#and whatever my cheese was trying to spawn

[voxofthevoid]

Came back to my apartment today (had been at my mother's place since mid-March) and was warmly welcomed by Mold In My Fucking Fridge

Existence is pain

[heavyhitterheaux]

“I’m almost finished, babe.”

“Baby…..”

“Babe…..”

“You better answer me before I start saying your government name.” You whined from your spot on the couch as you adjusted the pillow behind your back.

Joe literally peeked his head out from the kitchen to look at you and gave you a blank stare.

“There you are! Hi husband! When will you be in here to sit with me so that I can bother you?” You asked and he simply sighed.

“Princess, you can't have it both ways. You said you were hungry, so I'm in here fixing you food but yet you're yelling and wanting me to be in there with you so which one is it?” He asked and you simply rolled your eyes.

“Keep doing it and they're going to get stuck. I guarantee it and when it happens, I'm taking you off my insurance.”

“Babyyyy that's not funny!”

“I wasn't trying to be funny. Now I'm almost finished babe if you would ever be so patient. I need to feed you and my big headed spawns before you bite my head off.”

“Hey! Stop talking about my babies!” You gasped while Joe started laughing.

“You saw that latest sonogram! I'd be VERY surprised if you pushed them out. I'm actually surprised you can still walk on a daily basis.”

“And I will bite your head up top and down below if you don't stop talking about our children.”

“I…. That was rude and unnecessary.”

“So was you saying our children have big heads and that you would take me off your insurance if my eyes got stuck because I rolled them too many times.”

“But I didn’t lie.”

“Whatever. I want cheese fries.”

“So, you can have heartburn later? And be screaming at the top of your lungs for me to make it stop? I think not.”

“You're my husband and therefore supposed to go along with everything I want. I am carrying your children the last time I checked.”

“Yes, but within reason.” He told you as he handed you your plate.

You balanced it on your belly to inspect it and immediately turned up your nose.

“Don't look at it like that.”

“There is NOTHING fried on this plate.”

“Baby, don't start.”

“I'm calling Ja'Marr. I want chicken nuggets.”

“Seriously!? There is chicken on your plate.”

“It's not FRIED. But I'll be good and eat it. Thank you, babe. I appreciate you and love you so much.” You told Joe as you motioned him to lean down so you could kiss him.

“I love you too.”

“But I'm definitely getting chicken nuggets later. But um, one question. Please tell me you seasoned this?”

“We've been married for how many years? I think I know better."

[spawnsfollower]

The gentle wind sways and dances, as breath sinks deep with quiet longing..

A joyous welcome and good morning to everyone visiting my blog, may the spawn bring cheerful blessings and graceful sleep. You may refer to me as Two-Time, or any nickname you see fit. Though if you can help it, refer to me by name, I'd prefer it.

CHECK ME! CURRENT EVENT ; RITUAL GONE WRONG

Where has your second life gone, Two Time?

VV { RULES / INFO } VV

coughs, hey guys im addicted to making ask blogs. - Two Time will likely be heavily head cannoned, im aware of their lore, I just like adding stuff on haha,, - Their words will be purple, and their actions [like this!] - Also i likely wont answer questions that go too deep into the cult or Azure, I'll still try to answer cult-adjacent stuff though. - Don't be rude, poking a little bit of fun at Two Time is fine but don't go overboard - Flirting and being slightly suggestive is fine, but please, not too much, and No NSFW at all. - Magic Anons are alright, again just don't go overboard - This is my third ask blog, wow! But this is my first non oc ask blog so i'm still, new to running them aha - INTERACTIONS ARE SO COOL AND LOVELY!! I ONLY BITE A LITTLE!! JUST A NIBBLE!! - AANNDD ships are ok, I don't mind a lot of them so i'll be fine to go along with whatevers needed. -I'm 18! and a freshman in college! I take online classes this year but that's likely gonna change next set of classes I take. However, that doesn't stop me from being active at ALL. - I also yap.. a lot if you couldn't tell, so check tags! - Not a serious thing but check out the divorce thread that me and @ace4thespades did on april fools, I keep going back to it bc genuinely its a masterpiece. my magnum opus even /j - my other accounts are @m0nochromat1c @m00nlitphotography , and @smthngcl0ver , with the most active being Clovers ask blog haha!

VV [ TAGS! ] VV

"It's good to see new faces." - First interaction "Welcome back, friend" - Continuous interactions "May the spawn take my worries." - In Character "I think i lost the gamble" - Out of character (Taken from Clovers blog)

CLAIMED ANONS; Exploded Anon, Clone anon, KS anon, Document Anon, Magic (In training anon) , #1 two time liker anon , peaceful anon, cat anon, bouquet anon (💐🍀🌷), clone anon , rotting anon, LOUD ANON🗣📣, 🌺 Anon, ☎️ Anon, 🐦‍⬛🚂 anon, spider enthusiast anon , Things given to Two-Time; The ICEDAGGER , A gambling machine, Alien plush (most likely), Cheese (at a cost) , more cheese, a burger (same cost as the first cheese) , Lettuce (thrown at x1), Cruel kings Crown, more cheese x2, The Venom shank (now revoked), a gun, a flower, a bouquet, a tea set, a bag of steak, their kidneys????, small black and purple marbles, a small wood carving of the spawn logo, some gemstone dice , a silver music , a silver pocketwatch with the spawn logo engraved into it , Dividers (in order) ; animatedglittergraphics-n-more sister-luciferstrangergraphics-archive

[dublinskeetz]

could you maybe do a fic (don’t worry if you can’t 🫶🏼) with eli or bobby maybe enemies to lovers and the person is the band’s photographer or is on keys 🤍🤍

𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐦𝐞

hii ofc, i wasnt sure if u wanted a smau or written soo i sort of did both since the reader is their photographer, hope u like it!! this is my first tumblr fic so im still getting used to how to work the app lollll, sorry if u don't like it but pls give me ur thoughts so i can learn to improve JAJA

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 — 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳'𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘻 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥𝘴 𝘨𝘳𝘶𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘴

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 — 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘵𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵, 𝘣𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘵, 𝘣𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘧, 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺'𝘴 #1 𝘴𝘶𝘱𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴

𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 — 𝘣𝘰𝘣𝘣𝘺 𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘵𝘻 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

yourusername

liked by ryanmcmahon_15 and others

yourusername dropping these flicks in honor of my fav boys (and bobby ig) letting me join them on tour to take cute pics of them 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️

view all 2389 comments

joshjenkinson_ WOOO after months of begging

yourusername a little begging doesnt hurt when i have to spend months with devils spawn joshjenkinson_ bobby loves u dw bobbyskeetz why do you automatically think shes talking about me bobbyskeetz and i do not

bobbyskeetz so thrilled to have you.

inhalerfan1 wtf why is she always hating on bobby he does nothing wrong to her!!! how about you leave and like never speak to him again.🙄🙄

inhalerfan2 saying this doesnt make bobby want u any more! bobbyskeetz how about you leave her alone? ryanmcmahon_15 aw look at u protecting her

elijahhewson the crowd erupts in cheers

yourusername by crowd u mean u, josh, and ryan LMAFO elijahhewson and bobby he just wont admit it

inhalerfan300 something abt the boys getting their pics taken by a sexy woman makes them even sexier tbh

liked by elijahhewson, ryanmcmahon_15 and 30 others

inhalerfan11 fuc the guys I WANT U

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"say, cheese!"

