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caelum-in-the-avatarverse · 1 year ago

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Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.

So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.

Lurkers really are great, tho

I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.

Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.

The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.

Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.

There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.

I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available.

I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.

I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.

So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.

But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.

I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.

Should we gatekeep fandom?

I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--

A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.

That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.

See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.

So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.

The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.

And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”

Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.

Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.

And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.

However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community.

I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.

And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company?

And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)

But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.

Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.

Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.

Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists.

While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:

[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom

OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]

“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.

I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.

It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits.

So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.

And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.

So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.

Think of it like a garden gate

When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.

The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people.

Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it.

Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.

My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.

But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.

I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.

Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.

And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.

Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.

Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.

There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.

#ao3 #lore.fm #fanfiction #fandom history #gift economy #caelum rambles

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galene-gothic · 2 months ago

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𝖸𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝖺𝗍𝗍𝗋𝖺𝖼𝗍𝗂𝗏𝖾 𝗊𝗎𝖺𝗅𝗂𝗍𝗂𝖾𝗌 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝖿𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗋𝖾 𝗌𝗉𝗈𝗎𝗌𝖾

ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES TIP JAR

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 1 ꒱

You’re someone who will know everything about everyone. It’s actually sort of funny. You’re a very curious person and it leads to you finding things out about other people in an almost intrusive manner in order to feed it. You will do so in a very innocent manner. Like, for example, you were talking to a guy and happened to really like him but you got ghosted or he just didn’t stay in touch with you even though he seemed really interested in you while you were around each other. You’re going to be emotionally affected but will lean more towards seeking the truth. You won’t let it show externally just how much it affected you, instead, you’re going to find out that they entered a relationship with someone after losing touch with you and it will happen very casually. Like, the person who broke the news to you will have no idea what they just did. It will cause you to connect dots and things will start making more, and more sense the more that you do this. You’ll also know more about people than they’d like you to because of this quality of yours but they’ll have no clue that you know all of these things about them. For example, if you knew that a professor was dating a student, you’re going to continue acting as if you know nothing about it until one of them says something to you. Even so, you’re going to be like “oh really?” Or another example, supposing you were on a date with someone who you knew a lot about because of your top notch research skills, you will continue acting like you know nothing about them, asking them basic first date questions. You’re going to be someone very passionate and fun loving, causing you to talk a lot or/and loudly when you’re excited, and comfortable causing you to be perceived as almost dumb by some people or too busy living in the moment, pursuing goals, living life and having fun to keep a mental note of things but you’re going to be someone who will keep things in your mind even if others think that you’ve missed their words or the details of things completely. It’s almost as if even your perceived innocence and dumbness is a calculated strategy. I think it comes or will come naturally to you but it’s going to be as effective as carefully woven and well thought out strategies. They might assume that you’re a bit more naive and might think that you’re not keeping a mental note of things but they’ll be so wrong. Once they get into a relationship with you, they’ll learn that you’re the most sharp person who memorises every little detail and thinks them through. The closer that they grow to you, the more that they’ll realise that you’re not as dumb as others consider you to be. In fact, you’re quite the opposite, you remember every little thing, connect the dots and overanalyse the situation if required. You might say something that makes them realise how much you analyse people and situations, and don’t forget even the smallest things. “She said this to me and she said that behind my back but she’s not aware that I know what she said.” It’s not going to be a one time thing, you’ll say things like this a lot, making them realise that you’re mentally really analytical. The duality will be wild though because on the surface, even if you know certain things about other people, you will continue acting normal and oblivious. Even if you dislike them because you know what intentions they hold towards you or are at least cautious in your interactions with them, you’ll seem very carefree and will interact with them like normal as if you don’t know shit.

They’ll be highly attracted to you physically and energetically right away. It will simply just be a primal attraction. I don’t think that I can put it into words and even need to. They’ll just be attracted to you in a way that is undeniable, exciting and comes naturally to them. You’re going to be a very passionate and adventurous person, simply just being around you will make them feel something stir within them and they’ll even be able to feel the heat physically. For you, passion, fun and inspired action will be very important. You’re going to be flirty but also the type to disappear because you’re busy doing other things. You’re going to push their boundaries and challenge their authority but it’s going to be almost a method of flirting for you, they’ll really enjoy it. You’re going to be impulsive sometimes but will embrace passion wholeheartedly and naturally act with it. They’re going to be looking at you with soft heart eyes and a soft, natural smile while you’re talking about something that you’re passionate about or while you’re having fun because it will genuinely make them feel warm on the inside. They’re going to adore you so much. Also, you’re going to be someone who is able to self validate and doesn’t seek external validation but will seek praise, and attention from them. It is actually so cute. You’re going to be someone who is unapologetically living life. You will be following the philosophy of “my life is not mine if I care too much about what other people think” and will just be doing you. You’re not going to be one of those wannabe nonchalant people, instead you’re going to think that “nonchalance is the death of passion” and will be accepting, and embodying your nature as it is. If you want something, you’re going to pursue it with passion. If you feel excited about something, you’re going to express that excitement wholeheartedly. You’re going to be very wholehearted about expressing love to them as well as physical passion. They’re simply not going to be able to get enough of you. Everything will feel fun with you and they might assume that you’ve forgotten certain things that they’ve told you about but you’ll remember every little detail about them despite your passionate way of living, and the way you’ll also seek for them to see, notice and praise you will make them feel oh so special. I hope that the reading resonated. Thank you for reading, much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 2 ꒱

You’re someone who will be very ‘no bullshit’ but not in an egoistic and bitchy manner. You’re going to be a very hopeful person who will have walked away from a lot and will be willing to walk away despite any hopes for the future that you may have had if it starts affecting your mind and peace negatively. I’m not sure if you’ve reached such a point yet but by the time you meet, and get with them, you’ll have experienced life, learned lessons and are going to believe in consequences over negotiations. That’s the best way to be respected because most people don’t believe that they’re worthy of being forgiven and given a second chance so if you let their behaviour slide once, they’re going to do something worse next time. Due to this, your future spouse is going to see you cutting people off left and right. The fact that you respect yourself so much and are still choosing them is going to be a matter of pride, and a point of attraction for them. You might also help them transition away from something that affects them this way for which they’ll be very grateful. You’re going to be their peace and they’re going to love you so much for it. You’re going to be very influential and will truly convince them to let go of whatever is not serving them. I just heard ‘joru ka gulam’ which means ‘wife’s servant/slave’. I don’t think that that’s exactly true but the thing is, sometimes when someone is taken and they start acting differently, they believe that the partner must be controlling them or influencing them in this way, and that will be the case for the both of you as well but it’s not going to be like you’re literally controlling them. It’s more so that you are so convincing and influential that they willingly want to move on, away, and seek peace in whatever way that they can. You’re also going to be someone who is deeply romantic and obsessive but only they’ll get this side of you. Actually no, others will also get this side of you but they’ll get it in a different way. You’re going to be idealistic and will romanticise your life but you’ll do it in a way in which you do not seek attention from others, and instead self validate. Most people do not understand this way of living because they’re very externally focused and so to them you might seem… I’m not even sure about what word to use but it’s just that others won’t get it. Are you the type of person to “OH MY GOD, I HAVE EXPERIENCED THIS BEFORE. I JUST GOT DEJA VU!” Even if you’re not, you might be that way with them throughout your relationship and marriage, and they’re going to find this side of you to be very adorable because you will look genuinely excited and amused every time this happens, no matter how many times you may have experienced it already. Wide eyes and all that but back to what I was saying. Many different energies are coming through but I’ll just put forth the one that is coming through the strongest. Overly soft, dreamy and sensitive, that’s how some of you may be perceived by some. Like, they might just assume that you’ve not had to deal with the harshness of life and so you have not matured much but gosh, there’s this duality in which you seem so open but you’re so selective with people. You are going to be very closed off to connections especially romance or will seem like such to them. If not, that’s just not going to be your priority and you will not even give a single fuck about the attention. If you don’t like someone, you are going to make sure that you don’t lead them on even if it may come off slightly tactless or mean. Some of you may not seem soft, dreamy and sensitive but the truth stands, to some level no matter how approachable or unapproachable you may be, you’re going to be closed off to connections especially romance and will not care about external validation so you’re going to seem hard to reach to some extent.

You’re going to be enjoying life wholeheartedly when you’ll meet them, not giving into loneliness and will be validating yourself instead of chasing external validation. That’s something that they’ll find extremely attractive about you because initially, you might be a bit closed off and cautious despite your romantic desires. Like, even if you desire romance, you’re not going to be desperate for it and you’ll be fine without it so you may not display your romantic, flirty, and sexual side right away but when you open up, you’re going to be deeply romantic and also obsessive over them. You, who doesn’t seek or need external validation is going to want it from them and gosh will they feel so prideful of it. They’ll really enjoy giving you this attention because they’ll feel special knowing that it’s only them who you share such a side with. They’re going to feel as though they’re living in a romance movie with you and this side of you will be theirs, and theirs alone. The sex is going to be really good too. That’s all I’m getting. Either or both of you could be a bit more on the private side when it comes to your sex life together but they’re going to enjoy it thoroughly. Actually no, you’re going to have a praise and degradation kink, and they’re really going to enjoy this back and forth. In fact, you might have either or both of these kinks even outside the bedroom. If you have a praise kink, you’re going to want them to compliment, praise and just look at you endearingly, and with pride like a kid who just got an A+, and a star sticker on their exercise book showing it to their parents xD. You might enjoy feeling as though they’re proud of you, when they show you off and also appreciate you equally in private, you’re going to really enjoy it. Something like “good girl” might make you very happy or “I’m so proud of you”. If you have a degradation kink, you’re going to like it when they put you in your place by firmly scolding you in some way while you’re acting like a brat and well, if you have both, you will enjoy both. This is honestly so adorable. You’re going to have many different sides to you and they’ll be contradictory. You’re going to be out of control and the connection is going to be one in which the both of you are going to be opposites of each other or just contradictory and will clash a lot with each other. You will also be highly dramatic at times but it will bring out their own dramatic side too or will just give them an adrenaline rush, and they’re going to love it. You will have a very high ego but maybe it’s only when it comes to them but even so, you’re going to want something real with them and they’re going to want the same with you, and the connection itself will feel very real. It’s also going to be a connection that brings about many new things emotionally and just in life. You’re going to meet them and it’s like seeds will be planted that will cause the both of you to grow through each other, and it is going to happen throughout the connection. It’s going to be thrilling but also grounded and the growth that you’ll both experience with each other is only going to make things seem realer than ever. Not to mention, you’re going to be consistently building together too. If you want kids or ever have them, they’re going to find you very attractive when you’re pregnant with their kid or will just enjoy raw dogging and creampie-ing you, or it might just be a fantasy of theirs. I just heard “my vanilla kink is breeding.” Also, if you use an earthy or woody scent, I specifically heard ‘soil after the rain’, they’re going to find that very attractive. I hope that the reading resonated. Thank you for reading, much love and take care.

⊹ ! ೀ Pile 3 ꒱

Your future spouse is going to greatly desire you. That’s for sure. You’re going to be someone very sexual and will really enjoy… sex. I’m sorry but there was no better way to put it. You’re going to enjoy sex in many ways but all are very intimate. The first one is sort of rough with a lot of manhandling but them holding you close, one in which you can feel each other very deeply and in a primal manner, deep but rough thrusts, and a lot of passion, the type in which you can feel each other’s breath, feel consumed by each other and get lost in the throes of passion. There’s a lot of moaning in this one. Another one in which you might be in bed after a long and tiring day of work but are still enjoying each other in the sideways position, and missionary but you’re just lying there and taking it. Another one in which the sex is fiery and similar to the first one but you’re a bit bratty, talking back, scratching, biting and whining. Another one in which you are enjoying each other sensually and passionately but it is more breathy than filled with moans, if that makes sense. This is likely not all but I’ve now gotten a feel of your sexual nature, the first thing that I got here is that you enjoy being manhandled but are not the type to be passive and not engage either, you instead partake by touching, feeling, rubbing their back, running your hands all over their body, biting, kissing, moaning, talking back and just whatever you can do. The second thing that I picked up on is that you also have days when you’re very horny but may have no energy or just prefer not having to do much and being taken care of, or just lazy sex to put it bluntly. The third thing is that you really enjoy sensual and intentional sex too. One with a lot of touching and rubbing on the right areas, and a more breathy feel. Well, the most important thing is that you’re going to be sexual and they will be too, and the physical connection between the both of you is going to be very strong but besides that, you’re going to be a place of rest for them. You’re going to place a lot of value on intimacy and not just sexual, and will give them the space to lead you but you’re also going to be willing to step up if and when needed, and they’ll be able to lead you in a way in which it favours the both of you. You’re going to be a visionary, offering ideas and sometimes questioning things, and will have a lot of integrity but also a lot of faith in them, and their leadership. Only weak people who don’t trust their own vision get mad when their followers question it, they’re not even leaders, they’re just dictators. Your future spouse going to be a leader so they’re going to take your concerns into account or will explain things properly to you for you to understand it better. They’ll enjoy being a protector and provider to you. They’re going to learn a lot from you and will be taking your ideas, your vision into consideration, and bringing them to life, as well as their own which will make them a really good leader and partner. I’m honestly so happy for you. Also, another thing is that they’re someone very charismatic, they have a big aura and warm, in fact even hot presence, and they’re used to being a leader in various places and situations but even they need a place to rest, rejuvenate, and relax and you’re going to be that for them.

You’re going to be a contemplative person and will need a lot of solitude. Your contemplation is going to give them the insight, ideas and vision that they need to lead you effectively, and your need for solitude is going to be attractive because it will make them crave you more. When you’re going to meet them, you might be going through a period during which everything fell apart and you’re a bit guarded, and wounded. I believe that they’ll have gone through something like this and will still be going through this period of extreme changes, and falls too so they’re going to be wounded and guarded too but meeting each other is only going to cause things to fall apart harder. Even if your physical and emotional world had changed in many ways, you both were deeply stuck in your own ways and meeting each other may cause resistance but will somehow still bring about changes intensely and easily. It is not going to be easy, it will be very hard but it will just happen easily after meeting each other despite any pain or intensity is what I meant. They’re going to love you and find everything about you to be very attractive. They will have experienced intensity with you and will have witnessed you undergo such intense experiences, such falls, and instability and come out of it. They will also feel a sense of familiarity and connection with you, having seen you through such changes that it will feel very deep because even they themself will have experienced such intensity and changed as well. There is a chance that some of you will go through a no contact period before getting together officially. Whether that happens or not, they’ll remember you as being very defensive, wounded and guarded, and they’ll have been that way too but you’ll both have changed, and grown, and the changes will be all thanks to you. In your connection with each other, once you’re finally officially together, you’re going to have a lot of strength and resilience, and will not be willing to let the connection go just because troubles occur. You’re going to push forward stubbornly and courageously, wanting things to work. The thing about connections is that you cannot make excuses. You either make it work or you don’t. “Life happens sometimes” okay, life will continue happening, will you abandon them again and again? Blame the connection and yourselves, not life. Knowing that you’re willing to fight for the connection and truly try, they’re going to be able to do so too, making you both a power couple. It’s not going to be 50-50, 60-40 or anything, it’s going to be 100-100 from both sides. Emotionally, they will have changed so much because of you but also not, you will also have changed so much but also not. It’s like, you’ll either still feel young with and towards each other, having seen each other at such intense, and dramatic yet young times. This does not have to mean that you’ll meet your spouse young, even if you meet them in your 30s or 40s, you’re going to be younger than when you’ll have spent years together. You’re going to have internally changed a lot and so will they, even externally actually but with each other, there’s still going to be a lot of drama. However, there’s also going to be a place to rest at, a person who is a sanctuary and feels like a safe haven :,).

You’re going to act very intensely with them, bringing out an equally intense side of them, there’s going to be a lot of stubbornness but oh cara mia, how they’ll love you. You are going to cause them a lot of turmoil and make them experience a lot of drama, and intensity but they’re going to share something real with you because of this. You’re going to cause them to feel very mentally vulnerable and vice versa, and this will cause you both to grow individually, as well as develop deep intimacy. You’re going to have them on your mind and in your heart even when they’re away, and will not do anything to breach your connection. The intimacy you both share and the trust you’ll have is something that you’ll not even think about breaking because you are going to be fine with being alone but if there is a genuine connection, that’s all you’ll need and it will be just them that you’ll share such a thing with. They’ll share this sentiment and you’ll have the realest connection ever in which you both grow, avoid showing vulnerabilities and changing but end up deeply changing, and showing your vulnerabilities. Things will be dramatic and intense but you’ll both be stubborn, and determined to make things work no matter how much you may get on each other’s nerves sometimes. You’ll love, adore and desire each other so much. I’m not sure if I expressed the “no matter how much you change, you won’t change” part correctly but what I mean is that they’ll still see you as that vulnerable baby that was going through hell and was overwhelmed no matter how much time passes by. Yes, they’ll see you as who you are in the present too but they’ll be very soft with you because they’ll remember the past soft yet wounded and ‘trying to be hard’ side of you. They’ll also remember how vulnerable, chaotic and intensely they felt, and changed so they’ll feel young and I keep on hearing ‘like a child’. They’ll feel so vulnerable yet so manly yet so fragile yet so strong yet so soft yet so authentic yet so changed with you. They’ll also see you as being the same way with them. How could they not find you attractive? They love you in every way. Oh my god, I’m crying. There may be this thing in which you’re overly submissive with other people which is why you push all your intense energies on them anyway but they’re going to see how meek you tend to act with others and will fiercely protect, and stand up for you. “What did you say to my wife?” “Don’t talk to my wife like that.” “Apologise, right now.” “On that gentle body of yours, I want to fall. Forgetting everything for a while, I want to get lost. Even if it’s just a few steps I want to walk with you, in the depths, I want to dive and see. Your arrival in my life has caused a different effect, look into my eyes, you’re going to clearly see, your own name. Even the fate that won’t bend in my will, must not be deaf. This is my oath to you, I will never leave your side. Whether we have to laugh or cry, it wouldn’t matter. The steps that we are taking together, will not divert for as long as I live.” “Be it joy or sorrow, I’m going to be with you. Whenever you need my support. I can’t love anyone else the way I love you. These are my last words.”

