#'thats not even fucking true. i hate that guy. dont lie to me'

[ouaw-facts-i-just-made-up]

Kremy likes chin scratches.

I imagine he acts a bit like a dog with his mouth open and eyes closed and relaxed

This is a true fact.

I assume alligators also would also enjoy scritches like pets do, as it is just an extension of grooming which is as helpful as it is a bonding experience and also quite nice.

Im not like an expert or anything so I tried to look up "do alligators groom each other" to see if they like, I don't know, helped each other with their shedded scales or something. Instead google assumed I wanted to read about the mating process. Which like I did read it (not for this blog i actually just like gators irl) but it wasn't what I asked for. Though they do rub their faces together apparently.

Tangent aside, someone scratch that middle aged man's chin for my mental health.

[runebears]

sorry im just thinking about bcs but like. why not add a few smaller scenes of gus interacting with his own men? why does it seem like, in comparison, mike is almost immediately elevated to a higher status than those two in bcs purely because we actually get to see him having normal conversations with gus? like i understand they might not keep the plot moving as well because of the fact obviously if victor is currently doing something it’s because gus told him to etc. but for the most part all of the smaller interactions gus does have with those two ends up being in a somewhat high stress situation where it feels very tense between everyone. and it’s just like damn! is it always like that?? why do those two even care that much about their jobs if their boss is a bit of a dick? etc. i think even an additional scene or two with those guys (either alone or the both of them) talking with gus in a more normal situation could’ve both added a bit more depth into how gus treats his employees (we got a lot with how he treats lyle and co., but not a whole lot with the illegal side of things), how comfortable vic and tyrus feel around him in a calmer setting, and exactly why they both feel the need to be as loyal as they are to the guy.

and also on the other side of this i don't think it'd hurt to maybe elaborate on their pay just a bit..? i'm not saying to randomly put a number out into the atmosphere but i just mean some smaller things like. do they buy nicer things for themselves? what's their housing situation? what's their car situation? are the escalade / yukon their own vehicles or does gus just use those two for business situations? do they use them when they're doing their own stuff off the clock or do they have their own cars? etc. that can also help with understanding their motivations a bit. don't get me wrong i don't think they should be visibly rich or something because that's not what gus would want but just smaller things! cause it's easy to write their loyalty off as Well they probably get paid super well, which i'm sure is true, but if they don't show a single hint of that then what's the point. even something as simple as giving tyrus a nice watch, or maybe victor having a nicer looking gun, etc. something small like that. because as it stands right now the average 41 year old viewer who watched the show once only knows and will only ever know victor and tyrus as those two guys in the background who do random stuff for gus with no clear motivation. just the personification of "On it boss (salute emoji)". and to be honest this is true for a whole lot of fans who do watch the show multiple times and enjoy thinking about it more in depth, because on screen we barely have anything about the two.

and to be clear i'm not trying to say we should have an episode just for them or something like no i understand they're side characters. i understand we don't need all that. and i understand this is also primarily Jimmy's show. but it's not like these two are on the same level as like, arlo or paige and kevin etc. these guys have been around since brba. victor was literally introduced in the same episode gus was. and they are a huge part of gus's story, especially in brba. s4 wouldn't have been what it was without victor and tyrus. and in bcs, ignacio's situation wouldn't have been the same if it weren't for victor and tyrus as well. and i just personally believe that if their goal with gus in bcs was to go back and elaborate on how everything came to be and show what he was like a few years younger, they could've dragged victor and tyrus into that. and i think his character would've benefited from taking that extra step with those two.

[real-sizzlipede]

Gaaaah ok now I've had time to process and I can finally write out my thoughts on 3.3 so SPOILER WARNING OF COURSE DONT READ UNLESS YOUVE PLAYED IT OR WANT SPOILERS IG

-i gah I didn't think I'd love cipher and hyacine this much but g a h they fr are making me love and lose e v e r y fucking chrysos heir huh 💀💀

- cipher pulling off the grand lie is s u c h a good way to take her character to me I spent the whole time last patch being like "ok she's like pretty useful but like what role does she play in the grand scheme of things" and o u g h i was not disappointed as soon as they mentioned 300 years of light from the daylight device I was like "wait a fucking second" and gah it's such a cool way to use her power for the greater good

-aglaea aglaea aglaea g o d at the beginning of the amphoreus quests I was 50/50 on her but after these few missions gosh I cried when she died and her and ciphers relationship gah

-i cried so many times this update I cried at every death I cried for the whole half hour after it was great and horrifying and gah they're all gone 😭😭 and I am so torn up about it

- phainon??? Gah oh my g o d ok after 3.2 when he gave the speech I was like wow this is like a different guy and i knew it was because he was upset at everything happening but especially after aglaeas passing him having to take up the role of the leader of the chrysos heirs and essentially the whole city which is essentially all of the people in all of amphoreus, he is grieving and upset and hurting so s o badly and trying to keep it together and I think that his writing being so different this patch really reflected that. I understand people not liking it because he seems like a different character than he was and that's because he essentially I s now with everything he's gone/going through. Originally when his drip art came out I went "this seems so out of character but I like it because I know that he puts on a facade all of the time anyways" and after this patch I'm like "oh this is t h i s phainon" this is hurt grieving angry still protecting everyone and holding it together phainon and it just gah it hurts my heart so much

-phaidei (bc what am I if not a fan of yaoi) oh my God "did you forget about me?" "it's a date, mydeimos" the fact that they promised to see each other again instead of saying goodbye just breaks my heart especially when mydei dies and phainon doesn't even know right now and it is killing me from the inside out 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

-ohhhjh the scepter????? Gah the scepter!!! As soon as herta said "a fourth one" I was like "no fucking way they're bringing back the scepters" AND THEY ARE!!!! GAH but also that plus Lord ravager explains all of the chaos and turmoil and the scepter also explains all of the technology that amphoreus has that seems so out of place to me!!! But like I get it now!!! It makes sense!!! I am just worried that it's going to wind up being a "the people of amphoreus aren't real and are all a simulation" but like haha surely that won't happen (I don't know)

-the two amphoreus theories!!! I am really hoping this is true and so we can see all the pookies again but also like I want o u r pookies I want the ones that are dead to not be dead adjfksjdj I don't want other pookies that are but aren't them 🥺🥺 but like I think it's a very good theory and especially with the fact that there's a scepter in amphoreus it can definitely happen.

-ok quick note Abt the 2 amphoreus theories STOP SAYING ITS LIKE 2 SIDES OF A MOBIUS STRIP BECAUSE A MOBIUS STRIP ONLY HAS ONE FUCKING SIDE THATS THE WHOLE POINT ok thank you :)

3.4 LEAKS SPOILERS AHEAD

- oh my God phainon looks so good and also so ough I'm terrified but I love it but I hate that everyone's gone

-thw design??? The longer hair and golden eyes??? Dare I say he looks like mydei (good Lord) and I also want to point out the white and gold color scheme that makes him look like aglaea too which ough 😭😭 he's truly taking over the leadership role but also no one else who is a chrysos heir is even there to lead anymore 😭😭😭

-the moveset looks insane and I saw something where he has a bunch of actions in quick succession?? But like there was a countdown and stuff and like gah

-anyways I am glad I have been saving since drip art release because good fucking God I need him to be on my account

[eternalera]

we need to talk about mel because out of pretty much everyone in arcane ive been seeing the most drama with her and just... god is it all so fucking stupid. so for the next few paragraphs im gonna be talking about haters of mel, 'defenders' of mel, jayvik, meljayce, and just... everything going on with that because god is it a lot and god is so much of it bullshit and just plain old toxicity. so yeah...

dang still here? alright lets begin.

so first off we're starting with with the haters and defenders of mel and honestly this is some of that dumbest fandom shit ive seen in a while? why? alright let's bring up some argument stuff that ive (and youve most likely) seen before. one of which being that her haters define her as 'problematic' and a villain which is not true well at least not more true than jinx being a villain. jinx is a worse character than mel but people hate on her because 'oh shes supposed to be portrayed as good!' when this was never the case.

in s1 mel was portrayed to be a politician and from what ive gathered she was meant to represent the upper class of piltover and the council members in general (with the exception being heimindinger). she was supposed to be a corrupt and morally ambiguous character just like what? politics, politics are not black or white all of the time. mel strived for her own goals and used people to get there. do you have to like her for this? no. you dont. in fact when i first watched s1 i hated this about her and her relationship with jayce gave me the ick (i did not ship jayvik at all during this time). but we'll get more into that later

now the 'defenders' of mel. where to begin? well first off if you dont like her you get called misogynistic, if you ship jayvik well then youre writing her out and therefore are misogynistic, if you criticize mel for any of her actions guess what you are? yeah misogynistic. they really like throwing that term around for no other reason than mel being a woman. what if she was a guy? would there be a problem with it? and what if people are still doing what they are with mel being a guy? is it still problematic? the answer is most likely no. also the problem with calling people misogynistic is that youre not attacking their argument but them as a person.