your lens shuttering was heard throughout the tour bus, trying to take candid, but not candid at the same time, pictures of the boys. tour was great, amazing even. you felt at peace when taking pictures of the band in their natural element. whether it be on stage, at a pub, or even just at time when it was just one on one hangouts. except, for bobby

bobby skeetz, you didn't know what you had done to make the boy dislike you from the moment he laid eyes on you. maybe it was your personality, the possibility to get on with everyone around you, happiness radiating off of you. or perhaps it was one night stand you had with him 4 years ago. but you chose to pick the former as the reason.

it didn't matter what you tried, his anger, regret, or whatever he felt never seemed to ease.

despite telling them to smile, bobby still had a grim look on his face, clearly wanting to be anywhere else but in front of you. rolling your eyes, you lowered your camera, dismissing the guys from the lens.

as the boys one by one retreated to their own areas, bobby stuck sitting in front of you as you placed your equipment away. you could feel his eyes watching you as you worked, and you found he often did this. though you could never force yourself to look back up at him, knowing his eyes would probably be full of dislike.

"is there something you need robert," you asked him, getting closer and closer to being fed up with his acts.

"no, just thinking."

"of?"

"why we would need another photographer when we already had lewis."

rolling you eyes, why do i even bother, thinking to yourself.

hiding behind a door was josh, ryan, and eli, silently watching the two of you interact. "i bet you they get together by the end of the tour," ryan spoke.

"oh you are so on McMahhon."

"dunno, maybe you should ask your mates. you didn't seem to complain too much when they asked me, repeatedly," you argued.

there was a thick tension in the air, these petty fights between the two of you were normal at this point, and despite your attempts to be professional, his pettiness was starting to get to you.

in reality, you didn't mind bobby at all, in fact, you felt a pull towards him. but ever since that mistake, that for some reason he can't seem to forget, he has made his presence unbareable.

"why must you make everything so difficult," you sighed, frustration evident in your tone as you continued to pack away your equipment.

"i'm not the one making things difficult, thats your speciality, isn't it," he snapped back. there was a mix of annoyance and indifference in his expression as he starred at you. "or maybe its the fact that you love to pretend nothing happened."

"what the hell are you talking about," you spoke, your patience so close to breaking.

bobby scoffed, "oh please, you know exactly what i'm talking about. four years ago when you left me!"

there was a heavy silence between the two of you, could he seriously be holding onto the past for that long? was this really the reason why he hated you so much? you can admit, you have your regrets on the way those things played out, but what were you supposed to do? act like sleeping with him didn't hurt you in ways you didn't even know you could hurt? the way he easily uttered those words to you, this doesn't mean anything, does it? it pained you, so really, what were you supposed to do?

but you were never really good with your emotions, so frustration bubbled inside you, "fine, you want to hold onto the past? go ahead, keating. but don't act like i'm the only one at fault here."

your heated exchange echoed throughout the bus, leaving an uncomfortable silence. but meanwhile, the other three boys exchanged knowing looks.

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yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername tours almost ova so heres some flicks to prepare u for the drought

view all 2930 comments

elijahhewson pay up ryan

ryanmcmahon_15 ITS NOT OVER YET SHUT UP yourusername meaning?? elijahhewson NOTHING ryanmcmahon_15 NOTHING

inhalerfan11 NOOOO

inhalerfan23 god i have seen what u have done for others

trumanblack come take some flicks for us?

elijahhewson no joshjenkinson_ no bobbyskeetz shes all yours mate ryanmcmahon_15 rob shut up before i leak some information that i find very important. bobbyskeetz YOU WOULD NEVER joshjenkinson_15 TRY US bobbyskeetz JOSH NOT YOU TOO yourusername OIII all of u. out my comment section

inhalerdublin twas an honor having u with us, and for the rest of the tours!🤗🤗

inhalerdublin whos us? yourusername robert get out

inhalerfan100 why do i get the gut sense that her and bobby do not like each other?

inhaler203 i dont think so, i was at their last shows and he complete heart eyes for her liked by ryanmcmahon_15 and joshjenkinson_ inhaler203 RYAN JOSH WHAT DO U KNOW inhaler100 their my enemies to lovers trope

oliviarodrigo im going on tour soon babes if u need a job😉😉

yourusername omg.

inhaler45 im living for this comment section

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throughout the remaining of the tour, there was an uncomfortable tension between you and bobby, and with the last dates coming up, you weren't sure if you wanted to come back.

but then again, you were confused.

after your last blow with the bassist, there was a peace between the two of you, if thats what you could even call it. he no longer took every opportunity to be petty, in fact, you hadn't spoken a word to the man since.

but you saw the tweets, the comments, and even noticed the other three members of the band acting funny when the two of you were in close proximity. the possible thought that bobby felt anything to you besides utter dislike, felt impossible.

the group of you were lounging around before the boys had to go onstage, and you could still feel bobby's eyes piercing at you from behind. despite the other's chatter, there was still an underlying discomfort from the two of you. his gaze lingered on you, and looking back towards him, you noticed there was a mixture of frustration and something else.

attempting to break the silence, you sighed in defeat, "what's wrong with you now, rob?"

there was a moment of hesitation on his part, jaw clenching, "it's nothing," he muttered, but his tone said otherwise.

"doesn't seem like it," you countered. you were tired of fighting with him, you just wanted peace for the remainder of the tour. "look, tour is almost over and can we at least try to-"

but he interrupted you before you could even finish, "try to what? pretend like everything is okay," his voice laced with bitterness, "like nothing happened?"

you sighed in defeat, feeling an oncoming argument brewing, "you cannot keep dwelling on the past rob," you pleaded, trying to keep your voice steady, "what happened was a mistake, for you," you emphasized, "and for me."

"a mistake," he scoffed, "you're acting like it meant nothing, like i meant nothing."

there was a clear tone of hurt and resentment in his voice, his words cutting deeper than you could've imagined, "that is not fair rob," you whispered, looking away from his eyes. trying to avoid his gaze, you noticed the room had cleared, the three boys' chatter no longer being background noise to your conversation.

those little shits.

bobby noticed your avoidance, "you just left, without a word," he continued, his voice filled with an ache that mirrored your own. "do you have any idea how much that hurt?"

the weight of his accusations hung heavily in the air, did he really have no idea of how much he hurt you too? how much you look back to that night and wish things were normal between the two of you.

"it wasn't easy for me either," you confessed, voice barley audible. "but what did you expect me to do? especially after what you said."

the atmosphere became thick with emotion, your unsaid words confusing him.

"what are you going on about?"

"really? 'this doesn't mean anything'," you scoffed, your hidden emotions rising to the surface, "do you know how heartbreaking those four words were? god, do you know how many nights i spent thinking about that. then here you come accusing me of being at fault."

his eyes softened at your confession, "i didn't know. you never said."

"i thought you knew," you cut him off, "i shouldn't have to tell you how harmful your words were."

