#CANT WAIT FOR MARCH 8

[ch1zzie]

Joolets (and others)

No more (WHY IS ARTING NOT ARTING)

[bluebunnyvk]

23.5 Degrees Offical Trailer 🌎☀️

Source: GMMTV Youtube Channel

[buckaroosboogara]

I swear I'm this close to start screaming in my first language bECAUSE AFTER 7 YEARS, FINALLY, BUDDIE IS HAPPEINING IN FRONT OF US. YOU CANNOT FOOL ME ANYMORE. BUDDIE 2024.

[lateatnewyork]

SO...WHO'S THE WAG? 001

pairing: oscar piastri x bellingham!reader

summary: jude's older sister soft launches a guy, who he has no idea about

extra information: reader is a supermodel, shes 23, and shes super famous

fc: tyla

ynbellingham

liked by landonorris, sza and 609,284 others middle picture is me when mclaren invited me to the las vegas gp view comments

judebellingham wow i see how it is ➥ ynbellingham ur such a cutie jude ➥ user09 LMAO I LOVE YN jobebellingham when were u gonna give me that pic of jude ➥ ynbellingham um lets see... never? averageynlover bro idk if i wanna be yn or be with yn user05 SHES SO PRETTY LIKE I JS STARE AT THE SCREEN WHEN I SEE HER ➥ oscarpiastri real this comment is now deleted gigihadid pretty girl ➥ ynbellingham all youu kendalljenner come for dinner ➥ ynbellingham gimme a time and place bukayosaka thank you for your services with the jude photo ➥ ynbellingham 🫡 ➥ judebellingham BRO ynsno1fan the good genes literally run in the family

thetonightshow

liked by oscarpiastri, ynbellingham and 932,628 others YN Bellingham on the Tonight Show, she opens up about her longtime partner, her music career and who she's currently brand ambassador for! Check out the amazing and multitalented 23 year old exclusively on youtube! ynbellingham view comments

user09 SHES BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR 2 YEARS ynschild WE HAVE A FATHER??? bellinghamsfan chat what is going on ynismother ok but her looks 😍 user58 the bellingham genes are too strong for us to rival 😞🙏 averageynlover EVERYONE FOCUSED ON HER BF BUT SHES LITERALLY RELEASING AN ALBUM ➥ user04 MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY

ynbellingham

liked by oscarpiastri, jobebellingham and 1,893,482 others surprise!!! my debut album 'racing' is coming out on december 8th! andddd im going on tour next year on 14th march, tickets will go up on january 1st, ily guys 🫶 view comments

sabrinacarpenter i cant believe im singing with u🧎‍♀️ judebellingham im so proud of you ynn jobebellingham so proud to be your younger brother ynn oliviarodrigo IM SO EXCITEDDDD conangray december 8 come fasterrr sza you lowkey ate with those tracks gigihadid so proud of you 💗 kendalljenner cant wait ! krisjenner 😍 khloekardashian yay! imaanhammam catch me blasting it in the car anokyai blessing us with this alexanderasaintmleux im so happy lilymhe private show plssss mclaren playing this everywhere when it comes out user09 MOTHER averageynlover IF I DONT GET TICKETS rbrmylove CLAIMING 143 (i want you)

oscarpiastri

liked by ynbellingham, danielricciardo and 409,382 others yes shes (ethe)real view comments

user09 YOUR HONOR HES DOWN BAD ➥ rbrmylove HE CALLED HER ETHEREAL landonorris ok caption kinda cute ➥ landonorris but i thought i was ur only man???? ➥ landonorris r u cheating on me ➥ danielricciardo r YOU cheating on me???? ➥ landonorris oh maxverstappen 👍 ➥ user45 max ur so dry 😭 alexanderasaintmleux TELL HER TO COME BY SOON ➥ oscarpiastri she said yes 😊 alexalbon oscar has rizz confirmed?? ➥ oscarpiastri im surprised lily hasn't left u ➥ lilymhe me too tbh ➥ alexalbon WHAT op81loml IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS ➥ user49 wait who??? ➥ op81loml THE yn bellingham

ynbellingham

liked by oscarpiastri, lilymhe and 603,481 others date night with the cutest person alive view comments

user09 SHES GLOWINGG averageynlover stop shes so cute landonorris 🧐 ➥ judebellingham 🧐 ➥ charlesleclerc 🧐 ➥ alexalbon 🧐 ➥ jobebellingham 🧐 ➥ maxverstappen 🧐 ➥ lewishamilton 🧐 ➥ georgerussell 🧐 ➥ ynbellingham ihu rbrmylove why is the whole grid in her comments alexanderasaintmleux cuties ➥ ynbellingham youu lilymhe pretty girl ➥ ynbellingham 🪞🪞 ➥ lilymhe date me. ➥ ynbellingham ok! ➥ alexalbon what. carmenmundt ur so adorable ➥ ynbellingham says youu ➥ ynbellingham leave george ➥ carmenmundt ofcc ➥ georgerussell huh kellypiquet marry me ➥ ynbellingham bet wheres the ring ➥ maxverstappen 😕 rebeccadonaldson leave him plss ➥ ynbellingham anything for u bby ➥ carlossainz ??

ynbellingham

liked by oscarpiastri, judebellingham and 992,481 others thank you username on twitter for figuring it out view comments

judebellingham ew ➥ ynbellingham im telling mum ➥ judebellingham STOP jobebellingham 🤮 ➥ ynbellingham me when i see you landonorris stop being cute on main ➥ ynbellingham stop being annoying sabrinacarpenter no way a guy who goes vroom vroom in circles stole u from me ➥ ynbellingham barrykeoghan stole u first ➥ oscarpiastri my career is more than driving in circles ➥ barrykeoghan what did i do 😭 oliverbearman welcome to the family ➥ charlesleclerc hi daughter in law ➥ alexanderasaintmleux UR MY DAUGHTERRRR ➥ ynbellingham literally dating oscar for alex and leo ➥ oscarpiastri i see how it is lilymhe what if we do a double date except its u and me and them ➥ ynbellingham YESSS ➥ alexalbon what. ➥ oscarpiastri ^ gigihadid cuties kendalljenner adorable anokyai i love the both of u

oscarpiastri

liked by ynbellingham, nicolepiastri and 402,492 others she wrote an album for me you didnt view comments

user09 CONFIRMATION THAT ITS ABOUT HIM mclaren our favourite papaya couple 🧡 ➥ landonorris what happened to me and oscar ➥ mclaren 😶‍🌫️ f1wagsofficial cutest grid couple oliverbearman hes down bad ➥ oscarpiastri loud and proud liked by ynbellingham and 2089 others arthurleclerc invite her to family dinners now alexanderasaintmleux my daughter in law is so pretty ➥ ynbellingham aw ily alex alexalbon ok hes actually happy so i cant be mean ➥ alexalbon im also scared of yn ➥ ynbellingham good. jobebellingham pls tell me you have bad photos of her ➥ oscarpiastri i do (how much you willing to pay) ➥ jobebellingham thats great (200 bucks) ➥ ynbellingham OSCAR judebellingham couldve lived without seeing the 2nd pic ➥ ynbellingham couldve lived without seeing ur shirtless skims ad ➥ rbrmylove LMAO

a/n thank you for putting up with my mood swings in posting ly guys

[lambypop]

🎀The Tales of Coccinelle Moon and The Batman🎀

--------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Two:

And the crowd goes... worried???

<<Previ // Mast.List // Next>>

TW: Damian crashes out???? (Kinda occ damian?) the word daddy is used strictky platonicaly, JON AND CONNOR KENT MENTIONED?!

Platonic!Batfam x Ladybug/Magical Girl!Reader

• Gotham City, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:40 AM

"This is Wayne Enterprises, please we ask you to stay together in your designated group, the tour is about to begin, please remember the tour rules, at the en of the tour we'll have a small meeting with Mr.Wayne" one of the teachers said, a yes, the school tour day Jon thought half bored, he has come here multiple times already, he even knows the ventilation system thanks to Damian, but this is a great time to see Batman! or even NIGHTWING, he thrives to see them (mostly to see Damian)

• Metropolis, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:45 AM

'Another day another evil plan in how to destroy Superman, tho he's been missing since yesterday' thats what lex luthor was thinking as he wakes up' but first, i need to see the boarding school group chat' he's opening the suspiciously empty chat……. 'Brucie usually sends a Good morning text between 6:33am and 6:37am….. and Olie has not send anything either… maybe im just overthinking stuff?' he tries to shrug off that anomaly in his daily routine as he gets out of his luxurios silk sheets to his incredible marble floor bathroom, and as he does his skin care routine he decides to call his son. (because even to he made him for a bad cause he grew a tiny littble bit attached)

• Justice League Watch Tower, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:47 AM

……Thump…..thump…..Thump…..Thump……

'…..Bruce…..'

……Thump..thump..Thump..Thump……

'Jon'

…..ThUMp…ThUMp…ThUMp…ThUMp….

'Connor'

Thump.Thump.Thump.Tump

'Kara'

Thump….Thump….Thump….Thump….

'Louis'

'……they are okay, ill sleep some more' an unconsius clark thinks

• Wayne Manor, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:48-49 AM

"Thank you for the Meal Alfred!" A very happy Duke said as he takes some pancakes and brings them to the table, some slight footsteps can be heard coming to the kitchen and cass peaks her head in and waves a hand to Alfred to ask for Bruce "🫵🏻👀👉🏻👨🏻❓" she signs kinda sloppily cause she just woke up from the heavy night patrol "I haven't seen him jest Miss Cain, he's probably stil in his room either sleeping or just brooding" she nods and heads into the kitchen to make herself a starwberry protein milkshake or something

• Paris-France, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:50 AM, 10 minutes before the disaster

"Ohh Papas jet arrived Five minutes ago! EEEEEK! im so exited to see him!!!!" you cant help but jump around happily waiting for him, you're impatient to see him, you are way to happy when he comes to visit and this time he even came half a month early, lets just hope nothing happens today, toda's gotta be perfect!

