#(MY CATS ARE FINE THEY ARE NOT SICK OR HURT) it is just a stupid situation

[lesbiansanemi]

Remind me to never live with neurotypical ppl who have never had money issues in their life/have families who are willing to give them however much money they want whenever they ask. Genuinely infuriating ppl to live with who do not consider how their actions affect others ever. How am I on round 2 of this

[jenosbigtoe]

na jaemin x catgirl!reader (M)

minors dni

summary: jaemin finds a stray catgirl and takes her under his wing.

warnings: hybrid au. lots of fluff :3, bratty!reader, dom!jaemin, big dick nana, loss of virginity, breeding, creampie, unprotected sex, mild squirting, kitty eating (lmao), fingering, fellatio, praise kink

word count: 6.0k

a/n: jaemin is the biggest cat person i know (besides me duh) so why wouldn’t i write a fic about him being down bad for his lil catgirl?

jesus fuck this was long and took forever 😪 sorry it's posted later than promised but at least it's longer than my last two fics combined! lmk if you want to see more of jaem and his catgirl bc im really liking this au

“fuck this shit man.” jaemin was so sick of his boring ass 9-5 office job. every single day he deals with incompetent coworkers (how did they even graduate high school), entitled clients, and a shitty boss that wanted to put all the work on him because he knew jaemin was a good employee.

jaemin took out a pack of newports and lit a cigarette, leaning his head back against the alleyway wall and sighing in frustration. the cold winter air bit at his nose but he didn’t care. this was his one time to really relax right after work. as he was taking a long drag, a rustle from the dark alley caught his attention.

he paused. “who’s there?” jaemin squinted his eyes against the pitch black darkness. this was a shady part of town and jaemin knew better than to be hiding out in the back alleyway of a sketchy convenience store but he also had a reputation to hold up. couldn’t have anyone from his work or person life finding out the social butterfly nana was a chainsmoker and hated his life.

against his better judgement, he put out the lit cigarette and moved closer to the rustling noise. turning his phone flashlight on, he didn’t know what he’d expect to see. maybe a raccoon or a stray dog.

he certainly didn’t expect to see the sweetest little thing hiding and shivering under a dirty cardboard box. there you were, hair matted, skin covered in grime, thin clothes in tatters, brown ears pressed flat against your head. and despite your disheveled appearance, jaemin thought you were just the cutest thing he’s ever seen. as his phone flash shined directly on you, you jumped in fright, body immediately tensing up in alarm. you bared your teeth at him and hissed, claws extended.

“woah hey i’m not gonna hurt you,” jaemin back away slowly, putting his hands up.

“fuck off,” you gritted at him, sharp teeth still showing.

“what are you doing out here like this? it’s freezing and you don’t have any clothes. where’s your owner?” jaemin crouched to the ground, trying to inch closer to you but you tucked yourself smaller into the corner.

“don’t have an owner. don’t need one. m perfectly fine by myself. now leave me alone, human,” you growled at him.

jaemin attempted to reach a hand out to you but you swatted at him and hissed, leaving a small gash on his hand.

“do you have a name, kitty?” jaemin asked softly.

you continued to glare at him. “leave me alone.”

jaemin knew it would be really difficult to get you to open up but he had such a soft spot for animals, especially strays. and he couldn’t just leave you alone looking like this in the winter cold.

“kitty, it’s way too cold out for you to be here without any proper clothes.” jaemin stated. “my name is na jaemin and i only want to help you, okay?”

your body was still tensed in suspension of this stranger but as he continued to get closer to you, you got a whiff of his scent. nose scrunched up cutely, you sniffed up at the air, needing more of that delicious scent. god he smelled so so good. despite the bitter cold of the winter air, the scent of this stranger left your body feeling warm and fuzzy inside, slowly melting your tough exterior. but he was still a stranger, one you had no idea the intentions of, and you didn’t want to take any risks.

“stop patronizing me and just leave me alone, stupid human.” the longer you were around him, the less alarmed your body felt, but you still kept your guard up around this delicious smelling stranger. and jaemin didn’t miss how your body language slowly got less tense the longer you were around him.

jaemin got up slowly, deep in thought. “i’ll be right back, kitty.”

he disappeared around the corner of the alley again, leaving you feeling slightly empty. stupid, you thought. he’s just a stranger. of course he’d leave like everyone else. you knew that rationally but your body was acting so weird around this stranger.

you continued to sit there, huddled beneath the cardboard and desperately seeking warm, when the stranger came back, this time with a steaming cup and a hotdog.

“here, baby,” jaemin cooed at you, handing you the cup of hot chocolate and hotdog. for some reason, your belly felt so warm at his calling you baby. “you must be so hungry.”

you eyed the food suspiciously. “why are you being so nice to me, human? you don’t even know me. you don’t even know my name.”

“doesn’t matter to me. nobody, hybrid or human or animal, deserves to be shivering in the winter cold like this,” jaemin stated with a serious look on his face.

you cautiously grabbed the food and drink from his hand before scarfing down the hotdog in record time and chugging the hot chocolate, some cutely dripping down your chin. your brown ears twitched in happiness. god jaemin thought you were just the cutest thing.

“y/n. it’s y/n,” you mumbled at him. “thank you for the food.”

“y/n, such a cute name for the cutest kitty,” jaemin smiled brightly.

he reached one hand out slowly to brush your hair out of your face. you just about jumped at the contact, but as he scratched that sweet spot behind your ears, your tail swished in happiness and you started to pur in delight. you closed your eyes in bliss and leaned slightly into the contact.

“good girl. such a sweet girl. i know you were so frightened, all alone in this winter cold. but nana’s got you now, m’kay?” jaemin cooed at you.

your body and brain were melting. his touch felt so so good, it’s been so long since you’ve been pet like this. and his smell, god you’ve never smelled anything so delicious before.

“y/n, i know we just met and i know you must so scared right now. but i can’t just leave you like this in the cold. please, let me just take you back to my apartment and you can stay there for a couple nights. i have an extra room so don’t worry about needing to sleep with me. i’ll give you a fresh set of clothes and feed you while you’re there. but i can’t just leave you here in good faith.” jaemin gave you a sincere look, practically pleading for you to come back with him.

your tail stop swishing and you scrunched your little nose in heavy thought. on one hand, you knew next to nothing about this man and he wanted you to stay at his place? but a warm bed and a fresh set of clothes and hot meals sounded so so good… and how much harm could this good smelling stranger even do to you… the rational part of your brain was telling you no, this stranger couldn’t be trusted. who knows what he’d do to you once you were in his territory? but your body was saying otherwise, he made you feel so good inside and he could take care of you even for just a few days.

you gave a long hard stare before replying. “okay. just for a little bit,” you whispered softly, still scared out of your mind.

jaemin used his beefy arms to support your weight as he helped you stand up on shaky legs. he wrapped his winter coat around your shivering body, cooing sweet reassuring words into your ear. his scent was absolutely intoxicating to you, leaving your mind fuzzy and full of him.

as soon as you stepped into his apartment, you were greeted with three balls of white fur bombarding your legs. one licked and nibbled on your toes, another purred and rubbed itself against your legs, and the other circled around your legs, tail swishing happily. you squealed at the sight, such cute kitties!

“ah ah lucy, luke, and luna, let’s not scare our guest, okay babies?” he spoke to them in such a gentle tone, it had your heart melting.

“n-no, s’okay, nana. i love kittens,” you reached down to pet them and give them chin rubs. all three kittens cuddled close to your body and let out loud purs. jaemin’s heart fluttered at your usage of his nickname.

“what are their names?” you asked.

“this one is lucy, this one is luke, and this one is luna. i got them a few months ago. i didn’t want to separate these three siblings so i just adopted all three. aren’t they just the sweetest things?”

you nodded, letting out purs alongside the kittens. you would never tell him this now but you also thought jaemin was so sweet.

he crouched down to pet the kitties alongside you. “they must really like you. they’re not usually this sweet and welcoming to guests. guess they recognize a kitten just as cute as them too.”

you pretended to not notice his last comment but your red face and happily swishing tail gave away your happiness.

“y/n, let’s get you into the bath and some clean clothes, hm? i know you must be dying to get this grime off you,” jaemin gently whispered, still petting the three purring kitties on the floor alongside you.

you paused, ears twitching. “bath?”

“yeah, a bath,” jaemin replied, looking up at you to gauge how you felt. your nose was scrunched up cutely in disgust at the mere idea of a bath.

“don’t need one. can lick myself clean,” you grumbled, pouting slightly.

you stopped petting the kitties, who seemed very displeased at the lack of attention you were giving them, and finally took a look around his apartment. the unfamiliar environment made you slightly uneasy but somehow you knew you were going to be safe. everything just smelled so strongly of him, it made your head dizzy and belly warm.

“kitty, you need to take a bath. i’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortable now but you will feel so much better after,” jaemin gently reassured you.

you shook your head, cheeks puffed and ears pinned back. “no. don’t want.”

jaemin sighed, rising to his feet. “c’mon baby. let me run a warm bath for you. i promise it will feel so good.”

he tried taking your hand but you hissed and swatted at him. “no. away.” you backed yourself into a corner.

jaemin gave you a defeated look before disappearing around a corner. you sat back down to cuddle and play with the kittens.

jaemin came back to see you playing with the kittens so happily. it seemed they really helped make you feel comfortable in this foreign environment and his cats liked you so much already.

“kitty, come with me,” he prodded at your arm.

you narrowed your eyes at him suspiciously. “where are you taking me?”

“you’ll see.” jaemin decided to take it upon himself to carry you in his arms bridal style. his strength had you flinging around like a ragdoll, making you very angry.

you started clawing and biting at his arms, kicking your legs and screaming wildly. “let me go! let me go! hey!”

he brought you into a steamy bathroom and sat you on the ledge of the bubbly bathtub. he used his strength to pin your hips in place as he kneeled and situated himself between your legs.

“baby, i know you don’t want to take a bath but you need to wash this dirt off yourself. just listen to nana, hm?” he stared deep into your eyes with a serious look on his face, causing you to shift around in unease.

you broke eye contact and looked away, pouting deeply. “fine. you’ve literally given me no choice anyway. i’ll get in the stupid bath.”

you practically ripped your tattered clothes off your body and jumped straight into the water, splashing water and bubbles every where. you thrashed around wildly in the water, slipping and sliding all over the place. god, how long ago was it since you’ve had a bath like this?

jaemin reached into the water and held you firmly upright, using his thumb to rub you reassuringly. “woah, kitty. be careful, it’s dangerous to be so careless in the water. you can hurt yourself.”

“too long since i’ve had a bath like this,” you moaned, slipping under the water til your nose was just sticking out.

jaemin rolled up his sleeves and started rinsing your hair, massaging circles of shampoo into your scalp. you purred contentedly, tail swishing and splashing in the water.

“such a good kitty, doing so good for nana,” he murmured lowly as he washed and rinsed your hair and body affectionately.

you stayed in the tub, splashing around happily, until the warm water began to run cold. jaemin allowed you to step out before drying your body with a fluffy white towel. he dressed you in a pair of his grey sweatpants and a fuzzy black hoodie that smelled oh so deliciously of him. you inhaled the neckline of the hoodie deeply, his smell making your limbs dizzy and head fuzzy.

“all better now, kitty?” he smiled teasingly at you.

you gave a sheepish smile back. “thank you, nana.”

“it’s getting late, baby. let me get you a little snack. stay here on the couch,” he gave you a small peck to your head and walked to the kitchen.

his kittens strutted up to you, meowing and begging to be held. you grabbed all three in your arms and snuggled them close to your chest, pressing kisses to their fluffy fur.

jaemin walked into the living room, holding a glass of warm milk and a plate of cookies, to see you with his babies. his heart fluttered at the sight, so freaking adorable.

“this is for you, y/n,” he walked over and handed you the milk and cookies.

you smiled appreciatively at him before furrowing your eyebrows cutely. “why are you being so kind to me? we just met a few hours ago.”

jaemin shrugged his shoulders and sat next to you, grabbing lucy into his lap and stroking her fur. “i’ve always been a cat person, as you can see.”

you munched on the cookies happily and let the kittens snuggle up to you. luke and lucy fell asleep on your lap, purring contentedly. you let out a soft yawn and fluttered your eyelids. jaemin chuckled. you were just so stinking cute.

“getting sleepy, baby? i’ll take you to the guess bedroom,” he grabbed your arm, sleepy kittens still in hand, before leading you to the room right across from his bedroom.

“can i sleep with the kittens tonight?” you whispered softly.

“of course, baby,” he replied.

before he could turn to walk back to his room, you grabbed his sleeve and gave a quick peck to his cheek before scurrying to hide underneath the covers. your face was hot and red.

so freaking cute, jaemin though to himself, grinning widely.

it was the middle of the night. you didn’t even know what time it was but you couldn’t fall asleep. your mind was running a million thoughts all at once. what were you going to do when jaemin eventually got tired of you freeloading and kicked you out? how were you supposed to live back on the street now that you know what kindness feels like? you liked jaemin so much you didn’t want to leave him.

before you could think it over, you slowly got out of bed and knocked on jaemin’s door. a sleepy jaemin with a raspy voice and half-lidded eyes opened the door.

“yes, baby?” his sleepy voice was so sexy to you.

you stared hard at the ground. “m sorry for waking you, nana. i couldn’t sleep. would it be okay if i slept in here? just for tonight. you smell so good and comforting i thought maybe-“

he stopped you, lifting your chin to look you deep in your eyes. “kitty, don’t be so nervous around me. of course you can sleep in my bed, c’mon.”

he beckoned you over and lifted the comforter up, allowing you to slip in under the covers. he tried to lay a respectable foot away from you but you started whining and pawing at his arms to come closer. he scooted an inch closer but you grabbed his arms and wrapped them around you, snuggling your face into his thick chest and purring happily. your ears twitched cutely and tickled his face. jaemin was shocked at your boldness but molded his body to yours and cuddled you tightly.

“much better,” you sighed happily. you inhaled deeply, his smell flooding your senses. he was so warm and so comfy, you were in heaven. who would've guessed you'd be in this position when you were just swatting and hissing at him earlier in the night?

you fell asleep quickly, letting out soft sighs as you snoozed away. but now jaemin couldn’t fall back asleep. how could he? he had the sweetest little catgirl snuggling so cutely in his arms. he felt so guilty for it but he could feel his erection growing. he cursed at himself. stop being such a horny fuck. she may be cute but she trusts you to not be a freak around her, he thought.

somehow, jaemin ended up falling asleep and he woke up to you staring up at his sleeping face. your wide doe eyes were so cute just watching him adorably, he could wake up like this every day.

“morning, nana,” you whispered softly. during the night, your legs got tangled with his as you rest your hands on his chest. you could feel how thick and built he was underneath the thin material of his shirt, making your rub your thighs together unintentionally.

“good morning, baby. did you sleep well?” his deep morning voice sent shivers down your spine. his half lidded eyes and sleepy smile made him look so sexy.

you gave him a toothy smile, ears twitching and tail slapping against the bed. “yes i did. best sleep in a long time.”

he gave you a deep kiss to the top of your head, inhaling against your scalp. now that you’ve had a bath, you smelled so sweet and soft and milky. “glad to hear that. let me make breakfast before i have to leave for work.”

he slowly got up from underneath the covers, making you whine and reach for his arms to cuddle you once more.

“baby, i need to make you breakfast. can’t have my sweet kitty starve, now can i? look lucy, luna, and luke are here and they look like they want cuddles too.” he gave you a wink as the three kittens jumped on the bed and walked over to you.

jaemin returned with a plate of fresh fruit, eggs, pancakes, and some bacon. your ears perked up and you sniffed the air excitedly.

jaemin chuckled at your excitement. “hungry are we, kitty?”

you nodded excitedly. “i love pancakes. it’s been so long since i’ve had them.”

you scarfed down the breakfast jaemin made for you. bits of egg gathered at the corner of your mouth and jaemin wiped them away for you.

shyly, you told him, “thank you. for the breakfast and for everything, nana. i’ve never been treated this kindly before.”

jaemin scooted closer to you and wrapped his arm around you, giving you a sweet peck on the cheek. “anything for my kitty.”

he checked his watch and jumped up suddenly. “shit! i’m gonna be late for work.” he rushed into his closet to grab clothes to change into.

you sat on the bed as he stripped to his underwear and put on black slacks and a white button-down. you blushed at the sight of his bare body, thinking he was so sexy but you’d die before telling him that.

rushing to put his shoes on, he gave you one final kiss on the cheek before heading out the door. “i’ll be back tonight for dinner, okay kitty? i’ll leave a 50 on the counter so you can buy whatever you want for yourself. see you this evening, baby.”

your heart sunk. you didn’t want him to leave you again. not when you just met. you knew he was going to come back home (he had to) but that didn’t fill the empty hole in your heart. your eyes welled up with a few tears before you wiped them away with your sleeve. jaemin has been so kind to you so it was time for you to stop looking like a bum and fix yourself up cutely for him.

later that evening, jaemin returned home to not just 3 kitties running up to him to give him some love but also you rushing up to give him a big bear hug. your little body crushing him with a tight squeeze as you nuzzled your face in his chest made his heart melt. he felt you purring against his chest as his arms wrapped around your body.

“missed me, huh kitty?” he teased.

you loosened your grip to look into his eyes. “yes i did,” you pouted seriously.

“i missed you too, baby. let me take these work clothes off so i can make dinner for you,” he replied, giving your head a sweet kiss and inhaling your milky scent.

you reluctantly let go as jaemin’s eyes widened at the sight. you were wearing the cutest little outfit he had no idea where you got it from. a short white mini skirt with a tight lacy pink crop top that showed off your plump tits that were practically spilling out of your shirt. you even had baby pink thigh highs with little bows on them.

“like it?” you smiled up at him, giving a little swirl. he caught sight of little white panties underneath your skirt.

jaemin was breathless. “where did you get this little outfit, baby?”

you smiled even wider. “used the money you left me to go shopping for this. i told the lady to help me find something to impress you and she showed me this.”

jaemin eyed your body hungrily, making you squirm and rub your thighs together. “so, nana? do you like it?”

jaemin gave you a tight hug, pressing his body against yours. you could feel his bulge against your pelvis, making your panties so wet. “i love it, baby. you’re so cute.”

your tail swished happily as you purred against him. “yayyy,” you said excitedly.

