#*malicious af*

[theindescribable1]

I'm feeling generous today.

[darabeatha]

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAINNNNNNNNNN

[diabotsis]

secrets from the stars season 2 round 2 in a nutshell

[mxtxfanatic]

Shen Miao after waking up from her 6-month coma: So explain to me why you were hanging out with strange women in my dream.

Xie Jing Xing:

[circusgoth-dotcom]

joining a few of my mutuals in having One Specific Guy f/os

[rcvcgers]

Rotten Apples ❦.ׂ

chapter four: why are you here?

masterlist , series masterlist , ao3 link

previous part | next part

18+ MINORS DNI

pairing: caleb x non!mc reader

synopsis: caleb tries his best to apologize but you don't let him. a trip to linkon is what you need! you run into an old friend.

word count: 9.3k words

warnings: extreme loathing, kinda funny, MELANCHOLIC AND SAD, a good mix of everything! mentions of death! not proofread! READER IS MESSY AF

author's note: hi everyone! thank you so much for all the love on the previous parts! please like & leave comments! i love seeing what you have to say! (part 5 is for my smutty girls though ;) just a heads up!)

content warning: sloppy kiss between caleb & reader...tongues.

a big big big big thank you to leura who helped me out with this part! show them some love over on their blog @militaryapple

my rotten apples <3 : @kebarney , @pinkismyfavcolor , @romils , @erisnxxi , @rik0shii , @reni502 , @spacehopper27 , @llamabois , @likesvader , @pandoras-rabbit , @princessfruit , @lukassafespace , @jexireads , @etsuniiru , @tinnyrabbit , @orianakira , @xiaorixx , @beomluvrr , @sanzy4 , @vickykazuya , @blcknebula , @sleepydang , @flamedancer13 , @gojosbedwarmer , @silmeria-lafleur , @ikiru-wa , @animecrazy76 , @fealy , @jexizia , @i-messed-up-big-time , @motheraiya55 , @vvonunie , @1uv4jiya , @yuuuumii , @okumurarinsbabe , @mcdepressed290 , @luleck , @sanzy4 , @lucifers-silhouette , @crazygirl3001 , @april-likes-smut , @kazbrkker , @l1ttlebabyapple , @writersandroses , @kookie-my-little-sunshine , @curryexpress , @earthykitsunesrain , @raining4food , @chaoticbardlady99 , @young-adult-summer , @bitchyzombienacho , @danicareadssmut , @empressil , @kesiiahthompson

want to be added to the taglist? click here!

How does one react to their ex-childhood best friend showing up and ruining a date that’s also not a date that you’re on with your other ex-childhood best friend that you secretly liked then hated then when he showed back up after his supposed death your feelings for him have become so utterly complicated that you can’t comprehend if he actually likes you or not?

No, really, how do you react to that in a completely normal way?

The question kept you up for hours on end, lingering in the depths of your mind as you tried your best to feel like a human being again after your disastrous night with Caleb and Her.

Your dreams were infested with images of her smug smile and the way she showed up unannounced. You know that her motivations aren’t pure. They are full of hate and are malicious.

Do people change? Yes. They do. Sometimes they change for the worse instead of getting better.

The image of her smug expression haunts your mind. She floats into your thoughts. Caleb didn’t even try to hide the fact that they were, allegedly, temporarily living together. Her hunter business brought her to Skyhaven for whatever reason, which he also didn’t give, and it ended with you passed out on the floor of your apartment with an empty wine bottle in hand.

The morning after the date-that’s-also-not-a-date went wrong, you were quite hungover. You sat up from your floor in complete and utter pain, shuddering from the morning light that struck your eyes like daggers. A silent hiss escaped your lips as you army crawled into the kitchen. Trying to pull yourself up to the kitchen sink was a struggle in itself.

Your legs kept giving out on you. You succumbed to the floor plenty of times. Groans and cries filled the quiet apartment, your fingers scraping against the cabinets. After an hour, you finally got a good grip on the edge of the sink, gasping as you pulled up your basically dead body, and flicked on the water. Your dry mouth was met with crisp, ice cold water. Your morning long thirst had been quenched.

You felt unstoppable! That is, until your phone started ringing…from the opposite side of the apartment.

That trek was less strenuous thanks to the oasis that is your kitchen sink. Once your phone was in your hand, you felt the surge of another victory bubble from within your uneasy stomach.

The feeling was quickly shot down when Darryl’s name flashed across your screen.

“Hello?” Your throat is raw from dehydration.

“Where are you?!” Darryl’s voice booms from the other end of the call. You move the phone away from your face and wince. You put the call on speaker and set it on the floor next to you.

“I think I’m going to need to cash in one of my sick days…” You crumble to the floor and ball up into the fetal position.

This is one nasty ass hangover.

“A Colonel is here asking for you.”

Your body shocks to life. The nausea you once felt fades into nothingness. You force your body upright and stare at Darry’s name on the screen.

What the fuck did he just say?

“What the fuck did you do?” Darryl yells at you through the phone.

“I didn’t do anything!” You immediately retort. “I’m going to use a sick day today. I’ll work overtime tomorrow! Okay! Bye!” You hang up the phone and slide it across the floor, landing in the bathroom.

Minutes pass. Silence fills your apartment.

Did…did Caleb come looking for you?

You shake your head at the thought. It could literally be any other colonel! There’s Colonel Heath and don’t forget about that time you helped Colonel Diana on a top secret project! Yeah! Diana was the one who reached out to you!

Not the insanely hot guy from your childhood that you’re supposed to hate but can’t help but salivate over when you think of him in his uniform.

Yeah! No! It totally isn’t Caleb who you ran away from last night!

There’s a knock at your door. You aren’t expecting anyone…who could it be? Your legs still feel like jelly but you push through, wobbling to the door. pressing up against the door with a rough landing, you peer out the peep hole to see a head of black hair in front of it.

The man’s posture straightens and his deep purple eyes seemingly lock onto yours. He’s in that damn Colonel uniform too. You gasp and push away from the door. Stumbling backward, and in a good stroke of luck, you tip onto the couch and yelp, covering your mouth.

Caleb calls out your name, his voice muffled through the door. His knocks are more feverish now. Your body flinches with every knock.

“Hey…I know you’re in there. I’m sorry about last night,” Caleb’s voice doesn’t bring you the solace and comfort it used to. “Can we please talk? I can explain everything.” You don’t respond.

Why should you? He’s the one who put you through so much god damn emotional turmoil. Years of being led on and his innate sense to always go to her has messed with your head. Your last therapist could barely make sense of things when you explained it to her.

“Alright…I get it. You need distance. That’s fine. I’ll be here…you have my number. Oh, and I brought you some food…I think there’s good chance you’re hungover.” Caleb sounds…defeated. It’s a strange thing to have to listen to. Usually he’s this upbeat, happy-go-lucky guy that always knows what to do or say to make things better.

But you…you have officially stumped Caleb.

He has never felt so lost in his life. He knew that he was in this position because he couldn’t have a backbone when it came to her. That’s his fault.

Caleb wishes he could explain to you that he asked her to leave. He even took her to a hotel where she can stay for the rest of the stay. And the cherry on top?

He didn’t pay for it!

His eyes stare at the door’s peephole. He squints, wanting to see any kind of movement within the very minuscule amount of light that seeps through. There’s nothing, though, so he sets the large plastic bag of food down onto the floor. The Colonel hesitates for a split second, swearing that he hears something behind the door.

Again, nothing.

This is a routine that the two of you fell into over the course of a month.

Caleb showed up, unannounced and unwanted of course, and placed a token of his affection by your door. Some days it was greasy food for the hangovers you were bound to have when you went out with friends, other times it was flowers for an achievement you got at work.

Every time he knocked on the door, you hid in your bedroom, tucked away under the covers, silently begging for him to go away.

When he eventually left, after begging for a solid twenty minutes to see you and your beautiful face, you creeped outside the door to see what he left behind.

The days you were feeling low, Caleb left you comfort food and a note that said he’s proud of you for pushing through the day.

The weekends were usually the days he came to bring you flowers. He brought a different kind every day and somehow managed to get them wrong every single time. You didn’t even waste another second looking at them before dumping them down your hallway’s trash chute.

There was a time when Caleb dropped of an expensive bouquet of roses. You caught him right before he snuck into the elevator like the stalker he is. You picked up the bouquet and signaled for him to stay where he was, putting the brightest and most plastic looking smile on your face.

The look on his face was priceless! Caleb inched closer to your apartment, a smile slowly growing on his face. His smile died when you stepped out of the apartment with the bouquet in one hand, scissors in the other. You snipped every single rose, letting them fall to the ground before you slammed the door behind you.

His constant acts of affection were, quite frankly, getting on your nerves. It didn’t help that your neighbors kept banging on your door asking for you to clean up the messes he left behind. Now that was just tedious.

You should have left a note for Caleb to clean up the mess he made.

One day, you were late for a team dinner that Darryl was throwing to celebrate his promotion. How he got promoted, you’d never know. At least he wouldn’t be bothering you anymore. That’s all that matters.

You swung the door open, headphones over your ears, and jumped at the sight of a blue and orange box. It was small in your hands. A small jingling sound came from the inside when you shook it.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw movement. Caleb dipped behind a couple waiting for the elevator. You raised an eyebrow and walked to the elevator, watching as his eyes grew bigger and bigger.

The elevator dinged right when you shoved the box into his chest, crushing the small, glass butterfly he had bought for you.

Caleb’s eyes fixated on the eye bags under your eyes. They were heavily sunken into your skin and were a deep purple color. Even your cheekbones popped out. You slowly blinked at him, your body slightly swaying despite there being no wind inside the hallway. 

To Caleb, you looked like a shell of yourself. A phantom that sucked the soul straight out of your body, leaving behind a semblance of the woman he’s grown so fond of despite you throwing all of his effort back into his face.

“Take the stairs.” You told him before disappearing into the elevator. The doors slowly closed and he watched as you wiped a tear out from under your eye. The sad thing is that he obeyed your order like the lovesick puppy he is, dying to catch a glimpse of you before you disappeared into a taxi.

Are you not taking care of yourself? Have you not been eating the food I’ve gotten you? Do I need to take matters into my own hands? His thoughts began to race as soon as you were out of sight.

Caleb wanted to rip his heart out of his chest and hand it to you if it would mean that you would forgive him for what he’s done. If you wanted him to kill a thousand Wanderers, he would do it. Hell, he even managed to get Darryl fired for you after overhearing you talk about how much you hated him.

Caleb is ready to give you the world. All you have to do is say the word and he’ll spend the rest of his days, all the way until his dying breath, to make it a reality for you.

It’s been a month since the disastrous date night, not that you were counting the days or anything.

You totally still aren’t heartbroken over the fact that they have ruined your self esteem and essentially made you a hermit. Isolation was the only way you were able to feel comfortable in your own skin and yet it was so incredibly lonely to be stuck with your own degrading thoughts with Caleb serving as a constant reminder as to why you’re only good enough to be someone’s second choice.

Never the first.

“You’re coming, right?” Your friend shouts from over the phone. “You better get on the train! You are not missing out on my bachelorette party just because you don’t want to run into him!”

Your laugh is half-genuine as you shove clothes into your suitcase, not even bothering to fold them because you simply do not have the energy to do it.

“I’m leaving in ten minutes for the train right now, I promise.” the suitcase struggles to zip shut but you eventually get it to close after sitting on it. It crashes into the ground and you shriek, stumbling next to to it. You barely manage to catch yourself, your first laugh in a month fleeing your mouth.

The sound shocks you. You go silent, hand covering your glossed lips, and laugh some more.

You didn’t know you could do that anymore! It had been so long since you’ve heard the crackle in your laugh, the way you could sense the joy within the sound even if it came from a clumsy mistake.

“Are you okay?” Your friend’s voice lulls you back into the room. You nod despite her being unable to see it and laugh again, covering your mouth. She laughs. “Alright then, I’ll see you in a few hours!”

Your suitcase suddenly feels light when you pick it up from the ground. Has all of your depression finally left you body? Are you starting to feel whole again after feeling so worthless?

You slide the suitcase across the floor and slip your shoes on with a blossoming smile. Things are finally starting to look up for you! Hell, even your shoes slipped on with ease instead of you struggling to put them on for ten minutes! Maybe you could get a coffee before you hop on the train out of Skyhaven!

The front door is pulled back and you are ready to brace the day with a smile on your face when—!

Caleb. He’s here. At your door. With another bouquet of flowers.

Your smile falls from your face and any oxygen that was once in your lungs has been sucked out by his presence. The only thing you can do is stare up and into his violet eyes. He holds out the bouquet to you, daisies to be exact, and the white petals burn into your soul.

“These are for you,” Caleb takes your hand and you’re unable to stop him. He slips the bouquet into your fingers and you stare at the skin he touches, a burning feeling imprinting into your skin. “I just wanted to come by and—”

“Beg for a second chance? Again? I’m not interested, Caleb,” you push forward, your suitcase sliding right into his calves. He doesn’t flinch. Caleb watches as you wiggle your way out of your apartment, slamming the door shut, and shoving the key into the hole.

“No, that’s not it, actually,” he says with a chuckle. He moves your luggage to his side, watching as your lock up. When you turn around, you snatch the handle back from him, creating distance between you two. “I’m leaving for a week long patrol in the Deepspace Tunnel. I just wanted to see your face before I go.”

“Well,” you huff, shoving the suitcase in front of you, hauling it down the elevator, “you saw it. You can leave now.”

“Can you please just…hey! Talk to me!” Caleb quickly follows after you. He uses your Evol to cement your luggage to the ground. You tug on the handle. When it doesn’t budge, you turn and glare at him.

If only you had an Evol. Maybe then you’d return the favor by striking him with lightning or maybe you’d suck all the air from his lungs and make him gasp for air.

Okay…maybe not. That’s a little violent.

“Let me go, Caleb.”

“All I’m asking for is five minutes of your time…please. I need this,” Caleb steps towards you. He softly grabs your wrist. You don’t immediately pull away, eyes fixated on his. Your bottom lip trembles. Your heart thumps behind your ribs and butterflies erupt in your stomach. The scent of his cologne fills your nose, pulling you out of your trance.

This is not supposed to happen. You’re supposed to be over him, not falling in love all over again!

“You’re pathetic, Caleb.”

Your words are venom. They burn into his skin and for once: Caleb is silent. There is no comeback. There is no funny one liner that he can say to diffuse the situation. There is not a single god damn thing he can do or say to get your malice to disappear.

“This past month has been hard on me. Your constant gifts and notes at my door make me feel nothing but irritation. You’ve ruined so many of my days simply by being here. All I wanted you to do was leave me alone. And you couldn’t even do that.”

Caleb blinks away the stinging feeling in his eyes. His lips part and you can’t help but look away, your eyes turning glossy.

“I need to be alone. That means I don’t want to see you. I don’t want to be reminded of you and I especially don’t want to hear your voice through my door begging for a second chance. I’m done, Caleb.”

“That’s not fair—”

“You know what wasn’t fair? Was having to be your third wheel throughout my entire childhood,” your voice trembles, rising in volume. You smack the area over your heart, tears now rolling down your cheeks. “I have always been your second choice. You know I basked in the days you gave me your attention when she was sick and stayed home from school? It felt so good to be in your light, to be someone who actually meant something to you. And now all I get are the scraps that she didn’t want. Wake up, Caleb! I’m done!”

His Evol releases your luggage and you turn to the elevator. White petals catch your eye and your step hesitates for a brief second, halting you. You stare the bouquet, the yellow bulbs in the center mocking you. Without wasting another second, you storm back over to Caleb, whose shoulders slump and his eyes are on the ground. You smack the bouquet into his chest.

“I don’t even like daisies,” a quiet sob flees your mouth. Caleb’s once bright eyes darken. He stares at you, fists balled at his sides, unable to tear his gaze away from yours. His breath grow heavier the longer you stand there.

He doesn’t say anything. It unsettles you. All he does is walk around you, slamming the stairwell door open, and evaporates into the darkness.

You need to get away from Caleb. From Skyhaven. Suddenly, your friend’s bachelorette party seems like the perfect place to escape for the weekend.

Linkon is brighter than you remember. It’s sunny with a crisp wind that carries your hair in different directions. The city is a lot different too. Restaurants and shops you once knew are now gone, replaced with big chains, but there are a few standout smaller places that catch your eye.

The path from the train station to your parents’ house is the same, much longer than you anticipated, but is the same regardless. On the way home, you decide to stop by your favorite mom-and-pop shop. You were hooked on their candies as a kid.

Their sweet and salty chocolate caramels melted in your mouth. They have the most perfect chocolate truffles that paired so well with their homemade fruit tarts. During the summer, they worked with the ice cream parlor next door and combined their sweet treats for the perfect combination.

As soon as you see the red and white stripes of their shop, your pace quickens, feet traveling even faster. A sweet treat never hurt anybody, right? Besides, you need some chocolate and caramel clusters to fill in the void that Caleb carved into your soul.

The suitcase’s wheels try their best to keep up with you, dragging along the sidewalk with loud scrapes. The shop’s sign grows bigger and bigger with every step you take.

You’re so close to the sweet taste of victory. Your hand reaches for the door, about to snatch the handle and burst inside, when the door swings right into you, the wood hitting the dead center of your forehead.

Your body tips backward, suitcase rolling away and towards the street. The concrete isn’t a nice bed to land on. The back of your head smacks against the concrete and your vision goes black.

Holy shit, you think, did I just go blind?

Commotion stirs from all around you and the culprit drops to your side. His voice is muffled and you can barely make out a word she’s saying. She raises her voice and you wince, the volume causing your instant headache to worsen into a migraine. A man’s voice replaces her panicked muffles.

A hand sneaks under your back, slowly sitting you up from the ground. Sunlight breaks through the darkness, your eyes slowly focusing on the figure in front of you.

His head blocks the sun from your eyes, specks of dust illuminating as they float by, a pair of sharp hazel-green eyes focusing on you from behind glass and thin metal frames. The man moves in slow motion, your lips parting, as he checks out your pupils. His black hair falls over his forehead and he leans in. He smells like fresh laundry and an icy day. The scent is comforting to you.

“Follow my finger,” his voice is unemotional. He holds a single finger up and in front of your face. He moves it from left to right but your eyes don’t move. He says your name and a piece of your dead heart awakens, a flurry of hope and sweetness tingling on your tongue.

“Zayne?” You whisper. Are you seeing things again? Or has another childhood friend suddenly entered your life during a time of need?

“You may have a concussion. Please, allow me to take care of you.”

Take care of you.

You nod, eyes following his finger back and forth. Another digit sprouts up and you immediately say “two” without him needing to ask. The corner of his lips perk up for a split second before falling again.

“Where did you come from?” He asks.

The people around you begin to disperse, moving on with their day. The woman who hit you stays behind, though, nervously chewing on her nails while watching Zayne assess you.

“The train station.”

“Further back.”

“Skyhaven.”

His hazel eyes are softer than you remember. The green hues fight with the yellow and brown tones, ending with a delicate balance that you always liked to look at when you were kids. He still wears glasses, no contacts for him, and his shoulders are so broad.

“What’s my name again?”

“Zayne,” you exhale. He nods and rises to his feet. He extends a lightly scarred hand to you, which you take, as he helps you from the ground. Zayne turns to the woman beside you. His fingers curl around your elbow and he pulls you to his side.

“She will be fine. I’ll take her from here. You may leave,” Zayne tells the woman. His voice doesn’t falter. It remains steady and it puts your heart at ease.

“I’m so sorry…” the woman stares at you but you wave her away with a smile.

“It’s okay. It happens to all of us,” you try your best to reassure her even though no, this does not happen to all of us. You just happen to be one unlucky girl.

The woman nods and bows her head in shame, scurrying away. Your eyes follow her but Zayne steps in front of you. You tilt your chin up and cock your head to the side. His features are as sharp as ever. The tip of his nose brings his whole face together, matching the thin metal rims of his glasses.

“I see you’re still clumsy,” Zayne blinks at you. You take a second to process his words.

“I wouldn’t really say that I’m clumsy,” you quip back, “I’m just…very unfortunate with the timing of things.” Zayne’s eyebrow perks up.

It’s silent. The two of you stare at each other as the world passes you by. The difference from your previous experience with another person from your past is that this feels comfortable. You feel safe, that if anything were to happen, Zayne would stick by your side and protect you.

He wouldn’t run away to go find a certain someone and make sure that she’s okay first before chasing you.

“How have you been, Zayne?” You fill in the silence, placing your suitcase in front of your body. He watches, his careful gaze noticing every little detail, before they’re drawn back to you.

“I’ve been well. And you? I heard you are a successful translator for the DAA.” You can’t help but chuckle at his words. His brows knit together and he takes a step towards you. “Did I…say something wrong? Are you not translating?”

“No! No, I am translating, I mean, so yes to that,” you stumble over your words like a girl who has a crush on him. You clear your throat and rub the red mark on your forehead, the dull ache behind your eyes making you want to curl up and disappear since you can’t even form a coherent sentence. “I wouldn’t call myself successful, though. Unless you count success as sitting in a cubicle all day and doing whatever work they give you.”

“You complete projects with no problem. To me, that is the definition of success,” Zayne gently moves your hand off of the suitcase handle, his fingers curling around the small bar. His hand looks comedically large against it.

It has you wondering what his hand looks like compared to his medical tools during surgery.

“Where are you staying?” He asks the question so casually. It’s…comforting.

“At my parents’ house. I’m housesitting for them. Hey, do you remember Isabelle?” You move to Zayne’s side. He nods and hums in response. The two of you start walking in the direction of your house, which isn’t too far away from Downtown Linkon. “Well, it’s her bachelorette party this weekend and she had decided for me to go, so naturally my parents decides it’s a great time to go on a weekend vacation themselves.”

“Ah. I see. They deserve a good break. It’ll be good for you to have some time alone outside of the bachelorette party as well.” Zayne doesn’t look at you while he speaks and yet you feel so seen. You nod and look forward, a smile spreading across your face.

The walk home is beautiful. The trees sway with the wind, pastel petals flying and swirling around the two of you. You reach a hand out and catch one. The delicate pale pink petal rests in your hand. You hold your palm out to Zayne to show him.

“It’s a petal.”

“Yes, yes it is.”

“It’s…pink.”

“Observational as always, Zayne.” That earned a quiet chuckle from him. He sped up in front of you, leaving you behind to match his quick pace.

The familiar sight of the front yard comes into view. The bricked walls are still devoured in vines and there’s even a bountiful garden outside with colorful flowers and butterflies that rest on the petals. A warm smile spreads across your face as Zayne holds open the white picket fence for you. He follows behind as you rush up the front steps of the porch. You unlock the door and swing the door open, the familiar scent of your mother’s floral perfume flowing from the house.

This is home. This is a safe space where you know you can escape and not have to worry about the outside world coming to hurt you.

Zayne slides your suitcase inside the home, watching as it disappears down the wooden floors and into the tucked away kitchen. You smile at him, stepping inside and kicking your shoes off. He stays outside, watching as all your walls come down.

“Thank you for walking me home. I’m sure you were busy with…hospital things,” your laugh is breathy. Zayne catches himself smiling at you, forcing the grin away.

“I just got off my mandatory emergency room shift. I have the next day off until they need me back,” he informs you. You nod and lean against the wooden door.

“Oooh, look at you go Zayne. Earning a much deserved break. Please, do tell, how do you intend to spend your day off?” You ask, leaning forward, closing some distance between you two. 

“I would like to spend time with you,” Zayne is as straightforward as ever.

You’d be lying if you said your heart didn’t skip a beat.

There are no butterflies in your stomach, though, like they’d be with him.

“With me?” You repeat. He nods, taking a step closer. You suck in a breath and take in his fresh scent.

It’s clean like a sunny day. You can see you and Zayne holding hands, running through the school halls to catch a glimpse of the school librarian and P.E. teacher sneaking into the teacher’s lounge together.

“I fail to see how this is…interesting,” a young Zayne told you. You shushed him, looking into his sharp, hazel eyes.

“They’re in love! It’s always nice to see people find their person!”

Zayne’s grip on your hand became tighter in that moment.

“I…I would love to go to dinner with you,” you smile at him. He nods. The corners of his lips twitch and he turns to walk away. You grab his wrist and draw him back to you, eyes wide as you look up at him. “What time should I be ready by?”

“Hm…does seven sound good?” He asks. You nod and release his wrist. “I’ll pick you up.”

Zayne hesitantly leaves your close proximity. He steps down the stone pathway, his eyes staring at the flowers, which just so happen to be your favorite, and turns to face you when he reaches the perimeter of the front yard.

“Hey, Zayne?” You call from the door. He moves his hands into his pockets, tilting his head at you. “Can we do something casual tonight?”

Like the godsend he is, Zayne nods then disappears down the street. You close the door, back pressed against the combination of wood and glass, and let out an excited squeal.

Seven o’clock couldn’t come fast enough. For once, you were excited to go out for dinner with a childhood friend. You knew that he wouldn’t bring any unnecessary interruptions nor will it be cut short due to external forces coming to get you. Besides, Dr. Zayne is one mighty fine date.

He also made you his first choice.

You sit in front of the door, foot tapping against the brown wood. Your hair is neatly made, all loose strands tucked behind your ears, a simple make up look painting your face, and a casual, floral dress to match. You even made sure to wear simple jewelry too to complete the outfit.

6:55 P.M.

Where is Zayne? He’s typically early, he always has been.

Maybe you’re too eager for a night of normalcy with an old friend. This whole trip to Linkon begins to seem like a complete and total waste. You’ve lost hours of precious time, that you selfishly planned to rot on the couch and watch your guilty pleasure television show, on finding an outfit for a night out with Zayne. You knew you shouldn’t have set your expectations so high for a bar that Zayne will never be able to reach.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

You lunge to the door, swinging it open. A smile blossoms on your face when you see Zayne standing before you. His hands remain behind his back. He wears black slacks matched with a black button up, his sleeves fastened at his wrists.

“For you…a welcome gift for your short time back in Linkon,” Zayne pulls his arms from behind his back, revealing a bouquet of your favorite flowers matched with delicate baby’s breath. In his other hand is a box from the mom-and-pop shop you never were able to go into. You take them from his hands, your heart swelling with joy.

“Thank you…thank you so much,” you look at the flowers and candy box. A piece of your joy feels sorrowful…bittersweet.

A piece of you wished it was him standing in Zayne’s place. You wished it was back when you were teens when he could have realized that you were in front of him the whole time.

“Um,” you choke on your breath, gesturing behind you, “let me go put these in a vase, then we can go!” You quickly turn on your heel and hurry towards the kitchen, leaving him behind.

“Alright,” his voice is faint as the sound of the door closing echoes throughout the house. You grab a glass vase from one of the cabinets, filling it with water.

You refuse to have this outing be ruined by your…complicated feelings for Caleb. He simply cannot have a chokehold on every aspect of your life. He occupies the hallway outside of your apartment, not the space inside, so the same principle should be applied here, right?

“There is a street fair tonight that I thought looked fun to attend,” Zayne says from behind you. You turn, the water splashing around the inside of the vase.

You set it down on the counter, watching as Zayne removes the covering from the bouquet, his grip keeping the flower stems bunched together. He slides them inside of the vase with ease, eyes focused on the delicate petals while your eyes fixate on his. The doctor finally turns his gaze to yours, eyes meeting from a small distance.

“It’s…casual like you asked for.”

“It sounds like a wonderful time,” you respond, waiting for the butterflies to erupt in your stomach.

They don’t.

It is an ideal spring night in Linkon City. 

Vendors line up along the city street with large food trucks parked in a half circle at the end of the street. The view overlooks Linkon’s large river. Boats float by with their red and green lights twinkling, reflecting against the calm water. There are even a few booze cruises that pass by with music playing from speakers and the inhabitants’ laughter floating across the channel.

A healthy distance remains between you and Zayne when you get to the street fair. You remain close enough for others to know that you are there together but just far enough for people to know that you two aren’t together.

Zayne follows you as you rush to one of the vendors’ stalls. Their table is filled with glasswork, much like the butterfly that hangs from your bedroom window in Skyhaven. You gasp, clasping your hands together. Zayne watches you from behind, an amused chuckle leaving his throat, your excitement infectious.

“These are so pretty!” You smile, eyes scanning the different glass trinkets. The business owner smiles at you. A look of recognition flashes across his face, the man now pointing at you.

“I…I remember you!” He exclaims. Both you and Zayne stare at him, your heads tilting to the side. “You were my very first customer! Ten years ago, you bought an orange and blue butterfly from me! If it weren’t for you, I would have packed up shop a long time ago!”

“I still have your butterfly! It’s hanging in my apartment right now! It’s my favorite decoration,” you smile at him, turning to Zayne. He was there when you bought it, you know, having been the one who gifted you the last collar you were missing.

“Wait here! I’ll get you another butterfly for your collection! Wait here!” The owner turns around and begins to dig through his boxes in a fury. You nudge Zayne’s side, catching his attention, and wiggle your eyebrows at him. He shakes his head and looks away, keeping his hands inside his pockets, a habit he picked up since becoming a surgeon.

The owner turns around and holds out an intricate, medium sized glass butterfly. It hangs from a thin metal chain that is decorated with pearls and reflective pieces of white glass. The glass is a shimmering iridescent purple color, matched with lighter blue and pink glass, held together with flawless welded metal. Underneath each of the wings hangs a short metal chain, adorned with the same sparkling pearls and white pieces of glitter glass. Its wings are outstretched and the owner holds it next to a lamp, showcasing the vibrant hues against a white backdrop.

“It’s...gorgeous. You’ve outdone yourself!” You chuckle, impressed with the man’s skill.

“It truly is a work of art,” Zayne adds to your compliment. The owner’s smile grows, showing all of his teeth, overtaking his entire face.

“Let me wrap it up for you!” He boasts and turns away from the two of you.

You watch the owner delicately places the butterfly in parchment paper and bubblewrap, taking extra precautions with the fragile piece. Zayne’s eyes burn into the side of your face, watching as you stare at the man with awe and wonder in your eyes. Once he passes over the piece, you and Zayne say goodbye, making your way deeper into the street fair.

The two of you partake in many activities and games. Zayne wins a mini plushie of a snowman, which you insist that he must have, and you even win a bet in a quick game of darts, popping more balloons than he does.

You sit at a plastic table, placing the black bag with the butterfly inside on the table next to you, as Zayne waits at one of the food trucks. His snowman plushie sits next to your dragonfly plushie, leaning against each other. You look around as people pass you by, engrossed in their own conversations. Your smile from before has yet to disappear.

A band begins to play live music from a stage not so far away. You turn to watch, the sound of the band’s guitar making your body sway along to the beat. The singer’s voice is beautiful too, as she sings a lovely melody about love and how distance will never keep her away from her lover.

A figure sits in the chair across from you. You blink and turn your head, expecting to see Zayne, but are met with Caleb’s hardened gaze, scowl on his face. Your back straightens, goosebumps littering your skin.

“Caleb…what are you doing here?” You look towards Zayne, whose back is facing you, “you need to leave. Now.”

“You didn’t tell me you were going to Linkon.” His voice is snappy. His lilac eyes flit to the plushies that lean against each other. His eyes narrow when he turns his attention back to you. “Are you here with someone?” His voice is low, dangerous. You swallow the spit in your mouth, nervousness flooding your body.

“I am, actually. Now if you could leave—”

“You’re in my seat.” Zayne stands behind you. He holds a bowl of strawberries, covered with a heavy pour of chocolate, and two forks in his hand. The snack is a perfect combination of Zayne’s sweet tooth and your love of fresh fruit.

“I’m fine where I am, thanks,” Caleb snaps at Zayne. His eyes never leave yours, though.

“Suit yourself,” Zayne responds. He sets the bowl down on the table. He pulls the empty chair out from beside you and sits down. Caleb huffs and crosses his arms over his chest.

“What are you doing here with him?” Caleb’s eyes are cold. There is no warmth behind his purple hues. Just a bitterness that you can taste on the tip of your tongue.

“I thought you said you had a Deepspace mission or whatever, why aren’t you there?” You ask. Before Caleb can respond, Zayne speaks.

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead? Was your grave not comfortable enough?” Zayne shoots back, his words just as icy as Caleb’s are venomous.

“Enough,” your hand moves to Zayne’s forearm, fingers wrapping around his wrist. He looks to you, eyebrows raised. What? It’s a fair question. When you shake your head, he nods, relaxing into the plastic chair.

Caleb watches, heart burning with fury as you touch Zayne so casually. He remembered when just a little over a month ago that he was the one you were touching, your fingers unable to break free from his rough skin.

He was the one who you were laughing with, not him. Caleb was the one who you wanted to share a dessert with, not this lame ass doctor who sits beside you.

“You didn’t answer my question,” Caleb’s eyes dart back to yours. You shrug and lean forward, fork in hand as you poke a chocolate covered strawberry, popping it into your mouth. “I deserve an answer.”

“You think you’re entitled to a lot of things,” you turn to Zayne, signaling to him to have a bite. “It doesn’t mean that you’re going to get what you want.” Zayne takes a bite from a strawberry, granted it’s more chocolate than it is fruit, and nods at you.

“It’s delicious,” he murmurs to you. You smile and nod, going in for a second bite.

Caleb uses his Evol to move the bowl away from you. You glare at him, leaning forward. He matches your movement and your faces are inches apart from each other, darkened and angered gazes burning with nothing but passion.

“Stop being difficult,” you snatch the bowl back and pull away from the Colonel. He doesn’t budge, though, and remains where he is.

He watches as you and Zayne share nonchalant glances. Zayne holds the bowl for you two and lets you have first pick of the contents.

It sickens him to watch. Out of all the people in the world, you just had to be with Zayne, his childhood rival despite always acting like a friend towards him.

“Why are you with him?” Caleb pushes his luck by asking again. When you don’t respond, his fists clench. Zayne’s eyes flicker to the Colonel’s hands, up to his glare, before looking back at the strawberries.

“I’m surprised you aren’t here with her.” Zayne’s words freeze your body. You stop chewing, the strawberry becoming sour at the mention of her name. You chew slow, begrudgingly swallowing the bit of fruit.

“Fuck you, Zayne,” Caleb stands from his chair, slamming his hands onto the plastic table. You look up to the dark haired man, watching as he holds his hand out to you. “Come on. We’re leaving.”

“No.”

“What do you mean no?! He’s clearly using you against me!”

“Caleb. Go home. I’ll dismiss the fact that you followed me here and interrupted Zayne and I’s time together,” you breathe out. Your anger cools, lingering under your skin. The numbness you once felt returns to your body, leaving you feeling more indifferent than depressed or furious.

You feel dead.

Zayne stands, his hand resting on your shoulder. His touch is warm and comforting, something that you’re unable to find within Caleb’s current demeanor. Your eyes dissociate and you stare into nothing, tears stinging your eyes.

“Let’s not cause a scene,” Zayne cooly says, “I’ll make sure that she gets home safe. Let’s not ruin her night.”

“Stay out of this, Zayne,” Caleb snaps at the doctor, “this is none of your business.”

“You made it my business by coming here and demanding answers from her,” he narrows his eyes from behind his glasses. “Why does it matter who she is with? Would it have made a difference if it wasn’t me? I bet you’d still be having a tantrum over it.”

“I’d choose your next words very, very wisely,” Caleb’s fists ball up. You look at his hands, noticing a blur forming around his hand.

“You didn’t care for her when you were younger, so why start now?” Zayne speaks as if he’s not under any pressure. “She has always been your backup.”

“What did you just say?” Caleb pushes the words through gritted teeth. “Since when have you been friends with her? You were always a loner.”

“I’ve always been friends with her,” Zayne relaxes back into the chair next to you, “you were too busy with her to notice.” You look at Zayne, a frown overtaking your face.

The night, which is now ruined, leaves you feeling cold and hopeless. You turn and stare into the distance, watching as happy people pass by, looking at the three of you with weird looks and hushed whispers. You shake your head, tears threatening to fall from your eyes.

You wouldn’t be in this predicament if it weren’t for Caleb. You wouldn’t have been made out to be some kind of social pariah that has to be avoided at all costs if he had just stayed away. Your night with Zayne has become that of a public spectacle, one that you don’t wish to be a part of anymore.

“We’re leaving.” Caleb demands. Zayne moves to defend you but you shake your head and sigh. You pat his hand and wipe a tear away from your face.

“I’m going to go with him. It’s the only way to get him to calm down and I don’t want either of you ending up on the news for murder,” your sad attempt of a joke earns no laughs. Zayne releases a deep, long sigh. He nods and reaches over, grabbing your dragonfly plushie and places it inside the black bag that holds your glass butterfly. You take it from him and weakly smile.

Caleb circles the table and takes your wrist into his large hand. His calloused palm is rough against your gentle skin. He pulls you up from the chair and you move with him, unable to fight against him anymore. You can feel his Evol wrap around your waist, hugging it tightly as he begins to move you away from Zayne.

