#Saint Technoblade...

[royalarchivist]

Phil: [Laughs] No fcking shot. No fcking shot! Oh my god, right–

Phil: So, this is a candle– Right, this is a candle that usually has Jesus on it, and like, I'm pretty certain it like– you put it in a house and they have put Techno on it, they have put fcking Alex on it. [Laughs] With photoshop. They've photoshopped fcking Alex onto this thing. Oh my god dude. It's a fully functioning candle, that is just–

Phil: Only reason I know where this is from is because we went into like, a Mexican store, and they had a section that was just candles of Jesus. Like this. [Laughs]

[grandalfthegaygnome]

and on day three, the gods created monopoly. Because.

Fr though this took me ages. I’m planning to do more fanart with the god crew. As for who’s who; Lizzie is the one with blue skin, Joel has the brown and green hair, Philza has the bucket hat, Grian has wings, Techno has pink skin, and Drista is wearing a lime sweater, and Pearl has sunflowers in her hair.

[rat-rosemary]

....

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Have an AU! Just for you!

Forced Sainthood AU

Technoblade is a demi-god. He doesn't know one of his parents was a god because he never knew either of his parents. He is raised in an orphanage run by the Blood God's church. He is well taken care of but not pampered. They don't abuse the children, but the children don't have much.

Technoblade's childhood is mostly normal. He is a little smarter than his peers, a little more physically gifted, but nothing too out of the ordinary. Just a gifted little kid.

Helping out in relgious rites is mandatory for the orphans and one day, during the ceremony, Technoblade gets the sudden feeling of dread and without thinking pushes a nun out of the way.

Just as a light fixture falls from the ceiling. It would have killed her. He is lauded for his quick thinking.

But he starts to stand out.

He predicts more misfortune, stepping in to stop it when possible. He lifts a fallen tree off a farmer after a terrible storm, all by himself and only ten. The sermons he helps with seem a little MORE. The plants in the gardens he helps with grow more fruitful.

It causes quite a stir. The congregation and town are excited to have such a spiritual young man. He is such a help. People start visiting the little church just to speak with him. He's shy and introverted, but he tries to be kind before running away from the social interaction.

The priests are...not too happy about this. Like, sure, the extra money given is great, but THEY are the religious leaders, not some orphan brat.

When Technoblade gets injured during a festival and everyone sees him heal instantly, the priests decide they have to act.

Technoblade never suspected they would poison him.

Usually, he probably would have noticed it before it happened. The voices in his head are so helpful. But he was tired. He had been given SOO many extra tasks for a fortnight. He was wrung out. He didn't notice the voices warning. He didn't notice the strange taste. He only noticed when he tried to stand and collapsed, his whole body going numb and his vision tunneling.

A person only becomes a saint after they die.

People flock to places where a saint's body lay.

Technoblade is immortal. He cannot die. He heals almost as fast as he is injured. The priest and his conspirators discover that when he keeps trying to wake up.

So, they lay him in a glass case, mouth stuffed with poison to keep him unmoving. The fancy clothes hide the way he is bound in the case. The loudly mourn the young man, only sixteen. So devoted. So kind. The priests preen under the attention. That it was their guidance that led to such a wonder as Saint Techno.

Years pass. Technoblade is not asleep. He can hear. He can listen. He just can't do anything about it. And he is partly divine. The prayers offered his way DO have power. And that just makes more and more people flock to his prison. He can't move. He can't speak. The tears he sheds are just attributed to miracles.

Philza wasn't born a demigod. He was made into one when he got married. He jokes that while most couples just take a last name, he got to take godhood. He loves his wife, Lady Death, dearly and he loves to travel to her temples across the continent.

Occasionally, he stops in other gods temples out of curiosity (and to shit talk them to his wife. Her temples are FAAAR better than PRIMES). So, when he hears of the famous little temple, he visits.

And is horrified when he immediately realizes what has happened.

In the middle of the night, he breaks in. He breaks the glass coffin and carefully lifts the now adult Technoblade and spirits him away into the night. Removes the poison. Removes the chains. Hunkers down in the wood, ignoring his paid for hotel room.

