#and not being able to properly express it

[pushspacetocontinue]

"I couldn't break the mop he was carrying. It was a metal handle, and I wasn't as strong as I am now, but I did the next best thing and broke him instead," Travis said, "A month of detention, but it was worth it, and I told the younger kids that if he dared do it again, just to tell me."

And the janitor hadn't dared try it again from what he had heard. He had learned a lesson from having the absolute snot beaten out of him and seeing how he liked someone bigger than him treating him like that.

"I'm not good at being sneaky," Travis said, "I'm hardly subtle about anything, me. But I bet the effect when one of you two do it. I imagine it happens a lot by accident too though."

Of course, Travis hadn't known about it, but there was that time where had Erica had inadvertently snuck up on Antonio before their mission to rescue Leofric.

"I never got a chance to do it when she was alive," Travis said, "I was in prison when she died. That was the third best news I got in there. The second of course was the news that I was finally getting out."

But Travis did look interested.

"I think I might just have to do that, thanks for the tip," Travis said, as he started to get driving away from the area. As disappointing as the car itself was, at least it was a smooth ride so far, "I wonder if she'd be able to see Lewis and let him know that we're doing all right. I'll have to hear those stories sometime. And that's up to you, Willow. I'm good either way."

Travis then grinned.

"Now that's a song of choice."

Russell didn't seem to notice that Lucien and Rook were keeping a slightly firmer eye on him for the moment. He was more focussed on looking at the things around them.

"Heh, it's not, not as yellow though, or, or, or as terrifying," Russell said, "At, at least not, not to use right, right now. I, I guess it, it knows we're, we're not threats, and, and with Rook here taking, taking us through."

He really had no idea how it worked in all honesty, so it was just a guess.

"I suppose it is a bit more like the Infinite Ikea," Bill said with a grin as he took in the details a bit more now that the plague doctor mask was off properly.

Antonio managed a small smile of his own at Rook's comforting gesture, reaching up to gently pat her hand with his own.

"That sounds about right, arrogant prick," Bill said, "He would think he's the best so why bother to improve? Even I'm constantly learning new things, and I'm centuries old."

"We all are," Leofric agreed, "Perhaps he would have been different in another life, a timeline far from this one, and ultimately, it did little to serve him. But in this one, he simply became a power hungry bully, as you said, Veronica, and if we do have to face him again, then I will do without hesitation."

"Some people just shouldn't be parents," Bill said, before he smiled at Rook, "I'm glad I didn't either. And I'm glad I was with you, well, everyone here, to deal with him together."

But then he spoke up as soon as Veronica said what to do.

"It's almost like we're ducklings," Bill said, as soon as he realised just what Veronica had mentioned before, "Oh dear..."

It looked like he was going to be the one taking the express route today.

"No, I, I don't mind," Russell said, "As, as you said, it has been a, a long fight and if, if you gotta, you gotta fuel up, you, you gotta..."

Not the most eloquently put, but hopefully it still got the point across.

"Yeah, you do what you need to do," Simon said.

Leofric just nodded.

"We can wait for you, sorellina," Antonio agreed, "You've been brilliant today."

"I suppose while she does that, we can take a moment to have a look at this gold pile," Leofric suggested, a subtle way of telling the others to allow Rook some privacy.

Erica, of course, couldn't do anything but cheer at that. "Heck yeah! That guy deserved all the bruises he got."

Somebody had to stand up for children. It was nice of Travis to take the matter into his own hands.

"It sounds like willow and I." Erica said, before she pointed to her double, "She scares people just by standing around and nobody ever hears me coming!"

Both taking great pleasure from the effect they had on people. Willow's attention briefly shifted to the car as Travis got it started and listened to the noise of the engine just a moment before losing interest. Disappointing like its former owner. She might let the others keep this one, after all.

"I'm sure it would be her pleasure to do so." Willow replied, "You should inquire about it directly. There is a high chance she already has some stories to share."

It would have been beneficial in more than a way. The ghost lady would have loved to brag about doing something like that. Having that waiting for her on the other side might have actually persuaded her to take time off more consistently with her needs.

"Let's leave the area. Then I will provide directions to our destination." Willow instructed, "Or we could have a little fun with the GPS."

"We should put on that song that plays in that sketch with the three guys in the car!" Erica suggested.

"We shall, Erica."

They could indulge as long as it was funny.

Like a good host, Rook was keeping track of her guests, especially the ones who had visited before. Russell had made it through on his own last time, strong of the fact that the pocket didn't enjoy holding onto regular humans.