#pac reading #tarot pac #pac #intuitive readings #pick a card reading #tarot pick a card #pick a card

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fallenbratfiction · 3 months ago

Text

his assistant ~ harry castillo x f! reader

A/N: I had this idea about him and it completely stopped all my uni reading so I put away the pdfs and got to writing this beauty. I was kicking at my feet giggling and screeching aaaaaaaaa

warnings: age gap (early twenties reader, mid forties older boss harry), workplace relationship / power dynamics (boss × assistant), alcohol, smut, fingering, oral sex (f! receiver), unprotected sex. Let me know if I've forgotten any warnings so I can add them.

minors dni ~ minors do not interact with this fic or my blog. I am not responsible for your consumption.

do not copy, translate or claim this story as your own.

Your day consisted of running after Harry. He was a busy man—and by extension, you were a busy assistant.

You’d landed this job thanks to a mentor’s referral letter, and you were forever grateful. It had changed your life: no more night shifts while trying to finish your bachelor's degree.

Harry was a reserved man, at first he didn’t talk much, but he had a sharp sense of humor. Over time, you’d learned how to read him, and together, you'd become a solid team.

He thought your work was exceptional. You were dedicated—sometimes too dedicated. If he stayed at the office all night, you stayed too, just in case he needed something. He told you more than once to go home, but you rarely listened.

Lately, he'd started dating again. That meant working out a lot. Sometimes you'd catch him right after a run, sweatshirt soaked through. It was hard to focus on your notes when he looked like that.

He didn’t need to work out. He was already unfairly attractive—but of course, you didn’t say that. Not your place.

You tossed a towel at him, which he caught midair. He peeled off the drenched sweatshirt, revealing the results of his dedication. Either he was too comfortable with you now, or he'd forgotten you were still in the room.

“Fucking hell.”

He turned toward you, raising an eyebrow.

You quickly held up your phone. “This thing just froze. Fucking hell.”

He nodded, and you prayed the earth would swallow you whole.

But he knew what you meant.

__________________________

It was late at the office. The only two people left were you and Harry. He sat at his large desk, fingers flying across the keyboard, though he kept glancing your way.

You were focused on your phone, scheduling appointments, replying to emails. He liked watching you when you were focused—your scrunched nose, the way you bit your lip when you made a mistake. How you always tucked your hair behind your ear like it helped you concentrate. To him, it just gave him a perfect view of your neck—like a subtle invitation to that sweet spot close to your ear.

“Have you eaten anything?” he asked.

You looked up, caught off guard. “Uhm... no? I had an oatmeal bar a few hours ago.”

He frowned. He hated how often you skipped meals because of work—because of him.

“Don’t worry,” you added. “Go home. I’ll grab a salad or something later.”

“I was thinking,” he interrupted, “we could get dinner. Together.”

You blinked. “You want to have dinner... with me?”

“We spend the whole day together. Don’t see the issue with having dinner, too.”

You hesitated. “Wouldn’t that get me into trouble? I mean... HR?”

“I’m the boss,” he said. “You won’t get into any trouble. It’s a friendly invitation.”

You considered it. Honestly, you were starving—and if you waited any longer, your stomach would probably start growling audibly.

“Sure. Why not,” you shrugged, grabbing your jacket and slinging your purse over your shoulder.

You followed him into a fancy restaurant. The kind with low lights, gold accents, and a wine list thicker than a Bible. You resisted the urge to take out your phone for a picture.

A waitress led you to your table before disappearing. Harry pulled out your chair for you. You murmured a shy thank-you to which he hummed.

He sat across from you and you observed how he got comfortable taking off his jacket.

Harry handed you the menu, but you were too aware of everything—the ambient jazz, the soft clinking of cutlery, still trying to process this entire situation—being out with him, in public, like this. It’s not like you hadn’t been in public with him before, you were constantly in public but the dynamic was different. you weren’t there holding his jacket while he had dinner with someone else, or sitting at the bar or a different table to keep an eye if needed. No, you were sitting with him at the fancy restaurant.

Moments later, a tall brunette waitress appeared. Thin smile. Sharp eyes.

"Can I get you something to drink while you decide?" she asked, not once looking in your direction. She flipped her hair as she awaited his response.

Your brows lifted slightly. Harry noticed.

He didn’t blink. “We’ll take the house Cabernet. Two glasses.”

That’s when she looked at you—finally. One long, assessing glance. Then a bright smile aimed only at him.

“Oh,” she said innocently. “Is she even of legal drinking age?”

You stiffened. Your hand tightened around the edge of the table.

You were ready to correct her. “Actually, I’m his—”

But Harry’s tone cut through first. Calm. Controlled. No smile.

“She’s my partner, actually.”

The waitress blinked. Her face held a flicker of something before she masked it with another sweet smile.

“Right,” she said slowly, lingering a second too long. “I just—thought she was your daughter at first. That’s all.” She gave him a wink like it was a private joke.

You opened your mouth, fully ready to set her on fire with words— Are you always this unprofessional, or am I just lucky tonight?

But Harry reached across the table, fingers brushing your hand lightly. Just enough to anchor you.

“She’ll have the same wine as me,” he added firmly, not breaking eye contact with the waitress. “Thank you.”

The message was clear: You can go now.

She hesitated—then turned, heels clicking sharply as she walked away.

You looked at him. “Partner?” you whispered, incredulous. “Castillo, what the fuck was that?”

“Oh, I’m sorry—would you rather I let her mock you as my child or my assistant?”

“But I am your assistant.”

“And I wasn’t about to let her reduce you to that. Not when you’re sitting here with me.”

You opened your mouth again—then closed it. Your cheeks burned.

“Just say thank you,” he added, voice low. “Or gracias.”

“…Gracias,” you muttered, still glaring at the now-empty space where the waitress stood.

A few minutes passed in silence as you both read the menu. Then you snorted.

Harry looked up. “What?”

“Sorry, just—the idea of being your partner,” you said, covering your mouth to hide your grin. Good joke. Will never happen.

“Why is that funny? Am I that bad-looking?”

“No! It’s just... me? Being with you? Me?”

“Well, you’re not bad-looking either. I don’t see the humor.”

“Thanks... I guess.”

“I mean—you’re gorgeous. Anyone would be lucky to be with you. Hell, I’d be lucky, if I wasn’t older.”

You blinked. Thought you’d misheard. But before you could ask, he was waving the waitress back to take your order.

She returned a few minutes later, two wine glasses in hand and a bottle tucked expertly in the crook of her arm. This time, she had no choice but to acknowledge you.

She set Harry’s glass down smoothly. Then yours, with a forced politeness that made you want to laugh.

"Well," you said under your breath, watching her walk away stiffly. "She doesn’t seem like quite a fan of me."

Harry smirked. “You think?”

“She looked like she wanted to throw the wine in my face.”

“I wouldn’t let her waste the good stuff.”

The wine ritual followed, soft and flirtatious. He swirled his glass and held it near your face.

"Swirl first," he said softly. "Let it breathe. Then smell. But don’t shove your nose in like a rookie.”

You chuckled. “So you’re a sommelier now?”

“No, I just have taste.”

You mirrored him. Swirled. Smelled. Sipped.

“Any notes?” he asked, lips curled in amusement.

"Yeah. Grapes," you deadpanned.

He laughed, eyes crinkling—and for a second, it felt like there were no titles between you. No roles. Just two people. Sitting across from each other. Maybe on the verge of something stupid, or something real.

The wine helped. So did the food.

The waitress returned with two beautifully plated dishes and the thinnest layer of civility. She set Harry’s plate down with practiced ease, then yours with stiff politeness. Her jaw was tight. She didn’t say a word this time.

When she walked away, you finally exhaled.

Harry raised his glass slightly toward you. “To surviving the service industry.”

You clinked his glass with yours, managing a small laugh. But your mind wasn’t really on the food. Or the wine. Or the waitress.

It was still on him.

Specifically: “Hell, I’d be lucky… if I wasn’t older.”

He said it so casually. Like it wasn’t a confession. Like it wasn’t driving you quietly insane.

You watched him from across the table as he cut into his steak—calm, focused, unbothered. How was he always like this? Controlled. Grounded. Like nothing ever rattled him.

You bit your lip and stabbed at your salad.

“You’re quiet,” he said after a moment.

“I’m eating,” you replied, a little too fast.

He raised a brow. “You’ve barely touched your food.”

You shrugged, trying not to overthink it. “Just... still running through what she said, I guess.”

He studied you for a second. “Let it go. She’s not worth that much space in your head.”

“That’s not—” You paused. “It’s not about her.”

Harry leaned back slightly, his eyes still on you. “Then what is it?”

You hesitated. Then took a sip of your wine, buying time.

“If I wasn’t older…”

That’s what it was, that damn line.

You swallowed, not just the wine, but the way your heart seemed to lurch every time you replayed it.

“It’s stupid,” you said finally. “Forget it.”

“I won’t,” he replied. “You don’t usually get this flustered.”

“I’m not flustered,” you lied.

He smirked, tilting his head. “Right.”

You poked at your food again. Then quietly you proceeded “So what did you mean?”

He looked at you, serious now. No smirk. No tease.

“I meant what I said.”

“About the age thing?”

He nodded. “I try not to think about it, but yeah. Sometimes I wonder if I’d cross a line just by wanting more than I should.”

Silence.

Then, softer: “And what happened on Monday didn’t help.”

You stared at him confused. “What happened on Monday?”

He held your gaze. “You tossed a towel at me. I took my shirt off. And you said, fucking hell.”

Your eyes widened. “I said it because—”

“I know why,” he said. Still calm. Still steady. “It’s fine. I didn’t mind.”

You stared at your plate, the flush spreading to your neck.

He added, voice barely above the hum of the restaurant

“I think about it too. You. More than I should.”

You didn’t answer.

But you didn’t need to.

Because when he reached across the table—just for a moment, just to brush your hand with his fingers again—you didn’t pull away.

_____________________________

The air outside was cooler than you expected. Or maybe it was just the heat still clinging to your skin from the conversation.

Harry walked a few steps ahead, hands in his pockets, silent. He stopped at the edge of the sidewalk near the curb. The night stretched around you both—quiet, electric.

“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly, not facing you. “If I made you uncomfortable back there.”

You blinked. “What?”

He turned, finally looking at you. “At the table. I shouldn’t have said that—about thinking about you. Or the age thing. It wasn’t appropriate.”

You stepped closer. “Harry—”

“If it put you in a weird position, I—”

You didn’t let him finish. You closed the distance, grabbed the lapel of his coat, and pressed a kiss to his lips. His mustache grazed your skin, warm and soft and just rough enough to make your breath catch.

He didn’t kiss back at first. He just froze, lips parted under yours, like his brain hadn’t caught up yet.

Then, slowly, his hand came up—fingertips grazing your waist as if to make sure you were real.

You started to pull away, panic bubbling in your chest.

Shit, shit! What did I just do?

But he caught you and kissed you back. Not rushed. Not messy. Just steady, grounded, certain. His mouth moved against yours like he’d been holding back for too long—and now, the dam had cracked.

When you finally broke apart, you stayed close, your breath still caught between you.

He looked at you like he was trying to piece together what just happened. And you looked right back. Not saying anything, just holding his gaze.

Yes.

That happened just now.

“I wasn’t sure if I’d crossed a line,” he murmured. His voice was low. Honest.

“I crossed it for you,” you said.

His lips twitched—barely. Like he wanted to smile but didn’t quite know how to yet. He stared at you like you were some puzzle he’d never expected to solve.

Then, without another word, he took a step back and held out his hand.

You didn’t hesitate.

_______________________

The silence in the car wasn’t awkward. It was heavy. Full.

You sat there, lips still tingling, eyes on the window. The city blurred past in soft golds and blues.

Neon signs flickered. A woman smoked on a balcony. A dog pulling its owner across a crosswalk. A man hailed a cab. Life was still happening—but all you could feel was him.

His presence beside you. His warmth in the space between the seats. The echo of his mouth on yours.

You tilted your head, eyes tracing the curve of the moon through the window. It followed you quietly, like it knew. Like it saw everything.

Every red light glowed too long. Every block felt like a held breath.

He gripped the wheel tighter than usual. Jaw tense. He checked his mirrors often, but it was clear he wasn’t really seeing anything. His jaw worked silently, eyes flicking between the road and the rearview, like any movement might pull him out of the moment.

You kept quiet. Let the silence stretch.

Finally, his voice broke through the quiet. Low. Controlled.

“I meant what I said.”

You turned your head slowly. “Which part?”

He glanced at you, just once.

“All of it.”

You held his gaze for a second longer than necessary. Then looked away, smiling just a little.

“Good.”

You finally made it to his building. He pulled into the underground garage, the soft hum of the engine echoing off the concrete walls.

He parked in his usual spot. You recognized it—you’d been here before. Dropped off folders, laptops, contracts he forgot in the office. Walked these exact halls with purpose, never pausing. Always professional. Always business.

But this time?

This time you didn’t have a file in your hands. You weren’t on a clock. You weren’t his assistant.

You were just you.

And that changed everything.

He turned off the engine, but neither of you moved for a second. You could feel the air shift. Not heavier—closer.

He got out of the car without another word, the door shutting quietly behind him. A few seconds later, your door opened—and there he was, standing beside you like it was nothing.

He looked at you. “You coming?”

You nodded once. “Yeah.”

You blinked.

You hadn’t moved.

You were still sitting there, fingers lightly pressed against your thigh, your body catching up to what your heart had already decided.

He didn’t rush you.

Just waited. One hand resting on the open door, the other in his coat pocket, his eyes on you like he could see the entire storm happening behind your stillness.

You exhaled slowly. Then you stood.

His gaze followed you as you stepped out of the car, close enough to feel the warmth of his body in the chill of the garage.

No words. Just the soft click of the door closing behind you.

You followed him to the elevator.

________________________

The elevator opened into the apartment directly.

You stepped in first. You’d been here before, of course—several times. Late-night contract drop-offs. Files he forgot in the office. You knew the layout by heart, knew the scent of the place, even the way the light curved in from the floor-to-ceiling windows.

But you’d never walked in like this.

Not without an agenda or a deadline.

Not as a guest.

And suddenly, the space felt different.

It wasn’t sterile or cold like you used to tell yourself. No sleek, lonely bachelor energy. No leather-and-glass cliché.

It was warm.

Low lighting. Art on the walls. A worn leather chair near the window, a record player spinning soft jazz in the corner. Shelves with actual books, not props. A thick wool throw draped over the couch. A scent like cedarwood and something expensive lingered in the air.

“Wow,” you breathed, almost instinctively.

Harry loosened his tie. “You’ve seen it before.”

You looked at him. “Yeah, but not like this.”

He held your gaze a second longer, then nodded. “Fair.”

He disappeared into the kitchen briefly, came back with a bottle of wine and two glasses. This bottle looked different—older, deeper colored.

“Private collection?” you teased.

“Something like that.” He poured carefully, then handed you a glass.

You swirled it. “Swirl, breathe, smell... sip?”

He smiled again, slower this time. “You remembered.”

You sipped. You could feel his gaze linger on your mouth.

“It’s really good,” you said, clearing your throat.

He stood in front of you, not close enough to touch—but enough that you felt it. The gravity of him. The silence stretching between you again.

He stayed standing across from you for a moment, sleeves rolled up, the top buttons of his shirt undone now. You watched him, your glass warm in your hand.

Neither of you said a word.

But everything was being said.

You stepped toward him at the same time he stepped toward you. The shared gravity was inevitable.

He reached out first, not to kiss you again, but to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His knuckles grazed your cheek, and it made your breath catch.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

You nodded. “Are you?”

He smiled, something half-there. “Not sure.”

You were close enough now that you could feel the heat of his chest through the thin barrier of space left between you. His hand lingered at your waist. Yours found his wrist, thumb tracing the veins beneath his skin.

You weren’t sure who moved first this time. Maybe both.

The kiss was quieter now. Slower. Less urgent, more intentional. Like you were both realizing there was no clock ticking. No one to interrupt. No need to hold back.

When he pulled back just enough to rest his forehead against yours, you kept your eyes closed. Let the silence wrap around you.

“I wasn’t planning this,” he murmured.

“I know,” you said. “Me neither.”

But neither of you moved away.

You barely noticed how close you’d gotten until your glass tilted slightly, the wine catching the rim. A splash landed on his shirt, dark red soaking into crisp white.

“Shit,” you whispered, pulling back. “I didn’t mean to—”

Harry glanced down. Then up at you, completely unfazed.

“It was coming off anyway,” he said simply, already working the buttons open with one hand.

You stood frozen for a beat too long, your wine forgotten.

He peeled off the shirt and tossed it onto the back of a nearby chair. His torso was lean, toned in a way that only comes from quiet consistency—not vanity, just discipline. His skin was warm under the golden lighting, a scattering of freckles across his shoulders.

You cleared your throat, trying to remember how to function.

He looked at you again, this time slower. “You okay?”

“I will be if you stop looking at me like that,” you murmured, a small smirk tugging at your lips.

“Like what?”

“Like you already know what’s going to happen.”

He stepped closer again. “I don’t,” he said softly. “That’s kind of the best part.”

He took your glass and set it aside—carefully—then turned back to you.

His eyes were darker now. Focused.

He wanted your full attention.

He gripped your waist and pulled you closer, his touch no longer tentative. Confident. Sure. With one movement, he shifted your weight, guiding you until your legs wrapped around him instinctively.

He walked—slow but deliberate—until your back met the wall.

The kiss broke for only a second, just long enough for you to catch your breath.

Then it came crashing back—furious now. Hungry. His mouth on yours like he’d been waiting all night to be this unrestrained.

Your hands tangled in his hair, fingers tugging just hard enough to make him groan against your lips. He pressed into you, anchoring you to the wall, one hand exploring the curve of your hip, the other trailing along your ribs, steady but searching.

He kissed like he knew you—like every inhale, every tilt of your head, was familiar already. Like he didn’t want to stop.

And neither did you.

He pulled back just long enough to catch your breath—his lips parted, his chest rising with yours in sync.

And then he moved.

He didn’t say a word, just adjusted his grip on your thighs and carried you across the room. You tightened your legs around his waist instinctively, fingers still tangled in his hair as he walked the two of you toward the bedroom.

You weren’t sure when your shirt came off. Somewhere between the hallway and the doorway, between kisses along your neck and soft, breathless gasps you couldn’t hold back.

He dropped it on the floor like it had never mattered, and by the time you reached the bed, all that was left between you and the sheets was skin and heat and a thousand quiet yeses.

He set you down gently. Like he knew this wasn’t just about desire—it was about something else. Something you both hadn’t dared name yet.

But right now?

You didn’t need a name.

You needed him.

He laid you down gently, like he didn’t want to rush—like he wanted to memorize every second of this.

And then he hovered above you, just for a breath. His eyes swept over you—bare skin, flushed cheeks, your mouth still parted from the last kiss.