It takes two days for Technoblade to fully regain consciousness, and in that time, a manhunt happens to try and find the person who stole the saint's body.

Cue hijinks of Philza and Technoblade trying to escape the country while being hunted. Maybe, Priest starts to think that two saints will be better than one.

Anyway, time to go back to my boring job so I can't say anymore. Have a good one, Sharada my beloved!

I definitely made this joke before, but since this is a Lenn AU I was waiting for a Dark SBI twist kekw /lh

Jokes aside, a wonderful premise as usual. A great amount of Techno whump potential hehehehe. But also some comedy! Because I can't stop thinking about Techno going about trying to tell people he was held captive but they're all like "He came back to life, it's a miracle!!!" poor guy.

[thecatinthevoid]

I made this gift for the @mcytblrholidayexchange

I was so very lucky to be able to do something for my very best friend (and beta reader) @idontknowhowtonameblr

Gilded Cage

By CatInTheVoid

Chapters: 4/4 (4671 words)

Fandom: SMPEarth

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Characters: Technoblade, Philza

Relationships: Technoblade & Philza

Summary: Saying Phil does not like diplomatic visits would be an understatement.

He loathes them, counts the minutes and seconds until they are over, he can't stand the prissy delegates that other nations send them, with their barely veiled contempt towards their nation, their ever condescending tone, pretending not to judge every single aspect of their home.

Unfortunately, too many letters started to come in complaining of how aggressive Techno had supposedly been, when he'd taken over.

So, he goes back to tending to the diplomats. It couldn't have been that bad, really, he probably was just being dramatic, right?

-----

Or: Still shaken by the Saint Malo trials, Phil tries to keep the diplomats to any other nation around them happy at all costs.

Additional tags: Protective Phil Watson | Philza, Platonically Married Technoblade and Phil Watson | Philza, Queerplatonic Technoblade/Phil Watson | Philza, Piglin Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Past Sexual Assault, Phil Watson | Philza-centric, Phil Watson | Philza Needs a Hug, Phil Watson | Philza Gets a Hug, Not Beta Read, Because my beta reader is the recipient for this fic

[evil-mcytblrconfessions]

all those techno asks reminded me... i get really weird about my diy techno plushie bc i can feel his judgement coming from those little beady eyes... i avoid drinking or smoking near it, and i turned it around last time i brought someone home...

im not being judgemental towards myself when i think this is weird, right? did my catholicism hc Technoblade as a saint? whats goin on

.

[the-star-rigel]

On endings. 10/10

Efkar definition / The End Poem, Minecraft / Dream, DSMP / Tommyinnit, DSMP / The End and the Beginning, Ameen Rihani / Catherynne M. Valente / Fundy, DSMP / Jinx, Arcane / on Aimsey, DSMP / The End, Hélder Faife / The Little Prince, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry / Technoblade, DSMP / CaptainPuffy, DSMP / When I Was Done Dying, Dan Deacon / Goodbye, Dream SMP., Tommyinnit / Ozymandias, Percy Bysshe Shelley / Agatha Christie: An Autobiography, Agatha Christie / Pluto, Sleeping at Last / Griffin McElroy / The Light That Shines When Things End, I Wrote This For You / Picture of Pluto / The End Poem, Minecraft / Eret, DSMP / Minecraft End Title, Minecraft

[fagm77]

legitimately a self care strategy for me is thinking. technoblade would want me to take care of myself. he would be proud of me for showering and brushing my teeth and such. and it might be silly but it does work. like I'm more likely to actually take a shower if I tell myself that technoblade would be proud of me for it. and also very often I will remember to moisturize my tattoos bc I'll look at my techno tattoo and think oh right. I have to take care of him. I'm paying my respects to him by taking care of the tattoo I have for him. silly as fuck but I think technoblade is like the closest thing to a patron saint or like. a deity. to me.

[wolfmage553]

Vox Machina members if they had TikTok accounts

Grog Strongjaw

Firmly in buff weapon wielder Tok.

