#a protector and a fight but a big heart most of all;; mirror

[leogratia]

[acourtofthought]

Omg your last post is so TEA. It made me want to rant (Sorry)

Anyways, another thing I have realized with SJM . Is that the conflict between her endgame pairings are usually internal conflicts with the parings themselves.

Yes external factors might play a role, but in the grand scheme of things they don’t really matter. 

What matters is their internal battles, which leads to growth, because their endgames, whoever it may be; forces them to actually acknowledge and tackle their problem.

Like for example Feysand. Tamlin was a big factor but when it came down to it he was just an external factor. Her main problem was the fact that she felt powerless after the trauma she experienced UTM. So Rhys helped her feel powerful. Another problem, was that he knew they were mates from the beginning and did not tell her. All the above is internal conflict.

Even with Nessian. Their problem was Nesta self harming with sex and alcohol, because she didn’t want to let anybody in, including Cassian. Yes they had other external factors like Nesta hating the IC but in the grand scheme of things that didn’t matter.

But look at Elriel . Their only problem is Elains mating bond and Rhys( if that can even be a problem)

If they get rid of that and Elain doesn’t confront anything, she remains stagnant. 

Azriel doesn’t even let her scry, how will let her be his spy. She remains sweet boring Elain, the damsel in distress, that can only be protected by Azriel.

But with Lucien, she would be forced to come to terms with her new reality; including her powers and her passive aggressiveness. 

It’s also obvious he would encourage her to train her powers considering he is one of the only persons that acknowledged she stabbed the king 

It’s also ironic that her passive aggressiveness mainly comes out with Lucien or when Lucien is around . He is legit the TRIGGER of her internal conflict it’s almost comical.

Same with Gwyn. Azriel will come have to terms with his unhealthy attachment to unavailable women because he doesn’t think he deserves love. She would also make him softer and reduce his anger, not in a way that he has to diminish his true self, but in away that his true self shine. Also, Gwyn would never let herself be his damsel in distress. Knowing SJM she will be the one saving and protecting him. And he will be shocked because he has always considered himself the protector.

10 / 10. No notes.

(Kidding, I want to keep chatting, but your anon was still perfect).

Sarah's books are NEVER "We're so in love but our family is keeping us apart!" or "We're so in love but I think I should hide it from my respectful mate who has never done anything but give me the space to be with whoever I want!"

Sarah's books are ALWAYS "FMC internally struggling with the destiny that has been brought upon her so she fights it by trying to live a small life where she doesn't have to confront the things that are scary to her until her endgame person comes along and forces her to face the things she's been scared of".

Which is why I especially love this line:

It’s also ironic that her passive aggressiveness mainly comes out with Lucien or when Lucien is around . He is legit the TRIGGER of her internal conflict it’s almost comical.

Because that's exactly it. Elain is standoffish towards Lucien because he is the one that forces her to face all the things she's not ready to face. He is the mirror to all her internal conflict. With Lucien she can't hide from the things she's trying to hide from so of course she withdraws in his presence. Dude literally forces her to look deep into herself and it's clear that she's not fully come to terms with everything that's happened since being made (which is completely understandable - broken heart, death of her father, being turned into a new species, stabbed a man, forced to live in the NC when she originally wanted to return to the human lands, complete shift in her relationship with Nesta, etc). I think after all that, most of us would not be ready to run into the arms of a stranger who had a direct link to our soul and a magical connection that brought out our primal instincts. Elain needing a breather is A-OK and it's not a big deal that she's not ready to open up the box labeled "forever" just yet.

The story of an epic fantasy is not "we can't share in our love because external forces are keeping us from one another!" (not to mention Lucien and Rhys are NOT external forces, they're literally just two guys waiting years for Elain to make a decision which she has not yet done). Epic fantasies are, "Me, myself, and I, and the trauma's / obstacles I've personally faced are the things holding me back from achieving my destiny."

Yes, Sarah is a fantasy romance author but as stated above, it's the protagonists internal conflicts that drive all of her stories, the internal conflicts are what prevent her from being ready to dive head first into the arms of her love interest.

Her stories are not "my loyal brother of centuries is a big meanie because he doesn't want me to be with the girl I want, booo hoooooo".

[briarpotter]

Happy Birthday Harry!

It's Harry's birthday! My sweet, sweet, perfect guy (who is already married and has kids)

Reflections of Courage

Harry Potter stood in front of the mirror in his cozy, dare he say big, manor in London. The soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a gentle glow on his reflection. It had been two years since the Battle of Hogwarts, and life had settled into a new kind of normal. Yet, some mornings, he still found it hard to believe that the war was truly over.

As he adjusted his Auror robes, Harry's thoughts drifted to the past. He saw the faces of friends and mentors, both living and lost, flash before his eyes. Sirius, Dumbledore, Lupin, Tonks, Fred—each one a reminder of the sacrifices made and the price of peace. 

A soft knock on the door pulled him from his reverie. He turned to see Ginny standing there, her eyes warm with understanding. “Ready for your first day back?” she asked, stepping into the room. Harry smiled, the sight of her comforting him. “As ready as I'll ever be. It feels strange, going back to work after everything.”

Ginny walked over and wrapped her arms around him, resting her head on his shoulder. “You'll be brilliant, Harry. You've faced worse than this, and come out stronger every time.” He held her close, drawing strength from her presence. “Thanks, Gin. I just… I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing.”

Ginny pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes. “You are. You're helping to build a better world, the one you fought so hard for. Don't doubt yourself.” Her words resonated with him, and he nodded, feeling a renewed sense of purpose. “You're right. It's just… sometimes it feels like there's so much left to do.”

“There always will be,” she said softly. “But you're not alone in this. We're all in it together.” With a final kiss for luck, Harry left the house and made his way to the Ministry of Magic. The familiar bustle of the atrium greeted him, and he was struck by how different it felt now that he was part of the Auror Department. No longer the hunted, he was now the protector. His first day back was filled with meetings and briefings.

Yet, as he moved through the corridors, he noticed the respect in the eyes of his colleagues. It wasn't the awe or fear he had once encountered, but genuine respect for his courage and determination. During a break, Harry found himself in front of a window, looking out at the bustling city below. He thought about the journey that had brought him here, the trials and triumphs that had shaped him.

He realized that each step, no matter how difficult, no matter how hard, had led him to this moment. A voice interrupted his thoughts. “Harry, mate, ready for the next briefing?” He turned to see Ron, his best friend and partner, standing there with a grin. Harry grinned back, feeling a surge of confidence. “Yeah, let's go.”

As they walked down the hallway, Harry felt a sense of peace settle over him. He was where he was meant to be, doing the work he believed in, surrounded by those who mattered most. And with Ginny by his side, he knew he could face whatever challenges lay ahead.

That evening, back in their house, Harry and Ginny cuddled together, the warmth of the crackling fire filling the room. Harry took her hand, feeling the steady beat of her heart. “Today was good,” he said softly. “I think we're going to make a real difference.” Ginny squeezed his hand, her eyes shining. “I never doubted it for a second.” In that moment, Harry felt the weight of his past lift, replaced by the hope of the future. He had faced the darkness and emerged into the light, ready to build a world worth fighting for, with the people he loved beside him.

[corvus-rose]

jaye i would like to hear anything you'd like to share about guardian project

I talked about Aki a lot to you, but the actual protagonist of guardian project is Maria Takei. And she's possibly one of my favourite protagonists I've written ever.

Her backstory is that she was on the wrong subway car at the wrong time and ended up as the lab rat of Primordial Lord Iris, and gets guardian'd while escaping.

Her guardian theme is mirrors! Her power is reflecting magic with big magical mirror barriers.

The fact that she knows anything about Iris so intimately means she's pursued by every faction once she escapes to Yokohama. Mari fucking hates this. She didn't sign up to be a guardian (nobody does) and she didn't sign up to join this faction war.

That being said, she's still an altruist at heart. Sometimes, that hinders Mari's own plans to escape from Yokohama. Iris is still pursuing her after all, and Mari won't leave the innocent people of the city to suffer because of something she kinda brought to them.

The other protagonists, Kiko and Hana, are folks who want to protect Mari and her freedom, but disagree ideologically on how to do this. Mari usually mediates between them, and can't really decide which vision she likes better -- Kiko's promise of greater protection with a pack/patron behind her, or Hana's idea of radical freedom from the faction war.

For the first part of the plot Mari is fuelled by godlike levels of go with the flow. Iris is sending primordial monstrosities to re-capture her? Well fuck better take care of that. The other factions are after her too? She tries politeness judo-ing her way out of it before resorting to magic fights. Kiko's own alleged teammates are after her for some reason? That's weird but see above. Bisexual awakening? Don't have time to unpack that! Kiss a hot dude from Arcadia! Kiss both of her protectors! Not thinking about it though!

Mari ends up at Primordial Hell Night because she was the bait. She ends up escaping ground zero, regrouping with her pals, and taking on the main threat of the night, primordial lord Morrigan. After that, Mari starts being more proactive, starting with tracking down Morrigan's demon core in order to end her threat for good. But after destroying the core, Mari decides to spare Morrigan -- after learning her backstory, Mari just saw the former lord as an angry, traumatized kid lashing out, who deserved to live and grow.

Unfortunately Aki comes to nip that potential redemption arc in the bud and take Mari into custody for Arcadia :)

Starting season 3 kidnapped under Arcadian protection, Mari has what I can only describe as a radicalization moment. She sees Arcadia for the power-hungry organization it really is, and decides that running away from it isn't enough, It Has To Go.

Season 3 Mari is Mari at her most proactive, and I like to think that season is about Mari building up an ideology of her own, and that ideology's battle against Arcadian norms, especially represented by Sadako, their paragon.

It's also about finally killing Iris for good though! At the end of the season Mari actually fucking kills Iris! I imagine there's a moment where Iris is kind of at her mercy, but none of the clemency Mari showed Morrigan is there because fuck Iris in particular.

But shortly after that is the final showdown with Sadako, and by extension Arcadia. And that's really interesting.

At this point, Sadako has nothing left but her wavering conviction in Arcadia, and her reaction to this is to try and martyr herself. Go down fighting against on of Arcadia's new enemies and hope she doesn't have to live to see her world crumble.

And again, Mari defeats her and has a clear shot at killing Sadako... but this time, she doesn't take it. She just kinda kneels by Sadako's side and says something like, "Sadako, I hope you live a long, healthy life. You're gonna need it." Before walking away.

A lot like Morrigan, Mari has some sympathy for Sadako, seeing her as not a heartless bastard but someone scared and lashing out. Unlike Morrigan, Mari's softness only extends so far. This act of mercy is a little (a lot) spiteful towards Sadako. Like oh you want to become a martyr? You put me through so much bullshit because of your weird ideological and psychosexual hangups and continue to do so even if would mean your death? Fuck you. Live bitch.

Mari certainly didn't set out to become some sort of leader or hero, but she ended up as one anyways. I figure at the end of the series she gets what she wants, leaves Yokohama and goes home... but I don't think she stays home, or at least doesn't just return to her peaceful life like she wanted at the start. I think she returns to corral the little movement she ends up starting. The work is never done, after all, but she can live with that now.

[cloudenthusiast2]

To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 4

You knew committing to a relationship with Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.

Previous: Part 3 Next: Part 5

Length: ~1000 words

Trigger warnings: yelling

A.n.: Sorry I was a little late with this. But as a compensation it's really long! Here ya go, have some angst

You have been walking around in circles for almost twenty minutes in the kitchen when you finally decided you needed some fresh air.

You grabbed your spear - which was an essential to have even in times like this - and ran out of your home.

The house you lived in was built on a cliff so you could see everyone and everything well. Qingce with all of its beauty and treasures laid in front of you.

The first thing you noticed when you stepped out was the lack of agents.

The fatui has left the village.

Sudden pain stabbed into your heart. Before this all you felt was anger and confusion, but now... it's become official and somehow clearer too.

'What have I done?'

You covered your lips after these words tumbled out of your mouth. You desperately looked around, trying to find someone, trying to find a little shilouette with a ridiculous, huge hat...

But he was gone.

The only people standing around were the people of Qingce village. They tried to pretend they were just working or talking with each other but you could see them taking quick glances of you.

Finally one of them, an elderly, sick man you helped out multiple times looked directly up then started approaching your house.

You took a step back and realised you didn't want to talk to anyone at that moment. It didn't matter whether he wanted to thank you or ask what happened. You wanted and needed to be alone.

As rude as it may have been, you turned around and started walking in the opposite direction. Towards the huge mountains.

You escaped into the forest. Your steps became faster and faster - and suddenly you were running.

Loud gasping echoed in your head. Your hands were shaking, not being able to grab anything properly. A wet, itchy layer blurred your vision as you stumbled through bushes and rocks.

It was a miracle that you got up on the mountain in one piece. You didn't even know how you did it - in one moment you were still climbing and in the next you were standing on the cliff, looking down and being dazed by the height.

You came to this spot on days when you had nothing to do. You liked to write letters, sharpen your spear and most importantly, think everything through here.

For a minute, you were just standing there still, breathing in and out the chilly, fresh mountain air. The rough wind blew through your hair, lifting then letting it go. It fell down and covered your face. You slowly rose your hand and fixed it, staring into the distance.

The sun has reached the top of the sky. But it was still cold around you.

You had hoped the cool weather would be able to clear your mind but it helped nothing. Instead, it made you feel like you were breathing in nothing - like there was no oxygen in your chest at all.

You were suffocating.

Your lips opened to gasp for air but it felt like you were still drowning. Your legs started shaking and you immediately fell on your knees. This broke an invisible gate. Tears started streaming down your face.

He left...

Oh, how much you suddenly regretted your harsh, angry words. You could've just talked it out, you could've just explained it to him calmly...

But would he have really understood?

Loud screech as you clenched your teeth. You did everything to hold back the tears, but it was too late now, you had lost. You sobbed desperately, painfully, alone, in an abandoned top of mountain.

*

Scaramouche loudly slammed his hands on the table and there was no mercy in his ice-like eyes as he stared at the agents in front of him.

'How many times do I have to say this?! Don't start fights the Millelith! We already have diplomatic issues with Liuye Harbour because of that damn incompetent Tartaglia!'

'Apologies, my lord' a pyro agent bowed in front of him while the mirror maiden followed his example. 'We thought...'

'I couldn't care less about what you think' Scaramouche cut in enraged. 'Just follow your orders or I'll make sure you won't ever see the sun coming up again!'

Deep silence followed his words in the tent.

Scaramouche tossed his hat back to glare up at the agents. But they didn't dare look at him. They were always wary of the harbinger who was probably the most powerful and surely the most unpredictable among the Tsaritsa's followers. It wasn't hard to notice how angry he was that day as well.

The cicin mages in the camp were sure it was because of that Liuye girl but most of the agents refused to believe that. It seemed impossible that he would be so upset about splitting up with a mere mortal like you.

Scaramouche let out a deep sigh and closed his eyes for a moment to rest and think a little. He stood there silently with crossed arms and wrinkled brows.

The Millelith. A pain in the neck. How could they possibly avoid them while taking advantage of the small villages around Liuye? Villages who don't have protectors should be an easy prey...

He didn't even realise what a dangerous direction his thoughts were going. He just found himself thinking about you all of a sudden.

This was the hundredth time this day.

