#Red: why not

[ellynneversweet]

When you think about it there’s a remarkable number of fairytales featuring a heroine rendered mute through a curse or vow of silence.

Depending on how you play this in a retelling and how sympathetic you make the fairytale husband, you can make a pointed commentary either on the way in which young women have been selectively denied a voice/the power of choice or on the incredible power of the silent treatment in driving a man absolutely mental with frustration.

[demonicsuffrage]

Bruce has a strict 'no metas/powers (except duke) allowed in Gotham' policy in place but it has a clause, BYOR (Bring Your Own Robin)

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce:.....yes

[hellsitegenetics]

WHY ARE YOU MARKED RED ON SHINIGAMI, WTF DID U DO

i cant even post moths anymore. because of woke

[asinglebluefeline]

You know those photos of little birds sleeping together on a branch, all cuddled up in a line? This, but its the Order of the Robins from Dark Knights of Steel, high up on some precarious ledge:

(The photos in question:)

[outtamynoggin]

Daddy issues... son issues??

Jason: Can a parent have daddy issues?

Tim: Obviously. They-

Jason: No I mean can they have daddy issues for their child?

Tim: What the actual heck are you on about?

Jason: Because I SWEAR Bruce has daddy issues for Dick.

Tim: WHAT? WHAT?!! What the actual-

Jason: No, think about it. Someone with daddy issues has: Fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting a partner, feeling insecure in a relationship, being clingy or possessive, needing constant reassurance, being easily jealous or suspicious, and attracting abusive partners.

Tim: *panicking* Hold-

Jason: *on a roll* NO. Bruce literally stalks dick and gets mad and scared over him leaving, he doesn't trust his robins to meet his standards, he constantly trauma-dumps on Alfred about his and Dick’s relationship, and he’s super clingy and possessive when it comes to Dick—like, look at the Titans! He’s obsessed. He literally asks Dick if things are alright between them CONSTANTLY. Abusive partners? I don't mean to talk shit about Talia and Selina but they're literally villains.

Tim: *having a crisis*

Jason: Bruce Wayne- the first man to have daddy issues... in reverse.

Tim: *whimpering* Please stop talking.

Jason: ...But wait... all these things... doesn't Dick have some of them too?!

Tim: NO!

Jason: *speeding up* No, no.. HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CYCLE! Bruce is feeding into Dick's issues and Dick is feeding into Bruce's because Bruce is looking for validation from Dick and Dick is looking for validation in Bruce and they-

Tim: *frantically calling* KON, COME PICK ME UP. I'M SCARED.

[wondersimp]

*Someone asks Dick to pass the salt*

Damian: …Grayson, how do you tell apart someone addressing you by the name ‘Dick,’ from one who is insulting you by the genitalia word ‘dick?’

Dick: …Well, um

Jason: He can’t.

Dick: What no, of course I-!

Jason: *maintains eye contact* Trust me, You. Can’t.

Dick: *stares* How often are calling me a Dick and not my name?

Tim: *without looking up from his phone* Oh, it’s usually used synonymously.

Dick:

Damian: I see. *goes back to eating*

Dick: *mentally questions every time someone’s said his name*

[kayberrie]

he bites

[prlssprfctn]

Dick is kind of a big brother who knows what effect he has on his siblings's friends, and he never misses an opportunity to make himself look even cooler in their eyes. But Jason? Oh, Jason has no idea that people even consider him pretty and interesting.

It pisses his siblings even more.

Jason, on his bike, with the most insane face card: Hey, Replacement, hop on. We have work to do.

Kon, twirling his hair: Is your brother, like... free?

Bernard: Yeah, on Friday

Tim, with his eye twitching: I will kill you.

Jason, absolutely unaware of what is going on: ??? WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO

***

Jon, waving enthusiastically at Jason, who passes by kitchen: Jason is so cool!

Damian: ...

Jon: And kind!

Damian: Calling Todd kind is definitely a choice.

Jon: But he read me a bedtime story the last time I was staying here 😕

Damian, frowning: ...

(Damian, later that day: Why did you read bedtime story to Jon and not me.)

***

Jason: Why Tim's and Damian's friends keep fucking glaring at me? Or stumble when I am around? What tf am I doing wrong?

Dick, trying to hide his laughter: Eh, no idea

Bruce, absentmindedly: I, actually, have the same problem when I am around other people

Alfred, amused: No DNA test required, that's for sure

[kuronekoartsblog]

I offer you: Tim Drake being absolutely demolished in a way or another for being good at videogames, both by his opponent and his own teammate

Recently this is the only thing capable of pumping some dopamine in my ADHD brain so this is what u get lol

More to come!

[thebat-musicman]

9 year old Dick: If you’re a friendless loser and you know it, clap your hands!

Bruce:

Dick: Clap. Your. Hands.

Bruce: *clap clap*

———

12 year old Jason: HEY YOU!

Jason: HEEEEEY YOU!

Jason: HEY! YOU!

Bruce: It’s not polite to not call people by their names, Robin.

Jason: Nice try, Hey You. I know my mentor’s name.

———

13 year old Tim: You see this coffee, Bruce?

