England fucking SENDS me I love this woman

I get where Alice is coming from like she's right unfortunately. But I think she's very much blocking out the supernatural part of it and seeing it more as a conspiracy theory than something. Yknow. Horror-y

CELIA IS DEFINITELY FROM THE TMA-VERSE HOLY SHIT BECAUSE IF SHE KNOWS WHAT THE INSTITUTE CAUSED IN TMA-VERSE, NO WONDER SHE THINKS IT WASNT THE WRONG IDEA TO DESTROY IT.

"Catastrophic, world-ending" HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT YEAH THATS BASICALLY CONFIRMATION. BECAUSE THE WORLD DID END. THE APOCALYPSE HAPPENED.

Oh Alice...this is going to drive such a wedge between Alice and Sam. I think the funniest thing is that Alice is absolutely not going to be able to stay away from the "hornet's nest", as she puts it.

At least Sam has Celia on his side, I guess?

OH MY GOD WE MET INK5OUL IM ABOUT TO FUCKING LOSE IT.

Ink5oul is giving Jude Perry why are they annoyingly hot

"Shame. You've got lovely skin" Ooooo Gwen is the hot tattoo artist hitting on youuuu

FUCK WHY ARE THEY SO HOT

Oh???? Hello wait what???? Does Ink5oul. Not know what they are???

OH NO DONT DO THIS TO ME I INK5OUL ABOUT TO GET BLORBOFIED. BECAUSE I WILL TAKE IT OF COURSE BUT THIS WAS NOT WHAT I WAS EXPECTING

Ink5oul is self-aware??? Oh God could they get sexier???

Something something addiction to being seeing or being known is so much the opposite of The Eye which is the fear of being seen or being known.

"Tattooed Prince Albert's cock or something" WHAT

Does this count as stealing designs??? Because the og artists is long dead but Ink5oul never says they referenced his work. It's important to me as an artist SO

OKAY SO Ink5oul's tattoos are like...Predictive? Like whatever they tattoo will most probably lead to the person's method of death?

The pipeline of small influencer to...whatever the fuck Ink5oul became

"The ink flows through me" BENDY IS THAT YOU AND YOUR INK MACHINE????

Hmmm so Ink5oul slowly became an external but rly without even their knowledge. Is this them becoming less human??

"Thats...very eloquent" GWEN GIRL WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN

Gwen you chose the WRONG PERSON to bite back against girl WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF

GWEN YOU IDIOT YOU'RE LITERALLY JUST AS BAD AS JON WHY DO YOU PISS OFF THINGS THAT CAN KILL YOU literally this reminds me of Jon yelling at Not-Sasha to shut up in ep 79 of TMA.

Hmmm wait okay so Sam actually heard the first Ink5oul case in episode 2, so I wonder if Gwen ever manages to open up to him again (Which I completely understand if she doesn't) he might believe her because he's heard what Ink5oul's tattoos can do. But like. Again very unlikely since Mr. Khalid over here really fucked up in ep 18.

It really interests me though that Ink5oul has no idea what happened to them. I looked up Sutherland Macdonald, nothing of note. But I think it's pretty obvious that by TMAGP, they found out the tattoo on the dead body was an Oscar Jarrett tattoo and was looking to get some... face-to-face inspiration.

I'm worried about Sam and Alice. I mean honestly, Alice does have full right to step away from all of this but her dismissiveness of Sam this whole time probably doesn't help her when it comes to him. She wants to protect him, but he wants the truth. It actually makes me slightly more sure that the Dyer in the ARG was probably her pre-transition because of the empathy levels. Not that she doesn't feel empathy, but I don't think she feels like there's anything she can say to change things, so she doesn't try. Which is exactly what she says in this ep.

Anyways ummmm SamCelia shippers I get you they're actually pretty cute and it does make me happy to see that someone is supporting Sam and genuinely hearing him out since absolutely no one else he's talked to about this will.

[azarablue]

The Statement of Layla Evergreen

This is longggg TW Talk of death

Archivist: Hello, I was told that you wanted to make a statement. Im sorry usually Im more ready for statements- Martin? What are you doing down here?

Martin: Oh, hello, I, sorry I was just, well I walked Ms. Evergreen, or is it Ms. Carson?

Layla: Layla is perfectly fine, thank you Martin.

Martin: Well- Uh

Archivist: Yes well uh you can leave us Martian.

Martin: Yes, um of course.

Layla: Bye Martin.

Martin: Bye Ms. Eve- Layla

Archivist: Right, hello Ms. Evergreen, Im-

Layla: You're Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the The Magnus Institute and currently avatar of the (pause) eye, well I dont know about avatar, not yet at least.

Jon: I- How do you know that- Ar- are you a-

Layla: An Avatar? No, Ha, well I dont know actually, maybe, but. Anyway Im here to give you my statement, well 2 I guess.

Jon: T- two? Well um thats, *clears throat* Lets begin. Statement of Layla Evergreen regarding-

Layla: *glasses closing* The crash and my death 8 years later.

Jon: Right, statement taken directly from subject, statement begins

Layla: Well I guess it all really started from the time I could cry, according to my mother, my birth mother, I hated the dark. I remember from the time I could talking all I could talk about where the "Demons" and the doors, god dont get me started on the doors.

Jon: Im sorry to interrupt, but did you say doors?

Layla: Yes, doors, random doors that I used to be terrified to go in that were in spots no door should be. But the thing that I think you'll want to hear about is the crash. I was 5, I remember riding in the car my father was driving, my mother hated to drive, said it made her head hurt. Um we were going to see my nana one last time before she passed. And even then I never understood why it unsettled me, it wasn’t the death or the home. But against my five year old wishes we were going, my mother never liked main roads and demanded my father drive the back way. We were passing trees and that’s where it all happened, the juice box I had fell out of my hand when we hit a particularly nasty bump. It was grape and we had white carpet and seats. You can do that math, my mother was furious she unhooked her seat belt to grab it all the while yelling about how I was old enough to hold on to my own juice. My father hated when she yelled. So he started yelling, telling her to leave it and that it would be fine. I remember the moment I saw it, it wasn’t a deer, or maybe it was, but it was right in front of the car in the middle of the of the road. My mother screamed at him to watch the road and I guess that’s when he saw it.

The car swerved and went off the road. We ran into a tree, I woke up to my mother crying. She was shacking my father, from my car seat I could see him just laying there not moving. I started to cry, then I stared looking around, and that’s when I saw him, it? A man standing behind a tree, my crying and trashing around must’ve gotten my mother’s attention because that’s when she froze. I could tell she was pinned based on the way she moved but she was able to unbuckle me from the seat and pulled me to the floor. “Hide right there put you back against the door and don’t move ok” I did what she told me and I couldn’t see out the window, but I could see her, the fear in her eyes. And the feeling, that feeling of the cold it surrounded me like being dropped in the ocean.

And just like that it was over my father’s body was gone and my mother just stayed in that spot and cried. That was until the fog rolled in, by this point it was night and I hadn’t moved and my mother she just stayed in her seat crying for my father. I waited a little longer and I moved up to the seat pulling at my mother. She pulled me in her lap and I could see the dash was pressing in on her leg. She held me for a while, then asked me reach for her purse. I was just able to get it but it was no use even if her phone had service the screen was far to broken to use it. So she just held me even as the fog from outside got denser. And that’s when I began to cry, I could see people in the fog walking, and from her face I knew she could see it too. She made me squeeze down on the floor the bent in dash board shielding me. The fog stared pouring into the car, it felt- alive somehow like it was looking for something, and it wasn’t me. I could feel my heart slamming in my chest, and I couldn’t breathe. I started to cry but this time no sound was come out I could hear my mother breathing and then she started talking.

“Janet, baby girl, I need you to know I love you and daddy loved you. I’m sorry I yelled but I need you to know, you are so special. Never forget that ok. I love you my little flower.” I wanted so badly to tell her that I loved her back that I forgave her, but I couldn’t move all I could do was cry and shake. Then she started talking again but this time it wasn’t to me. Just like that the fog coved her and I don’t know took her. After that I really don’t know. The fire fighters came and in the hospital the social worker and police told me we were missing for 3 days before I was found. Funny enough, they said the car was covered in webs, and thats what kept the cold out for so long. My grandmother died the night we went missing. And just like that I was alone. Until the Evergreen’s adopted me, 6 months later.

And then there was the day I died, I was playing outside. My parents weren't home, it wasn't raining as hard as you'd think it would need to be for there to be lighting, but there was. I dont remember what it was like, the strike I mean, or the death. I remember the smell though, it- I smelled like burnt meat, and the buzz, that buzz was all I could hear and feel. I couldn't hear anything but that damn buzz. Then there was light, not bright light, but a soft light, it wasn't warm either. It was cold, like a chilly day in fall, but with no breeze. Then I felt it, it was like standing on a gong, and feeling the sound move though you, feeing your whole being, your whole soul vibrate. And thats when I saw it, colors and shapes. I heard noise and laughter, music, and (pause) screams. Screams of the dead and dying. (Whimpering) After a minute thats all I could hear. The screams and the pleas, all those people lost and begging. I- I couldnt breathe, even in that place, that place in-between death. I could feel a weight on my chest like something was holding my lungs in it’s hands, keeping me from breathing. I- (pause) (whimpering ended) thats when I felt it. The first shock. It felt distant like that gum buzzers, and then again and again, until the light faded and the colors and sounds were gone. The next thing I heard was one of the medics say "Welcome back". After that I was in the hospital for about 1 month and my vision never came back. And I guess thats it.

Jon: Oh, um (clears throat) that was alot. Im sorry for you loss. And your-

Layla: Death? Oh dont worry about it. Im fine. Lots of therapy. Oh you've been touched more than once. Im sorry, that must have been a great pain for you.

Jon: What are you- Do you mean Sasha, can you see past what-

Layla: And your friend, the one with the eyes, tell him he can come down if he wants to spy, but i can understand wanting to stay in his office.

Jon: You can sense him- here?

Layla: Yes well he's not very suttle

Jon: I-

Elies: Well that is an extraordinary talent you have, and tell me how dose it work? Can you only sense people like me?

Jon: How did you- Wait you saw past the stranger, you know about Sasha- how

Layla: She was loved here, I know that and she loved it here. I am so sorry for your loss

Jon: I- thank you.

Elies: Im afraid you haven't answered any of my questions.

Layla: Right, well yes I can sense you, some are harder than others, and the ones I do find more so find me. I've never been taken as far as I know. And yes I can see past their, I dont know, powers. The things they can do, it dosent really affect me.

Elies & Jon: Interesting.

Elies: How would you like a job, here at the institute.

Jon: WHAT?! No, No you cant.

Elies: I think she quite capable of making that chose for herself. Dont you think.

Jon: You cant just hand out a job to anyone, I mean we dont even know her and-

Layla: Excuse me, if I may, Elies is it? Give me your hand.

Jon: What, are you just going to-

Layla: Hm, well you've had an active last few years. And, yes I'll take the job.

Elies: Good follow me.

Jon: I- What just happened. Oh um end of tape.

[theallegedbird]

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

[hello-naptiime]

Hi gang

I see were talking about Jonathan Piss ass ToiletJon again

And as someone who was fucking THERE, WORKING FOR HIM WHEN EVERYTHING DROPPED

Oh my FUCKING GOD AM I SO PISSED OFF.