That had changed, but Lucien was already on the case.

"Well, now we know what it feels like to visit the Backrooms." the half fae mused.

"It's more like that infinite Ikea thing." Rook replied. She was quick to summon two endless shelves filled with all kinds of books and knickknacks that stretched past them as far as the eye could see.

It was an excuse to flex the full extent of her occult collection, but it also offered a distraction while she quietly reached to place her hand on Antonio's shoulder. Younger siblings had to be supportive too when needed.

"In my professional opinion, his entire family has never really shined in that regard." Veronica said, "They're just a bunch of power hungry hypocrites. It wouldn't surprise me if he was actively discouraged to improve his technique. He wouldn't be this deranged if he did. They essentially ruined their own child."

As a parent, she simply couldn't stand the thought.

Rook briefly looked at the chainmail, before shutting the chests. "I'm glad you didn't need that."

The battle had gone better than she could have ever hoped for. Both chests floated up to an empty spot on one of the shelves. They would be safe there for the time being.

"Alright, then. Let's all line up and follow mum outta here!"

Veronica sighed and moved to lead the way. "The first one to make a duck joke will take the express way out."

Lucien opened his mouth to reply, but decided for his own good to keep quiet.

Rook fell into step, moving more quickly now that her wings were gone.

"Do you guys mind if we stop by my stash? It's been a long fight..."

Her marks were starting to nag her already.

[delyldia]

Sometimes the reality of childhood CPTSD hits you like a truck. You've shoved that core truth down for so long, not even able to consciously consider anymore that what happened in your life actually happened. It's so fucking scary how you can go through things not really there and only when you're lucky/unlucky enough to have revelations about it, are you able to even consider getting help. No one can convince you that you actually need help when that reality is so deeply buried in your mind in a really weird convoluted way. You just say "I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine" all through life, for years (or most of your life) while your health deteriorates. And it's all because you never learned to trust yourself to feel correctly. It's something that's SO common sense, like "uh, yeah" to the people around you, but you don't feel it in a viscerally, coherently internal way that often. And when you do, it's so unpleasant. Idk. CPTSD is something that I think is so hard to directly talk about and it's much easier to just. Point to things that are related and speak the truth of it by association. Guess that's why storytelling hits so hard and why I've always wanted to be able to express myself in that way, at least. I think storytelling of that sort is entirely self serving, but it's side effect of making others feel less alone is a fortunate and worthwhile consequence.

[capriciouscrownprince]

"SAY THE LINE MU QING"

[aure-entuluva-2407]

@majorproblems77

MAJOR!!!

Okay so while I was doing this I didn't love it but guess what. It's not half bad, I don't think. I think it's just the darkness of his hat and tunic that were throwing me

Anyway!!! I did my personal design for him, I hope that's okay :)))))

Enjoy!

(part of this game)

[nyxnco]

i know it is common courtesy to simply nod and move on with your life when you see someone your age or younger show more talent than you but dear GOD is it difficult to fight back the jealousy that comes with

[eternal-work-in-progress]

hehehheheheheh I have been writing obsessively recently so have an Unnamed Ruined Reality Alternate Universe Oneshot

this is a concept I made and outlined with my friend and I have finally actually translated it into proper written word??? Unimaginable

​also woopsies general AU stuff before you read: Filii/Filiae/Filius/Filia all take the place of the species Steve! The different Filii use different languages so their subspecies name is translates (ie. yellow -> Galben in Romanian, aquamarine -> Aquamarijn in Dutch, violet -> Violetto in Italian)

Griffin ran from the room, away from his mother, away from the horror he felt while looking at her. Caliban watched him go. In disbelief, she muttered, “No… Why would you run…?”

She stood still, staring out the open door to the hallway, her cell’s only source of light. Something moved to her left and her head snapped toward it immediately. And she saw… Athena. The glorious, loyal, deadly, traitorous Athena. The poor woman looked exhausted. She turned to Caliban with no hate in her eyes, which Caliban did not deserve.

“Because he knows what’s best for himself,” Athena spoke softly but intensely. “And so do I.” The general turned to leave the room.

Caliban could not allow that. She… She wanted Athena to stay. Stay with her. Why wouldn’t anyone stay? Why wouldn’t anyone listen?! She’s not insane! She’s not dangerous! She shouldn’t be stuck down here! They’ll leave her here to rot. No, no, no, the queen of nightmares will not rot before her traitors do. This traitor will not leave.

