#and I want to branch out in the future and make more things to sell

[doroach]

My shops been updated !! Hooray hooray ! I now have 5 ii character charms you can pick from !

Aaaaand I have stickers too ! Only two for now. I have been giving out yin stickers to everyone who has ordered but I am now giving out an additional payjay sticker to those who are repeat customers or those who buy two or more charms

I am not putting my link here again cause last time it just completely messed up my post, but the link to my shop is in my tumblr pinned or you can find it by looking up TheCrabTrap

[tofupixel]

why r u taking down all ur art? r people stealing it too often? thats a shame u had to do that :( !

yes stealing, ai scraping, etc, in general im tired of these websites selling our data / not protecting artists, and i want to share my art on my own terms from now on

i already deleted everything from instagram and i will be abandoning the platform except to promo occasionally, twitter next

since i dont have to rely on commissions coming in from social media any more, i just want to make a point that im rly not happy with the way things are going and remove my work from websites that are doing this as much as possible. i dont know if it will help at all but generally if i disagree with something i opt out so thats what im doing

so where to find my art in future? i'll still be here but i think its best to branch out as much as possible cos i dont trust any company to do right by us

my discord server gamejolt kofi bluesky

i heard cara is good so i signed up just to snag the tofu username (so cool), i may or may not use it

i do appreciate everyone who wants to keep up with me and enjoys my work i really do <3

[5a-alf]

I have been obsessing over this perfect court!AU and have literally like one irl friend to talk about it with. So.

The thing about Riko is that he never ever ever could have been anything different. He has at least one but probably two personality disorders (narcisism and antisocial i'd argue), which are the result of the abuse he endured. From a young age he was only an object, a spare, or the embodiment of an idea.

Others are redeemable because they are people, but he never really was a person in his own right. So he got worse and worse and worse, and we all know what he did.

I wanted a story where he could have something different, for i feel there is no universe in which he ends in a different way: everything he has is a childish dream, and that would have failed at some point anyway. And with failure comes death. I think his brother would have killed him even without the whole clusterfuck of the last game, just because without Kengo the main line was now only one adult and the 'branch' one was 2, which is one too many. Between Riko and Testuji, killing Riko made the most sense because Testuji had no interest in power, he just liked his dolls; also he was already an expert at his job, while Riko would have to learn/train to fill that role. And obviously age is also a factor, Riko is young, Testuji is middle-aged: for ichirou, a young man, the second is less threatening.

I could go on for hours guys im not even joking

For him to have a different future, he is not even the only thing that needs to change. If he was a good person, he'd have been dead earlier. If he was an okay person too. Maybe as morally gray he'd have the same exact life with a little less enemies.

What needs to change with him is the people he has around, his safety net. He has zero people on his side in canon (And he shouldn't have them, mind, he's horrid. But still, out of every bad person in aftg he is the only one who no one loves), he only has followers and pawns. So for an AU to work, he would need to change in a way that would affect the people he surrounds himself with enough to once again reach the show down with Ichirou and "win" against Testuji.

To do that, i think he needs Neil on his side. Kevin is great dont get me wrong, but he doesnt get it the way neil does. Neil gets the mafia, its way of thinking, its deals and the way power moves. Neil know how to be vicious and how to read people and how to push just enough.

To have a 'good' relationship with neil something needs to go differently during the selling, so that his mom doesnt run away with him. But he'd also need to have a good relationship with kevin first. For him to have a different relationship woth kevin i dont think he'd necessarily need to be better morally, he'd just need to be a better manipulator. In canon he controls people with fear/violence/money, but the best way to control people is actually through love/favors. To train a dog, you better give it treats than beat it. I think this way they would end up with a better relationship but also, the better relationship would in turn make him a better person, and the two things would continue to feed each other.

Neil comes in now. He is 10, Riko and Kevin are 12. The thing with Neil (aside from all i've already said) is that Riko would quite literally own him at this point, the same way he then owns Jean. The main difference between the two situations i think would be 1) their personalities 2) their age. At 16 (Jean 14) Riko is already off the deep end. Waay too deep. But at 12? Different story.

For the first point, mostly i'd say that Neil grew up in an abusive household like jean did, but he knew his father as the butcher, as a mafioso, and he was taught how to use knives ecc as a kid. He knew the drill, he knew the life. Jean was completely uprooted, brought into a different country, told to play a game i dont think he knew anything about. Much more jarring. Neil already loved Exy, he wanted to play it all the time; the sport itself would be a good motivator for good behaviour. Jean was just angry angry angry (fair.) and alone in a different country. So. Not the same. I think Raven!Neil would be the one person on the team not afraid to tell Riko off, but also not afraid of his violence (much more restricted in this au guys), and riko is also not scared of Neil's violence (a bit more than in canon, he grew at castle evermore; he is nathaniel) so they find solace in each other. He'd know when to listen and when to mouth off [Riko saying "nathaniel" vs "neil" and things like that]

Second point is their age, because at 12 riko is more susceptible to change than he is at 16, so building a rapport with neil would prove more beneficial, for all i've said in point one.

Jean would be a harder case. Bringing him to heel is much more complicated, because riko doesnt have anything to leverage against him nor offer him, the guy has nothing to lose anymore and now is not enough of a person to desire anything (well. Anything obtainable. He'd like to be free for sure). I think again a lot of the work would be done by neil (and kevin too obv, but neil mostly, as his partner) because they are the same age, play the same role, are partners. Neil would be a centainty. And this better riko wouldnt be violent to destroy his spirit, he'd be "forgiving" (when useful) and bandage his wounds when the Master beats him, and be generally kind to a kid who is so starved for kindness he'd kill himself to at least get the touch of death. That + group mentality and i think jean would be on board too.

Andrew also factors in all of this, but i'll go on later this has gotten SO LONG and i wont even reread it gosh i hope it makes sense.

Basically this whole thing ends up in: take the insanity that is andreil as a couple but that somehow is the sanest couple out there but extend it to the perfect court 5.

[estrellami-1]

If I Should Stay

Part 1 | . . . | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14

After sandwiches, Nancy turns to El. “Could you look for Barb again?”

El sets her mouth and nods. She glances at Steve, who also nods and moves to set up the living room again.

Eddie follows him in and picks up the blindfold. Steve doesn’t try to hide his smirk. “You’ve got questions, I’m guessing?”

Eddie shrugs, leans against the couch. Watches the fabric as he pulls it through his fingers. Right hand, left hand. Right, left. “Mostly thinking I was wrong about you. Even more than I initially thought.”

Steve smiles. “We never got to have this conversation in the future, but I do know what your bandana means.” He stops for a second, watches Eddie’s hands. Right, left. “I’m offering… not an olive branch, per se, but…”

“An invitation?” Right, left.

“Exactly.” He shrugs. “If there’s anything you want to know…” he trails off, lets it hang in the air.

Eddie smiles. “Just one thing.” He holds it up in his left hand. “Who d’you use it on?”

Steve grins and turns away, looking for the remote. “Myself.” His smile falls. “Or- I did. You heard about the Russians, right?”

Eddie steps up beside him. Offers him the blindfold. “Yeah. Makes sense.”

Steve shrugs. “I’d say if I could go back in time, but…” he gestures around with a grin, letting it widen when Eddie chuckles. “Turns out going back in time does nothing for the memories I already have.”

Eddie frowns. “Kinda fucked up, isn’t it? Your body reverted back to its sixteen-year-old self, but your brain is still twenty.”

“I mean, imagine me coming to school one day looking like this, and the next I come in with scars, looking half a decade older. People would talk.”

Eddie hums. “You’re probably right. Still, it can’t be easy, having those mental reminders with none of the physical.”

Steve grins at him. “Did you miss the part where I don’t have concussions?”

Eddie snorts. “Fair enough. Still, I bet the scars looked badass.”

“Very metal,” Steve agrees. “Y’know, if you’d survived? We woulda had matching scars.” He trails a hand down his side. “The bats ripped us both open. Woulda gotten me if you, Robin and Nance hadn’t gotten there when you did. You took on a bat with nothing but an oar from a rowboat.” He turns to look at Eddie. “You told me once, how you’re a coward. How you run.” He shakes his head, looks away. “You didn’t. Not when it mattered. And you won’t this time.”

“Maybe this time we’ll have matching not-scars,” Eddie says, then points at Steve. “And no concussions.”

“And no concussions,” Steve parrots, laughing. “If we have to deal with the Russians again, though? I’m definitely doing something different.”

“We,” Eddie murmurs, shrugging when Steve looks at him. “We’ll do something different. You think any of these kids are gonna leave you alone after this? You think Eleven will leave you alone?”

“I hope not,” Steve answers honestly. “And you? You’re staying?”

Eddie shrugs again. “You said I didn’t run when it mattered. Who’s to say this doesn’t matter just as much? I’m not running.”

Steve smiles softly at him. “You’re a good man, Eddie Munson.”

Eddie levels him with a look. “I sell weed, Steve.”

Steve snorts. “I’m well aware, dude, I’ve bought from you before. If all goes well, I’m planning on buying another.”

Eddie laughs. “Hell, man, if it all goes well, I’ll give it to you, free of charge.”

Steve winks. “I’ll hold you to it,” he says, then leaves Eddie to process while he goes to get El.

Of course wherever El goes, Mike’s not far behind, which means he, Dustin and Lucas follow, and of course Nancy follows, and since everyone else is already in there, Jonathan and Robin follow too, so they all end up crammed in the living room again, with bated breaths and tightly-held hands, as El settles in front of the TV and puts the blindfold on.