Welcome to my rant/vent

Mutuals look away Im sorry

Tw// for grooming and manipulation. General gross things in that area

Also Jinbop.

First of all Ashlie and Jon did was gross, but where Jon failed at literally everything Ashlie succeeded.

When the news dropped of what happened in 2017 Jon made a fucking video of him crying like a little man child, and then pressed charges (also doxxed himself like an idiot) WHICH IS INSANE BEHAVIOR. Even in his written respone he was only making excuses.

At that time I was in very close connection with him, I was on his build team, I played multiple games with him. He would come into vc and hang out with us for several hours, you could consider us friend maybe! I wouldnt.

But I was at the very least in a lot of personal servers.

So when things dropped I knew almost all of the behind the scenes BULLSHIT that was happening. How everyone waited for it to blow over and stuck by him. (I got kicked out of servers too cause people knew i was against him but I was still told everything by friends who were still in there)

Then February happened. And so much more, much worse things got exposed. From only his end. I won't mention who was involved, out of privacy reasons and because I dont want to drag them into this. But holy shit dude everyone left him after that. It was over, his gross behavior with minors (included me now that i think about, sir why are you calling me and my friends cute we are 15-) His awful and manipulative behavior with people he finds useful, how he treats his teams

. He never credited anything, I made his goddamn Dimensions s2 designs, Eddie made the skins. Only Eddie was mentioned, once on a stream.

Eddie also made designs and skins for Rosethorn, and got credited in video no less.

Its not that hard and yet!

The main point is

He was still acting in 2020, the incident was in 2017. And he was acting like this, in late 2020. Into 2021.

I wanted him to get better. I really did, I had been hyperfixated on this group of people for years it hurt a lot.

But its been almost three years and he infact has stayed the same!

He is a grown ass man acting like a toddler on a public twitter account, what makes this man some one to respect in any sort of way.

Theres so much more shit I know about this man, that I can't fucking say because of the people involved not giving me permission too. And I respect that. Thats their story to tell.

Now ashlie on the other hand.

Ashlie made a concise apology and owned up to her actions, shit she made sure not to happen again. She went to fucking therapy, she broke off that relationship first and has made so much effort to distance herself from that and apologize everyday of her life.

She went to therapy after breaking things off, and she went again after the callout just to double fucking check she wasnt a horrible person.

She initially handled everything that happened in 2017 in private, like youre supposed to do. Not have a public twitter meltdown. And in late 2020 still handled mostly everything privately. She wrote out a full explanation and apology that is still very visible on her yt channel, not her twt her full 100k subscriber yt channel

I THINK, THATS GROWTH and she should be respected for that. She's actively changed as a person from the 20yr that made mistakes

And what's crazy is that Max and Ross still make youtube videos with her.

Max and Ross, YKNOW. The people who made sure fucking Jinbop got arrested and stomp Sky's name into the fucking ground for the shit that Sky did. I 100% trust those two to make a decision about a person in their circle when theyre doing some FUCKED SHIT.

IN FACT, THEY DID DROP ASHLIE WHEN THE ALLEGATIONS CAME OUT. SHE WAS IMMEDIATELY KICKED OUT OF EVERYTHING INVOLVING THEM

And they came back. They came back and started making new things and videos with her, Ross is an active participant in almost all of her videos.

I think that speaks wonders about her.

Don't drag her name through the ground I respect that woman and all of her endeavors in the future, she has more than made up for the fact.

Jon is still an awful person, and I dont think he will ever change. He's had more than ample time to and acts like whinny child on Twitter. Actively tries to pull nostalgia bait on his dying yt channel and mocks his ex "friends'" work. I want him gone from the youtube sphere and to get an actual life.

[decaydanceunredacted]

yay💞 trans ryan not!fic time. obligatory disclaimer this is not meant 2 be speculative at ALL or representative of all trans experiences etc etc its just for funzies hokay. i am crazy. but i am free

we'll do transguy ryan first. in my mind the timeline is that he starts seriously learning ab queerness sometime in high school, super burying himself online + in books all the time. tries to be a tomboy, butch, but it just doesnt rly work. so he tells spencer one summer, hey, i think im a guy. goes through senior year knowing but not telling anyone else, except for maybe a couple more friends, spencers mom. buys new clothes and keeps his hair short and his head down til the summer after graduation; doesnt even tell brendon hes trans once brendon joins the band, brendons just like alright cool youre a guy with a girly voice whatev. he does come out to him soon enough since they get pretty close but for the most part fully intends on keeping stealth, esp as the band gets bigger, bigger, and it seriously turns into a ticket outta there.

he doesnt manage to start taking t until around mid 2006 and the costumes + makeup help a lot a lot in dealing w heavy dysphoria+general discomfort around that time and with being perceived ssooo much so fast. he got top surgery around 07 and cabin era was yes in part to make a new album but also he spent it recovering. he was able to mellow out a lot in 07/08 in big part thanks to finally being comfortable in his own body. yay💖 idk if he'd ever come out publicly or stay stealth forever. maybe? anyway

tgirl ryan is a different story entirely. it starts sort of the same - finding blogs & books about queerness about halfway through high school, and it all resonates way too deep, too much. instead of coming out, she refuses to think about it and refuses to talk about it and refuses to let comments from the public, from the press, from her friends and bandmates and pete about could be pretty for a girl, and are you sure youre not gay? get to her. again, the makeup & the costumes are solace. bending and experimenting and maybe, sometimes, seeing herself in the mirror, and still being able to snap back into place: say see, dont worry, its just for show. and she doesnt really mean to ever let it slip but its 2007, theyre supposed to be making a new album but it sort of feels like theyre making a new -- something else entirely, and, well, theyre doing a lot of drugs. she asks, do you think im a girl? sort of vaguely, the ceiling is spinning and everyones quiet, too quiet, she almost thinks none of them are there and shes gonna sit up to see shes alone in her room, until jon says: i dont know, i think thats up to you. she sits up, and everyones looking at her. not judging; mostly just curious, confused.

ryan tells them, yes, she likes her name. it can be a girls name, right? she already chose it once. so they still call her ryan but they start calling her her in private, because, she says, hell no, shes not coming out to everyone. not any time soon, at least.

things are way easier, way more comfortable, just like that, for a while. being out to even just a select few is a big weight off; its easy enough to tune out everyone else. but as time goes on it becomes more and more obvious, its definitely not sustainable for the long term.

so the band falls apart. so its just her and jon. they do a couple shows and the venues are way smaller, the attention is dying down, and thats when she tells him, okay, i want to come out.

its just one interview, she tries to keep it lowkey, telling everyone in her immediate circle first and telling them yes, yes, please, call me a woman in public. dont make me do all the work.

so thats how it happens. its not easy, by any means, but she starts estrogen and lets her hair grow out and curl, smiles hard when jon refers to her easily, correctly on stage, in front of everyone, and so maybe its all worth it; to be comfortable like this, in her own skin. and maybe it pays off in ways she didnt even think of, too -- someone in the audience, one night, passing up a trans flag for her to put on the mic stand.

.

[s0lar-ch3ri]

making this a series ig (spoilers, mostly minor, idk well just have to ROLL WITH IT AND SEE)

episode is starting from zero, episode 1 (quick note: i love how excited everyone is aty the beggining for this camoain, so heartwarming) "'for all you audio listeners your about to hear what a man catching on fire sounds like' 'and also a house catching on fire'" "so its like 3 belts? yeah" "this character sucks not enough belts" ok chip hasnt been described and hes already drawn blood "how much trouble does this woman have keeping her pants up holy shit" "anything that looks valueable, take it" "whats a barrel" instant love with this campaine from here "ill carry this" "ok" "but w h y" “this is the fastest I've ever committed arson in a campaign” "ok as soon as we light this ill let them know so they die an honorable death" "but the barrel is terrified of fire" "so this is a barrel" "lets blow up this popcicle place" hes trying guys "grab a barrel as well i need to study" "in you multitude of belts" when did i forget jay had so many and got bullied for it "i hope she didnt find any more belts in there" ok but whenever i hear marshal jon being described the dopamine just floods out "oh! that wasnt the bathroom!" "no it was not, it was the room where we got the explosives" "WHAT ARE YOU GRABBING THE EXPLOSIVES FOR" "to blow up your ship" bro i loved how gill interacted with people before what an idiot /pos "gill make a-dont make anything you told the truth" gotta love grizzly doing a save "and jay you go to kick this man in the back of the knee and you do you realise that his calf muscles are literally built like boulders" "i want to put my hand on his shoulder" and so it begins the convincing! yes gill go!! "hang on let me see that...big j" "JON, ITS YOUR CHOIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE" "as the door is blown off-" "did somebody fart?" ah yes gill you lit the explosive that makes people fart" "BACHOW!" please dont stop this man from making random noises its great "is your skin always wet or is it dry?" GRIZZ ASKING THE REAL QUESTIONS!! "you are to learn a lesson from the moisture master!" remember when gill made his title canon now, its 6 seconds to 20 minutes in "THOSE PIRATES!" man knowing him now its kinda strange to hear him hunting them down "i just occasonally grab people and im like 'you can be better'" cant believe gill went from telling people to be better to just immedately trying to solve their problems (like not even 2 episodes later if im remembering right) "excellent jay you are a fog frog" "im gonna steal somebody's hat then run out the door" jay stealing chips job now "im passing the barrel out the window" i remember when hed just be a problem for any stealth kind of movements "MY FRIEND SAID HE DOESNT WANT YOU TO HAVE AN ADVANTAGE" "there is still time" ITS STARTING WOW "you get the sense this guy cannot see very well" i forgot he had sight problems "YOU BLEW A HOLE IN OUR TOWER" "and you blew a hole in my heart" ACCIDENTAL FORESHADOWING AND A GREAT MOMENT FOR SHIPPERS?? HOW MUCH IS CHARLIE FEEDING US WITH GILLION TIDESTRIDER!?!!? (spoiler: a lot) "can i make a persuasion check?" "sure" if charlie never said this we would never have the future pirate jon, IF HE NEVER GOT A 16 THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED "you cant tell if i cry a single tear or if im usually that moist" the fact that he is can make for an angsty hc that nobody really would notice gill crying "jon didnt make it" oh this better not be another accidental foreshadow "you see, a pink frogtupus" everyone being excited for the preztal reveal was also all of us huh dont lie! "i look like a big flounder" fanartists canon gill description /j "god damn it big j" friendly reminder that (from what ive seen) marshal jon is the only character gill gave a nickname, and he had met him like 20+ minutes ago "YA BOY GILL ABOUTA BE FRIED" "ima just grab them both and jump" ngl i cant put my finger on it but calmer gillion probs the chaos control thats needed because of him being feral "jon this is for you" *proceeds to get an 8* (would have been epic if he suceeded that charisma tho) "jon, the power is- eyeh" "i look over wistfully (?) 'but w h y?'"

