#the base of my identity is my panic attacks

[delyldia]

Sometimes the reality of childhood CPTSD hits you like a truck. You've shoved that core truth down for so long, not even able to consciously consider anymore that what happened in your life actually happened. It's so fucking scary how you can go through things not really there and only when you're lucky/unlucky enough to have revelations about it, are you able to even consider getting help. No one can convince you that you actually need help when that reality is so deeply buried in your mind in a really weird convoluted way. You just say "I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine" all through life, for years (or most of your life) while your health deteriorates. And it's all because you never learned to trust yourself to feel correctly. It's something that's SO common sense, like "uh, yeah" to the people around you, but you don't feel it in a viscerally, coherently internal way that often. And when you do, it's so unpleasant. Idk. CPTSD is something that I think is so hard to directly talk about and it's much easier to just. Point to things that are related and speak the truth of it by association. Guess that's why storytelling hits so hard and why I've always wanted to be able to express myself in that way, at least. I think storytelling of that sort is entirely self serving, but it's side effect of making others feel less alone is a fortunate and worthwhile consequence.

[zazaiafe2]

My theory on shifting and manifestation: a deeper take based on experience, data and observations.

I want to explain here my current vision of the shifting process, how I personally see manifestation, and how I try to integrate scientific reasoning, personal experience, and collective data. This isn't meant to be the only truth, just my contribution, based on my own research, practice, and discussions.

1) Shifting is not purely about intention or assumptions

First I feel the need to remember people what is an assumption because I feel like something we're losing the plot regardless of what is an assumption or not .

The mainstream community often emphasizes intention or assumptions as the key to shifting. While I agree that intention plays a role, I don’t think it’s the sole determining factor.

Why I also highly doubt beliefs is the only cause of shifting.

If intention alone was enough, most people would have shifted after years of practice. Yet even highly motivated shifters with strong assumptions sometimes struggle, while others shift accidentally. That suggests that other variables are at play.

From my perspective, the emotional state, mental state, and neurocognitive profile of the person are also very important. Shifting happens when our awareness, which I personally view as informational or non-physical consciousness(or awarness), disengages partially or fully from this reality interface (the brain-body) and realigns to another system.

So yes: you need the intention, but also a certain inner state that allows this "disentanglement" to occur. Some people can enter that state easily, others need more practice depending on their cognitive profile.

2)We are not just "manifesting everything", Co-creation exists

I am highly skeptical of the narrative that "you manifest 100% everything that happens to you just by assuming it."

If that was fully true, then:

We wouldn’t experience accidents or unexpected suffering we never consciously assumed.

People wouldn’t struggle with fears that do not materialize despite strong and repetitive intrusive thoughts.

For example: I have strong anxiety sometimes about my heart, I’ve assumed many times that I was having heart issues during panic attacks, yet here I am, healthy. That’s not due to luck, but shows the limits of the "assumption = creation" model.

I believe we co-create reality. There is an interactive field of information where multiple variables (external, collective, individual) play a role. Your assumptions and beliefs influence probabilities, but they’re not almighty. Other informational structures (external laws, collective energies, higher self, system coherence) participate in this co-creation.

3)Why I still care about brain function even if shifting is non-physical

People asked me: "If shifting is non-physical, why do you care about the brain, neurocognition or psychology?"

Because even if awareness is non-physical, in this current CR, our brain is still our interface. It filters, limits, and structures how awareness functions here. Our cognitive flexibility, dissociative capacity, identity fluidity, self-talk regulation, and emotional regulation, all tied to brain functioning, directly impact how easily we can "detach" from this interface.

This explains why highly dissociative or identity-fluid individuals often shift more easily: their interface allows easier awareness movement. Others may need to "train" their interface to allow for this loosening of fixation, I believe that if everyone had the same capacity we would not have such strong correlations in certain areas.

For exemple most people who shift on command have a very fluid identity while the majority of people who have little or no shifting have a very busy mind all the time and a lot of self-criticism.

4)Emotional states: high impact vs. low impact

One major pattern I’ve observed through data (including my own small research polls) is that emotional state plays a major role , but not in a simplistic "positive = good" way.

States like calmness, serenity, even sadness (if soft and stable) seem to support shifting.

States like stress, panic, anger, high euphoria often disrupt shifting.

I call it "low impact vs. high impact" emotions rather than "positive vs. negative". The nervous system needs to be at low activation (low arousal), with some inner focus. That allows the awareness to untether more easily from this interface.(In most case)

5)identity fluidity matters more than most think

Shifters who report being able to shift "on command" often have highly fluid identities. Their sense of self is flexible and less anchored to rigid structures.

This doesn’t mean you must be "neurodivergent" to shift. But cognitive profiles with:

-Less rigid self-concept

-High imaginative capacity

-Dissociative traits (non-pathological)

-Flexible internal narratives

…tend to have an easier time. For others, it takes more training to loosen those structures.

6) Shifting ≠ Manifestation

I differentiate shifting and manifestation:

Manifestation (as I see it) is the local manipulation of probability lines within one existing reality system. You "tweak" conditions within a coherent field (can be done in any reality).

Shifting is the relocation of your awareness field to another coherent informational structure (i.e., a parallel or alternate reality).

Assumptions may play into both. But shifting seems more complex than "I assume and shift instantly". System coherence, informational entanglement, and permission of higher informational structures seem to participate.

7)"If we had full control, reality would collapse"

If every individual fully manifested instantaneously everything they assumed, we would live in non-coherent chaos. Yet reality remains generally stable across billions of individual awareness fields. This suggests structural coherence rules exist.

It’s comforting to believe we have full power, but maybe more mature to accept that we have high influence within a shared structure.

8)Shifting accidents are one of the strongest proofs of co-creation

Many shifters report accidental shifts when they weren’t even trying. This shows that there’s more than just conscious intent: it involves deeper informational permission states, external resonance, or unknown factors.

If conscious intention was 100% responsible, accidental shifts wouldn’t exist.

22% of those who shift on command say the time they will shift is unpredictable

9) We need more nuance, less dogma

The community often lacks room for nuanced discussions. Dogmas like:

-"You manifest 100% everything instantly."

-"Assumptions are all that matter."

-"If you fail, it's your fault for not assuming strongly enough."

…are mentally exhausting and unrealistic for many. We need models that allow for:

-Individual variation

-Neurocognitive diversity

-Emotional state regulation

-Acceptance of external informational structures

-That doesn’t mean disempowering people, but giving them more accurate tools.(And also recognizing we don't have all the full truth)

✅ In short in my pov :

-You do have creative power.

-Assumptions influence reality, but are not absolute.

-Emotional regulation and interface flexibility matter.

-We co-create within a semi-autonomous informational multiverse.

-Shifting involves more than just beliefs; it’s a realignment process of awareness.

-We need nuanced, mature models, not spiritual meritocracy (for me it's clearly a reflection of this reality mindset)

I hope this helps clarify my view. I welcome respectful discussion, even if you don’t fully agree. My goal is not to "convert" people, but to enrich the understanding of a highly complex, fascinating process that deserves better investigation.

I also want to add this: many of you say it’s "effortless", but I often see people beating themselves up with endless affirmations, reprogramming methods, assumption drills, and techniques you try to force into your mind. To me, that still requires a certain form of effort. While I do believe shifting can eventually become more effortless, many of you don’t seem to actually follow this principle in practice.

Some will think or say "I create limiting beliefs" well even with this way of thinking I managed to shift (13 time) and manifest more times than I can count, I plan to shift to a scientific Dr to be able to study shifting in a more scientific way with adapted tools.

[thewitchblue]

"Stop."

Dick complained as he fell onto the couch. He was just trying to cuddle with you, but you turn into mist every time he tried. You've been bullying your poor boyfriend with your abilities ever since he told you he's Nightwing.

You chuckled, turning solid again once you were standing. You teased,

"My poor honey bunches."

He was obviously grumpy as he sat upright again and gave you a half-hearted glare.

"Is this because I'm Nightwing?"

You sat next to him and gently pulled him into your arms. You felt bad looking at his pouting face. Dick thrives on physical contact.

"It's more about the lack of trust. I couldn't help but wonder if you ever trusted me like I trusted you."

You allowed Dick to kiss the top of your head when your grip on him tightened slightly.

"Of course I trust you. Nightwing is separate from me."

You knew as much, but it still felt odd how disconnected Nightwing was from Dick despite being the same person with the same personality and traits. Dick cuddled closer to you. It was a huge leap of faith when revealing Nightwing to you, but he was glad to have done it. He didn't like how often he had to lie to you and how smoothly the lies came out.

You weren't happy about it, but you doubt anybody would be happy to find out their boyfriend risks dying every day and every night. You love him too much to be happy about Nightwing. At least he's getting paid during the day. What's the excuse for nighttime?

You could assume everybody else's identities based on Dick's identity alone, so you weren't surprised when you caught them unmasked. Dick was showing you the BatCave, where everybody was in various degrees of unmasked (and some even partially undressed from changing to their suits).

Everybody froze in place when Dick introduced you to their superhero side. You had waved awkwardly and somehow managed to not turn into mist in front of everybody or hide behind Dick like a scared child. It was scary having the eyes of eight vigilantes trained on you specifically. Chaos erupted, and Dick had to fight off a few of his siblings.

Among the chaos, Tim managed to sneak up on you and grab you. Immediately, you turn into mist with a squeak. You accidentally made yourself vanish as you scattered your water vapour among the damp cave.

Tim was too stunned to dodge the punch Dick accidentally hit him with. It seemed Dick was defending air now with the only proof of your existence being his wet hands.

"Uh, Dick?"

Dick either didn't hear him or didn't dare to look away from his opponents, which was fair as Cass was trying to sweep him off his feet, and Jason was trying to land a punch.

Unfortunately for both of them, Dick had defaulted to his acrobat skills and can dodge for days. Cass was as fast as a snake, striking fast and evading any stray attacks from Dick. Jason, while slower, had enough force behind every punch that even one would lead to a swift victory for the duo.

"Dick."

Tim said, more insistently. He was still trying to locate you, but you were invisible. Lost in the air. His hands had dried on their own, and he worried you ran away in a panic. He didn't know what to do or how to even get you back. He had not prepared for something like this to happen.

He ran to the chemicals they kept in pipettes. He can maybe make a gas to force you back physically. Granted, he had no idea if you would turn into some type of elastic monster if he pulled you out of the air, but he'd rather you be real than Dick freak out.

Dick noticed immediately, but at least Tim wasn't trying to attack Dick. What is Tim doing anyway? Come to think of it, where are you? That gave Dick pause. Where did you go?

Dick realised too late what Tim was trying to do and screamed,

"STOP!"

His voice boomed through the cave, and everybody stopped. Dick never screams that way. It had to be bad if Dick ran instead of flipped to Tim.

All they heard was a weak cough that echoed throughout the air. Dick frantically searched for a cap for the tube. He hissed,

"You're killing them!"

Tim had no idea and turned off the burner immediately. He watched in horror as your physical body fell from the tall ceiling. Everybody heard the all-too-familiar sound of bones breaking and cringed.

Dick ran to the body and heard a disconnected voice say,

"I'm not in my body."

Dick glared at Tim immediately, who raised his hands in surrender before turning his attention to the body. He approached slowly, nervous to even see if the body was repairable. The fall didn't look good. You landed on your back, which normally means a broken spine, especially given the height you fell from, and he should know. His acrobatic career taught him as much.

"Honey bunny, where are you?"

Dick timidly asked as he looked around. You materialise as a mist body, looking at him with an anxious smile. He blew out a long breath as he realised he won't be able to put you back in your body for a long time, if ever.

He hesitated before trying to hold your hand. As expected, all he got was a wet hand, which you dried immediately by summoning it back to your hand. Dick turned to Tim with barely held fury burning in his eyes.

"What did you release, Tim?"

Tim looked at the chemicals and mumbled something inaudibly. You chose to answer for him when he didn't speak any louder.

"He mixed sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxide with something Ivy produced."

You could taste the concoction mixing in the air and soaking into you. Being poisoned left a weird taste.

Dick had no idea how to fix this. Tim could have easily killed you with this poisoning. Dick punched the wall of the cave right next to Tim's head. He was shaking with rage and sorrow.

"Fix it."

Dick said as a feeling of calm slowly settled into him. This can't be happening. This had to be a dream. A nightmare. Tim didn't know where to even begin. All he could do was stare at your corpse-like body in horror. He's seen unconscious people, but you looked dead. Truly dead. Do you count as a zombie or a ghost in this state?

Jason was frozen in place. His gaze was flashing with every emotion a person could possibly feel before finally settling on blazing anger. He didn't even know who you are, but you obviously mean a lot to Dick, and Tim just ruined you potentially forever. Jason was freaking out. He's used to seeing dead bodies, but you weren't really dead. You were still conscious and aware. Jason was ready to explode with rage. There were too many memories resurfacing for his liking.

You tried again to hold Dick's hand, but you gave him a sad smile as your hand passed right through his hand. You didn't know where to even begin. Use halogens? Would that even work? You frowned at Tim. He was riddled with guilt, but what did he honestly expect to happen? You would be poisoned and potentially killed if you weren't forcefully shoved out of your body.

Damian watched with hawk eyes. He could see the poison, in real time, mixing with your water vapour. It felt like watching a cloud turning into a tornado before his eyes. You said with a sigh of snowflakes,

"I wish I could say I can help, but I can't without physical hands."

Has this happened before? How are you so calm? You looked disappointed more than angry. Jason was angrier than you and he wasn't the one permanently made of mist.

"Do you know how to reverse it?"

Tim asked hopefully. You shrugged half-heartedly before saying,

"I have some ideas."

You spent the rest of the week ordering Tim to do things for you and testing all of your ideas while Dick watched every single move Tim did, claiming he lost all privacy privileges when he literally vaporised you.

"You know I really can't evil genius over here when you are glaring at me like I was the one who killed your parents."

Tim mumbled under his breath. He had tried to ignore the glares from Dick and Jason, but he can't focus. You spoke before Dick could, thankfully,

"Loony goony, I'm doing all the thinking. You're simply my hands."

Tim hates the nickname you gave him, but it was a fair point. He really has strictly been your hands as you hover above him like a cloud. He's been too stunned to do much else. You've been nice and patient, but he did still poison you, and that kind of soured your budding friendship.

Bruce realised very quickly that you were significantly smarter than they had assumed. Your knowledge was impressive, but he was really waiting to see if Jo'nn can do anything. Bruce should have expected Dick to date someone who can keep up in their conversations and help with cases when you weren't trying to fix yourself, but you constantly impressed him.

Your misty body turned to rain as you frowned next to Tim. It was fascinating to watch a self-contained rainstorm brewing within a body of mist, but Tim had to focus on his task. Your task, rather, as you were guiding him.

"Okay, don't panic, but you are going to have to liquefy me."

Tim startled out of his thoughts. He looked at you in horror, but you continue your thought,

"Separate me from the poison, put me in a glass and make my husk drink the liquid or inject me with me. Whichever you feel would work safer and quicker. Hopefully, that works."

You've run out of safe tests that normally work to return you to your physical body, so now you need to take drastic measures. He managed to say,

"What if you die? Or-or we miss parts of you?"

He was more than a little concerned. What happens if you die? He supposes he'd meet you in the afterlife soon after, if there is one, because Dick would kill him.

"I can restore myself once I'm in my body again. Just... catch the majority of it. I don't want to lose a limb or worse."

Dick was petrified in place the more you spoke. What do you mean you could lose a limb? What does worse imply? Is it going to hurt? Is this really the only option left?

"There has to be better ways to do this."

Dick tried to object. You sighed. You had hoped so, but it seemed unlikely. You doubt even the Martians could help.

"I'll probably survive. You focus on detoxifying me."

Jason managed to grab a rain tarp to catch you, but he still looked concerned. Could this really work? It seemed like a kooky idea. It was an idea that was thrown together, seemingly randomly. You seriously want them to liquefy you.

Tim was concerned. He had so many thoughts rattling in his head that he was overwhelmed. There were so many things that could go wrong, yet you acted so certain of your solution. He can't tell if it was fake bravo or genuine confidence, but he finds that he can't move his body to follow through. It should be so easy, but he finds himself unable to think or move. He doesn't want to mess this up again. He could seriously harm you if something goes wrong. Poisoning you, while awful, didn't cause you severe harm like messing up when putting you back together again would. Tim hesitated too long, so you did it for him.

Dick tried not to scream as you turned into a liquid in front of him, but he failed. He did, however, manage to assist Tim with shaking hands. Dick said with gritted teeth,

"Tim, I swear if you ever do this again..."

Dick didn't need to finish his threat. It was a promise for a fight. The second his misty partner is poisoned, he's going on a warpath. He doesn't care if he has to turn into a villain.

"Noted."

Was Tim's only response. He doesn't really plan to poison you again. At least, not intentionally (this is Gotham, after all). He's grown to like you and wants to keep you around. You have a brilliant brain, and you didn't seem to shy away from taking charge under the unpredictable situation.

They managed to separate you and the poison, but nobody could agree on what is a safer option: giving you an IV or attempting to get your husk to drink you. Dick said worriedly,

"You could spill if they are drank."

Jason countered,

"IVs are slow and who knows if it would actually work."

