#⋄⦅Crack Posts⦆⋄

[intertwining-hearts]

{ "mentioned": @churchflora / @alignedhearts (Allura) }

🌼} Their ears… they aren't like his… And, where are their tails?… Feline ears swivel back as he sits in thought, ebony tail swaying slowly. Ah-- but… they are pretty… And that one, she has flowers…

{Added note!}: For clarity here-- this post wasn't meant as any effort at a three way interaction!--

i simply mentioned both blogs above in this one post because Asato had a passing thought about both muses-- and since that thought was almost exactly the same for both; i simply rolled them into one post for ease of commentary/writing-- ^^; (i know that note may have been a little unnecessary now, as i think the confusion has likely been cleared up already-- but~… just in case, i wanted to add it anyways--)

[ilynpilled]

trope i really like is self-loathing characters desperate for the catharsis of punishment for frankly rather selfish reasons who r also obsessed with repeatedly pressing others into hating them and hurting them as essentially a method of self harm. yes pls continue making it worse for urself and everybody around u instead of doing an actually productive and effective journey of improvement

[foerchen]

IN THE BATCAVE

Bruce: *sitting at Batcomputer minding his own business*

Jason: *getting ready for patrol*

Dick: *asks nicely*

Dick: Jay, could you hand me my escrimas?

Jason: *deadpans*

Jason: Go get them yourself, Dickface.

Tim: *walks in*

Tim: Jason, could you toss me my bo staff, please?

Jason: *no hesitation, tosses Tim his bo staff*

Dick: *shooketh*

Dick: Why do you help him and not me??? I'm your big bro, Little Wing!

Jason: Middle children have to stay together.

Dick: *confused af because Jay and Tim are his only brothers*

Tim: *curious*

Bruce: *frozen before turning around slowly*

Dick: Jason, you're the only middle child... right?

Jason: *laughs nervously*

Jason: Oh, would you look at that! Crime Alley is calling my name!

Jason: *runs*

---

SOMEWHERE IN NANDA PARBAT

Damian: *sneezes*

Damian: Somebody mentioned me.

---

LATER THAT EVENING

Talia: *on the phone with Bruce*

Talia: What! Me?! Hide a child of yours?!

Talia: *looks at Damian and a picture of Jason*

Talia: Never, Beloved.

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne except he texts like an ominous boomer

wdym you can't tell if he's threatening them?

Based on this post by @mysterycitrus :)

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Bonus:

Happy birthday, Tim 🥰

[everwalldigan]

Hear me out: Robin Dick would be the biggest Bruceman supporter and shipper.

This boy hates any of Bruce’s love interest with a passion because then his dad guardian spends less time with him and that’s obviously UNACCEPTABLE, SCANDALOUS even, so when rumours start circulating that Bruce Wayne is in a relationship with the Batman, he jumps right on the wagon.

Reporter, thirsty for a story: Mr Grayson what do you think about the rumours that Bruce Wayne is dating the Batman?

Dick: What do I think about my dads you mean? My very married very taken dads? My very faithful to each other plural dads?

He would fuel the rumours both as Robin and as Dick Grayson, punching criminals for talking bad about Wayne enterprises as Robin (“THAT’S MY STEPDADS COMPANY YOURE TALKING ABOUT!”). He would be on online forums all day talking about how Bruceman is the only Batman ship that makes sense and Doxxing people who disagree.

Bruce is so exasperated because this is happening at a time where only Alfred and Dick know his real identity so he can’t even do anything with ANYONE without making either Bruce Wayne or Batman look unfaithful.

Throw Reporter Clark Kent into the mix who has been sent to scope out the Bruceman story, who Bruce makes the mistake of flirting with at a gala. Both Clark AND dick are scandalised.

Dick, making a scene: HOW COULD YOU! BATMAN IS WAITING FOR YOU AT HOME AND YOURE HERE FLIRTING WITH SOME… SOME REPORTER??

Bruce, sighing: Dick-

Dick, tugging on Bruce’s suit and looking up at him with fake tears in his eyes: Dad, are you and dad getting a divorce? :(

Clark, panicking: NO NO THEYRE NOT GETTING A DIVORCE PLEASE DONT CRY

Meanwhile:

Bruce, crying in the corner: he called me dad

He would even go as far as insisting that Robin is his step sibling

Principal: how do you explain that whenever Robin is injured, Dick fails to show up at school the next day?

Dick: Robin and I are twins :) so when he’s injured I’m injured too and we have to stay home together!!

Bruce, whispering: I’m sorry, they’re not really twins but neither I or Bats have the heart to tell hem

[strawlessandbraless]

One of my favorite things in spn is watching castiel intermittently remember that he gave it all up for the first bottom who caught his eye

[hinamie]

trick or treat!

[abcdfghjklmpqrobin]

Bruce Just-became-a-parent Wayne having no idea what things he should or shouldn't allow because, well, no one told him 'No' growing up.

And just letting Dick get away with the most insane shit.

*At a fundraiser*

Random rich lady:... I can't believe how these young people are behaving! All covered in tattoos and piercings, God.

Bruce: Right, right.

Random rich lady: I would never allow my children to do something like that, In my time–

Bruce: You Wouldn't!????

Random rich lady: Wha– No! Of course I wouldn't! Beside, my kids are too young–

Bruce: YOUR FIFTEEN YEAR OLD KIDS ARE TOO YOUNG!??

Random rich lady:

Bruce: Shit. FUCK. Excuse me, I need to make a call. *dials number furiously*

Bruce: Alfred! I need you to stop Dick at front door. Do NOT let him leave the house!