[quotidian-oblivion]

Grieving please! Sounds angsty so I’m instantly interested

WELL- You see. It is angsty, my sadeek (arabic for friend), BUT. Idk if i still wanna write it or not. So why dont i just post everything here? (Also, tysm so much for the ask, i dont have a mirror rn but im blushing, thank you)

~

Everyone in this family (except Damian) have lost their parents. So write about each of them going to the graves of their parents and describing what they’ve done with the family and how everyone is behaving. 

Bruce talks to Martha and Thomas Wayne.

Dick talks to John and Mary Grayson.

Jason talks to Willis Todd and Catherine Todd (also Sheila Haywood)

Tim talks to Jack and Janet Drake.

Cass talks to David Cain and Lady Shiva (idk if they’re dead or alive, but if they’re alive then she can just be sending a message to them while at her ballet recital or something. And she sees the Waynes in the front row, some with tears, some with not, but all of them with admiration and she smiles, knowing that they feel more family and home than her parents.)

Damian doesn’t talk to Bruce and Talia. He gets an assignment from school to write about his family in an English essay. He scoffs saying that this is child’s work. Jon reminds him that he is a child and suggests he just act as if he’s writing a diary then submit it since that’s what he does. So Damian, at night, writes about how annoying everyone is. Then he hovers and adds a ‘But…’ After that, he writes about Dick and the things he taught him and the times they spent together, he writes about Jason and how they bond and make fun of people and the different ways they can die and how Jason tells him stories about his time as a street kid cuz he knows that Damian secretly loves hearing them, he writes about Tim and how annoying he is, but that he sometimes sticks up for Damian. He pretends he isn’t doing any favors, but Damian once heard him confronting one of the bullies’ in his class and their parents about how he can completely wreck their business and send them shipped off to Madagascar. He writes about how Tim always defends him and blocks bullets and knives from hitting his back (he writes it like a metaphor, but little does the teacher know…) and how he got his brothers to come to dinner more often after he saw him eating alone. He knows it was Tim cuz everyone except him was sending secret glances at him the whole dinner. He writes about how he and Cass playfully fight and spend time together drawing and how she sometimes teaches some of her ballet moves. He writes about Bruce and how he thinks he failed as a father, but the fact that he’s alive and functioning, especially as someone like him (a vigilante) deserves more credit than given. He writes about Alfred and how he feels like he’s his real grandfather. 

Finally, it’s Alfred. This part is really short. But he’s in the kitchen, pretending to prepare the roasted chicken, but secretly listening to the dinner bickering. He smiles, glad that he stayed in this family. 

~

Ik ur not in the fandom, but im not sure if u know the characters, but i hope u get at least the gist of it. I legit ranted about this (as all of my fics start), but then later when i came back i was like "hmmm, eh, idk" so. Ye.

Thanks again for the ask, amigo.

[blackkatmagic]

kat you cant keep doing this to me (making incredible fics). i writing this cause of the new updates but trust me none of this praise is new.

My fatal flaw as a consumer of fan content is that im really bad with names, so i always have trouble keeping track of my favorite fics and their authors. I try my best, but its not something im good at :/ blackkat however!!!!!! I read your work long before star wars, and once that became your primary fandom (which i didnt share) i stopped following you. When i got into star wars out of nowhere, i stumbled across the lightning fic (bad at names again, im sorry, the feral/wolffe one) and loved it. I saw your name, and it was the fandom equivalent of realizing your high school neighbor is working in the cubicle next to yours despite you both moving across the country.

your writing is so distinct in characterization, tone, and style that i feel like i can always tell its you. You are so creative and clever, and you build plots thats are so good oh my god,,,,, i start the fic thinking the premise is top tier then suddenly you remix it with a second even better premise (the heartstill fic - starts with fake marriage then suddenly weve crashlanded on a sith planet. the footprints fic - starts with (the idea of) anakin’s trial, then book theres an eldritch tentacle monster). Im always on the edge of my seat for what kind of story youre gonna set up next.

Another thing i love is your character writing!! even when the fics are completely different in tone, genre, style, etc the core of the characters feels so distinct. Even when your characters are being put in situations their canon counterparts would never have to go through, you somehow make their actions (which may on paper seem to be slightly oc) feel like the most natural thing in the world. Your take on mace windu is very different from what we see on screen, but ive never once thought that his actions in ur fics dont make sense. even between fics, the characters feel like the same character. Comparing Heartstill and the time travelling fives fic, your mace windu feels like the same guy. Not to mention the characters youve built from basically nothing like jon antilles

(Feel free to take the appreciation and ignore this part! But if you dont mind, could you define an emoji comment? Is something like “extra kudos!” grouped in with that? I dont want to step on any toes and my anxiety has me overthinking it.)

(An emoji comment is just a comment that consists solely of emojis, like someone who just leaves a heart or a smiley on every chapter. Extra kudos comments are fine.)

[buttercuparry]

im sorry but whose fault is that arya is seeing by the fandom as a kid? i've read fics about arya written by arya stans and its always the same: arya being ugly (being seen as ugly even by her own love interest, her own love interest admits sansa is more beautiful than her, etc) which its a lie because arya is beautiful in the books, she was just a child at the start of the series. i have read arya being an infuriating smart ass, arya being a wild thing who insults everyone and hates other women and hates to wear dresses and is always dirty or mean. i stopped reading fics about her to read fics about sansa even if i dont give a shit about her bc sometimes her fics are more mature, idc if she never meets jon in the books, the writers do a really good job portraying jon being in love with her and thats all i care and want to read in a fic where they are the main pairing. that doesnt happen in jonrya fics and its sad bc they have so much evidence in the books.

I don't know why you came into my inbox.

I mean if you like reading jonsa fics and find jonrya fics to be lacking, then that depends on your personal tastes.

Like what was your thought process here? Did you want me to argue with you on how jonrya fics are the best form of art (TM) and scream how wrong it is of you to find it lacking? lmao.

I personally find jonrya fics to be scrumptious. Even if in those fics the author chooses to say that yes, Arya is not the fairest of them all: even then. And do you know why is that? Because that is true. Arya is not the fairest maid in Westeros. Neither was Lyanna. But our frustration comes when your people has repeatedly tried to impress on a stupid theory that Arya is too ugly to be loved, too wild to be loved and therefore it is impossible for her and Lyanna to look alike. Lyanna was a wild beauty but Cersei is said to be much more beautiful than her. Dany with her Targaryen features is canonically one of the best looking woman in perhaps the whole Planetos. But both of these facts do not take away from either Arya or Lyanna. Do not pretend that you who has read their fics, perhaps even went about in their circles, don't know that they have the tendency to push the, "why would Jon look at Arya if Sansa is there". As if Jonrya hinges on Jon losing his heart over Arya's beauty.

And yes, you asked whose fault it is that Arya is seen as a kid? Well tell me then why whenever we discuss Arya's potential love interests, edit any love scene for jonrya or gendrya, write metas or smutty fics of an aged up Arya or generally fool around with any ship regarding Arya, why do we have people coming into our inboxes, calling us pedophiles for sexualizing an 11 year old. Why was there a shock over show!Arya initiating intimacy with Gendry because apparently to them Arya was a kid?

And yes you are right even within our circle, we have had certain Arya Stans who had on them a stronger impression of the fanon/show version of Arya than of the actual canon version of Arya, but lmao none of them villainize Arya the way jonsas do. None of them villainize Arya for being the wild thing she is, for wanting to live as she wants, for not falling in line with Sansa's ideals. And I think you too have missed the point of my earlier post.

Arya is not just pretty girl. I wasn't screaming about people's inability to see Arya as such (as much as it frustrates me that they cling to the label of horseface that her bullies gave to her). My post was about people thinking Arya needs to be a prettiest girl in the whole of Westeros to have romance storyline, because they can't see a rebellious woman, a woman who has refused to bind herself in the narrow constructs of society ever wanting a family of her own. Ever wanting a lover whom she desires.

Also yeah there is this constant tussle, almost an obsession among your preferred faction to put Sansa at the highest pedestal when it comes to beauty and us even mentioning that: hey Arya is pretty as well sets them off in hilarious ways..

[stevie-petey]

SPEAKING OF SEASON FOUR

I'm so worried that the duffer brothers are gonna fuck up jancy. That flirting with Steve and Nancy in season four was not cute. Like jancy isn't my favorite ship in the series (because I'm in love with Jonathan but that's not the point) but we've established that Nancy DOESN'T love Steve. Did you see Jonathan's face when Nancy started talking about how Steve's grown up? You could tell it made him insecure, It's foreshadowing the love triangle all over again and there's no point in keeping it. It doesn't add to the story it's just another stupid plot for drama, which we don't really need!

It also takes away from Nancy's character!! She's not the kind of girl to just go from guy to guy. She's also not the kind of girl to flirt with her ex who's clearly still got feelings for her while she has a boyfriend!! Even if it was unintentional, like subconsciously, still she's smarter than that and she cares about Jonathan and Steve's feelings she wouldn't risk hurting the both of them at once.

I mean if we're talking about come home it could work as something for bug and Steve to work through I guess ( I don't wanna talk about it too much because it's so far away and there's a lot more we have to go through to get to that point) but it's so outside of Nancy's character. Maybe she's just confused cause she almost died and saw Steve get seriously hurt? But still Nancy isn't a homewrecker and she's not a super jealous or promiscuous person. Even if she didn't know about how close bug and Steve have grown she wouldn't go after him. But strictly speaking of stranger things now. She hardly interacted with Steve in season four, which is fair she's still in highschool and Steve has a job. They have their own shit going on. It's understandable. I feel like Nancy's character gets misconstrued a lot, partially because she keeps getting reduced to a love interest. I just hope Nancy and Jonathan don't fall apart because of how much they've changed during their time away. I love Steve but he's not right for Nancy and she's not right for Steve. I hope they Don't ruin such a great relationship with so much potential. Like I see the problems in jancy but I can see how well it could work if given the chance.

honestly it just feels like the writers dont KNOW what to do with nancy anymore or even jancy. i adore them and think theyre so sweet together but the writers are just ,,,, pissing me off. bringing back steves feelings for her and nancys weird feelings for him was just ??? unnecessary and NO ONE was asking for it

i will say however i do see the vision for stancy. i think they did have a good shot at being in love and happy, theyre right person wrong time, but if that was the plan since season 1 then ,,,, it shouldve been touched on earlier ?!?!!? we dont see nancys feelings for steve at ALL until season 4 like even WHILE THEY WERE DATING. its stupid. and like u said: nancy isnt like that !! she’d never directly hurt anyone :( shes so kind and loyal and the writers are mean

and jancy ,,, ugh they have sm potential if the writers would just figure them out. they keep having the same argument of jon wanting to care for his family and nancy wanting to uncover and explore shit its just. ugh.

for season 4 i will DEF be retconning some shit because yeah. im not dealing with a repeat love square that will be resolved literally THIS SEASON in season 2. feels so dumb to be so repetitive. i will however bring in some elements in that love triangle back in 4 but not in any definitive or dramatic way. smh

[charlie-and-mushrooms]

Favourite quotes/ moments in tma

Let me know if you see any good cows. Well obviously Im going to tell you if there's any good cows (mag 160)

Starting to feel a bit self conscious, being a post-apocalyptic google (mag 164)

This feels like a strange one. What does... strange mean with something like this? don't think you want to know. Good point. Emm, ok, well, uh good luck..I'll be... Ah... Over there (mag 165)

