#I have a fear of failing and I’m a perfectionist

[alurite16]

I feel like a failure whenever I’m not producing art but I also feel like a failure whenever I am trying to produce art, so that sends me into a spiral of wanting to literally kill myself.

[cultkinkcoven]

Hello, I have a quick question. Do you have any tips or something for studying with Lucifer? I've recently started working with him, but I had no time for big offerings, just some small things. Uni is currently kicking my ass and I have one week of exams left, on top of that, I found out I've failed an exam. I'll retake it in summer but my motivation for studying has decreased and my anxiety, fear of failure and insecurities has increased too much. So, do you have any tips, rituals or things that you do to study while also involving Lord Lucifer into it?

Hope you have a great day/night!

I think studying anything in general is an activity that you can invite Lucifer in on, and he’s a really great energy to go to for academic anxiety. He helps me remember that the world isn’t going to end if I’m not productive 24/7, and that a bad grade isn’t a death sentence. Praying to him for inspiration before writing, or just asking him to calm me down before jumping into an exam has always been really helpful. You can create sigils or mantras with him to help you remember a specific concept. I’ve even had him help me study inside of dreams, reminding me of things I would have surely forgotten the next day.

I consider something as simple as lighting his candle while you research to be a devotional act, especially while you’re still in the brain storming stage and are just looking for information. Any pursuit of knowledge seeking is Lucifer’s specialty.

Whenever I get into a slump Lucifer encourages me to just read without actually writing anything down. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to think of it as studying rather than just lightly browsing some literature. I really like having conversations with him about the things I’m studying, usually the ideas he presents are interesting enough that I can easily remember them in a high stress situation like a test.

When I get overwhelmed writing essays and things of the sort he’ll have me do what seems like a very small task, like a writing only two sentences, and then walking away from it. In a few more hours I’ll go back and read what I wrote, maybe change a word or two, and then leave it alone again. Doing these very small increments of work allows me to still get stuff done without burning myself out. I’m also a bit of a perfectionist and accidental workaholic so I also ask him to keep me in check and stop me from over working myself when I’ve been at it for hours at a time. My time blindness can lead me to work constantly all day, so having him step in and say “hey it’s been 7 hours since you got up” is also super helpful.

Other than that, be kind to yourself! Remember how impressive it is that you’re even doing any of this. Academics are not easy for most people, the fact that you’re committed to your education is very admirable!

[alliskit]

BG3 Headcanons Nobody Asked For.

Part 3: Enneagrams.

If you’ve never heard of the Enneagram, it’s a personality type system. You can learn more here.

I love the Enneagram (helped with some serious family healing) because it is in-depth, but I’m gonna to do a little “fly-over” of each type and who I feel best fits each. Feel free to give other types you think each embody!

The layout: Motivations // Core Fears

Enneagram 1: Minthara

Want to be right, to strive higher and improve everything, to be consistent with their ideals, to justify themselves, to be beyond criticism // being corrupted, defective

She is deeply upset that she broke her oath to Lloth, even if it wasn’t her fault.

Instead of seeking Lloth for forgiveness or redemption, she believes that she is too corrupted and would rather be an oath breaker than face her old goddess.

She does not like being wrong

Is often right which justifies her desire to never be seen as wrong

She is organized, orderly, and fastidious; maintains high standards — earned her place as the grey warden

She is critical and perfectionistic (cue my fave companion analysis conversation lol)

When first out of the cult she is moody and angry (and a bit irrational about her vengeance and her circumstances)

As she grows, you get ‘silly’ Minthy, the drow comedienne (“it was a beautiful webbing” lol)

Enneagram 2: Shadowheart

Want to be loved, to express their feelings for others, to be needed and appreciated, to get others to respond to them, to vindicate their claims about themselves // being unwanted, unworthy of love

“My Lady Shar must love me”

Not to mention her feelings of insecurity being reinforced by the stupid rats in shar’s temple: “unworthy!”

She is the mom/nurse companion, thinks her servitude is how she will be wanted

Acts aggressive and stand offish (leaning into 8 stress response) when feeling threatened/angry

She starts off prideful, deceptive, and self-deceptive and grows to be self-sacrificing, nurturing, and generous

As she grows she also becomes more comfortable in herself and finding ways to express herself outside of others (new hair!)

Enneagram 3: Gale

Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others // being worthless

50% of romance arch is him trying to impress you so much you pick him despite you consistently romancing other characters

Other 50% is him trying to impress you with trying to be a god so you will stay with him

Someone made him feel worthless as a kid so he summoned a fireball and a tressum and then finally got attention from a goddess so now he has to continue to prove his magic is worthwhile

After being cast out by Mystra, he doesn’t recognize it’s because he basically tried to give her the weaves version of a Trojan horse virus instead of him being “deficient” or a “failure” in some way. Sadly, the dumbest wizard in the realms solidifies this belief by saying “you know where you failed”

He was the definition of apathetic and disengaged the year in isolation (3s need people badly) when he was taken and started healing he embodied what he had always wanted to present: authentic, compassionate, and more easy going.

Ambitious is the name of the game! He would be the god of all 3s.

Enneagram 4: Astarion

Want to express themselves and their individuality, to create and surround themselves with beauty, to maintain certain moods and feelings, to withdraw to protect their self-image, to take care of emotional needs before attending to anything else, to attract a “rescuer” // have no identity or personal significance

Despite having not seen his face in 200 years and having only attention because of it you’d think he rather be ugly so he isn’t used for his body but nope he needs to be reassured that he is in-fact still gorgeous

A terrible combination is a narcissist abuser and a partner who will do anything to hold onto a sliver of themselves

“I called on all the gods but no one answered”; willing to entertain new kinds of slavery (basically prostituting himself to tav from his pov, entertaining Raphael, and the tadpole) if it meant being saved

All about the ✨aesthetic✨

At his worst he does things to manipulate to keep people close (believing they won’t stay otherwise) and is moody and violent (emotional turbulence of getting approvals and disapprovals almost at the same time sometimes lololol)

At his best is balanced, introspective, and vulnerable (vulnerable in a way that's not to garner sympathies/manipulations)

He starts off very hopeless, self-destructive, and very indulgent (has addictive tendencies for coping; Minthy's observation is excellent), taking everything personally and is paranoid

Is a creative (embroiders!)

Enneagram 5: Jaheira

Want to possess knowledge, to understand the environment, to have everything figured out as a way of defending the self from threats from the environment // Being useless, helpless, or incapable

She is epically tired and living in survivor's guilt in a leadership role, so she will seem like an 8 taking charge (this woman is a researcher and explorer with a sense of justice, just take a look around her incredible study!)

Secretive and independent are the titles of a 5 and she embodies both. Once again: her basement lair.

She stuck it out for 20+ years in the Shadowlands because she is a problem solver and won't leave until the problem (Ketheric you wrinkly ass) is solved. (Also someone explain to me how she is gone for 20 years yet 2 little human kids know her like she's their mommy? Come on larian....)

She is high strung and intense, yet an inspiration. There is a reason even Halsin is in awe. She is a force. He had to leave to survive, yet she was the one who found Isobel and created a safe haven. This woman might feel useless and isolated, but she is resourceful.

She is the ultimate defender, which makes her the best Harper. She studies her opponents before she attacks and she uses her warriors like chess pieces who rarely fail. The Harpers are known to be efficient because she is efficient. She wastes no lives. She needs them all.