You felt his fingertips brush the side of your neck, slow, reverent. His gaze followed the motion like he’d traced this path a hundred times in his head.

And then he leaned in.

His lips brushed just beneath your jaw first—soft, careful. Then lower. Warmer. His breath fanned over the curve where your neck met your shoulder, and your pulse jumped.

You felt it coming before it happened.

That spot.

That one spot—right behind your ear, the one he always glanced at when you’d shift your hair during long office days. The one that always felt too exposed when you wore it up.

He found it.

And kissed it.

Not quick. Not teasing.

Slow. Open-mouthed. Intentional.

Your fingers tightened against his back, your breath caught, your whole body arching slightly beneath him.

“Been wanting to do that,” he murmured against your skin.

You shivered. “Yeah?”

“Since the first time you tucked your hair back,” he whispered. “Drove me fucking crazy.”

You smiled. Then gasped—because he kissed it again, deeper this time, his hand sliding down to your hip, anchoring you to him like he couldn’t risk letting you drift too far.

And from there, he took his time.

Your moans were like music to his ears.

He’d imagined this—more times than he cared to admit. But he never let himself get too far. He’d always pulled himself back, always shut the door on the thought before it became too real, too dangerous.

But this wasn’t a dream.

This was real.

And he was here. With you.

No phones. No appointments. No schedule, no glass wall between you.

Just the two of you. Skin to skin. Breath to breath.

His mouth moved across your collarbone, your shoulder, your chest—slow, devoted, like he had all the time in the world. And for once, maybe he did.

You reached down between your bodies, fingers trailing over his torso with reverence, until you found his belt. You unbuckled it with practiced ease, metal clicking softly in the quiet room. You pushed his pants down, your breath hitching as he helped you.

“Fucking hell” you blurted as you caught the sight of his hard and heavy cock.

He stroked himself slowly, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he watched your reaction—your gaze locked onto his cock, pupils blown, breath hitching. A bead of precum formed at the head and you gulped. There was a fair chance that he could split you in half, not only because of his cock but his size as a whole.

Your eyes flicked up to meet his, and he crawled onto the bed, his face inches from yours. His hands slid to your sides, fingers warm and sure against your skin.

He mirrored your movements, trailing down your waist until he reached the waistband of your pencil skirt—the one he’d seen you wear so many times. The one he’d fantasized about taking off, but never dared to touch.

Until now.

He didn’t hesitate.

He slid it down slowly, eyes locked on yours the whole time. The tension between you stretched, thick and warm and crackling.

And when the skirt hit the floor along with your panties, and he saw you like that—laid out for him, flushed, eyes dark with want—he exhaled like he’d finally, finally let himself breathe.

Your hands cupped his face, guiding him back to your mouth, and he settled between your thighs like he belonged there. Like he always had. Harry removed your panties tossing them across the room.

His fingers rubbed along your folds, feeling the wet pooling in your cunt before curling inside, his lips neared your clit, kissing it softly before licking across your entire cunt, He lapped on your clit, groaning onto it. The feeling of his tongue and his mustache caused an electric shock down your spine, driving right onto his face.

“I need you so bad” His voice deep as he added another finger, his mouth still on your clit making his words vibrate against you.

You struggled to respond, breath catching in your throat—but you managed, voice low and trembling with want.

“What’s holding you back? We’re already in this.”

He looked up at you, mouth still on you, hands gripping your thighs like he needed to anchor himself to something.

Your words hit him like a match. The final green light.

And just like that, restraint vanished. Neither of you cared how this would turn out—how messy, how complicated, how reckless. Consequences could come later. Right now? You just needed each other.

Desperately.

He gripped your thighs tighter, stretching your legs wider as he pulled you closer to him. Your breath hitched at the sudden movement. He aligned himself holding his heavy cock to your entrance and using the wetness to lube himself up before entering you. Your eyes locked as he pushed into you—slow, steady, deliberate.

His gaze didn’t leave yours, not even for a second, like he wanted to see all of it—your reaction, your unraveling, the way your mouth parted with a breathless moan.

Your face contorted with pleasure, head tipping back as the stretch overtook you. One hand flew to the sheets, clutching them tight as your body arched, trying to take more, feel everything.

He slid in fully, deep, until there was nothing left between you. Just heat and breath and that dizzying sense that everything had just shifted again—and this time, there was no going back.

He finally moved—slow at first, steady, dragging his hips back just enough before pushing in again. Then he found his rhythm and hovered over you groaning against your neck, the sound low, guttural. Every thrust hit deep, every shift of his body pulled another breathless sound from your lips. Your hips rose to meet his, chasing every movement, matching his pace—desperate, shameless, hungry for more. You didn’t care how it looked or how it sounded. It was true.

There were no sharp sounds, no declarations. Just soft gasps, broken moans, fingers digging into skin like you were afraid to let go. Afraid this was a dream. Afraid you’d wake up if you did.

“Harry… fuck,” you whined, digging your nails into his hair as you got closer to the height of pleasure, your walls spasming around himpulsing in tight, desperate waves that pulled a groan from deep in his chest. He wasn’t far behind.

“Shit–“ he breathed, jaw clenched, his rhythm stuttering as your release crashed over you, coating him.

Shudders wracked your body, hips arching into him as the pleasure overtook you. You felt it—wet, warm, everywhere—coating him, slick and overwhelming.

He tensed inside of you and followed with a rough, broken sound, thrusting deep one final time as he came undone inside you. Your cry was caught in his mouth, swallowed between kisses and the sound of skin against skin.

Your nails raked down his back, your legs tightening around him as the release wracked through you, relentless and blinding.

He groaned against your lips, his rhythm faltering as he gave in too—lost to you, to the feeling, to the way you came around him like your body had been waiting for this moment, and only this.

And when it was over—when the last shuddering breath passed between you, and his lips found that spot behind your ear again—you felt something settle in your chest.

Like this hadn’t just been inevitable. It had been waiting.

Everything about him felt real—the weight of his body, the warmth of his breath, the way he moved with you like he already knew you this way. Like maybe, he always had.

Every stroke, every kiss, every whispered breath between tangled limbs felt like a quiet confession neither of you had dared speak aloud. You were wrapped in him—in his scent, his voice, the slow, grounding pressure of his body against yours.

You shivered again—even in his warmth.

This wasn’t just crossing a line. This was burning it.

Then, without a word, he shifted beside you, wrapping his arm around your waist and gently turning you onto your side. His chest pressed to your back, steady and warm.

You felt his hand settle low at your stomach, fingers curling softly against your skin like he wasn’t ready to let you go. Like he wouldn’t.

His arm was heavy—comfortably so. It grounded you, pinned you in the best way. You couldn’t have moved even if you wanted to.

You didn’t.

Just his breath at your neck. The quiet hum of the city outside. And sleep, finally pulling you under.

__________________________________

Sunlight filtered through the tall windows, painting long golden stripes across the sheets. You stirred before he did, blinking against the light, the warmth of it settling over your bare skin. The sheets were soft. His bed smelled like clean linen and cedar, something calm and clean and unmistakably him.

Turning your head, you found him beside you—still asleep. Or maybe just pretending. Either way, you took the moment. Let your gaze linger on his face, softened in sleep, free from the tension he always wore like armor. He looked younger like this. Softer. Still Harry—but not the boss version. Just him.

You didn’t move. You didn’t want to.

But your phone buzzed somewhere from the living room, and it pulled you back into reality like a hook.

He opened one eye slowly. “Don’t answer it.”

You turned back toward him. “It might be important.”

“Then let it be important later.”

You laughed, burying your face into the pillow. “You’re not helping me keep my job.”

“I am your job.”

You groaned. “You would say that.”

He reached out, tucking your hair behind your ear again, fingers trailing lightly along your jaw before settling at your shoulder. You didn’t flinch. Didn’t pull away. Just looked at him, his eyes still soft with sleep but awake in a way that said he was fully here.

“Do you always wake up this smug?” you murmured, voice low and a little rough.

“Only when I’ve earned it,” he said, smiling faintly.

You shook your head, pressing your face into the pillow to hide your own grin, even as your leg brushed against his under the blanket. The air between you was warm but stretched—hovering in that space between comfort and the edge of a conversation neither of you had dared touch yet.

A quiet beat passed.

“So… what happens now?”

He looked at you for a moment, the question lingering in the space between your bodies. Too big for right now. Too real.

He exhaled. “Let’s get coffee first.”

You let out a soft laugh. “You’re really gonna dodge the question with caffeine?”

“I’m not dodging. I’m delaying with style.” He sat up, stretching slightly. “Priorities. Coffee first, emotional unraveling later.”

You slipped out of bed a moment later, legs still a little unsteady, and padded toward the doorway, grabbing the first thing you saw—a folded Nirvana tee left on the edge of a chair. It smelled like him—clean, warm, something like cedar and sleep and skin. You tugged it on, the hem brushing the tops of your thighs as you walked barefoot into the kitchen.

Harry was already there, sleeves rolled up again, hair slightly messy, standing by the stove with a French press and two mugs on the counter. The smell of coffee wrapped around you like a second shirt.

“Hey,” he said, voice still rough with sleep. “I wasn’t sure how you take it, so... I went basic. Milk and sugar are there.”

You sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island, tucking your legs up beneath you.

He chuckled softly and slid a mug toward you. “Make yourself at home.”

You took a sip, eyes on him as he leaned back against the counter, his own mug held in both hands. It felt oddly natural—like you’d done this before, like waking up in his apartment and drinking coffee together was part of some soft, familiar routine you’d already built in your head.

Except it wasn’t. This was new. Dangerous. Beautiful.

You stared into your coffee, letting the warmth settle into your palms, your shoulders beginning to loosen in the stillness between you. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable—it was gentle, even comforting. The scene felt like it belonged. Him. You. Coffee. Morning light stretching across the floor.

It fit too well.

And then, like something small tugged loose, the comfort began to unravel. Your breath caught in your chest. Your thoughts sharpened at the edges. This wasn’t routine. This wasn’t safe. You’d slept with your boss. You’d crossed a line and blurred it so deeply there might not be a way back.

Your fingers tightened around the mug, your body going still again—not frozen, just quiet, the kind of quiet that comes when a thought hits too fast, too sharp. He noticed. His voice softened when he spoke, like he was already reading the shift in you. “You okay?”

He didn’t answer right away. Just set his mug down and stepped closer, resting one hand on the back of your chair—not quite touching, but close enough to feel. “We don’t have to name it,” he said, calm and even. “But I meant everything I said. And everything I did.”

You held his gaze, heart thudding, your breath catching somewhere between your ribs and your throat. “I meant it too,” you said quietly. “All of it.”

It wasn’t a full spiral. Not regret. Just a flicker of panic—the kind that comes after something good, something real. The kind that makes you question if maybe you dreamed the whole thing. But he caught it. And he soothed it. Not by promising anything, not by fixing it, but just by being steady. Present.

Because it wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t a mistake. And he knew that.

He nodded once. “Then we don’t panic.” His voice was calm, certain, like a soft line being drawn in the quiet. “We go to work,” he said simply. “We don’t pretend it didn’t happen. But we don’t have to define it right now either. We just—go slow. If that’s okay with you.”

You nodded. He reached out, his hand brushing lightly along your arm before resting there—warm, grounding. Not pulling you closer. Just there.

Neither of you moved after that. You sat quietly, shoulders barely touching, hands around your mugs, the sun crawling across the floor like it had all the time in the world. The coffee cooled slowly.

No pressure. No rush. Just a shared breath in the soft quiet of something beginning.

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing this!!

All support is welcomed 💕✨ REBLOGS, LIKES AND COMMENTS HELP THIS STORY GROW!

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highdramas · 2 months ago

Note

in terms of your recent post, maybe abbot x professional athlete! reader — (volleyball/gymnastics/swim/soccer etc.) she comes in for a devastating ACL tear or something of the like and he’s the one who treats her? maybe jack recognizes her because robby & him would catch your teams games every now and he’s caught off guard seeing you up close, and afterwards reader stops by a couple days later to drop by some tickets to the next match and perhaps her phone number…

spinning out | dr. jack abbot

pairing: jack abbot x f!figure skater!reader warnings: language, angst with a happy ending, age gap (unspecified, but reader is late early 30s and jack is mid/late 40s), almost certain medical inaccuracies because i have no idea what i'm talking about but i researched and did my best <3 word count: 3.4k summary: you are pittsburgh's sweetheart, the ice princess, the hometown hero. when you come into the emergency room on the worst day of your life, jack is the one who meets his match. notes: if you are under 18 do not interact with my work or this fic. i once again took some liberties with this request, but i hope that you enjoy it! i decided to make reader a figure skater! one of my many favorite fixations! not proofread so apologies for errors <3

the screaming that comes from chairs is enough to get the attention of any tuned-in physician or nurse. but it especially gets jack’s attention– because it’s not just screams that indicate pain, or fear. there’s just… general commotion. and that can be a lot more dangerous than anything else.

everyone in the chairs is on their feet– if they can be. jack and dana barrel out, trying to parse out what exactly it is that’s happening. but the second that he lays his eyes on you, he knows why.

you’re the face known all around pittsburgh. your face is on many billboards, definitely in the newspaper, and regularly on the local news. and it’s been this way since jack moved to pittsburgh, back in 2015. at the time, he remembers you looking so fresh faced– only twenty, and you were on track to be one of the best figure skaters in the world. call it morbid curiosity, but jack had kept up with your career, loosely, in the way that most people who lived in pittsburgh is. that's what he told himself, anyway.

“alright, alright, everyone sit the fuck down and stop crowding around her,” jack calls, approaching you and the gaggle of people who surround you. you still wear a dazzling outfit, catching every single light and refracting it back out. your feet are socked but there are no skates to be found, and two people on either side of you helping hold you up right-- barely. you look abysmal, when you finally make eye contact with him– mascara trails down your cheeks, hairs are out of place, and he doesn’t think he’s ever seen an expression so… hardened. “come on, we’ll help you. dana– get a wheelchair.”

jack helps the people he learns are your coaches transfer you to the wheelchair. you still haven’t uttered a word– you just look down at your hands, pick the skin around your cuticles. “we think it’s an acl tear,” your coach says to jack. “happened during a competition. a smaller one, thankfully. we don’t need that kind of scrutiny.” this makes jack’s face screw up slightly, but he continues to listen. “we just– we’ve gotta have her back on the ice next week.”

“dana, go ahead and wheel her back to south-9, i’ll be right in.” jack turns his attention to your coach. a stark woman, small eyes, full lips, very obviously tanned. “alright,” he claps his hands together. “you all are going to have to stay out here. we’re very packed in the er, so i can’t have you back. we’ll come out and grab you when we have an update. okay?”

he can tell that this doesn’t please her, but he doesn’t really care. because while she’s bemoaning the possibility of more people bearing witness to what is likely one of the worst moments of your life– not for your sake, but for the sake of image… jack knows himself. he won’t be able to work effectively with that type of squawking in his ear.

when he goes to central, he points at dana. “don’t let coach and company in. feel me?”

“i feel you, boss,” she says without looking up from her computer. “donnie’s in there right now, but she’s ready for you.” she looks up at jack, plucking her readers off. “never a dull moment, huh? we got celebrities now!”

he tries to find it amusing, but then he remembers the look on your face, and he can’t find the humor within the situation. he simply squeezes dana’s shoulder, turns around, and takes a deep breath before he enters south-9.

–

the door opens. click shuts. you hardly hear it– all you hear is the blood in your ears. all you feel is the throbbing in your knee. all you know is that it’s over.

you took pride in what you do. you love ice skating– as an art form, as a way that you have honed your body over many, many years. you’re proud of all of the regional, national, world competitions you’ve won– you’re proud of all of that. and really, you only wanted one more thing. you knew it was a stretch, you knew it was a strain on your body, you knew, at 30, some think you’re too old for your sport… but it didn’t matter.

you just wanted to win gold. once in your life.

you’ve had silver, and bronze, you’ve gotten close to gold the last two olympics– neck and neck with your competitor, who ultimately, worked harder. was better than you. that’s what you tell yourself. that’s what your coaches have told you, to push you. your family doesn’t say it, but you feel it radiating off of them.

you don’t need the doctor to tell you that it’s over. you felt it the second that you landed wrong and crumpled to the ice, a glittering pile of dreams that will never be realized. you cried, not from the pain– you know pain intimately, have walked side by side with pain your entire life. you cried because it was all for nothing.

“hi. i’m dr. abbot.”

you don’t respond.

he sits in one of those spinny stools that all doctors use. you finally glance at him. “you don’t have to say it,” you wipe at your cheeks. “6-8 weeks until i can get back on the ice after an ACL tear. this isn’t my first tear, so i’ll likely need grafting surgery. so who knows how much further that would set me back.”

“wow. you want my job?” he tries to crack the tension but it’s no use. not really.

you’re approaching catatonic.

but it’s like a nail pops a balloon, and suddenly, all that you are is a heaving, sobbing mess.

the doctor– dr. abbot– sits with you. at one point, he offers you a tissue. then, the trash bin to throw it. and then, his hand.

you don’t think twice before you take it. you take it and you squeeze and you use it to tether yourself because everything feels like it’s floating away from you– a career, a dream, a desire.

but other things, too.

pain. being talked down upon. only being useful for one thing.

he doesn’t leave. he doesn’t even move a muscle. others try to come in and swap out and at one point you swear he says, “shen, fuck off, i’m busy.”

you don’t know how long you cry. you’re exhausted after. and itchy, because this stupid outfit clings in every spot that hurts and it feels like a humiliation ritual more than anything else, at this point.

“can i–” your throat is scratchy, and jack hands you a water bottle. you chug at it, greedy. “can i get a gown? and–” you look around, as if scared that they might be there behind you. “tell my coaches to fuck off and go home?”

a small smile creeps onto jack’s features. “yes, i can do that.” he hesitates before he stands up. “we’re gonna get you all checked out. see what we can do for you, and what orthopedic surgery is going to need to do. and we’ll be able to determine how long until you can skate again. alright?”

you nod your head. he finds your eyes. “we got you. alright?” tears are still brimming, hanging off your eyelashes like the saddest dew drops known to man.

–

it doesn’t look good. your assessment of your injury was largely accurate, jack found, when he began his examination of your knee with a delicate touch– being as intune with your body as you are, jack isn’t surprised. he comes back with x-rays and brings in ellis to observe. “you’re smart, i’ll give you that,” he says as he enters the room, and he’s proud of himself when you smile. you’re changed, and he thinks that someone must have given you a makeup wipe, because your face is fresh and beautiful and he has to clear his throat before he continues with his diagnosis and what he’d recommend for treatment.