Cass chimed in,

"IV is better."

Damian couldn't care less, but he pointed out,

"They said they can reclaim the water they lost."

Tim shook his head, but he stayed out of it because he's the cause of the problem to begin with. You did say both methods should work. You just didn't say anything about what you'd prefer. You put blind faith into a group of heroes to figure it out.

Dick eyed your watery body. You'd probably be yelling at them to hurry up before you evaporate completely, so he gathered you carefully into a piping bag and slowly put you back inside your body.

"This better work..."

Dick grumbled. He will kill Tim if it doesn't work. The others ceased their bickering and waited to see if you would wake up or not. This will decide Tim's fate.

Fortunately for Tim, you did recover. You slowly lifted your hands to examine before grinning and grabbing Dick's hands. Your hands didn't pass through his own! You knew your honey bunches would save you.

You got borderline tackled by Dick's aggressive hug and heard his relieved laugh. You're not dead! Tim's life is no longer in danger! You said cheekily,

"I told you I'd probably survive."

Probability was on your side this time, but don't push your luck next time you are poisoned, you beautiful science experiment.

[reds-skull]

Fanfic Recommendation: Multi-Chapter (Completed)

The comic I'm working on is taking... a long time (understatement of the year, been working on it since July 31st...) so I wanted to make another post like this

Like last time, there's no shared theme between these beside having multiple chapters and being completed (both SFW and NSFW)

As always please check the tags for CWs, and if a link doesn't work you're welcome to reach out!

Every Morning by sauceboss_yahoo - Ghost is back on base with the rest of the 141, ready to fall into his usual routine. Someone else, however, is itching to be a part of it and wants to peel back the curtain concealing him more than he already has, whether Ghost likes it or not.

Mask of my own face by Avidcatperson - Ghost takes great offence to the implication that he’s going to eat his cell mate, who is clearly sentient, with his bare hands. Soap is fairly sure he’s about to die. Chucked into a cell with a human? Pretty much a death sentence…hopefully Gaz can get out at least. [Space AU, multiple works in this series!]

bare my skin by Cristinuke - A study of moments as Ghost learns to trust Soap's touch.

Anomalous by Brigadier - Ghost, a SCP-056, finds a certain human worthy of his love, trust and adoration.

let these hills absolve me by flowersferns - When the news of three weeks’ forced leave reaches Ghost, he’s resigned himself to loneliness in an empty base. That is, until a certain Sergeant offers him an invitation he just can’t seem to refuse. Or: the sheep farming fic nobody asked for [this one hurts so bad but comforts so well]

Punch Drunk by Drolly - If you told Soap the second time he’d see Ghost’s face was in a shitty bar on a shittier block of Chicago… Well, he might have asked for a little more pomp and circumstance. At least then he’d have an excuse for the way he could hear his blood pumping faster in his ears and why he could feel it, hot and burning behind his eyes.

Simon's Gateway by wayfaredsoldier - When things get too rough on retired soldier Simon, his friends help him out and unknowingly provide him a gateway to something, or someone, beautiful. [veteran support hotline operator Soap]

A Bit Too Much by cod_dump - Soap always acts confidently, brave. Almost always has a smile on his face. But the fact is… He’s a bit too much. [locked for non-AO3 users]

Until The Nightfall by Mikhail - Upon realizing their friendship had grown into something deeper and more serious, Ghost is left torn between duty and longing. With each mission, Ghost is reminded of all the things he can't control, and it's becoming clear that this - whatever it is - he has with Soap, just might be one of them.

Philematology by ErlKönig (Herm_own_ninny) - Ghost kisses Soap while begrudgingly playing spin the bottle, and tries to repeat it with other party games.

stick up by amongthebooks - While off base, the 141 are unexpectedly caught up in a robbery. The raiders clock Soap, Gaz and Price as SAS operatives…but without his usual gear, Ghost was seen as just another guy. His team is rounded up, whilst he's treated as a civilian. Can Ghost take down the attackers and rescue his team without exposing his identity?

I Will by lemonwrap - After going missing on a mission, Soap has been gone for an entire year. Ghost finally rescues him, but he’s not quite the same.

The Worthy Vessel by MildLimerence - To take the edge off his maddening attraction to his aloof and inscrutable Lieutenant, Soap decides to try his luck with the local barflies off base. To prevent Soap from fucking anyone else but him, Ghost offers himself up under the guise of mutual stress relief. Soap thinks he’s just taking one for the team, but Ghost has just had everything he’s ever wanted fall right into his lap.

Damaged Goods by Red_Clegane - After an encounter at a club, Soap needs to know if he's actually into men… like into men. In a fit of desperation and homoerotic panic, he arranges a one night stand with a prostitute. It was just supposed to be a one off arrangement. But when Ghost shows up, it sets a series of events into motion that neither men could have predicted. [locked for non-AO3 users]

They Blame it on the Times by WildFlowerSolitude - "We were never anything. You need to get that through your head." Soap laughs hollowly into the empty corridor. I can live with that OR Ghost says some fucked up shit and Soap crumbles.

home is where the heart is by Anonymous - Soap vanishes from base one day. The Captain says its nothing to be concerned about. Ghost disagreed. [literally so so good]

Personal Affairs by sannikovs_bastard_son - Ghost got injured on a mission in Spain and was forced to take a temporary leave, leading to some buried feelings being brought to light, and Soap doesn't make his inner turmoil any easier by being the casual flirt he is.

Tug A Little Harder by puffyfish2006 - Ghost really really really likes Soap's long hair.

Burned and Broken, but Not Beaten by sick_of_sleep - Ghost ends up burning his hand pretty badly and Soap help his lieutenant while it heals. But Soap ends up helping Ghost in more ways than one.

Lofticries by Arodana - The mafia had always escaped John "Soap" MacTavish. No matter what evidence he found, it would disappear. For lack of words, it pissed him off. On top of that, he has to find a serial killer that has been evading the police and any efforts they've made for months. Soap finds himself stuck between his sense of justice when he is offered an opportunity to work with the one man that had been making his police career a living hell. Soap might just get what he wants.

Freely Given by Tatzelwurm - After the stress and danger of Los Almas and Chicago, Soap is finding it near impossible to let go and relax. He can’t sleep, jumping at shadows. Ghost wants to help him, dutiful lieutenant that he is. But Soap can’t bear to take any more from Ghost than he already has. At least, not without feeling exceedingly guilty about it.

Hold my hair up, Darlin (Ice packs on my neck) by JackiboysHorrorHouse - a fic where Soap's wisdom teeth end up having to be removed when he's in the 141, and ghost is the one who takes care of him during recovery!

Misplaced Jealousy by dyn42ty - Soap hinted that he had been crushing on someone within the base to Gaz. Overhearing the conversation, Ghost wonders who has Soap captivated. Not to mention it wasn't him? The more he thought about it, the more angry he had gotten.

lotus flower by exavibus - a new flower shop opens across the street from 141 Tattoo, in london's shoreditch district. one of the florists already seems to have something against him. the feeling's mutual.

Cry by kcisbroken - Ghost always leaves. After an intimate night together, Ghost picks up his things and doesn't look back, leaving Soap to sit in silence and ponder on whether or not it's worth breaking his heart over and over again.

i'm a fire and i'll keep your brittle heart warm by marviless - Soap spends three and a half days in Ghost's house after getting injured on a mission.

used to hide behind a mask by kj_crwn - What a pitiful thought; the scary hound of 141 force turned into a pliant mess by one simple man. “’Bout your scary mug,” Johnny clarifies, as expected. He leans down again and settles against Ghost’s chest, his head resting just beneath Ghost’s chin. “Yer a bloody gorgeous lad, Simon.” Except that Johnny is anything but simple.

We Are Ghost by Murmeloni - Instead of having to crawl out of his own grave, Simon escapes Roba's clutches with the help of Ghost. A klyntar stranded on earth who decided to make Simon his new home. The two of them were content with each other. Until they met Johnny.

Emergency Contact by soapsbeloved - John MacTavish is about as unlucky in love as you could get, never finding someone that would give him enough of a chance for a second date, resorting to sleeping around when he gets stood up. Simon, his best friend, seems to be the only person in the world willing to give Soap a chance, but the dumbass can’t see past the fact that Ghost isn’t very good at talking about things, and is completely and utterly oblivious to how Ghost feels about him.

dicentra by crown_twist - There's someone new joining the 141 and everyone is happy about it. So happy, in fact, that they don't seem to realize one of them is slowly slipping away. Johnny's only all too aware. [I reread this one so many times it's the ultimate hurt Soap fic]

and i wish i could change by SoftKing - Which meant he also noticed when Ghost frowned heavily and murmured, “Not really my thing.” “Oh,” Gaz said with his brows raised. “So you haven’t got one then.” He slapped Price on the shoulder and grinned. “I do.” Ghost interrupted, taking another long sip from his nearly empty glass. “Just think they’re rubbish.” [soulmates AU]

Night Has Always Pushed Up Day by Sillililli - Simon "Ghost" Riley is stuck in a shared hospital room, which has been fine up until then. He'd been alone, alone to fight the shame of having his face uncovered and having failed his team. But they bring someone into his space, a younger soldier, temporarily blind.

Domestic by Sillililli - Simon and John are coworkers. Both ex military, they relate in ways others can't. Soap is facing hard times at home and finds a safe place with Simon.

So Call Me Maybe? by cripplingchips - Ghost is trying to focus on the mission at hand when Soap starts getting a little… strange.

A Kiss For Luck by iamtheidiot - Soap and Ghost start playing gay chicken.

Mission: Cardsharp by nyxite - Soap (accidentally) gets a love reading from a fortune teller.

death is in the air (wish i could be brave) by aetherealmoss - Ghost gets injured severely and is sad and upset about it, until Soap appears at his doorstep and makes it better.

My frozen heart (would melt just for you) by Red_Clegane - After a mission goes wrong in Russia, Soap has to patch Ghost up... and keep him from freezing. Huddled together in a tiny cabin in the middle of the frozen tundra, something warm blossoms. [locked for non-AO3 users]

demolitions threat by amongthebooks - Home on leave, Soap has to instruct Ghost on how to disarm a bomb over the phone. The pair make a good team - but not every mission can end well. Ghost has dug himself out of his grave once already. Can he do it again?

i'm something else when i see you by oh_ellie - The first time Ghost had enough courage to plant his lips against Soap’s they’d both been drinking. They're fairly heavily intoxicated.

In the Middle of the Night by JDigital - “Go!” Came his Sergeant’s gruff exclamation as he threw his elbow into the Shadow’s face, an alarming amount of blood still soaking through his clothes. “Get out of here, go!” A few Shadows stopped their assault on Ghost’s cover to subdue their captive, and he was forced to watch as Soap was brought to his knees by a cruel strike of the stock of one of their rifles. “Ghost, move! Get out of here!”

Racing hearts season by Nuria123 - The F1 COD AU no one asked for SoapGhost style.

Through His Eyes by WhisperedWords12 - Ghost accidentally finds Soap’s sketchbook, is taken aback when he sees a familiar face looking back at him.

Peeping John. by A_BitOfStrange - When he considers it properly, the only person that would be either brave or stupid enough to go into Ghost's room while he’s away would be Johnny. The little fucking shit.

Surviving You by WhisperedWords12 - Ghost forced himself not to feel frustrated, had to admit to himself that Soap might be the most challenging sub he had ever had assigned into one of his units.

Yours Sincerely by LeoDoesGames - Johnny "Soap" MacTavish has been medically discharged following a mission gone wrong, which left him with severe agoraphobia and PTSD. He joins a programme which connects both active service members and veterans through the act of writing letters. Although things get off to a bad start, the connection he forms with his letter mate slowly becomes unbreakable. That is until he gets too close and strikes a nerve. [one of those fics that will not leave your brain for weeks]

Doing Time by MildLimerence - Soulmate AU: On leave from the 141, Soap lands himself in Strangeways prison, home to some of the worst criminals in the UK. When his soulmark activates on the inside, Soap must contend with Ghost, an infamous soulmate-hating killer who seems intent on haunting his every move.

Spiorad agus Corp by Oud_smoker420 - A bet is made between the notoriously reckless Soap and Alejandro to try and get their respective crushes and the most stoic and traumatized men of the 141 in their beds. It definitely has the potential to go so bad.

Smooth Sailing on Choppy Water by coderaven - Soap and Ghost are sent on a mission to the middle of American suburbia to protect a Russian journalist targeted by Makarov. Their cover is that they're newlyweds. And very much in love.

Bathe in Sunlight, Take Deep Breaths by coderaven - Ghost gets honorably discharged after taking a bullet to his shoulder that completely obliterates his rotator cuff and leaves him with nerve damage. He joins a gym to help with his recovery. He meets Soap, ray of sunshine personified, a trainer at the gym. He falls pathetically in love.

Learning Experience by AvaLoren - Soap is forced into a simulated interrogation with his Lieutenant and the information he learns about him isn't what he expected.

If tomorrow you don't open your eyes by Swiftwater_Prawn - Ghost loves Soap but is bad at feelings and gets stuck in a time loop. [multiple works in this series!]

Collecting Strays by WhisperedWords12 - Ghost didn't trust Soap, couldn't know for certain what a year and a half of forced fighting in the pits did to something as volatile as a Wolf. But Price insisted that the man may have valuable intel, might be enough to finally bring down the Fighting Ring where they'd found him.

Driving Myself Home by Aether_Ghoul - Gaz insisted that he was just the thing for Soap. Soap insisted that everyone had a "but" and for the life of him, Gaz wouldn't tell him what this Simon guys "but" was.

all that's said in the low light by headlocket - After a near-fatal injury, John MacTavish finds himself back in his hometown in Scotland. Fresh off an untimely discharge, he's forced to cope with disability, his dysfunctional family, and the lingering knowledge that there are some things he's just not ready to leave behind… [literally if you haven't read this yet what are you doing with your life]

Lay back and think of England by Aether_Ghoul - From the outside, Ghost is well adjusted. He seems like everything recruits and rookies could ever wish to be. Inwardly, he is falling apart. It is when Soap asks him to spend their leaves together, that he makes a decision that will haunt him. Do everything Johnny wants, needs or dreams of because if Ghost is useful, maybe Johnny will finally love him. [this is another one I keep going back to T_T]

Our Time Is Right Now by ChaoticEmeline - A serial killer is making their mark on the newly installed crime factions in London. Smart, savvy, and undetectable in a city covered in CCTV. The man operates…like a ghost. Captain John Price and his team aren't afraid to get their hands dirty and do a little ghost hunting. But what happens when the ghost starts hunting them back?

Spectre-Unit by Zosch - The Spectre-Unit was a task force shrouded in mystery, not much was known about them and it was a rare occasion to witness one of their members in action. Until the Task Force 141 gained a new addition; S-U: 25, John "Soap" MacTavish.

Velocity Of Envy by leathfaic - Soap has a friend with benefits back home in Glasgow and Ghost, Ghost doesn't have a problem with it of course. After all, Johnny is his sergeant and anything else would be unprofessional, wouldn't it?

Crystalline by Sillililli - Soap and Ghost end up captured at the same time and as much as they'd like to save each other, they can't let their captors know they could be used against each other. Easily. Simon concocts a plan to save them that he can't let Johnny in on, hoping the lie won't shatter what little is left of them when it's over.

[too-much-tma-stuff]

The Start of the Future (Part 26)

Previous | Masterpost

The ring of rage made it possible for Danny to open portals to the Infinite Realms on his own, which would at least make commuting back and forth much easier. While they were at the Watchtower Danny had raided the equipment that had been liberated from the GIW bases and, after his panic attack, he found a suit of ectoplasmic armour that he could update and upgrade for Jason. Sure he was already liminal but Danny would rather be safe than sorry with the amount of concentrated ecto he’d be exposed to in the Infinite Realms. It was pretty easy to tinker with, improve the blasters and repaint it to match Jason’s colour pallet, once it was slimmed down a little as well and given a better finish Danny had to say it looked cool as hell. 

Once it was done and Jason had some experience wearing it and operating the weapons, they were as ready as they were ever going to be to face the mountain of paperwork that was inevitably waiting for Danny. It was easiest to leave from the Batcave, leaving Jason’s motorbike there before Danny transformed back into Phantom. With one last check on Jason’s armour Phantom ripped a hole through space and time to get to his new castle. As he stepped through onto the dark cobblestones he felt a shiver run down his spine. God this place was so deeply infused by Pariah’s malice it was going to take him a long time to shape the haunt to his will instead of its previous master. 

Danny was not pleased to see that half the council and the Observants were waiting for him, as was Fright Knight. Just great. The portal closed and Fright Knight stepped forward, and Danny stepped back, Jason slid between the two of them glaring at Fright Knight through his visor. Fright paused looking annoyed, but after it became clear Jason wasn’t going to move and Danny wasn’t going to come forward again Fright elected to ignore Jason and just focus on Danny past Jason. 

“My King,” Fright Knight bowed to Danny. “I want you to know that my vow to the crown still holds. I will serve you however you order, I will be your knight.”

“No you will not,” Danny said calmly but firmly, ignoring the look of hurt and fear in Fright’s eyes. “I will not revoke your title, and you may continue to serve the crown, but I will be knighting Red Hood. He will be my knight, not a knight of the crown,” He said with a sneer. “For now you can serve me by making sure news of my rule is properly spread. Make sure they know, and know that things will be changing and do it without threats. Understand?”