"i didn't know," he spoke softly, getting up and standing in front of you, looking down at you into your eyes, "you could've told me. i would have been there for you.

"and what would have you done? hm?" you quipped as you looked away, anger and ache still inside your tone.

he softly grabbed your chin for you to look back up at him, "i would've told you how stupid i was, how scared. you have no idea how afraid i was of it ruining everything, and look at us now, look at what it's done to us. look at what my stupidity has done to us. i would've been there for you, through everything because i love you."

your breath hitched, utter surprise written all over your face, a small smile beginning to spread across your face, "i love you, and you aren't stupid. its just your pettiness," you spoke, trying to make the conversation lighter.

"oi, you're one to talk woman," he laughed, cupping your cheek to pull you into a kiss.

and as if it was right out of a corny soap opera, you heard a cheery whistle from the side of you. turning you were met with those three little shits with grins on their faces, well except eli, who looked completely defeated.

"as much as i am happy for the two of you coming to your senses," ryan began, turning to eli, "pay up, hewson."

eli groaned in frustration, pulling out cash from his pocket and placing it onto the ryan and josh's outstretched palms.

"you shits placed a bet on us?" bobby questioned.

"was an easy bet, after you drunkenly confessed your love to me a few nights before tour," josh explained to you two.

bobby's cheeks heated up, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. "is that what your silly comments on my posts meant?" you asked the trio.

"uh, look at the time! c'mon keating, time to perform!"

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yourusername

liked by bobbyskeetz and others

yourusername that one AM lyric about looks of love or smth

view all 4930 comments

inhalerfan43 OHMYGODAD

inhalerfan111 THE HARDLAUNCH IM DYIGNAKE

bobbyskeetz this damaging my rep woman

yourusername k bobbyskeetz haha i was just kidding bobbyskeetz i love you elijahhewson robert keating has emotions??

inhalerfan23 ive lost the love of my life to a guy who plays bass...

yourusername he's dorky ways and sassiness has captivated me bobbyskeetz HEY

ryanmcmahon_15 WAR IS OVERRRR

inhalerfan2 hes one of us fr yourusername dont think i've forgotten abt ur little bet dipshit ryanmcmahon_15 uh.... liked by joshjenkinson_, elijahhewson and 80 others

bobbyskeetz my woman

yourusername ur so babygirl i love u

bobbyskeetz THE LOOK OF LOVE THE RUSH OF BLOOD, THE SHES WITH MES

joshjenkinson_ this was so worth him talking my ear off about u

bobbyskeetz OI

inhalerfan432 HIS LOVE STARE IN THE LAST PIC IM SOBBING

inhalerfan00 im soooo normal abt them ahhahahahahahah

inhalerfan12 shes one of us fr

yourusername oh fs inhalerfan12 HI MOTHER

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THE END

omg sooo lmk if u guys enjoyed this? pls i haven't written in so long so sorry it took be a bit to release this

also if theres any error in the format or anything i apologize cause im still getting used to writing on tumblr

lots of loveeeee <333

[wizardandpirate]

MY OC ALMOND MILK COOKIE!! IVE BEEN WORKING ON HER DESIGN FOR A WHILE IM VERY PROUD TO SHOW HER OFF. PLEASE LOVE HER AS MUCH AS I DO PLEASE PLE

Lore yap below + memes<33

She's dating Gold Cheese while being SMC's sister so I have like 50 hilarious interactions in my head because of how awkward it would be it's hilarious I swear I'm not mad I'm a genius I swear

Okay so in my deranged obsession with cookies as of recent, I had two ideas. One, I wanted to make SMC a sibling or friend or whatever because if I can't hug him I'll make someone who WILL.

I discarded the idea for a bit because my lovely wife Golden Cheese Cookie distracted me so ofc I had to make an OC to ship with her right? Her radiance only deserves the best ofc ofc.

SO ITS BOTH NOW. And very funny to me. Almond Milk wasn't originally going to be a beast but SHE IS NOW. The difference between her and the others is she went missing before they all got locked in the tree and she did not go evil. She was assumed dead long before that.

Half of her existence spawned from a joke about GCC's wife being lactose intolerant and well.

"Sorry babe can't eat you out tonight I'll shit myself" -Almond Milk Cookie 2025

She's the older sister and uh. Isn't super informed on recent events after reappearing? She sees the other beasts seemed to have.. changed, but she doesn't know exactly how. I imagine Golden Cheese Cookie talking with her like

"Honey please, stay away from that psycho."

"Who? My brother? He's the sweetest. He likes books:)"

She would be his #1 defender because she know him as the silly little guy who liked reading stories to kids and teaching other cookies things.

"But he's just a little guy" -Almond Milk Cookie 2025

I imagine at one point Almond Milk Cookie invites all the beast cookies over for dinner, and Golden Cheese Cookie is like "ABSOLUTELY NOT" up until Smoked Cheese Cookie suggests it would be a good way to flex how powerful and wealthy she is and show them not to mess with her again. Then they show up and the whole time every is trying so hard to act normal but Eternal Sugar keeps demanding news about Hollyberry and Burning Spice is punching through walls.

SMC tries hard to lie and be normal because deep down he doesn't want his big sis to hate him like pretty much every other cookie does and sends threatening messages to every ancient like "if you tell her abt our beef I will turn you all into playing cards and feed you to candy apple cookie"

Almond Milk Cookie isn't stupid just REALLY REALLY sweet, her whole thing is her kindness and it's basically impossible for her to hold resentment or anything, and she tries to turn into the Family Therapist to fix things. Her only two weak spots are her gf and her brother because she despises hurting cookies but if it protects them she will.

Projects image in my mind of her hugging SMC after finding out what the witches did to him into your mind you can't get it out I'm storing it in your brains now.

Anyways I love her so so much and have like a million funny ideas of how awkward this dynamic would be. In the AU she exists in all the beast cookies are siblings since they lowkey are in canon if u consider the witch that made them all to be their collective mom.

SMC she actually shares dough with though and is her biological brother.

Almond Milk Cookie is the beast of Hope and since she avoided corruption this has not changed:3 Almond Milk Cookie rolling up to meet her ancient all excited to make a friend and bro is NOT excited to see her.

"Hiii how r u, it must have been so tough taking on all these responsibilities:( ive heard youre all doing great at it though!! im so excited to meet-"

"DIE"

[bodybeyondstories]

Just ignore it - 6

After things get heated, David finds himself back at the gas station. Then again. And again.

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 (Previous)

Male TF // Dick Growth // Growth // Butt Growth // nsfw

4604 words

This is sort of a non-conclusion to this story arc with a weird idea that I had that I wasn't sure how to execute well (the usual lol). Had a lot of fun with this series, lot of threads yet to play with, eventually, maybe...

---

“That you?”

The Mystery Machine. Lee lazily scrounging around in the bag of cheese puffs. The gas station attendant power walking away, bubble butt jiggling uncontrollably. Me sitting in the passenger seat, staring into space. And not unleashing a higher dimensional being through some magic portal and eating out a giant-size Blake. 

I had never had a dream that vivid. He had grown to monstrous proportions, I was awash in his thick musk, his deep, almost subsonic groans shaking me to my core, body lengthening and muscles inflating, his ass like two planets trying to fill up the entire dome–

“We’ll assume yes,” said Lee. “Looks like he didn’t see that coming,” he continued, long fingers reaching into the bag.