“baby, let me go make dinner for us, kay? just wait for me and we can cuddle after.” he hummed against your head.

for dinner, you sat in his lap on the couch, eating your steaming bowls of soup and happily cuddling with the three kitties. your little skirt rode up your thighs, causing your panties to peak out. you wiggled your ass around on jaemin’s lap, sighing contentedly as jaemin shifted around so you wouldn’t feel his hardening bulge.

“thank you again, nana. i appreciate everything you’ve done for me,” you purred.

jaemin gave you a wink. “of course, my baby. you can stay with me for as long as you need. i’m not just gonna throw you out.”

you sat up excitedly, tail swishing, as you turned to face him. “really? you really mean it?”

jaemin nodded. “of course. stay with me as long as you need. my home is always open to you.”

you set your bowl down and gave him a tight hug. “yay yay yayy!! thank you, nana!”

you leaned back to look him in his eyes when you slowly looked down to stare at his lips. slowly, you inched forward and planted a sweet kiss on his lips, sucking and licking gently. jaemin was shocked at your boldness but reciprocated your kiss with a renewed fervor. you wrapped your arms around his neck and sat there on his lap as you made out with him intensely.

“fuck, baby,” he groaned against your lips, rubbing circles on your back and lightly bucking his hips against yours. you let out soft whimpers and moans.

you pulled away from him and rested your foregead against his to gaze deep into his eyes. you looked so fucking hot in that moment jaemin was about to lose it. puffy lips, wild hair, lidded eyes staring at him seductively, ears twitching so cutely. you stared at each other, air tingling with tension and need.

jaemin broke the silence. “baby, i don’t have work tomorrow. let’s go shopping and buy you some cute clothes to wear, kay?”

you nodded and sunk your face into his neck, sniffing at his sexy scent. “yes, i would like that a lot, nana.”

for the next few weeks, you would drive jaemin crazy. always prancing around wearing the cutest little outfits that would leave nothing to the imagination. snuggling and cuddling him so cutely whenever he had the tiniest bit of freetime to lounge around. sleeping in his bed and tangled up in his arms while rubbing yourself against his body. kissing him and making out with him at every possible moment but never going further than that. you were so so clingy with him, always whining and pouting when he had to go anywhere without you. and when he got back, you’d cling to him like a little koala. you were just his sweetest, cutest little kitten and he wanted to gobble you up.

“nana, don’t leave me. how long will you be gone this time?” you pouted and pawed at his chest, pressing your body against his.

“baby,” he sighed. “i need to go drop this off at the post office. i’ll be back in 20 minutes, okay? then i’ll give you your cuddles.”

you sniffled. “meanie.”

when he came back as promised, 19 minutes later, you ran and jumped up into his arms. “you came back, nana! missed you so much.” you pressed a sweet kiss against his lips.

“you’re so precious, kitty. my sweet kitty always so good to nana,” he hummed against your lips.

you pulled away. “nana, i have a problem.”

jaemin started to press soft kisses up and down your jawline. “hm?”

“i’ve been feeling weird lately. i don’t know how to explain it.”

he paused, eyebrows furrowed in concern. “what do you mean, baby?”

“everytime you touch me like that, i get all tingly.” you pointed to your privates. “i get all warm and hot down there. and my panties get a little wet. is there something wrong with me?”

jaemin’s jaw dropped in realization. oh. oh.

“oh, baby. uh,” he started, setting you down on the ground gently. “how do i explain this?”

you tilted your head expectantly at him.

“it means you need me.” he said simply.

you looked confused. “need you? of course i need you. you’re my nana and i’m your kitty.”

“no baby. it means you need me to touch you right there.”

you had a look of realization on your face. “oh.”

“baby, i can help you. i can make you feel really good. but only if you tell me, okay? i won’t do anything you don’t want.” he said slowly, gauging your reaction.

you had a sure look on your face. “nana, i trust you. please touch me.”

jaemin growled and smashed his lips against yours, gripping your ass with one hand and running his hand through your hair in another. you purred needily, rubbing your legs together and feeling that warmth between your legs again.

“baby, can i take this to the bedroom?” he sighed breathlessly against your lips.

you nodded excitedly and chased his lips with yours once more. he hoisted you up by your waist and wrapped your legs around his waist. you lightly grinded against his abdomen, causing him to groan and curse against your lips.

he threw you onto the bed, knocking you breathless, and climbed on top of you to kiss you deeply once more. you whined and bucked your hips up against him in need.

“need more, nana,” you whimpered.

“m getting there, baby,” he said as he started to take your skirt, top, bra, and finally panties off your body, never disconnecting his lips from yours.

he reached his hand down to lightly tease your leaking pussy. you felt so warm and hot down there, you needed more. “more! more!” you cried out.

he took one finger and lightly went around your sopping hole. “fuck, this pussy is so wet for me, huh? you have no idea how long i’ve wanted this. the perfect kitty.”

he plunged one finger in, which had you whining and bucking against his hand. as he pumped his finger in and out of your drooling cunt, he slowly added another finger, then another. he alternated between pumping your cunt and taking his fingers out to play with your clit.

you moaned and cried out. “fuck yes! yes, more, please oh god more!”

he planted a deep kiss on your lips. “my kitty is doing so good for me.”

suddenly, he ripped his hand from your cunt, which had you whining and pouting. then he crawled down to face your beautiful pussy. you were so wet and leaky, all for him. he groaned and shoved his face right into your cunt, tonguing at your hole before licking a strip up to your clit. you screamed and cried out, gripping at his hair and shoving his face further into your crying pussy. he started sucking and licking at your clit before shoving three of his fingers back into your hole, pumping up and hitting your G-spot. tears rolled down your face from all the pleasure.

you felt your core get tight. “nana! nana! feel funny down there… my pussy keeps leaking more!” you cried out.

he looked up from your cunt. he looked so fucking sexy, eyes lidded and face dripping with your arousal. “baby, don’t worry. just relax and feel good, kay?”

he dove back into fingering your dripping cunt and sucking and licking at your clit when you felt a wave of pleasure burst from your core. your cunt squirted out wetness as you screamed in pleasure.

“oh god! nanaaa!!” you sobbed, covering your face with your arm from the intense pleasure.

he grinned, licking his lips and fingers clean, and gently pulled your arm from your face. “let look at you, gorgeous. that felt good, right?”

you nodded vigorously. “nana, need more. felt so good.”

you pulled at his belt loop and started unbuckling his jeans. he let you pull his pants down as he took his shirt off, exposing his sexy toned body. you were drooling at the sight.

“nana, you are so sexy,” you whispered, staring directly at his chiseled abs.

he winked at you before finally pulling his boxers down and letting his rock hard cock spring free. your eyes got as wide as saucers. he was massive. so red and veiny, thick from base to tip, and a slight curve upwards. a bead of pearly white liquid gathered at the tip. his balls looked so big and heavy too. your mouth watered.

“wow,” you whispered to yourself.

jaemin smirked, giving himself a few pumps. “like it, baby?”

you nodded slowly. “i’ve never done this before. can i put it in my mouth?”

jaemin groaned. “fuck baby, you’re gonna be the death of me. so cute and so fucking hot.”

you leaned down and started licking the shaft, started at the base. you sucked his balls softly, letting the weight of them rest on your tongue as you moaned softly.

“just like that baby, fuck. sure you’ve never done this before?” he groaned and snaked his hands into gripping your hair.

you shook your head before licking his cock from base to tip. you gave his cock a small kiss and gulped. how were you going to fit this in your mouth. he was huge. slowly, you sucked on the tip before taking more and more into your mouth. you bobbed your head up and down on his cock as jaemin let out the sexiest groans. you let your tongue lick at the veins on the underside of his cock as you went faster and faster.

“oh, baby. fuck, you suck dick like a pro,” he moaned out. “you’re so gorgeous and perfect, you know that? i love you, my sweet kitty.”

all of sudden, you bottomed out on his cock, sticking it all in your mouth at once. you gave a few licks to his balls.

“oh fuck, fuck, fuck, m gonna cum,” jaemin cursed.

he ripped your head off his cock with a lewd pop. leaving you whining and chasing his cock for more. he threw you back against the bed and pinned you down, cock bouncing angrily against his stomach. you rubbed your legs together as your pussy leaked and drooled in need.

���as good as you suck dick, baby, i need to finish inside you,” he growled, giving you a deep kiss.

he reached into his nightstand to pull out a condom.

“what’s that?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows and tilting your head.

he ripped the packet open and started rolling it on his cock. “it’s called a condom, baby. you put it on before having sex to prevent pregnancy.”

you shook your head slowly. “do you have to wear it? don’t want you to. wanna feel your cock in my pussy raw.”

jaemin paused. “you sure, baby?”

you nodded. “very sure.”

he groaned and cursed to himself. something about “fuck, she’s so sexy and she doesn’t even know it.” he ripped the condom off and threw it off the bed somewhere. then he climbed back on top of you and propped your legs up against his shoulders and lined his cock with your entrance. he gave himself a few punps and teased your soaking hole with the tip of his leaking cock. “ready, baby?”

you nodded vigorously and whined, bucking your hips up to meet his cock. he bottomed out inside you with one thrust, causing you to scream out.

“oh, nana! fuck!” you cried deliciously. your ears twitched so cutely it had jaemin wanting to pound you hard and fast immediately.

he paused his hips to let you against to his size. “are you okay, baby?”

you kissed him. “if you don’t move i might lose my mind.”

with that, he pounded your little pussy with his big cock hard and deep. you cried and screamed at the intense pleasure, claws scratching at his back. the lewd sounds of his balls slapping against your ass had you leaking all around. you squirmed and wriggled underneath him, causing him to use his strength to pin your hips to the mattress.

“fuck baby, you feel so good. real thing is much better than what i’ve imagined,” he growled against your neck.

“oh jaemin,” you called out.

his hips went faster and harder. “say it again. say my name, baby.”

“j-jaemin,” you cried. “jaemin jaemin jaemin! yes oh fuck yes!” in the deep mating press he had you in, you felt the tip of his cock kiss your cervix sweetly.

“oh baby, i love you so much. love my sweet kitty so much. so precious and so sweet to me.” he groaned into your neck.

you were losing your mind in pleasure. “oh jaemin, gonna cum again. more please more!!”

his hips rutted into you impossibly fast, god you were losing your mind. you felt your core tighten and burst with pleasure once again, waves of orgasm washing over your body. your pussy squirted all over his abdomen and spasmed around his cock. his hips continued to fuck you through your orgasm, leaving you feeling overstimulated with pleasure. fat tears rolled down your face as you sobbed and clawed at jaemin’s back.

“m gonna cum too baby,” he gave you a sweet kiss on your lips. “doing so good for me. so good for nana.”

with a final deep thrust, he bottomed out inside your pussy and let out hot white spurts of cum, so much that some dripped and leaked out even as he was still balls deep inside. he collapsed on top of you with a groan, inhaling your hair deeply. you laid there panting and covered in sweat.

“love you, kitty,” he whispered softly into your ear.

“love you too, nana.”

[dr5amatic]

IN THE ASHES ,

a sentence starter prompts list comprised of quotes from the novel an ember in the ashes by sabaa tahir. please be advised that this list may involve topics including, but not limited to, murder, death, and violence. change verbiage as needed.

why do keep disappearing when i need you?

i wasn't spying.

what you saw is dangerous. you can't tell anyone about it. not ever.

keep your secrets close, love.

i'm not working for them.

don't be afraid [name], i won't let anything happen to you.

what are you doing down here?

much as i hate to admit it, you're not usually wrong.

the field of battle is my temple.

the dance of death is my prayer.

the killing blow is my release.

aren't you a pretty one.

who trained you?

keep it safe for me just until i come back.

unless you're stupider than you look, even you can see how this appears.

you worked hard. you did everything right.

go, [name]. go get some air. i'll handle this.

the ghosts of our misdeeds seek vengeance, but the cost will be high.

you are an ember in the ashes, [name]. you will spark and burn, ravage and destroy. you cannot change it. you cannot stop it.

we don't abandon our own!

who do you want me to spy on?

shadows will bloom in your heart and you will become everything you hate.

so my choices are either to stay and be evil or run and be evil. wonderful.

they always underestimate me.

this isn't a mission for the fainthearted.

go away. you're not real.

you're distracted when you can ill afford to be.

if you want to win this, you need to wake up.

i've already wasted too much time cleaning up your messes.

lay low. don't risk spying until you're certain you won't get caught.

fail me again, and we're done.

these are my friends, my family. people i know. i wouldn't hurt them.

how do i make it stop? i have to make it stop.

until you conquer your fear, the dead will remain with you.

i won't kill you. i swear it. by blood and bone, i swear it.

you're going to be fine. i'm going to fix you right up.

fight, [name]. you have to fight. you have to win.

death before tyranny.

if what you say is true, then the balance is upset, and we must restore it.

you look terrible. come into the shade.

you really should run. you’re just going to die.

wait, you idiot! it might be a trap!

i won’t let you fall, i promise.

i want you to know that i think what you’re doing is brave. really brave.

it’s not a stupid idea, just dangerous. i don’t want you getting hurt.

you’re trying to sneak out.

i wouldn’t have traded this for anything.

i live with my sins everyday. i live with the guilt.

i’ve never asked you for anything. i’m asking you now.

you think i can’t defend myself? you think i need bodyguards?

i’ve been distracted worrying about you.

i’ll kill him for this.

don’t talk. just keep quiet and… let me think.

you’re in love with me! but i'm not in love with you, and you hate me for it. you’ve let that ruin our friendship.

i could never be in love with you.

you have no idea what I’ve given up for you, the deal i made. 

who did this?

look at you–look what they’ve done to you.

you don’t have to be brave.

do you have what i want?

i have something, but i need more time.

if you have nothing, then this mission is a failure.

don’t have time for that. I’ve got other things on my mind.

if i wanted to hurt you, i’d already have done it.

as long as there is life, there is hope.

either way, you’d have blamed yourself.

either way, people you cared about would have suffered.

i should have stayed, even if it meant dying.

they won’t let you have compassion or kindness. they won’t let you have a soul.

my soul’s gone. I killed it dead on that battlefield.

there are two kinds of guilt. the kind that’s a burden and the kind that gives you purpose. 

you have a soul. it’s damaged, but it’s there. don’t let them take it from you.

you don’t need to be so cat-footed. i’m not armed.

you’re surprised? you’re naïve, is what you are. you’re a fool.

you’re sick. don’t you have any regret? any remorse?

i’ll celebrate them. i’ll mourn them. but i won’t regret what i did. i did it for the empire. i did it for my people.

don’t make vows when you can’t know their cost.

i crossed a line, and i won’t cross it again.

do you know what i do to spies?

be strong. if you don’t win this, everything is lost.

i will be your blood shrike, your second-in-command, the sword that executes at your will, until death. i swear it.

in the night, your loneliness crushes you, as if the sky itself has swooped down to smother you in its cold arms.

there is nothing of me that is worth anything.

tell me, or i slit your throat here and now.

you’ll pay for this. i swear it to the skies, to the stars. you’ll pay.

just because he’s a good leader doesn’t mean he’s a good person. he lied to you.

for the first time since i can remember, i don’t feel alone. because of you.

i can’t–i can’t stop thinking about you. i’ve tried not to. i tried to push you out.

i’ll take care of everything. i promise.

the moment i knew you existed, i hated you.

if i feel regret, it’s that i wasn’t willing to die sooner.

i’d rather die than live with no mercy, no honor, no soul.

fear is only your enemy if you allow it to be.

too much fear an you’re paralyzed. too little fear and you’re arrogant.

i’ll watch your back if you watch mine. we can make it if we stick together.

[the-sick-habit]

Statistically Speaking, I Think I'm Fucked

Modern AU | Ellie x Fem!Reader | College setting | On a journal

What's Up by 4 Non Blondes

Chp 3: "i just really like jumping into it, i guess"

Thursday, August 28 Bio Lab

So I haven’t texted Riley back yet, but I will once class is over. I haven’t even told anyone about it, and don’t plan to honestly. I already know what they’re gonna say, because that’s exactly what my brain is telling me, too.  

I don’t know, I’m just worried that she’ll bring up the past or something. Or that she’ll do some grand gesture thinking that it’s gonna revert everything back to normal. I mean, it would make sense, because I used to let her do that bullshit to me. Hope it doesn’t happen again.

Fuck. So much for time heals.

Later, Bio Lab still

I’m thinking maybe I can just hang out with her. Stay outside on the porch or in the kitchen.

Later, later still the same, during our fifteen minute break

Library girl is here, still can’t write down her name.

Don’t get it twisted, I KNOW how to spell it…unless her parents are like, name connoisseurs (I had to look this up) or something. It just feels a little too personal, y’know? Or you don’t, ‘cause you’re just a piece of paper. Anyways.

We’re partnering up this time. I’m paired up with this dude that definitely shoots bears and looks like his boots curl in on themselves, Paul. Kind of alright, a little weird. Gets along great with the others. But I don’t know. He’s a little weird, he giggles a lot.

As if I’m not weird, too.

Later, later Bio Lab at the table trying not to stare

Alright, the last entry was a little off. I’m fucking staring at her. God.

I texted Riley back, even though I feel like my heart is gonna rip out of my fucking chest. Why am I doing this?? It’ll be fine. Besides, it’s not every day that the person you thought you were gonna spend your life with leaves you like you’re nothing.

Can’t even tell Dina, she’s gonna kill me.

Still the same godforsaken day In my dorm, trying not to change into different clothes

Before I even go out, let me just write down some things as a gentle reminder.

She left and fucked me UP

GHOSTED ME

Is acting like things are okay

What the fuck am I doing?!

I told library girl that I’ll see her at the study session today, and she waved at me and said, ��See you there.” like she wholeheartedly believed me.

Maybe Riley will apologize this time.

Sometime today, or tonight, whenever In my truck, can’t get out yet

I fucking knew it. I knew it was a bad fucking idea. I’m so fucking stupid. She did it again. And this time tried to make it seem like it was MY problem, and even dragged Dina into this. Which – surprise surprise – gives me this sick feeling in my gut.

