#I still lowkey believe this tendency of mine of... going out of my way to learn from a diverse array of topics at (apparently) random

[misskamelie]

On a similar note, this reminds me that it's so so important to surround yourself with people that you like and admire. Mainly because I appreciate the occasional reminder of "oh, I can just. Learn that, uh."

[jinkicake]

You Fuckface!

Kuroo, Oikawa, Tendou with a seemingly cute and innocent s/o but when they start dating they realize that their s/o frequently cusses, is dirty minded, and kinky.

Kuroo Testurou x Reader

Oikawa Tooru x Reader

Tendou Satori x Reader

Anon, I’m really sorry that this took so long!! Also sorry bc I kinda went off on Oikawa’s version..... LOL I have been up all night crying over Junmyeon enlisting, I need a moment. 

Kinda smutty

WC- 2,131

~~~

Kuroo Testurou

Kuroo would be so surprised how you change when you become comfortable enough around him 

It’d make him really happy that you feel that relaxed with him that you don’t have to keep up a front

For Kuroo to fall for such a sweet girl who also happens to be into all the freaky shit he’s into… he’ll be so excited 

Sign him up

Listen, we all know Kuroo is the biggest dork but he also has such a flirty nature

He just emits passion and confidence, it’s his scorpio tendencies that make him so sexc

He’d be really entertained with your personality, finding it humorous whenever a swear word leaves your mouth

When he finds out about your kinks, how rough you want to be manhandled, his eyes will darken and he’ll tease you about it just to hide how turned on he is

Kuroo lives for when you swear at him, calling him random things like ‘fuckface’ or ‘shit lips’ 

He thinks it's hot

He’d def be the type to tease you about your ‘front’, jokingly saying inappropriate things in class just to see your reaction

The way you’d pretend to be shocked and act like you don’t know what he is talking about when your classmates look at the two of you, and then how you’d narrow your eyes at him and glare when they look away

He lives for that

Kuroo loves to see you blush, he will do absolutely ridiculous things just to see you flustered

He is a fool in love, can we blame him?

“Oh? What’s this?” Kuroo asks playfully, peering over your shoulder out of nowhere as you scroll through twitter. Before you can even notice him he grabs your phone and watches, with an amused smile, the gif you were looking at. “Shit, you’re into that kitten?”

You can tell he is trying to tease you but the way his voice lowered and his eyes darkened made your insides melt. Kuroo glances back at the phone and watches the screen all over again.

“You want me to spank your ass cherry red?” His voice is so teasing and sinful, it’s not fair, you can only whimper in response before you try to protest.

“T-that’s not mine.” You weakly try to grab your phone back but Kuroo simply grabs your wrist with his large hand. “Someone retweeted it and I was scrolling past it.” You lie, straight through your teeth, and Kuroo doesn’t believe you in the slightest.

“You’re saying you don’t want to be bent over my knee, marked by my hand over and over?” He lowers his face down to yours and you close your eyes to hide from his heated gaze. “You don’t want me to tie you up with your ass in the air and have my way with you?”

You can’t even believe these words are coming out of Kuroo’s mouth, you want to revel in it. It’s too difficult to form words, not as one of his hands pressed against the small of your back and brings you closer to him, not as his nose runs along your jaw.

“Come on, tell me.” He gently pushes, kissing your cheek reassuringly. At this you finally open your eyes once more, your nerves are all on fire as you look over his face for any amusement. Kuroo looks deadly serious.

“Yes, I would like that.” You tell him, looking down at the floor as his hand tightens against your shirt.

“The sweet, innocent (Y/N) wants to play?” Kuroo teases and nips at your neck, gripping your hip with his other hand. “Let’s play then kitty, I’ll take good care of you."

Oikawa Tooru

Something about King Oikawa tells me that he would not be surprised in the slightest when he finds out what you’re actually like

He’d be able to see right through the front, even before the two of you start dating, which made you really intriguing to him

Every now and then your provocativeness would catch him by surprise, he was never prepared with how vulgar you can be

Oikawa likes it though, he especially likes it when you unconsciously act that way around Iwaizumi

The way his best friend gets flustered every time a curse leaves your lips, or whenever you say something out of pocket makes Oikawa wheeze

It’s one of the funniest things in the world to Oikawa and he laughs even harder every time you apologize to Iwaizumi, just as flustered as him

More often than not, you do catch Oikawa off guard with your language

Not that he’d ever tell you that

If you say something really vulgar he would just stare at you, his wide chocolate eyes would be like 0.o

Almost as if he didn’t believe you said it and then he’d flick your forehead and tell you to knock it off

But you can see the deep blush covering his face, he does a terrible job at hiding it

He’d love to listen to you swear, especially when pleasure is being ripped from your core, it adds flavor to the experience~~

To put it delicately, is Oikawa a prude? Yes and no, because he can be such a tease and curse around you when he feels like it and other times if you swear too loudly in public around adults he becomes a b00mer

Just remember he is a cancer and they’re known to be sensitive…

Either way, love Oikawa and appreciate him or fall ill to my sword~

“Are you ever going to tell Oikawa all the nasty things you tell me?” Your friend asks one random day during lunch, you tilt your head at her and can’t hide the confusion off your face. “Don’t play innocent with me (Y/N), I know you better than that.” She scoffs and you glance around the hallway to make sure it is completely empty.

“What the hell are you talking about fucker?” You scoff and cross your arms over your chest, waiting for her reply.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe that you want him to eat you out for so long that you lose feeling in your legs.” She snaps, amusement twinkling in her eyes before she lists another secret. “Oh or maybe that you want him to choke the shit out of you till you pass out, that one had me a little worried.” She smiles sheepishly and your jaw drops in shock as you gape at her.

“I said those things at three in the morning, they don’t count!” You try to defend yourself, saying that the lack of sleep made you dickmatized.

“You still said them!” She laughs loudly, throwing her head back and you can only turn red at your secret confessions.

“M-maybe I’ll tell him one day, I can’t just be like ‘oh Tooru please spank me and then fuck my face’.” You pretend to beg, clasping your hands together and looking at your friend with puppy eyes, your voice raising several octaves.

“You’re a dumbass!” She wheezes and you purse your lips at her in retaliation. “We will continue this conversation another time, I have to go meet Makki in the library to work on our project.”

“Try not to make too much noise while you suck his dick this time!” You remind her and she rolls her eyes before flicking you off, you watch as she walks down the hallway before you turn back to your own classroom. You were walking past an empty room when a warm hand grabbed your wrist and pulled you inside, pinning you against the door. Your face sours when you see your boyfriend, looking like his usual charming self yet, there is something off as he stares down at you.