“Be careful with those, I heard they go straight to your…” I’ve said this before. 

“Ass? Allegedly,” Lee chuckled. “Apparently dudes mix these into their protein shakes on leg day or crush them and down entire family size bags on a dare or whatever and see what happens. It’s an urban legend, but I guess urban legends keep us employed. We’ll have to look into it right after all the other magical calamities spawning off around you.” He gave a cheese dusted smile, leaning lazily over the window, reaching back to adjust the seat of his pants.

Armand plopped himself back into the driver's seat and grabbed the aux cord, began scrolling through podcasts as he started the van. “There’s a great episode I think we should listen to, it’s on…let me find it…”

“Spectral informatics?” I offered, confused as to how I’d come up with that.

“Yeah! I didn’t know you were a fan,” said Armand, excitedly snatching a few cheese puffs from the bag. I squirreled it away before we had to deal with any further snack-based complications.

“Um, sure,” I said, as we pulled off onto the road.

It was actually a pretty interesting episode, and settled into the background of the muted scenery rolling by. Lee was asking lazy but helpful questions in the back, and before I knew it we were engaged in a deep side conversation that complemented the soft radio voices of the podcast hosts. Armand seemed genuinely pleased. This was maybe the longest actual discussion I’d had with him. I was present in a way that the right jolt of caffeine makes the world feel crisp and new.

Because Synt wasn’t there.

I don’t know why it had taken me this long to realize, but Synt’s overbearing metaphysical residence in my mind was nowhere to be found. It was like a weight had been lifted, but I felt the absence of agonistic tension that I had gotten so used to. I involuntarily reached out for that itch of power and possibility, the wild tangle of transdimensional multisensory perception and found only the walls of my own psyche. What happened? I thought, with growing suspicion. Where had they gone?

As county roads turned to back roads and we passed the vine covered “Marshlands State Park” sign, the trees in the landscape seemed to stretch up and yawn in the breeze. I felt small among this ancient, imperceptible community, had the feeling of a convening that I had once been privy to but was no longer. I had a brief impression of a figure strolling through the forest, towering over us as they stretched with them, like an overexposure or an afterimage. Here and then gone.

The episode was wrapping up as the van turned off the small forest road onto a poorly maintained gravel path that led to a patch of dirt currently occupied by a shiny new park ranger truck. Armand pulled up next to it as Lee and I scanned the area for our collaborators, seeing only a path through the trees that led down to an expanse of shallow water. As I stepped out of the van, a shiver went down my spine. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d been there before. Not just in this landscape, but this exact point in space and time.

“What’s up?” asked Lee, as he emerged and let his hand briefly scratch my lower back.

“Nothing,” I answered. “Just…deja vu.”

“Happens out here a lot,” came a voice from nowhere.

It felt like I had perceived Blake speaking before registering him as a physical presence making sound. I turned to see him walking up toward us and couldn’t look away. He looked…big. Not just bigger since the last time we met, which for some reason didn’t come as a surprise. The hems of his sleeves fraying at the edges against his biceps, the small tears along the sides of his quads, his shirt fully unbuttoned to reveal a shelf of pectorals that seemed to fill any available space, the sides of his glutes visible from the front. That I had seen coming. 

But there was something else that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. He looked at me briefly as if picking up on the force of my attention, moved as if to say something, then quickly turned away, lips pursed in concentration as he continued to unload gear from the truck bed and waddle back down the path.

“He is getting bigger,” came another voice suddenly in our vicinity.

“How are you both so good at that?” asked Lee, turning to see Logan walking up. 

“I actually needed to talk to you about–”

“And what’s with the waders?”

“Oh. I, well–”

“Only thing that fits?” offered Armand with uncharacteristic sincerity.

“No, well yeah, well they’re–”

“Airboat,” I said, unaware of how I knew that beyond a crisp image in my head of the five of us gliding across the water. “Blake’s piloting an airboat.”

“I’m piloting a–yeah,��� said Blake, emerging from the path. “Water’s still high, so the island is still an island.” He gazed off, staring intently at the cluster of trees in the distance as the rest of us began hauling stuff onto the Swamp Hag.

Under the roar of the propeller, we cruised over golden brown fields of late season wetland grasses, and there it was again. The feeling that this configuration of people, in this airboat, moving through this scene was a repetition with a slight difference. I had the sudden image of a massive eye on the landscape, energy crackling, something coming through. I looked up to see Blake behind and above us in the pilot seat, eyes locked intently ahead towards our destination, left hand nimbly controlling the rudder stick.

I couldn’t tell if it was just my imagination, but his pipe in his shorts seemed to creep slowly down his left leg, leaving dark spots of precum and even pulsing with an occasional lurch further and increase in girth. With his meaty quads looking ready to burst through his pants, he looked like, felt like, a concentration of size and weight. I let my mind wander, imagining what would happen if that prodigious bulge–

One side of his face scrunched in a grimace of concentration, his eyes briefly making contact with mine, a fleeting look of warning–or pleading–before returning to the task at hand.

As we landed on the island, Blake looked stressed, almost flighty, as he lifted the apparatus with the artifact with ease and started following the winding trail towards the center. I followed him along the vein of the iris of this landscape-scale eye as the others got their bearings. He was difficult to keep up with, his tree trunk thighs pumping powerfully as they moved around each other, his form giving the impression of an elephant about to clear a forest path.

“This site feels pretty weird, right?” I said, thinking of his earlier comment about deja vu.

He whipped around in surprise upon hearing my voice. Thrown off balance by the apparatus sitting on one shoulder, he grabbed one of the nearby trees and crushed half the trunk in his hand. He stammered for words as the unsuspecting cypress continued to crack, tipping away from the path and falling into the surrounding woods, leaving a gap of heavy silence.

“I, um, didn’t see you there…” he muttered, his eyes straining under droplets of sweat across his brow.

“Let’s deal with that later,” I said with a helpful smile as I heard the others catching up in the distance.

—

“This is where you found it?” asked Armand, eyes scanning the uncannily circular clearing. “It looks untouched.”

“It’s where it found us,” Blake quipped, his voice level. “And yeah, it just sort of appeared. Right there in the middle.”

That feeling again. I felt with ghostly certainty that I had been there. That I had never left. That I was standing here across an unknowable set of timeframes converging on this temporal point. Beneath that, I felt something deep and subsonic, something I hadn’t picked up on since I was an unsuspecting subject of one of Synt’s energetic outbursts. I could feel an energy seeping into local space, something crescendoing to some sort of threshold, before– 

I snapped back to reality. While Armand and Lee had set to work setting up a makeshift cleanroom, Blake had opened the apparatus to remove the artifact and move it to the center of the clearing, complex linework of lavender and gold forming and reforming across its surface. As he let his hands slip away, it remained stationary, rotating slowly in the air.

“Now that’s cool,” I said, walking up to it, entranced. Its motion was flawless, like it wasn’t so much moving of its own accord but the rest of the world was rotating around it. Like if I stopped it with my hand, the celestial motion of the solar system might gracefully fall apart. 