Why??? Why would I think it’d be okay again???

What the hell did I expect??? Fuck!!!

I forgot Dina could see my location, but she couldn’t guess that I was with Riley in her stupid fucking house. And I can’t lie to her, I can’t say shit. So I just told her I got busy. She’s gonna clock that so fast but I can’t care right now.

Riley’s texting me, she’s saying she didn’t mean for it to come out like that??!?! Didn’t even WRITE sorry!! Okay, great fucking timing ASSHOLE!! I’m so fucking done with this, with this town, with everything, I just need to LEAVE, it’s too much and now I’m

Friday, August 29 Too fucking early for the night I had

Didn't finish last entry. Whatever. I woke up to, like, two messages form Dina and a handful from Riley. There’s one from Cat.

And then Jessie’s dumbass asked me if I had an extra pencil. We don’t even have the same class to be exchanging goods like that. And he texted me that at FOUR IN THE MORNING.

Yeah, definitely waking up and answering that question diligently after the cry I had.

My fucking head hurts.

Later, Physics Lecture

Cat actually sat next to me this time, she came in after I did. It was kinda nice. I was answering her text when she did, she’d told me good morning and asked if I wanted to have lunch with her.

She was joking around, saying shit that made me laugh. Helped me forget. Cat’s in the bathroom right now, so I’m writing as fast as I can.

That’s why I hate sitting next to people that I just met—or just anyone in general. Can’t write shit in peace without worrying they’re peeking over my shoulder to see what I’m writing about.

Riley @11:23 PM “didn’t mean to make you upset ellie, promise. just thought we could talk about it.” Riley @6:21 AM “call me when you get the chance, yeah?”

See, this is the bullshit I get myself into. And it’s so dumb, if I told Dina she’d rip my head off. If I tell Sarah?! I don’t know.

I can’t deal with this right now.

Fuck, she’s back.

Later later, In my dorm

I went to lunch with Cat after class. It was kinda nice, but I felt a little bad because I had the hardest time concentrating on what she was talking about. I think she was telling me about tattoos, how she wanted to start doing that but had no idea how.

Beats me why she was talking to me about it. But we had sandwiches and chips, the good old American lunch.

And then something EMBARRASSING happened.

“Yeah, I dunno, tattooings pretty cool. Just don’t know how I’d feel about leaving something permanent on someone. Seems kinda...sketch.” and I was just talking, letting the words flow out while I picked at my ham and cheese sandwich. And the lettuce was sad.

Cat leaned in on the table, and I looked up to see that she was giving me this small grin. And when she spoke, it was suddenly really hard to swallow my bite, “I see what you mean. But there’s just something I like about that. Being that close to someone’s skin. You wouldn’t mind if I did that to you, would you?”

And I tried to say something, then a piece of my SANDWHICH CAME OUT OF MY MOUTH.

UUUGHHH. But she just grinned at me, like it was the right answer. So, dumbass for the win?

So there was that. We ended up saying bye, and she hugged me. Didn’t know what to do, and I hated how sweaty and jittery I felt after. I guess she wants to hang out again at her dorm. Not really thinking too much about that.

But anyways.

Dina texted me, saying there’s a party that she was invited to off campus and wanted me to go. Apparently Jessie’s going too, but I had to let her down. She’s not even pushing me about where I was yesterday, which I super appreciate. So that made me feel a little bad.

I just can’t win apparently.

But I guess I’m okay to start talking about what happened. As best as I can, anyways, because that shit was a couple of hours long so we’ll see.

THE GREAT TRAGEDY (FEATURING ELLIE WILLIAMS)

I drove over to Riley’s place, where she used to live. It was crazy, because it looked the same almost. You know? Still had the flower beds up front that I’m sure her mom still tended to. One of the flowers was messed up, and it made me smile ‘cause it’s the SAME damn flower every time.

Even half a year later. And I’m sure it’s because it’s right next to the walkway.

I’ll admit, it took me a while to get out of the truck for a couple of minutes. I had parked on the side of the road for easy escape. Even when I was nervous as hell I could parallel park. My palms were sweating and shit. So lame. Kind of. Not really.

I finally got out and walked up to the house. Riley’s house. Obviously. And you know what, as soon as those stupid sprinklers came on and sprayed my jeans I knew that was just a fucking bad omen. I should have walked away, but I didn’t.

And then on the porch that scuff was still there, the one that Riley’s boot made ‘cause we were…yeah.

I had to shake it off, and my stupid hand was trembling a little when I went to go knock on the wooden door twice. And for some reason I thought about Joel, and his face, and how he’d probably be disappointed that I was here. Jesus.

BUT ANYWAYS.

I knocked on that fucking raggedy ass door. And it didn’t take much for someone to answer. It was actually her mom, and for a second I felt so awkward and lame. She seemed to do a double take when she saw me, and I felt myself shift.

“Hey, Ellie!” she exclaimed, which SURPRISED me. And I don’t know if it showed on my face.

I waved back and then stepped in, and she actually leaned in to give me a hug. Which, I guess in retrospect, was nice. And I gave her a half-assed one back, “Hey.”

“Riley!” she yelled out from the top of the stairs. “Ellie’s here!”

Don’t get me wrong, her mom knew about what was happening between Riley and me. We were really close friends. Met in middle school, were friends for a while. And then in high school we dated. Whatever. She left when we graduated, had her own life to figure out. The works. But the whole time her mom was very supportive, invited me to family events and shit.

So I walked over to the steps that led upstairs. I stayed right there while her mom talked to me, asking me what I’ve been up to and shit. She told me that I’ve grown, look better.

Didn’t know if she really meant it or she was just saying it ‘cause I’m standing at my ex’s house like an idiot.

And I tried to remind myself that she was my best friend first.

But Riley finally came down the stairs, and I tried not to look TOO nervous. But she fucking caught me. Of course she did.

She walked down lazily, her arm swinging back and forth with each step and gave me that grin that made me smile back automatically – half assed or not, “Look at you, nervous as hell.”

I scoffed, that was like my defense mechanism, “Not nervous.” And it was so LAME.

And Riley looked at me up and down and then pointed at my goddamn hands like it was the most obvious thing in the world, “You’re strangling your fingers like they owe you money.”

And fuck, that made me laugh and roll my eyes. I wanna say I put my hands back to my sides leisurely and cool, but I don’t know, “Yeah, yeah, well, I’m here.”

I didn’t expect this meeting to end up like this. I didn’t expect her to ghost me the way she did and for me to come crawling back to her as if nothing happened. What I DID expect? A more sincere Riley, an apology, an explanation.

Maybe she needed some warming up? FUCK NO.

She never once brought it up. Which is what I wanted, right?? I wanted to keep it going, get our friendship back to how it used to be. But how the hell could I want that when every word that comes out of her fucking mouth makes me hold my breath? Waiting for something that sounds remotely like remorse? I’m so fucked. I WAS so fucked.

Through the awkwardness I felt in my lungs, I sat in her room on the floor. And it was a little hard, not gonna lie. There’s a lot of memories in that place. Shit we did, shit I WANTED to do, words and actions and—

Okay let me not get all poetic about this bullshit.

It felt better knowing her mom was downstairs. I knew Riley wasn’t gonna hit me or anything, but hearing her bustling in the living room and the TV on (she still loves watching Turkish soap operas) didn’t make me feel so trapped. Like, I could concentrate on the foreign language whenever Riley said anything that made my heart race. Which was way too often.

But we talked about her life out there in Los Angeles, like it was some cool thing. And sometimes—I don’t think she mean it—it felt like she was hinting that staying in Jackson was…not the move. And that made me feel some kind of way. Like, it made me not wanna be in her room anymore.

“Yeah, I’m so glad I moved when I did.” She said, and she was fishing through her bag. The same one from her closet where we’d hide the weed. And I was eyeing it, because she gave me that stupid grin that reminded me of what we used to be.

“You gonna have some, or are you gonna leave me hanging?” she took out a joint, and I don’t know about you but I’m down for a smoke. Just not with an ex.

So why the fuck did I accept it?

Because I kept TRYING to convince myself that she’s just my friend now. But no, it’s not like that anymore. Riley isn’t my friend. She’s an ex who USED to be my best friend. I don’t fucking work that way apparently.

“Yeah, why not?” and I went to sit closer to her while she lit it up.

Like, this is a recipe for disaster. I’m so fucking glad I don’t like her anymore like that. If I had wanted to kiss her and shit, she could’ve gotten that from me. And it’s fucking crazy what happens next. Like, I don’t even want to write it but I need to REMEMBER.

That way I won’t let it happen again.

We start smoking, she cracks the window open ‘cause she forgot to do that—she’d always forget, even now. I asked her if her mom’s okay with it now, and Riley basically said her mom knows she smokes and doesn’t mind, “As long as we don’t stink up the whole house.”

And I started feeling it after the second hit. Just to clear it up, I wasn’t INHALING it. I think Riley caught on but she didn’t say anything about it. But I was getting a little fuzzy a little while.

I kept talking, ‘cause if I didn’t I thought my heart was gonna explode. And maybe I shouldn’t have kept talking. Or maybe I shouldn’t have even been there in the first place.

I think that’s when Dina texted me again, and I looked at it. I hated how she didn’t use emojis this time.

Dina: “hey, we’re at the library. just let me know ur ok.”

And I just thumbs up her message and left it at that. THAT’S when the bullshit started, ‘cause Riley noticed. Of course she’d finally bring it up when I’m fucking high, of course she would. I mean, GOD I know Dina texted me first and then she saw it, but, it’s just – this had me fucked up and still does.

“You still talk to Dina?” she asked me with that voice she has, like the one that makes you feel like you’re in trouble but it’s not obvious, so you’re just wondering if you’re imagining it. Damn, basically my whole dating relationship with her.

“Yeah.” And I couldn’t say more than that. I just stared at the carpet we were sitting on, picking at the lint. The same carpet she laid me on and��FUCK (I guess literally).

“She still confused?”

And that’s when I had to look up at her, and she had that look on her face that made my stomach drop, “What?”

It wasn’t even fair, because I was fucking high. Like she waited for me to be high to push my fucking buttons.

“Y’know, like, about what she likes.”

And I knew what she was talking about. But this time I wasn’t the same person anymore. I don’t know if she knew that. Even though I was sitting here like a dumbass, “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” And I shrugged, looking back at the carpet.

That just slipped out, alright?

And she got DEFENSIVE. I could see her moving from the corner of my eyes, and I’d be lying if I said that didn’t make me stiffen up, “Woah, alright. Calm down Ellie.”

That pissed me the fuck off, “No, I’m calm Riley. I just said I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I could feel my hands start to shake while I moved them around, I could feel my face start to lose composure. I hated it.

It sounded like I shut her up, but then she talked again, “You know I never liked her, right?”

I HAD to look at her this time. And damn, the look she had on her face? How could it possibly make me feel any worse than what I already felt. I knew she was toying with me, but I couldn’t PROVE it. “You know what? No.” this time I glared at her.

“Why the fuck are you talking about Dina?” There. I did it, I talked back to Riley and the look on her face was so satisfying.

I don’t know if she was genuinely surprised with how I answered, or how quick I was to talk back. But I managed to make her quiet for a couple of seconds. That’s when I should’ve walked away, but then she said this. Like she knew that’s what would shut MY ass up.   

“I just thought, I don’t know…that you were talking to her while I was gone. As more than friends.” Her voice was stupid soft.

I hated how that stopped me on my tracks. I was looking at her, and she had her head down, knees up. I don’t know how high she was, but all I knew was that I felt my anger leave quick as hell.

“What do you mean?”

I should’ve left, I should’ve left, I should’ve left.

She proceeds to tell me that she thought I was talking to Dina behind her back while she was in LA. Like, ROMANTICALLY. And it was like pulling fucking teeth to get her to say it. The more she pushed back the more it pissed me off. How are you gonna invite me over here, to talk about shit that should’ve been talked about when we were together?!

And why did I let her?!

ALSO, that wasn’t even something I WANTED her to talk about.

God, I was so fucking frustrated. I may have or may not have cussed her out while walking out of her room. It was so embarrassing though because her mom heard us arguing in her room, and when I opened the door she was there. Her mom had this look of concern on her face that made me feel guilty, and I’m pretty damn sure she smelled the weed, too.

The kicker?? Her mom didn’t let me go!!!

She said I was high, and to sit my ass on the couch. I’m such a bitch too, ‘cause I told her as long as Riley stayed the fuck away from me that I’d stay.

“Fuck you, Ellie!” I heard Riley yell out from the top of the stairs while I went down the stairs, holding onto the railing. Her mom stayed up there with her, and I heard these angry hisses from her that I didn’t even try to make out.

But I just didn’t care at that point. My heart was beating so fast, and I couldn’t concentrate that good because I was high and embarrassed, and I just—I was feeling shit.

I had to wait for the high to wear off for Riley’s mom to let me go. She didn’t try talking to me about anything, just gave me something to eat. Which I did begrudgingly. It was a little bowl of ice cream, the same stupid flavor Riley likes. And it’s mint chocolate chip. UGH. I don’t even like it that much.

That’s why I went to my dorm so late yesterday, too. I thought about going over to Dina’s. But decided not do.

And YEAH, alright. I cried okay?? DAMN.

But can you blame me?! No, no you can’t.

A little later once my hand stopped cramping Still in my dorm around 7-ish

I texted Dina back. Ended up telling her where I went yesterday. She hasn’t answered back, but a part of me highly doubts she was upset about it. She’s probably getting ready for that party she invited me to. Which is funny, ‘cause it’s not her party.

Also, Cat wanted to hang out this weekend so we’ll see. It’s a little too much right now. I mean, she DOES make me laugh and it’s nice talking to her. She’s cool, but not really what I wanna concentrate on right now. Especially when I still need to do my homework.

Which, actually, I have a lot of.

It’s mostly just time consuming. And who the fuck assigns discussion posts for biology?!

Oh, Dina texted back. She definitely wants a debrief. Called me a bitch for not telling her, too.

Half an hour later, Behind a bookcase like a creep

She’s here!! The library girl is here. Why am I freaking out?! It’s literally no big deal. She’s just sitting there with her little book. Just, I don’t know, doing her thing!!

And like an idiot I texted Dina.

“I came to the library to study and she’s here, what do I do?!”

“who?”

“your nursing friend!!”

“then go sit down you weirdo???!”

I’m so dumb.

Still here, A little better now, sitting across from her

I ended up sitting next to her.

She was so nice, looked up at me when I approached her with my shit. I saw a flicker of recognition go on her face before she gave me this soft smile. It made me feel more at ease when I got to the table, “Is it okay if I sit here?”

And right away she moved her stuff (thick ass book, some highlighters and flashcards) out of the way. It wasn’t even that much, she didn’t have to do it that quick. Even mumbled an apology with that little smile that I couldn’t help but smile back to.

“Nah, you’re good.” I had to tell her that, ‘cause she was acting as if SHE was intruding in my space. Which, weird, but okay.

I finally got my things ready then sat down, and we stayed like that for a bit. I didn’t expect her here, but I’m glad she is.

She’s still in front of me, in our usual seats at the table. But she’s so concentrated on her work, it’s almost like I’m not even here. Can’t believe I freaked out on Dina too. It wasn’t that bad.

Which, honestly, probably fucked me over because she just texted me again.

OKAY WHAT THE FUCK?!

“don’t be a little weirdo, she’s really nice and into girls”

“and I wanna know that because?????????”

“.-.”

She’s fucking insane. But I better get back to my homework and put on some music. Being in front of her makes me wanna get my shit done. With all her clacking on her calculator and scribbles.

Still at the library, She’s gone to the restroom

You know, she’s actually pretty cool. I mean, in a ‘let my actions and looks do all the talking’ kind of cool. The quiet was a nice contrast to all the other words I just heard yesterday and earlier today.

I haven’t texted Cat back, but I think that this point she just knows I’m not a huge person on texting. I mean I’ll READ them, but, I won’t answer unless it’s super urgent. Or if you’re calling me.

But she got up from her seat when I was halfway from taking out my lab assignments for bio, and I looked at her. Didn’t mean to, but she started to talk in a hushed voice, “I’ll be right back, can you watch my stuff for me?” and then before I could say anything she quickly added, “If that’s okay.”

And I nodded, told her it was fine. I mean, I don’t feel inclined to steal her nursing books and homework. I mean, maybe her laptop, but whatever. What am I gonna find in there? Medicine shit?

I didn’t mean to peek, but I saw that she was working on some dimensional analysis stuff. Probably the same crap that Dina was stressing out about and wouldn’t listen to my advice on.

She’s back, can see her walking back.

Later, In my dorm

I’m so glad I didn’t go to that party.

Going to the library was the move for sure.

Anyways, we ended up working on the lab worksheets – which was kind of cheating, but whatever. She saw that I’d taken them out and then casually murmured something along the line of, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” A nursing student forgetting about lab work? But she also said it as if she didn’t mean to say it out loud.

I didn’t say anything to her when she said that, which I kind of regretted. I guess that could’ve been a good moment to talk to her. She put her pen down and started to rustle through her bag, and I could hear her pens and stuff. I didn’t even MEAN to say this, but I asked her if she wanted to work on it with me.

And then she looked at me with these eyes, the ones where she seemed unsure if this was a joke or not, “Is that…allowed?”

GOD WHO THE HELL IS SHE?!

I don’t know how I looked when she asked me that. I knew I wanted to laugh, but instead I shrugged and said, “No, but why not?”

Which…is kind of what I also told Riley, but whatever.

“You won’t snitch right? ‘Cause that would suck.” I decided to tease her a little, see what she was gonna say.

“That really would, huh.” She murmured and I had to look up from my worksheet to look at her face. She looked concentrated as she looked through her worksheet. And I just HAD to ask.

“Would you?”

She looked at me, almost amused, and her eyes felt like they were boring into mine. Honestly it was hard to look away, “Now why would I do that, Ellie?” and she asked in this…I don’t know, cute tone. But it had my brain short-circuit because this is the most I’ve heard her talk.

And she sounds like this? Jesus.

