#This Is A Birthing Process

[thechildrendontlaugh]

The Unbecoming [This is How the Grief Reshapes You]

Sometimes, I think my Grief will undo me. As though I were caught in a Purgatory, swirling the drain until I descend, once more, into Hell. Into Madness.  The unreality of reality brightens like the lightheaded sensation which strikes when one arises too fast. I am having lots of internal back-and-forth around this idea of Unearned Wisdom. Learning a thing too fast, experiencing too rapidly, and caught in a breathless haze where all pretense of sense has dissolved and evaporated. Disappeared on high into the Heavens, or been sucked down deep into the Earth. And I am left tethered only by my fear…

I know that on the other side of this, there will be a kind of understanding which will be foundational in all the things I will see, experience, and feel, in my life. All the ways in which it will grant my own soul peace, and all the ways in which it will, in turn, offer solace to others. Where this will be a touchstone moment, anchoring me in reality void of illusion, where I see and know the intricate bonds which forevermore connect me, to you. But that moment feels an impossibly long way off. And I do not know if it is quite an offering I wish to be able to keep near me, in the knowing that it is to be served in helping another. It feels impossibly cruel, to shape this grief in such a way, where it is entombed in silver-linings. It will go on living anyway, so why not as a prettied thing?

My writing is more cynical than I actually feel. It is a flimsy barrier I default in erecting. I know the grief will suck me down again. Will barricade me behind empty walls, open rooms, skylight too far out of reach for me to climb up to and feel more closely warming against my skin. It is a room, I know, which should be inviting. I can make it into anything I so choose. I can splash upon its walls any color. Add any décor. Re-form. Re-fashion. So much freedom, is terrifying. It feels like a trick, a trap. I know it will tap my shoulder to get me to turn around, and scream into my opened mouth, again, and I will balloon with its echoes squeezing past every organ, every cell, until I am swollen with it. Until I am lighter than air. If only I could see that it is trying to lift me higher—and not instead, fatten me up to lead me off to slaughter.

I have never quite envisioned Death as I do now. I have never quite been afraid of it, as I find myself now. It has been months, perhaps a year, in the making. The fear is a foreign intrusion, I know this. Something I have picked up from the land, or perhaps in bumping the people here, bumping into their philosophies, and sightless seeing. I have remarked, more than once, that this is a land of hungry ghosts, that it retains all the trappings of what might be my own personal hell. Why am I so reluctant to escape?

There are things I am trying to remember, to recall. There is a tangible terror I have, in forgetting. At times it is hard to discern whose forgetting, and whose remembering, and I realize I have been grieving a long time. That I have carried with me, a lifetime of memories, that I have been too afraid to set down, lest it be forgotten. If not me, then who, will do the recollecting? If not me, then who, will carry these things which are too precious to be dropped, and then forgotten—how will we ensure that we will not repeat the sins that we remain burdened by? I realize that I have never been good at hoping. It requires a kind of trust that is unfamiliar to me. That I can be my most vulnerable that will not, in such a way, be seen as an invitation towards my own exploitation. My own betrayal. I have been conditioned to believe, that there is both an inevitability of suffering, and an all-seeing-father, who will allow such suffering to continue on. That bliss only comes at the end, and its payment is a forever rejection and denial of the self’s pursuit in love, or joy, or adoration not directed at one’s simultaneous saviour-torturer. Grief is shaping me in a real way, to let fall away this impression, and I am struggling against myself, to believe in a kinder hoping that protects just as much as it empowers, just as much as it Loves. There are parts of me, long-buried, forgotten as an act of survival and sanity in this insane-world, which are clawing viciously, to get back to the surface of my Being. They are aching to seize this moment that might pass too soon, and are activating a lifetimes-strategized push where so much feels at stake. And at the center of that all-or-nothing of the world which hangs in the balance…is a little girl, with an intensity about her, that in a moment, might be snuffed out. Who is curious and wild-eyed, and confrontational. Who recognizes the god-like in all things, and is frustrated that no one acts in reverence of the same. Who is a seasoned warrior, trapped in a vulnerable body. An old woman, reduced back to a tiny mouth and tiny hands. A big heart which threatens to explode. An incarnation of Love that is slowly wilting. Petals falling steadily, the seed sucking back its leaves, its stalk. It's Life.

This moment is asking me to grow again. Against a backdrop of a lifetime of world-reality fears. It is begging me to grow, again. Death has always been a birthing process, it says to me. Something must die, in order to be willed back into Life again. This is a place, a time, for you to be shaped by nothing but your own mind, guided by nothing but your own hand. To open your heart, and let the incorruptible nature of your Being, at long awaited time, be allowed to become.