It's been almost a day since he turned his back on Qingce. He left the village without looking back, thinking he was free again and that he would be able to finally focus on his work.

But why were you still turning up in his thoughts over and over again? Why did he feel a constant knot in his throat? It didn't loosen, even when he yelled or coughed. He tried both multiple times.

He felt impatient. His body ached to move on, his mind tried to make big plans for the future...

But something in him still didn't want to think about anything or anyone other than you.

This was so stupid.

So unnecessary.

When did stupid humans become so important to him? He killed them off with handing out delusions not so long ago without any hesitation. It was the right thing to do. He never doubted that. Not even for a second.

You were so stupid to say otherwise! Why did you say otherwise?

For a weak moment, he tried to think from your perspective but even then, he understood nothing. All he could think of was that you were just crazy.

Humans deserve nothing. They born, they live so their superiors can make use of them.

You were no exception, he decided. It was ridiculous of him to even think you could be more than just a tool to him.

Why did he even start seeing you?

Memories started to emerge and they invaded his mind in a blink of an eye. And suddenly that weird feeling around his stomach started to strengthen again.

He remembered your smile, the playful and incredibly disrespectful way you greeted him when you two first met. He was out on a quest, alone but still recognisable. You knew he was a harbinger yet you acted like he was a regular mortal.

He hated Liuye. He got lost on his first day in the mountains and who knows what might have happened if you didn't run into him on your way back home.

After making fun of the fatui and its "clumsy" harbingers you offered to be his guide and that had to accepted even though he couldn't stand you at all. You were teasing him all the time, never taking him seriously. And most unforgivable of all, you messed around with his hat.

On the first day, he absolutely despised you.

On the second day, after you have dealt with multiple treasure hoarders without any of his help, he had to admit you were a pretty good fighter.

He was in denial on the third day. You picked violetgrass for him and put them in his pockets, claiming that they suited the boy. He threw them away in a second, getting ready to face your anger. Instead, he was shocked to see you laugh it off. You had... a not so horrible laugh.

Fourth day. Your smile was not that terrible either, he realised.

Day five was the day he saved your life. You were cllimging a mountain together when you saw a Qingxin and reached out to grab it.

He caught you by the arm in the last second. Called you stupid but couldn't hide his blush when you rewarded him with the beautiful, pale white flower.

Then the quest came to an end and he went back home.

Only a month or two have passed when the harbinger came back. He went directly to your door to tell you he will be seeing you. It was not a regular ask - he literally ordered you to go out with him.

No one could tell who was more surprised when you still said agreed to it.

You two were an odd, hard to manage couple but a powerful one.

You could've been happy.

Why does it... hurt so much?

'She's just a stupid human' Scaramouche told himself. The thousandth time that day. 'Completely... replacable.'

These were the words you were the most hurt about. But he tried not to care any more and repeated it to himself.

'Replacable.'

'My lord!'

Scaramouche flinched and looked up as if he had been dreaming all along.

He realised he had been standing there the whole time thinking about you while the agents did not leave yet.

'What is it?' He grunted loudly and all of his weird, almost sad feelings got replaced by anger again. 'What do you want?'

'Your order to stay away from the Millelith' the mirror maiden dared to speak. 'Does it apply to the Abbys as well?'

'The Abbys?' Scaramouche frowned. 'What business do we have with them?'

'It's just that we've recently stumbled upon them multiple times on our quests' she started to explain but the harbinger wasn't patient enough to listen to the whole story.

'Hurry up.'

'Yes, my lord.' The mirror maiden hesitated for a moment but when the pyro agent nodded to her she continued. 'We just think that they might about to target villages next.'

'What are you talking about?' Scaramouche growled at her. He couldn't stand still any more so he started walking around in the small tent.

'The Abbys gathered a lot of hilichurls and monsters together lately. We suspect they might attack a bigger village or town.'

Scaramouche stopped as if he got frozen in his place. The maiden continued to explain what kind of disadvantage that might be for them but he heard nothing of that.

He turned around slowly, barely being able to move his own body.

'What... places will they attack?' He asked in a hoarse voice.

'We can't be sure' the pyro agent answered. 'But Mingyun village is a possibility. And... Qingce probably as well.'

Scaramouche stared at the ground.

So many emotions. Most of them he couldn't even name since he has never felt them. The only familiar ones were anger, confusion... and fear.

Deep, overwhelming, terrible fear. It started in his stomach and slowly reached out to grab his throat with its icy fingers.

He opened his mouth but at first no understandable words left his lips.

'My lord...?'

'Get ready' he finally found his voice.

Scaramouche turned his back to them so he could hide the fact he was shaking. Something terrible froze everything inside him but the fire lighting up his eyes was burning hot when he said:

'We're going back to Qingce.'

[marc-spectorr]

hiya <3

god, you already know exactly what i’m a sucker for. tysm for those jake hcs, so lovely. i’m doing alright today so far, slept in but i may be going to the comic store for some moon knight comics. :]

here are some of my jake hcs. obviously i won’t write a masterpiece like you, these are just bits n pieces of thoughts, but i hope you enjoy them nonetheless:

stupid n silly one, but jake wears a fake mustache!! it’s how he looks in headspace, which if you weren’t aware is a did term referring to the place alters go when they aren’t in front. i’m pretty sure it’s implied the moon knight system’s headspace is the psych ward.

jake tends to show his love in violent ways, because he doesn’t really know much else. this includesss finding out who wronged you when you’re down, beating their ass and coming home n telling you about it like it’s nothing. you’d probably have to explain to him how that’s not a normal things most boyfriends do.

jake is fluent in both spanish and english, but since english is his second language, he still trips up occasionally. he’s self conscious about this, though, and doesn’t usually ask for help with words he’s forgotten, so he just makes up new ones and hopes you get the message. like, if he forgot what a raccoon was called in english, he’d say “dumpster cat” or something along those lines.

jake is steven’s wingman, and constantly has to give him advice because he’s more naturally romantically inclined than steven. steven would probably panic before a date w you, and jake would have to calm him down and ground him in the mirror, plus help him get an outfit together. jake would act annoyed with this, but he thinks it’s sort of cute of steven, and it’s nice to hang out with him.

when you first met jake, he tried to pretend he was steven… and failed horribly. the accent was okay, but you could immediately tell something was off when his voice was at an exaggeratedly high pitch, and when he stubbed his toe he exclaimed “puta madre…!” in a much deeper tone.

he stims by cracking his knuckles. he also has a resting bitch face. this has gotten him in more fights than he’d like to admit.

jake doesn’t really understand metaphors or idioms. like, “the cat’s out of the bag” “spill the beans” “didn’t you get the memo?” it just confuses him, and he always gets mad trying to get out of you what the hell you’re talking about.

that’s about all!! i hope you enjoyed my headcanons too, though they are a bit silly and not exactly hot of jake hehe. they’re mostly me projecting + my own personal experience w my family, who is latino. i love this man sm, he is constantly rotating in my mind.

thanks again for your time, callie. i really hope you have a wonderful day.

- <3

hiyaaa <3 nonnie 💞

omgg these headcanons you’ve made fit jake SO WELL !! they’re perfect and just *chef’s kiss* 😩 i do believe that under that resting bitch face of his, is a sweet and tender side that he only shows to those he really cares about. he’s lowkey a very big softie with a warm loving heart but don’t tell marc and steven that bc they’ll prob tease him for it hehe.

all of your hcs are absolute masterpieces, but my favorites would have to be the second and fourth ones :)) like jake is the protector of the system, so it would make sense that he’s super protective when it comes to you. the man would do just about anything for you, including getting himself into a fist fight to defend your honor shdjkskk.

also jake as a wingman is too adorable!!! he’s def the most romantic out of the three and knows exactly how to woo people. so when steven asks him for advise, jake’s more than happy to help out. he’s gonna suggest restaurants to go to, fun activities that you and steven could do together, and tell him what kind of flowers to get for you. jake would want steven to look his very best and he’s probably rejected three outfits of his before finally settling on the best one (after more than an hour of arguing and meltdowns ofc).

ugh i could go on about each hc bc they’re all so ahmazinggg but this would become a never ending posting 😭 but tysm for sending these in sweetie! im so obsessed with them and hope you’ll share more 🥺👉👈

[marvelfansince08love]

“My loyalties lie with you, not the title you’ve been given” - Part 5

Word Count: 3k 

Pairing Cordelia Goode x Protector!Reader 

Warning: Some mentions of blood, fighting scene I guess? 

A/N: So sorry for the late update on this series, these two chapter are pretty heavy and I wanted them to be perfect! I hope you enjoy! x Thank you so much @canarypoint for editing and reading over and fangirling with me x Also a huge thank you to my girl for encouraging me to continue and for helping edit both parts, I love you <3

Side note: The Entity is slightly based off Michael Langdon but it isn’t him. 

Tags: @waitingfortheendtocome @natasha-danvers @veteranwerewolf95 @chewbacca0805 @creepingwolfberry @bluevelvetbitxh @saucy-sapphic @coconutlipss @fand0m-obsess3d-g33k @nyx-aira @versonstar @witchxaf @r0an0ke @pearplate @kikaykimkim @the-obscurity @mssallymckenna @minavenable @lezzzbehonesthere @goodeday2u @screechingshepherddeputygoth @softsleepypeach  @grilledcheeseandguavajelly​@shes-a-cancer-b @venablemayfairgoode

Part 5 

“What have you done, you stupid girl.” Fiona’s voice growls, startling you from your thoughts as you glare over at the woman.

“Protecting Cordelia, something you aren’t familiar with,” You snap back, anger spiralling throughout your body as you shake slightly. Fiona scoffs shaking her head as she slowly approaches you, standing a hair breath away her dead eyes stare into your own. 

“I always knew your love for her would get you killed one day,” Her voice laced with a certain emotion you would never associate with her with; fear. A humourless grin appears onto your cold lips as you take in her aged face. 

“Quite poetic is it not?” You murmur, your eyes showing no emotion not willingly to give this woman any satisfaction of seeing your torn vulnerability. 

Before she could answer a white light surrounds you all, making you squint and hiss at the brightness of the glow. Within a blink of an eye, you regain your senses gasping for mortal air as you reawaken above Fiona’s grave. Warm hands caress your cheeks as they continue their inspection for any harm. 

“Shhh you’re okay darling, it’s me. It’s me.” She repeats over and over as your wide eyes take in your surroundings the feeling of panic and anxiety erupts through your chest. Your eyes finally land on brown eyes full of reassurance and worry, seeing the familiar gaze makes you relax almost instantly as you try to even out your erratic breaths. 

“Lia,” You croak, clearing your dry throat. She smiles watery at you and nods mouthing a ‘yes’ before placing the crown of her head against your temple. 

“It felt like you were gone forever and then your body started to twitch uncontrollably I thought-” 

“Cordelia.” Fiona speaks from the side of you both, keeping her distance from her daughter. Cordelia tenses beside you before turning to face the woman she calls mother, she slowly stands from her crouched position keeping a steady arm around your waist as you gingerly stand with her. The two Goode’s stare at each for a moment taking in each other’s appearance, 

“Power looks good on you, dear.” She croaks, as her eyes scan her daughter’s stance. No longer cowering from the past supreme. 

“And death hasn’t done you any good, mother.” Cordelia retaliates, scolding herself silently for allowing herself to bite back. 

“Marie, would you like some help getting up? Shit, you white bitches.” Marie grumbles, as she shrugs off the dirt that lays against her clothes. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to shower until the smell of death leaves my body,” She informs, huffing as she takes her leave, Cordelia nods in acknowledgement at the Voodoo Queen mouthing her thanks as Marie nods back in reply continuing on her way. You stare longingly wanting to also depart from this awkward reunion as the two continue to stare one another down. Fiona breaks off the staring contest first as she flicks her wrist revealing a packet of cigarettes and a lighter, sparking one up. Inhaling deeply she allows the smoke to blow out into the cold dark night and sighs. 

“So, where do you want to start?” She asks, her careless persona strong as she continues to take in the nicotine. Cordelia smiles cruelly. 

“I’d rather we didn’t revisit the past, you are here for one reason only and that’s to help us defeat this darkness.” 

“The Entity,” You interrupt, correcting her softly, your eyes clashing with Fiona’s briefly. Cordelia turns to face you in confusion.

“While we were down there we got a lovely visit from Papa… He gave us little to nothing on the damn thing but told us his name.” You inform her, watching as she takes in the information. 

“He?” 

“Yes, the thing is a man. Big shocker there.” Fiona drawls out, through occasional puffs of smoke. Cordelia opts to ignore her mother, focusing her attention on you. 

“Did he give you anything else?” She asks, her voice laced with slightly desperation. You shake your head much to her disappointment.

“I’m sorry, Lia.” You apologise, wishing you could have given her more  She smiles reassuringly and cradles your cheek briefly shaking her head slightly. 

“No don’t be sorry, you risked a lot going down there. I- Thank you,” She says, her eyes lingering onto your own for a second longer. You almost feel like you could drown into her gaze forever but before you could reply she steps away clasping her hands together as if resisting herself from touching you again. 

“If you two love birds are done, I would like to run a hot bath with some nice salts, maybe a lovely glass of scotch,” Fiona rudely says, already making her way out of the graveyard and towards the car. You both blush as you avoid each others eyes, making your way back to the vehicle Fiona’s distance voice whining from a distance, “Have you got a spare pair of sunglasses, I wouldn’t want my ‘dead eyes’ scaring the children,” you scoff as you open up the front passenger door purposely moving into the seat, Fiona huffs as she settles into the backside. You open up the glove department and pass the older blonde a pair of black sunglasses. 

“Bold of you to assume you didn’t already scare children before you died,” You bite, a teasing grin appearing on your face as you feel Cordelia’s scolding but amused eyes on you. Shrugging, you settle into your seat and stare out into the night, Papa’s deal heavy on your mind as guilt settles within your chest. Looking into the wing mirror you can feel Fiona’s gaze through her heavily tinted glasses, gulping you turn away from her judging gaze focusing on the road ahead. 

‘What have I done?’

***

Pulling up at the Academy, you can see the older girls lingering by the window curious to see the woman that’s been brought back from the dead. Myrtle stands regal as ever by the front door, her signature cigarette holder in hand as she takes a drag, her icy gaze burning heavily into Fiona’s form as she makes her way up the steps of the Academy. 

“You look awfully ghastly my dear,” She comments, her fiery hair matching her sass. Fiona scoffs holding her arms out to the woman. 

“At least I have death as an excuse, you old hag.” She fires back, grinning icily at the redhead. You and Cordelia share a knowing glance used to the pair’s bickering back and forth, as you hover close behind the pair. Myrtle chuckles dryly as she steps aside to let the older woman through before placing herself in front of you and Cordelia stopping you from following.

“Are you both okay, my dears?” She asks, her voice no longer full of ice and venom as her motherly gaze scans you both. You both nod smiling softly at the woman who holds you both in such high regard and vise versa. Cordelia presses a kiss to her cheek before moving past her and into the building not wanting to leave Madison and her mother in a room alone together for too long. You hover for a moment debating your next words as you take in Myrtle’s form. The witch frowns at your fidgeting state, silently questioning your hesitation. 

“I did something stupid,” You admit quietly, briefly glancing through the open front door making sure no one else could hear your confession. The redhead steps away from the door and loops her arm around your elbow guiding you away from the entrance so you could circle the grounds. 

