#Finding Clarity

[honestkindlereviews]

Navigating Quarter-Life & Mid-Life Crises with Purpose

The Uncharted Territory: A Guide to Finding Your Way When the Map Ends

There’s a moment in every great journey when you realize you’ve walked off the edge of the map. The path that was once so clear—paved with society’s expectations and your own youthful ambitions—dissolves into wilderness. For some, this happens in their late twenties, a period of bewildering possibilities known as the Quarter-Life Crisis. For others, it arrives in mid-life, an emotional tremor that asks, “Is the life I’ve built the life I truly want?”

My work has shown me that this is a universal human experience. I’ve seen it in the eyes of the successful CEO who feels like an imposter and the young artist who fears they’ve sold out. They come to me with a feeling of being profoundly lost, believing they’ve made a terrible mistake. But I see something different.

Navigating Quarter-Life & Mid-Life Crises with Purpose: A Self-Coaching Guide to Finding Clarity, Redefining Success, and Creating a Meaningful Next Chapter During Times of Transition:BUY EBOOK CLICK HARE

I see a pioneer standing at the frontier of their own evolution. This feeling of being lost is not a catastrophe; it’s a compass. It’s your inner guidance system telling you that it’s time to stop following the old map and start drawing your own. This is not the end of your story. It’s the beginning of the most important expedition of your life: the journey back to yourself.

Decoding the Wilderness: The Developmental Forces at Play

This feeling isn’t random. It’s a predictable and essential part of our growth. To navigate this uncharted territory, we must first understand the powerful currents of human development that are pulling us forward.

The Quarter-Life Architect: Building the Self

In your twenties and early thirties, your primary psychological task is to be the architect of your own identity. As defined by psychologist Erik Erikson, this is the stage of “Identity vs. Role Confusion.” For the first two decades of your life, you lived within a structure built by others—family, school, culture. Now, that structure is gone, and you’ve been handed the blueprints and told to build a life.

The paralysis you might feel comes from the sheer weight of this freedom. Every choice—career, partner, city—feels monumental because it is a brick in the foundation of your adult self. The anxiety is not a sign of weakness; it is the energy of creation. Your soul is asking you to move beyond the roles you’ve been assigned and to consciously choose who you want to be. The discomfort is the friction of a new identity being forged.

The Mid-Life Gardener: Cultivating a Legacy

By your forties and fifties, you’ve likely spent years building, achieving, and accumulating. You’ve tended the garden of your life, and it may be flourishing by all external measures. But now, a new season begins, one governed by the need for “Generativity vs. Stagnation.” Generativity is the innate drive to sow seeds that will blossom for future generations. It’s the desire to contribute, to mentor, to create something that will outlast your own existence.

The nagging feeling of “Is this all there is?” is the soul’s hunger for generativity. It’s the realization that while your garden may be beautiful, you now feel a calling to tend to the ecosystem beyond your own fence. Stagnation is the fear that you will simply keep tending the same patch of land until it no longer bears fruit for your spirit. This transition isn’t a rejection of your past achievements but an expansion of your purpose—from building your own life to contributing to life itself.

The Purpose Pivot: From Adrift to Anchored

The word “crisis” suggests a vessel being thrashed by a storm, powerless against the waves. I want you to replace that image with one of a skilled captain making a deliberate course correction. This is the Purpose Pivot.

A pivot isn't about abandoning ship. It’s about using the wisdom you’ve gained from your voyage so far—your skills, your experiences, your resilience—to intentionally steer toward a new heading. It's a move that honors the journey you've been on while courageously charting a course toward a destination that feels more authentic. When you reframe this experience as a pivot, you reclaim your power. The storm of uncertainty becomes the very wind that will carry you toward a more meaningful shore.

Your Navigational Toolkit: The A.C.T. Model for Self-Coaching

To steer your ship, you need more than just a destination; you need a reliable set of navigational tools. While professional coaching frameworks like GROW are excellent, a simpler model for self-coaching is the A.C.T. Model.

A - Assess: Where are you right now? Conduct an honest assessment of your current position without judgment. What parts of your life feel authentic and energizing? What parts feel draining or misaligned? What winds are at your back (your strengths, resources, supporters)? What are the headwinds you’re facing (your fears, obstacles, obligations)? Get it all down on paper.

C - Choose: What is your desired heading? Based on your assessment, choose a direction. This doesn't have to be a final destination, just the next port of call. What is one area of your life you want to focus on changing? What would a more aligned reality feel like? Define a clear, compelling, and positive goal. For instance, shifting from "I hate my job" to "I want to find a role where I can use my strategic skills to make a tangible impact."

T - Take Action: What is the very next maneuver? A ship turns one degree at a time. What is one small, concrete step you can take this week to move in your chosen direction? It could be sending one email, signing up for one workshop, or blocking out one hour for focused research. This is about generating momentum and turning intention into reality.

The Inner Compass: Defining Your North Star

You cannot chart a new course without a North Star. Your inner compass is calibrated by your core values and your sense of purpose, or Ikigai.

Your core values are your personal North Star. They are the fixed points in your inner universe that remain constant regardless of the shifting seas around you. They are the principles that guide your best self. Take the time to identify your top five values—words like Freedom, Connection, Integrity, Growth, or Service. When you make decisions, big or small, that are in harmony with these values, you feel a sense of rightness and integrity. When you violate them, you feel adrift and inauthentic.

Next, you can chart your position using the Japanese concept of Ikigai, your "reason for being." It lies at the confluence of four streams:

That which you love: What activities make you lose track of time?

That which you are skilled at: What are your unique gifts and talents?

That which the world needs: How can your gifts serve others?

That which you can be rewarded for: How can you create a sustainable life from this?

The journey to Ikigai is a process of exploration, but these four questions provide the coordinates for a deeply fulfilling life where what you do is a seamless expression of who you are.

The Captain's Log: Scripting Your Next Chapter

With your North Star identified, it's time to write the Captain's Log for your next voyage. This is your personal mission and vision.

Your Personal Mission Statement is your charter. It’s a clear, concise statement of your purpose, your direction, and your impact. It answers: What am I here to do? For whom? And why does it matter? For example: "My mission is to empower young professionals to navigate career transitions with confidence and clarity." It is the guiding principle for your expedition.

Your Personal Vision is the detailed illustration of your destination. It's a sensory-rich description of your desired future. Use visualization to imagine it fully. What does it look like, sound like, and feel like to be living your mission? Create a vision board that acts as a visual logbook of this future. This isn’t just wishful thinking; it’s a tool for programming your subconscious mind to navigate toward that reality. It keeps the destination vibrant and real, especially when you hit rough seas.

Weathering the Storms: Forging Emotional Fortitude

No great voyage is without its storms. Your pivot will inevitably stir up waves of fear, doubt, and criticism (both internal and external). Building emotional fortitude is essential.

A key skill is learning to be the calm captain of your own mind through practices like Cognitive Restructuring. When a storm of negative thoughts hits, use a Thought Record to log the event, the automatic thought, the resulting emotion, and then—most importantly—to challenge that thought with evidence and formulate a more balanced, rational response. You learn to see your thoughts not as objective truths, but as weather patterns that come and go.

Pair this with the Fear-Setting Exercise, a practice of charting the worst-case scenarios. By defining your fears, considering how you could prevent or repair the worst outcomes, and weighing it all against the steep cost of staying anchored in an unfulfilling life, you rob fear of its paralyzing power. You see that the risks of the voyage are often far less than the guaranteed regret of never leaving the harbor.

The Test Kitchen: Prototyping Your Future

You don’t have to launch a new ship to see if you like the sea. You can start by building a small raft. I call this the "Test Kitchen" approach—a space for low-risk experimentation.

Instead of making a massive life change, design a small prototype. A prototype is a mini-experiment designed to answer a specific question. Want to know if you’d enjoy being a graphic designer? Your prototype could be a weekend project designing a logo for a friend's passion project. Curious about mindfulness? Your prototype could be a 10-day meditation app challenge. The goal isn’t to succeed; it’s to learn. These small-scale tests provide invaluable data about what energizes you and what doesn't, allowing you to make your next move with confidence, not just hope.