There is nothing easy about this process. I do not know, at many times, if I will make it, if I can hold enough of myself together, to continue on, when so much insists on falling away. I have forgotten why I compel myself to remember. I have remembered why I always choose this forgetting. The fear advances, a sound of wind being sucked somewhere deep and far away, grows louder…and before I slip back down again, I feel a faint press of moist cold against my skin which says to me, without words, “Remember, I love you, and you are a thing of love. Remember me, as I remember you. Come find me…”

[harmoonix]

🦢 нєανєη 🦢

Astrology Observations by harmoonix

🦢 - Mars in Leo/Cancer/Gemini/Virgo can easily feel under pressure when they're stressed, they can feel like the world is ending!!

🦢 - Mars in Libra/Mars in the 7H are so complicated. Finding the peace and the harmony within your romantic relationships can be stressful

🦢 - Gemini Saturn/Virgo Saturn/3H Saturn/6H Saturn are possible anxious places for Saturn! They're so heart-warming, though!! At some point every anxiety attack will end

🦢 - If you have malefics in your 11H like Saturn, Pluto, or Mars, if you have friends that talk bad/shit about their other friends, be sure they talk the same to them about you!! Is so predictable!

🦢 - Cher has a Gemini Venus that makes her look young even though she is 78. DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER LOVE ???

🦢 - Your 2H can talk about your metabolism!! Since it is heavily associated with food! For example, a fire sign in the 2H can talk about a fast metabolism

🦢 - Having Sagittarius in your 2H or 2H ruler in the 9H, it can make you proud of your traditional/cultural food!!

🦢 - Leo Placements have a dark side like all of the other zodiac signs, because they're always in the spotlight. It is quite hard to know how they feel or if they fake their feelings. Not everyone knows how they feel behind close doors

🦢 - Sagittarius/Scorpio and Aries Mars can have a bad temper at times, some even anger issues, and is because Mars gets crazy in those placements

🦢 - If you have your south node in the 9H/Sagittarius, the school or some educational institution can get stuck in your memories/past forerver

🦢 - Jupiter aspecting Moon makes someone to radiate kindness! That person you wanna protect from bad people

🦢 Pluto - Mercury aspects can make someone have a deep voice indeed, which is also that typo of person to their voice hoarse most times

🦢 - Venus in Cancer/4° 16° 28°/4H Venus will make someone love you so passionately! They will build a castle inside your heart

🦢 - I feel like Capricorn Placements are always the ones to stress/overthink about the future 🙁, there is always something 'What if that will happen'

🦢 - Venus/Moon in your 9H can make your relationships/marriages blessed! Is a very beneficial house for those planets

🦢 - Mercury in air signs have a specific way of communicating! It can be a fast reply to your messages, instant calling, using a lot of gestures while talking!

🦢 - If you have Sagittarius Mercury/Mercury in the 9H, you probably have a very good type of humor! Makes everyone to laugh

🦢 - Pisces Mercury and the 12H mercury are also people with good humor! I honestly appreciate their energy

🦢 - Can someone tell me why like Cancer and Capricorn Saturn BOTH give a very nurturing energy?? Is like I connect with mother nature

🦢 - Libra Placements are honestly precious! They appreciate the beauty of everything! They can find beauty even in bad things

🦢 - I have no major Saturn - Venus aspects, but I have quincunx instead, which can be manifested as such sad energy because you basically don't feel anything at times

🦢 - Lilith and Sun aspects are the symbol of a black diamond! Always shining after all they have been through

🦢 - If you have major 6H placements especially Pluto in the 6H, your health both mentally and physically is VITAL. Always prioritize that!!

Replying to your ex: No

Prioritizing your mental health: Yes

🦢 - If one of your parents have their sun in the same sign as your rising you can look a lot alike! Is honestly one one if the best combos to share with your parents

🦢 - Venus conjunct south node but also Libra south node gives me the vibe of a widow in a past life, someone who could've have suffered in love

🦢 - If your 3H is connected with the 11H you can be best friends with your siblings, if your 3H is connected with the 9H you tend to be best friends with your cousins

🦢 - Saturn/Neptune/Mars and Pluto in the 12H need proper sleeping if they're usually tired is a sign to just relax and take a nap

🦢 - Venus in the same house as your Mars can make you addicted to topics like art, music, sex, history, and even culture

🦢 - Mars in harsh aspects with Venus tend to flirt more than the good aspects, because Mars here is looking for competition

🦢 - Virgo Venus and Venus at 6° 18° can be picky with their partners, they can also have multiple types of people as their crush