thats like if you said '1+1=2' and i went 'no youre stupid' or if i said 'the earth is round' and you told me that i was a conspiracy theorist. youre not attacking the argument but the person themselves. youve done nothing to disprove their argument, sure you called them a mean name but whats that going to do? people hardly ever even argue why thats the case and why its wrong, but they throw around the world mindlessly. i would be fine if people were saying that their argument was misogynistic and therefore they would be misogynistic for supporting it but even then just leave it.

not to mention that mel was written to be morally ambiguous in a sense (in s1 and in s2 she gets better but still is... eh on morals imo) and if you bring this up these 'defenders' will go rabid over you. calling you names and saying how youre 'part of the problem' and that you cant handle a strong female character and this is just by you criticizing them keep in mind. maybe you dont agree with their actions but that doesnt matter to them and its horrendous.

now moving onto jayvik and... yeah it has its issues, i will NOT lie and say that there isnt an unreasonable dislike for mel in certain parts of the community because believe me there is and its almost always uncalled for and their reason is lacking to say the least, once again mel is a complicated character and to put her in a box and say that she's the big bad is entirely and fully unreasonable. ive seen large parts of the fandom also hating on mel just because she 'gets in the way' of jayvik and i guess that this is true but also people do forget something really important

THIS IS ALL FANDOM

SHIP WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT CANON OR NOT ITS NOT MEANT FOR THE CREATORS BUT THE CONSUMERS AKA FANS

whether or not she 'gets in the way' of jayvik in canon (which she really does not as she encourages jayce to spend more time with viktor and viktor and jayce still have a bunch of meaningful scenes together DESPITE her) doesn't matter one bit. your fanon does not need to be canon in order for you to enjoy it. and tons of people tend to gloss past that because they just have to have things their way and then they throw a pissy fit over it. HOWEVER this is not the only drama with jayvik, once again if you ship this rabid mel enjoyers will say how youre misogynistic which... yeah it fucking sucks.

tbh everything with mel has got to be some of the most toxic shit ive ever seen in my life (not worse than mha and ochako but hopefully as a fandom we never get there). because mel enjoyers if they dont ship jayvik tend to ship meljay or jaymel or- whatever its called and since its canon to some extent (they did kinda break up) they will use that as a way to discourage jayvik shippers and once again call them names that do not make any sense to the argument that they are giving as they are just spewing out random ass insults to people who disagree with them

good job internet. proud of ya

NOW MELJAY AND OH BOY DO I HAVE SOME WORDS-

... yeah it was meant to be a morally grey thing. sorry to everyone who looked at it and was like 'omg they care for each other so cute!!!' mel manipulating jayce into a relationship to take advantage of him and get what she wanted is meant to be a bad thing and you wanna know why? CAUSE SHES A COMPLICATED CHARACTER. if i had to place her on the alignment chart id say that shes most likely lawful neutral and on a good day lawful good.

now if you still cant see the problem with mel and jayces relationship lemme do smth called the good 'ol gender swap

theres a smart girl inventing stuff and trying to change the world, a man comes along and supports her endeavor fully, throughout the way makes heavy advances towards her in order to trap her and get her to do what he wants. this happens and in order to trap her even further puts her in a position of power which she knows nothing about and therefore relying more and more on him and his knowledge. advances are made and they fuck but to him she is just an investment. of course as the relationship carries on he might start caring more and more about her but the manipulation never truly leaves

see what makes it so bad? me and my friends talked about this for hours thinking about it and finding out what made us not like the ship in s1 (keep in mind we did NOT ship jayvik only started after their divorce). we loved mel's characters, she's a strong woman a strong character with flaws and she's compelling. but she was never written to do morally good decisions 100% of the time and thats what makes arcane so good ignoring all of this is not understanding mels character or her actions

anyways thats all i have to say. if you disagree or have any other news feel free to share lol and thanks for listening to my rambles <3

[chilope]

re: dogwhistles everywhere: ok, but also there is a wave of statements to the tune of "oh, you say [real aspect of the ongoing ethnic cleansing]? what bullshit lie, you are obviously only saying that bc you believe in [antisemitic dogwhistle]".

i dont. care? like. okay. im going to get on a box real quick and then not talk about this at all anymore.

israel is doing an ethnic cleansing. thats bad. israeli nationism is bad. us support for israel is bad. as us citizens, we have an obligation to oppose our governments support for israel. we have an obligation to call our representatives, to protest, to vote for politicians who will fight back. nothing that anyone says on tumblr about anything that is happening matters at all even a little bit. real time updates about the war crimes dont stop the war crimes from happening. long posts about israels right to exist dont stop the war crimes from happening either.

im frustrated both by the antisemitic dogwhistles and by the jews on this site who insist on making really long posts about how people are being mean to jews as a result of the war crimes. like, antisemitic tumblr posts arent in the same hemisphere as an ethnic cleansing, it feels gross and unnecessary to focus on it. but also, we live here!!

like. this isnt important. im gonna start with that. in the grand scheme of things its just not important. but the little circle of people who exist 1 or 2 degrees from me on tumblr is so chock fucking full of bald antisemitism its mind boggling to me. and it just sits there, all the time, completely unchallenged and unchecked. its normal, its fine, its good even. and then the conflict gets out of hand again and i sit here and watch a bunch of people that i like and respect hold hands with antisemites and talk about how bad israel is. and theyre right!! israel is bad!!

so on the one hand you have a bunch of people saying that the ethnic cleansing isnt happening, or is fine actually, or talking about it is antisemitic. and theyre wrong, and i want them to stop, and also nothing they say matters. but most importantly, i dont actually know them. i dont interact with anyone who says that stuff. i know theyre out there, ive seen screenshots of their posts. but they arent holding hands with anyone i care about.

on the other hand, you have a bunch of people who hate jews, who openly hate jews, who have hated jews for years, who have openly stated they dont want jews to exist, who keep sneaking antisemitic dogwhistles into anti-israeli posts. and theyre getting reblogged by people i like. and again, nothing they say matters. none of these posts impacts actual policy or public sentiment in literally any way. it just doesnt matter!

the only thing that gets impacted by any of this is the the willingness of the people i associate with to tolerate ethnic cleansing apologism (a thing that i have not seen happen) or antisemitism (a thing i have watched happen in real time over the last few years).

so one post slipped through. one. i reblogged *one* post about antisemitism.

like. i *get* that it doesnt fucking matter. some guy on tumblr making a post about how jews should be exterminated isnt on the same level of anything as an actual, literal genocide. it isnt even on the same level as anti-black hiring discrimination, or police violence, or homophobia. but man it sucks that a bunch of my friends are friends with that guy! wish that wasnt true! wish i didnt have to see his posts because people still think hes so cool and insightful!

but it doesnt matter, it really doesnt, and neither do the "actually you only oppose israel because youre antisemitic!" posts. its all just a bunch of powerless angry people yelling at each other to feel better. it doesnt accomplish anything. call your senator, donate to palestinian relief, start a fight with your uncle over thanksgiving.

and leave me alone. that too.

[twobruhsinahottub]

As an aroace lesbian, I hate this take. I see it a lot and it's just....wrong? At least most of the time. Ues, aroaces often face harm and prejudice, however, lesbians typically do face more due to the more wider knowledge of what being a lesbian is and how aggressive the prejudice can become. Typically, as an aroace person, when I say I don't feel attraction, I get confused looks and told its a phase and im just struggling to understand attraction because im autistic. When I say im a lesbian, i get homophobia. I get "thats a sin/youre going to hell" i get "you need help" i get "you are a disgrace" i get "if some guy assaults you maybe youll be fixed" and while I haven't experienced it, i know a lot of lesbian who have been hate crimed. Had slurs thrown at them because they are visibly lesbian (either bc theyre with a partner or they simply "look gay"). Been sexually assaulted because of their sexuality. Been kicked out of functions, religious places/groups, general areas. Been told theyre the reason for the HIV/AIDS crisis because they dare share a community with gay and bisexual men and trans women and dare spend time with their dying friends. Told they deserve to die for being gay. Kicked out of home. Forced into survival sex work. Experienced corrective assault.

Most of this doesn't happen to aces and aros, at least not commonly. Of course being aroace is hard, im not denying that. Aroaces and aspecs in general experience discrimination and are often not accepted. But fuck it is a lot harder to be a lesbian and saying you are a lesbian or implying it in an attempt to stay safe or avoid facing prejudice will not work. It will put you in MORE danger. It is hard to be visibly aspec. Typically people will just assume you're single and not ready to mingle. The implication that you're just not ready yet or havent found the right person sucks and is wrong, however it is significantly less dangerous than the implication that you yourself are a disgusting degenerate who is the cause of world disasters and needs to be fixed or youll be damned to hell. It hurts no matter what side youre on, but you cant really look at someone and know theyre aspec just walking down the street. You CAN look at someone and know theyre a lesbian just walking down the street, or at least assume it based on stereotypes , which homophobes do regularly.