Enneagram 6: Wyll

Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity // being without support and guidance

They are known for being the ultimate friend and buddy. They are the ride or dies. Wyll is the companions' favorite.

He is engaging not because he was socially trained, he is that way naturally.

He is both rebellious, but also not a risk taker. He defied his father to be warlock, yet won't hop on the tadpole train for power. There has to be a positive payout for the risk.

He can be one the of the most encouraging, but also one of the meanest.

He wants to be recognized. He likes his moniker. He will act like it was gifted to him, but he leans into it and hides behind it arrogantly. ("My friends call me Wyll", so everyone else has to know him as the Blade FIRST.) He thinks it hides his true failure, which is that he has to depend on a devil for any of the power his moniker gives him. ("A story of two men" when you find out he's basically a prince... as if that is a bad thing. Gods. Face palm.)

He is wary of authority figures and most literally chose to be his own authority by becoming the Blade and not the next Ulder.

He is a champion of the people, the bards aren't being paid by his PR team. 6s fight injustices big time. They may not defy EVERY authority, but they will stand up to them to help others (8s take a seat you're coming...)

In a safe space, he is laid back and fun. (Dancing with tav around the fire!)

6s do a really good job at saving face during stress, even if they are crumbling inside. (He totally is and I highly suggest you don't let his dad die.)

Enneagram 7: Karlach

Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain // being deprived and in pain

Karlach wants to taste, touch, see, smell, and hear everything life has to offer.

Getting trapped in Avernus was literal hell for her. It is an empty place where she was on a leash. Getting to literally touch grass is life-giving.

She can endure a lot, but if she could just turn it off, she would.

Her screaming "I'M FREE" even if Zariel is hunting her (versus Astarion's constant paranoia despite also being free)

She struggles with impatience and impulsiveness. She literally runs from her fears.

With growth she leans into true contentment, even if it means living in Avernus.

She is overtly optimistic even in the face of death (would rather die than go back to Avernus and is willing to back it up with wanting to use her time left to live to the fullest even tadpoled)

Enneagram 8: Lae’zel

Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation // being harmed or controlled by others

Unlike Minthara who knows she has weaknesses, but has to overcome them, Lae'zel believes that she has to do everything to never be weak. She can't abide weakness.

Githyanki are conquerors and she must dominate all her foes and cirmcumstances.

They fight against oppressors (ghaik) to stay in control. She will fight Vlakkith once she realizes her queen is just another controlling oppressor.

You have to roll a wisdom or persuasion check to get her to be vulnerable or else she's not unless you're romancing her. And to romance her, you have to let her dominate you or you show your dominance. Literally.

She keeps things close to the chest until her proverbial armor begins to melt after the incident at the creche. She is terrified underneath it all. She is about to become the thing she hates most and her own people would rather kill her. She is no longer worthy of being alive. She stood her ground and made her place in pursuit of becoming one of the greatest only to be made weakest by the tadpole.

She starts off being completely self-interested and isn't willing to help others, but by the end, she is using her talents and self-confidence to save her people and the Sword Coast (she deserves a line like Shadowheart about "you know who I never cared about? Desperate people.")

Enneagram 9: Halsin

Want to create harmony in their environment, to avoid conflicts and tension, to preserve things as they are, to resist whatever would upset or disturb them // Of loss and separation

When asked if he will miss being First Druid and his answer is "Gods no!" is on brand 9. They make fantastic leaders, yet would rather not deal with the politics of it all.

He, like Karlach, is a runner. Even though he wrapped his avoidance in a "I must cure the shadowlands" bow, he saw a chance to get out of the Enclave's issues he felt he couldn't fix to go somewhere he felt he would be needed more.

A big complaint of Kagha's is that Halsin was inattentive. He was disengaged. He was clocked out internally while trying to give everyone what they wanted to "keep the peace". Only 4 other druids in the busy grove are against Kagha on this.

He defers responsibilities to have his own peace. He asks a lot of the companions for his own quest, while not joining them on theirs (I know this is a Larian issue, but there are so many lines with Halsin that are "Wait, why am I doing this for you?" and "Is he finally joining us?" indicating he was just chilling while the rest adventured)

He spends most of Act 2 trying to make up for a major loss. He clings to tav because he doesn't want to lose them too. The more he grows with the group, the more autonomous and self-assured he gets. Especially after reuniting with Thaniel.

He becomes one of the best and beloved companions as he heals: 'Optimistic, reassuring, supportive: have a healing and calming influence—harmonizing groups, bringing people together: a good mediator, synthesizer, and communicator.'

I know I left Minsc out but he’s a 7 from what I can tell! He’s a fun add on companion, but I’m going to omit him from this line up.

This was A LOT. But such food for thought. Thank you for enduring my mindFULL imaginings this time. This could have been so much more detailed but it's already so long.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

how do u overcome the fear of failure when ur not instantly good at something? i’ve been interested in engineering for a long time but i didn’t major in it because the high level calc and physics courses didn’t come to me naturally and i’m a perfectionist who hates failing or struggling 🥲

No one is too dumb for something. It’s not that you’ll just “never get” physics or calculus—it’s a matter of playing around w the material and seeing what works best for you. It doesn’t make those who process things at a faster pace superior to you; it just makes them different. Ik it might sting to struggle for a little bit, I’m also a perfectionist and I still have moments where I want to avoid topics bc I fear failure, but think of how satisfying it will feel once you get the ropes down & things just start making sense.

You have to put your desire to grow over your aversion to struggling at it. I’m personally terrified of stunting myself by never pushing myself hard enough, and that usually keeps my ego in check when it comes to stuff like this. If you’re not struggling, you’re not growing. Period.

You’ll have more to say by the time the interim of discomfort is over. This world is oversaturated w nepo babies / protégés / people who’re just naturally proficient… but they don’t have much to say as far as struggling to get good at something goes. The most digestible analogy I could think of is having acne & wanting to consult someone about it. Who do you think would have more to say about that: someone who never struggled w skin problems a day in their life, or someone who had major skin problems but now has glass skin? Probably the person who struggled but paved their way through it.

No one is going to point at you one day and laugh at you for having once struggled in physics or calculus. Once you’re an engineer you’re an engineer, same as anyone else. It’s very rare for people to care how long it took you to get to the finish line. They just care that you’re there.

My neuroscience prof said this once & it literally rewired my brain—but half the mental battle is just thinking that excelling at something is in your future no matter how long it takes, how hard it may be, or what you have to do to excel at it. Literally just telling yourself “I know I’ll get good at physics and calculus no matter what, I just need to figure out how” will help you sm. This is my form of manifestation lol even if I don’t believe in manifesting or anything like that. It’s legit just telling myself that I’ll get what I want eventually, so long as I work hard for it.

[pclarcld]

──   (  nico higara. twenty4. nonbinary. they/he.  ) thank god you’re here, man - have you seen OSMOND ‘OZZY’ AVERSESCU anywhere? i totally lost them after their rendition of man! i feel like a woman by shania twain last night. no? they’re like, aye - high and go to PALLADIAN - i think they’re a SENIOR level studying ARCHITECTURE? but who knows, these days. all i know is that they’re AVOIDANT & HARMONIOUS and a LIBRA . last night they kept going on and on about how they won BEST PERSON TO SURVIVE ON A STRANDED ISLAND WITH last year, which is cool and whatever, but i just wouldn’t expect it out of them, considering they’re so, like, INDECISIVE & DIPLOMATIC, you know? anyways - i’m going to check down by the inner garden, i think that’s where they like to hang. text me if you see them, okay? bye! / as penned by parker.  twenty7.  they/he.  est.