Blake, possibly with a similar idea, lifted a finger and brought it to the surface.

“Wait,” I warned, apprehensive but unclear as to exactly why. “Maybe don’t–” 

In a fraction of a second, the curls, diagrams, and fractals covering the sphere converged around Blake’s fingertip in a multicolored spiral and sent a jolt of electricity across the short distance.

“Are you okay?” I asked, as Blake winced, bracing his palms against his forehead.

“I…can’t…”

“Remember what we practiced,” said Logan, looking at him with intention.

“What do you mean what you practiced?” I asked.

Before he could answer, a pulse of iridescent energy shot out from the artifact, passing through us and stopping a few feet before the perimeter, forming a dome that resembled a giant soap bubble.

“Oh, hmm,” said Lee, lightly touching the whirls of energy a few feet in front of him as Armand scrambled to adjust their instrumentation. “It’s like a, um–”

“Forcefield,” I said with acute certainty. “It’s a forcefield. I’ve…seen this before. Where have I seen this before?”

“Take a wild guess,” Blake eked through what looked like a head-splitting migraine.

“We’ve been debating whether we should mention…” said Logan.

“Mention what?” I cut in. “And Blake, really, are you okay?”

“It’s Synt,” said Logan. “They took up residence in Blake’s head. I’ve been trying to guide him through it.”

Ah, fuck. Well that explains that.

“Ah, fuck. He’s not trained for this. Blake, you’re not trained for this.”

“I…realize…” muttered Blake, carefully delivering each word, “...that now.” He grimaced, doubling over in pain and intense concentration, actively trying to hold himself together, every vein and sinew along his over muscled body seeming to glow with ethereal light.

“You got this,” coached Logan, moving closer toward him. “Just breathe.” He reached out a hand to steady Blake as he stumbled again.

“No, wait!” I yelled, knowing exactly what was about to happen.

But it was too late. Logan caught Blake’s meaty forearm and was thrown into a full body spasm, every muscle pumping slowly with the power flooding into him. But there was one in particular that was thrown into hyperdrive, the bulge in his waders inflating to even wilder proportions, and showing no sign of slowing down. He managed to let go of Blake’s arm, gasping for breath through beads of sweat.

“You guys alright?” asked Lee. “Looks like it’s gettin’ pretty weird in there.”

“Really incredible readings, though,” added Armand. “You’ve gotta see this.”

“Maybe not the time, dude,” I said, more concerned about Logan’s exhausted whimpers. “You doing okay?”

“It’s not…” Logan looked at me in terror. “It’s not stopping. I–augghhh…” The straps of his waders finally gave up, snapping off his corded shoulders as the mass in his crotch continued to expand. He fell onto his butt, frantically peeling what was left of the fabric off, enjoying a moment of relief as the beast inside was finally freed, before his precum-smothered cockhead landed solidly on his face, covering his entire head and continuing to grow along the ground, before lifting itself, miraculously, into the air. His shaft was thicker than his waist and showed no signs of lessening as his mega dick began to approach at 90 degree angle, swaying gently as it continued to pulse and lurch with mass. 

With his legs pushed apart by his beach ball sized nuts, Logan was rendered immobile, powerless to do anything except lose himself in a deluge of orgasmic bliss, his face a contortion of pleasure and panic. As it touched the upper edge of the dome, it stopped, crackling against the force field, allowing Logan to briefly return to lucidity.

“This feels…unbelievable,” he whispered as I approached, hypnotized by the tower of cock before me. I could barely wrap my body around it, pushing myself into the intense heat of his flesh, quickly covered by the constant stream of precum gushing from the tip that was at least 15 feet in the air, pressed against the dome. Whatever I was doing, he seemed to be enjoying it, his breathing quickening as his massive balls contracted and his cock pulsed with additional girth, shoving my arms apart, patterns of fractal static appearing across the force field as his unbelievable trunk pushed angrily against it, cracks appearing and deepening in the framework as it finally pushed through, shattering the bubble into a multitude of iridescent shards.

And then–

—

“That you?” asked Lee.

The Mystery Machine. Lee lazily scrounging around in the bag of cheese puffs. The gas station attendant power walking away, bubble butt jiggling uncontrollably. Me sitting in the passenger seat, staring into space. And not using my entire body to jerk off the monolith of cock attached to Logan.

Ah, I thought, my face scrunching in annoyance. A time loop.

“We’ll assume yes,” he continued. “Looks–”

“Like he didn’t see that coming,” I finished. I looked at him standing in the car window, pausing in surprise with cheese puffs halfway to his mouth. “It’s a time loop.”

His eyes widened in thought for a weighty few seconds, twitching back and forth as if doing quick calculations in the air between us, brows furrowed in concentration.

“Well that’s fun,” Lee said, returning to nonchalant snacking. “How many iterations?”

“I think this is the third.”

“Oh that’s fine. Time loop protocol doesn't start until at least the fifth or sixth.”

“Well I don’t feel like waiting that long.”

“Waiting for what?” asked Armand, hopping back into the driver's seat. “By the way, is there a new style I’m not aware of or was that you’re handiwork with the station attendant? It’s less than professional is all I’m saying.”

“Dave’s stuck in a time loop,” said Lee.

“Of course,” groaned Armand, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Time loops are so much paperwork. How many iterations?”

“This is probably the third,” I offered. “At least the third.”

“Last update on time loop protocol says to wait until the sixth.”

“See that’s what I said,” Lee interjected, easing into the back seat, leaning his lanky self conspiratorially forward.

“And I don’t think we have time for that,” I retorted.

“Well technically we do,” said Armand, a helpful, oblivious smile as he started the car.

We cruised through the rolling landscape, discussing the same podcast (at this point, I was really coming around to spectral informatics). We pulled into the Marshlands. We greeted the pair of Blake and Logan who had a consistent, but slightly different dynamic of weird and antsy.

Protocol called for as few people as possible being informed of a potential time loop, even if both of them, Armand stressed, had been possessed–and were possibly currently possessed–by a cross-temporal trickster deity.

We take the airboat. We get to the island. We fall, somehow unsuspecting, into some wacky bullshit. And then–

—

“That you?”

I sighed into the mist of ass enhancing cheese dust kicked up by Lee’s questing fingers. “Fourth iteration.”

“Oh a time loop! The plot thickens.”

“Yes. And yes, that was my handiwork. And yes, the cheese puffs are causing more than the plot to thiccen.”

Lee paused in brief trepidation, then shrugged and grabbed one last handful before easing into the backseat. “What’s this one like? I don’t think time loop protocol starts until at least the fifth or sixth.”

“The sixth, according to Armand’s last memo.”

“You read Armand’s memos?” asked Lee, incredulous.

“No, he just–”

“You read my memos?” asked Armand, hopping into the driver's seat and taking a minute to nonchalantly wrestle with his bulge into a slightly more comfortable sitting position. 

“No, you mentioned it earlier. Earlier for me, meaning you haven’t actually mentioned it yet.”

“Dave’s in a time loop,” Lee offered. “Fourth iteration!”

Armand paused, his eyes shifting around the middle distance just passed the hood of the van, looking like he was very carefully piecing his next words together. “You know I really shouldn’t eat these,” he muttered, reaching into the bag of cheese puffs. 