“you’re looking at, maybe 16 weeks before you can get back out. and that’s entirely dependent on how you heal after the surgery. and even if you do start skating, you’re going to need to take it slow.” he finds your eyes. this is the kind of news that he hates delivering, and he thinks if he has to do it, he can at least look someone in the eye while doing it. they’re beautiful– and they have a depth to them that he doesn’t find in most. you’re not scared off by his eye contact. you maintain it with little effort. “i’m sorry.”

the chuckle that you let out causes a shiver to run down his spine. it’s so humorless, that it creates a chasm inside of him that wants nothing more than to make it better. “yeah, of course it is.” you lean your head back. “the press will be here soon.”

jack and ellis share a glance. “your team is talking to them outside, we believe,” ellis says with a wince.

you smirk. “ah. of course.” you look back to abbot. “thank you for your help. i’m sorry i’m wretched. just…” you shrug. “what a shitty fucking day.”

“yeah, i don’t doubt it.” he chews on his lip. “can we arrange to have someone else pick you up once you’re cleared?”

“there’s no one else,” you say seamlessly. “i’ll call an uber.”

it’s odd, he thinks to himself. seeing you up close and personal, real. he would’ve thought you were entirely delicate, a beautiful flower kept in a box, plucked out, and put onto the ice to entrance everyone who watches you. but you’re so human and alive and he can sense this way that you’ve been treated, and when you say there’s no one else except these people who look at you as a product, a brand, a liability… something snaps.

“we’ll arrange to have someone take you home. it’s a risk to have you take any sort of public transportation where someone can’t assist you into your home.”

you look between the two physicians. your eyes land on jack and he thinks that you might fight it– but then, you concede, and give a meek nod of your head, and he feels that tightening in his chest that he keeps experiencing. he wants to wrap you up and hide you away– far away from those people taking advantage of you.

he’s just starstruck. that's what he decides to chalk it up to.

–

dr. jack abbot does ensure you’re driven home by someone. he is very professional, and polite, as he instructs you on when to return to the hospital for a pre-op appointment, and how to manage your pain in the meantime.

eventually, you do have surgery. eventually, you’re back in PTMC, and your eyes trail on the emergency department as you go past it, wondering if you might be able to sneak a glimpse of him.

you fire your coaches. you tell your team to fuck off. your publicist can hardly get ahold of you, and, naturally, everyone wants a statement. it makes you laugh to think about it. yeah, you’d like a statement too, you think. bitter. always so bitter in those first weeks after.

once you start recovering from surgery, the bitterness dissipates, but you certainly don’t sweeten to what has happened to you. you watch with bloodshot eyes, the footage of it happening. you’re rapt with it, and it’s a little sadistic, you think to yourself– but you can see the exact moment of the tear. the exact moment everything shifts.

that night, you write find a therapist down on a to-do list.

your first session, as you recount the story to her, you get hung up on the portion in the emergency room. you explain it in great detail, and when it gets to your doctor… “i broke,” you admit with a shrug. “i broke in the emergency room. and the doctor, he stayed. you know– sonja, and marci, they were both out there. yes, he asked them to stay back, but it was because even the doctor could see it. that they didn’t care about me. they didn’t care if i was okay. they cared that i wasn’t functional anymore.” you stop yourself. steel yourself. “but he stayed with me. he held my hand when he cried. and i can’t…” you look down at your hands, pick at already raw cuticles. “i couldn’t remember the last time someone was so nice to me, just for the sake of being nice.”

your therapist suggests you go back, and thank dr. abbot. you think this is a good idea, but you’ve spent so much time being an ice skater, you don’t know if you really know how to be a human being anymore. how do you talk about anything that’s not a diet, choreography plans, workout regimine, or regional scores? do you know how to be earnest, and real, and honest?

you hobble towards the emergency room, the brace you wear restricting your mobility, but you’d finally gotten off the crutches, thank god. you hold a box of cookies that you had baked yourself– with all this newfound free time, and with the fact that you could actually eat, freely, in a way that was almost certainly healthier than whatever restrictive nonsense you were doing before, you’d picked up baking as a hobby. you weren’t great. but you weren’t horrible, either.

it felt so good to just be mediocre at something. to not care. to just enjoy it for the sake of enjoying it.

you approach the registration desk. she– lupe, her nametag says– recognizes you instantly, you can tell. you say hello, and introduce yourself by name anyway. “um– dr. abbot treated me here, about five weeks ago. i was wanting to say…” you attempt to slow you breathing, your nervousness. “i was wanting to see if i could say thank you.”

lupe gives you a warm smile. “oh, that’s sweet, honey. we all heard about what happened– i am so sorry.” your lips press into a line. the sentiment is kind– but it strikes you, anyway. “let me go see what i can do.”

–

it’s never good when lupe is coming back.

jack snatches the sterile gown, soaked in blood from a woman that he was unable to save, and shoves it into the proper disposal. he rubs sanitizer into his hands and he eyes lupe, trying to muster up a smile. “can i hold onto hope and a prayer that you’re about to tell me something good, and not bad?”

“yes, actually. for once, right?” lupe laughs and she begins to explain to him that you’re outside. when she says that, jack’s eyes go wide. “she wants to thank you. can i bring her to the family room?”

“uh– yeah. yes, please do.”

you go to central to finish up on a chart when robby approaches jack at his side. “i hear ice princess is back,” he says with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

somehow, a rumor got around that you had cried in jack’s arms in south-9. that he had cradled you and held you and stroked your hair– he’s fairly certain it was princess and perlah. no, he knows it was princess and perlah. all good ER rumors start and end with him.

“don’t call her that,” jack says without looking up from the screen. “not cool.”

“oh, my apologies.” robby’s eyes trail to the family room, where you’re limping in. “she’s walking on that knee.”

jack snorts. “that’s the least surprising thing i’ve ever heard.” after an interaction with you that barely went over an hour, he felt like he understood you. he understood that, of course you were walking. you were determined, and you were used to your body bending to your will– not the other way around. he looks over at the family room as the door shuts with a faint thwick.

“go get ‘em, tiger,” robby says and it makes jack scowl.

he’s a good, professional physician. he doesn’t have crushes on patients.

he opens the door. and you’re sitting there, beautiful, clear eyed– there’s still a storm cloud or two burrowed within you, he knows, but not the same as when he met you the first time.

you go to stand up, but he instantly shakes his head. “oh– no. in fact…” he looks at the couch and grabs a pillow. “elevate.”

you look at him incredulously. “my surgeon said i only needed to elevate for 3-7 days post-op.”

“it’s always good to elevate when resting. especially since you’re walking on it.”

you roll your eyes. “the crutches slowed me down,” you mutter, mostly to yourself.

“that’s kinda the point, sweetheart.”

–

sweetheart.

your lips curl into a smile and you raise your eyebrows at him. he looks at you like he would like to crawl under this couch, and die, probably. he squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head. “i don’t know why i said that.”

“i do,” your smile is saccharine. “because i’m a sweetheart. obviously.”

“they called you pittsburgh’s sweetheart in the paper, once.”

“oh– so you knew who i was?”

“you can’t go anywhere in this city without seeing your face!” you’ve gotten him exasperated now, riled up, and you’re thoroughly happy with yourself. this is the most fun you’ve had in you don’t even know how long, to be perfectly honest. you’ve begun to recline on the arm of the small loveseat, and jack maneuvers the pillow beneath your knee. his hands are confident, his words are not. it’s a combination that you think you could watch all day.

he takes a seat across from you, once he’s gotten you settled to his liking. and there’s that stare, again– people always said that you had a staring problem, but they must not have met jack abbot before. that man had a staring problem.

you take it almost as a challenge. you maintain the eye contact and slowly slide the box of cookies to him.

he glances down. “what’s this?”

“cookies. i made them.” you run your tongue over your teeth. “to say thank you.”

he hangs his head. looks up just enough to peer at you through eyelashes– long, pretty eyelashes. “you don’t need to thank me. i just–”

“oh, no. i do.” you clear your throat. think over the little script that you had written in your journal, all of the vulnerable and real things that you wanted to say. “i don’t know what i needed, exactly, in that moment. and in don’t know if it would be possible for one person to be exactly what i needed. it was–” you feel that swell of emotion start to rise like a tide in your abdomen, but you push through. “it was the single worst night of my life. but not because of the injury. because i just… i realized how sad my life is. i don’t have friends. my family situation is dysfunctional in a way that is not healthy. my coaches and team and everyone around me just looked at me like a thing. an item. and you looked at me and cared for me like a human being. so.” you have to clear your throat again. “thank you.”

jack’s eyes didn’t leave you, one single time. and he only looks away not to close them, rub at them. when he opens them, they’re misty, and he chuckles. “fuck,” he drags the word out, and you feel it run through the center of you. you move to stand up but he stops you. “you are a human being,” he blurts out. “and fuck anyone who has ever treated you like anything else, or less– fuck. them. seriously.”

“yeah, i fired my team.”

“good.”

“yeah.”

a comfortable quiet takes over and you go back and forth in your mind as you stand up, for real this time. “i know you’re working. and i know this is probably unprofessional, but…” you take a piece of paper from your coat pocket and you hand it to him. “when i get back on the ice, i’d like to do it for myself. but, you know, could be good to have a medical professional there to make sure i’m not fucking myself up even more, so…” you suck in a breath. “that’s my phone number.”

he opens the piece of paper and stares at the string of numbers. looks back to you. “i’ll be there.”

“great.”

you sling your purse across your body. “that won’t be for awhile, but…” you brush past him, towards the door. “you know, i can still go out to dinner with a torn acl.”

jack smiles, dimples out. holds the door for you. “sounds like we’ve got a date.”

#jack abbot x reader #jack abbott x reader #jack abbot imagine #jack abbott imagine #jack abbot #jack abbott #the pitt fanfic #the pitt fanfiction #the pitt x reader #the pitt #dr abbot x reader #my writing

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interact-if · 1 month ago

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Writing Spotlight: Infamous (Interview)

We had the great pleasure to interview Amy, author of the massively beloved IF Infamous (@infamous-if). She shared some tips, tricks, and insights on her approach to writing.

One of the most notable things about Infamous is how quickly readers get sucked into its world and invested in its web of characters — be it Orion or Blake or G or Victoria or the slightly controversial Seven. They are all incredibly multi-faceted, complex, and sometimes heartbreakingly real.

Amy says:

“I’ve read something by a writer once that I’ve followed faithfully: you should always know what’s happening in the other room. Even if it won’t be available to readers, it helps establish the world and characters as real, tangible things that don’t just poof out of existence once they walk ‘off-screen’ so to speak.”

Here’s the full interview:

1. What drew you to interactive fiction as a storytelling medium? Did you have any experience writing in other formats before, and if so, would you say there’s any differences in the way writing for IFs should be approached?

There’s so much about writing interactive fiction that I love, but I think the main one is the freedom that comes with it! There are so many ideas I can explore, so many endings and storylines. It’s just as fun for writers as it is for readers to push the limits of what their world and characters can do. You can truly sink your teeth into it and develop the story in ways you don’t see often.

Coming from writing traditional fiction and having never written an interactive story before, I did need to change my mindset a little. You have to learn to be flexible. Very often, I’m writing routes I wouldn’t particularly take as a reader, and it’s interesting to go against my gut to offer a varied experience. I’ve discovered a lot of fun things about Infamous and its characters from routes I would never take if I were reading it in another IF!

2. What does your writing process look like?

I am a plotter to my core! I am endlessly envious of writers who can pants their way through a scene or a chapter. I need to outline every single beat, every scene, every conversation. The plot comes to me first and then I slowly build the main character around that and ask myself what kind of story I want to tell with that main character.

The MC in Infamous leans heavily into the ‘underdog’ trope. That’s how I got much of MC’s personality from. The main thing I ask myself when building the main character is: what do they have, what do they want, and what do they need? I use that to inform the rest of the cast and the stats. My main goal is that every piece works in tandem with the others. They all make sense in my head!

3. What does good writing / good characters / good world-building etc. mean to you, and what are some central tenets or principles you follow to achieve that?

A story that gets me invested is a success in my eyes. I want to care for the characters and feel like the world is one that truly exists somewhere. I’ve read something by a writer once that I’ve followed faithfully: you should always know what’s happening in the other room. Even if it won’t be available to readers, it helps establish the world and characters as real, tangible things that don’t just poof out of existence once they walk ‘off-screen’ so to speak. The characters had lives before the story started, people they knew and things they’ve experienced. It informs their personalities and builds them what they are once you meet them on page.

The world is still turning even while the main character is asleep. Things are still happening everywhere…even when we don’t see it. That’s how I try to approach every story to bring it to life.

4. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to someone just starting out in interactive fiction?

Be firm! It’s so easy to get swept up in the excitement of having an audience and wanting to keep that audience. It’s not uncommon to make the mistake of overpromising to please every reader. You won’t be able to, trust me! You’ll only write yourself in a corner. It’s healthy to find a good balance between sticking to your gut and accepting/being open to suggestions.

A tinier one but: know your endings! It’s best to know what you’re writing toward. It’ll be so much easier to stick to the story and avoid meandering through the plot if you know how each route ends. Everything I write is to get to that ending in one way or the other.

5. Where do you find your ideas or inspiration for new stories or mechanics?Where did your story idea originate? Has it strayed far from that concept/evolved during the writing process?

I guess it’s quite on brand to say that almost every story idea I’ve had came from a song, Infamous included. My head is always thinking of songs as potential needle drops or playlists as movie soundtracks. Infamous in particular, was formed from Brie Larson’s cover of Black Sheep in the Scott Pilgrim movie. It features a Battle of the Bands sequence that made me want to read a story with the same concept. I scoured and scoured for a band IF that scratched that particular itch but didn’t find any. Eventually, I gave in and did it myself! That’s one of the best parts of the community; you can just do it.

Surprisingly, this is one of the few stories of mine that hasn’t strayed far from the original idea. I think it helps that I’m writing exactly what I wanted to read once upon a time.

End of interview

—

A big thanks once again to Amy for her insightful answers, and @veswrites-if for taking the time to coordinate the interview. Hope that this was a fun and interesting read.

Stay tuned for more of these interviews :)

#interactive fiction #cscript game #author interview #writing Spotlight #writing tips #infamous #interview series #author feature

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leriexoxo · 2 months ago

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Angry Boys - Seungmin

Lessons In Obedience

Tags: Degrading praise, dom!Seungmin, punishment, forced counting, spitting, orgasm denial, spitplay, slight dumbification, tutor kink, sarcastic dirty talk, no aftercare, smut MDNI.

Word count: 3k

This work contains mature themes, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!

ANGRY BOYS MASTERLIST

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You didn’t think tutoring would feel like detention.

But that’s exactly what it felt like under Seungmin’s eyes—sharp behind his wire frames, arms crossed, sitting so upright and composed it made your back ache just trying to mimic him.

“Third mistake,” he said flatly. “Do it again.”

You blinked at the page.

“But—”

“Don’t speak. Write.”

You bit your lip. The pen trembled in your hand as you tried to redo the equation, brain fogged from more than just math. It was the way he said it. The way he always said it.

Low and cold, like he already knew you were going to fail him. Like he enjoyed watching you try.

And maybe… maybe he did.

He never touched you. Never even raised his voice. But Seungmin didn’t have to. His control came in the pauses, in the rules, in the way he could make you feel utterly pathetic just by arching an eyebrow.

“I told you not to wear skirts this short when we study.”

“Did you really think I wouldn’t notice how distracted you are today?”

“If you want to keep this arrangement, you need to prove you’re worthy of my time.”

It was never overt.

But it made you squirm.

And you never broke the rules—because deep down, you knew the moment you did, Seungmin wouldn’t just scold you. He’d ruin you.

—-

You were already five minutes late.

Not enough to seem completely careless—but enough to make him notice. And of course, he did. He always did.

Seungmin didn’t say a word as you walked into the study room, textbook clutched to your chest like a shield. He just glanced at the clock on the wall, then down at his own perfectly written notes. His jaw flexed once. Disapproval. Barely visible—but you knew it was there.

You closed the door quietly, heart pounding.

“Sit.” One word. Sharp.

You obeyed instantly, dropping into the seat across from him. He didn’t look at you, not even once, just pushed your worksheet forward and tapped his pen against the header. “You left three questions incomplete. Again.”

“I got stuck on the second one,” you mumbled.

“I didn’t ask for an excuse.” His eyes flicked up now, dark and unreadable. “You had time.”

You flushed, lips pressing together.

Seungmin reached forward, dragging the worksheet toward him and circling the mistakes with methodical precision. Then he folded his arms, leaned back, and stared at you for a beat too long.

“You’re wasting my time.”

The air left your lungs.

“I—I’m sorry, I—”

“You think this is a favor? I don’t give out favors.”

His tone was still calm. Controlled. But that only made it worse. Made you shift in your seat, thighs clenching on instinct. He noticed that too—his gaze dipped for half a second, then returned to your face like it never left.

“You know what your problem is?” he said, voice almost thoughtful. “You come in here hoping I’ll go easy on you because you bat your lashes and say sorry with that little pout.”

“I don’t—”

“Don’t lie to me.”

Your breath caught.

“You like playing dumb,” he said, standing up now, coming around the table slowly. “But you’re not dumb, are you? You just want attention. You want mine.”

He was behind you before you could respond, hand gripping the back of your chair.

“You’ve been slipping for weeks,” he murmured by your ear. “Sloppy, unfocused, distracted… I think it’s time you learned how serious I am about rules.”

You froze.

“I’m going to give you a choice.”

His hand slid down to your shoulder, squeezing once, before moving away again—like he was holding himself back.

“You can leave now. Pretend this session didn’t happen. And I won’t waste another second on you for the rest of the semester.”

You turned your head slightly, eyes wide.

“Or…”

He leaned closer, lips just ghosting your ear.

“You stay. And learn the hard way what it means to disappoint me.”

Your mouth was dry.

You didn’t move, didn’t blink. Seungmin hadn’t touched you in any real way—just words, tone, the shift of energy so potent it made your spine straighten like he’d commanded it to.

But you didn’t leave.

He waited, watching your breath stutter in your chest, and when you didn’t move, he clicked his tongue once.

“Figures,” he muttered. “Of course you’d stay.”

He walked back in front of you, sliding his chair closer, so the distance was just enough to make you squirm. You could smell his cologne now. Clean and sharp, just like him. His eyes raked over your face.

“Let’s test your obedience then.”

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees.