“O-Oikawa? Are you okay?” You ask nervously, your breath hitching when he leans down to nip at your neck.

“Were you ever going to tell me how much of a minx you are?” He asks, his voice rough, as he grabs a handful of your ass harshly.

“Fuck.” You whine and lean your head back against the door, realizing you weren’t as quiet as you thought you were. “How much did you hear?”

“All of it.” He pulls back to stand tall, towering over you to watch you cower underneath him. “How badly do you want it, baby? How much do your words mean?” He taunts and you gasp when you feel his clothed erection pressing against your stomach.

“I want you s-so badly Tooru.” You whimper and your boyfriend’s grin only widens.

“I know baby, I know and I’ll give it to you.”

Tendou Satori

Please, Tendou would have a field day with you

He has a dirty mind and probably swears just as much

He’d be so shocked, lowkey because he didn’t expect it, not like he’d tell you

But he would think it's really funny to listen to you swear or point out how the cloud is shaped like a dick

Tendou just seems to be amused by that

Unless you’re with his family, he’d probably have you refrain from swearing around them

Bootleg hisoka would not appreciate you saying ‘fuck’ when you meet his mother…

But other than that he loves it!!!

If you ever start cursing out of anger and you become out of breath, just know that you may have killed Tendou

He would become very, very, very turned on

He’d be such a cheeky little shit, tease you and say you need to put soap in your mouth

And by soap, he means his dick

“You have such a potty mouth, let’s get something to clean it~~~”

Tendou would probably tease you for hours on end just to hear you swear and wither at his touch

Tendou swearing turns you on just as much so whenever he finishes his fun, you hop on him and do the exact same thing to him, you tease him for hours just to watch him fall apart~

“What’s the difference between being horny and being hungry?” You ask your boyfriend and stare up at him from where you rest on his lap. Tendou glances away from his phone to look down at you, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Where you put the cucumber.” 

Tendou watches as you struggle to hide your fits of laughter, your lips pressed together harshly.

“It wasn’t funny?” You pout up at him and he continues to stare at his phone. “Ah, fuck you bitch.” You push at his phone, the smile on your face makes him smile back down at you.

“You need to watch that mouth of yours.” Tendou teases and pinches the tip of your nose.

“Why?” You frown and narrow your eyes at him. “You don’t like it?” Tendou wants to reach down and kiss the pout from your lips but he instead he gently cups your cheeks.

“I think it’s hot.” He brushes his nose against yours and you smile at the interaction. “But you need to learn when you can and can’t say stuff like that.” Tendou’s voice lowers and you stiffen in his lap, nervously looking up at him. “Isn’t that right baby?”

“Yes.” You whisper and Tendou moves one of his hands from your cheeks down to rest on your throat, giving you a teasing squeeze.

“Yes what, darling?” The pressure from his fingers sends a lick of heat straight to your core and you almost shut your eyes in an attempt to savor it.

“Yes, d-daddy.” You whimper and shut your eyes, a few seconds of silence go by and you slowly open your eyes to see Tendou covering his mouth with his hand. When he looks down at you, his whole body falls back against the couch and the loudest laugh you’ve ever heard from him spews from his lips.

“Fuck, I-I’m sorry baby, I can’t.” Tendou wheezes through his tears, clutching his sides as the air leaves his lungs. You simply sit up and cross your arms over your chest, your face soured as you glare at him. “I’m still getting used to it.” He confesses, his entire face tilted red. It’s only been a few nights since you revealed the kink to your boyfriend and he has had a rather difficult time getting used to it.

“You suck!” You whine and poke his chest, turning away when he reaches out for you again.

“Don’t be mad baby, I still think you’re super fucking hot!” He tries to reassure you and you keep your deep rested frown. “Let me make it up to you!” You’re never one to deny Tendou of his offers so you simply turn your face back at him, allowing him to cup your cheeks once more. “That’s my good girl.” Tendou praises quietly before pressing his lips to yours.

[painted-crow]

hey so i'm looking to figure my sorting out. i'm p sure of my secondary but honestly i've gone in circles so many times that i'd believe anything lmao

so i guess to start like. i'm fairly sure i'm an idealist, but with a twist. i care about making the world a better place-- i'm kinda infamous among my friends for being a little TOO outspoken about my opinions. on a small scale, i have strong opinions about a lot of things, but on a larger scale... idk. i don't think any one person can know what an ideal world looks like cause there really is no such thing. there are literally countless variables when it comes to implementing even small systems, countless ways to fuck it up, so i don't think i'd be choosing some grand ideal over the people i love anytime soon.

that being said, i think my idealist streak gets directed into something else most of the time. i'm very focused on understanding myself to a fault. i want to know why i do the things i do, why i believe certain things over others. when it comes to my beliefs about the world, they're strong but take it or leave it, but when it comes to myself they are not a good idea to push. i've ended relationships over not feeling like myself with them or feeling like i'm losing myself or they're pushing me to be someone i'm not. i make strong instant decisions about what the "right" thing to do is when it comes to how it impacts my perception of myself, especially with intimate relationships (i'm a lot less impulsive with things like friends and things i'm less personally involved in). i NEED to know who i am, way more than i care about any one specific person or thing. obviously i love people very deeply and would do just about anything to have both, but if i don't know who i am, if i'm not true to myself, then i have nothing. losing people happens.

the issue is, because i'm prone to doing that and not thinking as much about how it'll impact people, i've been called selfish a lot over my lifetime. recently i've started thinking more about how my actions impact people and their feelings, and i'm feeling a lot more torn. i want to do what i want to do, what i feel is best, but i feel immature for doing it a lot. i've started worrying a lot about being a bad person and hurting people, and i've been thinking about how the "right" way to be is. i went through a phase where i was repressing myself to make the "moral" choice, but i just felt so flat. ultimately i realized that it doesn't really matter how good i am if i have to repress myself to get there, cause then all it is is performance. tldr is i feel super guilty for making "selfish" choices rn, especially as i've gotten more aware of other peoples' feelings.

what i think is probably going on is that i'm an idealist primary with a badger model, but i'm not sure between lion and bird, and i'm still open to badger. pretty sure i'm not a snake.