There are overlaps with how aspecs and lesbians are treated. The "you havent found the right ____ yet" thing is common with both. "Corrective" assault happens with both unfortunately. But you unlikely to be booted from church or home for being aspec. Youre unlikely to have slurs thrown at you down the street or even by those you love. You are unlikely to be beaten and bashed and assaulted for telling someone youre aroace when they hit on you. You are unlikely to live in fear when you go out of your house because "what if a man hits on me and i say the truth and get bashed or otherwise assaulted for it."

I want to clarify that i am NOT making an oppression olympics post here. I am trying to share the dangers of saying you're a lesbian vs saying youre aspec with this rather.

I hate when people say its "easier to be a lesbian" or "more acceptable to be a lesbian" because thats not true, and it denies the huge amount of violence and discrimination lesbians face and it also puts YOU in danger because you have been ignorant to that danger.

Yes, among queer people and those accepting of the "typical" queer identities it may be easier to say youre a lesbian, but in general just dont. You are offending lesbians who have experienced prejudice as well as hurting yourself in the process, and especially harming aroace lesbians that have experienced both sides of this.

Also, just dont lie and say/imply youre a lesbian? You could say "im not interested in dating/sex" or something of the like. It puts you in less danger and doesn't harm lesbians.

You wont be "more accepted" as a lesbian. I promise you. Youll just experience a different flavour of discrimination. It also stuffs up your life because saying "im not into dudes" implies you are into women and/or nonbinary/genderqueer/agender folks so even if you arent in danger per-say because you said this to perhaps another queer person, you may greatly inconvenience yourself because youll have to explain anyway that you are aspec when/if someone, who thinks youre a lesbian, tries to set you up with a non man or asks if youre interested in them instead.

TLDR: as an aroace lesbian i find this take harmful

As an asexual aromantic woman, when people ask if I like a man, I go, "Naw, I'm not into dudes." It implies I'm a lesbian.

Because it's more acceptable to be a lesbian than asexual.

[dumbbitchfrommars]

i wonder if he realises or knows or is aware of how suffocating he can be. has any of his exes brought it up? im really curious about who his exes were. he told me im not the first poc - of course he has a type. not to mention the fact he usually finishes when he hits it from behind... suspicious on many levels.

i keep mentioning i dont like liars and he assures me he isnt. but i know deep down he is. hes been lying to me, little white lies here and there, but hes clearly made it a habit. i dont like that.

im seeking problems, but there are few in comparison to the good things about him and how he treats me. he can pick me up with ease. he has delicious arms. he has tattoos. hes taller than me (not heaps, but enough), hes bigger than me but doesnt hurt me. lie - he has hurt me many times, but not in a heavy weight way, in a im stronger than you and want to squeeze you way. i just need to be extra vocal when he does so he doesnt continue to. just like he was when i accidentally hit his fresh tattoo.

he likes seeing me beg for him. he knows how to fuck - even though he still hasnt made me cum.

im embarassed i told him about my writing. i dont think im ready to show it to anyone yet, or ever. its my special thing. i already told the taurus about it and outed myself once before, though. its definitely not the end of the world. but i wonder if hes gonna wonder about it if i dont end up showing him. he read my thesis. he does care...

he cares so much. too much. why? what about me is different to the others? thats what im suspect about. who knew i was capable of such mistrust. i am my parents daughter i suppose. ive taken many liabilities with him. letting him pick me up from work to take me to his house? he could of brought me anywhere. he could have assaulted me and left me for dead somewhere. but i also know him now. i know he wouldnt do that to me. hes a good person and has good intentions. i think.

i hate being like this when i care about the person. i get so mean and judgy and suspicious and see the worst in them. i want to catch them in a lie. i want to find their flaws so if things go wrong or i get hurt i can throw them the blame and walkaway.

i just feel like hes lying about something??? god, what is true? send me some guidance. maybe im just being overly suspicious and protecting myself. he knows i have walls up. hes patient with me. he understands that ive been through some shit.

its been popping up a lot. that im being impressed by him doing the bare minimum... i really hope he doesnt use it to his advantage and treat me less because ill accept less. but so far hes been a gentleman and given me princess treatment. driving me around, buying me food, clothes, jewellery, feeding me water, tucking me into bed. giving me head for the longest time ive ever been eaten out for. giving me the biggest bluest hickeys ive ever gotten. he nearly made me cum, and he knew it too. he does notice me. i think hes the most capable of learning what i like of all the guys ive been with, i mean obviously, hes the first one ive given a chance in 4 years.

actions speak louder. i dont need you to buy me over, i want to feel like im seen and valued and that my needs are being met. and he does that. plus hes perfectly compatible with me. i feel a bit childish sometimes around him, even though im more educated. hes just such a man, he does man things and is in his masculine. he knows how to put me in my place. he respects me when i set boundaries - i just need to say them. he RESPECTS ME. he literally forces me to drink water and doesnt drive unless im buckled in. he drives carefully cause he knows it scares me when he speeds. hes a bad boy and knows its part of why im attracted to him. hes also so special and smart and cute. ugh.

i dont know. im still unsure. its still early days. and ive been through the ringer lately. but he knows that and hes ready to wait for me while i work through that.

he was brought into my life to help me heal my disorganised attachment and learn how to communicate myself as clearly as possible.

im really excited for when he does finally make me cum. like genuinely, 4 years girl. thats not fair. i need to get more comfortable with my guards down so he can. so that we can, together. cause omg. his dick is amazing. his body is amazing. im obsessedddd. im feral. i have a feeling he has a pain kink. i need to know his bdsm results and i want to know it before i show him mine. but something tells me he wont show me. also tell me why he looked kinda hot in the photo with eyeliner on. like okay sexy emo slay.

hes just a sexy, thick muscly scorpio MAN. i could honestly play with him all day. i want to give him head until he cums. like i want to let him do whatever he wants to me and play with me like a toy. hes one of those kind of gorgeous men. but its dangerous that i feel this way, cause if i gave him that permission i feel like id regret it. i already am feeling weird about certain things that i literally consented to. the crazy part is he knew i wasnt comfortable. he somehow intuitively knew what i wanted even when i didnt. i get confused... i just want him to have a good time. but im a people pleaser, and i forget im supposed to be enjoying myself too. he wants me to. he tried to. the head was amazing. all i had to do was tell him i like teasing and he finessed it immediately. how did he know how to do that?

he said he had a fuckboy phase. he also has an extra 3 years of experience on me. so hes been around, so i should be grateful that hes actually learned a thing or two and hasnt just been using girls as toys and not even making it worth their while. but 5 times and he still hasnt made me cum? and he supposedly likes and cares about me so much? dont you feel frustrated or annoyed at yourself for that? he doesnt even seem disappointed when i tell him i didnt. like bitch - im disappointed! im pent up! i have been stressed and making shit work for you and the least you can do is give me that release!

anyway. its fine. itll happen eventually, plus the sex was actually insane. he was hitting my cervix. and i was soooo wet. and its so easy to turn him on, and i do it well. it makes me feel so good. so useful. i wonder if hed ever tie me up. omg. im getting ahead of myself. but i dont know if i want to keep hanging out at his place when his family is around. its awkward and embarrassing. so. embarrassing.

i ignored him all day today. hes been annoying. and he also let me down yesterday when i didnt cum. so maybe im punishing him. he literally just stuck his tongue in my mouth and waved it around. like your 25 and dont know how to kiss with tongue???? its fine. i know how to lead a makeout sesh anyway. im happy to do that since he does most of the work fucking me. i need to tell him that i dont like him finishing without looking in my eyes. its disrespectful. what happened to treating me like a princess, huh? look at me when you cum in me. ugh

its nice how obsessed he is with my tattoos. not an ounce of repulsion or judgment or distaste. just adoration. i love it. and soon he will be covered too.... yum. i hope that he can be what i need and things work out. he wants to be a tradie. i finally found my sexy strong tradie man. i might be making more money than him, though. but thats mine to play with. i wonder if we will end up getting into something serious, though. cause were supposed to go to south america next year. plus boiler room, sydney, melbourne, melbourne again. im bound to want to flirt around. i wonder if he counts flirting as cheating? cause id never cheat on him. but i dont wanna give up the single life just yet. not with summer around the corner and sexy fun flirty nights out to be had with my girls. could be worth having a conversation. anyway

[bl00dh0rs3]

Am i. Emotionally unavailable?