BIO PINTREST MUSINGS VISUALS WC INSPO THREADS

STATS

full name: osmond "ozzy" aversecu

birthdate: september 29th, 2001

family: maria & gerald (parents) / devon & nathan (2 adoptive siblings)

gender: non-binary

pronouns: they/he

sexuality: queer

languages: english, japanese

height: 5'8"

hair color: brown

eye color: brown

tattoos/piercings: n/a

PERSONALITY

+traits: amiable, diplomatic, harmonious, optimist, affectionate.

- traits: avoidant, overwrought, indecisive, boisterous, perfectionist.

labels: the insouciant, the obsequious

aesthetics: a field of poppies, killing with kindness, bedsheets perfectly tucked, sending handwritten notes, freshly fallen snow, moss covered rocks., cheesy romantic comedies, tea with honey.

character inspo: charles bingley (pride & prejudice) lana lang (smallville) blaine anderson (glee) peeta mellark (thg)

fears: rejection, being unwanted, imperfection

hobbies: drawing, running, crochet, guitar

myers-briggs: ENFJ-T protagonist

hogwarts house: hufflepuff

temperament: sanguine

moral alignment: lawful good

HEADCANNONS

peeps over at devons bio and clears throat (disclaimer mack overrides me whatever they say GOES you got it... if i misspeak... no i didnt...)

from the start there were high expectations in the household. and ozzy? they were ready to rise to it! soccer practice, got it! ace all your tests, easy! follow a specific routine to a t, whatever makes it easier for everyone else.

they went thru childhood being told what to do and they just... listened...like fr. there was never a rebel phase. there were no tantrums. ozzy just... wanted to do their best wanted his parents to be proud? :(

they just like??? wanna see the best in everyone. homelife kinda was and is and probably always will be wonky and he just wants 2 make other people feel loved and appreciated for more than just their achievements

theyd never admit it but they def used palladian as an excuse to get the FUCK away.. theyve found themselves a lot thru college. he grew up as quite the push over and he sometimes still kinda is but ? has more of a backbone now like they wont compromise their morals to make someone happy but like back in the day it was constantly trying to do ANYTHING to be on everyones good side

other people can fail !! theyll be a shoulder for you to cry on and tell you all about your amazing qualities... but if they fuck up?? god just the worst person ever... how dare they..

ozzy isnt one to judge like tell him your worst secrets and he'll take it to the GRAVE !!! only thing that gets 'em going really is if you fuck for the people he cares about. they have a big heart. so much love to give. so theyre also a bit protective of his lil circle like he just wants everyone happy like they deserve

insanely picky eater like. probably eats the same 3 foods every week.

v affectionate and in tune w their options. theyll tell u they love u as soon as they do and it'll probably be day 1. a type to smooch their friend on the lips as good luck before their big show or whateva

they arent perfect like... they wanna be and try to be but... theyre flawed since, y'know, human. but they hate conflict so theyll do WHATEVER to not deal. big run-away from my problems kind of person... like... lemme just go to school in a different country and that'll solve everything...right? right....

WANTED CONNECTIONS

everything :( please :(

[simslegacy5083]

Today's (3/27/2025) Episode: Death Comes Calling

Things had been going so well for Skye and xir family that it was only a matter of time before the universe had to being them some bad news.

Shortly after Luigi and Noemi returned to Sulani Candor received a distressing phone call. His daughter had passed away. The loss of one of his children was sadly not a new occurrence for the immortal mage, but he and Delaney had been close, and her death hit him particularly hard.

Following the news Candor found himself unable to focus, or really care, about anything anymore.

Usually meticulous about meeting his obligations Candor failed to finish his latest freelance job by the deadline. The client was livid, but his agency and the public were understanding in light of his recent loss. Not that he cared much either way let it all burn, none of it matters anyway.

What’s the point of living forever if everyone I love is just going to keep dying? He thought to himself. Maybe its time to follow Chance to the ever after.

Skye was worried for xir Great Grandfather, but before xe could find a way to help, death related worries came calling much closer to home.

“I’m giving you the day off” xir boss texted early one morning “I’ve always had a knack for seeing into the future and the dream I had about you last night… the way Grim was eyeing you… well just be careful, OK?”

Skye was beyond spooked by her message. Is THIS what’s been happening to me all this time!? Xe wondered Have I gotten myself on Grim’s bad side somehow? Xe thought back on all xir surgeries, all xir nightmares… and just like that a new, frightening, certainty about xemself settled in Skye’s heart.

Elyse happened to have the day off as well. Skye was still trying to figure out how to explain xir latest fears and xir unexpected vacation day when a phone call from Grayson sent them racing out the door to help their friends.

“A loud pop woke us up and then we couldn’t get any of the lights to come on” he explained, limping over to greet his landlord “I’m lucky I didn’t break my ankle slipping in this giant puddle of water in front of the fridge!”

While Betty kept Elyse company in the utility room Skye decided to go the “safe” route and use magic to repair xir tenants' multiple broken appliances. Unfortunately, the inexperienced young mage didn’t know how dangerous using so many magical spells in quick succession could be…

I took Chased by Death for Skye because I take the bonus traits that I feel make sense for my sims when they are offered, and for better or worse Chased by Death fits Skye perfectly in my opinion.

Shockingly they already have all 6 of their traits! Gloomy, Perfectionist, Family Oriented, Romantically Reserved, Nosy, Chased By Death

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[softie-rain]

Like or Like Like

Pairing: Coriolanus Snow/Sejanus Plinth

Tags: possibly ooc - takes place two years before canon - coryo is weirdly nice - idk guys this is so lovesick and fluffy I'm not used to it

Summary: Having a crush on the handsome boy you share classes with has got to be the most embarrassing thing to happen to someone. Like, seriously: how do you hide it without failing? Or, Sejanus Plinth is caught staring at Coriolanus Snow during class.

Notes: inspired by the headcanon @incorrect-pipravi sent, which you can find here. Was supposed to be a small drabble and instead ended up 2k words (which is shorter than what I usually write anyway.)

Also damn I haven't posted my writing on tumblr since FOREVER it's been ages fr. So this is your reminder that other than bitching about coryo and sej I also write

you can read it on ao3 here

Sejanus kept staring at his reflection in the mirror, fixing his hair. He wasn’t one to usually care about his looks, as long as he looked decent enough to go out in public. But lately he felt like had to be at his best, even going as far as thinking of wearing his favorite sweatshirt (the blue one Coriolanus gave him for his fourteen birthday, he had been the only one to show up at the party he had organized), but the weather was definitely too hot for that one. Besides, the uniform was mandatory at the Academy.

“Sejanus, why are you still here? You have to hurry if you don’t want to be late!” His mother entered the room, looking at him with worry. Sejanus turned with an apologetic look.

“Don’t worry ma’. I’ll be fine.” He said. Mrs. Plinth nodded and walked over to him, patting him on his back.

“You look perfect, darling. I’m sure this secret girl you seem to like so much will adore you!”

“Ma’!” Sejanus heavily blushed, gently pushing his mother away in embarrassment. The old woman chuckled, smiling at her son.

“There’s no need to be ashamed of it. Everyone has their first crush at some point.” She said, trying to reassure her son. Sejanus wanted to laugh. Of course his mother didn’t know. There was no way she could have found out on her own, and he never said anything. She was convinced Sejanus was in love with a girl from the Academy, and he surely wasn’t going to be the one to break the news to her that said girl was actually Coriolanus Snow.