I'll see you vengeful angels later, don't be strangers (mag 166)

If it moves like a worm, thinks like a worm, and screams it's awful agonies towards the distant, taunting sky, like a worm... Well, conclusion is obvious. (Mag 166)

We won't get lost though, I know the roots. Not really what I was getting at, Jon. Go on? Seriously? You dont- its on fire, jon. It- Yep. it's a burning building. Yes, it is. That's on FIRE. yes. (Mag 169)

Worms don't get to see the sky (mag 166)

Maybe it's her idea of a... Varied diet. Eat you greens and all that, you know (mag 160) (about tapes)

TiM. SAshAAaa. (Mag 162)

I'm not going to kill a man just cause your jealous. Why not?.... Please? (Mag 168)

Is that me? I-is that me? ... martin? Martin. Mahhhtin. Mahhtin. (martin, mag 170)

And whose this? Your boyfriend? Umm.. yes, actually. Oh um... (Mag 171)

Keep your face secured (mag 165)

Feel free to pop by when you're feeling less, um... Murdery (mag 174)

No- no, im sorry cheerleading you when your on a magical murder spree probably... wasn't a... great idea (mag 174)

I really hoped things would be simpler, a nice straightforward apocalypse (mag 174)

Before she was eaten by a door? (Mag 188)

So what? Its just a- an elderitch popularity contest? Yes. (Mag 189)

How long does it take to describe ... Scary mud? (Mag 166)

You haven't been here for months! That's not fair! Sometimes I was kidnapped. (Mag 114)

[ihaveastorminme]

I know it's been years but there's hope you'll ever finished "how ruthless..."? I've been needing to read that story's ending to have some closure for so long 😭

hi anon, thank you so much for the question and the love implied, because im so happy that you still like this story and want to see it finished.

i have been saying forever than i am still writing, and i have - but those have been mostly edits and re-writes of things that i had written before, to fit a different mood so theres not anything new. im going to add under the cut one scene that is completely new and the opening scene of the new chapter im working on.

[and also add here what has been stopping me this whole time from completing this story that i very much want to complete.]

warned, very long post follows.

at first i changed my mind on the very arc of the characters. it started with jon being this flamboyant character who used melodramatics to mask his true self. that part where sansa tells him that she doesnt think he really loves her, was actually true. he did not, but she had kinf of fulfilled a fantasy for him and he was heavily involved with his idea of her, rather than the real person. and as i kept writing him i also wanted to portray the reason why he is so closed off, and his differences between who he used to be and who he is - and all those led me to believe that i hadnt really SHOWN the way the vioelnce in his past affected him. and that led me to write a more serious character, one that would just as easily confuse his feelings for sansa but express that confusion differently.

and sansa herself - i wrote her as very emotionally open, very easily connecting with jon - which is still a thing in the current version of the story - but also admitting those feelings easily to herself. and THAT last part didnt then make sense with her character. or rather where i wanted to take her character. i needed her figuring out that littelfinger has been behind her isolation and paranoya and all of that, to hit harder than it did. and it coudlnt the way i had written her the first time, because she had admitted her feelings for jon at least to herself. in this version, she never does. she never even considers it a possibility. one of the reasons she - subconciously - doesnt want to be around him is because she feels this very strong affinity for him, and she has been brainwashed, so to speak, to completely distrust her feelings about people. coming out of that needs a lot more time.

even as it is i think that the 'conflict' is still king of flimsy, but i also dont think that really matters to me much.

SECOND THING - i needed to add to two themes that were either very underdeveloped or missing entirely. one, a scene where jon sees the way sansa is treated in court, and reacts to it by 'crowning' her. i 'told' that scene before, and it needed to be shown, because sansa's reaction to that was severe, and though in the new version it is not, it is still portrayed as a very stupid thing jon did, out of impulse, and not like, actual outright intent to push her as in the first time.

second, i needed to flesh out where this 'image' of sansa in the eyes of the dragoncourt comes from. its not something she fashioned. its something that she simply uses. in this new light, her opening up to jon in the riverlands makes more sense, because she doesnt really lie, in king's landing. she just... doesnt make a spectacle out of correcting people's assumptions and has chosen to use them - same as Jon does , really, but sansa uses the assumption of weakness that has been put on her, while Jon uses the assumption of heartlessness. and both kinda sortea believe they are what others say they are, even as they scorn it, even as they wear it as a mask. which is the more insidious part of this whole thing. for sansa - her relationship with Viserys was abusive, and HE was the one who shaped the idea of who sansa was, that other people parrot back. i have never said this in the fic, not even in the re-written version, but the hints are there. and they were not before. i felt it was needed to make her character more cohesive, more believable, and also to build that bomb that was supposed to be Sansa realizing that it was Petyr, and not Viserys, who took Beth from her. ... i still have my doubts that i have managed to make it have the intended weight but as it is , its good enough for me not to obsess about it.

oh i also fixed what i thought was a pacing issue. there is no more picnic feast, it all happens in one night, one feast in the great hall. most of the conversations stay teh same, i have added one or two lines here and there, or removed some without much consequence. i wanted it done this way because i kept thinking of the timing of these things happening, and through realistically, it might have worked out. aka, this happenign in real life - in the story, it dragged down a part of the story where things needed to happen very fast for the tension to build apropriately.]

scene 1. golden laurels

The throne room was alight with music and laughter, the scents of roasted meats and pies. The wine was flowing freely. The music was beautiful and for the most part there had hardly been any fighting. It was overpowering, like too tight of an embrace, but one you could not bear to part with. 

Not all celebrated the same thing or in the same way. This was Jon after all, that they were supposed to be honoring, and he was too distrusted and misliked for it to be any other way. But as she made her way through the hall, greeting people and indulging them with flattery and charm, Daenerys believed that the mood was positive enough. And either way, this was one of those rare times when she had decided she did not have to care, but rather could enough the feast and the joy of the occasion.    

“-But do you not think that such a dealing could potentially overstep your mandate?”

“I do not,” Jon said firmly. “If a lord passes a law which he then violates, claiming to do so to calm an angry populace, that is wrong enough. And he is twice to blame if that anger is one that he himself created. Daenerys! A word.”

Jon did not even apologise; he just strode in her direction the moment he caught sight of her, leaving his interlocutors behind. Dany barely contained her grin. 

“You don’t seem to be enjoying your celebration.” 

Jon only shrugged before downing his wine. “They grow tedious quickly. Everyone wants something.” 

“And this surprises you?”  

“No. Where is Lady Stark?”

Dany blinked at his abruptness. “I certainly have no idea. Why?”

“Why is she not here? Half of King’s Landing seems to be.” He looked impassive enough, but she could see the truth of it in his hard eyes: it was a wonder anyone had spoken to him so far without getting cut.

“I told you, Sansa doesn’t like to attend court-”

“Unless she must, I remember.” But even as he spoke he’d already looked away from her, searching for someone. He caught one of the serving girls as she passed him by.

“See that woman there, with the dark hair and the red Lyseni gown?” he said before even giving the startled girl the time to curtsey.

“Lady Shae, your grace?”

“Yes. Tell her to come to me.”

“Yes, your grace.”

The girl hurried away. Daenerys stared hard at Jon’s face, consciously preventing herself the frown that her confusion was trying to stamp on her face.   

“Jon, what on earth is the matter with you?”

“Nothing at all. Lady Shae, good evening. I don’t see my cousin. Is she not here?”

Shae had just risen from her usual awkward curtsey. She could do a perfectly good one when she felt like it, but there was a particular brand of insolence that ran strong in this girl and that she refused to surrender. Like the flat look she was giving Jon in that moment, for instance. There was nothing subtle about that.

“My lady is at prayer,” Shae said curtly. Jon’s grey eyes glinted with suppressed emotion.  

“I would like her to honor me by joining the celebrations.”

Shae did not give in an inch. “Lady Stark is indisposed.” 

“Indisposed…” It was as if the word left a bad taste in his mouth. “Well, that's a shame isn't it? She will have to change her disposition into one that is more favourable.” 

Shae did not know Jon enough to know that he only spoke this softly when he was well and truly furious, but she was smart enough to recognize a threat when she heard one. Dany saw her tighten her jaw as if she was biting back the insult that lit up her eyes.  

“I have news she will want to hear,” Jon pressed on. ”And she owes me a word or two of her own.”

“She owes you nothing.” 

Shae spoke without inflection or emotion, her gaze unflinching and unafraid. Daenerys felt a shiver crawl up her spine. It was not fear, for no matter how fierce his reputation, how black his moods or the stinging of his indifference, Dany could never bring herself to fear Jon. It was merely the memory of old fears; the many lessons her brother had taught her, that her flesh had not yet shed. 

Shae’s words seemed to have a curious effect on Jon too. His face darkened, yes, eyes flashing with a strong feeling that Dany knew was wrath. But then it cleared, like the sky after a flash storm. It looked as if he’d been given an answer to a question he did not even know he was asking.

“That is true,” Jon admitted. “But not for you to say.”

“Even so.” 

“Tell your lady I require her presence. She would not refuse me.” Jon repeated, sounding like his own self again and calmer than he’d had all day. Then he smiled and it was a fierce and mischievous thing. “But if she does, remind her that I am the man to come get her myself.” 

Shae arched one brow. “Truly? And which one of your many selves should my lady expect? The black prince, the black bastard, or her cousin?” 

“Shae!” Dany hissed, straining to keep her face impassive, but Jon laughed loud enough to turn heads. 

“All of them of course. It will not surprise her one bit to hear it,” Jon finally managed to say, a hand going over his face to help wipe the smile off his lips. “As i'm sure we both know, your lady believes everything.”

Shae was not amused nor did she seem reassured. She did not bother with the pretence of curtesy, simply giving them both her back and disappeared among the crowd. The moment she was out of sight, Dany turned to Jon. “What are you doing?”

“Inviting my cousin to my celebration.” He looked at her as if she was the strange one. “Why, what does it look like I am doing?”

Dany could not believe what she was seeing. “It looks like you’ve lost your senses.” 

“There are many who would debate you on whether or not I ever had any.” 

Dany huffed. “Spare me.” And her contempt must have shown because Jon laughed some more. He may not care a single whit about it but he was behaving in ways that were bound to fuel the idiotic rumors that had been swirling about the Red Keep for the past moon.

“Jon, I warn you, do not make a scene.”

“Of course not. Excuse me, my company is in high demand tonight.” 

He pulled away from her and walked towards the balconies, stopping only to speak with one of his men, no doubt to tell him to watch for Sansa’s arrival. Which would be never, of course. Sansa was not one to succumb to such clumsy manners or threats. She would not come… which was a problem of its own, because Jon was not one to issue idle threats either. 

What the fuck was the matter with him anyway? Sansa had not said anything to imply they had shared more words than politely necessary, which had been easy to believe: only a small handful of people could go further than that with lady Stark. Few bothered to presume it possible or necessary. Dany had simply assumed she would be that way with Jon as well. Worse even, because it had been obvious that he intended to use her for something, up there in the Riverlands. 