“Thank you for tonight, Zayne!” Your voice is hoarse. He waves and takes off his glasses pinching the bridge of your nose. You turn your attention back to Caleb, the heat of your anger turning back to a boil when your eyes land on the smug smirk on his face.

It’s not long before you are back home. You watch Caleb’s back, his muscles tense and flexed, as he unlocks the door to your childhood home. He steps to the side, his Evol guiding you inside. You storm down the hallway and into the kitchen. He slams the door shut and follows you, watching as you set down your belongings onto the table.

Caleb feels his body slowly calm down. He knows that you’re safe. You’re here with him, nobody else. Now he can finally explain what you mean to—

You slap him across the face, tears welled in your eyes, silently falling down your cheeks. Caleb doesn’t flinch, turning his face turning back to face you. Your fingerprints appear on his cheek, a light pink color contrasting against his tan skin.

“Do you feel better now?” He asks in a calm voice. You shake your head. He nods. “Go ahead. Get it all out.”

“Fuck you!” You yell at him. “Why the fuck did you have to ruin my night with Zayne?! We were just hanging out!” You smack your balled up fist against his chest. You grab his shirt and shake him back and forth, your anger taking over your body. “I hate you!”

“You don’t mean that,” Caleb shakes his head.

“I do. I fucking mean it with every fiber of my goddamn being,” you spit the words at him and push away, creating distance between you two. Caleb follows close behind, unable to handle being far away from you despite your already close proximity. “You’re always there! You can’t seem to catch the hint that I don’t fucking like you! You are a parasite that I can’t seem to get rid of! I want this nightmare to be over!”

You rush up the stairs, heading to your bedroom. Caleb is close behind, his eyes glued onto your back. You dip to the right and find yourself in your room. Your walls are covered with posters from magazines your mother got you, mixed in with photos of you and your friends from high school. Neither Caleb or her are in any of them.

“Is what he said true?” You turn around, looking up at Caleb. “Am I just your backup plan? Did she reject you so now you’re coming for your consolation prize?”

“No!” Caleb yells the word, barely able to breathe.

“Then why are you here?! Why are you playing with my head?!” You cry out, throat becoming raw from your yells.

“Because it’s always been you!” Caleb shouts. You pause, shrinking into your shoulders. “It’s…it’s always been you. I know that it sounds ridiculous. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t want to hear it or believe it either but it’s true. I am in love with you. I always have been. I’ve been in a constant denial about it but I finally realized that it’s you.”

You shake your head at him, bottom lip trembling. What he’s saying can’t be true. It’s all one big mind game that he’s playing with you. You’re his prey, weak and helpless, while he has all of the ammunition to bury you.

“The only reason I ever stuck around her is because it was expected of me. Everyone saw it. Our friends teachers, Zayne…you. You all saw that I was devoted to her so I felt the need to be what you all expected of me. To be her protector, her guardian! Hell, the only person who saw through the rouse was Gran! She always pushed me to go to you but I was a fucking idiot and didn’t listen.” His voice cracks.

Your feet remain cemented into the ground, unable to move. He inches closer to you, his eyes refusing to leave yours.

Your hearts pound inside your chests, beating the same bittersweet beat. He reaches out, his hand cupping your cheek. Caleb wipes away your tears with his thumb, his touch so inexplicably warm against your skin. Chills run down your spine.

“Every room I walked in, I looked for you. I wanted to take you to the homecoming dance but she  made sure that I forgot about it so I came up with some lousy excuse to cover my ass. Every game I didn’t attend was because I didn’t think you needed me. I should have showed up. I was an idiot who didn’t fight for you. I should have chased you down and kept you close to me instead of her. That’s a mistake I plan on repaying to you for the rest of our lives,” his voice lowers to a whisper. “I’d rather you hate me but be in my life than be out of it. I can’t lose you. Never again. I can’t go through that pain.”

“Caleb…” your voice trembles.

“You’re the one I want. You’re the one I love. You’re the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I need you in my life. I can’t live without you,” he admits, unable to stop the words from leaving his mouth.

You reach up and grab his wrist, enamored by his words. You squeeze his arm and he sighs, looking at your touch before his eyes return to yours. He cups your other cheek, holding you in front of him, both of your breathing heavy.

“Fuck it,” Caleb mumbles under his breath.

He leans in, his lips crashing onto yours, capturing them in a slow yet fiery kiss. You gasp but immediately melt into him. You pull away for a brief second, your breath mixing with each others. He opens his mouth to say sorry but you draw him back in, pulling his head back down to meet yours.

The kiss your share is both bittersweet and filled with nothing but longing and desperation. Caleb pushes you backwards, guiding you to a nearby wall, pushing you up against it. Your lips parted, acting as an invitation for Caleb to slip his tongue inside, his tongue toying with yours.

A quiet whimper escapes from your throat, hidden by the sounds of ravenous kisses. The two of you become breathless, lips swollen, chests rising and falling. Caleb pulls away, despite his aching body begging him not to, and rests his forehead against yours.

You stand in his grip, mind dazed, feeling the tip of his nose graze against yours. You open your eyes to meet his. He grazes the pad of his thumb over your bottom lip, wiping away leftover saliva from your kiss.

“I don’t care how long it takes for you to forgive me. I will wait for centuries if it means that I can see the light in your smile, the way your exude warmth to those who need it. I will give up my life as a Colonel if you don’t want to see me at work. I just want to be able to hear your jokes and laughter and be a part of your life because…I love you,” he whispers.

Your breath gets caught in your throat. Caleb stares deep into your eyes, unable to look away or say anything else. You blink, tears falling from your eyes.

Caleb’s words have mended the fractured fragments of your heart. He’s healed the torn open seams of your agony and has made you feel whole again. His admission has you captivated. Your shared kiss left you wanting more despite the warning bells sounding off inside your mind. It makes you want to slide into his arms, to wipe away the salty tears that fall from his violet eyes while also wanting to run away and hide from him so that he’ll never be able to find you ever again.

You’re moved by his love but can’t deny the fact that it has come too late.

There are too many open wounds and scars that time and words of love simply cannot erase or fully mend. It leaves you even more confused than before. Your head hurts. Your body aches. You feel like you’re about to pass out into his arms and fall into a sleep you’ll never wake up from.

“Caleb,” you breathe his name out. He looks at you, hanging onto the way you said his name, the way your hand fits perfectly into his. “You need to leave.”

You tear your hand from his. He stands in front of you, unable to comprehend what you just said. He watches as you back away form him, your hearts shattering by the actions you take.

“Why? Why are you pushing me away?” Caleb pleads. He takes your hands but you rip them away. Your force yourself to look away.

“I…I don’t know how to feel. I’m so utterly confused right now,” your throat feels like barbed wire is being fastened around it, slowly turning tighter and tighter until you are unable to breathe. “You…you need to go. Please. For my sake.” You move behind him, hands attaching to his broad shoulders, forcing him towards the door.

Caleb doesn’t fight against your touch. He moves with your momentum, his mind having gone blank. You guide him down the stairs and to the front door, opening it for him as he steps out. He turns to look down at you, his chest aching at the sight of your trembling body and silent cries.

You begin to close the door but his hand stops it, the glass within the wood rattling.

“Will you…will you please think about what I said?” Caleb whispers, looking down at you. You nod. He removes his hand and watches as you close the door., vanishing into the darkness of the home.

[mayaree-darling]

In the End, It's Still You // Sung Jinwoo and Liu Zhigang

Pairing: AshbornVessel!Sung Jinwoo x ReincarnatedLover!Reader x Monarch(?)Liu Zhigang

Synopsis: It’s him, you would just have to see him and you would know it’s him. You would know his soul. In whatever world, whatever body. You would know your lover and he would know you - and you would have the eternity you swore to one another. Jinwoo disagrees.  

From Mayaree: Can you guys tell I miss writing for Vessel!Characters? (Hi, Sukuna!) Anyways, if you didn’t see the post, I kept getting notifs for the small Jinwoo fic I wrote (understandably, season 2 is out and he’s hot af) but I think I’ve let you guys have too much fun. Also, if there are too many plot holes: lmao. I just needed to get this out because it’s been living in my head and it said it can pay rent

Content: Angst (some fluff sprinkled in but definitely angst (for Jinwoo and Ashborn)); Feminine Reader; Jinwoo’s POV but also second person; No one really knows Ashborn exists but some “exceptions”; Obsessed Jinwoo if you squint; Pretty sure all of them are OOC but hey that’s the best part of fanfics; If it gets confusing: yes.

Fic Length: 32k~ (semi-proofread) (LORD HELP ME IT'S A NOVELLA)

For some important context: This takes place in a world where Jinwoo uses the Cup of Reincarnation, however the new world still has hunters and gates and monarchs are still a thing. There is simply no urgency for the same war to take place so quickly like in the original timeline, Ashborn is a sort of spirit that stays with the Black Heart inside Jinwoo (like a remnant of his consciousness). Jinwoo and Hae-in are still friends here. Jinwoo knows Hae-in’s feelings already. 

You may begin. 

There’s someone staring at him. 

He would have quietly sent out his shadows after them, but he could tell they didn’t have any malicious intent. However, it did feel very intense. And… familiar? As if he could tell that it was someone he knew. Something inside Jinwoo’s chest felt warm, the black heart he carried around with him seemed to beat faster. Now that was rather concerning. Ashborn only seemed to wake up when he was in a gate or he could detect a monarch (rarely although it did happen, he would sometimes strike up a conversation). Jinwoo looks around in alarm.

When Jinwoo finally finds your glimmering eyes staring at him, he watches as they switch from curiosity to familiarity. You grin at him, bright and ever so blinding. Jinwoo feels Ashborn’s heart thump so hard in his chest that he grabs at the front of his shirt in a failed effort to calm it. He blinks and his vision blurs. He suddenly sees something else. He’s suddenly somewhere else. The place is familiar (that word seems to come so naturally right now). Jinwoo knows it’s memories that don’t belong to him. 

He is on a small hill surrounded by a sea of flowers. He leans on a large tree that shields him from the sun overhead; it’s so peaceful that the owner of the eyes Jinwoo is watching from aren’t concerned in the slightest. Jinwoo wanted to be on high alert, but the viewer felt differently, almost right at home.  

Ashborn’s memories.  

He hears rustling and a soft giggle and when Jinwoo – Ashborn? – looks to his side, he breathes out a sigh of disbelief. Jinwoo has seen a lot of things inside and outside gates, and yet- 

Lovely.

Your clothes are of royalty, detailed and even decorated with gems (were those magic crystals?) and what seemed to be high-quality fabric. Jinwoo suddenly felt that the title “monarch” fit you better than him or even Ashborn. But the accessories you wore paled in comparison to your own natural features.

From the way the air tousled at your hair and the way your skin soaked in the sun from the soft rays that slipped past the foliage, the both of them thought you were lovely in all accounts. You join Jinwoo beneath the tree and lean against it. You grin – something familiar, and yet not at all – and he looks to your lips as you grin. “Did I make you wait long? To be quite honest, I did not think you’d actually come to visit me again. But I am very happy you’re here!”

He wants to say that he doesn’t know you (that he missed the sight of you), and that he shouldn’t be here (that there was no other place he would have rather been). But no words leave him. 

The grin slowly leaves your lips and you tilt your head in confusion at the lack of a reply. Jinwoo watches as your lips move to say Ashborn?, but instead, he hears his name instead.  

He blinks and suddenly he finds himself staring at Cha Hae-in’s grey eyes, watching him curiously, the loving undertone beneath them isn’t lost on him.

Love…ly?

Jinwoo smiles softly at Hae-in. Right, right. He was supposed to hang out with Hae-in today. As friends, anyway. Although he can’t quite match her feelings for him yet, he respected her all the same. 

Feelings… He remembers a beautiful smile and a hill of flowers.

He forces himself not to, but eventually, Ashborn – of course it was Ashborn, who else? – makes him give in and looks back at you. His heart thumps – it’s Ashborn’s, how many times does he have to tell him that? – pathetically in his chest. 

Your eyes are on him still and Jinwoo knows you never looked away, not when he saw the memory, not when Hae-in came up beside him. Your eyes are on him and a part of him-

ASHBORN. A part of Ashborn-

-hurts. It hurts. Jinwoo sees a flash of hurt in yours too. Deep rooted. A betrayal, one he prays he will never know. He doesn’t have to think too much into whatever your relationship with Ashborn is just by the way his chest continues to get impossibly tighter and by the way your eyes stay solely on him across the busy street. 

Jinwoo knows what it probably looks like to you. He hears his name again and feels a tug on his sleeve. Hae-in, remaining ever so blissfully unaware of what was going on in Jinwoo’s head, smiles again when their eyes meet. She knows that sometimes he just gets like that – a little lost in his thoughts, thinking deep (listening, really) – and it helps to bring him back to reality with a small reminder. 

Like right now. She tugs again.

Right, Jinwoo breathes in and out to focus. He forces the voice in his head to be quiet (it tells him to at least come closer, to make sure that you have been well all this time) and he ignores the way his heart thumps pathetically in his chest (Jinwoo reminds it that he owns the body and a small voice in the back of his mind replies: Not completely.)

Something about your presence unnerved him. Like your very existence didn’t bode well for him. The black heart in his chest constricts painfully the more he thought about it.

His mother is awake, his sister is happy, his father is home, and he has friends like Hae-in. Jinwoo is content (he will not know the betrayal he saw in your eyes. Maybe before Ashborn, but not anymore.) He will protect what he has. 

Jinwoo is happy in the present. And he will be as well, in the future, with his family that he has reclaimed. 

But he watches the hurt in your glimmering eyes (is he imagining that? They really seem to glitter) for a beat longer and Ashborn’s heart gives one more painful beat – did Jinwoo imagine that it was louder? – and something changes. Your eyebrows raise and you watch Jinwoo curiously before you let out a small smile that makes your eyes crinkle at the sides. Something has changed. It’s small, but Jinwoo knows that look.

Hope. He’s stayed long enough.

Hae-in is surprised when Jinwoo suddenly turns and pulls her along towards the building. Jinwoo doesn’t need to know anything about you – that stolen memory was more than enough. You aren’t his concern any longer. The other heart in his chest may say otherwise but he doesn’t care. 

Sung Jinwoo is happy where he is. He has no need for you and the danger he feels with your very existence to be in his life. 

Ashborn disagrees.

=O=O=O= 

Jinwoo should have known his peace wouldn’t last long. That eventually knowing you existed would lead to one challenge to another. 

Such as now.

Chairman Go introduces you with a kind smile, but it does nothing to calm the chill that goes up and down Jinwoo’s spine. He can’t bring himself to look at you, but his efforts may as well be in vain with how your eyes kept going back to him. Jinwoo was by no means vain, but he could understand that most people could feel the mana that escaped him as effortlessly as he could fight, and that surge of energy coming from him had people turning their heads to look. But he and his hearts knew that wasn’t the case in this instance. 

It was the eyes he saw in Ashborn’s memories. He didn’t want to put a name to it, as it felt like crossing a line he wouldn’t be able to come back from. But it was undeniable: it was the same look Hae-in gave him. And it was all wrong. He didn’t know who you were, and yet you looked at him like he could give you the whole world.

It shouldn’t be that way. He wasn’t who you thought he was. He didn’t know who you were. 

You say your name with a polite bow and greet the room of other S-Rank hunters. Jinwoo is stiff as a board, looking past you in a daze, but Ashborn’s heart may as well sing at the very sound of your voice. 

It could be a different person, you know, Jinwoo reasons. He prays, really. This was a mistake. And if it wasn’t, it would lead to more mistakes. You could have simply looked similar, a version of a person or being Ashborn had known in his original time. 

When Ashborn laughs, it’s more scathing than anything he could have said. Jinwoo felt pissed and embarrassed and defeated all at the same time.

Had you known them as I have, a different name or another body would not matter. Your soul would not have to look for them: it would find itself back home without fail. 

Jinwoo hated that answer. It was bad. This felt worse than whatever dungeon he was thrown in or walked into (even the Double Dungeon). It was going to be very, very bad for him and the future he was trying to protect. 

And he knew it the very moment he tried to teleport out of that room. Before his body could even leave, your hand encloses around the wrist of his suit, and that was enough to keep him in place. 

The other hunters around are surprised – you had moved quickly and silently, almost reminiscent of Hunter Sung’s speed (maybe even faster if you were able to catch up to him) – but because of your actions, Jinwoo has his guard up almost instantly. Not only because of the danger you brought into his life, but just for a split second, he saw it: the hand holding on to him had glowed and that light alone was strong enough to stop him.

To an extent, you were stronger than him. And he knew it was because of the heart running a mile a minute inside his chest. Ashborn was letting you have strength over him and Jinwoo was unnerved that it could overpower even him. 

You tug at his wrist, eyes on him again. He doesn’t want to look. He prays to a higher being, hell, he was desperate enough to pray to Ashborn – but right now Ashborn was the most untrustworthy higher being to pray to when it’s concerning you.

“Can we talk?” 

Your voice is soft, vulnerable. Very much unlike the confident voice he heard from earlier introducing themselves to the room of powerful beings. Jinwoo raises his head and looks around the room and the other hunters seemingly scatter almost immediately. However, Hae-in stays. 

“Jinwoo?”

He’s at a loss for what to say. He could say you were an acquaintance, but the lie felt so foreign on his lips that he can’t make it out. Before he can think of a possible answer, you let go of him and turn to Hae-in with a small smile and greet her with a bow. There’s a shift in your eyes, like a sort of clarity that overcomes you.

“Hello. I am… an old friend of Jinwoo’s. Would it be alright if I talk to him? It won’t take long, I swear it. I would just like to… catch up.”

An old friend. It was no lie, but definitely not the truth. Jinwoo could feel his chest constrict once more. It was hurting Ashborn that you had to make up such a lie.

Jinwoo hated this.

To his surprise (and horror), Hae-in gives him one final look before smiling at you and bowing. She tells him she’ll wait for him in the lobby for their sparring session. She leaves without another words and Jinwoo turns back to you. He makes the mistake of looking at your face.

Lovely. 

It’s that word again. The one that Ashborn’s heart whispers, and the one Jinwoo thinks as he sees your eyes, glimmer to them back in full force. In your eyes he sees the same amount of devotion he saw in Ashborn’s memories, but now there was a sense of longing. And it hurts. He could tell Ashborn was in pain, and the more Jinwoo looked at you, the more he felt it, too. He wanted to look away. 

This was a mistake. 

“How have you been?” Your voice is soft and sweet and feels so… familiar. (But Jinwoo does not know you.)

This was one giant mistake. He tells himself over and over. He does not know you. You are a stranger who believes you love him. 

He looks down to the ground, but even that is a temporary solution. He feels something warm against his cheek. Your fingertips barely graze at them and he looks up at you again only to feel his heart dropping (was that his? Or Ashborn’s? He couldn’t tell.) 

Warm tears carefully fall down your cheeks as you stare at him. Your fingers remain ghosting at his cheek. 

“I’m sorry for hurting you,” you manage a strangled laugh and Jinwoo can only clench his fists to keep Ashborn from trying to go to you. An arm’s distance – that was more than enough for the two of you. “I’m sorry for making you wait.” 

You smile a little more and your eyes crinkle at the sides like last time, and finally Jinwoo realizes what he sees in your expression this whole time. 

It was the look of someone who finally found home. 

He feels the heat in his cheeks grow as you move to cup them completely.

This was all wrong.

In the last second, he grabs at your wrist – a little too forcefully (if he was to be honest as well), and Ashborn’s heart is lit aflame with anger in his chest, but he doesn’t care. 

“I don’t know you, so please stop.” He tightens his grip a little more to make sure you’re listening. 

The smile on your face drops, and he knows that the tears that fall from your face are no longer ones of joy. He can’t breathe right, and he knows that the way his chest tightens is no longer Ashborn’s fondness for your presence but anger aimed at him.

“But you do, right?” You cling to the hand holding your wrist, eyes desperate, and Jinwoo hated it – hated how it made him guilty and how Ashborn’s anger kept rising to greater heights. He could feel his shadows scattering underneath him, claiming the room in darkness. But you don’t show a shred of fear, eyes solely on him. Begging. Glittering. “I know you.” 

Had you known them as I have, a different name or another body would not matter. Your soul would not have to look for them: it would find itself back home without fail.

“I would know you more than any-“

“STOP.” He roughly lets go of your wrist and takes a step back. He’s more than an arm’s distance away from you. “I don’t know you. And you don’t know me. So please stop.”

The tears continue to fall as you stare at him – your eyes are dull and Jinwoo chalks it up to the dim room covered with his shadows (it had to be because of his shadows. Nothing more). He turns and leaves without another word. You don’t try to follow him. 

He hears Ashborn tell him that had he known Jinwoo would treat you as such, he would have thought twice about picking him as a successor. 

Jinwoo agrees, he really should have picked better if this is what it takes to be one.

=O=O=O=O=

You’re across the street again, the next time you see him. It already had him on edge, knowing the ensuing problem, but what made things worse is that he was with his family and Hae-in at the moment – the latter joining them after his mother and father insisted that she come along. He was ready to teleport everyone to a different location and tell them he felt mana in the air that signaled a gate was about to open and he didn’t want them there in case of danger (if he was honest, your very presence sometimes made him feel like he was about to face an S Rank gate). 

But you don’t come closer. You just watch him, and for once, Jinwoo doesn’t feel the need to hide you. No, if anything, he felt like he needed to hide them – his family – from you. But not out of shame. No, that won’t be the right word. The betrayal he saw the first time would be close. 

What must they look like to you right now? What must he look like? 

His father and mother walk ahead of the group, holding hands and chatting amongst themselves. Jinah makes a joke that makes Hae-in laugh softly, their shoulders brushing for a moment as they walk. For once, your eyes aren’t solely on him. You meet his eyes, but they also soak in the scene around him and you take a step back. 

You’re hurt, that much he can tell. You bite your bottom lip and try to make yourself look away, but you can’t seem to. You gape at the scene as they enter the park and finally with one last glance at you, Jinwoo can tell what’s on your face. 

Envy. But not the kind that he thinks is greedy or dirty. 

Just a yearning. Knowing it’s something you don’t have, hoping that you can have it. 

But right now it’s his. The very thought makes him happy and proud, but the sight of your shattered face makes him want to hide them away, and tell you that you don’t have to be jealous. That you-

No. Jinwoo turns away, going back to the happy bubble of his family. Ashborn may have given him the power, but he isn’t there to meddle with his past life, especially not with someone so closely ingrained like you. Not with the things you were expecting.

You are a part of this world, so he will protect you, but that’s as far as it goes. Ashborn disagrees. 

=O=O=O=O=

He finds Hae-in talking next to you on a park bench. 

Jinwoo’s family called the picnic quits after the sun started to set and the wind picked up, so they started to pack their things. Jinah only noticed that Hae-in failed to come back from the restroom when everything was good. Given her status as an S Rank hunter, Jinwoo’s family figured she got held up by some fans, but Jinwoo knew better.

Ashborn knew better.

Quickly excusing himself, Jinwoo exchanges with the shadow assigned to Hae-in and in an instant, he’s standing behind a bench. 

Your backs are facing him and when the grass rustles with his footsteps, only Hae-in turns to look at him. You continue to stare at the sunset. Not knowing how your eyes looked after seeing them over and over again had him paranoid.

To his surprise and caution, Hae-in calls him over happily. He stands next to her, and looks to you, and even still, you don’t spare a glance at him. There’s a soft smile on your face, most likely the one you wore during your conversation with Hae-in, but she might not have noticed how they don’t reach your eyes. 

“I saw her sitting here alone so I thought she’d like some company.” Hae-in quietly says. Jinwoo manages a curt nod before tugging at her sleeve. He’s about to tell her it was time to go when she speaks again. “Why don’t you guys catch up? I’ll help the others pack up. Be right back!”

Before he knows it, Hae-in is gone and it’s just you two. Jinwoo’s hands are clammy with cold sweat. He spares a glance at you and your blank face looking at the horizon and with a strangling heartbeat from Ashborn, he relents. He sits down across from you.

It's silent. You don’t say anything and neither does he. But he has to. He knows that. He has to make things clear with you now or he’s bound to get into more trouble in the future. He just has to break it to you softly that he was-

“Ash-“

Jinwoo broke.

“That’s not my name.” He says it through gritted teeth, he doesn’t know if it’s the anger he suddenly feels spike up because of your insistence, or the adrenaline Ashborn just shot up through his veins. “My name is Sung Jinwoo. I am an S Rank Hunter from Korea.”

“But-“ You finally face him and try to reach out slowly, but Jinwoo moves to the very edge of the bench. The space is narrow as it is, but it felt impossibly large enough.

“I am not Ashborn.” He knows it’s true, because it is. So why does it hurt to say? Is it the way the glimmer in your eyes continues to slowly fade? “I don’t know how to prove it to you, but he’s gone.”

“But I can feel-“ He can see in your eyes that you want to move closer to him, but your fear that he’ll leave again is holding you back.

“No. You can feel his heart. He gave it to me, to be his successor. But he’s not here anymore. So I need you to stop. I am not Ashborn. I am Sung Jinwoo, so please stop acting like I’m-” 

“That, that can't be right, no-“ For once, you’re looking at everything but him, and normally he’d be glad, but it felt more like if you couldn’t see him, then what he was saying was just as intangible. 

“Please listen to me,” Jinwoo holds on to your shoulders, forcing your eyes back on him. He needed you to focus. He needed you to listen or you would never understand. “He’s not here. I am not him. Please stop trying to find him in me.”

You keep shaking your head, and in a last ditch effort, Jinwoo swallows hard. “I do not love you. I have someone I already love.”

There’s a pause, where you just look at him and he looks at you. For a split second, Jinwoo is aware of how close he is. He feels your warmth, the way your clothes rustle against his fingers, how your body breathes heavy with the gravity of your conversation. He blinks and for a second, he sees you in a hill of flowers looking happier than ever. And quietly, he hears Ashborn’s voice. 

You’re here.

He lets go of you, almost as forcefully as when he did your wrist the first time you met, and the spell is immediately broken. You blink and with a pause, scoot away from him, almost crumpling into yourself as your shoulders sag. You hug yourself, suddenly cold with realization. Jinwoo knows he was too harsh, but he assures himself that he needed to be. He almost stands up to leave. 

“Do you… remember? You promised me forever when I died.” Jinwoo wanted to correct you, that you still understood and listened to nothing, but that wasn’t quite it. It felt like you weren’t talking to him, your eyes were glazed over, like you’re reliving a memory. “I held on to your promise of forever. But now I… we can’t have that. Is it wrong that I find it so unfair?” 

You raise your eyes to him and for what felt like the hundredth time, Jinwoo couldn’t look at you. He didn’t want to put a name to the expression on your face. “I truly believed I would never find that again if it wasn’t with him. Ashborn… Jinwoo… will I find someone I can say I love again, too? Don’t I deserve that, too?”

Jinwoo pauses. He hated giving false hope. He tells himself that it’s what you needed. He knows it’s what you deserve. Can the monarchs pray? He hears Ashborn mutter things that are holier than anything he knows.

“I’m sure you will,” Jinwoo means it, but it truly tasted like poison. He couldn’t breathe. He wonders what Ashborn prayed for. “I wish you the best.”

There’s a pause between the both of you. Jinwoo hears his name called in the distance. He slowly stands up and he watches as you carefully lean back into the park bench, your face completely void of emotion, despite the tears softly slipping from your eyes. Your voice is small when you talk again.

“Can… he hear you? Even a little bit? I know you said that he’s gone, but I know a soul can sometimes cling to a heart.”

He hated that you were right about that, but you didn’t have to know how far that truth stretched. “Sometimes… I think.”

“Can you tell him that I lo- no… Tell him thank you. He was the only one who mourned for me. I remember that. And I’ll always remember. That’s all. Stay safe, Ash- no, Hunter Sung.”

Jinwoo gapes as you brush away the remnants of your tears and suddenly stand on shaky legs, slowly walking away. You stop for a short bit and turn to the sunset. “Guess I won’t be able to watch it again this time,” you quietly whisper. And then you go on your way.

He watches quietly as you pass by his family, coming to pick him up.

His parents greet you with waves, Jinah smiles brightly and bows and Jinwoo stares as Hae-in smiles and gives you a small pat on the shoulder. You gave them each small bows, your back to him. He already misses the lovely look in your glimmering eyes, if only to spare him the sight of you like this – he can’t bear to think what you look like right now. To them you may have been fine, but he knew it would have been different to him. 

Jinwoo’s family comes closer but he couldn’t help but watch as you walked and walked until you were a small speck in the distance. 

With all the people and monsters he killed, somehow, Jinwoo has never felt more like a horrible human being.

Ashborn agrees.

=O=O=O=O=O=O=

The next time he meets you, he almost couldn’t recognize you, and he thinks maybe this is how it would have been from the very start.

He would have met you first in that meeting with Chairman Go and the other hunters, maybe see you in passing a couple of times around the city or in the Hunter’s Association building, and then finally have a chance to work with you after weeks in this sudden appearance of an S Rank gate.

You’re different now, or was this how you really were? (A voice in his head tells him that they both know that this was not how you really were). 

Your eyes have lost the glimmer he has been so accustomed to, and even still they’re duller than when you first introduced yourself to the room of hunters. You sit on a closed crate holding extra weapons for the other hunters, legs up to your chest, hugging your weapon close to you. You seemed lost in thought, or lost in a dream. The other hunters could tell you weren’t in the mood for any conversation, no one daring to come towards you and left you alone, despite casting glances your way. 

Jinwoo should know better – he burned that bridge in that park bench by the sunset, but the voice inside of him said otherwise. 

She’s not gonna want me anywhere near her, you know. 

Ashborn doesn’t answer, but Jinwoo already knows: he’s asking him to come forward for his own peace of mind. But Jinwoo doubted himself, too. It didn’t sit well with him. He may not have known you long all but for your obsession that he was Ashborn, but he was still human enough to feel guilty for making you feel so horrible. Maybe a small apology would suffice.

Jinwoo takes one step forward, but before he can walk towards you, he sees someone come towards you in the corner of his eye.

Jinwoo is speechless as he watches Hae-in hesitate for a split second, gauging your reaction to her presence – but you don’t make a move to acknowledge her; not that you were ignoring her, but more so you were so lost in your head that you didn’t realize she was right there. She takes a seat in the crate beside you and from Jinwoo’s place a bit of a ways from you, she gives a small greeting that snaps you out of your trance. You blink, and then you offer a small smile and a nod of your head. The smile is empty and his chest hurts.

He had half a mind to leave you to your conversation - Hae-in might be better with comforting you than he could. But Ashborn urges otherwise.  

I’ve already hurt her enough, haven’t I?

Then you cannot go any lower. Speak to her. Before you enter the gate. I do not doubt she has lessened in skill, but her focus at the moment - I worry for her. 

You think she’s gonna focus better if I talk to her?

Please. She is hurt, yes, and to be quite frank I doubt she wishes to see us- you, again, after what transpired if not for this gate. But I believe seeing something familiar will ground her, if only for the time being. 

Jinwoo lets out a sigh. Again, he is reminded of how hard it is to have two hearts, two souls, and two different lives living in a single body - but he forces himself to push through. He’s survived through worse, hasn’t he? This should be simple enough. 

You do not have to pretend to be me.

Right. No need to pretend. Just… well, he’ll figure it out somehow. Somehow.

He walks towards you and Hae-in and again, Hae-in catches sight of him first. She smiles softly at him and nods, but you keep your eyes on her expression until he’s close enough, and then your stare falls to the ground. The three of you wait for someone to speak first but no one ends up talking. Jinwoo stares at you, and Hae-in’s eyes go from him to you interchangeably, wondering about the sudden silence. Finally, you speak. 

“I… seem to have made a mistake,” you start, and the statement may have made Hae-in confused, but it startled Jinwoo the most. It was a mistake for him to think he had control in any conversation he had with you, and he was already losing ground so early. “I… seem to have confused you with someone else, Hunter Sung.” 

Finally, you look up at Hae-in, who was almost as confused as Jinwoo was at this point, with a small smile. “Hae-in, I’m really sorry, but can I ask for another favor? I promise this is the last time - but can I talk to Jin- Hunter Sung alone, again? I swear to explain things to you later, if you’d like?”

Hae-in pauses before shaking her head and smiling. “Don’t worry about it. I can tell this is a very personal matter between the two of you. No need for favors. Talk to you later.”

She leaves quietly with a bow to the both of you. Finally, it’s just you and Jinwoo again, your eyes falling back to the ground as you dug your foot into the soil. Jinwoo only lets a beat pass between the both of you before he speaks before you can get a chance to. 

“Are… you okay?” it was a bit of a stupid question, if he was honest. But it was a start, wasn’t it? Surely, Ashborn would agree. Jinwoo waits for a reaction, but there’s nothing from Ashborn and it’s silent on your end. 

“Sorry. For… badgering you so much,” you say, foot digging harder. “When I saw you on that street, I thought you were the same as me.”

Jinwoo frowns. “The same?”

You sigh softly. “I died, and I was born again into this world. I didn’t remember much back then, only small things, but when I saw you, I-”

You suck in a breath, like it physically hurts you to relive your memories. “I remembered so many memories, so many moments with y- Ashborn. And when I saw your eyes and the way you looked at me like you recognized me, I thought it was- I thought you were him. I thought I found him again. I thought I could be with him again, and I just needed to help jog your memories.”

Jinwoo clenches his fist and it felt like Ashborn was doing the same to his chest.  A part of him - he prays that it’s Ashborn - wants to tell you the truth, that not all of him is him, but there is enough of your lover left. He holds himself back in time, just before Ashborn can take control of his sudden hesitation and speak for him. 

“I’m… sorry to disappoint you. Again, he gave me his heart as a successor to his powers, but that’s mostly it,” his throat is strangled, but you don’t seem to catch the difference. “As for why I seemed to know you - well, I saw a sort of memory of you two in a hill of flowers, but nothing else.”

At the mention of that, your eyes snap to him and Jinwoo is caught speechless. This is the second time you’ve been so close to him and all he can see is your eyes, shining. Now that he’s so close, he finally recognizes the ethereal look to them - it’s the same flash of divinity he saw in the eyes of Ashborn and the monarchs, and in essence, him as well. They were still as lovely as ever. They glow at him with recognition and he flinches involuntarily. 

Noticing his reaction immediately, you lean and scoot farther back on the crate, putting as much distance between the both of you. The moment your eyes left his, the shine was gone, and all that’s left is mortality - and dejection. 

“Ah. I see. I’m… happy that even in his heart, there is a memory of me that remains,” you laugh bitterly, but Jinwoo takes no offense. It was sad and heartbroken, but as Ashborn had said - it sounded like it had grounded you. 

It sounded like confirmation - like a goodbye. 

“Thank you for talking to me, Hunter Sung. I’m aware it must have been very uncomfortable for you, and yet you’re still here,” you finally get off the crate, keeping a firm distance between the two of you before bowing deeply. “I know I don’t have to worry, but I wish you and Hunter Cha all the best. Please stay safe and healthy inside and outside the gates.”

It was cruel and the misunderstanding might come to bite him in the ass later on, but he doesn’t bother correcting you. It was better not to give you any hope. 

“Stay safe as well.”

Please be safe, Beloved. 

The name caught Jinwoo off guard. Ashborn was a being that, although righteous, was still stained in blood from the battles he had been on. But his voice had been so soft and heartfelt that it was almost impossible to think he was such a creature. One that cared so much for a single being so passionately. He wonders if that was where his fondness for mortals stemmed from?

“Jinwoo?”

Jinwoo blinks at the sound of his name once more. He looks to his side and finds Hae-in looking at him curiously and he feels like he was hit by deja-vu; there’s a difference this time, however. He looks up and around him and finally finds you quite a bit off, talking to other hunters, most likely for the ensuing raid. 

Hae-in follows his gaze and lets out a small hum. “She’s really nice.”

Jinwoo gives her a sideway glance to see Hae-in looking at you with a small smile. “You guys seem to get along well.”

“Yes, I suppose so. I knew she was a good person the moment I met her.” Hae-in replies with a small laugh.

Jinwoo blinks at the answer. “How can you be so sure?”

“She smells like you, but different.” Jinwoo feels his stomach drop, but Hae-in mistakes the look on his face as bewilderment. “Wait, wait! I know that sounds weird, but let me explain. It’s subtle, but you smell pleasant. For her, strangely enough: it’s faint, but she smells nice all the time. It almost smells like-”

“Flowers?” It was just a guess, but Jinwoo already felt like he was going to throw up.

“Yes! How did you know?” Hae-in smiles at him brightly, her eyes shining. Jinwoo can’t help but think how they paled in comparison to yours and he feels impossibly twice as sick.

He tries not to think of the memory again, but Ashborn yearns for a hill surrounded by flowers. “Ah, well, I guess you can’t smell it like that, but she smells like flowers all the time because of a perfume she wears. I just guessed that’s what you can smell, too, just a bit different.”