“Yes my King,” Fright said, though he still didn’t seem pleased he wouldn’t disobey an order. He got up and shot a glare at Jason before flying off to do a task Danny hoped would keep him busy for a good long while given the Realms were Infinite and all. 

Once he was gone Danny turned back towards the rest of his ‘welcoming party’, He sighed and forced his shoulders to relax. “So, show me to the work that needs to be done,” He said, more confidently than he felt.

“Oh there will be plenty of time for that,” Clockwork said wryly, leaning heavily on his staff. 

“There’s a royal wedding to plan!” Frostbite butted in, excited and eager as ever, trigger near identical startled sounds from Jason and Danny. 

“Are you sure? We were planning on waiting and getting married in the mortal world first. I’m sure there’s a ton of stuff to do before…” He trailed off because Pandora was shaking her head. 

She held out one set of hands, the other still clasped behind her back; “A royal wedding is exactly what we need. It had been a long time since the Realms had a king, and much longer still since anything to do with a king could be called a joyous occasion. Not counting when the council managed to bind Pariah Dark.

“A royal wedding will bring everyone together so they can see you, while ensuring the expectation is that they be happy for you, and bring gifts. Since the coronation was immediate, and took place in the human world, this is the best opportunity for you to meet the other governing bodies within the Realms, and to set their expectations of you.” 

“I do not want my wedding to be a political affair,” Danny said coldly, drawing himself up to his full height, which still wasn’t very impressive at all in the face of Pandora and Frostbite. He was taller than Clockwork now at least. He relaxed just slightly when Jason rested a gloved hand on his shoulder.

“You can still have the wedding you want in the human world, the ceremony here won’t be binding there. And you can have whatever guests you want as well as the political ones, the guest list will be hundreds long as is, and we’ll make sure spaces for family are reserved right at the front,” Frostbite assured, placatingly. 

Danny took a deep breath and shook his head before turning back towards Jason. “What do you think?” He asked, taking one of Jason’s hands, he couldn’t quite lace their fingers together with the size of Jason’s gloves so this would have to do. 

Jason shrugged; “I told you I’m happy to get to marry you multiple times, This isn’t the way we planned it sure, but this can be a dress rehearsal basically, and I gotta admit I’m curious as fuck about what sort of gifts ghosts will give their king. I think Robin and Phantasm will have a blast with it too. Ohhh you should invite Constantine! Seeing him scramble to get a gift would be hilarious!”

Danny couldn’t help but smile at Jason, glad he wasn’t taking this seriously as he might have, and could see the humour in it. “Alright,” Danny agreed fondly, leaning forward to kiss his helmet over Jason’s cheek. “How do ghostly weddings even work?” He asked, turning back towards his new council. 

Clockwork smiled approvingly and Frostbite downright cheered, Jason and Danny were shepherded into a council room where planning began. For the most part Danny and Jason let the planning take place around them rather than actually taking part in it.  They put in their input here and there, colour choices, food, making sure things were human-safe options for the few guests Danny and Jason wanted to bring. The councilors were the ones who knew who in the Realms needed to be invited, mostly kings and chiefs of various sections of the realms who were too used to ruling without oversight. 

When it seemed like all the personal touches were finished Danny placed his palms on the table and stood up, smiling around the table without much feeling. “Is the guest list all you’ll be discussing now?” He asked calmly.

“Well, yes but-” Pandora started but Danny held up his hand and shook his head. 

“I don’t care who you invite other than my family. Send me a list of who you decide to invite and what I need to know. I’m going to have a look around the rest of the keep to see what else I’ve inherited from that bastard, other than a complete mess.” Danny dismissed with a wave of his hand. “Did Pariah Dark have an office?”

There was a moment of silence, the rest of the council glancing around at one another, everyone clearly expecting someone else to have an answer. “He must have had an office right?” Frostbite questioned. 

“I’m sure that he did,” Pandora agreed, nodding firmly. “He wasn’t always mad, he did his duty at some point.”

“Great,” Danny sighed, pushing himself back from the table and standing up. “Well, maybe we’ll find his office while we’re exploring and if not I’ll choose a new room to be my office. I should start remaking this place to suit me anyway, I don’t want anyone you bring to the wedding to think that I’m in any way like him after all, I should start reshaping this place.”

“Very well,” Clockwork sighed and turned back towards the table, launching back into discussions about the guest list. After that would be discussion of seating arrangements. Danny fully expected this to take days. Even if they insisted this needed to be done quickly, all of the people discussing it were ancient and immortal, to them tomorrow still meant next month. Of course thanks to the time dilation in the living world they would still get around to the wedding before Danny and Jason could, unless they wanted a Vegas wedding, which he didn’t. Although… No, he wouldn’t compromise the wedding that they had dreamed for this. 

Danny slipped out of the room with Jason on his heels to explore with him. Danny paused to take Jason’s hand again so they could walk together down the broad, dimly lit haul. Danny grimaced and glared at one of the torches. “Okay to start with we can get some more fucking light in here, and maybe a rug,” He grumbled, closing his eyes and focusing on the ecto around him. It was resistant to his touch, he wasn’t the mind that it was used to responding to and it didn’t want to listen to him. But this was his haunt now, he was the master of this space now and it would answer to him. 

The world beyond Danny’s eyelids brightened slightly and Jason gasped softly. Danny opened his eyes and gave a self satisfied smile when he saw the torches were brighter and a slightly warmer shade of green and there was now a very grand rug stretching off down the long hall. “Good, that’s better. Let’s get going.”

“How did you do that?” Jason asked curiously. 

“Oh right, you’ve never been to the Ghost Zone before! The entire place is made of ectoplasm, that means it responds to emotion and will. Not all of it I mean, every ghost has a haunt and the ecto in their haunt responds to them, everyone’s haunt is specially tailored to them. Actually… because when I died I didn’t come to the Realms naturally, I’m not sure I had a haunt here before I defeated Pariah and took his. I’d better make the most of it huh? I’m going to manifest an observatory!” Danny exclaimed, excitement getting the better of him for a moment. And why not? It was about time this place felt a little bit of joy. 

Jason laughed and Danny grinned at him, tugging him along after him. “Come on, we should find a bedroom for the two of us as well and make that ours. We’ll be spending some nights here while I set everything up, or at least I will. I’ll figure out how to make it safe for you so you can have a comfortable place here too while you’re still living.”

“I love how ominous you are,” Jason said with genuine warmth, making Danny laugh again. They continued on with a bounce in their step and the energy of giddy children exploring an ancient mansion, and they found plenty of hidden rooms and hallways to justify that excitement. Though whether they’d been there before or if the ecto was manifesting them because Danny expected them to be there was anyone’s guess. 

They carried on that way until they found a potential bedroom that, with a little editing, would work for the both of them. Danny could will a lot of the ecto in the room to be inert, or absent, but it took a lot of concentration and it wasn’t perfect. He was going to have to invent something, a miniature ghost shield maybe? Either way it would be safe for one night and Jason was tired.

Danny lay with him until he was asleep, but in his ghost form and in a place of infinite ambiently metabolizable ecto he didn’t need to sleep much and he wasn’t tired. He slipped out of bed again and left a note for Jason in case he woke up while Danny was gone. Then he continued exploring, looking specifically for the office now because with Jason asleep he had nothing better to do then get a start on the work right?

Unfortunately he did find the office, which was dusty as fuck somehow despite no one here shedding skin cells. There were piles upon piles of papers here, the stacks had probably started on the desk, but when they got too tall work had started to pile up on the floor. As Pariah lost interest in the actual work people must have continued to just drop paperwork here in the hopes he might get around to some of it… eventually. They had probably only stopped once Pariah had been bound in the coffin, and then enough time passed for everyone to forget this office even existed. 

Danny sighed and settled into work, starting with the dustiest piles because those were the oldest. Most of the papers that didn’t disintegrate as soon as he picked them up were probably not valid anymore and the ones that were were probably long overdue and increasingly desperate. He incinerated ones that said they needed things on a time limit, thousands of years expired the need had probably passed one way or another, and if not they could re-submit the request to him this time. The ones that seemed like they might still need help he set aside to ask Pandora or Clockwork about when he got the chance. 

The task became meditative; pick up a paper, scan it for dates, then set it aside or incinerate it. The small amount of ecto in each of the papers giving him a little boost as they disintegrated. It gave him the time and the brain space to pay attention to his new haunt, expanding his mind to start the process of properly melding with his new haunt. It was resistant to his will for now, and he didn’t feel like forcing it, he wasn’t going to be that kind of king after all. For now it was enough to let it get used to his presence, like sharing space with a neglected cat.

At least by the morning it was responsive enough to tell him that Jason was up. Danny sighed and got up, stretching with a groan. He had gotten through about a quarter of the accumulated paperwork, not reading it or anything, just sorting out that maybe he should read it later. But still the room looked much less crowded and dusty so he was going to call that a pretty good start! He shut the door after him and concentrated for a moment to alter the door, making it more distinctive and easier to find for the future before he rushed off the say good morning to Jason, and open a portal out of the zone so they could at least get some breakfast.

Jason met him at the door and hugged Danny tightly, scooping him up as Danny yelped then laughed, wrapping his arms around Jason’s shoulder in return. “Put me down,” He laughed, not really meaning it so Jason held him for a minute longer before putting him down and kissing him sweetly enough Danny started purring instantly. 

“Let’s go to the courthouse,” Jason announced, soft and breathless once he put Danny down. 

“What?” Danny asked, shocked, but when Jason looked chagrined and started to pull away Danny hugged him tighter and pulled him back in. “No no! I’m not opposed to it, I’m just surprised!”

“I know. And I’m really not upset about the ghost wedding thing, I meant that! And I don’t want us to rush before having our big wedding. But that’s going to include a ton of heroes right? So it’s kinda a masked wedding, and I want us to be married before we’re politically married you know? Let's pick up our siblings, maybe Bruce, and go to a courthouse. I’ll buy you a bouquet, and Bruce can pay for the fanciest fucking dinner of our lives as an afterparty…” He trailed off as Danny laughed and pulled Jason in for another kiss.

“Add Roy to the list of people we’re picking up and absolutely! I think we have to call ahead to make an appointment though. And I have a little more to do here, can I drop you off at home to call the courthouse and get those flowers? I’ll finish up here and come join you as soon as I can?” He asked hopefully.

“You got it Moonlight,” Jason agreed easily. 

“You’re the best, Boss,” Danny teased laughingly and Jason rolled his eyes. 

“Keep that nickname for the bedroom now Cub,” Jason replied, pushing Danny away for just a  moment before pulling him back in as Danny purred.

“Tonight?” He suggested hopefully. 

“Tonight,” Jason agreed and they kissed one more time before Danny ripped open a portal for Jason to head home with both of their tasks assigned. 

Danny threw himself back into work, doing what he could do. He dismissed the souls that Pariah owned, and set the ones that wouldn’t or couldn’t leave to cleaning the castle with strict orders to take regular breaks if they’re tired, and maybe try a couple hobbies as long as it doesn’t bother anyone else. That’s the best he can do for now. It’s going to be slow going until everyone he loves can join him in this world, and this time they actually will. None of them will be killed with ecto weapons which simultaneously destroy bodies and souls, he will never have to lose this family like he did his last one, no one will. 

He arrived home while Jason was halfway through making dinner, and got to hear about Jason’s day. He cooked and told Danny excitedly how he had called the courthouse and managed to get an appointment for the afternoon after next, and he’d called their family and everyone would be able to come! Including Dan who hadn’t gone so far that Ellie couldn’t catch up to him and ask him to come back for the wedding. Jason laughed as he told Danny Dan had been relieved to hear there was going to be a smaller wedding so he’d have an excuse not to attend the bigger ones later! 

Their home was warm and cozy, their safe nest just the two of them and any stress Danny had been feeling melted away. He couldn’t wait to eat, he couldn’t wait to spend the night with Jason, he couldn’t wait to get married in a couple of days! There was so much to look forward to, so much in a life, an eternity, of people that he loved. He couldn’t say he didn’t regret what had happened to his first family. But with Pariah gone, the GIW on the run, and Jason at his side Danny could say he was finally, and unequivocally, happy.

[whumpthemusical]

Whump: The Musical Prompts!!

As stated before, this challenge will run from March 1- March 31, 2024. All fandoms are welcome to participate despite it being prompts based off of musicals. Once again, all types of media are allowed. This challenge has the standard "choose one for the day" style, but feel free to do all three prompts if that's what you want to do!! All types of whump are allowed, but please be respectful to your fellow audience members and properly tag it!! Some of these prompts are sensitive, so make sure you warn your readers correctly! There will be an ao3 collection and an FAQ post coming soon, so if you have any further questions or comments about this challenge, feel free to drop me a line. Happy writing, my beautiful ingénues, and enjoy the show :)))

The prompts will be listed under the cut for those who have difficulty reading fonts!!

Cats- Sabotage • Second Chances • "I Can Dream Of The Old Days."

Wicked- Mob Mentality • Propaganda • "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished."

Jesus Christ Superstar- Whipping • Betrayal • "Then I Was Inspired, Now I'm Sad And Tired."

Les Mis- Survivor's Guilt • Failure • "Drink With Me To Days Gone By."

Heathers- Poison • Reluctant Whumper • "Wanna fight for me?"

Newsies- Chronic Pain • Exploitation • "Let 'Em Laugh In My Face, I Don't Care."

The Last Five Years- Infidelity • Gaslighting • "I Will Not Lose Because You Can't WIn."

Hadestown- Deals • Doomed Narrative • "Doubt Comes In."

Sweeney Todd- False Imprisonment • Razors • "Have You Decided It's Safer In Cages?"

Rent- Substance Abuse • Poverty • "Feels Too Much Damn Like Home."

Bare: A Pop Opera- Outing • Religious Trauma • "Please, See Me."

Waitress- Unplanned Pregnancy • Abuse • "She Is Broken And Won't Ask For Help."

Tick Tick Boom- Atychiphobia • Working To Exhaustion • "Is This Real Life?"

Dear Evan Hansen- Deception • Broken Bone • "Words Fail."

West Side Story- Star-Crossed Lovers • Prejudices • "A Boy Who Kills Cannot Love."

Come From Away- Stranded • Aftermath • "Blankets And Bedding And Maybe Some Food."

Spring Awakening- Withheld Information • Suicide  • "I Don't Scream, Though I Know It's Wrong."

Hamilton- Hurricane  • Dueling • "I Will Kill Your Friends And Family To Remind You Of My Love."

Falsettos- Sickness • Identity Issues • "Death Is Not A Friend."

Into The Woods- Blame • Lost • "Nothing But A Vast Midnight."

The Great Comet- Abduction • Letters • "Did You Love That Bad Man?"

In The Heights- Grief • Homesickness • "I Know That I'm Letting You Down."

Be More Chill- Mind Manipulation • Panic Attack • "Everything About Me Makes Me Want To Die."

Moulin Rouge- Class Differences • Sex Work • "Come What May."

Chicago- Cold Blood • Trial • "He Had It Coming."

Six- Execution • Trauma Bonding • "Playtime's Over."

Ride The Cyclone- Unexpected Tragedy • Forgotten Whumpee • "I Hear The Anguish Of The Street."

The Rocky Horror Show- Obsession • Wrong Place, Wrong Time • "I've Seen Blue Skies Through The Tears."

Nerdy Prudes Must Die- Bullying • Ritual • "Who Will Pray For You?"

Jekyll And Hyde- Duality • Good Vs Evil • "If I Die, You'll Die."

Phantom Of The Opera- Disfiguration • Shunned • "My Power Over You Grows Stronger Yet."

[lycandrophile]

my coworkers are at it again and i’m so sick of it. how are you going to sit here in front of your trans male coworker and debate a trans male patient’s identity? have a whole discussion about the fact that he hasn’t legally changed his name yet and if you should still have to respect it in front of your coworker whose deadname is still on every piece of official paperwork in the office? scrutinize the fact that he hasn’t medically transitioned yet in front of your coworker who still had DDDs when he started working with you?

it might come as a surprise based on how i come across on here, but in person i’m an extremely quiet and deeply nonconfrontational person. just hearing the conversation was enough to damn near give me a panic attack, and i tried to push through it and say something anyway because it’s a conversation that absolutely should not have been happening and i knew i had a responsibility to do something about it for the patient’s sake, but i just couldn’t do it. they’ve shown me more than enough times how they actually feel about trans people, how they probably feel about me. no matter how badly i want to stand up for myself and my patients to them, i’m terrified of doing or saying anything that might turn them against me more openly and make the job even less tolerable than it already is.

so now i’m kicking myself for not saying anything, baffled that they would think any of what they said is okay to say in front of a trans person, and above all furious for the patient who has no idea he’s about to be brought into a unit full of bigots who are just good enough at faking acceptance that they can get away with saying the worst shit imaginable behind closed doors. i want to be able to Do An Activism and try to make people realize that the whole culture here is disgusting (and just plain unprofessional regardless of your political views), but i don’t have it in me. i don’t know how to be that kind of person in real life.