Finally, she speaks. “I see her. She is alive.”

Nancy slumps into the couch and lets out a breath.

Then El speaks again. “She does not have very long.”

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[hpowellsmith]

Hey, I'm sure you get asked this all the time, but I've been writing my entire life, and while I've self-published some novels with moderate success, the content is not something I'm interested in sharing with future employers (unless it's Heart's Choice). I have a very stable day job in a different industry, but *really* want to break into professional writing, specifically interactive fiction, visual novels and TTRPGs. Could you recommend some good ways to start building pro experience?

Hello, thank you so much for your ask!

Sadly the field is in a very bad place at the moment, thanks to tech companies jumping on LLM trains, investor monopolies, and focusing on Number Go Up Forever rather than sustainability. There are very few junior roles around especially if writers don't already have professional experience in games, each one gets huge numbers of applications, and I constantly hear from friends who have applied to a position only for, partway through the process, it to be made redundant, the project to be cancelled, or even the studio to be closed. Things have changed a lot for the worse since I was first applying for things years years ago, and it's hard to see when and how it'll improve.

That said!

As you've self-published books before, you'll likely be at an advantage for writing interactive fiction has a lot of crossover with skills, especially with prose-type games like the ones published by Choice of Games/Hosted Games/Heart's Choice. If you're interested in getting into selling your interactive fiction, I'd recommend trying out tools like ChoiceScript and Twine and making some smaller pieces to get to grips with branching and variables.

Publishing with Choice of Games/Hosted Games/Heart's Choice is the most reliable way of making money from interactive fiction that I've seen; you can also self-publish entirely (using Twine, ink, or whatever other coding language) on itchio or Steam. Some people self-publish interactive fiction on Patreon which, for a small number of writers, can be very lucrative but you'd want to make sure to share some of your work publicly as well so that people can get excited about it. For better or worse, Patreon monetisation often focuses on things other than completing a project, such as short stories about characters or alternative versions of scenes; this might or might not be your thing. (The ChoiceScript licence also requires you to make ChoiceScript material after a month at most so do be aware of that.)

Every so often (less often these days due to aforementioned industry crisis) mobile companies are founded, offering platforms for monetisable IF/visual novel-ish mobile games; unfortunately they don't often stay around for long, and/or they often get bought out by LLM companies. One that's lasted longer than others is Dorian, but I've not worked with them so can't speak to how good they are to make games with; I've heard a few things both positive and negative so it's worth doing your homework and contacting people who've worked with them if you're interested.

For ChoiceScript, CoG and Heart's Choice offer an advance and editing, plus royalties, with a house style and (very flexible) deadlines; Hosted Games allows fuller freedom but there's no editing or advance. Lots of people get a lot out of both. As you've published your writing before, it's worth applying to CoG or HC if that's the direction you'd like to go in.

In general, joining game jams or comps is a good way of honing your skills. You could do this solo or join a group. Either way, it will develop your skills and give you something to put into a portfolio. There are various themed interactive fiction game jams on itch.io - I'd recommend following @/neointeractives and @/interact-if as they often share information when they come up.

I'm sorry that I can't give more concrete advice - at the moment it boils down to "make some interactive work that you're proud of", I think, and certainly keep the stable job going while you do it. It's a tough time all round, unfortunately.

If you or anyone reading is interested in applying to write for Choice of Games or Heart's Choice, is working on an outline for them, or is contracted with them, and has any questions or would like any info or advice about the process- feel free to drop me an ask, email, or message. I've been doing this for a long time and have gone through the pitch/outline process seven times now, so I know my way around it pretty well!

Best of luck with your interactive writing!

[stereopticons]

On This Day in Schitt's Creek: March 6

2020

[text] I’m finding this happiness incredibly contagious [patrick/oc, G, 716] by text by (olive2read)

Patrick and Tim share a moment in the snow

Embarrassing Situations. [david/patrick, E, 1,375] by Jojogirl

David and Patrick stumble their way through some of life's really embarrassing stuff!

Feel Like Yours [stevie/twyla, T, 1,221] by unkindravens

As her dom, Twyla has taken over day-to-day decisions for Stevie while she figures it all out. Until Twyla tells her she can't anymore.

it happened when i least expected it [david/patrick, G, 3,434] by chthonicheart

Patrick makes an aborted noise in his throat, eyes bugging wide. Well. That very much answers the latent nagging question at the back of Patrick’s mind. The attractive man he’s been fawning over for the last thirty minutes is decidedly not into him. At all. Which is fine. That's fine.

Netflix and Chill [david/patrick, G, 420] by jojogirl

David and Patrick deliberate what to watch on Netflix.

Second Booth on the Right [david/patrick, G, 2,881] by alldaydream

A couple of moments shared between David and Patrick in their booth at Café Tropicale.

2021

[Podfic] Freckles [david/patrick, M, podfic] by @smallumbrella369

Podfic of Freckles by missgeevious

A Hint of Forever [david/patrick, NR, 1,819] by tuttlehimself

The night of his olive branch performance, David opens up to Patrick about accepting the gifts he'd been sent. Patrick considers David's past and their future.

cause the life and the love you believe is all or nothing at all [david/patrick, T, 848] by budd

Request from Anonymous: i'd love a fic where david gets injured (nothing too bad) and patrick takes care of him with lots of hurt/comfort. maybe david looking soft and wearing some of patrick's comfy clothes too if you want to fit it in there?? Title from "Band-Aid" by Mindless Behavior

Did the girls back home touch you like I do? [david/patrick, E, 1,563] by @cheesecurdsgravyandfries

Because what we all needed was another take on the night at Stevie's apartment

El Salvador [david/patrick, T, 300] by Rosey_Peach

Frame of Reverence [david/patrick, G, 2,722] by @lilythesilly

David sighs, because nothing good ever comes from Patrick framing something. The first time Patrick framed something he got a business partner. The second time he got a boyfriend. Ok, so maybe Patrick framing things isn’t actually that bad after all. (or, 5 things Patrick frames for David + 1 thing David frames for Patrick)

I Want a Key to Your House [david/patrick, T, 3,687] by @colourcodedbinders

He extends a hand towards her, and she takes it for a moment despite herself as she crawls out of the vehicle. Something tells her that he maybe needs the reassurance more than she hates giving it. “So when you say ‘look at this place’ with you…” “I mean that this is a house tour, yes. With the interest of potentially buying.” OR They're selling the cottage that David really likes, and Patrick really, desperately wants to make sure Stevie likes the place before he can tell David anything.

refining these impatient ores [david/patrick, E, 1,859] by @januarium

The way Patrick moves between snarky banter and desperate pleading during sex is one of David’s favourite things. He’s had a lot of great sex and in recent years almost all of it has even been with people he likes and gets on with, but he’s never been in sync with someone the way he has been with Patrick from the moment this started.

2022

A Mother's Love [david/patrick, T, 10,032] by @trueillusion82

I’m sure it’s nothing. David blinked up at the ceiling as he let out another long, slow exhale, in hopes that maybe this time, his mindful breathing exercises might actually do something to help calm his racing thoughts. He didn’t want to look at the clock again, because he knew that would only make him more anxious as his brain counted down each lost minute of sleep -- sleep that was even more precious now that his nervous system was practically a ticking time bomb, just waiting for the perfect combination of events to set off another flare. Only he couldn’t seem to get Marcy’s voice out of his head.

I Don't Wanna Talk [stevie & david, T, 1,281] by @jettestar

Set between Season 6 Episode 1 and Episode 2, Stevie spends the evening thinking about her life and what she might want.

I'll Always Catch Your Glance [david/patrick, E, 13,519] by @vanillahigh00

David is a fashion influencer and Patrick is an outfielder for the Toronto Blue Jays. I wanted to write out a full AU, but due to time, this is the 5 + 1 version of their story… Fives times they meet and don't get together... + One time they do!

Stats:

No fanworks for 2017, 2018, 2019, 2023, or 2024! 2020: 6 fics/10,047 words 2021: 8 fanworks (7 fics, 1 podfic)/12,814 words 2022: 3 fics/24,832 words Total: 17 fanworks (16 fics, 1 podfic)/47,693 words

[havinganormalone]

Independent Sex Toy Creators

Since Etsy is being a little bitch and banning sex toys, I wanted to make a reference list of independent sex toy creators. This is by no means exhaustive- literally thousands of sellers are getting screwed by this nonsensical puritanical bullshit- this is merely creators that caught my eye as people I might want to spend money on at a future date. I will be avoiding Etsy for even sfw purchases in the future, since this policy is out of hand and is going to disproportionately impact queer, trans creators. Because that is the way these things always work. Anyways, here's a list of artisans I don't want to lose.

Fantasticocks: Makes monster dildos, ftm strokers, eggs, and other goodies. I have bought from here, and am always in love with the pours- offers UV reactive stuff. Ohio based.

Odyssey Toys: They make some THICK boys. Firm grinders you can strap to things, inflatable knots, plugs. A lot of tentacles and a more old school swords and sorcery feel. UK based.

Chillow Fantasy: Makers of the Penis Fly Trap. Silly, memey sex toys. Michigan based.

Kreature Toys: They sale dildos that have a suction hole for fuck machines. Monster dildos. Michigan based.

Kinky Kreatures: Monster dildos. Sells knot sheaths and grinder gloves, as well as more standard toys. Australia based.

Frisk Toys: Ejaculating dildos. UK based.