Genuinely is too pure for Gymbro Tok

Calls out comments who treat women poorly by saying that he has female friends who can "kick his ass"

Percival

Technology Tok (though he has ended up on Technoblade Tok on occasion)

Reacts to tech tips if he isn't making his own tech

Recreates Amazon products

Makes collab videos with Vex'ahlia

Keyleth

Nature Tok wholesale

Makes sustainable alternatives to fast food menu choices

Is vegan but encourages followers to find out what personal food pyramid works best for them on their own

Scanlan

Parody song Tok.

At first, 99.9% of his content is about sex.

After some character development, he starts writing songs about other topics

Pranked Tiberius by sending him videos designed to either jumpscare him or an elaborate rickroll

Pike

Healing Tok

Promotes spiritual healing through mantras and meditation

Has the patience of a saint

Vax'ildan and Vex'ahlia

They share an account so they don't have a specific Tok as their algorithm is a jumbled mess

Vex makes a bunch of videos about Trinket and doesn't like when comments think her bear is a dog

Vax makes a lot of videos about stealth techniques

The amount of times Trinket stole Vex's phone while she was recording is off the charts

Tiberius

Was on book Tok when he started out. He was stuck on Cosplayer Tok because of one video that went viral where he dressed up as Sherlock Holmes

He kept posting book reviews, hoping and praying that one of them goes viral but it was unsuccessful.

Finally he said "Forget it!" and made D&D videos and got into D&D tok

Cried when Noodle the pug passed away

[fandomanimatic-tournament]

Fandom song animatic tournament: Bracket 2 Side A

A Good Song Never Dies - Saint Motel

"'Cause a good song never dies It just reminds you of where you were The first time it made you cry, the first time you felt alive No, a good song never"

Achilles Come Down ([Blank] Come Down) - Gang Of Youths

"Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down Won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us and all of us, some of us love you Achilles, it's not much but there's proof"

Remember that we're voting on how Iconic they are for ANIMATICS, not for the song itself. In order to make things fair, the tone and mood of the song should not affect how iconic it is (for example, a serious song should not be considered more iconic than a joke song just because it's serious)

Propaganda and animatic links of the songs under the cut:

A Good Song Never Dies - Saint Motel

Propaganda:

plenty of animatics in a wide variety of fandoms, the two most iconic of which having over 1 million views (Inscryption and Riddler) also it just goes really hard and is great for more badass/dramatic animatics

Animatics with the song:

Inscryption

Batman Riddler AU Animatic

DSMP Technoblade Animatic

HLVRAI

Achilles Come Down - Gang Of Youths

Propaganda:

No Propaganda Submitted

Animatics with the song:

DSMP Tommy Animatic

DSMP Wilbur Animatic

Unus Annus

BNHA

Rain World

Please be cautious and read the title, description and warning cards on the animatic videos if you decide to watch them. If you've got specific triggers I'd recommend even more caution when watching animatics of fandoms you don't know, since sometimes canon-typical themes don't get warnings.

Please keep in mind that I don't know all the media and fandoms of the animatics provided as examples and I don't have the time (nor the will) to research them all. Don't come into my notes or my ask box complaining about them being included, I will simply block you. If a ship animatic included is about an adult and a minor, do tell me and I'll take it out of the post

ALSO keep in mind that I don't know all the artists submitted; in fact, even if I do know them I do not know absolutely nothing about them as people (I do not have twitter nor tiktok) and I could not POSSIBLY have the time to research ALL of the artists' controversies and what came of them so PLEASE don't flood my inbox with the artists' entire crime list.

[wolfclaire]

Ohh, alright. Tbh I always just viewed Celestials people blessed with divine powers (and knowledge on how to alter code in some cases) who just wander around the Multiverse for fun, not necessarily malicious or heroic. People who are technically God or Saints or some other higher being but didn't choose to deal with the responsibility of being one

Though, even though you're not gonna necessarily include Celestials, I do hope that you sometimes made HC9 Gem a bit eerie and offputingly knowing sometimes as a little treat in the few scenes she's gonna be in

People "blessed" by Gods/Deity I like to call "Champions". They have their powers boosted up, they are forced to follow followers of their religion. I always think of fanon Technoblade when talking about Champions or people being blessed by a God/Deity - he was chosen by Blood God, he has voices in his head against his will that scream for blood......... Also, Technoblade never dies.