Bruce: Thank you for making this for m-

Tim: This is my coffee. You are having water. Only people who don’t break mugger’s fingers get coffee.

———

Clark: Batman, your Robins are so polite. They must have been a joy to raise.

Bruce, through clenched teeth: Such a joy.

[emperor-neo]

I sometimes wonder if Two-Face ever drops his coins when flipping it, sure he isn’t infallible especially with a effed up left side face. I bet when it does the batfamily helps him and treats him with patience after all that’s their father’s former bestfriend

Two-Face: Nightwing, your fate shall be decided by my coi— ah shit I dropped it.

Red Hood: for fucks sake, get on with it already!

Tied up Nightwing: …

Robin: it rolled over there *points at the couch*

Two-Face: *bending down and struggling to reach underneath the couch*

Red Robin: here let me help you harvey

Robin: here I found it *gives a cent*

Two-Face: No! That’s just a regular cent mine was customized I had to pay hundreds of dollars for it to have skulls and—

Red Robin: wait is it one of those coins from youtube that has like cool art that has secrets you can do like press small buttons and open up a compartment?

Spoiler: that’s awesome, does yours do that? then I’ll help look for it

Two-Face: No—

Red Hood: you got scammed dude

[nightblackowlbat]

Danny steals Jason

Danny was the newbiest of noobs on the street rat scene. Poor kid isn't cut out for the cut-throat culture of Gotham homelessness. His soft heart and mid-western manners means he ends up giving up the lion's share of what he does manage to scavenge.

It concerned Jason. Being soft like that was a great way to get killed. Danny was chum in the shark infested waters. Hood asked one of the older alley kids how Danny hadn't gotten eaten alive.

"It's like taking candy from a baby" she confided in Hood. "Easy as fuck, but you can't help but feel bad about it."

Now, Red Hood has a deal with the alley kids. If anyone manages to steal from all of the Waynes without getting caught, he will pay for all their necessities until they turn 18.

Really, it's a win-win. Bruce and his brood get extra awareness training and more incentive to stay out of Jason's territory. The kids get bought a meal after they're inevitably caught. Jason gets to laugh at his family.

He never expected his deal to be taken advantage of by Danny of all kids.

"Psst! Red Hood!"

Jason glanced over to see Danny beckoning him over. Curious, and a bit wary at the nervous look on the boy's face, he approached. "What's up kid?"

"C'mon! Over here!" Danny insisted, moving further away.

Jason followed. "What's this about?"

Danny didn't answer. Instead he just grabbed his hand and sped up. He kept glancing back at him and it was making Jason nervous. Did the kid get in over his head and coerced into luring Red Hood into a trap?

"Kid?" He asked again, tension leaking into his voice.

"Not yet. Almost there."

Abruptly they stopped on a random street corner. Jason noted that it was tactically a poor place for an assassination. Still, if something was gonna go down, he'd have to make sure the kid made it to safety.

"Danny-"

"I abducted you." Danny interrupted, confirming Jason's suspicious. "I used persuasion to get you someplace you don't wanna be," He pointed at the ground at that, presumably for emphasis. "Which counts as abduction. And I didn't get caught by the Bats."

"Okay? Danny, you-"

"You're sort of a bat which means I stole you from the bats!" the kid interrupted again. "And the bats are the Waynes. So I stole from all the Waynes without getting caught! I won the challenge!"

As Jason's brain rebooted all he could manage to say was, "What makes this spot someplace I don't wanna be?"

Danny just grinned and pointed at the ground again.

Jason looked down. He was standing in a chalk outline with lots of arrows titling it the "Stupid Circle"

Based on these two posts:

Pickpocket for Hire:

Jason gets 'kidnapped':

@queeniewithabeanie @apatheticsunday @im-totally-not-an-alien-2

[asinglebluefeline]

He works alone.

[waffleslashermaster]

Reunion

[reginalusus]

Not these two again (I will do it again).

Ummmm, soon-to-be father-son angst or something.

Jason's line after this was originally: "I don't need a lecture from the guy who swapped his scales and sword for cigarettes and guns," but I have other stuff I wanna move on to and the frames kinda got fucked, sooo.

Ko-Fi.

[prlssprfctn]

I will forgive DC for not using All-Blades stuff on Jason, only if they give me a comedy little run, where the family finds out that he is a fucking chosen one, because the half of the world tries to reach for his help in magic stuff, which he ignores — so they are forced to beg Bruce to affect his son, somehow.

Bruce: Hey, John. Long time no see. What happened?

John Constantine, tired as fuck: I need you to ask Jason to pick the goddamn phone.

Dick: Is he wanted in LA, too?

John Constantine: Wanted? Guy is having a fucking blast. Do you know how many people need the Chosen One's assistance?

Damian — who actually knows it, so he is not surprised — scoffing: Todd? Assistance?

Tim, who knows as much as Bruce and Dick, which means nothing: Jason? THE CHOSEN ONE?

Bruce, catching Jason near the fridge in three in the morning: Jason? When were you going to tell us that you were chosen to... restore the balance between good and bad, and had magical swords?

Jason, chewing on dry cereals while skimming through the book: Like what, was it hard?