Love Smiths: Monster toys, from dildos to butt plugs, with a wide variety of creative strokers. France based.

Okova: Sells tail plugs, including things like devil tails, horse tails, fox tails, etc. A very white variety, from whimsical to realistic, with good quality fur. Ukraine based.

Where is Willy: Specialist shop for FTM packers/strokers. Has strap on harnesses. Also has a line of binders in the works. Poland based.

TranZWear: Packers and stand to pee devices, medial grade materials, an emphasis more on utility than sex. Also sells binders, boxers for packing, and pumps. California based.

Xenocat Artifacts: Alien inspired toys, like double knotted dildos or tentacles. Also has furry explicit body pillows. Bought from them at a furry convention and the person in the pup hood working the booth was helpful and actually bothered to ask my pronouns, something that almost never happens to me (people assume I am she/her).

Primal Hardwere: Has sheaths, inflating dildos, and molds for gelatin eggs. More old school leather culture feel. US based. They made my favorite toy, a glow in the dark knotted sheath.

Tails of Fantasy: Tail plugs on a branch that is designed to have a more realistic placement than your typical tail plug. Also sells collars and ears. New York based.

Naughty Indulgence: Cheaper end sex toys and glass toys. Veteran owned.

BonBDSM: Silicone tail plugs, hoods, furred harnesses, medical fetish play. Thailand based.

FetFashions: Sells clothing that says things like Breed Me, Daddy, Slut, etc. The sort of thing etsy is trying to ban, so it's good to know a place that will do this.

These might be safe under the new TOS, as they are non-insertable BDSM gear, but at this point avoid shopping on Etsy whenever possible.

LeatherBond: Floggers, whips, restraints, all boasting made from real leather.

The Latex Store: Sells latex penis sheaths as well as some inflatable gags and other latex clothing.

Wruff Stuff: Animal hoods- of the puphood variety, but with a much wider selection, including pig, dragon, fox. Made of a neoprene material. I own one, it is more breathable than leather, and the design draws the eye. UK based.

Creative Kink: Paddles, canes, knives- both dull and sharpened. Pennsylvanian based.

Once again, this list is by no means exhaustive, and is mostly meant for my own personal reference. However, if you have a sex toy creator and you want to promote their stuff, feel free to drop a reference in the reblogs.

[television-overload]

of our own making

(an X-Files fanfic)

Chapter 8/34 - fish and chips

[Read on AO3]

“So, can I buy my wife some dinner?” Mulder asks. His hands are shoved deep in his coat pockets now as they descend the steps of the courthouse, fighting back against the chill in the air. The tie comes untied practically as soon as they walk out the door, hanging listlessly around his neck.

Scully looks over at him, the word ‘wife’ somehow sounding different coming out of his mouth now that they’re outside in the real world. It does something funny to her heart.

“What do you have in mind?” she asks, maintaining her calm composure.

They’ve eaten together countless times before, in cities and towns all across the United States. On occasion, Mulder would even pick up the check, when he was feeling particularly chivalric. But this feels different. Not overtly so, but just enough to be noticeable.

They eventually settle on walking down by the harbor, where a few vendors are selling food to tourists visiting for the holidays. With a greasy basket of fish and chips each in hand, they continue walking until they hit the end of the pier, claiming for themselves a wooden bench overlooking the water.

“Some day, huh?” Mulder remarks, slathering a fry in ketchup before putting it in his mouth.

He’s a master of understatement, her partner. He would describe almost dying as a “minor injury” if she wasn’t there to give him the unwavering doctor stare. But his wry humor is one of the things she loves most about him. Among other things.

“No turning back now,” she comments, nudging his side with her shoulder. “You regret tying yourself down yet?”

He looks at her at that, his expression one of disbelief. “Never,” he answers. “You?”

“No, Mulder. I– I’m more grateful for this than you can imagine.”

His lips pull back in that easy smile she doesn’t get to see often enough, and he relaxes back against the bench. The wind coming in from the harbor is brisk, occasionally bringing a spray of mist with it. It makes his hair stick up in adorable little spikes, and she just wants to run her hands through it and smooth it down.

They’re the only ones crazy enough to be all the way out here for longer than the time it takes a tourist to snap a quick picture. The temperature is dropping quickly as nightfall approaches, and it wasn’t all that temperate to begin with, it being so close to January. Somehow, Scully still feels perfectly warm.

“So, why did you really want to get married on Christmas?” Mulder asks, after a few minutes more spent contemplating the darkening horizon.

He’s looking at her now, one arm draped casually over the back of the bench, now that he’s finished eating.

“I guess I just liked the idea of having something to remember this holiday for other than bad memories,” Scully answers, thoughts of her father and Emily filling her head. “And…”

“What?”

She pauses, wondering if she should share this somewhat embarrassing, personal detail with him. One look in his eyes and she feels her tongue loosening, and suddenly she wants to share everything with this man.

“Well, I always used to imagine a December wedding when I was a little girl,” she admits, preparing herself for the teasing she’s come to expect from her partner. 

She and Missy had loved cutting pictures out of magazines and putting them in binders, concocting the perfect futures for themselves. Over the years, the specific details of her imaginings changed as her taste did, but one thing remained the same. A winter wedding, maybe with snow. Evergreen branches and little white and red berries adorning the bouquet. Lace sleeves on an elaborate wedding dress, its long train dragging behind her in a beautiful cathedral.

Missy was the complete opposite, filling her book instead with pictures of hot summer weather and wedding dresses that were just a little too revealing. 

It’s been a long time since she’s thought of those binders, maybe still collecting dust somewhere in Maggie Scully’s house.

Mulder’s knee tilts toward hers, knocking against it affectionately. “Sorry it wasn’t quite the majestic fantasy wedding of little Dana Katherine Scully's dreams,” he says, giving that shy, apologetic half-smile she knows so well.

“I don't know…” she shrugs. “It wasn't too far off.”

He shakes his head, breathing a humorless laugh through his nose. “You don't have to lie to make me feel better,” he says.

“No, really,” she starts, turning toward him. “It– Maybe it wasn't in a big cathedral with lots of flowers and people there, but…” She looks into his eyes and then quickly glances away, hiding a blush. “Well, in a way, I married my knight in shining armor, didn’t I?”

She chances another look at him, and he’s smiling a big cheesy smile. Great, she inflated his ego.

“Oh yeah? And what armor would that be?” he asks, laughter in his voice.

She rolls her eyes. “A parka not quite warm enough for Antarctica and two layers of pants,” she answers dryly.

He tosses his head back, looking heavenward for a second and smiles. “Ah, don't forget my valiant steed: the Sno-Cat Model 2000.”

“Valiant,” she agrees, “but not the most dependable.”

As time passes, the sky fades into an inky dark blue. The harbor sparkles with the lights of countless boats, some far out on the horizon. 

It’s funny. Sometimes when she looks out there, she can almost believe her father is on one of those boats, just waiting to come back to shore. She’d always thought Ahab would be there with her on her wedding day, smiling and proud of her and walking her down the aisle. 

Now, she sort of feels like he was.

She looks over at the man next to her, contemplative as he usually is when he has nothing to say. Her father would have liked him, she thinks. Well, eventually. She has to think he would respect Mulder’s drive, and the way he cares for her. Maybe it’s foolish and idealistic, but the alternative, she doesn’t even want to consider. She’s said before that they are alike—devoted entirely to their cause. The important thing is that she’s happy, and their unconventional partnership works for them.

Nobody else’s opinion matters, only theirs. That’s the biggest lesson she’s learned in her time with Mulder.

On the way back to their car, he hands a couple dollars over to a vendor and procures two steaming cups of hot chocolate, citing that the unpleasant memory of the bone-deep chill they experienced in Antarctica was making him cold. When Scully brings the warm liquid to her lips, she catches sight again of the sparkling ring on her finger, and she stops to admire it.

“If you don’t like that one, we can trade it in,” Mulder says, taking a sip of his cocoa and watching her expectantly over the lid of his cup.

“It’s perfect, Mulder,” she says, hopefully putting any worries he might have to rest. “You didn’t have to… Just a simple wedding band would have been fine.”

He shrugs noncommittally, bouncing restlessly in place to keep warm, or maybe out of discomfort with this particular conversation. It’s a nervous tic she’s come to love, unless she’s extremely overtired, in which case it gets on her nerves quick.

“I figured it would be good to have them for interviews and stuff,” he adds, glancing around. “I mean, obviously we can’t wear them all the time, but—”

“Oh,” Scully says. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

She can only imagine what the rumor mill at the Hoover building would say, if they waltzed in one day wearing matching rings. Only this time, there’d be some undeniable truth to the claims.

“Not that…I don’t want to wear it, Scully,” Mulder assures her, absentmindedly twisting his own ring with his thumb. “It’s just—”

“Yeah.”

It’s a shame, in all honesty. She likes the weight of it on her finger. It feels right, somehow. And she likes the sight of him with his on, too. It’s a tangible thing, something to remind her that he’s made a commitment to her. 

She can’t help but think that if, God forbid, another Diana ever arose, that ring would provide an assurance that would get her through it without the emotional distress she experienced the first time around. A token that validates the possessiveness she feels, warranted or not.

Mulder shifts his cup of hot chocolate from one hand to the other and digs in his pocket again. “I did pick these up, too,” he says, pulling out two long, silver chains and depositing one in her hand, “if you want to keep it somewhere safe when you’re not wearing it.”