I tried to laugh, but I think it just sounded like a scoff. Whether or not it did, she smiled at me and looked down at her worksheet. And I didn’t mind, because I also looked down at my own worksheet.

Fuck.

But we just filled it out. I learned a bit more about her. That she’s also in the nursing program (guessed correctly), but she’s doing her associates while Dina is doing her bachelors. She’s from Chicago, so that was interesting. Wondered why she was here, but I didn’t pry, just thought it was cool. Ended up telling her I’m actually from Boston.

And she didn’t pry either.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense.” That’s what she said. I think I looked confused and even taken aback because she continued talking. She almost sounded a little panicked, and I tried to keep a straight face, “It just seems like it, y’know? Like, you have that demeanor.”

“Demeanor?” I repeated that slowly, because, who USES that word? Nerds, I guess. UGH, just kidding, she’s really cool and cute.

And before she could spaz out – she looked like she thought I was condemning her – I put my hand up and this time let myself laugh a little. No harm right? “No, you’re good, I get it.” And then with a shrug I also said, “You don’t seem like the Jackson type either.”

She pressed her lips together in a thin line, like she was trying not to smile too hard and I thought it was cute, “Yeah, small towns and all.”

I snickered and felt compelled to do the same thing with my lips, “Small towns.” I agreed.

A little bit later (like late as FUCK), Still in my dorm but this time thinking about you

It’s crazy because I’ve only known you for a couple of days. Seen you around in classes and the library. And I feel lame and crazy because I’m in my dorm, feeling more right tonight than I have in all the others since I’ve been here.

But anyways, I ended up texting Riley back after I got here from the library. I don’t want to call her, so I don’t plan on doing that any time soon. Or at all. I just told her that I was sorry for…all that cussing out at her, and for the fact that her mom had to get involved in it.

And crazy thing is, she texted me back pretty quickly after that.

“it’s okay, things got intense. i came at you pretty strong. can we talk?” “i can go over this time.”

I’m definitely gonna have to talk to Dina about this. Or someone. Because I don’t know what do to. Well, I DO. I just tell her I’m done, I can’t talk to her anymore. That she keeps dragging me down this stupid hole I’m tired of climbing out of.

What would you do? You don’t seem like the type to get into crap like this.

Saturday, August 30 At Dina’s and Jessie’s late at night

They’re making me play a board game, but rustling around the kitchen for snacks right now. Might have enough time to write down the hangout I had with Cat today.

It wasn’t even that much time. Just about…okay, fuck, most of my day. But I had fun and I thought it was worth it. The sucky part is that I kept thinking about that thing with Riley. She didn’t text me back, probably waiting. Or I’m just hoping she gave up.

But anyway, I hanged out with Cat at her dorm. She sat pretty close to me, her thigh brushed against mine whenever she laughed at something I said or leaned over to tell me a story. I wasn’t used to it so of course I fucking fumbled a little. We talked a little more about what she wanted to tattoo.

After a while I got comfortable enough to let her look at my arm. She’d insisted even after I told her it wasn’t something that never interested me.

“It’d look good right here.” She murmured with a small grin, and her hands held my arm with a little more confidence that I anticipated. She turned it around, and her thumb ran along my skin.

I had to look away, ‘cause I felt this stupid heat coming up my neck and I knew I was getting red, “Mm, never really thought about it.”

And when I looked back at her, she was already looking at me. Like she has this plan in her eyes that I can’t see. Is that normal?

“You should. It’d be hot.”

I might have short-circuited right there. I tried to come up with someone normal, average, or best  as a response.

I laughed and shook my head, looked down at my arm just as she turned my wrist for my palm to face upwards, “And that’s supposed to convince me.”

I think I saved face a little, until I looked at her and she turned her head upwards to look at me, “What. You need something else?”

I’m pretty sure my swallow echoed all over the room.

Did anything happen? No. It really didn’t. Because writing this shit now, it sounds like some rom-com crap. I don’t even remember how it derailed off from that moment. Just that I’m completely fucked when it comes to pretty girls.

And then the next part of the hangout, she began to draw on my arm. It wasn’t anything stupid, or little doodles here and there. She actually began to sketch out a tattoo she thought would look cool on me while we talked about class, or whatever thing that came to mind.

I let her do most of the talking, didn’t really feel up for it. But it was nice getting out of my head for a while.

Things I Learned About Cat

She has a dog back at home named Toto (funny name, I really tried not to crack up. It was too late, she smacked my arm when she realized my shoulders were shaking)

Her favorite color is green, which happens to be my favorite color too. Except hers is that weird bright one. I’m more of a deep green.

She didn’t intend to cut her hair that short, it just so happened that way because the barber misinterpreted how short she wanted it. It was already chopped before she could say anything (“Couldn’t you FEEL the scissors on your neck?” and she smacked me for that one, too.)

She went river rafting and bungee jumping with her friends last month. Which sounds fucking awesome. Gotta do that too.

Okay, where the hell are Jessie and Dina?

Author's note: Not sure if that's longer than the other ones. Not that I was keeping track necessarily. But the whole point of view thing for readers (you) I'M TRYING OKAY.

Also I know the story is slow but ummm I do slow-burn. Sorry sweaty. :/ I should probably add that to the masterlist thing.

--

chp 2 <- this chapter -> chp 4

--

<3 beginning of hall of fame <3

@joonsaloe @kylorey25 @bluminescent-moon

<3 end of hall of fame <3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - June 14

mirrorball anon, crumbling anon, midnights anon, comforting friend anon, usaid anon

(Sorry if these seem a little off, I write and posted all of these earlier only to find that they didn't fucking post....so this is the second time I;m writing them out!!!"

mirrorball anon

I’m really sad all the time

and my trust issues are through the roof

there is one single person I currently trust completely

that’s it

it used to be like 10+

I used to feel like people weren’t out to hurt me

Now I don’t think that’s true anymore

and I don’t know what to do

I wish I could just go back to like August and tell myself who to trust and who not to trust to spare myself all the shit I’m going through now. People keep telling me it gets better but every day just seems to make it worse and I don’t know what to do.

And I feel like the few people I have left are going to get sick of me being depressed and always venting and always having some issue because I think everything is my fault

I just wanna feel okay again, Cas. I just wanna feel safe and at peace again.

-🪩

Hi ❤️ I am so sorry you’re feeling this way right now. I wish I could tell you that all people are good people and you can trust people but we both know that’s not true.

I CAN tell you that there are some amazing people who are worth dealing with the bad people. That you sometimes have to go through getting rid of some real shit people to meet some amazing people. And even though it sucks right now it will get better. 

I’m sending you so much love and I’m here to vent to ❤️

___

Midnights anon

Hi! It’s midnights anon. I don’t know if this’ll be long or short but I have a TON on my mind so if this is short I might send in another ask later?

I got my grades for 2 of the exams! A 95 on my college-level AP bio test, and an A- on my history exam. I don’t know about the rest but yeah! I know everyone else around me doesn’t think it’s that big a deal but I’m proud of myself. I mean, I’ve been taking college-level AP bio for FRESHMAN YEAR and I’m leaving it with an A- to an A! I’ve been stressing and working so hard and I’m proud of myself, even if it might not be that rare since everyone around me does well too.

So… for the first week of summer vacation after my first year of highschool (I’m a sophomore now!! Yay? I’m feeling kinda weird about it) my parents took me to New York for an event my dad was doing and we went to a ton of vintage/thrift stores. It sounds fun in theory but I e been exhausted, overstimulated, and disassociating the entire time. I’m truly grateful for them, and their support and what they do but, I’m just so tired, you know? I really miss my vinyl and my plants and my shower at home, this trip has been kinda rough. And I’m sore from training and the beds are kinda hard to sleep in? I think it might be the undiagnosed autism? Nothings really wrong, so I’m not complaining but, it’s just sensory issues I guess? I feel kind of ungrateful or just, dumb for feeling like this.

Also being around my parents 24/7 has been difficult. But I’ve managed! It sounds kind of stupid but I’ve just been letting the feelings come and go, and I think of my emotions like a cats? Sometimes cats just decide not to like you for the day, or even hour, and that’s just so much less pressure. Like,

yeah dad you made me upset when you said I can’t eat for 7 hours, so I’m just going to take a break from you and not engage

And then everything’s fine when I’m feeling okay again.

Also I’ve been remembering middle school me, about how I was bullied in 7th grade (redacted) and looking back objectively, I can say confidently that nobody my age liked me. And not in a “I hate myself and so did everyone else” way but a “you did nothing but be a middle schooler and people hated you for that, and you didn’t deserve that” way, like, comforting my younger self.

Also my friend invited me to a thing she finds super important (since it’s her hobby/after school activity she loves) and I don’t really want to go, BUT she’s an introvert and (from my guess) she hyped herself up to invite me because she randomly texted me in all caps in the middle of a school day if I wanted to come see her swim competition. I have done the exact same thing (randomly texting someone in all caps after an extended period of time to ask if they wanted to hang out even though I was terrified to ask) and I know how it feels to be rejected (also also, she’s a cool person who I want to get to know) soooo I’m probably gonna go! I see myself in her sorta? I want to be a good friend, since she’s a great person.

Also, I’m heading to an outdoor movie picnic thing on Thursday and watching mean girls (which I’ve already seen so I know I’ll have a good time) with a ton of strangers from around town, and next Wednesday there’s a writers workshop at the library, so I’ll try and make friends there!

I feel slightly less self-conscious too, I think my body is pretty cool and stuff! I like looking at my veins because there’s types of metals/elements in there that are only found in living things or dying stars! And it moves me and keeps me alive nd can feel cool things. I’m pretty lucky to be alive, even when it gets rough.

I do feel kind of weird though? Like something’s off, or that the other shoe is about to drop, or anything. I might just still feel off from the overstimulation/derealizing but although I feel okay about myself in general I have a weird feeling that everyone hates me and wants me dead? I don’t understand how I feel so okay logically but also feel like people want to hurt me or make me feel bad?

Azejdldjagajsjgmggfjhdff I don’t know what’s up with me

Anyways, thank you for reading! I hope you’re doing well!

Byeeeeeeee

Hi! First of all, congratulations on your grades! Thats such an accomplishment!

As far as your trip- I can totally understand your feelings. I always feel like I need a vacation AFTER my vacation, just to like...reset after a trip. That's valid!

I'm happy to hear you're being nicer to both your middle school and current self. You deserve kindness and love, and you're absolutely RIGHT that you did not deserve any of what you described.

As far as going to your friends thing, I hope you go! It sounds like you're emotionally intelligent and you understand that it means a lot to her, even if it's not your favorite thing to do, and I think she would be so happy if you went (as long as you're comfortable.)

For your weird feeling- I've read before that people who've experienced trauma can sometimes have trouble in happy times because they're not used to NOT being in fight-or-flight mode. Do you think that could be it?

Anyway, I'm glad things are going well right now! Sending love!

___

crumbling anon

Ok so crumbling anaon back thanks so much for honestly just listening it felt like that crush was suffocating first off I should have spell checked that (dyslexia lol) but that crush is not going away anytime soon lol and she has told me about her crush so I'm 100% sure she doesn't like me I've been trying my best but tbh Ive never felt this Way to anyone and I'm so scared of losing her as a friend but it's gotten to a point where I might just tell her

That makes sense! Just remember that whatever you decide to do, you deserve to be treated with compassion and respect. She's not required to feel the same way as you, but she DOES have to be kind, and if she isn't, she's not a good friend <3

___

comforting friend anon - tw- food

hi cas! this is comforting friend anon.

so i had another conversation about this stuff with that friend a day or two ago, and just sort of listening seemed to go well. we dont have these conversations very often, and since what i did this last time seemed to work, i dont think i need much advice. can i just rant?

okay, so two things. first, my mom is kind of odd about food and body image. she seems to think half a bagel is plenty of food for anyone, and has even told me that im wasting food when i had a full one before. she and most of the rest of my family are pretty skinny or lean people, and i definitely eat a lot compared to them. for the most part, though, i think i like my body. i run and work out a lot, so i have a lot of muscle mass, and i think other than some belly fat and leg hair, i like almost every part of my body. but when i say any of this stuff, she just says that im "apple shaped" and that i just need to "suck in" when im wearing dresses, which feels a bit backhanded to me. i recently wore a dress for the first time in a while, and i hated that i felt the need to suck in my belly and all that the entire time. i, being 5'6 and 135 pounds, am a pretty reasonable weight for my age. my older sister on the other hand, being about the same height but 25 pounds lighter, is very thin. and she'll show off her completely flat stomach around the house all the time, while i feel the need to wear baggy clothing constantly around my house. its just annoying and tiring. and i dont think i have an eating disorder right now, but i do think i did in the past because of a lot of this. i would eat only about half a dinner for a few days, and i would do this over and over again. then, of course, it was only until i was feeling okay about my body that my mom accused me of "trying not to eat" when i didn't have much of an appetite for one meal.

the second thing is back to my friend. like i said, we had another conversation a few days ago. she said that she was upset because she lost ten pounds after not eating for one day. and like... one, i don't think that's how that works, and if it is, something is very wrong. and two, i watched her have a pizza in front of her during lunch on the day she was talking about, and she literally just ignored it for all of lunch. if she wants to gain weight, then she kind of has to actually eat. i told her this with a bit different wording a while ago, and she was just like "oh, i eat after school." except ive been to her house. most of the food there is oreos and a bit of fruit. her family orders takeout for most of their meals, so there isnt anything actually good to eat for snacks. so yes, i think she eats food after school, but i dont think its much, and i dont think its very good food that would make her gain the weight she wants. nd then shell complain about not gaining weight. like girl, complain all you want, but at least be putting in effort to try to improve towards your goal. and sometimes shell say that she feels sick or something, which makes it understandable why she wont eat, but usually she just refuses because the "cheese is wrong" on her pizza (theres so many options to eat other than pizza for school lunch at our school) or that she doesnt like getting told what to do. its just sort of frustrating to hear and see all of this.

i didnt exactly plan on writing this much, so sorry about that. again, i dont want advice, i just wanted to rant somewhere. if you read all this, thanks!

Hi!

Honestly it sounds like you have the healthiest relationship with food by FAR, out of everyone in your family. Like I know it's hard, but PLEASE try not to listen to your mom or anyone else. You're right, a while bagel is completely okay. And I'm not a professional but you sound like a completely normal weight! Your mom seems to have a lot of food problems and if the doctor isn;t concerned, you shouldn't be either. I'm sorry your mom is acting this way.

And your friend...it seems she has some food issues too. Does anyone know about how she;s acting? I feel like maybe an adult should know, because it's a bit concerning.

Sending love!

___

usaid anon

I just feel so stuck. Theres so much going on and i dont know how to help. Whats going on in LA right now and gaza and everything i just feel like im doing nothing. Life doesnt stop and it feels like it should. It feels like we should be droping everything and helping the people in gaza stopping the wars that are going on everywhere else and stop trumps stupid policies but we arent it feels like nothings changing and i cant do anything to help change it anyway. I cant go to protests im halfway across the fucking world. This sucks everything sucks. I want to help i just dont know how

I totally understand what you mean <3

Remember though, voices are powerful, and a big thing we can do is to NOT STOP TALKING about these things. I think one of the problems is people have turned it into a fad, to fight for certain issues. We can't make it something we just talk ab out for a little while, then stop. We need to keep talking, even after changes start to get made. If we keep talking, (and, for those that can, voting) then eventually, some people will stop ignoring us. So keep talking! <3

[m-jelly]

Late night snack - Chapter 9

Vampire Levi x human reader

Levi looks after you as you heal. He investigates a lead and learns something new. The two of you wedding plan and you try on your wedding dress.

Ao3

Part 10

Levi lightly held your hands as you walked towards him. After everything that happened to you and how weak you had gotten you needed to build up your stamina again, which involved walking with Levi’s help across different places. He smiled as you kept walking. “Well done, bunny.”

You panted a bit. “I’m walking further each time.”

He smiled softly and felt closer to being at peace. The doctor had told him you were fine, there were no lingering issues from whatever was used on you and there was nothing wrong with him either. They said you needed to work together to regain your strength. He could give you his blood in a few days to help speed things along.

He caught you when your legs gave up. “You’re doing fantastic, my love.”

You sighed a bit. “I think I’m done.”

He scooped you up and carried you to the sofa. “Rest.”

You panted more and gulped hard. “Do you have my drink?”

He sat next to you and helped you drink. “Good girl.”

“Thanks.” You leaned against Levi. “Mm.”

“Tired?” He wrapped his arms around you. “Do you want to nap?”

You shook your head. “No, I just want to be close to you.”

“I’m happy to help with that.” He kissed your temple. “Do you wanna stream for a bit? I can help you.”

You gasped in delight. “Oh, please.”

He picked you up and carried you to your gaming room. He sat you in your seat and set everything up. “I’ll go on mine. We can call the lads and play that Nuclear Nightmare game.”

You clapped your hands. “Yes and maybe some Lethal Company.”

He hummed a laugh. “Exactly.” He set his things up and made the group call. “I’ll control the stream from him, so if you’re tired I’ll swap everything to me.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to put pressure on you.”

“I want to do it.”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “Thank you.” You tapped away on your computer and called up everyone in a group chat. You helped people set up their streams before logging into the game. “We’ll use in-game mics as it has proximity chat.” You giggled at everyone being so sweet. “Okay, I’ll introduce you all to the fans. Everyone, please say hello to my friends, Erwin, Mike, Kat and my best friend Henri. They’ll be working with me and Levi tonight. I’m still rather sick, so Levi will take over the stream if I get too unwell.”

Levi chuckled when he appeared on your stream on a camera in the corner near you. “Hello, little woodland cuties. I’ll be here all night with my bunny and when she struggles, this black kitty cat will take over.”

Henri laugh. “Kitty cat, huh?”

“Tease me about it and you’ll upset bunny. She calls me a black kitty.”

“Oh!” Henri cleared his throat. “I wanna get a nickname of an animal. Bunny? What animal would I be?”

You rubbed your eyes. “Mm, you remind me of a dog. You’re loyal and sweet. Oh, maybe a hamster.”

He whined a bit. “You’re making me blush.”