🦢 - If you have got your 4H connected to the 7H your family can help you with getting into a relationship

🦢 - Jupiter in harsh aspects to Pluto tend to force their beliefs/religion/habits into others, something even without realizing

🦢 - Uranus in your 4H or Aquarius in the 4H can talk about your family can have quite unique habits, is like your family is different from the rest of the world because something makes them to just stand out

🦢 - People who have Sun in their 4H or IC at 5° 17° or 29° can really be known because of their family, is giving popular family

🦢 - Earth Signs over the 8H can be very private about their intimate lives and their sexual life

🦢 - Mercury aspecting Moon can make the native so empathic emotionally, you can understand everyone's feelings usually they're soft at heart

🦢 - Mercury in the 12H can be attracted into things that seem 'undiscovered, or unknown', they're always curious about things they dont have much info about

🤍🤍🤍🤍 harmoonix

[fareplay]

You've been carrying your partner's clutch for months and they are eager to get out. You try to tske off your pants in preparation but your partner wont let you. They insist that it makes the next part of the process easier. You wonder briefly what that is before your body starts to push. You can't see them as they come out at first, just slick stains spreading across the crotch. Later as your underpants fill and stretch it becomes harder to push into the increasingly tight space. Your fingers reach for the elastic in the waistband but your partner again removes them and holds your hand. Agonizingly, slowly, you finally get the rest out and miraculously the underpants dont burst. You pant trying to catch your breath but already you begin to understand what the next step is. A hard on is growing between your legs, pushing eggs out of the way as it grows. You whimper as each egg slides past the already sensitive skin on the member extending into the trapped clutch. You shout and squeeze your partners hand as you blow one enormous load after another into the eggs, fertilizing them and coating them with your creamy cum. It trickles down in between them before any extra starts pooling down at the bottom, soaking through the fabric. Your partner strokes your hair and kisses you sweetly, proudly.

[joyousjoyfuljoyness]

October's birth flower is the Marigold! This is part of my series celebrating capybaras and birth flowers.

[transtalesofdoom]

Three more months with my lame ass birth name

[terezicaptor]

pilukey with newborn rascal. btw. 1 molecule rascal

not sure if it's obvious but lukey is wearing some of pili's clothes here^

[bigfatbimbo]

We don't know a lot about how Bill's species reproduces so breeding kink could be really confusing for all parties involves. Exhibit A: Bill w/ partner that ids as female and has a uterus. He attempts dirty talk along the lines of "If we keep this up I'm gonna make you a daddy!" and they're like wait what

HAHAHAHA NO STOP, THATS SO FUNNY. Bill drops that line and the reader just stops what they’re doing for a second and is like, “..what?” In all seriousness though, you’re so right, it would be so confusing.

Honestly, I don’t imagine Bill’s geometrical species reproduce even CLOSE to how humans do. That’s one of the reasons I don’t think a breeding kink would be very probable, but I guess if we’re just having fun, maybe that’s what makes him interested in the whole process of like “human procreation.” Which might lead him to get a few facts wrong!

[sulky-cabbage]

I swear st.sg makes Sukugo even more compelling.

Just picture Sukuna and Uraume making fun of Yuji and then Kenjaku inserts himself in their conversation to mock gojo and his confession in jjk0 and how he used Gojo's love to seal him (mf thinks he's part of the group)

But he does NOT get the reaction he was expecting from Sukuna not only because he hates Kenjaku (he does) and not because he's jealous (he is) but because Gojo Satoru's love being ridiculed doesn't sit right with him for some reason...

I'd say Kenjaku figured Sukuna out right there lmao

[goddessofroyalty]

i went through the zaun family au tag (plus a little of work/life balance but i prefer the former lol sorry!) and i dont think youve gotten into many details of how jayce and viktor cope with a newborn baby? clearly viktor wants to go back to the lab asap, and he does carry naph around in a sling, but it's not something he can do like. the next day after popping out that kid.

(admittedly i just want more of jayvik + their baby 😔 you manage to get them soooo right)

Glad you've enjoyed it.

I don't think I've rambled much about Jayce and Viktor with their newborn (more about once things have settled).

Because we are basing this in Zaun Family I'm going to stay with a comparison. I think where Silco during those early days after the birth kind of curls around the newborn to the point where even Vander has to convince him to be able to see them and that only getting more intense the worse the labor and delivery are, Viktor during those early days kind of dissociates and leaves the baby caring to Jayce and it goes on for longer/is more intense the worse the labor and delivery are. He's in a least a decent amount of pain, has gone through an intense experience, and hasn't been able to (and still can't) return to his lab to like 'ground' himself with his work. I've heard some people talk about feeling like their body wasn't their own in those very early hours/days after giving birth and I think Viktor falls into that camp.