For some reason, the fact that he’d thought of this ahead of time makes her throat clog up and her eyes sting with tears. He’s always been a bit of an odd gift-giver, bestowing her with bizarre little trinkets that either mean nothing or everything, and it's never easy to tell which. But this… It’s hard to picture him standing in a jewelry store, contemplating her taste in jewelry and the practicality of wearing it in their situation. 

How much money had he spent on it? Did he worry he was being presumptive? Had it taken five minutes or five hours to make his decision? These are questions she never thought she’d be asking herself, and it’s just proof of how crazy her life has turned out.

She wonders if he’ll take his ring off now and slide it onto his necklace, but instead he places the chain back in his pocket, a choice that seems heavy with perceived meaning. She follows his lead, tucking hers away for the time being as they continue their walk. 

Later. For now, she can enjoy the way it sparkles when the Christmas lights all around them catch it just right.

“Hey, Scully?” he says, glancing down at her beside him while they wait for the crosswalk to tell them to cross.

She looks up at him, his earnest expression setting off the butterflies in her stomach.

“I’m glad you said yes,” he finishes.

She smiles wistfully, looping her arm into his and leaning against his shoulder.

“Me too,” she agrees.

-.-.-

Bill is waiting up for them when they get back to Maggie Scully’s house well after it has gotten dark. The original plan had been to go their separate ways after their “errand” at the courthouse, but time had gotten away from them. She wasn’t about to send him home at this hour, only for him to have to drive back in the morning, no matter how much he protested that he would be fine.

After a brief confrontation in which Scully has to defend why her partner is still with her (“Mom invited him to Christmas, Bill”), he begrudgingly fetches a spare pillow and quilt and sets them on the couch in the living room, warning him that he’ll need to be up bright and early for present opening. Mulder salutes him sarcastically, earning a look of scorn that fizzles at Scully’s challenging stare.

“How’d the case go? You smell like seawater,” he says gruffly, hanging around far longer than needed or wanted.

“Nothing much we could do to help,” Mulder answers with their pre-prepared response. “They let us off the hook early.”

After a few more questions, which they expertly dodge, Bill disappears up the stairs to the room his family is staying in, and Mulder breathes a sigh of relief.

“Well, you did it, Scully. You successfully snuck back in without your mom finding out,” he says, cracking a smile.

“Didn’t even have to climb through a window or anything,” she adds with a straight face. “I’m kind of disappointed.”

The room falls silent, save for the sound of the heater running to keep the house warm. Somewhere in the kitchen, the ice maker rattles. 

“Will you be okay down here?” Scully asks, looking over his shoulder at the couch and worrying her lip.

He glances behind himself, then turns back to her with a tender smile. “I think he probably found the quilt that smells the most like mothballs, but yeah, I’ll be fine,” he says jokingly.

She frowns. “I can get you a different blanket. There has to be more in the closet upstairs, I’ll just—”

“Scully, Scully, I was kidding,” he says, stopping her retreat by placing a hand on her upper arm. She immediately freezes, her eyes landing on the spot where his hand touches her, seemingly realizing for the first time how close they are standing.

For an instant, he reflexively pulls away as if burned, and she feels the loss like a phantom limb. But then he’s back, this time softer. Hesitant, but purposeful. 

She shifts her gaze up to meet his.

“I’ll be fine,” he reiterates, his voice dropping to a murmur. It’s all she can do to nod, lost in the dim light of the room reflected in his eyes. His eyes scan her face, lingering for a moment on her lips, and then he whispers, “Goodnight, Scully.”

Before she knows what’s happening, he’s lowering his head, and she feels his lips press against her cheek. Although it’s not an altogether unfamiliar gesture, tonight it feels… significant. He pulls back with a soft smile and releases her, not that she could move if she wanted to. It’s like her feet are glued to the floor, and her cheeks burn at the thought of getting stuck in a daze like this from such a simple action.

Fortunately, her brother saves her from further embarrassment. “Dana, you coming?” he calls from upstairs, shaking her from her stupor.

“Yeah, be right up,” she answers distractedly, eyes unable to stray from Mulder’s. She blinks a few times and frees herself from his spell, taking a step back toward the hallway. “Um. There’s towels in the bathroom,” she states, taking another step. “I’ll be in the first room on the left upstairs, if you need anything.”

He nods quietly, smiling at her in that way that makes her stomach flip.

“Goodnight,” she says.

“Night, Mrs. Mulder.”

-.-.-

Sleep proves difficult, which probably shouldn’t surprise her. It’s a combination of things, really. The ceremony, the brief touch of his lips to hers in the courtroom, the kiss on her cheek before bed. ‘Mrs. Mulder,’ which is frankly, ridiculous, but endearing nonetheless. And a whole host of other moments from the day that she wants to commit to memory.

It hits her, as she’s lying in bed after her shower, that this is her wedding night. It’s not at all like she grew up expecting it to be, but given the circumstances, it would be weird if it was. Things are strange enough as it is, and that—well, that would complicate it even further. 

She watches the clock on the nightstand turn to midnight, the blinking display of red numbers ushering in Christmas Day while the other side of her bed lays empty. His presence is felt, though, in the cool press of her ring to her chest, now looped around a chain and hidden beneath her clothes.

She tells herself she’s wearing it still because she doesn’t want anyone else to stumble upon it in the morning, but then she’s always been good at lying to herself. Her hand travels to it unconsciously, clutching it in a fist, reminding herself that it’s real.

She sighs, rolling over. Maybe Mulder’s insomnia is rubbing off on her. With another frustrated exhale, she sits up, lowering her feet to the floor. She gathers the knitted blanket from the foot of the bed and drags it with her, creeping to the door and prying it open slowly.

Maybe he’s still awake. They can stay up and just talk, or sneak some Christmas cookies from her mother’s tupperware. Either one would be preferable to laying awake up here all alone.

When she gets to the foot of the stairs, however, she hears the sound of steady, gentle breathing coming from the direction of the couch.

Figures, this is the one time he actually manages a good night’s rest. 

She rounds the corner into the living room and glances down at the figure on the sofa. Sure enough, his arms are tucked up against his chest, his face relaxed and tranquil. He looks so young, like this. Younger even than the day she met him. 

Oh, she loves him. Of course she does. How could she not?

The way his cheek is pressed up against the pillow makes her want to curl up next to him, but she settles for the worn La-Z-Boy recliner across the room. After draping her blanket over her lap, she tugs it over her shoulders and curls up, the overstuffed chair rocking back and forth with every movement. She watches him, in the dim light from the Christmas tree in the corner. His knees hang over the edge of the too-small couch, and yet he’s as peaceful as ever, his chest rising and falling in measured increments.

Beneath his thin, pale gray t-shirt, she sees a small, circular outline. His ring, resting right over his heart.