You giggled and set up the game. “Everyone in? Swapping to in-game mic.”

Your group chatted together before splitting up. Kat went with her man Erwin. Mike teamed up with Henri, so their streams were likely to be pure madness. Levi stuck to you like glue, helped you complete tasks and drove you around on the snowmobile. Now and then you’d radio your friends to check on them and all seemed to be going well, until a monster attacked Henri and Mike and Henri ran into a trip mine and blew himself up and hurt Mike.

Levi huffed a sigh. “Figures those two would do something stupid.”

You giggled and checked a tent for supplies. “They are just trying their best.” You turned around and lit your glowstick back up. “They managed to get some evidence for us. So we can do the satellites next and hopefully upload the evidence.”

Levi hummed. “If we find a computer we can respawn those two.”

“Great idea.” You turned around and screamed at a tall monster sprinting towards you. “What the fuck is that!?”

Levi blasted it with the shotgun and saved you before it could infect you. He grunted when the infectious worms wiggled out of it. “It’s dead. That was wild.”

You hurried over to Levi. “Thank you. You saved my life.”

“I did huh? You’re welcome.”

You hummed. “I will reward you with kisses at the end of this round.”

“I’ll make sure we live.”

“Same here!”

The two of you carried on working together until you achieved your goals. You moved towards a spot where you could call back your friends who died and a helicopter to extract you all. While Levi was checking the area you were on the computer bringing Mike and Henri back to life. As you worked you didn’t realise something was sneaking up on you.

You screamed when you were attacked and knocked to the floor. You pulled out your gun and shot the crawling beast until it was dead. “Oh no.”

Levi raced over and called your name. “Are you okay!?”

“I got attacked. Levi, I might be infected.”

“No…no, no, no! We need to find the vaccine.”

You followed Levi. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”

He searched the rooms. “I’m not losing you.”

You gasped as the music got a bit intense. “Oow, the music is getting more and more intense.”

Levi sprinted into a room. “AH! Here! Take it. You’re not allowed to die.”

You walked over to the vaccine and used it. “All better!”

“Good. Now, let’s radio everyone here and call the helicopter.”

“Okay.” You switched to walkie. “Hello, come to Levi and my location we’re calling the helicopter.”

Erwin radioed back. “On our way. The lads don’t have a walkie because they died, but we’re close to them. We’ll tell them to come with us.”

“Thank you!” You swapped to your gun. “Okay, Levi, we just need to survive.”

Levi stayed right by your side. “I won’t let anything take you.”

“Thank you.” You gasped and fired your gun right behind Levi. “Back off! He’s mine!”

Levi turned and saw a dead monster. “Wow, thank you. You’re so strong.”

“I did my best.”

He moved to the door. “I hear snowmobiles.” He opened the door and walked out. “Come on bunny.”

You ran outside with him and met up with the others. After catching each other up, you called the helicopter and gathered in a group on the helipad with weapons at the ready. All of you watched the time count down and the helicopter slowly landed. All of you escaped and celebrated as a team.

You whined a little. “So uh, what did you all think? I know it’s not to everyone’s tastes.” You felt your heart swell as everyone shouted its praise, how scary it was and fun to work together and figure things out and weigh up options if choices were worth it or not. “I’m so glad. We can keep going.”

After a few more rounds you moved on to the next game. Lethal Company was very funny and you had to install mods so you could all play together. Once again, Levi stuck to you like glue and found you scrap. He left you for a moment so you and Henri were teaming up.

You noticed a turret in a room and giggled. “Oh, Henri! Look at that! That’s good scrap. Could you get it as my arms are full?”

“Sure.” He walked in and started screaming and running out. “You dick!”

You laughed hard. “Sorry, sorry, I had to.”

He huffed. “I should shove you into a pit.”

“Do it, I dare you.”

“You’re dead!”

You screamed and ran off with him after you. “I’m sorry!” You dropped all your scrap. “Wait!”

He shoved you into the pit and laughed when you died. “Serves you right.” He hurried back to the ship, dropped his things off and smiled. “Okay, let’s go.”

Levi looked around. “Where’s bunny?”

“She fell.”

You spawned in. “Fell my ass, Henri shoved me into a pit and I fell to my death!”

Henri gasped when Levi approached him with a sign. “Wait! Levi! She lured me to a turret!”

Levi chased him around the ship. “Don’t care! You killed my bunny!”

Kat giggled. “Levi’s so cute.”

Erwin tapped on the computer. “He’s a lovesick cat.”

Mike snorted. “You can say that again.”

You hurried over to Levi. “Don’t kill him.” You squeaked when you accidentally got hit. “Ow.”

Levi gasped. “I’m so sorry!”

“It’s okay, it was an accident.”

“I’m sorry.”

You took your headset off. “Hang on people.” You got up and stumbled over to Levi. “I’m here.” You leaned over and showered his face with kisses. “I’m okay.”

He dragged you onto his lap and held you tightly. “Mm.”

You petted his head a few times. “It’s all okay.”

“I’m all recharged now.”

“Good.” You slipped off his lap and walked carefully back to your seat. You huffed a bit and put your headphones on. “Okay…” You read the comments. “I’m okay, honest. I’m just a little tired. Thank you for worrying about me.” You played a bit more and stayed on the ship. “Mm.”

Levi glanced over at you. “Is it time?”

You welled up a bit and nodded. “Yeah.”

Levi walked over to you. “It’s okay. Say bye and we’ll get you to bed.”

You waved to your fans. “Bye. Bye friends as well.”

Levi scooped you up and carried you to bed. “Sleep well, little bunny.” He tucked you in. “I’ll be right back.”

“I’m sure my fans will love the kitty hour.”

“I’m sure they will.” He chuckled and handed you a cuddly toy. “Text me if you need me.”

“Promise.”

He kissed you before walking back to his computer. He swapped the stream over to him and sighed. “Alright, let’s do this for bunny.”

Ivor laughed as he dragged his winning chips towards him, yet another win under his belt. He smirked a bit and felt on cloud nine. He glanced up as Erwin and Levi walked over to him. “Evening gentleman, what do I owe the pleasure of this-.”

Levi grabbed the back of Ivor’s head and slammed it against the table. “You hurt my bunny!”

Ivor grunted. “What!?”

Levi yanked him back and punched him hard in the face before kicking him. He snarled as Ivor went flying and smashed into a table. “I know you did it!”

Ivor groaned. “Why would I hurt her?”

“You hated her at first but you’ve become obsessed with her!”

Ivor used his speed to move out of the way of Levi’s wrath. “I wouldn’t harm a hair on her head!”

Levi grabbed his neck and shoved him against the wall. “You bought suppressants and feasted on her. You could have killed her!”

Ivor choked. “I don’t understand.”

Erwin tapped on his phone and showed him the payment. “You bought a lot of suppressants. You fed them to Bunny so you could stop the connection to Levi for a moment and feed on her.”

Ivor snarled. “Put me down and let me explain.”

Levi dropped him. “Explain fast before I kill you.”

Ivor rubbed his neck. “I admit, I bought them but I would never use them on your girl.” He sighed. “Come with me.” He led the two men up some stairs to an office above the casino. “Drinks?”

Levi snarled. “Talk.”

Ivor got himself a drink and made two others. “Drink. It’s a long story.” He sat on his desk as the others sipped their blood. “There is a reason behind why I was so nasty and hostile towards your Mrs when I first saw her.” He downed his drink. “Leia.”

“Who the fuck is that?”

He smiled sadly. “A human woman I fell in love with during the 80s. She was everything to me.”

Levi gripped his glass. “Why the fuck is that important?”

Erwin placed his hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Let him talk.”

“Fine.”

Ivor placed his glass on the side. “I thought she loved me with just as much passion. We swapped blood and I was planning on asking her to marry me and if I could turn her. Turns out, she was having an affair with another vampire and a human. I confronted her and she confessed she was using me for my money and status.”

Levi’s shoulders dropped. “I’m sorry.”

“I tried everything to get her to love me, but nothing. She ended up ageing and recently she wanted me back, but I refused, she was just scared of dying of old age. She managed to get another vampire to turn her. After that, she claimed she could still feel the connection to me. She kept visiting me over and over asking for me.” He shook a little. “Said she loved me and wanted me. I refused her, so she claimed the blood from me in her was driving her mad. There was no possible way my blood was still in her. I couldn’t sense or feel her anymore. So, I bought the medication, sent it to her and said I hope it helped her forget.” He lowered his head. “I just wish I could forget.”

Levi placed his glass down. “I…forgive me.”

“I understand. You love this woman and she loves you.” He frowned. “What happened?”

Erwin cleared his throat. “She was drugged, kidnapped, strung up and drained of a lot of her blood.”

Ivor’s eyes widened. “What? How could…the poor thing…” He snarled. “Who…if you need resources to help just let me know. This is sick.” He looked up. “Are there others you suspect?”

“Theodore and Henri.”

“Henri? But he adores her.”

Levi looked away. “I don’t like suspecting a good friend, but it has to be a vampire who knows her well.”

“What about Mike?”

Levi shook his head. “He would never. Besides, he has a Mrs.”

Ivor nodded. “Right.” He released a long sigh. “This is messy.”

“You can say that again.”

Ivor looked over at Levi. “Who’s looking after Bunny while you’re here?”

Levi tapped on his phone. “She’s asleep in bed.”

Ivor walked over and looked to see Levi had a camera on you. “You’re spying on her?”

“I need to keep an eye on her.” Levi locked his phone. “We need to focus.”

Erwin rose to his feet. “If you could watch over those two men with us, we would appreciate it.”

Ivor nodded. “Consider it done.”

Levi sighed. “I appreciate it.” He frowned when his phone buzzed he pulled out his phone to see the app said there was movement in his place. “Tch, damn it.” He gaped when your name appeared on his phone. He answered right away. “Bunny!?”

You sobbed a bit. “Leviiiii.”

He hushed you and softly said your name. “What’s wrong?”

“I had a nightmare. Please come home.”

Levi’s eyes widened. “I have to go gentlemen.”

Erwin smiled. “I’ll take over. Go home to her.”

Levi used his speed to appear right at the end of the bed to see you sitting there hugging your cuddly toy with your cheeks stained with tears. “Bunny.”

You whimpered a bit before sobbing hard. “Leviiiii.”

He hurried over to you and wrapped you up in his arms. “Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here now.”

You clung to his back. “I was so scared.”

He rubbed your back. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“You’re here now and that’s the important thing.”

He rocked you a little. “Do you want to play games? Watch a movie?”

You looked up at Levi. “Could…could I have…umm…”

He smiled a little. “You want some of my blood? It makes me happy having it soothes you.” He bit his hand. “Drink. It should be safe for you now.”

You wrapped your lips around his hand and sucked the blood. A warmth spread through you as you gulped down his blood. “Mm, thank you.”

He ran his thumb over your bottom lip. “Messy bunny. You look like you’ve eaten a juicy strawberry.”

“You are juicy and tasty.”

Levi blushed hard at your words before moaning when you bit his shoulder. “What a deadly bunny you are.”

“Mm.” You smiled a bit. “Thank you. I feel better.”

He caressed your cheek. “What did you dream about?”

You cuddled up to Levi. “I was kidnapped and fed on over and over. I screamed for you and you kept trying to run to me, but you could never reach me.”

Levi cupped the back of your head and held you close. “I’ll always reach you. I will always save you. I’ll always come when you call for me.”

You relaxed in Levi’s arms. “I don’t ever want to lose this connection we have. I like feeling you.” You gasped. “N-not like that…well…like that…but I meant.”

Levi chuckled. “I knew what you meant.”

You pawed at Levi a bit. “Speaking of feeling you.”

Levi purred. “Yes, my darling?”

You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down onto you. “I want to feel you.”

Levi pushed his hand up and under your nightshirt. “I’m happy to assist with that.”

You parted your legs for him. “I want you slow, deep and intimate.”

“I’ll go all night for you.”

You hummed in thought as you looked over the designs for the wedding. You looked over at Levi to see he was gazing at you. “You’re supposed to be focusing.”

He smiled as he reached up and pocked your cheek. “I am focusing on the most important thing.”

“You’re going the right way to get your cock sucked and fucked.”

Levi went bright red as he said your name. “You…”

You giggled. “You’re easy to tease.” You picked up your phone and smiled. “Henri says he’s coming over with the dress.”

Levi tensed up. “Henri is coming here?”

You looked up at Levi. “Yeah…is that bad?” You saw Levi looked uncomfortable. “You suspect him?”

“We just have to keep our options open, my love.”

You squeezed your phone tightly. “Oh…”

Levi pulled you close. “Don’t think about it. I’m handling it all, okay? You enjoy a nice day with Henri. Besides, I’ll be here.”

“I feel safe with you.” You let out a long sigh. “I trust Henri, but I have trusted others before.” You cleared your throat. “Anyway! I’ll let him in.” You hurried to the door and unlocked it. “Henri!”

He waved at you as he dragged a suitcase out of the lift. “Bonjour, petit lapin.” He hurried over to you. “How are you feeling? Better than before I hope.”

You nodded. “I’m a lot better. Levi is now allowed to give me his blood, so I’m healing rather fast now.”

“I’m glad.” He looked up and smiled. “Bonjour, Levi.”

Levi put his arm around you. “Good to see you. Bunny says you have a wedding dress for her?”

“I do!”

You bounced up and down. “I’m so excited to try it on.”

“I need to check if it’s perfect. If there are issues, I will mark it down and tell the designer.”

Levi pulled you along. “Come on in.”

Henri dragged the case in and stopped by the sofa. He unlocked it and carefully pulled the dress out. “Here it is.”

You welled up at seeing it. “It’s so beautiful.”

“Right?” He handed it over to you. “Try it.”

You hugged it close and ran off to the bedroom. You pulled everything off but your nice underwear then dragged on your dress. You buttoned it at the back as best as you could. You gazed in the mirror and felt so moved, it was like the dress was painted on like it was a part of you. You lifted the front part a little and walked out to see the men chatting.

You put your dress down and smiled. “I couldn’t manage all the buttons, but what do you think?”

Levi placed his hand on his heart. “You…you’re…” He walked closer and held your hand. “You’re breathtaking.”

Henri walked over and finished buttoning the dress. “Just doing my maid of honour duty.” He stepped back. “Perfect.”

Levi twirled you and started to dance with you. “I think it’s perfect.”

You hummed a laugh. “I do too.”

Henri smiled. “But?”

You released Levi. “The bottom part is a little long, I just worry about stepping on it and tripping. I think that’s the only comment.”

Henri eyed the dress. “I think that’s very reasonable.”

You moved closer and whispered. “Maybe low at the front too? I wanna show off my chest to Levi a little.”

“I got it.” He winked at you. “Leave it to me.”

“Thank you.”

Levi narrowed his eyes. “What are you two planning?”

You walked closer. “Nothing, my love.” You cupped the side of his face. “I love you.”

He kissed you. “Mm, I love you too.”

You twirled in your dress and giggled. “I feel like a princess.”

“You are a Queen.”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “Thank you. I’ll go change.”

He chuckled as you ran off. “I’m a lucky man.”

Henri hummed a laugh. “You are. So, are you turning her on the wedding night?”

“I am. We’ve talked about it and she said she’s ready.”

Henri raised a brow. “Are you?”

Levi gulped hard and shook his head. “No, no I’m not ready. It’s hard. I’ve spoken to my parents about the process because they’ve been there. I understand what has to be done. It’s hard because I have to kill her but then bring her back to life.”

You ran back with the dress in your arms. “All sorted.” You paused a moment. “Seems a bit gloomy here. Everything okay?”

Henri took the dress from you. “I’ll leave you two to talk. Oh, Theodore has designed your shoes and he’s behaved himself and not made them expensive.”

“Perfect. I’m guessing he’ll drop by?”

“Yes.” He waved. “See you two.”

You waved before turning to Levi. “So, what’s with the raincloud?”

Levi wrapped his arms around you. “I’m just thinking about the wedding night and how I’ll be turning you. I basically will have to kill you.”

You rubbed his back. “Think about the future, Levi. Turning me will mean eternity together. If you don’t turn me, you’ll lose me.”

He squeezed you. “A moment of sadness to have eternity together.”

“Exactly.”

He kissed you and purred. “I’m okay now.”

You hummed a laugh. “Good.” You cupped his face. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” He picked you up. “I love you so much. You’re my everything.”

“You’re mine. I don’t think I could live without you.”

He carried you to the sofa. “That’s my line.” He sat with you on his lap. “Stealing my smooth lines.”

You massaged your fingers in his hair making him purr. “Such an angry kitty. Be a good boy.”

“I’m a very good boy.”

“You’re the best.” You pushed up his top lip on one side. “Pretty fangs.”

“Thank you.” He let out a low deep purr-like noise. “I wanna snuggle and nibble you.”

You got comfy on him and then hugged his face against your chest. “I’m all yours.”

[lycankeyy]

where do you see yourself five years ago?

Haha hey it's me. Your boy. Um. Coping fanfic /refBDKQNEK

TW: helicopter parenting, Cyber-typical trauma stuff

bfs in this one-shot: fc!bf (boyf, mine), cyborg!bf (cyber, mine)

-

Boyf wondered, frequently, if the listlessness, the "placelessness", he called it, and he didn't care that it wasn't a word - would go away. It was just another side-effect. Another symptom. Something to be managed and coped with that would eventually scab over and scar into a reminder, not an invitation.

He was sick of how many there are, frankly. Made him feel too... much.

Maybe that was why he coped in a way that hewas sure a therapist wouldn't quite understand, but would probably see as moderately unreasonable. If he didn't want to be here, he simply wouldn't be.

Other realities were just a step through the mirror away, after all.

Most of the others were at the very least fine with him. There were his brothers, of course, who cared about him - but even if he stepped through with no clear intent or purpose and found himself with one of the ones he didn't know quite as well, he was an easy presence to tolerate. Easy to excuse, too - why explain that you were struggling when everyone was so quick to believe that you were just being silly? Stupid, silly Boyf. He was his own perfect excuse.

So when the feeling - the anxiety, the squirming in his chest, the fevered trickling against his skin - returned once again, he didn't even think. An off-hand mention to his partners that he was going to visit someone for a bit, and he was gone.