“Oh I see! It’s really nice.”

Jinwoo nods numbly. Ashborn agrees. 

=O=O=O=O=

How did he let it get down to this? There’s so much blood. There was so much blood that he couldn’t even tell that there was a body underneath it. Was that even possible? Was there even a body to save?

“Hunter Sung, we have to find the boss or-”

“Igris!”

His trustworthy shadow leaps into action immediately, cutting down as many of the army as possible, and yet it never seems to end. But Jinwoo couldn’t care less at the moment. The body in his arms looks up at him, and he hated how dull they looked. They weren’t supposed to look like that. He has seen so many in his short time together - happiness and sadness and all rolled in one. It was all wrong. 

Iron deflects at an attack coming their way and Choi and Baek follow up with their own hits at the enemy, but Jinwoo doesn’t move. He takes out healing potion after healing potion, Beru at his side doing his best to heal the body in his arms.

The sky was all red, not helping Jinwoo’s anxiety  - it looked like the body he was holding had drenched the whole world in blood. Why did the S Rank gate have to suddenly be a red gate? He’s never even heard of that - so why did it have to happen now?

The eyes are growing duller. Lovely, lovely. They were always lovely, even when he had made them anything but happy. Even when he stole so much. They’re not supposed to be like this.

Hae-in can’t stop crying. She does her best to support Jinwoo and the body in his arms as much as possible, shifting from attacking incoming enemies with so much ferocity to looking back at the duo behind her in insurmountable worry.

How can she stop crying when the body took the hit for her? She swings again. Jinwoo gives you another bottle of healing potion. He hates that it looks like your blood. 

Ashborn hasn’t said a single thing. 

=O=O=O=O=O=O=

Jinwoo all but speeds down the hospital corridors. He’s spent almost every waking minute of the past two weeks either trying to get a hold of your condition or wasting himself away in a dungeon, trying to distract himself until the next time he hears from you. 

Beru had successfully stabilized your condition until the gate was closed. He left you in Hae-in’s arms and hunted down the boss so quickly it terrified all the other hunters, but he was too desperate. If he had been just a little late, if he had just been a second off, well…

Since the incident, Ashborn had gone completely quiet. He failed to share any of his thoughts or feelings, and the beat of his heart was synchronized with Jinwoo’s - but Jinwoo could understand the latter as his own was beating with anxiety for every waking minute. 

But eventually, as he left another dungeon he pulverized, his phone rang. 

“She’s awake.”

He would have shadow exchanged to her room right then and there if the hospital wasn’t surrounded by a barrier to keep out mana from leaking in respect to those stuck in eternal slumber. Jinwoo rushes to your room and spots a couple of gossiping nurses on the way. He didn’t quite mean to listen to their conversation, but without Ashborn to fill the silence, it had made itself in quite easily.

“Yeah, it was really odd. Or maybe it’s a common thing with hunters?”

“Not that I’ve heard of? Or maybe they get hit there a lot, since it takes up a lot of space and it’s a blind spot?”

Jinwoo passes by them and catches on to their conversation and he feels his hearts drop.

“You think? The scar was pretty huge, even bigger than the one we had to treat. What are the chances you get hit in the same spot again? It’s a miracle she survived.” 

Jinwoo’s walking slows and slows until he goes into a full stop. The nurses leave and he’s alone in the corridor. A wound to the back that was almost impossible to live from.

Surely… not…?

“The same… spot…” 

That can’t be right. No. Please, no.

Jinwoo’s chest felt like it was on fire. He clutches it again, trying to calm a panicked heart and an angered one. His breathing grows ragged and he chokes out a sob. His sight blackens and suddenly he sees another red sky. 

The sky is lit aglow with flames and a red sun setting. Dragons and shadow soldiers fight as far as the eye can see. And yet, for all the carnage Jinwoo could see, he couldn’t hear any of the battle cries. 

 Ashborn?

Jinwoo looks down and his heart jumps to his throat almost immediately. There’s so much blood again, even with his hands enclosed in dark armor they were sticky with golden blood. In his arms rest you, in all your royal glory. He holds you closer to him, body leaning on him, and even with the armor he can feel how the flesh of your back gives way. Your eyes are dull.

 He hates it so. 

Are you… still there?

Before Ashborn could respond, Jinwoo’s vision clears and he’s back in the hospital corridor. He finds himself kneeling at the ground. His senses have mostly cleared, but something is ever so slightly wrong. He steadies himself on the wall and pushes himself up. And when he meets his eyes on the window glass, they glow a terrifying purple. He hears Ashborn’s voice, as thunderous as when he commands his army.

Again. I almost lost her again.

Jinwoo all but sprints to reach your bedroom. Choi and Baek are outside your room, conversing among themselves. Even in a hospital that blocked out mana, they stop short when they feel Jinwoo’s presence as he draws closer. They’re more than aware that he had been waiting for you to awaken, but something didn’t sit right with them seeing the Hunter look so angry.

“Hunter Sung, what are you-”

“Move.”

The guild masters feel a chill go down their spine, almost reminiscent of their time in the Jeju Island raid, even if they knew that Jinwoo had no reason to hurt them. They look at each other, having a silent agreement that surely Jinwoo - the man who had done everything he could to ensure your survival - would not do anything to harm you. They stand aside, and with a clear path to your room, he enters.

Jinwoo- Ashborn- The two powerful beings tied to your existence immediately breathe out a sigh of relief at the very sight of you, most of their anger dissipating but not completely. You’re sitting up, not leaning on the head board, looking out the window. Jinwoo is about to call out your name when he notices the loose way you wear your hospital gown. Peeking out from your thin clothing are bandages lightly soaked in pink.

The same spot.

Ashborn’s anger returns, more controlled but nonetheless fearsome. Jinwoo calls out to you. 

At the sound of his voice, you immediately turn to him and offer a small smile. For once, Jinwoo is not uncomfortable at the glimmer of your eyes. But then he remembers a body bathed in red and he takes in Ashborn’s anger for his own. Your smile drops when he fails to respond and  Jinwoo remains passive. The silence seems to eat at you.

“Is Hae-in alri-”

“What were you thinking?” Jinwoo’s voice is eerily calm, but it’s only because his own voice has already failed him. Ashborn had taken control the moment Jinwoo hesitated.

“What are you-” you flinch at the tone of voice, but despite how their hearts are strangled by guilt, Jinwoo and Ashborn push through. However, your eyebrows suddenly raise and your eyes seem to glimmer ever so softly. “Wait. Why do you sound like-”

“Stop.” Jinwoo cursed. He needed to take control before you realized Ashborn was there with him. “Don’t change the subject.”

You flinch again and tug at your blankets. You try to move away from him, but your wounds seem to act up. Jinwoo stops himself from coming to aid you - he just needed to get this out his chest and then he’ll help. A voice inside him warns him: Not too much.

“Didn’t you think of the consequences of what you did? What could have happened?”

Jinwoo watches as you carefully tug at the sheets, head lowered. “…Hae-in is a lovely person to me. Everyone, actually. She has people who love her a lot, too, but-”

Tell him I say thank you.

When you finally raise your eyes to meet his’, Jinwoo couldn’t breathe, strangled by your stare alone. A small frozen smile and the dullest eyes Jinwoo had ever seen on you, even more than when you were covered in so much red. “-I don’t want you to lose someone like that.”

Jinwoo doesn’t say anything, but it wouldn’t have mattered. You looked like you were seeing something beyond him. Your smile drops and you lower yourself back into the bed, turning your back to him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make y- anyone worry. But… if it’s okay with you, can you tell him I’m sorry, too? Thank you. I’d… like to get some rest.”

He was the only one who mourned for me.

Jinwoo turns around, his head so loud it was painful. It had been a while since he had voices in his head that were solely his. He didn’t know what to think - which to focus on, which to start and end and which to push away.

He is beyond grateful that Hae-in is alive, but the rest of him is being rotten by guilt. He couldn’t even find an outlet through anger because Ashborn had gone quiet. Jinwoo calls out to him, if only to hear a different voice in his head. When he finally speaks, his voice is soft, almost mortal. Not the same softness as when he called you his lover, almost the opposite of it.

Those eyes. I only saw them the last I held her. They are the same, and yet – why do they not feel the same? I cannot explain why, but I do not like seeing them on her almost more than the ones I have seen before.

Jinwoo couldn’t tell him the answer, but he would hear his thoughts regardless. 

Of course Ashborn had not seen that look on you. It was the look of someone who had nothing left to lose, of someone ready to die. Did you have that look as you took the hit for Hae-in? Did you see the enemy coming for her and didn’t think twice?

That look. That was his fault. 

The door softly clicked behind him. The other guild masters stood a ways off from the room, watching him curiously and cautiously just in case he was still on edge. He says nothing, only bowing his head to them and walking away. 

He quietly asks for Ashborn’s help. Of wanting to make amends. You deserve that and much more. 

Of course, Jinwoo starts. I can’t exactly pull off what you and her are expecting, okay? Let’s get that out of the way. I… I’m not ready… I can’t love her the way you do. I don’t even know her at all. 

A friend, then. Ashborn replies softly. May you be a friend?

Jinwoo pauses, and Ashborn takes his silence as a sign to keep going. I am aware that you do not hold the same feelings for her as I do, as you do not know her and your own heart is in turmoil if it belongs to that other woman. It was wrong of me to push my emotions on to you, and I’m sure the same is true for her. I assure you that we both regret it so. It seems that in death, we have found ourselves stuck in time and have yet to accept that the world has moved on without us. With that being said- 

Jinwoo braces himself for what Ashborn was about to say. It felt like whatever he was going to ask of him, the weight of it could crush him. I would like to ask you to be a friend to her, at the very least. I can see that this world has not treated her as kindly as I would have liked or as she deserves. So if it’s the slightest bit acceptable to you, I would urge you to be kinder. However if this goes against your wishes once more, then I will not push the matter. You have already done what you could do to save her life, and I am endlessly grateful. This is simply one more selfish request. 

A friend, huh? It sounded like something small and easy, but as he thought, the responsibility it posed would be rather big. Ashborn admitted himself that you and the heart inside him weren’t simple things to underestimate, but he thinks of dull eyes that have lost all shine and his own heart is set in stone.

And if she says no?

Then it is no, Ashborn replies quickly, and then his voice goes softer. You had told me what those eyes meant. I simply do not want her to lose all hope in a universe that gave her a second chance at a new beginning. I do not want her to carry on living thinking life is so empty. 

Ashborn waits with something akin to bated breath and almost sighs in relief when Jinwoo agrees.

=O=O=O=O=

“I want to start over,” Jinwoo bites at the inside of his cheek and rubs the back of his neck. 

You stare at the edge of your bed, but you were clearly listening to him, as you fiddled again with the sheets of your bed. “What?”

Jinwoo braces himself and breathes in to steady himself. “I want to start over… if that’s okay with you.” 

There’s a pause between the two of you before you manage a strangled laugh. “What do you mean by start… over? Surely you don’t mean like-”

“Oh, uh, not like… that.” He heard how your voice picked up and immediately he coughed. Jinwoo sees you breathe out - and he’s unsure whether out of dejection or to steady yourself as well (he hopes it’s the latter so as not to make things too awkward after what he’s about to do). He can’t see your eyes quite yet - you were making sure not to look at him. He finally grumbles out a sigh “Wait, let me start from the beginning.”

“I’m sorry for what I said before, from that time you still thought I was Ashborn to me getting angry at you for putting your life on the line. I could have said things better, but I let my anger get the best of me both times. So, I’m sorry.” Jinwoo bows his head low and he sees you move on the bed to try and get him to stand up straight, however the wound on your back kicks in. 

He straightens up and tries to help you, but you flinch and hold up a hand to stop him from coming any closer - and Jinwoo is unsure if you wanted to be strong and handle it yourself or you didn’t want him anywhere closer to you. You’re both at a stand still, and finally Jinwoo moves away. He breathes out a sigh before trying to push through once more - he made Ashborn a promise, but above all else he really wanted to want this to happen.

“A-anyway, going back to what I was saying. I never got the chance to know you as, you know, you. And I suppose you never got to know me, either. So I thought, I would like to start over. I want to get to know you, too.”

There’s another pause as Jinwoo waits for your reply. You seem to be lost in thought as you catered to your wound. Eventually, you speak softly. “Why?”

“What?” You weren’t even that close yet and Jinwoo already knew he was gonna have to work harder to keep up with you and the way you took hold of a conversation so easily. 

“We both know I haven’t been the best person to you - the first time we talked to each other I cried in front of you because I thought you were my lover reincarnated.” You laugh bitterly again, maybe at the memory or maybe because of the idea of Ashborn. “I’m not sure about this… I don’t… I don’t want to hurt you again….”

Jinwoo doesn’t say anything and waits, but Ashborn stays quiet. He supposes his second heart was keeping true to his word - he was leaving this conversation up to him and you. But Jinwoo already knew what he was getting himself into when he entered your room. He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but he wasn’t going to be a push over either. 

“Why don’t we give it a try, then? You said that you see me differently whenever you look at me, right? Because you remember Ashborn rather than seeing me.”

“Yes…?”

“Try focusing then. You already know I’m not him.” Jinwoo’s voice is soft, almost like he was trying to make sure the rest of the world doesn’t hear. And that’s what he wanted right now. His shadows overtake the whole room until it’s just you two. He tests the waters by sitting at the foot of your bed and you flinch. “Focus. Breathe. The way he moves, the way he speaks. It’s not me. His voice, the way he looks. It is not mine.”

Sung Jinwoo wasn’t one to give up easily. Ashborn had given him his heart, it was his job to see things through. And if it didn’t work out - then he can say he did his best to the very end. 

He holds out his hand and you stare at it hard. Your eyes are a whirlpool, shifting with a sort of shine and turmoil - Jinwoo was watching the two sides of you fight to take control in real time. He wonders if that’s how he looks whenever Ashborn takes control from other people’s perspective. He waits for a second more before he breaks the silence. 

“It’s nice to meet you. My name is Sung Jinwoo.” 

At the sound of his voice, your eyes snap up to him and he falters. It’s a whirlpool of glitter that is all encompassing. It’s lovely, yes, but it’s almost swallowing the darkness that surrounds you both. He should leave, this didn’t bode well for him, this was a mistake, he-

But he wanted to believe in you. You were a good person. You wouldn’t let this take over you, right?

He steadies himself and holds out his hand to you again. “You must not have heard me. My name is Sung Jinwoo. I am an S Rank Hunter from South Korea and the Guild Master of the Ahjin Guild. I heard that the Hunter’s Association had recruited an S Rank healer. That must be you, correct? May I have your name?” 

You blink at his words, something overcoming in your head and Jinwoo watches as the realization hits you. Ashborn had said that the two of you had simply had a hard time understanding that you were no longer living in your past, so shouldn’t Jinwoo remind you of the present?

Jinwoo watches as you squeeze your eyes shut, and when that isn’t enough you press the heels of your palms to your closed eyes and crumple into yourself. His hand falls. 

Did I fail? He hears nothing.

His shadows return underneath him and he stands up to leave, but before he can completely go, he hears you mutter something softly. 

“Come again?”

When you raise your head, they continue to glimmer and Jinwoo has half a mind to leave you right then and there, but he realizes that they only shine with small tears as you smile. Your eyes shine with mortality. 

You say your name louder as you clumsily hold out your hand to him. He laughs, shaking his head and takes your hand in his and gives it a firm squeeze and a shake. 

Jinwoo likes the sound of your name and the way he can hear the smile in it. And although Ashborn can’t remember what it was in the past, he agrees. The present is beautiful.

=O=O=O=O=O=

Although he knew you and Hae-in were close, he had underestimated how close you two had gotten in such a short amount of time.

“Hae-in? What… are you doing here?” Jinwoo blinks. Hae-in blushes in response, as shy as she always was, but you give off a small smile in response to both of them. She all but clings to your arm at the sudden attention on her by her new friend and the object of her affections.  

“I told Hae-in that I wanted to make amends with you, as she knew we weren’t in the best of… situations right now, despite knowing each other before,” you clear your throat, trying to come up with something believable for Hae-in. “And I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable too much during our outing, so Hae-in offered to hang out with the both of us.

Jinwoo wasn’t one to be uncomfortable, but there may be some truth to your words. He was just hoping to have a walk with you around the city (he thought about the park but maybe you weren’t ready for those kinds of memories), maybe get some food on the way, and have small talk. It was Ashborn’s ideas, of course. 

What should we even do? 

I wish to say that as a monarch, I have no concept of “friends”, but if you wish to know more about her that I have observed in our short time here in the present, then I can suggest some things.

Let’s hear it then.

Spending time with another is a given, yes?

Yeah, that’s pretty much understood, Jinwoo almost rolled his eyes, instead he settled for a groan. He should’ve known Ashborn had no idea of things like this, but he’ll bite. What else?

Sweets. I have noticed while she spent her time healing that she enjoyed those treats you call sweets. They seem to make mortals happy, and it seems to be the same for her. 

Okay, treats. That’s a good start. What else you got?

To his surprise, Ashborn hesitates. Jinwoo almost calls out to him when he suddenly speaks again.

Stories. Tell her stories.

Stories? What kind?

Yes, stories. Of how you spent your day, no matter how mundane. Of your battles with the other monarchs, if you so choose, as she will understand more than anyone.  And then Ashborn hesitates. Of your family. Of things that make you happy. 

Jinwoo nods slowly before he exhales softly. That sounds like things meant for a date than things you do with friends, though.

What is a “date”?

Okay, so maybe having Hae-in along would lessen the date aspect of this hang out, especially now that you two weren’t alone. 

He’s snapped out of his thoughts when you suddenly pull on his arm. He freezes when you intertwine his and your arm on one side and slightly relaxes when he sees you have Hae-in on the other. 

“Alright then,” you grin brightly and Jinwoo could have sworn the whole world had just lit up around him. By the look on Hae-in’s face, she was thinking the same thing. Jinwoo is reminded of a woman in royal attire in a field of flowers and he hears Ashborn laugh once before he pushes the thought away.  He is in the present. You are in the present. There was no need for that right now. However he can’t help but think - so this is what Ashborn has always seen? If it was, then it was lovely. “So, where are we headed off to?”

“Huh? Weren’t you the one who planned this trip?” Hae-in looks at you puzzled. 

“Nah,” you wave her comment off. “He just told me we should start by trying to hang out.”

Hae-in’s blush returns at full force. “Wait! So that means I shouldn’t even be here!”

“Hmm? Why not?” Now you turn to Jinwoo, puzzled as well. “I thought it would be fine with Hunter Sung since you guys are-” 

“Close, right.” Jinwoo knew what you were going to say and cut in. 

He didn’t want to lie to you like this. Gods, how was he going to explain this to Hae-in when the time came? How was he going to explain this to you when the time came? He planned on telling you later on - that he had only started considering courting her when you had arrived - but he wanted to do that when you had adjusted better to your new life, but for now he had to let you believe that they were together. It wasn’t that hard, really. Hae-in sometimes acted too comfortably around him.  

Hae-in blushes again at his words. You smile softly at her expression and then your eyes slowly gloss over. Jinwoo clears his throat. 

“Anyways, I’m the one who planned this whole excursion, so let’s get to it then.” You break out of your thoughts at his words. He nods to you, letting you know that he was right there beside you to help you, and you smile warmly at him. The very very sight of it makes him look away. 

Ashborn’s heart beats ever so slightly faster. But a small voice at the back of his head whispers to him that if it really were Ashborn, then it wouldn’t settle for beating so softly. 

“What’s on our agenda, then?” You smile and pull them forward, walking without a direction at the moment, just so you were moving. 

“I was hoping we could go to a cafe? Somewhere with good sweets.” Your head turns to him at record speed and Jinwoo was worried for a second that he’d see glittering eyes, but instead he finds normal but nonetheless lovely human eyes glimmering with childlike wonder at the prospect of treats. He huffs out a laugh, feeling heat crawl up his face. What the hell was getting to him?

“Oh! If it’s a cafe we’re looking for, I know a really good place! They sell the best cheesecakes around, I know you’ll love it. Just let me check how far away it is from here.” Hae-in untangles your arms and excitedly heads over to a street map. 

Jinwoo turns to you. “Are… you feeling alright?”

You breathe in deeply before nodding. “Yeah, yeah. I’m… I’m doing fine, I think.”

Squeezing your eyes shut, you breathe in again and straighten your posture. When you turn to him, you give him that same grin that almost forces Jinwoo to look away, and yet he can’t. He can’t seem to stop staring. Only one word comes to mind. “Thank you for looking out for me, Hunter Sung.” 

“No problem.” Jinwoo didn’t really know what possessed him to do it. Maybe it was habit from having Jinah around him all the time and it was reflex at that point, but he raises his free hand and pats your head. “And you can just call me Jinwoo.”

You stare at him for a beat and then untangle your arms before raising your hand up to his face. For just a split second, he sees the monarch version of you, smiling so lovingly at him (at Ashborn) as you cup his cheek, and then he blinks and he’s back at the meeting room in the Hunter’s Association as you cry when you meet for the first time, ready to hold his face in your hand. 

He’s about to move back and put as much distance again between the two of you, maybe even call the whole day off, but he makes the mistake(?) of glancing at Hae-in’s direction. It didn’t mean anything to him, truly, it was mostly concern that things would all go to hell right this very moment if she saw this scene. 

He thinks you saw his eyes move over to her, because in the next instance, your hand goes up to his forehead and you tap on it multiple times ever so lightly. 

“You don’t have to force yourself to be so… affectionate towards me if you don’t want to,” you smile at him warmly. 

He blinks and steps back, almost just a hair’s breadth away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You tilt your head to the side, still the same smile, but for a flash Jinwoo saw your eyes glitter. “Your hand was shaking. He used to be nervous around me because he felt like he could crush me like an ant at a touch. But I can understand why you’d be nervous with me. So don’t push yourself too hard. I already appreciate so much of what you’re doing for me. That’s more than enough.”

He waits for you to do something else, for your past self to take hold, but instead you just leave him be and join Hae-in by the map. You guys chat for a bit as she tells you about the cafe. Jinwoo breathes in, getting his thoughts in order. 

So far, for him, he thought it was mostly going nicely. Although it was still too early to say, he liked having you as a friend, your presence soothing, especially now that he could converse with you without having to fear for his future most of the time. He found you rather refreshing in a sense, like-

My light. She was my light. 

Jinwoo blinks in surprise again. It always caught him off guard whenever Ashborn spoke of you. 

The light is dangerous for the darkness, isn’t it? Jinwoo jokes to ease his nerves, huffing out a laugh.

For the darkness, yes. However, you and I do not deal in the dark, we deal with shadows - and shadows are always strengthened by the light. 

“Jinwoo.”

When he looks up, Jinwoo expects deja-vu to kick in again and find Hae-in calling for him. Instead, you stand alone by the map, motioning for him to come closer. He walks over without a moment of hesitation. 

“Where’s Hae-in?” he cringes, realizing a little too late what that might have sounded like - a man looking for their significant other - but it was too late to take back now. He hopes that it didn’t come off that way, but by the way your smile has a hard time reaching your eyes, it absolutely came off that way. 

“She saw you were thinking really deeply about something so she said she’d go ahead and make sure we had a spot for ourselves,” you cough lightly before turning to the map. “I don’t blame her for being excited to go to that cafe, though.”

Were the sweets that good? “What do you mean?”

“Oh, it’s that cafe you guys entered when I first saw you, remember? I’m surprised Hae-in picked it. It must be special for the both of you. I hope I'm not intruding on a place that means so much to you guys,” you walk away from the map with a pep in your step in the direction of the cafe. Jinwoo doesn’t know if you’re just trying to look okay or you’ve truly accepted it and Jinwoo wasn’t sure which was worse. 

One thing’s for sure though: he should pick a different cafe. 

=O=O=O=O=O=

He should’ve told you sooner. That was his mistake. He should have told you sooner. 

Chairman Go had noticed the sudden closeness of your little friend group, how you all seemed to "get along so well”; his words, definitely not Jinwoo’s. In Jinwoo’s opinion, you all just seemed to work well in the sense that each one was familiar with one another to an extent: he was already friends with Hae-in, you and Hae-in had hit it off rather quickly, and you and Jinwoo were, well, acquainted in more ways than one. Jinwoo’s surprised that most of his time outside dungeons, his guild and his family is now spent on the two of you. It was hard to catch one without at least another.

Even for other hunters who have seen you work together in the rare chances of a sudden dungeon break while you’re hanging out, they remark how precise and coordinated you seemed to be, like a well-practiced performance - Jinwoo leading the attack, Hae-in with back up and you for support and healing for the both of them. So, for Chairman Go, wasn’t it only right for him to ask the three of you to work as a strike squad in case of emergencies? You all could reach each other in record time, Jinwoo using Shadow Exchange to get to you quickly and lending Kaisel to Hae-in for travel (he tells himself that he merely prefers reaching you first since you can’t protect yourself as well as Hae-in could; Ashborn says it is to make sure another disaster does not happen).

And this is where he found all three of you now - just taking a short break before confronting the boss. You and Hae-in had thought of taking a survey around the dungeon just in case, but Jinwoo offered to use his soldiers to do it instead so you guys could wait for the mining team to finish cleaning up. He decided to take a short nap, but really he just closed his eyes and wanted to leave you both to your own devices for a while.

He should have realized it was a mistake. Your random conversations slowed to a stop and when it didn’t pick up again for a second too long, it suddenly took a more serious turn. Maybe you had been on edge to start this conversation from the beginning, because it sounded like you were careful about the words you were going to use, choosing which to say.

“Hae-in, whatever happens, please take care. And take care of Jinwoo for me, too, okay?” you take a short stuttering breath that goes unnoticed by your new friend and Jinwoo hears the smile in your voice. It’s soft but also sad and he wonders if you see a grassy hill again. “Although me and Jinwoo's relationship wasn’t… quite good, I still wish you and him all the best.”

“I don't know what’s going on, but of course. Please take care as well. I will forever be thankful for what you did for me, but please - no more of what happened. And of course I'll take care of Jinwoo, too. I take care of my friends.”

Jinwoo inhales sharply. Fu-

Your voice lowers to a whisper. “Friends…?”

“Is there something wrong?” 

“You’re… not dating yet?” Jinwoo hears it. There's an unmistakable flash of hope in your voice - he doesn’t have to see to know that a familiar glimmer in your eyes comes back at full force and it sends his hearts thumping. He opens his eyes ever so slightly, peeking over his bangs to see you and watches as you squeeze your eyes shut and softly shake your head from side to side. When you open them again, the glimmer is mostly gone, and all that's left is a sad sort of acceptance and resignation that grips at his chest. “He's an idiot for not asking you out, then. He’s wasting time.”

“Huh? What do you mean by wasting time?” Hae-in blinks at you, but there's a soft blush on her face, Jinwoo is unsure if it’s because she found a kindred spirit in you or it’s the direction your conversation had gone.

“Oh, I just think that the longer someone hesitates, you could have spent all that time together…” there’s a far-away look in your eyes. Lost in a lonely dream. You smile sadly, picking up pebbles and rocks absentmindedly. Jinwoo wonders if you’re tugging at flowers in your imagination.

“Woah, I thought you said you’ve never been in a relationship before,” Hae-in laughs, leaning into you and you bump shoulders. “But you sound so mature about these things!”

“Ah, did I say that? Well, I was sort of in one a long time ago,” you answer softly. “If I could have talked to myself before, I would have said - take care of what you have right now.”

But you did, Ashborn whispers. You cared for it so much it clung to you and I in death. You have done more than care for it-

“-Your love is so strong it seeps into other people.” Jinwoo freezes, suddenly realizing that he had said his thoughts out loud.

Even though he had only mumbled it, the sudden silence is more than enough to let him know that both of you heard. The silence is deafening as he looks up to see you and Hae-in staring at him. While Hae-in gapes at him, your face remains passive, reading him.

“H-how much did you hear…?” Hae-in tentatively asks.

Jinwoo tries to hide the embarrassment and panic he was feeling behind a tired exterior, pretending he had been unceremoniously woken up from his nap because of your conversation. “Just the last part, I guess?”

Hae-in is frozen stiff anyway, a smile stuck on her face. She suddenly gets up. “I- I think I’ll go take a look around the area after all, haha, right, yes, be right back everyone!”

Before you or Jinwoo could say anything, she walked away as quickly as possible. You don’t make a move to stop her or say anything to reassure her, eyes remaining solely on Jinwoo. He squirms under your gaze and when he goes to meet them, they glitter ever so slightly.

But you and Jinwoo have passed the point where he felt like running away. This conversation was a long time coming, and it was his fault for not initiating it in the first place.

“I was planning on telling you, I swear it,” he starts softly. He straightens his posture and meets you head on. “I wanted you to just-“

“I’m not mad.” Jinwoo blinks, and you give him a closed eye smile. When you open them again, the glitter is all gone. You huff out a laugh when you see his expression. “I don’t blame you for having to act like that, considering how I badgered you the first time we met. It must have been really confusing and annoying.”

Jinwoo was about to sigh in relief but then you softly frown. “I don’t agree with the way you’ve been treating Hae-in, however. I hope you’re not leading her on.”

He didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m… I’m still thinking.”

You raise an eyebrow and tilt your head to the side. “About?”

“If I should court her.” He breathes out deeply.

It was true that he was thinking about it. Hae-in was beautiful and strong willed, but also shy and kind hearted to whoever was around her, both acquaintances and strangers, as you have said in the hospital. She was a wonderful friend and someone you could trust to have your back in a dungeon. Truly, she was an ideal partner to have.

And yet… and yet… something kept holding him back. And to his discomfort and confusion, it wasn’t Ashborn’s will.

“I haven’t sorted out my feelings for her yet. I don’t want to break her heart if I can’t meet her feelings halfway. She doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment,” Jinwoo says instead.

He waits for you to hound him for an acceptable answer, but instead you just nod your head slowly. “Okay, then.”

Jinwoo nods. One responsibility after another. What he said wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth either. He didn’t like lying to you like this, not after you just forgave him for lying that he and Hae-in were a couple, but this was a harder one to explain.

He didn’t want to admit it, but a voice deep inside him knew. How can he explain that things had changed and was taking a nosedive really quickly?

“By the way,” Jinwoo turns to you and his eyebrows raise to find you bashful. There’s no glitter in your eyes, which only makes him feel warmer at the thought, but he tries to brush the thought away. “About what you said earlier…What did you mean by “Your love is so strong it seeps into other people”?”

The color almost drains from Jinwoo’s face completely – he hoped you had already forgotten about that. He wants to say those were Ashborn’s thoughts, but he couldn’t lie to himself either when it came to this.

There was nothing wrong with what he said, there was nothing for him to take back. After all, your love truly did come out of you in waves. It was in the way you tried to care for people as much as you could, even when sometimes you hesitated from anxiety. It was in the way you laughed and joked with others to ease the tension even if sometimes it made you feel awkward to be the center of attention. It was in the way you tried to remind others that life was enjoyable with a little kindness along the way.

I do not want her to carry on living thinking life is so empty, that’s what Ashborn said, and Jinwoo understood why. Someone who wanted others to see the world in such a beautiful way shouldn’t have to think of it so lonely.

“Because,” Jinwoo starts. He watches the soft look on your face and all he can think about is it’s only you and him. There is no you from the past and no Ashborn. Just him and you.

He hears footsteps coming and the spell is broken. He swallows as Hae-in comes into view from the corner of his eye. Jinwoo doesn’t look away. “It’s the way you heal people. I simply mean that I can tell you love others by the way you heal people.”

Your eyebrows raise, waiting for him to crack a smile and tell you it was just a joke. But when he doesn’t, you smile, looking away. Your eyes don’t gloss over. They don’t shimmer with divinity. You rub the back of your neck, bashful to hear his compliment. Hae-in apparently heard his comment and excitedly agreed, clinging to you once more.

Jinwoo didn’t need a voice to tell him anything as he watched you laugh. He thinks of a woman in a hill of flowers wearing a simple dress that seems to make her even lovelier and beside her, Jinwoo sees himself. He can’t hear their conversation, and yet they smile like the world could never hurt them.

It’s a blissful feeling, is it not?

Jinwoo knew exactly why he couldn’t make a decision. Glittering eyes and a soft smile have made sure of that.

You wanted this from the very beginning, didn’t you? Jinwoo asks bitterly, but there’s no real bite to his words.

I will not say that I did not hope for it, the monarch replies. But this is a development that I find more than desirable. For me, you are seeing her the way I do, and that pleases me so.

He thinks of glittering eyes and almost lost himself in a dream of his own but then he thinks of your soft frown, and the subtle hurt behind them.

“I just hope that when you finally get your feelings in order, you haven’t made her wait too long.”

Why did this have to be so difficult? Ashborn laughs bitterly, but he agrees.

=O=O=O=O=O=

The end comes to him in the form of a message from your strike squad group chat.

“Jinwoo, can you spare some time?” Jinwoo felt a shiver go down his spine. Why did he suddenly feel so nervous over a small message from you? It felt like such a drastic change from the previous days. He found himself looking forward to you messaging him to hang out or to hire the Ahjin Guild to handle a dungeon with you.

But this felt different.  

“Where are you right now?” Jinwoo’s already trying to look through his shadows to find you. He finds one bathed in a familiar warmth and he grabs hold of it.

“Café. Hae-in is here with me.”

Within the next second, he’s beside your usual table in the café. He finds you sitting in your usual corner by the window, nursing a drink that has obviously been there for a while now. For once, Hae-in sits across from you, on Jinwoo's bench. She usually sat beside you to give Jinwoo some space and to just be close to you, but now there was no chatter shared between the two of you. Jinwoo found it unnervingly quiet. He watches your far away expression as he sits next to you and from his peripheral he sees Hae-in flinch.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” You’re knocked out of your thoughts, but you don’t answer fast enough, still in a bit of a daze. Jinwoo puts a hand over your head, trying to get your attention and finally Hae-in speaks.

“She’s leaving,” she says, a bit too bitterly for Ashborn and Jinwoo’s taste. However, when he turns to her with a frown, his anger subsides ever so slightly when he sees the unshed tears at the corner of her eyes. Ah, yes, of course she won’t be taking this lightly, but for now the most important thing is-

“Wait, what do you mean you’re leaving?” Jinwoo felt impossibly numb. He didn’t even have time to process what he was feeling and you were-?

“The Hunter’s Association of each country is holding a collaboration – a sort of exchange program for a year. Each one sends a few of their hunters to other countries to work as a representative, and our country receives reps from the neighboring countries as well. It’s to strengthen bonds in the case of another S Rank dungeon break, among other things,” your voice is monotone as you explain to Jinwoo slowly, as if you’re repeating the message verbatim, like you’ve memorized it a hundred times. “They thought I should-”

“Don’t agree, then.” Jinwoo’s voice is cold and it snaps you and Hae-in out of your separate thoughts, shaking you both to your core at his tone alone. He’d normally try to be soft with you but he keeps going, anger rising. “They can’t exactly force you to do something like that if you don’t want-“

“I’m going,” you don’t meet his eyes, you don’t want to, from what he can tell. Jinwoo was tempted to grab your face and force you to look at him. If months of progress went down the drain and he’d see those glimmering eyes the both of you had worked so hard to keep at bay, then so be it.

He couldn’t understand – what was going on? He thought everything was going well. You weren’t confusing him as Ashborn anymore. You saw him for who he was, and he saw you for who you really were. You were friends, yes, but he also wanted to-

“What the hell are you saying?” he grabs your shoulder, trying to force your eyes on him. He knew he just needed to see your eyes on him and things would fix itself. “Why would you want to go? I don’t get it, I don’t understand.”

Why…? Where did we go wrong?

Hae-in abruptly stands up and leaves, a hand over her face, but it does nothing to hide the tears falling from her face. You almost try to get up and comfort her, but you remember that Jinwoo is quite literally blocking your way as he sits next to you and he’s still trying to get you to look at him. You cast your gaze past him. Your eyes are glossing over, a hint of a glimmer. Jinwoo is scared he’s imagining that it’s there at all.

“Please, help me understand.” He successfully gets you to face him, hands carefully guiding your head towards him, but you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to block him out of your senses.

Look at me. Jinwoo doesn’t have to see to know that his eyes have taken a more purple hue. I need you to look and see that I remain here with you. I have gone nowhere since. Please.

“Jinwoo, I-“ your voice saying his name is something he would have relished in any other given circumstance, something as familiar as his abilities, as normal now as Ashborn’s presence. But at this moment it was strained, like you didn’t know him, like it was a mistake that you did. And yet he insisted so – that you had a future that you would be present in one another’s lives.

“What happened that-“

“Jinwoo, I need you to let me go.”

He quickly removes his hands from your face. Every part of him right now hurts, but if it meant that small little orders from you at this moment would have you letting go of a humongous decision, then he was willing to do it. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so rough, I-”

“That’s not what I meant,” when you open your eyes to him, he sees a whole galaxy in them. You smile sadly, and it’s then that he realizes some of that galaxy is tears pooling at your eyes. “I need you to let me go now.”