She closes her eyes, sending a wish to whoever might be listening that one day, that heart might belong to her, and hers to him.

~~~

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[theposhsworld]

Ladies why do the wives and girlfriends of football players dress the worst? Anna Bey said something brilliant that she went to Ibiza partying with celebrities thinking she had to dress like this to find out it’s only a show for the public and the women who got married to elite dressed the opposite.

The reason celebrities but especially wives and girlfriends of football players dress the worst by their stylists is to create profit by selling dust back to dusties.

Rich successful people are not profitable for sports teams because they only tune in at the end and don’t buy shirts with another gentleman’s name on it. Who watches every single game? Who buys the shirts with another gentleman’s name. Obviously dusties!

The most profitable segment of a sports audience are broke dusty losers who instead of doing something to improve themselves being so demoralized, escape from being a loser by watching another gentleman being successful at something simple like kicking a ball.

Successful gentlemen tune in during the World Cup with the excitement or use a vip lounge to network as a sport going on in the background is a perfect icebreaker.

The people watching football every Monday night & buying the t shirt, knowing all the sport’s statistics of Ronaldo are dusty.

That is why the stylists of football franchises encourage wives and girlfriends to dress as the dream sp3rm dumpster for the dusty when he wins the lottery rather than what footballers actually find attractive. Don’t be surprised that girlfriends who got married were more modest when they first met and are modest in private as a wife.

What is really interesting is when a WAG decides to have her own brand she switches and goes more classy be it Victoria Beckham or Georgina.

Georgina Rodriquez realized Ronaldo will never marry her so she has branched out and created her own brand, changing from Miss Rachetta in Thot Couture, to classy in Haute Couture.

See the power of level down propaganda.

The too sexy look is catering to dusties who don’t want to settle down.

What gentleman thinks his wife’s body parts all out there so others can jerk off to her photos is attractive?! That is not masculine at all. Only reason they tolerate it is they get paid a lot of money for it and promoted for it.

If someone tells you he prefers you in thot couture, translation from boy to girl language: he is looking for a sp3rm urinal because he is in his party years not ready to commit and will dump you after he travelled the world, sky dived and bunjee jumped for his dream girl.

Ladies think logically- someone who wants you to dress in a way so other boys will masturbate to you - IS NOT CLAIMING YOU.

Have enough self esteem to not be used as a sp3rm urinal even to a rich gentleman.

You know we bumped into a friend, a local young businessman, Ukrainian, always hustling. Masculine energy ripping through ever vein. Treats his finance like a queen. He already planned their life and talks about the legacy his future children will leave and future children. And right now he is hustling so early 20s, not rich yet but you can see he will get there. A real man. Responsible. Subhanallah I was a child at his age.

Each time I bump into this lad, he is always hustling. He takes care of his fiancé, does things for the community. How can you not respect him. And there are affluent boys who fly to Mongolia, Uzbekistan, Mykonos, Ibiza, Patagonia.. who weaponize their money 💵 & love to bread crumb ladies to be used as a sp3rm urinal so they don’t have to be responsible and grow up … and these wealthy Pans deceive their girlfriends pretending to be libertarian so they can avoid responsibility and say marriage is a piece of paper. I have no respect for them unlike this upstanding masculine young lad who hustles.

The young lad knows I am a designer and I like to make attractive clothes. He told me and my husband that gentlemen prefer feminine, elegant and modest clothing and it’s sad young women dress too sexy because they think it’s what boys want, but it’s only what party boys who have fun want. Obviously don’t dress like a nun but gentlemen are territorial and don’t like another lad having dirty thoughts about his girlfriend from how she dresses. Obviously not dress like a nun in a beige bag but leave something to the imagination.

I have yet to see a married or marriage minded gentleman who prefers his lady to be a public masterbation aid.

You say but this guys wife dresses like that. How many of us know someone who is the fourth wife to an extremely affluent Dubai Sheikh. Do you think she would prefer to be the only wife? Of course.

Young affluent gentlemen are playing around and rarely serious. Patrick Bet-David was saying he used to go to Vegas with his buddies and be a player when he first got money and played around. Sure there were some wife material girls whose hearts he broke as a young gentleman. When the party scene got old and he knew he could pull girls and fancy cars got old, he realized he was missing a wife, and kids too might be nice. Then he went and found a wife.

When Patrick Bet David was an affluent player he went for the thotties who were the hottest and easiest to grab. Only when he got tired of using them as a line of sp3rm urinals in a men’s room, trying each one, then he thought oh it’s time to find a wife. His tastes switched from WAG Swag Thot Trot in thot couture into an elegant wife.

I have seen this in my husband’s younger friends, they love looking at thotties but fear committing but when they look for a wife their tastes switch overnight. R to K.

This is why I tell young women don’t dress for boys your age. As Mike Wayne brilliantly said a woman is born with inherent value and it’s up to her to maintain or lose it but gentlemen are born without value and have to go out there and make something of themselves. And before they do, you are Barbara the builder to a student who plays video games on his spare time who will dump you the moment he gets a good job he leverages to his dream girl.

Just because a rich young Patrick Bet David tells you that you should take off clothes as he prefers you to dress nearly naked as his girlfriend of the month isn’t a rational course of action. He is showing off to his party boy bros who snort Coke off the nude bossum of a sax worker that he is pounding that asssz. Young boys like to show what butt they hunted and managed to bring home. It’s dehumanizing and they don’t care about you.

Only party bros are impressed by naked girls. Patrick Bet David switched to finding a wife then switched his crew to family oriented mature friends and suddenly he went from liking half naked girls to dignified ladies.

It takes time for boys to grow up and in societies not religious and traditional he maybe 35 or 40 when he is finally an adult where in Ukraine or Russia he is a grown man at 24. In Yemen typically he is 30, 32 because he has to accumulate the resources to raise a family and Yemen is a poor country.

One girl said rich young gentlemen including her committmentophobe party boy adventure stage Peter Pan boyfriend prefer the dusty aesthetic- yes because your boyfriend doesn’t like you, just likes that he is pounding a juicy piece of assz of an extremely beautiful girl he doesn’t deserve.

Ladies money is a joke to affluent gentlemen. Even if they spend most of it on you, they can make it again. You can never get commitment by investment with affluent gentlemen, only works with brokeys. You get commitment from respect and yes they don’t respect cheap girls who don’t value themselves.

So you say oh this young Patrick Bet David I met in Vegas bought me a Birkin and he is paying my rent so he will marry me? Get a grip! What is big money to you is not a big deal to him. He finds it amusing he can flex to his buddies and everyone who bullied him in high school. And he flies in parties with you. Then at a party next month he meets someone hotter or different hair colour or different race who is hot and gets bored, switches you for her and you get kicked out of Caesar’s Palace, and his new girl takes your place.

Affluent boys are still human and still have a spreading the seed phase that lasts longer than average Joes because of more opportunities. Dressing to cater to rich dusties is only going to finish with you crying and traumatized. Rich dusties are still dusties.

The football style is designed to cater to dusties, to be aspirational to them so they fill the Seats in the games and buy more merchandise. Smart ladies understand this marketing and don’t fall for it.

Dressing half naked even Sheera7 said makes you a dust magnet 🧲. You will be a magnet for broke and rich dusties alike.

Yes serious mature young gentlemen who have the maturity of young women are extremely rare in the West so don’t dress to impress your rude immature selfish peers looking for a sp3rm urinal.

Beware of what gentlemen say they like. I kicked out a banker from following my account for always liking the highest maintenance women only but messaged to me I was wrong about high maintenance that he prefers women who are low maintenance. I said I sometimes put their photos on Facebook but you never click like, you only click like on the ones who spent 3 hours getting ready for that photo. He insisted and I said you are a hypocrite, your words don’t correspond with your behaviour and I am blocking you because I don’t need to deal with hypocrisy.

Understand what gentlemen respond to and why. When they are a party boy they have a different taste when they have the resources to settle down and get married.

Dress not your age but for the job you want to have, and dress how you want to be addressed.

Credit Maria Al Massani

[burnwater13]

Grogu stands on fabric showing watercolor pans of various colors. Next to him is a watercolor of a sea turtle on hot press cotton watercolor paper (painting by me). Various water color tools, including paints, a pallet, and a brush are set in front of Grogu.

The artist within…

Grogu had been surprised to find out that Nevarro had an art school. Not because a planet that was trying to put it’s pirate and Imperial past behind it couldn’t pursue the arts as a means of improving the lives of its citizens. He just couldn’t believe that the High Magistrate hadn’t told him as soon as it had happened. After all, Greef Karga was the proud owner of numerous Grogu originals. Grogu thought it would have just been common courtesy to let him know that an artist colony had sprung up on the southern expanses of the city. 

Putting that aside, once Grogu learned about the artists who had traveled from all over the Outer Rim to come join a like minded community on Nevarro, he had to find out more about them. The first thing he found out was they were holding an open house at their art school. He was glad to find that out and got all the details from C-29 and then verified those details with IG-11-M.  The copper colored protocol droid wasn’t as reliable as it should have been. It could have sent Grogu a notice about the art school obtaining it’s permit to operate, giving him a heads up on a topic that it knew was near and dear to his heart. It wasn’t like the High Magistrate actually pinned those sketches to the walls of his office. Grogu knew C-29 did that work. But that hadn’t happened and Grogu wasn’t going to forget that anytime soon.

When he and his dad finally had a chance to talk about things other than chores, meals, improvements to the N-1, future work for the folks on Mandalore, and their next trip to Tatooine and points beyond, Grogu managed to bring up the topic of the art school open house.

“I don’t know, Kid. We’re pretty busy right now. I don’t even know what you do at an open house. It’s not the sort of thing we did on Concordia.”

Grogu sighed at his dad and then thrust a brochure at him. 

“‘Come one, come all. Bring your children. Outer Rim Art School on Nevarro is open for the fall semester sign up. Visit our brand new facility. Walk through galleries where you will witness unique art installations, examples of the work of our instructors, and be able to participate in a one of kind group art workshop. We have classes for beginners to experts. Don’t be shy. Help create a more beautiful Nevarro.’ Wow. They’re really selling this place hard, kid. Why do you want to go? You already know how to sketch.”