“My dear girl, you have a look of someone with a heavy heart. Please speak to me,” She comforts softly, her tender voice makes your eyes tear up as you blurt out your secret. 

“I made a deal with Papa Legba. If we don’t deliver him the Entity’s soul then he shall take mine,” You confess, tearfully. The woman remains calm and quiet as she allows you to continue. 

“I’m not even scared of that, I’ve never been scared of death but- He mentioned my powers and the darkness as if sensing my potential ability to destroy everything in my path. I don’t even know what I’m capable of anymore, Myrtle.” You admit, your real fear spoken out loud makes you sob as the older woman pulls you into a bone crushing hug. She whispers harshly with a touch of tenderness into your ear. 

“You listen to me, my sweet girl.” She pulls back and holds onto your face with both her hands, forcing you to keep your attention on her distraught face. “You are not evil, you may have powers that you have yet to unlock but you could never be evil. That power that swirls inside you is the most powerful magic I have ever come across that’s why you are the protector. You’re of love and light my dear, that darkness that wants to pull its way through is unmatched to that of the light,” Your eyes blur as you take in her reassuring words, collapsing slightly into her arms. 

“You should tell Cordelia about the deal,” She advises, making you pull back from your embrace slightly offended by her comment. 

“It would kill her Myrtle, I promised her that I’d be beside her always. I can’t-” 

“Would you prefer that you didn’t and then die without giving her a chance to fight for your life,” Her words penetrate through your heart like a stab wound. You gulp feeling torn by her words and guidance. 

“I’m the one who’s supposed to fight for her life,” You argue weakly. Myrtle chuckles amused, before holding your gaze once again. 

“Y/N haven’t you realised it yet, darling? You both continue to fight for each other, you think after all these years Cordelia didn’t once ask me about you. Or how during the attacks with the witch hunters a few years back, you didn’t step in from the shadows and take out the last remaining vermin as they tried to attack her.” She pauses for a moment allowing you to take in her painfully truthful words. “You both have had each other’s backs since you stepped foot into this academy all those years ago. This will be like any other time, so tell her and fight like hell against the bastard, together like always,” She finishes her speech, her breathing becoming erratic as her words spill from her mouth. The sound of a twig snapping startles you both from your private moment, slow clapping starts from within the shadows around the trees. Pulling Myrtle back slightly you inch away from the dark forest that surrounds the Academy. 

“My, so much wisdom from such an experienced witch, bravo.” The deep voice teases, as the figure becomes more clearer as it steps out from between the trees. Stood dressed in a black suit and a devilish grin is, the entity. You tense instantly as you keep your gaze on his confident form. 

“Get to the house,” You murmur to Myrtle,  who goes to protest. “Now.” You force out, watching as his grin becomes more apparent. 

“Yes, listen to your dear protector.” He taunts, watching as the redhead flees to the academy to alert the others. His black eyes turn to you a glint of mischief sparkling within the darkness. 

“It’s more fun when they are terrified, makes for a better meal.” he teases, folding his hands in front of him. You glare at his smug expression. 

“Sorry I didn’t realise we were dressing up for the event,” you comment, wanting to keep him distracted for as long as possible in hopes that Myrtle and the other older girls manage to perform the safekeeping spell allowing the younger witches and warlocks to be sent as far away as possible from here. He chuckles amused at your attempt of distraction.

“Well it is your funeral, my dear. I merely dressed for the occasion.” He follows up, his hands becoming more invisible as the black mist surrounds his fingers. You can feel your powers boiling at the surface as your body becomes aware of its current threat, tiny sparks tingle from your fingers as you keep a close eye on him. Before he can make a move you throw your hands out, throwing him further into the woods wanting to keep him as far away from the academy as possible. His confident exterior falls after you make your first move, striding deeper into the woods you follow the line of destruction already made by his flying body. The faint sound of your name being called from the house, gives you pause allowing him a chance to take advantage at your distracted state. Black mist encircles around your feet as your body begins to tense, fear spikes through you as you start to lose awareness of your own body, unable to move anything as it continues to circle around your waist. 

“Y/N!” Cordelia screams as she races forward, Misty and Queenie moving to the side of the man effectively startling him from his task, both chanting in Latin as he loses his focus on you. Tears build in your eyes as you feel your senses overwhelm you again as you regain them back, Cordelia stands at your side in a flash, keeping her eyes on the entity as he continues to fight off the two older witches. Marie and Fiona join the pair as they begin to lose the upper hand in their ongoing fight. 

“Cordelia- the girls,” You choke out, holding onto her arms for dear life. Her hand strokes through your hair briefly, 

“They're okay, the other girls got them out. Myrtle is with them.” She informs quickly, ready to move away from you to help with the fight, noticing Queenie’s unconscious state as he manages a good strike to the witch. Before she can move you grip her arm, needing to tell her before it's too late.

“Cordelia I-” 

“This can wait Y/n, we've gotta attack while we can,” 

John Moore appears next to you with your brothers in tow, ready to take him on as you reluctantly let go of her arm, Marie flies backwards as he strikes her next effortlessly knocking back every effort from each of them who dare to reach him. Elijah makes his way around the fight, attacking him from behind as he launches forward, taking him to the ground before disappearing from beneath him. A deep chuckle echoes throughout the tall trees as you all look for the location of his voice, Misty kneels closely next to Queenie as she slowly regains consciousness. 

“You won’t win, your powers are nothing compared to mine,” His voice sinister, as if whispering in your ear. Cordelia looks over at her dishevelled witches gulping slightly. 

“Michael, Elijah get Queenie out of here now,” She demands, her voice trembling. They try to protest but your eyes silence them from speaking any further. 

“Ah yes, run away. I like the chase,” He taunts further, still invisible to the eyes as we keep an eye on the clearings surrounding us. The boys move quickly towards an exhausted Queenie, throwing her arms around their shoulders as Misty trails behind them, ready to attack if anything were to happen to them as they retreat. You keep your back close to Delia’s as the other three keep close, creating a make shifting circle. 

“Fucking Coward!” You shout into the air, frustrated by his cat and mouse game. He appears then leaning lazily against the tree trunk, that devilish grin on his face once again. 

“Oh my dear, we both know that’s not true. Little Ms. Protector, poor thing having so many expectations to live up to,” He pouts, taunting you some more as you clench your jaw. You try to shake off his words, knowing he’s looking for a window to get into your head. 

“I’ve been watching you for a while, Miss Wardwell. That darkness that swirls deep inside is boiling over and soon it will all topple over,” He continues, you feel Cordelia tense next to you as your normally bright coloured eyes darken a deep black. 

“Enough of this!” Fiona exclaims, launching forward to attack using her magic, startling him slightly as her attack strikes his cheek from afar causing the smallest trickle of blood to drop from his cheekbone. He touches the trail of blood examining his red stained finger before turning to the woman, his eyes blown black. Tree branches move on their own towards Fiona, Marie and John wrapping themselves around their wrists and waists pulling them in close to their tree trunk keeping them in place, a trail of black mist surrounding them to stop any magical advantages. 

“I wanted to play nice but now you can watch your only daughter die,” He says, smiling mercilessly at the woman before turning his attention onto you both. You move quickly in front of her, as you try with all your might to keep the mist at bay as it seeps through your protective barrier. Your head begins to pound as you feel your powers weakening as Cordelia helps with the barrier, as the mist encircles you once again you turn towards your Cordelia helplessly. She places her hands delicately against your cheeks, her fingers trembling against your now wet skin. 

“I can’t hold this up for long,” You whimper, feeling yourself becoming less aware of your senses, the tiniest touch of Cordelia’s lips against cheek is the only reassuring embrace as you close your eyes wanting to hold onto the feeling for as long as you could. You lean your head against Cordelia's as watery eyes match her tearful ones, she smiles brightly at you, that same smile you saw the very first day you met her. Before you could tell her the one thing you’ve wanted to say since that day you walked out on her wedding day, you succumb to the darkness.

I love you.

[stanfordsweater]

incredibly embarrassing homestuck x spn classpect thoughts

dean:

-knight of heart/blood. knights are the protectors of their session, yet are also the most vulnerable emotionally.

heart because heart players split their internal selves under pressure and dean is a very black and white thinker, fully devoted to whatever cause he is championing at the time but liable to fully turn against it if he can be convinced by someone close to him. heart players are the emotional core of their session, and dean is the emotional rock of the winchester family. heart players are very impulsive in anger or in fear. thematically, dean’s role as a mirror of whoever needs him is a very heart player trait.

blood because blood is the aspect of family. blood players take point in uniting the players and dean is the one who is able to convince cas & other antagonists to fight on their side in spn. it’s also the symbol of manipulation through emotional and familial bonds and the belief that they know best. they have a tendency to let their emotions dictate their actions.

sam:

-mage of mind/life/doom. sam is tricky in aspect, but for me he is DEFINITELY a mage because all mages suffer through their aspect yet are uniquely aware of it; he could be a mage of blood, who would suffer through family and close connections, but i think blood suits dean more.

mind could be his aspect because of how calculating he is, how aware he is of how things could go wrong and what to do to make things right. karma is another big part of the mind aspect, and sam absolutely suffers through karma

life could be it because they’re the healers of their session and they are able to stay resilient through great suffering (the cage, sam’s whole life) and even convert their suffering into better things. thematically sam as the mage of life is a “sufferer of living” which works for his character arc

doom could be it because all doom players receive visions of death and destruction and ultimately have very bad luck. i like doom because thematically speaking, swan song would be sam’s quest bed (and he would absolutely be the first one to ascend to god tier, but with doom it wouldn’t make his situation any better-- his visions would strengthen and only serve to weaken his sense of self)

cas:

-sylph of space/breath-- sylph because they’re the caretakers of the session, but it isn’t always a good thing because it can lead to delusions of grandeur--i’m thinking aranea’s arc where she fucks EVERYTHING up out of hubris.. very cas-like.

space because with help from his time player (jack) he is able to create a new heaven and propagate his species, plus space players are the ones who seem to have knowledge of where the other players are but not why they’re making the choices they do.

breath because cas is the ultimate agent of free will and changes the course of heaven in bad ways-- makes decisions that result in the destruction of most of the angels, but in good ways-- is able to rebuild heaven through his choices/rebellion/free will, which is the basis of the breath aspect

jack:

time player for sure! time is the symbol of entropy and death, but also inevitability. jack is fated to become the next god through his connection with sam/dean/cas. he HAS to be a time or space player because he’s introduced late in the game and is the reason that the ‘session’ succeeds.

i think jack could easily be a prince of time-- it ties in with the way the narrative in spn presents him as the ultimate chess piece for destroying the world, but because the potential ‘breath player’ cas intervenes and presents him with the choice of free will, he is able to turn the princes destructive impulses to creation instead

kevin:

-page of ... hope? hope is about belief in yourself or your mission and ultimately kevin fails in both returning to his normal life OR completing his ‘mission’ with the tablets because he isn’t fully committed to either. pages begin their session as their basest self and grow through being challenged, and kevin is killed right as he is beginning to reach his growth arc so it’s fitting

anna:

-seer of light. seer because she is the one who guides dean, and light because it is the aspect of knowledge and she’s able to hear angel radio even as a human, yet ultimately understands that her role is to die-- seers are mature about the fate of their fellow players and have a tendency to see the whole picture

[deans-haunted-baby]

The Ones Left Behind

Alrighty time for some truth bombs. I’ve had almost a week to absorb the end of Supernatural and season 15 as a whole. And I think this is the moment where I need to throw in my two cents. For all intents and purposes I won’t go in-depth into 15x20 seeing as that conversation will just open up a whole other can of worms and I don’t need that headache. I have my reasons for being less than indifferent with how the Winchesters’ story concluded. So I won’t go there.

Instead I’ll be focusing all my energies on the unsatisfying conclusions of 4 particular characters. Two of which were main cast members (one that was on the show 12 years and one 4 years) while the other two (played by the same dude) were brought back after a decade long hiatus for a much-anticipated comeback only to be wasted and mangled unfairly by Dabb and his hack horde of a writing staff. Call this a follow up to my last post. If I sound bitter I am because these people don’t have a single clue on how to helm these characters, their relationships or their storylines 😠 Nor do they deserve them.

And yes I’m well aware of Kevin Tran, Rowena, Ketch and several others who got the shaft on this show. Those could be future posts for another time.

But I cannot stress this enough; ADAM MILLIGAN, JACK KLINE, MICHAEL AND CASTIEL ALL DESERVED FUCKING BETTER. There is no arguing these facts, none whatsoever. Not one of these characters deserved that exit to be the final chapter in their story. I won’t do an entire analysis of each character’s arc and role in the show as I’ve already done that in my rant about 15x19. But I will highlight how much season 15 royally screwed over these characters and tossed them aside like trash; as if none of them were ever part of/contributed anything to Sam and Dean’s history/world building of Supernatural’s universe.

*WARNING* This is going to get heated.

Before I dive into the heart of these issues I want to state this is not a “shipping post”. I don’t ship anyone on Supernatural, hopefully this blog has been pretty self-explanatory. So I have no arguments/opinions in those areas. I’ve been a fan of this series for 15 years because of the characters, the familial bonds and relationships formed between characters throughout its run. And I’m well-aware that the Winchesters are the lead protagonists of the show, no need to remind me. These are purely my own thoughts based what I’ve obtained from show canon. Let me just say I can’t get over just how much these writers contradicted and ignored what they put forth in the journeys of these four individuals. its a real headscratcher.

You mean to tell me that after TWELVE DAMN YEARS of Castiel being a rebellious warrior angel, searching for his own identity and meaning in life; making that promise to Kelly Kline about raising Jack as his own/risking his life for him. After sacrificing himself for his son a year ago, acknowledging he was satisfied with his role as a father which restored his faith; that it was all because of/for Dean Winchester? 

You mean to tell me that after Michael, THE PRINCE OF HEAVEN and PROTECTOR OF HUMANITY, was locked away in a cage with a human whom he emotionally bonded with for thousands of years (10 years our time); who was abandoned, betrayed and manipulated by his neglectful/abusive father. After choosing free will and aligning himself with TFW for humanity’s sake, just sided with the Earth’s destruction because his little brother called him names? 

You mean to tell me that Jack, A THREE YEAR OLD CHILD, who’s barely just beginning his life and spent his entire duration on the show wanting to be normal and not wanting to be special. Connecting and being integrated with humans; a child who’s biggest fear was outliving everyone he ever loved. Is suddenly ready to walk away from his family, his home and his teddy bear; to give up being a kid forever and run the universe?

You mean to tell me that Adam, SUPERNATURAL’S MOST INNOCENT CHARACTER and FORGOTTEN THIRD-WINCHESTER BROTHER, after being eaten by ghouls; pulled away from his mother out of Heaven, manipulated by angels, trapped in Hell for thousands of years because Sam and Dean left him there to rot. After coming back and helping his neglectful siblings save the world only to be ripped away from his best friend and THE ONLY OTHER PERSON who gave a damn about him; is sentenced to a life of loneliness, homelessness and turmoil until he dies and ends up in Hell where he’ll mostly be tortured and turned into a demon?

NO. I DO NOT AND WILL NEVER ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT! 