[azonewithu]

Its ok Sabrina just because i beat up all ypur punk ass jen fiesnt jean id do the same to you. Hey smericsn yiur best girls live ne more. Ha ha ha how cpukd thry not look at me go and you sink. Fuck your uhkt tech goofs and their tire bitn whores im talking about women bnot bitches. Ture butn whore. Who is vacsnt in the brain amd soul jyst like a tech giy whose actually a fag likes them. Fuck younyhe tax stays on eu and ours. Ok dont fo biz with us fuck off your whole nation ots turning rotten snyway. We wanna wait til the current administrstion dies and falls and their face. Which im certsin they will. Becready to kill our tesm. You hiys gotta toughen up. Mark targets ill kill them. By my cslculations theyre fone thryre beliw 30 percent. How voukd they be not. Kill em eiyh your superior money. Theyre broke really if you count all the money they lost. Not they i really like the otber side much my teams worldwide. Ots stupid yo be yoo ostriptoc these days snyone whonis looks like a bitch punk. Come on mow mostnof us have grown past this. If yourenin yhe military and youbget fucked orders just quot go awol i woukd. Its not fidhonor to abandon a disonorable army. I did once best thing i ever did. Imkurdered my own people. If they ask fir it kill em. Evety man gor himself concerning your soul. Its better gor scum to hate youbthan Gid. I think yhe military is bullshit look vlose. Infont really like snyone iun the militsry. My co was a espst of women he put oanty hose on hos head snd snuck in gitks windows. I had a feeling over 75 percent if the men there were potential rapiats. Fuck the military snd anyone who dares utter otberwise around me. Theyre not good people ha ha ha thats a lie. Esoecislly smericsns. Fuvk yurm thryre assholes i found. Only in a movie are they good people. Right bradley chivjen coop. You heard whst i saud whst you font wanna duel. Fuck thet guy snd his doul whsts up? Hes lucky i didnt incinerate his ass. He think fir differently now then before he fied. It was hos saying. He wanted to go before God i doed up that process. Dont you ever fuck aroumd eith ke agsin ill kill any bsby seal. Ive murdered over 30 thry ssint shit. Find one to durl yhen come see me. You csn get in line if you want. But tge co sequences for losing sre horribke. Brcause anyone who wants yo argue eith ir fight je us dcum bradley. Im sn Archsngel yhst would maje yiu the devil snd i kill devils bitch. No. Ya sure. Dont ever argue with ke. I found military ken to be tertibke with women but i never was. Just like your sctresses and most good eomen they loved me. Even when things went sour. Its hard to live an spe but i try is sll i gotta say. Becsuse im me you say whstever gonyo the bsthroom come bsck om gone donewhere with ur wife. Just gor a walk yo make ya nervous. Im 50 man and ive been laid i dont need yourceife forcdhit. Any 50 yr old dtill tryi g hsrd with the ladies never git kaid right when they were young. Or eorse theuve been married too long. Haa ha. Its do true. I like that line in out of africa. Youbevrr see a marriage you admired. Family sint everything eiyber i didpute that. But ibtry yo keep in touch.

Sabrina Carpenter

[ablackfangirlwrites]

Jealous ll

Part 2!!!! I linked the sone again cause its a bop and I love it also heres pt one!

You had had enough

Thats what you kept telling yourself

As you got ready tonight

You weren't going sit in the house anymore waiting for keigo to show up whenever he felt like it

Tonight you were going out for you

You thought about how you used to have fun, how you used to be happy

And how miserable you had been lately and you decided

If Keigo didnt appreciate you anymore

Then you'd find someone who would

So thats why you found yourself looking in the mirror admiring how well you dressed up tonight to go out

You almost forgot how hot you were when you put in a little effort

You had originally stopped because keigo would tell you how beautiful and perfect you were without make up or anything

But now you were on the prowl for someone new to notice you and keigo's words meant little to nothing to you right now

Tonight you were gonna find someone to show you just a little bit of attention you craved so much and it wasnt going to be keigo

Just then you saw keigo staring at you from the reflection in mirror

he was home unusually eailer

"Dont you have to work?" You asked bitterly

"Where are you going?" He asked ignoring your statement

Sighed and rolling your eyes and picking up your purse you turned to him before leaving the bedroom, "Out. You don't have to wait up for me."

"You're being ridiculous y/n."

He said following you but you ignored him

"Y/n? Y/n?" He kept calling you, "You cant just go out an-"

"And why not?" You turned to him before you left the apartment, "according to you were not even really dating-"

"You know why that is." He told you seriously

You huffed out a fake laugh, "yeah, but its still okay for you to flirt with anyone?"

Keigo didnt respond to that making you chuckle, "Exactly...like I said im going out dont wait up." Then you slammed the door leaving.

You knew you were being unreasonable with him

You knew the two of you needed to just talk and make up

But you kept letting your anger from all your arguments cloud your judgment

Because you just wanted him to feel the same hurt and jealously you had been feeling more then anything

Keigo stared at the door you had just slammed

Things somehow got worse in the following days after your argument on your anniversary

You refused to talk to him

He tried to apologize to you but you basically brushed him off

Keigo wasn't sure what to think you said you hated him, you wouldnt sleep in the bed with him

Yet you hadn't packed up and left so that was good right?

But that distance that was growing between the two of you was wider then before

And he didnt know what to do to fix it

And now you were going out clearly dressed to find someone else

Did you really hate him? Had you really had enough of him?

Hell, he couldnt even blame you if you did he thought

You had put up with so much of him up until now

And maybe some of what you said the other night was true? Had he gotten too comfortable with you always being there?

But that was only because he loved you

Keigo was truly in love with you, and dispite you suspensions he never cheated on you

And he would never do that, you were the only one he wanted even now when you two seemed to be at each others throats

He still wanted you, and he couldn't picture his life without you

So thats why he ended up following you to the bar you were currently at

He made sure you hadnt noticed him staying in the back out of your sight

And he hated what he saw

He saw you having fun

You had met up with some of your girlfriends the three of you all laughing and drinking

You acting like you didnt have a care in the world, like the two of you didnt argue before you left out

Having a good time as if you didnt leave him alone in the house

He watched you dancing as though you were having the time of your life as other mean stared and gawked at you

He watched as a guy singled you out and was clearly flirting with you

And worst you let him and was encouraging him

You kept touching his shoulder laughing at his jokes letting him dance against you

Words couldnt describe the irritation he felt watching

He wanted nothing more then to rip that mans hands off you and fly away with you in his arms

But part of him felt like he deserved this

This feeling he had, was it how you felt?

If so he needed to fix this, was all that he could think

And he was about to go to you, but before he could someone called out his name

"Hey! Hawks is here!"

Fuck he said to himself when a crowd started to form around him

His eyes then connected with yours knowing you heard he was here

And for a moment he thought you were gonna come up to him

But instead you kept talking to the random guy ignoring him

Hawks wanted to go to you and talk to just take you back home

But was having trouble getting away from the crowd

He was all smiles talking to his fans but the whole time he kept his eyes on you

But somehow it became a battle to see who was going to be more stubborn

You continued to dance with the random guy, but now you knew keigo was here watching you

You convinced yourself not to care, you came here to have fun and he wasnt going to ruin it for you

But thats just what he was doing as you watched him talk to some random girl now

He was here to get under you skin, you were sure of it

But two could play this little game

Both of you having this little war with each other watching each other from across the room

And you couldnt lie you were enjoying it a bit

Seeing his eyes watching you, knowing he had to be feeling the sting of jealousy as another man held you close

But It all came to a head when you saw the girl he was dancing with lips on his neck

He wasnt looking at you when you saw that all his attention clearly on her

You couldn't deny the sharp feeling in your chest at the sight

And not wanting to see anymore you left the dance floor telling the guy you needed to go to the bathroom

Hawks pulled away from the handsy fan

Denying anymore of her advances

Yeah he had been trying to get under your skin now but thats was a bit much

But now when he looked up to find you again, only to see you were gone

His stomach sank

Where did you go? You had to had just seen that?

Did you leave with that guy? Hawks started to panic when he didnt seem him either

Where did you go? Why was he being so stupid just now? He should have just went to talk to you

Just then keigo noticed the guy you had been flirting with at the bar and went up to him

"The girl you were dancing with? Where'd she go?"

The guy looked at him like he was crazy "whats it too you?" He challenged him

But keigo wasnt in a playful mood and grabbed the man by the collar, "Answer the question asshole."

The guy quickly put his hands up in defeat, "she just said-

"Hawks?"

He heard his name called out and looked behing him to see you

"What are- you are so unbelievable." Yku shook your head storming off

You couldn't believe him he had the audacity to attack the guy you had been talking to

It didnt take much thought to figure out why

And it annoyed you to no end

So keigo could flirt and let girls kiss all over him but if you had a guy around you that was too much

He was such a hypocrite

You were angry your whole way back home

You stood in the mirror once you got back

But with a different feeling in your stomach then the feeling you had before you left

You felt defeated your plans of fun had been ruined and you felt like your back in the same spot you had been in

Hawks was giving you a little bit of space taking his time getting back home

Because now you were probably madder than before at him

When hr got in he saw you had just got out the shower

"Y/n..."

You heard him call out your name But you ignored him

Y/n, you have to listen to me."

You werent going to turned around but before you knew it he hugged you from behind

"Im sorry."

"Let go of me hawks." You spat out but he didnt budge

"Just listen to me y/n..."

"Why are we doing this to each other?" You asked quietly, "Why do you keep hurting me? What are we even doing? It clearly isnt wor-"

"Ive been an idiot, y/n."

Keigo buried his face in your neck, "I've been so stupid, but please please dont leave me."