Yes. That was true. Grogu was a pretty good, even if he said so himself, at sketching true to life scenes. He was improving with daily practice and he was hoping that he’d be able to find an instructor who appreciated both his artistic vision and his unique limitations. Not every tool designed for his comp or for use with sketch pads worked as well for his small hands as they probably did for humans, or Twi’lek’s, or even Gamorreans. He needed some guidance on how to handle that (no pun intended). 

Grogu also wanted to branch out and learn how to make other types of art. He’d done some painting, but that was mostly with durable paints that his dad agreed looked good on the walls of the cabin. Since his dad was a boring Mandalorian without artistic soul of any kind, Grogu had been compelled to stick to a single color pallet and carefully blended coverage that just looked like a color and not something far more interesting, like the night’s sky, or an ocean during a storm, or the depths of space when purrgils were flying/floating by. Which was boring. He wanted to do something more exciting with art. 

Grogu tried to explain that all to Din Djarin. He was pretty sure that the Mandalorian was immune to his message. 

“You want to take a course in what? Watercolor? I’ve never even heard of that. As far as I know, pure, unadulterated water is clear. It doesn’t even have a color.”

Grogu explained, as patiently as he could, that watercolor painting used special paint that was heavily pigmented and soluble in water, allowing you to thin it to an appropriate color density for the piece of art you were working on. He also explained that it came in a lot of colors and used special materials. His dad was still not quite understanding.

“But you already have markers. Why would you need a whole different system of materials and techniques to do what you already do with something that smells nice and washes out of your coveralls?”

Grogu felt like he had to put his foot down. He asked his dad why he had a whole cabinet of weapons in the cabin and in the storage compartment of the N-1. A storage compartment, by the way, that could have been used to bring something better than ration packs on long journeys. 

“That’s not the same thing at all kid. Each of those devices has a unique purpose. I select which ones I’m going to use based on the nature of the threats we’ll be facing, the general conditions of the environment and how many people… oh. So you want to branch out and develop additional skills?”

Grogu nodded his head quickly. He was surprised that his dad picked up the similarities between their hobbies with so little pushing on his side of things. 

“Okay. We can go to this open house thing. We’ll also see if they have a study at home course. We travel a lot and I can’t guarantee that you’ll be available on a routine basis to attend in person classes. Maybe they have a kit designed for travel. Something small that won’t take up a lot of space.”

Grogu grinned at the thought of painting with watercolors while sitting on his dad’s lap in the N-1. He wondered if phthalo blue stained beskar or not. It stained everything else, but maybe his dad wouldn’t notice? He was pretty sure that this was one of those times that discretion was the better part of valor. He’d deal with that hill when they reached it.

[queerprayers]

do you have any tips for protestant christians who want to practice advent in a more ritualistic way?

Happy Advent, beloved! I love this question!

Hopefully this isn't too obvious but just in case: Advent wreaths were originally a Lutheran tradition and they're my favorite holiday ritual! I'm in the minority in that my church's Advent color is blue, but many people's are purple and pink. The Wikipedia page lists some different traditions—some people give a meaning to each candle. Generally people will have five and light one for each week of Advent and then one for Christmas. Advent is cut short this year (Advent 4 and Christmas Eve are the same day) but it's still never too late to start participating in a season! One day of mindful Advent is more precious than weeks of half-hearted Advent.

I have blue and gold candle holders, but many places sell Advent-specific candles and holders, or you can just get four or five candles (real or fake) from around the house and arrange them! I haven't gotten around to it yet this year but I like gathering evergreen branches from outside and arranging them in more of a proper wreath, but a fake wreath would work too, or just candles on a cloth or table.

I also saw this 20-minute Advent candle set, where you can light a candle each day and let it burn down while praying/meditating/writing. You could set a timer and do something similar with any type of candle. Candles are a staple of winter holidays for a reason—light and warmth, obviously, and there's something about having a natural source of those things existing in your house when so much of the rest of your life may be artificial. I thank God my house has heating, but I also seek out the ways this earth provides what we need, if we only know where to look.

Some form of counting down to Christmas is a main theme of Advent traditions, and I don't think this is a bad thing at all, although I do see my Advent wreath as more of a fulfillment than a countdown. I always encourage people to take at least a moment for just Advent. We could look at Lent as a countdown to Easter, but we might miss the journey. And after all, Holy Week and Easter is the culmination of our calendar, not Christmas. We are still in the beginning.

My family doesn't usually put up a Christmas tree until around the 23rd, and I don't listen to Christmas carols until Christmas Eve. I don't refuse to participate in secular/cultural Christmas events/traditions before then, but Christmas as religious practice is twelve days for us, starting the 25th. I have time to make room, to prepare. I'm listening to Advent music now, to ground myself in time. I don't say this because I think everyone should necessarily do this (by all means, find room for joy wherever you can), but because an Advent value that I find meaning in is patience. Christmas exists, joy exists, salvation exists—but what happens in the time before those things? What happens if we're not there yet, if we perhaps have to wait our whole lives? We do not know the future, but there are things we can see, and even more things we can trust in. How can we practice hoping for it all?

This year I'm reading Watch for the Light: Readings for Advent and Christmas (the last gift my grandfather gave me), and it's marking my days in a similar way candles do—connecting me with the world, setting aside time, bringing me back to why I exist the way that I do. There are countless devotional/topical books out there—as well as Watch for the Light, I would recommend Preparing for Christmas by Richard Rohr and Accompanied by Angels: Poems of the Incarnation by Luci Shaw (which can double as a Lenten/Easter book as well). I'm also looking forward to reading in future years Celtic Advent by David Cole and WinterSong by Madeleine L'Engle & Luci Shaw.

If you don't usually attend worship services, Advent is a lovely time to start—it's the new year, after all! My city has a caroling night downtown, and you could look for similar events in your community. You could also start new worship traditions—my uncle hosts a Christmas carol singing circle every year, and his apartment is squished full of happy people, some Christian and some not, singing until the neighbors complain.

Speaking of the new year, that's what this is for many of us, and one way we can acknowledge that is by thinking about the past year and/or the year to come. What was last Advent like for you? Where are you now? Why are you seeking out more ritual this year? Are there future seasons in the church year that you want to further observe? What joy and grief and community do you see on the road ahead of you? What can you not even begin to imagine? Advent can be a beginning for all of it, if you let it. And Advent is the ultimate time to contemplate the past and the future—as we remember Jesus coming two thousand years ago, as we experience him every day, and as we look to a second coming that none of us understand but can occasionally stand to ponder.

There are the little things, too—writing Christmas cards is very ritualistic for me, as well as making gifts, and preparing for Christmas in a material way, especially if it's for others, can be a lovely ritual! Volunteering, preparing a home, creating, writing, taking a walk--anything, really, can be a ritual if we do it purposely. We don't always have to add something to our life—we can live something we already live in a new way.

And then there's the other kind of practice: emptying. We talk about this most when we encounter Lent, but I think there's a place for it here, too (and always). I don't mean abandon our responsibilities/hobbies/relationships, but most of us have too much. It is a blessing to have, but it can also be a blessing to let go. Many of us overwork ourselves during December, at work, at school, financially, socially, around the house. I've learned to look at busy-ness as a gift, but I also work to not fill up my life until there's no room for the season. There are people who fast during Advent, but there are other ways to make space in our lives to fill up with God, and Advent encourages us to spend time in that space. God is coming, a thief in the night, a late guest, an overlooked baby. Do you have room? Do you still have the attention span and energy? Will you even notice?

Christmas is many things to many people, and preparing for it is similarly diverse. I'm carrying a lot of grief with me this year, from both family and world tragedy. I know a lot of people who feel pressured to be happy during the holidays, and that breaks my heart—and it also makes me wonder how much having a ritualistic Advent since I was a kid has helped me avoid that. Happiness was never a value my family held—it was beautiful, but not inherently holy. Emotions come and go. Love exists infinitely, and patience and hope can be practiced and lived out regardless.

There are so many traditions, especially in the US, that leave people hungering for ritual and material practice—I've found a lot of physicality in Lutheranism, similar to my Catholic family, but I know there are those who have never really had that. When we seek ritual, it's often because there's something (or many things) in our practice either growing up or currently that we don't have and seek—whether that's the sensory experiences of incense and stained glass, the daily habits of rosary or novena, the liturgical practice of seasons and services, choral and hymn-singing, contemporary music, contemplation, academia, casualness, relatability, mystery, social justice, huge gatherings, tiny meetings, or any of the other Christian experiences that usually traditions don't or can't have all at once. When we seek ritual, we seek what we don't have, but often find what we already have as well. So many things are rituals that we take for granted because we've always had them or gotten used them. Seek new rituals, and seek what is already in your life that you can decide to do. Take your traditions, and find the traditions you didn't receive but hunger for, and make a life. You have time—Advent happens every year, and as far as we know and can hope, we will have many more Advents.

Ultimately, ritual is doing it all on purpose. It's finding rhythm. So much of our lives are accidental, and this can be beautiful and holy, but you have come seeking the things we invite. And yet even things that happen to us can become purposeful, as Mary teaches us: "Let it be with me according to your word." Whether she had a choice is sometimes discussed, but to me often the more relevant question is how she dealt with what came her way. Ritual is taking what we are given and doing it on purpose, and Advent gives us a long tradition, passed down through generations, of active waiting. We have no choice but to wait for the future, but today we will do it with our eyes open. Act as if the world is going to turn upside down—and you will notice it is, all the time.

In Watch for the Light, Henri Nouwen writes, "A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment is empty. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. Waiting, then, is not passive. It involves nurturing the moment, as a mother nurtures the child that is growing in her."

