#Tw ocd

[gin-juice-tonic]

Something people might not know about OCD is everything is punishable by death.

Either you, or your loved ones, or your apartment building, or the local children's hospital are gonna die because you ate a potato with a strange spec on it. that you knew you shouldn't have eaten but you were hungry and it's just a potato with a spec on it, it's fine.

Except it isn't fine because now the children's hospital is going to explode. On account of the potato.

[bog-bitch]

consider: intrusive thoughts described like shitty Buzzfeed articles

“Top 10 Reasons Why You’re Actually a Pedophile”

“People Are Sharing the Best Slurs to Scream at the Top of Your Lungs and Honestly I Am So Here For It”

“Tell Me Your Favorite Color and I’ll Tell You You Can Jump In Front of A Moving Train Right Now”

“You’ve Heard of [Normal Activity], But Have You Heard of All the Horrible Ways You Can Die While Doing It???!!”

“This Quiz Will RevealWhich Hand You Could Hypothetically Stick in a Blender!”

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Me: kisses a lady, has lesbian sex , gets giddy and excited about women, doesn’t desire sex with men

Also me at 1 in the morning: …… what if I’m lying. What if I’m not really a lesbian. What if I secretly desire men and I don’t realise it. All those other lesbians are really attracted to women but I’m lying about it. *brain proceeds to give me unwanted sexual images of men and making me distressed*

Thanks ocd. Thanks.

[maryland-officially]

I have OCD.

Once I find something that brings be comfort and joy, I encase myself in it. Comfort, joy, must have. Must keep. This helps. This will help.

I get obsessive, easily. This applies to many things.

It's not just when something is of comfort or joy. It's even more so when something resolves some - especially the majority - of a negative emotion surrounding something. This can be fear, depression, a queasy, uncomfortable feeling.... many things.

For example, I 'have OCD about germs.' A fear of germs was instilled in me by my second grade teacher. It was the perfect environment for an obsession + compulsion to develop.

The teacher had always made sure that we wiped our desks with Clorox wipes after every assignment. Multiple times per day, maybe per hour - it was in elementary school, so I can't say per period.

We had to use hand sanitizer every time that we touched something, before and after getting a worksheet, everytime that we'd leave our desks for something, when starting a new activity - more often than we'd wipe our desks.

Often when we did this, she'd talk about the importance of 'staying away from germs', and how even though we're wiping desks, we're still in 'so much danger', seeing as there's still the '0.01% of germs', since they always say 99.9% of germs die. (Learning that this is a lie and it is less than 99.9% of germs killed was not fun.)

Being wary of germs became normal, it was okay. I understood it - I feared the germs, which, that's normal for a child! I wasn't really that scared. It was just an underlying thought.

But, the thing is, this very same teacher, didn't believe in washing hands. She believed it was a waste of time, and said that there would be hand sanitizer outside of the bathrooms waiting for us to use, and that it was unnecessary to wash our hands - it 'took too long'.

This was abnormal. It was strange. It didn't make sense. Germs are bad. Hand sanitizer doesn't kill all of them. Hand sanitizer is just a gel, it doesn't clean off your hands. It's just a gel. It's a coating, really. Wash your hands. It's better. It's cleaner. They aren't washing their hands. Wash your hands more. They need to be clean. Clean. Clean. No germs. They aren't clean enough. They feel unclean. They need to be clean. You're using the same sink as they did to rinse off their hands -- what if they don't use soap? Or not enough of it? Wash them. Different sink. Grab a towel, don't touch the handle. It's unclean. There are germs. So many people touch that. Don't touch it. It's dangerous. People die from that, you know. Don't.

Needless to say I did not follow that rule - uhm, I in fact did washed my hands. This is an obsession. I obsessed over my hands being clean. ...I still do. I still don't trust tables, I still feel uncomfortable touching sink handles, I still wash my hands every time I get anywhere near a sink because just in case.

The compulsion, of course, was watching them.

The thing is, haha, this didn't help me. OCD isn't just this.

OCD makes you obsess so much it's harmful. My skin cracks because of it. My dermatologist said that I needed to use lotion after every time I washed my hands to re-hydrate them, because all the hand sanitizer - that I had started to bring with me, and use so much more often - and hand washing had dried them out so much.

...Sometimes I obsess over things that aren't like this. Things that bring me comfort.