• Gotham City, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:51 AM, 9 minutes before the disaster

"What do you mean he didn't check in today???? he always checks in. perhabs we miscalculated one of his day offs? wait- did he even schedulched a day off?" one of the work assistans asks almost dumbfounded "Heyyyy have someone seen Mr.Wayne? i need these papers signed" A worker of HQ mumbles as he peaks inside the room "It seems he didn't check in today" a male acountant says "What do you mean he didn't check in? he always does" the HR worker says confused "Thats what i said! today is the first monday of the month! we have the Monthly prepare meeting with Brucie!" The assistance says with a half sad whine, everyone at the office loves Brucie Wayne, even tho he looks and acts like a bimbo everyone in the office knows he is very much intelligent an talented, if he wasn't he wouldn't be able to keep up with the great company he has!

• Metropolis, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:52 AM, 8 minutes before the disaster

"is the world ending???" Luthor says outloud as he stares at his phone screen, the text chat is still empty with No Bruce message, so he decides to do the most obvious call. "Hey, Olie….. have you heard about Bruce??? he hasn't send his perfectly timed morning message with the stupidly bad grammar- You noticed it too? oh yeah no, i haven't seen him, i was gonna ask if you have seen him- yeah uhm i can check that too, tell me if you know something" luthors hand goes to his mouth as he thinks…. "Maybe he fell into a Fountain??? nono- gotham news would already have posted something-!!! RIGHT maybe he's on one of those crazy yatch parties- ill check on that"

People may not know it but Luther has a soft spot on his childhood best friends, and he has a very strict routine during the entire day that started WAY back in the early days of that Boarding school where he met those two idiots, the blond and a bit obnoxius one and the broodie black haired one that looked that he would jump you at any second.

• Justice League Watch Tower, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:53 AM, 7 minutes before the disaster.

"What was the call about Dear?" Black Canary asks curiosly "……..Bruce seems to be unpresent? like he's never late to anything……." Green Arrow or also known as Oliver Queen says to his dear wife as he is definately confused at whats going on "Uhm perhaps a call to Alfred would apease you?" Dinah says uncertain and kinda laughing at her husband obvious worry (he claims he does not worry at all) "Maybe…… but also he may be only running late you know?" oliver ends the conversation at that as he takes his wifes hand in his.

• Wayne Manor, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:54 AM, 6 minutes before the disaster

"Okay but really. where is bruce, he never misses Alfred's Breakfast" Steph says with her mouth full of pancakes "True. maybe he already went to W.E????" Dick says as he plays with the fruitloops he put on his food

"…….Pennyworth does my pancakes have-" Damian gets cut of "They have no dairy milk nor eggs, is almod milk fine with you?" the butler asks with a faint smile "yeah" damian says as he takes a bite of the pancakes, they are good but not as near as good at his father makes them or well thats what Damian thinks, running footsteps can be heard through the hallway, and the kitchen is loudly entered by the other only missing family member "OH MY GOD BRUCE IM SO SORRY I DIDDNT APPEAR I SWEAR I'VE BEEN SLEEPING, I ATE IM F-Fineeeee, i just fEel AslEEP on a RoofTop! NAD FORGOT TO TEXT!!! OSHDBSAFBGQASKFBKFBADVAFBAKJ PLS DONT CRASH OUTTTTTT" a exasperated and out of breath Tim says coughing and with a face that resembled Deer under car lights, he has this worried expression as if Bruce would jusr crash out from not knowing where one of his sons are (HE WOULD AND HE WILL) "……………." a biss ass silence takes hold onto everyone on the Kitchen even Tim that know feels kinda embarrassed

"Drake with all due respect, what the hell?" Damian says with a weird out face as he munches on the pancakes "Dude are you okay" stephanie says as the passes him a plate with pancakes "wheres Bruc- wait no what time is it?" Tim asks half dishoriented "6:54:29 seconds why" Dick answers "Okay so bruce is in W.E I'll just grab his stuff and-" Tim says as he starts to turn around "Master Wayne hasn't left the house, his car is still in the garage" Alfred says as if he's used to this "He took a day off?" the second best detective asks as his brain starts to work on this anomaly in Bruces behavior "But today is the first monday of the month" Tim mumbles to himself as he takes the entire pancake and brings it to his mouth eating it in one sole bite "Im going to the batcave" Tim declares and does not wait for an answer "Is he okay?" Duke wonders out loud as a fast shadow decides to follow tim onto.

• Paris-France, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:55 AM, 5 minutes before the Disaster

"DADDY!!!!!" the girl runs towards her fathers arms and jump towards him making the man drop a bag he was carrying just to catch his daughter and spin her around as she starts to laugh, Bruce's eyes cant help but tear up a bit, when was the last time any other of his children missed him this much, but this isnt about them, its about you two "I missed you SO MUCH!" you cant help but shake him a bit "Ohhhh I cant waiiit to tell you what have i done! and what i've been seeing at school!!!" nothing could make this worse nor better right? "…..papa….. how much are you staying for?" you cant help but ask always hoping that he'll say that he will saty with you forever, you sometimes dont like the fact that you are 'hidden' "…im having…. a Staycacion" he says wity a smile "………Stay-cacion?…….AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YOUR STAYING!?" you screamed very much loudly and exited that you can't help when you bursted into happy tears and hugged him and staining the shoulder of his jacket not like he cared, stains can be washed, stuff can be cleaned, but moments and memories??? they cannot be replaced.

• Batcave, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:56 AM, 4 minutes before the Disaster

"I swear- wheres that man- he nevers changes his routine- he isn't at W.E nor the JL HQ………. Where-" hussle hussle "Casssss not right now" russle russle "he isnt at the kent- wait! your right the kent farm! let me make a call" Tim say as he fistbumps Cassandra and she smiles happily, she is just happy to be of help in finding her father, she's still kinda angered by how they talked about him last night and she wants to have a 'word' with Tim about it, but she'll wait until they have something that leads them to their dad.

• Gotham City, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:57 AM, 3 minutes before the Disaster

"The hell do you mean he isn't in his office?????" a very well known man in a two color suit says "Boss he is not in his office" one of the goon says "I know very well my bes- I know very well Bruce Wayne's schedule" the man says with a bother voice "Harv-" another goon tries to talk before a gunshot is heard, the bullet did not anyone it was just a warning "Two-Face for you all. None of you get to call me Harv-ey. none of you. there was only one person that call me that and im not seeing them." Two-Face said with an unmatched irritation, perhabs he's worried? no! ofcourse not, he is a well known villian that was gonna kidnap the richest man in the country and definately not because he was his bestfriend or that when they kidnap him this bimbo of a man takes this time to sleep and its the most relaxed he's seen him in a while ofcourse not (he definately knows he's tired af from being batman and not sleeping more than 3 hours a day).

• Wayne Manor, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:58 AM, 2 minutes before the Disaster

light and calm steps can be heard through the halls and they go to a stop infront of the master bedroom of the manor, the alluring and very exquisite scent of a meal can be smelled from miles away.

knock knock knock

"Master Bruce. are you awake?……. perhaps your feeling unwell my child" Alfreds voice softened at the silence, he knows how Bruce can get when he's being gloomy and angsty "Please open the door my son, you need to eat, you haven't had a proper meal in 2 days and your protein shakes do not count, i please beg you stop acting like a child and have some proper nutricional food" the old butler can help but be a bit stern in his voice and his worry for the man he's raised for over more than 30 years …… "Master bruce? has something happen?" before alfred can do anything else two pair of steps alert him "Pennyworth? has my father already came out of the room?" The youngest wayne asks with one of his pets following him "Not yet, do you want to help me out Master Damian?" the butler recieves a happy nod, the green eyed child is more than pleased to help wake his father up, his father has been there for him since he entered thos household, the least he could do is try and help him when he isn't feeling well.

• Batcave, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:59 AM, 1 minutes before the Disaster

"He is not there??? could you help me out with this???" Tim says through the phone as cass is re-checking all the cams that they have around everywhere and also crossing all the possible stuff in their improvised list

fell into a fountain

crazy yatch party

weekly meeting

JL Headquarters

Kent Farm

his room

she can feel Tim stress out by only looking into his eyes, he is inside the 'normal' for Tim so she doen't worry much (she is gonna freak out in that nights Patrol)

• Wayne Manor, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:59 AM, 30 seconds before the Disaster, and counting

"ejem- ejem- Father, are you in there?" Damian tried to keep his voice the most steady as possible but still no asnwer…. so he decides other aproach as he slightly eyes the butler and then grabs all the possible bravery and takes the handle in his hand and twist it opening the door and stepping in "Baba i request you stop ignoring Alfred and I- B-baba??" but there is no one to be found in the room they fully walk in to see Bruce's closet half closed, most of his daily shirts are goneand so are most of his shoes and jackets and the fur jackets, but thats okay until he checks the drawer where Bruce keeps the stuff his children give him…. and its empty… His father keft them "D-did he? did he-"

"…."

"Master Damian, please do not alarm yourself"

• Everywhere in Gotham, Monday/March/06/2025, 6:59 AM, 10 seconds before the Crashout, and counting

"Thanks Connor, I'll call you later"

09 seconds before the Crashout

"Duke have you seen B?" Barbara asks as she just got there from the watchtower and she needs to talk to Bruce about some Scarecrow shit

08 seconds before the Crashout

"Why are my Older brother senses Tingling???" Dick stands up and gets out of his room peaking out to see Alfred in the doorway of Bruces room

07 seconds before the Crashout

"Alfre? is everything- what the- " he watches the know kinda empty room of Bruce

06 seconds before the Crashout

"H-hey Damian, how- how are you doing?" Dick asks as he kneels infront of the kid that looks that is about to combust on the spot, he tries to stay as calm as he can to not startle the child

05 seconds before the crashout

Are they taking him for an idiot? why is Grayson treating him like a kicked puppy, he's fine. he is totally okay, definatelly not worried……

04 seconds before the crashout

He is okay, he can handle his emotions, this is a trick!, a TEST, thats right! just a test to see if he can do stuff alone and without help! definately because he wouldn't have left him right?