He wasn’t sure his ma’ would have minded actually. She thought Coriolanus was a good boy, and even his father appreciated him. Yet Sejanus had never told them the truth, and he wasn’t going to. Whether out of shame, or fear, it didn’t matter.

Sejanus shook his head, ignoring his mother’s comment. “I better get going now or, as you said, I’m going to be late. See you later ma’.” He said, waving at her as he walked out of the apartment.

After the short drive to the Academy he ran up the stairs rushing to get to class, even if there was no need to. They had assigned seats, he knew he'd end up sitting next to Coriolanus either way. But he also wanted to chat before class started, and Coryo always seemed to arrive awfully early, for some unknown reason.

When he finally got in the room he smiled upon noticing the curly haired boy with his head down in the textbook, probably revising for the lecture of the day. Coriolanus was a perfectionist like that, always studying, making sure everything he did was excellent, especially when it came to the Academy and his studies. Sejanus was pretty sure he had never failed one single class.

Clemensia Dovecote hadn't either, but she didn't put in half the effort Coriolanus did. Coriolanus Snow always worked much more than what was required, sometimes Sejanus wondered if it was because he wanted to be better than everyone else. Or maybe he just craved academic validation.

Either way, Sejanus thought it was extremely attractive. When he was always so carefully focused in class, and Sejanus so carefully focused on him. The way he'd bite his lip when he tried to get a particularly difficult subject, his small frown when he didn't understand something. A barely perceptible one, that he tried to hide to not show that he was confused but that Sejanus could see anyway. If he paid as much attention to the lesson as he did to Coriolanus he'd probably ace every class he took.

But Coriolanus was much more interesting than whatever Mrs. Click could ever blather about, right?

“Morning Coryo.” He greeted him, sitting next to him.

“Morning.” Coriolanus replied, without looking up from his book.

Sejanus bit his lip, trying to think of something to say to keep the conversation going. “What are you reading?”

“History of Panem.”

“You don't need to revise, I'm sure you'll do great as always.” Sejanus told him, smiling, thinking he'd complimented him. But Coriolanus sighed.

“That doesn't mean I'll stop studying for the exam.” He replied coldly, probably annoyed Sejanus interrupted him. So he nodded and left him to read, at least until Professor Demigloss arrived and started his lesson.

Sejanus tried to pay attention, he really did, but his eyes were drawn in as if by magnets to Coriolanus’ beautiful blonde curls that so gracefully fell on his face. Sejanus observed as he moved them away, his blue eyes focused on the board in front of him. He also noticed as Coriolanus started chewing on his pen while listening to Demigloss’ - rather boring - explanation.

Sejanus found himself wondering what it would have been like to kiss him, to have those lips on his. Would he have bit down on Sejanus’ lips the same way he was biting down the pen? Would he have been rough, or sweet and soft?

He always assumed Coriolanus was a rough lover, but he couldn't know for sure, maybe he would-

“Mr. Plinth, I believe the board is here and not where Mr. Snow is sitting.”

The professor's voice made him snap out of his lovefool trance, and Sejanus’ head immediately turned to face Professor Demigloss, who looked rather annoyed. He felt his cheeks grow warm, and he knew he was probably the same color as his Ma’ tomatoes when they were mature. He muttered an apology and looked down at his notes-less book, too embarrassed to meet anyone's eyes.

He could hear his classmates snicker, and he knew they wouldn't easily make him forget this. But, gosh, the worst were Coriolanus’ eyes on him.

Sejanus could basically feel his gaze, burning like his stare alone was setting him on fire, and he wanted nothing more than to get up and leave the room.

The rest of the class went on painfully slowly, Sejanus could have sworn it lasted hours. As soon as Demigloss dismissed them he instantly got up, packed his bag and left, ignoring Festus calling for him and rushing out before anyone else could make fun of him. Especially Coriolanus.

Truthfully he didn't think Coriolanus would. He never joined in with the others - especially Festus and Arachne - when they talked about him behind his back or made fun of him, ever since they were kids, so he didn't see why he'd start now. Either way, Sejanus couldn't stand the confrontation to test his assumption.

He tried to ignore Coriolanus the best he could the rest of the day, and he thought he managed. But then Coryo stopped him at the Academy entrance, right when he was about to leave once all of his classes were over.

“Sejanus? Can we talk?”

Sejanus shrugged, trying to play it dumb. Maybe if he pretended nothing happened Coriolanus would forget about it. “S-sure. About what?” He said, praying his voice didn't sound as high pitched to Coriolanus as it did to him.

“Uh, the history project we have to do? I thought maybe we could work on it together.”

Sejanus sighed in relief, covering it with a cough. He cleared his throat before raising his eyebrow. “History project?”

Coriolanus nodded. “Yes. Professor Demigloss talked about it today in class. Or were you too busy staring at me to pay attention to him?” He asked, grinning.

Sejanus started blushing, his eyes widening as his mind tried to come up with some excuse or at least a way to get out of that situation. His palms were getting sweaty and he could feel the panic rising up in his chest. “Oh, uhm, no. Obviously, I was listening. I was-”

“Sej relax. I'm just teasing.” Coriolanus interrupted him, his grin only growing wider. “So? What do you say about the project?”

Sejanus thought it was weird how Coriolanus didn't seem to mind it, but definitely didn't complain. If his friend was cool about it, then he was going to be as well. He nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Of course.”

“Great. It's due tomorrow so the sooner we start working on it the better.” Sejanus gave him a short smile, agreeing with him.

“I'd suggest going over at my place, but the cleaners are around today. They’re usually very invasive, I don’t want them scooping around while we study.” He explained, sounding annoyed. Sejanus nodded, understanding his problem. He had the same struggles with his own cleaners, though usually they left him alone when he asked.

“It’s okay, I get that. Maybe we could study at my place then?” He suggested, trying not to blush again at the thought of him and Coriolanus alone in his bedroom. Coriolanus didn’t seem to notice his struggles at keeping his cool and nodded, mumbling a ‘sure’ before following Sejanus outside where his driver was waiting for him.

Sejanus spent the drive to his house in silence, hoping his mother had gone through with her plan for the day and was out shopping. He wanted to avoid any awkward meeting between her and Coryo. But of course, when they got into his apartment, there she stood in the kitchen waiting for her beloved son. “Sejanus? Is that you?” She asked, walking over to them. Her eyes slightly widened in surprise when she noticed Coriolanus with him. “Oh! I didn’t know you were going to have friends over. Hi, Coriolanus.”

Coriolanus smiled at the woman. “Hello Mrs. Plinth. Sorry for intruding.” He said, giving Sejanus’ mother an apologetic look.

“Oh nonsense. I was about to leave anyway, I need to buy some new clothes for little Sej here.” She said smiling. Sejanus felt as if his skin was on fire at his ma’ words, and he could see in the corner of his eyes Coriolanus trying not to laugh.

“Okay well me and Coryo will be studying in my bedroom, see you later ma’.” He said quickly, wanting to get out of that situation as soon as possible. Once they got to his room they immediately started working on the project, neither of them wanting to waste any more time. Coriolanus shared his notes with Sejanus since he had taken none during class, too busy staring at Coryo.

The evening went on uneventfully, they spent most of it on the books with one snack break where Sejanus offered Coriolanus the cookies he had baked the day before, which the blonde boy seemed to most definitely appreciate considering the eager way he was eating them.