Season 15 not only manages to contradict itself where these characters are concerned (while assassinating them before the final curtain). But the writers deliberately discarded them before giving us that *sarcasm inserted* epic solo-Winchester conclusion. Regardless of how you feel about Adam, Castiel, Jack or Michael, ALL OF THESE CHARACTERS are connected Sam and Dean’s story and part of Supernatural. And when you throw them away like they mean nothing, you’re essentially throwing away a part of the show’s history. You’re ignoring 15 years worth of story building. 

As I said I’m not going to go into 15x20 for reasons, it doesn’t offend me as much as what was done before that finale. Because I think those other show exits really affect 15x20 even worse than people realize. You want to know why, I’ll explain.

Lets start off with Castiel and Jack, OH BOY! We know where they end up; running Heaven and the Earth together which is all fine and dandy. I love my Dadstiel father/son duo being an endgame family unit. But here in lies the problem, we never saw it. Not even a cameo. And technically their onscreen storyline ends at 15x18 and 15x19 which is an ugly, anti-climatic bookend to an incredibly deep relationship that had 4 years of development. First you have Castiel who completely forgets why he made that deal with the Empty to begin with. HIS FUCKING SON. Not to mention it wasn’t about true happiness it was about giving himself permission to be happy; there is a difference. And then you have Jack wandering around next episode, vacuuming up power cause suddenly he’s a machine now, acting like he doesn’t give a shit over losing his dad to an entity HE’S BEEN DREADING ABOUT FOR A FUCKING YEAR. 

Towards the end of season 15 I noticed neither of these characters were acting like themselves. Their motivations, their personalities and strong ties to one another had mysteriously dissolved. Castiel became less concerned about the danger his son was facing after 15x15 (what the hell was that in 15x17?) and more about speaking when spoken to by either Sam or Dean. Does he know how Dean truly feels about Jack; proclaiming the child is “not family”? I doubt the in-character version of him would let Jack leave with Dean after that insult. Castiel’s not even worried whether or not his son is alive or safe before he makes the big confession later. And for some reason Jack (who’d become heavily suicidal) was more concerned with clinging to the Winchesters, willing to die for them, instead focusing on himself and the one person who’s shown him nothing but unconditional love and given him strength since birth. Both of these characters are canonically depressed and suffer from low self-esteem that was never resolved which makes me furious. 

When Chuck killed Jack at the end of season 14, this devastated Castiel in the first half of season 15. He actually got to grieve that loss throughout the episodes and deal with his anger over it, allowing the audience to anticipate the day they’d be reunited one last time. This part of Castiel’s S15 arc also ironically mirrors Jack’s S13 arc of mourning Castiel’s death until resurrecting him. And when this son finally returned to his father, who got to rescue him, it was such a poignant moment between the two. It was a cathartic payoff after witnessing Castiel in so much pain over Jack. There was so much building up between that Dadstiel reunion in 15x11 and the Empty’s pact in 14x08; this was suppose to be a tragic yet pivotal plot-point in both Jack and Castiel’s stories. And with SPN wrapping up we all expected something BIG. Yet somehow the writers retconned the whole thing by making it all about Dean, which is such a gross disservice to these characters and 4 years of storytelling.

For instance, since 15x18 was Castiel’s exit episode, why wasn’t he allowed to hug his son or Sam goodbye one last time? Why didn’t he have more of a focal role instead of standing around majority of the episode with barely any dialogue as so much precious air time was wasted on frivolous things? Why didn’t he get one last badass fight scene with someone like Death instead of being choked out and tossed around like a powerless mortal? Why did the group need to be split up to begin with when it served no purpose either than that *ugh* moment? Why wasn’t Jack allowed to call Castiel “dad” once before the show ended? He deserved to hear his son address him as dad!

AND WHY THE HELL COULDN’T JACK FEEL CASTIEL’S DEATH THE MOMENT IT HAPPENED? 

The show already established to the audience the significant cosmic bond these two characters shared since before Jack was even born. It was so powerful it boosted Castiel’s grace. Jack could remember who Castiel was from the womb and that he’d protected his mother. Not to mention HE FUCKING RESURRECTED CASTIEL OUT OF THE EMPTY ONCE WITHOUT GOD’S POWER. You’re telling me Jack couldn’t feel his dad being taken away forever despite how far apart they were? No, he’d feel it in his heart. Had we’d been given a scene like that at the end of 15x18 (something of substance) with actual grief shown in 15x19 maybe the episode would’ve faired better for them. 

That said it wasn’t, because Jack was treated the exact same way in his final exit. Hardly any lines and just a bunch of scenes of him standing/walking around until that pathetic reveal at the lake. HE DOESN’T EVEN GET TO INTERACT WITH JAKE ABEL’S MICHAEL/ADAM which would’ve been a great follow-up to the AU!Michael storyline in seasons 13 and 14. I swear these directors didn’t give Alex and Misha any motivation during their last three episodes and it’s evident in their hollow performances. But why would they when the scripts are basically telling their characters to quickly fuck off so the brothers can have their final outing. Jack doesn’t even behave like himself after he becomes the new God. His personality is apathetic, cold, alien, stiff and way too mature for the 3 year old child so closely connected to his family/the human world. In that moment I saw Alex Calvert not Jack Kline. It’s bad enough he doesn’t get a meaningful farewell but again Castiel, HIS DAD, is a complete afterthought to this kid 🥶

And that’s what we’re left with. Forever. A frigid, hollow ending to one of Supernatural’s most healthy, touching, family dynamics. It makes you wonder what was even the point. I can’t even fully enjoy the fact that its canon Jack and Castiel are together fixing Heaven because of what the show presented onscreen as their last hurrah. It’s not sitting right and it makes 15x20 even less appealing to me.

Moving onto Michael and Adam. Get ready for this. I could rant forever about how dirty my boys were done by this show. How they were discarded in the SPN series finale recap etc. just as they were FOR THE LAST TEN FUCKING YEARS. Was there even a plan going on here or was this just everyone making things up as it went? Their ending is the most unsatisfying and cruel thing because its INCOMPLETE. There is no real closure or resolution with them thanks to the monstrosity that was 15x19. AND NO ONE CARES ENOUGH ABOUT THEM TO GIVE A SHIT. 

Much as I’ve enjoyed this show for many years, it NEVER deserved Jake Abel, his talent or his time. I keep seeing so many anti posts about Dean Winchester’s final fate in Supernatural and all I can think about is “try being an Adam Milligan fan for the last decade”.  I’ve had to watch this boy go through hell with nothing to show for it either than years of memes. ridicule and the show’s mockery in forgetting him. Actually he’s the ONLY CHARACTER in this series you’re encouraged not to remember 😡 Also quick question: why give us this really interesting and healthy relationship between an archangel and its vessel if nothing was ever going to become of it? 

At this point I don’t know why Adam or the idea of him was even introduced way back in season 4 let alone revisited in season 5. Because the only thing I see when I look at this character now is SAD WASTED POTENTIAL. Storylines never explored. Relationships that never got off the ground. Backstory we never got to see (like for instance his past with John Winchester and his time in the cage). A character’s birthright (Men of Letters) that was never actualized. AND the unexplained factor that Adam could look directly at Michael’s true form without his eyes burning out (making him a special case). And the thing is he could’ve been a really great character, both him and Michael. They could’ve easily reached popular status just like Castiel given the chance since Jake is a freaking acting-powerhouse. We were given a taste in 15x08 just how awesome these characters could be and how they could’ve contributed so much to the story and its core group. But unfortunately it wasn’t meant to be.

Michael will never redeem himself after years of scrutiny and being made out to be some kind of unhinged monster. This show constantly enjoyed pounding into our brains how fearsome Michael was. Warned us via Lucifer (LUCIFER, PEOPLE!) that he wasn’t rational, compassionate and didn’t care about anything except war, death and destruction. And that he was incapable of feelings and emotions. This is how Supernatural saw Heaven’s Prince and guardian of the Earth. Christ, they actually did a two-year storyline about an evil Michael from the AU world who enjoyed torturing and killing while trying to destroy the universe. I want to know WHAT THE HELL THIS SHOW’S WRITERS HAD AGINST THESE CHARACTERS? Why they felt the need to bring back Jake Abel, AFTER A DECADE OF FANS WANTING THIS, if it was simply to piss all over his characters one last time before the show wrapped. This is absolutely unprofessional and childish; the fact that Jake is taking this bullshit in stride makes it all the more shameful 😡

We could’ve learned so much more about Michael’s past and his present relationship with Adam. These characters didn’t need to sit in the cage for a decade they could’ve easily been incorporated back into the show as far as season 8 or 10! And been an asset to the Darkness storyline in season 11.There were characters and storylines introduced that served no purpose. Why did we need to keep seeing characters like Charlie Bradbury or (as much as I like him) Crowley or Garth (love him too) or Lucifer or Abaddon or the Wayward sisters? I would’ve much preferred having Adam and Michael around and got to know them instead; especially after 15x08. I would’ve wanted to see what their dynamic with TFW could’ve become had they been long-time allies. Did John ever tell Mary about Adam’s existence? I’d like to see what her reaction would’ve been like had the Winchesters remembered him during that damn 300th episode. I guess that’s another loose end untied.

But because of what Supernatural did to these two characters, it forever taints Sam and Dean. I don’t think Dabb or purist fans realize this. But when new viewers come into this show about two brothers preaching important things like “saving people”, “family first” or “family don’t end in blood” they’re going to see how badly the main protagonists treated their innocent half brother. How Castiel and Jack were treated. They’re going to see the heroes of the story abandoning this kid in Hell forever with no intention of EVER rescuing him. And that’s why their final appearance leaves such a bad taste going into 15x20. Cause as much as Dabb and co didn’t give a shit about Adam and Michael they also didn’t give a rat’s ass about protecting Sam and Dean’s integrity. That’ll be a stain they can’t undo. 

So through all of it, we’re stuck with the abomination that is 15x19 aka the eye-soar to an unfinished/unpolished story of two horribly disregarded characters. Michael gets the pleasure of being character assassinated right before he’s stupidly killed off instead of going out a hero or becoming the next God (as it was his birthright and the setup was there in the narrative). And Adam gets killed off-screen, OUT OF HIS OWN DAMN BODY, then brought back by Jack only to live a miserable, isolated existence since his brothers have nothing to do with him (the dog and car are more important); his best friend is dead, he has no job or money or a fucking home and he’s legally dead! Really what is there left for him besides the brutal fate awaiting in Hell when he dies?  

SERIOUSLY THEY COULDN’T GIVE US ONE SCENE WHERE THE WINCHESTERS CHECKED IN ON ADAM TO MAKE SURE HE WAS SAFE?! 🤬 His last scene pretty much sums up this shit for what it is. Tragic. I feel like crying for this poor sweet boy.

Congratulations Dabb, BL and co for giving us these much deserved broken story arcs of characters you destroyed and made OOC before leaving the airways. You did your show’s protagonists justice by doing this *sarcasm inserted* after 15 years of being onscreen. I doubt these idiotic decisions are going to age well in the long run. They certainly don’t look good on the Winchesters. Anyway that’s my hot take for the day. 

ALL THESE ACTORS AND THEIR CHARACTERS DESERVED BETTER.

[cadykeus-clay]

Would you mind sharing your thoughts about vex and Beau being cross campaign foils?

so!!!! first things first: apologies for taking weeks to answer this, finals + having adhd sometimes makes my brain turn to mush and forget every ask ive ever recieved. second of all, i’m assuming you sent me this bc of what i said in my vm vs. m9 how they view the world meta. and i’ll be real with you. i have exactly 0 memory of what was going through my head when i wrote that line, so i am simply going to type out a bunch of thoughts that i have on the similarities and differences between beau and vex and i hope that lives up to what you were expecting jsdflksjdksld

I'll detail some specifics in a moment, but overall, I think beau and vex share a very similar kind of trauma of exclusion in their formative years, that's caused them to have a lot of similar traits that manifest in different ways - for vex, she maintains control through her material posessions and beau finds an emotional control in her asshole-ness. I've broken this down into 5 points on which I think comparing the two really emphasizes that claim:

1. daddy issues: both beau and vex have awful no good terrible very bad dads. both syldor and thoreau can suck my ass. they both raised their kids with little love and impossible-to-meet expectations, alientating them and leaving them with lifelong feelings of inferiority and unbelonging. If beau and vex were to meet, i think they would have a very friendly toast to shitty dads, and then have a good drunk vent about it an hour later.

but, at the same time, the actual minutae of their trauma and the ways it manifests are nearly polar opposites. syldor wanted nothing to do with vex, or else wanted her to somehow become a full elf. her issue was that she would never be able to belong, despite her desire to, and as she grew up it lead to her being overly protective and even possessive of the people she found who DID accept her as she was. 

With beau, rather than exclusion, her father created an environment of toxic inclusion. He created a role for beau to belong in, disregarding her distate for actually fulfilling it. And, as such, she ended up making herself into someone who could have no expectations and pushed away anyone who tried to set them up for her. In the end, they both came to love themselves by abandoning the woman their father wanted them to be but for vex it was the laying down of an impossible dream and for beau it was the picking up of a mantle she had feared to wear.

2. brothers: now, on the topic of family, I also think its really interesting how their interactions with their brothers play out. We've got vex and vax, tied at the hip til the very end and then some; and then we've got beau and TJ - decades apart and with beau barely acknolwedging TJ's existence. But, even that distance between beau and TJ didn't stop her caring for him when they actually met. She gave him lucky Jade, and she entertained the idea of kidnapping him to get him away from her stinko dad. 

And I'd espeically like to talk about what she said outside the hag's hut - "I think Luc and TJ could be best friends", in comparison to the way Vex reacted when Vax told her was going to Zephrah with Keyleth for the year break. There's an aspect to the way they interact with their brothers that lets them slip back into those bad habits they formed growing up (NOT that i'm claiming vex and vax were like toxic for each other. but even good relationships can have unhealthy moments). 

With Beau, when she offers to give her happiness so TJ can grow up safe, she's trying to take on the role she's ""supposed"" to fill - the big sister, the protector - because she failed to fill the one her father set out. And with Vex, when she grows jealous of Vax, it's because she's afraid that his leaving with keyleth is a sign that she no longer belongs in his inner circle, and she falls back on that childish, desperate desire to do anything to be accepted unconditionally. 

3. romance: spoilers for 5 or so most recent m9 eps (115-120)  if you haven't watched them ahead!!!! at this point, both vex and beau have an endgame romance - percy and yasha respectively. Obviously as the m9's campaign is still playing out, that could change, but like. yasha wrote her a love letter and they're officially going on a date so i'm counting that as at least endgame-track rather than just random flirting. What's interesting to me is that they both seem to flip between the SAME roles between their (in-game) general perception and their actual pursual of romance. 

Vex gets characterized as a pretty big flirt, right? She's got the winks, the casual "darling". She's flashed grog her boobs on multiple instances with little prompting. Beau, similarly, has easily the most game out of anyone in the m9. She's slept with two guest characters and at least one more npc in the events of the game. Caleb made her a fuck mirror in her room in the mansion. And yet, in both of their actual romantic endeavors, they became the shy, uncertain type. 