03 seconds before the crashout

he wouldn't left him. he promised he wouldn't and his father never lies, right? RIGHT?, he woudn't do what his mother did to him. he promised, he swore under that candle. He signed the papers where it says that he is his father, so is he not here? why did he left his stuff, but he wouldnt do that right? he would do it again, like the timestream incident?

02 seconds before the crashout

maybe what his grandfather told him was right, Bruce wouldn't want him, perhaps this is his karma for failing his 'rightfuk destiny' maybe he did something wrong?

01 Seconds before the Crashout

"Master Damian, please stop this in this moment, it's not time for a tantr-" Alfreds voice gets cut off and Dick cant help but actually get freaked out, Tim hears ot, Cassandra hears it, Duke, Barbara, Stephanie, Jason who was entering through the window of his old childhood room, Connor who was eating his breakfast in Kansas, Jon who is in his school trip first hears the heartbeat spike abnormaly and is ready to ditch the class in that instant and perhaps even the half unconsious Superman hear the bloody screathing banshee scream that goes out of Damian's throat

00 seconds before the crashout

"BABA!"

Bruce stops suddenly from walking "Are you okay papa?" You can't help but ask kinda worried "Did you heard that????" he asks you also confused, he feels his chest tingling in a weird way that he wasn't felt in a while, at least not since Tim brought him back from the timestream and kinda lunged into his arms crying "I didn't heard anything dad" you asnwer him more softly tryung to appease hus sudden frown "ehhh… Must have been the wind then" he says now more calm as you and him walk hand in hand out of the air port and towards a [F/C] Porsche convertible with a custom plate that says [INSERT THE MOST BADASS WORD YOU KNOW], "m'kay papa lets go!" you say with such happiness and such bright smile that you could challenge even the sun in who was brighter the Sun or You (obviosly you would win) "Yeah, Lets go home" Bruce says with the softest laugh that you have ever heard, he helps you in your own car into the passanger seat even tho you were gonna drive, how could he let his child drive him let him help you please, you can only smile at the fact that he is trying his best to be a more than a good dad, what can you say? Your love your father very much.

3K EXACT WORDS (I made this chapter i like 2 hours????) Hope yall like Damians Crash out (PLEASE COMENT WHATEVER)

[toasttt11]

posts

posted by carter.hughes

liked by _connorbedard, lhughes_06, tatemcrae and 988,998,743 others

carter.hughes sweden you were fun :)

posted march 28, 2021

comments

_connorbedard 🍩

-carter.hughes 🍩

trevorzegras baby hughessssss

-carter.hughes zzzzzzzz

jackhughes sister 🫡

-carter.hughes brother 🫡

-_quinnhughes dorks

fan012 i cant wait for her to get drafted to the nhl!!!

-hater1097 she’s never getting drafted she’s a girl.

posted by carter.hughes

liked by _connorbedard, lhughes_06, tatemcrae and 2,987,765 others

carter.hughes canucks 2022

posted july 8, 2022

comments

_connorbedard 🍩

-carter.hughes 🍩

-hugheslover86 what is this……

jackhughes 86 :)

-carter.hughes 86!

masonmctavish congrats cap!

-carter.hughes thanks mase

posted by carter.hughes

liked by _connorbedard, lhughes_06, colemcward and 4,237,788 others

carter.hughes year one ✔️ + meet cooper

posted april 22, 2023

tagged _quinnhughes, bboser, elias, colemcward

comments

_connorbedard 🍩

-carter.hughes 🍩

njdevils our favorite hughes!

-carter.hughes 🫶🏻

-jackhughes wow

-lhughes_06 ….

colemcward COOOP!!!

-carter.hughes …..

-colemcward COOOP!!!

bboser don’t get into trouble!

-carter.hughes me! never i’m an angel :)

posted by carter.hughes

liked by _connorbedard, tatemcrae, _quinnhughes and 5,782,889 others

carter.hughes 1/2

posted june 28, 2023

tagged tatemcare, _connorbedard, lhughes_06, jackhughes, _quinnhughes, mackcelebrini

comments

connorbedard 🍩

-carter.hughes 🍩

tatemcare miss you already 🥺

-carter.hughes miss you!

-tatefan i love their friendship 🥺🫶🏻

jackhughes i’m stealing your idea

-carter.hughes yeah figured you would

Canucks we miss our baby hughes !

-carter.hughes i miss you too!

mackcelebrini ⛳️

-carter.hughes ⛳️

posted by carter.hughes

liked by _connorbedard, trevorzegras, njdevils and 5,688,898,989 others

carter.hughes 2/2

posted august 19, 2023

comments

connorbedard 🍩

-carter.hughes 🍩

-conniebedard98 she knows connor?

-hughes4386 bro they literally played on the same team smh

tatemcrae mwah lovie !

-carter.hughes mwah mwah!

hughesfan she went to chicago????

-connor1298 to see Connor?

lhughes_06 〽️

-ethan_edwards 〽️

-dylanduke 〽️

-mattybeniers 〽️

-carter.hughes shoo out of my comments.

[overheardatthecontinental]

March 24th, 2009

Re: Inquiry on the Alighieri Text

Sent, 10:14am

Good morning John,

I wanted to thank you, again, for allowing me access to the Alighieri book last night. Although I did not find what I was originally searching for, the evening did not feel wasted. I truly enjoyed spending time with you– it was wonderful to sit with someone who knew so much about the era. 

I also wanted to take a moment and recognize your craftsmanship. I realized, belatedly, that I had jumped into the text with no comment on the remarkable quality of the restoration. It was truly a thing of beauty.

With warmth and gratitude,

Helen

Re: Inquiry on the Alighieri Text

Received, 10:41 am

Helen,

Of course. It was no trouble, although I am sorry you did not find any references to Numa’s works. If you ever do find the evidence you were looking for, I hope you reach out. I’d love to hear all about it.

Regards,

John

August 17th, 2009

Reference Material

Received, 7:50 pm

Dear Helen,

I hope all is well with you and your research.

I’m not sure if you are still searching for more information regarding Numa but I stumbled upon a reference to him in a journal from 1573 that I was restoring. While it does belong to a prominent family, I have worked with them before and was able to secure permission to let a third-party examine it before it is returned.

If you’re interested, please let me know as soon as possible.

Regards,

John

Re: Reference Material

Sent, 8:13 pm

Dear John,

I hope all is also well with you, too, and I appreciate you reaching out!

Yes, I am still searching for any sort of sources that even reference the time period. A personal journal, even millenia later, is still a phenomenal primary source and I would be ecstatic to look at it!

Name a day and time and I will be there.

It really is wonderful to hear from you!

Warm regards,

Helen

Re: Reference Material

Received, 8:16 pm

Dear Helen,

You’re welcome to come into the shop at any time. I trust you can handle the work with care and I will be around should you run into any issue.

The family has granted permission for you to take photos, as well, in case the references are needed in the future. 

Looking forward to seeing you.

John

Re: Reference Material

Sent, 8:20 pm

Dear John,

I’ll be there in the morning. Thank you so much for this opportunity. I’m beyond excited.

Cant wait to see you!

Warm regards,

Helen

August 18th, 2009

Re: Reference Material

Sent, 7:02 pm

Dear John,

Thank you again.

I know I said it repeatedly today but I really can’t thank you enough. This is the first lead of any value I’ve had in months. The fact that you saw the reference and thought of me means so much to me.

I’ve already started going through the pictures and I can’t wait to finish transcribing everything. You’ll definitely receive a shout out on my dissertation.

Thanks for listening to me ramble earlier. As you could probably tell, I tend to get a little bit too into the things I study. It was nice to talk about it.

I’m really glad Noel pointed me in your direction last spring.

Warm regards,

Helen

Re: Reference Material

Received, 7:39 pm

Dear Helen,

I’m glad to have helped and hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.

Will I get a copy of your dissertation to read? I’m not above blackmailing Noel for it.

Thank you again for the whiskey. You really didn’t have to get me anything, although you were right about my preference. Are you even old enough to purchase alcohol?

Regards,

John

Re: Reference Material

Sent, 7:47 pm

John,

I’ll have you know I turned twenty-one in April. Legal and everything.

As for my dissertation, it will be published so you’d have access to it without resorting to blackmail. But I’ll be sure to send you a copy once it’s done. Keep your expectations low, though. Writing is my least favorite part of the research process.

Warm regards,

Helen

Re: Reference Material

Received, 8:04pm

Helen,

I’ll look forward to seeing the results of all your hard work. Try to make sure you get some sleep between all those translations you're about to get lost in.

Feel free to keep me updated on what you find. I'll admit, I've become invested.

John

Ee: Reference Material

Sent, 8:10pm

Don't call me out like that :P

And of course!

August 28th, 2009

Update!

Sent, 2:12 am

Hey John,

Remember how I promised to let you know if I found any updates!?!?

See Attachment 1

See Attachment 2

Re: Update

Received, 10:11 am

Good morning Helen,

That’s incredible. I’ll admit, I wasn’t able to review the document as much as I’d hoped before I called you in. I’m glad to know it wasn’t a waste of your time.

It seems that your suspicion is correct. I’m not sure if you’ve made it any farther in your translations but has there been any indication of where they might be? 

What do you think the likelihood of them surviving this long would be?

John

PS– thanks for sending your translation with the original

Re: Update

Sent, 3:45 pm

Ugh, sorry for the delay in response. I stayed up until 8 this morning doing translations until my brain was quite literally scrambled. You speak a few languages too, right? Do you ever get to the point where you can't distinguish what word is from what language and so you just sit there going what's the damn word?!?!

Anyway, there were a handful of passages directly about the supposed works of Numa. Apparently, the person who wrote the journal, Lorenzo, had a fascination with Romulus and believes that books that Numa was supposedly buried with reference to what really happened to the first king of Rome (you probably already know this, but Romulus supposedly vanished in a storm). It seems Lorenzo was a believer in the occult and that Romulus and Remus were children of the gods and Romulus did not die as they said. 