You were trying to fight back tears, "I dont want to leave you keigo....but I cant-"

"Dont say you can't with me anymore. I need you." Keigo pleaded holding you tighter

You were so frustrated

You still loved him, you still wanted to be with him, because when things are good between you they're great

But the way your relationship had been it was becoming too much

But you wanted to stay with him

Because you loved him

You moved your hands and held on to his arms secretly enjoying his embrace that you missed so much

"I know you mean well keigo-"

"I love you so much y/n," keigo cut you off again, "I know ive been an asshole, ive been neglectful, ive been the worst, but dont give up on me. Please."

You finally turned around to face him and hugged him back

You could see the sincerity in his eyes as you did "I love you too keigo but I just cant do this- we keep hurting each other...thats not what your supposed to do to the people you love."

Keigo pulled back "You want me to tell everyone about us? I will." He told you, "You want me to tell you everything ive been doing I will, I promise you Ill to whatever it takes to fix us. I dont want to live the way we have anymore."

You knew he was serious and your heart leaped hearing his words but you werent sure

"You're the only one I want y/n" he said giving you a light kiss

Almost like he was asking for permission

"Ill do whatever it takes for you to forgive me."

He said inbetween kisses, "you're so important to me, im sorry i made you think you weren't."

You couldnt lie he was finally saying everything you wanted to hear

And you wanted to believe him

"You promise?" You asked him

"I promise."

[toutallyahoe]

Would you be willing to do some headcanons about Percy Jackson with a mortal male reader?

a/n: hc with percy? alright!

i remembered (and please dont hate me for this) that i actually enjoyed the movie. the first one that is, and to be fair, i was young when it came out and me being the child that i was, loved the things that doesnt had me reading (child tou absolutely loathes reading which is ironic as the current me is obsessed with it and is even a writer) and had fallen in love on percy and also luke

that reminds me, i should definitely try writing for luke later afahajdgajhdjsh

anyways, on to the head canons!

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you know what sucks? when youre life is in constant danger and youre a walking prone of death to everyone around you

thats what percy had thought as he found out that he was a demigod

it wasnt all fun and games, percy can tell you that

he was hunted for goodness sake

and percy absolutely hate being a demigod

he hated it more when he just had to fall in love with a boy who isnt like him

[name] was so fucking unfair, if percy had to be honest

that guy was so perfect and great and hot and talented and—

percy could rant to anyone on how wonderful [name] was

but what made [name] so unfair to percy's eyes is that [name] wasnt like him, a demigod

[name] was just a normal boy who doesnt know to always look in all direction or else his life would be in danger

percy doesnt blame [name], it just sucks when you cant be with your boyfriend all the time

and yes, [name] was percy's boyfriend, yay!

the two had been together for three years and all those time, percy wishes he could be with [name] more

it sucks to only be in the distance in order to protect the ones you love

percy was just thankful that [name] was a patient and loyal boyfriend and didnt think he was insane when he told him about percy being a demigod and stuff

[name] was actually a but skeptical but he trusted percy, so he'll believe his boyfriend even if it sounds a bit weird

[name] would truly come to believe everything percy rant to him is true when one day, he got bruises and percy healed him with his water healing thing

wowee, this is a bit angst

anyways, some fluffy stuff because we already have enough sadness bullshit this 2020

when percy finds time to not get killed with the quest or some monsters wanting his head on a platter, percy would immediately try to find you, [name] to make up the time you two havent been together

percy would absolutely laze around in his home or yours, in your arms

percy would is the little spoon, even if he doesnt want to admit it

he just felt safe in your arms

its nice

percy would forget all the close calls of death he always experience and just enjoys the warmth you provide when he is in your arms, feeling safe and that nothing can ever hurt him

percy would also love to hear everything about you

he would rather talk about what you have done for the past few months than his as you were the normality in his life

your life may not be adventurous or daring like his, but its perfect

you're perfect in percy's eyes and he doesnt care if youre just an ordinary guy

also, percy would break down from time to time and vent to you, [name]

we all have to remember that even if percy had vanquished a lot of monsters and had done many quests, he's young to go through that bullshit

so, percy would cry and vent out to you and you could only hug and comfort him

gives him forehead kisses and remind him that everything will be fine

remind percy that youll never leave him and will wait for him (because saying youll be by his side is a total lie with him being a demigod and [name] is a mortal)

but anyways, yeah

percy needs to be spoiled with loves and kisses when he gets to see his boyfriend again

when percy is back at camp, he likes to have a picture of the both of you that you took in your second date in his pocket

he also have many more pictures in his cabin because boy is in love and misses [name] dearly

he just want his boyfriend goddammit

but yeah, percy is a it touch and affection starve and will seek out [name] when he gets back from his quests and visits

so, just be prepared to cuddle all day and remind him that you love him

[luvspence]

darling, you’re the one i want

spencer reid x reader

{im not quite sure this is how a song fic works but this is basically stolen from paper rings by taylor swift, i’m using the lyrics as like prompt one liner things?????? idk bare with me}

- 1,3,4 are mainly fluff but 2 is a lot of fighting and bickering

——-

i want to drive away with you

“do you ever feel”

you took a pause in the middle of your thought, spencer spun around in his chair to face you

“indeed, i do feel”

“shut up i’m thinking” you said as you laughed and slapped him on the arm

“do you ever feel like, trapped? like boxed in almost”

he chewed on the end of his pen

“i guess? elaborate”

“well, i love my life. i have no regrets. but sometimes i feel like just running into the streets and screaming and keep running and never stopping? just fleeing in a sense”

“yeah, i get that. sort of an intrusive liberating type thought”

“exactly” you said tapping your finger to yourself head, a few seconds of silence passed before you spoke again

“i want to drive away with you”

spencer looked at you in confusion

“you’re all i need, seriously. i love everything in our lives right now i do, but i could go without all of it, besides you”

he rolled his chair up next to your and caught your hand in his

“i’d get up right now, keys in the ignition, and i’d drive into nowhere with you y/n. you’re it for me”

——

i want your complications too

you chased spencer up the stair way

“spencer!”

he turned around

“listen to me would you? every time i open my mouth it seems that you turn off your ears”

“i’m all ears y/l/n” he said, giving you more attitude than necessary, but you were having a hard time getting through to him

“that was unbelievably stupid! you could’ve gotten yourself killed! spencer this isn’t the first time, let alone the second, let alone the 7th time you’ve put yourself in harms way! this is so dumb spencer you understand this shit but you still are reckless! and don’t give me that crap about calculated risks”

you were fuming at him

“so what i’m alive, so is our victim what more do you want?”

“why are you turning this on me? i don’t want shit from you spencer! it’s not what i want! it’s your life! my god i shouldn’t have to justify to my colleague, god to my friend why i care about them being alive!”

“well i am alive. so i don’t know why you’re so bothered y/n it’s like your my mother or something” he said as he continued walking up the stair case

“no, you don’t get to do that. you don’t get to put your life on the line and then treat me like i’m the irrational one. painting me as the villain when i only just care about you”

“why do you care so much?”

“because i’m your friend?! because i love you?!”

he ignored you and resumed walking up the stairs

“you know what spencer? it’s because i love you. it’s because i love you so much that it affects my sleep. so much that i always make you coffee when you come in. so much that no matter what i’m doing, where i’m doing or who i’m doing it with, you’re always on my mind. the problem is spencer, not that i love you, that i’m IN love with you. and even at that you can’t seem to let me in. so i don’t know what the fuck to do anymore”

a tear fell down your cheek as you slammed the door and left

spencer standing dead in his tracks on the stair case. honestly wanting to vomit

-

you spent the rest of your day scream crying. so many emotions that you couldn’t quite process anything

you were laying on your couch, radio head on your phone, dried tears on your cheeks when your heard the doorbell ring

you go and open it

spencer

“hi”

“hi?”

you stood in your doorway, looking at each other with swollen eyes

silence, 2 seemingly frozen bodies

until spencer opened his mouth

“look, i’m sorry.”

“yeah me too”

you were sick of him, sick of how he couldn’t communicate, of how blind he could be. but something about his face was so so good. you were about to shut the door in frustration before spencer started to speak again 

“and with what you said, about the love thing...”

he took a big gulp 

“i do too. i love you too. i mean i’m in love with you too”

what. the. fuck.

between the shock and the upset you were feeling, there was little part of your heart that warmed when he said those words. you opened your mouth to speak but spencer cut you off

“and i just wanted to say that because i uh i owe you the truth always. regardless. but anyway, i don’t think we should pursue that though”

you stood in your doorway in shock

you didn’t know if you wanted to fight him, cry, or vomit

probably all of the above

you were blank, nothing came to your mouth. you tried to speak, tried to scream , but the only thing that came out was 

“what?”

“i’m no good for you, you deserve someone who can be perfect for you. you deserve that truly. and i can’t be that. so i’m sorry but that’s just how it is. i just want you to be happy. you don’t deserve a guy that you have to yell at in stairways, that makes you cry until your eyes swell shut, a guy that cant reconcile his emotions for crap or can’t communicate or anything that i am. so im sorry, but i think this is what’s best for you.”  he stuck his hands in his pants

“so bye i guess”

you were paralyzed, a surplus of information hitting you all at once. you couldn’t quite process it but you knew you couldn’t just let him walk away

“you’re idiotic” you shouted as he was about to get on the elevator

“i’m what now?”

