#and also peg him

[spasticspaceshp]

Idk who's going to bother to read this rant but maybe someone will and relate to some parts of it so here goes.

The asexual and aromantic experience is wild when you have nothing but love to give.

For context, I generally don't use any specific labels because it's just a lot of work to explain, but using the more generic ones, I know a few things about myself.

I'm non-binary, polyamorous, and land *somewhere* on the ace and aro spectrums. I only use pangender as a term cuz I'm biased to the flag. It looks pretty, and it's close enough. I've debated if I'm trans, but I'm not uncomfortable in my body so I haven't bothered to pursue anything, and I'm only ace/aro because there is just a complete lack of drive/attraction/instinct whatever it can be called, in my body and psyche. I am a soul in a vessel here to experience things, but attraction is not one of them, apparently.

I'm a sex positive ace though. And I know all the technical terms I fall into but it's just complicated. I don't really use any kind of term for sexual preference, but I know I like men, and can develop sexual attraction under the right circumstances, and I like women aesthetically, but I can't say I'm NOT sexually attracted because I've never been with one. And the weird fear about trying is exactly the same fear I had about men. So ya know.

But I want to love. To be loved and especially to give love in return. I don't make a lot of friends cuz I don't get attached, with the exception of getting adopted, and my best friend who I chose all the way back in 2nd grade. I'm in my early 20s now and her and I live together, so you can see that it means something.

I've also recently started dating this guy who is exactly in the perfect sweet spot of everything I am attracted to, and not just visually. (Who actually cares about appearances anyway?) He's very sweet and kind to me, has a perfect balance of similarities and differences to myself, highly values communication and listens to what I have to say, understands my needs and how I function, and overall matches my energy. (He's very mellow but I'm working to bring out the crazy side I know is in there, lol.) To be honest it's damn near one of those too good to be true things. He's also poly, not entirely cis, and completely embraces my gender identity, or lack thereof. He's devoted and healthily obsessive and possessive and it's mutual. We also completely agree on our stances about kids and marriage, which is that we want neither. (At least not getting married on paper, he absolutely wants to wife me and I'm not mad about it.)

What makes me feel almost guilty, or honestly more like I'm defective, is that he's had all these realizations and transcendent moments that you would expect out of finding the person you're meant to be with. But I haven't. Don't get me wrong, I completely share the sentiments, I want him just as much as he wants me, and the devotion is mutual, I just haven't felt it. I know I love him, I know that I'm happy, I know that what we have is extremely promising and healthy. I just feel like I'm missing what everyone else gets to experience. I've talked about it with him too and he's so very understanding. Maybe I'm just terrified of myself. That I'll ruin it without even knowing, simply because I'm not designed to have this. I also know that thinking that is bad for manifesting.

Like just listen. (I'm also into witchcraft and astrology,) And my literal human design works against some of the things I want. I want to sleep next to him, all the time, but I have genuine trouble sleeping next to another person even just in the same bed as me, let alone within elbow distance. Sometimes it's hard if they're even in the same room. And that fact was literally stated in one of my readings. There's something in my autistic little brain that can't seem to let my breathing match theirs, and it's a natural thing for humans to do, but it somehow drives me crazy. I want to kiss and hold and have sex and all those things, but I'm difficult. Finding satisfaction in intimacy is a literal challenge, even with help from toys or other stimulus. He's been so patient and understanding with that too and it's done wonders for the shame trauma I grew up with, but it's also just frustrating, because I feel constantly inadequate or like I'll accidentally give off the impression that he's not enough. And that's not true. (Even if there's some things he could stand to learn.) It's all just that typical asexual "I feel broken" kind of angst. But it's still a very real experience that haunts me. I'd love to believe that going on T would fix me, but I know it's not true.

Honestly I kinda lost where I meant to go with this. It's very TMI, but he says I feel like home to him, and while I don't think I feel the same thing, wording wise, we both agree that even though it's been almost 3 months, it feels like we've known each other for forever. Please excuse me for being a sap but genuinely I'm like, yah I found it. Cliché romance novel shit and everything. It's been very soft and comfortable so far. I still have to egg him into actually biting me like he means it, but at least I know I'm safe with him. He lets me show a bit of dominance too, so there's not any kind of power imbalance, and I'm so very excited for whatever future we get to have.

Idk. I think I had a lot of other sappy poetic shit to say that I forgot about, but I guess the overall message is that when you know what you want, it doesn't matter if you're ace, aro, anything in between, or nothing at all, you can find the love you're looking for. Have some faith in yourself. You're not broken, you're not missing anything. Whatever kinds of relationships you have, platonic or romantic or anything else, the right people do exist. You just have to first be sure of yourself, and sure of what you're looking for.

Yada yada yada, I'm gonna go take a nap.