Assembling Your Crew: The Power of a Personal Council

No captain sails alone. Attempting a major life transition in isolation is a recipe for failure. It's essential to assemble your Personal Council—a handpicked crew to support your journey.

This isn’t just a random group of friends. It's an intentionally curated council of trusted advisors. Your council might include:

The Navigator: A mentor who has already charted similar waters.

The First Mate: A trusted peer who holds you accountable and offers practical support.

The Lookout: A visionary friend who sees your potential and encourages you to dream bigger.

The Ship's Doctor: A therapist, coach, or confidante who helps you tend to your emotional well-being.

The Portmaster: A connector who knows people and resources in the new territories you want to explore.

Cultivate these relationships. Share your logbook with them. A strong crew can help you see your blind spots, celebrate your progress, and help you weather the inevitable storms.

Integration: Making the Journey Your Home

A map is useless until it informs your every move. The final step is to integrate your new awareness into the rhythm of your daily life. It’s about turning epiphanies into action through the power of micro-habits. If your mission is to promote wellness, your micro-habit might be a five-minute walk after lunch. If your value is connection, it might be sending one thoughtful text each day.

This journey is not about arriving at a final, perfect destination. The truth is, you will never "arrive." Life is a continuous process of navigating, recalibrating, and setting sail for new horizons. The goal is to trade the anxiety of being lost for the joy of exploration. The discomfort you feel right now is the call of the open sea. It's an invitation to become the captain of your own soul and to write a story worthy of the voyage.

Navigating Quarter-Life & Mid-Life Crises with Purpose: A Self-Coaching Guide to Finding Clarity, Redefining Success, and Creating a Meaningful Next Chapter During Times of Transition:BUY EBOOK CLICK HARE

[wickedzeevyln]

༺ Prodigal Lamentation ༻

In naivety, he longed to see,tomorrow’s wings’ silvery tips,in a distance, dream-drawn carriagea pair of feet well-worn,taciturn from all the tumbles they took.Yet with pride, they pocked the dirtwith thuds planted deep.Humble is a man, bled from hubris’ fault,upon return, in the gloamingdrags his threadbare soulweary from all the thorns he cut.—And he, beaten to a pulp, has aged well,his bruised…

[mimok]

Embracing Uncertainty: Lessons from the Fog

There are days when the road ahead feels open, clear, and full of possibility, and then there are days when the fog rolls in, obscuring what’s in front of us, making each step feel uncertain. We humans are reactive beings, shifting constantly between clarity and confusion, joy and sorrow. Even the most grounded and mindful among us are not immune to the invisible currents that shape our moods. It…

[ungiorno-nellavita]

Thankful Tuesday: Finding Inspiration in Moments of Solitude

Lately, I’ve been really appreciating the moments of solitude. You know, those quiet times when it’s just you, your thoughts, and nothing else demanding your attention? You could just be sitting in your car at a park, admiring the view, or late at night when everybody’s asleep—it could be anywhere that’s calm and peaceful. For me, it’s become this essential space to reset and reconnect with…

[purefilly-connection]

Shoulder the World No More: Finding Freedom in Release

In a world that often demands so much from us, it’s easy to feel like we’re carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders. We hold on to responsibilities, expectations, and worries that we were never meant to bear alone. This week, let’s explore the beauty of release—the freedom that comes when we let go and trust in God’s plan for our lives. Scripture for the Week “Come to me, all you who…

[mydayswithtarotbystella]

Liza Luna: The Unsent Message - Chapter 15

“Tell me more about the crew that you are in, Sienna. Let me know everything about them. Let me know everything about who they are, what they did, what they say or what they use against me or whatever.” I paused the recording, feeling my pulse quicken. This was supposed to be for Nina. I just needed to gather my thoughts, but now it was spiraling, spinning out into a mess of everything else…

[fumifooms]

Falin who cares too much and too little - analysis

Been stewing on Falin thoughts for a while, I know I have an interpetation on her that differs from many but I’m jumping into the fray. I think there’s a lot to be said about what we do see of Falin. This shorter Falin analysis I made is heavily encouraged prior reading. This analysis mainly explores her complex relationship with caring and so it’s sort of structured in two halves, with Faligon at the crux of it all.

Falin cares too little :

A lot of people assign Falin a people pleasing mindset and I… Don’t agree. We never see her care at all about people in her town or at the academy not liking her.

We do see her worrying about what people think of her… ONCE. And Laios comforted her, told her they didn’t matter and she should be proud of herself. She latched onto that hard. That’s why this scene was so important to be included during the dragon fight, relationship-defining; it’s always been them against the world. She grew to not care what others thought, to only focus on her close loved ones. No one else matters.

Laios’ words were her world. Her older brother who taught her how to feel comfortable with herself, who told her, you’re great, others are the ones in the wrong to not see that, I’ll always be with you, always be there for you. Older brother who always made great plans, who always knew more, who was better at wrestling to name the dogs, who she has always idolized. Laios who always spoke of traveling the world, to which she always said she wanted to follow. And she would, she’d follow him even if it meant leaving the academy and all she knew behind, she’d follow him to the ends of the world, and that’s what she did.

She didn’t care about showing to her classes or keeping up such appearances, she doesn’t even think of toning down her jumping into bushes when Marcille recoils, etc. She acts like an obedient pawn often, to her parent’s directives and then following Laios around no matter what he decides to do, but I don’t think the motivation is people pleasing, rather it’s being with & caring for her loved ones, and her go-with-the-flow attitude enhances the impression. Not that it’s as simple as that, mind you, but let’s talk about this for now.

Falin is perceived as selfless because we, the audience, have our perspectives revolving around the main people in her life (Laios, Marcille). They’re the ones she’s devoted to and people who care about her back a lot too, but to people like her classmates or the towspeople she probably must have seemed like someone who didn’t care about the people around her or her surroundings a lot, who just went on alone and did her own thing.

What matters to Falin? From what place does her kindness come from? Is a part of her keeping up appearances? And I think that’s the point, the horror of Faligon as well, that we can’t tell just how in control Falin the person is as the chimera (because we are shown that she’s in there, we just don’t know at what degree), that we don’t know her enough to be able to tell when she’s at her most genuine, her most raw. That even if you do settle on none of her being present as Faligon, we have to at least consider it, consider that she may be able to do something like this and have a part in it, brutal and uncaring. That even the lenses we see her through, the people who love her, may be unreliable.

And this is what’s very interesting about her too, she truly is so idealized by people around her as a saint. She’s so good and kind and caring to everyone etc etc etc. Laios, Toshiro and Marcille all see her as the paragon of goodness in the world. More cynical characters like Namari and Chilchuck have more layered opinions on her, the latter finding her somewhat unnerving because he can’t read her well. But then with that one flashback scene we see that… Her priorities are intensely focused on Laios and Marcille, she doesn’t care all that deeply about anyone other than them (+ maybe her parents). The rest of the party is in the same danger here but only Laios and Marcille who she’s speaking to get the special ,ention, and if they don’t cross her mind then of course she’d be ready to sacrifice strangers through a risky teleportation. That doesn’t make her not kind or caring!! Just that greater good isn’t exactly her priority. Any means is alright if the end result is her loved ones safe, it usually takes the form of healing and caring, but we see she’s ready to fight and make dangerous calls too. To me there’s this aspect to her that she isn’t as pure and magnanimous as everyone thinks she is, both in-world and interestingly enough meta wise as well, and there’s something interesting to that.