…What? The thought that comes to mind is an echo between Ashborn and Jinwoo.

You choke out a sob, a wobbly smile still on your lips, and try to push yourself away from him, shrinking further back into your little café corner. “I… to be honest, a part of me… still hopes… of… you already know. And I am tired of it. You and Hae-in have shown me nothing but kindness. So, I wish to put an end to these stubborn thoughts. Please let me go.”

No. Wait for just a moment.

You clear your throat and put on a strained grin, the one he knows you wear when you’re having a hard time keeping the past you at bay. “I’ll continue to send updates, if you and Hae-in want! The three of us can have calls, too. But…”

Tell her.

“Jinwoo, please don’t assign a shadow soldier to me.”

He still had to tell you.

“I know you’ll try assigning a shadow for me. And I appreciate it. But for my own peace of mind, please don’t.”

NOW. “I swear I won’t be impulsive as before, after all, I have all of you waiting for me, so please – rest assured I don’t need one.” You swallow hard. “I simply… wish to be the friend you deserved from the very beginning. The one that doesn’t cling to you in the hopes of reliving the past.”

He wanted to cry, he couldn’t say anything. Ashborn prays to wake up in a hill of flowers.

“Will you let me have this?” you smile, eyes crinkling at the side. Tears slowly cascade down your face and even still he thinks you’re lovely, no matter how it tears him up inside.

Jinwoo clenches his fists until his knuckles bruise white. He stays across the same bench from you, but it’s different this time. You’re the one keeping distance as you press your back to the café glass, putting as much distance between the two of you. He doesn’t make a move to come closer.

With all the mental strength he had left, he agrees.

=O=O=O=O=O=O=

Despite Hae-in taking off in the middle of your initial announcement, all three of you had decided on trying to spend your remaining time in Korea together. You try not to talk about your departure as much as possible, and Hae-in doesn’t bring up how you and Jinwoo had talked as minimally as possible the following days.

When the day came, your departure from Korea was met with heartbreak and tears all around. Tears from Hae-in as she was losing a close friend, heartbreak from mostly Jinwoo (definitely Ashborn) that he kept hidden behind a solemn expression.

You go and give Hae-in a hug as you both cry and laugh, promising to keep in touch. When you let go and notice Jinwoo staring at you, you hesitantly pull away from Hae-in.

He wonders which one you see in his eyes at this very moment – blue or purple?

The being that has loved you from the very beginning or the one that has come to? Both now losing you.

You had chosen to wear sunglasses on your departure – you tell Hae-in so it can go with your outfit and it was embarrassing for the other hunters to see your swollen eyes, but Jinwoo knows otherwise. He can’t tell who he’s looking at right now, but whoever she was, she hesitates to come closer.

You hold out your hand to shake his and Hae-in is surprised at the gesture. Jinwoo stares at it blankly. Hae-in’s sad face has suddenly turned worried as it shifts between you and Jinwoo, wondering if the bad blood has suddenly come back and was rearing its ugly head at this climactic moment.

But in the next second, Jinwoo grabs your wrist and pulls you to his chest in a hug you would have said was more crushing than Hae-in’s. He cradles the back of your head in his hand, pushing you as close to him as possible – hoping that maybe if he holds you tight enough maybe you’ll be a part of him, that you won’t be able to go. He knows how this might look like to Hae-in, but it didn’t matter. He was beginning to crack at the seams and his desperation was leaking through.

He wanted to say so many things.

Don’t go. I made a mistake. I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that.

Do you know what you’ve done to me? I thought I knew what I wanted, but now I know what was holding me back all this time.

You were right. We should have spent more time together. Can we have that now? If I beg right now, will you let me have that?

“Please come back,” he whispers instead.

-to us. Please. And when you do, may you stay forevermore.

You pull away first, and it hurts. Ashborn’s heart hurt. Jinwoo’s heart did, too. Especially when you refuse to look at him again. You clear your throat and manage a strangled laugh.

“Stay safe, guys,” you smile, but the sun hits your glasses at just the right spot and he sees eyes glittering. They seemed to glow fainter and fainter until there was nothing but dullness. Not even a mortal shine to them. “And I hope you guys stay happy.”

The soldier Jinwoo assigned to you goes back to his shadow. It cries out sadly as you board the plane.

Jinwoo walks Hae-in home. Despite her best efforts, he doesn’t crack a smile or say anything past a hum or a single word when she initiates a conversation to break the sad atmosphere of the day. He waits for her to get in safely to her apartment - not even noticing her dejected form feeling she did not have both of her friends for comfort at the same day - before he walks away.

Jinwoo finds himself in a park bench facing the setting sun. When he sits down and closes his eyes, he sees teary glittering eyes absolutely heartbroken.

“Ashborn… Jinwoo… will I find someone I can say I love again, too? Don’t I deserve that, too?”

I love you.

And they weep.

=O=O=O=O=O=O=

Something was off, that much was certain. Jinwoo couldn’t put his finger on what it was, and it was making him slowly lose his mind.

It didn’t start immediately, of course. As you promised, you kept in touch with them as much as possible. He was pretty sure that he could be living under the same roof as you at the amount of updates he and Hae-in received. To an extent, it warmed him at the thought that you had stayed true to your word of letting him know what was happening with your life and it reassured Ashborn of your safety. It did feel like you were still there with him, but he would have preferred being able to actually see you right there beside him (Touch you as well, if you’d let him, Ashborn whispers)

He and Hae-in would usually meet up at the café to give you a video call to make things more convenient by being in the same place. But by the way your eyes glossed over at times seeing them together, he knew what you were thinking. He wanted to reassure you, tell you that whatever feelings or thoughts you think he had for her aren’t there, but you weren’t here either.

And he couldn’t do that to you, not when you had asked to get some space so you could move on.

But he wanted to wait, the same way Ashborn did, the same way you did. And if you and Ashborn had found yourselves in another world, in a new time, and still clung to each other so fiercely, then surely the universe would give him a chance as well.

You were most likely just having a hard time reigning in your past self, as you had said. You needed time to adjust, and maybe some time apart would help with that.

All in due time, Igris whispers, comforting the monarchs.

Right, Jinwoo agrees, and so does Ashborn. But Ashborn should’ve known the universe was a fickle thing.

A few months in and you were having a video call with him and Hae-in again at the café. You were in a hospital bed, hit with a strange spell that was able to incapacitate an S-Rank healer such as yourself, enough to make you go down with something like a fever.

It had knocked you out for a full day, and your sudden absence concerned your friends, but they had both received messages during your treatment when they kept asking for updates that left Jinwoo with a bad taste in his mouth.

hey. i’m her friend. she’s asleep right now. should be awake by tomorrow. i’ll tell her to call when she gets up.

The odd typing was one thing, but the lack of introductions or any other info didn’t sit well with him. Hae-in was concerned as well, but chalked it up to a hunter that was with you who only used your phone for a second to answer their incessant messaging.

Jinwoo would’ve accepted that, that is if he wasn’t paying attention to most things about you. If there was anything he knew, it was that you never gave away your phone password to just anyone. It was a rather hard to remember pattern that you would swipe quickly so no one would remember, and you’d only slow down to teach it to a close friend.

But he still kept his calm. Yes, despite getting used to your arrangement here in Korea, maybe you had gotten yourself a couple of friends in China. He was happy for you, truly. You were beginning to live a little on your own.

Jinwoo kept calm, breathing deeply. You were alright. Things were going to be alright with you, and right now they were.

“Are you feeling better now?” Hae-in asks worriedly, but then she looks thoughtful, “Your friend didn’t really give us any details past that you were resting and we’d hear from you today or something.”

“…Friend?” You blink, and then you clear your throat. “Oh, yeah, my friend. Did they call you?”

Something wasn’t sitting right with Jinwoo, but he was unsure if it was dangerous for your wellbeing when you were so calm about it.

“No, they just sent a message,” Hae-in smiles softly. “Look at you! Finally making friends. Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

Jinwoo flinches. He saw something. Just there. At the corner of the screen.

Something moved.

“Introduce, yes, um,” you laugh bashfully. “Maybe next time, yeah? They’re a little… shy.”

You say that, and then it happens. For just a split second, you look to the side, right at the side where the movement came from, and then your focus is back on the screen and them. You smile softly, in complete peace. It reassures Jinwoo, but still something nags at the back of his mind.

Would you like me to go check, my king? Beru, ever so dutiful, asks. He was ready to travel through shadows or up in the air with just a word from his master. Our queen’s safety should be top priority, yes?

There’s truth in that, however, Jinwoo wasn’t used to Ashborn hesitating like this, not when it came to you. We have sworn a promise to her, have we not?

Jinwoo wanted to reason that they had promised not to put a shadow soldier on you, but not that they wouldn’t check up on you with a shadow every now and then. Or maybe Jinwoo could go and visit you himself? You’d appreciate having a friend visit, right? Especially in your current state.

But Jinwoo knew it inside – he was just making up excuses. And he knew Ashborn was right – he was breaking your trust. You were trying to be a good person moving on from the past and an even better friend, and here he was asking you for more.

You were fine.

He pretends not to see you cast another glance at your peripheral and the corners of your mouth tick up in a smile.

Thanks for the offer, Beru, he says finally. But we’re all good.

Right. They were good.

=O=O=O=O=O=

It was the little things that were slowly leading up to something that Jinwoo couldn’t ignore anymore.

Your updates lessened quite considerably, but that was understandable. A few months or so after that talk you had during your time at the hospital, things had taken an upturn for you and your career.

Your name had garnered international levels of recognition as people started hearing about an S Rank Healer from Korea aiding the best hunters of China in a nearly catastrophic raid. Again, Hae-in and Jinwoo were nearly worried to death, but at this point they were becoming slightly used to it. However, it didn’t completely stop Jinwoo from wishing you’d come home soon.

Especially when something was starting to seem… off.

He wanted to say something, even Ashborn was unnerved by this turn of events. They could sense that things had changed, they just couldn’t put their name on what it was.

Yes, your updates had been significantly cut ever since China had asked you to be more active in their Hunter’s Association guild activities, but it wasn’t just that.

Whenever you had calls at night with Jinwoo – he says he just wanted to check up on you after he got out late from a dungeon and he wasn’t able to meet up with Hae-in – they were sometimes unceremoniously cut short. Sometimes it would be a knock on your bedroom door or your phone ringing by your bedside if you were using your laptop for the call. You’d apologize profusely and with a heavy heart he’d have to let you go with an understanding smile. At first, he had thought it was just work calling you late into the night and cursed at the Hunter’s Association for working you to the bone.

And then, it was during video calls while you were having a walk outside. Hae-in had ran up to Jinwoo while he was having his daily quests for the day to show that you were on the other end. He decided right then and there that the daily quest could wait, punishment zone be damned, your appearance would come first. You were having a morning walk as well in a park near where you were staying. Jinwoo thought he was imagining it at first, but then it happens a second time. Something dark flashes into the corner of the screen for a second and then it was gone again. When he waits for it for a third time, it doesn’t come back out, and Jinwoo is left feeling like he was slowly losing his mind.

But he couldn’t keep lying to himself anymore. He loves you, but that didn’t mean he’d keep making up excuses to himself for you. Something was up.

It all comes to him not from you, but from the news. Once more, you’re under the media’s focus as they celebrate another successful raid with your help. This time, they announce your tremendous support for China’s best. Jinwoo watches with bated breath as he stares at the hunters leaving the gate, one in particular.

And then they realized what was going on.

You had been hiding something.

Not something, Ashborn whispers. Someone.

Jinwoo agrees, but the more he watches, the more he wishes for glittering eyes to look at him once more.

The best type of partner really was someone you went to dungeons with, huh? Especially when they looked at you like that.

Gold eyes almost shining as bright as yours whenever they looked at you. 

They look familiar, Ashborn says. Jinwoo agrees, unnerved. They pray they are wrong.

=O=O=O=O=O=

Far too long. It’s been far too long since you saw each other face to face. A year flew by so quickly; you weren’t around, only seeing and hearing each other through calls and getting updates through messages, and then suddenly you were meeting again in the flesh.

But it wasn’t quick enough. Not for Jinwoo. Not for Ashborn.

Jinwoo fixes his tie one more time, unsure whether to tighten it to keep his nerves steady or loosen it slightly again so he’d be able to breathe better despite already trying to suppress his hyperventilating.

“Jinwoo, are you okay?” a familiar voice asks. “You’re looking pale and you’re breaking into sweats.”

He turns around to face the blonde woman. Hae-in smiles at him serenely. She wore a modest dress for the formal event that only served to accentuate how lovely she looked.

Without thinking twice how it might appear, she reaches up and fixes his collar and tie for him. In Jinwoo’s periphery, other hunters cast glances their way.

He knows what they’re all thinking, especially with how close they were. He’s heard it more times than he can count.

“You look great together.”

Is that what you still want? Ashborn asks tentatively, voice quiet in the back of his mind. My words remain true, you know, even to this very moment. If you wish to pick a future for yourself, I will no longer hold you back. I will love her still, but you…

Jinwoo had invited Hae-in to the International Hunter’s Guild Conference After Party as his plus one. He had heard from someone that surely the Hunter’s Association representatives - that accursed event that made you think to leave in the first place - would be invited as well, so he immediately asked Chairman Go to be Korea’s rep for this conference (not mentioning he merely wanted to see you again). Maybe he knew from the very beginning, or maybe he just remembered their little strike squad, but the  chairman (bless his heart) thought it would be wise to invite Hae-in as his partner. Although a little hesitant, Jinwoo agreed just to be sure the chairman didn’t suddenly think to change his decision. Besides, Jinwoo thought, he figured you would have definitely missed her and looked for her (and if Jinwoo went alone, you might have scolded him for not bothering to bring her along if he was able to in the first place). So to be quite blunt, he had invited Hae-in to be in your good graces. 

He was starting to realize this mistake, however. Ever since you had left and he had fully accepted his feelings for you, his thoughts were more so filled with you. But now, lost in his reverie and at the idea of seeing you again, he had guiltily forgotten Hae-in’s feelings for him. They still hung out but it’s mostly when they were meeting to have a joint video call with you. He found himself not spending as much time as her outside of that. She got busy when your strike squad got put on hold so maybe she didn’t notice as well. But now, Jinwoo realizes he has to keep his word to you, he won’t lead her on - he’d let her know he wasn’t interested in her. 

And then maybe he can tell you how he truly feels now. The idea is blissful, just as Ashborn had said before. Maybe twice as much because it was him that was feeling it all now, and not only a side effect from Ashborn’s feelings. But there’s a chill that runs up his spine - what if you don’t accept his feelings?

What if there’s already some-

Wait. Jinwoo shook his head. One at a time. He had to see you first. Made sure you were alright, despite your words during your calls. He breathes in deeply, thinking of glittering eyes looking at him and a hill of flowers but beyond that, he remembers a sweet smile and beautiful laughter from someone who made him warm and at home. He had an answer to Ashborn’s question the moment he said goodbye to you at that airport, and he swore it would never change. 

We’re way past that question, aren’t we?

Ashborn laughs in agreement, but Jinwoo can still hear the relief in it.

Jinwoo raises his hand and holds onto Hae-in’s wrists before lowering them. He gives a small tilt of his head towards the crowds of party goers to let her know to look around and she realizes his intentions. Almost immediately, she removes herself from his grasp and takes a good few steps back, her whole face red. Jinwoo side glances at the people who remain watching and stares them down until they’re nervously forced to look away. He sighs in annoyance.

Where were you? We’ve all waited long enough, haven’t we?

Almost on cue, he feels it. One of his soldiers is lit with a familiar warmth and he immediately knows which one it is. After all, it had watched over you for months before you departed and you were put in separate ways, he can tell it had missed you, too, as well as all his shadows. He looks around in a rush and finally he sees a familiar head poking from the crowd.

Beru gleefully trills. Our queen is h-!

Jinwoo gapes. You make your way past the crowd and into their line of vision, but that’s not all Jinwoo notices. Even Hae-in and, from what Jinwoo could tell, other hunters have noticed as well. Or maybe they couldn’t see it, but feel it is definitely a better term.

You looked otherworldly – almost even more than your past self, if Ashborn was honest. Your very presence is all consuming and Jinwoo is reminded of the hospital room where the both of you had started anew. Except this time, he knew that no matter how dark his shadows tried to take over, you might as well overcome it and more. Your eyes don’t just glitter anymore. Your whole body was practically glowing.

My light, Ashborn had said. And although Jinwoo said he understood later on, he didn’t think he would completely see it like this.

Light. Yes, you were definitely as blinding yet comforting as light, Jinwoo thought so. Especially when you run towards him and Hae-in. You throw your arms open and rush them into a hug. If all three of you had been normal people, you might have crashed into the floor right then and there, but Jinwoo and Hae-in stand their ground, returning your hug with just as much fervor. When you've had your fill of touch, you step back to look at them fully and admire their presence.

You go to hug Hae-in again and she grins like you were never separated. Jinwoo supposes he failed to control his expression - he blames it all on Ashborn - but when Hae-in sees his face, she pulls away first. You pout, but then she turns to Jinwoo.

“Don’t act like a stranger now!” she laughs, grabbing him by the hand and pulling him closer to your little group.

He gapes at her, unsure what to do for a moment, before he turns to you. You’re staring hard at Hae-in, gaping just as much as he was moments before, most likely, before your eyes travel to his hand enclosed in Hae-in’s. In a split second, he pulls away from her and clears his throat to ease his nerves. The sound seems to knock you out of your thoughts and you finally look at him. Jinwoo can’t breathe. 

“Heya. It’s been a while,” you smile at him softly. Your voice sounds like heaven to him, now without the barrier of static that came of hearing you behind a phone. It was you. 

Your eyes do not glitter, but they shine with so much joy and your whole being glows with so much life that your time apart felt like no time away from each other at all. Like Ashborn had said - his soul had found itself home. 

It was all you, and all Jinwoo and Ashborn could feel was pure elation. 

Jinwoo gives you a lazy grin, lost in the happiness of it all. “Hey.”

There’s a pause and he sees your hesitation - you go to raise both arms for a hug but stop a quarter of the way, eyes looking at him with a flash of uncertainty, doubting yourself - before Jinwoo closes the distance. He’s waited long enough. They’ve waited long enough. 

He holds you just as tightly as he did in that airport all those months back - an arm around your waist and a hand cradling the back of your head, pulling you as close as he could. 

“Welcome back,” he whispers the words into your ear and he feels you shiver. A small laugh rings out in response, echoing beautifully in his ears at your proximity. 

Welcome home, beloved.

“...Oh, about that…”

To Jinwoo’s displeasure, you pull away first again. However, his hearts continue to beat fast and elated as you take his hand in yours (he tries not to think about how you hold Hae-in’s in the other). You grin at your friends, positively seemingly a source of light for the whole room. 

“It’s been so long. We’ve got so much catching up to do,” you laugh again, and Jinwoo felt like he died and was reborn all over again. He was clinging to every word that came out of your lips. “Before anything else, I need to tell you guys something.”

“Wait, wait! Before you say anything more, this calls for a toast.” Hae-in grins. “Let me get some drinks for us! Be right back, I’ll be super quick.”

Hae-in breaks free from your grasp and disappears into the crowd before you can tell her to stop. Only you and Jinwoo are left and you sigh in resignation with a small laugh. You catch him staring at you from the corner of your eye and give him a small smile.

Jinwoo’s hearts were pumping a mile a minute - he was scared you’d let go, and then it would feel like you weren’t here again. He knew it was a silly thought - because you were right here with him, in the present - but the fear still crept up to him. Especially with how you were suddenly acting. 

You look up to where Hae-in disappeared off to, before turning back to Jinwoo. A chill runs up his spine as your eyes meet, but this time he knows it’s not because of the overload of happiness he was feeling from reuniting with you. There was something behind your eyes as you looked at him. 

“I would’ve liked to tell you both at the same time, but I also think you deserve to know first before anyone else,” you smile, and Jinwoo wonders if he imagined he saw something bittersweet in it for a split second – your glow flickering for just a moment – before everything is seemingly back in place. You swing your hands together once. Jinwoo almost forgot you were still holding his; it felt too natural to have you so close. “Come with me for a sec?”

He smiles serenely at you and swings your hands together again. “Of course.”

Jinwoo lets you lead him to a corner of the gala hall, close to a window and far away from the crowd. He relishes the way the moonlight shines down on you, but the sudden happiness suddenly cuts short when you let go of his hand and he’s thrown back into the present. The warmth of your body is gone and he felt like the cold of the night air was seeping in even when the window was sealed close. 

Something was wrong. You felt so far away all of a sudden. 

You grin at him and something inside him – Jinwoo, Ashborn – sighs at the very sight. He's reminded of a hill of flowers, and yet why does he see a red sky?

“Jinwoo, you were right.” Your smile brightens even more, but finally Jinwoo realizes a little too late why he was so bothered. That look in your eyes. He knows it. “I have found the mortal heart that will stay with me.”

It’s the same smile you gave him when you first saw each other in that street, separated only by a crosswalk and a red light. But this time, that smile is not for him, and that red light is reminiscent of a red sky that keeps you from him. 

Please… tell me it’s a lie…

Jinwoo goes quiet. Smiles at you. Pats your head like he always does. But he doesn’t say anything.

Back then, you would have noticed so many things. His smile is fixed. Hands shaky. 

But not this time. He hopes at least that you pretend not to notice. Surely you still know him. More than anyone else, you said so yourself, right?

Surely, I am still there with you…?

“You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” Bright. Light. You shone so brightly. And yet that light was for…

It was his mistake.

He already knew you were lovely, the word or anything like it wouldn’t be enough to describe you.

So what made him think that any other heart wouldn’t have seen that as well?

The silence is deafening. He can’t hear the other hunters conversing around him or the music playing in the air. Only a ringing in his ears, not even a thought from the black heart that throbs painfully in his chest. Slowly your smile slips and confusion is in your face, but all Jinwoo can see is the way your eyes glitter. Now that he was seeing it so close, they seemed to shine a different color. 

“Jinwoo…? Are you okay?” you tilt your head in concern. “You look… pale…”

He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. What does he even say? He’s saved – or cursed – when Hae-in comes back with a tray of drinks. 

“It took me a while to find you guys. Sorry for making you wait!” Hae-in excitedly greets, handing you one of the drinks. She looks at you but all you can do is smile at her awkwardly as you look away from Jinwoo. Hae-in looks confused and turns to Jinwoo, who continues to stare, eyes dull and far away. When Jinwoo still fails to say anything more, Hae-in tries to strike up the conversation once more. “So, what were you going to s-?”

“Oh? Rìluò, did you finally find those friends of yours?”

Jinwoo felt all the blood in his body go cold, almost stopping short in their circulation. A name unfamiliar to him, but the way it’s spoken so fond, so soft, by a voice seemingly so used to harsh words comes from behind the three of you. Jinwoo prays for it to be wrong, for the person to make a mistake, but when you turn around first, he can almost hear his hearts shatter into a million pieces. He watches the smile on your face stretch and your eyes shine so bright they could look like small suns.

Golden…?

“Zhigang! Took you long enough,” you laugh heartily, but at this moment Jinwoo can’t help but think they sound screeching to his ears. 

The black haired male huffs a sigh, but there’s a smile on his lips – fond, soft, and all meant for you. Jinwoo can feel himself grinding his teeth together, trying to keep it together. “You took off so quickly it almost felt like you were trying to get away from me as fast as possible. Don’t tell me you still think I’m trying to tie you down to China?”

Jinwoo watches you playfully roll your eyes before walking closer to the male and before he or Ashborn can stop himself, they find Jinwoo’s hand enclosed around your wrist. Jinwoo blinks in surprise at his own actions, and looks around to find you and Hae-in staring at him, just as surprised. From the corner of his eye, he can see the stranger staring at him, too, golden eyes hard and face impassive, waiting for his next move. 

“Jin…woo?” your voice is soft as you blink at him and Jinwoo looks at you, expression conflicted. 

He eventually gives you a sheepish laugh, but he doesn’t let go. His hands feel clammy with cold sweat, and he’s forced to let go. He clears his throat. “Sorry about that. Just… a force of habit, or something. So, who’s your friend?”

Jinwoo didn’t mean to put so much bite into the last word, but a bit of Ashborn had slipped past him without meaning to. They don’t try to take it back, though. Especially when they watch the other male tilt his head to the side, staring at him blankly for a second before there’s a sort of mirth in his eyes, his mouth ticking up at the corners – challenging. Jinwoo could feel his shadows stirring beneath him, his anger rising.

Jinwoo hears Beru screeching. This man dares to mock his highness! My king, let me- 

Stop. It does not bode well to do anything now. She watches. Ashborn cuts in, but Jinwoo doesn’t miss how his voice sounded dull, like it was coming from far away. 

The man holds out a hand to you and Jinwoo feels something get stuck in his throat as you take it without thinking twice and stand by the man’s side, hand still enclosed in his. Jinwoo watches as you intertwine your fingers together and lean into him. 

“Jinwoo, Hae-in, this is Liu Zhigang. He’s a hunter from China who happens to be my partner,” you smile shyly as you rub the back of your neck and Jinwoo can only think how bittersweet it felt to stand here at this very moment. “Well, my partner inside and outside gates, if you get what I mean.”  

Hae-in gasps and Jinwoo can only watch. You  grin at them both, and when your eyes land on Jinwoo, he manages a stiff smile. 

"Well someone's been busy while they were abroad," Hae-in huffs out a short laugh. Jinwoo manages a single laugh to contribute to the conversation, Liu Zhigang has been watching him from his peripheral this whole time and it was getting on his nerves more than earlier. 

Something... something isn't right.

But Jinwoo can't seem to hear Ashborn clearly. His blood is rushing in his veins.

"Sorry for hiding it from you guys for so long," you smile apologetically, and yet your eyes glitter so brightly it dampens your sad expression. "It's not that I don't trust you, but Zhigang thought it would be for the best if no one knew for the moment considering his title as a National Level Hunter."

"It's very annoying, but unfortunately despite my title, it hasn't stopped my so-called "hunter followers" to not being so welcoming to a possible love life. Something about only deserving someone who could stand toe to toe with a National Level hunter, which is their way of saying no one can stand by my side," Liu scoffs, the disgust on his face clear as day. But with a small laugh from you, his face immediately morphs into something calmer and Jinwoo doesn't miss how he gives your hand a single squeeze. Jinwoo wanted to punch a wall and he vaguely feels Ashborn retreating into the recesses of his consciousness to calm down lest they do something they'll regret. "Why the hell should I listen to any of them, though? Rìluò is more than worthy than any of their sorry asses. But even though I won't hesitate to send any of them to an early grave, I would prefer not to put her in any possible danger."

He smiles pleasantly and holds out a hand to Hae-in first. "Enough of that, however. It's a pleasure to meet the infamous Cha Hae-in. My dear partner can't seem to shut up about her companions whenever she's given the opportunity to talk about them." 

You let go of him for a second to punch his shoulder before looping your arms together; Jinwoo is reminded of your first outing as new friends. Hae-in gives his hand a firm shake and returns his warm smile. "Thank you for taking care of my best friend!"

Liu nods and turns to Jinwoo. "And the infamous Sung Jinwoo. Although I have heard of your name before in the news, I have to admit I know you and Miss Cha more from Rìluò's stories and the calls you had whenever she was free. Or refused to talk to me."

"I'll always prefer to talk to them than you, though," you grin mischievously. Jinwoo felt like a statue you had brought to a conversation he wasn't welcome to. "Although you are useful sometimes. Thanks to you, I was able to attend this event and come to Korea. So I guess I have to thank you, Mr. National Level."

Jinwoo snaps into the present for a second. "What do you mean you were able to come to this event because of him? Weren't you automatically invited as a representative?"

"They changed the rules at the last minute," to Jinwoo's displeasure, it was Liu who replied for you. He fights to keep his face as impassive as ever. "The representatives are supposed to be included, but when they dropped the invitation, thankfully I could still come here with her as a plus one."

"I doubt they would have denied a National Level hunter's request though," Hae-in jokes. Jinwoo truly felt like he should have walked out of this conversation a long time ago, however your light was too addicting, even to this very moment.

"True. But still!" you laugh merrily, and Jinwoo was doing his best to pretend that Liu wasn't there watching his reactions. "Now we can go on a double date later!"

Jinwoo's unable to hide the way he flinches, but no one notices him still. Hell, you still thought they were an item. Thankfully, Liu had turned from him at the right time to give you a smile. From the corner of his eye, Jinwoo sees Hae-in blush in response, but she's at a loss for words and she's unable to properly deny your proposal. 

"That's-! I, um, we're not really-" Hae-in slowly loses her voice as her face goes completely red. Jinwoo could only feel his head throb. 

"Maybe... next time. I'm not feeling too good for tonight," he finally says. It was no lie. He felt faint. All the negative emotions rushing through him in a rush were taking its toll, and elevated by the other heart struggling to survive in him at this very moment, he was feeling the breakdown of a lifetime. 

You look at him with concern. "Are you alright? I can heal you if you want-"

"That's alright," Jinwoo does his best to give you a reassuring happy smile. He can't lose his composure completely in front of you. He won't. He refuses. Even though the familiar warmth of your healing was so tempting. If he feels it, he might just spill everything he was feeling right then and there. "Thanks for the offer, though. I appreciate it."

"Maybe it's best to sleep it off," Liu cuts in, and again Jinwoo feels his blood thumping in his ears. He meets golden eyes straight on, but this feels to be a mistake, because something in the back of his head throbs worse. He thought it was because of his hearts breaking in record time, but something was trying to push through. 

Something is... very wrong. I feel like... I've met this man before. 

Jinwoo swallows hard, trying to put Ashborn's voice on the back burner for just a few seconds. "Yeah, maybe."

"In that case, we should head home, Jinwoo," Hae-in says and she steps closer to try and help him somehow. Jinwoo groans - this wasn't doing well for your idea of him and Hae-in. But his head kept on hurting impossibly worse, it was almost a struggle to stand. 

"Get some rest, Jinwoo." You pull away from Liu to give him a hug. He returns it readily, but he doesn't hold you like before, he settles for wrapping an arm around your waist. Your scent was comforting, and yet... something kept bugging him. You pull away far too soon and give him a warm smile. "Don't worry! Zhigang was able to ask the Chinese Hunter's Association to let us stay here in Korea for a little longer."

""Let you"?" Jinwoo squinted at you. Maybe if he let himself faint now, he'd wake up and this would be all a dream. "I thought you were coming back home?"

"Ah. About that..." you and Liu share a look and Jinwoo already knows he'll hate the next few words. "I'm... thinking of moving to China. D-don't worry, though! I'm still thinking about it. I just thought it would be nice to be close to Zhigang." 

You say don’t worry, but the last time you said that, you left them for China and came back with a boyfriend. Jinwoo couldn’t even summon the energy to be surprised at the moment. He knows it’ll sink in later on, but he just felt numb and in pain at the same time. 

I… am forgetting something, Ashborn sounded so far away. Something very important.

“I’d say I’m surprised, but after you just introduced us to your boyfriend, I can’t say anything would be more surprising.” Hae-in sighs and you manage another sheepish grin. Something catches Liu’s eye and he turns to something in the crowd of hunters before turning back to your group.

“Rìluò, I’m sorry to ask this, but can you come with me? I want to introduce you to some of my associates for a second.” Liu nods to his men who stand several feet away from your group and they immediately head to the direction of where he was looking just moments before. 

You glance at Hae-in and Jinwoo for a second before throwing your arms around them again. When you pull away, you grin at them before turning to Liu. “That’s fine with me. Jinwoo needs to rest up anyway.”

No, Jinwoo wanted to say. I don’t need rest. But his head was pounding. Where the hell did this migraine come from? 

“Let’s go then.” Liu holds out his arm to you and you grasp it. You throw your friends one more wave before Liu leads you back to the party. 

Jinwoo watches you walk away through half lidded eyes. They were slowly closing, but then they opened in alarm. He watches as you reach to your back – to your scar – and rub it. His face morphs to concern and almost automatically he takes steps closer towards you. He needed to make sure you were okay, but then he stopped. 

Without missing a beat, Liu untangles his arm from your hold to rub your back in soothing circles. Jinwoo sees it: his hand glows gold. 

And then his vision fades to black. 

Again he sees a hill of flowers. But he also sees the red sky. The hill is sprayed with golden blood. Ashborn… Jinwoo holds you in his arms once more, and he feels like crying. But as he raises his head, the dragons and his soldiers are not there. 

A monarch stands before him and you, laughing maniacally.

After he had dealt the deathly blow to your back, his hands now dripped with golden blood.

The same gold as his eyes.

Jinwoo’s eyes fade back to the gala, eyes momentarily blinded by the lights of the event hall. His stare is focused once more into you and Liu, conversing animatedly with hunters and officials Jinwoo couldn’t care to know about.

It’s him. Ashborn’s voice echoes in his head. That man is him. 

The migraine that had taken hold of Jinwoo earlier was now completely gone and was replaced with a primal anger that had him gritting his teeth until his mouth hurt, but he could care less. 

And now he holds her like he did not take her away.

Jinwoo takes a step forward, his shadows ready at a moment’s notice. Screw a National Level hunter, he’d go down if he had to. What’s important is that you weren’t anywhere near h-

He hears laughter, and he watches as you grin. You’re glowing again, and the shadows underneath Jinwoo seem to steady themselves. Even the anger he felt earlier dissipates ever so slightly. He tries to take one more step, but he falters. He can see the glitter in your eyes, aimed at Liu. The hunter returns your grin as you shared another joke between you both, and Jinwoo felt like the world was swallowing him whole.

You were happy.

“Jinwoo?” Hae-in appears beside him, holding on to his arm. He felt a little unsteady on his feet and it must have been obvious to her, “You alright?” All he could manage was a small nod as he continued to stare at you.

Hae-in follows his gaze and after a small pause, she speaks. “Oh. I think I figured it out.” 

Jinwoo swallows thickly. There’s that feeling of deja-vu again. A conversation that did not bode well for him. “What is it?” he finally answers.

“Something was bugging me when she first arrived. I couldn’t smell her scent. But that’s not quite right. It’s not that I can’t smell her. It’s that she smells different.” 

“Like what?”

“Like him. He smells like a hunter, but I can actually tolerate it. Somehow, her smell compliments his. How can I put it? It’s sort of like when people layer their perfumes - it’s like their scents go well together. They smell different separately, but together they smell completely new.”

There’s a beat where Jinwoo prays that she stays quiet for the rest of the evening, but he should have known better. He should have known that whatever higher beings are there looking over him have hated him from the very beginning. 

Hae-in smiles, “They look great together.”

Jinwoo and Ashborn could only stare, silently grinding their teeth. Not only did they disagree, but they hated that whole sentence altogether. 

They had to hate it. For what it meant for you otherwise. And what it meant for the future you could have had together.

 =O=O=O=O=O=

He takes Hae-in home shortly after. The ride back was silent. Hae-in figured he felt more off than he wanted to show, so she let him be.  

Jinwoo feels funny. He asks Ashborn for his thoughts. Maybe how to feel better. 

It’s quiet. Jinwoo feels like he has a single heart in his chest. It had never been this silent. 

But he knows Ashborn is still there because it hurts. His chest hurts so much. Too full. His chest feels too full. He hasn’t felt pain this bad since he was still a player. 

“Thank you for taking me home,” Hae-in smiles brightly at him as they stand outside her door. Brightly. There’s that word again. Her eyes are grey, but Jinwoo blinks and sees divine eyes full of devotion for him, sees dull mortal eyes in a hospital, and then he sees eyes so happy in Hae-in’s and he feels like he’s going to throw up. 

Jinwoo nods numbly. Hae-in, concerned that he was sweating so much, tries to reach out to him but he reassures her that he's fine (it's fine, it's fine, it’s fine). And Jinwoo heads home alone, his mind a mess.

Jinwoo immediately beelines for the bathroom, stumbling in and locking the door. 

He looks at himself in the mirror.

His eyes are the ones you had when you were in the hospital.

“Ash… born?”

There’s a beat before he hears Ashborn.

I always wondered… I had easily thought it was simply something only felt by mortal beings.

Why had you asked them for the cup of reincarnation?

Just once more. That’s what you said.

Just once more.

And then it's silent again. And Jinwoo hates it. 

He closes his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyes, hoping he can erase the image of you and Liu and also erase the look in his eyes. 

Instead, he’s back at that hill where he first saw you. You’re no longer there. The flowers continue to bloom. But you are not there. The sun remains overhead, the tree shielding him. But you are not there. It’s so empty and his chest feels ready to burst.

He opens his mouth, ready to call for Igris and Beru, anyone to help him or bring him to a hospital. 

But instead he hears Ashborn’s voice, calling your name – your real name (it’s the same name, you are the same one, you always have been) – on that lone hill.

Jinwoo hears himself whisper your name to the bathroom walls.