the section on my secondary's gonna be a lot shorter, sorry this got so long! so i'm p sure i'm a badger secondary. considered lion and snake secondary too. whatever i am, i have a p loud lion model over it. i've always had a gift for making people trust me, for acting. i kinda blend in and become what i need to to both help them and get them off my back so i can do what i need to do. i have a serious passion for helping people with tough love (i like to think of myself as a p good advice giver, since i can both tell people what they need to hear and really get in their shoes and be kind where other people might not). i think i judge myself the least when i can kinda toe that line between pushing boundaries and stepping back-- i track where peoples' boundaries are constantly so i can push them to the limit without stepping over them. i'm very fluid when it comes to presentation in reality, even though i think people actually think of me as kinda controversial. i tend to see people who are ACTUALLY overstepping boundaries as lowkey selfish at times, even though i also really respect them. i like to do things the "right" way as long as i give a shit about them. the catch is, i don't want to blend into the background, and i don't think i do. a partner of mine called me a fox cause he noticed the way i constantly toe that line where i can get people to notice me and still keep them off my back, still make them comfortable. i'm also NOT a planner. people constantly give me shit for only ever feeling things out in the moment, and honestly thinking about the future freaks me out. i don't want to plan how i do shit i'd rather just get in the zone and figure it out from there. tldr i'm pretty sure i'm a badger secondary? but i could be convinced of snake. definitely see elements of both but my gut's telling me badger so take that how you will

anyway! thank you so much for taking the time to answer this, i know it's a lot.

also sorry one thing i forgot to add about my secondary! i think my lion model got so loud because when i do the shifty presentation thing, i have a tendency to lose myself and start perceiving myself as whatever i'm presenting. it's made it really hard to figure out who i actually am and so i started just being as clear about it as possible.

for my primary, i really care a lot about being right. i try to take every side into consideration to make sure i get the best conclusion. i can be super stubborn when it comes to certain things, but i don't want to just... hold to perceptions that are wrong. that being said it's important to me to trust my gut and i take it as a big input. i'm very felt out for most things, don't really have a strong system of how to be. i really wanna be able to trust myself but i just don't. i have a big habit of relying on other people to tell me what to think, which is uh. yeah.

Primary

You're a Bird primary with a Lion model, and you're trying on some Badger ideals. That's one of the easier Sorts I've done, lol! Possibly because your primary and models actually House match mine :p

Your reasoning process screams Bird xD and so does your writing style and just the length of the ask. Birds love self-analysis, it's part of how we make sure our systems stay as close to true as we can make them.

You've got some Lion too, but it's a model. It sounds like your Lion and your Bird have come into conflict before, and like most Birds with Lion models, it bugs the snot out of you when your Lion's intuition (which is important data!) doesn't line up with what your Bird knows.

You've prioritized Bird's conclusions before, but (as with many Birds) you don't entirely trust your own system and you're wondering if your Lion might have been right and you should give its reasoning more weight.

Also, you're consciously deciding that maybe Badgers' way of doing things is more moral than yours, and you're pulling in some of those ideals. That doesn't make you a Badger primary. Birds are notorious for this kind of thing actually 😂

The line between whether some ideals you've pulled into your Bird system vs. what counts as a model is fuzzy. It's up to you really, how important those pieces of Badger are to you.

For me, I think the line might be--is it wired into your sense of self on its own, or does it get filtered through your Bird and Lion? It really sounds like your Lion is a strong part of your sense of self: if you ignore its advice, you feel not totally like yourself. You don't have to feel all your models equally strongly, but thinking of it that way might help.

(It's also hard because Birds often feel like they kind of are their systems, or they are their ability to reason, that's a core part of their identity. ...It's complicated.)

Secondary

You sound really really Snakey. I'm not sure where you're getting Badger, actually!

Badgers are more than the mirroring ability. They also bury themselves in work or community, and it can sometimes look like they're neck deep in so many responsibilities that they couldn't possibly handle any more problems--and then they do have a problem, they do need something, and they stand up and all that stuff they were buried in turns out to be armor and tools.

Snakes, otoh, are improvisational and tend to be very aware of their surroundings. Unlike Badgers, the Snake brand of social shapeshifting involves a lot of keeping track of other people's reactions to what they're doing--trying something and then watching the response, then adjusting, rinse and repeat. You turn yourself into exactly the right person for this situation.

Badger mirroring is usually simpler. You reflect the other person's energy back at them: it's an empathetic response that says we're alike, I accept you, you're safe. A lot of Badgers do this without thinking--it can be hard to turn off.

Snakes also don't go in for prep work as much, it tends to trip them up (Snakes with Badger or Bird models notwithstanding). They're Improvisational secondaries, unlike Bird and Badger which are Built and rely heavily on some form of preparation.

The Lion model sounds legit, but just check for yourself: you might be learning to use Snake's neutral state. Snakes will sometimes drop all their layers of acting and maneuvering and suddenly they're just themselves. Different Snakes have different relationships with neutral state. For some Snakes, it's a relief to drop the mask; for others, it feels vulnerable and they only trust certain people with their full authenticity.

It does sound like you really admire Lion secondaries, though, so you might indeed have a model there! This is just something else you could check on.

Hope that helps!

- Paint

[nct-lian]

nct 127’s relation to lian

TAEIL + LIAN: IL-LI

taeil used to wake her up for school when she was still a teenager :((

such a soft but overlooked duo

will appreciate each other forever and ever

lian teaches him roasts in english that he can say to johnny

remain each other’s hype man and woman

taeil was the first to suggest he and the other nct members react to the trailers of her dramas on video so they can boost them in popularity

promotes the HELL out of lian’s solo career over twitter

lian loves coming up behind him and just giving him hugs because he’s soft (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞

they watch movies together a lot! but taeil has to come down to the fifth floor because lian hates it up on the tenth one

he was once able to grab her hand in an airport and they held hands the entire time :(( a few pictures went a little viral

they share hoodies NSHDHSHCJA

lian keeps bugging him to get an instagram

taeil will ALWAYS take her side in silly arguments she and the other members have sometimes

he makes fun of her height because she’s shorter than him-

he also used to help her with her homework :(

cried when lian went on her first date

“my child is growing up (´∩｀。)”

had to do a background check on the guy before he even allowed him to come in contact with her again, though

JOHNNY + LIAN: JOANN

johnny is her dad, period

no questions asked he is her father

will give her piggyback rides all the time

he was once woken up by her jumping on his bed and asking if they could go shopping

at 6:00 am

he actually got up, got ready and took her shopping but since it was so early, the stores were all closed

he took her out for japanese fluffy pancakes, though!