[daftmooncretin]

supernatural movie reboot but its a ghostfacers mockumentary about their attempt to make a “serious film” about sam and dean winchester. opens on ed and harry going “CUT!” and the camera pans to a guy that looks kind of like jared padalecki pulling off a party city wig. turns out the finale was actually part of the ghostfacer’s retelling of supernatural. Sam Dean and Castiel spend the entire movie chasing after ed and harry trying to stop the thing being made. (its a huge commercial success and they screen it at the destiel wedding)

[ilions-end]

i was listening to an elizabeth vandiver lecture on the greek pantheon where she points out the theme in greek myths where male lovers of goddesses often end up suffering in some way, and how that can be seen to tie into the ancient greek preoccupation with who penetrates who (the higher status person may penetrate the lower status person, and never vice versa). within that framework, someone like ganymede is "safe" from narrative punishment because being a passive mortal eromenos of zeus is in accordance with the hierarchy, while tithonus, willing or unwilling, commits an offense against the "order of things" by penetrating and impregnating eos.

vandiver uses the union of aphrodite and anchises to illustrate how consent is not a factor at all (in the hymn, anchises is very aware that he mustn't have sex with a goddess, but aphrodite tricks him into it). even unknowing, he commits an outrage by sleeping with a goddess, and is in various traditions eventually struck lame, blinded or killed by a thunderbolt.

i think this theory adds an interesting facet to the beginning of the odyssey, where calypso then has odysseus basically locked into a perpetual outrage-against-the-gods loop by forcing him to be her lover. are the seven years trapped on her island a narrative punishment for that? is it why he needs literal divine intervention to break the loop and escape?

[karlachismylife]

Spotted || The Queen of the Clan pt.1

I absolutely do think about werewolf/dog shapeshifter Johnny every day, because I am a weak little gorilla and want to cuddle a big doggo, but

What if Soap as a hyena shapeshifter. Cuz their manes look like mohawks and he can keep his precious fluffy hairstyle. He's trotting around with his spots and long black socks on those strong legs, round ears twitching when he hears someone - prey, perhaps? But prey doesn't sound so pretty and cute, doesn't laugh and chirp so sweetly. So he keeps his tail high and hurries to the sound source, to find reader there chatting with other people - all with photocameras and other familiar equipment. You're neither prey, nor threat: just a documentary crew here, probably mainly for the lions.

You spot him immediately, his wary stance catching everyone's attention.

"The tail up so high can mean different things, but it might be a sign of agression. Careful, everybody," one of the specialists warns you, and you nod - you're not stupid, that's clear, but the smile you have on your face is so blissfully ecstatic, almost as if every thought left your brain at the sight of a chonky, bulky hyena investigating your filming sight (to be fair, it's probably his everything else sight). But you're just happy to see your first big animal on this trip, and so close!

"Hi, beautiful," you coo softly, brely a whisper, as you pull your camera up and start taking pictures of him - it takes the hyena only a few moments before it suddenly changes his stance to a more imposing one, puffing out its chest, legs wide apart, mane fuffed up. "Aw, are you posing for me, pretty boy? That's right, you're gonna be a star. I can already picture everyone going crazy for these cute pics..."

You tear your eyes away from him to take a look at what you're getting, not sure if the exposition and other settings are right, but when you adjust them and look back up to try and take another picture, the hyena isn't there. You almost let out a disappointed sigh, when you realize that no one of the crew is moving and their eyes are all glued to you - and then something big, fluffy and warm bumps your hip.

"Oh god," you try not to get startled by the hyena so close. It's even bigger that it seemed from afar, probably will be as tall as you if it stands up on its hind legs. Actually, it might be a girl - those tend to be bigger among spotted hyenas, after all. A formiddable force of nature, a deadly predator - not to be fooled by the public perception.

And it's sniffing at you very loudly, fluttering its round ears and bumping your hip again, like a needy cat with its huge wet eyes, before you finally lower your camera - and it shoves its muzzle into the little screen immediately!

"What, you like these? Give me permission to make you famous?" you chuckle when the hyena lets out somewhat of an approving whine. It bumps its head against your palm, but, glancing at your crew, you decide to withhold from petting the wild animal, after all.

The hyena doesn't look pleased with it. It whines again, paws at you, and then huffs, clearly irritated. Leaving you alone and shaking its head to fluff up its mane again, it sniffs around, trotting around your temporary camp, and heads straight to your backpack - your food inside, sleeping bag rolled neatly and resting against its side. While you try to remember if you have anything there that could cause danger to the curious animal, the hyena sniffs around it, making sure it's definitely yours, and then...

"No, no-no-no, please, don't-" it's too late. Turning around with the smuggest smirk you ever saw on an animal's face, the hyena lines up and sprayes your stuff generously. The smell of boiling cheap soap and something else hits you almost immediately on that short distance. No amount of washing will save you. You stand there, absolutely speechless and bemused, as the hyena bursts out into loud cackling, almost rolling on the ground and the sight of you.