But you're not there. He looks at the mirror and the only eyes that stare back at him is his.

The world has never felt this cruel.

 =O=O=O=O=O=

Jinwoo didn’t really know what he was expecting, but this was definitely not it. This was definitely not the way things were supposed to go, and in all honesty he wants to blame you, just without the anger or hatred attached to the word. Just that everything was falling apart around him and he couldn’t do anything but watch it happen and try not to break from all that was transpiring in these last few days. 

In record time, he had found himself back with you, but you seem to have grown farther away from him, impossibly more so than when you were miles away from him. He thought it couldn't get worse.

But of course, he was wrong again. 

Liu Zhigang sat in front of Jinwoo, quietly drinking tea, and the shadow monarch heir was doing everything he could to keep Ashborn from calling out one of the soldiers to attack him. If he was going to be honest, trying to suppress Ashborn was helping distract Jinwoo from wanting to do the same. Golden eyes watched him carefully as Liu took another sip, almost as if he knew what was going on in Jinwoo's head.

Hae-in sits beside Jinwoo, waiting for the two men to start the conversation, but they continue to stare at each other silently. Feeling the tension rise between them, Hae-in finally clears her throat to catch both of their attentions, but they don't seem to hear her. She clears her throat once more, louder, a frown on her face now, and finally Jinwoo looks away and Liu closes his eyes, seemingly enjoying his drink all this time. 

"Well, thank you for inviting us over, Hunter Liu," Hae-in smiles warmly. Jinwoo continues to look around everywhere in the cafe except for the golden eyed man. He breathes in deeply, feeling his shadows stir underneath him. 

Ashborn, calm down. Jinwoo internally sighs. The black heart in his chest beats erratically.

Knowing who this man is makes it hard to. How can you tell me that knowing what I know?

"Of course, but I don't think those words are quite right," Liu smiles lazily, setting his cup down. He leans back into his seat and gives the cafe a once over. "I’m honored to be welcomed into someplace special to Rìluò and her friends." 

Jinwoo felt more bitter than ever. Welcomed, right. Sure. If you asked Jinwoo, it felt more like he was desecrating the holy ground shared by your group. It didn’t help that Hae-in had insisted on him sitting on your spot by the window. 

Liu Zhigang had secretly contacted Jinwoo and Hae-in, saying it was something important that concerned you, but under no circumstance were they to inform you what the meeting was about. Jinwoo hated the thought of going anywhere with Liu Zhigang without you around - truthfully, he was worried that he might lose control of his body to Ashborn and his soldiers. Normally he wouldn't mind letting lose- especially if it was for you - but he wouldn't know how to justify the murder of a National Level hunter. And above all else, you would never forgive him once you'd find out. But Jinwoo was more than worried. What if you were sick? What if there was a problem you couldn't solve even with one of the strongest hunters in the world that stands beside you? He was still one of your closest friends. So with a bitter heart (and an enraged one) he agreed to meet up with Liu and Hae-in in the cafe you always went to. 

"I'm really sorry for cutting to the chase, but about what you said over the phone," Hae-in immediately jumps into the topic at hand and Jinwoo thanks her in his head for initiating the conversation. He could feel the venomous words in his mouth, trying to slip past and bite at Liu. "Is everything alright with our friend? She's not hurt or anything is she?"

Hae-in says the last part in a rush and Jinwoo can almost feel his blood stop circulating at her words. Thankfully - but annoyingly - Liu shakes his head with a small laugh. Jinwoo knew he was simply amused at the idea, but it still felt so mocking. 

"No, of course not. I’m sorry if I worried you, I didn't mean to. Had anything happened to Rìluò, you would be the first for me to contact, just like before. She actually ordered me to inform you of anything that happens to her if she's unable to give you any updates, so I assure you it's nothing serious," he laughs once more, before his face takes on a slightly more serious look. He runs a hand through his hair before he turns back to the duo. “I… wanted to ask how to make her happy.”

Jinwoo almost feels the world stop. Ashborn’s silence could even be deafening. There’s a pause before the same thought runs through them.

Why… would your murderer want you to be happy?

Jinwoo watches the look on Liu’s face closely, looking for something amiss – hoping for one, if he was a little more honest – but there’s only a small smile as he stares out the window, he looks lost in thought. But the more Jinwoo looks, he sees a familiar glimmer in golden eyes and he forces himself to look away. 

He was serious, but that just made Jinwoo and Ashborn more confused and angry. Was he leading you on? Planning on making you happy before he killed you once more? Did he think that since Ashborn was no more in flesh, he had the perfect opportunity to hurt you once more? But that just made things more confusing – Ashborn was essentially gone, so there was no need to kill you, right?

Or was this monarch simply so bloodthirsty that it did not matter as long as you bled once more? Jinwoo was spiraling and yet he couldn’t stop it, not with Ashborn’s anger backing up how he was feeling.

“Happy?” Jinwoo’s voice is harsh, and he knows that being so openly antagonizing would have made you hate him. And yet… and yet… he couldn’t seem to help all the bubbling emotions he was feeling. “Are you telling us that she’s not happy with you in the first place?”

Liu turns to Jinwoo, the smile on his face not faltering even for a second. If anything, it seemed to grow ever so slightly, and it was pushing Jinwoo to the very edge. 

Hae-in turns to him in a panic, glancing at Liu – very much remembering that he was still a National Level hunter – and speaks hurriedly. “Jinwoo, I’m sure that’s not what Hunter Liu is asking from us.”

Jinwoo and Liu continue to stare each other down, each one refusing to back down. “... Is that so…?”

After what feels like forever, Liu leans back into his seat, throwing an arm over the back of the seat. He smiles pleasantly and Jinwoo’s tempted to jump over the table. “I apologize if I failed to explain better. My Rìluò is happy, of course. I make sure that everything she wishes for is granted and more, however…”

Something flashes over his face for a second, something Hae-in missed, and something Jinwoo couldn’t pinpoint correctly. Almost like… anger? Liu was looking out the window again, something unseen. “As of late, I feel as if she… hasn’t been in the best of moods. And I don’t want that. Not for her. Never for her.”

“As such, under the guise that I wanted her to spend more time here in Korea, I came up with the idea to meet both of you,” he turns to them, golden eyes determined. And again, Jinwoo and Ashborn are unsure if it bodes well truly, and yet it riles them up all the same. “Who better to ask for help than her closest companions?”

Hae-in smiles, reassured, but she throws a nervous look at Jinwoo for a split second – the male completely quiet the whole time. “I see! It’s great that you care so much for her. We’d love t-”

“I’ll think about it.” Jinwoo cuts in. Hae-in turns to him, eyes wide at his answer. 

“Jin…woo?” Hae-in stutters out. 

The table is silent. Liu doesn’t say anything for a second, until finally, the smile on his face completely drops and his expression is cold. “Now why would that be? I’m sure my request is reasonable?”

Jinwoo shrugs, and he doesn’t have to look at a mirror to know his eyes blaze with purple. “Just a little confused why someone who claims to love my friend even needs tips to make her happy. She’s someone who finds joy in the smallest of things. So I wonder why-”

“Stop.” Liu’s voice leaves no room for question. There’s a pause, before he manages out a single laugh, but there’s no real humor in it. It sounded empty. “I have no idea why you’re so hostile towards me, Hunter Sung. But I will respect your wishes.”

Liu stands up and Hae-in nervously turns to Jinwoo and Liu, unsure what to say to solve the issue. Jinwoo was staring hard at the table.

Before Liu leaves completely, however, he stops right beside where Jinwoo sat. The lazy smile on his face is back. “Had you not been her friend, things would not have ended this easily, Hunter Sung.”

Hae-in felt like she held her breath until Liu was out the door completely before turning to Jinwoo in a rush. “What was that all about?”

Jinwoo could feel his hands shaking as he held them underneath the table, he knew his knuckles were bruised white as he held them in fists. If he squeezed them any stronger he might actually break a finger or two, and yet it wouldn’t be able to dampen his thoughts.

“I don’t like him. Simple as that,” he replies. He slowly releases his hands, trying to calm their shaking.

Hae-in stares at him incredulously before frowning. “Jinwoo. That’s not the truth and you know it. Tell me. Why are you so angry at Hunter Liu?”

Jinwoo doesn’t answer. How was he going to say it to her anyway? How does he tell her that he knew her first as the reincarnated lover of a monarch that lives inside him? That despite pushing her away at first, he had fallen for her? And now that she had moved on, he couldn’t seem to be the one to let go? How does he-

“Is it her?”

Jinwoo blinks. Did… he hear her right? He slowly turns to Hae-in. Her face is blank as she watches him carefully. 

“...What?” It was a dumb response, but it was all Jinwoo could manage at the moment. 

“I’m… I wish you wouldn’t treat me like a fool,” she says quietly, her head lowered with a sad smile. 

“No, of course not, I just…” Jinwoo swallows thickly. He supposed this was it. “I’m sorry. I… wasn’t quite sure how to tell you.”

“It’s… okay,” she says, but Jinwoo doesn’t miss the way her eyes water as she looks away with a laugh. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t know. When you look at her… when you touch her… it always feels more like a friend. I suppose I just hoped that maybe… I could have been mistaken.”

Jinwoo breathes in deeply. He already screwed up enough times. He needed to do this properly. “Forgive me, Hae-in. I… couldn’t return your feelings.”

Hae-in smiles sadly, her face crumpling. For a second, she refuses to cry, but eventually she turns around. Jinwoo looks away, if only to give her grace. After a few minutes, she turns back around. Her eyes are slightly swollen, but she clears her throat and pushes on. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t lie that it hurts… but you don’t owe me that,” she smiles bravely with a nod. 

Jinwoo manages a small smile. At this moment, it was all he could offer her. “Thank you.”

Hae-in looks away, nodding slowly, but when she turns back to him, her eyes are determined. “If… it’s not too awkward for you, can we still be friends?”

Jinwoo manages a laugh. “Of course.” He holds out a hand. “Friends.”

Hae-in smiles and laughs, holding on to his hand and shaking it once. “Friends.”

But Hae-in’s expression turns grave. “What… do you plan to do now? With Hunter Liu…”

“I… don’t know.” Jinwoo admits.

“I can’t bring myself to hate her or anything, despite our… current circumstances. So I promise I will say this as her friend,” Hae-in purses her lips. “She’s really happy… you know?”

Jinwoo pauses. When he closes his eyes, he sees a hill of flowers.

They agree. 

=O=O=O=O=O=

Jinwoo walks a ways behind your group – with you and Liu in the front and Hae-in in the middle. Jinwoo had a feeling she purposefully put herself there to make sure he didn’t try to do anything. 

Which was a funny thought for Jinwoo. For all the hatred and anger coursing through his body – both his and Ashborn’s – he wasn’t stupid enough to pull off anything right in front of you. 

But the moment your line of vision wasn’t on him and the other hunter – well, it was up for debate whether he would act on anything and the chances of not were fairly low and getting lower the longer he watched the both of you laugh and tease one another. 

Because of this, he was both thankful and annoyed that you were here together.

Just say the word, My King, Beru starts, voice just as venomous as he and Ashborn felt. Jinwoo wonders if it’s because his shadows reflected emotions or Beru really did just enjoy your company from what he sees with your time with Jinwoo and now felt robbed by it. Sometimes they really did feel like his children. He smiles at the idea of how his companions treasured you so, before he hears his dutiful shadow continue. I’ll rip his head off by his hair. 

Jinwoo is unable to keep himself from snorting at the thought, but when the group turns around at the sound, he expertly covers it with a coughing fit. Although not all are convinced.

“Jinwoo? Are you doing alright? Are you still feeling sick?” In record time, you leave Liu’s side (and to Jinwoo’s great satisfaction, he sees the other male’s eye twitch ever so slightly) to come closer to him. You enter healer and friend mode as your hand goes to his forehead, trying to feel for the familiar warmth of a fever. Jinwoo relishes the feel of your skin on his. Even when the last time they touched you was just the gala a week or so ago, it felt so long ago. Your touch was welcomed and it would be no exaggeration to say it was something they’d craved. He's tempted to lean into your touch.

But when you don’t sense any difference to his normal body temperature, you pull your hand back, and Jinwoo is left with the passing cold breeze that brushes through him and into his very soul. The lack of your presence is all the more apparent. “Maybe we shouldn’t have gone out today. Are you sure you’re not sick? A hunter’s quick healing  should have kicked in by now.”

You look at him, trying to read his face, and all Jinwoo could focus on was the worry on your face, the light in your eyes. He had seen that same look before, the first time he had met the first you in that hill of flowers. You had looked at him with concern when you called out for Ashborn and he failed to respond. He had walked away back then.

Oh, how time flew. He wished he could go back, to start again. The Cup of Reincarnation felt like a wasted opportunity now. Why did he have to meet you now after using it? This felt like a hell of his own making. Is this what he got for trying to get rid of the monarchs? He met and loved the reincarnated lover of the monarch he housed, only to lose her to the reincarnated monarch of the one who killed her.

It felt like one big comedy skit for everyone to laugh at while he’s left the butt of the joke.

“A cold, is it?” The deep voice is grating to Jinwoo’s ears, but he pretends not to notice it. You turn your head slightly to the side, listening, but your eyes remain with Jinwoo. He hoped they’d stay on him longer, if only for this moment. “That’s not quite what I heard. It was an interesting sound…”

The spell is broken and finally you look away from him, severing your short connection, Jinwoo swallows hard. He was feeling worse by the second. He looked away or else he was going to openly glare at Liu even when he knew you would catch him doing it. 

Control yourself.

Jinwoo breathes deeply. You’re one to talk. Don’t think I forgot you’re more blood thirsty than me.

“Eh? What do you mean by that?” You naively tilt your head, confused at Liu’s words, while the male stares at Jinwoo seemingly serenely. Jinwoo glares at empty air, all the while Hae-in’s eyes shift worriedly around everyone.

“Hmm. Don’t worry about it, Rìluò, maybe I heard wrong,” Jinwoo can almost see the smirk in his voice and the mirth in his glowing eyes. “But I do agree that Hunter Sung seems like he isn’t doing too well. I wonder why? Maybe you should head home early. There will be other chances to meet up.”

“Thanks for your concern,” Jinwoo looks up, managing a smile through gritted teeth as he fights being more sarcastic by the minute. “But I’m not missing out on any time I could have spent with my friend when she just got back from abroad.”

You turn to Jinwoo, touched by his declaration, and Jinwoo would be lying if he said he didn’t feel warm and proud that he made you happy. But Liu just had to cut into the moment with a hum. “If you say so. Just let us know if you change your mind.”

Jinwoo frowns, lips pulled tight. “… Right. Thanks.”

“You guys are… acting pretty odd…” you frown at them, eyes shifting from him and Liu suspiciously. Jinwoo breathes in deeply before he meets your eyes, trying his best to give you a smile that could convey everything he was feeling; you always knew how he did before, he hoped it didn’t stop now. You turn to look at Liu, who raises his eyebrows at you almost innocently with a lazy smile, but no one misses the softness of his gaze whenever it was aimed at you. “Are you guys-?”

“OKAY!” Hae-in claps her hands together, unable to take the tension. You jump at the sound, turning to her with complete surprise. Hae-in blushes at the sudden attention, but she successfully cuts through the tension from earlier. “Let’s start and go over our plans for today.”

She looks around the group, trying to hype everyone up. Jinwoo manages a small smile, but they don’t quite reach his eyes before they go back to you, and Hae-in doesn’t have to guess why. Liu’s eyes betray nothing as they watch Jinwoo closely, before he feels Hae-in’s stare on him and he gives her a small nod. You – bless your soul – smile brightly at her in support, seemingly oblivious to your other guests. Hae-in could tell from the strained way you were trying to ignore them that you were struggling just as much if not more than her. 

“What’s on the agenda?” you grin in excitement. Hae-in mirrors your expression – if only to forget about the two men as well – before it falters for a second.

“Oh, uh, well…” Hae-in looks to Jinwoo for help, rather unsure as well where they were heading off first. After all, he knew you best, right? He’s taken back to your first outing. Back then, he wanted nothing more than to guide you into forgetting who you thought he was. Now…

This could be a chance. Ashborn’s voice suddenly rings in his ears, urgent and desperate as he felt.

For what…?

Ashborn sounded so mortal, and that was what scared Jinwoo the most. 

To make things right. If anything, a final attempt to. 

“We can look for a cafe to stay at again,” Jinwoo tries to smile brighter, eyes burning slightly purple. Jinwoo almost missed it, but for a split second, he saw your eyes flash with a glimmer as you stared at him. It only fueled him to continue. “Let’s not go to our usual spot. Maybe something new? Hunter Liu can pick one out. Hae-in can tell him which cafes have good desserts. Of course, Hunter Liu knows her favorite desserts, right? After all, he knows her best.”

Hae-in sucks in a breath, closing her eyes for a second like everything she was hearing was physically painful. But before the others could notice her reaction, she turns to Liu with a small – albeit wobbly – smile. “There’s a small map over there that details the best food and cafe stalls surrounding the park. Would you like to check it out?”

Liu gives Jinwoo one last once over before he gives you a small smile and nods to Hae-in. They move forward, expecting everyone to head over to the same direction.

“Wait,” Jinwoo grabs your wrist and almost immediately, his head and hearts are filled with warmth as they come into contact with you. He clears his throat and forces himself to focus. “Can we chat for a bit?”

You gape at him and for a second he’s dejected when you turn to where Liu and Hae-in slowly head off to, getting farther and farther away. But then you look back at him and he sees the familiar swirl of divinity in them. You blink, and they settle amongst the regular color of your mortal eyes. You give him a small smile before nodding. 

He gently leads you to the closest open area he could find on a park map. However, when the both of you arrive, his hearts drop. The last time he was here, he had teleported to get there, so there was no time to figure out the route. But now he felt himself getting sick at the memory. And with a side glance from you, it was clear you were thinking of the same thing.

You’re back at the park bench. Hell.

“Well, this is certainly… a place. I promise I didn’t mean to bring you here.” Jinwoo laughs and almost immediately, you share it with him. Your voice sounds like a choir to him, not a note of it out of place for his ears. It felt just right, perfect even, as everything when it came to you. He sighs out one more laugh before he raises his head and meets your eyes. You’re glowing again. “How have you been?”

“You pulled me aside to ask me that?” You laugh and all Jinwoo could think was how this is how things should have been from the very beginning. “I should be the one asking you that since you’ve been feeling off since we last met at the gala. I was really worried, you know! And you even started coughing earlier. Make sure to tell me if you feel off, okay? I’ll give you a discount when I heal you.”

“Ah, well, don’t worry about it,” he grins again. He felt like he was his old self again – young and an optimism that never seemed to go away. A voice at the back of his head was telling him that this wasn’t right, but just as Ashborn said, it felt so natural, so lovely, that he found himself lost in the ecstasy of it. “I… just realized we haven’t had a proper conversation ever since you got back and I thought we could have one right now, if it’s cool with you.”

You clap your hands together in apology and bow deeply. “I’m really, really sorry, Jinwoo! I didn’t mean to make you guys feel like I ghosted you. I promise we’ll hang out more in the following days! I’ve just been busy showing Zhigang around and introducing him to some acquaintances, so…”

Maybe the look on his face was too telling, but your voice carries on and drifts away, smile fading to something softer. You don’t continue what you were about to say and let the silence wash over the both of you. You look around and Jinwoo takes a moment to admire your features. The setting sun illuminates you, giving you an otherworldly glow. It was close to the divine glow that sometimes overtakes you, but this feels warmer. More welcome. For what feels like the first time, you are not the one from the past world, but just yourself. And it made Jinwoo’s face and chest feel so, so warm. Your eyes are aglow with the setting sun. 

The hill of flowers has never looked so beautiful.

“We missed you.”

The words that he thought were just at the tip of his tongue come out softly. He flinches, not meaning to blurt out how he was really feeling. Hell, what did he do?

“I mean,” he lets out a sheepish laugh, trying to cover his horror. “Me and Hae-in. We really missed you, you know?”

You blink before letting out a small grin. “Yeah, yeah…I missed you guys a lot, too. So much…”

A silence passes over the both of you once more. He looks around and his eyes land on the park bench beside you both and he feels a shiver run down his spine. It was probably wrong that he brought you here, seeing that bench felt like a harbinger. 

Finally he clears his throat. “Hey, so, about what I needed to tell you… Something really important.”

He knows he’s not imagining it when he sees it again – there’s a soft glimmer in your eyes, but you squeeze your eyes shut and look away. Almost on instinct. He pauses. Why was he hesitating now?

He wanted to tell you – that man was the one who killed you in a past life. 

I have no idea how he found you, beloved, but don’t be fooled by him. Do not trust him. He does not have your best intentions at heart. He will hurt you once more. As a monarch that craves chaos, he will certainly do it aga-

You purse your lips before taking a deep breath. “Jinwoo… I think I already know.”

“What do you mean by… you already know?” Was he that horrible at keeping secrets?

You let out a sad – bittersweet – laugh that it almost felt scathing. But not for him. “I told you before, right? You may not be him, but I would still know you, even a little bit. I come back and you and Hae-in still aren’t… and I noticed how she’s been acting recently. And there’s the way you and Zhigang talk… Can you tell me if I’m imagining it? Do you…?”

Oh. Oh gods. That was one of the things he didn’t want you to figure out, but somehow it was the most obvious one? He felt like he was sinking into the ground and he really did hope the earth would swallow him whole. He should have known that if it was obvious to Hae-in then it wouldn’t be too far off for you. Hell, now what?

Jinwoo can feel Ashborn squeeze his heart. He already knows what the other wants to say, but he breathes deep and holds him down. 

Well, if he was honest… Didn’t he want the same thing? They were two different beings, but sometimes they shared similarities in thoughts and ideas. His voice comes out in a whisper. “...Which answer will you want?”

The passing breeze felt so cold, but your reaction felt colder. You squeezed your eyes shut, and Jinwoo felt like both his hearts stopped, the expression on your face so familiar he could almost see it lit up by a red sky. Pained. He doesn’t know who that word applied to more between the two of you at this very moment. You manage a strangled smile as you raise your eyes back to him again, eyes glittering with unshed tears and “You’re being really unfair right now, you know?”

Monarchs and Sovereigns above, of course he knew that. How could he not when you’re right in front of him and after all that’s changed between you both over the time, he still finds himself here – making you cry.

“Why now?” you laugh, pressing the heels of your palms to your eyes. Although he wanted to believe otherwise, were you trying to erase him from in front of you? Did you ever think of a hill of flowers before you went back to Korea and saw him again?

“I know. I know that it’s wrong. And I’m so sorry.” he swallows and tries to push through. This was going to hurt. But he needed to get this off his chest – the two hearts inside him were praying for the best. “I just– This isn’t about Ashborn anymore, I swear it. The time I’ve spent with you are some of the best I’ve had. I’ll even be bold to say they’re my favorite. No matter how few they are, but that’s just how much I treasured them.”

“Jinwoo…” you laugh sadly, and when you raise your head to him for a second, your eyes are shifting waters of divinity and mortality. When your voice comes out again,  “I told you before, right? Don’t force yourself. Maybe the heart inside you is just forcing you like mine-”

“No. It’s not like that. I know that.” Jinwoo wouldn’t lie. It hurt him a bit. He understands where you were coming from. For so long, he felt like he was being dictated by Ashborn’s feelings for you. But no. He knows it more than ever. “I could lose the heart that gave me my abilities right now. I could go back to being an E Rank hunter. I would still find you.”

You look up at him and for a second, the mortality wins and he almost reaches out to you again. But like lightning, the divinity hits you like a flash and you force yourself to step back from him. You’re breathing heavily, trying to reign in your past self and Jinwoo could only feel turmoil.

He wants to bring you back to the present just like he did back then, but would you even hear his voice? Or would you hear Ashborn? Which one would turn to him 

“But Jinwoo… Zhigang… I…?” you mutter it in between unsteady laughter.  

It hurt, because he knew you were right. This was wrong. This was unfair. And yet, and yet. Jinwoo manages a strangled laugh. Why did he keep talking? What was he trying to achieve? His chest hurts so much, but he knew it was nothing compared to you. So why did he keep hurting you like this? 

Ashborn was wrong. This wasn’t going to fix things at all. But Jinwoo knew – maybe because they’ve been entwined so deeply now, in body and love for you – that Ashborn was clinging to the smallest of chance that they’d take you away from Liu. Desperate to save you from a similar fate. Desperate to save you from the past and join you in the future.

He promised you forever in another life, didn’t he? 

“Can I just know? Did you… the you in the present… feel anything for me, too? At least a little bit?”

“I…” But you don’t get to finish, just staring at him hopelessly. Jinwoo watches as your eyes shift from divinity to mortality, from past to present, to uncertainty and more doubt. Maybe realizing he could see the confusion as clear as day on your face, you press your hands over your eyes again, willing to keep your feelings at bay.

He wants to reach out, and for a second he found it so funny. Back then, he was always the one who wanted to pull away, always told you not to get too close, but now… 

Jinwoo watches as tears slowly spill from past your hands and down your cheeks. He hesitantly reaches out to brush them away, give comfort however you need that would right every wrong he’s ever done to you. 

However, before he can say or do anything more, someone stands behind you. Jinwoo straightens up and curses at himself for not noticing sooner, too lost in the moment, but he’s unable to take a step forward, frozen. An enraged glare pins him in place, and for just a moment once more, he felt like he was an E Rank hunter again, unable to do anything more than watch as he stood before something more than he could ever be, something he could not match, despite knowing otherwise.

Liu Zhigang holds a hand over your eyes, as if shielding you from a potential threat. He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you flush against his chest and farther away from Jinwoo, even if it was just a few steps away. Liu doesn’t look away even once, controlled rage all over his face as he slowly turns his body to push you behind him in protection. Jinwoo’s hearts were hammering in his ears – eyes shifting from the glare of an angered National Level hunter and, from what he could see of you behind your lover, the woman he loved clinging to his back in desperation.

“Hunter Sung,” Liu’s voice is deathly quiet but could be heard clear as day even in the vast open space. It seemed to command the very air. “Did you just make my lover cry?”

Jinwoo was starting to think that just being in your presence made him ten times more stupid. He felt like he always lost the idea to think, always at a loss for words. He felt it now more than ever.

Because how was he going to deny that when there you were right behind Liu, gasping as you cried and clutching the back of his shirt. To other people, it might have looked like you were over exaggerating in your reaction or that he had done more than just admit his feelings for you.

Liu reaches out behind him and one of his sheathed swords appears behind him. He grips at the hilt of it and in a split second, your hands hold down his wrist, Hae-in takes a defensive stance, ready to break up the ensuing fight and Jinwoo’s daggers are in his hands. The shadows beneath the monarch grow restless.

“Zhigang,” you choke out. “Stop, don’t, please.”

“Rìluò, don’t tell me to stop when this bastard can’t seem to treat you like a proper friend.” Liu makes the words out through gritted teeth, the grip on his sword tightening. 

That seemed to hit you both at the same time as you and Jinwoo flinched. It held more weight than one. Liu was right, Jinwoo had been acting out too much the moment he saw you again. And despite your efforts, the past you kept rearing her head, drawn to the familiar presence of her past lover in his vessel. For yourself… Jinwoo wasn’t too sure if it was the guilt of how it must have all looked like to Liu or…?

“What kind of friend makes you sob like that, Rìluò? If this is his version of friendship, not really sorry to say, but I don’t want it for you. You don’t deserve this.”

You swallow, and you shift on your feet. Jinwoo thinks you’re slightly swaying. “…Zhigang, please, can we go back home for no-?” 

You don’t get to finish. Because in the next second, Jinwoo almost seems to watch in slow motion as your grip on Liu’s wrist loosens. You’re falling. The glimmer in your eyes disappears, and so does the mortality as they grow dull, your whole body shutting down. He yells out to a shadow – any of them, desperate, oh so desperate – and Beru comes out before he can even finish. The shadow ant catches you before you hit the ground.

Liu turns around in a flurry and takes you from the shadow’s arms before he could react. For a second, Jinwoo felt Beru’s fury spike, angered at the hunter and he raised one of his arms to strike. Jinwoo’s eyes flash a brilliant purple.

DON’T.

But My King-!

I said don’t, Jinwoo swallows as he watches Liu cradle an unconscious you in his arms, not even bothering to look at the shadow ant in front of him, ready to strike. Jinwoo thinks of a red sky and health potions that look like blood and so much desperation coursing in his veins as he holds your body. He doesn’t have to see the look on Liu’s eyes to know, he can see the tension in his shoulders and the shuddering breathing as he made sure. We’ll… we’ll make things worse. Come back here. You did well. You… did enough. 

Hae-in comes closer and helps check your vitals while Jinwoo stays rooted to the spot, waiting with bated breath as your lover and friend go over your state. 

“She’s fine,” for what felt like an eternity, Hae-in stands, but she bites her bottom lip and swallows hard as she turns to Jinwoo. “But it’s better to send her to a hospital to make sure.”

“Is this what you wanted?” Liu’s voice is deadpan, but Jinwoo felt the hit to the face all the same. He can’t summon the urge to say anything more hostile. Even if you were knocked out, it felt like you’d hear and it would hurt you more than it would actually affect Liu.

“...Hunter Liu, take her somewhere far away from me. Please.” Jinwoo’s voice is devoid of emotion.

“I don’t need to hear that from you,” Liu picks you up effortlessly, and with a last withering glare at Jinwoo, eyes burning a terrifying gold – “I should have killed you the first time.”

Hae-in swallows before letting out a small whisper. “I want to make sure she’s fine. I’ll go with you.”

Jinwoo doesn’t need the player system to know that a threat that could kill him was meters from him. A part of him tells himself that maybe it would be for the best to let Liu go through with it, but the hunter leaves without another word with you in his arms. Hae-in rests a hand over Jinwoo’s shoulder for a second, but she’s unable to say anything more, and she jogs to catch up with Liu.

He stays rooted to the spot for a moment more. Right here was where he was talking to you just moments before. And there was where you lost consciousness, unable to fight your past self. Jinwoo sits on the bench. And on this bench…

Is it finally over for us…? Jinwoo asks. But Ashborn neither agrees or disagrees. Neither of them wanted to know the answer.

=O=O=O=O=O=O=

How many times has Jinwoo been to this park in his life? 

Numerous. He’s been here countless times with his family when he was younger, running around with Jinah with reckless endeavor. Even as he grew older, they had occasional picnics, even if it was just him and his sister. And then he started working out here when he was first made a player. And then he came and went again after he used the Cup of Reincarnation. The most recent ones that come to mind were his picnic with his family and they invited Hae-in to join them. That day was… he thought it might have been the beginning of the end, in a sense. He had thrown you away then, and came crawling back to you a year later. Breaking your heart again in a different way. 

And now here he was again with Liu Zhigang. The hunter had asked – ordered, better said – that Jinwoo meet him in the park in a big enough clearing. Jinwoo immediately knew where he was talking about – the hidden spot of a park bench with the perfect view of the sunset. He should get that park bench removed someday. No one was going to miss it, definitely not him. 

Wasn’t sitting on the bench, however. He was standing slightly farther away, quietly staring into the horizon. He was dressed in his hunter attire, swords carefully sheathed behind him. Jinwoo doesn’t bother preparing his own daggers, or telling his soldiers to be ready.   

Liu insisted on meeting around sundown. 

Jinwoo stands a safe distance beside Liu. Safe for him or the National Level hunter, he wasn’t quite sure. For a moment, he questions if he would win, even with Ashborn’s help, with the heavy guilt weighing down on him, or would he just let it all happen. “How… is she?”

“Fine, although that’s no thanks to you,” Liu snaps back almost immediately, like he knew what the first thing Jinwoo was going to say. 

There’s a pause, and when Liu speaks again, he sounds far away. Reliving a memory that was neither pleasant nor painful. It sounded like a fact he just remembered. “She hates watching the sun set, did you know?”

Jinwoo pauses. “I heard her mention once that she doesn’t watch it, but…”

The answer seems to make Liu angry because he inhales sharply and gives Jinwoo a judgmental glare from his peripheral vision. “...I see.”

A tension filled silence passed between the two of them, too many words that remain unspoken, if only for the sake of keeping things civil enough to see this conversation through. Finally, the glare in Liu’s face passes and something comes over him. He takes a breath in, as if steadying himself, before he passes a hand over his face. Finally he faces Jinwoo. 

“I wish to ask you for a favor.”

“Haven’t asked for enough, I see,” Jinwoo manages a small self-deprecating laugh, feeling faint. He hasn’t had a reasonable amount of sleep ever since that talk with you. All he could see when he closed his eyes was the way you cried, your body on the floor. He imagines himself holding your unconscious body again like he was in the red gate and he feels the bile rise to his throat. “I’m the last person you need that from.”

Liu smirks mockingly. “Don’t worry. I have a feeling this will be the last time.”

Jinwoo manages a scoff. “We’ll see. From past experience your favors aren’t exactly favorable for everyone involved, but let’s hear it.”

Liu pauses, looking at the sunset before turning back to Jinwoo. “I want to ask for your permission. I wish for your full blessing to take care of Rìluò, to bring her with me to China.” 

Jinwoo blinks, unsure if he heard wrong. But Liu doesn’t break into that lazy grin or even laugh at his face mockingly. He looks at him straight in the eye, and to his surprise, there is no glimmer in his eyes that comes when he talks about you or the burning suns when he stands as China’s hero. 

Mortal. Just completely mortal.

And unguarded.  

Jinwoo can’t help but scoff incredulously. “That’s the most idiotic request I’ve heard from you. She’s her own person. As if I have a say in where she wants to-”

“I’m not asking you.” 

Jinwoo frowns, his temper rising. He can only have so much patience with the man who continues to challenge it. But he tries to will it down. “So is this another order from a National Level Hunter disguised as a-”

“Shut up,” And suddenly, it felt like Liu wasn’t looking at him. He was looking through him. “I’m not asking you. I’m asking that heart that continues to beat inside you.” 

The park is eerily quiet. Jinwoo’s rage fizzles out of him, at a complete loss for words. 

“Ashborn… that’s your name, isn’t it?” Liu continues, voice resolute and almost seeming to echo in the open space just like before. The very air crackled with it. It definitely felt like it was ringing in Jinwoo’s ears, and all the way to the soul that rests within him. He was suddenly so aware that he was a Vessel of something very dangerous. “What do you say?”

Jinwoo didn’t even have any time to react. Before he knew it, he was thrown into the back of his consciousness. The whole park is overtaken by darkness, the sunset disappearing in a cloak of black, locking him and Liu into a separate dimension. He can feel how the strongest of his army are summoned around him -- Igris and Iron with their weapons drawn, Beru more than ready to strike, even Bellion’s commanding aura can be felt from his back. Ashborn had complete control of his body at that very moment, and for once, Jinwoo was taken aback by how easily the original Shadow Monarch had access to it. He’s reminded of a previous conversation: Jinwoo may own the body, but as Ashborn said: not completely. Jinwoo, no, Ashborn takes quick steps towards Liu and grips on to his collar, almost dragging him forward. His knuckles are blemished white, but for a split second, Jinwoo could have sworn it was a hand encased in black armor.

“I must have misheard you, Reincarnated Monarch… Murderer of My Beloved. Maybe your mortality has affected your memories and you don’t remember your greatest sin, so depending on what you say next, I may spare enough of you to still resemble something that can be called human.”

Despite Ashborn’s menacing aura, Liu stands his ground. Golden eyes meet blazing purple without looking away, if anything, they seem to burn brighter, trying to overpower him. Jinwoo can make out familiar glittering, and it only fuels Ashborn’s rage to roaring heights. His grip on Liu’s collar tightens and he can hear his shadows grow restless behind him.

“It hurts my pride to admit, but I don’t believe I can win against an actual monarch, or whatever you are. Sorry for not living up to your expectations, but if it helps my case, I’m not what you call a reincarnated monarch, or any kind of reincarnation. I’m very much human.” 

Ashborn frowns and Jinwoo feels the doubt that courses between the two of them. That’s impossible. They know what they saw whenever his hands found the wound on your back, or the way he had the same glowing eyes of the monarch you had seen before you eventually passed. Isn’t this conversation damning proof enough? That he had known about Ashborn before anyone besides you did?

Ashborn scoffs. “Explain yourself. I implore you to make it quick before I decide your words are meaningless to me and the shadows lose their patience."  

“I’m my own person, I know that for a fact.”

“And yet you call my name? Somehow, you simply knew of my existence beforehand? I refuse to believe My Beloved has told you anything about me.” 

Liu mouths Ashborn’s name for you, and for a second he looks away with a tick of his mouth in the corners. Ashborn harshly shakes him once and Liu looks back to him. He almost looks bored. “Listen to me. Memories, that’s all they are. I am not whoever you think I am, and I certainly didn’t murder her. The very idea makes me sick. I’d rather kill myself before I even get a mile closer to her with those intentions.”

“I’d be happy to fulfill that wish of yours.” Jinwoo hears the shadows step closer. 