whenever lian is sick, johnny makes her his mom’s homemade chicken noodle soup recipe :((

speaking of johnny’s mom, she loves lian to death and always asks johnny if he’s taking good care of her

if they’re not being asked any questions or having to translate anything during interviews, they always whisper jokes in each other’s ears to try and make the other one laugh

because of how lian dies during the trailer of her new drama, johnny cried in front of twenty-two other men while they reacted to it

he was NOT embarrassed

“how are you guys not crying? this is so sad. what a cruel world we live in ໒( ˵ •̀ □ •́ ˵ )७”

kept screaming at lian’s “dream of you” performance video

“WHY ARE YOU ON THE GROUND DANCING LIKE THAT?!” “JISUNG COVER YOUR EYES-“

he once effortlessly picked up lian and moved her somewhere else because she wasn’t standing where she was supposed to be

everyone says that their ship name is something a white, suburban mom would be named. now nctzens pronounce joann like “joanne” ･x･

it was said on the zach sang show that johnny used to measure her height every month to see if she grows or not, and that’s the only reason why he has her height memorized

TAEYONG + LIAN: LIYONG

has lost lian in so many airports it’s not even funny

“hyung, what happened to lian?” “oh, you have GOT to be kidding me-“

whenever he doesn’t see her he goes into panic mode and starts asking if anyone has seen his little sister

“about this tall with really shiny hair? her cheekbones are insane, i swear. OH OH OH SHE WAS WEARING JOHNNY’S HOODIE- you don’t know what johnny’s hoodie looks like.. okay, well thank you for your help.”

one of the first members that she was comfortable with

lian said that he was her role model :’(

as the leader, he’s always taking care of her and will not sleep until he knows for sure she’s eaten

because of how lian never participated in any of nct’s first bit of promotions due to being too uncomfortable around them, she was allowed to skip out on the viewings of their relay video letters

but she was still required to make one for somebody and that somebody was taeyong ˵ ຈ ︿ ຈ ˵

she said that she was glad he was her leader and that she hoped to become closer one day

he cried

declares that he will take care of lian till the day he dies

taeyong had yelled at lian’s former manager until he voluntarily quit working for her- he had found out that lian was being overworked to the point where she collapsed during their dance practice and he wasn’t okay with it

always cheering her on backstage when she performs solo

he always tries to include her in guiding the members for their dances because he knows how happy it makes her

instead of having her carry her glasses around with her, he does it instead :D

“nana, do you have to wear your glasses now?”

taeyong tucks her into bed every night he can ᕕ( ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)ᕗ

YUTA + LIAN: YUN

totally doesn’t have feeling for her, yeah

yuta is obsessed and when i tell you he’s obsessed, he’s obsessed

did i mention obsessed?

he’s jealous of everyone :(

yun stans insist that the only reason yuta is so touchy with winwin and mark is because he’s trying to cover up his feelings for lian

bye if that’s true-

hyuck wanted to give her a hug (a rare occurrence) and yuta straight up just said,

“mine. go away”

i have proof guys :// johnny recorded it and literally posted it on instagram

lian died internally when yuta cut his long hair because she couldn’t put it into ponytails anymore :((

but his hair is growing back now so she’s able to do it again :)

yuta teaches her japanese every tuesday and thursday!

we don’t bring this up because it’s pretty embarrassing but,, when nct 127 were backstage before performing kick it, yuta asked doyoung (who was in a direction where he could get a clear view of lian’s face) if lian was staring at him

how do we know this, you may ask?

it was caught on camera and everyone made fun of him for a solid week straight

he’s caught staring at her from afar way too often for comfort

lian says that he’s very pretty

much like the other memebers that have instagram, he makes story countdowns that he posts about a week before lian plans to release her solo music

DOYOUNG + LIAN: LIDO

another member of the lian protection squad

doyoung was the first to start calling her cupcake

it all started when doyoung was sick and lian made him cupcakes to make him feel better

will slap anyone who makes a flirty remark towards lian

was embarrassed for yuta when he asked if she was staring at him

said “no” and walked away

lian is the only one who ever shows him any mercy :’)

they have very similar taste in decor so they often go shopping together for things to put around the dorm

doyoung said that he spends the most time in lian’s room because it smells like vanilla all the time

he spoils her SO MUCH

like so much

half the plushies she owns at the moment were gifts from doyoung

has a tendency to watch over her and make sure she’s content at all times

“cupcake, are you hungry? i can make you some food if you’d like” “oppa, it’s 3:00am-“ “and?”

they take such pretty instagram pictures :((

at one point in time, doyoung was jealous of his older brother because lian used to crush on him a tiny bit :0

not because doyoung likes her or anything, she just couldn’t stop talking about how nice he looked in revolutionary love

disapproves of the staff giving lian such short clothing sometimes

“um, excuse me, she can’t wear that. are you crazy? go get her a new outfit, please”

JAEHYUN + LIAN: JAELI

not many people bring this up because we know it’s honestly a sensitive topic :|

but he lowkey has deep feelings for her (he makes it so obvious sometimes it’s kinda disappointing to see how oblivious lian really is to it)

jaeli + yun love triangle anyways

jokes aside, though, jaehyun loves lian so so much

once cried to johnny about how he doesn’t know what to do and that he didn’t want to make anything awkward by confessing to her

makes sure to be near her as often as possible

once scared away a whole kim taehyung from talking to her during isac ╰[ ⁰﹏⁰ ]╯ (let’s pretend bts were there for 2019 pls)

“jungkook, keep your friend away, please :D”

didn’t work, though, because they ended up having a conversation later in the day either way

*in the 97’ liner groupchat* “HYUNG IM SORRY HE RAN AWAY I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DOl

it was uncalled for but what can you do amirite ┐(´～｀)┌

lian pokes his dimples a lot and squishes his cheeks

just randomly hugs him but he’s not complaining

johnny isn’t picking sides but he became team jaeli after jaehyun broke into tears in front of him for the first time since they were trainees about how much he loves lian

sad,, i know

lian judges jaehyun for not sleeping with sheets

continues to believe he is not a human being, but a robot created in a lab

jaehyun smiles at her for no reason

JUNGWOO + LIAN: LIWOO

an instant bond formed between them when they first met!

jungwoo learned a lot about her and has developed so many ways to deal with her anxiety :(

gave the staff a guide on how to keep her calm when he went on hiatus because he couldn’t be there with her

buys her colouring books because he knows that they calm her down well!