People pleasing implies a need to be liked, needs for the motivation to be that. A yes-man, etc. But if we analyze Falin, her general kind, smiling demeanor is more a matter of passivity I yhonk. Conflict avoidance is easier, so she’s friendly and hopefully things’ll be smooth sailing. It’s easy to be kind to classmates even if they act wary and rude if you don’t care about what they think either way. Of course she prefers good things happening to people over bad things, she is genuinely kind, but I think people tend to assign her a very grand altruistic way of life when to her the motivation is pretty self-centered. She doesn’t do what she does because she loves them, but because she loves them.

One situation that’s interesting to dig into for her way of thinking, and what I’m trying to get at, is Shuro’s proposal to her. I’ve seen people saying she hesitated because she didn’t feel comfortable saying no even though she wanted to, "I can’t say no, I don’t want to hurt him", something that sounds sensible and familiar, but it’s actually canon in the Adventurer’s Bible that the reverse was the case, that she didn’t feel comfortable saying yes. Because the offer was tempting, but it’d have been a loveless agreement on her end. And it makes sense she’d want to say yes too, like we see with the Toudens, marriage is very much a political strategical economical thing in their village, there’s even a bit on it on Laios’ Adventurer’s Bible profile about dowries, and both siblings were engaged very early. They lived poorly for a long time, it’s an enticing idea to marry rich, to have not only yours but your brother’s needs met forevermore easily, which at one point in their careers was their main worry and goal. Why shouldn’t she accept a life of leisure and wealth handed to her by a lovely friend?

So her hesitance was "yeah that’s convenient for me, but where it’s everything to him and heartfelt I’m able to be detached because I don’t care about it that much… Can I do that? I’m not reciprocating, not saying yes in the way that matters. Can I do that to him?" Very caring even though it’s not what you’d expect, isn’t it?

And central to my analysis, where I’m going with this is, I feel like that’s the thing with her character, that she doesn’t feel as strongly as she "should" sometimes, or feels a different way than she "should", or at least that she feels that way and others say she does. She didn’t mind suddenly leaving the academy, leaving Marcille behind and not seeing her for 4 years. She acted like it was no big deal that she sacrificed herself after getting resurrected after the red dragon fight. And in both those cases it upset the people around her greatly that she didn’t seem to get why it was such a big deal, didn’t seem to care about how they’d experienced her choices.

So it’s a tendency… And it’s not that she doesn’t care, it’s just that the way she measures what’s good for the ones she loves isn’t the same as what they themselves think it is (like Laios and Marcille not wanting to be apart from her). It’s an overt but quiet kind of care, it’s doing things like following them around and making sure they bathe and have a meal, even if that means she has to be dragged into misery too.

So yes she probably would know "not caring enough/the right way" is one of her perceived flaws, and that informs how she tries to handle her response to Shuro’s proposal. Her not wanting to accept like her first gut instinct, is because she’s thinking about reciprocity, about if it’d be right to go into this knowing that they have different priorities and she might not be able to keep up with the type and amount of emotions he wants/expects from her. And that’s a big part of her character isn’t it, having expectations pushed onto her. Her trying her best, but in her own way that may seem odd or even unfeeling. Not unlike when she exorcised the ghost as a kid too, unblinking and matter-of-factly, and not seeming to understand why people stared the way they did.

Even though she answered his proposal only post-canon, she’d been pondering it for a while even pre-canon and the Adventurer’s Bible explanation was released midstory, so I’m hesitant to assign her much growth about her hesitation and what I went on above, since she still didn’t react "right" with Laios after the red dragon fight (even if she apparently doesn’t remember sacrificing herself) and put herself in that situation in the first place. She hasn’t finished her arc on that flaw of hers is what I’m saying, she for sure still has it, but I certainly think her thoughts on Shuro’s proposal shows awareness, both of herself and social.

And awareness is a big analysis key word with Falin, especially here it can be hard not to conflate not caring with not knowing. How socially aware is she? It’s rather layered, because canonically she wasn’t aware of her ostracization in her hometown at all, and we’re not sure if she knew Shuro was interested in her before he proposed, but she generally seems more socially aware than Laios. She tags along on his caravan job to make sure he isn’t being mistreated (though doesn’t ask he get a salary), she catches social faux-pas more easily like in the genderbend magic mirror omake with Shuro, and interestingly enough she’s very good at empathizing with her parents and understanding their perspective. We see when she’s worried about Marcille coming that she does know about propriety and how appearances shape impressions. Being a chief’s daughter must at least have taught her a thing or two on that front.

She never stands up for herself, but when it comes to defending others she worries, strategizes and explains.

And this sort of understanding is part of why I think she’d notice the expectations pushed onto her like I was saying earlier, notice how she makes people feel when she’s careless. But if she changes anything about herself in response to noticing is for her to choose, and generally I think it’s a sort of inbetween of yes and no: that she becomes more complacent but also more reserved, complying but by hiding more of herself passively. She’s not sure wether to accept or reject Shuro’s proposal, doesn’t want to lead him on? She’ll just be taking a while to silently consider it, try to keep things as they are for the time being. The third, less conflicting option. She doesn’t feel heard by Marcille who keeps infantilizing her? Just bear with it. Retract yourself emotionally. Settle for it.

We see that when she was young she had a tendency to not read a room, and I think that’s here too. She doesn’t get why her nonchalance upset others but that doesn’t change that she doesn’t want them upset or hurt, so she tries, albeit in maybe a roundabout way. She always had a hard time deeply connecting with people, often keeping herself some amount of emotionally distant: erasing herself from the equation, from the two-way trade that relationships are and making it a onesided thing instead, where all their needs and emotions are directed towards her but she only lets out a bit of her own show. She takes everything upon her and deals with it and tries not to give others this same burden, though not on a conscious level, it’s just that she’s learned growing up that she doesn’t have much agency.

Like I went into with my analysis linked at the beginning, I think Falin is used to just taking what she can get and not asking for more, when it comes to social bonds. She’ll take spending time with her mother no matter what it is they do, she’ll follow Laios to the graveyards and stick by him even when he’s pushing her away (because he doesn’t want her borrowing his book or "No copying!" or such). Her father was always distant, cold and uncommunicative, her mother was considered sick from anxiety and the exorcism attempts were the main way they spent time together, at dinner tables there were only her and Laios. The dogs picked on her too even if she loved them— And so did the townspeople, maybe that being normal to her at home is why she didn’t notice the ostracization she suffered.

She’s always been the last to be asked about decisions or what she wants, never asked to play with at recess, neither her father or Laios asked before sending her to the academy or leaving the village. At home, in the hierarchy she was considered to be below the dogs by the dogs themselves, as someone they can disrespect. Dogs learn from example and behavior, so this means Falin must have been pushed around a lot, and that the family didn’t try hard to rectify the dogs’ misconception, likely worsened by Laios regularly wrestling with her as a competition.

So for example when Falin showed Marcille food, it was her way to implicitly ask to have lunch with her without voicing that question, without daring to take up space. Someone’s presence isn’t something you ask for, it’s something that’s bestowed upon you, you can follow them around but you can’t ask them to stay or to come with.

She’s used to her needs and wants not being listened to, so she’s learned to have less wants. Caring less about herself, caring less about other people beyond her safe zone, was a defense mechanism in part. She has a sense of learned helplessness too, like how when Marcille came to take her away from Laios, even though she didn’t want to leave with Marcille it felt so determined and unshakable to her that whatever Marcille decided Falin would have to comply with.

And still, it’s the "marrying you would be awfully convenient if it wasn’t that I’d feel guilty for not loving you back, the way you wanted me to when you proposed to me" and the "I don’t regret leaving the academy and leaving you behind without goodbyes but I’m sorry that you’re so much more upset about it than me". It’s the guilt of not loving people back the way they want to be, with the same intensity or fervor.