Sejanus was sitting on his bed while Coriolanus was at his desk, leaning on the chair. They were almost done with the school work when Coriolanus spoke. “Why were you staring at me?” Sejanus blushed and dropped his pen on the floor, immediately picking it up as if the falling object could have been a new source of embarrassment for him. “Earlier, in class.” He added, as if he needed a reminder of what Coriolanus was talking about.

“Uhm…” Sejanus didn't know what to say. He avoided the subject all day. He knew it was impossible for Coryo to forget about it so quickly but he wasn't expecting him to bring it up now either. Especially since he had sounded fine with the situation that morning.

Coriolanus must have noticed Sejanus was rather uncomfortable, because he immediately specified, “I'm not making fun of you for it. I'm just curious. Did I have something on my face?”

He was smiling, but Sejanus wasn’t sure it was meant to be a joke. More of a light comment to put him at ease. Though he didn't work he appreciated the effort, so much he thought Coriolanus deserved the truth, or at least half of it. Sejanus had never been good at lying anyway.

“No, nothing like that. Honestly? I was looking at your hair. And your eyes.” He confessed, avoiding the other's gaze.

Coriolanus frowned. “My eyes?”

“Yeah. They're very… blue. And pretty. It's like staring at the ocean, or the clear sky. Sorry, I know it's dumb. Just got caught up in my thoughts I guess.” Sejanus mumbled, drawing doodles on his hands as he tried to fight the urge to ramble out dumb excuses that would have led Coriolanus to realize he had a crush on him.

He had just admitted he thought his eyes were pretty, could it get worse than that?

Fortunately he didn't have to find out because Coriolanus simply nodded and dropped the subject. Sejanus didn't say anything either, but when he raised his eyes again and saw Coriolanus bouncing his leg nervously under the desk he could have sworn he saw his cheeks growing red, though he was clearly trying to hide it.

Sejanus smiled and looked down, going back to check his notes, when Coriolanus spoke again. “I like your eyes too.” He said, catching Sejanus by surprise.

“They're this dark brown color that gets lighter if you observe them under the sunlight. They look like milk chocolate chips.” Coriolanus commented, never once switching his position or raising his head to look at Sejanus as she talked. “I love chocolate.” He said, and it was clearly the end of their conversation on the matter.

He loves chocolate. He loves my eyes.

The thought kept playing loud in Sejanus’ head as he tried hard to stop his blushing, failing miserably. Maybe that day hadn't been so terrible after all.

[lynnlovesthestars]

Bg3 male matchup plz

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: heterosexual ally

Zodiac: Capricorn

Appearance: 5’2 African American hourglass body (although I’m more top heavy if you know what i mean) black curly wavy hair blackish brown eyes chubby cheeks wears glasses sometimes (im far sighted so it’s usually when driving in class or at the theater)

Mbti: infj

Enneagram: 2w1

Personality: kind smart funny motherly responsible empathetic anxious emotional moody perfectionist helpful people pleaser caring compassionate nerdy curious protective polite respectful indecisive fearful nervous introvert shy awkward clumsy low self esteem low confidence (more pertaining to my talents or personality then my looks) sassy sarcastic (I’m mainly these things with people i feel comfortable with like friends or family) soft spoken cute (my friends think im cute because i can be pretty innocent plus I’m small physically)

Likes: animals books reading writing fantasy magic sci fi anime music video games friends alone time learning personality quizzes sweets and bread helping being a part of something bigger than myself

Dislikes: spiders loud sounds people i care about not caring for themselves (im a hypocrite on this i take care of everyone else but not me) not being listened to weird holes and patterns math and tests (I’m being tested for a math disability and i have test anxiety)

Love language:

Giving: acts of service gift giving and physical affection (if they’re ok with it)

Receiving: words of affirmation and physical affection (although i can be shy about it)

Extra: i pace a lot i sing when im alone i talk to myself im a picky eater (mainly with textures) i have a cat i have minor ehlers danalos (a hyper mobility disorder) but it doesn’t hurt me like it does my sisters i get abdominal migraines which is basically like a migraine but instead of headaches it’s nausea

Thank you

hii, first of all sorry for being late, ive been keeping this ask in the drafts because of my fear of commitment (me and posting don't go along well, xD im usually there keeping everything in the draft n never showing anyone so this was holed up with some other stuff..) nevertheless here i am and i'd say you waited enough so here i go,,

I think every motherly person deserves their fatherly like opposite, this being said i think you'd pair up lovingly with Gale.

He does give that father, dad, parent vibe, doesn't he? ahah

I think you are so kind and bearing that you do need some care as well and Gale never fails at that. Not to say that he babies you, nor that he treats you as a child, but he definitely spends and indecent amount of time and effort in coddling you, making sure your every wish is taken care of, but most of all it's like he's your other half.

Before you know he can finish your sentences, he knows right away when something good or bad is happening, he can almost sense it.

I do see a lot of him in you and maybe that's why i know he'd be a lovely fit. They always say opposites attract but no one is better than someone that can understand you, that laughs at the same jokes, that can empathize with you and cheer you up..

He is protective, but he gets especially caring when you have a flare up, imagine with me for a moment.

He comes home from work and finds you on laying down in agony. Whatever he's holding is dropped on the floor instantly and he's rushing to your side, thousand questions he wants to ask you, yet he knows the pain must be so overwhelming he must first help you out.

He reaches for a few pillows, propping them around you making sure you are a little more comfortable before he's off to his study for a moment to find one of his alchemic creations and comes back, assuring you that the pain will go away with it.

As he's gently massaging the mixture on the painful areas he starts talking, as if to distract you. "You know how i know this concoct will work?" And he doesnt wait for your answer cause all he wants to do is soothe your pain, entertain you. "My knees are not what they once were, so i had to come up with a remedy" He smirks as he takes a moment to kiss your stomach. "Well the first time I adventured into alchemy didn't go so well" He chuckles. "When I applied the mixture to my aching joints they started burning, and dear me i was in even more pain" He laughs as he resumes his gentle kneading and massaging, and finally you start feeling the soothing cream gently activating. His hands glow ever so slightly as if he's imbuing the tincture with magic and all you can feel is the cooling sensation rippling gently over your skin. "Doesn't it feel good now, love?" He murmurs as he doesn't stop with his massaging, despite being done with the application he still wants to care for you. "Next time just let tara know you are in pain, and i'll be here in the blink of an eye, got it?" He kisses your forehead gently. "I will drop anything for you"

[successfullyadhd]

My son is ADHD and suffers very badly from second hand embarrassment. He can not even watch a tv show or movie with a character that does something embarrassing. I think it is the reason he is scared to try new things in fear of not being good at it and getting Embarrassed.

Do you have any suggestions for me to help him overcome this?

I’m so sorry that it’s 2024 and I somehow just saw this question from 2021. Whew. Awkward.

Anyway, I’m going to answer as if it’s still helpful because it might be! And if not to you, then maybe another person.

Two parts -

1) second hand embarrassment. I get this ALL the time and cannot watch certain shows because of it. The Office is a great example, where the humor is based on other people not understanding typical social cues. I cannot be in the room while someone is watching The Office. Or pretty much anything with Will Ferrell.