The podcast. The Marshlands. The airboat. The clearing. The great watery eye in the landscape on the verge of winking at me in jest. The artifact, hovering.

“What could possibly happen this time?” I asked myself. “Maybe aliens touch down and retrieve their toy.”

“No, I don’t think that would happen again,” came a voice from just out of sight, but not out of earshot.

I turned my head slowly, making eye contact with the oh shit look painted across Logan’s face.

“What do you mean again?” I asked, eyes narrowing.

“Well, we were trying to tell you, or, debating whether to tell you yet,” he stammered, before catching himself. “Wait, what do you mean this time?”

We stared at each other, waiting to see who would break first.

“Tenth iteration,” he said.

“Fourth iter–tenth iteration?! You never thought to mention this?”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to tell anyone until like iteration twelve,” said Blake.

“Iteration twelve…” Armand seemed to deflate.

“No, no, they changed it,” said Lee.

“Does no one read my emails?” asked Armand, a vision of exasperation.

“Oh buddy,” said Lee, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “Of course not.”

“You’ve been through this nine times?” I asked. “And every time, what, something weird and catastrophic happens?”

“And then we reset,” Logan confirmed.

“I’ve been thinking,” Armand mused, “maybe this whole ritual with the artifact is a strategy for Synt to fully enter this plane of existence, but maybe it fails every time, essentially short circuiting this local timestream and resetting it.”

“So Synt keeps breaking the rules and the game restarts?” said Lee.

“There are…rules?” asked Blake, heading tilted slightly in wonder.

“There are laws,” said Armand, “for this corner of multidimensional existence. There must also be for higher planes and more complex configurations. At least guidelines. Maybe some sort of natural adaptive system, or even a higher dimensional defense mechanism.”

“A higher dimensional defense mechanism,” I began, “that reins in the higher dimensional being that we can already barely fathom?”

“I mean…possibly?”

We sat in the soft moss for a while, contemplating our shared existence as specks of cosmic static. We bounced around half baked ideas and speculations about quantum field theory, supernatural entanglement, simulated realities, clockwork universes. We waited for some ridiculous happening to send us back to start over again. We debated why it was or wasn’t. 

“One time Dave turned into a giant and started throwing trees around,” Blake said, perking up with enthusiasm.

“Oh hell yeah,” said Lee. “Can’t believe we missed that one.”

“I think you died in that one, actually,” said Logan, with a quick, sympathetic smile.

“Oh dude, c’mon,” said Lee, turning towards me.

“I’ll buy you a beer when we get this figured out,” I said, throwing my hands up. “A whole round!”

The Sun moved to the tips of the trees along the western edge of the clearing. The sphere spun smoothly on its axis.

—

[Meanwhile, at the gas station…]

Okay, sharp inhale, hold it, hold it…cinch your entire body inwards, and pull. I yanked up the waistband of my khakis, giving it a few jumps to get gravity on my side, and gasped in delight as my backup pants miraculously made it over my glutes. Not all the way, I turned to see them riding low in the back, but good enough to make it through the rest of my shift. They were my last pair, the others laying in tatters, strewn around in frustration. 

I still couldn’t believe that three of the hottest guys I’ve ever seen rolled into this little gas station in the middle of nowhere and I actually ripped my pants. And then the backup pair. And then the backup pair to the backup pair. They had fit just that morning. Not well, but well enough, considering the shelf I was dragging behind me. I didn’t think it had gotten that much bigger since the last time I had had everything adjusted. I had always been proud of my bubble butt, but it seemed like any weight I put on went to one place and one place only, and it was getting ridiculous. And expensive. I had just been joking when I mentioned the cheese puffs, but maybe I should cut back. At least I had this final pair, practically painted on to my backside, but stable so long as I made no sudden–

“Hey Kes!” I wheeled around to see what Zac wanted, grimacing as I realized far too late what I had done. The sound of seams ripping, the touch of cool air across my butt cheeks, the look of unbridled glee on Zac’s face.

“...Fuck,” I said, hanging my head in resignation. “What is it?”

“I was going to ask if you did inventory yet, but I see you got some bigger fish to fry.” The easy smile, the lean against the side of the doorframe. The bulge in his pants that I knew from personal experience was a 7” softie–and that I knew from personal experience was a serious grower. “Is that, like, a harness?”

Ugh. “It’s a, ah, support system,” I corrected, glancing back at the array of straps and elastic bands holding my round cheeks in place, now fully visible to Zac from the doorway. “I found it online, they’re made special for guys with unique, uh, proportions. Didn’t think I would need it, yet, but I had one on hand just in case.”

“Hmm,” his eyes settled closed as he nodded, putting on his active listening face. “So like a bra.”

“It’s not a…” I sighed, giving up mid sentence.

“Okay, okay, sorry,” his palms out in acquiescence. “You know I’m a big fan of your unique proportions.”

That was putting it lightly. Zac’s one of my oldest friends, a very endearing stoner type who always manages to stay cool as a summer breeze. He’s had a habit of bouncing from one scheme to another, the latest of which is this run down gas station he acquired a few years ago and has somehow managed to keep operational. He lets me pick up part time work in the offseason, and most days it’s just the two of us looking after things and managing the slow drip of business, allowing ample time for the benefits of our friendship. He had always been a big fan of my assets, and my now constant wardrobe struggles only worsened his enthusiasm.

“You know it’s hard for me to find pants that fit, let alone get alterations out here,” I said. “I almost asked one of the guys in that van just now before I had to run back in, you should’ve seen…” I trailed off, holding an invisible beach ball between my hands.

“You’re more than enough for me,” Zac said with a smirk. “I think there are still those stretchy purple shorts in the office, from back when we did the Incredible Hulk promotion.”

“Don’t remind me.” My cheeks blushed as I thought back to the comical sight of my ass stuffed into that spandex costume, going viral on social media.

“How ‘bout you stay behind the counter and I’ll handle the pumps. You only have to be presentable from the waist up,” he added with a wink.

“Deal,” I said, my eyes lingering for a few seconds as he meandered off.

The stretchy purple shorts–with tattered fringes and cosmetic tears, of course–weren’t exactly my style, but they were at least comfortable. And chances of catastrophic failure were minimal with me perched on the stool behind the counter, ringing up the occasional customer and flirtatiously shooting the shit with Zac as the hours ticked by.

It was a normal enough day, but I couldn’t get my mind off that trio who came through earlier. I could feel, I don’t know, an energy about them, like the air around them was shimmering but not in a way you could see, if that makes sense. I guess it doesn’t. I would’ve written it off as the usual weirdness out in the boonies, but it lingered all day. Felt deeper and deeper. Like a presence had stayed behind after they left, some sort of gravitational pull hovering in the back of my mind, making my skin tingle and my hips flex with the feeling of phantom touches. Like a cosmic pressure growing. The opaque, dream-like impression of a trickster smile.