It’s the autism it’s the aroace of it all, it’s the emotional stunting and confusion but the pit in your stomach telling you you did something wrong again. The no object permanence even for people you love even for 4 years, it’s the feeling like you’re somehow at fault for someone having fallen for you and not knowing what to do with any of it. I’m not joking btw it isn’t uncommon for autistic people to not see their close friends for a long while, not having missed them all that much and for that to be really hurtful for the other if they notice/ask about it. "Hiii bestie! Oh umm you’re uh more emotional about this than I expected, hopefully you won’t feel alienated by me not feeling as intensely about it…"

So… Yeah. I think she thinks of things and relationships in a different way than most people, and beyond "good things happening to people is good" I don’t think she actually cares about people all that much. I’d argue that Laios shows more desire to connect with others and make relationships. And just like with Laios and his own issues with humans, that doesn’t mean her kindness is a lie or ungenuine or worthless! It just means that like, well it’s pretty straightforward really, she’s not all that social and doesn’t see casual bonds as meaning all that much and whatnot. She does want to see people happy, but it’s not as much like… A conviction or goal. She’s too laser focused on a select few people. "It’s not that they’re bad people, they just aren’t interested in humans."

And sometimes it feels like people get defensive about Falin in a meta way too, like if you ever so much as imply Marcille isn’t her whole world or that she isn’t the kindest soul out there then you’re saying she doesn’t care at all or she’s evil. And that’s actualy exactly the sort of vibe I wanted to get through with my analysis above here actually haha, that she does care and she is kind but it’s not in a way that’s quantified or understood in a way that makes people feel comfortable. In a way, that makes people feel insecure because they don’t have the same logic as her, don’t show love the same. And I think this is another stellar depiction of autism, of parts of it that feels unpalatable to many, if I’m making sense. The fandom idealizes her as well, which isn’t uncommon or surprising for the character embodying the trope of the perfect beloved to rescue.

And disclaimer, as I said in the tags I feel like the details of Falin are pretty vibe based when it comes to analysis, there’s absolutely a valid angle where she does super care about everyone always, feel free to disagree with me on the overarching angle of my analysis. There’s enough supporting evidence to tip the balance either way I think, and the reason I’ve chosen this angle is I feel it’s more compelling for the themes in Dunmeshi of idealization and being different, of desires vs wants, and because I think it neatly ties up Falin’s character arc as I’ll go over throughout the next section…

So.

Not feeling as much as she should. And……. Is this not Faligon pushed to the max?

You can’t tie down a dragon. As the chimera, she gets to just not care about everyone else and be on her merry way.

Part of it I think is finding comfort and freedom in the mindlessness, in not having the burden of feelings and connections and a consciousness (despite still ending up seeking those in a stranger, Thistle). Like when she’s dead in the purgatory as well, she gets to just… Hang around and do whatever. Similarly to when she played in the forest instead of going to class in her academy days. That’s what freedom and peace of mind looks like to her. Why she decides to roam post-canon, if only now with the goal to find herself instead, with her mind in tow and somewhere to go back home to.

There’s excellent analytic framing out there about how of course, Dungeon Meshi has a big theme of grief and letting go, and… Falin was always a symbol narratively, idealized by characters and often underconsidered by them despite their love. It was Falin’s choice to sacrifice herself for Laios, she thought it was worth it, knowing that it would be her end. Her resurrection and the process of it intertwining her soul with a dragon’s wasn’t done with her consent, and the subsequent opening it gave her to become a chimera puppet. She’s stripped of her agency consistently, and so… It’s very noteworthy that the final choice, of wether to go back to life or to stay dead, in that purgatory scene, was up to her. And she chooses life, but I do think about her in those fields and how at home she seemed there. Peaceful, by herself in a vast calm expanse she could explore, free.

Personally, I think freedom is Falin’s own subconscious selfish desire. And though to us becoming the chimera is obviously a shackle, I think it felt like freedom to her somewhat, too.

And if you think I’m going wildly off the rails here I want to talk about Laios’ wish of becoming a monster. And to be clear before getting into it, being mentally a monster is absolutely a big part of the appeal for Laios, it’s something that’s consistently referred to, something especially pointed out in the werewolf monster tidbit with Lycion. Right panel is from that, but left panel is from the extra with Izutsumi where Lycion talks about suppressing souls in a beastkin body, the human or the beast soul.

Finding comfort and freedom in being mindless, less sentient, less aware? While being unaware in her hometown might have saved Falin a lot of heartache although perhaps stunted her emotional growth, it’s always been Laios’ curse.

Actively, through his choices, he seeks to grow closer to people, to form deeper bonds, to understand and be undertood, but… On a deep seated level, what he desires is to leave humanity and civilization behind. He has an irrational hatred for humans, born from the trauma of ostracization, being different, being beaten up and rejected consistently through his life. Running away from problems is easier. He wants to be free from being a social animal from a social species who has deemed him the black sheep, he thinks it’d be simpler to just leave it all behind, people and his own humanity. At its core, to Laios becoming a monster is a power fantasy, a coping daydream of "if only I could be strong enough to never be hurt again, the power to destroy anything I want, the power to go somewhere better, if only it was possible for me to never feel hurt again. If only I could be someone, something, that can never be hurt". "If there’s someone you don’t like, you can gobble ‘em up in one bite. If you could fly, you’d be able to leave this village right now." It’s a childhood fantasy, from a deep sense of being misplaced and a desire to be able to stand fearless, thinly covering up resentment that Laios represses.

But you’ll notice, when the Winged Lion is enticing him in the last page, even now with his lifelong wish of becoming a monster on a silver plate, he still cares about his friends. He still has that sense of responsibility to his friends, doesn’t want to leave knowing they’ll be in danger and alone. The offer that his friends may be left unharmed is already good, but Laios also visibly flinches when the Winged Lion offers to specifically care after Marcille and rid her of her biggest fear. Laios’ care runs that deep. Not unlike with the succubus, he resists temptation until he gets reassured that everyone will be okay. But see, what he desires isn’t to stand alongside Marcille until her last days, it isn’t to stay and see how well his friends will live, it’s to go. It’s to leave. It’s to fly away, a monster both in body and mind. He wants to be free from caring here, wants to not have to worry about his friends, wants to just go do his own thing, but for that he needs to feel safe in the belief that said friends will be safe even without him being there to see it, because despite everything else he cares, he does. It’s again that dichotomy about caring and wishing you didn’t, or not caring and wishing you did.

In the end, it’s Falin who achieves that wish. Both by becoming a chimera during canon, and by going traveling post-canon. In the latter, being both free of human relationships as something chaining you while still being uplifted by them, by the knowledge that there are people out there you love and that love you. It’s a theme that can also be connected with Marcille, because she gets anxious over people she loves getting out of her sight, worrying they’ll get themselves killed, that time is passing while they’re away from her. But before she can get to the point where she can both have her freedom and being uplifted by her social bonds, regaining both her individuality and her connections, she has to get a taste of just one at a time. Before they can find balance in her life, she has to see what it’s like to have what she’s never had on its own. Unapologetic freedom, and power.

No one can blame you for not caring enough or caring right if you’re a fricking dragon!!!! You make the rules when you’re a beast and you can just… Fly away. From anywhere, from anything. And if a dog bites you you can just crush it. Instead of being pushed around by the dogs because you’re at the bottom of the hierarchy, you’re now at the top, the one with the power to be heard and do what you want without consequences.

I think she’s on autopilot. I think she’s on autopilot a lot of the time, even before being a chimera, and it’s partly why her will is so weak compared to regular dragons. (Again, read my shorter analysis.) It’s familiar to slip back into the role of following someone around unquestioningly. And that’s what is weaponized when she’s a chimera, that instinct she’s been nursing all her life to unconditionally support, defend and follow someone. Only now, that someone doesn’t matter in itself, only the symbol of it. She doesn’t mind, either way is fine. Her will is weak after all, because she’s trained it to take as little place as it could.

Falin cares too much

She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life.

So you’re probably seeing the duality I’m talking about here, Falin is very self-sacrificial but for specific people in ways that they often don’t recognize or appreciate. She cares but selectively, both in people, putting all her eggs in the same baskets, and in the ways she cares after them. She doesn’t care a lot, but when she does she cares a lot. Falin doesn't have a lot of earthly attachments, but when she does, they're her world.