The Queen stepped forward and her restraints tensed immediately, chain pulling against chain. Her head rolled forward, as though she had little control of her own body, as though she was possessed. The Queen was a caged animal. With a sudden and very raw anger, she screamed.

“ATHENAAAAA!”

The general stopped, bracing her weapon, but did not turn to the animal.

“YOU ARE NOT SO PURE.”

From the moisture in the air and the water sunk into the bricks, the general summoned a fist of water and ice to encase her right hand. It seemed she was preparing for a fight.

“YOU ARE A MONSTER! YOU ARE A MURDERER! YOU ARE A WARRIOR WHO HAS LOST HER FAUX GLORY. YOU HAVE KILLED THOUSANDS AND YOU ARE PRAISED. YOU ARE GIVEN TITLES OF RENOWN. BUT YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE IMPURE.”

The general spoke lowly, something unreadable clouding her face. “I never said I was pure.”

“YOU TAKE AWAY MY SON AND EXPECT ME TO SIT HERE. WAITING FOR SOME SAVIOR.”

The general took a deep breath…. Athena kept walking away. But the Queen could still see her. The Queen continued to scream after her. She could not stop herself.

“ATHENA. WHAT MAKES ME DIFFERENT FROM THE SOLDIERS YOU HAVE KILLED IN BATTLE? WERE THEY NOT FILII LIKE YOUR ELITES? WERE SOME NOT CHILDREN? WERE THEY NOT SIMPLY ON THE WRONG SIDE?”

Athena kept walking.

“I ONLY ASK, ATHENA, WHAT I’M CERTAIN OUR FELLOW LEADERS HAVE ASKED YOU.

“I STAND ON THE WRONG SIDE.

“WHY HAVE YOU NOT KILLED ME?!”

The Queen fell to her knees, having lost the battle against her metal restraints. But her corrupted eyes remained trained on Athena’s figure in the hallway, which had stopped moving. The Queen finally remained silent.

…Athena returned to the room. She walked over to the Queen, standing over her while the infected woman sat in her shadow. The Queen stared up at her old friend with her furious red eyes.

“...We have not killed you because we so desperately wish to save you,” whispered the general, leaning down closer. “I vowed long ago to never kill without reason. To never take a life that could be salvaged.” She still held her weapon in her hands and weariness in her eyes. This was what she came here for.

The general stood back up, straighter. “...I am sorry, Caliban. More than you know.” She gripped the weapon tighter. “Let me grant you peace.” This was what she came here for.

And yet, she saw something shift in the Queen’s eyes. When the fury faded, her eyes held only immense tiredness. And yet she smiled softly. Caliban bowed her head.

Athena looked down upon her. “...Tell me truthfully, Caliban… Did the Darkness really help you?”

Caliban bowed further. Her friend heard pain in her voice. “Please kill me….”

Athena’s eyes widened, she could hear her own heart beating. After only a second of consideration, she took the risk of wrapping her best friend in a hug. Caliban could not return it with the chains around her wrists still pulling, but she leaned into the Aquamarijn, savoring this last comfort, this last moment of lucidity. When Athena spoke, her voice was small and quiet, “I’m so sorry, Cal.”

Then, there was silence for a long time. “...Rest well for us…” Athena whispered. She raised her weapon behind Caliban’s back. The Galben did not brace herself for pain or death. All she did was nod, still leaning on her friend. Athena felt Caliban’s warm tears fall onto her shoulder.

“...Tell Griffin…” Caliban said when she decided she should speak, “...I’m sorry.”

“I will, I will. We love you so much.” Athena let the embrace linger for a minute longer.

“... You were wonderful.”

The final blow was swift and simple, to her back. Athena dropped her weapon right after, wrapping both arms around Caliban. The Galben did not scream. She died as she lived.

In pain.

But loved.

Athena laid her body down gently. She didn’t try to stop any tears from falling. Taking Caliban’s hand, she sat next to her for a little while. Grieving. The Galben looked at peace, despite the scars of Darkness… Athena stared at her face, thinking of it all. Their laughter, their joy, their girl’s nights. Their fights and disagreements, their friendship growing deeper. The Darkness. The glowing lights on Caliban’s dress and jewelry slowly dulled. It pained Athena.

She didn’t have to watch, she knew. But she would anyway. Caliban was her best friend. Athena would sit and stay until she was completely gone. So she sat.