I do think both Jayce and Viktor knew that Jayce would probably be doing the bulk of the baby caring in the days immediately following the birth. They didn't have a sit down conversation about it but they know Viktor will need to rest and recover and Jayce kind of needs to do it to help his own feelings of uselessness throughout the pregnancy. It does frustrate Viktor because they're meant to be partners and right now Jayce is doing most/all the work while he's basically stuck in bed recovering but also... Viktor did all(/most - Jayce was a very attentive support through the pregnancy) of the work to that point. Viktor doesn't do nothing but at the start all he can kind of do is hold Naph while Jayce organises things.

Obviously as Viktor heals and is able to do more (and return to his lab - that probably feels like a turning point day of being Himself again for him) the dissociation fades and they more find their rythm together and it does end up being that more equal split that I've talked about previously.

Ximena also probably basically moves in with them the last days before Naph is born and for that early period while they are adapting. But she is very much the Good example of a grandparent moving in when the baby's born. She's there if they need her but is mostly dealing with the day-to-day life stuff (you know organizing food, doing the dishes, emptying the bins) so they don't have to think about it while they adapt to life with a baby (and while Viktor is kind of out of action).

[thoodleoo]

the thing about being an oracle in ancient greece is that the god is trapped inside you and he WILL find a way out. like it or not

[harmoonix]

Ascendant/Moon/Venus aspecting: Jupiter, Saturn,Neptune vibes

[stew4]

not super satisfied but I couldn’t get the composition out of my head so I’m posting it anyway. Do you see the vision

[serpentface]

Question about Couya! Since she is a bastard what are the reasons about her being brought into the main family by her father. Was it genuine care for his child or a way to save face politically/socially? Is her birth mother alive? Do you think she would have had a better life growing up anywhere else?

This is in large part due to how cultural perceptions and legal punishment of adultery varies between male and female citizens, looped into the very strictly patrilineal kinship system.

By legal definition, the word for 'adultery' applies only to situations where a man has an affair with a married woman, or a married woman has an affair with any man. Other forms of affairs (eg a married man having an affair with an unmarried woman) are wrapped into a broader set of sexual misdemeanors and aren't often charged or punished in practice, and the punishments are comparatively minor (if an unwed woman's father pursues charges, the man in the affair is likely to just pay a fine). On a social level, extramaritial affairs in general are certainly not Approved of and seen as lowly and dishonorable, but the average response is significantly less harsh/more willing to entertain Nuance with men than with women.

In this society there's differentiated shades of bastardry depending on the contexts of the child's birth, as well as a distinction for 'nameless bastards' (has not been claimed by their biological father or maternal grandfather, or claimed in adoption).

a) A child born to an unmarried woman via an unmarried man: non-issue for father, potentially serious social harm for the woman (especially if she has never been married and expected virginal, much less severe as a widow or divorcee). The child will not be notably disadvantaged in of themselves (their status will depend more on whether they are claimed and thus provided the social security of a family patriarch), the father will experience no hard disadvantages in claiming them.

b) A child born to an unmarried woman via a married man: mild sexual misdemeanor for the father carrying levels of social shame, even more serious social harm for the woman (often framed as not just loose but a manipulative Seductress of a married man). The child might experience minor to moderate social disadvantages, the consequences of the father claiming them are purely social and will not typically be severe. (Couya is this)

c) A child born to a married woman via an unmarried or married man: both man and woman have committed a crime and can be severely punished. The biological father can technically claim the child but will be disincentivized from doing so. This is the form of bastardry most comparable to the conventional definition, in that it is heavily stigmatized and has effects on concerns of kinship and inheritance.

In addendum to this, if the adulterous wife's legal husband claims the child, this may be punishable if determined to be active concealment of adultery (which is also a crime), and has EXTREME social consequences either way. (Either you're a cuckold too stupid to notice that your wife has been skipping out on you, or you're a MEGAcuckold adultery-accessory willingly rearing another man's child after being horribly shamed by him).

(This is separate from adoption- a man who marries a woman with an unclaimed child after the fact (whether it was a product of adultery or just a general out of wedlock birth) and claims the child is an adoptive father, he is not concealing adultery or being cuckolded.)

A child born in an affair can be considered an heir to their biological fathers (descent and kinship is fully patrilineal and on a Basic level it doesn't matter who the mother is), and can very smoothly and legally be claimed when the affair was not considered criminal adultery. The concern on that front is social perception rather than material legal consequences or kinship issues.