liwoo went viral and become a popular ship when lian accidentally changed the nct 127 instagram profile picture to a jungwoo icon

she got scolded but it was iconic orange haired jungwoo with a chain-

an untouchable duo when they do double aegyo

nctzens think jungwoo is her favourite member

maybe because lian said he was

“ “who’s your favourite member?” hmm i’ll have to say woo-oppa!”

*cue jungwoo laughing at yuta’s face because he was that shocked*

they share secrets with each other so now they probably know the other like the palm of their hand

even though he’s off his hiatus, he still has to guide the staff members through lian’s little moments because sm staff suck at their job sometimes

they’re the two members who go grocery shopping together

more like jungwoo dragging lian to the grocery store with him but okay

jungwoo loves kissing her cheeks (〃▽〃)

their vocals mixed together are confirmed to be noises from heaven

lian misses his blonde bowl cut :/

MARK + LIAN: LIMARK

leader of lian’s natural length hair committee

like when i tell you mark hates her extensions-

mark was the first friend lian was able to make in nct!

they bonded over canada and it was very rare to see them speaking in korean

mark goes into straight panic when he’s with her sometimes

has to remind himself they’re like siblings

lian ans mark covered “your eyes” by hoody and jay park during a vlive!

it was adorable :((

lian had him saved in her phone as “android user” but now she doesn’t know what to change it to

they had a fight in 2019

mark let’s her call him the weirdest freaking nicknames ヽ ( ꒪д꒪ )ﾉ

mars bar, markie, mork, marko

AND IN RETURN HE CALLS HER MARIJUANA-

he says it’s because czennies consider her to be addicting and since marijuana is addicting as well he thought it’d be a good fit

someone on twitter absolutely ENDED HIM though and wouldn’t stop making fun of him (；⌣̀_⌣́)

they can read each other’s mind just by looking at each other

“dude i hate this shit why does she keep asking us who we wanna collab with?” *cue lian laughing hysterically*

“what’s so funny (゜-゜)” — interviewer

HAECHAN + LIAN: LIHYUCK

haechan makes fun of her kissing scenes in dramas

calls her short all the time

“lian give me a high five- oh haha nevermind it’s too bad you’re so short”

they’ve actually been so close to fighting each other and i’m not even joking

they’re the two members who fight the most out of all of them

but despite this, they love each other very much

hyuck says he’s the only one who’s allowed to make her mad

and if anyone else makes her mad he’d kill them

limark 2019 fight flashbacks where haechan kept threatening mark

there are actually moments when they’re clingy with each other-

haechan loves her hugs :((

like ??????? one minute they’re at each other’s throats and the next, they’re all lovey dovey hugging each other make it make sense ?????

lian could be speaking english and he’d say, “korean, please. i can’t understand canadian”

“shut up <3”

hello haechan cried and wouldn’t let go of her during her and mark’s graduation ceremony in 2018

she makes fun of him for it but never takes it too far

he goes to her for dance advice

during their nct 2018 weekly idol appearance when they were doing the random kpop dance thing, they beat everyone أ‿أ

[crab-in-a-pocket]

Greetings fellow wizard fucker👋 I am very glad to find someone else who appreciates mr. Magic man! I would also like to request some headcanons of wizard and a shy farmer, please! Cause I would much rather hang out in a tower doing spells rather than overwhelm myself trying to befriend an entire town. Thank you!

aw shit this is so cute. not as general as the wizard and the (shy) farmer chilling but more specific as to how they got into a relationship mwah. lowkey based on the romanceable rasmodius mod and always @iniro's wizard portrait mod. quite long so you can check it out under the cut!

the first time you met him, there was a sort of relaxing feeling to his place. sure, cold stone walls and all that wizard jazz, but he wasn't pushy or too nice or judgemental. he was just... there

you liked that feeling. he didn't expect anything from you and you didn't expect anything from him. and he was rather good at ending conversations without making you feel awkward.

making friends with the townsfolk is cool but it's weird making friends with them just one at a time— you couldn't handle that. you had to choose.

the first time you visit the wizard for no reason in particular is a rainy, rainy day. lightning lights up the dark clouds and the thunderclaps are so loud it threatens to tear the sky apart.

you wanted to show the wizard some things you had found in the mines. a tiny, warm orb of swirling golden light, and a tiny, icy ball of pitch black ink. and you made sure to leave before it rained but by the time you stood at his doorstep, you were already soaked to the bone.

you hesitate a little— it was always like this at the start— and then knock firmly. once, then twice.

he is shocked to see you standing there, dripling wet at his doorstep. but he ushers you in after a slightly suspicious squint, and when he offers you tea and you hold the little orbs out to him as if sharing marbles, he is so, so, surprised.

he shows you what the orbs do, teaches you little snippets of magic, and then it carries on like so. it becomes a routine, a steady habit you didn't wan't to break.

he eventually tells you to call him by his name. magnus, you say, letting it roll off your tongue, practicing it. magnus, magnus, magnus. i like your name.

his amused smile helps you say with more certainty.

you didn't really want to go to the flower dance. you had no one to dance with and you had chores to do. but attending community gatherings is the first step to forging friendships, isn't it?

your hellos are weak and half-hearted. you finally crack— you don't want to be here ans you're desperately looking for a way out without getting spotted (bridge? pierre. river? willy, pam, leah, and elliott.)

eyeing a crack through the fences, you duck and slip past it, pushung past thick brambles and sidling past trees ubtil you reach what appears to be a steep sort of natural staircase. you climb it and, much to your surprise, you see a familiar face.

you aren't supposed to be up here, the wizard tells you. neither are you, you reply.

did you ask anyone to dance?

laughing, you say, no, i don't think any of them would like to dance with me.

funnily enough, he smiles back (though with a different sort of emotion, you couldn't quite tell which) and says, you could be wrong. you could be a very good dance partner for all you know.

oh, then, would you like to dance with me? you rib, grinning at him now.

the expression on his face shifts and it becomes unreadable. you're hardly surprised when he says, i wouldn't know the steps.

it is his polite way of rejecting you. you're quite sure of that. smiling, you tell him, well, i wouldn't know them either.

sometimes, you just watch him while he works on enchantments and spells. it's nice, watching him work on his craft while you read about firemaking, something you've been working on for a while. you've made a few crops bloom early and even grew a fruit out of season, but you've never tried making fire, something made of raw emotion and passion and magic.

you need to let the energy burst from you, magnus says. then, you need to pull it back in just so. he sounds like a broken radio at this point, always repeating it.

like a lighter? you ask, as if you haven't asked it a thousand times before.