Vex only confessed her feelings when Percy was laying dead before her, and not an hour of game play before percy kissed her in the woods, she had a talk with vax about how she was pretty sure he didn't like her that way and she didn't want to pursue it. Beau, similarly, spent a very long time convinced that yasha wasn't looking for love after zuala, especially not in anyone like her, asked everyone in the party if they thought yasha ACTUALLY liked her, just to be safe, and then still terrified to ask her out after recieving a literal love letter. I'd argue this shift comes from that same sense of unbelonging - they're very good at pretending they fit a role but doubt their actual right to take it when the opportunity is presented. This time, the role is the lover rather than the daughter.

4. authority: Both vex and beau grew up shunned by the upper crust of society, and grew to mistrust those kinds of people. And yet, both of their arcs result in them assuming such a position. Vex, thrown out of high society gets her place as a baronness, and Beau, running from leadership of her father's business ends up a top member of the Cobalt Soul. There's not a lot here, but I find it interesting how both of their stories involve them shedding their baggage regarding authority and power and assuming it in a way that they feel comfortable in - invitation by someone she trusts for vex, and a promise of freedom of will and control for beau.

5. their deadliest sins: this is the point at which their similarities culminate and transform to a fundamental difference. despite everything they share - shitty childhoods, the small piece of family that's still good, flirtiness masking shy love, and a mistrust of those in power - vex and beau are such different characters because of their biggest vices. Vex, both in game and out, is "the greedy one". She's stingy with money, she haggles for everything, she mourns the loss of physical objects. Beau is "the mean one". She cares little for people's feelings if they're not in her immediate circle, she focuses on her tough guy image, she laughs at things she knows she shouldn't. 

And, over the course of the campaign, as they find unconditional acceptance, they grow away from these traits (I won't say they grow out of them) because they heal from the things causing these vices to begin with. I've always been vocal about vex's greed being a manifestation of her class insecurity, and beau's asshole-ness stemming from her fear of being forced back into another position of complacency. And I stand by that now - all the similarities in their backstories are what tally up to these different women.

Despite her careful tally of party funds and her reflexive bargaining, vex is not cruel. she is not angry on her own behalf. She saves two boys from the market in the city of brass at great personal cost, she relinquishes an entire dragon's hoard to the devastated city of Westruun, she took the time to save a baby bear from a cage when she could have just cut and run after escaping her own. She's the first one most people go to when they need a shoulder to cry on, and she's devastated when they don't (thinkin about when Scanlan left). She carved "forgiveness" into the bow she stole from a man after killing him by proclaiming how much she loved someone, because she knew anger had no place in her heart.

And Beau, Beau is a bitch and she's harsh, but she doesn't hoard or protect like vex did. she spends her money without much of a second thought. She pitches in to help her friends buy a ton of glowsticks, and she loves to indulge in material desires like drink and good food and the nicer inn room. She's a member of an organization that's about making knowledge public rather than guarding it. And, though this may be controversial, I think her position with bowlgate of "its not our problem what cali wants to do with it", her long-standing mistrust of their alliance with the bright queen and  and more recently with the tomb takers of "i want to go in and talk, rather than assuming they're antagonistic, even if it puts us at a disadvantage" are both examples of this non-possessiveness too - she has no need or desire to get involved in controlling what other people are doing.

so, i guess the general conclusion here is: vex struggles to let go of things, of money, of people. beau struggles to let herself be known in case she gets wrongly interpreted again. they both fight feelings of inadequacy, they both fight the feelings of not belonging, of 'doing it wrong', they fight the perception of them as shitty people because of the shells they hide in despite their absolute hearts of gold.  but at the end of the day, vex's story is one of having to lay down what could never be hers so she can carry what is, and beau's story is one of allowing herself to be known so a place can be made for her.

[kabookiii]

AOT- Eren is a tragic character

Earlier this week I was talking to my hairstylist. She is an anime only fan but surprisingly she doesn’t mind getting spoiled. On the contrary, she would ask me to spoil her (she doesn’t like to read) so I’m guessing that's why lol. Anyways, her questions to me were why is Eren so extreme and so evil? Why didn’t he try the diplomatic route? *Disclaimer these are my personal opinions and interpretations of events in the story. * I will incorporate chapter 138 in case you haven’t read it. 

Eren has always been a protector of the weak and has love for his friends and family since day 1. He fought to save Mikasa when he was just a 9 year old kid- Eren is a fighter against injustice and that is why we love him or used to for those that no longer do. In my opinion, Eren lost his freedom to follow his selfish desires the moment he kissed Historia’s hand and learned of future and past events. Why did he lose his freedom? Eren is no longer ignorant so he cannot turn a blind eye. Now that he knows, he has a responsibility to uphold- with great power comes great responsibility. Eren cannot afford the luxury to think only about himself so he has to take into account others well being (Paradis Island) because the world is more complex and grand and the small island is small compared to the outside. Armin himself tells Eren that he is a slave to freedom- ironically his pursuit of freedom actually shackled him. It is easy to forget that Eren was just a little boy living a regular life with Mikasa and his family until tragedy struck. The perceived battle was between titan and human but once they exterminated the last titan they would be free right? Then everyone will live happily ever after? Wrong.  When Eren, Armin and Mikasa reached the ocean- which used to represent freedom- Eren was the only one who didn’t feel joy because he knew the world was more complex and cruel than he could ever imagine- they weren’t really free to have a place in the world for the world rebuked them.  When the last titan residing outside the walls was killed in Paradis Island, the Eldians lost their protection from the outside world- they became defenseless. 

Before Eren sets out to Marley, Eren does try for the diplomatic route to play out. However, their only ally Hizuru doesn't want to help them unless they are able to “demonstrate” they can activate the rumbling and if the Eldians can ensure that the royal family will continue to inherit the beast titan- royal blood is needed to activate the rumbling and someone else not being of royal blood needs to have the founding titan- vicious cycle will continue. Hizuru won’t help for free as they want something in return- how the real world works- no such thing as a free meal so they want the island’s natural resources. Eren gets upset about having to sacrifice Historia- rob her of her freedom to become breeding livestock- as a way to achieve peace is against Eren’s core values. The real question is would Marley and the rest of the world be open to have diplomatic talks? So Eren left Paradis Island to find out (my assumption). The answer is no which was proven by Willam Tybur as he gathered world leaders when he declared war on Paradis Island. Seeing Reinier’s, Bertholdt’s, Annie’s and Gabi’s initial reaction in their animosity against Eldians and strong allegiance to Marley (they were just kids btw) do you think adults would be more open minded? I believe not and the adults proved it. Eren did not attack Marley until after William Tybur declared war so war could no longer be avoided as it was already started by his words. If anything William Tybur destroyed any chance of diplomacy when he gathered the world leaders against Paradis Island- William spoke the truth about what happened with King Fritz but then he continued the narrative that Paradis Island had to be destroyed. Eren knew Marley had to be attacked first if Paradis Island had any chance to survive as Marley had most of the Titans and advance weapons/technology so Eren did what he had to do to protect his home as there was no real chance for diplomacy which was to attack. War is cruel and innocent lives are lost- that is the reality. 

It’s off topic but until now I do not think Gabi is just like Eren. Gabi (raised in loving family) from day 1 knew about being discriminated by being an Eldian, Marley conquering other countries (starting war) and knew how big and vast the world is and she chose to be a warrior to be a “Good Eldian” and killed other people for the sake of Marley yes she changes later as she gains knowledge and is open to accept a different perspective but that doesn't change the fact that Gabi murdered people in cold blood for the sake of Marley and it proves how dangerous restricted/controlled education and society can be.  Young Eren was born in a protected environment (loving family) but he is forced to grow up when his family is destroyed (housed ruined, mom killed and dad leaves him) then Eren came to learn how corrupt the government is (the one found inside the walls and outside), humans are the most cruel (start wars for power example Marley) and most discriminatory (segregating Eldians but still using their power what sees in Marley) thus Eren chose to become a “Bad Eldian” to destroy all oppression and corrupt institutions to obtain freedom for his loved ones. Based on chapter 138, in the end Eren may not ever have true happiness and be allowed to follow what his heart truly desires such as falling in love and being with his loved ones. Eren knew he could live out his remaining days with Mikasa and die a peaceful death but he chose not to because the world would remain the same- nothing would change. He gave up and destroyed any possibility of finding happiness and being allowed to remain/fight along his friends by solely attacking Marley first and telling Mikasa he hated her. Levi, Hange and others lost trust in him and Mikasa was heartbroken. When Eren talks to himself in the mirror and says “fight” multiple times I think it’s because he has to reinforce his commitment to play out the role of the villain for if he doesn’t fight then his friends won’t live nor be truly free. He asks Hange if she has any ideas but she doesn’t. No one has the power and knowledge that Eren possesses so he is the only one able to bring drastic change so Eren has a heavy burden to carry. Chapter 138 proves that Mikasa was not a slave to Ackerman blood and her feelings for Eren were true. Oddly, by killing Eren, Mikasa is the one who set him free of the burden he carried on his shoulders and she proved to him that her love was real. If Eren is truly dead then Mikasa is the last person he sees before he dies- the person he always loved. Tragic ending for their relationship. A tragic fate for Eren. The rumbling is cruel and devastating yet even in real history, events that are extremely cruel have occurred- using atomic weapons to end World War II (later using diplomacy to bring the world together),  placing people in concentration camps and segregating, the government brainwashing civilians in order to carry out genocide (holocaust). As extreme as AOT appears, sadly humans most of the times won’t accept or be willing to bring change until major, cruel, painful and drastic events take place that force humans to self-reflect.

[reidingdays]

bau as songs from folklore

tw: mentions and allusions to drugs, death, grief, blood

the 1: jj painful and blinding optimism. hope. knowing where you've come from and how it has shaped you. going about your day. growing. letting go peacefully. curiosity. sneakers ambling down pavements with your earphones in. sunshine and leafy trees. recognising your worth. it’s alright now.

cardigan: spencer darkness like a blanket. the scratch of a needle against a nostalgic vinyl. a reassuring weight on your chest, like an old cat. pouring over somebody like the final page of a book. oxymoronic. something destined. something borrowed. stars aligning in a clear night sky. making excuses that blur logic. leaving like a father. wise beyond your years. belonging. abandoning. lingering, longing fingertips.

the last great american dynasty: rossi winding narratives. extravagant retellings and rumours. keepsakes. red wine and sunlight streaming through high windows. board games. banter and feuds. family heirlooms. a big house by the sea. breezy. loud laughter. chosen family gatherings. captivating, collected words. a warm afternoon. a cat in a sunbeam.

exile: morgan walks in solitude to clear your head. exuding love to give. leaving your home behind. an understudy, overlooked, discarded. a foot soldier. a protector. bloodied knuckles. dashed expectations. finishing a film that should have ended long ago. demolishing a wall, then demolishing the whole house. balancing on breaking branches. irreplaceable. risking it all. compartmentalising. stolen innocence forced to confront reality. 

my tears ricochet: emily haunted ghosts. sobbing 'let me in, i'm come home!'. a chill inside your bones. a set jaw. inky midnight blue skies. rain storming against rattling windows. a hollow shell. echoing choirs. unrequited love. silent tears streaking down a face. drowning your jewels in the ocean. the past catching up to you. digging up an empty grave. an aching chest. sacrifice. brave, shaking hands. three walled coffins. screaming at the sky.

mirrorball: garcia a used spectacle. shattered glass that still sparkles. whimsy. try, try, trying. tarnished but that’s what makes it glitter. a balancing act. soft prisms of light painting the walls. floating around a party. resilience. towering heels. a rainbow smile, fleeting, shining, beautiful. something rare and special. offering hope to those that need it most. people pleasing. insightful. reliable. in a seventh heaven. 

seven: tara protective, undying love. an unfinished childhood. before i learned civility. clipped wings. manners. a misty forest, gnarled branches, changing leaves, appropriate footwear. evolution. investigative. an open perspective. weeds are flowers. intelligence, elegance. violin bows. tamed wild horses. are there still beautiful things? 

august: luke simple things in life. honesty and naivety. longing, worshipping. strumming a guitar in the summertime. salt on your skin. twisted bedsheets. wonder and hope. falling too far too fast and not caring for the consequences. sleeping in. reminiscing. warm sand beneath your feet. warm arms around your waist. carefree chases along the coast, towels streaming like kites behind you. no strings attached. childlike laughter. frisky hands. driving with the roof off.

this is me trying: hotch learning strength is vulnerability. shiniest wheels now they're rusting. crumbling walls, opening cage doors. letting out demons. depending and dependable. faintest smiles. turning up at your friend's front door in the pouring rain. accepting defeat. learning softness. heads resting on shoulders. short temper. doing better. keeping up appearances. strictest with yourself. for once in your life, undoing your tie. hugging your son.

illicit affairs: spencer secretive, private. preferring your alone time. withdrawn. a drug that only worked the first few hundred times. chasing the impossible. frustration. self-destructive. loss and disregard. me for her. cover me. ripping off a tie, ripping off a kevlar. don't call me kid. desperation. mercurial highs. volatile, bitchy, snappy. lonely.

invisible string: matt a fairytale ending. going with the flow. the pattering of little feet against hardwood floors. fingerpainting with primary colours. trusting. looking through an photo album. awe. tied together for all eternity. forgiving and forgetting. being thankful. reflection. bedtime stories. full dinner tables, full tummies. making birthday cakes at 3am with the love of your life. doing it all over again.

mad woman: elle sharp tongue, sharp claws. do not trespass. taking your time because they took everything from you. vengeance. justice. a panther prowling the back alleys. fuck you forever. holding grudges. ruthless. terrified. biting back. constantly looking over your shoulder.

epiphany: spencer floating, dreaming if you're lucky. just one single glimpse of relief. alchemy. overcast. service and sacrifice. unspeakable traumas. silver linings to clutch onto. gentleness. holding hands with strangers. lifelines. comfort. humanity. cloudy days, white haze, an intermittent white light. sleepless, drifting. like the tide, breathing in, breathing out. at peace.

betty: jj open, brazen, communicative. country girl. no holding back. admitting your shortfalls. saying sorry. last chances. pining. would you tell me to go fuck myself or lead me to the garden? grand gestures. speaking your mind no matter what chaos it may chance.

peace: emily no longer a lamb, but the fox that kills them. hardened, but doubt still clawing at your insides. is it enough? saving face. a rapid heartbeat. flickering fire. chosen family. dying for your loved ones in secret. calamity hanging like a shadow over you, inescapable. taking the fall. fighting to keep your head above water. knowing that it’s worth the strife.

hoax: blake smoke and mirrored metaphors. analytical armour. burying your nose in a crossword. worn old volumes you’ve read countless times over. cynicism, stoicism. incomplete, no longer whole. giving everything you've got. a loss echoing in every chamber of your heart that no other sadness in the world would do. you know the hero died so what’s the movie for? enduring. leaning on loved ones. healing in private.

[myfandomrambles]

Adora, Catra & Trauma (Pt2)

(Part 1) (Part 3) (Part 4)

Full Show

An Analysis of the way Catra & Adora are affected by their respective traumatic experiences.

Relationships With Others:

Adora:

Adora works to be of use to other people and to be liked. She wants to impress people and to be “good enough”. Her sense of self and self-worth is completely tied up in how others view her; this is based on the identity destabilization and unhealthy schemas from disorganized attachment style. Disorganized attachment is born from Shadow Weaver, her mother figure and primary attachment, was psychologically abusive and formed a person who was not always safe to return to. Adora while didn’t form a complete distrust or others in a fight way but truly flees or fawns to the person she wants to attach to. Her attunement is strong for the most part but it is easily broken. 