Couya's birth mother was an unwed servant working as a housekeeper for her father Saizen, so the Crime of adultery did not take place. It would be considered a minor sexual misdemeanor, and the woman's father was not about to pursue charges against a nobleman who could Ruin him (and had also formally expressed that he would claim the child, which meant he would not be saddled with a nameless bastard granddaughter). So the concerns here were entirely social.

The affair might have started beforehand but the pregnancy that produced Couya occurred after his wife's third viable pregnancy ended in the premature birth of a underdeveloped boy deemed necessary to euthanize (and tbr would Not have survived either way). This was after Livya Haidamane had a couple early term miscarriages, two viable but very difficult pregnancies wherein one child was very weak and sickly for the first several years of life, and struggled to conceive every time. A lot of people are going to be at least a little sympathetic to a married man having an affair and claiming a bastard in this context. It's definitely ideal and practical to have more than two children, and his wife (while not outright infertile) clearly could not reliably bear healthy children. (The average response is going to be "Well he shouldn't have done it but like, I get it")

Couya being claimed by her father was a mix of genuine care and saving face. Initially it was MUCH more the latter than the former. Saizen made attempts to hide the servant's pregnancy and to keep his own wife out of sight during the late term (to prevent the baby appearing after his wife had been seen Extremely not pregnant). But there's some levels of care involved, he could very easily have fired the pregnant servant and had nothing to do with his bastard and she would have no recompense whatsoever. The choice to keep and claim the baby and ensure its entrance into the world bore as little social scrutiny as possible is an act of care for his own progeny.

This was Not an act of care for Couya's birth mother (beyond the fact that concealing her pregnancy would benefit her in hiding that she is not only Not a virgin prior to marriage but had a child). She probably would have been about 17-19 at the time and was fired a few months after giving birth, and most likely never saw Couya again after this point (if she did, it would most likely be in the context of seeing her as an adult Odonii in public and noting her to look Scarily familiar). She has an Okayish chance at still being alive, she'd be around 50 (and a person who survives the high infant mortality and birth casualty rates stands a good chance of hitting their 60s), though she could very well be a casualty of the drought+famine.

Whether or not Couya's life would have been better is kind of a mixed bag. She had an awful fucking childhood in large part because her adoptive mother Livya Haidamane hated her. (Livya was ultimately a pretty horrible person but not just like. An Evil Bitch. She had A Lot going on and Couya was a living breathing insult to her and reminder of like, every one of her dashed hopes and dreams). Couya is also autistic and presented very intense symptoms as a child in a society that is Not equipped for a mass-understanding and support of cognitive differences. But she still did have an immensely privileged life with profound physical/economic levels of security inaccessible to the vast majority of people in this region, including her birth mother. Saizen also actually Liked her and cared about her, he just wasn't a routine physical presence in any of his children's lives.

Had she been left with her biological mother, she would be in a very disadvantaged situation as a nameless bastard to an unwed mother. Her biological grandfather may or may not have been willing to claim her, and her mother would have great difficulties in finding a husband (which is ultimately necessary for the security of women in this society). I think her mother was a relatively kind person but not like, a perfect angel. She would probably have complicated feelings about her bastard daughter, especially one whose very existence materially disadvantages her and was very, very difficult as a child. So this probably would not have been a good situation for Couya either.

If you broaden the question to ANY other family completely divorced from the circumstances of her birth, yeah it definitely could have been better. But in her case it's like either "Life of grotesque socioeconomic privilege but in an abusive household" or "Life of profound socioeconomic disadvantages in a household that Probably wouldn't have been this abusive but certainly wouldn't be healthy". There wasn't really a good option for her.

[hellokittystallion]

do y’all like f1 ocs or are y’all haters… this my guy roberto lopez and he is ferrari guy. do not tell him that tge ferrari experience will leave him truamatised his brother tried it did not work 😞 #hescrazy

ferrari killed manny’s pets and sold his soul live on video but nobody listened. do not ask me how manny is from fictional f1 world and beto is from real life f1 because i will fly away on a helicopter.

[thegamingcatmom]

Nearing the end of Shadows of Rose and basically-

Miranda's realm is a fucking uterus.

I mean, we all know that woman's obsessed af but DAMN that woman's obsessed af alright. Pumping out "babies" left and right like it's a ffa. 💀 (🫠)

New kink unlocked.

But also-

Walking through Uterus Village, I couldn't help but be reminded of-

The level design in Shadows of Rose is just so eerie, I love it. :3

(The game in the gif is called "Scorn" btw.)

[haysaprocky]