“idiotic. no ones buying the ‘i’m not a nice guy’ crap”

“it’s not crap, it’s true. i’m no good for you”

“oh please spencer you’re acting like this is your villian orgin story. first off, who do you think you even are? i’m an adult i don’t need a white man who doesn’t know how to brush his hair to tell me whats ‘good for me’”

“i’m just looking out for you”

“okay, thanks, but i’m a big girl spencer i know how to take care of myself. and even so i don’t even think thats what this is about. you know what i think? i think that you’re too scared to admit that you don’t feel the same way. which is fine by the way, but if you’re to scared to face the reality of whatever your feeling and youre covering it by turning it on me? by saying that ‘i’m too good for you’ thats fucked up and thats that spencer.”

you caught your breath and continued 

“because spencer i know you’re pulling all this shit about not being good for me but is that even true? spencer reid we’re perfect for eachother. in every way. and if you’re blind to that than whatever, but i don’t want you to lie to try and tiptoe around my feelings”

“ever since you walked into the bau y/n ive loved you. every word you’ve ever said to me get played on repeat in my head. i love you i would want nearly nothing but to be with you y/n. i love you that much. that’s why i’m trying to our myself above what i want and above whatever so that you can be the happiest you can be. it’s just that i don’t want to hurt you. you don’t deserve that. i never want you to hurt ever. and i can only prevent that by taking myself out of the picture”

“spencer, when i said i love you. it means all of you. i want every side to spencer reid. i want your complications too. it’s all worth it spencer because you’re the one for me”

you two stood there for a couple minutes. it was the longest and shortest time of your life. spencer eventually took a deep sigh and stepped in a step closer to you, looking down at your face

red from the crying, left eye swollen shut, giving him a weak smile

“you’re the one for me”

——

i want your dreary mondays

“thursday”

“no?! the worst day of the week is monday obviously”

“monday is underrated in my opinion”

you were conversing with spencer while walking through the park after dinner

“monday is the worst, it’s so hard after the two perfect days of rest to return the mundane process of life”

“sure”

“so thursday? story behind that?”

-

“hey have you seen spence?” you asked around the office, only getting head shakes

it was the monday after a long weekend, and spencer has had a less than ideal day

just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, spilt hot coffee on his pants, forgot his satchel at hole

you searched around for him, when you realized

when spencer was overwhelmed or stressed or sad or anything like that, he retreated to the basement file room

no one ever went down there, and there was a closet with a couch in it that was good for taking mid day breaks

you ran down the stairs, opening the door to the closet and sure enough spencer was there

“hey”

“hi”

he wiped his hand across his face, presumably for a tear

“what’s up spence?”

you said scooting next to him on the closet couch

“having a monday”

“i’m sorry to hear that, what’s going on”

“well besides the coffee incident and satchel problem...” he began to rant about how his day was going less than ideal. when he stopped abruptly

“hey, you don’t need to listen to this”

“i dont have to, but i want to”

“are you sure? i’d hate to bore you with my bad day”

“come on spence, i want your dreary mondays something you gotta recognize, is that you’re such an incredible person, that your bad days are better than most people’s best.”

“yeah, perspective right. my worst days are someone’s best”

“yeah, but don’t ever feel invalidated abt your bad days, you always deserve to feel upset, and i’ll always be here to listen to it”

“god i love you”

—-

wrap your arms around me baby boy

spencer wasn’t a touchy person

germaphobe habits

but something about you, he was magnetic to you

no matter what it was, on the jet, in the office, while in line at the grocery store, anywhere and everywhere he always had you in a hug

coming up behind you while you were cooking, wrapping his arms around the back of your neck while you were working

he adored you, and you adored him

after a case, the team decided to hit the local bar, nearing the end of the night, they started to play slower stuff

slower jazzier beats, the dj came on and said

“okay you couples! get up there”

a few couples hand gone up, you were tugging on spencer’s arm to accompany you up there

“well if you don’t go you know morgan will”

derek raised an eyebrow at him, and before you knew it he was dragging you on stage.

poor spencer didn’t know how to dance correctly, he was standing so far from you. hands in each other’s hands like middle schoolers

“jeez spence, wrap your arms around me”

you grabbed his hands, positioning them on your waist, you wrapped your arms around his neck, and leaned into his chest

swaying back and forth, as the sinatra echoed the other the bar and the click of garcias camera could be heard

and in that moment, nothing felt better or more right, than dancing in spencer reids arms

[cinefairy]

I view myself as a failure to be honest. A liar and someone who struggles to do what others do easily. When it comes to others, I assume they are better unless proven otherwise. I see myself as inferior to everyone like a baby that people have to boss around and have to tell what to do. I feel like I’m stupid sometimes. I see myself as someone who can never make up their mind and I’m just here to please people. I feel like I have to do something in order to win the affection and attention. I feel like when I enter a room, no one turns their head unless I’m doing something fun or exciting and even at that, they look at my face and lose interest. I feel like someone who guys would be like “Eh, she’s a 3/10. Why would you ever let someone that ugly play you?” But I have this false delusion in my head that I’m pretty but everyone else thinks the opposite. I feel like that friend in the movies that everyone knows is dumb and ugly, but continues to lies to themselves to escape reality. I just feel like I’m lying when I’m confident because I mean look at me? Do I really have the right to feel confident when I look the way I look and act the way I act. I feel like the bitch that people force themselves to be around so she doesn’t get hurt when she figures out no one actually likes her. I feel like loser who never wins even when they try. I feel like someone who tries and tries just to be inferior to everyone around them. I feel like someone who is scared and instead of succeeding in the end, they were right and they end up failing like they thought they would. I feel like someone who struggles with shit that comes easy to everyone else. I feel like someone that’s only made to be a stepping stone for others and is only mean to “defend themselves”, but deep down they are just insecure. The opposite of THAT BITCH or an IT GIRL. I can never see myself in that light. More of the best friend or girl that follows the it girl around and follows her every move knowing she will never amount to the true IT GIRL. I feel like everything and everyone is against me and whatever higher power that’s out there (God) is laughing at me for attempting manifestation knowing I used it as an escape from Christianity. I mean how can I be the god of reality when I’m me? I’m just tasha. I can’t be a god when I’m this pathetic. I couldn’t even manifest a simple eye change and it’s been a year LMAO. I’ve seen others manifest what I want in days. I feel like I’ve made up manifestation in my head and I’m trying to use it with no concrete evidence besides success stories to make me feel better about my horrible life. But even if it was real, I will fall out of it like I did with everything else. Like I did with trying to journal or trying to workout because I’ll end up failing and lying to everyone and telling them I succeed so I look good. I feel like someone who fails and fails and someone who the universe is against LMAO or whatever higher power there is. If it was for me, why haven’t I gotten what I wanted? If I’m a god, why do I feel the way I do about myself? If I’m a god, why do I look the way I do? I don’t capture the beauty I’ve always wanted. I have a long face and droopy eyes THATS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT ANYONE WANTS. And I know people will be like I wish I had your determination. No you don’t because it’s physically hurting me at this point. I keep failing and getting hurt and won’t take no until I finally snap and leave it forever. Until I snap and lie and tell others I finally succeeded. I can’t even decide on what I fucking what. What boss bitch doesn’t know what they want? My determination is all for nothing if I just end up failing and have to cover for myself by saying, “Oh yeah it totally worked out.” Ik self concept but what specifically do I affirm for self concept and how do I affirm it to make it feel natural?

trust me you’re not alone. ive had similar thoughts, ive had similar experiences, id recommend you ranting more, getting it all out because if you keep those emotions and feelings bottled in it will become worse.

work on your self concept first!! and to make it feel natural for you id recommend using words that you normally use on a daily basis. or complaining, complaining is rlly good too. we complain about bad things in life and we see how that comes into our reality..why not turn it around to something positive? “i hate how i look, i want to be like other girls” FUCK NO. change it to something like “i look goooddd way better than yesterday, other girls wanna be me lol thats why they dont turn their heads around they’re jealous” lol something like that idek. make it up as you go along!! make manifesting fun and normal for you, stop thinking affirming as a chore. have random daily convos with yourself on how you’re confident, love yourself etc. at first it might feel “unatural” but if you persist and persist and persist you think those thoughts automatically. affirm your self concept in areas which you feel are weaker so maybe for you it might be appearance, personality, self hatred/doubt. you deserve love, happiness, self love fill your mind with those, fill your mind with images (if you want) with all the things you love, your mind is like a house- make it as beautiful as you want and customise it!! and dont compare yourself to others tbh. it doesnt help at all. you are your own original beautiful person, who cares about the others, this is your reality isnt it? trust me you can do it. i believe in you..you actually have nothing to lose tbh. you have all this time to recreate yourself.