People with ADHD have incredible empathy, to the point where they deeply feel emotions of other people around them. Part of it is a defense mechanism - we get so many more negative reactions from our peers and adults at a young age than is typical that you start intensely studying non-verbal cues to recognize when something is about to go wrong. Watching this play out, even in a non-threatening situation like through a TV show, sparks up our fight-or-flight. The social cues are telling us to run even though it isn’t happening to us. The other reason is that our brains are wired to feel our own emotions more intensely than the average person. When we see other people going through a situation we find relatable or have experienced before (skirt tucked into your undies in public) the emotions we would be feeling in the same situation get brought up, even though it isn’t happening to us. Our brain and nervous system is recognizing a pattern and telling us what it *would* feel like if it were us, which then makes us understand how that person is most likely feeling.

And for this, I have no suggestions 🙃 if I knew how to stop second hand embarrassment, I would share. But I would say it could be a strength, because empathy and shared human experiences help you be a better person, and make lasting friendships. (As long as those friends don’t watch The Office. Or Parks and Rec.)

2) not trying new things - this one is also common among the ADHD crowd. ADHD people have a tendency to be perfectionists - we can see exactly how something should go and as soon as we have an idea, our brain has already sprinted ahead to the finish line and made a diagram of the exact way to get there. But there is a disconnect between our ideas - often ambitious, lofty and enthusiastic - and the experience needed to make it happen. For example, I love embroidery. I daydream about the incredible designs I would love to make - but when I try to do it, I don’t have the skill needed to make it come to life. If I kept at it, tried and practiced and messed it up and tried it again, I would have already been the best embroidery artist the world has seen. But the experience of the perfect imagine in my brain not being translated into what my skill is capable of doing is frustrating, and I quickly become uninterested.

It can be intimidating to try new things and feeling like unless you have innate talent, you aren’t going to be successful and you will look dumb. (And even people with innate talent need practice to hone their skills.)

To encourage trying new things, I would suggest starting small in a space where he is free to fail repeatedly over and over again. When I go to a yoga class and the teacher introduces some complicated move that my body isn’t ready for, I’ll sometimes take a water break or pause in the previous movement and look around with envy at all the other people successfully doing it. I wait it out and then go on with the movements when I’m back in comfortable territory. But when I get home, I’ll practice the move by myself over and over again until I’m ready to do it in front of other people without the humiliation of struggling in front of my peers.

The other thing that helps is low pressure and low stakes situations. I am not athletic by any stretch of the imagination and I can remember so many situations in grade school (or middle school!) gym class where we would need to do some athletic feat in front of 30 other kids. I would try to get out of it and the teacher would pressure me, and the other kids would say “it’s not that hard, just do it.” And I would feel so embarrassed and flustered by the attention I would make an attempt (and utterly fail) to hit the ball and then run to the back of the line as other kids laughed. And you can bet I never, ever tried to do any of those things again because even revisiting the memory of the first attempt made me feel nauseous. But looking back, if I could have had a one-on-one situation where someone patient and kind worked with me, I would have tried so many more things. Pressure would make me double down on refusing, quiet offering would make me feel safe enough to try it.

Also, another idea would be to give him options of things he can try on his own with minimal teaching/interference. Like if someone had introduced cross country skiing, or rock climbing, or some other sport where there wasn’t a whole team relying on me, and I could practice independently to get better, I might have found an athletic side after all. Other things in the category would be: hands on crafts - leather working, bead making, drawing, etc. computer programming/video game building. Writing. Cooking. Growing a plant or a garden. Things that you can fail at over and over without it being a public display. (Whether the scrutiny is real or imagined, it will dampen the mood) And if he wants to throw away his art work without showing you, or won’t let you see his first clay sculpture or whatever - let him. Let him keep it to himself until he’s ready. I remember adults - teachers, coaches, whoever - asking to see my -insert whatever here- and me being embarrassed because I knew it wasn’t good. And then them complimenting me and encouraging me, and me being more embarrassed because I knew that objectively the thing wasn’t good and they were being kind. They were doing all the right things but I just wanted to keep it to myself until I felt confident enough to share my progress.

I hope this helps! Good luck! It’s been three years since you submitted this so I’m sure life looks different for your family today but maybe this is something that still comes up.

[thebestofoneshots]

If you could say any song reminds you of Gilded Constellations… what would it be?

As a reader, I can’t put one on the whole thing so far, but Sirius reminds me of Guys Don’t Like Me (by It Boys!) and I can’t put one on Y/N yet… (Remus radiates Conan Grey energy tbh) -🫎

Read Gilded Constellations Here

AAAAAAH THIS IS SOOOO HARD! I literally have a miles long note on my phone with hundreds (kid you not) of songs for the chapters titles. Most of them are 60s to early 80s (because I’m a perfectionist and I want the songs so only be songs our boys would have listen to to), having said that. I’ve got a few modern songs, that I feel also fit the theme… heat me out:

Gilded Constellations is Cherry Wine by Hozier and Las Palabras de Amor by Queen

Don't touch me now Don't hold me now Don't break the spell, darling Now you are near Look in my eyes and speak to me The special promises I long to hear Las palabras de amor Let me hear the words of love Despacito, mi amor Love me slow and gently One foolish world, so many souls Senselessly hurled through The never ending cold And all for fear and all for greed Speak any tongue But for God's sake we need Las palabras de amor

Her eyes and words are so icy Oh but she burns Like rum on the fire Hot and fast and angry as she can be I walk my days on a wire It looks ugly, but it's clean Oh momma, don't fuss over me … Her fight and fury is fiery Oh but she loves Like sleep to the freezing Sweet and right and merciful I'm all but washed In the tide of her breathing And it's worth it, it's divine I have this some of the time The way she shows me I'm hers yours and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The bIood is rare and sweet as cherry wine

Sirius is Too Much Love Will KiII You by Queen

Too much love will kilI you If you can't make up your mind Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind You're headed for disaster 'cause you never read the signs Too much love will kiIl you every time Mmm, how would it be if you were standing in my shoes? Can't you see that it's impossible to choose No, there's no making sense of it Every way I go I'm bound to lose Oh-oh, yeah Too much love will kiII you Just as sure as none at all It'll drain the power that's in you Make you plead and scream and crawl And the pain will make you crazy You're the victim of your crime Too much love will kiIl you every time

Reader is Vega by Ed Sheeran

This week was heavy, I buckled under all the weight What can you do but pray? And count your blessings, it wasn't any other way Don't leave it up to fate … Clouds keep forming over this house, blocking out the sun I'm tryna keep it all together One door closes then one opens, gotta keep the focus If we'll believe, then she'll get better The days are long, but they pass within an instant, babe It is the strangest thing I'll count my blessings the day I see you smile again This war we've got to win Keep it inside, don't let no one see your heart No one can judge, we're the same in the dark Fighting the tide, but the waves, they will part Light up the night, we were made to be stars But it burns like hell to be Vega

Remus is Demons by Imagine Dragons (but also like 100 other songs Remus is all the songs)

When the days are cold And the cards all fold And the saints we see are all made of gold (Sirius) When your dreams all fail And the ones we hail Are the worst of all, and the bIood's run stale I wanna hide the truth I wanna shelter you But with the beast inside There's nowhere we can hide No matter what we breed We still are made of greed This is my kingdom come This is my kingdom come When you feel my heat, look into my eyes It's where my demons hide It's where my demons hide Don't get too close, it's dark inside It's where my demons hide It's where my demons hide At the curtain's call It's the last of all When the lights fade out, all the sinners crawl So they dug your grave And the masquerade Will come calling out at the mess you've made

And lastly, Chapter 20: Bad Moon Rising is Frozen Pines and The World Ender by Lord Huron