As she was contemplating her options, Daenerys heard the chatter of the hall momentarily rise, swelling like a wave and then crashing down, expanding its ripple throughout the hall. There was open laughter pattered throughout, thought quickly shushed. Dany turned then and saw Sansa entering the hall through its northern gate, flanked by Jeyne and Shae. Her temper heated to witness the side-along glances and the little smiles that followed her. Dany knew what they were sneering at: Shae had been true to her word, Sansa really had been at prayer and it was quite plain to see. Aside from the diamonds in her ears, she had no jewellery to adorn her. Intricate hairstyles were the rule in official celebrations like this, the more elaborate the better, to better show the opulence of those wearing it. Sansa had her veil on, it fluttered with her every step like a silver cloud trailing behind her. The copper curls beneath it were unbound, unstyled. Her luminous dove-grey dress was exquisite, but despite how it flattered the line of her body or the lovely way the straight neckline exposed her collarbones and the tops of her shoulders, it was a downright conservative choice for a royal feast. 

Of course, none of this had been accidental. Sansa built herself up layer by layer every day, wielding her many selves the same way knights did sword and armour. There was a reason for every piece; this hall was simply not her intended audience. And yet, even here, the meaning shone through: the fine silver sheen of her silk dress immediately traced it to the silkworm farms of northern Dorne, famous for the almost metallic shine of their fabrics and sole dominion of the queen, who from time to time bestowed bundles of the rare fabric as gifts, marking out those that had her favour. Sansa had embroidered the jaws of a snarling direwolf on the right half the bodice in white pearls, its open jaws framing her breast, its tail curling among her skirts. Her diamonds were from the mines of the Stony Shore, the pearls from the Trident. She was courting Hardying by reflecting back at him the narrow idea that his underdeveloped imagination fancied was the perfect highborn maiden, while inflating his pride with suggestions of the power he’d stand to gain by possessing her. It was such an elegant hunt, Dany admired it even if she scorned the prey. 

And he would fall, of course. For all of his gallivanting on horseback, Sansa had more practice hunting than Harrold Hardying, who, despite all his failings, was an altogether different beast from Sansa’s previous ones. She would have no trouble muzzling him, Dany knew. She had muzzled worse. But it was not Harry Hardying’s eye that she drew now.

Jon reached Sansa faster than Dany did. It was as if he had materialised in front of her, so sudden was his appearance. Dany’s dread heightened but she couldn’t very well run through the hall and draw even more eyes than were already on them. Daenerys had not even taken three steps in their direction however, when she was herself intercepted. Margery came towards her, with Garlan in tow and a handful of Tyrell cousins. They all curtsied for her and Garlan kissed her palm. 

“Princess, my congratulations. The feast is splendid.” Margery leaned in to kiss Dany’s cheeks, her smile brilliant. Dany’s answering one was small and it did not reach her eyes. She had not forgotten fat Tyrell’s insult to Elia during Blackamont’s hearing. Daenerys was not about to welcome them warmly.

“Thank you. I am glad you are enjoying the festivities.” 

“We certainly are.” One of the girls admitted, looking to the others for confirmation. “The music has been wonderful; we have hardly managed to sit down for one reel at a time.” 

Dany chuckled. “I will extend my compliments to the singers and the players.” 

“To organise all this in a week is truly a feat, your grace,” Garlan pointed out, his enthusiasm more subdued than his sister, and therefore more tolerable. “I daresay there will be no better managed keep in the realm than the one you chose to make your future home.” 

The allusion to her future marriage was one that would have sparked her ire, but she knew enough of Garlan to know that he only meant it as a compliment. That he was the Tyrell Rhaenys liked best, aside from her own husband, spoke highly of his character. “That is very kind.” 

“Not at all.” 

“And how is the prince enjoying his accolades?” 

“I have scarce had the chance to ask,” Dany said, glad that she could find a use for her current company. “Would you like to join me and find out?” 

“Why certainly,” Margery said, delighted. Garlan offered his right arm to Daenerys, his left to his sister and together they moved to Jon. He was still where Dany had last seen him: with Sansa just past the northern gates, where the dragon heads were of the height of a tall man. Tyrion had also found his way to them, standing next to his lady as was his custom. As they neared, they caught the tail end of their conversation.

“It was not common rain,” Dany heard Tyrion. “It lasted for two weeks. That may be seen in the stormlands but King’s Landing was simply not equipped for it. The deluge claimed homes and shops and people alike. Fleabottom was flooded, hundreds of people died. And the Citadel has already sent out warnings it may happen again at the break of summer. Princess, Lady Margery, good evening.” 

Tyrion managed to bow his neck an inch greeting them. Daenerys held back a snort. “Lord Tyrion. Nephew. I bring you well-wishers.” 

Daenerys came to stand at Sansa’s side, putting herself Garlan and Margery between Sansa and Jon, forcing them all into a wider circle. Margery curtsied, the emerald that pinned the crown of braids on top of her head catching the light. 

“My brother and I wished to offer congratulations on the behalf of my house. We are so very glad to see such honors being bestowed on one so worthy.”

Jon inclined his head to her. “Thank you, lady.” 

“I was told you brought great relief to the people of the riverlands.” Margery continued, and Jon’s attention, which had strayed from her to Tyron, was brought back around. 

“I made myself useful.” The side of his mouth curved upward slightly. “It’s one of my few good qualities.”

“Few, you say,” Margery teased. “Apparently modesty is among their number.” 

“No, that was never one of my ailments.” Jon denied swiftly. 

Margery’s laugh was like the chiming of silver bells. “I have all faith that you will put all your virtues and many gifts to good use, your grace.” 

And Dany knew then, just by looking at her, her manner, the way she looked at him and stood beside him, how she spoke and even the way she moved her hands that Margery Tyrell was trying to endear herself to Jon. One look at Jon’s face and she knew he’d understood the same thing. And though her anger was for the closest target first, Dany knew that it was Margery’s pug-faced father that was to blame for this new development. 

Was the Black Bastard good enough for the rose of Highgarden, now that he officially sat on the King’s council, Dany wondered bitterly. Now that they thought he finally had the king;s favour?

It could not be so easy. 

“Lady Sansa, you look lovely this evening.” One of the Tyrell cousins said softly. Her hair was arranged less conspicuously than her cousin and she wore a fainter shade of green and gold, but she was lovely, and not at all sincere. Dany disliked her immediately, as she disliked the slant of her smile and the glances the other two girls exchanged. But Sansa received the words as if they were most plainly meant. 

“Thank you, lady Gena. You all look lovely as well. You must tell me the name of your dressmaker.” 

“I gladly would, my lady but I fear you will be disappointed with her. She is far too frivolous a creature to suit your sober taste.” 

Sansa acknowledged this with a nod, choosing to not speak on the implied insult. 

“Don’t be silly, Gena,” Margery said. “Can’t you tell lady Sansa has come from the sept? Is that not so, my lady?” 

“It is. I wished to congratulate his grace, before I retired.” Sansa explained, the lie so smooth on her lips that had Sany not known differently, she would have believed her.

“I am sorry to have disturbed your prayers, cousin.” 

He was a shameless liar and a villain, but Dany already knew this. She met his eye and Jon smiled as if he’d snatched the thought right out of her head and found it hilarious. 

Jon turned to Sansa. “Which gods were you praying to this time?” 

“The Seven, your grace.”

He did not smile, but Dany knew Jon enough to tell that something about Sansa’s answer amused him deeply. It danced in his eyes. 

“I am curious, what would a lady such as yourself pray for?” Tyrion interceded. 

“What do you care for prayer?” Shae asked, looking Tyrion over. “You don't believe in anything.” 

“Which is why I am so curious, my lady.” Tyrion explained, full of mirth for whatever reason.

“I pray for wisdom not to fear shadows, my lord,” Sansa answered softly. “And the courage to face them, when danger truly dawns.”

Jon’s lips curled upwards. “Couldn’t have said it better myself.” 

Sansa inclined her head. “As you say, your grace.”

It was strange, Dany thought, to see two people so important to her, speaking to one another for the first time from this close. They had spoken before of course, but the way they looked at each other now was different. And unlike the other times, their proximity in that moment highlighted how opposite they had always seemed to her: Jon, with his darkness and intensity that carried all before him, and Sansa, silver-bright with her glacial calm that moved for no one.  Like the two faces of the moon, it seemed impossible that they should share the same space at the same time. 

And share it they did: if before Jon had been standing too close, now he could no longer, but still, Sansa could not move an inch, without Jon mirroring her, whether it was shifting his body so it was facing her exactly or inclining his head if she looked away as if he was inching to put himself back into her line of vision. 

Daenerys knew these little tics about him. She had seen them before. She doubted he even noticed he was doing it. 

“Were you just now speaking of the great deluge of three years ago?” Dany asked, trying to divert attention. Perhaps if she distracted them with politics, she could give Sansa a chance to slip away. It was a game they had played so many times, but the way Jon ket looking at Sansa, as if he was convinced if he blinked too slow she might disappear, did not make her hope very likely. If she left, he would follow Dany was certain: Jon had the very bad habit of not thinking very well when he was in his temper. 

Dany did not want to stop and think what was making him act this way. She would need her calm undamaged.

“We were.” 

“We suffered in Highgarden too. Many lives were lost,” Margery said her tone softening as it should when she mentioned the loss. “But as I heart it was nowhere near as bad as the crownlands.” 

“The rain was bad enough, but the tales were worse.” 

“Tales?” Garlan turned to look at Dany.  

“A monster was apparently seen prowling the streets through the storms.” 

“What kind of monster?” Jon pressed. 

“A mule's head on the body of a whore, men said,” Dany began. “One human arm, the other's an elephant's trunk. On its back, the bearded face of an old man. A tail like a neck, ending with a snake's head. Scaly limbs. It's left foot like a hoof, the right an eagle's talon.” 

“Well that certainly sounds horrific.” Garlan pointed out. 

“It sounds like a fiction born of exhaustion, anxiety and too much wine.” Tyrion countered. 

Dany could not help but agree. The whole thing sounded ridiculous in her mind. She remembered those rains. Even when the tall was light, the wind was such that one could hardly see five feet in front of one’s hand, let alone have vision sharp enough to tell what was a hoof and if arms were scaled. 

“All the same, people were afraid,” Dany remembered their cries, how every time the curtain of rain eased, you could hear them shouting from behind the gates. “They came up the hills crowding against the doors of the castle, seeking safety.” 

“There were those that believed the deluge was sent by the gods as punishment,” Tyrion reminded her. 

Margery frowned at him. “Punishment for what?” 

“Oh, the usual: corruption, decay,” Tyrion smirked. “High lords safe behind their walls on their hills while common folk wade through mud up to their arse and see their children washed away.” He turned to Sansa then, quite unexpectedly. “You are the true believer among us, lady Stark. Do you think it was divine punishment?”

When all the others looked at Sansa, Dany looked to Jon. His eyes were fixed. And even if the intent in his eyes had not been plain enough, Dany would have still known that it was not a need to appear well-mannered in public that made him wait for Sansa’s answer, because he’d always distained such things, choosing to be openly provocatory, instead of submitting to falsity.  

“I believe in the power of faith, of course. But I also believe in hope and charity. In welcoming people in, when they’re in need, sharing one’s fire with them and the food of one’s table. Assuaging the fears of those who are frightened.” 