“Hands on your thighs. Back straight. Eyes on mine.”

You did it. Immediately. Like muscle memory.

“Good,” he said—flat, clinical. “Now. Don’t break eye contact.”

He waited, silence stretching heavy between you. Your pulse raced. The way he stared, without blinking, without softening—it made your skin itch. Made your thighs tense under your skirt.

Seconds passed. Then a full minute.

You shifted.

He raised a brow. “Problem?”

You swallowed. “N-No, sunbaenim.”

“Speak up.”

“No, sunbaenim.”

He smirked. “Then stop fidgeting.”

You tried. God, you tried. But when he rolled his sleeves up exposing his veiny arms and smooth skin—and fixed his glasses with that same meticulous flick—you bit your lip, and your gaze flickered down.

“Ah.”

Your head snapped back up—but it was too late.

Seungmin sat back with a sharp breath. “I see.”

“I didn’t—”

“Shut up.”

Your mouth slammed shut.

“You want to act like a dumb little brat in heat? Then I’ll treat you like one.”

He stood again, shoving the chair back with a scrape against the floor. You flinched.

“Up. Bend over the desk.”

You stared at him.

“Now.”

Your legs wobbled as you stood. The desk dug into your hips as you bent forward, hands flat on the surface. The position was humiliating, your skirt riding up, your breath hitching in anticipation you didn’t dare name.

He stepped behind you. You could feel the heat of him, the weight of his gaze.

“No noise unless I say so. No moving unless I allow it. And if you dare break another rule…”

His hand pressed against your lower back, firm.

“I’ll remind you exactly who’s in charge here.”

Your cheek was pressed to the desk, breath fogging the wood as you braced for whatever Seungmin had planned. He hadn’t spoken in nearly a minute—and that was the worst part. The silence. The cold, calculating way he seemed to study you like a specimen beneath him.

“You really thought you could flinch at my rules and still have me?”

His voice sliced through the air like a blade. You shuddered.

“You’re not even worth the time it takes to correct you.”

The sting of those words made your stomach drop—but your thighs clenched tighter.

“Say it,” he said.

You blinked. “W-What?”

His hand curled around your neck—not choking, just grounding. Holding.

“Say you’re not worth it.”

Your throat bobbed as you whimpered. “I’m… not worth it, sunbaenim.”

“That’s right. You’re just a pathetic little distraction. A dumb girl who can’t even keep her grades up without making a show of herself.”

His hand slid down, lifting your skirt with casual, cold fingers. You gasped when he exposed you fully, no shame in the sound.

“No panties?” he scoffed. “You wanted this.”

You bit back a whine.

“Don’t make a sound.”

Then came the first sharp slap—right between your thighs. You jolted, a quiet cry slipping out anyway.

“I said no noise.” Another slap, harder this time.

“You’re failing at every command. Do you even want to learn?”

“Y-Yes—!”

“Yes what?”

“Yes, sunbaenim—!”

He leaned in close again, hand gripping your hip now with bruising pressure.

“Then prove it. Make yourself cum. Right here. Right now. While I watch.”

You froze.

“If you can do it without making a single noise, maybe—maybe—I’ll let you keep coming to our sessions. If not?”

His fingers trailed the curve of your ass.

“You can go beg another tutor to put up with your pathetic neediness.”

You trembled. Your hand slid between your legs slowly, fingers hesitant—but you did it.

And Seungmin watched.

Watched as you touched yourself under his cruel gaze. Silent. Shaking. Desperate.

He crouched beside you, whispering poison in your ear as your body started to shake.

“Look at you. This is what you wanted, isn’t it? Not tutoring. Not grades. Just me. Standing over you. Making you feel small.”

You whined, dangerously close, your hand a blur.

“Pathetic. You’re not even doing it right—”

He shoved your hand away and slid his fingers over you in one brutal swipe, just enough to feel how wet you were.

“Disgusting. You got this wet from nothing.”

“Please—” you gasped, voice finally breaking.

“You don’t even deserve release.”

He stood again, pulling away completely. Cold. Dismissive.

“Fix your clothes. And rewrite the entire worksheet before tomorrow.”

You blinked up at him, eyes wide, breathing wrecked.

He looked down at you like you were beneath him.

“Earn the privilege of being beneath me again.”

—

You were early.

Of course you were. You hadn’t stopped thinking about the last session for a full week. It played on a loop in your mind—the burn of his words, the feel of his hand, the way he made you touch yourself like you were nothing. And then the way he left you with a cold stare and an impossible assignment.

But you turned that worksheet in flawless.

Because maybe, just maybe, he’d see it. A silent plea buried in the margins. A desperate request for more.

You waited at your desk like a schoolgirl with a secret.

When he finally walked in, tall and calm, every part of you tensed in anticipation. He barely looked at you. No smirk. No flicker of memory from last week. Just cold professionalism.

“So,” Seungmin said, adjusting his glasses, “today we’re reviewing your syntax from chapter six.”

You stared at him. Nothing?

He set your worksheet down between you. “Better than last time. Barely,” he added, eyes scanning the page. Still no recognition of how you’d fallen apart in front of him. Like you hadn’t begged for release, like he hadn’t humiliated you in the most addictive way.

Something snapped.

You reached beneath the desk.

He noticed the movement but didn’t look up.

Until you spread your legs.

His eyes flicked to you sharply. You could see it—something shifting behind the frames of his glasses. Still, he said nothing.

So you took it further.

You slid your hand beneath your skirt, fingers brushing right over your bare heat.

“I didn’t wear panties again,” you whispered, voice breathy.

Still, nothing.

So you moaned—quiet but intentional.

“Are you going to punish me again, sunbaenim?”

That did it.

The pen in his hand stopped. He placed it gently on the desk like it offended him.

Then, without a word, he stood and locked the door.

Your heart leapt.

He walked back, slower this time. Measured. Like a man approaching something he already owned.

“You think this is a joke?” His voice was low, clipped.

You smiled sweetly. “I think you liked it last time.”

He yanked your chair back from the desk and you gasped as he pulled you up by the arm, dragging you toward the professor’s table at the front of the room. He bent you over it in one swift move, your cheek hitting the cool surface.

“You want me to punish you again?”

You nodded, breathing hard.

“Say it.”

“I want you to punish me, sunbaenim.”

“Then don’t move.”

You heard the metallic sound of his belt unbuckling.

“I gave you one chance,” he murmured, dragging the leather slow between his hands, “to walk out with dignity.”

You clenched around nothing, already throbbing.

“You chose this instead.”

He pulled your skirt up—no hesitation this time—and let the belt fall on your ass, sharp and sudden.

You cried out.

“Quiet.”

Another strike.

You whimpered.

“You don’t even know what you’ve invited.”

His hand slid between your thighs again, two fingers swiping through the mess you’d already made of yourself.

“Disgusting.”

He pressed the wetness to your lips.

“Lick it.”

You obeyed instantly, licking his fingers like a starved girl.

He finally growled low, something snapping in his tone.

“You want to act like a slut in my sessions? Then you’ll learn what it costs.”

Your cheek was pressed to the desk, the wood grain imprinted on your skin, your breath coming shallow and shaky.

Seungmin stood behind you, cold and precise. He hadn’t even broken a sweat.

“You came in here thinking I’d fuck you just for spreading your legs like a desperate little bitch?” he asked flatly.

You didn’t answer. You couldn’t.

He grabbed a fistful of your hair and tugged gently—just enough to make you listen. “I asked you a question.”

“I—no, sunbaenim,” you choked, thighs trembling.

“No?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Then what the fuck is this?”

You gasped as he slapped your ass again, the sting landing perfectly where his belt had already reddened your skin.

“Maybe I need to remind you what you’re here for. Education first. Pussy second.”

You bit your lip, nodding quickly.

“Good girl,” he said. “Now, let’s start simple. Spell ‘embarrassed.’”

Your eyes widened.

“E–M–B–A–R…” you paused, blinking, trying to remember.

Wrong.

The belt cracked again.

“Start over,” he ordered.

You whimpered. “E–M–B–A–R–R–A–S–S–E–D…”

“Mm.” He hummed approvingly. “Next. Define ‘submissive.’ Use it in a sentence.”

Your mouth went dry.

“Submissive,” you breathed, “is… someone who gives up control willingly. Um. Example… ‘She was so submissive, she let her tutor bend her over the desk and—’”

Another slap, harsher.

“I said educational sentence, not slut monologue.”

You sobbed, back arching, wrists gripping the edge of the desk. Your thighs were soaked. His voice alone had you dripping.

“And what’s the formula for passive voice in English grammar?”

You were shaking. “Object… verb… subject…”

“Louder.”

“Object, verb, subject, sunbaenim—!”

“Wrong tone.”

He leaned forward, voice a razor’s edge beside your ear.

“You can’t even obey basic instruction. What makes you think you’re worth my time?”

That broke something in you.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, trembling.

“I don’t want your sorry.”

He grabbed your hips roughly, yanked you back into place.

“I want your obedience.”

And then—without warning—he slid inside you in one brutal thrust.

You cried out, knees buckling, hands scrabbling for purchase on the desk.

“You wanted this, right? Wanted to see what happens when you fuck with your class president?”

You couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think.

He snapped his hips forward, every thrust sending a filthy sound echoing through the classroom.

“You’ll answer every question next time. Even if I have to beat it into you.”

You moaned, completely gone.

“I’ll make you smarter,” he grunted, “if it’s the last fucking thing I do.”

“Your punishment’s not over,” Seungmin said, voice low and glacial as he gripped your hips tighter, keeping you bent and helpless over the desk.

You were a mess—hair tangled, cheeks wet, lips swollen from biting back moans. The desk under your chest trembled slightly from every hard thrust, each one precise, punishing, and deliberate.

“This isn’t about pleasure,” he snapped, slamming into you again, deep and mean, “so stop moaning like a fucking porn star.”

You tried to stay quiet, biting your lip hard, but the way he stretched you, the pace of his thrusts—slow enough to make you lose your mind but hard enough to bruise your hips—it was impossible to stay composed.

Your body was betraying you. The slick sounds echoing between your thighs were obscene, soaking everything beneath you. And Seungmin knew it.

“Slut,” he muttered, watching the way you clenched around him, “you don’t even deserve to study under me, the way you act.”

You whimpered, shame and arousal twisting in your stomach like fire.

Then he pulled out suddenly, and you gasped at the loss, clenching around nothing. He grabbed your chin and forced you to look up at him from over your shoulder.

“You wanna cum?”

You nodded fast, eyes wide.

“Then earn it.”

He grabbed your arm and dragged you up from the desk, flipping you and pushing you to sit right back on the edge, legs wide, your cunt glistening in the dim light of the classroom. His cock, hard and flushed, slapped against your inner thigh as he stepped in.

But instead of fucking you again, he handed you the little stack of flashcards from your previous session.

Your breath hitched.

“Read them,” he said flatly.

“W–What?” you blinked.

“You have sixty seconds. Get them all right, or I walk out and leave you like this.”

You stared at him, flushed and trembling, desperate to be filled again, to cum. And he just stood there—arms crossed, cock twitching, jaw clenched—watching you suffer.

You grabbed the cards with shaky fingers.

“Define ‘syntax,’” he ordered, tone icy.

You stammered, “The arrangement of words and phrases—into sentences—”

“Wrong. Full definition, you know better.”

You started over, voice desperate, your thighs trembling from the ache of being left empty. Seungmin didn’t blink. He just watched you squirm, eyes dark, hungry, and hard.

When you finally got through five definitions without messing up, he stepped forward, gripped your throat gently, and whispered, “Say ‘thank you, sunbaenim.’”

“Thank you, sunbaenim,” you breathed, eyes glassy.

“Now,” he growled, lining himself up again, “extra credit.”

He thrust back in with no warning, one hand on your throat, the other pressed to your stomach as he fucked up into you with teeth-gritted restraint. No mercy. No breaks.

Just raw, primal dominance.

Your head lolled back as you cried out, finally allowed to fall apart. He didn’t slow down.

“You’re going to cum for me like a good little student,” he whispered into your ear, “and when I’m done with you, you’ll be studying everything I give you. No hesitation. No mistakes.”

You came with a sob, body arching, unable to hold it in.

And only then did Seungmin stop—pulling out, breathing hard, not even spilling inside. Instead, he dragged his hand across your thigh and smeared your own mess back between your folds.

“Clean yourself up,” he said, tucking himself back into his pants. “You’ve got three chapters to read before next session.”

And with that, he walked out—leaving you trembling, soaked, and breathless on the desk you used to call a study table.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Authors note: 😈 i know you liked it 😂 so just drop me that like and comment! And stay tuned!!!!!! Other members on the series are coming up

Taglist: @tsunderelino @innieandsungielover @inlovewithstraykids @reignessance @jeonismm @sttnficrecs @herejusttemporary @krssliu @sagestarlight @kenia4 @miilquetoast @thackery-blinks @leeminho-hall @suga-is-bae @butterflydemons @inejghafawifesblog @malunar28replies @minchanlimbo @mal-lunar-28 @breakmeofftbr @imagine-all-the-imagines

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pagesfromthevoid · 2 months ago

Text

Honey & Glass | r. r.

Robert "Bob" Reynolds x superpowered!reader

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, not a lot of Bob interaction just yet, Valentina and Walker need their own warnings

Author's Notes: I love him, okay? I'm not even sorry.

Masterlist | Talk to Me! | AO3

Six Months Before the Void

“Sergeant Barnes, if you would just give me a chance –,”

“A chance to do what, exactly?” Bucky asked, turning to face the young woman who had –for the better part of an hour –been following him through the charity event.

“Help with your campaign!” She explained, throwing her hands in the air. “Sir, you’re an icon. A legend. So it genuinely pains me to say this. But you suck at talking in front of the camera.”

He stared at her for a long moment, considering what she was saying. Okay, sure –he wasn’t great at interviews. But he was polling better than everyone else running against him. That had to mean something, right? He rolled his neck, pushing aside an annoying tingle that had shot up his spine.

“I know what you’re thinking,” she continued, stepping in front of him, putting her hands up as if she could stop him from leaving. “You’re thinking that you’re polling better than everyone else running against you, and that has to mean something.”

Bucky’s brow furrowed. “How did –,”

“And it does mean something –but it won’t if you don’t learn how to address the public. The whole ‘man of the people’ schtick gets old fast when it’s less endearing and more ‘is this man actually qualified?’”

He doesn’t have time for this, he decided, shaking his head. Then he reached out to just move her –something he didn’t really like doing, but she was too persistent and kind of annoying, so he needed her to go away.

“I’m not going away!” She exclaimed, ducking away from his touch –as if she anticipated it. “Also don’t manhandle people –sir, do you realize how bad that looks? Like, our mayor does enough of that.”

“How are you doing that?” He demanded, grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to the side. Though his grip wasn’t tight –he didn’t want to hurt her.

“Doing what?”

“Can you read my mind?” He demanded again, glaring down at her.

“I mean…,” she dragged out the phrase, making a ‘maybe’ sort of motion with her hands. “Listen, I told you I knew what you were thinking. But that’s not all I can do –and I can use it to help you.”

“Why on earth would you want to use your superpowers to help me run for Congress?”

“Because I actually think you can do good for Brooklyn,” she insisted, and Bucky swore that she was being genuine. “I am being genuine, sir. I care about my city. And I do think you can do a lot more than most can. But you need a public relations specialist and I am really good at my job. Theoretically, at least.”

“Theoretically?” He asked, frowning deeply.

“I mean, you would be my first client because I finished my Master’s like right before the Blip then disappeared technically, but I know I can be really good at my job if you just give me a chance. Please. I’ll even do it for free!”

“I’m not –you’re not doing it for free. I’ll pay you –,”

“Yes!”

Present Day –D.C.

“Any word on our friend?” Bucky asks, glancing at his PR specialist slash assistant slash…well, everything, really.

He isn’t sure how to describe the young woman who stood next to him, because she’s a jack of all trades at this point in his very short Congressional career. She started off managing his social media and helping his public image before the election. Bucky had to give credit where credit was due: the girl is good at her job. Her speech writing skills are solid. She keeps his message and support consistent. She even managed to get him less stiff and weird on camera. She keeps him on schedule and pushes him through things he doesn’t want to do, with both a smile and a snarky comment that lightens his frustrations.

Her abilities came in handy quite a bit in these tasks. Between reading the minds of the people around her –knowing what they wanted, how they felt –and being able to project positive thoughts into a crowd…well, Bucky is glad she was so persistent six months ago.

But then she had a run-in with one of his opponents supporters, showing up to work disheveled and frustrated.

“It’s nothing,” she had insisted, “Just some asshole who thinks I’m a monster for helping you.”

Bucky decided that he could teach her a few things too.

She was a fast learner, and a willing student. If she got knocked down, she got up again and immediately sought feedback and improvement. While she’s no super soldier, she is able to hold her own if she needs to —after a few months. Bucky taught her how to handle a weapon or two, she taught him how to use Twitter and TikTok (which he hated, but damn did it help his numbers). It’s a good partnership.

The latest lesson is a bit of espionage –nothing super intense. Bucky is working on how to get Valentina Alegra de Fontaine impeached –and while his assistant was a great asset in confirming that Valentina was, in fact, guilty…well, the public doesn’t know he has a mutant in his employment. And while Bucky has no issue telling anyone, she does –and it isn’t his secret to tell.

“None of my family knows,” she explained over a beer one night after another charity gala. “I don’t…It’s not something I need anyone to know. I already know what everyone thinks; I don’t need them to start thinking specifically about me too. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“Her assistant –her name is Mel –is on the fence about her boss,” she explains, clicking away at her phone as she sends him over her notes. “I tried talking to her but she pretty much immediately beelined for the door when I got closer.”

“Who's the unapproachable one now?” He jokes, grinning down at her as he grabs a champagne glass for both of them.

She snorts in response, taking a sip of the bubbly he hands her. “Still you, sir.”

“Fair enough,” he agrees, nodding some as he looks around the room. “Anything else?”

“She’s getting rid of any and all evidence of O.X.E and something called Project Sentry,” she continues, though she’s hiding her lips behind her glass. “I couldn’t figure out what that was –I’m sure something ratchet.”

“Ratchet?” He asks, frowning deeply.

“Terrible,” she offers.

Her and her millennial slang. He couldn’t understand it half the time.

“I’ll try to get closer –,”

“Don’t,” he interrupts, stepping in front of her. “Cool it for the night. I have some angles that I can work with; I need you to do what you do best now.”

“Get people to think you’re not a weird old man from the forties?”

“...yes.”

“Can do, sir.” She salutes him, grinning up at him.