“Yeah, I bet,” Liu mutters. “But if you even care a fraction for her, then listen to me first. Put the idea of me killing her on the side, just for a moment. Presently, she’s alive, am I right?”

Ashborn pauses, the grip he has on Liu loosening only for a moment before he tightens it again. “As my vessel has said, we have no hold on whether she stays or goes, no matter if we wish to.”

No matter if we begged her to reconsider. She is a wild thing, like a dandelion carried by the wind.

Fleeting, ever so sadly so.

“Maybe not for you, but that’s not the same for her.” Liu frowns, and for a second it’s like he wasn’t being held by the collar by a monarch.

Jinwoo’s heartbeat is in his throat. Ashborn laughs scornfully. “You doubt her love for you? That’s not our concern. That is a failing on your part.”

“Ha. I don’t doubt it, and if you weren’t so angry right now, you wouldn’t either. She’s not like that, and you know it’s true if you’re fighting so hard for her,” Liu laughs once, but it’s empty. “But that’s besides the point. There’s something inside of her that continues to love you.”

Ashborn and Jinwoo pause, and for a second, they sense hope growing within them like a weed. “Forgive me, but I don’t see why I’m meant to see that as something I should stop.”

“Don’t see it, huh? Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t,” Liu clicks his tongue. Before Ashborn could react, Liu unsheathes one of his blades and strikes. He misses, of course, Jinwoo and Ashborn’s body disappearing into shadow. Liu stands a way off as the monarch materializes, glaring at the hunter. “Of course you wouldn’t see it as a bad thing. But that’s not the same for her.”  

“I’m asking the both of you to stay away from her.” To Jinwoo’s surprise, Liu sheaths his sword once more. Jinwoo suddenly feels like Liu is staring past Ashborn and right at him. But it’s almost impossible to think about when Ashborn’s anger was coming back in full force. Even Jinwoo was unable to comprehend what he was asking. “Hunter Sung, you saw what it does to her, right? Another her keeps trying to fight back. You may say that the other one has good intentions, that she is as kind and as lovely as the Rìluò I know, just trying to get a share of life. But she’s hurting Rìluò, isn’t she? I don’t know how you and Ashborn work, but I don’t think it’s the same for her. I don’t think she can live as both at the same time.”

Jinwoo wants to fight back, to retort something. They’ll teach you how to control it again. They’ll figure out a way where you can live peacefully with the past you that has survived all this time. You’ll be fine, just as you did back when you were friends. 

You’ll be fine.

But he thinks of the way that the glimmer overtakes your eyes each time and wonders – what if it completely stays? Then what?   

“You taught her, right? You’re the one who taught her how to control it. I know you did. Are you going to throw all of that down the drain just to keep her beside you, even if it means losing the one in the present?” Liu’s voice raises ever so slightly, like he knew he was getting through to Jinwoo. Ashborn takes a step closer, but Liu doesn’t bother stepping back. His face is resolute. “If she keeps seeing you while clinging to the past, there will come a time she won’t see you, Hunter Sung. You know this.”

The unseen bench is a harbinger, still. Jinwoo may not see it right now, but its presence outside this dimension lingers. He remembers sitting there with you, and how without a second thought – 

You almost called him Ashborn. 

You knew his name by then, meeting him for the first time in the Hunter’s Association. And still, you called out for someone else.

He understood it made Ashborn happy. But you and him are in the present, and Ashborn is simply a being that resides within him now. Is that what he wanted? A version of you that would only cling to him because of a memory of forgotten days? Will you one day wake up and call on Ashborn instead of his name and forget every memory he’s built with you?

Jinwoo opens his mouth to answer – he needs to say something, anything – but his voice doesn’t work.

“And if we… I… refuse?” Jinwoo wants to shut him out at this very moment, but he realizes he doesn’t have to. Jinwoo feels the shadows behind him slowly go back to the abyss. Ashborn’s voice is uncharacteristically soft, but still on edge.

Liu’s hand reaches for his swords again. “Maybe I don’t stand a chance against a monarch, but I don’t mind trying. Either I convince you or I die attempting.”

“Stupid enough to admit you’re weak, too proud to try anyway. And you think you can stand beside her? The chances of you staying alive long enough to convince me first are slim to none.” Ashborn laughs sarcastically.

“Well. If I do die, she’ll know.” Liu shrugs

“So that’s how you plan to win? Showing her that I am a monster who murders her mortal lover?” Ashborn glares at him.

“I don’t think she’ll see you as a monster. I don’t think she’s capable of that. Maybe she’ll think I’m more of one for fighting with you. But if I do die, I know the Rìluò I know will end up staying away from you. So I’ll lose, and the idea is unconventional and cruel, but I still get what I want for her.”

There’s a pause where a sinking feeling crawls at the back of the monarch’s spine.

But also what came with it was insurmountable relief. 

“...You are… not him? You are not a reincarnated monarch like her.”

Liu blinks in surprise. “Not my point on this side of the conversation, but no, I’m not. What made you realize?”

“Monarchs in this day and age know they do not stand a chance against me. They have been weakened, to some degree. And yet if your word is to be believed… you will try for her. That is not something those heartless beings would do. It will hurt me, yes, but not if it meant giving their lives away.”

“If it’s Rìluò, then I don’t mind,” Liu gives a half hearted shrug, and then the lazy smile is back, his head lost in a memory. Jinwoo doesn’t have to guess what he’s thinking about. “I would’ve kicked the bucket a while back anyway. Came back a couple of times thanks to her. I owe her for that and much more.”

“...I see…”

It’s quiet, suffocatingly so. The darkness and the lack of a reply from both parties ended up making things stifling. Finally, Jinwoo feels himself take back the body, Ashborn silently handing over control. The darkness that surrounds the both of them slowly ebbs away, and what remains is a moonless night sky.

“Let me know what you think. Rìluò’s still at the hospital. They’re running some tests just to make sure she’s fine,” Liu breathes out a sigh. “You… should go see her when you can. Whichever decision the both of you make. We left on bad terms in front of her, after all. I don’t want her to feel it was all her fault.”

Without waiting for an answer, Liu walks away. 

Jinwoo stares at the horizon, his head and hearts as silent as a grave. There was only a single thought in Jinwoo’s mind, however.

Igris.

In a flash, the shadow knight appears and slashes at the bench behind him. The crack and splinter of wood echoes among the trees. And then all is quiet again. But it does nothing to calm the hammering in Jinwoo’s ears.

That bench was nothing but trouble. Ashborn agrees. 

=O=O=O=O=O=O=

“Thanks for everything, Jinwoo.” 

The end comes regardless, that is what Jinwoo has come to realize.

You were leaving. You were finally going. He wanted to hold you back. To think things through.

If he pulls you to his chest, will that help? He’ll pull you to his chest and you will hear him, won’t you? You will know that he is still there, and you’ll stay with them?

Ashborn whispers something, so softly Jinwoo thought he misheard. So softly he prayed he misheard.

She will be late for her departure. It’s time. 

He bites the inside of his cheek, but offers you a small smile. Hae-in smiles through tears and gives you one more lingering hug. Liu comes up from behind you, but for once Jinwoo doesn’t even bother glaring holes into him. He felt… exhausted, in a sense. He continued to look at you, burning the memory of you into his mind because – without you knowing, and maybe you never will know – it will be his last time having a memory of you that is purely his, and not Ashborn’s.   

He takes a step back and you turn around. Liu holds out a hand that you readily take into your own. Gold eyes find dull purple eyes and give them a single nod. Was he still in control of the body? It certainly felt like not. He’s not strong enough to watch the plane leave, so he turns around with all intention to leave and Hae-in doesn’t stop him.

Was Ashborn watching? He felt like he was falling into a deep slumber – until he saw something familiar. Something no longer their’s. Something they felt like they were intruding upon.

The hill of flowers is quiet. Jinwoo just noticed the flowers are all purple, splattered with red and gold. He thinks he’s never hated that hill more until now, but he sits down and leans against the large tree anyway. The sky glows red with a setting sun. He waits for a familiar figure, but no one comes. Ashborn closes his eyes. 

Just once more.

It’s quiet, all for the passing breeze stirring the grass and leaves awake. And then, they hear it. 

The grass rustles as someone carefully steps closer. They think they’re imagining it, so they don’t make a move. They think it’s too good to be true, so they don’t open their eyes. Whoever it is, they stop short, right next to them and pause. Then slowly, the monarch hears someone sit down, feel their heat right next to them. The newcomer does not say anything.

Ashborn doesn’t open his eyes, and neither does Jinwoo. 

They don’t watch the sun set. They don’t think they’re strong enough to. 

Just once more, they think.

If you feel like listening/watching me brainstorm the fic or just see my first draft of it, here's a video I recorded for it. Use it as a Write With Me if you feel like it - it's got typing sounds, music and, of course, my yapping:

✨ Masterlist ✨ KOFI/Commissions

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine and belong to their respective creators. Their portrayal is merely my own interpretation of them and may not be accurate to their intended characterization. I stake no claim to the original works, only to the ideas and plot of the fictitious stories I’ve written them into.

[pricegotmedickmatized]

ok so!! roryshutupchallengefailed this is 12k of reader being horny af over her step brother Gaz. i did a poll to see if you guys just wanted the porn here on tumblr or the whole fic and y'all said you wanted the whole fic, so here you go. if you are just interested in the horny stuff i've marked where the pwp truly starts with:

cw: parentification of a child, emotional abuse from a parent, neglect of a child, forced isolation (from mother on reader), angst, hurt/comfort, Dead Dove Do Not Eat, stepbrother/stepsister incest (they met as adults and never lived together as siblings), age difference (reader is 18-20, Gaz is mid late 20s), pervy behavior, pillow humping, reader is nowhere near as sneaky as she thinks she is, tiiiiiny bit of manipulative behavior, virgin kink/corruption kink (if you squint), dirty talk (like WOAH), bareback sex, rough sex

your mom had gotten remarried just after you turned eighteen. he was a good guy, and she was happy, so you were happy too. of course you were! 

it just. 

it was your eighteenth birthday. and your mum had promised you that since money had been tight last year (and the year before, and the year before, and and and) that she’d go all out for your eighteenth. 

stupid of you to get your hopes up. it wasn’t like she did it on purpose, she wasn’t a cruel or malicious person, just…forgetful. busy, that was the word. she was a busy person, heavily involved in her work as a nurse, in caring for your elderly neighbors, in her volunteer work. 

but you’d thought, maybe.  

again, stupid. 

you’d hardly even met her boyfriend, just the once at Christmas. he was polite, an accountant or something or other, who looked at your mum with adoration and wonder, who rushed to fulfill her every whim and desire. the wedding would be quick, with your mum pregnant, and any talk of you moving out was quickly met with betrayed expressions and heartbroken ‘but are you really going to just leave? when you know I’ll need your help? your father is going to be so busy at work, and I can’t take time off…’  

so moving out was quietly and firmly crossed out too. 

you’d learned a long time ago that fighting her when she’d made up her mind was an exercise in futility. 

and you liked kids, you did. 

it wouldn’t be so terrible to take care of your little sibling. really it wouldn't. 

then two months before the wedding, you learned that your new stepfather had another child. 

Kyle. 

he came to stay with you, all three of you, to get to know his new family. he was older than you by several years, in the military. 

you weren’t sure what you expected, but Kyle was…

more. 

he was tall and handsome, laughed easily, he was warm and easy with affection, and he smiled like the sun. 

“Hi.” he grinned, head tilted slightly to look you in the eye considering the height difference, his voice bright and warm and sweet, and your heart tripped over itself as you stared up at him. “Hear you’re my new little sister.” 

something inside you twisted, sticky, like a thorn dripping with honey winding through your stomach. you managed a nod, trying to smile back at him, offering your hand. “And you’re my big brother?” 

he laughed, the sound making your whole body tingle. and it only got worse when he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you tight. 

you couldn’t breathe for a moment. 

“Handshakes are for strangers, love. Hugs are for family, right?” 

your hands were already white knuckled on the rough military canvas jacket he wore. you couldn’t catch your breath, your knees were shaking and you couldn’t understand why. 

“Right,” you whispered, biting your tongue when his arms squeezed you tighter, lifting you off the ground, and with that one simple move completely wiping clean the anxieties in the back of your head that had cluttered there since the wedding had been announced, and he'd done it like it cost him nothing. 

his voice was warm in your ear, radiating down your back and thawing the cold that never went away. “Glad to meet you, sweetheart.” 

he smelled like the forest. like fresh air and sunshine and just a tinge of something darker, like maybe motor oil or something similar yet equally unfamiliar. 

it made your head swim. you inexplicably wanted more. “G-glad to meet you too.” 

when he put you back down on your feet you had to force yourself not to reach out to him again immediately. 

don’t be greedy. you told yourself firmly. he’s just being polite. he’s just being kind.  

you found yourself sticking close to him during the run up to the wedding. 

or as close as you could with your mother needing help at any and all hours ensuring every detail down to the smallest level was attended to her liking. 

you sat beside him at meals, during the evenings crowded in front of the telly as a family or playing board games around the table. he always had one broad muscular arm slung on the back of your chair, that forest and fresh air and sunshine scent surrounding you like a comforting blanket. and every time he’d duck his head, leaning in close, mouth hovering near your ear to whisper a joke or a question about the show or the game, you found yourself turning to him like a flower to the sun, your insides warming, face flushing. the hair on the back of your neck would raise and you’d hold your breath. 

he was so kind, so patient with you. even when you’d fumble the plates and dishes as you washed up or when you brought them over to the table, even when you’d get distracted during a conversation and miss what you'd been asked, even when you’d mess up breakfast or forget something at home while you were out as a family. 

all the usual things that made your mother frown and sigh and shake her head and wonder what they were going to do with you, Kyle just smiled at, kissed your forehead and told you not to worry. he’d help you clean up that spilled milk. he’d help you run back to the house for the checkbook you’d been responsible for bringing. he’d whisper to you what the answer to the question you’d been asked was. not to worry. 

strangely, you sometimes got the feeling that as sweet as Kyle was with you, as open and warm as he was to you, it wasn’t like that between him and his own father, or even your mum. 

sometimes you’d glance up from your plate at dinner, trying to take advantage of the fact that no one paid attention to you so you could sneak a glimpse at your new step brother. and there would be a strange…disconnect in Kyle’s face. 

like, he’d be smiling and laughing with his father and your mum the same as always, but his eyes would be cold. 

you almost got the feeling he didn’t like them very much. like maybe they’d done something he didn’t like. 

it made your stomach hurt to see that expression. what if he looked at you like that? if he ever did, you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand it. 

so you put all the effort you could, in between wedding prep and nursery preparation and your usual chores, into doing everything you could for him. 

his laundry, making his coffee and his lunches complete with little notes decorated with your doodles and wishing him a good day when he went in to work on the military base nearby. once, you even buffed his shoes when you caught him frowning while your mum chided you for breaking a plate. 

“Love.” 

you startled, nearly dropping the boot you were hunched over, wrenching your body around to face him. 

it was late. late enough you didn’t think he’d catch you. you’d only just started, barely the toe of one boot freshly polished from your position kneeling on the floor where he kept them. 

he was bare chested, arms crossed as he leaned against the doorway, low slung sweatpants looking soft and inviting. 

a smile was tugging at his mouth. “Whatcha doin, sis?” 

you paused.

the smile on his mouth faded as you felt your eyes sting. swallowing, you managed to force out quietly, “I just…I thought you might be mad at me.” 

now he was frowning in earnest, warm brown eyes softer than his sweats. “Aw, love, why on earth would I ever be mad at you?” 

you shrugged, ducking your head. you ignored the soft sound of him moving closer, but your breath caught when a warm, calloused hand gently cupped your jaw and lifted your face. he was so big from this angle, it made your stomach feel funny. made your breath thin. his touch just made it worse. 

“Tell me, sis.” He smiled, sunshine warm. “C’mon, who can you talk to if not your big brother?” 

“I dropped the plate,” you admitted quietly. 

he stood there, waiting. “…and?” 

your eyes stung sharper, and your voice caught. “You were frowning at me.” 

a spasm of emotion flit over his face, too quick for your to catch and decipher. his jaw tensed, his handsome face going like stone for a second. “Fuck.” 

he used his hand on your chin to draw you to your feet, his boot falling from your numb fingers, and then into another hug. it was such a stark relief, surrounded by his warmth and strength and skin (so much of it, burning hot and bare and pressed against your mouth and your nose so that you could almost taste it) that you burst into tears. 

“Listen to me,” he said firmly, rocking you back and forth. “I’m your big brother now. You’re my sweet baby sister, and nothing you ever do could ever make me mad at you. Ok?” 

you hesitated. was that how it worked? 

his hand threaded through your hair, drawing your head back to meet his gaze. he looked like a Greek demigod like this, fierce and unquestionable. calm and in control. “Say you understand.” 

“I understand,” you whispered, rewarded immediately by his smile, a kiss to your forehead. 

“There we go then,” he said proudly, squeezing you tight. “Just do what I tell you to, and I’ll never be anything but proud and happy with you, sis. Sound good?” 

you sniffled, clinging to him, head swimming. “Yeah,” you breathed. 

for a long while he let you cling to him, gently rocking you back and forth, rubbing circles over your back. enough that you almost felt like you might fall asleep standing up. until -

he drew back suddenly, grinning. “Wait, wait right there, have something for you.” 

he raced back down the hall, but where you expected that kind of speed coming from a man his size to be loud enough to rouse the whole house, he somehow managed to be entirely silent. you didn't even hear the creaky board int he hall when he must've rushed by it to get to his guest room. that must've been a military thing, right? to be able to run silently?

you were still blinking in confusion when he reappeared, grinning wide, holding something behind his broad back. you didn’t even have time to catalogue the scattered scars and tattoos in the warm glow of the lamplight before he was thrusting a box under your nose. 

“Happy birthday, lovie.” 

you stared down at the box. unmoving. 

that was right. your birthday had been today. you’d forgotten. 

and Kyle had gotten you a present. wrapped it, even, in expensive looking baby pink wrapping paper, tied with a crisp white bow. 

your vision clouded, and your hands shook as you took it from him. 

“Kyle…” you sniffed. “I don’t know what to say.” 

he was smiling still, but there was a new tension in his shoulders. that pinch between his brows he got sometimes when he looked at your mum. “Haven’t even opened it yet, sweetheart. What if you hate it?” 

you shook your head, unable to speak. what could you tell him? that it had been years since anyone had given you a birthday present? 

you didn’t want to complain. 

“Go on,” he encouraged sweetly. “Wanna see if I got it right.” 

obediently, you carefully loosened the bow. removed the wrapping paper without ripping it, lifting the lid of the box to reveal a full, seventy two piece set of Copic markers you’d been staring at on your phone just a couple days ago before dinner. 

he must’ve seen you looking at it, somehow. must’ve heard your mother mention your birthday, as you weren’t sure your step-father knew and you hadn’t told him. and he must’ve gotten online and ordered you a set of markers that cost almost six hundred American. they didn’t even ship to England anymore. 

but he’d managed to get you a set, a full set, regardless. like it was easy. simple. a given. 

Kyle had to rescue the box when your shaking hands made you fumble it. he set it aside, and let you throw yourself back into his arms, caught you easily, rocking you back and forth once more. 

“So I did that good?” he chuckled as you cried silently into his neck. 

he held you so easy, let you stay right there, selfishly, greedily soaking up his warmth. his kindness. hoping the scent of his skin rubbed off on you, and maybe you’d sleep soundly and well. 

“Thank you,” you said thickly, voice still wet, once you’d gotten yourself under control. 

he hummed, squeezing you tight, kissing your temple. “Least you deserve, love. Happy birthday.” 

you’d happily have stayed there in his arms forever. 

but when his broad hand rubbed down your back, something strange happened. you felt a pulse between your legs. that warmth you were hungrily soaking up from his body, his touch, seemed to follow that pulse, sinking low and swirling- 

your eyes went wide, shock too acute as understanding dawned for you to even stiffen. 

oh. 

oh.  

oh, god, no. 

Kyle let you go, and you fussed with your hair, avoiding his eye, trying to act like you hadn’t just realized you were attracted to your step brother. 

he was grinning at you. “Glad you liked your present, and I’m glad we cleared all that other stuff up now.” 

you smiled, or tried, flustered and trying not to panic. this was bad. this was sick of you, wasn’t it? 

Kyle cocked his head, looking at you, and for a moment you thought he could see right through you, could tell you’d wanted him to do more than just hug you. wanted him to let you cling to his naked chest while he, while he- 

but he didn’t know. course he didn’t. if he had he wouldn’t have invited you to skip out on wedding planning the next day and go to lunch. 

you accepted eagerly, because it was surely a bad idea, but. but you weren’t going to say anything. you wouldn’t do anything you shouldn’t. and maybe it would go away, and he’d never know. 

and you just…you needed more of that warmth. that kindness. that acceptance. 

he sent you to bed with a kiss to your forehead and a stern, sweet order to get some sleep. 

you didn’t get much. tossing and turning as you worried about it in your head. it wasn’t that bad, you finally decided, clinging to hope. right? you weren’t blood related. and he’d never know.  

what harm was there in a little crush? 

_-_

he made a habit out of taking you to lunch, at least once a week or more when he could manage it while he was at home, and whenever the two of you weren't on one your brother/sister ‘dates’ (the use of that word made you throb, and you tried not to show how much you liked it) for one reason or another, the two of you were almost always talking either on facetime or texting or whatever the two of you could manage. even after the wedding was over and he was deployed again, when you expected him to quietly but surely drop out of your life, he didn't.

he stayed. 

made a point of it, actually. 

of course you couldn’t always reach him, for his safety and the security of his team and everything when they went on a communications blackout, but whenever he had a moment he was on the phone with you, asking about your day and what you were up to. 

besides just calling and texting, you wrote him letters too. included drawings, colored of course by the marker set he'd so generously given you. mostly they were just silly doodles of your brand new half brother when he was born, the new family cat your mother had insisted on, the little garden of windowsill flowers she’d planted. 

you never meant to tell him that you were the one who’s room the baby’s bassinet wound up in. that the kitten became your responsibility too when your mum went back to work. that you were the one watering and fertilizing and fussing over the finnicky flowers. 

but he had this way of drawing things out of you, and when you told him you hated complaining, that you didn’t mind, he'd sounded so hurt.  

“You’d really keep something as simple as what you got up to every day from your brother? C'mon, lovie, you know I just want to know what you're up to. I miss my little sister, is that so bad?” 

so you gave up trying to protect him from your boring day to day life, though you were always always careful to downplay how much you did around the house. it wasn’t anything you couldn’t handle, at least just for now while your mum and stepfather got settled. and you knew you should be grateful to your mum and step father for housing you and feeding you and clothing you. you were grateful, you were, just… 

at the same time you remembered that little flat a few streets down you’d been eyeing for months before graduation. the brochure of art classes and glossy flyers for art schools tucked away in your nightstand. 

it was ungrateful of you to want to leave your mum to chase your own dreams when she’d given you nineteen years of life and care and love. right? that was what she kept saying, and she had to be right. 

so you downplayed what you could, minimized what you told Kyle about those aspects of your life, even as they started to feel like they were pressing in around you on all sides when he asked you how you’d been and you lied to him. 

nothing else was off limits to Kyle, though, and it was so nice to have someone you could tell absolutely everything to. someone who gushed with you about your dreams, who was interested in your opinions (art, literature, movies, music, hell even memes), someone who reassured you that you weren’t worthless, who worried over you. 

and he did worry over you. he was such an overprotective brother, god, it should've been overbearing and annoying when he told you who you could and couldn’t hang out with, that you shouldn’t date anyone until he’d personally vetted them, basically forbid you from even looking at boys while he was away. and you tried to pretend that it was all annoying and ridiculous the way you should have felt, because you’d die of embarrassment if he ever found out that him acting like that always had you stuffing a hand between your thighs and rocking against your palm, your pillow, or worse, one of the stuffed bears he’d won you at a carnival he’d brought you to when he was home. 

in your head, he was overprotective because he secretly wanted you back. 

of course he didn’t, but god, the fantasy of it. and sometimes you’d playfully pretend that you’d met a boy when taking your half brother out for a stroll in his pram, and he’d get all grumpy and huffy and finally get fed up and use your first name instead of his usual endearments, the syllables a growl through the phone. 

that was all it ever took to make you cum. 

he seemed to take an issue with your clothes too, the old fashioned sod. 

you’d included pictures of yourself in your letters when he whined about not getting any drawings of you, he had ones of everyone in the family, he wanted to keep you close too. 

for a long time you’d been breathless with an idea, to send him a picture of you wearing nothing at all. 

you didn’t of course. of course not. but. 

well. 

admittedly, the skirt you’d chosen to wear in the picture you sent was a little short. the shirt a little tight. you told yourself it wasn’t like you were doing anything inappropriate. he’d never know the difference, and it wasn’t something you wouldn’t wear in front of anyone else. 

but he was grumpy and growly the next time you got him on the phone. told you flat out he didn’t want you dressing like that without him home to keep the wrong kind of man from looking at you. 

“Kyle-"

“Don’t even start,” he warned. “Don’t ‘but Kyle’ me with that sweet and innocent little voice, you know I’m right. I’m just looking out for you, love. Don’t you want to let your big brother do his job?” 

you sighed, pretending to be put out, even as you shuddered, your pillow stuffed between your shaking thighs. it took effort to keep your voice and breathing even as your hips bucked. “I guess. Just. Do you think I dress…” 

the word died on your tongue. you couldn’t ask him that. what if he said yes? 

“I think…” he said slowly, his voice a warm rumble. you imagined him lounging back on a narrow bed, frowning and wishing he were home. with you. “That I want my baby sister to be careful. That so wrong of a thing to want?” 

“No,” you whispered. “I’m sorry Kyle. I won’t wear it again.” 

“Good girl.” 

you came. 

so hard and sudden you couldn’t quite stifle the sound that came out of you in time. you froze, heart pounding. 

but Kyle must not have heard. thank god. 

he was smiling, you could hear it in his voice as he said, “Now tell me. Have you finally decided to go to art school?” 

that was another way he looked out for you. Kyle was your biggest cheerleader about your art. he kept telling you that you should go to school, to take the leap and send your portfolio in as an application for the program you’d been eyeing for years. 

and you wanted to, more than anything. 

but every time you even tried to broach the subject with your mum she gave you that wounded look that always had you backing down immediately, or when you tried to push it further she snapped at you to stop being selfish, that you’d go after she got things settled at work, when your step father wasn’t as busy. when your little half brother was a little older. 

and you wanted to believe her. 

a few years ago you might have. 

but it was getting hard to ignore that you were treated less and less like a daughter and more and more like a live in servant by your mother. maid, cook, nanny, now gardener. 

your step father had maintained a large and deliberate distance from you that after the first months with Kyle also in the house, a distance you hadn’t tried to broach. frankly you didn’t have the time or energy to try and get to know your 'father' as your mum insisted on calling him, not when every ounce of energy and attention and happiness you had left at the end of a long week went to Kyle. 

it went mostly to hiding the reality of your situation from Kyle when he wasn’t deployed, and was staying an hour away in London but still made the weekly (or really three times a week) trek out to the house you lived in with your mum, step father and half brother to take you out to lunch. 

most weeks it was the only time you got a break, because it was strangely the one thing about you your step father seemed to have an interest in. the one thing he put his proverbial foot down with your mother about, insisting that no matter what, when Kyle came to see you, you were to see him, unbothered and unharassed for however long he was there. and what was stranger, your mum listened to him.

she let you.

you couldn’t make heads or tails out of the whole thing, but frankly you were too tired and stressed to even try. 

especially as Kyle began to look calculating and suspicious when you started falling asleep at the table over your shared meals, and you were starting to think he was no longer buying your excuses of it being due to staying up too late binge watching Bridgerton or Parks and Rec or whatever else came to mind. 

you didn’t know what else to do. you’d tried again and again to bring it all up with your mum, to get some clarity on when exactly she’d feel settled enough to do what she promised and at least take over care of your half brother. he was two, now, surely things were as settled as they were going to get, right?

but the last time you’d tried she’d screamed at you, and her tantrum wound up waking the baby, and it was you who had to soothe him back to sleep. 

and in the end, nothing ever changed as time went on. 

two, almost three years had passed since your mother had told you about the engagement, and the further distance from it you got the sharper the clarity with which you saw the situation around you.

you felt oddly like you were watching your life pass you by. living on the outskirts of real existence, like all you could do was put your hand against the thick glass that separated you from everyone else in an attempt to pretend you were among them. and no matter how loud you screamed, they never heard you. they never saw you. 

the stress of lying to Kyle about it all was what broke you in the end. you’d increasingly found yourself jittery and on edge around your mum, prone to distraction during conversation, and unpredictable bouts of anxiety so fierce you couldn’t breathe. and tired, so bone deep tired that you cried at the drop of a hat, at the simplest of inconveniences. 

you wanted it to stop. you wanted out. you loved your mum and of course your half brother was sweet and adorable but he wasn’t yours. neither was the cat, or the flowers, or the house, not even your room. the only things that were yours were the things Kyle had given you. 

but you didn’t see a way out. 

unless. 

the next time you called and Kyle answered, you hesitated after your usual greeting, cuddling your stuffed bear to your chest. 

exhaustion crusted your eyes, your entire body ached, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d been able to scrape together enough time to shower, and you were catching a cold. 

miserable. 

that was what you were. 

“Sweetheart.” Kyle’s voice was soft. “What’s going on with you lately? I feel like I’m putting you to sleep when we talk.”

you were quick to reassure him, your heart aching at the thought that he thought you could ever be bored with him. “It’s not you, I promise. I’m just really…tired lately.” 

he paused. “Why’s that, lovie?” 

you swallowed. if you did this, if you complained and laid it all bare before him, he might be disgusted with your ingratitude. might be angry with you. might hate you. and once you told him, there’d be no going back. 

“You can tell me anything,” he reminded you, voice warm, drawing you toward the comfort of the memory of his touch rather than the cold clutter of your room and your swirling anxieties. “Who can you go to if not your big brother?” 

taking a deep, shaking breath, you finally admitted, “I don’t think I can do this any more.” 

for a second, he didn’t speak. when he did, his voice was calm, but there was a thread of steel in it, a note of darkness you’d never heard before. “Why don’t you tell me what that means, sweetheart, before you make me panic.” 

you laid it out for him in halting, backtracking sentences. forgetting parts and having to go back and add in context as you finally told him what was really going on. 

he was quiet, hardly even seeming to breathe. by the time you’d finished you’d worked yourself up into a real crying fit. 

you clung to the bear in your arms, the phone pressed hard against your ear. 

before you could unleash a glut of apologies, beg him to forget it, to forgive you, to still care about you, he said in a voice you’d never heard him use before, “I’ll be there in forty minutes. Possibly with Ghost and Soap. Maybe even the captain. We’ll get your things tonight. You’re coming home with me.” 

you were dreaming. 

that was the explanation, right? 

you had to be dreaming. 

you’d fallen asleep and now we’re getting to live out the desperate wish for your big brother to come to your rescue like your own personal white knight. 

“Tell me you understand, sis.” 

your mouth worked. nothing came out for a minute. “Do you mean it?” your voice was fragile. you felt like everything stopped as you waited for his answer. 

“Of course I fucking mean it. You should’ve told me this ages ago, lovie. I’m raging that you’ve been living like this and kept it a secret from me. You lied to me.” 

a sob broke free of your chest, pain lancing through you, brittle sharp. having him be angry at you hurt worse than you’d feared. 

he sighed, hissed through his teeth, and you could imagine him rubbing his forehead. when he spoke next, his voice was soft again. “Sweetheart. It’s my job to take care of you. What did we agree on back when we first met?” 

through your tears, you answered dutifully, “That I’d always do what you told me to.” 

“That’s right. And haven’t I told you to always be honest with me?” 

“Yes.”

“Alright then. I’m still coming to get you, baby. I just want you to think about this, about how you’ve made me worry about you because you lied to your big brother when I could’ve protected you all this time. Fell in love with your pretty face right when I first met you, lovie, think I would’ve let you stay in that house with those vultures if you’d told me the truth?” 

your heart raced. 

he didn’t mean love like that. he didn’t. he couldn’t. you knew that. 

scrambling for something to say, you tried to protest, “But your father-” 

“Fuck my father,” he snapped. “The captain is my father. The man in that house with you is nothing but a sperm donor, he couldn’t teach me anything about how to be a man or a husband or a parent. Is that why you didn’t tell me all this time? You didn’t think I’d believe you?” 

you nodded miserably, and realizing he couldn’t see you, you admitted wetly, “I didn’t want you to hate me. Or think I was useless or ungrateful or-” 

“That is enough of that,” he said, and you heard him take several deep, measured breaths. hearing him, you automatically matched it, managing to calm your own growing panic. “I never want you to even think those words in connection to yourself again. Hear me, sis?” 

quietly, you agreed. 

“We will be talking more about that later. Count on it. Now. Can you be ready to leave in thirty minutes?” 

“Yes.” 

“Good girl.” 

_-_ 

in the end, you didn’t have much to pack. your stuffed animals from Kyle, your art and supplies (also from Kyle), and some clothes. 

when your mum realized what you were doing as she caught you trying to collect a suitcase from the hall closet, she broke down into hysterics. she was sobbing and screaming, accusations flying, along with threats and vile, vicious words even as she kept looking at you with that pitying expression like she just didn’t know where she’d gone wrong with you. 

Kyle showed up early, but you didn’t even hear him come in from your position still cornered against the open closet door, biting your lower lip so hard you were afraid you’d bite clean through it, tears streaming down your face as you cringed away from your mother’s flailing hands. 

neither of you even realized he was there until the front door slammed shut. 

your mum’s mouth clicked closed as she spun to face him, and you took one look at him, standing there with his brow furrowed, jaw set, hands in loosely curled fists at his sides, and had to cover your mouth to keep your sudden moan inside. 

“Lovie,” he said, voice cold, eyes never leaving your mother. “Come out from there.” 

moving on shaky feet, you edged around your mother, squeezing past her, avoiding her gaze, avoiding even coming close to touching her. as you did, you noticed your stepfather standing frozen at the other end of the room. eyes fixed on Kyle. 

you wondered how long he’d been there. what was going through his mind. why he was looking at Kyle like a man who'd wandered into the cave of a hibernating bear. 

the tight band of panic that had been looped around your chest as she’d screamed finally loosened when your mother was no longer looming over you, her hands within arms reach of your face and upper arms, and you nearly tripped in your haste to get to Kyle. 

he had a hand out, reaching for you, and you took his huge, warm hand in both of yours, shivering as he pulled you in close enough you could bury your face in his hoodie. 

every part of him was so warm. 

“Did you manage to get anything packed?” he asked, softly. his body radiated tightly controlled fury, his hand slipping around your waist to splay over your lower back, pulling you in even tighter. 

it felt so fucking good to have him touch you again, so good you nearly forgot to answer him. “My art,” you croaked. “The stuffed animals.” 

he hummed. “That’s enough for now, then. I’ll get you out of here and let the captain and the others collect the rest of your things.” 

your mother’s voice lashed out like a whip. “Everything she has I bought her, everything in that room came from me and it stays here just like she will! I will not let her behave like an ungrateful brat throwing this ridiculous tantrum, I am her mother, you aren’t even-”

“Enough.” 

strangely, that was your step father’s voice. not Kyle’s like you expected. 

turning just enough you could catch a glimpse of the room, you saw that your stepfather had crossed over to your mother, but his gaze was still trained on Kyle as he laid a soft hand on her tensed shoulder. “Let her go. It’s not worth it.” 

Kyle gently pulled free the hand you were clinging to with both of yours, his broad palm cupping the back of your head and turning it so your face was buried back in his hoodie again. his hand stayed a heavy weight, on your neck and on the back of your head, keeping you there, his other hand on your lower back spreading out a little wider, fingers pressing in a little harder. 

heat flushed through your body, your mind spinning. all you could smell was that forest and sunshine scent tinged with darkness. all you could feel was him, warm and big with his muscles wound tight like hot steel against you, bigger body curled around you protectively. 

“If she goes,” your mother hissed, “she’s not my daughter anymore. She can never come back.” 

Kyle laughed, the sound cold, nothing like the kind you drew out of him with bad puns or your shared inside jokes. “And she never will. But don’t worry. You can keep everything that I didn’t personally pay for.” 

your face burned hot, the slow threatening purr of his voice making your insides coil tight as you listened, your nipples tightening in your shirt, and your pussy heat. you loved it when he got like this. protective. caring. concerned. 

angry. 

not at you, never at you. 

but angry on your behalf. 

how many times had you fantasized about him doing exactly this? coming to your rescue, your own personal white knight, sweeping you off your feet and- 

wait he was actually sweeping you off your feet. your wide eyes peeked over his shoulder as he swung you into his arms, just in time to see the door open and three men (big, military, one with a mohawk, one with a beard and one wearing a black balaclava) file inside with all the confidence in the world. 