Gena chuckled. “There are the words of a true devotee.” 

“Are they?” Jon was not smiling. “They sound more like Stark words to me.” 

He was looking at Sansa as if he could hear exactly what thoughts were turning in her head, which would have been a gift indeed since Sansa’s face was the picture of blank serenity, with nothing at all moving behind her eyes.

“How do you mean, your grace?” Margery asked, and if Dany did not know better she would have thought her suspicious.

“Sharing food, hearth and home is the only way to survive the deep winter.” Jon explained, looking to Margery one more. “When the snows fall fifteen feet deep, Wintertown, Barrowtown and White Harbour welcome the whole of the north. Most of the time supplies from Winterfell’s glass gardens are the difference between life and death for a great many people that are hungry and cold and scared.” 

“Of course;” Margery’s eyes fell on the jaws of the direwolf on Sansa’s bodice and a small smile curved up her lips. “Our Sansa is such a gentle soul, one could be forgiven for forgetting the fierceness of her forebears.” 

That was a bold-faced lie; no one forgot. It had simply been a long time since anyone cared for what it truly meant.  There were some ideas, Dany thought, that once formed, took root deep. And the main ideas that had shaped who Sansa was to the court, had been moulded by hands that were not present tonight. Though he needn't be for how well people kept dancing to his tunes.

“An understandable mistake, considering.” Tyrion said. Dany pinned him with a sharp look that he answered with his own crooked smile. 

“I do not know about that, my lord,” Margery insisted, looking at Sansa again. “While the lady is devoted to the seven, I am quite sure she prays to the old gods too, do you not Sansa? And I still remember how aggrieved she was to lose her little northern wolf, years back. Why, I believe she wore mourning clothes for months.” 

Dany felt her blood run cold.  

“Did you?” Jon’s question was direct, spoken as if he and Sansa were alone. 

“A child’s fancy, your grace,” Sansa dismissed.  

The scorn lingered in the coldness of his eyes. His little smile could not quite conceal it. “That so?” 

Margery laughed at Jon’s softly spoken words. She did not understand him. Dany felt as if she’d stepped back in time, playing in a piece of theatre complete with the tittering of the ladies around them. But this was not Viserys’ company – the similarities were shallow at best; one look at Jon’s face, one true look and it would be known. Dany could not understand how Margery did not sense the danger. She was usually so perceptive. But Jon was unknown to so many, deliberately so, his passions so often misunderstood. And he had turned his body towards Margery Tyrell for the first time since she tried to get his attention, leaned into her space a little bit, interested, intent. He had scented the lurking filth the way beasts scent blood and he was after it. Dany knew this because she knew him. And she knew none of these people, save perhaps Tyrion, understood what they were stepping into, because she also remembered how easy it had been, once, in this very court, among these same fine people, to get the attention and favour of another prince by practising the games that he’d best enjoyed. 

Perhaps Margery was trying to do that now, but it would go badly for her. That was Dany’s one consolation. Because though she might have understood something of Viserys, Margery Tyrell knew nothing of Jon and could not see… could not see the similarities were skin deep. She could not get the truth of it, because ideas, Dany reminded herself, had roots deeper than a hundred-year-old oak. 

“Why yes, your grace. It went well within summer. But despite everyone pleading for her to shed her mourning and enjoy the renewal of the season, our lady refused. Even at the urging of the high septon. She turned a blind eye and a deaf ear to all. The picture of wilfulness indeed.” 

There was no expected surprise on Jon’s face. Only a thin smile. “And how was she dissuaded?” 

Margery bit her lip, coy. “She was not. The late prince Viserys and Princess Daenerys had to cut her out of them.” She laughed as she said it. “Then all the princess ladies got together, and we dressed her fit for summer once more.” 

She said it as if it was a funny jape. And there were those who laughed. Even Sansa smiled, as if she could see the humour and was indulging a good friend with their shared history. But Tyrion’s eyes were searching his cup, his lips twisted in a sneer. Jeyne was looking at the floor and Shae looked fit to cut Margery Tyrell a red smile of her own. And Jon… 

Jon’s eyes met Dany’s with the force of a hammer. 

“Sounds like a grand time,” he spoke so softly, it was a wonder Dany heard it. But she did, and heard the words beneath the words as clear as a bell too. His eyes shone like polished steel. “I would have liked to be there and see it myself.” 

Margery shrieked. “Ser, you are wicked. There would have been nothing at all for you to see, since we stole the lady away the moment her ribbons were cut.” Margery turned to Sansa with a brilliant smile. “But it was such wicked fun. By the time we reached the princess’ rooms I remember we were crying with laughter.”

“So. My fair cousin was stubborn once, many years ago,” Jon finally said, “Is that the only fault to be laid at lady Stark’s feet?”

“Oh, yes. The only one,” Margery smiled at Sansa, who mirrored her expression. Though the warmth had drained from her cheeks and made her look bone white against the flickering of the candles, her expression remained calm and unbothered. “Which of course I can only admire.” 

“We all do, of course.” Genna added. “One cannot help it.” 

Dany saw Shae take a breath as if she was about to speak, saw Jeyne move to grasp her wrist. Jon was faster than them both.  

“Which reminds me, I owe you my thanks, cousin.” 

The words themselves were plain enough. It was in his face that you could see the truth of it, the blistering feeling that animated him. It took just a glance for Dany to know he was about to do something stupid. 

Sansa’s brows twitched together, the only manifestation of her confusion. 

“Had it not been for insistence and prudent council, matters in the Riverlands might have been resolved very differently. And I daresay, quite more violently.” 

“You’re too kind, your grace.” 

Even Daenerys heard it. Do not. 

Jon was deaf to it.   

“I’m not. In fact, I say it would be only fair to share the day with you,” Jon said as if the thought had just occurred to him and Dany never knew that praise could be spoken so angrily, but there she stood and she heard it same as everyone else did. 

“I would never presume-” 

“You’re not presuming anything, though, are you?” and Jon did smile then, a true smile, which Sansa looked away from. 

He put his cup down and plucked the wreath of golden laurels from his head. Dany realized what he meant to do the moment Sansa - and just about everyone else who had been paying attention - did. Sansa’s composure cracked, her surprise palpable in her wide eyes and slightly parted lips. Even the music had stopped. 

Dany could not breathe. He might as well have just declared his intention to have her, right there for all to hear, for how unmistakable his actions were.

What was he doing?

Two steps ate the distance between the two of them. Sansa seemed frozen into marble, she did not even seem to be breathing. Jon unpinned her veil with one hand, letting it flutter to the floor, and settled the wreath on her head carefully. It was a touch too big for her, but Sansa’s curls kept it from falling to her ears. 

A pocket of silence had formed around them. Dany could already see heads further away from their small circle, starting to turn. 

“A royal gift for a lady worthy of it,” he stepped back, the look on his face fond. “I give it freely, along with my gratitude.”

Dany looked around, marking the stunned expressions that surrounded them. Margery’s eyes had narrowed, her cousins were already whispering. Garlan alone seemed to be wearing the ghost of a smile, which Tyrion grinned at her. If some version of this moment did not burn through King’s Landing within the end of the day, Daenerys would eat her favorite dress. 

Finally, Dany could no longer hold back her miserable doubts. She let them wash over her and they gave her terrible pause. Could it possibly be true?

“Forgive me, your grace. Any words I know are too feeble to express my feelings in this moment.” Sansa said then, words barely above a whisper. 

That was probably very true, Dany thought as she watched Sansa’s chest heaving with short, fast breaths. Nerves, most would think. Overcome with emotion. But then again, most people had not spent so much time in Sansa Stark’s company and would not be able to read anger in the stiff line of her shoulders, in her downturned eyes, so fixedly staring at the ground for fear they would give her away.  

Dany did not think Jon was aware of it either, until she saw that a small frown had made its way between his brows. “No need for any, then.” 

Congratulations and questions started pouring in. Sansa fended them off graciously, modestly. And as she watched, Dany wondered how it must feel for her, to receive smiles and praises from some of the very same people that had laughed at her before, who had abandoned her when she had been in need. People who, dany felt sure, would have not hesitated to mock her even now if Jon had given the slightest hint that it would have amused him. 

She turned to look at Margery, who was very jovially saying something Dany only caught the tail end of. 

“Indeed, to hear Lady Stark tell it, she did nothing but keep company with the ladies the entire time.” 

Jon did not seem overly impressed. “She did that too.” 

Margery laughed, her discerning eyes going from one to the other. “Well, aren’t the two of you a puzzle.” 

“My cousin gives good advice and asks the right questions. There is nothing more to puzzle out.”  

“Of course, a lady always needs to be very discerning in her daily duties,” Margery said with a nod. 

Sansa caught Dany’s eye over their conversation. Finally, in the ensuing confusion, Dany saw her chance. 

“Discerning and beautiful and modest,” Dany said as she took a step and put herself in front of Sansa, offering her hand with a grin. “Will the lady gift me with a dance, so that I may bask in her graces some more?” 

Sansa put her hand in Daenerys’ outstretched one. “I would be honoured.” 

Margery gasped. “Oh but you cannot deprive us of Lady Stark so soon. She has not even begun her story.” 

“I can and I shall,” Dany said haughtily. “Like all dragons, I guard my treasures jealously.” 

It caused laughter, which had been Dany’s intent: distract with charm and get Sansa away. They did dance and when Shae approached and abruptly told Sansa that Yohn Royce and Harry Hardyign awaited her, Daenerys let her go. Sansa left so quickly, it was a wonder she did not run. And, as Dany watched, she noticed that it was not anywhere in the hall that Shae led her, but outside into the gardens. A lie then. Good. Dany calmed further when she saw that Jon had had the wisdom not to follow but was rather having a conversation with some of Stannis’ men. 

Daenerys turned away. She could not even look at him without her temper rising.   

“Aunt.”

Dany startled to hear Aegon’s voice so close behind her.  She jutted her arm backwards, causing Aegon to grunt. 

“Gods you have sharp elbows.”  

“How many times must I tell you not to startle me like that?” 

“Well, then you should make such funny noises when i do, should you?” 

He put a cup in her hands and came to stand by her side. “Did I mishear, or did my brother just crown Sansa Stark for something or other, with the very wreath of laurels the king gave him?”  

“You did not mishear.” 

Aegon blinked as if he struggled to understand. “You mean - he did that here?” 

“He did.” She said through gritted teeth. He ahd done precisely what she’d told him not to do.   

Aegon’s laughter was shocked and disbelieving both. “What can he mean by it?” 

Fucked if I know, Dany thought. Outwardly, she shrugged.

Aegon took a long drink from his cup, thinking it over.  “Do you think it’s true?” he asked finally, voice low, before he grinned at her. “That the dreaded black prince has finally fallen in love and forgotten you?”

Dany gave Aegon a scathing look. “Court gossip is ridiculous, and you must be drunker than you look to believe it.”

In truth, she did not know what to think. Ever since he’d come back, Jon had been a mystery. He’d never been easy to read by any means, but at least before he would share his mind with her. 