He brought up some really good points, like why would Numa keep the books in his grave? That wasn’t a common practice, at least not for Romans. They might bury fine goods or offerings for the gods. If anything, they might bury a single prized possession outside of their normal adornments. To supposedly bury everything he wrote makes no logical sense, especially because his books were supposedly focused on their religious rituals at the time.

Why would you write out the history and rituals of the priests only to bury it with you?

The other point Lorenzo brought up is that the location of the burial was prone to flooding– again, why would you bury someone and their supposed sacred books in a place that was likely to flood?

And we know that Numa wasn’t actually buried where it says he was. His tomb was empty, save supposedly for the books.

It’s all a bit of a conspiracy but Lorenzo theorizes that the books were never buried as legend states but that they must have been hidden at the time of Numa. He had a couple of guesses that all seemed pretty outlandish but still an interesting read.

To answer your other question: could they have survived to this time? It’s unlikely. Papyrus is a fickle mistress. In dry climates, like Egypt, it can last for thousands of years. But Rome has more seasonal changes and if papyrus is exposed to moisture, it likely would have started to decompose or mold.

For me, at least, I’m less concerned with finding the books, although that would be the find of a lifetime, but with the legend surrounding them. Supposedly, it's the only source that detailed what priests of the Roman Kingdom were doing in their daily routines and rituals. It just doesn’t make any sense that they would be hidden or destroyed. 

What could have been so dangerous that they would have destroyed a dozen books? I could almost understand one or two of them being lost but all of them? There’s no sense to it.

Anyway, rant over. Clearly, I’m excited.

Alas, I should probably go work on my actual dissertation.

Talk soon, 

Helen

Re: Update

Received, 4:03 pm

No worries at all. I’m glad you got some rest.

Yes, I know that struggle well. Although I can only write and read in three, I can speak five languages.  Six, if we count Latin, which I assume you do.

It sounds like you made decent headway into it regardless. How you find the time on top of your classes, job, and dissertation is beyond me. 

At the risk of sounding pessimistic, but I think you have opened the door with your belief that the books would not have survived into today, why dedicate so much of your time to its pursuit? 

Take your time to respond– I know you’re busy.

John

Re: Update

Sent, 10:05 pm

Hi John, 

I definitely set myself up with that all nighter last night because I am wired and very much in danger of doing the same thing. Although, tonight, I’ll likely be up working on the research that comes with a deadline ;)

And, dude, six languages? SIX?!?

That’s insane. I’m only at four :( But I suppose I have some time to catch up. Aside from English and Latin, I’m fluent in Ancient Greek and Italian. I’m also working on the basics of Sumerian and I’d love to learn Gaelic eventually but I don’t see that happening until after grad school.

So for you,  I know Latin and English, obviously. I’m guessing something Cyrillic given the texts I saw on your storefront. I’ll hazard a guess at Russian. What are the languages you speak?

And to answer your question as to why I dedicate my time to a cause already lost: because of the uncertainty. Most researchers in my field look for things with some shred of evidence that they still exist. This is a topic that most people wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole since the only thing I’m working with is a hunch and logic (which is also why it’s not a part of my dissertation).

So while probability is exceedingly low, there is still a possibility that they were saved. And if they were saved, maybe they were hidden and protected. And we have so little from that time that actually dates back to the founding of Rome that a discovery like that would give us so much insight into life back then. It could change the very conceptions that we have of that era and open up an entire new chapter of history that could be studied. 

And if it wasn’t saved? Well, it still deserves to be studied and remembered.

TL;DR, I’m an endlessly curious glutton for punishment 

With warmth,

Helen

August 29th, 2009

Re: Update

Received, 12:06 am

For your sake, I hope your sleep schedule resets soon.

You’re correct with Russian– that was my first language and is one of the three that I can write in. I can also read and write in Spanish. The languages I speak but can’t read well are Italian and Japanese. I’d like to learn at some point but haven’t had the ambition to sit down and actually do it.

You may have less languages but I would point out that you are significantly younger than me. You have plenty of time to continue learning, although I reiterate: where do you find the time?

For what it’s worth, I hope that you’re right and those works have been hidden away some place safe. I have no doubt that you’ll find them, if they’re really out there.

Try to get some sleep,

John

Re: Update

Sent, 12:21 am

I’ll sleep when I’m dead, or whatever they say.

I didn’t realize English wasn’t your first language. I never would have guessed. If you don’t mind me asking, were you born in Russia? Please don’t feel like you have to answer if you don’t want, but I’m curious.

When it comes to finding the time, I’ll admit that I live and breathe research. I’m trying to venture into other hobbies but I have no artistic talent, I detest board games and puzzles, and I’m a firm believer that you should only ever have to run if someone is chasing you. As of now, the only working out I do is the four flights up to my apartment each night and I have no desire to change that.

Also, you get some sleep. It would appear I’m not the only one burning the midnight oil.

With warmth, 

Helen

Re: Update

Received, 12:30 am

I don’t mind your questions. And yes, I was born in a small village east of Minsk. I didn’t emigrate until I was much older.

While I don’t think research is a bad hobby, I don’t particularly find it relaxing. I’m almost afraid to ask but do you ever relax?

As for the sleep, I’ve always been a bit of an insomniac. I don’t see that changing at this point in my life. You, however, shouldn’t make a habit out of it.

Rest well,

John

Re: Update

Sent, 12:55 am

Wow. I really had no idea that you were Russian. You don’t have an accent. Do you still have family there? And where did you pick up Italian, Spanish, and Japanese?

Your choice in languages are far more practical than my own. I only learned Italian because so much of my research is based in Italy.

And I'm sorry, I don't actually know that word. Relax? Never heard of it. Sounds like a silly concept if you ask me.

Definitely not resting, 

Helen

Re: Update

Received, 1:02 am

I feel like I'm enabling you.

My parents passed when I was very young. I’ve visited the village I was raised in a few times, though. As for the other languages, I spent time in Italy, Mexico, and Japan over the years. I’ve always been a quick study of picking languages. I wouldn’t describe myself as fully fluent but I can get by in all three.

As for relaxing, it’s actually a rather simple idea– that one should take time to engage in pleasant and non-strenuous activities. There are supposedly many benefits such as better sleep, less tension in the body, better regulation of the nervous system. That kind of thing.

Go to sleep,

John

Re: Update

Sent, 1:05 am

I’m sorry, John. I can only imagine what that must have been like.

I definitely want to hear more about your time abroad but I don’t want to keep you up too late, either. 

Your foreign concept of ‘relaxing’ continues to strike me as odd but I’ll consider taking it under advisement ;)

What are you talking about, I’m clearly asleep,

Helen

September 14th, 2009

New update

Sent, 11:43 am

Hey John,

Hope you’re doing well– I’ve been knee deep in dissertation stuff but I’ve been going back through Lorenzo’s journal in my spare time. I know you only breezed through it in passing while rebinding it but there is a passage that talks about Tullus Hostillius, the king who succeeded Numa. In it, it says that Tullus became paranoid towards the end of his life and referenced the works left by Numa, detailing sacrifices that were made to appease the gods. Whoever wrote the journal cites a text by Quintus Valerius Camillus as the source. I’ve done a bit of research but I can’t find anything on that writer.

I know it’s a long shot, but are you familiar with Camillus? Or have you seen him referenced anywhere else?

Warm regards,

Helen

Re: New update

Received, 11:50 am

Hi Helen, 

Off the top of my head, it doesn’t sound familiar but I can definitely keep a look out for that name. 

Try to find some time to relax amidst all this research.

Best,

John

Re: New update

Sent, 11:58 am

No worries– figured it was a long shot but worth asking.

And you keep using that word– I still don’t understand it.

Not relaxed but only moderately stressed,

Helen

September 17th, 2009

Re: New update

Received, 8:46 pm

Hi Helen,

A long shot, indeed, but following our previous conversation, I got curious and looked through my personal collection of books for a mention of Camillus. I found a couple footnotes that mention him as an early censor. 

You’re welcome to borrow it, if you’d like. 

Let me know,

John

Re: New update

Sent, 9:31 pm

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES! 

Oh my god, you are literally the best. Could I pick it up tomorrow? My shift at the library starts at three but I can come any time before then.

Or let me know whatever works for you!

But, seriously, thank you!!

Helen

Re: New update

Received, 9:45 pm

Of course. You know my hours. Come over whenever.

Best,

John

September 18th, 2009

Re: New update

Sent, 10:14 pm

You are a godsend. 

Thank you again,

Helen

October 1st, 2009

Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:11 pm

What do you know about curse tablets?

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:15 pm

I'll be honest. Nothing.

I hope that's about to change, though.

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:27 pm

Buckle up, Wick. 

Okay, so obviously, much of the ancient world believed in magic. Spirits, demons, all that jazz. 

So people would take lead tablets and use them to cast spells. Sometimes they'd just write the person's name and we think that was accompanied by an oral spell but there are hundreds of these tablets that have complex curses literally spelled out (ha!)

And, John, these were fucking wild. Like, any and everything you can think of. Curses for hair to fall out or for someone to get dizzy before court. Losing your horses or control of your bladder. Eternal fladdicity all around.

But the one I just read says:

 Entangle the nets of Vincenzus Zarizo, may he be unable to chain bears, may he lose with every bear, may he be unable to kill a bear on Wednesday, in any hour, now, now, quickly, quickly, make it happen!

I am currently mourning my decision to not make the focus of my dissertation the occult in ancient times because I want finding and translating curses to be my full time job.

End of rant,

Helen

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:40 pm

Incredible. I like how specific he got with the time, too. “May he be unable to kill a bear on Wednesday” is a special kind of hatred. 

I wonder how long it took to carve that into stone, as well. I don’t think there’s anyone I hate that much to put in that kind of effort. 

As far as your decision goes, you have a lifetime of study ahead of you. Although I’d be careful to stay away from the occult. You never know what could happen.

Feel free to send any other oddly specific curses my way. While I’d never carve it into stone, I’m not above learning some curses to use if anyone upsets me.