Not that I much cared. I grew up around these parts, there’s all manner of haints and spirits and cryptids, or whatever you want to call ‘em. You learn to deal. Pay attention to the hot/cold patchiness in the woods, watch out for fairy circles in suspiciously quiet clearings, don’t stare too long at the crotches of trees that look too much like doorways. Not that I had a habit of putting my nose where it didn’t belong, but I paid attention to the stories and had done plenty of reading of my own. I knew enough to know that sometimes a being that may or may not be of this world decides to spend some time with you, and sometimes that being may or may not want to have some fun with the fabric of our mundane everyday reality. Didn’t mean you had to take ‘em all that serious.

Pretty sure the park rangers out in the Marshlands get paid to deal with that kind of stuff. Seems like a fun job. Apparently you just have to take some classes at the university. I’d been considering it off and on but maybe this is some kind of sign. In the meantime I thought maybe I was craving some quality time with Zac that evening. I couldn’t quite explain it, but I had a sneaking suspicion that maybe his seven inch softie was looking more like eight.

I had the impression of tectonic plates in the back of my mind moving in agreement.

[specialagentlokitty]

Saul Silva x reader - weird cravings

Hey sweet.,,may I request saul x wife reader.::trying pregnancy cravings - Anon💜

Sitting on the bed, you rested the bowl on your stomach as you watched whatever had just come on the TV.

“Do you have noodles?” Saul asked.

He walked over and leant down, softly kissing you before he sat next to you.

“I dragged Ben out with me to buy some pot noodles yeah.”

“Then why’s it in a bowl?” He asked.

“Cause I wanted cheese in it.”

Saul sat forward and he looked at you in a mixture of confusion and disgust.

“You put cheese in your pot noodle?”

“The spawn demands cheese Saul, with everything. So everything has cheese on.”

Saul took the bowl from you and he picked up the fork, taking a small mouthful before he handed it back to you.

“That’s disgusting.”

He walked away and you heard him spit it into the bin, and he came back with two bottles of water and he set one next to you.

“So, what else have you put cheese on today?”

You listed a whole bunch of foods you had added cheese to and Saul looked at you.

“Disgusting.”

“Well tell your spawn that Saul, he demands cheese who am I to say no?”

Saul rolled his eyes and watched as you set the bowl down and slowly get out of the bed.

“Now where are you going?”

“I want a burger.”

“You just made noodles!”

“I want a burger Saul!”

You pulled your shoes on and he sighed, putting his back on, and grabbing his keys, he began to watched through Alfea with you.

“What burger do you want?”

“I dunno.”

“Does it have to have cheese on?”

“Of course.”

He chuckled a little and shook his head, telling you to wait where you were and you did, but the moment he left you carried on walking.

Saul expected nothing else, so instead of going back there, he went to the car and found you waiting in there.

“I changed my mind Saul, I want chocolate.”

“We have chocolate.”

“But not the right ones.”

He smiled and get in the car, taking you to the town and following you to the shop, watching you debate something.

You picked up some chocolate, then some crisps, and more cheese, and you payed for them.

“Please tell me they’re all for different things.”

“Nope.”

“Oh god…”

You waited until you got back to create your monstrosity of a creation, and Saul walked over to the table, doing the same thing.

He tried it and furrowed his brows a little.

“Kinda disgusting, take out the cheese and it can be alright.”

“Well stop eating what I eat and you wouldn’t have to eat the cheese.”

“Hey I’m curious about what weird crap you’re currently eating.”

You smiled a little and handed him some plain chocolate and he walked behind you, taking it from you.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulder, saul kissed your forehead.

“You’re strange, both of you. But I love you.”

“We love you too.”

You carried on happily eating, and Saul shook his head at you.

In a few days you’d go into another weird craving, and he was going to try that just like he had everything else

[munchboxart]

My thoughts for Eggstra Work on November 3, there will be spoilers on what kinds of waves that will be included and the specials each weapon has, so do not read if you don't wanna be spoiled

Jelonzo bot information (only has weapon/special and wave types)

Leanyoshi Github (has the specific seed/details on what bosses will be spawning depending on the hazard level & everything you need, basically all of the info including the weapons/specials)

Honestly Rush and Fog being picked is probably the most ideal night waves for this map. If I had to be honest, this map is kinda ass LOL I hate it. Also because Tornado is a hard night wave to get a good high score on personally and kinda chodes.

BUT if there is one thing this map is good at, it's Rush with Roller, which thankfully this map has. Not only that, but it has the Gone Fission Rush cheese (where you hop between platforms to stall rush) and has the tall wall to stall it as well. So this map is pretty much friendly to helping you keep alive and have all the eggs near basket.

Fog also has pretty high potential as a lot of the Goldies seem pretty wealthy, but it should be reminded that any of the weapons here should take out the Fish Sticks ASAP on this wave.

Personally, I think this might be a pretty good rot overall? I only skimmed through most of the normal waves (I'm not worrying about them right now I am SICK). I kind of wish High Tide and Low Tide switched places as getting eggs on LT sucks more balls than HT but whatever.

Some personal notes/strategies, mainly for Rush since I know people have a hard time with it:

Image from Salmonrun.Ink

This might be common knowledge already but I'll mention it regardless, I believe all rollers can roll over all Chums now (Swig was buffed)? Move very slightly forward if you have Flingza when the rush is coming towards you/your teammates so you don't waste too much ink. If you're out of ink, probably rotate with your other teammates to shoot them or stall Rush.

If the eggs drop to the tall side of the wall (Pier side), do not pick them up, Snatchers are coming from the Beach side (so they will fly over the basket), just keep them in mind and don't forget to kill them (and don't kill them too early if they're just headed there).

The max of enemies that can be on the field is 27 so don't delay too much otherwise you'll miss out on eggs.

Personally, I like the Gone Fission strategy more than the wall strat since the Rush won't have to travel too far (the area you jump between is the spot behind the Basket and the ledge nearest to the Overlook spot), though it might be harder with the shorter distance + I personally suck ass at it (skill issue I know I'm TRYING)

Will reblog with more stuff if I think of any

[ms-scarletwings]

A Speculative Analysis about Bliblies No One Asked For

Upon their nature and just where they slot into the chaotic worldbuilding of the Smiling Friends, that is. Written by an actual pest control technician.

Starting off, we know for sure is that they seem to be a highly gregarious, nuisance species of critter.

While it may seem like they could be eusocial organisms, like ants or wasps, I highly doubt they actually follow the structure of such, as it involves a rigid caste hierarchy with one breeding queen.

We’ve only seen regular bliblies that do not behave in a very organized manner, so we can rule out hives and queens. Instead, I think the available evidence suggests that they are a common pest similar to invasive rats (meaning the cheese and mousetrap analogy might actually be intentional), which can live in massive social colonies in the wild.

Like rats, the bliblies also seem to be capable of an impressive amount of intelligence. They are able to cooperate enough to summon help in order to subdue a shared threat (Alan), but also are more than capable of turning on their own. It’s possible they may even become cannibalistic during periods of scarcity/overpopulation, which is a guess going off of the RL behavior of rodents and some insects. The actual hierarchical structure of a biblie nest to what extent it might exist appears to be a matter of might makes right. While active biblie hordes will share territory and behave as an overwhelming collective wave when threatened, the colony members still act as individual units competing for immediate resources such as food and tools.

All in all they appear to be a fairly dangerous household pest if allowed to take up residence in an area, breeding incredibly fast and nesting in large sacs, possibly for warmth, as small creatures loose body heat quickly.