Like most times, he didn't have somewhere specific in mind. Just focused on that yearning and that desperation for somewhere else, and he was up on the counter and reaching through.

Most BFs were accessible through their bathroom sink mirrors, so Boyf was a bit caught off-guard when his height suddenly dipped beneath him, and he was sent tumbling onto a carpeted floor. Hadn't had an entrance that graceless since... well, okay, that was hard to quantify, actually.

He propped himself up a little. The only other him with a full-length mirror that he could think of was YS, but the floor was a different color. Excited to potentially be visiting someone he'd never hung out with one-on-one before (and maybe it was Beefer, which would probably successfully make him decide to stop doing this), he finally pushed himself up onto his knees, and--

What caught him off-guard wasn't who he saw perched on the bed. It was the room.

His room. His childhood room.

When his eyes locked with ever-focused, cat-like yellow ones, he wasn't surprised, but he couldn't say his dread didn't deepen. Cyber tilted his head slightly, like a confused animal trying to make sense of what it was looking at. "Nobody comes to visit me," he said, like he was simply stating a fact that the other should hear.

All of the BFs were, obviously, versions of the same guy. They all had pretty similar brains at the end of the day, no matter how different they were. That being said, Boyf had noticed the odd connection between himself and Cyber pretty much the first time they'd interacted. Like their brains were even more the same. Like they could always tell what the other was--

"Jumping through realities at random? That sounds dangerous."

-- thinking.

"You could end up somewhere Yourself doesn't have contact with yet. They could hurt you," Cyber continued on. He snapped the 3DS he was apparently playing on closed, setting it aside as Boyf got up and brushed himself off. At a single dismissive thought from his older self, Cyber insisted, "it could happen."

I don't live walking around worrying about what could happen, Boyf thought. Cyber didn't respond to that one - it wasn't like he could hear it, just - ugh, whatever. Even if he was sure Cyber was just as stubborn as he was, he wasn't sure he should be hanging around here.

Exactly as he expected, Cyber replied to the unspoken again. "You can stay. My parents are at work, and my friends are at school. The company would be nice." A pause. "Even if it's you."

Another very strong feeling that the younger him hadn't meant to phrase that so dismissively. Briefly wondered if he thought about accepting the apology hard enough, if Cyber could feel it.

Either way, Boyf couldn't exactly bring himself to say no to... himself. So with a slight sigh, he rounded the bed and sat, with more than a tinge of awkwardness, at Cyber's side. He wasn't sure what would even come of this. It's not like either of them had any idea of what to talk about.

Either unaware of the tension or uncaring of it, Cyber picked his 3DS back up and flipped it open. Curious, and hoping he was correctly picking up on the implication that he should watch anyway, Boyf leaned over to look at the screen.

Oh, shit. Sonic Rush. He'd loved that game as a kid. He'd gotten it a garage sale when he was ten and had been obsessed with it as the second Sonic game he'd ever played. He remembered being so pissed when he'd realized he'd lost it somehow when he was...

... almost fifteen.

Boyf blinked down at his younger self, a sudden awareness washing over him. It was less a realization of how small he was - that was always in the back of his mind, along with how short all the others were to his comparatively Slenderman-ass stature - and more of how he'd been that small once. He'd been a late bloomer and had most of his growth spurts in his later years of high school.

Cyber would probably never get any taller, though. Metal bones and all.

"You were startled by my room when you got here," Cyber said suddenly. Boyf leaned back, resting against his own palm in an attempt to look casual. "Is it familiar to you? Is anything different?"

That second question implied a level of knowing that he was pretty sure they were both in rapidly deteriorating denial of. Still, he humored him. Glanced around the room, looking for anything that seemed off.

Of course, when you see your childhood room, it looks a little different than the memories, but in a way that makes you go, "oh, that's right," more than anything. Everything knew its place here better than he did. Except for one.

Boyf pointed at the exact place he'd entered from. "Meer," he stated simply, realizing that it was pretty obvious. He'd never had a full-length mirror in his bedroom. Especially not one that looked so... post-apocalyptic.

Cyber looked at for a second. As he did, a strange sense of warmness spread in Boyf's mind. Comfort. "That's Yourself's mirror," Cyber explained, like that was all that needed to be said.

It was. That mirror must have been the first contact. YS had been in kind of a... state, after finding Cyber. To be fair, anyone would be. He didn't know the details because YS never went into them, but Cyber had yet to be fully "rehabbed" when he found him. All he knew was that, and that Cyber's Pico had been "trying his best".

The mirror was visibly old. Cracked in places, and the frame was clearly made of some authentic metal, as it had since rusted over. Its produced reflection was also dim and muggy - like the amount of dust that had been caked onto it had stained the glass and could never be fully removed.

It certainly wasn't a pretty thing to look at, and it sat against the room like a gross stain on a carpet. He wondered if Cyber knew that the exact mirror didn't, y'know, matter, and he could get one that was a bit easier on the eyes--

A sudden shift in tone jarred Boyf from his thoughts. Though his robotic voice was the same, a low, threatening rumble rolled out from Cyber's chest. "That's Yourself's mirror."

Immediately, and ashamedly due to being a bit startled by the much smaller him, Boyf sat up and lifted his arms, palms out, in obvious submission, as if to say alright, alright, that's YS's mirror, geez. To be fair, it wasn't like he didn't kind of get it - everyone told him he should get a new laptop, but that old broken-down thing was practically a part of him now. And maybe that mirror was like that; a part of him, or maybe a part of YS he liked to keep, or something like that.

At that, Cyber huffed and immediately backed down, starting the next level in his game.

Well, it was starting to feel like he was just making things worse by being here. This felt like it should be one of those golden opportunities people always talked about - "if you got to talk to yourself from five years ago, what would you say?" - and thus far, he was completely butchering it. God, who was he to give advice to anyone, even himself?

Just as he thought of that, something hit him. Something that maybe wasn't the best advice, and maybe not the most responsible, but it was something to offer to his fourteen year-old self, anyway, and he might as well try.

Cyber didn't even question when Boyf reached over to grab his phone off his nightstand. It was an old model with a chunky rubber case around it that his parents had bought in case he dropped it (fair), and he recognized it so vividly.

So he was not surprised that when he went to look for it, the app was exactly where he thought it would be.

It seemed the sheer amount of focus Boyf had on his face finally intrigued him, as Cyber finally looked to see what he was doing. "I think you'll get me in trouble for that," he said with a frown, watching as Boyf disabled it.

He prayed thinking hard enough would get the point across, here. You'll thank me later. It's not just a GPS tracker. It monitors what apps you use, who you're texting, and lets mom get remote access to your mic.

Boyf remembered when his mom had first downloaded it. She initially explained it as just what he'd said - a GPS tracker - to make sure he was getting back and forth to school okay on his own. When he found out about the other features, he'd been pissed, yet another massive overstepping of his boundaries, completely ignoring his right to privacy - but he let her get away with it for two years, because it made her feel better after what happened at the middle school.

Again, maybe this wasn't the best idea. Especially with what Cyber was now. He maybe him, sort of, but he also wasn't. Wasn't even really human anymore, actually.

But if he could say anything to his fourteen year-old self, he would say, you are not your parents' pet.

If they ask, say your friend disabled it. Tell Pico, they should trust him still, and he can make them understand that they're being unreasonable, he continued to think "at" him. He handed the phone back, unsure from Cyber's expression if he'd gotten literally any of that.

He stared at the app's settings screen blankly, thoroughly conflicted expression on his face. "They only want what's best for us," he said, tone uncharacteristically soft. Us. A final admission of what they both left unsaid that sent a brief shiver up his spine.

Boyf nodded.

"I don't know what would happen if they got mad at me."

A pause. A breath. Boyf nodded again.

Their eyes were locked through the one-sided exchange, contact not once breaking until Cyber finally left to shut his phone off and place it to the side. "I trust you," he said with finality.

Something about the simple statement made Boyf feel like he'd just been stabbed. He wasn't sure if it was a good or bad feeling.

"I want to be alone now, if that's okay," Cyber said, a thoughtful expression still on his face. It was obviously tense, and Boyf could feel the confusion and the sadness and the frustration coming off of him in waves. "You give me a lot to think about."

Another neutral statement that sounded more sour than intended. Boyf didn't know what to say or think, so he didn't. He merely patted Cyber on the shoulder and headed back mirror-side, for once grateful to be returning home after one of these little excursions.

That was enough reality-hopping for a while.

[bjaw2317]

So. Hi again. I'm bored and... so... part 2 ig. Have a lovely time reading.

RECAP: Remus told you that he and James were betting on something.

"Betting what exactly?" I ask.

"Well... nothing too bad-" I cut him off.

"Tell me." I look at him, and he blushes again. I roll my eyes. This boy, seriously. Blushes at everything. He clears his throat.

"Well, we noticed how close you were with Sirius, and James said that he would bet 50 galleons that Sirius told us first that he liked you. I said that you would, and I'm right." Moony said, and he made a face as if he was hiding something. He's so easy to read sometimes.

"Continue." I say.

"What do you mean?" I can tell that he's lying. I give him the mom look, and he sighs. "Fine. I may have also said that you're both intense chickens. And that Sirius is too much of a dick to say anything. And that you obviously love him-"

"What?!? I.. I-" I stutter.

"You love him. So obvious." He says.

"I... um.. no. Maybe. Kind-of." I blush and look away, staring at the very interesting lamp on lily's side table.

"Hm. Kind of? What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, he's just.. Sirius. I do love him. So much." I confess. "But, he's so... out of my league. He's smart and handsome, has such a pretty laugh. His smile..." I grin dreamily. "He has such a sweet smile... and he love making people laugh. Everyone i see with him is always laughing at his dramaticness, or a stupid joke he's said for the fifth time that day." I lean back on my bed, my legs dangling off. "He also has a motorcycle and nice hair.... so that adds to the attraction too... but he's just not for me. He doesn't commit, he's been with more girls than I can count, and it hurts. A lot. Every time I see his hands on someone else, wishing he was with me... holding me, it sucks. So much. Why can't he tell I love him? What do I have to do to tell him?" I continue ranting about my love for Sirius, and Remus just sits there. Listening, patiently. He smiles, he didn't realize how much you really loved the Black boy. He frowned, and interrupted my speech.

"How long have you known that you've loved him?" He asks quietly. I look at him. And I think about it.

"Well, to be honest, I've loved him forever. Since we met at eleven on the train, but it was more platonic I guess. I just.. truly can't stop thinking about him. Like ever. Lily's sick of it. Apparently I talk to much about Padfoot... and she doesn't want to hear how soft his hair is again. Or she'll give Cocoa to James. You know, she's really been using that threat a lot.... maybe she hates Cocoa..." I trail off, still yammering about Cocoa and Sirius.

"Breanna." He says softly. I turn to face him, attentive.

"How long have you loved him not-platonically?" His face is really serious, as if it was life or death.

"Well... since, I guess third year, maybe? Its kinda blurred. I don't know when it started... but I made the realization last year that I love him. Is this an obsession?" I ask, not actually looking for an answer. We sit in silence for a while, only to be disturbed by Mr cat lady.

"Remus!!!! Wanna come play chess? I'm going to beat you!!!" James screams up the stairs. Remus looks at me, and I can tell he wants to go kick James's butt.

"Go ahead." I smile, pushing him off my bed. He smiles, and stands there. "Seriously, go!!! Beat his ass!!" I tell him. I start to push him out the door, failing mind you, and he laughs.

"OK ok... I'll go. Are you ok though?" He asks.

"Yes yes. Go already." I continue to try and shove him out the door, laughing. He turns around and give me a quick hug. I freeze, shocked. He chuckles and lets go of me. He leave the room, and calls back,

"Yes it is!!! It is an obsession!!" I roll my eyes.

I go get dressed for dinner, because I somewhat respect people at the dinner table, so they don't need to see the mess I was. I pull on some black cargo pants and my favorite band t-shirt. That i totally didn't steal from Sirius. Nope. Never did that...

I go to dinner and see the whole crew eating. I walk over and get a wiff of the delicious food. And my stomach rumbles as I walk to the griffindor table. Today's Saturday meal, was great. Dessert was better though. Pudding. So much chocolate pudding. I'm sitting in between lily and Remus, opposite of other three. I'm conversing with Peter, and Sirius keeps looking at me weird. And I ignore it. Peter tells me all about his new muggle book, The Princess Bride, and how weird it was. I asked him if I could borrow it, and we chatted for a while about everything. I scarf down my pudding, and James looks at me.

"What?"I say, slightly muffled from the pudding in my mouth.

"Nothing. Just, you could choke on the pudding." He says this way too seriously.

"I didn't know you could choke on pudding..." I say, swallowing. He rolls his eyes.

"You definitely could. Be careful." I make a face at him, and eat some more. By the time I finish my bowl of the chocolate goodness, everyone else is ready to leave.

"So. How about we do games tonight?" Lily asks.

"Like what?" I say, stepping over the bench and tripping. I fall on the ground, and make and exasperated noise. Lily and Remus are laughing their heads off.

"Naners. That's like... the third time you've fallen today!" Lily says in between giggles. I roll my eyes at her.

"Its not my fault. This shit just happens." I mutter, standing up.

"Also, you're like the most uncoordinated person alive. Tripping over things is just as normal as walking to you." Says Sirius. I give him a glare and start to walk away. He makes a 'what did I do' face and walks with me.

"Shes not denying it..." Remus says playfully. I'm about to yell at them, cause I'm just over their teasing, when James speaks up.

"Guys. She is literally the best person I've ever seen with any sort of ball. The catches and tosses she's done with the quaffle are phenomenal, and her reflexes are better than yours Sirius." Sirius looks baffled at this, and I snicker. "You saw her last summer, she beat the both of us at almost all the the quidditch games we played." James looks at me, and he makes the face that moms make when their toddler walks for the first time. Full of pride. I smile at him. Out of all the marauders, he's the most like a brother to me.

"James. We were just teasing her. Lay off." Sirius says, at the same time Moony says, a

"Sorry Naners." He rubs the back of his neck and give me a soft smile. James, however, happens to feel extra protective of me today probably cause of earlier and starts to get mad at Sirius.

"You lay off. She's had a rough day. You don't need to make fun of her."

"Mate, I was just teasing. I didn't mean it badly" He says, rolling his eyes. James raises his voice.

"Well, maybe you should treat her better! Stop being so rude, going off with all these other gi-"

"Maybe." Sirius says, glaring. "You shouldn't have left her this morning. Maybe you should've taken care of her, so that prick wouldn't of hurt her! Maybe you should pay more attention to us instead of pining after lily, or all the quidditch shit!!! Mayb-"

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" James growls. "I was breaking up a fight on the other side of the field. I didn't know that dipshit was gonna try to do that!!" I look at them both, slightly scared as their voices get louder. I start to freak out, tears falling down my face slowly.

"Yeah? Really? I was the one that had to go take care of her. Me! Because your dumb ass left her alone!! And you know what? He probably would've done something worse if I hadn't have gotten there!" Sirius steps closer to James, trying to intimidate him.

James face twitches in anger. "You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you, and all the stupid things you've done. The stupid nights you spent with all those other women while Breanna's was trying not to cry! You hurting the girl you fucking love because your a coward!!!" James turns around and storms off. I watch him walk away, unsure about what to do. Peter and Remus stand there, deep in thought. Lily stands dumbfounded, then quickly follows after James.

"Probably going to shag that asshole." Sirius mutters. I turn, facing him.

"What did you say?" I frown at him. He stutters, not realizing I could hear him.

"I.. uh. Nothing. It doesn't matter." He looks embarrassed.

"Sirius. I... can not explain how-"

"You're not mad at me? Are you?" He asks.

"I'm... not mad... but disappointed." I look at him. He looks, almost sad. "Sirius, James would've been there for me. You know that. I'm grateful you came to help me when you did, but what you just did, yelling at James over the fact that he 'left me' was stupid."

"Breanna... I was just-"

"No. Sirius... I.. just stop." I run my hands through my hair, clearly stressed out. I walk away, leaving him with his thoughts. In all honesty, I never would've thought Sirius would get so mad over this. He is a bit of a hothead, but James is his best friend. They fight like normal, careless bantering... but not this. I continue to walk away, up the stairs to the entrance to the Griffindor common room. I quickly mutter the password, and walk in. James and lily are sitting on the couch, all cuddled up. I smile, glad this finally happened. They're whispering to each other, lost in their own world of staring into eachothers eyes and holding hands. I walk up the stairs to my dorm and get ready for bed. This day had been draining, to say the least. First with Klatwitz, then my confessions of love, and the whole pile of shit that just happened. I clamber into my bed and fall asleep, slowly. I dream of everything and nothing, and for a little while all is well.

The next day, everything goes somewhat normally. James and Sirius are not talking, even though James told me he wants to apologize.

"He's my best mate, I shouldn't have said any of that. I just... he's such a prick sometimes. You know?" He asks me while rubbing his forehead. I put my hand on his shoulder.

"Yes. He is sometimes a prick, but everyone is at times. I understand that he didn't mean it badly, but he also said some horrid things."

"But, Naners, I think I believe what he said." He looks straight into my eyes. "I wasn't there for you, and I left you alone with a guy that I knew was a dipshit... I'm so sorry. I never ment for that to happen.."

"Jamesie. It was not your fault, ok?" I reach over to hug him. "You can't control what someone else did, ok? Its not your fault."

I continue to reassure him, and he seems to understand that it really wasn't his fault. But I can still he feels a little guilty. Lily comes over to us, and James' attention is not on me anymore. He looks utterly consumed by her, and its adorable. I shake my head softly, smiling, and walk away.

Remus and Peter still talk to everybody, but James and Sirius are being, well, James and Sirius. Too full of themselves and dramatic to be the first to apologize.

It doesn't take long for me to get sick of it. Its now a been two weeks since the fight, and their stubborn asses refuse to talk to each other. I can tell that both of them don't like it. Sirius almost broke the other day when he accidentally sat beside James, and was about to speak to him, when he realized who it was. Today, everyone is sitting in the common room, chatting about Peter's new girlfriend, as Remus and I play chess.