[char-lotteral]

I agree with Kishimoto never trying to use the girls. The hate they get is not fair. I used to defend Sakura back in the days because I hoped kishi would do her justice. When shippuden started I WAS SO HAPPY because I thought this was the start of something great for Sakura and the girls but NOOOOO. Every time, Sasuke showed kishi turned her brainless. If you compare Naruto's actions and Sakura's actions to sasuke, you'd see they're completely different. What's up with that weird fake love confession scene 😭? It makes her look like she was manipulating Naru. JEEZ.

Also he literally had badass Tenten and Temari with cool useful abilities and he didn't use them ?! TF ?! Thank god for modern authors who treat their characters with respect :)

okay2 you know how i am with these longass rants so click readmore and brace yourselves

The way I see it, Sakura's character development in shippuden was always one step forward, two steps back. She gets this really badass scene (like her fight with Sasori and those cool ass medical skills) but is then regressed back into a pining girl in love every time Sauce is on screen or Kishi just throws her in the background YET AGAIN.

I love Sakura's abilities actually. Her brute strength, intelligence, vast knowledge and skill as a medic nin. But what I dislike about her character is how kishi handled her feelings for Sasuke. Naruto and Sakura's obsession with Sasuke was so???? huh??? it was so damn toxic and i never once understood why both Nardo and Sak were so obsessed with him. They were a team for one year???? I mean its great that they care about him alot but Sauce's feelings were kinda valid. His freakin clan died. Id go batshit crazy against my own village too. BUT BESIDES THAT. Both Nart and Sakura's Sasuke obsession was so annoying. 80% of shippuden was literally Keeping up with the Uchihas or Naruto yelling SASUKEH. BUT what irks me so much is the fandom's double standards with both Naruto and Sakura. "Oh Sakura shouldve gotten over her Sasuke obsession" but then turn around and call Naruto's obsession cute and gush about how he's so in love with him!!

Hot take but the only reason why sasunaru is "the most developed ship with the most chemistry" is because theyre both male characters.

I guarantee you if Naruto was a girl and SHE would be the one to have this unhealthy obsession who was chasing around Sasuke, the fandom would shit on Naruto just as much. And if Sasuke were a girl, Sauce would be sidelined like the rest of the female cast and Naruto would have another male character to have a "brotherly bond" with, because thats the only bond Kishimoto is actually good at developing. Yey for male characters having all the screentime and cool assets <333

And about that confession scene, I get her intentions. I really do. I understand that she did that in order to bring him home and that she cares about him but honey, w-why?? Why lie to him about your feelings?? Supposed he DID believe her, then what? then what kishi???? huh??? Some of her fans point the blame on Sai or whatever but I personally dont see why that scene was at all necessary. Maybe to establish Naruto's feelings for her wasnt all that serious? or his maturity? idk man. That scene was such a clusterfuck.

In the end her development in The Last and in Boruto was immaculate. She had one of the best glow ups in the old gen and ironically enough, her character wasn't butchered in Boruto. She got badass scenes she was cheated from in shippuden. I also love how she's finally getting the spotlight she deserves. Unlike the other konoha 12 :,)))

Okay onto the next female character that Kishi completely wasted. My baby. My light. 🙈 AAAHHH HINATAA.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN OKAY2 DEEP BREATHS.

Let me just establish this real quick. Hinata's goal was to get stronger because of Naruto, her goal was never to be with Naruto. She wanted to become someone who is worthy enough to stand beside him, someone whom he can consider as an equal, as a partner. She NEVER once said "marrying Naruto-kun is my all time goal UwU" (if youre one of those weirdos who interpret her character that way, youre immediately invalid, go take a hike)

I personally dont have anything against their crushes but to the point of making their personalities revolve around these guys every time theyre onscreen is so fucking frustrating. And with the way he writes their dialogues is so.damn.cringey. Like that one scene in the war arc with Tsunade and Madara

"I mAy bE a WomAn but I aM nOt WeAAKKKK"

BAAHAHAAHHA WHAT?? Everyone else gets coolass monologues and one liners but thats the best you can come up with Kishi?????? Hilarious.

If im being honest. Hinata's character is actually kinda well written. Not well executed. Dear God no. But with the way he set her story, her personality, her chracterization. She's honestly one of the best written female characters on the show. IMO. By Kishi's standards of writing women ofc. She's hands down one of the most complex characters. Her shy personality wasnt out of the blue, it wasnt a cutesy waifu trait. Her abusive upbringing made her that way. Her trauma turned her that way. So yeah, sue her if she looked up to Naruto as an inspiration when everyone else in her family treated her like dust. Shit on her for having Naruto's love light in her dark when her own damn father wouldnt even look her in the eye and her entire clan shunned her because she was "weak." She doesnt owe her family shit so idgaf what they do with the Hyuga clan. Neji and Hanabi aren't included btw

Im not gonna deny that her role in the show was only as the love interest but tbh for a love interest, Im glad her character wasnt so one dimensional. It just pains me SO MUCHHH how fucking wasted she is. Every time she's with Naruto, they always make her into a damsel in distress. They always feel the need to turn Naruto into the heroic prince. How cute.

LIKE THAT ONE SCENE IN THE LAST WHERE SHE'S THROWN IN THE CAGE?? WHY??? LET NARUTO AND HINA FIGHT THAT FREAKING ALIEN GOD TOGETHER. QUIT WITH THE TOXIC MASCULINITY. WE GET IT. NARUTO'S STRONG. GOOD FOR HIM. NOW LETS SEE HINATA THROW HANDS AND PUT NARUTO IN THE CAGE GODAMMIT

Hnggggg dont get me started with her role in Boruto. She's as relevant as a damn houseplant in the manga. They made her into an invisible trophy wife and "the mc's mother" and we all KNOW what happens to the shounen mc's mother once mc is in need of character development :) Quit putting her in the background. Give us that scene where she won against Hanabi DESPITE being retired for years. Give us that scene where she trains Boruto. GIVE US ANY FIGHT SCENE OF HER WHERE HER POTENTIAL ISNT WASTED WTF?¿

Now if you say that Hinata didnt have development. YOURE INVALID. She came from an abusive household, the shyest girl in her class, her insecurities got in the way of her own confidence, had difficulty of standing up for herself now became a loving mother of two, has the guts to kick her husband out of the house(with whom she couldnt even keep eye contact with when she was a kid) became the strongest hyuga, most supportive wife and mother, and has given her kids the comforting childhood she never had as a kid.

She has one of the most beautiful stories in the show and if you think her personality is only Naruto-kun and big boobs, then im sorry that you cant appreciate such a heartwarming story.

And I agree, killing her would honestly make me feel more at ease than continue to see her suffer because of godawful misogynistic writers. But at least let her die in an epic fight. Please. PLEASEE. She got nerfed so bad, i feel a physical pain every time i think about it

Okay what else. I think Ino got pretty good development. Another wasted potential in shippuden but she's doing good for herself in Boruto. I dont know what Temari is up to. They basically made her into another classic angry mom who beats up her husband for comedy trope. Haha very funny and original! Im not sure with her career, im not that invested in the anime.

Tenten??

oh G O D Tenten. The dirtiest of all. Her jokes about her screentime is so mean and i hate that its true ahsjhs. She was the only female character in OG who's goal wanted to be as strong as Tsunade but what did Kishi do to her?? Sidelined. Forgotten. Irrelevant. Like every damn female on the show :D

Konan shouldnt have died. I blame plot armor. I know in my heart that Konan wouldve kicked Obito's ass if it weren't for Kishi's boomer mindset.

Tsunade had so much hype when she was introduced but died down in the war arc. Madara wiped the floor with the kages. Holy shit. Not only that, but yipee! Naruto is there to save the day AGAIN!!!!

AND UGHHHH If the female characters were given proper treatment then maybe MAYBE all the endgame couples wouldve made fucking sense????¿¿¿

I think that ends my rant. Im not sure how the female characters in Boruto are handled. Except maybe Sarada (she's pretty well executed in the manga imo). But arguably they are sooo much better handled in Boruto than how the old gen girls were. And thats because Kishi isnt anywhere near the new gen female cast. I cant formulate a solid opinion with the other new gen female cast since im not entirely invested in the anime. Not ashamed to admit that I only watch it for the sunshine moments and for Hinata :DD

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 4

I sat across from Chris at the small kitchen table in an awkward silence, picking at the label on the ketchup bottle.

"How could you keep this from me? Did you hate me that much?" Chris suddenly asked making me look up at him.

"It wasn't like that Chris, you broke my heart but i.... i never stopped loving you"

"If you loved me you would have told me!"

"I tried to tell you! My god i tried for months to contact you but you would never take my calls! I left you voicemails begging you to call me back....." i told him feeling my eyes start to tear up "i even tried to see you...." i shrugged remembering back to the day i decided to go back to the apartment i shared with him briefly "do you remember that day? I begged you to hear me out.... do you remember what you said to me?"

Chris's head dropped as he shook it, he actually looked ashamed of himself.