Bucky shoos her away, shaking his head, then heads off to locate Congressman Gary about his findings.

*****

She sees coordinates.

She knows she promised Bucky she wouldn’t get closer to Valentina, but she never promised she wouldn’t pay attention to Mel.

“I know you’re avoiding me,” she comments as she slips behind Mel with a polite smile and glass of champagne. “I don’t know why. I thought we were like…I don’t know, two peas in a pod. Assistants to weirdly powerful people –,”

“Oh, I’m not –,” Mel starts but bites her tongue. “I’m not avoiding you. Just super busy. You know, being an assistant to a weirdly powerful person.”

She nods, sipping her drink thoughtfully. But Mel is focused on her tablet again, and the coordinates are flashing in her mind as she looks at a name –John Walker. U.S. Agent. Dime store Captain America. She makes a face behind her glass, unable to help it.

The same coordinates flash again, indicating that Walker was being sent somewhere to get rid of someone named Belova in Utah.

She hums as she jots down the coordinates in her phone, fully intending to send them to Bucky.

“Well, well –finally, I get the pleasure of meeting the little girl who’s made our junior congressman remotely functional,” Valentina announces from behind, catching her off guard. “You know, you could do a lot better.”

She smiles politely, though she wonders if it looks as forced as it feels. “I don’t think I could, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Valentina hums, bumping shoulders with Mel, who looks painfully uncomfortable. Her thoughts are loud. What is she doing? She literally told me not to talk to this girl. Why is she talking to her? What’s her angle? Is she trying to fire me? Do I want to be fired?? “Could work with us –I bet your skills would do wonders.”

She narrows her eyes at the inflection –at the implication –in Valentina’s tone. “I think you have an excellent assistant already, Ms. de Fontaine –,”

“Oh, I don’t need another assistant. Mel is perfect,” though her tone sounds…alarmingly poisonous. “You, though…you could be so much more than just Bucky Barnes’ pretty assistant.”

“I am more than that, ma’am,” she argues, narrowing her eyes.

“I think you have the potential to be a hero,” Valentina continues, ignoring her. “Think about what you could do with those powers of yours.”

“I don’t –,”

“Oh please,” the director of the CIA interrupts. “Number one, it’s obvious that you can read minds. You know way too much and have almost no contacts in D.C. Just because everyone else in this room is oblivious doesn’t mean I am. Number two, you have an actual talent –something that can literally calm down the worst of the worst without even touching them. Think about what you could do with that.”

She opens her mouth to say something, but stops herself. Valentina is manipulating her. She knows that the director is. It’s obvious, and Valentina isn’t even trying to hide it.

“I’m making an impact here,” she says, though she’s not half as confident as she was before.

“Are you, though?”

“More so than a woman experimenting on humans and destroying the evidence.”

Valentina laughs –well, snorts really, because her laugh is not from amusement. “Shit, you know. I thought I could get you. That’s unfortunate. Now you’re just a liability.”

Her brow furrows and as she’s about to call out –for Bucky, for someone –there’s a high pitched screeching in her ears and everything goes fuzzy. She curses out loud as Valentina calls for help –as someone helps her up and leads her away. She can’t hear what’s going on –she can’t see what’s being presented to the crowd. But through blurry eyes, she can see Bucky trying to make his way through the crowd.

She’s blacked out before she knows if he’s going to help her.

*****

Her head hurts.

That’s all she can focus on.

There’s a dull ache in her skull like someone took a screwdriver and tried to scramble her brain through her ears.

The pain, however, is overcome by the sound of gunshots echoing in an empty room.

She rolls over, bumping into a crate or something, and tries to push herself onto her knees. There’s yelling and gunshots and she’s barely able to think let alone move. But she manages to get herself sitting up, eyes screwed tight as she presses her head into the crate behind her. She needs to get her bearings. She needs to figure out where she is and she needs to call Bucky because she fucked up and now she’s probably in danger and –

“It’s getting kind of tense out there,” a voice whispers –trembling, soft.

But she’s not expecting anyone to be so close to her and she screams out, throwing herself away from him.

The gunshots stop, and there’s a silence for a moment as the weapons shift towards her and this man she doesn’t recognize. Though, she’s certain that even if she could see properly without feeling like her brain was bleeding, she wouldn’t know who he is.

“And who are you?” Someone asks, and she can hear footsteps coming closer.

She tries to mask herself –hide from whatever is probably going to kill her –but the moment she even considers her powers –there’s another violent jolt down her spine and she cries out in pain.

“Oh,” the man above her says, putting his hands up. “I’m –I’m uh, Bob. I don’t –well, I don’t know who she is –,”

“Don’t involve me in this,” she hisses as he points to her, though she looks up as John Walker peers down at her. She glares at him through squinted, bloodshot eyes.

“Aren’t you…Bucky’s assistant?” He asks, holstering his gun.

She nods once, swallowing hard. “Yeah…yeah, I am.”

“How the hell did you both get in here?” the Russian asks.

“I don’t remember,” Bob admits, still trembling some as he looks down at her on the floor. “I found her like that –,”

“I think I was kidnapped,” she explains as Walker offers her a hand to stand. She slaps it away and slowly pushes herself up. “Fucking Valentina –,”

“So just to confirm,” the Russian begins. “Valentina sent…all of us here, to kill each other. Plus two civilians?”

“I think she sent me here to get killed,” she offers, leaning against the crate to hold her up. “I, uh, can read minds and shit.”

“Ah, okay. Liability,” the Russian confirms, as if it was obvious. “Doesn’t explain Bob though.”

“Wait, you guys were sent?” He asks, and she’s taking a breath and finally finds herself focusing a little better.

She glances at Bob now, taking a moment to finally look at him. He’s in scrubs, disheveled and confused. She, probably inappropriate for the moment, thinks he would be kind of cute if he was a little more cleaned up. Or least not in scrubs.

There’s not a chance in hell she can read his thoughts –her brain is still a mess. She tries to focus her gaze, blinking away the fuzziness that had overwhelmed her. Things were getting clearer; their thoughts —though still fragmented and scrambled like a TV without signal —were finally breaking through. He’s standing there barefoot and it's hard to believe that he wasn’t just…here already. He seems too confused to have snuck in, and more importantly too scrambled.

“I don’t think it matters, really,” she finally says, standing up straight. “We need to get out because Valentina is absolutely trying to kill all of us.”

“Okay, these two —yeah, I get it,” Walker argues, motioning to the Russian —Yelena— and the other woman —Ava —she’s gathered. “But I’m a decorated war vet. I was Captain America —,”

Bob suddenly laughs, and the sound feels almost unnerving in the situation they’re in. She turns to him, his fragmented thoughts loud and…and scary.

Walker isn’t amused. “What’s so funny, Bobby?”

Some thought —or maybe emotion —flares up in Bob but he just laughs uncomfortably again.

“You keep saying you’re Captain America,” he explains, wringing his hands.

“And why is that funny?” Walker presses and his thoughts are getting louder now too.

“It’s just…you’re an asshole.”

For a moment, there’s silence. Walker looks mortified and angry. Yelena is clearly holding back her laughter while Ava is more focused on getting the hell out. But Bob is laughing —boyish, timid, and dare she admit it, kind of cute. And she can’t help but laugh now too.

“Oh, god. He’s got such a point. God bless you, Bob, thank you so much for seeing things clearly,” she agrees, putting a hand on Bob’s shoulder. “Walker’s literally the worst.”

There’s a moment. The room shifts, like how it shifts when she uses her powers. But it’s darker, and she’s familiar with her room she’s standing in. It doesn’t last though. As she’s trying to figure out where she is, it shifts back.

And suddenly she’s back in the vault, hand on his shoulder, and everyone staring at her like she’s lost her goddamn mind. Maybe she has, because she’s worried she’s accidentally lost control. And that’s never happened before. She’s usually in far more control —but she chalks it up to anxiety and shakes herself out of it. She didn’t mean to do it; it wasn’t on purpose. Bob does seem a bit put out by it though; blue eyes wide as he stares at her like he’s done something wrong.

“Sorry, I —,” he starts, but an alarm goes off, interrupting her thoughts and she drops her hand from Bob’s shoulder.

“We need to get out of here,” Yelena states, pointing to the clock on the wall. “We find the console that controls the barrier, Ava can get through and open it from the other side. Once we’re out, we split up, we find an exit. Walker, keep assistant girl and Bob alive.”

There’s arguing, and their thoughts are getting louder as she’s finally coming into focus again. She wants to argue and remind them what her name is but it seems redundant at this point, given she’s probably going to die.

Oh. Oh god. She’s actually going to die. She’s actually enough of a liability that someone wants her dead and she’s going to die in a vault underground, with a bunch of assholes and some guy named Bob. Her hand grabbed at her chest, trying to ease that panic as she fell against another crate, sitting down and breathing hard.

“I’m going to die because I’m too good at my job,” she mumbles to herself. “God, what the fuck?”

“You’re not going to die,” Walker insists as Yelena shouts out in discovery. Walker turns his attention to the Russian, hurrying over to smash the controls in with his shield.

“We might die,” Bob offers, as if that was reassuring. He sits beside her, hands in his lap as he picks at the skin around his nails. “It’s fine, I think.”

Another yell of triumph and they both watch as Ava phased through the walls, finding an escape. If she wasn’t so scared of death, she would have been wholly impressed. Bob patted her shoulder awkwardly —though she pulled away.

“Don’t —I don’t want to accidentally make you see my thoughts,” she explains, frowning deeply as he drops his hand. “I appreciate the thought, Bob. I just —I don’t want to freak you out.”

“Oh,” though he doesn’t really seem to understand what she means.

“Come on!” Walker suddenly screams, hitting the door. “Where the hell is she!”

The two civilians stand, moving to stand behind Yelena and Walker. The timer is counting down and the thoughts around her are…alarmingly accepting of their fates. Walker and Yelena both seem to be totally fine if this is where the line ends for them. And Bob…well, his thoughts are still fragmented and confusing, but he seems just as willing to die down here as the other two.

“Oh my god,” she whispers, covering her eyes. “You’re all suicide risks.”

#robert reynolds x reader #bob reynolds x reader #sentry x reader #robert reynolds #bob thunderbolts #thunderbolts*#the new avengers

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julietcpulet · 2 months ago

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LN 5 epilogue: The moment, the aftermath and the anime.

I’ve seen people being concerned for how things will be portrayed if the anime makes it to the LN 5 epilogue where Jinshi and Maomao have their undoubtedly most intense moment of the series. If the anime gets renewed for a season 3 it’ll have to cover this as the first two seasons have done 4 light novels so if we get even one more it’ll be expected to make through light novel 6, which is great material. Do I expect that some people are going to see Jinshi’s behavior as toxic, assault and the like? Yup, probably ramped up 1,000% from the frog scene even. Do I think the anime will tone it down from the light novel? Yes I do. They’ve added things here and there to other scenes and in ways I think it’s helped, with that moment and its nuances I don’t see them going all the way there. Also, there’s lots of fan debate on translation so I wouldn’t be surprised if the animators take a light tone just to keep from siding one way or another on how it was translated. That being said, here’s why I’m not that worried even if the whole scene is shown: because sometimes we need the messy moments for the growth to happen. (Spoilers under the cut)

First, some perspective. An analysis on the moment itself.

People can argue that this one moment in Jinmao history is a bit too messy but I don’t think so. For one, I don’t think Jinshi was truly trying to hurt Maomao. Yes we see him put his hand on her throat and pull her hand behind her back, however he quickly releases both, his one hand to twine in her hair and the other to pull her closer when he kisses her. The point of both was to get her attention. This scene starts out in a somewhat similar fashion to the frog scene but it is much more of a breaking point for the two of them than that. Just like with the frog scene, Jinshi has something vital he wants to communicate with Maomao. The whole reason for her being there is that she’s a marriage candidate, she is even wearing a hair stick Jinshi had made specifically for her, one with a moon and a poppy. (Moon Prince and the girl who likes poison, since poppies represent poison, anyone?) But when they begin talking on this subject Maomao, like before and always, evades and won’t admit she knows she’s his real choice for a wife and this is a proposal. Instead she even has the audacity to suggest he marry Lishu, who at this point even Maomao knows has feelings for Basen and wouldn’t be a good choice for Jinshi given her nature and his. To me it’s this continual evasiveness that gets Jinshi to grab her attention again by putting his hands on her in a more aggressive manner. For Maomao though, we’re finally given a glimpse at why her responses are likely instinctual over emotional and why she appears to almost “shut down” in the face of an advance. It’s because we see that her brain has been taught to view everything from the perspective of the pleasure district, she even later says she was “indoctrinated”. Horrifyingly, her sisters subjected her to sexual conduct when she was young to learn the ways of a courtesan to the point of tears and so when she’s in a situation where anything sexual happens she doesn’t see it as an opportunity to express herself but instead to retreat and only find a way to gain the upper hand.

Remember too that Maomao admits from the beginning that Jinshi “isn’t the type who would lay a hand on a young woman” and this doesn’t make her change her opinion. She even says out loud when he says “I wasn’t actually going to hit you”, “I know.” She can jump around his actions but knows whatever he’s doing isn’t about hurting her, it’s about getting a reaction out of her, which is why she denies him that satisfaction. We see once Maomao takes any kind of initiative Jinshi backs off, showing his only real goal was to have her show any reciprocation towards him at all. Especially when we see his perspective at the beginning of LN 6 where he’s looking back on the interaction and realizes Maomao’s detachment, we understand what he wants from her is not simply sexual engagement. He wants her to feel something and not be “like trying to shove a curtain…simply roll with it.” To me this expresses why it’s not “assault” in that Jinshi wasn’t trying to harm, harass or have sex with Maomao. He releases her when he thinks she’s kissing him back and his excitement over the interaction is over when he sees her face and realizes that she was completely devoid of feeling like usual and just playing along to whatever end she thought was expected of her.

Why is this pivitol for Jinmao? Understanding them. Growth.

Because it’s where we finally get to see why these two cannot seem to get on the same page about love or mutual feelings. Without it they’d just keep doing the same old push / pull song and dance forever. The quote before he reaches behind her head gives us a clue to all of it.

“That word, that simple four-letter word with its o and its e, was sometimes called vulgar, and sometimes turned out to be nothing more than a game- but some people said it was impossible to live without.”

Maomao is talking about love, what she sees in Jinshi’s eyes, what she’s trying to avoid and how we’re supposed to see them both playing it as a game because right now they can’t see it as anything else just yet. If you read on into LN 6 we see that Jinshi’s whole goal was basically to “triumph over” or to get a rise out of Maomao in some way, which he miserably admits he failed at. She remained unmoved and defeated him soundly. But that’s the whole point of this moment between these two is to show that they’re both still viewing love this way, as a “game” where one side has to win and have the upper hand to be successful. It’s why Jinshi tries to push Maomao to show him emotion and then Maomao is the one to have “victory” in the end by using what her sisters taught her but with absolutely no feeling behind it. Even during their interaction we get a glimpse that Maomao seems pleased Jinshi was jealous she had been dancing with Rikuson, “So he had been watching them!” (To me meaning she wanted him to notice.) So there may not be complete lack of feeling on her part, just a twisted sense that it has to be manipulated. Jinshi’s view of love comes from watching palace women and men play political games for affection and status. Maomao sees love as dangerous and deceptive, many times the only form of it leading to harm and abandonment in the pleasure district. So both of them have no real concept what it means to love someone other than to try and get one over on the other, it’s about power, control and hiding what you actually want. Without this understanding on our part, as the readers and audience, that Jinshi and Maomao have troubled histories and a distorted view of love, we would just see the way they handle one another as abusive. You need this scene and others like it to get a glimpse into how they actually operate, what they're hiding and what the aftermath does for them.

From the moment to the aftermath, where change happens.

It's in the aftermath we see real change for the two of them. Jinshi realizes he was conceited and a part of him believing that because others respond to him favorably he could get Maomao to do the same. Maomao doesn’t evade him in the same way as before either. Yes when they reunite in LN 6 Jinshi still offers her an antler and they engage in their typical back and forth complete with Maomao trying to reason herself out of being Jinshi’s choice but it’s lighthearted and both are far less intense. Maomao’s want to rationalize Jinshi’s choice as purely political without feeling helps her reason why he might want to pick her. It gives us a glimpse at her self esteem being so low that she has to say “He’s got strange tastes, though” to understand why Jinshi would pick her over other women she’d consider more desirable to him. It’s telling too that Maomao is quoted as thinking,

“Maybe he was hoping she would come right out and say she loved him, but quite frankly, Maomao wasn’t at a point where she could bring those words to her lips. The best she could manage was that she wasn’t without a certain affection for him."

It’s telling because 1. It says she isn’t at that point she can bring the words to her lips, not that she doesn’t feel love for him. 2. It still states clearly she has affection for him. This goes to show that Jinshi’s prodding can have an effect on Maomao. Being the kind of shut down person she is due to her background, she in effect can almost need someone like Jinshi who’s willing to push her outside her comfort zone to get her to admit to feelings she’s unwilling or even at times unable to fully voice. Even in the next moments where he tickles her and she lightly objects but lets him, it allows even more walls between the two to be bridged. It’s not aggressive like what happens in the LN 5 epilogue but more like what two true lovers might do in playfully getting to know one another. And it still proves the most effective way in getting Maomao to open up because their conversation here leads to the first real confession Maomao makes about her true fear and it’s made as clear as it can be that it’s not marrying Jinshi himself but that in doing so she doesn’t want to become Gyokuyou’s enemy. This revelation by Maomao sets off a lot of what happens in the next novels for them and it wouldn’t have happened had Jinshi not pushed Maomao to stop ignoring she was a marriage candidate and instinctively shutting him out. By letting Jinshi in, not hiding what she’s actually thinking, even this little bit, he takes that knowledge and tries to do all in his power to keep her from being afraid of a future where they’re together. But without the moment in the garden of the LN 5 epilogue there would be no Maomao opening up and no Jinshi realizing he needs to do what he can, not to prove his feelings to her but to prove it’s possible they can work and she won’t be in a tough position.

"For you, I will remove every obstacle that keeps us apart. One day. Just know that." - "I won't let what you fear come to pass. I swear it."

An important detail: star crossed lovers.

I think this quote that occurs just before the LN 5 epilogue moment is important to mention because it ties into a theme that becomes relevant with Maomao and Jinshi going forward, that of the star-crossed lovers.Maomao is looking up at the dark sky and it’s possibly one of the most romantic observations she makes. Some may say I’m reading too much into this but if you’ve read Hyuuga’s novels you’ll know the details are where are the goodies are.