She might have believed him in love, if this was five years ago and his true smiles were not rarer now than snow was in Dorne. He had been slow to trust before too, but never slow to love. Indeed, once, when he was still a boy, love had come so easily to him, it still broke her heart to remember it. He used to give armfuls of it to anyone who showed him the smallest kindness. 

They’d both been such sad children. 

But they were children no longer, Dany reminded herself sternly. And much had changed since then. The Jon Dany knew now could never fall in love in little more than a month, with a woman he’d hardly met before. The more she thought of it, the less possible it sounded. And then… then strange thoughts began clouding her mind. And more and more they darkened her judgment. 

No, she would have answers from him, be it the last thing she ever had from him. 

and the new scene - the opening scene of the next chapter, after the fight in the red keep between lannister and stark men, for Shae.

i. ambush

Rhaenys rode her horse inside the courtyard at breakneck speed, her guards far behind her. When she saw him, she urged her mound in his direction, making slow circles around him as she paced her stallion down.  

“Half brother.” 

She sounded studiously bored, which meant someone had thinned her patience quite a bit. An interesting feat considering it as so early in the morning. 

“Dear sister.” 

Rhaenys made a face at him. “Where are you coming from?” She asked as she dismounted, handing the reins to one of the stable boys. 

“The market.” 

“You mean the brothels?” 

“If you like.” Jon said with a shrug. 

“You should have come to prayer. You need it.” 

They started walking towards the Red Keep together. “I don’t hold with the seven.” Though he found it hilarious that she pretended to.

“Might give the septons praying for your soul’s salvation a crumb or two.” 

“I don't hold with giving people false hope either.” Jon said then. “It happens to be the reason i don't hold to the seven.” 

“Yes, yes you're very clever.”   

“You find my wit tedious, I know.” Jon looked at her from the corner of his eye. “Just like I know you don’t believe in the seven either.” 

“I have recently changed my mind on that account.” 

Jon’s laugh was dry. “You want me to believe your stay with the Tyrells has made you pious? Even Willas cannot have that power.”

“One might argue,” Ser Arthur suggested calmly as he reached them, “That the fact the princess has yet to strangle any of her good-family - or you - might be proof of divine intervention.” 

“You make a good point, ser.” Jon conceded.  “Though I have always thought my half sister to be more practical than to attempt murder by strangulation.” 

“I am indeed - and clever enough not to need to murder people, when i can simply persuade them to obey.”

“I do not think threats and coercion count as persuasion.” 

“They do if you do it right.” 

“Unlike me, you mean.” 

They passed beneath archways of the great hall. “Well, if you feel the burn of my words, that is no fault of mine.” 

“Come Rhaenys, no need to be shy.” 

She scoffed and looked at him with derision form the corner of her eye. “I haven’t been shy a day in my life.”  

Oh she wanted everyone to believe that, but he remembered differently. Yet, Jon smiled anyway. “If you keep rolling your eyes that hard, they will roll right out of your head.” 

“Yes, Pycelle used to tell me the same thing.” Her grin was all teeth. “You must be so proud to match the wit of a man whose balls brush his knees.” 

“Great age allows for great wisdom.” 

“Do not hold out hope for that. No matter how much time it spends trying to, wisdom will never penetrate through your thick skull.” 

Finally Jon laughed. “You’re in fine form this morning.” 

“She’s been practicing with the high septon.” 

Jon looked at his half sister with great perplexion. “What for?” 

“Yes, that was a question I asked myself too, about five blinks into the conversation with the man. Gods he’s dull.” 

Jon stopped abruptly, an icy shiver running down his spine. The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck stood on its ends, responding to a danger that was nowhere near him, and as real as the walls about him.

Ghost. 

Rhaenys turned back to look at him, perplexed. “What is it?” 

“I don’t know.” But his heart was already speeding up, legs carrying him forward. Sansa would have taken the garden path back to the castle, Jon thought as he started taking the entrance stairs in front of him two at a time. It was not so far from here. 

“Where are you going? What is it?” Rhaenys grew more angry with each unanswered question. "Is it mother?” 

When he heard the sounds of clashing steel, Jon started running. Arthur ordered the guards at the entrance with him. 

“Jon, don’t!” Arthur warned. Jon did not heed him.   

Arthur dry his blade and stopped at the entrance of the hall just as Jon did. “By the all thundering gods…”

The scene appeared to him all at once, all the details entering his mind in the space it took him to draw his sword. He surged forward, disarming the first redcloak he saw, blood running cold at the sight of Sansa on the ground, painted gruesome red on one side. 

Please… 

“What are you- Stop this madness in the name of your king!” Rhaenys’s shout echoed over the sounds of clashing steel but the fight was so fierce and so close, none could stop without risking their own skin. 

Jon saw his half sister unsheathe the dagger from her belt, sharp and long as her forearm. She slashed at the thigh of the first redcloak she reached, twisted his wrist to steal his sword. 

Jon kneed him away from her. “Stay back.”  

“Fuck off!” 

“Drop your swords or I will see you all hang for treason!” ser Arthur’s voice managed to draw attention, but it was too late. The stroke was already falling. The blade catching skin, his uncle brought to his knees. Sansa’s scream was terrible enough to draw blood from stone. 

Ghost jumped. They tasted the man’s blood. They howled in rage and pain when the arrow bit into their shoulder. It was that red rage that propelled him to move, a measure of all the small cuts that had demanded his restraint for weeks in this place, the pent up fury of having to smile in the face of those who had earned meeting his fists, until he had to walk here and find his own people bloodied broken and- 

With a howl he cut the archer’s throat so deep, he reached bone. He stalked the two men to his left, who had stopped fighting yet met his look with wide frightened eyes of their own. And thought Jon knew it was fear that made them raise their sword against him, he still threw himself at them, fighting both at the same time until he kicked one against the wall and took the head clean off the other one. He did not turn to see it land with a metallic clang a foot away. He parried the blow of the second soldier who had recuperated his breath enough to defend himself, twisted his arm out of the way and got in close enough to knee the other man in the balls. He doubled over, sword falling  from his hand. Jon kneed him again in the face, felt the metal nose-protection cut into his knee and then out of sheer anger kneed him again before slashing at his throat. He fell and Jon would have taken his head too, had not something slammed against his side hard enough to make him lose his footing. 

Jon did not mind the breath being driven from his lungs or the stinging of his ribs. He turned with a growl, and his steel met the milky white of Dawn as Arthur parried his blow, scowling.

“I said enough!” Arthur bit out, face close enough to his that Jon knew he was keeping himself from grabbing Jon by the hair and shaking him. 

Jon lowered his blade. There was no one left to kill anyway. 

Arthur pushed him aside, kneeling down to see to the man whose throat Jon had opened before looking up at him with severe accusation and distain. Jon met the knight’s accusing stare without shame or regret. Were it up to him, it would be Cersei Lannister’s throat he’d open next. 

The quiet that came after seemed to echo, punctuated with groans, and far-away cries that were coming closer with every moment. 

“Send for the maesters, now!” Rhaenys’ voice vibrated with anger. Her glare turned to Sansa and Cersei with equal fierceness. “And you. How dare you break the king’s peace in his own halls!” 

“That beast attacked me!” 

Jon gripped his sword again, spinning his blade and turning his body to better face the Lannister woman. She looked at him then, drawn by the motion, and eyed his sword and then his eyes, and Jon knew that she could see it clear as day that the blood of her men had not even begun to quench his thirst and it was her own he would see painting the stones red. She saw it clear and she hated it and it frightened her as much as her pride did not allow her to take a single step back from him.

Rhaenys’ lips pulled back from her teeth in her anger, as if she was ready to growl. “By the gods, woman, you will not lie to my face!” 

Jon moved away to crouch by his uncle. He was not awake, but heartbeat was strong. He  turned to Sansa then, tried to catch her by the shoulders, but she resisted, pressing down on Benjen’s leg with all her weight. He took hold of her arm.

“Sansa!” 

She would not turn. She did not even seem to hear. Jon ripped the clasp of her cloak so that he could better see the state of her; traced his hands through the red on her neck, her face and hair, smearing the blood away, looking for a wound and, mercifully, finding none. 

Of course. As his temper cooled and his fear eased he started thinking clearly again. That was arterial blood she was smeared with; too much for her to have spilled and lived. Of course. 

More voices surrounded them. The thundering footsteps of guards and servants. Jon looked to Shae, the cut on her forehead, along her hairline. Searched along her body to find others. 

“Are you wounded anywhere?” 

Shae shook her head.  

“Do you you feel dizzy, nauseous?” 

“No.” 

“My lady, let us take him.” 

Jon looked up to see Pycelle standing over them. There were servants running about already, people speaking in all directions. He could hear Rhaenys just behind him, Arthur giving orders. Ghost limped towards them, an arrow sticking out of his right side, just at the shoulder. 

Jon took hold of Sansa’s wrists. Her pulse was flying. 

“Let go,” Jon urged gently. “Sansa, let them take him.” 

There was a wildness in her eyes when she looked at him, her breaths sharp and shallow, only a thin ring of blue remaining in her eyes the rest eaten up by the black pupils blown wide with shock. She looked from him to the maester and to Benjen again, before she unhooked her fingers from the fabric of her cloak one by one, slowly. She stared at her bloodied hands as Jon moved her aside to let the master do his work. 

The guards moved Benjen onto a stretcher. 

“Will he live?” Jon asked. 

Pycelle hummed. Looked beneath the tourniquet Sansa and Shae handmade. “It is not so deep that he should die. The belt was clever. Whether he will ever walk as he did, remains to be seen.” 

The old man got to his feet with the help of his steward. He looked at Sansa up and down then. “And you, my lady? Are you hurt?” 

Sansa also rose to her feet slowly. Jon reached for her, expecting her to stumble, afraid that she might, but she did not. Her hand fluttered to her middle as she stood, but it was only a nervous gesture she seemed to push down.

“I am well, thank you."

“I will see to your lady, then.” 

“My lady stays with me.”  

She spoke so bluntly, Pycelle was taken aback. But when she held out her hand, Shae went to Sansa immediately and they linked fingers together so tight it turned their knuckles white. 

“Get to your work maester,” Jon ordered. “Lady Stark will see to her own woman.” 

“I do not advise-“

“Get to it.” Jon barked, so harshly Pycelle took a step back. Jon spared not a look to his mutterings. He urged Ghost to sit and be still, lest the arrow hurt him more, and leaned in to take a closer look at the wound. It had pierced him shallowly on the side, shaft going through the skin and poking out the other side. 

Jon took out his knife.  

“What are you doing?” 

He looked to Sansa, who had spoken the question. She sounded strange. Too calm. 

Jon laid a hand on Ghost’s flank. Urged him to stillnes.  “I will cut him and take the arrow out. It has caught him sideways, so it's not deep. It will hurt him less this way.” 

With a murmured apology to his friend, slashed the couple of inches that the arrow had pierced. Ghost yelped, then growled but did not snap at him nor did he move. He bled freely, but the arrow came away whole.

“That will need sewing.” 

“I’ve done it before.” Jon admitted, patting Ghost’s head. 