Movies. TV shows. Grades. Friends.

It's like a hyperfixation or special interest, kind of. But less talked about, I guess.

When I say I obsess over my friends I mean that literally, by the way. If I seem like I'm distancing myself it's because I am. I get scared that I'll obsess.

It happens. It's not like, a yandere thing. It's not a 'crush'. It's more like when I get too close to a friend and they are too much of a comfort for me, my brain goes haywire and thinks 'comfort needed. happy needed. if person = comfort, then must surround myself with person.' I think my brain thinks it'll bring me more joy.

It doesn't.

It gets to a point where I value one person over my own life, I've had moments where I've ignored everything except for a person.

...but that's more extreme cases. please don't be worried, I'm in therapy now. I don't know. I'm sorry. I just feel like I have to say this.

[januscorner]

[ghosts-and-glory]

Is Narinder Ok?

Idk the file says he’s okay and my file names would never lie

Ignore how incredibly messy these doodles are, I drew these for me and me alone a few weeks ago. I felt like they applied.

He’s fine, look at how okay my document says he is. Could a mentally ill person have a list of ailments this long. (Blurred so I can keep my secrets.)

[bisexualcage]

when people figure out that intrusive thoughts aren’t quirky thoughts about wanting to paint your hair or get a piercing but literal disturbing horrid revolting socially unacceptable unwanted thoughts then I’ll applaud, until then y’all can stfu on something you don’t know. “Oh that’s weird :/ u need help” yeah no fucking shit honey do u think I wanna be plagued w these unwanted thoughts all day? it’s not a damn choice

[descisco]

ocd be like *wishes so hard that i could take out all the bad from myself, and go back in time and never do the bad things i did so i can feel more pure*

[luxiiien]

ALWAYS. DIRTY.

[wannabezangoose]

"I'm an awful person for being interested in the scrapped pokemon from the teraleak because a fuckton of employees got doxxed because of it and the leaker is a shitty person and it should have never have happened and i'm a piece of shit who should shut the fuck up forever because i apparently care more about the preservation of some stupid nonexistent monsters over actual people's livelyhoods i'm the evilest teenager on the fucking planet"

moral ocd is so fucking fun /s

[cosmiccomrade]

You’re a ‘little ocd’, huh? You like tidy spaces, huh?

Well, have you ever had your brain try to convince you you’re a pedophile because you smiled at a baby in a stroller? Have you thought about the same thing over and over, so much your head and chest ached? Does your brain show you horrible images, shit that’s never happened to you, but you read about five years ago? Have you ever convinced yourself that because you replaced the battery in a remote and didn’t wash your hands before eating that you swallowed battery acid and were going to die a painful, miserable death? And you haven’t washed your sheets in months and your room is a disaster just like your head. No tidy spaces here.

(honestly, fuck people who say they are ‘a little OCD’ because they like to keep stuff organised. It’s quite insensitive. Note, this isn’t about self-suspecting or self-diagnosis. I respect that. It’s about people who know nothing about OCD and ignorantly say stuff like ‘I’m a little ocd’)

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

I had one psychiatrist (not that I fully trust him because he was very very mean to me) tell me I should also go on an antipsychotic for my ocd and I’m still so hesitant to have that type of medication because of the side affects and I’m already HORRIBLE at remembering to even have my normal meds but maybe I should look into it because I genuinely believe my OCD is going to kill my soul one day.

[countyourteeth]

i swear i can still smell the nail polish

This is a painting i’ve wanted to make for several years and i’m glad i finally did it over the summer! I made this entirely with nail polish for braindump zine ‘s issue on neurodiversity. Both the painting and a short comic outline I submitted deal with my experiences with ocd, dermatillomania, and trichotillomania.

[adulthoodisokay]

having OCD is wild because sometimes you just stare at a glass and have to reassure yourself “it’s okay to have an odd number of ice cubes” over and over again

[greyssketches]

Yummy venting through fiction character

[foggyeyes]

neurotic compulsion: when watching a movie or TV show in which something both disastrous and avoidable happens, I need to mentally keep track of what information I would use, were I transported into the narrative somehow, to convince each character that I have prophetic knowledge and that they must listen to me.

result: when Mari was talking to Coach Scott about her little cousin dying in the hospital, I thought "ok, that's a good one, I can definitely convince her not to get on the plane."