yes, just like that.

you try every emotion. you try when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, when you're not feeling a single thing at all, and when you can feel every damned feeling in the world. it doesn't work.

my hand is broken, you grumble, clutching your cup of tea so fiercely your knuckles are white. or it could be my feelings. probably my feelings.

don't be silly. your hand can't possibly be broken, magnus scoffs, taking the seat across you and picking up his own cup of tea.

incredulously, you ask, you think my feelings are broken? seriously?

magnus shrugs. yes, maybe, i don't know. put down your tea cup and give me your hand.

you oblige and lean across the table, outstretching your arm. he takes your hand in his (you've always admired his hands, rather large and long-fingered but still elegant. you imagined them to be soft... you didn't think you'd be right.) and you're taken aback at the sudden flare of emotion rushing through you. not one you've never known, but one you didn't quite expect.

he flips your hand over and his thumb presses into your palm. he is so, so, so focused on your hand (is that dirt under your nails?) that he fails to see you struggling not to blush

he tells you to flatten your hand, as flat as it can go, then he says something surprising.

how about you try and think of someone you hate? think of burning their face into ash. his face colors a little but his smile is razor sharp. that's how i first did it.

you laugh at that, startled, then you realize he's being serious. you try, trying to see your ex's face hovering over your palm being burnt to a crisp. you try and try and try until you're blue in the face.

it's not working, you tell him angrily.

a pensive look falls across his face. magnus has a tendency to stick out his lower lip as if he was pouting when he thinks. you feel your anger ebbing away at the silly face he's making. your heart pounds harder than ever and you can hardly look at him, your cheeks flushing.

he is still holding onto your hand when a fire bursts into life, white hot. it cools to a pale shade of blue, flickering like a kitchen flame. it is as hot as the summer sun on your shoulders, so hot it could burn.

magnus yelps. so do you, and the fire dies. your hand is unmarred but, clearly, at magnus' hisses of pain, you've singed his fingers.

i'm sorry, i didn't mean to! you cry out, a worried look on your face. to your utter shock, he smiles.

what did you think of? he asks, a pleased smile on his lips. your flame was as blue as spirit fire.

i- i- i didn't think of anything, really. i'm not sure, you stutter out, avoiding his eyes. fuck. you're screwed. he's always been good at seeing lies and he didn't like any kind of them.

his frown tells you that he didn't not believe your weak excuse.

you avoid magnus for a while. you break your comforting routine and you thrust yourself into making friends with people in town. it helps just a little, lifting your spirits. one day, in the forest, you see leah asking for your help-- she wants to reach a fruit on a tree. you never looked in the direction of magnus' tower anymore. you hesitate for a moment, then you help leah, your gaze anywhere but on the tower.

try as you might, your gaze is on the tower. how could it not be, when what you are drawn to is its sharp little roof and the large telescope sticking out of it, and the ivy creeping up and down its stone brick walls? how could you not be drawn to it when it was a place you could almost call home?

i shouldn't be prying, leah says all of a sudden once you've let her down and you turn to walk away. but you used to visit the tower's occupant, didn't you? i just always saw you walking back and forth.

you stare at her for a moment, and then two. yes, i did, you finally reply. i'll visit soon. just... not now.

you are far too confused to go back. not yet. did you really like magnus that way? or was it a fluke, just a lonely, touch-starved person reaching for a body to hold on to, friendships be damned? you didn't want to fuck this up. you haven't made a proper fire in a week. you miss the surge of energy, of power, of emotion. you miss him.

pierre has taken to selling bouquets. bright, colorful flowers. they're for a special someone, he says to you when he catches you looking at them curiously. for heartfelt confessions, if i couldn't be any plainer.

you buy one and keep it in your house, in a vase with water to keep it alive. you wonder if it is worth the risk. you can see the tower's roof from the second floor of your house. you settle in with the bouquet at your right hand and a cup of tea in the left.

it has been an entire two weeks since you've last seen him. in fairness, it is nearing the end of fall and most of your heavy rumination has been during your farm chores as you work to keep in pace with your harvest to prepare for the incoming winter season.

you decide to tell him that you like him romantically. and if he doesn't care for you in that way, you will try and salvage your friendship to the best of your abilities. it is a foolhardy plan, as magnus would put it, but it is the best plan you have.

the last autumn rain is slowly falling and you pick up the pace, not wanting to get the bouquet dripping wet. your bag hangs at your side, filled to the brim with glittering balls of light and darkness.

when you finally stand at his dooratep, lightning lights up the dark clouds and the thunderclaps are so loud it threatens to tear the sky apart. you are soaked to the bone, but you have heated up your hand just enough to dry your clothes at a pat and touch.

you hesitate a little— just like at the start— and then knock firmly. once, then twice.

the door swings open and the surprise on magnus' face would have been comedic, if it were not for the circumstances. he stares at you, lamely carrying a bouquet upside down, dripping wet.

can i come in? you ask, surprised at the unwavering tone of your voice. unless you're busy. then i'll go.

magnus nods mutely (you're confused for a second there, and he steps aside to let you in before locking the door behind you. for a moment, you two just stand there silently, drowning in the awkward silence. then, he breaks it just as you do.

let me get some tea for you, you're dripping water on my floor, you might get sick—

i brought something for you, you weren't actually doing—

for a moment, everything is back as it was and you laugh and he chuckles at the predicament. then, you try and stomp off as much water as possible right at his door. you keep drying yourself with your heated hand and you remove your shoes and socks, marveling at the warmth of the floor. magnus disappeared to make tea— you follow after him, careful not to ruin the bouquet.

so, why are you here? he asks, his tone careful, once you seat yourself at his tea table. you've been gone a while. busy with the fall harvest?

yes, i was busy. but i was also avoiding you, you tell him honestly, and you can see him stiffen at that.

why? did i do something?

no, i did. i was confused and scared... i didn't want to lose my only friend, you know. it wasn't right for me to just up and leave for 2 weeks, though, i'm sorry.

he sits across you and hands you your cup of hot, steaming tea. what did you do?

i acted like a fool, you say, taking a sip to warm yourself. you feel your confidence waning. you have never been so straightforward in your life— what on earth is wrong with you? so you see, magnus, this is for you. you jerk your head in the direction of the bouquet on its side, flowers a little limp and raindrops on its many bright petals.

he looks confused. confused but appreciative. er, thank you for the bouquet. it's lovely. and he leaves it at that.

you stare at him, bewildered. then, you start to laugh. you... you don't know what it means, then? you move your tea cup of the saucer and you rip your bag open, fumbling for the balls of solar and void essence.