Deep into the night With the moonlight as my guide I go wander through the pines And make my way to nature's shrine

You'll hear me howl by the light of the moon That's how you'll know that I'm coming for you Gonna find you alone in the dark of night When the World Ender comes better run for your life

Read Gilded Constellations Here

[oldcoffeemug4633]

I love Wes Anderson

I think Wes Anderson is my favorite director. Rarely does an artist manage to consistently strike me with a sense of awe and wonder like Anderson does. I felt it the most while watching the French Dispatch, and now having just recently seen “The Wonderful story of Henry Sugar”, I feel compelled to write about it. What does it take to create something? Media consumption is at an all time high, you think then, with so many resources around that it would be easier to approach the act of creating and yet I find it the opposite. I feel like I’ve struggled to create things for as long as I’ve been doing it, it never seems to come out good enough. Maybe that’s just the perfectionist in me but I’m terrified of creating something unworthy. I struggle to dedicate myself to the things that I love, just out of fear. What art is worthwhile? I’ve slowly been coming to terms with the fact that I have this great desire to do many things, to experience as much as possible, and that I’m terribly bad at most of what I do. I think that’s okay. I think that failing is probably a right of passage. I ought to be properly horrible at something before I can be somewhat decent. I love stories with all of my being. I am the culmination of all the stories and characters I have ever loved. Something about Watching a Wes Anderson movie makes me want to create as much as possible, to write and write and write and most of all - to accept that I may not be good at it. and that’s okay. It’s okay to not be good at things, It’s okay to create art that isn’t perfect. It’s not a waste of time to pour yourself into the things you love.

[same-pic-of-the-stars-everyday]

Tw: venting, abuse?

For years I’ve been wondering if this was abuse, but I can’t tell, could you guys please share your opinion (if you’re comfortable)

So, my cousin is four years older than me. When we were younger she was badly abused by both of her parents (divorced) and used by her stepdad (I’m not using the actual word so I don’t trigger anyone, but I think you get what I’m implying)

She moved to about thirty minutes away from me when I was seven, my parents were generally pretty kind and caring to me, she was jealous. She used to hit me, and pinch me then twist her fingers. I never said anything because I didn’t want her to get hurt. For a year she pretended I didn’t exist, and convinced my brother to do the same. She used to scare me by creating horror stories with characters that were similar to my brother and I, he always survived in the story, I usually died. She caused my fear of bug and my horrible arachnophobia, bad enough to the point that if someone mentioned spiders I could feel the crawling on me then hyperventilate and cry. She occasionally put bugs on me after she formed my phobia, I used to love bugs, I’m terrified now even though it’s silly.

Whenever I shared bullying that happened to me she would compare it to her life to make anything that happened to me seem fine. She would tell me all of her trauma and problems. When I was eight she gave me graphic details on what her stepdad did. She also told me that I was annoying attention whore. Since she always called me annoying and said I talked too much, I barely talk anymore. She blamed everything on me because I would get in less trouble than her. She made me feel fat and ugly when I was younger, which has caused me to eat only one or two meals a day now, years after that situation. She made me feel like I was an overdramatic crybaby, I still think I am.

When I told her I was trans she started emphasizing the feminine parts of me and girly clothes I wore. Currently our relationship is healing(?). But she still makes me feel like I’m gonna fail in life and tells me I’m an idiot. Anything in my life that’s bad is just me being overdramatic and manipulating. She won’t let me bring up her past, because she’s “changed” but she constantly brings up my past to make me feel bad, which made me hate myself when I was younger. She was the cause of my mental health issues. She used to fail all of her classes, but the second I have less than a B she’ll laugh at me and make me feel like shit (I’m a perfectionist so it’s very damaging). I don’t know who I am anymore because I kept changing myself for her.

There’s a lot more, but I don’t feel like talking about it right now.

Is this abuse? Or am I overreacting? I’ve been told I’m overreacting and I’m just trying to manipulate everyone for years. I don’t know what to believe anymore. I feel like shit just writing this because I’m being and attention seeker and trying to make you feel bad for me.

Is this trauma and abuse?

[billygoat26]

AU concept?

I’ve been scared of making an Undertale AU since it’s been so many years since the game released and there’s so many AUs, but in the weeks I’ve been thinking about it (realistically one or two weeks) I have a story planned out! (It includes my oc, Asher- the goofy little guy in my pfp)

OC Name: Asher [REDACTED], His nicknames: Ash (He usually goes by either this or his actual name- Asher.)

AU: Amber!Tale. (An AU I’ve been wanting to make for a good week now but, there being so many AUs, I didn’t want to get accused of stealing an AU I didn’t even know existed lol) Amber!Tale is quite a bit like Undertale, but there is an overall amber color/theme and a few other details that are different. For example, there is no king and/or queen. Asgore and Toriel do still exist, but not in their original roles. For centuries, monster kind lived peacefully on the surface. That is, until the humans came along. There were a few kind souls who helped hide the monsters, but a majority of humanity wanted them gone. They were different, and both sides feared the other. Then, the war happened. Monsters fighting for their home, humans fighting for a new home. As you may know from the original story, monster kind got driven underground, and the barrier was formed to keep them in. Well, this happened in Amber!Tale. As for why it’s called “Amber!Tale,” after the monsters lost the war, (and many lives) they started wearing an Amber color, whether it be a full amber colored outfit or just a small accessory, the majority agreed that they would wear amber in honor of all the brave fighters who gave up their lives in hopes for freedom and peace, for all the amber blood shed. And this is where Asher comes in. 10 years after the war…

Personality: Asher experiences quite a few mood swings, in short. But he is mostly caring for those he’s close to, willing to do anything to make sure they’re safe. He’s an over-thinker (like me!) and can be quite pessimistic when he’s not with friends. At times he can get too deep into his thoughts, and if it gets too bad then they consume him, and it’s difficult to break free from. But I’m getting off track, time for some descriptive words! He’s (positive words): kind, caring, loyal, creative, and he’s (negative): self-criticizing [I’ll make sure to reduce it to a minimal level, if leave it there at all], overthinking, distrusting, stubborn at times, can be a perfectionist.

History: Alright, I’ll try to keep this short. (I failed at this lmao) When the war started, Asher was only 4, and would be turning 5 in a month. A couple weeks into the war, some rogue monsters snuck into the house he was sleeping in at night and took him to a lab. They wanted to study the effects on things like DETERMINATION and BRAVERY (which is actually what the “amber” color represents. The BRAVERY of the monsters.) Throughout the war he was tested on in secret, and he experienced a great deal of pain from the trials. From the trials, he gained some of the abilities of those who have DETERMINATION, such as being able to RESET. His eyes can also glow an orangey-amber color based on how he’s feeling. When he’s not feeling extreme emotions, his eyes remain silver. If he gets really upset, however, there will be red laced in the amber, the amount of red increasing based on how upset he is. Time-skip about 5 years, he celebrated his 10th birthday (because he would have turned 5 one month after the war started, so this was 5 years and a month later) and managed to escape the lab and had to hide out and fend for himself until the war ended, about 2 years later. Now, after almost 12 years of freedom and happiness, he discovered the entrance to the underground, deciding to go in and check it out. (Currently at the age of 22). He was very cautious around all the monsters, despite their kindness. The rest, other than that, plays out very similar to regular Undertale. He makes good friends, and avoids other monsters to the best of his ability. (Papyrus and Toriel being examples of friends and Flowey and Sans being examples of those he avoided. Though Sans he ended up relaxing a bit around because of Papyrus.) As to why he “doesn’t” have a last name, he forgot it.. purposely, in hopes to forget the past with it. That didn’t really work too well, now did it?