In canon her arc, especially post-canon, is to grow beyond Marcille and Laios. Her caring for her close loved ones held her back from looking after her own self-fulfillment needs. And this is what I mean when I say she cares too much; she could gain from caring more about the world besides Laios and Marcille, both lands wise and people wise. She cares too little, but her arc centers her flaw around caring too much instead. Her pitfalls that Kui highlight over the course of the story, while of course her selflessness is appreciated for how she saved Laios and everyone, on a personal level is shown to be self-effacing and damaging. She’s undermined by Marcille, without the courage to voice her thoughts and wants, she would dedicate her whole life to Laios. And I mean, it’s text, in the response to Shuro’s proposal extra no less. And she’s so laser focused on her most loved people that she’s fine with being callous and risking others’ lives, even.

Post-canon, she needs to leave to find herself, away from them.

Herself. What if she wants to just be with herself for a while.

And this is me reaching but I feel like, not unlike Izutsumi who learns to feel this sense of never being alone, always having someone on your side what with having two souls, the dragon in her would make her consider herself more. She finds it easier to care after other people after all, and in the purgatory fields sequence she takes care to bring the bit of dragon left with her… Not unlike with Izutsumi, having two souls forces you to think about your identity and figure yourself out. Besides being this sort of duo now, where if she wants to care after herself she can channel it to that other side of her too… In meta dragons are symbols of greed, and I think the bit of dragon would push her to want more and listen more to her desires, primal and self-serving as they might be. The dragon soul which warped her human body with feathers and draconic features, her image of perfection marred, her weirdness externalized in a way that’s not palatable. But she doesn’t care, about if her appearance is palatable for most people, she hasn’t for a while now, and that’s great.

Notes & nuance

I’m struggling with the structure of this post, making my points organized, concise and strong at once. It’s difficult to make any statement without going "things are generally like this, but there’s this time that this contradicting thing happened too" or "it’s ambiguous enough that you should just follow my interpretation for the time of this analysis" haha, so this is the pit where I put all the stuff that wouldn’t fit well in other places but are interesting for Falin’s character. This section is pretty separate from the main thesis of the post, it’s just more Falin observations. The post has reached the 30 pics limit so I can’t just pull it up whenever it’s relevant but I really encourage scrolling up to read the stuff I highlighted in her Adventurer’s Bible profile if you haven’t already.

I think with the shy-looking loner type autistic kid archetype, and knowing she didn’t seem to mind others ostracizing her, it’s easy to lose sight of how she was by no means an unemotional child. In all the bits we see of her as a kid she’s bursting with energy and emotions. Canon confirms Laios leaving the village did affect her and make her lonely and she cried a lot, too. She may not be social in the traditional sense, but she was clingy with her brother, and she also never was all that shy about who she was, wearing her heart on her sleeve.And okay. Okay okay okay. Speaking of appearances. About what I said of her not caring about what people think of her, even seeming defiant with the caravan leader… There’s one istanxe of her caring actually, and it’s about how her face blushes easily. I remembered it as being because Laios’ said it and as I rambled Laios’ words are her world, but actually it’s ambiguous. It’s only Marcille imagining up this scenario where Laios says Falin looks weird because of it, there’s no evidence Laios said or thought that at any point. And on the other hand…

Her Adventurer’s Bible says: "5, Lovely Skin. She isn't particularly careful with it, but Falin's skin is fair and beautiful. Possibly as a result, her cheeks seem to flush easily. Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." The phrasing makes me think the complex she has over her blushing might have developed because of Marcille more than Laios. "Marcille's always saying she's cute, and she secretly has a sizable complex about it." It could be related to how Marcille gets swept away and infantilizes her, calling her cute wanting her to wear cute feminine outfits etc. Again this feels like it relates to Falin’s struggle to be seen for who she is and what she wants to be seen as, her struggle to be recognized, having ideals and perspectives pushed onto her. Here Falin is insecure over her blushing implicitly because she doesn’t like being called cute over it, but that’s not how she wants people to see her. She doesn’t want Marcille to always see her as her 10 years old adorable friend. Like if your friend said you had puppy energy, it can be flattering, but it can also make you insecure.

Here’s a link to what I mentioned about her being uncomfortable wearing feminine outfits. It does seem to be more about comfort than the aesthetic perse, to me. Interestingly the shirt & shorts don’t seem like they show much more skin than her beach outfit, so maybe it’s more about the shirt and shorts being tight-fitting. Like the skirts and heels they feel stifling. Again a bit with themes of freedom and not wanting an aesthetic pushed onto her. So yes just to reiterate, I think this is more about self-affirmation and how her identity and self-image gets shown to others, rather than wishing to hide parts of her body like her blushing etc for people pleasing reasons. Makeup was a way for her to appear how she wants to and feel more confident. It was a way to take control over her own image. She didn’t keep doing it, the narrator stating the process to be ‘troublesome’. Ultimately she still prioritizes her comfort, and it was a lot of recurring efforts to go through.

And on the topic of appearances… A friend once asked me: "Does she really hide herself or not? I keep thinking about "falin is herself first and foremost" (in her Adventurer’s Bible profile) it’s just so. Hmmmmmmmm... I just keep seeing people say she hides her real self from people when I feel like the issue is more about her charitable traits straying too far into becoming flaws but people around her dont realize that..."

Imo the thing is, I don’t think she hides her identity, but I do think she suppresses her individuality for others’ sakes if that makes sense. In the way that only post-canon does she allows herself to go see what the world is like, but that’s not personality wise it’s needs and wants wise. And I do feel like that’s the closest interpretation of canon, she says it herself she doesn’t know what she wants because everything she’s done was always about Laios or Marcille, but she doesn’t change her demeanor or personality for others. But she *will*, like, not ask for things she wants directly, like sharing lunches with Marcille at the academy, she suppresses her wants, doesn’t ask things from people and doesn’t hope for more, hope for better. I don’t think we ever see her actively repress her personality, except like what, being more laidback than enthusiastic but I do feel like unlike Laios with her it’s less ‘appearing stoic to fit in more’ and more ‘yeah i’ll just chill until I’m needed or something activates my enthusiasm’. To which said friend quoted: "to feel like you belong you need to be useful. when you can’t be useful the next best thing is being convenient."

And speaking of passivity… I want to speculate about Shuro’s proposal some more. Shuro and her got along well though we don’t know how much, or how often they hung out, she even saved him from a nightmare. Why did she take so long answering Shuro’s proposal? Was it an effort to preserve or was she really just that conflicted? Procrastination probably yes, but what is the core motivation of itl Considering she ended up saying no to travel the world instead, I don’t think it was as simple as ‘she wanted to say yes for convenience’. Logically it’s what would have been best, but it’s not what she wanted for herself, but it was and still is hard for her to even know what she wants. Probably, since like she states it was a great offer and she doesn’t think she’ll get proposed to again, it’s that self-effacing tendency that yes it’d be convenient and logical, and that makes her want to say yes even if her spirit isn’t in it, because if it’s convenient then that’s more important than her feelings on the matter. Man also… Obviously Marcille is very vocal about how she shouldn’t get with Shuro, but imagine how Falin’s whole perspective on marriage must have felt when her only friend ever is a Romantic with a capital R who gushes about idealized romances and grand gestures and True Love and doing things with fully pure feelings all the time.