Amadeo, Chief Violetto, walked slowly through the underground hallways of the Outpost with a crossbow in hand. He wanted to be safe, in case Athena had been unable to handle the Nightmare Queen. He doubted that she would fail—she was the one who suggested this, after all—but… just in case. He hesitantly poked his head through the open doorway and scanned the room for any sign of a struggle or fight. There was none. Then he saw Athena, with Caliban in her arms.

“...Athena?” he whispered.

Athena did not look up.

Amadeo walked in further. The cell was so isolated. So dark and wet. They’d all regretted placing Caliban here. But her behavior was just becoming too erratic. He saw Athena sitting quietly, staring at the Filia Galben, who looked to merely be asleep. But the scars… They’d looked so shallow, but they’d run so deep. Amadeo knelt down next to both of them, facing the back wall.

“...We’ll miss her,” he said.

Athena gave a small nod. “Always.” She felt guilt. But she knew this kill was in mercy. Caliban’s last words rang in her head. Please kill me. I’m sorry.

Amadeo relaxed his shoulders and set his crossbow down away from the women. There was pain in him. There was always pain in him, but there were times when it became clearer. This was one of those times. “There was no fight?”

“...She asked me to end it herself.”

He leaned back and looked at the ceiling. “She was still there?”

Athena was silent for a moment. “Do you think… we still could have saved her?”

Amadeo had been in Athena’s position before. He took a deep breath. “...No. Whatever was left of her… It was just suffering…. You saved her.”

…Athena brought one of Caliban’s hands to her face, placing it on her cheek. It was already cold against her skin. “...How is Griffin…?”

The Chief Violetto sighed and looked back down to the wall. “Vaughn is comforting him. He knows this was all we could do.” He frowned sadly. “We won’t be able to give him a proper coronation. …But I don’t think it matters at this point.”

“There is nothing to rule over…” Athena said. Four. There were four Filii Galben left. Amadeo rubbed his face. He was… exhausted. They all were exhausted.

“...Where will we bury her?” Athena asked quietly.

“...I don’t know if we should with all that Darkness, Ath…”

Right, Athena thought.

“We could… ask the Rojos to cremate her?” Amadeo suggested. “It’s just… The Royal Galben tombs are unreachable…”

Slowly, Athena nodded.

“...I’m sorry. You were closer to her than any of us.”

Athena… gave a small smile. Amadeo assumed the gesture was meant for his sake, but she still stared at the corpse. “It is alright. I would rather her be at peace than in pain. Even if by my own hand.” But she had cried and would again. She grieved for every kill she committed. Amadeo knew.

He thought and thought in their silence. About the World Beyond and Below. About his fellow leaders. About death and sadness. He didn’t cry for Caliban, he couldn’t. He had no tears left in him. He thought about Pietro. How Amadeo had held his body in the same way Athena held Caliban’s. How the same thoughts had run through his head. How doomed and ruined everything felt.

But he had allies now…. He was not alone in an old, corrupted village. They would all comfort Athena. They would all honor Caliban somehow. Griffin would be given the title he deserved. They would all continue to try.

He shut his eyes and stood, grabbing his crossbow. “I will… go inform King Rei.”

“Alright.”

He… he walked away. And Athena was alone again. With a body that was slowly getting cold. More tears fell.

[w3ndytheraccoon]

I was scrolling through old st posts and it’s better now but holy shit y’all REALLY hated the Wheeler siblings

[solei-eclipse]

hi para! i hope this doesn’t seem disingenuous or something just because two other people have sent asks regarding this same content but… i actually really care about you and i want you to know that it’s okay you may not post a lot about the original alien stage or just not be that interested in it in general. i’ve been like, your biggest fan since probably march (or earlier) of this year. i’ll tell you right now that i was really scared to reach out, interact, or talk to you because at the time, i had been using my real name on my blog and i was unsure if i wanted to go by it here just yet, so i only waited for you to post something new most days. i wasn’t really doing so great back then, because i was a little stressed and i had so much pressure piled up on me because of my rehearsals, my homework, my piano lessons, and life in general. i think your blog really kept me motivated and interested in alien stage (+ many other things) and i was always so excited to see a new post from you.