Whatever rituals you invite in or find that you already have, however you nurture the moments that make up this season, I pray they make room in your heart for what God can bring. As Rilke tells us (in teaching how to approach art, but what else are the mysteries of this season?), "Everything is gestation and then bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity."

<3 Johanna

[lilmaemae]

tagged by the lovely lovely @thestrangeillusion !! you're so cool actually, and i'm glad to have learnt more about you on your own edition, ehe <33 im a few days late but here are my answers !!

do you tidy your bed

no, because i'm going to lie in it in a few hours lmao. it feels more cosy in its nest state

what's your favourite number

15! or 5? as my birthday dates, they're precious to me

what is your job

i used to work as a veterinary nurse (for the past 2 years) but i just quit!

if you could go back to school would you

... i'm going back to school in september (college lmao), for vet school, so uh,,, yes? 😂

can you parallel park

not at the moment, but in the near future i hope so!

a job you had that would surprise people

i used to sell cured meat at a branch in the airport. or the time i helped my mom's friend with her candle making workshops?

do you think aliens are real

i think that there are many things different from human-likeness that can exist. whether or not they have "intelligence" in the definition relative to humans, however.,,, i think chances are slim. i think they'd be smart in their own ways.

can you drive a manual car

close! i'm learning how to drive right now, have been learning the the month or two!

what's your guilty pleasure

reading ao3 on my light tabs. i don't use incognito because it keeps logging me out of shit, and it's way easier to keep track of the fics im reading.

tattoos

none atm, but i do wish to get either an animal/astronomy related one eventually !

favourite colour

greeeeeen and pink!

favourite type of music

i like pop/r&b? music that sounds melancholic. like day6, d.o (kyung soo), jeff satur

do you like puzzles

i've never had the space for physical ones but brain games are pretty intriguing!

any phobias

hate the fucking cockroaches 👎👎👎👎👎 genuinely, the occurance of those shits randomly in my bathroom gives me so much anxiety that i stopped washing my hair in the specific toilet

favourite childhood sport

,,, i've never exaclty done sports ngl, but i do have a brown belt in taekwondo?

do you talk to yourself

yes. it's the ✨anxiety

though on good days it's a silly narrator in my head that makes life a little more fun!

what movie(s) do you adore

ngl i'm not a huge movie girl but tangled and more recently nimona!! tangled's soundtrack is just, amazing, i adore mandy moore'a voice so much. and nimona is such a treat, especially with all the shape shifting and the gay dads.

coffee or tea?

tea! matcha lattes are so good. and green tea, hojicha, chrysanthemum tea, fruit teas, bruhh the list could go oN. for coffee, i only like mochas that are so sweet they'd make a religious coffee drinker puke. not to mention they either give me headaches or cause me to vibrate so intensely that i might as well be the flash trying to phase through solid objects.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

a zookeeper! i always knew i wanted to do something animal related, and im glad i'll be able to learn more soon.

tagging @emberfaye @mousydentist @venagrey @jez-bez @chaeul @fairlylokai @the-cookie-of-doom @awiderangeofgreen @ella-norah and anyone who wants to do this challenge!!!

[bubblegum-glitch]

The Lines We Won't Cross and How They Change

Let's rewind time a little bit, back to the year 2011. I had joined this little website called tumblr and had made an acquaintance whose confidence would begin to inspire me to branch out and try all kinds of things I never could have seen myself doing before that point in my life. I began recording and publishing vocal covers to YouTube, I started showing off my artwork publicly, and I even posted a single topless photo of myself online - all because I couldn't stop comparing myself to this random fucking girl. If she could do it, so could I...

But I was determined that I could do it better.

The "relationship" I built with this online stranger is a little odd, and probably would throw up several red flags for some people. I can't explain why I felt such a strong sense of rivalry between us, and I know she never felt the same, but there was just something about my interactions with this person that made me want to always do better than her, even to this day (even though I'm 100% sure she doesn't even remember who I am).

Creepy? Weird? Stalker-y? I dunno. Probably. Harmless? Absolutely. All I can say is she is the one who ultimately introduced me to the world of "Topless Tuesdays" and the alternative modelling site "SuicideGirls."

She had posted a set to SuicideGirls as a hopeful, and being in full rival mode at the time I had considered doing the same. Ultimately I decided against it however, as the fear of any member of my family every finding out gave me far too much anxiety to overcome (hold this thought). Not to mention I couldn't bring myself to believe I was "pretty enough" to succeed.

I often wonder what would have come of that if I had ever gone ahead with that hopeful photo-set submission.

But I digress.

Let's jump ahead in the timeline to around 2017/2018 (I can't quite remember when). I had a case of the retail woes, a certificate in photography, and a foolish idea to escape the Hellscape that is customer service once and for all. The internet had informed me that feet pics were in and there was mountains of cash just waiting for me, all I had to do was step on a twinkie or two.

Long story short (or short story shorter) I failed in this business venture pretty much immediately. It's harder than you think to market and sell pictures of your tootsies.

Now, let's spin back a bit to where I mentioned my fear of my family discovering my nudity online. This is a topic I will address a bit more in a future post, but I will let you know now that although my parents do try their best to steer more towards the life of liberal boomers, they are still very uncertain of LGBTQA+ topics and VERY against sex work. I have built a strong and close relationship with my mother, but if she ever discovered what I've begun doing for work I believe it would ruin all of what we have.

Early in 2023 I began weighing that fear of my family discovering me against the possibility of actually making a living wage by taking my shirt off for strangers online. After many discussions with my husband (who has been fully supportive since day one) and a long time of back and forth with my decision, I finally decided to give OnlyFans a try.

Originally I had no intentions of posting more than some topless photos. I used what I knew about photography, photo editing, and makeup to my advantage to create some high quality, if a little bit minimal, content. Upon seeing there was some interest, but being unable to hold the attention of anyone for long, I decided to step over that initial line I had drawn for myself and posted some full nudes. Immediately I started seeing a positive response and suddenly I had a little extra spending money.

At that time I said that this was as far as I was willing to go. Excuse my vulgarity here but I had no intentions of doing pussy pics or spreading my asshole. Tasteful nudes, and no farther.

I stuck to that line for about a year, until the inevitable "Fuck it" moment I previously posted about occurred in July of 2024. I stepped over the line again and started posting some more risque content at a premium rate. It was then that my OnlyFans really started to take off and I was seeing actual financial gain in response.

Once more I drew a new line for myself that I swore I would not cross. Absolutely no video content.

But then I couldn't stop considering making that video content. I would think about it so often that I actually began frequently dreaming about creating pornographic films.

So once again I turned to my partner and we discussed the pros and cons, and eventually I decided to dip a toe over the edge and get a sense of the temperature of the deep end.

Admittedly, that first masturbation video I made embarrassed the fuck out of me. I felt exposed, I felt ugly, and I felt very stupid. But then the response to it came.

"I love this."

"That was so hot."

"You're so gorgeous."

"More, please."

So I decided to try again, and again, and then suddenly I fucking LOVED making the videos. The sense of empowerment, the ego boost - It gives me this absolute sense of control. Something I have been missing in every single career I've ever had in my life.

It was about the third video that I realized "This is it. This is exactly what I want to keep doing with my life for the next several years."

But this is the point where I want to say this to anyone reading my blog who is considering this vocation as a future (or even current) option:

Set your rules early. Understand what you do and do not feel comfortable doing, and express that to your followers. You NEVER have to do anything that you are not comfortable with, even if it's what people are trying to push you to do. At the end of the day it is about your level of comfort, not their level of enjoyment. Set the line you will not cross and do not cross it unless YOU want to. You might have to work a little harder to build a community, but you can get there.

I still have multiple things I will not do, some of which I will likely never do, and others I might be open to one day exploring.

There is no timeline in existence where I will ever be comfortable sexting someone. I'm not even comfortable doing that with my own husband. It's just not for me.

I will not do the dom/sub stuff.

BDSM - Yeah, not happening.

Fetish content - It depends, I have no problem sitting on a cake and giving my husband a foot job, but most Fetish content is a nope from me.

Threesomes? Absolutely not.

Meetups? Hell to the fucking no. My husband is the only person I'm sleeping with and I'm firm on that, thank you.

In this industry you are the boss. What you say goes and your followers can either take what you're giving and appreciate what you do, or they can pack up and find someone else to pester with their more extreme requests.

Who you are and what your destiny is belongs to you and only you. Don't let anyone convince you to change if that's not what you want to do.

Never be afraid to say no.

---

As a side note before I close out this entry, I've opened up an Askfm account so you can ask me anything anonymously. It can be about me, about my journey, or even just general advice for starting work in this industry. I'm by no means an expert, but if I can offer some insight to help you out I would be honoured to do so!

[aishangotome]

Personal Branch (Xia Xiaoyin): #1 Dongshui Illusion Techniques (东水幻术) Part 3 | Beyond The World 世界之外

Part 2

♡———♡

Liu Hu was taken aback for a moment, but perhaps with the thought of "humoring me, making me feel better," she didn't question me further and simply untied her money bag and handed it to me.

Liu Hu: Here you go. This is the money your aunt and uncle gave me, originally for me to take you out and buy some fun and useful things.

I nodded, took the money bag, and weaved through the crowd.

The negotiation went more smoothly than I expected.

The procuress said the man was not young, had a leg injury, was resistant, and clearly difficult to manage, so it had been difficult to sell him for a long time. Now that someone was finally willing to take him, she didn't mind selling him cheaply.

After buying him, we hired a carriage, but instead of going straight home, we went to Liu Hu's place.

Although Liu Hu is married, her husband is away on business, and she is in complete control of her household, so what we were about to do wouldn't be leaked.

I noticed that although Xia Xiaoyin didn't speak or move along the way, he was constantly and cautiously observing his surroundings, as if looking for a chance to escape.

After arriving at Liu Hu's house, I deliberately and kindly reminded him---

You: You're injured. You won't get far.

Xia Xiaoyin ignored me.

Right, as I expected, he doesn't know me at all right now.

You: Don't worry, I bought you for a reason. I want you to marry me.

Xia Xiaoyin suddenly looked up at me, his eyes cold, with a hint of underlying… hostility.

Liu Hu quietly reminded me in my ear.

Liu Hu: I get the feeling he's even less reassured now.

You: Yeah, maybe. I'll talk to him some more.