AND speaking of passivity!!! How much Falin is "there" as the chimera, just how much she’s master of her actions, is left ambiguous and intentionally so imo, but she’s for sure there & influencing the dragon’s action to some degree. Having a dragon’s foot on her in purgatory that keeps her from moving for sure visualizes how it must have been like, but there’s Falin calling out to her brother Laios, there’s the kind attentions towards Thistle that are so Falin-like, and most explicitly there’s the Adventurer’s Bible stating "Even after becoming a chimera, she has a soul that's as kind as ever", which I honestly dislike, a fantranslation puts it as "Even as the chimera, her caring nature remains" and either way to me it feels like confirmation that it’s her giving those berries to Thistle. Now, wether or not she has the mental capacity of a chicken or something closer to human Falin, no clue, there has to at least be some kind of mind bond between monsters and the dungeon lord, compelling or forcing them to go along with orders, or calling her to him in distress like with the fight on the first floor. But yes, it’s interesting to wonder what it is that a Falin, with her kind soul but without her human mind, would willingly do. On her profile, she’s described as Thistle’s guardian and servant. The power dynamic between the two are very interesting, I already went into how it might have felt like freedom to her while being fake so I’ll reign myself in and just mention it again. She’s still at the heel of someone, only now it’s someone who doesn’t care about her back. Going from being cared for so strongly that it’s suffocating and they would defy death and the world for you, to being devoted to someone who has not one feeling about you besides your utility as a paw . She has all this care to give and to focus onto others and he has none to send back to her and I think that’s part of it. In a way, being left with only her own feelings and a void, without expectations or feelings or ideals pushed onto her, it might have been soothing in itself, and eye opening. But yes the way I think of it, her care for Thistle isn’t unlike the care she gives the ghosts.

Interestingly, the care she extends for the ghosts is sending their soul to a peaceful death, freeing them, of life and any earthly attachment. Take that as you will with the themes of freedom and burden of life and mind, immortality and becoming a warped version of who you were, and such and such.

But going back on the topic of connections and bonds for a bit, I think academy days Falin & Marcille is super interesting bc we’ve never really see Falin form a connection besides with Marcille and even that is kept pretty ambiguous. When was the point that Falin started seeing Marcille as a friend and seeking her out? When was the "I’ll lay down my life for you" point? I’m so fascinated by how she wanted to share lunches with Marcille but never truly asked, only made little "hey want this? I found it isn’t it cool?" gestures of showing things to her… It’s the only way she knows to ask, or maybe it’s the only way she feels comfortable to. In all the scenes of young Falin and Marcille Falin seems comfortable in her friendship with Marcille, but at the same time… I think we see Falin at her most insecure around Marcille, because she really does care about Marcille and what she thinks of her so much, and while Marcille is a bit of an unstoppable force tornado style (affectionate) Falin is something of a doormat. I’d usually say showing her berries was her earnest way to connect and be like "Hey bestie look at this! :]" , but there’s a real possibility that she was self-conscious and holding herself back.

Friendship and Marcille! Involving Laios into this too but, again with the autism thing of not showing you care in ways that others understand, Marcille being very overtly affectionate and clingy was so so soo important… Marcille keeping on hanging out with Falin and caring after her, and being undeterred/unbothered by Falin not always seeming like she cares all that much back in the conventional way, as in Falin acts nonchalant and a bit like she didn’t mind wether she was there with her or not during her outings to the cave dungeon. Caring and being clingy and so affectionate despite that in such a classic Marcille way is soo needed, because so often people will get discouraged by say, their friend not keeping in contact regularly/well, seeming disaffected or as happy-go-lucky as ever even if you haven’t seen each other in a while or when they’re alone, and yes there’s potential for a strong friendship there but someone like Falin won’t be committed enough to reciprocating attention the same way… I hope I’m making sense but yes this angle in particular strongly correlates to autism. And the way Marcille always initiates physical affection, both Toudens being awkward about initiating touch because they don’t know if that’s allowed, if they’re going about the social interaction the right way, if they’re allowed to ask that out of someone…

Another fun observation to make is about the 4 years Falin and Marcille spent apart. Marcille despite being of a long-lived race treated these 4 years of separation with more gravity than Falin did. Falin brushed it off very dismissively to say the least. But then you remember that the amount of time Falin and Laios didn’t see each other after he left the village was 8 years. Double the years, double the time. And that reminder makes Falin’s actions so starkingly understandable. Of course she wouldn’t see 4 years of separation as a long time if 8 years of separation with her beloved brother is her point of comparison. Of course she’d see it as worth it to leave Marcille for 4 years if it meant ending those 8 years instead, especially if she was worried about him (the reason why she followed him into his caravan job).

A friend always says that while Falin is the center of Marcille’s world, Laios’ is at the center of Falin’s, and I tend to agree.

It’s fun to think of how her career dreams had always been shaped by Laios, even when they were kids. Of course there’s how traveling the world began as a dream they talked about and shared, but there’s how he reassures her by listing cool jobs she could do like traveling exorcist, etc. And then of course, she gave up on her magic academy and career path to follow him and do odd jobs, etc etc.

I should go into the violence of Faligon more tbh, because I think there’s an interesting parallel to how she has no problem wacking things with a mace, wether a ghost when she was a kid or a walking mushroom as an adult. Something that often surprises fans when they remember, I don’t really want to get into the whole " Falin hates violence and hates seeing people in pain to an intense degree. ‘If you die do it somewhere where I can’t see’ style’ interpretation, it has some weight but on the whole I don’t vibe with the theory she has a particular aversion to violence, she seems to be fine resorting to it as much as any other adventurer as long as it isn’t needlessly against ghosts. And Falin’s sudden mace hits are fun to me too because it’s not her becoming a berserker when the need arises as much as her becoming active because something she cares about is threatened, and that brings her out of her passivity from 99% of the rest of the time. Thistle included. Falin always could be violent, she just dislikes senseless carnage. The Shuro party vs chimera fight is a bit ambiguous on it, because you can argue she only attached after being provoked, presumably offscreen as well while the ninjas went off to fight the harpies. Falin becomes the most active when she needs to protect someone, she has no qualms doing whatever’s needed for that, wether it be leaving the academy & Marcille without notice no matter the consequences or what her parents think, or teleporting the party, etc.

I’m working on a post specifically pointing out all the differences between Falin and Laios, but yes I think both of them selfishly desire freedom in different yet similar ways. Falin’s dark secret is "Ethics and risks are optional if it means I can protect those I love" like the teleportation, and Laios’ is "Ethics and risks are optional if I can be free of all this bullshit" aka humanity aka his wish with the winged lion.

Conclusion

Flighted birds have hollow bones. With freedom and wings there comes risks and sacrifices.

Tldr: Falin doesn’t care all that much, she’s very go with the flow. For example if someone hates her she doesn’t really care because that’d require her caring about what they think of her in the first place, and she only cares about her loved ones. She smiles, but it’s more a state of being rather than out of active goodness: she’s canonically very genuinely kind, but it’s more out of a general want for pleasantness than active care itself. She’s passive, and softspoken because that’s just how she seems, but she has no problem hopping into bushes or getting heated if something calls to her enthusiasm or calls for action and a hit of the ol’ mace. Her loved ones needing tending or protective is what makes her go from passive to active. That familiar autopilot mode of making someone the center of her world and following their every move is what made her so easy to be controlled as the chimera, even ferociously defending him with her life. Faligon is most interesting to me with the theme of freedom. She’s shackled to Thistle and out of her mind, but there’s also a sense of empowerment and freedom from expectations and society. She spends all her time caring for Laios and Marcille alternating that none of her care and emotional energy is left for others, including herself. So she had to get relieved of all of that for a bit, becoming the chimera so she could reset and recenter and remember that she, too, indeed, is there and an important part of her own life. There’s a way of caring after others that can be selfish, not unlike Marcille being overly coddling and not listening to Falin. In Falin’s case, I think it was so selfless that it ended up looping back around to erasing her sense of self. In losing sight of herself, that devotion becoming neither quite selfish or selfless but a fact of life and a state of nature, muddled by its lack of direction.

She’s sooo used to never being able to ask things out of others, you get the crumbs of affection and approval that others offer to you unprompted and that’s it don’t hope for more don’t ask for more. (Also reflected in how she follows her loved ones around without complain or personal opinions and how she’s not willing to rock the boat and affirm herself in her relationships like with Marcille during canon)

Falin cares so much, so much and so laser focused on her few loved ones that it blinds her and she loses sight of everything else, she ends up neglecting herself and the rest of the world. As Kui puts it, Falin is herself first and foremost. She just had to remember the importance of that.