[historicity-was-already-taken]

Received this question just now. Posting my response sans askers' username per their request:

Hi, as you are a holocaust historian, and as you mentioned in a recent post, words mean things, I was sort of wondering what you thought about people saying that what’s happening in Palestine isn’t genocide because the holocaust was genocide/6 million Jews was genocide. I’ve seen a couple people saying stuff along the lines of ‘if what’s happening in Palestine is genocide, we need another word for the holocaust���. I’m not worried about you knowing it’s me asking (like asking on anon) because I think you talk to people pretty reasonably but if you could answer it in private or without my name on the ask I would appreciate it, people seeing it could get… unpleasant, talking about this stuff and I try to stay out of the line of fire to the best of my ability. Totally fine if you don’t want to answer, I don’t want you hounded about Palestine either, it just seemed like you might have an interesting take with your studies

Anyone is capable of genocide, of following orders to commit human rights abuses, of attacking civilians, etc. No identity groups’ past—however violent and traumatic—makes them incapable of committing war crimes. Referring to what’s happening in Gaza as genocide doesn’t invalidate Jewish communal thought regarding the Holocaust. Moreover, the fact that the State of Israel has built Holocaust memory into its nation-building doesn’t mean that that country is inherently incapable of crimes against humanity. There is a cohort of primarily 65+ Jews who hold a trauma-induced belief that Israel could never be capable of these crimes because everything Israel does is in the interest of protecting the Jewish people. It’s a pretty thought, and one I used to hold, but it’s not reality. Many as well would argue that, because the October 7 attack was inherently genocidal, Israel was moral and just doing what it needed to do to bring the hostages home and stamp out Hamas cells. Indeed, these hypothetical individuals would continue, the fact that Hamas has built itself into the civilian architecture of Gaza means that Hamas is using Palestinian civilians as human shields; not that Israel is committing genocide. I personally think that’s wishful thinking. Hamas 800% bases itself near structures like hospitals and kindergartens so Israel will look bad when it attacks those places,* thus willfully allowing the people it governs to exist as human shields. HOWEVER, I don’t believe for one minute that the Israeli military doesn’t have the technology needed to seek out evidence of heat, heartbeats, etc, in hidden subterranean areas. Their counter-attack was always going to happen, but the way it’s been fought? Naw man it’s indefensible.

You know I don't do comparisons or Holocaust inversion, but I do have feelings and emotional responses which don't care about my Serious Intellectual Historian views on comparisons and Holocaust inversion. And, there's a very disturbing moment in one of my primary sources for my book where a woman describes a Nazi attack on a hospital in the Warsaw Ghetto. She describes the screaming and the panic and the civilians begging to be euthanized. Similar readings and sources exist for hospitals in Warsaw during the 1944 Warsaw Uprising when the Germans were destroying the city. I suspect similar descriptions exist of any hospital of a densely populated civilian area under siege. And, even if I was still bullheadedly in my Zionist era, I wouldn't have been able to simultaneously do the work I do, watch Israeli soldiers attacking hospitals, and emerge completely fine with everything. All of that doesn’t erase the simultaneous facts that: 1) the Holocaust happened and was a traumatic moment in Jewish History, the memory of which will endure throughout the millennia; and 2) the October 7 attacks were carried out by Hamas with genocidal intent.

What you’re seeing is people within our community dealing with cognitive dissonance. And honestly the experience of watching people lash out is stage 1 of that process (or as I call it, the Cognitive Dissonance Temper Tantrum). It’s no fun to witness, but can be positive if the person doing the temper tantrum chooses to learn from it. 

ETA: When I discuss things I felt/believed in my "Zionist Era," I'm discussing stuff from when I was like, under 21 years old. For reference I am currently 35.

No one has my permission to use my words to silence other Jewish people. You have no obligation to stick around for people having cognitive dissonance freakouts or saying shitty things about Palestinians, but I see part of my...duty as being available to work with Jewish individuals who want to deal productively with their cognitive dissonance once the freakout period dies down, if they want help.

*Here my Unnamed I/P Reader notes that it’s quite a bit more complicated than stated here in part due to Gaza’s pre-Oct. 7 2023 population density.

[liesofpepperoni]

My thoughts on Overture.

Non-Spoiler Part

Amazing. Beautiful. I cannot put into words how amazing this was. But I shale try. It made me feel so many things, and I quite literally cried at the end. It was Heart Wrenching. Honestly.

It was honestly very hard. I think maybe it was because of the fact I was playing it on playthrough 1, aka, No Ergo to Lvl up for meeeee- I started at lvl 83 and ended at 97, and I was out of everything CONSTANTLY- I recommend doing this at the end of Playthrough 2, after you beat the final boss. You should be well leveled and things will be a bit on the easier side. You can also change your difficulty, it only effects damage taken and output (Friend and I did tests).

I will say one thing, I found that more enemies got out of the way of the fully leveled puppet string, and it was real annoying. :/

But yeah, It was really good, I didn't find everything, so I'll do that on my next playthrough! :D

10/10 would recommend if you really love this game!

OKAY! Spoiler time! Spoilers under the cut! (PLEASE DON'T READ UNTIL AFTER YOU BEAT THE GAME)

Ahem- Anyways-

ROMEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

MY HEART

If you aren't at full Humanity, YOU WILL BE- Reading things will give you more of it, P is quite literally having an unknown panic every time someone talks about Carlo or anything comes up about him, and I love that.

I was wearing the new snow outfit the entire time, but with the short white hair. So I feel like that fit? Because I was already at full Humanity, and Sophia is a puppet in modern time and stuff? I got the good ending, then went into this.

First area? Had fun. New favorite Gesture; "Play Dead". It's amazing. Use it next to the dead bear! :D

First Boss? Ouch. Alligator go brr, they do tell you a few times what it's gonna be, and I do really like how they hint at the area bosses if you read everything!

Second Boss? Puppet Lady? Very fun! I didn't have much trouble with her, ignore the puppet, she just revives it when you kill it. I use Puppet Ripper, and the charge does a big ol attack that hits everything, so she and her puppet were never far apart HP wise.

There are a LOT of small areas, and the Bow is OP when you figure it out! The new arms? Shot gun? fun. Icarus? USEFUL. Kept switching from Bow + Icarus and Puppet Ripper + Puppet String (I did use Proof of Humanity for the final battle.)

I didn't like the Lab. I didn't like the sounds, I was NOT vibing and I Don't want to do it again, but I Will! For Romeo! For Lea!! FOR CARLO!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHH-

Alidoro is amazing, he is so soft and kind and he talks so quietly and I love him! I know why he was such a big shot! And Why That Parrett SUCKS- Hugo will be a great addition, he can carry on Alidoro's legacy.

Trismegistus! For those who don't know this area (Plus the lab) was in base game! People used to glitch into it before they patched that! It's now filled with LORE and Enemies! :D

The Coast? Idk what your talking about, I ran through that mf SO fast, I HATE the fish! I really think being on Playthrough 2 would have helped a LOT! And the Stalker fight there- Interesting! :D I liked it!

The little town was cute as well, I liked the fishermen's story.

ALSO! The little las! Rosaura! I LOVE HER! She is so cute! And she is heartbreaking, a little spoilers in the spoilers area, before Carlo was shipped off to the Charity House, his best friend was Rosaura! She was her besty! AND NOW SHE IS OUR BESTY! (Do heart at her)

Now. Lea. (The Legendary Stalker) I ran through the area with her using Proof of Humanity, and I always loved the head canon that THAT was Carlo's weapon. Use it on your playthrough! The fighting styles are almost IDENTICAL! There is no doubt in my mind that that was Carlo's weapon.

TALKING ABOUT DOUBT! That is the first Gesture P made up ON HIS OWN! All the others were shown to him or he mimicked something or someone! THIS was ALLLLLL him! :D Also he smiles at the kitten, and I loose my mind about that CONSTANTLY!!

Lastly Romeo.

My boy. WE are the Prince! XD

Gotta cosplay that- Gotta make all the P / Carlo Cosplayers cry XD

But yeah, actually- Just thought of something-

Geppetto wtf.

Also, Geppetto murdered Lea using CARLO'S CORPSE- Then stole Romeo to do THIS to him- I mean, Romeo already has the arms, but we also saw he was Disarmed... Those gotta be new...

Long story short, the DLC made me cry about Carlo, Romeo, Lea and P all at the same time, hate Geppetto even more, and now I'm gonna log into Genshin so I can throw Arlecchino off a cliff because I gotta run through the DLC again to do that in Lies of P.

I will say, Arlecchino's design SLAPS. Phase 2 looks like TOTK Ganon lol, which is even funnier thinking about how he is stuck against a wall in base game XD Canon event? More like GANON Event!

Lets see anything else?

SURVIVOR.

THAT SONG. It's a Duet with the Trio. Carlo on Piano, Lea on Lyrics and Violin and Romeo on the Cello.

Anyways. I love this so much.

Like, It was heartbreaking, but it makes me love this story so much more. It does so much with that it has, and I just... It's so good. Please play it.

This was the perfect ending for this story, and I don't know how they will top it. But I cannot wait to see what they do with Dorothy's story.

Amazing game. Honestly a 10/10 from me, no joke. Story is SOLID, Gameplay is SOLID, Characters are SOLID, It feels good to play, the weapons are fun to use and mess with, the quests are good, I don't care if it's linear, it's a GOOD game, and I like the ride it takes me on. It has it's ups and downs and it has moments that make me cry and full me with determination!

Base game is P fighting for his chance to live.

DLC is P fighting for Carlo's Family.

The Family Photo.

[lil-dragon-rawr]

TOH x DC: One-Sided Identity Shenanigans

Cause like...the Owl House gang didn't bother to make secret identities

Part One, Part Two, Part Four

Masterlist

Jason, finally finding an opportunity to talk to Vee alone during their volunteer shift: hi.

Vee, thinking he's going to blackmail and/or permanently silence her for figuring out his secret identity: *about to have a panic attack*

Jason: so I heard about vigilante bingo

Vee, who was expecting him to say something WAY different: ...huh?

Jason, continuing: I have it on good authority that Spoiler made a deal with Eda to help her win

Vee: ??? (when did Eda have time to talk to Spoiler???)

Jason: but personally I'm rooting for Luz

Vee, still processing the fact that she and Eda are now officially cheating:

Jason: also, expect the other vigilantes to start throwing their hat in the ring soon. They can be really competitive

Jason, patting her on the shoulder as he leaves: okay good talk

(Amity and Luz arriving at Barbara's apartment for girls' night)

Steph, answering the door with an evil glint in her eyes: oh, you must be Babs' new friends! I've heard so much about you >:D

(eventually, the topic switches to vigilantes, thanks to one meddling Steph)

Steph, trying to feed Lumity false information to stop them from getting more points in bingo: you know, I hear the only vigilante who's ever given out autographs is Spoiler

Barbara, also invested in bingo and trying to help her new sister win: *narrowing her eyes* don't listen to Steph, she doesn't know what she's talking about. Spoiler's never given an autograph before. Ask Red Hood

Steph, who knows Jason will absolutely give an autograph to Luz: *glares at Babs*

Luz, who doesn't know they know about the bingo cards: haha why would we want an autograph??

(Batfamily meeting in the cave)

Steph: well we can't all speedrun bingo!

Jason: oh yeah? Who's gonna stop me?

Steph: it was my idea to meddle! I can easily do all the tasks before you can!

Babs, trying to defuse the situation before someone catches a Batarang in the knee: okay, okay. What if we made rules about how much we can interfere?

Steph, still glaring at Jason: ...I'm listening

[THE RULES:

1. The party you aid cannot be aware that you're aiding them - it must appear to be coincidence.

2. You cannot outright say things such as "Got any ice cream around here?" to prompt challenge completion - the subject of the challenge must be brought up by the party you aid.

3. Failure to comply with the above rules results in penalties including, but not limited to, extra patrols, public humiliation, and death by disappointing Alfred. Penalties are decided by Batwoman based on the severity of the rule infraction.]

Gus, on his first day as a news anchor: well folks it looks like we've got some quality rogues active in central Gotham today!

Camera crew, concerned about this kid's apparent apathy towards dangerous criminals:

Gus "I Was The MC For My Friends' Gladiator Match Against The Actual Embodiment Of Fear" Porter: Two-Face just made a move on Gotham National Bank - but oh? What's this? *listening to his earpiece* the temperature is dropping, grab your coats everyone because Mr. Freeze is here for six more weeks of winter!

Kevin the Cameraman, whispering to his coworker Beth: actually I think he's perfect for this

Signal, out alone and having to deal with both Two-Face and Freeze: I cannot live laugh love in these conditions

Gus, ten yards away in front of a camera, glancing back at Signal and winking: *mouthing* I gotchu fam

Real Gus, lying in wait behind a building while Illusion Gus MCs: *traps Mr. Freeze in a mental purgatory of his worst nightmares as soon as Freeze walks by*

Mr. Freeze, suddenly screaming and collapsing: Nora, don't leave me!

Real Gus: oops might have reawakened some trauma there

Signal, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth: *punches a distracted Two-Face and hauls both him and Freeze back to Arkham* don't know what that guy did to Freeze but whatever works ig

Hunter: *enjoying a peaceful night on the balcony with Willow*

Robin, manifesting: woodcarver.

Hunter: ??? Hello???

Robin: I would like to carve a palisman.

Hunter, confused: *looking to Willow for support with the stabby child*

Willow: *thumbs-up*

Hunter, finally getting Robin to talk about his emotions: what do you care about?

Robin, lore dropping like there's no tomorrow: I was genetically engineered to be the perfect combination of my mother and father. Growing up, I was expected to be the heir to both their legacies as the Demon's Head and the Bat. I always thought I wanted to take up the mantle, but it feels like a burden instead of some great destiny.

Hunter, making a few connections: ...you were supposed to fill the role of someone else?

Robin: yes, that's what I just said

Hunter, smiling: me too!

Hunter: though for me I was genetically engineered to be a copy of my former uncle's brother. And I was supposed to serve that uncle as the Golden Guard

Hunter, having a moment: ...and then I found out he was lying about our family and that he was trying to commit genocide

Hunter, spiraling: ...and then I found all the masks of the former Golden Guards...

Hunter: ...and realized he killed them all every time they - we - betrayed him...

Robin:

Hunter: ...and then he killed Flapjack...

Robin, prepared to go to war: let us kill that imbecile for his crimes.

Hunter, appreciating the support: thanks, but it's already taken care of :)

Batman, approaching the Clawthornes: Eda.

Eda: Batman.

Batman, actually kinda trying to help: King is fourteen, correct?

Eda: what's it to you?

Batman: that would place him at the start of high school. It might be good for him to interact with kids his own age.

Eda, squaring up: don't tell me how to parent my kid!

Eda, immediately turning to King: do you wanna go to school?

King: hmm maybe, I don't really know how human schools work and don't want to deal with what Luz went through...

Batman, who has a fourteen year old who also doesn't want to deal with school (but has to anyway to keep up appearances): we could get you a student liaison to shadow. If you want, they could be informed of your situation so you have someone to talk to

King: ...yeah sure sounds interesting

King, approaching The Bingo Council that night: is Batman getting me into school considered an almost-adoption? Cause I feel like if Eda wasn't there he would've adopted me

Eda, crossing her arms: I vote no. Adoption has to go through me and we have to fight for custody

Gus, who wants a point: I argue yes. We all know Batman has an adoption problem and Eda openly challenged his parenting attempts

Vee, off to the side, twiddling her thumbs and wondering if Batman is one of the vigilantes involved in Bingo Interference:

King, walking into class on his first day and seeing the glowering student liaison that everyone seems afraid of: *squints*

Damian: *narrows his eyes, waiting to see what King does*

King: *sips his Starbucks suspiciously*

Current Standings for Vigilante Bingo:

Lumity:

Huntlow:

An argument was made for "have a vigilante crash through your window", but since Robin never technically went inside the apartment, it was vetoed.

Gus and King:

Gus was awarded the "be a hero" square for taking out Mr. Freeze. The council agreed that more effort needs to be made on the "almost adopted by Batman" front. Should Batman try again, King will receive the point.

Eda and Vee:

Vee stewed in silence for the entire council meeting for unknown reasons.

[tastywormfood]

Ive tried to get my feelings about Moominvalley s4 into words, but im having a really hard time even accepting them. But ill try!

So here's my thoughts in Moominvalley s4.

Im 23 now and i remember being 12 - 15 figuring out my identity, and the only "representation" in mrdia being basically either "Bury your gays" trope or just queerbaiting. I grew up on a base level thinking i wasnt allowed to exist, and if i still dared to, tragedy would be my only birth right.

I believed i wasnt allowed to live a happy, soft AND queer life, cause no media i had seen had ever showed me that, that was a possibility.

Both the 90's Moomin series and Moominvalley 2019 are my comfort shows. I fall asleep to them at night, i listen to them like a podcast while im working or outside, they even calm my panic attacks. I collect cups, plushies, i collect the Comics and even some of the books.

I have 3 Moomin tattoos. This universe means a damn lot to me, and to thousands of ppl world wide.

As a queer person i find incredible comfort in Tove Janssons work, and you have to be a fool to be unable to see the way Snufkin and Moomintroll are written together.

I have been following this show since early 2020 and have watched interview to interview, ive listened to the podcast more times than i can count, and they knew what they were doing.