I would say Saints are a little bit less powerful than a "God" (not Saint Pearl, she just likes "Saint" as her name than a "Goddess"). Normal saints were chosen by their Gods/Deities, or were remembered by their people for the good they did, and are above Champions in the power-sense.

So, just to recap, from the most powerful to the least powerful (not counting Admins cause at the end of the day, all admins are mortal; and not counting how good they are at coding, its just different from being to being) its: God/Deity; Saints; Angels; Champions

[liloinkoink]

I know it's lil oink oink! sometimes I mentally say it in the style of "Oh you poor Lil meow meow"

But I also sometimes go "lil inko" so I'm not the name saint I'm pretending to be hahaha

YEAH THE SILLY ART I STOLE MY URL FROM I THINK WAS A POOR LITTLE MEOW MEOW JOKE ABOUT TECHNOBLADE

lil inko….

[anarchy-and-piglins]

Was reading a Webcomic. Brain made it Techno-centric. I thought I'd share.

Those who serve the God of Light, Exdee, are the chosen. The blessed. The good.

Those who serve the Goddess of Night, Kristin, are devils. Evil. Cruel and uncouthe.

At least, that is what Technoblade was taught.

The nobility is split. Some worship Exdee (as they should) and some serve Kristin (evil). Always at each other's throats, trying to get the other hand to eradicate the other.

Technoblade may only be seven years old but he knew he was a child of night. His aunt and his uncle never let him forget his evil origins. How his mother had staggered onto the County, half mad with delerium, with him swaddled in her arms. How his mother, the Saint of the Church, died because of Technoblade's darkness. How he was a child of a devil and deserved to be destroyed. But because the Count loved his sister, The Saint, he was allowed to live in their home.

Just live. Certainly not comfortable.

Technoblade is isolated his whole life, locked in a singular dingy room with very few people to talk to. Stale bread is usually his only meal. Ragged clothing hanging from his limbs.

He is sad and lonely and the only person he could blame was himself. He was a demon child. A monster. This was better than he deserved.

Sometimes, the voices in his head tried to argue with him about that. They tried to convince him he wasn't worthless.

He ignored them.

One day, his Aunt and his Uncle appear and say they are moving his room. He is put in a lavish bedroom and Technoblade is in awe. The voices in his ears shout warnings. But Technoblade desperately tries to block them out.

The voices change tactics.

They start to predict the things that are happening. They call it when the made spills hot soup on Technoblade's lap "by mistake". They tell Technoblade word for word what his Uncle shouts at him when he stutters over his words. They shout a warning when a plant nearly falls off a shelf and shatters on him.

He is confused. Why are the voices sometimes right and sometimes so very wrong?

One day, his Uncle declares that Technoblade should be washed and that he would attend a party. Technoblade does not like this idea. He likes the quiet.

The voices in his head REALLY don't like this idea. They are louder than they have ever been.

Technoblade struggles against the servants that try to get him clean, his head filled with shouts and warnings. Of a plot. Of poison. Of the start of a war.

Technoblade tries to say no, he won't go. But his Uncle threatens him with a sword, threatening to run him through.

The voices say run.

So he runs.

Technoblade somehow escapes the guards through a small hole in the estate's wall. He runs through the back alleys. He runs past the shops. He runs into a major street.

A large black horse rears in surprise as Technoblade trips and falls in front of it.

Technoblade looks up to see a man with blond hair looming over him, still on the horse. Blue eyes brighter than the sky and subtle slitted pupils.

The man sniffs a moment, before he gets off the horse. He leans down to Technoblade, curious. Technoblade freezes, shocked by both the man and the cheers of voices in his head.

Duke Philza notes that Techno smells like him. Technoblade just stares at him confused. Carefully, Duke Philza picks Technoblade up. Part of Technoblade wants to struggle and run, something deeper wants to cling tightly and never let go.