-

I see her as an enneagram 9, which can be surprisingly accurate and fun to research through the lense of Falin. Excerpt below from this book, but like my god, good way to put it

That’s it, ty for reading. Even if it’s a bit of a mess, hopefully you’ll have gained a thing or two from it. Falin is a character hard to pin down, but it is very gratifying when you find the way that the puzzle pieces fit together right for your own understanding of the story. Fantranslation of the shuro proposal comic by @/thatsmimi here.

Here’s my spotify playlist for her if you’d like

Sometimes love is about letting go, a lesson a lot of the cast needed to learn. Self-love’s important too, and just like with diets we need a healthy balance.

[queencaramilflinda]

I don’t know if any non-Jews noticed this in the last d20 ep but Brennan has changed how he refers to Gulsum, the Mordred Manor real estate guy, from golem to construct! When Gulsum was first referenced in sophomore year he was called a flesh golem, but in junior year he has been called a flesh construct. In episode 12 of FHJY Brennan even made sure to correct himself when he misspoke and said golem instead of construct, which proved to me this was an active effort on his part.

The term golem comes from Jewish mysticism and has religious connotations so some Jewish people find it offensive when the term gets co-opted into fantasy settings without regard for the original source. It’s cool to see Brennan moving away from that and trying to find less loaded terms to use instead, like construct.

[beaft]

funny to think that when i was a kid i was all "i REFUSE to ever work an office job, i am a wild creature, my spirit is free and tempestuous and cannot be contained within cubicle walls" and now at the age of [REDACTED] i'm like please. please give me an office job. please give me a sensible office job where all i have to do is get up at the same time each day and clock in and send emails and clock out again. i am on my knees begging.

[wickedzeevyln]

 ⋆. ˚✮ Wrecking Ball ✮˚.⋆

Not tall enough. Not smart enough. Not intelligent enough. Not talented enough. The three most devastating words assembled together. No one weighs quite on the scale of the cynics. Imagine if the Wright brothers listened to their doubters. That their silly machine won’t fly. That they weren’t intelligent enough, but the fire in them dictated them they were otherwise. People often dismiss…

[spamtextsanders]

sleeping headcanons for sleepy guys like myself

logan: you'd think he'd sleep straight (ha) like a rod, but he actually uses a variety of pillows to prop himself into the most ergonomical posture. they all end up tossed around by morning.

patton: sleeps curled up on his side, hands curled into his chest (i know his wrists ACHE when he wakes up... speaking from experience). is prone to fits of sleepwalking when thomas' dreams get intense (and he tends to sleepwalk to the most relevant sides' rooms - like if it's a disturbing dream, remus. if it's a romantic dream, roman. so on).

roman: has one of those beds with the drapes all around it and a biiiiig fluffy comforter. unfortunately he gets very overheated in the middle of the night and kicks it all aside. generally active - talks, kicks, but a heavy sleeper. dreams vividly and remembers them about 90% of the time. sleeps on his left, generally.

virgil: either goes limp like a beanbag and falls asleep the second his head hits the pillow or stays awake all night rolling back and forth with insomnia. if it's the latter he trudges into their main living area and sits on the couch until he eventually tips over and falls asleep for some amount of time.

remus: his bed is what he feels like sleeping on by the time he gets tired enough to fall over. drools incessantly in his sleep. his limbs are like tossed EVERYWHERE, but he's usually on the right of whatever he's sleeping on, with an empty space beside him.

janus: starts off like vampire rigid but overnight he relaxes. probably turns onto his snake side (feels more secure/protected). splays out like he's reaching for something.

[surreal-duck]

es rarepair week 2024 day 1 | AU/future

lil ghostic au of mine!!! yuzuru and the rest of fine are long since trapped souls in an abandoned mansion of which rst come across while looking for shelter during a storm :] it doesnt um. particularly end well

[essektheylyss]

I do find the uptick in folks who got upset that some of us felt like there wasn't enough follow-through on narrative consequences suddenly turning around wanting the Hells to be hunted by Vasselheim very funny, because I'm just like... so what I'm hearing is that you want your faves to be on the run from religious leaders because the choices they made had such massive ramifications and so aggressively spurned that religion it demanded exile if not outright execution, because it makes for a more interesting story with more interesting characters.

I understand the canary in the role mine now: you're jealous of me. You want what the Essek stans have.

[russetfoxfur]

Exhaustion

The Fury brushes the Moment of Clarity's hair. (F/F, Fury/MOC. Note that throughout this story I refer to MOC as the Wretch!)

The Fury is not used to holding a brush.

She is more used to holding ribbons of gore in her hands, entrails dangling from her fingers. She is more used to clawing apart feathers and flesh, trying to find the still-beating heart, the answer to her problems.

She is not used to gentleness.

Her only reprieve is that the Wretch is not used to gentleness either. The shade shifts where she sits, waiting for Fury to get on with the brushing. There is a notable slump to her posture, even after so long out of the Construct. Exhaustion does not go away easily, it seems; Fury would know.

It is still... hard, even now, to be alive. Her sister-lives have had no trouble adjusting to the new normal; the Tower has always wanted to be a goddess, and the Adversary is just happy that the Voice of the Stubborn is willing to engage in eternal combat with her. Tower offered Fury a place as an equal, and Fury knows better than anyone that she does not make that offer lightly--but she has yet to accept it.

Does something like her deserve that place of honor by Tower's side? Something purposeless, something flesh and blood and nothing else? Would it sate the aching in her heart? Would she be whole again?

She is of two minds - she is both Adversary, betrayed by what she'd thought was a sparring partner, and she is, too, Tower, fallen from grace and scorned by the only other thing she knew. They are very different; Adversary thinks Tower's stuck up and pretentious, and Tower thinks Adversary's a brutish idiot driven toward a senseless goal.

But Fury can see the same fire in them both--that determination that spurs them forward, giving them both a way to survive outside of the bounds of the Construct.

She can also see, in herself, where that fire has died down to smoldering embers.

Fury grips the brush tighter and begins, with deft strokes, to brush through Wretch's hair. It's tangled and knotted--Wretch is not very good at taking care of herself, and there's only a few Vessels who are willing to be so gentle as to earn her trust. Somehow, Fury's ended up on that list--she still doesn't know how.

"Do you ever get tired?" asks Wretch, breaking the silence.

Fury stills. She is not often cold, but she is cold now. "Tired of what?"

"Of... everything." Wretch's many arms are by her sides. "I don't know. I've seen a lot of things. More than most of us have. And it just... doesn't feel like anything's worth doing, anymore. Do you... ever feel that?"

Fury is not quite so driven as Adversary, nor as purposeful as Tower. She spends her days cleaning the blood from the walls, and, when they weep again the next day, she does it again. Sometimes, the Damsel gifts her a sweet treat or flowers, because Damsel is kind to everyone; sometimes, the Wraith comes over and tells her stories about the petty vengeance of idiot mortals. But much of the time, Fury spends her days answering mortal prayers, trying to figure out what to do with her life now that she's alive again and still nowhere near complete.

"Sometimes," is all Fury says, and she begins to tease out a particularly tight knot near Wretch's scalp.

Wretch hums, quiet. "I still don't know what to do with myself, some days. I've tried so many things, but all the world's ever done is hurt me. And Wraith and Nightmare--they've been hurt too, but Wraith's angry and driven and independent, and Nightmare tries to hide it under her mask. I'm the only one who's just... tired. And I thought it was just me."

They fall into silence. Fury gives up on being gentle and yanks the brush through this nasty knot; Wretch flinches, but she does not yelp like Damsel or Nightmare would. Even her flinch is more of a twitch than a jolt. The knot still does not untangle itself.

"You tried to hurt him too," Wretch says at last. "You... unraveled him, yes? How intimate. I did nothing like it, not in my many worlds of existence."