Kyle turned, and you were left staring over his shoulder as he wordlessly walked out of the house. the man with the beard and the man with the mohawk followed you, and you put names to faces. 

Captain Price, Johnny, and the one in the balaclava who'd stayed inside would be Simon. 

a surreal sort of air clung to the space around you as Kyle opened up his car door and gently placed you in the front seat. you watched him buckle you in, blinking up at him. 

“We’re getting out of here,” Kyle said, and you weren’t sure at first if he was talking to you until his voice softened and he met your eyes a moment, patting your hands sitting loosely in your lap and he said, “watch your fingers, baby,” before he shut the car door. 

the sound of conversation was quiet, and muffled further by the car door. you could hear snatches and bits, you thought maybe what was the captain agreeing to collect your things, and drop them off later. and Johnny said something after that that made the captain reach over and slap him upside the back of his head. 

Johnny had an extremely thick accent, and the words had been quiet enough, muffled enough, that you could be wrong. it could totally just be wishful thinking brought on by stress and horniness and shock and sleeplessness. 

but you could’ve sworn that Johnny’d called you Kyle’s girlfriend. not his stepsister. 

his girlfriend. 

it echoed in your head as Kyle got into the drivers seat and started the car. 

the drive to Kyle’s flat passed quickly. you were so exhausted that all it took was one stern order for you to lay your ‘pretty head down and get some rest’ and you were out like a light. you didn’t rouse until you found yourself being set down on the cold countertop of a bathroom sink. 

confused, still mostly asleep, you sunk your nails into Kyle’s hoodie, trying to hang on, a pitiful querulous noise escaping you as you tried to force yourself more awake. 

“Shh, lovie,” he murmured. “Just want to run a bath for ya.” 

after a moment’s debate you decided to not be angry with his presumption. with the insinuation. he was just taking care of you. simple as that. 

the bath was a bit of a blur, but you were bitterly disappointed when Kyle deliberately turned his back to let you get undressed and into the tub on your own. when he turned back he told you sternly not to pout, that’d he'd do the hard parts. 

he washed your hair for you, lulling you back to sleep with his hands in your hair massaging your scalp. some indeterminable amount of time later, he roused you with a kiss to your cheek and told you it was time to get out. 

like a gentleman, he kept his eyes averted as you got out and he wrapped you up in a huge towel that smelled like him. 

“Alright,” he said, frowning slightly. “We don’t have any of your clothes here, so-” 

“Can I wear yours?” the words left your mouth without thought, hope flaring bright at being so surrounded by him. you couldn’t have him the way you wanted, but maybe you could have this. 

Kyle lifted a brow. “I dunno, they may not fit well, sis. Your big bro’s got more’n a few inches on you.” 

a shiver chased down your spine, and you swallowed, shrugging to try and play it off as you squeezed your legs together. “So I’ll just wear a shirt tonight.” 

“You’ll be freezing,” he said dryly. “The heating in my condo is off until September.” 

the pout on your face deepened, and you turned it up to him, pleading softly, “I’ll be under the covers. Please? I won’t get cold. Promise.” 

Kyle’s mouth curved, his eyes warm and soft. with one hand he reached out and cupped your cheek. you leaned into it, humming, eyes slipping closed in pleasure. 

“You're gonna be the death of me, love, know that?” he sighed, but the words were so unbelievably fond you didn’t pay them any mind. three years with him as your brother had taught you to read him. he wasn’t worried or upset with you in the slightest. he was happy you were here. 

forcing your eyes open you looked up at him, trying to press his hand between your cheek and your shoulder, greedy for every bit of touch you could get. in the back of your head you wondered again if Johnny’d really called you Kyle’s girlfriend. “I’m tired, Kyle. I just wanna sleep.” 

his smile faltered and a crease appeared between his brows. “Shit, baby, I’m sorry. C’mon, lets get you settled.” 

just like he had been all night, he carried you into his bedroom, still wrapped practically head to to in the towel. you tucked your face against his collarbone and giggled. “You’re spoiling me. What if I forget how to walk?” 

the smirk on his face made your pussy clench. “I’ve survived worse than carrying my little sister around. I just consider it part of my big brother duties.” 

he set you down on the bed, and then rifled through his dresser drawers, muttering to himself. you took the opportunity to look around his bedroom, burning with curiosity. you’d never been inside, but you’d fantasized about being here so much. 

it was warmer than you’d thought it would be, or maybe cozier was the better word. it was a little chilly actually. an idea started to form in your head as Kyle turned around and offered a henley. 

“How about this? I think all of my hoodies are dirty right now, I actually don’t own that many clothes-”

you nodded, sneaking an arm out from the towel to take the henley. “No, no this is perfect, I love it.” 

the fabric was soft, cool to the touch under your fingers. 

Kyle snorted. “It’s a henley, lovie, not another stuffed bear, you don’t have to flatter me.” 

frowning, you shook your head, cuddling the shirt close. “No, I do love it. It’s my brother’s, why wouldn’t I love it?” 

something flashed in his eyes, and he opened his mouth, but then shook his head, and it was only when he relaxed and fell back a step that you realized he’d advanced much closer to you than you’d noticed. 

“Ok, I’m gonna turn around and let you get dressed.” 

he did exactly that. heat flushed your face. you were much more conscious this time about being naked in front of him, even if he (unfortunately) wasn’t looking. slowly you drew the towel off, letting it fall to the floor. 

electricity and need ran wild in your skin, and for a moment you almost wanted to call his name. make him turn, see you sitting naked and wet on his bed. 

shaking your head, you tugged the henley on over your head, trying to shove that thought away. but in the back of your head, you thought about what Johnny could’ve said. what if he had said it? why would he have called you that? 

was that what Kyle called you? 

you glanced at the neat pile of your dirty clothes now in Kyle’s hamper in the corner. your panties were in there. Kyle hadn’t offered you anything else. the henley came down to your midthighs so you didn’t technically need anything, but…

but if you were to bend over, or reach above your head, he’d be able to see. to see everything. 

carefully you got off of the edge of his bed before you left a visible wet spot there. Clearing your throat, you nervously tucked your hair behind your ears, prompting him to turn around. “Well?” you asked, holding your arms out, sharply aware of the hem of the shirt lifting, cool air wrapping around your thighs. “What do you think?” 

Kyle rubbed his mouth. His dark eyes dragged over you from your head down to your feet, and then back up, slow and deliberate. in the wake of his gaze you were left breathless, clit aching. the insides of your thighs were growing heated. 

“I think,” he said, and it couldn’t just be your imagination that his voice was deeper than usual. “That you look better in it than I do, sis.” 

your body burned, and you tried desperately to think of something to say to have him replace his eyes with his hands. 

he glanced at his watch, and then pointed meaningfully to the bed. “C’mon. I’ve kept you up late and you look like you haven’t slept in years. Bed time, love.” 

gathering your courage, you said, “You get in first. I don’t care which side I get.” 

Kyle looked like he’d been angling his body to leave, only to freeze now, blinking at you in confusion. “...what?” 

motioning to the bed, you said evenly, “Well we’re sharing the bed, aren’t we? You said you just had a one bedroom since the other one became your office.” 

“Yes,” he replied slowly. “But I can’t make you share a bed with me, sis, I’ll just go sleep on the couch-” 

firmly, much more firmly than you’d ever dared speak to him before, you dared to argue. “No.” 

he froze, eyes a little wide, eyebrows lowered like he was struggling to recognize you. 

this is your chance. take it. 

stepping closer to him, you caught his hand, tugging him towards the bed. “You’ve done so much for me. Not just tonight, but since you met me. And I’m not going to make you sleep on a couch in your own home. So either we both sleep in it, or I take the couch.” 

in an instant he was scowling. “Over my dead body will you sleep on any couch, baby.” 

you had him. you swallowed your smile, heat rushing into your pelvis. he was spoiling you tonight, calling you baby like this. like he couldn't help it. he hardly ever used that endearment with you. you wanted more. 

“So I guess we’re sharing the bed,” you said patiently, smiling at him. “Pick your side.” 

of course it wasn’t quite that simple. Kyle grumbled and protested and tried to insist on taking the couch, but you stood firm, unmovable. it wasn’t until you turned big, teary eyes on him and asked why he couldn’t share with his sister that he gave in. 

he put you in the bed first, but you were glad you were laying down as you watched him strip out of his day clothes, still grumbling and worrying, muttering to himself as he moved through his room like a lion prowling its enclosure. 

Kyle was grace and strength and power in a perfectly controlled package, his skin rich and luxurious, marred occasionally by a scar or decorated with a tattoo. you’d long since catalogued all of them in your sketchbooks, or at least all of the ones you’d seen, but you never got tired of looking. 

distracted from your gawking, and the heat crawling over your body and clouding your head, Kyle climbed under the covers, still grumbling. 

for now you kept your back to him, and since you couldn’t see it you smiled, smug and victorious. you’d never really had the opportunity to be spoiled before Kyle, but you imagined that it was something like this. always getting your way, even when you shouldn’t. and it was so good. 

you made your body relax, stay still, kept your breathing as even and slow as possible, not wanting Kyle to know how every nerve in your body was alive, your pussy drenched between your thighs. 

when the grumbling had stopped, you started shifting restlessly on the bed. just a little, at first. then slowly more and more noticeable, drawing his attention. demanding it, luring him in to the trap you were setting. 

“Lovie,” Kyle groaned through his teeth. “Why’re you moving around over there like you’re running a race?” 

fuck, he sounded so sexy when he was irritated. 

you shifted again, one last time before you hurriedly stilled and then replied, quietly, “M’fine, sorry.” 

a soft sigh, almost a hiss, and he moved, rising like a wave, one of his fists bracing on the other side of your body so he could stare down at you, frowning as he loomed, huge and undeniable. “Baby. I’m not gonna tell you again. We’re turning over a new leaf here, sis. You’re gonna tell your big brother everything, and you’re never gonna lie to me again, not even by omission. So don't tell me it's nothing or that you're fine. Tell me why you can’t sleep.” 

you turned over a little, squeezing your legs together, fighting the urge to slip a hand under the covers. licking your lips, you worked up the courage to plant the lie you’d decided on, to bait the trap for what you really wanted. “...I’m cold.” 

this time the groan that came out of Kyle was guttural, his head dropping down to rest against your collarbone, your nipples tightening in response to his sheer nearness, and your breath catching. 

“I told you that-” he shook his head, giving up. “Fuck it.” 

he flopped back down beside you, much nearer this time, and both of his muscular arms looped around your body, hauling you in close, tight enough against his chest you could feel every breath against your back. and he was warm, like he’d been laying in the sun and not the cold dreary evening weather in London. 

“Is that better, sis?” he asked. 

better? It was heaven. 

your clit throbbed, and you had to swallow the saliva that had pooled in your mouth. your heart was racing and you hoped he couldn’t feel it. his hands were in appropriate places on your stomach but you couldn’t help but think how close they were to your tits, to your pussy, how close his cock was. 

“It’s good,” you eventually managed. 

against the back of your neck, you felt him grin. “Good girl.” 

your eyes rolled back, and you twisted your fingers in the sheets and bit your lower lip hard to keep quiet. 

blissfully ignorant, Kyle just insisted gruffly, “Now sleep, alright?” 

all you could manage was a single, breathy sound that you hoped would convey something approaching agreement. 

you laid there, perfectly still, waiting. waiting. 

eventually his body relaxed even further, arms pulling you in closer as he dropped into sleep. 

it made you tremble, trying not to whimper at the feeling of his body pressing so tight against your own. he was so big, so warm, so fucking hot. 

and if you don’t have a mother anymore, some desperate, lilting voice in your head whispered, then you don’t technically have a step brother. right?  

your hips shifted, slow and cautious against Kyle, holding your breath. but he didn’t stir. 

he’s always been a heavy sleeper, he told you that. you can do whatever you want now. 

the thought made you dizzy. 

you wouldn’t touch him, not in his sleep of course, and you’d never have the courage to do it when he was awake, but maybe…maybe like this you could pretend. 

it would be the closest you’d ever be to the real thing, to actually having him inside you. 

you could pretend, it would be so close to the real thing. you knew how to be quiet, and quick, you’d gotten herself off in a scant few minutes just as routine before. 

you could. you could you could you could - 

for a moment you hung there, breathless, waiting for…something. a bolt of lighting to strike you as punishment for wanting to imagine your stepbrother was getting you off with his big, tough hands on your tender little virgin pussy. for Kyle to snap out of sleep and shove you off the bed, hissing angrily at you…

but he never would. 

he never could. 

he was the best big brother a girl could ask for. 

that thought was what had you slipping your hand below the hem of his borrowed shirt. you were dripping around your own fingers, the smallest little sound pressed out of your chest as you brushed your clit. 

he was so warm and so close, that forest and fresh air scent tinged with something dark clinging to the insides of your lungs, wrapping your head in a fog as you shifted to give yourself room to work. 

and as you did, your hips began to grind. ever so gently, slowly, barely noticeable, against Kyle’s hips. not enough to wake him, not enough for him to notice, just for you to pretend. 

having him this close already had you on edge, and you were dangling on the precipice, remembering feverishly how he’d looked coming to your rescue, pulling you into his chest, how he’d called you good girl on the phone that once- 

in his sleep Kyle groaned, and turned. a gasp got caught in your mouth as he rolled slightly, covering your body with more of his, pinning the hand you had between your thighs awkwardly to the mattress, cutting you off right before you could cum. 

you lay there a second, panting quietly, trying to think around the wild thought of how good he felt weighing you down, before he shifted in his sleep, and you felt it. 

he was hard. 

you whimpered, too loud, but you couldn’t fucking help it. the cock you’d literally been dreaming of for so long now was right there, tucked against the curve of your ass as he started rocking against you in his sleep, your stepbrother was having a wet fucking dream while holding you against his body- 

you didn’t even have to move your fingers. you came, hard and unexpected, shuddering and shaking beneath him. your thighs shook, and his hips never stopped rolling, lazy, half-coordinated thrusts of his seeking hips, unconsciously trying to find the hot, slick hole you wanted nothing more than for him to take. 

thinking was gone, out the window, out of the realm of possibilities. you didn’t need to think, you needed your brother to shove that thick length deep and make you cum on it. 

but even as that wishful thought formed, you felt him shift, the face he had pressed against your neck compressing, frowning. 

he was waking up. 

so this is fight, flight, or freeze, you thought stupidly as Kyle lifted his head, grunting sleepily, hips still grinding down. 

“Wha-” a sharp inhale, his hands bruise tight on your ribcage. “Fuck, fuck-” 

the second he tried to move away a sharp, pathetic whine pressed out of you. 

he froze. 

you could feel his heart thundering in his chest. or maybe that was just your own, your blood roaring loud enough in your ears to drown out any sane thought about what a bad idea this was. 

“...love,” he whispered. “You’re…fuck. I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to.” 

“It’s alright,” you said, breathless. your thighs were still trembling. and suddenly just getting off the once wasn’t enough. it never could have been enough. “I…I don’t mind.” 

Kyle paused, and your eyes nearly rolled back as your pussy throbbed at the weight of his gaze, his attention, so fully and completely on you. 

“You…what? What does that mean?” 

now or never. right? 

he wouldn’t be angry at you. not Kyle. he’d just tell you that it was alright, but it couldn’t happen, and to go back to sleep. and that would be the end of it. 

you turned your head, meeting his pinched gaze. 

and very deliberately, you lifted your hips, pressing your ass against his still hard dick. 

greedily you watched the flare of heat in his eyes, a small sound escaping you as his hands reflexively tightened on your body. 

“B-baby…” he said warningly, “I don’t think you know what you’re doing.” 

nodding, your cheek sliding against his pillowcase, you kept rubbing against his cock, your hands tight around his wrists in an effort to ensure he couldn’t leave. “I do,” you whispered. “I promise.” 

he groaned, and the sound rattled through your body right to your clit. he looked like a god, bathed in the moonlight pouring in from his bedroom window. 

“Lovie, this is-” 

“It’s alright,” you promised, trying to grind against him the way you’d seen in porn. “Please don’t leave, please stay.” 

another sound, frustrated, but almost like a moan poured from his mouth, making your body tingle. “Baby, I can’t, this isn’t-” 

“Please,” you begged, tears gathering in your eyes at the thought of him pulling away from you now. 

he stopped moving, eyes burning through your body. 

“Stay. It’s not weird,” you promised sweetly. “It’s not, we’re not really siblings.” 

his eyebrows snapped together. “Yes we fucking are. I’m your goddamn big brother.” 

those words, his dark tone, the feeling of his cock slotted between your ass cheeks, it was too much to bear. 

you moaned. 

way too loud, your eyes rolling back as your pussy clenched around nothing. 

god, why did it have to turn you on that he was your big brother? 

“Oh, fuck,” Kyle cursed, something you’d never heard before in his voice. Or maybe…maybe something you’d heard hints of, but never this strong. never unleashed. something that matched the dark tinge to his cologne that haunted your dreams and fantasies. “Fucking Christ, baby.” 

him calling you that only made you wetter, like always. 

“If I put my hand between those thighs that pussy would be wet. Wouldn’t it?” 

shock made you squeak, and then the following arousal hit you like you’d run into a goddamn wall when you’d processed what he’d actually fucking said. 

“She’s crying for me, isn’t she lovie?” he growled, voice lower, darker, and he slowly lowered his body back onto yours, cock throbbing behind the thin fabric of his boxers, the head of his cock pressed up against your asshole. “Let’s see f'I’m right, hm?” 

before you could think he’d slipped a hand beneath you, right between your thighs, cupping your whole sex in his palm like he’d done it a million times before. 

you sobbed, sparks dancing behind your eyelids, hips bucking weakly against his hand, trying to get some friction. 

“God, I fucking knew it,” he grunted, squeezing a little, then drawing his hand back and spanking your cunt, making you cry out. “Shit, my little sister’s got a wet fucking pussy because I called myself her big brother, is that right pretty girl?” 

what else could you do but be honest? Your head bobbed, some slutty babble bubbling out of you, you didn’t even know what you were trying to say, maybe just his name or ‘please’ or even ‘thank you’. 

since the day you’d met him your body had belonged to him. you wanted him to take it. 

“That’s what I thought,” he said, and shoved his hips forward, forcing you to grind against the heel of his hand as his fingers traced your hole. it caught you so off guard you nearly choked on your own moan, body jolting against his. “Think I didn't hear you on the phone, moaning like my personal goddamn dreams come to life when I told you not to dress like that where other blokes could see you? Think I didn't know you were getting off on your big brother telling you to keep this pussy locked up tight for him? Think I wasn't fucking my hand listing to you whine and moan like that on the phone with me?"

he'd known? all this time, he'd known? "Ky-Kyle-"

"You've been torturing me with it," he accused, his hand squeezing tight, grinding his cock against your ass when you jolted as he brushed your clit just right, light flashing behind your eyes at the sensation. "It's been torture listening to you cum again and again just from me telling you what to do, trying to hide it from me. Torture, haven't I been good to you? Aren't you gonna apologize for torturing me, baby?"

guilt and pleasure swirled inside of you, and mindless with the need to keep his hands on your body and comfort him to draw out that hurt tone in his words, you rushed to say, "M'sorry, Kyle."

"Nah," he grunted, spanking your pussy again and kissing the crest of your ear as you sobbed, "Say it sweeter, need a bigger apology than that, don't I deserve it?"

"M' sorry," you cried, your hands around his wrist, hips twitching, not sure if you wanted more of that spanking or less. "M'so sorry, didn't mean to be mean to my big brother, m'sorry, m'sorry!"

he shushed you sweetly, kissing your ear again, his hand now gentle as he cupped your pussy, squeezing it like it belonged to him.

didn't it?

"Thank you," he said warmly directly in your ear. his fingers traced your slick folds, the sounds making your face heat. "That's a sweet apology, baby. But I want you to make it up to me. Can you do that? Won't you make all that teasing up to your big brother?"

you tried to answer but his fingers circled your clit and all you could manage was a broken half syllable.

"Say yes," he whispered. "Say you'll make it up to me, however I want."

through the shake in your hands, in your thighs, pussy pulsing against his hand you nodded fervently. "Yes, please, wanna make it up to you, whatever you want, please!"

"Shit, that’s what I fucking thought.” 

in a flash you were on your back, staring up at him. your arms were pinned above your head by one of his hands, and the look in his eyes made your stomach flip even as your pussy clenched on nothing. he looked like a man gone mad, pushed too far beyond all reason. he looked starving. and you were the main course. 

“I’m your big brother,” he repeated, making your knees tighten around his hips, “but that’s not all you want me to be, is it baby? You want me to act like your boyfriend too, don’t you?” 

fuck, fuck, fuck! 

“Yes, yes, fuck, please, Kyle, want you to be both, I need it.” the words burst out of you without running through your head for approval first. 

it made him smile, slightly mean at the corners. “D’you know why you want that, sweetheart?” 

you shook your head. 

he leaned down, catching your mouth in a kiss. you gasped into it, too startled to even respond at first, trying hard to play catch up to the way he was devouring your mouth, licking over your teeth like he was making a point. 

“You want me to be your big brother, and you want me to be your boyfriend, because you know that only your big brother could ever take proper care of you and this sweet little pussy. No one else could take care of you like me, could make you this wet.” 

god, wasn’t that the truth. you lifted your mouth up in silent offering to him. “Only you, Kyle.” 

“Fuck.” his hands tore at the henley he’d put you in, groaning when he sat back to get a good look at you, bathed in moonlight. “God, look at that. Look at you, sweetheart, my sweet, perfect little sister, so horny for her big brother you had to ride his cock while he was sleeping, huh?”

the blush on your cheeks burned, heightened by Kyle’s wicked smile, by his hands cupping your breasts, squeezing hard, rolling your nipples between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Such pretty tits, baby. And that sweet little pussy, fuck.” his gaze snapped back to your face, suddenly hard, fingers squeezing tight enough to make you squeal. “No one else has ever seen any of this, have they? You’ve been good for me and kept all of it safe, just for me, haven’t you? Haven’t you baby?” 

nodding fervently, you said, “Yes, yes, just f’you, Kyle, fuck, only wanted you to see, no one else, I promise I promise-” 

he let go of your nipples, and you slumped back against the sheets, panting, unsure if it was in relief or disappointment. 

“Good girl,” he crooned. 

your whole body quaked, another too loud moan pressed out of you from the praise. 

a shuffled of fabric had you turning your head, and you whined with need, knees twitching up to open yourself wider in silent offering as you watched him shove down his boxers, pulling out his cock. 

your jaw dropped. “That…that won’t…Kyle I can’t…it’s so big!” 

he chuckled, one hand catching your chin, lifting your face to his own. “Nah, trust me, you can take it,” he crooned, kissing you sweetly, each pass of his lips over yours a drug that pulled you deeper into the red hot need that clouded your every thought until only being good for your big brother remained. “You wanna take it, don’t you, lovie? You’ve been wanting this dick so bad, haven’t you? Been dreaming about your big brother’s cock.” 

the hand on your chin shook your face slightly, making you open your eyes to meet his hard gaze. 

“Say it, baby. Or I can't give you an inch.” 

the threat alone nearly made you cry, and you scrambled to comply. “Yes, I’ve wanted it so long, Kyle,” you said, clutching at his sides, forgetting all about your earlier hesitance. “Thought about it so much, please, please, please give it to me, I need it.” 

he hummed, fucking his tongue into your mouth in a slow, drugging kiss, his weight shifting over your body, pressing you down, down into the mattress. 

“Say ‘I need my big brother’s cock’,” he murmured against your lips. 

“I need my big brother’s cock, please!” 

he groaned, and you - you felt it, felt his cock twitch against your inner thigh. 

fuck. 

fuck. 

Kyle liked it as much as you did. how long had he liked it? had he looked at you and wanted you, the same way you’d looked and wanted him? 

you’d give it to him. every fantasy, every dream, every idle horny thought and desire. anything and everything for your big brother. 

it was like the last of your nerves vanished with that realization, and you laid back, secure in the knowledge you were about to get everything you’d ever wanted. 

“Please,” you begged prettily, watching Kyle’s eyes glimmer, feeling the teasing heat of his cock carefully evading the lifting of your hips trying to rub against him. “Please give it to me? Please, Kyle? I’ll be good, I promise, I promise.” 

the smile on his mouth made your pulse pick up. 

“There's my girl.” 

the weight of his cock finally, finally, finally settled against your cunt, and you moaned, mouth dropping open and staying open as the tip lodged right against you. he was so hot, it felt like he was burning, and you needed all of it inside you so you could burn right along with him. 

“Can feel her clenching,” Kyle grit out, and you nodded dumbly. “Shit, haven’t even made you cum proper and you’re already so pretty n' cockdrunk. Knew you’d be so perfect, lovie, so good for your big brother.” 

he shoved forward, burying half of his cock deep in one push, and you screamed, nails clawing up his sides, the stretch of pain and the friction of pleasure clattering about in your insides until you couldn’t separate the two. 

all you could see was Kyle, dark skin gleaming in the moonlight, eyes burning burning burning. all you could feel was his body, weighing you down into the mattress, stretching you so wide you feared you’d split in half, every breath either of you took causing him to rub against something that was driving you insane. 

all you could smell was him. the forest, fresh air, that tinge of darkness, thicker now, heavier. and sex. who would've known that sex had a smell, and it smelled like heaven, like taking your big brother’s cock for the first time. 

vaguely you were aware that you were saying something, or trying to at least. maybe asking for more, begging him to go easy, to take it slow, to let you adjust. 

he leaned down, wrapping his arms around your back, pulling you close. he kissed your cheek sweetly. “S’alright, baby, you can take it. Be good for your big brother, hm? Be good, and take this-” 

without warning he pulled his hips back and shoved forward again, burying himself balls deep. you screamed loud and shrill, your vision whiting out, all thought utterly vanishing into basic words like: 

big. 

hot. 

fuck. 

“Fuck, there's my girl,” Kyle moaned, his hips starting to roll, not giving you a second to adjust. “There's my fucking girl, fuck, you took that so good, sweetheart, take it so good when your brother fucks you, you were made for this, weren’t you? Hm? Is that it? Is that what you wanted?” 

yes, yes, yes, that was what you wanted, all you’d ever wanted, even if it hurt, you wanted it to hurt, wanted to feel it, to have to feel it the next day, the next week, to remember who’d done it to you, every moment of every day. 

tears were running down your cheeks, and you only knew because Kyle told you. 

“Look so sweet crying on my cock, so pretty, that’s a girl, that’s a girl, fucking cry for me, can feel that hot little virgin cunt fucking clenching, she’s ready to fucking cum, there's a good girl, my good fucking girl, perfect baby sister, love you so fucking much, god!"  

you were close, you were so close, you would’ve already cum but you wanted to hear Kyle, hanging on to every syllable, writhing against him on his cock as he forced you to take every fat inch, like he was carving a path through your insides just for his cock, a space no one else could ever possibly hope to fill. 

a space he’d never let anyone else even try to. 

and those hot words kept falling from his mouth, driving you higher and higher. “Such a good girl, such a good fucking girl. Saved this perfect fucking pussy all for me, waited until I got you alone so you could ride it like a good fucking girl, god, wanted this so fucking much, no idea, no fucking idea.” 

he turned his head, sucking a mark on your throat, thrusts growing harder, rougher, your eyes rolling back in your head, a faint roar building in your ears. 

“Thank me,” he growled, demanding. “Thank me for it, baby, be a good girl and say fucking thank you.” 

“Thank you,” you cried obediently, barely hanging on, hardly able to think, just doing what he told you to, just like always, and wasn’t that a fucking relief. “Thank you, thank you thank you, such a good big brother, love you so much, feels so good, Kyle !” 

he was pounding your cunt, hard enough that all you could do was fucking take it, tears streaming down your face as the pleasure built too high, too hot, too fast, too much. you couldn’t take it, you couldn’t bear it, it was gonna break you- 

“Cum,” he ordered, almost sweet in your ear. “God, cum on your big brothers cock, make me fill you up with my cum, that’s what you fucking want, isn’t it?” 

the entire world vanished. 

the orgasm that followed his command ripped through you, blotting out breath, shutting out light and sound and scent and feel. 

your body locked, every muscle contracting, and the scream he drove out of you could’ve woken the dead. 

the last thing you felt before you passed out was Kyle’s teeth on your neck, and something hot splashing against your inner walls. 

when you came to, you almost thought it was a dream. you were clean and dry again, and redressed in Kyle’s henley. 

for a moment, you froze, devastated, panic clawing up your throat. 

but then you shifted, and pain lanced up through your insides, making you hiss through your teeth and freeze. 

Kyle clicked his tongue, brow furrowed as he moved to brace himself on a fist to hover over you, his other hand softly rubbing over your side like he was quieting an animal. 

“Shh, just lay there a second, baby.” he leaned down, catching your mouth in a soft, sweet kiss. “Just relax. That was a little rough for your first time.” 

first time. 

“It…” your voice was rough, barely a croak, but you had to confirm. “It really happened? I didn’t dream it?” 

Kyle’s face softened, lovewarm and sweet. “Nah, lovie. Not a dream. Not this time.” 

fresh tears, this time of relief, pricked your eyes, your fingers pulling at his sides. “Thank god.” 

he chuckled, moving slowly, covering your body and pressing you back into the mattress. 

strangely, you felt like you could only breathe properly again when he was completely on top of you, like the world’s best weighted blanket. 

“You did so good for me,” Kyle praised, kissing your preening smile. “So pretty, sis. I’m gonna let you get a little rest, but then I’m gonna have you drink some water and eat something, alright?” 

you pouted, jutting out your lower lip at him. “No. Wanna sleep.” 

chuckling, he kissed your forehead, his hands squeezing your hips, your waist, your ribcage, massaging the sore muscles. “You’re gonna be good and do what I tell you. Won’t you?” 

“Yes, Kyle.” 

you always would. 

“Good girl.” he nudged your noses together. “I’m gonna take care of you,” he promised quietly into the dark of the night. “Exactly like a big brother should.”  

you shivered, grinning hard against his mouth. your hands rubbed clumsily, almost drunkenly over his broad shoulders. "Did Soap call me your girlfriend?"

Kyle froze.

frowning, you turned your head, only to catch him with the guiltiest face you'd ever seen.

"Well," he said slowly. you'd swear he was blushing. "Um. Y'see..."

you just laughed, drowning out his feeble excuses. you didn't even need them. icing on the perfect cake that was today. and suddenly you could feel it. a weight that had been holding you down your whole life, pinning you in place, freezing you in time, locked in a standstill watching as life happened around you and not to you, it all just...vanished.

breathing was easy, even with Kyle muttering (pouting) as he pressed you down against the mattress, his heavy body still the world's best weighted blanket. you were warmer than you'd ever been, happier than you'd ever dreamed. safer than you'd ever wanted, wanted more than you'd ever fantasized.

"What're you thinking about?" Kyle asked softly, kissing your cheek.

turning your head, you pressed your mouth to his, sleep clumsy and soft. "Love you," was all you said. "So much."

the corners of his mouth turned up against yours, and he pulled you even closer somehow. "Love you too, sweetheart. More than you know."

[beeboopneep]

:)

I firmly believe that the batfam would be a half-decent family to be adopted into while not knowing about their Nighttime Activities TM... at least in the beginning.

Lets say that Kiddo gets dropped off after the death of their last guardian (mother, most likely) and somehow the cops get their hands on a letter or something that says that Kiddo is Bruce Wayne's biological child. CPS wouldn't DNA test a child otherwise, but with some sort of evidence they may. Either way, something tells me that as soon as Bruce was notified of the possible child he would get the test done lol. While that processes the kid would end up in foster care (yikes! Gotham foster care is def rough af) whether Bruce is a foster father or not (that sounds like a problematic placement and he'd probably have to pull strings if he wanted to take care of them during this time). So, for 3-14 days an already traumatized, possibly orphaned child waits in limbo in a cesspool of a foster system. Trauma on top of trauma. And then the results come back and Yay! You've got a daddy!

So they pack up everything and go live with the People's Billionaire who they have definitely seen scandals of on the news before. Can you imagine the thoughts going through their head at the time? Are the other kids gonna bully me? Does he even want biological kids? Is he abusive? Neglectful? Pervy?? Does he really drink that damn much and fall in that many damn fountains?!?

And then they'd meet him and he'd be... stoic? And awkward and kind of cold? Which they could definitely take wrong (Bruce is emotionally inept, not malicious) and assume he hates them off the bat. They withdraw, straining themselves and the barely-there relationship more. The ink's still fresh on their adoption and they already want to leave.

Anyway, lets say things pick up. They meet Dick, the emotional center of the household, and then Jason, their caring (if abrasive) older brother, and so on. They start to find their place. Maybe they still struggle to warm up to Bruce or really feel like on of his kids, especially since everyone else seems so comfortable.

But Dick invites them to get ice cream and burgers and whatever else just as an excuse to spend time with them and make sure they're adjusting well (or enough to be expected). Jason teaches them to punch and how to finally get A's on the English assignments, and how to actually like their English assignments. He buys them fancy bookmarks and they pretend not to notice that he has the same one (they match!). Tim comes to them whenever he finds out a new fact he thinks they'll like and lets you pull coffees out of his hands without too much complaint after he's surpassed his daily limit (he only gives a grumble and an affectionate look) Cass teaches Kiddo all the best places to hide during hide-and-seek and pulls you into her side during movie nights. Cass makes sure you always have someone to eat with if them want it and brings back food whenever she's out. After some work, Damian even lets you help him train Titus!

But they still can't quite settle in because... where did everyone go at night?

If Kiddo's home situation before wasn't exactly ideal then they'd be a light sleeper, which is how they'd wake, and if not it's because they go down for a glass of water or something and see way too many bedroom doors open and beds empty on their way. Either way, after living with people for so long they'd catch on.

They notice that every single person in the household had been unaccounted for at some time. Every single one of their siblings plus both adults in the house were getting together every night to do something without them.

The realization was like a stone at the bottom of their stomach. And so, they start to pull away.

And everyone notices.

[luxaofhesperides]

Can I please have meet cute/weird with mistaken villain! Danny (but really just a engineer and or chem student) and the one being put on investigation cause Danny is a day villain(not really)! Duke

Technically, Danny Fenton is innocent. Technically. 

Duke wants to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially since he’s having so much trouble finding solid evidence that Danny is stealing from a wide variety of people, but he’s been burned before by trying to see people as better than they were. It doesn’t change the fact that Oracle’s cameras keep spotting Danny right before a building on the street is broken into and something stolen. He’s always just walking down the sidewalk; no one has spotted him entering or exiting a building, but he’s around far too often to be unconnected to these burglaries. 

It doesn’t help that strange, petty crimes have been on the rise since Danny first arrived in Gotham. 

So.

Danny Fenton is technically innocent.

Duke is trying to prove that he’s not. 

Maybe I’m looking too closely, he thinks, going over Danny’s sparse file in the Hatch. Maybe Danny’s only one person in a bigger operation.

He could just be the lookout, the runner, the information gatherer who marks which buildings to hit. He may even be the scapegoat, the sacrificial lamb; Danny has no support in Gotham, no family, no job. There would be no one to help him if he got arrested or injured in a fight. He’s a freshman college student from Illinois who should be unprepared for life in Gotham but is somehow managing to survive like a native. 

There’s a lot about Danny that doesn’t add up. 

Duke has seen plenty of different people since he first went out as the Signal. He’s tried to be kind and give people the benefit of the doubt, but it leads to his loved ones being put in danger. Some people are truly evil, some working on a malicious agenda, some are misguided in their beliefs, and some are desperate people who see no other way to move forward.

He’s not sure yet which on Danny is, but he’s hoping Danny is just desperate and needs a little help to get out of a life of crime.

Which leads to the next problem: Duke has no idea what Danny is steal, or why. He hits both rich and poor folks, civilians and members of the mob, and once, notably, stole something right out of Cobblepot’s office. Allegedly, at least, since no one saw him enter or exit the office, not even the security cameras. 

But added to the whispers going around about a new group in Gotham snatching people up from the streets, and some strange green substances found in warehouses often raided by police for the frequent drug labs that pop up in them… 

It doesn’t look good for Danny. Especially when a few of the items he stole were found where people either vanished or where that green substance has been found.

A week of analysis in the Batcave and they still don’t know what it is. 

Both Damian and Jason suspected Lazarus water, but the composition was completely different. By the look of the molecular structure, it shouldn’t have been in a liquid form at all. 

All these findings lead back to one person who may have answers: Danny Fenton.

According to Tim, who’s already broken into Danny’s dorm room and checked over all the labs he has classes in, Danny has some concerning items in his possession. Various inventions and little metal knick-knacks put together by a practiced hand. He was also the one to find all the information that went into Danny’s file when it was first being made: social media posts, school report cards, news articles about his parents… everything. 

And then he had an emergency mission to take with the Titans that swept him out of Gotham leaving Duke to tackle this investigation on his own. 