no, i'm afraid i don't, he replies, starting to sound a little annoyed and exasperated. care to enlighten me?

you put the solar and void essence on the saucer and push it towards him. you smile a little mournfully at the sudden surprise on his face and say, it means i like you, magnus. romantically.

the room falls silent. he looks up at you and you can hear him thinking and you can see the flush on his face as he stammers out a response, but you shake your head, i was thinking we could still be friends if you didn't like me back. but that’s not fair for either of us, is it? you’re right and you know it, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel the hot shame prickling under your skin.

you turn to leave. i’m really sorry about this. i’m so sorry i had to ruin it.

no, no, don’t go. i didn’t know what the bouquet meant, really, i didn’t. i’m glad you were honest with me. look, i didn’t say i didn’t like you back that way. don’t go. please? he says all this in a rush and you freeze, trying to comprehend what he just said.

you... like me back? you ask, your voice suddenly meek.

i haven’t ‘liked’ anyone since i was a teenager, magnus says, mirth in his voice. but, yes, it could be just that.

a hand clasps your wrist and you turn around to look at him, his eyes shining with warmth and his cheeks a soft pink. are you still going? he asks, his brows knotting. you know he’s referring to the storm.

no. no, i think i can stay, you tell him, and you take your seat once more. to your utter surprise an amusement, you hear the scrape of his chair and find him sitting next instead of across you this time.

making friends becomes easier during the winter. you don’t have much to do, really, and so you split your time between the mines, fishing, the pub, and the tower.

you didn't really want to go to the flower dance. you had no one to dance with in particular and you had chores to do. but attending community gatherings is important, especially because you’re part of the said community.

you greet everyone cheerfully and they ask you about your farm. you’re grateful that they are too eager for the festivities to begin to make any more conversation aside from small talk. it is time to make your exit, you think

eyeing a crack through the fences, you duck and slip past it, pushing past thick brambles and sidling past trees until you reach what appears to be a steep sort of natural staircase. you climb it and, to your amusement, you see a familiar face.

you aren't supposed to be up here, magnus tells you. neither are you, you say cheerfully.

did you ask anyone to dance? he says, and you can hear the jesting undertone.

laughing, you say, no, i’d much rather dance with one person in particular.

he smiles back (though with a different sort of emotion, you still couldn't quite tell which, but you know it is something warm and sweet) and says, not that i would dance down there, but i think i’d rather dance with a very specific person, too.

oh, then, would you like to dance with me? you rib, grinning at him now.

the expression on his face shifts and he huffs out a laugh. you're hardly surprised when he says, i wouldn't know the steps.

you shrug, then reply, well, i could teach you. what do you say?

he blushes, but smiles in return. later, perhaps. when we are alone.

leaning towards magnus, you press a kiss to his lips, one he gladly returns.

[abrilwrites]

Before I say “Yes”

I heard that you were interested, our friend told me that and I just kind of wanted to clarify that – that you thought of me of something and became attracted. Maybe it was my personality that lit up that light bulb inside that head of yours and then you ultimately knew that you’ve felt again what it is like having someone in your life that just made something spark inside of you. It was reckless and quite bold, to be honest.

Maybe it was my looks? Did my smile made your heart skip a beat? Did my eyes remind you of hope? You knew it was somewhat wrong just to point out the looks when it comes to love, but if you were going to talk about love to someone or what’s your ideal girl like, I knew you’d say something about my personality that you’ve always admired and how my looks were just a ‘bonus’. How I sometimes resemble the strong characteristics of your mother, or the way I handle myself like your sister – I reminded you of family.

How I’ve known the fact that you also liked the type of music that I always listen to, and that you sometimes listen to these because it reminded you of the day when a silent smile crept up on my face when I heard you sang the lyrics to ‘Maybe the Night’ – I reminded you of the small things that you have always appreciated in moments like that.

Maybe you’re just attracted. Or infatuated. Or if it was really love, I’d endlessly question you.

Because in all honesty, I have never seen myself as someone that people can love in that way, if you know what I mean. And if you were going to ask the reason why, it might change your mind, though I’m not saying that’s a bad thing.

I like writing. I have lost myself a hundred times in writing fictional stories and thought of myself as one of the characters so I tend to ignore the people around me because I was in my own world.  

I like writing and I might end up writing about you at 2am, but that’s what I do. You will never die in my stories. It will be an endless pile of crumpled papers and finding the right words to say just to express what I feel about you.

I have boldness when it comes to singing, whether I end up in a public area or just in the shower. My friends actually think it’s both annoying and funny at the same time because I embarrass them when I feel like Beyoncé sometimes. They lowkey like it though.

I love singing though I can’t label myself as a singer and that I don’t hit the right notes at times but I swear, I can sing anything for you as if the song was exactly meant for you the moment it was written. Ed Sheeran? December Avenue? Moira? Some rock band you like? You name it, just don’t blame me when your ears start bleeding. (I try to make jokes once in a while, too) I would willingly sing for you if it helps you sleep at night or if you need someone that can help you calm down at times that all you need in this world is comfort.

Most of the time, I like to think out loud. I say things out of context at random moments. Trust me, I don’t even know why. The weirdness comes out as if it’s meant to and I honestly don’t even know whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. I sometimes even hurt the people I love because of my capability to say something without actually thinking about it.

But I’d like to challenge myself by finding the right words for you – like a puzzle, I would search the right pieces just so I could make you whole as if words can make up a person. I know words are just words until they’re done with actions, but believe me when I say that I’m good at both and that I will always try my best to lack at neither of the two when it comes to you.

I like to treat myself whenever I have the time and whenever the money in my wallet agrees with me. I guess I was always independent when it comes to that. I like having to save money and spend it all to something that is worth it – for myself. At those kinds of days, I don’t want someone to be with or to talk to because sometimes being alone can be my solitude. I was just on my own, wandering through the streets, with my own thoughts and high spirit. I’ve always liked it that way.

Although I’m used to that kind of routine, I’d always let you join in on my adventures. It wouldn’t just be mine though. It was going to be yours and mine now. Our adventure. And you must know how I love my alone times, but I’d gladly be alone together with you.

I’m stubborn, impatient, and hot tempered. I get ticked off by the little things real quick. I never back down whenever I know that my arguments are right. It also might take a while for me to apologize. I sometimes make decisions based on my emotions and it can be punishing to see when I am angry. See how I’m difficult to handle? I’ve learned it the hard way.

I love coffee. But I get sleepy because of it.

I love reading. But I sometimes buy books and never really finish it.