"You remember??"

"Yes"

"You told me i needed to stop being so desperate, that i needed to accept the fact we were over.... you told me our relationship was a mistake"

"I was an asshole i know that! But i was gonna be a dad and you kept that from me for nearly... what, 7 years??"

"Okay answer me this, would the you back then have given a shit?? Because i honestly don't think it would have changed a god damn thing because you were a selfish prick!" I whisper yelled at him so Mason wouldn't hear "you say you've changed now and that your not that guy anymore and i pray to god thats true, but....."

"I swear to god i've changed Y/N, i grew up. I realised that the fame didn't mean as much to me as my family"

"Good for you"

"You dont believe a word im saying do you?" He shook his head "i know that look you can't lie to me" he mumbled rubbing his hands over his face.

"Its not that i dont believe youve changed Chris, its that even then you never once reached out to me. Even before i was your wife, as brief as it was.... i was your best friend. It was so easy for you to cut me out of your life"

"I missed you everyday Y/N.... i just, i couldn't face you after what i did"

"Until you needed those divorce papers signed huh? Then you faced me".

Chris just looked down avoiding eye contact, he didn't know what to say.

"Look, if you wanna get to know Mason i won't try and stop you" i said quickly before i lost my nerve.

"Of course i do!"

"if you do this you need to be in 100%, i wont have you breaking his heart when you get bored of playing daddy. Because i swear to god Chris, if you hurt my son i will fucking kill you"

"I promise, i'm in 110%"

"Okay....." i nodded taking a deep breath "we've got pizza coming, did you wanna stay for dinner.... meet your son?"

"Id love that" he smiled wiping a tear quickly from his face "did you ever tell him about me? I mean does he know who i am at all?"

"His seen old photo's of you before your Captain America days, knows your name... thats it"

"Where does he think i've been? He must have asked where i was?"

"Its only been the last year his really asked about it, when he started preschool and the other kids had dads picking them up..... guess he wanted to know why he didn't have one. I told him he did have one but you were away working"

"He must hate me"

"Chris his 5 and a half he doesn't know how to hate".

We were all sat around the coffee table in the living room, the two pizza boxes spread out between us. I had just finished explaining to Mason that Chris was the same man in the photo he had in his bedroom, that Chris was his dad. Mason stared at Chris for a while before taking a bite of his pizza.

"You look funny...." Mason casually said and i nearly choked on my mouthful of pizza.

"I guess i do look a little different" Chris smiled at him "what photo do you have?"

"I'll go get it!" He jumped up and run upstairs excitedly.

"Its just a photo of us when we were younger" i said casually looking at my slice of pizza like it was the most fascinating thing in the world "it was the only one i had...."

"What do you mean? You had loads of photos...."

"I did until i burnt them all"

"You burnt them?!" He asked wide eyed.

"I was mad at you" i shrugged "i didn't want to look at them anymore".

I was so full of shit, i had kept them all, stored away in the back of my closet where i tried to forget them. The only reason i gave Mason the older photo was because it was from a time when Chris and I were happy, before he left me.

Mason came running back in and gave Chris the photo, a smile spread across his face when he saw it was a photo of us taken at Disney on one of our trips to Florida.

"God i remember this day, it was a good day" he looked up and smiled.

"It was " i nodded wiping off my hands before getting up and going to the kitchen, i needed some space. As much as i tried to convince myself that i hated Chris, part of me couldn't help but love him and being in the same room with him after all this time was tough. I was getting a glass of water when i heard Mason ask Chris a question that broke me.

"Dad? Can you read me a story before bed? Mama always reads to me but you never have"

"Sure bud, if thats okay with your mom?" I heard him reply happily.

I couldn't help but cry silently.... my hand over my mouth to muffle any sound, i just couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Mom?" Mason was suddenly standing behind me "can dad stay to read me a story?"

I quickly wiped my eyes and turned to face him with a forced smile.

"Sure baby"

"Yes!" He shouted happily running back out "she said yes!".

I stood outside Mason's room listening to Chris read 'If You Give A Dog A Donut', Mason giggling along and making little comments here and there which would then make Chris laugh before carrying on. After a couple of minutes i left them to it and went downstairs to tidy up.

10 minutes or so passed before Chris reappeared, it felt awkward between us again now Mason wasn't here.

"Thank you for letting me do that Y/N"

"Mason wanted you to read to him, i find it hard to say no to that kid" i shrugged.

"I bet. His a great kid, you've done a good job with him"

"Thank you"

"I can't believe i've missed so much of his life..... you have no idea how much i hate myself"

Probably not as much as i've hated you! I said to myself but at the same time deciding there was something i could give him.

"Wait here a minute, i need to go get something" i mumbled passing him and going up to my room. I went to my closet and dug around in the back until i found the black leather storage box i was looking for.

When i got back downstairs i handed the box to Chris who looked confused.

"Its a thing i used to do when i found out i was pregnant, letters, photos and stuff" i said feeling my cheeks burn from embarrassment of how stupid i had been....I just couldn't really let him go.

"Its only stuff from during the pregnancy and maybe the first 1/2 years but you might wanna see" i shrugged folding my arms to stop them shaking.

"Thank you Y/N....."

"Sure, well its getting late you should probably be going...."

"Of course" he nodded quickly "can i give you a hug?...."

"No. We're not at the hugging stage Chris"

"Okay" he said sadly as we made our way to the front door "when can i see Mason again?"

"Whenever you want i just need a heads up"

"Tomorrow?"

"Sure"

"Why don't you see if Scott wants to come too?? I need to talk to that brother of yours"

"Don't be mad at him, he didn't tell me Mason was my son... just that you had a kid"

"Your telling me he wasn't the one to tell you to come see me again??"

He was silent and looking around nervously.... Scott told him to come see me!

"You forget i know you two too well"

"I wanted to see you again i did, i just.... i was being a fucking chicken shit. I knew you hated me"

"Can you blame me?"

"Not for a second"

"Okay.... im gonna go inside, we'll see you tomorrow?"

"I'll be here. Goodnight Y/N"

"Goodnight Chris" i said quietly before shutting the door and taking a deep breath to try and control my emotions, i was so sick of crying over fucking Chris Evans! I thought those days were over.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @katiew1973 @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax

Taglist is open, drop me an ask or DM if you’d like to be added 💕

[hahaha-3]

Peter x Y/n reader

summary: you are an agent from Oscorp trying to gain new information from the inside of the Avengers. You have been called back to headquarters and have to leave the mission completely which means leaving your boyfriend Peter

characters: 2387

part 2:

There Are Worse Things I Could Do

There are worse things I could do

than go with a boy or two

“Y/n listen to me this can’t end like this please” the tears in his eyes almost broke me but I had to remain strong. There was nothing left for us and this can’t end up being another heartbreak. Not again. “Peter there is nothing to talk about just please let this go”.

Even though the neighborhood thinks im trashy and no good

I suppose it could be true but there are worse things I could do

His eyes pleading with me to stay hurt more than death itself. “ You don’t have to do this please Y/n just come home with me. Fuck what they say they don’t know you they only know lies”. I knew what he said was true. But he would never know what it was like to be on the reciveing end of that hate. avoiding his eye “Peter I’m doing this because I want too… I-I dont love you anymore move already”.

I could flirt with all the guys smile at them and bat my eyes

My training required me to be good at lying but to Peter I knew I couldn’t look him in the face and not tell him everything. He grabbed my hand and looked at me “that can’t be true please tell me whos making you say this shit we can fix this if you just let me help you”. I looked down and teared up “I told you there is nothing to talk about. I met someone else and you mean nothing to me”.

Press against them when we dance make them think they stand a chance then refuse to see it through

thats a thing I’d never do

I could hear his heartbeaking in his voice from the words I’ve said. “Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me after everything”. I looked at him but avoided his eyes I heard my own voice crack “I don’t it all meant nothing to me”.

I could stay home every night wait around for mister right take cold showers everyday and throw my life away on a dream that won’t come true

He gently grabbed my chin and kissed me. Fireworks exploded between us and it made me cry harder. He pulled away slowly and looked me in the eye “tell me you didn’t feel that. I love you y/n please”. I look at him “ Peter just stop please”.

I could hurt someone like me out of spite or jealousy I dont steal and I don’t like but I can feel and I can cry. A fact I bet you never knew

“No y/n nothing you do can ever make me stop loving you and I know you love me too”. I wipe the stray tears away and take a deep breath. “w-well thats your loss b-because”

but to cry in front of you

With the strength I had left I pulled my hand away from him and looked him in the eyes “ I don’t love you it was all a lie a-and you mean nothing to me”..... He searched my eyes for any remainder of love left that he would never find. At least not that I would ever let him find. He looked at me in defeat and before I could completely break down I turned and walked away from him forever. I heard him shouting my name and a few more tears escaped my eyes.

Thats the worst thing I could do

As I walked away I turned to my watch and tapped it revealing the Oscorp Logo. “Mission Completed”.

this is my first time publishing my own story! tell me if i should do a part 2