[guysinfo]

You’ve Got Goals. Procrastination’s in the Way. Let’s Fix That.

Still saying, “I’ll get to it later”? Still waiting for motivation to magically appear? You’re not alone—but you don’t have to keep living like this.

Here’s What We Tell Ourselves—And Why It Stops Us Cold

These 30 common thoughts are the fuel behind the procrastination engine:

“I’ll deal with it tomorrow.” – A nice way of saying “never.”

“I shine under pressure.” – Or maybe you’re just used to chaos.

“I’m waiting to feel inspired.” – And waiting… and waiting…

“There’s too much on my plate.” – Everything becomes an excuse.

“I just can’t concentrate.” – Focus failure becomes the fall guy.

“Let me finish this show first.” – A tiny break that lasts all night.

“Now’s not the right time.” – There’s no such thing.

“It’s not top priority.” – Until it suddenly is.

“What if I screw it up?” – Fear of failing keeps you frozen.

“Where do I even start?” – Confusion becomes paralysis.

“I’ll handle it later.” – Later turns into next week.

“It’s just too much.” – Big things seem bigger when ignored.

“I’m exhausted.” – Or maybe just self improvement.

“I need the right mindset.” – Spoiler: You create it, not wait for it.

“I should clean first.” – Productive distraction 101.

“I’m a perfectionist.” – High standards can halt progress.

“I forgot.” – Or did you avoid it?

“I’ll reward myself after.” – But the reward never comes.

“Other stuff is more important.” – Is it really, though?

“This task is boring.” – Boredom isn’t a free pass to delay.

“Maybe when things slow down.” – Life doesn’t slow down.

“I’m not ready yet.” – Starting is what gets you ready.

“Once I feel better, I’ll begin.” – Mood-based productivity = stuck.

“There’s no rush.” – Until there is.

“I don’t want to ask for help.” – But you need it.

“Quick scroll break…” – And 45 minutes disappear.

“I just need to finish this first.” – The never-ending loop.

“Tomorrow morning it is.” – Until it isn’t.

“I’m not mentally there.” – Action brings clarity.

“I’ve gotten away with it before.” – But at what cost?

Sound like your inner monologue? It doesn’t have to be.

Imagine a Different Reality

One where your tasks get done. Your time is under control. Your to-do list gets shorter, not longer.

That’s what Every Guy’s 10 Unbeatable Hacks to Do Everything on Time is built for.

Here’s What’s Inside:

Silence the Fear: Stop letting anxiety make your decisions.

Fuel That Inner Fire: Build drive from within.

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[petals-of-self]

Petal #10 - Perfectionism’s Veil

I never thought of myself as a perfectionist, but I’ve always held impossibly high standards—for myself, mostly. I need to be pretty, ideally skinny. My goals are always bigger, better, higher, and still unattainable. My marriage has to be perfect, or else what’s the point? These standards aren’t just expectations—they’re demands.

Looking back, I know where it comes from. My dad’s family had towering expectations, and that pressure trickled down to him. As an artist, he struggled to prove himself to them. He poured those same hopes into me, his only child, as if I were his chance to redeem it all. And when I fall short, I feel like I’m failing both of us.

When I don’t meet my standards, I beat myself up. The voice in my head isn’t just critical—it’s brutal. I’ll spiral into frustration, sadness, even jealousy of others who seem to embody the ideal I can’t reach. And when I do manage to hit a goal? Sure, I feel proud for a fleeting moment, but it costs me so much energy. I’m tense, stressed, and still bitter because there’s always something else to pick apart. It’s never enough.

This mindset seeps into my relationships, too. I expect perfection there as well—no discord, no mess. The second something upsets me, I withdraw. To me, conflict means failure, a sign that we aren’t meant to be. It’s tough for my husband, who has to weather my constant waves of doubt, and it’s strained my relationship with my dad. I feel like I’ve given him nothing to be proud of.

The thing is, perfectionism holds me back as much as it pushes me forward. My marriage, for instance—perfectionism doesn’t strengthen it. It makes me retreat, doubt, and isolate myself out of fear that people will see me for the mess I think I am.

Yet, the idea of letting go terrifies me. Without perfectionism, I feel like I’d lose my drive. I’d rot. But when I’ve allowed myself to release those impossible standards—even briefly—I’ve glimpsed something else: confidence. Happiness. Pride in who I am, not in how I compare to others.

What would life look like if I stopped wearing this mask of perfectionism? I don’t have the answer yet. But maybe it’s worth finding out.

- lola xx

[promenadier]

A first Journal entry - #1

- 11.10.2024 / 00:21

Hi. It’s me.

I’ve decided to put away some of my insecurities and perfectionist hesitation in order to start documenting my life in a relatively easy way to which I, myself, could easily commit. Keeping a journal and writing in it every night is miles more tedious than sitting in bed with my phone. I’ve tried to convince myself that any progress, no matter how minuscule, can be positive. Until recently, I’ve been very absolutist in my approach to self-care. We can’t all be these men with Herculean resolve you may see on YouTube with statues from antiquity as their avatar.

No, in fact, I could never hope to gain anything from going volle Pulle after months in a mental ward and a lingering lust for chemical relief. I’ve been sober for almost 7 months now. Really, this was the only vital change I had achieved among a mountain of other goals piling up as I started a new job, and eventually a new study program. I feel I take it for granted now, knowing I’ve accomplished one thing - keeping me lazed for fear of achieving more, knowing only on a meta-level that I could too lose that success at any moment were I to lose my head.

It’s not without some displeasure that I can accurately report the current whereabouts of my own head. Although still firmly attached to the trunk of my neck, whatever contents within seem to spill, or indeed have spilled out and left my brain, and so my person, nothing more than a vapid and rotting cranial abscess. That all to say: I’m intact and recovering in a medical sense, I have regained control over most of my head, yet the “I” seems to have dissolved to a point at which one becomes forced to look into such a possession to recognize the unrecognizable, the deflated soul, lost so long from me that no memories remain to recollect a coherent personality. There are barely any pieces of myself to collect after years down the bottle, chasing the very numbness that now seems so oppressive and inescapable.

I go through my head, multiple times a day, what makes up my experience in the present. Maybe what brought, brings, would bring, was supposed to bring me joy or some semblance of completeness. Maybe I was always a one-trick pony. I excelled in language classes in school. I was led down a gilded path with seemingly no room for failure. Thus, I skated by on my youthful wit, collecting only entitlement and a predilection for con art. To my amazement, it never once failed me. I graduated a bachelor student with honors. I won distinguished awards. I was offered the detour towards the next gilded slide. Too afraid to ride down, I walked down the steps, meeting my peers at the bottom and feigning commitment and bravery. Meanwhile the lone pony lost track of their trick.

But mere tricks do not add up much merit anyway, I can tell myself there is still time. How can I keep myself from squandering my potential? I seem seduced by the path of least resistance. I’ve fallen so far recently that there is no more skating down and only trudging up. I’m still here with my anxieties and addictions. Where there is no way backward, stagnation will be my demise. One foot in front of the other seems to be the mantra. I’m so bad at pacing myself, admittedly.

You see the steps I’m taking aren’t futile and embarrassing, don’t you?

-mokcu