"And she has the prettiest hair I've ever seen! And she always smells like roses, and she looks gorgeous in yellow... and.." Peter has been talking about his girlfriend for, maybe ten minutes, about how she's the best. He's honestly so smitten.

"Peter. Its been like, 3 bazillion minutes of you talking about her. Just tell her this stuff." James says as he leans back on the common room couch. Peter looks mortified at the thought of telling her all those things.

"I- no, I um.... just that, why-" he stuttered. James snickers.

"Mate. You've got it baaddd." He says, smirking, making fun of Peter again.

"As if you don't." I mutter. Remus, who is sitting across from me, hears and snorts. I look up at him, and he's holding in laughter. I sigh. Remus always gets the giggles when he's overtired, and the last week hasn't been good for him. His monthly wolfening happened and he hasn't caught up on his sleep, so here we have stupid, giggly Remus Lupin. And it would be fine, except I laugh at anything. So I start to laugh at his scrunched up hold-in-a-laugh face, and he laughs, and now I can't stop. Moony continues to absolutely die from laughter, so much that he almost can't breath. He was trying to calm down, and we were both almost done with the giggle fit, until he stood up to go get a drink. It happened almost in slow-mo, he tripped over the foot of his chair and face planted into the side of the couch. And then he fell on the floor, so... as normal exhausted and caffeinated teenagers would, (mostly me on the caffeine part, Remus only drinks uncaffeinated, sugar free leaf juice), the giggle fit continued a good 15 minutes, because we laugh at each others pain. By this time all of the castle must have heard our... cheerful cacophony. I was physically unwell from it, it was hard for me to catch my breath, and for some reason I thought that was funny.

"Are you done?" James said. He looked, intrigued. Like, he didn't want to tell us to stop, but he also wanted to know what was so funny. Honestly, this boy must be blind if he didn't see Remus fall off the couch, but I guess he needs glasses for a reason.

"Yeah, I'm good. I think. Possibly." My voice is a little raspy. I look over at Remus and he's smiling.

Unexpectedly, Sirius came bouncing down the stairs from the boys dorm. He looked... tipsy. Another person followed after him, a girl from Slytherin.

"Siri, come back! We were having sooooo much fun!" She said, leaning against the wall as if she couldn't stand by herself.

"Not right now, I needddddx some friend timmmmmmmee!" He was definitely drunk, and by the looks of it, so was the girl.

"Siri! Pleasesssee?" She pouted her lips, whining at him. It was now that I realized how stupid that nickname sounded. I would never call him Siri.

"Noooooo-" he trailed off.

"Then I'm leaving!" She made a humph noise and crossed her arms, and started to walk out of the common room. She almost tripped on the carpet, but Remus caught her.

"Hands off- ooOoh. Your handsome..." she said, trailing her finger across his chin. He made an alarmed face and quickly let go of her, backing up.

"I... umm.. thanks." Remus muttered. She looked at him for a little while, then continued to walk away as if nothing happened.

"Well. Remus Lupin. Chick magnet. Never would've thought" James teases.

"Oh shut up. She's drunk out of her mind. So is Sirius. Hey! Sirius!" He called out to where he was sitting on the stairs. Sirius, however, had passed out against the railing and was snoring softly.

"We should cut his hair while he's sleeping." i turn around, shocked.

"James Feamont Potter! Why the hell would you suggest that?"

"Cause he deserves it." he says, shrugging. I roll my eyes.

"No we are NOT doing that. You know how mad he would be if we did that? It would be even worse than when Snivelus put that shit bubblegum in his hair. He would absolutely never talk to you again."

"Well, I find that hard to believe that he would never talk to me again. I'm too awesome for that to happen." James gloats.

"I don't know how the hell you haven't said anything to him. Normally you both chatter our ears off..."

"Yeah, well when your bestfriend decides to say shit like that to me, I'm not going to talk to him." he says this in a playful tone, trying to weasel out of the conversation. He sits up straighter. "Look, I'm going to bed, okay?"

"Fine. 'Night." I mutter, mad he won't talk about it. James walks off, stepping around Sirius, and up the stairs. I look around, and it's just Remus and I left in the room.

"Where'd Peter go?"

"I think he went to see the hufflepuff girl, he snuck off when Sirius came down the stairs."

"Hmm. ok." I looked over at Sirius, his head drooping onto the railing, leaning back slightly. He looked calm, and peaceful. "What are we gonna do about this guy?" I say, pointing to his sleeping body.

"Well, I don't think James would appreciate him back in our dorm..."

"Well, doesn't he sleep there normally?"

"Uh- he actually hasn't. I don't think he's been in the dorm for more than five minutes over the past couple weeks."

"Where's he been sleeping then?" I ask, though I think I know the answer. Remus scrunches his face, looking at me softly.

"I think he's bunked with Frank and Arthur and whoever else in there dorm, they have extra room since Dave transferred to Ilvermorny this year. At least, the past couple days. I did catch him sleeping on the couch a couple times... but the first week after the fight he was in and out of a bunch of girls dorms." he gave me a sorry look.

"Yeah, that's what I thought..." I sigh. "Should we carry him up to Frank and Arthur's dorm?"

"You mean I carry while you pretend to help?" he smirks.

"I can help! I'm fairly strong, there's a reason I haven't died on the quidditch pitch yet." I say a bit defensively, my hands on my hips.

"True. But I don't think we should bring him to the guy's dorm. They seemed kinda sick of him when he walked over to them at dinner today."

"Well, where is he supposed to sleep then?"

Remus's eyes light up, and he smirks mischievously. Oh no. That was the face he made when he told the rest of the mauraders about the idea of the "Dance like a Hippogriff day". (Whenever the words 'dance', 'like', 'a', and/or 'hippogriff' were said on March 1st in 3rd year, any Slytherins in a 12 yard radius would start dancing to the Weird Sister's song Dance Like a Hippogriff, and nobody knew where the music came from. Except Remus. And his stupidly good spell skills.)*

"Maybe... he could sleep in your room. Hmm?" My eyes widen.

"Remus. That- I... I don't want him to be uncomfortable. He probably wouldn't like it."

"Oh the obliviousness of the both of you-" he mutters.

"What?"

"Nothing. It's fine. He probably wouldn't care, ok?"

"But I do, I-" I get interrupted.

"Remus." James says, standing at the top of the stairs.

"What?"

"Can you drink weed? Like... it comes in a bottle like wine right? Cause Lily just said thats not true..."

"Why are you asking?" He looks like he's gonna laugh at James's stupidness.

"Cause. I'm right and lily's wrong. Duh. I just need to prove it to her."

"What weird ass conversation where you having with her?" I ask.

"We were just talking about stuff and I said I need to drink a glass of weed and she laughed at me and said that that was not how it works. As if she would know anyways."

I snort. "James. You smoke weed. Its not like alcohol."

"No. It has to be. Cause why else would I think that you can drink it?"

"Cause your an idiot sometimes." Remus says.

"No I'm not."

I give him a look, and he sighs. "Fine. Sometimes, I can act slightly idiotic."

"More than sometimes." Remus mutters.

"Whatever." James says, and he starts walking up the stairs to lily's room. Their getting along way better than I thought.

A/n. Ok, I know. Weird cutoff for the chapter. But I could care less, I just don't feel like writing more right now, and its been ages since I posted the first part. Lol

[crisalidaseason]

Hi again fav writer!!!Do you think you could do platonic (separate) Annie and Sasha x reader hcs?

Btw this time could you add in a separate modern au hc? it’s totally fine if not I don’t mind and I don’t wanna make you work too much

Anyways I hope you have a great day/night!!

Hello! You're so so kind!!! Love ya. Also, sorry this took so long, I am working insane hours and barely have time to write. Hope you enjoy this, I tried my best despite the tiredness.

Platonic Annie x reader

Canonverse

Annie is very stunted, which means befriending her has a low rate of success. She is a little scary, intimidating, but not necessarily rude. I genuinely think that befriending Annie requires a bit of persistence. You'd probably have to annoy her a little, always the one to start small conversation. She would give you a few scary faces in an attempt to sush you.

She warms up to you eventually - after long long months of your persistent tries at talking and inviting her to train or eat together. But don't get me wrong, she is very conflicted about feeling attached to a so called 'island-devil' so expect her reactions to be conflicted too.

I think Annie really likes people who are sure of themselves, who have zero hesitation to follow their personal morals and desires. She admires people who don't get lost on propaganda or manipulation. It reminds her that free will exists despite her being denied of that her entire life.

She becomes a silent friend, but attentive and protective in a discreet manner. When she has to transform into the female titan, she tries to avoid the areas you might be. She checks your ODM gear in the middle of the night, looking for any sort of damage.

Overall, she is a person that will consider you a friend, but never admit that to your face.

Modern AU

In a less traumatizing life, Annie is just an quiet and reserved friend. You still have to be persistent to befriend her though, she is quite terrified of social interactions. When she senses you're a safe person, Annie will be more open to the frienship.

Annie loves sports and most likely likes to bond with you by going on a walk or a run around green areas. She also loves cat cafés and secrectly is dying for someone to take her there. Annie is also a music lover and I headcannon that she plays the guitar, ask her to show one of her latest practices and she will be very happy.

She is a bit on the quiet and silent side, but doesn't really mind if you are talkative. Annie is the kind of friend you can tell a mortal secret and she will actually keep it a secret (like if you killed someone she would actually never tell anyone).

Scary as fuck if someone tries to hurt you. That's when people meet boxing-Annie.

She hates surprises, gifts or affection because her tear ducts activate immediatly, you'll actually have to be careful with that. Annie doesn't like to cry in front of anyone, not even you. It takes her time to finally understand that it's okay to feel vulnerable with friends.

She is so cute and doesn't even know it!!! And don't tell her she is cute because then she becomes scary.

Platonic Sasha x reader

Canonverse

Sasha is a cutie pie. She is the most friendly person in the world. Give her a little bit of your attention and she will immediatly invite you to eat dinner, train together, gossip. She is so easy to like and also extremely understandable.

If you're friends with Sasha, understand that Connie and Jean become a part of the process. She likes to have alone time with everyone, but most of the time Connie is following her and Jean is there to make sure Connie and Sasha don't do something stupid.

She is very caring and gentle. Will help you with training, repairing clothes and gear, bring you food and herbs whenever you're sick, tell you the best gossip she just heard of.

Sasha is a little crazy, which means you most likely will get into trouble by proxy. But Sasha does feel bad and apologizes by sharing some of her food - like a very small part.

She taught you how to shoot a gun and use a bow and arrow. She wants you safe from people - in her opinion they are worse than titans.

Modern AU

Fashionista, but in a non conventional way. She has one of the weirdest clothing combinations, with clashing colors and textures, colorful make up. She draws attention everywhere, so be used to that.

Hypes you up in whatever you need. She will be there for your moments of victory and also failures. Sasha knows how to celebrate a good thing and also how to help you cope with a bad one. If you're sad, expect her to show up in your house with snacks and cringy movie suggestions.

The kind of friend to always make sure to include you in bigger gatherings. She hates when people feel excluded. She will pay attention to you and also make sure nobody talks over you.

Knows a lot of indie places, expect her to just randomly take you to one of those places. Also, she refuses to let you pay.

You drive because Sasha is a maniac on the streets. Sometimes you wonder if she has an illegal driver's license because there is no way she passed that test. Zero attention span that girl has.

Slumber parties usually have Connie in them because he cries if she doesn't invite him. Like, he ugly cries. He was jealous of your friendship with her at first, but he made peace with it and learned to enjoy your companionship too.

[elgascreamslikehell]

WIP Wednesday.

Tagged by @fionaswhvre - thanks, sunshine!

Totally affected by my depression and hey did you try to plan a funeral in one country take care of crying person in another country find a job in a third country plan a trip to this funeral from different countries for different people take care of a friend's cat fill the goddamn pack of docs and not kill yourself at the same moment? So it's less actions more EMOTIONAL DAMAGE. I don't want to impose myself and my sick sad mind to people i like so all tags are non-pressure

It still smells like a hospital. Not that Eddie ever liked this smell - Chris was a usual guest in hospitals when he was younger, so there were no good memories - but after Buck's coma, when everything in Eddie's life was saturated with this smell, he hated it with all his heart. 'I need to take a shower' Eric scoffs 'Really? You need to lie down. I understand now why your captain asked me to keep an eye on you. And hey, can you maybe explain, how did it happen that we were brought home by the police officer?' Eddie loudly exhales. Well, he definitely owes Eric an explanation, he just isn't in the mood now. And he has a headache again. He should have just stayed in bed in the first place. And Eric should not have called 911. 'Sorry. And it was a police sergeant', - Athena was really sweet today, at least everybody is still alive, and she yelled for only ten minutes. 'That's all you can say? Nice. I hoped for a little more details. If you knew you're feeling worse - why didn't you tell? Do you understand how scared I was when you passed out?' 'I didn't plan it, you know? Where's my advil?', - ignoring the problem could not solve the problem but it definitely helps: 'My head is trying to kill me again' 'Eddie, stop. Please. Just go to bed. I bring you a pill and some water.', - to be really fair Eric is perfect. He really is. And Eddie is perfectly aware of it. Why the hell his stupid cracked heart can't just… 'Hey, listen…', - not the best timing. But it should be done. Even if it somehow hurts. Even if Eddie doesn't want to say it. Doesn't want to do it. It just has to be done. 'Don't. We'll talk in the morning. Now just go to bed, I'm literally begging you. Is it fine with you if I take the couch?' You can take him, Eddie. His internal voice is surprisingly loud today. Just take this and stop thinking. Stop having these stupid hopes. His fingers can still feel invisible Lichtenberg figures on Buck's skin. It's quite painful to be fair. He's not a good person. He isn't even a good friend. Good friend would never fall in love with his best friend and shatter into pieces. There's always something you just can't have. Take what you can. Look at him. He's amazing. He's smart, his sense of humour is amazing, he is here for fuck sake. What else do you need? Even Chris would like him. Carla once asked him to follow his heart, not Chris's. But what if their hearts belong to one person? Hell, why is it so hard? Buck can never leave Chris. So at least here Eddie's sure. That's good. Even when he leaves Eddie - he would never leave Chris. 'I'm not sure I will be brave enough to talk about it tomorrow…I'm not sure I'm brave enough for this now but…', - Eddie exhales: 'You're fantastic.' Eric smiles, widely and sad: 'Eddie. Please, don't proceed. I see where it is going and I don't like it.' So do I, thinks Eddie. Fuck, so do I. 'I'm sorry.', - he is. That's fun. Usually this sorry thing is just for pretending but now he is sorry. 'Tomorrow. It's a doctor's prescription. I'll take the couch. And do you have a charger, my phone is dead? Yours, apparently, too' And that's it. Tomorrow will be the hell of a day.

@krayfish @blackberry-l @kaseysgirl86-blog @brightlyprofiling @idealuk @1stbonesfan @angryangeldreamsalad @criminally-obsessed @amelia9bl @silvergold-swirl @itsamaaaadworld @vasudharaghavan @livingonzenstreet @nothingbutmande @spanishrose6 @sunflowerdiaiz @fanf98 @logicloveandsense @simply-mev @ronordmann @still--not--over--merlin @z02fl @vanjalen @thatshroomintheforest @steadfastsaturnsrings @cagdahl @newtalot @dreamforrest @pirrusstuff

[notpoliticalcarrot]

Y'know, this year was complete bull shit.

January, ended up getting back with my gf after a bunch of drama happened on my birthday making me just not talk to literally anyone.

Friend#1 was just hecka sad for some reason and didnt wanna talk to anyone sadly.

Febuary, made RubyTV, childs birthday sometime then, not much happened...oh right also a bunch-o-drama happened for no fucking reason.

March, MARCH BREAK :DDDDDDDD...got so fucking sick for no damn reason.

Girlfriends birthday on march break, had to force myself to be okay when i was deadly sick 2 days before her birthday.

what comes after march ? right.

APRIL.

Stupid friend#2 was a dick. unfreidned them. asshole. hecka more drama happened.

feel like i shouldnt say more then that.

MAY.

only teacher i really liked said he was moving away in the summer, its also his birthday sometime soon.

dRaMa.

june, last month of school, pride month, not being able to do anything for it because of my lack of...aaaammmmmm...forgot how to say it but i lack in shit.

OH i also think friend#1 came back...then lied about something and i felt hurt.

august, baybe setted a cat missy/miss gibson :3

then was lied to by my own fucking gf about something i dont wanna talk about, MID BAYBE SETTING MISSY.

very hurt.

also think i started talking to friend#1 again because i really do love them...

september. terrible. just. terrible. broke up with gf.

more fights.

drama.

october, okaayy. fine, nothing really happened, halloween did ig ? really boring though.

november, already terrible, miss friend#1 a whole lot more for some reason ?

birthday month.

almost the end of the year, yyyyaaayyyy :)

december, we have yet to see.

so, there, thought your year mightve been worse. sorry. no one asked for this, but i wanted to say. i will stop talking about my problems now since usually i hate doing that.

[fayeelikefairie]

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.the start of bright star episode:7!♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ.

𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴:

"Softness and understanding"

01:57 ━━━━●───── 02:55

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤㅤ↻

TW:Mentions of not eating,self harming behaviors,crying,cigarettes,neglect,the normal brightst☆r stuff,mentions of calories

Akira walked home,80s music playing in her headphones as she walked the small distance to her mother's apartment. Guilt filled her as she thought about things,the music being drowned out by her thoughts. "Why am I like this? It's just a cheesecake slice? Im so stupid. I probably concerned one of them." She thought as she opened the apartment building door going up the stairs and unlocking her mother and aunts apartment,and entering. With a pet greeting to her cat, Mimi she held him "awww!! Did you wait for mee?" She said petting the cat who purred "awww so sweett!" She put the cat down. Hearing her phone buzz she took it out of her pocket,seeing it was Sora she was confused.

Why did Sora care? What would Sora need from her? She went to her room,awnsering. "Hey Sora! Ya need something?" She asked,smiling.