When he turned to see her, Sansa was pressing a hand chief at the cut on Shae’s head. Shae pressed it against her own skin and kept it there. Sansa whispered something to her that Jon did not catch, before casting her eyes around, lingering on the headless corpse that was being taken away, on the man without an arm whose bleeding one of Pycelle’s helpers was trying to stop. She did not flinch nor look away. At the centre of the storm of movement and sound of the aftermath, Sansa Stark was completely still and silent. Jon knew she must be in a state of shock, but when she finally met her eyes, there was terrible awareness there.  

“Where are my men?” 

“To the nearest room that will take them.”  

She blinked at him. “Were any of them dead?” 

“I do not think so.” He stopped one of the servants. “Post one of your boys with the maesters. Have him take news to lady Stark of her men’s condition.”

“Yes, your grace.” 

“Then go to the barracks and find officer Grenn of my personal guard. Tell him he is to make his unit ready and meet me in the courtyard as soon as he is able.” 

“Yes, your grace.” 

“Ser.” 

Sansa’s voice stopped the young man, his brown eyes glancing quickly to the blood smeared on her before they found her face again.  

“You will find Sandor Clegane in the barracks as well. Tell him that Lady Stark requires his presence, as a matter of urgency.” 

“Yes, my lady.” 

“I will not be spoken to as if I were some common wench!”

“You will answer the questions asked, madam!” Rhaenys ordered, hand gripped right around the hilt of her sword as if it was taking all her patience not to raise it. “Or i will relinquish the courtesy of asking them and have you arrested this very moment as a woman of blood.” 

Cersei Lannister took a step towards the princess. If that was meant to be a threat, it had little effect. Jon saw a muscle twitch on Rhaenys’ face at the Lannister woman’s nerve and met her advance with stillness and a raised chin that dared her to come any closer. The Lannister woman did not. 

“I was robbed and attacked. My men were slain in this very hall, yet the Stark girl and her whore are allowed to go free while I am threatened?” Cersei Lannister’s lip curled back in disgust. “Has this kingdom fallen into into tyranny? Does Rheagar’s law no longer govern, even under his own roof?”

“As I informed your ladyship before you set your men upon us,” Sansa said then voice void of any feeling and deeper than her usual sweetened tone. “Whatever your accusation, it is against the king’s law to throw a noble lady in the black cells.” 

“She is a foreign whore!” 

“Enough!” Rhaenys’ face was set in harsh lines, eyes glinting with barely suppressed anger. “You will both be confined to your rooms. No one may be permitted in or out and you will leave your confinement only at the king’s order, and none other.  Ser Arthur, I charge you with lady Lannister.” She handed the sword to a passing man, looking to Sansa. “I will escort lady Stark to her apartments myself.” 

“I demand justice, princess.” 

Rhaenys turned the full force of her disdain on the Lannister woman. “And I pray that you have it, my lady. But only when the king’s law gives it to you and not a moment sooner. And you will certainly not take it with your own savage hands.”

Ser Arthur stepped in front of Cersei. “After you, lady.” 

“You do not command me, knight.” 

Arthur remained impassive. “You can walk. Or be made to walk. I leave the choice to you.”

Cersei smiled, and it was an ugly thing. “I will have blood for this.”  

When she’d turned the corner, Rhaenys came to stand in front of Sansa. 

“I will take her.” Jon offered. 

“You will not.” 

“The king will have questions, princess.” Jon insisted. “You are better equipped to answer them than I.” 

Rhaenys clenched her teeth. “Yes indeed, I am the one better equipped to explain to the king why you beheaded two men in his halls and opened the throat of a third when you could have easily disarmed them.” 

“I will arrange a guard and keep the post until the kingsguard arrives.” Jon went on in the face of her anger. He leaned in close to his half sister and lowered his voice a fraction. “Let me do what I am meant to do. You alert the king, before he hears half a dozen false accounts of what happened here.” 

“I do not know what happened here.” Rhaenys said through gritted teeth. She caught sight of something over his shoulder then and Jon did not have to turn to know she was looking at Sansa mostly because he knew she was just behind him, but also because of how his half sister’s downturned mouth twisted into a scowl. When she looked back to Jon her eyes were alight with renewed anger. Her words were a low hiss. “Keep her to her rooms and have her maids clean her. I will not have her appearing before the king like some slaughtered lamb.” 

Jon mirrored her expression. “And why would that displease you?” 

“Fuck you. There is no need for more of a spectacle. The carnage you left here will set the whole of king’s landing ablaze.” 

“You think i give a fuck about any of it?”

Jon towered over his half sister, yet she did not seem to see or sense the difference of their sizes when she met his outrage with her own. Jon opened his mouth but Sansa spoke sooner, drawing the attention of both dragons to her and away from each other. 

“If it please you, your grace, princess, I am ready to retire.”

--

so that is it. the action scene is choppy cause i havent edite yet, but that is where its going. this was a very long way of saying, i AM working on it, and very much want to finish it. its just been slow because ive gone back and edited so much.

thank you for still caring and for asking.

[kulemii]

i had a dream that i was wreaking so much havoc, and everytime the consequences got too intense, i would sudden gain enough consciousness to tell my dreamself "dude, it's just a dream. relax." then suddenly the consequences went away... like

-i got into an argument in a hallway with a girl that turned physical and once i got tired of fighting, i sent her tumbling down the stairs. 😬 people were freaking out and the girl disappeared. soon the cops were looking for me for killing her. so i tried to call my ex to call me a lawyer but my phone was suddenly broken into pieces. then i go into hiding in the house and eventually the cops found the room and they're banging on the door. then i hear myself say "it's just a dream." next thing you know, im in a hotel lobby coffee bar waiting to order

-next dream, im driving one of the work vans and i have to reverse but it's dark. im using the backup camera but the backlight is too dim and suddenly, this beautiful overly dressed woman I'm with is flipping the fuck out because im somehow quite literally driving us up a wall. once i get onto level enough ground, it turns into a car chase and the hot girl is shooting at mfs out of the window and there's a bag of money on the floor between us. she soon gets shot and i take her gun and now im the driver and the shooter and im flooring it until we're surrounded and i see my partner dead in the seat next to me. who was...so hot by the way may she rest in peace. so i get out and i start popping mfs left and right pop pop pop and they're dropping like flies and then i realize, i KNOW these people. except, i dont? like i dont really irl but dream me recognized them and i started hyperventilating and then i remind myself its a dream and suddenly a bunch of people from work show up and start hugging me. old man jon came up and groped my ass twice and for some reason, that was a happy ending?

- there was one more in this series of dreams i had last night that i remember but i was cut short. i was a truck driver at work for some reason instead of a van driver and then i crashed into something hard as fuck. i started freaking out that i was gonna lose my job. and my helper in the dream was like "it's just a dream" snapped me right tf out of it.

the shit was weird. this hasnt happened before but i wonder if I've unlocked a new dreaming ability. i don't usually have nightmares and im usually chilling on my dreams so i dont typically need reassurance like that but to use this back to back like that? idk kinda cool. kinda weird. can anyone else do that?

[chelleztjs18]

Hello you mrs. banana basil burgundy bread lefty eyebag 😅

I do know the song! Actually I just know the part where they yell shots shots shots shots 🤣 I yell that whenever I am out with friends and we go drink.

Ooh I see. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you!

The cinnamon raisin bagel is really good, but I don't think there's enough raisins in it. There's also a cinnamon swirl bagel, and instead of cream cheese, I put apple butter. It is so good.

I must've read it wrong then when we were talking about cookies and milk lol but saltine crackers in oatmeal? That's interesting! Have you tried peanut butter, honey and milk in oatmeal before?

So cake donuts are not as fluffy as a regular donut... I don't know how to explain it properly. It's thicker, and has a cakey texture. If you ever saw old fashioned donuts, it's like that but the cake donuts are a bit sweeter than the old fashioned.

I have not had mochi donuts before..I've seen it on videos and always wanted to try it. But I don't think we have a place here that sells it.

I think the number for my eyes are -14 on both.. I honestly don't remember, last time I went to get my eyes checked was 4 years ago 😅 so I guess this is a sign to get new ones. But no, I don't have an extra pair. And it's bad, I can only see up close, everything else is blurry. How about you?

Haha and no I am not a writer. If I ever write, it's going to suck because of punctuation and speech. My train of thought also goes to different places so I can't write one idea and stick to it. I guess I should have said that I just create scenarios in my mind...?

Okay, so when you write the stories with the stuff (lol sorry I feel awkward now) is it something that you wish would happen to you?

-CuriousGeorge

hello hello you carbs lovers lil' jon shots yeller righty eyebag! lol

banana? where did that come from? have we talk about banana before?

also when i read the words banana, i instantly read it with minions voice. u know, how they screams "BANANAAAAAAAA!" lol

yeah i hope tomorrow is a better day. i forgot to tell u that i dropped my phone in the water. :( so i try not to charge it n the battery's out. im gonna wait until tomorrow to make sure the charging port is not wet anymore.

hmm that sounds really good. i never try apple butter before but i like apple. i love honey butter especially if u put it on a fresh baked sweet dinner rolls. omggg.hahahaa

yeah, it tastes pretty good. it's creamy, sweet and a little salty at the same time. i love it when the crackers start to get a little soggy from the oatmeal. no, i havent try the peanut butter, honey and milk in oatmeal, sounds really good though.

ah i see. next time if i see a cake donut at the donut store, i will try it. n i hope u can try the mochi donut someday. :)

oh wow, that's pretty bad. -14?? mine is almost -4 n it's already hard for me to see. i'm sorry. i hope u can get ur glasses soon. :( so u can't see far, right? I can't see far but i think lately it's hard for me to see near too, i guess i'm getting old.

now i imagine how am i gonna be when i'm really old. i'll be that short asian grandma with white hair thick glasses and with my ear condition, i would probably wear hearing aids. lol

I think i haven't told u before, I have a mild hearing loss (35% on my left and 27 % on my right) due to rare condition that happen to my ears. i have otosclerosis. so it's like arthritis to my ears's bones that deliver sounds. so the bones is kinda broken n in 5-10 years it will get worse, the only solution is to do a surgery. So yeah, in mild hearing loss, i can't hear whispers well, i can't hear words well when there is noisy background. n because it's mild hearing loss, i dont need hearing aid yet. I just have to tell people that i have mild hearing loss and they might have to repeat themselves for me to hear them.

ah i see. that's awesome. do u sometimes write or make a note on the scenarios u make in ur mind? well, if u have idea or request that u want me to write, just let me know :)

or maybe u should try to write a bit by a bit n slowly. u never know until u try, who knows, maybe u can actually write. :)

hahaha dont be awkward. i'm open to any questions. hmmm when i write smut, R is always a dominant top because i read that mostly writers write R as a bottom.

well, i thought that what I write in smut such as how R is a dominant top just because i wanna write something different but a good friend of mine who knows me pretty well, she always said that i'm such a submissive bottom. so i kinda respond to her "not really. i always write dominant top R." and her answer to that kinda make me realized. she said "i know, but u write it like that because that's what u hope a top does to u." and after that i was speechless. lol. n got me thinking. "oh well, okay. i guess even though i dont mind being a top in real life, i gues she's right. I'm a sub bottom n what i write in smut are things that i wish that it happen to me." lol. sorry if it's too much information. i just don't know how else to answer ur question. but i hope it answers it. :D

next question? feel free to ask me anything.

Cheerio!