Best,

John

P.S. If this is your way of relaxing, we might need to talk about other hobbies

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:45 pm

Right??? The worst part about studying history for sure is that you’re always left with more questions than answers. For example, what did Vincenzus Zarizo do that left someone so angry that they’d literally spend days making sure that he was unable to catch bears? Or maybe our mystery scriber was an early animal-rights activist who just really loved bears… the world will never know 🙁

As for your suggestion to stay away from the occult, I never took you for superstitious. Do you believe in magic? Or a higher power?

I’ll send you more if I find any worth noting. Most of them are just your standard choke-on-your-entrails, hope-your-dick-falls-off, become-mute-motherfucker insults.

And on that note, have a good night,

Helen

P.S. Don’t make me curse you with my tablet

October 2nd, 2009

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 12:04 am

I wouldn’t describe myself as superstitious, per se. I believe that some things happen that cannot be explained in conventional terms. 

I like to think of myself as supernaturally agnostic– do I believe those curse tablets worked? No. Am I going to mess around with one? Also no.

Sleep well, Helen.

John

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 10:35 pm

I did a deep dive on curse tablets and found that some of them come with illustrations. The patience and effort it must have taken to put in this kind of detail is insane. This might actually become my new hobby.

See attachment 1

See attachment 2

See attachment 3

With warmth,

Helen

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 10:51 pm

…

I don’t even know where to start.

First of all, I’m all for you finding something calming and relaxing to do to unwind but when I suggested you find a hobby, I meant Tai Chii or baking. 

Second, there’s something very disconcerting about you sending those graphic images, accompanied with your signature line boasting ‘with warmth’. 

My brain may never forget those images, so thanks for that.

Traumatized,

John

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:01 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:03 pm

Seriously? I tell you I’m traumatized and you laugh?

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:05 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

See attachment 1

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:06 pm

Oh no

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:09 pm

Freaky, isn’t it?

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:11 pm

I’m almost afraid to ask what happened to his arms. It’s a little Venus-de-Milo-esque.

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:14 pm

Yeah, except Venus de Milo didn’t have a giant wang

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:18 pm

I can’t read Ancient Greek– what does it say?

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:26 pm

Well, very crudely translated, it says:

Wise Minerva, should Titus Marius Blandus speak lies to women, let his dick grow until he cannot stand

I don’t know who wrote this, but she was a queen. Incredible use of her time. Stunning artistry. Poetic words.

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:30 pm

I don’t know what to say other than it deserves to be in a museum.

Also, is this the original telling of Pinocchio? I sense common themes.

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Sent, 11:40 pm

That was not the story I watched as a kid, lol. Although, I guess you could say he did grow wood !!!

Re: Tabella Defixionis

Received, 11:44 pm

I think we just ruled out comedy as your new hobby.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 11:49 pm

Oh come on, John. If you can tell me right now that I didn’t at least get a snort out of that, I’ll never joke again.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 11:53 pm

I suppose your jokes are safe, but I’m not.

Also, how many of these things exist and why have I never heard of them?

October 3rd, 2009

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 12:03 am

Hundreds. Possibly even thousands. A lot of them were thrown into wells or buried near significant markers or even the house of those they wished to curse (or enchant– they’re not all malicious! But the fun ones are)

And they’re cross-cultural, too. Tablets have been found all over Italy, Greece, Macedonia. Even as far north as England. 

You probably haven’t heard of them because they’re not exactly historically significant in the same way the Punic Wars or the assassination of Caesar were. Their bearings have no more mark on society than horoscopes would now.

People tend to be interested in things that are relevant. Or, at least, adjacently relevant. 

That said, I think kids would be a lot more interested in history if they saw that people back then were just like us: petty, dysfunctional, and hilarious.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 12:12 am

It’s fascinating, to say the least. I want to hear more about the non-malicious curse tablets but I’m afraid to send you down another rabbit hole this late at night.

Given the time, I’m assuming your sleep schedule is still messed up?

Also, I must reiterate the importance of finding a hobby that doesn’t involve cursing people.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 12:20 am

You’re no fun :P

Although, to be fair, there’s no one I hate enough to curse. 

The other tablets, that weren’t curses, tended to be more light spells. Although love and erotic spells were the most common, there were plenty of others for health and wealth and finding things that were lost.

Yeah, my sleep has been rocky lately. I’ve always been a bit of a night owl but it’s definitely gotten worse. I don’t think I could fall asleep before midnight if I tried. Thank God tomorrow is Saturday.

Anyway, enough about me– bind any good books lately?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 12:32 am

While I’m still encouraging a new, calmer hobby, carving a health or wealth enchantment doesn’t sound too terrible. 

Nothing terribly exciting, at least to most people.Although, now that I think about it, you might actually find it interesting. I’ve been contracting with Yale to refurbish and restore some of the older works in their collection. I get a shipment each week of different texts. It’s kept me a bit busier than usual but it’s certainly better than just sitting at the counter all day.

And before you ask, nothing as ancient as the stuff you’re working with. Mostly personal journals and some handwritten manuscripts. 

Regardless of the weekend, should you be getting some rest?

Re: Tabella Definionis 

Sent, 12:39 am

Eh, carving a nice enchantment just doesn't hold the same weight. Besides, I'm entering my bitch phase.

And yeah, I would classify doing restorative work for freaking Yale as interesting and exciting!! I also feel like it doesn’t matter what you’re restoring, you’re still honoring a part of history and I think that’s incredible. 

How did you get into the restoration and binding? Its a fairly niche field from what I’ve heard.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 12:45 am

I’m almost afraid to ask, and yet I cannot resist: what, exactly, is a bitch phase?

I sort of fell into binding, if I’m being honest. I had an old journal that was falling apart. It was a family heirloom and I didn’t want to part with it. I took it with me everywhere, even when I was in the army. One day, pages started falling out so I found someone who taught me to fix it. I enjoyed the process far more than I thought I would so I started to make my own bindings. The restorative work came later, with much practice. Like handling relics, it's always an evolving field.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 12:56 am

I’ll get to the bitch phase thing in a sec but first I got to take a moment– John. The way you drop these huge things into conversation like they’re little sidenotes is freaking insane. I was born in Russia. I speak six languages. I’m doing restorative work for Yale. I used to be in the Army.

JOHN.

Honestly, that’s so incredible. 

It's kind of crazy how things happen, isn't it? One day, you're living your life, just doing everyday, seemingly insignificant things. The next thing you know, everything has changed.

Okay, back to bitch phase: so, obviously I've talked before about being a young kid in high school/college and now I'm a less than a year away from my Ph.D at 21. Its always been glaringly obvious that I'm the youngest one in the room and so I always tried to be extra nice to kind of make up for it or make people like me. I recently decided to stop. Or, at least, stop caring so much what others think of me.

Think less bitch in a mean way; more bitch in a take-no-shit way.

Regardless, I'm a work in progress.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 1:03 am

Aren't we all?

And while I like your sudden quest to take better care of yourself, I find it oddly amusing that you have gone the route of trying to become a bitch rather than getting a new hobby or sleeping.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:05 am

Um, I think you missed the previous message above where I informed you that curse tablets are my new hobby. 

As for sleep, I promise I’ll wrap up after I finish outlining this chapter and head out. As long as I’m out of here by 1:45, I should have no trouble catching a train home.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 1:07 am

I thought you were home? What are you doing out so late?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:10 am

I’m still at work. The library technically closed a few hours ago but it’s my night to lock up. I’ll get out of here soon, though.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 1:11 am 

Helen, are you telling me you’re there alone and planning on taking a train at this time of night?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:14 am

Yes?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 1:15 am

You're at the ISAW Library?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:18 am

Yeah. What’s the big deal?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Received, 1:19 am

I’m coming to get you. I’ll be there in 15.

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:21 am

Wait, are you serious?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:23 am

It’s really not that big a deal. Like, yeah, it's late but it's rare that anyone approaches me. I'll be fine. 

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:24 am

John?

Re: Tabella Definionis

Sent, 1:27 am

You actually left to get me, didn't you? 

Genuinely not sure if you're chivalrous or insane

This is crazy. Correction: John is crazy 

It's quarter to two in the morning when she sees a black car pull up in front of the ISAW Library. The street is as empty as anywhere on the Upper East Side at this time of night. 

The library is surrounded by doctors offices and 9 to 5 businesses that closed down hours ago. The cars passing by are mostly thru traffic. Taxis taking people home as bars set to close down and ubers taking people to clubs that only close at daylight.

She waits until she sees his head rising above the car to step out, teeth worrying her lower lip as she tugs the door to ensure it is locked behind her.

John comes around the back of the car towards the passenger side door as she descends the steps somewhat sheepishly. But, no, she decides, straightening her spine. She has nothing to be embarrassed about. 

This is life. She works and she lives and sometimes she is out later than she plans.

“Don't you think this is a little excessive?” she asks as she draws near.

John regards her. “Your safety? No.”

She rolls her eyes and slips into the passenger seat.

John closes the door behind her and she straightens her dress. Suddenly, she is all too aware of the way it rides up her thigh as she sits and how her sweater definitely has coffee stains. Her braid is in complete disarray.

She hears the clean click of the driver’s side door being opened and John is climbing in next to her.

“Where do you live?” he asks.

The irony is not lost on Helen that she’s giving her address to someone she barely knows rather than taking her usual commute home, all for the sake of safety. It doesn’t stop her from rattling it off anyway.

John sets the car in drive and pulls back into traffic.

The silence stretches on, testing the limits of her comfort before she gives in. “You know, you really didn’t have to come all the way out here to get me. I’m no stranger to the late night commute.”

He glances over, his expression somewhat blank aside from a curious arched brow. “Exactly how often are you walking home alone past midnight?”

Helen shrugs. “I’m only closer Fridays and Saturdays. Usually I’m out of here a little after ten. Tonight I just got caught up in research.”

“That’s not much better,” John says and his grip on the steering wheel seems to tighten.

She can’t understand why but, despite the oddity of the situation, she feels remarkably safe.