He doesn’t have Tim’s natural skill in stalking and invading privacy. He hates breaking into people’s spaces and following them around, but needs must and he has to force himself to work through the discomfort. 

It’s a good thing he did, too. Danny’s leaving his dorm after his last afternoon class, hood up to hide his face and something held in the front pocket of his hoodie. He ducks around people on the sidewalk easily, almost as if he’s gliding through the crowd instead of walking. 

Duke follows from above, bending the light around him to hide him from sight. 

He walks for some time, weaving through alleys and streets as if he’s been in Gotham his whole life, leaving behind the university campus to head towards Otisberg. There’s something strange about the way Danny walks, as if he’s moving around people who aren’t there, guided by something Duke can’t hear. Even using his meta abilities doesn’t do much beyond show him where Danny’s going to be in the next few seconds. 

He continues to follow Danny on the rooftops, walking along the edge to keep him in sight. 

Then Danny stops behind an apartment building and tilts his head back to look up at it. He tilts his head to the side, then nods and looks around the empty alley. Duke crouches down, keeping his eyes on Danny in the hopes of catching him in the act—

Danny disappears.

Duke curses under his breath and jumps down from the roof, putting more strength into his abilities as soon as his feet touch the ground. 

The space where Danny was has a faint outline, oddly enough. He’s never seen that before. From it is a semi-transparent trail, smoke-like and a pale green leading into the building. It goes straight into a wall, as if Danny walked through it.

He can’t go in and search the entire apartment, but he can grapple up and take a look into the hallways to see where Danny’s heading. If he was looking up, then that’s where he should be heading. 

It doesn’t take any effort to scale the building. There are ledges and windowsills and plenty of handholds for him to propel himself off of, and paired with his powers, Duke is able to find the correct floor in just under two minutes. 

The green smoke slowly dances through the air of the ninth floor, on the east side of the building. If he’s been counting the rooms correctly, then the target of tonight’s burglary has to be apartment 924. 

The curtains are drawn on the window he makes his way over to, and his abilities don’t show him anything helpful for the immediate future. He hates going in blind, especially to a civilian’s home, but capturing Danny takes priority. Duke picks the lock and slides the window up slowly, making sure it stays quiet, then slips into an empty bedroom. 

He makes his way out into the hallway on silent feet, keeping a wary eye on the thin smoke strands of green, curling along the walls. The rest of the apartment is empty as well, pale sunlight slanting across the floor through the blinds. 

Everything is still and silent. Danny’s nowhere to be found. 

Did he miss Danny leaving, somehow? Was this a misdirect to get him out of the way while Danny stole from another location? Did he know Duke was following him?

But no, his ears pick up on the faint sound of clothes rustling. 

Cautiously, Duke turns towards the front door, where the door to the coat closet is open. He focuses on what’s going to happen in the next twenty seconds and sees Danny panic, then disappear from sight again, but a transparent outline of his body is visible just enough to show him where he runs to. Best not to spook him; Duke pulls at the light around him and bends it to hide him from sight.

Then he moves along the wall, getting around the open door without bumping into anyone or anything. 

A figure in front of the coats, shoving them to the side roughly, flickers in and out of view, almost like a reflection in water, distorted by ripples on the surface. 

Danny pops back into visibility suddenly, scowling at the coats. “Are you sure it’s in here?” he asks the empty air. 

There is no answer, but Danny acts like there is. He rolls his eyes and says, “It’s a favor. That I’m doing for you. I can literally stop right now and you wouldn’t be able to stop me.” He shoves aside another heavy winter coat, then sighs. “Why don’t you look for it, and then tell me where it is.”

He steps back and bumps into Duke.

Danny whirls around, eyes wide, and blast of green light has Duke crashing back into the wall, trying to blink spots out of his eyes. 

“Wait!” he yells, grabbing for Danny before he can run off. “I just wanna talk!”

“Standing right behind me like a serial killer does not make you look like someone who wants to talk!” Danny yells back, slipping through his hands like mist. 

“I just have a few questions!”

“Well, I have a question: why?!”

“Will you hold still, we’re being too loud!”

Danny escapes to the other side of the apartment, next to a window looking fully prepared to fling himself out of it. But he does stop yelling, so Duke is counting it as a success.

“Why is the Signal coming after me?” Danny asks, glaring at him suspiciously.

“Dude,” Duke says, “You’ve been seen outside of every single building that’s had a burglary since you first arrived in Gotham. All the Bats are after you, they just sent me because I’m the only one active during the day.”

“All the Bats?” Danny repeats, losing what little color he had in his face.

He looks legitimately scared, pale enough to be concerning, and Duke drops his guard and tries to relax the tension in the apartment. “I’m not gonna turn you into the cops or anything. I just had questions and you seem like the most likely person to have answers. That’s it.”

Danny still looks wary, ready to run at a moment’s notice, but he doesn’t leave when Duke approached casually, leaning his weight against the couch. 

“So,” he begins, “What’s the deal with all the thievery? It’s rarely something super rare or expensive.”

There’s a long few minutes where Danny doesn’t answer, looking anywhere but at Duke. Then he twitches a bit and glares off to the side, and says, “I taking items that are contaminated with ectoplasm to help ghosts move through the veil and leave Gotham.”

That tells him nothing! That just gives Duke more questions! But at least it’s an answer, the first one any of them have got.

“I think you’re gonna have to explain a little more.”

“Ghosts are real, alright?”

“Yes.”

Danny stops. Squints at him. “What do you mean, ‘yes’?”

“Ghosts are real,” Duke repeats, “There are a few who help heroes or are heroes themselves, but that’s more on the magic side of things so I’m not super familiar with it.”

“Magic,” Danny says slowly. “Sure, alright. Um. Yes, ghosts are real. And there are a ton in Gotham who need help moving on, but they’re too weak to get past the veil. Something about Gotham has made the veil super strong, so they need a little boost to get through. Additional ectoplasm bonded helps with that.”

“And that’s why you’re stealing random things?”

“The ghosts I help can kind of sense ectoplasm-infused things, but they need me to grab them since they can’t hold anything without a physical body.”

Duke nods slowly. “Okay, that’s starting to answer some things. We have found those objects in the last places missing people were seen. Any idea what’s going on with that?”

“Yeah, those people were already dead.”

The way Danny says the most concerning answers as if they’re nothing is really throwing Duke off his game. He was expecting to be calm and serious to keep Danny from freaking out too much and look like a legitimate hero. But as soon as Danny started talking, all his nerves fell away and Duke is left grasping for composure. 

“They were…”

“They were ghosts, yeah. And they needed to get through the veil. But they were also able to possess their own bodies and didn’t realize they were dead until I had to break the news to them, which is why it looks like living people just up and disappeared.”

“Okay… What about the green stuff we’ve been finding?”

“Ectoplasm.” Danny holds up a hand and a neon green light surrounds it. Except it looks more solid than light, as if it can be touched, and it moves on its own like fire around Danny’s fingers. “It’s what ghosts are made of.”

Oh. If Danny has ectoplasm, does that mean…

“Are you dead?” Duke asks, heart dropping. 

Instead of looking upset about the question, or even disturbed by it, Danny just shrugs and waves his hand back and forth. “A little.”

“Okay, so let me get this straight,” Duke says, trying to resist the urge to rub his temples. It’s a habit he didn’t mean to pick up from Batman, and it would just look silly with his helmet in the way. “You’re just doing all this to help ghosts?”

“Yeah. Basically. They asked for help man, of course I was going to help them.”

Danny’s a good person. He’s just a good person to ghosts. But this is good news either way, and he can let the others know that Danny isn’t the next Catwoman and is entirely unconnected from any drug production. Everything that made him look like a criminal is just the fault of ghosts. 

“Speaking of,” Danny continues, “Looks like they found what they need, so I’m going to grab that real quick.” He pushes off of the wall and heads for the closet again, moving past Duke without any fear. Duke follows, keeping a few feet of distance between them so Danny doesn’t feel trapped, and watches as he shoves aside the coats again and pulls a shoebox out of the depths of the closet. From it, he takes a single intricate lace headband and holds it up.

It looks normal, if a little old, but when Danny sends ectoplasm through it, the lace lights up and holds the glow. 

He pulls some strange contraption out of his pocket and holds it up to the headband. It makes a few beeps, then Danny mutters, “7.4 millisieverts. That’s enough to get you through the veil.”

Another concern Duke can let go of: Danny’s not creating weapons like his parents have, he’s just measuring ectoplasm through his own inventions. 

Maybe he could talk to Bruce or Tim about getting Danny an internship at the R&D lab in Wayne Enterprises? That way they could keep a closer eye on him while seeing what he can create in some of the best laboratories in the country.

Well, it might take having them meet Danny before they trust him enough for that, but Duke is sure he can make it happen. 

“I better go see this through, then,” Danny says, shoving the contraption back into his hoodie pocket. He gives Duke a small awkward wave, then pops out of visibility. “I’ll see you around, I guess?” he disembodied voice hedges, and Duke smiles.

“I’m sure I’ll be able to find you again.”

“Cool. I gonna go now!” 

He doesn’t see any sign that Danny’s left, but he gets a feeling that he’s alone now, the apartment suddenly emptier than it was before. 

As strange and concerning as Danny and all his bizarre actions were, Duke is glad he was able to finally talk to him and get some answers. Knowing how Gotham pulls people him in, it’s only a matter of time before the other Bats are exposed to Danny’s kind of strange. He’s already looking forward to it. 

For now, though, he has a file to update in the Hatch; POTENTIAL THREAT will be removed and replaced with GHOST HELPER. 

If anyone goes snooping into his files and gets confused, then that’s their problem. Duke’s explained enough. And Danny can take care of the rest, once they go through the effort of tracking him down. Duke's done his part, he's ready for the rest of them to step up to his level.

He can’t wait to see what other kind of trouble Danny can get it into.

[wannaeatramyeon]

Goo Kim x Reader: Cycling through the love languages

G/N. Self-indulgent af. Goo has a realisation about you.

Goo knows for a fact you like him.

Who wouldn't? Who doesn't?

Maybe Gun and Charles Choi actually, and he knows he pisses Kouji and Crystal off something bad. The majority of the crews too. And that sour faced woman from the cafe this morning. There was also the guy who yelled obscenities and flipped him off for driving erratically.

Ah whatever. He casts aside his growing list of enemies with a wave of the wrist and an adjustment of his glasses.

Point is, you like him. You. The only one that matters.

Why you can't admit it to yourself or to him, he can't understand.

...Nevermind the fact that it's only recently that he has admitted to himself that he likes you. After one too many knowing looks from Kouji, and then another too many drinks the other night when Gun remained stone faced and Crystal couldn't stop rolling her eyes as Goo started gushing. Tongue loosening and desires spoken and spilling over into reality.

The realisation wasn't so much a shock to the system, as a comforting hug. Like yes, finally. 

His weird little daydreams, his growing apathy towards fighting and work, or really anything that excludes you. The way you said you liked his suit the other month and he walked with a spring in his step all morning and afternoon and evening and night, and has worn that suit damn nearly every day since.

It all makes sense.

So yes. Fine. He likes you. A lot. 

Sometimes the thought of seeing you makes him feel giddy with excitement. Other times the thought of replacing his first love, good old dependable cash, with you makes him feel sick and he breaks out into a cold sweat.

Here’s the thing though: Goo likes calculated risk. He likes the thrill of the chase.

He-

Likes-

You.

And if you want him to be the one that chases and pursues you then ok. He will. Challenge accepted.

.

.

Let's do this the easy way. Flirting.

It might have been more successful if he wasn't so flirty and playful anyway. Curse him and his charismatic ways.

(Or so he tells himself.)

You don't find him too different from usual, all things considered. Maybe more of a nuisance, buzzing around you like an errant fly.  His smile is greasier, words honey sweet. He leers at you. Waggles his eyebrows like you're in on a joke together.

Dear heavens, you think he also winks at you too. When you frown at that, he just clicks his tongue in annoyance and says there's something in his eye.

You think that's a lie. In fact, you know it is. His eye is completely fine but he is moody and pouty for hours after.

.

.

No, the wink didn't work. The flirting can't really be counted as a success. Nevertheless, his flirting doesn't stop at syrupy words, Goo is touchier too.

He's a touchy person by nature, especially in the right situation and with the right person. Whatever is needed to twist a situation to his advantage. A chin rested on your shoulder, casual arm thrown around your waist. A playful shove, footsie under the table that is more rough and malicious, aiming to hurt, than cute and teasing.

But he's close, closer than ever. Banter muttered into your ear, breath prickling your skin.

Every moment is just a new opportunity to touch you. Your hand, your shoulder, hip, lower back.

You never minded before, you gotten used to his touches surprisingly quickly except now-

The caresses and contact poorly hide a yearning. There's a different intent. It's purposeful and calculated. This doesn't escape your notice.

Goo also doesn't miss the heat that rises to your cheeks. The pretty pink flush when he pulls you near. The hitch of your breath.

Ah. There it is.

Success at last.

.

.

Sadly for him, success doesn't last long. You get used to his wily ways quick enough, you always do.

And it doesn't have the profound effect on you that Goo initially anticipated. He thought that might lead to a confession of sorts from yourself, and even you both skipping into the sunset together.

Neither happens. You stay as cutely tight lipped as ever.

Well if he can't worm his way into your heart with his A game and progress whatever this is you both have going on-

(Which is frankly a little insulting to think about. Goo would like you to know that some people have taken one look, one!, at his hot self and thrown themselves to his feet.)

-Then he can just buy your love.

In Goo's world, in this world, there is nothing that money can't solve. Luckily, Goo has lots of it.

He starts small.

Your reaction when he gave you a bouquet of flowers was rather sweet. He takes note of the way your face softens, how your eyes crinkle when you smile, the shape of your lips as you’re surprised with his gesture.

 If Goo was the sappy sort, he would say that it felt like his heart skipped a beat.

Turns out that he is the sappy sort, and he talked Crystal's ear off about it until she kicked him out of her office and slammed the door in his face.

Next, the jewellery you seemed taken aback by. A few pieces you looked at in distaste despite the size of the gemstones, had the audacity to say they're garish and inconvenient. 

“It’s too much,” you tell him. “Take them back. Return them. Please.”

You left all but one: a simple ring with a plain design.

The affront that Goo felt only lasted for a night at your rejection, dissipating the moment he saw the ring on your finger the next day, shining brightly in the sun. Enough to rival the smile that crept over his face.

.

.

Turns out that the car dealership was a step too far though, a step too ill thought out. The gifts gradually got bigger and grander until one weekend afternoon, you were looking around at brand new vehicles with Goo.

"This is by appointment only," he doesn't hesitate to brag. "It's exclusive. They managed to fit me 'cos I'm kinda a big deal."

You hum in response, your usual go to reply when Goo is feeling particularly full of himself and you’re half listening.

"What do you think of this one, sweetheart?" he asks, steering you towards the most expensive vehicle in the showroom, with more horsepower or torque or whatever it is enthusiasts talk about.

A sleek and shiny sports car that you know for a fact costs more than you will ever make in a year. All chrome and aerodynamic lines, that screams I have money and the biggest dick around here (or tiniest, depending on who you ask and whether you think they're trying to overcompensate).

You take one look at Goo, eyes dropping to his crotch and feel your body flushing. You quickly try to shake those obscene thoughts from your head.

"Um," you clear your throat, which has mysteriously dried up at the last second, "It's nice I guess? Bit much though." You poke your head through the window, admiring the top of the range features and the smell of fresh leather. Goo is nothing if not in your face, and this car certainly fits his vibe.

"Nothing is too much for you!" his voice floats over your shoulder, and you whip your head to stare at him.

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"What do you mean?"

"It's on me, cupcake! For you." He throws his arm around your shoulder, a touch of sincerity under his usual viper grin.

Huh. Not only is this excessive-

"My apartment doesn't have any parking," You state, and Goo starts calculating if he likes you enough to buy you a new apartment also and unfortunately the drop in his bank balance still doesn't outweigh his feelings for you. Whether you will accept is the question but he can work on that.

All thoughts are derailed though with your next words-

"I can't drive. I don't have my licence. And the thought of navigating Seoul traffic," you grimace at the idea, "Nightmare. Not for me. No thanks."

Oh. For fuck's sake. There goes the idea to buy your love with gifts. Most people would say thank you with a smile and go to at least sell the car but of course you would rebuff him. He’s been letting you take advantage of his bank balance, his hard earned money, and of course you’re too good to him to do that.

‘So this entire day was a complete waste of time,’ Goo thinks sourly hours later, meandering the streets side by side with you, spending the rest of your afternoon together. Until-

"Oh my god I love these!" You exclaim, taking a bite out of the hotteok. Fresh off the grill from the street vendor, paid for by your companion. Out of everything he has given, or tried to give you - you're the happiest with the cheap street food. "You're the best!" you tell him between mouthfuls.

Goo doesn't stop his chest from puffing out at that comment. Those words elevating today from being deemed a waste to... fun.

And actually, a little sweet.

.

.

If he can't win you over completely with gifts, then he will show you how irreplaceable he is.

Over the next week, Goo is at your beck and call. His clinginess taken to whole new levels. He's at your home more often than not, by your side almost every moment of the day.

"Don't you have work?" You ask when he's glued to your side one morning.

"You're more important, sweetheart," he says, words off the cuff and surface level.

It's only hours later, when he has reluctantly peeled himself away to finish a task with Gun, he realises that it's not entirely inaccurate.

Free time is spent driving you from A-to-B. Heavens forbid you are forced to use public transport (Goo shudders at this thought) and since you hate Seoul traffic, he might as well keep you company.

He's on his most gentlemanly best behaviour. 

Holding doors open, draping his jacket over you if so much as a gentle breeze is around. Hand-made meals, lunches and extravagant dinners. Even chores.

"Do you live here now?" You ask, padding out to your kitchen. Half asleep, hair in disarray to Goo humming and washing your dishes.

He smiles, sly and snake-like, "Are you asking?"

With a yawn, you burst his bubble, "Nope."

Goddamnit. Not even trying to be the best househusband seems to be working. What will it take for you to confess that you like him? He's getting sick of this song and dance.

He scrubs with a huff at a particular stubborn stain on a pan. Stupid pan and stupid chores and stupid househusbandry.

Ugh. What pisses him off most of all is: he thinks he can get used to this. 

Being around you all the time, taking care of you. Not even you in your ratty old sleepwear, with threadbare knees and oversized t-shirt dims how he feels about you.

.

.

Goo isn't an idiot, despite what Gun might say.

He possesses frightening intelligence even if sometimes his common sense is nowhere to be seen.

You like him, he knows this. He likes you, he also knows this. 

Then why on earth can't he bring himself to tell you? Is it that expressing it is a vulnerability he's not used to having on display? That despite everything, speaking it into existence means that he's offering you himself and there is always a chance of rejection?

If Goo was more mentally balanced and less self absorbed, maybe he would dwell on these doubts and feelings. Be introspective for the first time ever. 

He is not.

Instead he feels overwhelming indignation that it has come to this, that nothing has had the desired effect, and most importantly it's all your fault.

He puts all his energy into storming his way over to your home, wanting everything and everyone around him to be also darkened by his mood.  Makes sure his displeasure is felt through the way he stomps, how he slams his car door, how he blasts through traffic lights. Buzzing himself into your apartment building with vehemence, pounding on your front door until he hears your exasperation from somewhere inside.

"Hold on Goo! What the hell!"

The door is yanked open. For a brief moment Goo sees your annoyed expression, before he too is yanked inside.

"What is your problem?" Each word is punctuated with a jab in his chest.

Goo refrains from devolving into a tantrum. Realises that he already seems unhinged enough and doesn't want this conversation to get any worse. 

Taking a deep breath, he grabs hold of that jabby finger (noting with amusement that other people's fingers he has broken for much less), adorned with a familiar ring, pulls your hand into his and strokes over your knuckles once, twice, three times.

He is absolutely not buying time. But really, why has it come to this: sincerity and honesty. How unseemly. This is so not him that even the idea of it sends shivers down his spine.

Whatever. With one last breath he forces out any trepidation and regains his usual composure. The one that is all confidence and captivating and can talk circles around anyone anyday.

"Y/N,” he purrs, "I like you and you like me."

You open your mouth to say something but he presses on. "It's obvious. I'm not stupid.”  Goo points to his glasses, “I have eyes. I can see how you are around me, cupcake. And it's painfully obvious that I like you too." He allows himself an irritable sigh at this.

"Honestly I'm the one that gets courted. I'm a catch. People chase after me," he mutters to himself. "And yet look at me now."  Huffing at himself for his behaviour, he turns back to you. "Why don’t we see how this-" signalling between you and him, "-goes, hmm? 

"Wait," you take a step back from his presumptiveness.

Which isn't wrong, per se. In fact, he is completely spot on. Goo is an objectively attractive guy, you would be blind not to realise it (or have questionable taste). Sure his personality offsets his looks, because good god it can be grating as hell, but even with all his flaws he has wormed himself into your heart and into your life too.

You flitter somewhere between friends and more. Friends, with this odd, prickly, scheming creature is a miracle in itself. You’re not sure why this red flag shines green with you but he does. You don't know how you balance each other but you do. You don't know how it works but it does. 

Moving this to something more though, it scares you. Especially if he's as blasé and unserious about this as he is with most things in his life that don't revolve around money.

"Goo..." You try to phrase this delicately. "Your relationships or encounters or whatever you want to call them don't end well." He gasps at your words. "I don't want to start up some casual whatever with you for you to then change your mind. It could really mess things up between us."

"Casual?" He scoffs, dismissing your concerns with a wave of his hand,  "I've been 100% from the start. You should know I'm all in, sweetheart."

Your breath hitches. This wasn't what you meant. This wasn't what you were asking but he answers your doubts anyway.

"I'm all in on this," he repeats, crossing his heart mockingly though there is no disguising the earnestness in his words; how his actions over the last weeks and months have shown you that he's serious.

Still. You want to double-check.

"...Are you sure?"

"Y/N. Sweetheart." he places your own hand over his heart, "I've never been more sure of anything."

His glasses catch the light. Flashing mischievously and wickedly like it always does yet you can't see any ill intent. There's no hesitancy in his conviction.

"We fit, don't we?" Goo smiles, sensing your apprehension wavering and crumbling.

You can't deny that you do.

"Yes," is your simple reply. You peer at him from below your lashes and find him looking at you with an intensity you’ve never seen before.

Still pressed against his heart, Goo moves your hand up to his lips. A playful grin that is full of promises spreads across his face. His eyes don’t leave yours as he seals it all, marks it official, with a kiss.

[clockwayswrites]

We all know the fandom loves a good 'Danny cures Jason of his pit rage' moment. Usually this is a purging of the water and such. But, and hear me out, I feel like ecto entity living in Jason is an untapped way to go. Best part? It can range from dramatic to hilarious.

Dramatic: An ecto-parasite is wrapped around Jason's core. It feeds on his energy and anger and fear. Danny has to basically rip it off Jason's core and it hurts.

Middle Ground: A tiny ectoentity like Skulker is inside Jason, being a malicious af Jiminy Cricket. Author can take this many ways.

Hilarious: There's a Lazarus water catfish living in Jason and Danny's 'bout to go a noodling.

[fraux140]

König Headcanons

General, relationship, and NSFW. I hope you enjoy these! It's my first real post :)

General hcs

Had a cleft lip as a child and was part of the reason he was bullied. It was surgically repaired but there is still a scar

One of his parents is German and the other is Austrian which might explain why he has no Austrian dialect (lets pretend this is canon instead of activision just clumping all German speakers into one category lmao)

He has auburn hair but buzzes it so often that its hard to tell

LOVES Minecraft. He plays creative mode when he's trying to make masterpieces like city replicas or fantasy worlds, but loves the challenge of survival mode if he's playing with friends.

He was a total mama's boy as a kid. When his father tried to get him to 'man up' his mother was always there to protect him. Another reason he was bullied.

Chronic mansplainer but its unintentional. If you're discussing a topic he knows a lot about he will hijack the conversation and unload a bunch of info to you. He doesn't mean it maliciously.

Undiagnosed ADHD - explains why he has trouble staying still and was a bad candidate for being a sniper. But it isn't so bad that it is noticeable. He can mask it when he needs to.

Again with the ADHD thing. He hyperfixates on topics he finds interesting and even his job. Mission plan is memorised. Terrain? Memorised. Enemy info? Memorised. The ever-changing locations and nature of his job mean that he doesn't have to worry about succumbing to the boredom of monotony.

When he isn't deployed he is a beer drinker - particularly Stiegl Hell. A total beer snob as well. Any kind of American beer? Throw it away. Carling? Fosters? Sagres? Get that second rate crap away from him and prepare to be mansplained about how much better Austrian/German beer is than any other.

Has an apartment in the same neighbourhood as his parents' house so he can visit a lot when he's not deployed. His apartment is very basic and he stays there so his parents have their privacy. Their house is his home.

His mother is a seamstress and his father was a mechanic in the army. This man knows how to sew and how to keep his car healthy.

Unironically reposts alpha male quotes - not because he's a misogynist but because he genuinely believes he is the definition of an alpha male.

Teeny tiny bit of a superiority complex. Arrogant af. Stems from his size, strength, and skills. Finished Jagkdo selection second in his 'class'. It haunts him every day. Second place is the first to lose.

Is a genuinely unsettling guy. Not in a creepy way. He kind of just stands around and stares when he enters a place before deciding what to do. For example at the pub, he walks in and stares at the bar before deciding where to sit. Or if he sees somebody new, like somebody he thinks is particularly weird or someone attractive he will stare at them. It is a bit more intense than the typical 'German stare', and more off-putting because of his size.

Relationship hcs

If you're dating König, the first stages of your relationship will be spent trying to figure out how to be comfortable.

Like I said before, he is unsettling and might say something as such, coming across a bit too strong.

For example, if someone is annoying you at work he might offer to kill them. "I could hide the body no problem, schatz. Just ask." And he is very hard to read, so you can't tell if he's joking or not.

If his weirdness didn't scare you away and your relationship progresses, he unintentionally tries to manage you.

Packing a suitcase? You're doing it wrong. It's more efficient to fold the clothes like this to maximise space. Want to go for a walk? Not in those shoes. Function trumps fashion every time. Ordering at a foreign food restaurant? Let him do it for you, you're probably pronouncing it wrong. He's your passenger? You had time to pull out, liebling! Go for the overtake! Change lanes! Ffs schatzi, pull over and let him take the wheel.

Unintentionally condescending. You worked really hard on a new recipe? It's good, but he's had better at this restaurant. He recommends adding this and that...

You're complaining about how stressful your job is? Babe, you wouldn't know stress if it hit you in the face. Have YOU ever been shot at? Narrowly dodged an explosion? Being chased by enemies who are actively trying to kill you? Yeah, didn't think so...

Eventually it gets too much. You're on the verge of breaking up with him because he makes you feel like crap. He diminishes your achievements. Undermines your emotions. It's too much and being with him is making you hate yourself. And you don't deserve to feel this way.

After you tell him, he is mortified. He didn't think that his matter-of-fact way of speaking could be so mean and make you feel this way. He's so sorry, baby. Give him another chance? He'll show you how special you are to him!

After you forgive him and he agrees to change, life is much better. He gives more compliments, he listens more attentively and he tries to be more emotional instead of 'logical'. He comes to respect that you can feel a certain way about things happening in your life and doesn't have to compare it to himself.

He takes you hiking very often. So often that your legs are noticeably more toned. He buys you all of the expensive gear you need to hike in any terrain.

Sometimes sews little trinkets for you or embroiders something on your clothes - a skill he picked up from his seamstress mother.

When you tell him his alpha male quote sharing is cringe and makes him seem like an asshole, he begins to question how you see him. Don't you see how big and strong he is, baby?

When he finally gets it, he slowly starts to lose the façade. This front he puts up? It starts to come down. You want to be the big spoon? Go right ahead.

The new König loves to be doted on. Rub his belly. Run your hands through his hair/over his head if he's buzzed. Hug him. Cuddle with him on the couch. Tell him how big and strong he is - he eats it right up.

Loves working out with you. He likes showing you he's strong enough to protect you. Sit on his back while he doe push-ups. See? No problem. Look at how much weight is on this barbell! He can lift it no problem.

You told him that he can't live on ordering food from fancy restaurants every night. He needs to learn to cook. He's annoyed at first because he can afford it for both of you, but you make him learn how to cook. This time learning together in the kitchen brings you closer together. There is something beautiful about working so hard on a meal and enjoying the results together.

Sometimes he wants to surprise you when you come back from work with a new dish he'd invented. Wagyu steaks sautéed in lager and seasoned with rosemary and turmeric. It was disgusting. You couldn't find it within yourself to tell him.

NSFW hcs

When he was insecure and in his 'alpha male' stage, he was a total dom. Not that you didn't enjoy it.

Now that he's grown, he still loves fucking you in doggy or missionary or any position where he's in control. But now he'll let you ride him for as long as you want.

He LOVES laying back and watching you use his dick to get yourself off. Another reason he loves cowgirl is because he loves watching you struggle with the initial stretch of sinking onto his fat cock.

You tried to convince him to let you peg him once. He outright refused. Maybe he wasn't there yet.

Call him dirty all you want, he loves fucking you after you have worked out together. And you don't mind it either. Seeing him all hot and bothered and out of breath is a huge turn on for you.

Can be aggressive. He likes biting you but not to the point it draws blood.

Sends absolutely horrendous nudes when you're in public with no warning when he's deployed. You'll get a whatsapp notification and you open it to see a picture of his raging hard on while you're at work.

He gets creative with the angles. He tries different lighting. In a strange way you found it very romantic. His captions are atrocious though. 'He misses you', 'I wish I could shoot my sperms into you instead of bullets into my enemies', 'My cock is harder than my job'. They are honestly so fucking weird. But you have grown to love his weird little quips.

Likes roleplay. He likes to be a policeman while you're a petty thief. He's a burglar and he'll leave you alone if you give him something else.

Loves overpowering you. Sometimes when he's fresh home from deployment he will drive you two to the woods at night. He will give you a head start and then hunt you down like a predator. He was in the jagdkommando, darling, didn't you know that means 'Hunting commando'?

When he catches you, the adrenaline gets to the both of you and you fuck like wild animals. Biting, scratching, howling and begging. He always cums inside of you on nights like these, breeding you like a true animal

When you get home and after you've showered (he washes your back for you and kisses along the nape of your neck), he's showering you with kisses and cuddles while you settle into bed and watch something together on TV.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Okay hear me out!

(I haven't done this in a while or posted at all in a while but I missed it here and work is sucking my soul out so I'm gonna try to be here more regularly🤞🏻)

The animals in the aquariam event can all be somewhat connected to the characters they were partnered with right?

1.) Lucifer - Orca

Majestic af - Sadistic bastards

2.) Mammon - Shark

Dangerous but also not as much of an asshole as they're made out to be

3.) Levi - Jellyfish

Jellyfish - remind me of LED lights

LED lights - remind me of gamer rooms

Gamer rooms- remind me of Levi

4.) Satan - Catshark

I mean....it's in the name.....

5.) Asmo - Dolphin

Cute but not as sweet as they're made out to be

6.) Beel - Octopus

7.) Belphie - Squid

• Looks kinda mean but actually pretty friendly & adorable to the people they become close with

• I don't know.... as a kid though I always thought of squids as the evil twin of the octopus? even though their generally bigger/rounder eyes make them look cuter

8.) Diavolo - Whale

9.) Barbatos- Oarfish

• Gentle Giants (any actual harm caused is less because of genuine malicious intent and more because they're just that powerful)

• Weird & Mysterious. Gives the vibe of being ancient. Possibly witnessed the birth of the universe. Probably recites prophecies in tongues.

9.) Simeon - Manta Ray

10.) Luke - Penguin

• Do other fish look at manta rays and think they're angels?

• Cute & Cuddly (boys. cute & cuddly.)

11.) Solomon - Polar Bear

The only mammal on the list that can actually live on land = the only human. White colour scheme. Looks friendly & approachable, can brutally murder you.

And here's the "Hear Me Out!" part:

12.) MC - Spotted Seal

• Mammal that can live on land but is most suited for swimming in the water = can live in the human world but functions at their highest potential in the Devildom

• MC canonically has big, puppy dog eyes

• MC canonically is objectively cute

• Kinda dopey on land = passes as an overall average human being in the human world.

• Hunts great in the sea = actually fucking built to survive in the Devildom and thrive there

• Additionally = the myth of selkies - creatures that can shapeshift between a seal & a human. There's been lot of canon evidence that MC is not fully human

[rinhaler]

drinking toji's spit out of a dog bowl isn't gross it's HOT AF

if you are ever willing to elaborate on that I'd happily read it and rb the shit out of it 😌😌

++ 𝐫𝟎𝐬𝐞𝐬𝟒𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐝: 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐭….. 𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐉𝐈 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐌𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆𝐆 🤤🤤🤤🤤

doubling up again bc they go hand in hand methinks. ALSO I do have another fic planned with the collar concept in mind but when I write that is unknown so.. whomp

warnings: 18+ MDNI, fem!reader, pet play, age gap, calls the reader 'puppy', use of 'puppy cunt', spit, slight nipple play, daddy kink, fingering, squirting, lewd fluid drinking!

words: .5k

Toji isn’t a jealous man, though he is insecure. He’s older than you by a fair amount, though that’s never been an issue for you. It’s part of what drew you to him, in fact. But it’s a sore spot at times when he sees you mingling with men your own age.

He likes to think he fucks too perfectly for you to want to leave him.

But he likes to remind you who you belong to.

You remember when he first got you the collar. He rarely lets you take it off. Only when have to go somewhere you need to dress in formal attire. He hates it when you wear it and still try to cover it up with a scarf or a turtleneck.

The point of the collar is to that everyone knows who you belong to.

You remember your blood turning to ice in your veins when he dropped a pretty pink dog bowl at your feet with a malicious smirk on his face. You yelped as he connected a leash to your collar and yanked you down to your knees.

He had you on all fours like a dog, cock hardening as you looked up at him looking oh so frightened. You couldn’t forget who owns you, not after this.

Your eyes widened in horror as he spat down into the bowl again and again and again.

“Go on, lick it up.” he demanded. The longer you took to obey, the more fury began to build behind his stare. He softened again as you began to lick at his spit, slurping it up and doing all you could to make sure you cleaned the plastic bowl. “Good puppy,” he chuckled, spitting more and more.

He didn’t care where it landed, not really. You looked just as pretty with his spit bubbling on your face as you did licking it like a desperate slut from a bowl.

Truthfully, he was surprised that you had obeyed so quickly. Maybe he was feeling insecure for no reason at all. But that couldn’t be, could it? He couldn’t be imagining a feeling that needn’t be there.

Nevertheless, he saw it fit to reward you for your obedience.

You couldn’t deny how your cunt clenched and squelched so wonderfully as he fingered you vigorously. You hummed and cooed so gorgeously for him as he toyed with your sensitive nipples and curled the heavy pads of his fingers against your sweet spot.

“You like it when daddy stuffs this puppy cunt, yeah?” he smiled, kissing softly against your cheek as he continued working your insides. “Y’look so pretty all fucked out f’me, sweetheart. Cum for me, puppy, make a mess for your daddy.”

You orgasmed boisterously, a jet of liquid spurting out of you. It coated your inner thighs and his fingers, droplets splashed onto the tile floor of the kitchen. Though Toji’s smile only grew as he achieved his aim of making the majority of your release fill the bowl.

He forced you back down onto your hands and knees, your hair tightly laced through his fingers as he forced your face entirely into the bowl.

“Messy little pup,” he cooed, “You know what to do. And remember, pretty puppies don't use their hands.”

You began to drink and slurp the clear, pooling liquid, cunt tightening at the sound of your masters satisfied hum.

He’s confident, now.

He owns you, completely.

© 2023 rinhaler

p.s. thank u @chososdoll for letting me use ur dream as inspo :3

[dotthings]

The JenMish panel being scheduled for 20 minutes and JenMish managing to get it to 25. With time given instead to a non-spn actor. While Mishalecki got 40 minutes. Misha absent from every social event photo. Jensen declining Saturday night dinner and Misha declining Sunday night dinner.

Daniela’s war on JenMish panels and Misha and JenMish quietly pushing back has some tasty malicious compliance vibes.

Misha showed up for fans and did the bare minimum—panels, autos, ops. And stayed away from socializing with Daniela and the group. This has nothing to do with his relationships with the spn cast, it’s Misha setting boundaries because this biased entitled con organizer who ditched him on a lie that “Misha doesn’t sell” and who has a terrible track record in her behavior on various things not just about Misha and her obvious obsession with Jensen (why she treats Misha this way. Yep I’ll just say it, JenMish makes her feel threatened, she’s jealous af).

Jensen and Misha do this for fans who might otherwise not have any chance to see them.

I don’t think either of them are thrilled with this con organizer.

I also strongly suspect the only reason Misha returned to jibcon was Jensen wanted him there.