Princess Alliance

Adora doesn’t have distinct relationships to most of the princess alliance. She regards them with loyalty and affection but doesn’t seem to have attachments past the need to be the ideal of She Ra. Adora’s interactions with most of the other princesses are filtered through her identity issues. 

Adora's interaction with Entrapta stands out the most because they have more one on one interactions and spend time on the same and on opposing sides. There are periods of stronger emotion like guilt, then a mostly apathetic confrontation to being able to work together. 

Light Hope & Queen Angella

Light hope and Angella both fill the void left by Shadow Weaver who is her commander and mother respectively. 

Light Hope starts being a person Adora searches out to give her some sort of answer and then continues to look to her for orders. Adora falls into a state of objectification due Light Hope treating Adora as mostly a weapon to act out her programming. Adora is generally willing to follow her and even starts to be casual with her, seen in Protocol (4x05). Adora wants to do well and be better than what she understands Mara to be starting in Light Hope (1x12). Adora goes to her for answers most notably when in The Coronation (4x01) Shadow Weaver reveals Adora is a First One. 

Adora feels betrayed when in Hero (4x09) she learns that being She Ra in the way Light Hope pushed her was harmful. Not only does this sever her relationship it also causes more identity issues and is a re-traumatization of betrayal trauma.

They have a confrontation in Destiny pt 2 (4x13) were Adora stands up and tries to assert her identity, and the part of Light Hope that did care for her shine through and tell Adora to shatter the sword. All of these experiences leave Adora feeling more objectified, guilty and with another betrayal wound. 

Angella stands in for the mother part of Shadow Weaver and is a healthier version. Angella starts off holding Adora not becoming emotionally close or trusting. Adora doesn’t try to get emotionally close but does search for trust. We see this in Adora’s open willingness to lose everything to rescue Glimmer (No Princess Left Behind 1x09)

They don’t interact much but during season 3 Adora offers respect and Angella tends to return it. In The Price of Power (3x01) we see Angella protect Adora. Understanding the pain and trauma Adora went through enough to try and stop Shadow Weaver from getting to talk to Adora. 

During The Portal (3x06) Angella tells Adora how brave she has been and gives her life up to protect everyone and in Adora's place saving her life. Angella gives the parting comfort of holding Adora's face a similar action to one Shadow Weaver uses but there is compassion behind it. She also gives the parting advice of “take care of each other” one Adora fully misunderstands. The reason they never fully attached was partially Angella’s preoccupation with her own daughter and also Adora’s internalized need to be a hero and objectification. They never gain a healthy motherly nor mentor ability to attune. These are why Adora reads her “take care of each other” wording to be Adora must take care of Glimmer. 

Bow

Bow and Adora generally have stable relationships, never having a moment of severe rupture in their relationships. Bow generally is friendly and supportive to Adora and most people in both their group dynamics and one-on-one bonds. In the final few episodes of season 4 and beginning of season 5, we see that Bow and Adora get along well acting as a duo. One of the main ways this dynamic show is how Bow cared for Adora when she was failing to take care of herself in Horde Prime (5x01) and Launch (5x02). Bow doesn’t always understand but cares greatly and is the primary partner when it comes to dealing with First One's technology.

They have different ways of handling situations and people like in season 4 when Adora’s is focused solely in solving her own destiny and stopping the heart whereas Bow is searching for Entrapta because he doesn’t believe in leaving “friends” behind. Seen in Beast Island (4x11) when Bow attempted to get Entrapta with a sappy speech and Adora is pragmatic. Adora also comments of Bow’s social intelligence is different from hers in Stranded (5x4)

Overall, Bow while not always understanding is generally supportive and able to give Adora strength via his pep talks. 

Glimmer

Adora and Glimmer’s relationship is generally strong and displays healthy dynamics in season 1-3 and again in season 5. During season 4 they experience an episode of relational rupture. The main issues underlying this rupture are the loss of queen Angella’s and the disparate ways they believe they ought to be leading. 

Adora was told to “take care of each other” by Angella in The Portal (3x06) but interpreted this as “take care of you [Glimmer]” (The Coronation, 4x01). Adora takes this seriously having spent her whole life as a protector and leader. Being a protector is a core belief of Adora's along with being compelled to honor a woman she respected. Glimmer is deeply affected by the loss of her mother and pushed herself to properly fill her shoes as queen and be a proper general. They are both absorbed in their respective grief. 

The other layer shows up in what they do when it comes to the war against the Horde. Adora is working to be the concept of She-Ra this can sometimes lead to blind spots on what others are doing. Glimmer on the other hand often misunderstands Adora’s need to be She Ra and sometimes forgets how to explain her needs. Glimmer is also more willing to play real war where Adora is in the magic realm. 

These issues cause strife up until Glimmer angrily pushes Adora too far in Boys' Night Out (4x08) blaming her for the loss of Angella. Adora is understandably hurt and then tries to hyper-focus on having to save the day. She falls back on the pattern of implicit memories of being the martyr and hero. 

Glimmer’s angry words mirror Catra's from their past. Centering on needing to be the hero. With both of them, it’s a slight misread of what Adora actually needs to do. She does need to be the hero, the leader, and save the day but not because she is self-important but because that is what she has built her entire identity on from when she was a child. She has experienced objectification her entire life and changing from this perspective isn’t something easily done. Glimmer and Adora both feel the need to prove something and carry weight too big for them and Glimmer lashes out while Adora lashes in making Adora obsessed with saving everyone 

Glimmer tries hard to support Adora in season 5 and is willing to do repair work from her mistreatment in Boys Night Out (4x08) and her mistakes in Destiny pt 1/2 (4x12-13). Adora is willing to let Glimmer back in easily, some of that might be Adora not focusing on her own hurt but was also healing. 

Glimmer and Adora went through a deep time of grief and strife and came out with a strong bond and maintained their care for each other. 

Catra

Adora’s relationship with Catra is the most defining one. This relationship depicts a romance torn apart by war as well as showing two children in an abusive family. This dynamic is part of the complexity of their attachments.  

Catra was Adora's primary attachment following Shadow Weaver, being her mother. From being a baby Catra was her primary relationship and her only source of love. In conjunction with their attachments they fill roles in an abusive family, Adora plays the golden child and Catra is the scapegoat. Shadow Weaver and The Horde pushed Adora to feel responsible for protecting Catra. Another layer to this is how Shadow Weaver set up Catra as essentially belonging to Adora (Promise 1x11). 

Adora and Catra's disparate views on Shadow Weaver and the Horde system caused strife between them as Adora wanted to be the leader, hero and was often given this title which forced to Catra feel sidelined. Adora is not always aware of what she is doing or how she is affecting Catra emotionally as well as struggling to understand Catra (Sword Pt 1 1x01, Promise 1x11, Corridors 5x03). But the intention isn’t to be upsetting to Catra but to fulfill her duty and show her love. 

Adora has attachment trauma caused by her upbringing, and she heavily shares this with Cata to be inherently disorganized and breeds traumatic bonding, neither is at fault. After their relational rupture in the start of season 1, Adora continuously wants to be with Catra still as she is her primary attachment and someone she loves deeply.  

However, even with the attachment trauma related to each other, we see Adora be willing to maintain some boundaries making Catra open up to her in the end. Putting her needs first after The Portal incident. (Remember & Portal 3x05-6). 

We see the relationship’s strength in Save The Cat (5x05) Adora being able to break through the effects of the medical and psychological abuse and showing both strength and vulnerability. In Taking Control (5x06) we get some of the strongest relationships scenes of Adora meeting Catra halfway but requiring Catra offering back the strength and vulnerability Adora gave. (Save The Cat & Taking Control 5x05-6)

In the next few episodes, we see them bond and Adora fall back into a mostly easy connection with her closest friend. In Failsafe (5x11) we see Adora being willing to admit she needs Catra and tries to rebuff Shadow Weaver’s attempted manipulation of their connection. We see Adora lose so much strength when Catra leaves again. Their relationships deep connection and Catra's ability to remind Adora she has something to live for ends up saving the day in Heart pt 2(5x13)

While I deeply enjoy their relationship there are some risks in it. Traumatic bonding and enmeshment are the base of their relationship and this has a higher probability to cause relational rupture down the line. Of the two Adora’s side is a bit healthier as Adora has some degree of identity without Catra and has formed attachments to Bow and Glimmer that are more stable. If Adora continues to heal from her need to suffer from others and maintains healthy connections outside I don't think it will be inherently traumatic. 

Catra

General 

Catra has a disorganized attachment style. Her ability to attach was compromised due to her primary attachment object being Shadow Weaver as her Mother. Her approach and avoid messages came from the same place, and any adults she would have tried to connect with would have been cold and militaristic. Children have to have a safe place and person to return to as they explore but Catra never had this, and this broken trust and attunement ability she struggles to attune to almost anyone else. Another layer is like many disorganized people she can experience enmeshment where identity and core ideas become overlapped with another person.  

Cadets

The other cadets treated Catra poorly growing up, shown when Adora leaves Lonnie Says “Adora’s not here to protect you anymore” (Razz 1x03.) At first, Catra generally distances herself from them but as she sits in her place of relative power she starts to turn the bullying and abuse back to them. This is an abusive turnaround and not common from nowhere even if Kyle tried to say so telling her they “used to be friends” (Destiny pt 1 4x12) this isn’t what happened. In flashbacks in Promise (1x11) Catra was excluded from the group and catra often got in fights with them (Corridors 5x03)

Next to Scorpia, Lonnie is the person who suffers from Catra’s abusive behavior. We see this especially in Protocol (4x05) & Fractures-Destiny pt1 (4x10-12) as Catra ends up putting her paranoid thoughts, anger and fear on her after the loss of Scorpia. As mentioned above this is a bit of a turnaround but more prevalently the pathway of abuse from Hordak above Catra to Catra on Scorpia and Lonnie. 

Bow & Glimmer

We see them interact to some degree in Princess Prom (1x08) & No Princess Left Behind (1x09) and it’s mostly in passing. Their first proper interaction comes in Ties That Bind (2x02) where Catra holds most of the power and only becomes dysregulated when Glimmer mentions Adora. But in the end, we see Catra at her most in control and manipulative and Glimmer’s is willing to act out. Catra wins the interaction through her manipulation with Entrapta.

In Destiny pt 2 (4x13) we see Glimmer and Adora both fall apart at the end. Glimmer is the one who sees Catra in a state of completely giving up in a fold state showing willingness to die. Catra is willing to save Glimmer when attacked by Horde Prime. 

During episodes, Horde Prime - Corridors (5x01-3) Glimmer and Catra both deals with isolation and are working for pure survival. They handle it in disparate ways Glimmer tries to be the archetypal queen needing to stay strong for her own perception of self. While Catra uses her implicit need to protect herself through playing the game of the person in power. Catra and Glimmer share a few pleasant moments where they discuss what they would do on Etheria offering a level of support. Catra is willing to save Glimmer to prove she has some good in her and for Adora.

At the end of Taking Control 5x06 and Shot in The Dark 5x08, we see Bow and Glimmer being generally positive and making jokes with Catra. They offer positivity only picking fun in good faith. Catra struggles with this due to her own hypervigilance but is willing to return this kindness. In An Ill Wind (5x09) they work together in a fine way to get what they want. They all share the love for Adora that will drive them to the ends of their own strength showing the main thing they have in common. (Save The Cat-Heart pt 2 5x05-13). 

Entrapta

Entrapta is an interesting case. From The Beacon-Signals (1x10-2x03) Catra and Entrapta share a relationship that starts with manipulation from Catra in saying that the princess would abandon her to get her on her side, this is also based on Catra's pain (The Beacon 1x10). They work decently together but Catra continues to struggle to form a healthy friendship finding Entrapta a bit grating and her generalized trust deficits. Catra can be mean to her but still offers some protection to Entrapta. (Signals 2x03). Their relationship totally breaks down from Catra’s perspective as of Light Spinner (2x06) as she feels replaced in Hordak’s eyes, replaying her base trauma from her attachment to Shadow Weaver. 

Entrapta is unaware of Catra’s trauma or her pattern of harming others to handle her own pain. This leaves Entrapta vulnerable, and she is only fully aware when she is banished to Beast Island by Catra in Moment of Truth (3x04).

They interact fully again in Taking Control (5x06) where Catra’s hypervigilance and recent medical trauma has her fearful of what Entrapta’s will do to her when removing the chip. After Entrapta is able to remove Catra is willing to apologize and Entrapta easily accepts it. 

Double Trouble

Double Trouble and Catra have a relationship built-in transactional stating in their first meeting in The Valley of the Lost (4x02). This continuous but Double Trouble is also able to make Catra laugh and Catra finds her easy to communicate with as there isn't a need for the same attachment patterns as normal relationships. (Flutterina-Princess Scorpia 4x03-6). 

Double Trouble then is captured and Catra becomes worried about being abandoned by them as part of an episode of depression and panic episode after having been left by Scorpia (Fractures 4x10). Catra is surprised to see Double Trouble and Double Trouble notices how broken up catra was and is happy to point out Catra's fears of abandonment. (Destiny pt 1) Double Troubles transactional nature turns against Catra in the same episode as they sell out Catra for their own safety. 

Double Trouble can't help but get in a final scene pointing out to Catra how she has driven everyone [Adora, Scorpia, Shadow Weaver & Hordak] away and that she has been wearing a mask this whole time. 

Scorpia

Scorpia suffers from the fall out of Catra’s symptoms dealing with Catra’s tendency to replay her abuse. Catra is never fully able to let Scorpia in, while Scorpia desperately wants Catra to like her. Scorpia has an intense crush on Catra and becomes blind to the abusive behavior due to her self perception as a good friend. Catra is also blinded to the kindness being offered to her due to a warped perception of others and her leaning into the abusive programming of her childhood. 

Throughout season 1 we see Catra generally keep Scorpia at an arm's length but Scorpia becomes attached when Catra shows her any attention like in Princess Prom (1x08), though Catra is upset about Adora and is default supportive of Scorpia. In season 2 we see Scorpia be very helpful to Catra and Catra does start to lean on her in Signals (2x03) and Catra even starts to recognize the affection in White Out (2x05). But fear and repeating abusive behaviors damage her relationships to a more abusive footing as Catra lashes out due to Shadow Weaver and Hordak's behavior. 

We have two important moments in season 3’s episode Once Upon A Time in the Crimson Waste (3x03) and Moment of Truth (3x04). In Once Upon A Time in the Crimson Waste (3x03) we see how their relationship could be, Scorpia noting that this is the first time she’s seen Catra even be happy and that she could leave. Any chance of comfort is broken when Catra suffers a breakdown and lashes out. In a Moment of Truth (3x04) Catra hurts Entrapta deeply and threatens Catra followed by almost killing everyone in a moment of suicidality and homicidal tendencies. This fractures their relationships irrevocably. 

Season 4 Catra spirals into only focusing on winning the war and being willing to use every one. She lashes out insulting Catra and putting her as her stress relief demeaning her. Scorpio recognized this finally in Princess Scorpia (4x06) telling Catra’s she’s a bad friend, a deep insult from Scorpia. This is one of the final straws that breaks Catra's fragile hold on functionality in Boys' Night Out (4x08). 