From the beginning of the show they deliberately wrote Snufkin and Moomin to be something more, they even confess In a BTS that their Moomin might like Snufkin more than Snorkmaiden. Even the podcast talked about it!! We are not crazy!!!

I feel incredibly gaslit by the entire situation, and suddenly im 14 again being told im reading too much into it.

Idk what happened inbetween S3 and 4, but it felt like all the love and care that came from the show, just disappeared?

Ignoring Snufmin for a second, every episode this season felt like a filler. It has no plot, followed up on nothing from the last seasons, and had an extreme amount of loose ends.

The former seasons, especially s1 and 2 has such amazing writting, character development and just a feeling of patience and of softness, i would watch it and think everything would be okay... But this season felt stripped of every inch of the care Tove Jansson put into her universe.

I want to talk a little about Moomintroll.

One of Moomins character Arcs is his want to grow up, its his need to be taken seriously and his need for independence and adventure. His need to step out of his dads shadow, and to be his own moomin! The character development he had built up through out the seasons, completely and utterly disappeared. There is no trace of anything in s4.

He is right back to where he started in s1, not being able to stand up for himself and say no, not having the confidence to go on adventures and right back to idealizing his dad. If anything this entire season felt like a prequal! Cause at least s1 Moomintroll wanted to learn, and was activily trying to change.

Moomintroll truly felt like a side character this season, i dont even think he has any important moments. Unless you count Comet in Moominvalley (which i dont), where all his independence has disappeared. Moominpapa literally has to push him out. He made one decision that eps, which was to float down the river instead of walking, which ended up being the wrong and slower way.

The regression Moomintroll went threw this season is heartbreaking, and thats not my Moomin.

Focusing for a bit on Snufkin, this season felt like a slap to the face.

They know that Snufkin is one of their most popular characters right? If not the most popular. If anything he is at least in the top 3, not only in Moominvalley but in the rest of the moominverse.

So why did this season feel like Snufkin erasure?

He was barely in it, and when he was all of that glow that normally radiats from him was all gone. He felt like the husk of a character.

This version of Snufkin was on of my favs, cause you could actually see his flaws and disagree with his actions. He had room to grow, and he did, he truly did.

He learned from Moomin just like Moomin learned from him. Their characters Arcs co align witch each other, their relationship and interactions are the pillars of the entire show. Snufkin and Moomintroll are what make the show proceed.

Finding the 2019 show for the first time as an 18 year old gave me confirmation and trust, that i was allowed to live a soft and slow life as a queer person. If Moomintroll and Snufkin could have that kind of beautiful queer slow burn romance, then i had a chance to as well.

They knew that a big part of their viewers are queer, and they knew how popular Snufmin was. They knew what kind of ppl they attracted, or they wouldnt have made it like that.

All the soft moments, the longing, the zoom in on eye contact, the zoom in on hand holding. They said trust us, they said be patient, and then they threw everything they had been building up out and set fire to it.

We got Queerbaited, and i truly havnt felt this feeling for a while. We got actual queer shows now, ofc they all end up being cancelled! But they exist!

This show felt like it was crafted with so much love and care, that i completely let my guard down. The entire queer Moomin community did a 5 year long trustfall, just to hit the floor the last second.

Season 4 of Moominvalley felt empty. It felt lost of all care and love. The first 3 seasons felt handcrafted by warm hands, season 4 felt machine made. Easy to digest, with no real soul.

Season 4 of Moominvalley feels souless.

I have chosen to live in a world where Comet in Moominvalley is a prequal to s4 and that s4 is a prequal to s1. The true last season was S3 and Moominvalley ended with Snufkin and Moomin walking arm in arm. Thats the only way i can Rationalize everything.

I have so much more to say, but ill stop here for now. Hope all of you are doing okay<3

[03jyh23]

— 2 soon || kim hongjoong part 2

<part 1> <part 3>

goes to waste the series based on my favourite keshi songs

(listen here)

idol!hongjoong x non-idol!reader

synopsis: years after choosing his career over you, hongjoong still finds himself haunted by the memories of you. your relationship is a constant dance of on and off, and you cannot stay away from him.

genre: smut, angst, a very small amount of fluff

trigger warnings: cussing/mature language, toxic relationship, extreme possessiveness, jealousy, emotional manipulation, lies, obsession, verbal aggression, emotional distress, career-related stress, panic attack mentioned, pillow-talk(?) explicit sexual content: dom!hongjoong sub!reader, unprotected sex, hair pulling, dirty talk, nipple play, tight riding, fingering, hongjoong is rough, neck biting, hickey fetish(?), overstimulation, pet-names

words: 11.5 k

reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! this part is mostly smut-focused but honestly, it was very needed for the plot to kinda set the dynamic between hongjoong and the reader. i don't know what else to say!!! the third part will be the final one and it's already done! so stay tuned. as always, i hope you enjoy it. let me know what you think? please? 🥹

ps. the usernames i used are random!!!

ps.2 do we like the articles or are we getting rid of them?

in the first part, i made a lot of typos and there were also many mistakes in how i edited the text. i think i managed to fix them all by now, but i wanted to apologize. i hope this time it will be better.

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i’d be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

taglist: @skittyneos @kyeos4ng @vcutparis

ATEEZ's Leader, Kim Hongjoong, Abandons Tour to Chase After Ex-Girlfriend

In an unexpected twist, Kim Hongjoong, the charismatic leader of the popular K-pop group, ATEEZ, has abruptly abandoned their ongoing world tour. The reason behind this sudden departure? Allegedly, to chase after his ex-girlfriend.

Hongjoong, known for his exceptional leadership and commitment to the group, has left fans and fellow band members in shock with his sudden decision. According to inside sources, Hongjoong's decision was fueled by personal reasons, specifically involving his former girlfriend.

The identity of the woman in question has not been disclosed, but it's clear that the leader of ATEEZ is deeply affected by the situation. The relationship was said to have ended on mutual terms, with both parties deciding to focus on their individual paths. However, recent developments suggest that the separation may not have been as smooth as initially presented.

It appears that the former couple has been in contact. The nature of their interactions remains undisclosed, but it's clear that their history is not as far behind them as they'd like to believe. Allegedly, Hongjoong has been struggling with lingering feelings for his ex, and it has affected him to the point of leaving his professional commitments to seek closure.

This move is a significant departure from the professional and dedicated image Hongjoong has cultivated over the years. His decision to put personal matters before his career obligations has raised eyebrows, leading to speculation about the severity of the situation.

As ATEEZ's world tour continues without their leader, fans worldwide are expressing concern. The remaining members of ATEEZ have yet to comment on the situation, leaving fans in a state of suspense and concern about the future of the group.

MYFAVSONGISMINGI: Honestly, I'm shocked. I never expected Hongjoong to behave like this!!! 😡😡😡😡

8MAKES1: Unbelievable! How can he just abandon his responsibilities like this? I'm really disappointed in Hongjoong. 😡😡😡

ILOVEMOUNTAINS: Is this the kind of leader we want for ATEEZ? I don't think so. 😡

FORJONGHO: I feel so disheartened. After all the support and love we fans have given ATEEZ, is this what we get in return? 😔

HEARTSFORYUNHO: Can't she see the damage she's causing?! Hongjoong doesn't need someone who brings him down like this. 😒😒😒

EIGHTPIRATES: He's clearly not in the right headspace to lead. Maybe it's time for him to leave. 😞

ILOVEHONGJOONG07: I hate to say it, but ATEEZ might be better off without him right now. 💔😞

YEOSANGISMINE: I hope they both realize the damage they've done to ATEEZ's reputation. This is just unacceptable! 🤬💔

ATEEZ's Company KQ Entertainment Announces Unexpected Hiatus for Leader Kim Hongjoong

ATEEZ's company announces an unexpected hiatus from the group's activities for their leader, Kim Hongjoong, sparking speculation about his potential departure from the band.

The news comes shortly after Hongjoong's abrupt departure from ATEEZ's world tour, allegedly to reconnect with his ex-girlfriend. This sudden announcement has left fans and fellow band members reeling, leading to widespread speculation and concern about the future of the group.

Hongjoong has remained silent about his reasons for the hiatus, and his fellow band members have refrained from commenting on the situation. The lack of communication from the band has only served to fan the flames of speculation, and many fans are concerned that this hiatus could be a precursor to Hongjoong's withdrawal from the group.

Despite the swirling rumors, ATEEZ's record company, KQ Entertainment, has released a statement in an attempt to clarify the situation:

"We would like to assure ATEEZ's fans that Hongjoong's hiatus is a personal decision and is not indicative of any issues within the group. Hongjoong is taking some time off to deal with personal matters, and we ask fans to respect his privacy during this time. ATEEZ will continue their activities as scheduled, and we promise to keep fans updated on any changes."

Even with this official statement, fans can't help but worry about the group's future. Hongjoong's leadership and unique talents have played a crucial role in shaping ATEEZ's success, and his absence undoubtedly leaves a significant gap.

Fans worldwide are expressing their concern and support for Hongjoong in this challenging time, hoping for his quick return to the group. In the meantime, ATEEZ will continue their activities as a seven-member group.

FIXONPIRATES: I can't believe Hongjoong would put his personal life before the group. This is so unprofessional. 😡

WOOBABY: This is such a disappointment. Maybe it's best if Hongjoong leaves the group. 😞

ILOVEHONGJOONG: We're all let down by this. The group is better off without him. 😔

PIRATEKING: I can't believe he would abandon his responsibilities like this. He should leave ATEEZ. 😡

KINGHONG : This isn't the Hongjoong we used to know and respect. It's time for him to leave the group. 💔

8MAKES1: I'm so disappointed. I can't believe Hongjoong would let us down like this. He should leave ATEEZ. 😠

MYFAVSONGISMINGI: I'm honestly so upset. Hongjoong should leave the group until he can prioritize ATEEZ. 😡

ILOVEMOUNTAINS: I never thought I'd say this, but maybe it's time for Hongjoong to leave ATEEZ. He's clearly not able to fulfill his responsibilities as a leader. 😞

Pre-Debut Relationship of ATEEZ's Leader, Kim Hongjoong, Revealed

ATEEZ's leader, Kim Hongjoong, is currently making headlines for an unexpected hiatus from group activities. Now, inside sources reveal another dimension to the story, unveiling a pre-debut relationship that might be the underlying cause of the K-pop star's recent actions.

Before shooting to fame as the charismatic leader of ATEEZ, Hongjoong was in a happy relationship with a woman, who remains unknown. According to insiders, the pair shared a deep bond that has left an indelible mark on Hongjoong's life.

Their relationship began before Hongjoong's debut with ATEEZ, during a time when the budding artist was juggling his aspirations of a music career and his personal life. The sources reveal that the relationship was a significant part of Hongjoong's life before his rise to fame.

However, the relationship ended abruptly, despite the couple being in a state of happiness and contentment. This unexpected breakup was a significant blow to Hongjoong, who was deeply in love and had no anticipation of the abrupt end.

The sudden termination of their relationship marked a significant turning point in Hongjoong's life, as he committed himself entirely to ATEEZ and his responsibilities as a leader. The decision to focus on his career came in the aftermath of this unexpected personal loss.

The recent revelations about Hongjoong's pre-debut relationship provide an intriguing perspective on the current situation. While the exact details remain unclear, it's evident that Hongjoong's past relationship has had a significant impact on his personal and professional life. The revelations raise questions about the role this past relationship may be playing in his recent actions and his unexpected hiatus from ATEEZ's activities.

SEONGHWASTAR: Hongjoong needs to take a break and sort out his life. ATEEZ deserves a dedicated leader. 😔

MATZLOVER: I stand with Hongjoong! Everyone has a right to personal life. 💪

PIRATEKING: This isn't the Hongjoong we used to respect. He's letting his personal problems affect the group! 💔

LOVINGHONG: We need to support Hongjoong in this tough time. He is human too and has feelings.

CRAZYFORYEO: Hongjoong needs us more than ever. Let's not abandon him in this difficult time. ❤️

YUNGIYUNGIYUNGI: Stay strong, Hongjoong! We believe in you and support you. 💪

eight

After a long, grueling flight, Hongjoong finally landed back home. As soon as the plane touched down, he felt an overwhelming sense of urgency. He rushed to catch a taxi, desperate to get to you as quickly as possible. He hoped that his sudden return had gone unnoticed as he was supposed to be in another country, preparing for a concert. However, to his surprise, the airport arrivals zone was swarming with reporters. Their cameras flashed continuously, momentarily blinding him. The sudden influx of attention was the last thing he needed right now, but there was no turning back. All he could think about was seeing you. Throwing on his sunglasses and mask, he was filled with fear at the thought of facing the sea of reporters alone. The absence of his usual security guard weighed heavy on his shoulders. The reporters were shouting, one after another, their voices overwhelming him. The constant flash of cameras was deafening, the noise throbbing in his head and pushing him toward the edge of a panic attack. The noise was too much to bear, making it impossible for Hongjoong to focus on any of the words coming out of the reporters' mouths. He needed to get out quickly. Tripping a few times, his anxiety was getting the best of him. Why were they here? He scrambled to regain his footing, the world spinning around him as the clamor of reporters grew louder. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, each beat echoing the growing sense of dread that was consuming him. He couldn’t make out their questions, the words getting lost in the cacophony of noise. Suddenly, he felt a strong grip on his arm.

"Come on, let's get you out of here," a tall man from airport security said, his voice steady despite the pandemonium around them. He pulled Hongjoong away from the reporters, shielding him from their intrusive questions and cameras. The man managed to get Hongjoong to the safety of a VIP parking lot, the noise of the reporters fading into the distance.

"Thank you, sir," Hongjoong said, his voice barely above a whisper. The man simply nodded, his gaze filled with concern.

"No one should have to go through that alone," he replied, "I will order a taxi for you. Please wait here until it arrives." Hongjoong did as he was told, waiting patiently for a driver to arrive. He rummaged through his bag, finally finding his phone and turning it back on when the taxi finally arrived. He took a seat in the back, his heart rate slowly returning to normal. Finally, he checked his phone, notifications coming like crazy, unanswered calls, unread messages, the amount of it was overwhelming. Hongjoong's heart pounded in his chest as he clicked a link sent by his manager, causing the articles to load. Each word, each accusation, felt like a stab to his chest. His mind reeled from the harsh reality of his situation, and the severity of the consequences he faced. The accusations, the speculation, the harsh criticism - it was all too much. He felt a profound sense of betrayal, a deep-seated anger towards his management for allowing things to spiral so far out of control. His manager's voice echoed in his mind, the threat from the before now a chilling reality. He had followed through on his threat, leaking Hongjoong's personal life to the media, spinning the situation to make Hongjoong the villain. The public backlash was harsh and swift, their words cut deep. He could feel his world crumbling around him, the life he had worked so hard to build threatening to collapse under the weight of the scandal. Hongjoong was devastated. A sinking feeling of despair washed over him as he scrolled through the comments, each one a painful reminder of the image he had lost. The leader, the professional, the role model - all replaced with a man driven by personal desires, abandoning his responsibilities, and disappointing his fans. Hongjoong couldn't believe his fans, the people who had supported him through thick and thin, were now against him. Their words, usually filled with love and encouragement, had transformed into harsh criticism and disappointment. He felt he had let them down, and the guilt was overwhelming. Hongjoong could hardly believe the magnitude of damage that had unfolded during the mere hours of his flight back home. The sudden turn of events felt like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. As he asked the driver to roll up the partition, he immediately dialed his manager's number, his fingers shaking with barely contained anger.

"What the fuck is this?" he demanded as soon as the call connected, his voice harsh and strained. "Why am I finding out about my own hiatus from a fucking article?"

His manager sighed heavily on the other end of the line, the sound echoing ominously through the phone. "I warned you, Hongjoong," he replied curtly, his tone carrying an icy edge that sent a chill down Hongjoong's spine. "I told you there would be consequences."

Hongjoong clenched his jaw, his blood boiling at his manager's words. The man was using his position of authority to manipulate and control him. "You're blackmailing me," Hongjoong spat out, his voice thick with accusation. "How could you do that? How could you use my personal life as a tool to control me?"

The manager sighed, "You knew what you were getting into, Hongjoong," he continued, his voice quieter now, but still carrying an undercurrent of stern reprimand. "You know you are banned from dating, you signed the contract yourself. You know the rules, the restrictions. We've talked about this and yet," his manager went on, "you chose to ignore it. To risk everything you've worked for." He finally paused, giving Hongjoong a moment to absorb his words. "We're not just talking about your career here, Hongjoong, we're talking about the group, the fans, the company. Your actions affect more than just you." His words hung in the air, a stark reminder of the consequences of Hongjoong's actions. This wasn't just about him and his feelings. His actions had far-reaching repercussions, ones that he hadn't fully considered in the heat of the moment. "We need you to think about what's at stake here, Hongjoong," he added, his voice carrying a seriousness that sent a chill down Hongjoong's spine. "You should be happy we put you on hiatus. At least you can spend some quality time with... what's her name again?" His manager sneered, the disrespect apparent in his voice. This was a low blow, a deliberate jab at Hongjoong's personal life, leaving him seething. A surge of rage swept through Hongjoong at his manager's taunting words. He could hardly believe what he was hearing, the blatant disrespect towards you making his blood boil.