I’m claustrophobic. I can’t settle for small spaces. Sometimes I resemble that to getting attached with a person, and why I have the tendency to push people away.

I hated the color yellow. But now I’ve learned to appreciate it because of sunflowers.

I love sunflowers and sunshine, and the warmth that it gives. But there are always thunderstorms, rain and the coldness, then you couldn’t help but feel the pang of emptiness that comes with it. You’re going to remember the pain that you’ve felt – how the people in your life have hurt you before or how you also caused pain to others. And then there will be tears and a wounded heart that silently beats...

I love to think about love. But I never thought of myself being in love. For now.

And honestly, you weren’t the first one to confess to me. But maybe I kept thinking about my flaws and imperfections and before you say I’m insecure, I’m not. These are mere facts of me that I’ve always wanted to tell someone before they try and think of pursuing someone like me, because I don’t want you to be surprised when you experience all of these first hand and then back out when things get worse.

I’ve always believed in the quote, “Before meeting the right person, be the right person first.”

You already know the things about me as I have told you and these are proof that I am still not the right person for someone. It wasn’t my decision. It was simply His purpose for me. I chose to believe that this isn’t the right season neither the right time for me to find someone. I will not get in the way of His plans by my own terms. I will not waste His perfect timing for my own temporary desires. I will not give in to temptations and declare my own will. It will be forever His. And with these broken parts, I will surrender to him.

Because I will let Him love me first.

Before I give my yes to you, I will give it to the Lord first. I may not know how to handle these imperfections of mine and sometimes I may fail at loving myself because I know before I let out my first breath into the universe, He has always known how to love me. He already knows what I want before I even ask for it. God knows every inch of fiber in my body, the number of my own blood cells or the strands of my hair. And he knows my heart.

So before I give my yes to you, you have to understand that I’m still preparing myself – not for anyone but for God. But if there is no “go-signal” from him as he is still yet delicately preparing my heart for someone who knows how to handle it with care and to give that right kind of love, then I will not utter a single word to you.

[sweetandsavageautistic]

How is it the person who claims to know me the most knows me the least? I went to ask my mom a question and she told me to go clean up my stuff and that gave me anxiety cuz then I thought I'd never be able to ask her. I folded in on myself because that's what I do when I'm anxious and I started breathing heavy and she told me to stop it. Really? I can't help it. When I get anxious, I have a tendency to breathe audibly. She keeps acting like I can just hide my anxiety. She claims she knows how hard it is, but she can never understand autism or when I have anxiety because an autistic person could express anxiety differently than NT people. She keeps telling me I need to get outside and move and acts like it's my fault that I can't. When she scrutinizes me, I just want to hide in my room. She gets frustrated when I try to stim to calm down and she thinks I can control my natural reactions. She says I can stop my natural reactions. They're called natural for a reason. Why would I want to stop them if they express that I don't feel safe and need to calm down or if they calm me down? In my immediate family, I'm the only autistic. I'm the one who knows me best. And if I were to go out and get exercise, it would most likely involve never coming back. Because my mom makes me feel small and scared. She brings up that she has the stress of all of these autoimmune disorders, which she does have, and fibromyalgia and she keeps saying I play up my anxiety to make me seem like the victim. I. Experience. Feelings. More. Intensely. Than. NTs. Do. Of course it's going to seem overexaggerated. She doesn't seem to feel them as intensely as I do. She doesn't understand that, because of the way my mind is built, I can't learn coping methods as quickly. I try to develop my own and those are apparently wrong. I'm scared she'll come up here as I'm typing this and rocking. I wish she could put herself in my shoes. I wish she could see that I experience emotions on a much deeper level. Last night I was looking up (spoiler alert) Cedric Diggory's death scene to see if it still made me cry. I started to well up when I typed in his fucking name. Damn it, even just typing that makes me think about Amos seeing his son dead and screaming and crying, "That's my son! That's my boy!" I think it's safe to say I experience emotions intensely. In fact, I remember when I was younger and sometimes a friend of mine would get hurt and start crying. Often just hearing them cry was enough to make my stomach clench up and make me want to cry. My mom tells me that she doesn't understand why I don't believe she wants what's best for me. Hmm, let's see? Accusing me of playing up my anxiety to make myself seem like the victim. Telling me to stop a natural reaction like shallow, quick breathing when I have anxiety. Insinuating that I'm coping with my anxiety the wrong way. Insinuating that it's my fault that I'm supposedly wallowing in self-pity and misery when it's much more difficult for autistic people to recover from depression and anxiety because we often have very stubborn and rigid thinking so we're so certain that things may not actually get better. Does anyone see why I don't trust that she does want what's best for me? For a lot of my life, the way my family had talked to me is mostly criticizing and telling me to do this and do that. My dad has told me he's been noticing that and is trying to do it less, which I'm not sure that he has been, but as my relationship with him is the least strained out of the family, I can semi-trust that he is trying to not be so critical when talking to me. My sister and my mom are a completely different story. (I'm not being sexist. This is just honestly how it's happening in my household.) I remember getting ready for school and my sister would tell me not to wear something like my Luna Lovegood spectrespecs, even if I really wanted to. I think it was partially because she didn't want to be known as "the sister of that weirdo" at school. Once she also insisted on writing an oral report on my autism because she had to talk about someone who's accomplished something and I was really against it (I think this was back either before or when I just found the autism community on tumblr, so I still felt some shame with being autistic). No one could understand why. She kept insisting and I told her "why not write about my scoliosis?" which I still have, but going through scoliosis therapy for about five years at that time is pretty badass, in my opinion. I think I eventually caved in, but I was upset about it because she wouldn't listen to me telling her that no, I didn't want her to write about my autism and she acted like it was my fault that I was so ashamed of it. My mom.....Guys, first off, my mom is probably a severely misguided, lowkey autism mom (she apparently only recently stopped supporting Autism $peaks because of my insistence that we stop and only after the second or third or fourth time AND when she probably heard about what I had told my dad about A$), so I think part of this comes from her lack of full understanding of autism, and she's an amazing baker, but she and I, ever since I was 10 to 14 years old, have had a really rocky relationship. She and I apparently have the same MBTI type (INFP), and INFPs tend to be incredibly stubborn, so I guess we were gonna end up clashing heads with one another in some way. Apparently my mom convinced my dad that I should go to college, so if that is true, I thank her for that, but she makes me feel small and scared. Also yelling at me and telling me that I need to get out and exercise and that I'm wallowing in self-pity because I'm coping in the wrong way supposedly, surprise!, is not gonna make me want to go exercise. It's gonna make me want to go into my room and hide because I'm scared.