Catra realizes the harm she’s done in season five though the relationship is less active in the finale season. But it was formative in moving Catra to a place where she could be better. 

Hordak

Hordak and Catra’s relationship changes extremely throughout the show. In season one and presumably throughout their childhood he is a powerful influence that guides their actions but is more of a force than a person. He takes Catra into the higher sections of the power structure seeing her promise in being a force captain which is hugely important to Catra as it validates her need for attention and recognition. 

Throughout season 2 he acts as a secondary abuser to Shadow Weaver, she seeks out his approval wanting to be able to be on the same level with him protecting herself from the insinuation she lacks his trust. (2x01-3, White Out 3x05 & Light Spinner 3x06) Catra shows fear to him and even tries to protect Entrapta from him originally in Signals (2x03). We see her also be very hurt by Hordak choosing Entrapta over her throughout season two. 

Due to Catra still being very attached to Shadow Weaver we see Catra attempt to protect Shadow Weaver but at this point, she is still acting in fear of Hordak trying to avoid his anger at her culminating in him catching, assaulting and imprisoning her in Reunion (2x07). 

After this we see Catra be apathetic towards anything going on with him being in a state of depression and anger. She is reckless and is willing to call him out for being a coward and risk whatever he will do, breaking through the programmed fear. (The Price of Power 3x01 Once Upon A Time in The Crimson Waste 3x03)

Catra lies to Hordak during her break down to be able to pull the lever (Moment of truth 3x04). 

When they regroup after The Portal incident Hordak tries to continue using fear of Catra, but she overcomes the past fear almost completely and takes him on breaking his suit and partially disabling him. (The Coronation 4x01) She uses her knowledge of her own power and puts them on a more equal footing. Catra is the right hand but equal from his perspective until Destiny pt1 (4x12) where Hordak Says “we will control all of Etheria” and “victory is ours”. However, even this equality is partially a facade due to Hordak being an abuser to Catra for years and treating her as under him up until the last few episodes and Catra using the lie about Entrapta to claw back power after he rejected her before.

Catra starts to identify with Hordak telling him “you and me we don’t need anyone” (Princess Scorpia 4x06). She is trying to get him to finish their mission and has rejected any connection to others but in her rant, she is also still trying to prove herself saying “they’ll all see ''. This is similar to how Hordak wants to not be seen as defective. This identification also extends to her tendencies of following patterns of abusive behavior, at the height of identification her abusive behavior is at its worst. 

The identification and manipulation come to a head when they fight in Destiny pt 2 (4x12) after Double Trouble reveals Catra’s lies. The fight is both a power struggle and a depressive and anger-fueled breakdown. At least on Catra’s part, the outcome is similar to what happened after the portal (Once Upon a Time in the Waste-The Portal 3x03-6). Hordak’s anger was comes from him placing some a level of trust in Catra and her rejecting that.

This fight is reckless and leaves Catra mentally and physically battered, an important moment that sets up her actions in season 5. 

During her imprisonment with Horde Prime, they connect over her being able to tell him from the other Horde clones. They also both suffer similar religious and medical assaults from Horde Prime. They have little interaction after their plotlines diverge. Though both deal with ideas of autonomy. 

Adora

Cat's entire world is centered around Adora. Her continued existence was tied to her relationship to Adora from Shadow Weaver’s perspective (Promise 1x11). As a child, Adora was her entire world and the only person to ever show her kindness. This leads her to experience an extreme  enmeshment and traumatic bonding that leads to identity and relational struggles. 

An early difference between them is the way Catra never had an ideological commitment to the Horde vs Adora who had a belief system to break. This difference is one of the first cracks in their relationship to Catra viewing the betrayal of Adora in personal terms. Due to the fact, Catra finds the idea that the Horde was hurting people obvious due to horrendous abuse she suffered as a child so Adora left her and downplayed their trauma in one go. (The Sword pt 1/2 1x01-2)

Catra spends much of the first season splitting on Adora going between wanting her back, protecting her, shoving her away and eventually proclaiming false independence. This is a trait of her symptom pattern due to her developmental trauma. A slightly less extreme splitting episode happens after they became close again (Return to the Fright Zone-Heart pt 1 5x10-12)

In her most violence breakdown in Remember (3x05) & The Portal (3x06) where Catra’s locus of control has broken down to being all about Adora’s actions. Adora rejects the blame and this forms another form of rupture in their connection. 

Catra never fully stops being dependent on Adora for her sense of self and actions. She heavily places weight on what Adora did, what Adora would think, how to get Adora’s attention and ways to prove she’s better. Even when angry at her Catra has a need to base decisions off showing Adora her worth and strength (Princess Prom 1x08 & Princess Scorpia 4x06). 

In the final arc of the show Catra has positive changes in her behavior and emotions. However, she still hasn’t fully learned boundaries; her decision to change was spurred on by flashbacks to her co-dependence on Adora in her childhood (Corridors 5x03). Their relationship starts to heal through Adora keeping up a level of boundaries and Catra being willing to admit she needs Adora (Taking Control 5x06). Throughout the rest of the season, Catra’s behavior is still centered around how Adora views Catra in their ability to work together and then the rupture after fearing Adora would choose her duty over Catra again and the misperception Adora lacked as strong feelings for Catra as she did for her. (Failsafe & Heart pt 1 5x11-12)

We see their relationship mature over this last season and the romantic aspect taking centre stage ending with their kissing help both of them maintain a connection reality in The Heart pt 2 (5x13)

Her love for Adora is important and something that kept her strong and can be healing. However, the relationship is still subject to dysfunction due to Adora the key to Catra’s core beliefs and schemas. Learning to have their strong connection be a strength while maintaining boundaries will be the key to this relationship being healing.

[Will cover Shadow Weaver and the girls in pt 3]

[marvels-agents100]

de la lune et des étoiles

would you watch the stars on a cloudy night ?

pairing: spencer reid x gender neutral ! reader

warnings: none, just big sad

word count: 2,273

author’s note: yay for lil spencey babey ! also, you get bonus points if you can spot the e.e. cummings quote within this hehe

A labored sigh left his lips as he sank into his sofa, feet curling up beneath him. His hands absentmindedly fiddled with one another, his stare reaching no particular point, his mind full. The caving feeling in his chest still remained, even though you had left long ago, the slamming of his apartment door punctuating your stay.

He felt stupid, for a lack of better words. Utterly and entirely foolish. Not only had he watched as you walked away, but he had never reached out to stop you, never called out your name to attempt to apologize. He let you leave, and for that, he was stupid.

Stupid.

He repeated that word like a mantra everyday for the next two months, every time his mind wandered back to you. The ache within his heart was a pain he had grown accustomed to, one that was continuously present, but ignored. His entire being was held together with tape and bubblegum, starting every day by staring at a reflection he no longer recognized. The circles beneath his eyes grew darker every time the moon replaced the sun, his frown turned lower by the presence of the stars.

The sky had always reminded him of you, whether it was saturated with sunshine or blanketed in moonlight. He saw your eyes in every sunset; their brightness and beauty mirrored by the array of colors painted on the heavens by an expert hand. Your smile reflected the day, radiating a warmth that made the sun envy you. Your presence held a comfort that could only be found when laying in a field and counting constellations. 

You were his sun, moon, and all the stars, and every time his gaze reached upwards, he would be reminded of you and tell himself that word once more:

Stupid.

It wasn’t the memory of angry words, or the shrapnel of the final fight that hurt him, it was how empty everything had been since you left. He found himself wishing he hadn’t ever met you, and although he cursed himself for having such a thought, he knew that it was the exposure to your love that made life feel so empty in the absence of it. 

It was far too late when he had realized that he would’ve done anything for you. 

If you wished to plant a forest and watch the trees grow, he would bring a blanket for the chilled night. If you wished to count the stars, he would remind you to begin with yourself. If you wished to dance upon the April rain, he would dance with you, then watch the flowers grow. You could ask him to bring you the clouds that floated above your head, and he would find a ladder tall enough to pluck them from the sky.

His love for you was anything but finite, and a door closing harshly behind your retreating figure did little to negate that fact.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

He lost himself, the longer he was without you. You had carried so much of his heart within the gentle caress of your palms, and you held it tightly when you left that day. He wouldn’t ever ask for it back, if given the chance, for he knew that it wouldn’t ever beat in the hands of another. The gaping hole left behind his sternum was a cobweb-ridden reminder of a light he once knew.

Completely and utterly stupid.

The notification reached your phone on a cold winter day, where snow blanketed the ground and the green fronds of the trees now laid within an icy coffin. Your eyebrows pulled downwards as the long-lost name flashed upon the screen.

Spencer

could we talk ?

How were you expected to respond to that? Radio silence had occupied the last two months, yet he still had words to say?

(Y/N)

why

Spencer

please.

The sigh of annoyance that left your lips wasn’t one that was aimed towards him, but rather yourself. You knew you would agree to see him once more, because frankly, you had been seeing him in your dreams since the day you left. He danced along your subconscious without shame, without reserve, and you were acutely aware of his presence no matter how much you attempted to distract yourself.

Getting Spencer Reid to rid your mind was not an easily accomplishable task. You saw him in every polite smile from a stranger, in every laugh echoed from a child, in every gasp of surprise, tear of joy. He was the simple and lovely happiness that encapsulated everyone around you; escaping the remnants of him was nearly impossible. You didn’t have an eidetic memory, and yet your thoughts were stained with everything he had ever said to you.

You cried most over the words no one else had ever heard. It was the declarations of love he gave every time you brought him a coffee, the way he told you a newly learned fact with passion and vigor, the soft confession shared over a pillowcase- every I love you and all the ways he found to say it; they had found a home within your heart, your thoughts, and they weren’t leaving any time soon. 

You had chosen to leave it all behind that day, and there was only one word to describe your judgement of yourself:

Stupid.

The knock that tapped against his door echoed throughout the apartment, but he could barely hear it over the sound of his heart beating. He inhaled deeply before a shaking hand found the golden doorknob, twisting and pulling it open.

And there you were, and you were beautiful.

He took a visibly large breath, for he had been submerged in the oceans of his woeful sorrow, the dark waters of self-inflicted heart break wrapping around his ankles whenever he attempted to swim to the surface. The very same, damaged heart was now beating rapidly, moving with a life he hadn’t known since you left.

“Hey,” he nearly whispered, his eyes roaming your face, taking in every freckle, every wrinkle, every detail.

“Hey,” you replied, voice just as soft as his.

He stepped aside, gesturing towards you, “Please, come in.”

You stepped inside, the familiar smell of vanilla and peppermint tea reaching your senses. It reminded you of the times you would curl yourself into a borrowed cardigan, or when he would take you in his arms while you perched on the couch, or when you laid beside him while he recited a series of sonnets from memory. The familiarity and comfort that you felt within the walls of his apartment managed to massage the tension you carried in your shoulders, a relieved sigh escaping your lips.

You turned towards him as the door clicked shut, your eyes meeting his, the hazel hue shining bright. He always held a galaxy behind his eyelids.

“What did you want to talk about?” You asked, your words presenting much more softly than you intended.

He swallowed thickly, gaze diverting as he made his way towards his couch, “I, um,” he hesitated, “um, did you know it takes men an average of 8.2 seconds to falling love, but an average of eighty eight days to actually tell their partner- that is, if they’re not within the thirty nine percent to confess their feelings within the first month. However, men are also the ones who usually carry a bigger ego, with nearly seventy five percent of diagnosed narcissists being male. This can be accredited to the natural instinct of a protector-“

“Spencer,” you interrupted, sitting beside him. He looked at you with wide, glassy eyes, knowing that he was , in fact, stalling.

“I guess, in short,” he said, then swallowing once again, “I’m sorry, and I’m also sorry I didn’t apologize sooner.”

You looked at him for a moment, noticing how incredibly exhausted he looked, “Why didn’t you try to say it sooner?”

“I just,” he hesitated, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“(Y/N),” a sigh left his lips, “I’ve been going over that day in my head, frame by frame, piece by piece, and I have no idea why I didn’t say sorry when it happened. I realized how stupid I was to let you go as soon as you left.”

You took a deep, bated breath, willing yourself not to cry, “My heart was shattered, and has been since that day. Why did you wait so long to say something?”

“I was scared, I was so unbelievably scared,” he couldn’t meet your eyes.

“Scared of what, Spencer?” You asked desperately.

“I was scared that you’d be happy,” he breathed, his eyebrow twitching and his voice becoming watery, “you were- you are- the sunshine of my life, and I was terrified that someone else had swept you off your feet, and you had looked at them and saw a love you used to see in me. God, (Y/N),” he looked up as he blinked away his tears, sniffling, “I know the sky is still the sky without you, but it is so much darker.”

It was your turn to blink tears away, a labored breath falling from your lips.

“Spence, I-“ your voice caught in your throat, and your eyes closed as you tried to compose yourself, “Spencer, you just… you hold so much of my heart,” you looked up, finding his red-rimmed eyes already looking back at you, “I would sit by my window and watch the snowflakes fall, hoping one day we would meet again.”

He looked hopeful for a minute, eyebrows lifting slightly.

“I hoped that if we were to no longer love in this life, that I would find you in the next. Because, even if the trials of our lifetime end up pulling us apart,” you looked into his eyes, “I am certain that our love will eventually pull us back together.”

“What are you saying?” He asked softly.

“I’m saying you’re my soulmate, Spencer,” a tear escaped onto your cheek, “and I know it’s ridiculous, and it doesn’t make sense, and soulmates aren’t scientific or proven- but my God, I look up during the night and the moon reminds me of you, Spence, I see you in every smile and laugh, every cloud and star. You surround me everywhere I go, and despite the pain I’ve felt for these past two months, the only thing my heart holds is my love for you.”

You let a sob slip past your lips, your hand reaching up to swipe away the water staining your cheeks, your shallow breaths attempting to cut through the cries burning in your throat.

“(Y/N),” he sighed, lip quivering as his warm hands rested upon your face, “my love rests in you, and only you, forever and always.”

The floodgates opened, your forehead finding it’s place upon his shoulder as you cried, his gentle hands stroking your hair and tracing your spine. He whispered words of love and adoration into your ear, his cheek pressing against your temple. Your arms wound themselves around his waist pulling him impossibly closer as your tears stained his sweater.

“I never want to be without you again,” he spoke gently, “I love you, I love you with everything I am, everything I was, and everything I ever will be.”

You cycled through bouts of crying, then deep breaths, then low whimpers. He held you close until you had calmed down completely.

“I missed you,” you said weakly, turning your head so your nose brushed against his neck.

“To say I missed you would do little justice to how much I wished you were here,” he said, a small chuckle at the end of his words.

“I never want to forget the sound of your laugh,” you whispered, “or the color of your eyes,” you lifted your face to meet his gaze, your hands reaching to rest on his cheeks, “I don’t want to forget the touch of your skin, the feel of your lips,” you voice trailed away, thumbs brushing against his cheekbone.

He looked deeply into your stare, head tilted slightly into your hand. His fingers gently brushed a stray hair from your forehead, his touch trailing until his palm rested against your jaw, fingers curling around the back of your neck, pulling you towards him as he leaned forward.