“On the weekends, the party crowd is usually still out then. Even now, I’m sure there will be plenty of people still out and about.”

“You’re four blocks from the closest train station where you work,” John says. “And I’m guessing your closest stop from home is at least that distance, if not more.”

“I mean, yeah,” she answers honestly, if a little short. “But that’s part of life in the city.”

He takes a deep breath, releasing a heavy sigh. “Helen, I don’t know how to put this other than bluntly, but you’re a pretty, unassuming young woman and I’d be willing to wager that your head is usually miles away, thinking about whatever your latest books of Numa or curse tablets are.”

She looks down because he’s right about that. 

Softer, almost gently, he adds, “I don’t want to see you targeted or hurt over something that is easily avoided.”

Which was all well and good except for the practicality of it, she thinks. Taxis are too expensive to rely on with any regularity and there is no getting out of walking alone. Even if she walks with a coworker to the train station, they live in different boroughs.

“If it makes you feel better, I keep a Swiss Army knife on my keychain.”

The pure incredulity on his face as he turns to look at her succeeds in making her flush. John looks back at the road and lets out a low chuckle that makes her toes curl.

“Color me terrified,” he says.

“You should be. I'll use it to carve a curse tablet.”

He shakes his head and mumbles something in Russian. She has no idea what he's said but he sounds amused and it's all she can do to keep her eyes from rolling back into her head. Christ, that should be illegal. 

It's different, seeing John Wick in darkness.

He seems a little harder, a little bit sharper than he did during the day. Maybe its the way the streetlights glint off his leather jacket or the knowledge of his military past. She hadn't noticed it before but she looks for it now. The ready posture, the quick reflexes as he effortlessly adjusts the stick shift. 

And while John was undeniably attractive sitting in his workshop and gently binding an old book, there is something about him now, like this, that leaves her excited.

It gnaws at her most primal self. The part that she rarely lets see the light of day, burning in agony. The same part that loved archaeology not for the history, but for the adventure. The same part that yearned to break free of preconceived ideas of niceness and burst out into an era without need for fawning or apologizing.

She feels blind having missed it before but she sees it in him, too. 

The same duality that afflicts her.

Maybe that’s why he’s so insistent, she wonders. Why he didn’t hesitate to come and pick her up, as if he can see through her and knows that, underneath the air of innocence, there is a part of her that flirts with danger. That takes the long way home just to feel more alive.

Does he know, too, that she feels a rush just by sitting beside him?

They turn onto a nearly empty street and John speaks up. “You should invest in mace.”

And, because she does love that rush so much, Helen responds, “Like the pepper spray or the medieval spiked-ball on a stick?”

The look he gives her might have made a grown man cower. She bites her lip to suppress a smile.

Another string of amused Russian falls from his tongue and fuck. That’s just not fair. Truly, madly not fair .

“All jokes aside, you should take precautions for your safety. You’re smart enough to know the risks.”

It’s all she can do to not roll her eyes. “You’re acting like I moved to the city yesterday and not like I haven’t lived here for years. Hell, I’ve worked at ISAW since I started grad school and I’ve never had a problem with my commute.”

He shifts in his seat, and she catches the smallest tick of his jaw. “Just because something hasn’t happened doesn’t mean it won’t.”

“I’m not denying that,” she says, before pointing down the street at her building. “Just over there. And, most of the time, I follow all the little rules that I should: I don’t go out and party, I stick with friends when I’m out, with the exception of tonight, I don’t get in cars with strange men.”

John snorts as he pulls up out front.

“But, sometimes things are unavoidable. I mean, I have to work, John.”

For a moment, he’s quiet. Pensieve. Then, “Tomorrow is your other late day?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. I’ll pick you up at 10.”

She opens her mouth, then closes it. That’s crazy, she thinks. And really fucking hot. The ease at which he’ll just drop everything to come to her rescue. Her stomach flips and Helen looks away, shaking her head.

“What?” she asks, as challenging as she can muster. “You just going to drive me home from work every late night?”

John shrugs. “Why not?”

She stares at him, floundering. “Well, uh, for one thing: I close every Friday and Saturday.”

He appears unphased. “So it’s a predictable schedule. I still don’t see the concern?”

A small laugh bubbles up at his unaffected gaze. “So what? You’re just going to keep your weekend nights free so you can drive me home? Come on.”

“Again, I’m not seeing the problem.”

And he wasn’t. John clearly didn’t hear how ridiculous he sounded with his offer. Or how outlandish it was to offer a girl he hardly knew consistent transportation. But more than that, a commitment of his time.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she held out her hand. “Give me your phone.”

His blink is the only hesitation she receives before he is reaching into his pocket and passing over his pristine iPhone. Helen opens the contacts and adds her number, before sending herself a quick text so she’ll recognize any correspondence from John before she passes it back.

“Text me when you realize how insane your offer is,” she tells him. “I won’t hold you to it.”

John only smirks as he accepts it. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Helen opens the door and steps onto the sidewalk, swinging her bag up around her shoulder. “I stand by the fact that this is excessive.” Then, softer, “Thanks for the ride.”

“And I stand by that it’s not.” Then, just as gently, “You’re welcome.”

October 9th, 2009

Sent, 1:58 pm

I’d just like to state, for the record, I do not need a ride home. I am perfectly capable of taking the train.

Received, 2:00 pm

I’ll see you at 10.

[not-poignant]

its such a strange situation to be in, following a writer and reading as they publish. i remember reading underline the red and i fell hard for faber and calebs dynamic. they have the best chemistry/banter i’ve ever read on this site not going to lie. and with the story being on semi hiatus, but both of them making appearances in your current works and then q&as..its just so strange 😂 waiting for the story to pick up when we know so little and just chilling here knowing others are also fantasising about them in this corner of the internet. meeting kenneth i immediately had to think of luuk and how much i adored him so i reread eversion (one of the best hankcon out there btw). i am just so pumped but at the same time it feels weird knowing that i dont know where ill be in half a year/whenever utb finishes. i just hope i will still be invested in red. ive been reading your stuff since last october but ive never followed a writer so again its just strange 😂 i think caleb popping up here and there helps keep the fire stocked and rereading the chapters on your patreon too.

i adore utb but at the same time my adhd brain cant wait for your new shiny stories to begin fjdbfksjyjgk sorryyy 🙈 and i liked the bit of augus ive read but i dont know the raven prince but im still so eager to meet them aahhh

have a great weekend xx

One of the reasons I've been so frustrated at having so many stories on the go (a valuable lesson in 'don't do that again'), is because I can't maintain the pacing I generally like to and have to put at least 2-3 stories on hiatus at any one time. It's not the way I prefer to write! Ironically, it's this way because of my ADHD brain, lol.

That being said, Underline the Red is coming in as the main story once Underline the Black finishes, which will be this year, and then it will not only be updating once every blue moon, but several times per month until it's finished.

You may not be interested by then, anon! That's okay. That's pretty normal, and that might have happened even if you'd been reading in an ongoing way. And maybe one day you drift away and think about that silly little story that wasn't finished, and come back and it's like 350k words long and completed (or close to it) and you can rediscover everything you liked about it. And maybe you don't! Life just does that.

Underline the Red is also making another comeback in March, and then again soon after, because we are gearing up for it to take over, and there will soon be crossover content between Black and Red in a much more tangible way (certain things coming up we will see from Faber's perspective too).

As for Underline the Blue and Underline the Gold I've been working hard on them to, so I can streamline from there into Underline the Silver.

But for me, that involves trying to write more (ideally many more) chapters than I release each month, per month (so I release around 8 chapters per month) and the reality is that often isn't possible the way I want it to be. So we have the hiatus system instead.

I did learn my lesson though!

[imaginespazzi]

Bestie bestie bestie! Hope your week is going really well :D

Sadly my March Madness run came to an end over the weekend - I remain trying to think too deeply about that reality for now 🙃. Should note I dont do brackets actually, so never get to brag about or bemoan my predictions ha. But boy did the games on Monday at least provide some feel good results, for me anyway. I think the Elite 8 as a whole was pretty good viewing! Now dread slowly creeps thinking about how the Fri games could go. I sure do have preferences..

I really admired Georgia's composure in the presser, especially given how little time there is between the end of game and holding interviews (though maybe that helps and things cant fully set in so fast?). Not to mention she played well in each of their games. And I think shes correct - single last game/play (good or bad) shouldnt generally be what first comes to mind when thinking about someones playing career. Oh do I trust your drama senses, we'll stay posted w the draft now. Crazy how quick it comes up. Cant even imagine our reactions if she lands in Vegas lol.

Yeah Juju's injury was just a sad deal, which I did catch in real time watching on tv. Nothing much else you can really say. All good wishes for her recovery/come back. Im optimistic she has good resources & support system. And gotta acknowledge that Southern Cal played really well for her 👏

Ayyy AFD, was excited to see your writing back last night! 📖 My compliments as always

Til next time,

-☕️

Hi bestie boo <3

Awww no :( Ah well still plenty of hoops to catch from the comfort of your couch now. I'm really glad you had fun though! I'm lowkey grateful for how busy my life is that the dread can wait till an hour before tip off lololol.

Yes I think it's a beautiful mentality to have and I really admire her from it as someone who does dwell on the metaphorical last play in life a lot. But yes her in Vegas would do wonders for our gossip sesh's lmao but lowkey for Liz's sake, I hope not cause that girl deserves better.

USC definitely fought for her on the court! Honestly, that's why I was shocked and confused by Howell entering the portal because she would've been a cornerstone piece next year. And while it probably doesn't erase her unfortunate injury, I do hope winning NPOY, really ups Juju's spirts because it was well deserved.

Thank you my love, I'm glad you enjoyed!

[flaylore]

DIRECTORY (2024)

Jan 1, 2024, Red Mecha Pilot Tries Blender To Make Goo Cat!!!!!!

As Flayon’s about to end the stream, he reminds viewers to love themselves… and for a split second, his eyes swirls, telling them to never leave him.

Jan 2, 2024

‘Can you have a late growth spurt in your 18000's???’