You: Sister Liu Hu, do you have any clothes your husband doesn't wear? Could you grab a set for me? I'll have him clean up and change into them later.

Liu Hu: Of course, of course! Your brother-in-law has several new suits he hasn't worn. I'll go get them for you.

After Liu Hu left, I looked at Xia Xiaoyin and began to explain seriously.

You: Um… it's not the kind of marriage you're thinking of. It's not a real marriage. I just want you to help me put on an act, to pretend to be my “husband.”

You: If you agree to help me, you can recover from your injuries here. Once you're healed, I'll do everything I can to help you leave.

Actually, I would help him even if he didn't agree. But I wasn't going to tell him that.

Seeing that Xia Xiaoyin was still very wary and unmoved, I explained my current situation to him.

You: This concerns my future, and I wouldn't lie to you. Once my problem is solved, you're free to go.

I don't know why Xia Xiaoyin ended up in this situation.

He seemed to consider it for a moment, then nodded to me.

Xia Xiaoyin: Fine.

His attitude was still extremely arrogant, as if he had bought me, not the other way around. It brought home the deep truth that the one who owes the money is the boss.

I got the new clothes from Liu Hu and put them in the separate bathroom in the courtyard. Then I gestured to Xia Xiaoyin in the direction of the bathroom.

You: Why don't you go clean up first? The new clothes are ready for you.

-

Half an hour later, the man I had "bought" emerged, clean and presentable.

Liu Hu's eyes widened in surprise, glancing between him and me.

Liu Hu: My little sister has excellent taste!

She now seemed genuinely enthusiastic about this marriage.

Liu Hu: In our Wu clan, women have always been the head of the household. We don't rely on men for anything important. It's just a matter of finding someone who can help with the family inheritance and household affairs.

Liu Hu: Little sister, I think this man, although his background is unknown, is quite handsome. Living together and looking at him will also make you happy. You've chosen a good husband.

I could only nod in agreement.

Liu Hu: Oh, right, you haven't asked his name yet. If he doesn't have one, you can give him one.

Liu Hu whispered in my ear.

You: .........What's your name?

He seemed to hesitate for a moment before answering.

Xia Xiaoyin: Yin Xia... Xia as in summer.

Sure... liar.

The truth is, I've seen through everything. You're Xia Xiaoyin, the Regent of the Dongzhou Empire. I don't know how you ended up in this mess, but it looks like you're at risk of unemployment.

But I'm merciful. I won't expose you.

You: You looked completely different just now. What happened?

I suspected he'd used a disguise, but I asked anyway.

Xia Xiaoyin: I was worried about running into trouble, so I disguised myself.

You: Trouble?

Xia Xiaoyin: Like being targeted by a strange person, bought, and forced into marriage.

Someone with such a sharp tongue usually falls into one of two categories: either they haven't entered society yet, haven't learned any humility, or they entered society and immediately became their own boss...

Unfortunately, it seems the man before me is the former.

I looked at him, then took out his bill of sale and slowly waved it in front of him.

Xia Xiaoyin: ...You!

You: Take a good look. You're my property now. So, you have to listen to me.

Xia Xiaoyin was silent, his face darkening as he glared at me.

-

Thanks to Xia Xiaoyin, my plan went exceptionally smoothly.

I invented a backstory for Xia Xiaoyin, then took him home.

As soon as we entered, my "parents" in this identity, having received the news, immediately appeared and asked who Xia Xiaoyin was.

You: He's called Yin Xia. He's a merchant who was passing through Dongshui Village when he was attacked by bandits and left injured in the mountains. I happened to meet him when I went out today and brought him back. He fell in love with me at first sight, saying he had no way to repay my kindness except by offering himself in marriage. I couldn't refuse, so I had to agree.

I glanced at Xia Xiaoyin. He looked like he was turning green.

.

.

.

.

.

Dongshui Illusion Techniques: Part 4

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[mobius-m-mobius]

Thank you so much for replying to my anon ask! And please don't apologize for your long reply. I LOVE IT!

Sylvie has every right to build and explore the kind of love she wants, but I think she lacks self-awareness in her "call-out" of Mobius, which is why Loki calls /her/ out in the next scene, reminding her that the only reason she's at the TVA is because she couldn't kill Victor, not because she actually wanted to /help/.

I sent an ask to @bebx that I hope you don't mind that I copy/paste here, because that blow up about pie sets up Mobius narratively in the next 2 episodes.

Let's talk about the TVA seal. If Loki was the original founder of the TVA before HWR takes over and performs a memory-wipe, the dagger represents Loki, the hourglass/Mobius strip represents Mobius, the shield looks like it might actually be a mask, which can represent Sylvie, who has a gift for enchantments. All 3 of them need to be on the same page to succeed.

Speaking of Sylvie, a word on the pie scene: from a plot perspective, this was Mobius's lowest point. He must feel worthless and good for nothing. This is actually critical for c when Loki finds him: I think Mobius might decline going back, not necessarily because his life before TVA was any better, but because he will likely think he will cause more harm then good, and that the only thing he's good at is selling jet skis, which can't possibly harm anyone.

Loki, because he didn't say anything during the confrontation with Sylvie, will be compelled to tell him that's absolutely not true. Loki will tell Mobius that his kindness and his believing in him changed everything. Perhaps, if we're lucky, we'll get some kind of love confession. Loki might say he can't save the timeline alone and he /wants/ Mobius at his side. Thus, Loki believing in Mobius causes Mobius to believe in Loki. When his memories get wiped in the future by HWR, his love Loki (romantic or platonic) will be an echo of his love for jet skis. He won't remember why he loves Loki, he just knows he dies because he did before. Thus closing the loop and fulfilling the snake eating its own tail. Who saved who?

Lastly, For All Time, Always had been presented as an ominous slogan. I believe this is actually a pact Loki, Mobius and Sylvie make among themselves to protect all timelines and free will. When HWR invades the TVA and perfoms the memory wipe, the slogan becomes perverse. I bet the pruning sticks, magic dampeners, collars, and torture devices were brought into the TVA by him. He is an inventor, after all.

Also, in rebuilding the TVA's facilities (which will take some powerful magic, magic that would create a place that would impress a post-NY Loki), Mobius might request Loki and Sylvie for a pie automat and hot chocolate dispenser. Because stress. Sylvie might use her magic to grant his wish as a peace offering.

Oh hi! Lovely to meet you and of course, such a pleasure to read and reply to 😊

Really wish there was more thought put into Sylvie's direction this season because at this rate there hasn't been any depth into the time she's been spending at the McDonald's branch which she seemed to be enjoying building a routine at, in comparison to suddenly going back to trying to chase He Who Remains variants while constantly telling everyone at the TVA they're dragging her back in while *she's* following them around?

Her not knowing what to do with herself makes sense considering her life had been dedicated to revenge until now but I just can't connect in any way when her one firm goal has been protecting all timelines enough to give the people there chances to live full lives and no matter the terrible history she has with the TVA, they're the only entity capable of ensuring that. Would never expect her to like the place or anyone there but they've already proven they're now working to preserve and she has no other plan to offer than burning everything to the ground which isn't an option while the loom's at such a critical level so her repeatedly ignoring what's right in front of her is feeling more than a little pointless.

(here we go again haha, adding a read more for everyone's sake!)

Don't mind at all and completely agree about the narrative being set specifically to explore the mindset Mobius has been in all season as well as his perspective on finding out his past. Still debating on whether he has any awareness of the TVA when we see him again and am leaning heavily toward him being the original version of himself with no knowledge of Loki or anything else that's happened so I'd love to see how Loki convinces him or if there's any kind of inherent connection or understanding lingering between them anyway?? But if he does have access to his memories I really do think he'd want to take a step back after watching Loki go after Sylvie after the pie situation.

Which would therefore lead to Loki going into detail about the conversation he had with Sylvie defending Mobius and all he's done for not just everyone on the branches but himself as well and I really do think there's going to be a mutual confession regarding how they've changed each other for the better whether it's during the process of Loki getting Mobius' memories back or afterwards when they're (hopefully) fully back to the versions we've gotten to know and love.

I noticed the detail of the TVA seal when it got cracked and couldn't believe it didn't hit me earlier, lol! A dagger and a Möbius strip, how poetic 🥺 As for the third member making up the timekeepers I'm open to however it goes but can't help rooting for B-15 to have the position simply because she's such a strong person with true faith in what the TVA and be and accomplish and I think she's earned the spot but I could see Sylvie reluctantly coming around to the goals of a reformed TVA enough to lend her magic to certain elements of the design and do like to think every Loki can't help but have a soft spot for every Mobius so you may very well be right as to how so many sweets ended up in the TVA 😂

Still confusing me is how and when exactly HWR eventually enters the picture and takes control, and where Loki or Sylvie are at that point since Mobius, B-15, and Casey have clearly still been working there but think you're absolutely right about HWR having invented and introduced the more dangerous and controlling elements of the place.

Finally I just have to say I think we'll absolutely get a "For All Time, Always" exchanged between Loki and Mobius right before the series ends and you have no idea how here for it I am, really just want the two of them accepting how much good they can do at the TVA and when they're together so can't wait to see where the series eventually takes us!

[acornintheroad]

I've been reflecting on the way that my spell felt more distant when using a wand than when just using my hands. Trying to figure out how I could make use of that distance and what I would want to use it on.

My first thought was banishing and warding, using the distance with magic to send things away or keep them out. But I already tend to use a rod or staff for warding, so that just feels like a mild alternative rather than figuring anything out.

So the next thought was for spell work that wasn't for me or those close to me, like charging dolls that I've made to sell or give away but that don't have any specific future owner in mind, make it a way of setting the enchantment while also leaving it a few steps removed from me. Which feels like an avenue that could let me work a bit on setting the dolls up with a semi-controlled path should they start to become enspirited, sort of sorting what should and shouldn't be trying to take up residence, specifying traits it should have and keep. That definitely feels like something I want to pursue, especially because of the way it wraps up in a couple of other branches of magic use.

The problem I run into is that after that it just sort of trails off into if I wanted to use the distance, similarly to charging the dolls, on spell work for others which isn't something I'm really interested in doing just now. Or, alternatively, if I wanted to make use of the distance for baneful magic to try and keep the backwash of it away from me or to further push it at the target, which would be hard to test since I don't have a ton of go to baneful spells.

It's something I feel like I need to keep picking at bit by bit.