“The sky seemed so vast. There was no moon, making the stars to shine all the brighter. Three of them shone brightest of all. Perhaps those stars were the two lovers, and the river that separated them.”

This is likely referencing the myth of Altair & Vega, those are their western names but it’s a Chinese ancient myth about a celestial princess who falls in love with a mortal and they end up being placed as stars in the sky, separated by the Milky Way only able to see one another on occasional days (that’s my brief description, worth looking up if you want to know more). So I don’t think it’s coincidence at all Maomao references the stars being two lovers (Jinshi & Maomao) and the river that separates them (likely the empire or even Gyokuyou because she keeps requesting Maomao at her side.) I don’t think it’s that far a stretch to make. And this comes before they have this intense, highly charged moment in the garden as almost lovers. Completely misunderstanding each other yes, hence the river between them they have yet to cross but I think that’s why nothing can be taken at such face value here because even a quote like this can add such depth. Hyuuga does this again with the star-crossed lovers motif in LN 6 where in the same antler scene she has Maomao notice Jinshi looking at the book that falls and it’s Romeo & Juliet. How this relates to the LN 5 scene is that the star-crossed lovers are mired in tragedy, misunderstandings, missed opportunity. But as we see in LN 6 with the moment Maomao & Jinshi speak about Romeo & Juliet is they both agree about wishing for a different ending (I talk about this in another post). So my thought here is without the LN 5 epilogue, without having them be the stars separated by the river, having them face these difficulties, we also wouldn’t get the ending they’re both working so hard towards.

Finally, the anime: striking a balance.

So why should we actually look forward to a moment like the one in LN 5 being shown in the anime? Because it's not just about that moment but about everything it represents and leads to for these characters. Without this singular moment that's fraught with so much unresolved tension, feelings and decisions, Jinshi and Maomao would've never been pushed to discuss what needed to be between one another. They've both had too messy of upbringings to do so in any natural way. Maomao almost needs Jinshi to needle her to get her out of her self-imposed shell and he likewise needs Maomao to shut him down sometimes to prove his conceited notions aren't always on course. But without a moment like this we wouldn't have gotten a truth from Maomao that leads to down the road her admittance that she's merely afraid her feelings are too lukewarm compared to Jinshi's.

"It was a heat like molten metal. She wasn’t sure what to do with it all for the temperature she could return was no more than that of lukewarm water."

In effect showing that it's her sense of inferiority keeping them apart more than it is a lack of actual desire on either side. With the anime, I expect them to strike a reasonable balance. There's too much internal monologue that I don't think they'll be able to capture it all. The frog scene for me showed they were able to walk that tight rope between intense behavior and romantic advancement like the scene is meant to convey so if it would be the same team handling the garden scene I'm not worried at all. I think the anime's that are willing to stick to the canon, regardless of plots that may seem a bit edgy or not fit within modern standards, tend to be the best ones. So far Apothecary Diaries anime has stuck closely to the light novels and I would be surprised if we got to this moment and they deviated too much, they've handled much darker topics than this. I worry more about people's reactions to it but even then I anticipate the arguments that will coming along, hence this long winded explanation haha.

In truth, were this reality, would I recommend a girl friend stay with a guy like Jinshi, no I wouldn’t but I also wouldn’t recommend and guy friend stay with someone like Maomao who never listens and eats poison. Sometimes people take the fun out of watching two characters who are close to reality but don’t live in it play out an interesting story. I fully expect people won’t get the nuance in that scene and even I could read too much into it myself but I’m just looking forward to more seasons if we get them. However the anime decides to portray it should be good if we get there and I hope my analysis has made sense, even if it’s a bit long as always 😂.

#the apothecary diaries #kusuriya no hitorigoto #jinmao #jinshi x maomao #maomao #jinshi #apothecary diaries #jinmao rambles #if you like long breakdowns and analysis i'm ya gal

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marichive · 10 months ago

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𝐒𝐔𝐆𝐀𝐑 & 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐂𝐄 *

Assorted memes of a suggestive and sexual nature, intended for the spicier type of interactions. Be mindful of your partners' boundaries! Change pronouns / etc. as needed, and feel free to combine the sentence prompts with the action and / or location prompts when sending if you want.

tw: strong sexual content , minors DO NOT interact with this meme at all!

𝐒𝐎𝐅𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒

❝ I just want to look at you like this for a moment. ❞

❝ Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for this? ❞

❝ Your heart is beating so fast. ❞

❝ Be gentle with me. Please. ❞

❝ I’ve never done this before. ❞

❝ I want to learn. Teach me. ❞

❝ Show me how to please you. ❞

❝ I want to give you everything tonight. ❞

❝ That feels so good ─ ❞

❝ Don’t stop ─ ❞

❝ You won’t break me. I promise. ❞

❝ I want your hands on me. ❞

❝ Make love to me. ❞

❝ I need you, your lips on my skin. I need you deep inside me. ❞

❝ Can’t you see what you do to me? ❞

❝ I don’t want to repeat my innocence. I want the pleasure of losing it again. ❞

❝ There is no taste sweeter than yours. ❞

❝ Look at you, what a mess you are. ❞

❝ You’re doing so good for me. Keep going. ❞

❝ I’ll taste every part of you before the night has ended. ❞

❝ No one else can make me feel this way. ❞

❝ I am already yours. Now I want you to lay your claim. ❞

❝ Your body sings to me. ❞

❝ I know you’re close. Just let it go now. Give in to it. ❞

❝ I want to feel you come undone. ❞

❝ Shh. Quiet love. They’re going to hear you. ❞

❝ I want to feel your fire, even if it burns me. ❞

❝ You take me so well. ❞

❝ You look so beautiful like this. ❞

❝ I never knew I could feel this good. ❞

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄 & 𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘

❝ God whispers to us in our pleasures. ❞

❝ I’m going to fuck you until your legs shake. ❞

❝ Take me. I can’t bear this anymore, just take me. ❞

❝ You’re dripping already. ❞

❝ Good girl, take it all. ❞

❝ I’m going to fill you over and over again. ❞

❝ Harder, god, harder ─ ❞

❝ Did I say you could stop? ❞

❝ Show me how much you want it. ❞

❝ Give me your mouth. ❞

❝ Spread yourself for me. ❞

❝ I’m going to leave you aching in the morning. And then I’m going to take you again. ❞

❝ Louder. Don’t hold back on me. Let me hear your pleasure. ❞

❝ I want to hear my name on your lips and make you come. ❞

❝ Don’t come until I tell you to. ❞

❝ If you wanted soft and gentle, you’ve come to the wrong person. ❞

❝ I don’t want soft. I want to ache for you when you’re done. ❞

❝ I like the marks. They stay with me even when you must leave. ❞

❝ Use me. Fuck me. Do whatever you want, but god, please touch me. ❞

❝ They’ll all know your mine when they hear you screaming my name. ❞

❝ You need relief. I can give you that. ❞

❝ You’re not leaving this bed until I’m done with you. ❞

❝ I want to spend every night buried inside of you, pleasing you, fucking you. ❞

❝ I like it when you lose control, when I can feel how desperately you need me. ❞

❝ You’re my good girl, and my girl deserves the best of me. ❞

❝ Such a good boy, always eager to please. ❞

❝ You look like an angel; it’s only right that I fuck you until you see heaven. ❞

❝ Your body is my place of worship, and it’s time for me to say my prayers. ❞

❝ This is my favorite seat. ❞

❝ Watch me ride you. ❞

𝐀 𝐁𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐓 & 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐘

❝ Does he fuck you like this? ❞

❝ We shouldn’t be doing this. ❞

❝ I missed you beyond words. Every night I dreamt of you, of what it would be like to hold you again, and I’ll be damned if I let the chance slip through my fingers when you’re right here. ❞

❝ Why can’t I keep myself away from you? ❞

❝ This could be our last night together. I’m going to make it count. ❞

❝ Don’t bring emotions into this. This has always been about pleasure, nothing else. ❞

❝ We fuck. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that. ❞

❝ I have no right to touch you, so why do you ask it of me when I know I am unworthy? ❞

❝ You should be mine. I don’t care what they say, you are mine. ❞

❝ You dare have the audacity to pretend like you’re not mine in front of them? We both know the truth; even now look how your body reacts to me. ❞

❝ Do you honestly think I could possibly want anyone else when this is what you do to me? ❞

❝ You’re mine. Only mine. ❞

❝ I want them to hear us. I want them to know you belong to me. ❞

❝ Claim me. Have me in a way that anyone who looks at me will see your passion written upon my skin. ❞

❝ You’re not mine. You could never be mine. Yet I want you anyway. I want you so badly that it burns me inside. ❞

❝ You’ve ruined me for all others. ❞

❝ I can’t stop myself from wanting you, no matter how much we both know we shouldn’t do this. ❞

❝ I don’t care if they see. Part of me wants them to. ❞

❝ You’re not good for me. So how can you make me feel something no one else can? ❞

❝ This is the last time, then never again. This has to stop. ❞

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

one muse gives the other oral

one muse rides the other

one muse grinds on the other

one muse takes the other from the front

one muse takes the other from behind

one muse takes the other anally

one muse holds the other down during rough sex

one muse pleasures the other with their hand

one muse sits on the other’s face

one muse controls the other’s movements by grabbing their hips

one muse ties up the other

one muse uses a toy on the other

our muses engage in edging or orgasm denial

one muse makes the other have multiple orgasms

our muses engage in sensory play (blindfolds, ice, etc.)

one muse shows the other a new position

one muse touches the other on the outside of their clothes

one muse dresses up to seduce the other

one muse undresses the other

one muse strips for the other

one muse (or both) pleasures themself for the other’s view

one muse leaves marks on the other

one muse watches the other have sex with a third party

our muses are being watched by a third party

our muses have a threesome

𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

in a bed

on the floor

on a couch or chair

in a bath, shower, or pool

in a semi-public place

against a wall

on a table or counter

in the kitchen

outdoors

in a tent

on a rug in front of a fireplace

in a sacred place

in a stairwell

in a ruined building / castle

in a garden

by the ocean

in an inn / hotel

while traveling

in an office or conference room

in a dream

#usfw tw #mature content tw #rp memes #rp prompts #smut memes #rp smut memes #smut prompts #rp smut prompts #[memes ; for muse]#[memes ; sentence]#[memes ; general]#[memes ; mine]#[memes ; spice]

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aurumalatus · 9 months ago

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𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐞 [𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞]

pairing. kinich x fem!reader

word count. 700

genre/warnings. childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, fluff and angst, drabble collection

summary.

in which kinich learns the value of all things: lives, friendship, and, of course, you. or, in which kinich realizes that you are the only priceless thing in this world.

author's note. this is just a short prologue to show how things end (yay happy endings!), but the two have a lot of trauma to go through before they reach endgame. i love kinich's character and design so i'm excited for this! interaction is highly appreciated :)

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ↣

Kinich thinks he’s loved you since forever.

He has no way of proving that, of course; those years are long gone, and even if he had the opportunity to ask, he’s not sure his younger self would have a comprehensible answer. He can only see now that he’s come so far, when the memories are too murky to make sense of but the warmth remains—when he thinks of your smile and feels something akin to the weightlessness of grappling and flying through the trees.

He says “forever” because he really has no idea when it started—the realization came far after the feeling. He’d been before school age when he met you for the first time, and it’s been over a decade since then.

“Kinich!”

Your call interrupts his thoughts, and his gaze is drawn skyward—you’re standing somewhere far above him, on one of the walkways lining the cliffs of the Scions of the Canopy. You’re waving so wildly and ridiculously that it almost makes him smile.

“Are you coming down?” he calls through cupped hands, well-acquainted with this kind of long-distance communication. Sound tends to echo well between the cliffs here, and he’s sure you heard him when you offer an enthusiastic thumbs-up in return.

“Yup! I bought a few things, so I was hoping you could help me carry them home!”

Kinich rolls his eyes teasingly. “Somehow I doubt that you have enough Mora left to afford my services.”

You pout in reply. Ajaw decides to appear then, a malicious puff of smoke over Kinich’s shoulder. “Of course not! You better not be making fun of me, letting some mortal treat you like a servant! The Almighty Dragonlord, K’uhul Ajaw, won’t take this kind of disrespect—”

Ignoring his wordy introduction, you call down to Kinich again. “I’m coming down! Think fast!”

“—Don’t make me lau—wait, what?!”

Even Ajaw yelps in surprise as you take a running leap off the walkway, freefalling fast down the plane of the cliff. If he were any younger, Kinich might’ve had a heart attack. But you’ve been pushing your luck with him for years, and it comes as instinct when Kinich grapples up, deftly catching you in his arms with a light ‘oof’.

You’re holding a few boxes in your arms, he notices, and you smile.

“I bought some Puff Pops for us to share later. I was thinking we can do some climbing, or there’s this cave I’ve been meaning to explore.”

His heart does a sort of flip that cannot be attributed to the way you fly through the sky. It’s all so much: the sensation of your warmth pressed against him, the scent of the wind rushing past, and the laughter of his tribe members below. Their eyes shine as they watch the two of you pass above them, chuckling at the familiar sight.

And really, he can’t remember ever being this happy. When he thinks of how much it took to reach this point, the heartbreak and trauma aren’t the first things to come to mind. Instead, it’s you. The way you held him, the way you cried for him, the way you chased him. Always laughing, always in love.

Too lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice your curious stare for a moment. You poke at his cheek, and he startles, nearly dropping you both.

“Is something wrong?” you ask shyly, suddenly self-conscious of the box in your hands. “We don’t have to do any of that. Really, if you have a high-value job or something, I understand.”

Ajaw decides to butt-in again, reddened with rage. “Yes, all of that sucks! I mean, seriously, don’t you have anything better to do—”

“No, it’s great,” Kinich murmurs in reply, flicking Ajaw away with a strong hand—the Saurian’s roar dissipates with the wind. He holds you tighter against his chest. There’s nothing worth more to him than you. “That all sounds really, really amazing.”

As the two of you burst through the trees, laughing the whole way, he thinks that it doesn’t really matter when he started to love you. All that matters is that he doesn’t stop.

Kinich thinks he’ll love you forever.

#kinich x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #kinich x you #kinich #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagines #adeptus ink

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luv4arinn · 4 months ago

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Bayverse!Donnie headcanons bc his my bbg

Okay, lol, I really needed to let all of this out and just vomit all the ideas I’ve been hoarding about this man. I love him. I’ve adored him ever since the 2012 series, and that made me realize—I definitely have a thing for nerds. And glasses. Dear god.

I hope you guys like this!! Do you think I should do the same for the other brothers? Or maybe for the other characters? (I wouldn’t mind taking the risk and making headcanons like this for Rocksteady, hehe.)

Alright, bye!!

warnings: sfw & nsfw ( but not so explicit?) :p

- He’s a genius with confidence… until he isn’t.

Donnie is incredibly self-assured when it comes to his intellect and skills. He knows his worth and never doubts his ability to solve problems. Jumping out of a plane without a parachute? Easy. Hacking government security systems? A piece of cake. But confessing his feelings to you? That’s a whole different challenge.

This is where his anxious side kicks in. His brain, used to solving any equation, completely short-circuits when it comes to emotions. What if he misinterprets your signals? What if he ruins the friendship? What if you like someone else? Sure, he can design an exoskeleton in less than 24 hours, but love is a field where variables don’t always make sense.

If you think you can hide something from him, think again. Donnie notices everything. From the slight shift in your expression when you’re tired to the pattern of songs you repeat when you’re feeling down. (And no, he absolutely did not hack your Spotify, ahem—)

- That’s why, when you start falling for him, he already knows. In fact, he probably figured it out before you did.

He won’t tell you right away. Inside his head, there’s a storm of chaotic thoughts, organizing themselves into an ultra-detailed data table with every relevant piece of information. Give him a few days, and once his mind has fully processed everything, he’ll come back to you as a renewed Donnie—determined, confident, and ready to make you his.

- Donnie doesn’t just plan things; he breaks them down into a thousand strategies of action. His trash bin is living proof of the number of ideas he discards and reworks over and over.

Gifts? He’s not the type to grab something generic at the last minute. His gifts are so deeply personalized that they’ll make you feel like he knows you better than you know yourself.

Example: If you ever casually mentioned that you’d love to learn to play an instrument, he’ll build one for you—customized with enhancements. If you said you love the stars, he’ll create an interactive star map with the exact alignment of the sky on the day you were born.

Your birthdays, anniversaries, and any special dates are planned years in advance. It doesn’t matter if you’re not officially together yet—he already has ideas saved for when you are.

- Romance in his brain is an equation far too complex.

Donnie isn’t clumsy because he lacks intelligence; it’s because his brain moves too fast. His emotions and logic are in constant conflict, creating an ongoing battle between Confident Donnie and Nervous Donnie.

You’ll see him go from saying something with complete confidence to, “Uh, well… what I meant to say is… no, wait, forget it—” and then getting frustrated with himself because that definitely wasn’t what he had in mind.

But when he manages to organize his thoughts, he’s one of the most direct people you’ll ever meet. Once he crosses the mental line of “I’m doing this,” there’s no turning back.

- Gifts

He doesn’t believe in generic presents. Everything he gives you has a specific purpose. A bracelet that’s actually a disguised tracker (“For safety. Just for safety.”), or a stuffed animal that can record voice messages.

One day, you wake up and find a new app on your phone with your name on it. You open it, and it’s a virtual assistant designed specifically for you, complete with personalized reminders for the little things Donnie knows you always forget.

- Once he has you, you are his priority.

Once Donnie accepts his feelings and takes the step to be with you, he becomes the most devoted boyfriend.

He’s not excessively clingy or jealous like Raph, but his love is obvious in the time and effort he invests in you.

No matter how many projects he’s juggling, if you truly need his attention, he’ll give it to you without hesitation.

- Donnie needs physical contact, but his intellectual pride won’t let him admit it outright. Instead, he prefers to justify it with overly precise scientific explanations.

“Well, you see… my body temperature tends to drop faster than that of the average human, so it’s biologically beneficial for me to share contact with an external heat source.”

Translation: “Hug me. Now.”

If you confront him with something like, “Why don’t you just say you want cuddles?” he’ll turn bright red and start stammering, scrambling for excuses.

Don’t listen. Just climb onto him.

- Donnie can plan everything, but he cannot predict your spontaneous displays of affection.

If you surprise him with a kiss, his brain completely shuts down for 3-5 seconds before he can process it.

Unexpected gestures—hugging him from behind while he’s working, cupping his face in your hands, or kissing his cheek out of nowhere—leave him frozen, recalculating.