And then a response cuts through the air - one, two, three other voices, interrupting that little spotted shit's fit. It immediately stops giggling, casts you one last look with a grin and then bolts away, to its family pack.

What a start to your filming trip. You'll just have to hope that hyena doesn't bring all its friends to your camp to cause chaos...

Another important thing about spotted hyenas? Their packs are matriarchal :)

Part 1.5 | Part 2

Series masterlist | Main masterlist

[kensatou]

“i’m going through something” and it’s the incredible need to impregnate a man

[corviiids]

i still just cannot get over beyond birthday as a character because everything id ever seen in fanon before reading LABB indicated that he was some kind of dark spectre haunting L's past and then i read LABB and not only is he just a weird crawler freaking it crab style on the floor, L does not even interact with him one single time. he just makes naomi deal with it. like sorry can you fucking imagine being BB and spending your entire life obsessing the fuck over the guy you see as the bane of your existence and your eternal rival forever and you try doing murders so you can finally defeat him and he fucking delegates you. and then he goes and becomes eternal rivals forever with a gay high schooler

[usertoxicyaoi]

"What? You've got all the information you need and everything you want to know, so now, I'm of no use to you anymore."

REVENGED LOVE (2025). EPISODE SIX.

[sunriseabram]

I love that Renee kicks Andrew's ass on the weekly like that man needs to be humbled

[dykedvonte]

I think it’s good to remember Jimmy doesn’t revel in others misery more so feels less miserable when people are as unhappy as he is. The acts he does do not bring him any pleasure, it’s more so the ending effect and reward and even then he’s not exactly happy just content in not feeling lesser.

It’s very easy to characterize his behavior as something cartoonishly villainous and cathartic and, while their is some catharsis there, it is ultimately the case of him acting out deep internalized feelings and frustrations against other people (possibly even himself) that he doesn’t necessarily like doing or even feel relief doing.

It’s both a conscious and unconscious behavior of his that too often gets chalked up to “Jimmy likes/gets off to tormenting others” and it’s a little one note to what is actually displayed in game.

[pomegranate]

hmm.

[st2r-b0y]

I do fear that I’m obsessed with making him pathetic

This pretty much sums up how I feel about Shadow:

Yeah

[pxgsy]

pirate coswan bcs of that one line where wanda says they were pirates during their 10,000 year vaycay,,, yaayyg

[blessyouhawkeye]

the very last time bj mentions his wife in the entirety of the show is in the context of saying that he met someone at an airport bar and is running away with her. sitting next to his best friend he met at an airport bar and ran away from just two days prior. just for you all to know and feel normal about

[sophbun]

he looked a little cold and these were the only clothes that fit him

[rise-deepseamonster]

It is so so important to me to know if Jean is a November Scorpio or a November sagittarius

[on-a-lucky-tide]

What leads to Price getting diagnosed with PTSD? I mean it'd be clear to anyone else, but still, what's the last straw that ends him up in the psychiatrists office? Does he go willingly? Would he be in denial until the official diagnosis?

I have mulled this over quite a lot.

I imagine Price's mind to be like a cliffside under constant bombardment from the ocean. He's a combination of hard and soft rock though; there is shit he can just deal with. Throwing a hostage off a roof to save the others? Doesn't affect him more than a cursory feeling of "that fuckin sucked". But watching one of his men get shot in the head for saving his life? I think that would send a huge chunk of his psyche tumbling.

09 Price shows it instantly, which is why you get the highly emotional Price with Soap's body, voice cracking, pretty raw. He spent three years in a Gulag where huge chunks of him were chipped off. He is already extremely fucking vulnerable.

Whereas Reboot Price is like... you can hear the faint groan of something big shifting in the distance at the time, but he has the structural reinforcement of being in "operative mode", running on adrenaline, job to do, men to get safe. It all comes tumbling down in the aftermath. I'm finishing off a GhostPrice prompt along those lines for "Promise".

Ghost has been through the wringer of life. A lot of the parts of him that Soap's death would shatter are already reinforced with layers of scarring. The fact that he expects to lose everything at any given moment would make his drop/mourning less severe in the distance he has to fall. Ghost is still hurting though and he would look to Price to pick him up...

Price? Who is used to controlling every finite detail? Of being the biggest bad out there? Who made promises and gave these lads their drive, their hunger? Who fostered such unwavering loyalty that a 27 year old man would throw his life away and step between him and a bullet? I think, after years under the relentless pummelling of the stormy ocean that is his day to day life, already struggling with bad sleep and an inexplicably trigger-happy temper, it would be enough to finally bust open the cracks.

Or at least, that's the premise of "Promise".