Jan 4, 2024

'i cant wash the black strands out of my hair so i guess i didnt dye it WEIRD'

Jan 4, 2024

imo it looks like it's spreading

Jan 6, 2024, The Roons Got Me A Place At Time Square!!! || + Granblue Fantasy

Flayon starts to pan over a fanart of X. The screen glitches as he stares at it, saying nothing. He turns the page and the glitching stops.

MINOR: Jan 8, 2024, 【debut watchalong】o . o

Flayon revisits his debut, occasionally interrupted by glitchy moments, and ends with a brief cameo of the original pilot that got his place taken by him. Please read the summary for more information.

MINOR: Jan 13, 2024, the anxiety of happiness roon

A new Machiroon asset was introduced, which warped into a scene where a figure with swirly eyes appears. Please read the summary for a more detailed information.

MAJOR: Jan 20, 2024, Content Warning|【Machiroon Appreciation+ NEW OUTFIT】AAAAAAAAA

He compares his old outfit and his recent one, lamenting how he has changed from before.

Jan 22, 2024, UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH II Sys:Celes] I Need To Play Kuon Immediately #sponsored #ad

Up until this point, Flayon’s height is 171cm.

Jan 30, 2024

‘there are many me and there are many you’

Feb 7, 2024 

‘THE RUBIX CUBE IS BEATING MY ASS’

‘its a mirror cube its so confusing’

‘apparently pre debut i was able to solve stuff like this so effortlessly’

‘idk what happened’

‘i cant pilot things like I used to either’

‘the memory is so hazy’

‘but maybe its better it stays buried’

Feb 11, 2024

‘Sometimes it feels as if the R-TRUS is going to destroy me from the inside’

‘Oh-oh shut down rtrus sometimes maybe- wait can rtrus be shut down?’

‘yes

if i have no energy then he won't work

or if im too stressed then he wont work

sometimes when im inside, he'll move on his own a bit

it hasn't been happening often but every now and then’

Feb 12, 2024

‘I’m losing apart of me every time I pilot…’

Feb 13, 2024,【POKEMON UNITE】Duo's w/ The Regis ALTARE, Hero of Elysium & Your Heart

R-TRUS was found in Xenokuni and Flayon gets visits from scientists.

Feb 17, 2024, Experiencing The Wholesome Door 2 w/@Octavio_en in【The House in Fata Morgana】| Spoiler Alert!

Flayon does not have a reflection in the mirror.

Feb 17, 2024, Experiencing The Wholesome Door 2 w/@Octavio_en in【The House in Fata Morgana】| Spoiler Alert!

Flayon questions if the person inside your reflection is a doppelganger rather than yourself.

MINOR: Feb 20, 2024, x teaser

This video is best watched in its entirety.

March 4, 2024 

‘Do you wanna know how it feels to be crushed by 100+ tons of reinforced X-metal? Just because the R-TRUS is big doesn’t mean your death will be quick You’ll feel your bones pull apart and slip out Your eyes will leave your sockets ever so slowly and if I aim right I can play’

‘around with you like food. not to mention if I choose to absorb your very life force into the R-TRUS It’s the equivalent of taking out your soil and throwing it into a sea of memories. You’ll experience all the pain of everyone who met their death to me Just when you think it’s’

‘over, the cycle will loop and I’ll use your remains as fuel which I will then have concentrated into energy that flows through my spinal cord Basically you’ll be connected to my nervous system and have to share each and every waking moment with me without being able to leave’

March 8, 2024

‘I’m getting rid of old clothes and there is a lot of oversized shirts/jackets/hoodies from school SLIGHTLY 

Nostalgic but I’m bitter about something when I see it too’

‘I have one green jacket that is made out of fleece and was way too big for me

idk how I wore that and why I would wear green’

Mar 12, 2024

‘japan public transportation so cool IM STILL CONFUSED but I can feel myself getting the hang of it just slowly’

(Someone asked if he parked the R-TRUS somewhere.)

‘i have him on standby at the guild

he keeps moving on his own sometimes

just lil twitches’

April 11, 2024, 【CORPSE PARTY】Nah, I'd Live (Does He Know?) | CONTENT WARNING

Flayon loses a lot of blood when he fights with the R-TRUS overdoing it.

April 12, 2024

‘This pilot is going to go back to sleep, that is a warning from my body that I need more rest 

Hard to understand it without the R-TRUS directly telling me what's wrong with me’

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

This a series of clips where he turns on the red eyed toggles.

He reaffirms that he is a genius.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Rudely responding with, ‘What’s your problem?’

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes grumbles as he confirms that the outfit he’s wearing is the one he wore when he attended Elysium Academy.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes confirms that the TEMPUS members do not attend the Elysium Academy.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes questions if the viewers actually want to be crushed by the R-TRUS.

April 15th, 2024, THIS CAT IS BANNED IN 44 STATES!!!! (ROON DAY 2)

Flayon with red eyes calls viewers filthy.

April 20, 2024,【UNARCHIVED KARAOKE】LET'S PARTY WITH THE BOYS BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎈【OFF COLLAB】

He turns into particles to teleport in and out of the R-TRUS. The sensations feels like it’s ripping his flesh apart, claiming that he’s used to it.

27 April, 2024

This a series of tweets where he turns on the red eyed toggles.

‘Do you know how painful it is to be the only one in Elysium with this kind of fire power? No other *mechs* except MINE? No one worth my time.. Until now. Do your best or you'll just become fuel for /my/ R-TRUS.’

[responding to a tweet congratulating Flayon, and pointing out his red eyes]

‘Hah?’

27 April, 2024

[responding to a tweet saying that they’re excited to fight him in Idol Showdown, 1st tweet, 2nd tweet]

27 April, 2024

[replying to a tweet of an image of X]

‘why did you send a blank image??’

May 1, 2024

[responding to yatogami fuma, who asked flayon to come over]

‘im afraid senpai

 i want to retreat to the insides. 

while i stay outside’

May 5, 2024

Flayon is referencing a monologue of his first post on Twitter/X, with updated information such as his age being 18433 years old and being put on leave after being questioned over his mental stability. Original monologue

My name is Machina X Flayon. I'm 18433 years old. I currently reside in Japan, an area associated with Xenokuni, with the rest of my guildmates and I am not married. I work as the mecha pilot for the TEMPUS GUILD, but was put on leave after the board questioned my mental stability

May 14, 2024

[responding to someone asking if he gets any weird alerts/updates from the R-TRUS when doesn’t get to use it]

‘his mental state mirrors mine’

May 14, 2024

[responding to someone asking if he’s worried he’d forget to pilot the R-TRUS if he doesn’t get to use it]

[an image of flayon with red eyes looking down disapprovingly, shadow looming over his face]

May 16, 2024, I am Hakumen. THE END HAS COME【BLAZBLUE: CENTRALFICTION】

Flayon has various weapons outside of the R-TRUS. He has his shields where he can propel off them, and his energy drinks that act as bombs that its properties similar to lava.

[1nternetangelz]

hihi !! new account because i& lost my& last one , but i&ll get straight to the point . this might get into vent territory so i&ll cut it off just in case !!

i& am in debilitating pain 24 / 7 . i& have a high heart rate + high blood pressure , and my& joints always hurt . my& toes , ankles , knees , hips , entire back , shoulders , traps + neck , and the base of my& skull always hurt , with my& sensitive areas being knees , hips , and neck .

along with this , i& am always fatigued . i& wake up around 10 and go to bed around 8 [ when i& can ] , and am never able to fight off my& tired feeling .

after almost two years and two canes later , my& mother brought me& to the doctor . i& go , do my& physical , get my& blood + urine drawn the next week for every test BUT the one i& thought they'd do [ a crp for inflammation ] , and i& go home and wait .

nothing . they said i& was sick , on my& period [ blood in urine ] , and dehydrated , and nothing else .

now everyone in my& house is acting like im crazy .

i& dont know what to do , and every time i& think about it , i& cry . two years of waiting for ... nothing . i& cant stand without support , i& was kicked out of band for my& inability to march correctly , and i& cant go up / down the stairs without falling .

it hurts . living hurts . my& partner and friends are the only ones who believe me& and my& family is treating it like its all in my head , that im& working myself up over nothing . that life is supposed to be like this .

it isnt , something in me& KNOWS its not . something in me& knows that this is not normal , and every time someone says that they go even a few minutes without pain i& just want to curl up and cry .

standing hurts right now , laying down hurts right now . i& barely have enough energy to make this post because my& fingers are cramping and i&m so fucking tired . its 2am , way past when i& sleep , and i&m up crying because i&m in so much pain .

i& just need advice , feel free to scroll .