Your lips touched his gently, a warm rush of relief and joy running down your spine. His mouth fit against yours like tow puzzle pieces that strayed from the box they called home, having only each other in a world much, much larger than they were. He sighed as the kiss deepened, grip growing stronger in an attempt to pull you as close to him as possible. 

“You’re all I want,” you said, breathlessly, as you pull yourself from him, lips still brushing against his, “you’re all that I think about- constantly, consistently, continually, you.”

“I will love you today, I will love you tomorrow,” he whispered against your lips, “no matter what we say, or how far we wander, I will love you.”

“God, I’m sorry, Spencer,” your hands tugged on his curls, “I’m so sorry.”

“Just kiss me.”

And you did. You kissed him until you were dizzy, completely intoxicated on the way he tasted. He held you close without reprieve, keeping your body connected to his. And when the night fell, and the moonlight leaked into the apartment, he laid with you and watched the stars, taking comfort in knowing that in all the times he told the moon stories of you, you were on the other side, talking to him too.

taglist:

@quillvine​

[r3almellow]

Second Thoughts (Gavin x F!Reader)

Thanks to the anon who requested a second part to my Gavin x F!Reader fic Late Night Thoughts! Hopefully you enjoy this one! I tried proofreading this so many times, so I’m really sorry if there are any typos!

Warning: Slightly-Angstish

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Everyone knew about the “Bad Boy” of Loveland High. Not many dared to go against the infamous Gavin Bai because they valued their lives too much.

Gavin couldn’t remember where the rumors sprouted from, but if it got people to leave him alone then who was he to say anything? He didn’t have many interests and didn’t see the need to befriend the entire student body. What was the point when he knew he would never see ninety percent of these people in the future? Like most students he only wanted to finish his schooling and get the hell out of there. 

When it came to fights, he rarely started them. It was always people who felt threatened by him. The reason for that was beyond him, but he had no problem throwing a few punches if it meant he would be left alone afterwards. These beliefs made him seem disinterested, unapproachable, and straight up intimidating. You had to have had a few screws loose to want to befriend him. Which…in hindsight, probably explained why Minor was stuck to his side like glue.  

However, Gavin would be a liar if he said the rumors that floated around didn’t bother him a little bit. It was even worse when he came across you, the small nerdy looking shy girl who seemed too innocent and kind for her own good. Gavin couldn’t quite understand it at first, but there was something about you that immediately grabbed his attention. Was it the big rimmed glasses or the way your fingers effortlessly danced across the piano keys in the “empty” music room? He wasn’t sure. What was first a spark of curiosity turned into a full on crush. For the first time in Gavin’s life he was interested in someone. He wanted to get to know you. What were your interests? What was your favorite food? What made you happy? What made you cry? What kind of guys were you interested in? He wanted to know it all. All he had to do was take that first step and talk to you.  

Unfortunately, you were one of the many who were weary of him. He didn’t blame you. Who would want to talk to someone who got into fights constantly, had the school faculty cowering before him and allegedly threw another student out a window for “accidentally touching” a female student? In Gavin’s defense, it was out the first floor window and the grass probably cushioned the assholes fall. With rumors like that what girl would want to have anything to do with a guy like him? Despite all that you were always kind the very few times you two crossed paths. You even gave Minor a first aid kit in hopes to help patch Gavin up after one of his really bad scuffles.

You were so nice. He had never known such kindness before. His upbringing didn’t allow him to experience that and there you were throwing a smile at him when ever you glanced his way; before running off with your group of friends. You have no idea how much those smiles brightened his day.

Despite fearing him, maybe you knew that deep down Gavin wasn’t some misunderstood monster. Maybe you saw something in him that no one else saw. And maybe that’s why the boy who never cared to prove himself to others, grew into the man who wanted to prove himself to you.

And his hard work paid off years later.

When you agreed to be his girlfriend, Gavin was shocked to say the least. Sure you two had grown close since your reunion, but he never thought in a million years that you would have given him a chance.

After a year of dating, Gavin knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

He played with the idea of asking you out right a few months ago while your sleeping form laid in his arms. He remembered casually asking you to marry him and you mumbled a somewhat coherent “yes.” He knew you couldn’t comprehend what he was asking, but that didn’t stop his heart from almost leaping out of his chest. Gavin knew it was only a matter of time before he asked you. He just needed the courage to do it.

Marriage was a big step and while he knew you loved him, there was a lingering feeling of doubt. Love and marriage were two different things. You could love someone and not be ready to take that leap. What if you had no intentions of getting married? What if he scared you off? What if this was all a dream and the minute he got down on one knee you would be replaced with his father.

“You want a wife? A husband is the foundation of a family. The protector. How do you expect to protect your “wife” when you couldn’t even protect your mother?” His father’s words would echo in his head and suddenly marriage was just a fools dream. 

It was rare for his thoughts to travel to such a dark place, but they were there nonetheless. 

You needed someone who could protect you, be with you for every good and bad moment in your life, and most importantly make you feel loved. Despite his fears, Gavin wanted to be that person who gave you the world. 

He thought about how he was going to propose many times. It had gotten so bad that he had to enlist the help of Minor and Eli. Surprisingly, Minor was really good at throwing some ideas his way and Eli brought Gavin to ring maker who specialized in making custom wedding rings. He ended up walking away with the perfect ring which he’s been walking around with for the past three months.

Gavin almost had all the pieces, he just needed t-

“Earth to Gavin!” A loud feminine voice pierced through Gavin’s thoughts, bringing the man back to the present. His line of vision was quickly met with hands waving in his face and a slightly amused you looking at him.  

“We’re going to be late for the Policeman’s Ball if you keep spacing out like that.” Oh right. That was something he was supposed to be getting ready for. 

Gavin thought about asking you at the Ball. There was a nice gazebo behind the building he could take you to.  Although he’d rather not be surrounded by his colleagues, as he asks you the most important question that could be a turning point in your relationship. 

Even so, he had the box containing the ring in his back pocket just in case he was feeling spontaneous. 

“You know we could always skip it.” Not like they had to be there and Gavin wasn’t much for parties. 

You gave him a disapproving look. 

“Like we did last year because a certain someone couldn’t keep his hands to himself? No way!” 

To be fair, you were the one who initiated what led to an all night love making session, not that Gavin was complaining. He’d much rather spend the rest the of his night worshiping you than going to an event he had no interest in.

Ignoring his small frown, you turned your back to him, revealing your partially exposed back.

“Zip me, please.” Gavin heard you say. He eyed the zipper that stopped half way up your back and glared. Cursed thing. Gavin had half a mind to see if he could convince you to play hooky with him, but decided against it. 

He reluctantly zipped up your dress, earning him a quick kiss and “thank you” from you. 

You made your way over to the full length mirror to check yourself out. The long red dress that tightly hugged your body, showing off your curves in all of Gavin’s favorite places, was beautiful; but he would much rather look the gorgeous body hiding underneath.

“You think the food will be good?” You asked. That was probably your only concern for the night. 

Gavin shrugged as he made his way over to the nightstand in search for his cufflinks. Events like that always had drinks and finger food that was probably way too expensive than it needed to be. They were never filling either...

“Not sure. If anything we can grab something to eat on the way back.” He watched your eyes light up through the mirror at the idea. You were so cute. 

“Hopefully that hotpot buffet place around the corner will still be open.” You said with a happy sigh.

“Worst case, I’ll cook.” Gavin wasn’t a master chef, but he did pick up a few things once you two started dating. Out of the two of you, you claimed he was the better cook, but honestly Gavin would eat your home-cooked meals all day if he could. 

“You’re so good to me! Did anyone ever tell you that you’d make a good husband?” You jokingly questioned as you rummaged through the closet for a pair of heels.

Gavin wasn’t sure what came over him at that moment, but the next sentence that passed his lips would change your relationship forever. 

“Good enough to be your husband?” And just like that, silence filled the room. Gavin was prepared to smack himself. He was always straightforward and honest with his feelings, but now definitely wasn’t the time for that. 

Before he could backtrack and claim his question to be a joke you spoke out. The shakiness in your voice evident. 

“Do...do you want to be?” Your question surprised him, but it gave him hope. Hope that maybe just maybe...

“I do.” His voice was low, but with your refusal to look in his direction and the way your back tensed up he knew you heard him.

There was no going back now. No incoherent talks of hotpot weddings, no more ghosts of his past trying to deter him, and no more waiting. 

“If this is your way of getting out of th-” You paused mid-sentence as you turned to face Gavin who was currently kneeling  on one knee before you with a small box in his slightly shaken hand.

Suddenly Gavin forgot how to breathe. For the first time in a really long time Gavin was fearful as hell. So much could go wrong in this moment and not being sure how this was going to go was full on torture. 

This might not have been how you would have imagined a proposal from Gavin would be, but he hoped with every fiber of his being that this was enough. That he was enough. 

Gavin opened the box, revealing a beautifully crafted silver band in the shape of two ginkgo leaves, holding a diamond ring. 

“Will you marry me?” 

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Done! There were so many ways I wanted to go about this, but I hope this end result was to everyone’s liking. I feel like Gavin is a total sweetheart and while he’s pretty nonchalant about a lot of things he tries to do right by you. I also believe his proposal would be an accident. I actually have a n/swf proposal idea if anyone was interested in that. What do you think? Please leave a comment! Have a request? Drop me a message! You can also read my other MLQC works here!

[starlightshadowsworld]

So it's no secret im critical of RWBY, I am with most things I enjoy. But the keyword of that is "enjoy", I love RWBY, have since I first discovered it and I wanted to talk about the things I love about it.

The Characters

You can write the most fantastic plot on the world but it means nothing if you don't have good characters. Since the beginning RWBY has been about its characters, it's even named after them. And we're introduced to these 4 girls all with hopes and dreams and watching them reach them.

And watching them grow throughout the course of the show is both heartwarming and heart breaking.

When these discussions come up everyone brings up. Weiss, which is fair she's had the most significant change (and shes a queen). She goes from stuck up princess to a warmer person. I love that she remembers the lessons she learned, Volume 1 or even Volume 2 Weiss wouldn't be the one comforting Yang in Volume 5. She might try but I feel like it would come across as insincere or lack the weight it did if Ruby was in her place.

This Weiss knows the pain Yang's going through, and the first thing that comes to her is to be there for her.

But hese two have never been very close. They've taunted and laughed and fought for each other and for me this is when Nice Weiss was just the new natural Weiss. But without losing what makes Weiss, Weiss.

But it's also the little things. Weiss defending Blake against Cordovin, Blake wrapping Weiss in a blanket when she's scared. Ruby being awe and supporting her team. The train scene to Argus felt like we were back in Beacon, Blake reading her book, Weiss is rolling her eyes but going along with Ruby and Yang and Ruby are fighting over who's winning a video game.

And its not limited to them, seeing Qrow being a badass and reluctant parent is always a fun time. And his alcoholism being explored was interesting and I didn't think we'd end up there. (It really puts Ruby into perspective, trying to be strong and happy for everyone with the stance of a leader. Ruby is a leader, that question was undoubtly answered.

Seeing Jaune, this goofy coward with a big heart go at Cinder because of Pyrrah's death... That hurt... That hurt a lot. And I may argue about the Statue scene but I hope he gets closure. (And stays away from those thirsty Mantle mums)

Ozpin's and Ironwoods downward spirals and reveals were beautifully done. It really felt like their Oz counterparts, going from the all knowing wizard to the man behind the curtain and the tin man losing his heart. You see just how much Ozpin cared for others, how his actions hurt many but have always been built on good intentions and just how human he is.

You see just how resilient and strong Ironwood is, how he's misguided but he will do whatever it takes. Really hit the theme of fear, especially with Ozpin's speech at the end.

The Music

Only gets better and better honestly. Casey you are awesome, the music is something I can never be prepared for. Until the End still makes me bawl like a baby everytime I hear it and they just reflect each and every scene, character and fight their placed in. The music in RWBY can feel as instrumental (see what I did there 🙃) to the show as the plot. Their intertwined, both telling these great stories. And they absolutely hold up, personally I love Weiss's songs and This will be the day and if that plays during the final battle I will scream.

They don't just hype up scenes, they add to them. I know ya'll were crying when Forever Fall started playing as the leaves hit the ground and Pyrrah's statue was revealed (... Not that I did.) And I'm already wondering about the songs for V8.

The writing and the Plot

Because despite some of the issues and criticism, it is good. I don't think we'd still be watching if we didn't believe that. Ironwood and Ozpin are my go to for awesome writing but their not the only instances of it. Yang and Ruby being reunited, Ruby instantly apologising and rambling and Yang giving her a big hug before bringing in Weiss, that was awesome.

Instantly we have Ruby, who up until now has been a leader crumble. In that moment she's Yang's little sister and Weiss is her best friend, nothing cemented that more for me that than moment after they've been apart for so long.

Ozpin's Backstory was long awaited and personally I loved it. You have two people, made us understand how much they loved each other and how their differing views changed the world and lead to the stare of remnant today. Do I prefer my headcannon? Of course I do, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy this any less.

Tai, Port and Oobleck talking with Yang, we needed that joy and she needed it too. It just felt real... You have these teachers and mentors who've seen war and destruction and they try to make her laugh. And I wish we could've seen more of that.

And the fact it keeps making us and them question things. Was it wrong for Ozpin to lie? Was it wrong for Raven for leave? Are we doing the right thing by going to Atlas? Should we tell Ironwood the truth? Should Ozpin have told Salem? Should Robin be trusted? Should Zwei be integral to the plot? The fact that they can do this, lay the consequences for what happened and still make us debate on the outcomes and the what ifs is impressive. (Although the Zwei one is fact)

Symbolism

Here's a few I found because I am a sucker for it and yes I know they may not all be intentional:

Both Yang and Adam have similar semblances. Except, Yangs takes time over a fight to build up, reflecting her thrill of a fight and how she likes to take risks. While Adam charges his into huge and constant attacks, showing his desire and eagerness to hurt others. Making them somewhat parallel the other, how they are quite alike in attitudes but not heart which is why Blake chooses Yang.

Ozpin having the relic of choice under Beacon because he values it so much, he makes sure everyone has one before they join him, before Pyyrah became the maiden. How one choice changed everything for him.

The White Fang wear Grimm masks, how they became more about spreading fear and they became more like monsters.

Ironwood having the relic of creation, the focus of innovation and robotics that's so prevalent in Atlas and how its energy was used to raise the city above the rest.

Ozpin being associated with gears and clocks.

Qrow and Raven's names mirroring their bird forms. But also because crows are seen as symbols of misfortune and Raven's are symbols of insight and prophecy.

Every Wizard of Oz and fairytale reference. There are too many to name so here's a few: Pinnochio being eaten by a Whale (giant whale grimmm and our protector of mantle), Tock is a crocodile Faunus who's semblance was dictated by a ticking clock, Ozpin glynda and Ironwood are Oz the good witch and tinman. Salem has flying gorilla grimm.

(side note for V8, from the trailer it seems Salem is looking for someone. She represents the Wicked witch, has her flying grimm.. And its been said Oscar represents Dorothy so get the missing posters ready)

Pyyrah being the one to unlock Jaune's aura and the idea of losing someone the way he lost her is what unlocks his semblance.

And that's all. Im well aware RWBY isn't a masterpiece and that it's not awful either. I love it for what it is.