Technoblade is confused when the latter wins out.

Duke Philza speaks calmly to Techno as he gets back on his horse. Instead of continuing the victory parade in his honor, he turns and leaves to return to his estate.

Those who serve Lady Kristin are not ALL demons, but many of them are. A demon is born from her essence, gifted to the world of mortals to those she is pleased with.

She had always been pleased with Philza. However, someone had stolen his gift before he even knew it existed.

Techno is taken to the Dukedom and is confused by everything. Duke Philza is kind and explains everything gently. When Technoblade explains what happened to him, Philza's expression is still kind, but even Technoblade can see the rage and wrath barely contained.

Not at Technoblade, thank Kristin.

Technoblade opens up about Chat, how they told him the Count was going to use Techno to start a war. To have Techno unknowlingly poison a royal. To pin the blame on the Demon faction.

Philza just holds him tight and tells Techno that he will handle it.

And he DOES handle it. Maybe a little bit too well.

The balance of power shifts. Exdee's followers scramble to undo the damage.

They are snuffed out.

Technoblade doesn't get involved with that. He is too busy being spoiled. And Philza might wash the blood from his fingertips, but Techno knows its there.

He doesn't care. Demons are supposed to be evil? That's fine. If Philza was evil, then Technoblade would embrace it and hold it close.

Just as tightly as Phil's hugs.

Anyway, have a good one! 💚💚💚💚

Aaaaa, tasty, tasty, I hope Techno's 'family' gets their comeuppance hehehehe

[sharktooth-requests]

hi! could i perhaps request a playlist for a dsmp!technoblade kin? featuring homely/vaguely feminine vibes and including something that could be interpreted as a positive relationship w syndicate niki? no worries if not :]

✧ — c!technoblade kin playlist ; with homely / vaguely feminine vibes, and what could be interpreted as a positive relation with niki

✧ A Good Song Never Dies - Saint Motel

✧ mother tongue - liana flores

✧ I Think I Like When It Rains - WILLIS

✧ Her and Her Friend - TV Girl

✧ Mrs Magic - Strawberry Guy

✧ Locket - Crumb

✧ Homage - Mild High Club

✧ Pleaser - Wallows

✧ Hey, Kid! - Phoneboy

✧ Get to You - Ricky Montgomery & The Honeysticks

✧ Sweet Tooth - Cavetown

✧ Stay Soft - Mitski

[nashien]

Headcanon that:

dancer AU

All damp are famous dancers on multiple areas and they dance for the same agency.

Every night at 7:30 exactly technoblade dips and nobody knows were to, so one night they decide to follow him and discover he be goin to an ilegal dance of were he wears a skull bandana on his lower face and his hair pulled up so they're shocked as they follow him into de building to see a saint show with a curly blond contortionist center piece.

They watch the show bewildered until police sirens start ringing with red n blue lights and the people start to dip out like ratatouille rats n that kitchen ciene n as they're being pushed they see the blond center piece trow oneself on the bulk pinknett's arms as nothing before being put on de ground and pulling the pinknett trough the sea of people.

They see the blond on techno's moto's passengers seat as techno take of to god knows were n now they need to convince techno to convince the bland to be the 20th dancer they're missing on the upcoming 20 Vs 20 competition by next month.

[become-potatoes]

my additions to this are:

“when god sends me to hell, i want him to hesitate.���

- technoblade, from the third potato war video

“kill me. kill me and live with the memory. then tell the stars that you won.”

- the first battle from warrior cats

“if you hate me so much - why hold back? i can take it. i want to feel you at your full power.” and “peace is a fairy tale we read to children, and i am no longer a child.”

- from a cookie run espresso cookie x madeleine cookie fic that has stuck with me my entire life and that i genuinely believe to be one of the greatest works of fiction i have ever read

“for heroes there are trials! for saints there are temptations! for me, there is you!”

- revue starlight, an anime about theatre kids who swordfight while singing while a talking giraffe watches them

“i am a monument to all your sins” is such a fucking raw line for a villain it’s amazing that it came from halo, a modernish video game, and not some classical text or mythos