"Don't you dare speak about her like that," he snarled, his voice dangerously low. His grip on the phone tightened, his knuckles turning white with the force of his anger. "You have no right." His manager seemed taken aback by his outburst, but Hongjoong didn't care. He was sick and tired of his personal life being under constant scrutiny, especially regarding his relationship with you. "You don't get to dismiss her like she's nothing," he continued, his voice trembling. "She's not just some random girl, I love her." There was silence on the other end of the line, the manager clearly surprised by Hongjoong's passionate response.

"Listen, Hongjoong," the manager's voice echoed through the phone, "Here's what we're going to do. You want to be with her? Fine. But you two need to stay low, understand? We'll control the damage on our end. You will be back for the European tour dates, no exceptions." His manager's voice hardened, the finality of his words sending chills down Hongjoong's spine. "You get a month with her, that's it. After that, it's the end. And by that, I mean she's dead to you. No more contact, no more distractions. Your career and your responsibilities come first. Are we clear?" Hongjoong pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at it in shock. He could hear his manager's voice continuing on the other end, but his words were a blur, drowned out by the roaring silence in his own mind.

"A month..." he muttered to himself, the reality of the situation sinking in. He had a month. 30 days. 720 hours. That was all the time he had left with you. After that, you would be gone from his life, erased as if you never existed. The thought was unbearable.

"Are you listening to me, Hongjoong?" his manager's voice snapped him back to reality. His tone was stern, and authoritative. It was a tone Hongjoong had come to associate with bad news, with ultimatums and decisions made without his input. "This is not a negotiation." Hongjoong swallowed hard, his throat tight. He wanted to argue, to fight back. But he knew it was pointless. His manager had made up his mind, and there was no changing it.

"Alright," he finally replied, his voice barely more than a whisper. "I understand."

"Good," his manager responded, the satisfaction evident in his voice. "Remember, Hongjoong, this is for the best. You have a bright future ahead of you. Don't let one mistake ruin it all." The call ended abruptly, leaving Hongjoong alone with his thoughts. He stared at his phone screen, the harsh reality of the situation weighing heavy on his heart. He had a month left with you, a month to make memories, to say his goodbyes. After that, he would have to let you go, to move on and focus on his career. But as he sat there, he couldn't help but wonder if he could do it. If he could really let you go. Because despite everything, despite the pain and the heartache, he knew one thing for sure: he was still in love with you. And love, as he was quickly learning, was not something that could be easily forgotten or replaced. It was a powerful force, a relentless tide that swept you off your feet and carried you away, regardless of the consequences. As Hongjoong sat in the taxi, staring at the blank screen of his phone, he made a decision. He would make the most of the time he had left with you. He would make every moment count. Because in the end, when all was said and done, he wanted to be able to look back and know that he had loved you with all his heart, even if it was just for a little while.

nine

You woke up abruptly, in the middle of the day, your head throbbing with the worst headache you'd ever experienced. You'd only caught a few hours of sleep, your body still worn out from the previous night. You found yourself in the dress you had worn yesterday, the fabric now uncomfortable and sticking to your skin. The remnants of your makeup were smeared on your face, causing your skin to itch. Through your half-opened eyes, you saw the sun's rays hitting your face, a harsh reminder of the time. Your body felt heavy as if you had run a marathon. Your muscles were sore, and you could barely muster the energy to move. You yawned, stretching your body and feeling your joints pop. The empty, gnawing feeling in your stomach was the only force that managed to pull you out of bed. You decided to deal with your fatigue first, hoping a shower would do the trick. The cold water hit your skin, sending a jolt through your tired body. It was calming and refreshing, washing away the remnants of the previous night and soothing your aching muscles. Once you were done, you grabbed one of your oversized t-shirts and a pair of comfortable panties. Dressed and feeling slightly more alive, you left the comfort of your room and ventured into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. You took some painkillers for your headache, hoping they would kick in soon. To brighten the mood, you decided to put on some music. The familiar tunes filled the room, providing a comforting background noise as you went about your morning routine. Despite the rough start to your day, you found a sense of peace in these simple morning rituals. As the day dragged on, you found yourself mindlessly scrolling through Netflix. You couldn't quite decide what to watch, your mind too clouded with thoughts and fatigue to make a choice. As the minutes ticked by, your eyes grew heavier and heavier. Every blink felt like a battle, your eyelids threatening to close with each passing second. Your nap was interrupted by a ring at the door. You didn't expect any visitors today, but you forced yourself to answer it. You quickly fixed your hair and glanced down at your oversized t-shirt. Thankfully, it was long enough to cover you, so you didn't bother to put on anything else before opening the door. 

You had just unlocked the door when Hongjoong suddenly stormed into your apartment. His unexpected entrance took you completely by surprise, leaving you momentarily stunned. 

"Hongjoong?" you managed to squeak out, your heart hammering in your chest. "What are you…" Before you even had a chance to finish, he had you pinned up against the wall, his lips seeking yours in a desperate, hungry kiss. 

"We're gonna talk later," he managed to blurt out before kissing you again. Thoughts of you consumed him entirely. The idea of your lips meeting another man's in a passionate embrace, the thought of you out in the nightclub seeking the attention of someone who was not him, it was too much to bear. Hongjoong envisioned you offering your body to someone who didn't know you as he did, didn't love you as he did. His blood boiled at the thought, a reaction that set his nerves on edge. The stress from the unexpected hiatus, and the stern words from his manager, all paled in comparison to the anguish he felt at the thought of losing you. His longing for you was overwhelming, a need that shook him to his core. He yearned to have you under him, to feel the warmth of your naked body against his. He craved the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin under his fingertips. Hongjoong wanted to consume you, to lose himself in the intoxicating allure of your being. The thought of you, of your touch, your scent, your love, it was a driving force for him. A desire so strong that it threatened to consume him entirely. Hongjoong’s lips left yours abruptly, ending the breathless kiss that had consumed both of you. His hand moved from your waist to your face, gripping it strongly and forcing your gaze to meet his. There was a fiery intensity in his eyes that caught you off guard, and for a moment, all you could do was stare back at him in stunned silence. 

"Haven't fucked you in a few months and you have already forgotten who you belong to?" He asked, his voice low and heavy with an emotion you couldn't quite place. You wanted to moan at his words, each syllable that fell from his lips sending a wave of pleasure that cascaded down to your very core. You found yourself completely at his mercy, a plaything in his hands, and the realization stirred a thrill within you that was hard to ignore. His hand, firm and warm, cupping your face, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw in a touch that was almost tender. His other hand, however, was far from gentle. Pressed against your hip, it pushed you hard against the wall, the cold, hard surface a stark contrast to the heat of your body. You could feel the pressure of his fingers against your skin, the strength behind the hold, and you already knew that they would leave marks. Marks that would bloom into dark, purple imprints by the next morning, a tangible reminder of this moment. Marks that would be visible, and you found that you didn't mind one bit. 

"Answer me," he demanded, his voice low and dangerously quiet. The intensity of his gaze was overwhelming, his eyes burning into yours with an unreadable expression. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, the sensation amplified by the deafening silence that followed his words. The anticipation was making your breath hitch in your throat, making it difficult to form a coherent response. All you could do was whimper, the sound barely audible in the tension-filled room. 

"I belong to you, Hongjoong," you finally answered, swallowing the lump in your throat hard. Your voice was barely a whisper against the room's silence. 

"Good girl," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. His words sent a thrill of pleasure coursing through you, making your heart race and your core clench with anticipation. Hongjoong’s gaze was heavy on you, making your skin prickle with anticipation. The intensity of his stare was like a physical touch, stoking the flames of your desire. His lips were next to your ear now, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. Hongjoong pressed his body to yours, leaving no space in between, and you could feel his hardness against your thigh. He was already prepared to take you. The anticipation made you clench around nothing, the thought of him filling you up driving you wild with desire. "I will fuck you so hard the only thing you're gonna remember is my name," he whispered straight into your ear. The world beyond you two ceased to exist in that moment. All you were aware of was him, the feel of his body pressed against yours, the way his hands explored your figure with ownership that made your heart race. His scent, a heady mix of his cologne, and the smell that was uniquely him filled your senses. It was intoxicating, making your head spin and your body yearn for more. His lips found yours in a searing kiss, a clash of teeth and tongues that was all-consuming. It was as if he was trying to devour you, to claim you as his own with each kiss, each touch. And you let him. You surrendered yourself to him, to the overpowering desire that was coursing through your veins. Hongjoong’s touch was everywhere, leaving no inch of your skin unexplored. His hands roamed your body, each touch setting your skin on fire. His fingers traced your curves, his touch igniting a trail of heat wherever he touched. It was maddening, the way he was making you feel. You were like a lump of clay in his hands, your body responding to his every touch, every command. As his hands continued their exploration, the anticipation was building, leaving you breathless. You knew it was only a matter of time before he would claim you, mark you as his own. And you loved the idea. The idea of being entirely his. 

Hongjoong’s fingers found the hem of your oversized t-shirt, and he took it off of you quickly to reveal your body. The cool air hitting your exposed skin made you shiver, but it was nothing compared to the heat his touch was generating within you. As his hand moved up your leg, your breath hitched in anticipation. He paused, his fingers hovering over the lace of your panties. You could feel the heat of his hand through the thin fabric, sending jolts of electricity coursing through you. Hongjoong lowered himself, his eyes never leaving yours. His lips met the soft skin of your nipple, taking it in his mouth. The sensation of his warm mouth was intoxicating, making you gasp as he sucked hard, his teeth gently grazing you. Simultaneously, his hand moved to the other side, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your nipple before he took it between his fingers. He began to twist and pinch, his touch just the right side of rough. He played with you, his actions causing a wave of pleasurable sensation to course through your body, making you arch your back in response. This continued, his mouth and hands working in a rhythm that only he knew, his attention solely focused on you, on giving you pleasure. You could feel a heat building up within you, a testament to the skill and care with which Hongjoong was treating you. And throughout it all, he never broke eye contact, his gaze filled with a desire and intensity that matched his actions. You reached down, your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him up to meet your lips. As your mouths collided in a passionate, desperate kiss, a moan escaped from your throat, muffled by the intensity of his lips on yours. 

Your hands gradually made their way under the fabric of his t-shirt, the sensation of your fingers tracing over the contours and warmth of his skin beneath. You wasted no time, reaching for the zipper of his pants, which were already uncomfortably tight for him. But as your fingers grazed the metal, he grabbed your wrist, stopping you mid-motion. His eyes, dark with desire, met yours. 

"It's not gonna be that easy, baby girl," he murmured, a devilish smirk playing on his lips. Hongjoong released your wrist but kept his hand there, his thumb tracing slow circles on your skin. His other hand slid up your back, pulling you closer until your bodies were pressed together with no space in between. The heat from his body seeped into yours, his scent filling your senses. Your heart pounded in your chest in anticipation of what was to come. His lips found your neck, his teeth grazing your skin, eliciting a gasp from you. You could feel his smirk against your skin, he was playing a dangerous game, one that had you on the edge. He sucked on your skin roughly, each pull of his lips sending a rush of sensations coursing through your body. His teeth grazed your sensitive skin, biting down hard after each suck. Hongjoong was marking you, claiming you as his own in the most primal way possible. Each mark, each hickey he left on your skin was a silent proclamation of his ownership, an indelible reminder of his touch. He wanted to cover you all in his marks, to transform your beautiful skin into a canvas that bore the testament of his love. He wanted the world to see, to know that you were his. Every mark he left was a symbol of his possession, a clear message to anyone who dared to look your way. And with each mark he left, he etched his love for you deeper into your skin, into your very soul. It was a display of ownership that was as intoxicating as it was overwhelming. And as he continued to mark you, you were left with no doubt that you belonged to him.

Hongjoong's hands moved to your legs, his grip firm and commanding as he spread them apart. He effortlessly slid his own leg between yours, positioning himself in a way that your sensitive core came in direct contact with his muscular thigh. This friction, elicited a deep moan from you, a sound that filled the room and fed his desire. Your pussy had been neglected throughout this encounter and the sudden stimulation was intensely gratifying. The friction against your sensitive spot, even though it was indirect, generated waves of pleasure that coursed through your body, consuming you. Hongjoong’s actions were deliberate and calculated, each movement, each touch and kiss was designed to make you want him more. And it was working. Your hands fumbled with the hem of his shirt, your fingers desperate to feel the heat of his skin. He obliged, allowing you to pull the garment over his head. The sight of him, bare-chested and smirking at you, made your breath hitch in your throat. You wanted to grind down on his thigh, to press your aching core harder against the firm muscle for more friction, but he stopped you, holding you steady. His grip on your hips was firm, his fingers digging into your skin as he held you in place, controlling the pace to prolong the tantalizing torture. 

"Touch me," you whimpered, desperate to feel him. Your pussy was neglected, yet soaking wet only waiting for Hongjoong. The anticipation was making you ache with need, your body yearning for his touch. 

Hongjoong smiled devilishly at you. "Beg for it," he whispered. His words sent a shiver down your spine, a mixture of fear and anticipation. You swallowed hard, meeting his gaze with an intensity that mirrored his own. 

"Please," you whined desperately, the word barely audible. 

Suddenly, Hongjoong pulled away. His hands, which had been tracing patterns on your hips, and his thigh, which provided much-needed friction, were abruptly gone. You whimpered in response, a wave of desperation washing over. The lack of contact became unbearable, causing your skin to tingle in anticipation and making you yearn for his warmth. Your heart began to thump wildly in your chest, and a lump formed in your throat, making it hard for you to swallow. 

Hongjoong smirked at you, his voice dark and teasing as he said, "You aren't begging enough, baby girl." 

"Please," you begged again, your voice quivering with need. The absence of his touch was driving you insane, each passing second amplifying your desperation. "I need you, Hongjoong," you pleaded, your words hanging in the air. ‘’Please, please, please fuck me’’ He gave you a satisfied smirk, his fingers back to tracing idle patterns on your bare skin, pushing you further into the abyss of longing. His smile grew wider, satisfaction evident in his eyes. He leaned in closer, his breath fanning against your skin. 

"That's my girl," he murmured before his lips captured yours in a searing kiss. 

He lowered himself down your body, his eyes never leaving yours. The tension between you was palpable, filling the room with an intoxicating mix of anticipation and desire. His teeth gently caught the hem of your panties, his gaze darkening as he watched your reaction. There was a smirk on his face, one that spoke volumes of the intimate knowledge he had of your body. His hands slid down your sides, tracing the contours of your body with a familiarity that sent shivers down your spine. Then, he licked your lower stomach, the unexpected sensation making you arch your back. His tongue left a wet trail on your skin, the heat of it seeping into you and making you squirm underneath him. His hands returned to your hips, his fingers hooking into the sides of your panties. With a playful wink, he began to slide the last piece of fabric down your legs. The action was slow, and torturous, dragging out the moment and making your heart pound in your chest. The room was filled with the sound of your ragged breaths and the rustling of fabric as he finally removed your panties, leaving you bare before him. His eyes roamed over your body, taking in every detail with an intensity that made you blush. But there was no room for embarrassment, not when his gaze held such raw desire, such absolute adoration. One of his hands supported your hips, keeping you steady despite your shaky legs. His other hand separated your legs, trailing its way up your thigh, until finally, he was exactly where you needed him most. His eyes never left yours as he continued his torturous exploration. He watched your reaction to every touch, every caress, his gaze darkening with desire at every gasp and moan that slipped past your lips. Hongjoong’s fingers gently separated your folds, finally making contact with your wetness. Your moan at the sensation echoed in the quiet apartment, serving as a sweet symphony to his ears. His two fingers circled around your sensitive clit, you rolled your eyes at the sensation, you were already so pent up, you felt like you were going to explode. With a slow, deliberate motion, he inserted one of his fingers, prompting you to moan, "More." He complied, adding another of his fingers, the increased pressure sending waves of pleasure coursing through you. You moaned his name and grabbed his shoulder for support, trembling with pleasure. The room spun around you, every nerve in your body seemed to come alive, the sensation overwhelming and intense. Your body responded instinctively, arching towards him, craving more of his touch. His lips found yours again, kissing you deeply as his fingers continued to move inside you. His movements were measured, each stroke designed to draw out the maximum pleasure. It was as if he knew your body better than you did, each touch hitting just the right spot. "You are so beautiful, moaning my name like that… give me more of your beautiful moans." He whispered, as his thumb circled around your clit. You obliged, losing yourself in the waves of pleasure that his touch invoked. Hongjoong's fingers crossed inside of you, picking up speed as he felt you clenching around them. "Tell me what you want, baby," he whispered against your skin, his voice husky and filled with desire. 

"I-I want to c-cum, please let me," you pleaded intensely, your voice trembling and shaking as you felt the wave of your impending climax steadily building up inside of you, each pulse and throb pushing you closer to the edge. 

"Who do you belong to?" Hongjoong's voice echoed in the room, his words were a challenge, a demand, and a plea all wrapped into one. His eyes bore into you, intense and unwavering. As he waited for your response he slid a third finger inside you, stretching you with a delicious pressure that made your breath hitch in your throat. The sensation was overwhelming, drawing a gasp from your lips as a wave of pleasure washed over you. 