*A month lather*

Dick entering Bruce's office: Hey, Bruce!

Bruce: Hey, Chum. What is it?

Dick: I just wanted to remind you that you promised to get me a certain something for my birthday next week.

Bruce: Oh, right...

Dick: Yeah, wouldn't want you to "change your mind" like with the piercing. You did promise, after all...

Bruce:

Dick: And it would be pretty villainous of you to break your promise... again.

Bruce:

Dick: Alright, that's all. Bye! *runs away*

Bruce, quietly picking up the phone:

Bruce: Hi, Mrs. McAllister. It's Bruce Wayne, we met at a fundraiser last month... Yes, the very same, heh...

Bruce: Say, hypothetically, if your kids were to ask for a motorcycle for their birthdays, that would be okay, right?

Bruce, closing his eyes: It wouldn't?... Right, of course. Fuck

[sweeneydino]

Hypocrisy.

[intertwining-hearts]

🍂} Just a cat, out here seemingly collecting people with low social skills—

[violent138]

Bruce showing someone his kids' pictures from when they were little: "And this is Jason--"

Jason: "That's a picture of Tim, actually--"

Bruce, fumbling with his wallet: "This is Barbara when she was younger--"

Babs: "Steph isn't even a redhead, how are you messing this up?"

Bruce: "This is Cass--"

Steph: "That's literally a cropped baby picture of you. What are you doing?"

Bruce: "You can't see it fully but this is Alfred with Dick--"

Damian: "That used to be a picture of me and Grandfather."

Bruce: "Here's a picture of Tim."

Batkids: *examining it*

Tim: "That... actually could be anyone."

Damian, simultaneously: "It's not ugly enough for Drake."

Bruce, oblivious to the fight breaking out: "And this is Duke."

Duke, spitting out water when he sees it: "How the hell do you have that?"

Dick: "Well at least he's two for ten."

Jason, going through the photos: "Why are some of these fucking stock photos?"

Dick: "You think that's bad? He's got a picture from the circus with Tim circled in the crowd."

[twistedappletree]

[fanaticalthings]

Jason Todd with his goons:

[sayangrafayel]

Caleb: I’ve been dropping her the most insanely obvious hints for like, years now. No response.

MC: Wow. She sound stupid.

Caleb: But she's not. She's really smart actually. Just dense.

MC: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”

Caleb: I guess you’re right. Hey MC, I love you.

MC: See! Just say that!

Caleb: Holy fucking shit.

MC: If that flies over her head then, sorry Caleb, but she's too dumb for you.

Caleb: MC.

[faramirsonofgondor]

AU where the mayor of Gotham retires or dies or something, and the Batsiblings decide it would be funny if they ran for mayor. Except they don’t run as their civilian identities, but as they’re vigilante ones.

Dick won’t stop pouting because the people of Gotham refuse to vote for someone from Bludhaven, Tim is incredibly offended that he ends up tied with Dick for last place, Damian is smug that he beat Tim and indignant that people refuse to vote for him because he’s “a child”, and Jason preens but is internally panicking as more and more people vote for him. He wins by a landslide.

His first act as mayor is to increase Bruce Wayne’s taxes. His second is to ban Lex Luthor from entering the city. Someone tries to tell him it’s illegal to do that and he just… walks away. Eventually he starts to get a hang of this whole mayor thing and ends up working with Wayne Enterprises to strengthen housing and construction in poorer neighborhoods, he gives teachers raises, encourages trade school and alternative routes for henchmen, he adds diversity and inclusivity courses to public schools, safety programs and gas masks are made more accessible, and he reinforces the security and integrity of Arkham.

Of course there are still times where he misuses his power a little bit, but it’s never anything serious and most Gothamites watch in amusement as the scene unfolds.

Like just imagine:

Jason, dressed as RH: You’re not allowed in, you know what you did.

Dick, standing outside the Gates of Gotham, giving his best pouty expression in his Nightwing gear: Please, Hood! I promised Robin I would take him to the zoo after patrol!

Jason: You should’ve thought about that before you ate the last cookie Agent A made.

Dick, now wailing: This is abuse of power! Cruel and unusual punishment! I demand a lawyer!

Of course there are also the times when Jason decides to do something nice for his siblings, except it just ends up confusing the fuck out of everyone else in Gotham. On Dick’s birthday, he announces that there is now an Official Animal of Gotham, and most people are expecting a bat, or maybe a bird, or hell even a crocodile. Everyone except for Dick, Bruce, and Alfred are confused when it ends up being an elephant instead. Jason also decides to unveil plans for a Gotham Animal Sanctuary on the same exact day. Everyone is even more surprised when Nightwing jumps on Hood, entrapping him in an octopus hug as their mayor flails around trying to pry him off. It doesn’t work and Batman has to pick Dick up by the scruff of his neck to get him off.

There are also some of the odder, but somewhat sensible laws that are passed. Condiments are banned during the holidays and in schools (Condiment King could be heard sobbing throughout Gotham when this proclamation aired). No one is allowed to dress as clowns for any circumstance. The sewers are off limits to everyone except maintenance/construction workers, who must carry guns on them at all times. Lex Luthor’s birthday becomes Gotham’s Official “Fuck Lex Luthor Day”.

Then comes Jason’s most popular decision to date, he has The Joker reassessed mentally, and when he’s found as sane he pushes for the death penalty to be given (not that he really needed to - it was going in that direction already). He almost expects an angry lecture or fight with Bruce to occur, but Bruce just looks at him and says, quietly, “You’ve done a beautiful job, son, I couldn’t be more proud.”

[littlemousejelly]

can i offer you a nice egg in this trying time?