that being said, you’ve been one of my favorite people in the alien stage fandom and i freaked out in the best way possible when you followed me back. i don’t want you to feel pressured to post on shakingparadigm and i don’t want you to feel like you’re not being appreciative of your followers. i still love your content, para, and i want you to know that. when my life was going through a rough patch, when i was losing sleep during tech week, when i was working at my school on a weekend due to hosting a theater tournament, when i felt empty for days at a time, your blog was always there to keep me happy and i’ll never forget that. you’re really a wonderful person, and i want you to know that because you helped me so much without knowing it, i’d do that for you too. you don’t have to post very often for me to still enjoy everything you put out. please know that no matter what happens, i still cherish the memories i have of reading your posts and knowing that at least someone out there is as insane about alien stage as i am. it doesn’t matter to me what changes about you or your blog. i’ll always be your number one fan, so thank you for all you’ve done for me! i’m so so so so so grateful for everything. i care about you, and you deserve everything good in life. you’re not a content machine. you can take breaks. please take your time, and don’t rush yourself. you’ve always been human to me. nothing will ever EVER change that. i’ll never demand more content from you, and nobody ever should.

remember to drink water, get good sleep, and eat! i hope i worded this well… if it’s confusing or if it weirded you out, i’m sorry! i just really want you to know i care.

JUNE???? I teared up at this June. I don't know what to do with myself aaagh

I genuinely have no words. This means so much to me... No seriously I actually have no words right now I'm just. WOW. For that long?! I remember I was barely anyone back in March... mostly just talking to myself and the 3 or 4 people that interacted with me every now and then. I can't believe you've been with me for so long! June!!!!

I had no idea I could ever mean something like that to someone, I just started posting into the void and hoped I could be heard somehow. I don't know what to say... I'm really touched, and really grateful that I was able to help you in that way even though I was just spouting bullshit most of the time. I'm sorry to hear that you went through so much stress during that time, and all I can do is hope that you're in a better place. I'm proud of you for getting past that period. Stay strong!! I believe in you June!!

I'm so in awe. Thank you so much for your appreciation and your time and your patience. It always shakes me whenever someone deems me worthy of those things... I'll always be grateful for them. Thank you, thank you thank you thank you for deeming me worthwhile. It genuinely pulls at my heartstrings to think about.

Please don't call yourself just a fan, you're my friend and ever since we started interacting more here I've seen you that way. Your posts are so intriguing and your art is absolutely fantastic. It's such a joy to see all the wonderful things you make. I'm the one who should be grateful for bearing witness to all of it!

Thank you for your reassurance, I promise I'll try to take better care of myself. I want you to look after yourself too, please! I know you're still dealing with a lot right now, so don't forget that everything applies to you too. I wish you luck with all your endeavors and I hope you come out the other side just fine. I care about you as well, and i want you to know that you deserve all the good things in life, too! All the good things and more. I wish you the best!

This means so much to me. I keep saying that for so many things but that's just because it's true. It makes me laugh, actually, to realize how wrong I was on other people's perception of me. It's through everyone's kindness that I realize I should probably start being kinder to myself. You've helped me so much without knowing, too. I wholeheartedly thank you for it ...

Don't beat yourself up over anything. It's not at all disingenuous or confusing or weird. It's so achingly genuine that upon receiving the notification for this I dropped to the floor and stared at it unable to process. Thank you for your incredibly sweet and kind words, June, I'll be thinking about them for an incredibly long time. I care for you too, please remember that, and if you ever need help with anything don't be afraid to reach out. I'll be here <3

[arttsuka]

I wanna be a hater about something so bad right now but I don't feel like expressing my opinion and have the (very toxic) fanbase attack me

[phagodyke]

was just saying to my friend that since my period is due next weekend I probably won't be able to hang out bc it'll be difficult to walk from my room to the bathroom let alone like. to the station anyway just suddenly became aware that the continuous cramps I get in this stage of my cycle have been slowly increasing in intensity the last few hours so we may be on course for a week earlier start than usual. locking down all defenses rn......🚨🚨🚨🚨

[femmeloverboy]

Representation for furries who cannot draw 😞 I want to make a fursona sooo bad but I just suck at drawing and am also not very creative so 💔 I do plan to try and get better at drawing in the future but for now....I'm just kinda here..... no fursona or anything I just rlly like cats and looking at furry art 😭😭 THATS ALL I GOT!!!!

[goatboard]

obsessed with this screenshot, they're all so small and cute i want to squish them

[yifftwiceplz]

i need you guys to understand they dont let me say faggot on twitter

[exerlin]

there is no new "Sonic Riders"-like game, so will learn how to make art, music, and video games to fix that

[noushousakuretsuboy]

i dont believe him. i dont think i do. i think its just that.

[mechahero]

//"Ehh, I don't really care about that all that much.", says Lambda as he loves deeply.