"Y-you," you struggled to respond, your voice a mere whisper against the pounding rhythm of your heart. “I belong to you Hongjoong” His name tumbled from your lips, a sweet surrender that brought a satisfied smirk to his face. You moaned loudly, your voice breaking as your climax built. 

"You can cum now princess," Hongjoong whispered, his voice low and husky in your ear. Your body responded to his words, your climax hitting you with an intensity that left you breathless. 

"Hongjoong!" you cried out, your body convulsing as waves of pleasure washed over you. Your grip on his shoulder tightened as you came hard. Hongjoong’s fingers were still inside you, wet from your release, and they continued to move, riding out the aftershocks of your orgasm. 

"That's it, baby," he murmured against your skin, his voice a low growl. As you came down from your high, you buried your face in the crook of his neck, trying to catch your breath. You gasped as he pulled his fingers out of you, the lack of him there leaving you painfully empty. His breath was ragged, matching yours in intensity. Suddenly Hongjoong gripped your hair firmly, pulling your head up to make you look at him. "We're not done yet," he growled, his voice low and dangerous. "Get on the bed, on all fours," he demanded, his voice firm and authoritative. His command sent a shiver down your spine, and you felt yourself get worked up again. You didn't hesitate, moving to comply with his demand. Clambering onto the bed, you positioned yourself on your forearms and knees. Hongjoong moved behind you, you heard the sound of his zipper being pulled down, followed by the soft thud of his jeans hitting the floor. He climbed onto the bed, his hands found your hips, his touch firm and possessive. "Stay still," he whispered, his voice a low growl in your ear. You could feel the anticipation building, a delicious tension that made your breath hitch in your throat. Hongjoong's presence was overwhelming, his dominance a heady intoxicant that left you dizzy with need. As he whispered, "Ass up," you found your body obeying without a second thought, a wave of shivers running through you. You felt his tip teasingly trace your delicate folds, and you couldn't suppress a whimper. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he mocked, his hand winding its way into your hair, giving it a firm tug. His lips trailed along your neck, teeth nipping at the abused skin and drawing a soft gasp from your lips. The accusation hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his jealousy. "Calling me up, talking about other guy, hm?" His words were laced with a bitter edge, the thought of you being with someone else igniting a fire in his belly that he couldn't quell. His grip on your hair tightened, his other hand tracing the curve of your waist as he pulled you closer, his hot breath hitting your skin and making you shudder in anticipation. "Answer me, baby girl," he demanded making you shiver. "Or you're not gonna get what you want." 

"Hongjoong, please," you begged, leaving his question unanswered. You shifted your hips slightly, hoping to make him slide inside you, but he held you firmly in place, not allowing you to move an inch. "I need your cock, please," by now you were on the verge of crying. 

He moved closer, his breath hot against your neck, his voice a low rumble in your ear. "You belong to me, your body is mine," he growled, the words seeping into your skin. His teeth grazed your shoulder lightly before biting down, the sharp sensation making you gasp out loud."Mine," he repeated, as he re-positioned himself at your entrance. Slowly, agonizingly, he slid inside you. The sensation was overwhelming, the slow stretch of him filling you driving you to the edge of madness. The sensation was overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and pain that left you gasping for breath. "Don’t forget that," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper as he began to move, each thrust more powerful than the last. His hands gripped your hips, holding you in place as he set a rhythm. Every muscle in your body tensed as you adjusted to his size, your nails digging into the sheets. His movements grew more erratic, his breath hitching in his throat as he fought to maintain control. A heat began to coil in your abdomen, the pleasure building with each passing second."You were made for me," he declared, one of his hands left your hip, as he reached to your clit, his fingers expertly massaging the soft bud. A loud moan slipped past your lips at his touch, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine. 

"Y-Yes, Hongjoong, mmm... all for you," you agreed breathlessly, your body surrendering to the waves of pleasure that washed over you. He was too much, his touch, his very presence overwhelming your senses. You had lost all control, all semblance of resistance crumbling under his touch. You were his to play with, to use, to love. 

"You should see how good you look right now, stuffed with my cock," Hongjoong growled into your ear, his voice filled with raw desire. His words sent a thrill of pleasure coursing through you, heightening the intensity of the moment. His fingers dug into your hip as he continued to move inside of you, each thrust driving you closer to the edge. You clenched around him, his fingers expertly manipulating your sensitive clit. Your body was at its limit, desperate for release. "You will come only if and when I say so," Hongjoong moaned, his pace quickening to the edge of possibility. ''Your slut pussy exists for me to fuck it.'' He was slamming into you relentlessly, the sounds of your wet skin slapping against each other echoing through the room. You could feel the tears streaming down your face as he continued his relentless pace. It was getting impossible to keep yourself from reaching your climax, your fingers curling into the sheets as you tried to anchor yourself. Biting into the pillow, you tried to muffle your moans, but the pleasure was too overwhelming. ''I'm not gonna let you cum until I hear you scream my name with your pretty lips,'' he warned, the threat was enough to make you lose control, your voice crying out his name countless times as you surrendered to the pleasure. 

"Hongjoong, please," you begged, your voice a desperate plea as the tension within you built to an unbearable pitch. "Please, let me cum." Your words echoed throughout the room, raw and filled with need. Your knuckles turned white as you clung to the sheets beneath you, your grip unyielding against the soft fabric. His movements were relentless, the intensity of your need was overwhelming, your mind consumed by the singular focus of his dick inside you. You felt Hongjoong’s cock getting even harder, the feeling setting you on the edge.

"Cum for me, baby." As soon as Hongjoong gave you permission, you came with a loud, whiny moan, your body trembling. His thumb continued stimulating you, pushing you to the brink of overstimulation. You squeezed your pussy around his cock as you felt him throbbing. "I’m going to fill you up so good," he whimpered, his movements growing sloppy. "You're going to take all of my cum like a good girl." You felt the pulsing of his dick deep inside you as he came, his warm cum filling your pussy. Overcome by a wave of intense pleasure, he let out a deep groan, echoing throughout the room. With a few more hard thrusts, he rode his orgasm out, fucking his cum deeper inside you.

You slammed against the mattress, exhaustion washing over your sweaty body. Hongjoong’s breath hitched as he slowly pulled out, you felt the sticky cum rushing out when he did so. You felt his warm hand gently caress your waist, and he pulled you closer, wrapping his arm around you and burying his face into your hair. 

"You did so well, baby," he whispered, his heart pounding against your back, matching the rhythm of your own. You felt his lips brush against your shoulder, and you turned your head to meet his gaze. His eyes were soft, filled with an emotion that made your heart clench. You saw guilt, regret, and longing in his eyes. His fingers traced circles on your hip, and you turned around to face him, your fingers brushing against his cheek. 

"How do you feel?" he asked, worry evident in his voice. "Was I too rough on you?" you looked at him, a faint smile playing on your lips despite the pain that was slowly starting to creep in. 

You lightly pecked his lips and answered, "I'm okay, Hongjoong," you assured him, your voice barely above a whisper. He studied you for a moment, his eyes searching yours for any signs of discomfort. 

"Good," he murmured, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You traced your fingers down his spine, causing him to shiver. You hugged him closer, pulling the comforter over your shivering bodies. The exhaustion was taking the best of both of you. With his arm wrapped tightly around you, you both settled into the warmth of each other. 

"I didn't expect you to... you know," you said, your voice trembling "I mean, it was so sudden..." 

Hongjoong chuckled lightly, his fingers gently brushed your arm. "I can't help it," he said, his voice soft and intimate. "When I'm with you, I just... lose control. You drive me crazy, you know that?" 

You blushed, a soft smile playing on your lips. "Is that so?" you asked, your tone teasing. 

"Yes," he replied, his voice serious. "But... if I hurt you, or if it was too much... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." 

You shook your head, reaching out to gently touch his face. "You didn't hurt me, Hongjoong," you assured him. "It was... intense. But in a good way. I liked it." 

A relieved smile spread across his face. "I'm glad to hear that," he said. 

The storm outside couldn't touch Hongjoong in your embrace, where the rest of the world seemed to cease to exist. Your rhythmic breathing lulled him into a sense of peace and tranquility, your heart syncing with his in a comforting rhythm. You could feel the tension slowly leaving your body as you relaxed against Hongjoong, his grip on you softening. As his eyes fluttered closed, you traced patterns on his back with your fingers, a silent promise of comfort and safety. 

After a period of blissful silence, punctuated only by your breathing, you posed a question that needed to be asked, "But Hongjoong... what exactly are you doing here?" you finally addressed the elephant in the room. "Not that I’m complaining, it’s just so… unexpected," Hongjoong breathed out shakily. He hadn’t figured out quite how to navigate the whole situation, what to tell you and what not. 

"Well, if you're not complaining, then maybe we don't have to talk about it?" Hongjoong stated, causing you to furrow your brows in confusion. His words caught you off guard. Hongjoong was dismissing your feelings, trying to brush them off as if they were nothing. 

"Are you serious right now?" You asked, your voice rising in disbelief. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, Hongjoong, and you're just...just..." You pulled away from his embrace, and a wave of disappointment washed over you, causing your heart to sink deep within. You had naively hoped that this time things would be different, that the love you shared could somehow erase the pain of the past. But the harsh reality started to set in. 

"Relax, I didn't mean it like that," with a swift movement, he reached out, his fingers wrapping around your wrist, pulling you in towards him. Your naked body collided with his chest. But Hongjoong's casual demeanor only infuriated you further. 

"No, Hongjoong, I won't 'relax'," you snapped back once again pulling away from his embrace, your patience wearing thin. "This is important, and if you're not going to take it seriously, then maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation at all." He was silent for a moment, his eyes studying your face as if trying to understand your emotions. But what was there to understand? You were hurt, and you were angry, and you were tired of feeling like you were the only one who cared. 

"I'm sorry," he finally said, his voice quiet. "You're right. I should've taken this more seriously. Let's talk." It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. You let out a sigh of relief, a weight lifting off your shoulders. Maybe there was hope for you two after all. With his apology, the tension in the room lessened slightly, but it was still there, hovering in the air like a dark cloud. You took a deep breath, composing yourself before speaking again. 

"Thank you, Hongjoong," you began, your voice steady. "We need to communicate better," you continued, meeting his soft gaze. 

"Yeah, I agree, baby," he said, pressing a tender kiss to your temple. "Let's go out for dinner, and we can talk properly." You nodded in agreement, taking comfort in his words and the warmth of his touch.

"I'd like that," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper. 

"Then it’s a date, but for now let me take care of you, what do you say? Should I run you a bath?" he suggested, and you hummed in agreement. Hongjoong nodded, as he captured your lips in a soft kiss before he stood up and walked towards the bathroom. You heard the sound of water running and you felt a sense of calm wash over you. Hongjoong returned with a glass of warm water, offering it to you. "Should I prepare some food for us while you bathe?" he asked. You took a sip, the warm liquid soothing your parched throat. 

You glanced at him, your eyes meeting his. "I was kind of hoping that you would join me in the bathroom," you replied, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. A hint of surprise flashed in Hongjoong's eyes, quickly replaced by a familiar spark of mischief. 

"Is that so?" he asked, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. You nodded, your cheeks flushing a soft pink under his intense gaze. "Well then," he said, setting the glass down on the nightstand. "Who am I to decline such offer?" He extended his hand to you, the implicit invitation hanging in the air between you. With a soft laugh, you took his hand, allowing him to pull you to your feet. 

The tub was overflowing with bubbles, the water warm and inviting. Hongjoong pulled you into the tub with him, his arms wrapping around your waist as you settled between his legs. His fingers traced idle patterns on your skin, the simple touch sending shivers down your spine. With a soft giggle, you reached for the bottle of shampoo, pouring a generous amount onto your palm. Hongjoong took it from you, his fingers intertwining with yours as he worked the shampoo into your hair. His movements were gentle, his fingers massaging your scalp in a way that had you closing your eyes in pleasure. Every now and then, Hongjoong would press a sweet kiss on your shoulder, his lips lingering against your skin in a silent promise of love. You turned in his arms, your fingers tracing the contours of his face. You leaned in, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. His hands found your waist, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. His fingers brushed through your hair, washing out the shampoo. As he rinsed your hair, you leaned back against him, your fingers tracing patterns on his thigh. His lips found your neck, pressing soft kisses to your marked skin. Hongjoong examined the hickeys he left on your skin, already a deep shade of purple. A sense of satisfaction washed over him at the sight, but it was quickly replaced by a wave of guilt. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered against your neck, peppering the area with soft kisses in a silent apology. 

You felt his breath against your skin, calming and warm. The sensation was a stark contrast to the pain of the marks he had created. "It's okay, Hongjoong," you reassured him, your voice soft and forgiving. You knew he didn't mean to hurt you; his passion got the better of him. 

He pulled back and looked into your eyes, "Promise?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in concern. You nodded, giving him a small smile that seemed to put him at ease. 

"Promise," you replied, tracing your fingers over the marks with a slight wince. The tension from earlier seemed to have dissipated, replaced by a sense of peace and contentment. You both sat there, lost in each other's arms, the water slowly turning lukewarm around you. 

Hongjoong's voice broke the comfortable silence, his words soft against your ear. "I love you," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. You turned in his arms, your eyes meeting his. 

"I love you too, Hongjoong," you replied, your words echoing his sentiment. His lips found yours once again, sealing your words with a passionate kiss. As you both sunk further into the tub, the bubbles tickling your skin, you couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness wash over you. Despite everything that had happened, you were here, in his arms, and that was all that mattered. 

ten

While you were still occupied in the bathroom, engaged in getting ready for your date, Hongjoong gently excused himself. With a certain apprehension in his heart, he reached for his phone that was still in his bag. His fingers rubbed against the cool surface, contemplating the action he was about to take. He knew it was time, time to call Seonghwa. The call he had been avoiding, could no longer be put aside. It was a call he had to make, a call to face the repercussions of his actions. The gnawing guilt had begun to weigh him down. Hongjoong took a deep breath, bracing himself for the conversation that was to follow, and dialed Seonghwa's number. 

Seonghwa's voice crackled through the phone, filled with anxiety and disbelief. "Hongjoong? Oh God, what is happening? We're all sitting on the edge, waiting for any information. Care to explain?" 

Hongjoong sighed heavily, his frustration palpable even through the call. "Well, it got out of my control," he admitted. 

"Well, no shit," Seonghwa snapped. "Managers rushed us to the hotel and casually dropped the bomb that you're going on hiatus." 

"I had no idea. I was on a plane when this escalated," Hongjoong explained, running a hand through his hair despite knowing Seonghwa couldn't see him. 

"What do you mean, a plane? Where are you now?" Seonghwa's voice rose with a mix of confusion and anger. 

"I'm at Y/N’s place," Hongjoong confessed quietly. 

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You told all of us she was in the past countless times!" Seonghwa's voice was a mix of betrayal and frustration, each word sharper than the last. 

"Seonghwa, I love her," Hongjoong said, his voice soft but resolute. 

"And clearly it does nothing good for you! Hongjoong, the media are already all over this. They're speculating you will leave the group," Seonghwa exclaimed, his intensity cutting through the phone. 

"Relax, I’m coming back in a month," Hongjoong assured, though his tone lacked conviction. 

"And you expect me to believe that? You'll be back for how long? Until she contacts you again?" Seonghwa shot back, his voice heavy with doubt and frustration. Hongjoong's silence on the other end of the line spoke volumes. Seonghwa sighed, his frustration giving way to a more pleading tone. "Hongjoong, this is serious. The whole group is worried. You can’t just drop everything every time she calls." 

"I know, Seonghwa," Hongjoong said, his voice wavering. "I just... I needed to see her." 

"Look, we all care about you. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. To us. The media, the fans... they’re going to tear you apart." Seonghwa countered. 

"I’m aware," Hongjoong replied, a note of defeat in his voice. "I just... I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions." 

Seonghwa took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts. "You need to make a choice, Hongjoong. Either you're with us, focused on the group, or you need to figure out your personal life first. But this back and forth... it's hurting everyone." 

"I understand," Hongjoong said quietly. "I’m sorry. I didn't mean for it to get this bad." 

"I know you didn’t," Seonghwa said, softening slightly. "But we need you here. We need you to be present. Can you promise me that before you come back you will sort this out once and for all?" 

There was a long pause before Hongjoong responded. "I promise. I'll be back in a month, and during this time I’ll figure things out. I owe that to you guys." 

"Alright," Seonghwa said, feeling a bit of relief. "We'll be waiting for you. Just... take care of yourself, okay?" 

"You too," Hongjoong replied, a hint of gratitude in his voice. "I'll see you soon." As Seonghwa ended the call, he couldn't shake the worry gnawing at him. He hoped Hongjoong would keep his promise, for the sake of the group and for his own well-being. 

Just as Hongjoong put his phone back in his bag, you swung open the bathroom doors. Your eyes were wide from shock as you looked at him. 

"Hongjoong, what does it mean you're on hiatus?" you asked, showing him the articles you’ve just read. Hongjoong met your intense gaze with a practiced smile, hiding the truth behind his eyes. 