"I did try to hurt him," Fury agrees. She remembers tearing apart his very being, trying to find where spirit met skin. It was all she had ever done--crush him and fight him, violent and frenzied. It was more a swan song than a torture session, really.

"But you didn't succeed," Wretch says.

This gets a laugh out of Fury--a rough thing, but a laugh nonetheless. "What was there to succeed at?" she asks, her strokes growing stronger, more careless. "It was violence for the sake of violence. It wasn't a dance. It was just messy."

"Was it?"

"It was!" Fury's grip tightens further on the brush, and she ignores how her hands are shaking. "He didn't want to fight back! Didn't want to fall in line! His steps were all wrong, and then he twisted me into--into this!" She is all exposed, raw muscle, bleeding and bare. She is no Princess, not like everyone else is. "He didn't even put up a fight. He destroyed and there wasn't even any blood."

"Oh," Wretch says, solemn. "He does that a lot, doesn't he?"

Fury nods.

At her silence, Wretch continues. "He tried to stay with me. He thought he could take a third option, keep me alive but rotting away. And he tried that so many times, tried to avoid slaying me and freeing me both. And all I wanted was for him to pick one." She pauses. "I guess he did, in the end. But it was only because I made him."

Fury settles back, her fingers still tangled in Wretch's hair. She thinks about him cowering, him trying to play it pacifistic; she thinks about him defying her not once but twice, and forcing her to shed blood like a lowly mortal. She thinks about third options, and she thinks about betrayal. Her heart pulses and pumps in the exposed ribcage of her chest.

"I guess we both never got what we wanted, did we?" Wretch asks. "Even though he would've thought we'd gotten it by the end. I wanted to be free, but I spent so much time trying to free myself that, when it happened, I didn't know what to do with it. How are you supposed to just... move on from being trapped in a hole for all eternity? How was I supposed to think about anything beyond trying to get out? What was I supposed to do, when I'd done pretty much everything trying to leave? It wasn't glorious like I'd imagined. It was just cold."

Fury nods again. She's forsaken the brush in favor of trying to untangle the knot with her fingers, deft and dextrous, and she thinks it's beginning to work. "And She told us that we were molded by her perception, yes? He showed me only violence, so I tried to give him violence in turn. Or he showed me obedience, so I tried to give him obedience in turn. But he refused. He refused, and when I finally ripped him apart, when I finally had him under my control..." Her voice will not shake. She will not let it. "It was useless. I was useless. I wasn't a god, or a warrior, or anything at all. I was just an empty void that had dared to dream it was alive."

In front of her, Wretch twists one of her arms--the fifth one, she thinks. It rotates to face her, attached to the body only by a plume of cinders and smoke--and then it reaches out to cup her cheek, the glove soft against her skin.

Fury leans into it despite herself.

"I think you have many uses," says Wretch. "For instance: you are very good at brushing people's hair."

"It wasn't gentle," Fury says. There is so much hair caught in the brush; so much hair that she pulled out trying to undo the knot. She is a sword slashing at empty air, an ax used to fell a fly. "It should have been gentle."

"No one's been very gentle to me ever," Wretch promises, her thumb rubbing Fury's jawbone. "At least you tried."

They lapse back into that silence, Wretch's hair as smooth as it'll ever get, Fury quiet and thoughtful.

Fury was born of violence both ways. Many of the vessels have been. She was rejected by the only other thing that knew her, and she doesn't think she'll ever know whether or not he'd ever meant it. Either way, she bears the scars; either way, she was tempered into a weapon, and she knows from experience that a blade will gleefully cut both ways.

Fury, by nature, is not a gentle thing.

But, thankfully, she has eternity to learn.

--

fic also available on ao3!

[sage-is-in-fact-very-tired]

there's something about icarus waking up in the evil timeline and genuinely being so confused for a moment. there's something about the way they *don't recognize* where they are - they don't know and its so horribly unfamiliar to them. and then they look at themself - look at how their dressed and styled, and they pause. and then, the first words they say are just . "oh. *right.*" and they thought it was a dream. but so clearly for a moment they knew it was wrong and off and weird. and . it's the fact they didn't recognize the room . it's the fact they had to recognize *themself* for it to properly hit of like "oh yeah that was just a dream and this is where I'm supposed to be" is so . mmmmmm . and ill ramble about their mind palace and the evil timeline and all that later but it's so .

[chaaistained]

totally ib my loyal darling bodyguard anon aksjdjskd that’s your name now love here are more red strings that i’ve weaved together in my latest addition to the tapestry of realities to which i shift :

every one of my s/o’s ends up putting flowers in my hair at some point, and if possible, they use jasmine flowers ≈

here’s a little brief summary for my main four

— in my better cr it’s probably one of the easier realities for my s/o to find jasmines : if it wasn’t clear already, my bf is indian as well, actually, he’s the same “kind” of indian as i am, from the next state over, same language, same religion . so it’s easy for for him to find jasmines garlands for me, but the beauty of the matter comes from how he sits me down to carefully pin them in my hair, taking each garland strand and weaving it into my braid before tying it off in the end. i can actually feel how gentle he would be with it, i can even smell the jasmines if i just take a second to imagine . trust, the minute the two of us can stop hiding our relationship, i will be handing him every single flower i get in a festival or function or wtv, bcs i want him to secure it in my hair. even if it’s simply a common garden flower that we come across during a date, i can see him take the time to carefully tuck it in between my hair before carrying on like that was the most normal thing to do, like my heart isn’t racing ready to leap out of my chest in this very moment

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— in my marauders dr regulus would usually just give me any small flower he found that he thought i would like, but after learning my favourite, he would undoubtedly conjure up jasmine flowers on command, he probably looked up the specific spell just to learn it for me hehe . they’d disappear after a few hours, and that’s always a little sad but that’s also what makes them so lovely and so special, he took the time to learn a totally unnecessary spell simply bcs he knew it would make me happy, and he even modified the spell so that the intoxicating scent of the jasmines would waft around me, like a calming ambience but for my senses. and when he finally finds what he’s looking for in the hogsmeade apothecary — a few vials half filled with water housing a couple stems of jasmine flower buds — he buys the lot and would carefully coax them to bloom so that i’d finally have a real garland of jasmines in my hair

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— in my arrowverse dr it’s one of those small little wishes that i never really share with anyone, no one knows how much i love having small flowers weaved through my hair. barry definitely noticed that i love the smell of jasmines and looks out for jasmine scented perfume or candles, specifically for that reason . but it isn’t until we find ourselves on an undercover op in a river village town in south india that barry notices how my eyes light up when one of the village elders carefully tied up the jasmine flowers into a long garland and handed it to me. by the time we got back to central city barry had learned how to make a flower chain — whenever he’s free you’ll find him fiddling in a corner until he’s got at least six or seven little wildflowers tied together before handing it to me or circling the garland around the base of my ponytail or something like that

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— in my kpop dr i actually make a point of demonstrating to people, to the fandom, that i enjoy having flowers in my hair. it’s very common to find clips of me throughout my years as an idol, where i pick off a small flower from the stem of a tree or a bush and give it a little shake near the grass (in case of any stray crawlies) before wearing it . this became such a noticeable unofficial trademark that even our groups concept photos lean into it, placing me or all of the girls in flower crowns, or pinning flowers to my slick back bun when we have a photoshoot. so, in that way, jungwon isn’t unfamiliar with my love for flowers as a hair accessory. but what makes it special from him is something so typically jungwon — every little flower that he finds and gives to me, he will place it in my hair whilst telling me some random fact about the flower, something he just happened to know off the top of his head, or he’ll tell me a small anecdote about how he found it, he’ll share a little story with me, and i don’t think he does this for any particular reason, but for me, it helps me remember those flowers so much more . also bcs one of my hobbies in this dr is pressing flowers and i will nine times out of ten press the flowers that jungwon gives me after i’ve worn them in my hair all day

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