[gr8gollygrace]

As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner - Notes + Thoughts

Main Themes: death + grief, classism, individual agency, religion

Images + Symbolism: bananas, buzzards, cows/horses/steer, eggs, rain/water - change, "queer" in reference to Darl's behavior/demeanor

Classism:

Dewey Dell: "I had saved enough so that the flour and the sugar and the stove wood would not be costing anything." (pg. 7)

"'But those rich town ladies can change their minds. Poor folks cant."(pg. 7)

Dewey Dell experiences the class divide starkly after painstakingly saving for the ingredients for a cake - which she cannot sell because the customer, "change[d] their minds" which is privileged

Darl: " Without looking back the horse kicks at him, slamming a single hoof into the wall with a pistol-like report. Jewel kicks him in the stomach"(pg. 13)

Darl works his horse like he is worked, especially by Anse who believes he should own what his children own - violence seems to somehow communicate respect, maybe the respect of handling physical responsibilities

"I have never seen a sweat stain on his shirt. He was sick once from working in the sun when he was twenty-two years old, and he tells people that if he ever sweats we will die."(pg. 17)

Dewey Dell: "We are country people, not as good as town people."(pg. 60)

Anse: "It's because there is a reward for us above, where they cant take their autos and such. Every man will be equal there and it will be taken from them that have and give them that have not by the Lord."(pg. 110)

"But now I can get them teeth. That will be a comfort."(pg. 111)

Darl: "When Jewel comes up he has the saw."(pg. 162)

Darl and others go to retrieve Cash's tools from the water - risking their lives for material goods, those goods are worth significant money, and without them, it would be difficult to make money - the family seems reliant on Cash to produce income through carpentry

Cash: "Kind of hangdog and proud too, with [Anse's] teeth and all, even if he wouldn't look at us. 'Meet Mrs Bundren,' he says."(pg. 261)

the main characters of the story are all aware of the class division to some degree

Religion:

Dewey Dell: "If it is His will that some folks has different ideas of honesty from other folks, it is not my place to question His decree"(pg. 8)

Cora: ". . . coming sometimes when I shouldn't have, neglecting my own family and duties so that somebody would be with her in her last moments and she would not have to face the Great Unknown without one familiar face to give her courage."(pg. 22)

"I have tried to live right in the sight of God and man, for the honor and comfort of my Christian husband and the love and respect of my Christian children. So that when I lay me down . . . I will be surrounded by loving faces, carrying the farewell kiss of each of my loved ones into my reward."(pg. 23)

reminds me of the play EVERYMAN, wanted to take with him family and friendship, but neither would come with, but the symbol for Love did go with in the end

Tull: "The Lord giveth"(pg. 30)

'The lord giveth, and the lord taketh(but please lord don't take it all at once"

Anse: "When He aims for something to be always a-moving, He makes it long ways, like a road or a horse or a wagon, but when He aims for something to stay put, He makes it up-and-down ways, like a tree or a man."(pg. 36)

Tull: "Then [Cora] begun to sing again, working at the washtub, with that singing look in her face like she had done give up folks and all their foolishness and had done went on ahead of them, marching up the sky, singing."(pg. 153)

Addie: "[Cora] prayed for me because she believed I was blind to sin, wanting me to kneel and pray too, because people to whom sin is just a matter of words, to them salvation is just words too."(pg. 176)

Cora seems to be practicing Christianity in preparation for death, almost waiting for the exalting that comes with being at peace with your loved ones and lord, however, she seems to ignore the strife and trials that come with living

Death + grief:

Peabody: "The nihilists say that it is the end; the fundamentalists, the beginning; when in reality it is no more than a single tenant or family moving out of a tenement or a town"(pg. 44)

death as change, not the end, just difference

Vardaman: "my mother is a fish"(pg. 84)

right before Addie passes, Vardaman catches a fish and guts it - this is the way he can contextualize his mother's death, which allows her to live on in certain ways

Darl: "Life was created in the valleys. It blew up onto the hills on the old terrors, the old lusts, the old despairs. That's why you must walk up the hills so you can ride down."(pg. 227)

Addie: "I could just remember how my father used to say that the reason for living was to get ready to stay dead a long time."(pg. 169)

Individualism:

Vardaman: "an is different from my is."(pg. 56)

"He was there and he seen it, and with both of us it will be and then it will not be."(pg. 67)

Addie: "And when I knew that I had Cash, I knew that living was terrible and that this was the answer to it. That was when I learned that words are no good; that words don't ever fit even what they are trying to say at."(pg. 171)

Ars Poetica

Cash: "It's like there was a fellow in every man that's done a-past the sanity or the insanity, that watches the sane and the insane doings of that man with the same horror and the same astonishment."(pg. 238)

Misc:

Tull: "Only it kind of lived. One part of you knowed it was just water, the same thing that had been running under this same bridge for a long time, yet when them logs would come up spewing up outen it, you were not surprised, like they was a part of water, of the waiting and the threat."(pg. 138)

Would love to hear other thoughts on this novel!

Faulkner, William. As I Lay Dying. Vintage Books, 1900.

[nevermindtheb0ll0cks]

I was referred back in SEPTEMBER to a dietician, finally been given an appointment in MARCH.

I was referred to a gynecologist for endometriosis in NOVEMBER and they have told me they cant book me in until, wait for it... JULY.

8 months. 8 fucking months waiting list to be seen by a doctor. Are you actually taking the piss?

The NHS is on its knees and it's a massive pile of wank. Someone please move me out of the uk.

[shadowhedgehogxoxo]

AS A YOUNG CHILD I THOUGHT BISEXUAL WAS THE DEFUALT FOR HUMANITY

I was 7. Just a we little lad living life as a little kid in the stinkiest city in Texas. You could say I was pretty sheltered not in a my dad "doesn't want me to know about the guys because I was a young child" but because my dad was subtlety a "you can't date anyone until your 30" dad. He didn’t talk about the idea of me dating girls or boys. Hedidn'tt even put it in my head that I wasn't allowed to date girls and boys. He just didnt talk about it.

So I didn't know what the word gay was. I heard the word a lot, but I didn't know what the context was. In fact, because of the way I heard people use the word gay I thought it was an insult. Until my 3rd grade teacher,you see, in class, a kid would just randomly yell the word "gay!" And the whole class would laugh, and sometimes me not wanting to feel left out would laugh with them.

Then, one day, my 3rd grade teacher had enough and marched right on over to the bookshelf in class(off topic but that woman every single day wore long school appropriate bodycon dresses and heels everyday I don't know how she was doing that everyday while looking after like 30 8-9 year olds) she pulled out the dictionary and read the definition of gay "gay means being happy"(I wasnt going to go to a dictionary to look it up so its not word for word).

OK. Weird that being happy is being used as an insult.

Back to the topic In my head I thought of us like animals(which we are) i was like "dogs are with other dogs fish with fish so humans can be with other humans" i didnt use the word girl or boy. I was just like "well we're all human, so it's only natural we be with other humans" like im pretty sure when I saw a boy i know be friendly with another boy at like 7 I thought "they'd be pretty cute together " or when my best friend in second grade kissed me I wasnt even thinking "wait do I even like girls?" I just shrugged and thought "ok this is happening, " and kissed her. I don't even think I had a crush on her. That sounds terrible thinking back on it, but I was 7.

One time I had a crush on a boy for like 2 years in the elementary school and I was like (using fake names) "I don't stand a chance with Mathew he obviously has his eyes set on jake" when in reality Mathew was most likely straight. (I do apparently live in a red state. When history when I was around the same age I thought bisexuality was the default and they started talking about are history and like the political parties my first thought was "logically we're all democrats" and i assumed my family were all democrats. Tho does this make my dad more of a chill republican if I didn't know he was a republican for like 11 years?.

Then, for some reason, when I learned more about the words, I was like, "im definitely straight." I still didn't fully grasp the words or the definition of those words obviously because I wasn't even in denial about liking both boys and girls. Also, I didn't come out because I thought it was stupid. In my head I'm like "I don't owe you a thing" because to me coming out felt like an explanation and I don't need to explain myself if I came home with a boy why should I have to explain myself when I come home with a girl.

I was still in that "oh we're all humans its natural " mindset (I still am, but I know that not everyone is willing to go for someone just cause they are another human)

Tho, with my niece, I learned that every child is different because, like me, they were sheltered like me not because of the whole "you cant date till your 30" we just dont talk about stuff like that. But unlike me, instead of thinking everything is default bisexual they homophobic and a little sexist. None of us knew where this came from because we don't talk about stuff like this she wasnt in school yet(it was 99% that tablet of her and random YouTube videos). They ended up being a lesbian and non binary.

So I guess I thought bisexual was the default because I was a human who just so happened to fall under the bisexual umbrella and assumed if im into every human than its the same for all humans.

Also I'm trans

Happy pride month.

And I definitely wasn't being "indoctrinated " if I didn't even know what the word gay meant

[wandererintothemoon]

There are a lot of things I want to say.

Instead of trapping everything inside, I will use this blog to vent and share things.

I tried to use a substack but everything seems so professional there, no one writes like a normal person, they embellish everything, even pain and trauma looks so perfect on there. And I dont like that.

Also, a lot of people there write using ai and it shows! What is even the point of writing then? It feels like a competition.

I dont write in a perfect way and I dont have the energies for that, and english is not even my mother tongue.

Energies.

Lately Ive been having zero energy to do things. I do one thing (like activities at home, washing dishes, cleaning, organizing...) and then its like i dont have energies left. So I have to manage and preserve my energies, I know that I can only do a few things and then done. I dont know if this is a consequence to my job burn out.

I worked and worked and my superiors gave me even more work and extended my work hours because i am young and need money, to the point i worked from 8 am to 5/6 pm every day. I couldnt even go to the doctor or go for a walk. It is toxic.

Then I got tired and quit, and they all asked myself, but why?? We like you so much, you cant just go! And tried hard to guilt trip me.

My people pleasing didnt help, because I accepted everything, even bad behavior from some coworkers, just because I couldnt say no, and I thought, this is normal I guess?

So, raise your standards and learn to say no next time. One of my mistakes was to accept doing more hours per week. I learnt I am not neurotypical and my spoons are very low so I just cant work 35/40 hours. I can settle for less, maybe earn less money, but at least I will be happier. Having a life outside of work is too important for me.

So, on March I will find another job and I am telling myself this :

Find something part time, dont even try to look for full time, if they ask you to work more say no.

Also, prepare yourself for your university come back (I will return to uni this October!). I have to pass the entrance exam, otherwise I will have to wait another year. Maybe I will write more about uni and my fears around it (connected with my age of 30...also it will be weird to study with 18 year olds...).

I also want to dress more goth and more like a goth vampire, but without spending more money on clothes, even tho I discovered second hand and vintage shops and you can find so much there! I want to find my sense of style (hi libra rising!) and dress how i want without caring about others. I have to work on my fear of getting judged again... I cant even walk on the streets because I feel so much anxiety. I go outside but feel very anxious.

[dietlog1o3]

March 25

Day 8: 80kg thank GOD I didn't gain any 🥲

For brunch I had salmon and grilled rice with tofu and veggies (I believe it was a mix of basil and bokchoy) and for dinner I had garlic soy sauce chicken from Karakara!

I had bread as a snack + this stupid cheetos like snack but hopefully i should be fine.

notes: did a lot of drawing today. I cant wait for my period to be over so I can start working out again <3