Sometimes, his first reflex is to adjust his glasses, only to realize that they have nothing to do with the fact that his vision just blurred from sheer shock.

NSFW

- He’s patient… but only to a point. Donnie will never pressure you. He’ll wait as long as you need, always making sure you feel safe and comfortable.

However… he’s already undressed you with his eyes a million times.

His mind is a machine of ideas and theories, and when it comes to you, he has imagined everything. Everything.

He tells himself he can be rational and controlled… but if you take too long, his thoughts will become a little more persistent.

- He’s not innocent. Don’t even think it for a second.

He may seem shy or awkward about relationships, but when it comes to this, his mind is a laboratory of hypotheses he’s dying to test.

He has analyzed you with surgical precision. He knows exactly how you blush, how you react to certain touches, which words make you tremble.

Do not underestimate him. He has read, he has researched, he has learned.

But nothing compares to the real thing. With you.

When he finally has you in his hands, his brain short-circuits.

No matter how many times he imagined this moment, nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of your skin beneath his fingers.

His jaw clenches, he exhales sharply, and his pupils dilate as if he’s just been electrocuted.

His entire expression changes—from his usual nervousness to something darker, more intense, starving.

- He becomes obsessive about memorizing every single reaction of yours.

He’s analytical. He will learn what you love and make sure to do it better every single time.

Eye contact and sounds. His drug.

Look at him. Don’t look away. Don’t ignore him.

If you dare to hold his gaze while he’s above you, he will completely lose himself in you.

Your voice, your moans, your gasps—they ruin him.

He needs you vocal. He needs to know he’s doing a good job.

If you get shy and try to cover your mouth, he will ask (or demand) that you don’t.

Kinky? Oh, absolutely.

Donnie lives to experiment. It’s in his nature.

Positions? All of them. But his favorites are the ones where you are on top of him.

He loves being dominated.

After spending his entire life controlling every aspect of his world, it’s a relief for his mind to surrender completely to you.

“Set the pace, beautiful. I’m in your hands.”

Toys? Oh, yes.

You can be sure he has researched every single thing about them.

But he won’t settle for the ones that already exist. No.

He will build his own. Upgraded. With precisely calibrated speeds and optimized materials.

“This one has five vibration levels, but if we increase the frequency by 15%, we could—”

May God help you if you walk into his lab at the wrong time.

May God help his brothers if they ever find out.

Dedicated and obsessed with you.

Donnie doesn’t do anything halfway. If he gives himself to you, it’s completely.

No matter how much time passes, he will always give his all to make you feel incredible.

He’s not a casual lover.

He is yours. And you are his.

“You are my greatest discovery.”

#tmntbayverse #bayverse tmnt #bayverse donnie #donnie x reader #bayverse donnie x reader #fluff #tmnt headcanons #reader #tmnt x reader

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4mrplumi · 5 months ago

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(concept: redstart) batfamily x reforming criminal reader.

soft moments with redstart!reader / prequel post

> damian plays the role of being a little-brother guide, having being raised in a situation somewhat similar way as you. little moments like listening to him complain about something mundane as you’re both perched on a terrace during patrol, him trying to peel an orange and the two of you ultimately squashing it open, him doing his school homework while you watch, giving small bits of what you think.

> like this picture, but it’s reversed and the reader’s copying what he does in a way to humour him.

> reader who watches tim work on cases in their free time. asking very few questions that he’s pleased to answer, subconsciously slipping into a more articulated way of talking, using big words and metaphors to elaborate on even the simplest things. he’s very pleased to explain his work without a time constraint or worry about quality, and you’re more than happy to listen.

> i imagine they don’t really know how to communicate appreciation well in a “way that matters” since they were expected to automatically be grateful for everything in their previous family. so they learn from observing, watching people give each others gifts and presents. leaving little trinkets they find or make cleanly and neatly placed somewhere for them to find.

> is embarrassed by being recognised for it though. so the family just opts to keep it on them/use the gift in front of them so that they know they got it. reader’s happy, but keeps a straight face, voice softening in the middle of a conversation just a little when they notice.

> you’re close to cassandra too, sticking to her like glue. you both were heavily indoctrinated by your fathers that you couldn’t place the world over, healing slowly but surely. she most definitely helps you settle into your new life at the manor.

> small things, like recognising feelings you struggle to express, she notices, offering you a hand or leaning into your arm. you are neither willing to speak out what you feel, and she won’t insist. she knows, and you’re grateful that she does.

> dick grayson is a little overwhelming. it’s more of the fact that he reminds you of your other older brother than it is him offering warmth that you’re not used to. out of habit, you do try to coerce yourself into a complacent, comfortable-around-him sibling, but there’s always a little self doubt. he’s welcoming, but you subconsciously walk in eggshells around him.

> he does notice that you’re nervous around him, and brings it up one day when you, him and damian go to hang out. there’s a small conversation, and you allow yourself to open up just a bit about your struggles upon the reassuring nod damian gave you before leaving the two of you be. the pressure of being perfect, the expectations set on yourselves by yourselves, is something common between you two.

> it’s safe to say that you’re a little less weary around him after that exchange.

> now with bruce wayne things are a little tricky. he feels indebted to you for being somewhat responsible for the death of your father, something strictly against his code. you feel indebted to him the way you did for your father, for taking you in and providing you with the comfort of a home and a family.

> but on the big picture? your interactions with him are a bit difficult, awkward. ues you’ll spend time together, he’ll let you follow him on patrol, teach you about the life of a socialite too, but casual conversations are a bit stiff.

> he does try his hardest though, and you do too, to be family. the gift giving thing comes in here too. there’s not much bruce wayne can’t afford, but your small cards made with damian, origami made with cassandra and duke, and short letters describing your day written with alfred’s support warms his heart. the weight of guilt ebbs, just a little.

> if you happen to have a particular type of biscuit, or fruit juice, more often than the rest, expect bruce to remember to ask alfred to keep it in stock. seasonal fruits like guavas and oranges get imported year-round for you and the others, and that little, small extra care just makes you feel a little more appreciated. for doing nothing. your heart swells.

> solving puzzles with duke is a passtime training excersise you’ve taken up. it’s a replacement for the idle time you used to otherwise spend organising things for your father, but it’s comforting in a way other than being reassurance. whenever you get stuck on a particularly vexing crossword, he’s more than happy to sit with you and solve it. he helps you with the answer, instead of giving it, and it helps you understand that mistakes don’t undermine your efforts in anyway.

> “what matters is that you’re trying” is an oversaturated expression, but one you’ve seldom heard. and coming from him, the shared laughter and prideful “victories” from solving said puzzles, he shines an extra light through the dark window in your head that’s slowly opening up.

> jason todd is an enigma. you come across him in the manor library at dark, curious but not hostile about his looming shadow. you observe as he leaves, perceiving just a hint of hesitance from him as he climbs through the window.

> you did not much appreciate him the first time you met him, finding his opposition to bruce offensive, and your siblings slight awkward stiffness around him suspicious. you had considered him an enemy by their reactions at first, a familiar mixed rush of anxiety and impatience in your blood as you repositioned your leg carefully.

> but when he spoke, his voice wavered. just a little. and what took you up wasn’t suspicion, but familiarity. in his shadow, you saw your reflection. he was also your family.

> jason and your relationship is not much different from his with the rest. close, but only to an extent. but you understand him on a level that allows you to feel empathy for him, sadness that you couldn’t communicate it in the new ways that you learnt.

> so you slip into his dingy apartment while he’s somewhere on patrol, using your expertised ghost walking to enter without notice. you feel it’s wrong, and that there are better ways to be considerate, but you don’t care.

> alfred told you he liked to read, so you got him a book you had poured over and stuck into your heart forever. it was a little sentimental, stupid even, and you felt a bit embarrassed. he would be angry at you for entering like this, without asking, breaking in as an uninvited guest. so you reconsider your choices, and leave it in a bag outside his building, tied with a ziplock tie. you hope no one takes it.

> you’re not sure if jason ever got the book, not sure if he’d know if it was you or if he just ignored the packet and moved in. but the next time you see him out on patrol, he acknowledges you with a raised hand, before leaping away.

> it begins to feel like, your happiness is not deserved due to duty, but the consequence of your attempts at a new life. acknowledged, appreciated, noticed and even maybe loved. the moods you thought weak and unnecessary are the foundations of the stability you have found, the complications you faced with expressing them only obstacles in the face of support. sometimes you doubt their intentions are true, but even sitting among them whispers a little comfort.

> you deserve this. there is nothing you have done to not.

INTERACTIONS & Replies appreciated !!

next up: serious moments with redstart reader. the obstacles with a new life after such a violent upbringing, guilt and remorse, missing your old family, etcetera. im really just writing whatever, but do pls interact!! replies asks wtv,, it helps motivate and actually… want to write, since i kinda feel my itch to post on tumblr dying.. anyway,

thanks for reading!!

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acklesarchives · 3 months ago

Text

Tough love - Soldier boy

Soldier boy x female!reader

You have been really pissing Ben off, disobeying orders, causing trouble, etc. Ben decides that he needs to use his frustration and anger towards your punishment.

Content warnings : Rough sex, punishment, emotional frustration, domination, degradation, overstimulation, raw intimacy

Word count ; 1,945

Minors PLEASE do not interact!!

You’ve been pushing Soldier Boy’s buttons all night.

You know it. He knows it. But you can’t help yourself. There’s something about the way he takes everything so seriously, so rigid, that makes you want to test him—just to see how far you can go before he snaps.

Tonight, though, you may have pushed him a little too far.

You’re sitting across the room, arms crossed, watching him pace, the tension thick in the air. It started with a simple disagreement—something trivial, really—but you don’t back down, and neither does he. His jaw clenches, his eyes narrow, and you know the moment he’s had enough.

“Are you done?” he asks, his voice low, dangerous.

You just smirk. “Not even close.”

That’s when his patience finally breaks. He strides toward you in a few long steps, grabbing you by the wrist, yanking you up off the chair. Your breath hitches, but you don’t say a word.

“Enough with the games,” he growls, his grip tight on your wrist, pulling you toward the bed. You can feel the heat radiating off of him, feel his anger rising with every step. But you’ve seen this side of him before—the side that needs to take control, to remind you of who’s in charge.

“You’ve been pissing me off all night,” he murmurs, a dark edge to his voice. “And you’re gonna learn that there’s a price to pay for that.”

Before you can react, he pushes you down onto the bed, his hands moving quickly to strip you of your clothes. There’s no tenderness in his movements—just frustration, urgency. It’s like he needs to erase whatever’s been building up inside of him.

He rips your shirt off, then your pants, leaving you completely exposed beneath him. His eyes darken as he looks down at you, but there’s something else there, something that’s not just anger—desire, need. The frustration he’s been holding onto for so long is finally spilling out.

“Maybe this will teach you,” he mutters, his voice low, dripping with lust. He grabs your wrists, pinning them above your head with one hand while the other moves down between your legs, feeling how wet you are for him despite everything.

You gasp as his fingers tease over your sensitive skin, moving slow, deliberate, making you ache.

“You think you can keep teasing me like this?” he asks, his voice rough. “Think you can keep getting away with it?”

You open your mouth to speak, but he silences you, kissing you hard, swallowing any words you might have said. His lips are hungry, almost desperate, as he kisses you harder than before, his tongue demanding.

“Answer me,” he growls against your lips, his hand still holding you down as his body presses into yours.

You whimper. “No… I didn’t think—”

Before you can finish, he’s inside you—hard and fast, filling you completely in one swift motion. You gasp, your body instinctively clenching around him as he begins to move, thrusting deep, each one harder than the last.

“Didn’t think what?” he demands, his pace relentless. “Didn’t think I’d put you in your place?”

You can’t even respond—your head is spinning, your body caught between the roughness and the overwhelming pleasure. The bed creaks beneath you with every thrust, and you can hear his breath, shallow and ragged, as he pushes into you again and again.

“Fuck,” he curses under his breath. “You’re so damn tight. Don’t think I won’t remind you who’s in charge.”

He lets go of your wrists, his hands moving to your hips, slamming you down against him harder. You gasp, your nails digging into his shoulders as he pounds into you, each thrust so deep you can barely breathe.

The room is filled with the sound of his skin slapping against yours, the air thick with desperation, frustration, and need. His grip on your hips tightens as he forces you to meet each of his thrusts, making you feel every inch of him.

“You think you can get away with messing with me?” he growls, his voice dark with pleasure as his pace never falters. “Think you can push my buttons and get nothing in return?”

His thrusts become more frantic, more desperate, and you can feel him losing control, just as much as you are. You’re already so close to the edge, your body burning with need.

“Tell me you’re sorry,” he demands, his voice sharp as he looks down at you.

You can barely form words, your breath hitching with every movement. “I’m sorry,” you manage to gasp out, your head spinning. “I didn’t mean it.”

He slams into you again, his body tense, but there’s a softness in his gaze now—almost like he needed this, needed to hear you say it.

“Good girl,” he mutters, his pace never slowing. The words only push you further, your orgasm building, that tight knot in your stomach growing.

Finally, with one last deep thrust, he comes inside you, his body jerking as he releases a groan of satisfaction. His grip on your hips loosens, and he collapses beside you, both of you breathless, your bodies still trembling.

You both lie there, trying to catch your breath, the weight of what just happened still hanging in the air between you. You’re both exhausted, but there’s something in the way Soldier Boy’s gaze lingers on you—something that tells you he’s not quite done yet.

You can feel it before he even moves. His hand grips your wrist again, yanking you into a sitting position, pulling you toward him with force. His chest is still rising and falling rapidly, but there’s no softness in his eyes, no sign of the tender side that had surfaced just a moment ago.

“You think it’s over?” he growls, his hand firmly gripping your chin as he forces you to look up at him. The edge of his anger is still there, sharper now, like it’s never fully been released. “You think I’ll just let you walk away after that?”

Your breath catches in your throat, and you shake your head, knowing exactly where this is going.

He’s not done punishing you. He wants more. And somewhere deep inside, you know you deserve it.

Ben drags pulls you back up, this time pushing you onto your hands and knees, your body exposed beneath him. He takes his time, letting his hands roam over your back, your waist, your ass—teasing, but with that same, unrelenting energy.

“You want to push my buttons, huh?” His voice is low, deep, dripping with something dangerous. “Think you can get away with it?”

You don’t answer. You don’t think you can. But you don’t need to.

He slaps your ass—hard. You yelp in surprise, the sting burning into your skin, but it makes your body react in a way you can’t ignore. It feels right.

Another slap. Your breath hitches, but this time, you’re starting to feel the heat building in your core. You want more.

“Look at you,” he murmurs, his hand sliding between your legs, finding your sensitive spot again with a deft touch. He’s not being gentle now, his fingers pressing harder, rougher. “You want this, don’t you? Want me to break you.”

You bite your lip, trying to stay quiet. He presses harder, making your body tremble with the force of his touch. “Tell me,” he demands, his voice sharp. “Tell me you want it.”

“I want it,” you gasp, your head dropping as you feel the need building again.

He chuckles darkly, the sound vibrating in his chest. “I bet you do.” His hand moves to your waist, pulling you up onto your knees, your back against his chest. His voice is low, almost a growl. “You wanted to test me, so now you’re gonna pay.”

He moves swiftly now, spinning you back around and pushing you back onto the bed. He hovers over you, his eyes dark with lust and something else—something that’s been buried beneath the surface, waiting for a chance to break free.

“You wanted me to teach you a lesson, right?” His hand moves between your legs again, but this time, he doesn’t let you feel any relief. Instead, he teases you, pushing you just to the edge, only to pull away.

“Don’t make me say it again,” he warns, his tone harsh, his hands pinning your wrists down above your head.

You moan, your body aching for him, for more. “Please,” you beg, your voice trembling. “Please, Ben, don’t stop.”

His smirk returns, and then he’s sliding into you once more, slow at first, like he’s savoring it, letting the tension build again.

“I’m not stopping,” he mutters against your ear. “Not until you learn what happens when you mess with me.”

The way he moves now is calculated—deliberate, punishing, each thrust deeper than the last, the power he’s putting behind it leaving you gasping. He grips your wrists tighter, his breath coming in harsh, uneven gasps as he picks up the pace.

You can’t think, can’t breathe—he’s taking everything from you, using you, and all you can do is feel.

Your body betrays you, though, betraying the act. The pressure in your core builds again, and this time, you can’t hold it in. You want this, you want him to keep going, even though you can’t keep your thoughts straight.

“I don’t think you’ve had enough yet,” he murmurs, and with that, his pace quickens, harder, faster, more brutal.

You come again, your body clenching around him, a mix of frustration and relief flooding through you. But even as you fall apart, he doesn’t slow down. He doesn’t stop.

His hand slides between your legs once more, rubbing at your sensitive clit, pushing you through it, overstimulating you until you can’t tell where one orgasm ends and the next begins.

“Say it,” he demands, his voice hoarse as his movements become more frantic. “Tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours,” you breathe, your voice trembling from the intensity. “I’m yours, Ben. Please, don’t stop.”

With a final, almost feral growl, he thrusts deep, coming inside you as his body trembles with the release, his grip on you tightening as he holds you down.

For a long moment, neither of you moves. The tension in the room slowly dissipates, and the air is heavy with both relief and something else—something you both needed.

But instead of pulling away, he’s still there, his body still pressed against yours, his eyes dark and unrelenting. “You didn’t really think that was enough, did you?”

Before you can respond, he pulls out and flips you over onto your stomach, pushing you down against the bed, holding you in place. He’s not done. He’s not anywhere close to done.

“You’re gonna take this,” he growls, his voice rough, his hands moving between your legs again. “And you’re gonna remember who’s in charge next time you think about testing me.”

He enters you again, no mercy, his thrusts brutal and fast, making you moan loudly with every movement. The bed creaks under him as he drives into you, using you to satisfy his frustration, pushing you past any sense of exhaustion.

Your body can’t keep up with him, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t care. He’s determined to make sure you never forget this moment.

When he’s finally done, his body still heavy over yours, you’re left breathless and trembling beneath him. There’s no softness in his touch, only the weight of his dominance lingering in the air.

“Don’t ever forget who’s in charge here,” he mutters against your ear, his voice cold but full of a possessive need that makes your head spin.

Liz talks : first soldier boy fic guys and let me tell yall this has been sitting in my tumblr drafts FOR WEEKKKSSSS but I’ve finally felt comfortable enough to post it lmaoo (me and my insane posting habits I need a schedule BAD) so here yall go!! Any and all type of feedback is appreciated <3

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