"Well, I chose you this time," he lied smoothly, his words a balm to your insecurities. It was exactly what you wanted to hear, and he knew it. But deep down, he knew the reality was far different. Hongjoong understood all too well that you could never find out the truth—that he had no intention of staying for long before disappearing from your life once again. "I decided I need to be with you, to spend my time with you, so I asked the company to give me some time off," he continued, his words dripping with sincerity. With a wild smile stretching across your face, and a laugh of pure joy bubbling from your lips, you threw yourself into Hongjoong's arms. Your hands wrapped around his neck, holding him close as if you could never let him go. At that moment, the happiness of having him back overshadowed any doubts or suspicions, and you basked in the warmth of his presence, cherishing every moment together. 

"You have no idea how happy I am," you murmured, your voice filled with genuine emotion. Hongjoong's heart swelled with warmth at your words, he held you close, savoring the feeling of having you in his arms, relishing the closeness and connection between you. In that moment, everything else faded away, and all that mattered was the love and happiness shared between you. 

"Oh, I think I might have some idea," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. The room was filled with an aching silence, the air heavy with anticipation. His gaze was soft, yet intense, a reflection of the love he held for you. Slowly, Hongjoong moved closer, closing the distance between you. His warm breath brushed against your lips, sending shivers down your spine. Then, without another word, he captured your lips in a soft, tender kiss. It was a kiss filled with longing and affection, a declaration of his feelings that didn't need words. His lips moved against yours, gentle yet demanding. Hongjoong bit your lip gently as he pulled back from the kiss, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. His eyes met yours again, now shining with an unspoken promise of love. They were so warm, so full of love, that you couldn't help but get lost in them. 

With bated breath, you looked up at him, your eyes searching his for reassurance. "You won't leave this time?" you whispered softly, the question hanging in the air like a delicate bubble. It was a plea, a desperate hope for a future that was uncertain yet full of potential. He looked back at you, his eyes filled with resolute determination. The smile that graced his lips was gentle yet firm, a testament to his unwavering commitment to you. 

"I swear, I'll never leave again," he declared, his voice filled with conviction that left no room for doubt. His response filled your heart with a kind of joy that was almost overwhelming. You could barely contain the happiness that bubbled up within you, a joy so profound it was almost palpable. You felt a rush of relief wash over you as if a heavy weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Hongjoong leaned in closer, his breath warm against your skin. And then, he pressed his lips against yours in a soft yet firm kiss. His kiss was like a balm to your worries, an assurance that he was here to stay, that he was yours. His words echoed in your mind, a sweet symphony of promises that painted a beautiful picture of what your future could hold. 

"Get ready, we will be leaving soon," he smiled, giving your bum a teasing slap and gently pushing you off him. You let out a soft giggle, batting his hand away playfully. 

"Alright, alright," you said, rolling your eyes but unable to hide the smile tugging at your lips. "I'll go get ready." You quickly slipped away from him, heading to your bedroom to change. As you closed the door behind you, you paused for a moment, leaning against the wooden surface. A soft smile spread across your face as you remembered his gentle teasing, the warmth of his touch still lingering on your skin. Despite the playful banter, you could feel a strange sense of anticipation building up within you. There was something different about tonight - a spark, an excitement that you couldn't quite put your finger on. As you began to get ready for the night, you couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement in your stomach. 

You sorted through your wardrobe and selected a simple, black strap dress and an elegant black blazer. You left your hair loose over your shoulders, hoping it would cover some of the hickeys that Hongjoong had left on your neck. The marks that were still visible were covered with concealer, which unfortunately didn't help much. You opted for minimal makeup, accentuating your eyes and finishing with your favorite lipstick. After putting on your shoes and grabbing a small bag, you were ready to go. 

"Baby, I'm ready," you announced to Hongjoong, emerging from the bedroom. He was in the living room, awaiting your arrival. "You look...you look stunning," he murmured, taking your hand and spinning you around to appreciate your full appearance. His eyes sparkled with admiration, a warmth spreading across his face as he took in your appearance. 

"You are so beautiful," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his touch gentle and loving. "I can't believe how lucky I am." He continued to hold your hand, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand as he looked at you, completely awestruck. "All set?" he asked, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. You nodded, unable to hide the smile that spread across your face. He offered his arm and you took it, ready to step out into the night with him. 

"I was thinking we could drop by my place on our way to the restaurant, if that's okay with you," he proposed, his eyes eagerly seeking yours for any signs of discomfort. "Seonghwa and Jongho aren't home so you don't have to worry about running into them. I need to change into something more appropriate, and I thought I could pack some stuff as well so I could stay the night after our date." He let the suggestion hang in the air, a hopeful glint in his eyes. 

"Of course," you replied, your heart fluttering at his consideration. A soft smile played upon your lips as you added, "That sounds like a perfect plan, Hongjoong." His face lit up at your response, the tension in his body visibly easing. He let out a sigh of relief, a smile mirroring yours gracing his features. 

"But before we go, I need to tell you something," Hongjoong stated, and you swore your heart stopped for a second. 

"What is it?" you inquired, a knot of apprehension tightening in your stomach. 

"Because of the hiatus, I need to stay low," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. There was a weight to his words, a heaviness that filled the room.

Understanding his situation, you nodded. "I know, Hongjoong," you replied in an equally quiet voice. "I know it’s not the same as before. I mean, you are so popular now." 

"I just don't want the media up our asses, especially now that everyone is speculating about the reason behind my hiatus," Hongjoong confessed, his voice tinged with frustration. 

You nodded in understanding, feeling a pang of sympathy for the pressure he was under. "I get it," you replied softly. "We'll keep it low-key, just between us. No need to add fuel to the fire." 

Hongjoong's expression softened with gratitude, his eyes reflecting his relief. "Thank you," he murmured, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead. 

"We can go public in the future where it won't cause so many problems, right?" you asked, your voice filled with hope and uncertainty. 

Hongjoong looked at you, his expression thoughtful. "I hope so," he replied, his tone cautious. "But for now, let's focus on us. We'll take things one step at a time and see where it leads." 

You nodded, a sense of determination settling over you. "I'm okay with that," you said, your voice steady despite the lingering doubts. "As long as we're together, that's all that matters." 

Hongjoong smiled, his eyes softening with affection. "That's all that matters to me too," he whispered, pulling you close for another embrace. 

[phonebeenmimiced]

Nightmare

(As the title states, he has a nightmare I had based on a dream where it will get its own post. Also some foreshadowing✨️)

Peeps: @myluckymoon @star-seeking-stray @aredeemantagonist @tilskkarishma @yumereblogs

February 18, 2025.

No. Not this again.

A 32 year old man has been reported for cause of death 53 government agents, at the port on a Tuesday afternoon, 1:30pm. Reporters say the suspect was wearing a dark cloak and a hood during the time of the incident. While his face remains unknown, the damage he caused isn't. It's reported that the suspect used explosives during the incident, costing at least 15 thousand in property damage. Some people say that this was a active terrorist attack. Detectives are still on the case and hunt about this man.

It wasn't meant to turn out this way. I wanted to be left alone, but they were after me. I was protecting myself! I'm already dead to them, there's no need to hunt me down! I didn't do anything this time, I swear!

Updated report states that the Armed Detective Agency is taking on the case-

DAMN IT! This is bad, real bad. 53 armed ordinary soldiers I can solo in a fight with ease. The Armed Detective Agency on the other hand, oh I'm so fucken screwed. I have to flee. I don't think I can stand a chance to win against them. I have to flee-

The suspect has been caught on February 22, at 10pm. Attempting to flee from Japan via boat. The suspect was former soldier and terrorist, André Gide. We have report that he will not be given a fair trial due to his record and will be contained in a underground facility.

I can't move. My eyes snapped open, my breathing been hitched, breathing heavily and rapidly as my heart rate skyrockets. I can barley see a thing, everything feels like a blur. Like a drug. All I can hear is the rapid beating of the heart monitor. The sound of doctors shuffling around and murmuring, but I can't see any of them. I can't move.

Even if I tried, this invisible force is holding me down. My arms feel weak, my legs are numb, I can't escape this one. Not even my own ability can save me. The inevitable is arriving.

For once fear sweeps back into my life, shaking my body and overloading my brain with questions and thoughts. I'm scared and I can't do anything about it. I want this all to stop. I want it to stop. I can't handle this.

Cold, scared, hopeless, that's all I can feel right now. They took my clothes, my identity, my reputation, my pride. All of it ripped away and burned. Unrepairable to ever build again.

Just let me die. They could have killed me, all I wanted was death, but they gave me something worse than death. Something much more cruel.

It like a scene from a sci fi movie. The sound of the shuffling got quicker and more chaotic. Wires were being wrapped around my arms and torso. Some sort of plastic pipe being shoved down my throat, along with a oxygen mask strapped to my face.

One moment I'm laying on some operating table, the next moment I'm stuck in some tube, water or some sort of liquid slowly rising from my feet. It slowly got higher, reaching my ankles to my waist, then to neck point before I'm fully submerged in the cold liquid. At first all I could feel was panic. I can't tell if this is truly death or not. I felt lost and confused.

Until a beam of drowsiness hits me. My body going limped and my eyes becoming heavy. Starting to float in the tube while slumber takes me captive.

This is the end for me. Or so my nightmare would say as I snap awake in my own bed. At first I uses to be very scared of this dream. Waking up and breathing heavily. It scared me before, but with how frequent it's becoming, I can't help but feel a little numb to it.

Was this really a nightmare or a prophecy yet to happen?

[aa0n]

Sorry about my nan hcs \o/

I had an idea for worker!Jamie's design and I grew really fond of it but I spend way too much time on this art so I kind of hate it now? But I like the concept so much I really wanted to share it

Details undercut

Concept:

When a worker joins the cabaret, they lose their identity and take a new one that fit why they are here/who they were before and what they do in the cabaret (I have a whole hc about Emcee and Wilhelm's sona but this isn't about them, maybe I'll make a post about it tho). Jamie's sona is based on Pierrot, the pantomime archetype character who's basically one of the first sad clowns and is heartbroken because he's in love with Columbine who choses Harlequin over him. So love triangle... like Jim and Lucie..... ye.

Details about his look:

Wild mix of Pierrot's typical look (black and white, pompom, hat, makeup) and Jamie/Sam color palette. I just love that every Sam character has the red checked pattern in their design and I thought the red fited just fine with the original black and white. The red stains on his jacket and makeup are a reference to Wilhelm's blood that Jim literally put on him. I thought that was a nice metaphor. I tried to give him a more cabaret look with the sleeveless jacket and the gloves but I still wanted the sad clown aesthetic.

Details about his sona:

I imagine him to be Emcee's silent stage assistant who does humiliating kind of visual gag for the audience, just like he was Jim's sidekick during the time they were friends and he stayed silent despite everything he thought was wrong. He had panic attacks and mental breakdown the first few shows then just started faking them for the audience's enjoyment (yeah, this is fucked up but it's also what I imagine Emcee and Wilhelm did with their own persona, stuck themselves in a loop of the same reactions and emotions so they don't have to face the reality of their lives in the cabaret, that's why Wilhelm's death is always a "sweet relief" even if it's the hundredth time and why Emcee doesn't wait for any answers when he asks "did you enjoy the show?"). I couldn't think about a name for his sona, I thought Pierrot was a bit too simple? I thought about Pantomime or Panto but I'm not sure yet.

[andreas-river]

NIKTO HEADCANONS (but realistic)

TW: sexual themes, acute dissociative disorder mentioned, this man has definitely been through a lot.

A/N: I don't think I need to say this, but these headcanons are strictly from my perspective. Like many other people here, I enjoy writing for this character, and I have a lot of projects for the future. Anyway, y'all enjoy!

→ He loves cup noodles. He gives the vibes of eating them because they are quick to make and saves him a lot of time. But he’s skilled in the kitchen. Dmitry once founded him cooking in the kitchen’s base in the middle of the night. A glance from him was enough for Dmitry to turn around and walk away with another secret to hide.

→ He’s friendly only in private and only with his team, and obviously Sputnik. He feels comfortable around them, and he laughs only with them. He doesn’t hang out though. He doesn’t like public spaces at all.

→ Diagnosed with Acute dissociative disorder which may include symptoms of other dissociative disorders including dissociative identity disorder (source). This means that he experienced episodes where he dissociated, but since it’s acute, he had short but severe episodes (no, he’s not out of his mind). In my opinion, he doesn’t take any meds, or he would be discharged from the service. But he probably has periodic sessions with a therapist.

→ Possessing a hyena pet helped him find some balance in his life. For him, it’s like having a common dog, it doesn’t make any difference for him. He always finds it amusing when he uses him to scare Rodion, making him scream like a teenager. That’s how he discovered that Rodion doesn’t like anything that resembles a dog, even if Sputnik is a hyena. And he obviously uses this knowledge to his advantage.

→ He is neither hyposexual nor hypersexual (no, he’s not a pervert either). He actually has a normal relationship with sex and all the things that comes with. He doesn’t like sex without feelings. But if it needs it, he definitely jerks off at night.

→ He prioritize trust above everything, if he’s interested in someone. It will probably take him months to trust someone. Definitely a lot of trust issues, he’s really careful when he meet someone new.

→ Definitely not a religious person. He went through so much in his life that he’s more of a ‘realist’ person. He doesn’t think that there is a god, at all.

→ With the right person, he can be very protective: he has the ‘scary dog privilege’, and no one would definitely mess around with a masked big guy all dressed in black (most of the times).

→ He’s a reserved person and he appreciate the silence, especially if someone respect his own silence. Conversations with him can lead to a whole bunch of different topics at a deep level, and he loves when someone actually understand what he’s saying. He has a lot of knowledge and he used to read a lot of books, especially when he was a teen, and even more growing up and when he was recovering from his trauma. He still reads, and when he isn’t going to be deployed in a short time, he reads a lot during the night.

→ His trauma led him to a lot of insomnia, and a lot of nightmares when he actually manage to fall asleep. So, he usually goes for a walk, or he goes training, trying to take his mind off things.

→ Panic attacks are an occurrence, but he learned to acknowledge the symptoms even before it happens. He usually walks back to his room, finding the silence the thing that calms him the most. When he can’t go back to his room, the rest of the team usually has his back, and always managing to work something out. Every time they find a different solution, and that’s what helps him.

→ No one knows his past (and maybe it's better this way). Only Kamarov knows that he had to endure some bad shit back when he was a teenager. I can imagine living his years with her babushka before enlisting in the military. He doesn’t care about his parents since he lived in a toxic environment. Definitely doesn’t talk about it at all.

[opencommunion]

via RNN:

The eternal martyr Basil Al-Araj wrote abundantly before his ascension in March of 2017. In his posthumously published book, "I Have Found My Answers," (a line from his will) he spoke of war during the 2014 zionist aggression on Gaza, just prior to the IOF ground invasion on July 17.

Basil guided us with eight rules and insights on the nature of war. He wrote:

—

Since there is talk of a ground operation, several points must be considered:

1. The Palestinian resistance consists of guerrilla formations whose strategies follow the logic of guerrilla warfare or hybrid warfare, which Arabs and Muslims have become masters of through our experiences in Afghanistan, Iraq, Lebanon, and Gaza. War is never based on the logic of conventional wars and the defense of fixed points and borders; on the contrary, you draw the enemy into an ambush. You do not stick to a fixed position to defend it; instead, you perform maneuvers, movement, withdrawal, and attack from the flanks and the rear. So, never measure it against conventional wars.

2. The enemy will spread photos and videos of their invasion into Gaza, occupation of residential buildings, or presence in public areas and well-known landmarks. This is part of the psychological warfare in guerrilla wars; you allow your enemy to move as they wish so that they fall into your trap and you strike them. You determine the location and timing of the battle. So, you may see photos from Al-Katiba Square, Al-Saraya, Al-Rimal, or Omar Al-Mukhtar Street, but do not let this weaken your resolve. The battle is judged by its overall results, and this is merely a show.

3. Never spread the occupation's propaganda, and do not contribute to instilling a sense of defeat. This must be focused on, for soon, we will start talking about a massive invasion in Beit Lahia and Al-Nusseirat, for example. Never spread panic; be supportive of the resistance and do not spread any news broadcast by the occupation (forget about the ethics and impartiality of journalism; just as the zionist journalist is a fighter, so are you).

4. The enemy may broadcast images of prisoners, most likely civilians, but the goal is to suggest the rapid collapse of the resistance. Do not believe them.

5. The enemy will carry out tactical, qualitative operations to assassinate some symbols [of resistance], and all of this is part of psychological warfare. Those who have died and those who will die will never affect the resistance's system and cohesion because the structure and formations of the resistance are not centralized but horizontal and widespread. Their goal is to influence the resistance's support base and the families of the resistance fighters, as they are the only ones who can affect the men of the resistance.

6. Our direct human and material losses will be much greater than the enemy's, which is natural in guerrilla wars that rely on willpower, the human element, and the extent of patience and endurance. We are far more capable of bearing the costs, so there is no need to compare or be alarmed by the magnitude of the numbers.

7. Today's wars are no longer just wars and clashes between armies but rather are struggles between societies. Let us be like a solid structure and play a game of biting fingers with the enemy, our society against their society.

Finally, every Palestinian (in the broad sense, meaning anyone who sees Palestine as a part of their struggle, regardless of their secondary identities), every Palestinian is on the front lines of the battle for Palestine, so be careful not to fail in your duty.