♫⋆｡♪ ₊˚♬ ﾟ. Sora felt worry in her heart as she heard Akiras voice "uhm...yeah." she said,trying to sound stotic as always "are you alright? You look sick as hell." She heard Akira let out a deep breath "yep,just.. uh.. tired.." she said with a shaky voice,Like was about to cry. "You sure? You sure you don't have any problems? You seemed nervous about eating,is something up with that?" Sora asked,her worry becoming more and more obvious. Akira felt annoyed,why did she even care "i..I said I'm fine,don't fucking worry about it." She said. Sora heard the sadness in her voice,the tears. "I'm not gonna sit here and let my friend just hurt themselves!" Sora yelled at the phone "I know we only know eachother through tutoring,but talk to me. Please." She begged.

Akira let out a sniffle,a sign she was crying. Sora frowned she hated yelling and doing that to her friends but she needed to make her point. "Y..you . W..why will you tell anyone?..." Sora sighed, a concerned one,not annoyed "nope. I promise you." Akira took a deep breath "o..okay but if you tell.someone.. just.. please dont." Akira begged with a tearful voice. "Hey,hey calm down,okay.. I wont,just tell me.." Akira took another deep breath "okay... uh.. I don't like myself,I don't like my grades,or my brain... I don't wanna eat,I don't Wanna be okay.. food has so much c.." she stopped,Sora listened. "I.. understand in a way.. I don't like food either,. It has to much,I agree. But we shouldn't be counting it. That's harmful,and it'll fucking kill you or hosphospitalize you. You don't deserve that Akira."

Sora said,genuinely "i.. " Akira just cried over the phone. "Let me help you out.. I've been where your at. It sucks. I know it does,and you never wanna get better. But If you wanna live past 16 you have to. You have dreams don't you" Akira replied, "y..yeah to be in a band.. to be famous.." Sora hummed In response. "If you want to be able to do that you have to get better. In all honesty.. I have that dream to,.. we can work to that dream together,yeah?" Sora tried to assure her. Akira let out a small,soft,shaky "y..yeah.. hey.. can you stay on call with me.. I'm sorry if it's all to much.. i..I understa-" Sora replied with "im okay with that. Your not okay and in a right mindset right now. Let's change the topic to something more bright,okay?" Akira said "o..okay uh.. favorite show,honestly.." she let out a soft laugh.

"Promise not to laugh at me?" Sora asked,embarrassment in her tone, Akira hummed in response "mhm.." Sora laughed a little "okay.. okay.. Magical mayaki.." Akira felt herself smile,she gasped "you know that show!? Oh my gosh! I love that show so much!"

[crashoutsofrobinproportions]

FARM FIRE SAFETY PSA

REMEMBER TO WATCH OUT WHAT THE FUCK IS AROUND YOUR GODDAMN HEAT LAMPS

LIKE MAKE A LIST AND CHECK IT TWICE GUYS.

Bc I damn well near just started a house fire.

So, my fam has a good amount of animals. We have a small farm, though for a lot of reasons we had to downsize a while back. Anyways, we just have chickens now. We’ve been hatching more.

They’ve been living in my bathroom.

I’ve been very careful with my towels and stuff bc of the heat lamps and well. Today a corner of my towel is gone.

Now I’ve gotten the cats into a closed room that *isnt* filled with leftover smoke from my bathroom, that was sealed before I opened the door. My whole fam is asleep. I’m fucking horrified. If I hadn’t been awake and paid attention to the house and seen the number on the air filter our house would be on fire right now.

Holy fucking shit.

I wasn’t worried abt the smell at first bc we live in the middle of nowhere but often smell smoke from nearby neighbors doing burns and stuff. But then I saw our air filter was stupid fucking low and caught it in time. No one’s hurt. The towel was just slowly smoldering. Thank god it had been wet from me using it. And I was in there not 30 minutes before this happened. In my tiredness I must’ve forgotten to make sure it was fully pushed over. I feel so fucking stupid.

That was my last good towel though. Oh well.

Everyone’s safe. The animals seem okay for now. I feel sick to my stomach abt what I’ll have to tell my ma in the AM.

Okay so my Ma woke up actually (she went to bed stupid early) so she knows now oops.

But alls well that ends well within like 30 min or so since I started airing out the house it aired out and is fine but I’m still freaked.

[angerkorok]

My sister is a moron and I don't know how to deal with it.

It would be one thing if she was just affecting herself with her bullshit, but she has two children and two cats. I'm fairly sure her cats are safe from the decisions she's made rn, but that could change any moment.

My sister got a new boyfriend, and I think that was the beginning of all her common sense disappearing. He's had conflict with every single one of her friends that I know, and all of her family. He's refused to give her rides at times and hasn't had a job for more than 3 weeks since he moved up here. He mistreated her cats in front of her, and when I pointed out how disgusting he acted towards them, she agreed with me but spoke poorly about me with him in the kitchen for 2 hours when she thought I couldn't hear. I was able to hear into the kitchen from two of the bedrooms I was in(we moved rooms around so her kids could each have their own room), and she didn't believe me when I told her that. I repeated something she said in the kitchen, and she went and told our mother that I was "listening at the door of their bedroom". No one believes her besides herself and her bf, but it's incredibly disheartening to hear someone speak badly about you for 4 months straight while you clean up after them and watch their children.

I got sick of hearing her and her boyfriend talking shit in the kitchen one night when they said something about our mom's cat and how he's never in either of our rooms. At the time, I had a routine with this cat AND HER CATS that I'd wait until around midnight, then give them treats, and while they were eating treats I'd snatch my mom's cat up and get him to snuggle in my room. My sister would get home at 1am and not see him anywhere, but he was "never" in my room? So I walked out to say something, and the only thing I could think of was how stupid it was for either of them to say that when her cats have never been allowed in her room, and when everyone was awake, they hung out in my room most of the time. When I walked back, I looked into my sisters eyes and said "Good luck with your third toddler."

She told mom he'd laughed it off, but a mutual friend who was trying to keep from choosing a side said it really got to him and he whined about it to her constantly. Within a week they moved out together. A week from living together, my sisters cats were hissing at her bf. She doesn't believe he did anything to them, but those cats have NEVER been anything but sweethearts for the 5-6 years she's had them, and her kids father was awful to them. They were nicer to her baby daddy while he was tossing them into the shower than they were to her current bf, but apparently he's never mistreated them. She sent them to live back here a month or so in. They were perfectly happy and perfectly sweet within 20 minutes.

Her kids come over here when it's time for their dad to pick them up, and if my sister is working, her bf doesn't want to deal with him alone, so my mom and I get the kids. The older one has begun to tell my sister that she doesn't miss her mommy when she goes with dad, but she misses grandma. I'm absolutely sure that hurts, but I feel like that might be another red flag for my sisters behavior or who she's with.

My sister had a half day at work and her boyfriend planned to take her out, I guess. She would have come here to see the girls before they went to their dads if he didn't have something planned, but decided to do what he wanted to, which is fine, the kids were with someone who loves them deeply (my mom lol).

Her bf canceled their plans. So my sister didn't get to do what they were going to AND didn't see her kids. She texted my mom that it made her feel like a bad mom. I don't think this incident specifically makes her a bad mom, but the things I've been hearing about that I've left out of this post do make her a bad mom. This incident should just be another indicator to her that her bf does not care about her or her children, but she's not going to listen to it. I'll rant more later.

[thehopelessexception]

29/12/24

it's been a while since my latest post. turns out i found a job (i dont like) and it's been a turmoil of emotions i thought would disappear after i had time being occupied by stupid activities that give me some money at the end of the month.

by this time of year i realized i am a lost cause. the first month was somehow fine but now i feel everyone is starting to notice i am not that yappy girl who's nice to everyone because now i am always sad and depressed and i want to cry every single day.

i realized, many things i am and many things i believe in are not in fact normal (not that i didn't already knew but i always had somehow hoped i was in the wrong). and people who surround me every hour are actually happy with their lives or seem happy enough to me. i don't know what happiness is and i realize i am the one running from it in whatever way you may think of. i need to speak less, i need to shut up more. i am noone and i won't accept it even tho is a fact i cannot scape. i should stop rejecting people who try to be in my life because i will end up alone. and it's dumb and boring that "not wanting to end up alone" is the excuse i make to try to fill the blanks, but im human after all i guess. i am not funny i am not that pretty i am not that smart. i am just a person hoping to not be just a dot in the dark but turns out i am, also.

and i am tired of living inside the nostalgia and full of regrets and fears.

i am starting to think i won't be able to pursue the thing i spent years studying at uni because of my personality and my context. im thinking really seriously about moving abroad (not that i want to but as something i need to do, at least for some time). im thinking i am not what i always assumed i am. im thinking about changing things for real as a survival demeanor, i am scared but i feel ready to approach life even if life doesn't want me, even if that means forgetting i was ever this person i admired. if that makes sense?

i feel life is the antonym of me. that's something i learned this last couple of months. i am not able to live if i keep being myself because the society we live in rejects people like me, i am not but a ghost standing while time passes. everything feels like the idea that your cat loves you when it talks to you and ask you to pet him but in reality it stops in the moment you give it food because thats the only thing it actually wants from you. because it's an animal and doesnt have consciousness more than what we invent them to have to not feel like shit with ourselves.

i realize i cannot see love as something more than power and thats sick and twisted because thats probably the reason i reject every person who's ever approached me, because i think they will overpower me and take advantage of my vulnerable state (yes i already knew all of this about myself but maybe if i say it out loud it stops being such a bag). i also learned i put myself inside a box not only to avoid people hurting me but because i actually think i am the one being wicked, tricking everyone to like me and taking advantage of them, even tho the only thing i do is existing. isn't that some ptsd answer to being abused? was i abused? I been asking myself this because i dont reckon *that kind of abuse* and i am not putting myself in that victim position not now not ever, but what i am asking myself lately is why do i have this psychological response to trauma if i dont think i had any (i think bullying doesnt count), but the truth is i do think i had an early age experience i never talked about because i guess i was 4 or 5yo and maybe it's just a bad dream or mixed memory because i grew up with internet. it's always in the back of my head but i never had the guts to ask anyone or talk about it out loud because i don't think it's something that important or harsh, and i truly dont care about it. lately I been thinking about this weird dream/memory i am not sure what it's supposed to be, because of how i react to intimacy and relationships now full developed adult. maybe that's the thing or maybe the simple answer is that each person i truly loved (romantically or friendly) abandoned me for some reason.

i don't know what or who i am supposed to be but im sure as hell not this.

[mogamuncher]

Letters To a Character I Hate

Ryoma Takeharu was sick, he didn't quite know exactly what afflicted him, being young still, his parents and doctors spoke in hushed tones about it. But all the boy knew was that he was eternally confined to a hospital bed, and that his therapist had told him to start writing letters.

Apparently it was supposed to help his morale, and help get closure, though personally Ryoma would like to argue that he didn't need it, and that he was just fine without it. But alas, he was supposed to write letters addressed to either someone or a concept important and conflicting to him.

Ryoma couldn't for the life of him figure out what to write, or to whom. He refused to do it towards his parents or siblings, they literally were right there, if he wanted something out of them he'd just ask, not write a stupid letter (they'd ignore it anyways), not anyone else, as Ryoma has no real friends. Ryoma sure as fuck wouldn't dedicate letters to his bullies, that's another level of pathetic even he wouldn't stoop to.

Instead, he opened his phone to that stupid conflicting little web novel that he both hated and loved, and immediately had an idea.

Ryoma sat up as best he could, the tubes and wiring limiting his movement. He huffed and looked around the room to make sure his parents weren't in here. He didn't want them to know what he was writing. They would never let him live it down.

He held up the pen and paper he was given (by his aforementioned therapist), and began to write. A letter to his favorite, and most hated character, in his favorite and least favorite web novel. . .

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

I was advised to write to someone I'm conflicted about, my therapist apparently thinks it'd help with my mental health, though, personally, I call bullshit. I decided to write to you, because it was somehow the least mortifying option out of all the others, can you believe that?

I actually don't know what to write to you, honestly, I guess I could try airing out my grievances with you?

Well, I think you're too handsome, too strong, too nice, too much of a chick magnet, and too perfect! How come you master everything in just one go? That's so stupid, it makes no sense! Also, will you stop leading the women around you on? Just pick one, you oaf!

Is it unreasonable for me to be mad that I have nothing to complain about you outside of how much better you are compared to everyone else? I just think that it's unfair is all, we're both Japanese, aren't we? And yet, while you get isekai-ed into a land of fantasy as the chosen one to get a harem of hot women, I'm left here to rot away in a hospital bed! Leave some good fortune for the rest of us too, you bastard!

I suppose I shouldn't blame you for that, you aren't at fault, you were just written that way. Still, I demand emotional compensation for the turmoil your shenanigans have caused me!

Go to hell, sincerely signed, Ryoma Takeharu.

P.S: I hate how you act like such a good person. No one is that perfect. It pisses me off. Why aren't you ever allowed to experience true hardship? Why are you always so damn positive? How are you so forgiving and accepting? What gives you such a strong will?

. . .Just give me your luck damn it.

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

My therapist said I should keep writing, since last time it seemed that the letter helped, so I'm here to complain to you again! I would say sorry, but I don't actually care about how you feel. Even if you were hurt by my letters, you'd probably just be comforted by one of your various harem members anyways.

Speaking of, that's the thing bothering me, it's fine if you have a harem, most protagonists of trashy isekai novels have harems, but did your harem have to be comprised of the most unlikable women ever put to page?!`*

Seriously, they fight each other like a bunch of hissy cats, stomp all over you, get themselves kidnapped or almost killed all the time, are essentially useless despite being powerful, and yet they still expect you to reciprocate their affections! That's just too unreasonable, seriously, why do you even hang out with them at all? You're popular regardless, so can't you just ditch them and get better companions?

That's another thing I just hate about you too, you could easily have friends, you could easily have people love you, meanwhile, I'm stuck having to write a letter to a fictional character! Don't you understand my plight here? This is just too disheartening!

Whatever, get better girlfriends, you dolt.

Signed, Ryoma Takeharu.

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

Today my siblings visited me in the hospital. Did I ever tell you that I was stuck here? Well, I am, apparently I'm sick, I don't know what I have, because no one else will tell me.

Anyways, I hated the whole visit, they're insufferable at best, and they make fun of me all the time. Not that you'd understand anything like that, right? I remember reading that you were an only child in the novel. Yet another thing you have better than me, damn lucky bastard!

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

Soon I'll have to go back to school, I'm dreading it so much, I hate that place. Everyone sucks, the teachers are trash, and it's just super boring! At least I'll have it easy in terms of assignments, due to being sick and all.

I wish I was isekai-ed, like you were, I don't think I'd be as good of a swordsman as you, but I think I'd be a great spellcaster! I'd rather be a warlock than a paladin anyway, imagine me summoning a massive dragon? It'd be so cool!

Don't worry, hero-kun, I'll be nice enough to heal you during battle. . . Sometimes.

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

I hope you at least realize that you're incredibly lucky to have an easy life. I can barely even leave bed without passing out. I'm stuck in a hospital for the most of my life. I don't leave the room unless it's for a doctor's appointment or family visiting. I mean, it's better than school, but still!

You're nimble, strong, and healthy, plus you're apparently handsome too? I personally think that your character description sounds super generic, but for so many women to fall for you, you must be super good looking!

Damn lucky bastard!

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

Back in school, it's only been three days, and I already miss the hospital. I liked having an excuse to spend all day not seeing my family and not talking to others.

The author never quite told us what your life was like before you got isekai-ed. . . But I bet you were super popular in your own world too, right? Lucky bastard.

____________________________________

Dear Hikari Nanami,

Stop being so polite with people that want to hurt you! I just read the next chapter of your story, and I'm pissed! That duke just wants to hurt you, stop being so naive, hero-kun!

Not that i enjoy edgelord protagonists either, they're usually too unjustified in their anger, and i just end up feeling like they're in the wrong, but boy scout heroes like you also irk me!

•••

Ryoma's daily letters soon became part of his routine; it gave a certain structure, something to look forward to when each day blended into the next with the monotonous routine. However, while his therapist may have hoped these letters would improve Ryoma's mood, they seemed to only fuel his anger.

Each day, the letters grew more aggressive, more filled with envy and vitriol. Ryoma began pouring more and more of his frustrations and insecurities into each word, using the fictional Hikari Nanami as a metaphorical punching bag for his own pent-up emotions and helplessness.

Dear Hikari Nanami,

Dear Hikari Nanami,

Dear Hikari Nanami,

De——

It had been a few years now, Ryoma was graduating from high school, he'd somehow managed to not kill himself, despite being sorely tempted more than once, and his most hated (and favorite) web novel was officially coming to an end.

The tone of the novel had shifted with time, getting more grimm, and his letters shifted to match, frustratedly yelling more at the world for the protagonist than yelling at the fictional man.

Ryoma just felt a bit bad, mostly because the author seemed intent on hurting and breaking the protagonist down, it was starting to get seriously concerning.

Not that Ryoma cares, of course, he'd never care, obviously, he hates this novel, and the stupid perfect protagonist.

Not concerned at all, definitely.

•••

Dear Hikari Nanami,

I finally read the final chapter of your story, i put it off for a while, but eventually i caved and read through it.

The end was. . . Depressing. All your companions died, and the main villain cursed you to eternal slumber.  It was a surprising ending, so far away from the typical ending of other wish fulfillment Isekai stories, i honestly almost didn't believe it at first.

At first i thought that I'd be happy, I'd finally be free from reading about your shitty harem misadventures and the descriptors of your radiant smile. But honestly? I just feel kinda empty.

I guess i feel kinda melancholic, despite how much i hated you and everything you stood for, it was weird to see you lose. I guess i always saw you as invincible, an unstoppable force that could never be quelled.

Well, I suppose that means we're finally on the same page. I'm not gonna have a happy ending either, and you didn't get yours, in the end, would that make us equals?

I do wonder if there is a world where you could've been happy.

I also wonder if there is one where I could've been happy too.

. . .

This is probably the last letter I'll ever send you, I'm gonna try to get into a college for business, I'll most likely just cheat my way through SATs. Do wish me luck, hero-kun!

Well, this is goodbye then, I'll leave you to your eternal slumber, Mr. Protagonist.

Sweet dreams,

Signed, Ryoma Takeharu.

.