That said, it’s also possible that they nest together purely as a defense tactic. In the real word we see this in harvestmen, which clump together in huge balls of arachnids in order to ward off larger predators, and also scatter everywhere once disturbed.

Their biggest strength is in numbers and intelligence. They’re clever enough to run from a fight they clearly can’t win and alert the rest of their colony, but are individually quite fragile. They will even use this pathetic appearance to their advantage, feigning cowardice in order to lower their opponent’s guard. Likely, they resort to aggression as a last resort upon discovery, since they spend the earlier parts of an infestation foraging, growing numbers, and trying to avoid detection from their hosts. It’s more than a little concerning that some of them are capable of tool use to the point of arming themselves with improvised weapons AND replicating an execution by crucifixion. The fact that they have a rudimentary understanding of Christianity or at least ancient torture methods is also its own can of worms my biology education ain’t touching.

Now, if you forced me to guess how an infestation starts…. It’s tricky when we have no idea how they even reproduce. Either they don’t display any outward sexual dimorphism, they’re hermaphroditic like snails, or they breed asexually. Whatever the case, I’m willing to bet that they begin a budding invasion like roaches do. See, when one roach finds a great spot for scavenging food, they’ll mark the site with chemical signals that attract others of its kind to the area. Eventually, enough roaches gather in the same place and start spawning young collectively, hiding together in their own filth during the day, and emerging at night to hunt for scraps. And like roach infestations, one of the easiest ways to detect Bliblie harborage is the presence of feces (in their case, taking the form of “mysterious purple shit pellets”).

Likely, the best way to prevent a Bliblie infestation is keeping a clean space, sealing off entry points, and eliminating access to food- as with any similar issues. However, once a large enough nest has been established, the safest solution lies in a complete mechanical extermination of the colony. If they are smart and aggressive enough to nail you to a cross, they are going to be capable of plotting revenge in your sleep if you evict them and don’t finish the job completely. You’ll get a few of them with traps and poison, but the rest of them will only learn and adapt. Directly killing them all in one go, outright warfare, no survivors…. would be the most effective tactic. At bare minimum a decimation of the infesting population could help to break the morale of the survivors, which will be easier to push into vacating a structure once their nest site has been destroyed.

Which above else makes me so just glad we have such dedicated professionals like Desmond around to handle these creatures.

TL/DR: Bliblies are basically a smarter and scarier equivalent of Norway rats, or perhaps cockroaches.

[switch]

if you're someone like me who has never found consistent success with yooyuball following other guides before, but also doesn't want to just turtle in a corner for 2 minutes, here's what i've been doing. i get anywhere from 5-11 goals per game with an average of 8. babby's first casual yooyuball cheese guide. not intended for pros.

use mouse controls. pick whatever formation looks like the leftmost one for you. beeline towards the ball, then run straight down as soon as you grab it. you're faster so you should always grab first, but try to get away asap. some guides say to let the opponent grab the ball first, but i've found post-flash stealing very finicky and if you get your angle right, stealing immediately can let you score within about 3 seconds. generally the AI will extremely rarely if ever get in your way if you take this lower path, but keep an eye on them.

run down along the field and then curve back up and try to throw the ball in from the bottom while approaching at roughly this distance and angle. i don't charge my shot when i do this, i just tap as i'm walking. the AI goalie has trouble handling this. it's a bit finicky, too far in one direction and it'll either get stuck on an invisible lip just below the bottom of the net or the goalie will just grab it. if you stay on the bottom, though, the goalie will usually throw at a consistent upward angle that you can learn the trajectory of to quickly grab and try again. this shot becomes significantly easier to hit if you get a wide net powerup. i don't hit it first try every time but you get a feel for it.

this applies for pretty much every ball except darigan and mutant. faerie will be a bit more finicky but it's still doable. mutant you'll usually get a normal throw eventually. darigan is a waste of everyone's time. if a freeze powerup spawns and time isn't too close to running out, try to save it for a darigan ball (or maybe robot if you're afraid you won't get it in one shot) if you can, as they'll usually give you enough time to get a proper shot- powerups not picked up don't despawn between matches.

some people make their own goalie score on themselves with a darigan ball to just quickly end the round and try to get a different ball in order to make up more points than the one lost by doing so, i don't like this strat because half the time i just get 3 darigans in a row anyway. otherwise, if you just keep fucking around with the darigan ball in front of the enemy goalie it'll usually go in eventually, because it won't go in the direction the enemy wants either.

if you're having an absolute bitch of a time with a darigan or mutant ball, you can turtle in the upper corner. wiggle your mouse back and forth to kind of wedge your guy up there and wait. the AI will either go extremely prolonged periods of time without stealing, or won't steal at all. i recommend not looking away or taking your hand off the mouse, because they can still steal, but usually you can just tap your mouse if you see the bar pop up to yank it back from them.

however, i strongly encourage not doing this strat if you can absolutely help it unless you've already had a pretty good game. doing a bunch of 0-1 games because you turtled immediately every time will bring your team's average down for everyone. if an ice powerup spawns, stop turtling and go try to score.

anyway the most important thing to remember is that the game is less intimidating and complicated than it looks. you move faster, you're the only one who can grab powerups, the game is very weighed in your favor. it beats grinding slushie slinger or make some noise any day of the week.

[blogtaculous]

Crysis was really one of the games of all time.

I played through the remastered release on PS5 and have some thoughts.

The obvious one is the back half of the game stinks.

The first half is great. Tight, controlled experiences with a balanced set of tools. Later Cry games have completely failed to live up to the tension present in Crysis. It works because the open world isn’t really that open, but is just enough to feel like a huge, sprawling island. Not only this, but the enemy encounters are intentional and crafted. These days the game throws together an “outpost” with stupid enemies and alarms and whatever that’s easy as hell to assault because ammunition is everywhere for OP guns. Crysis, though, even with the nanosuit, is really challenging, and requires careful play throughout.

It has the same jank from the original release, like some weird bugs and weird checkpoints, but it remains, I think, the best Cry game at saying “here’s a position, take care of it.”

The North Koreans are pretty smart and hit hard. Even armor mode won’t save the player from poor planning. Modern Cry games are so easy. Every outpost can be cheesed without even trying. There’s just so much extra garbage, too, which isn’t really the subject here because Crysis isn’t an action RPG but I think my point is that this kind of linear design works really well and it falls apart under the weight of “Open World” expectations.

Of course once the aliens show up it becomes a real slog. The player is slow and it’s hard to look up, so suddenly these aliens can hover above the player and just hammer away, and the cloak tool becomes just worthless. The final boss(es) aren’t fun (and I had to restart the entire last level to get the exosuit to spawn and fuuuuuuck it sucks).

In all, I wish linear storytelling in big games would make a comeback, because open world collectathons and “survival crafting” isn’t working.

Will I play Crysis 2 again? It was my favorite of the series (from what I remember). Maybe. But first I’m trying the newest Ratchet and Clank game

[atsadi-shenanigans]

Feeding Alligators 23 - Paranoia Agent

Lunch break and Astarion's worries. Gale has a carrot.

On AO3.

Y’all find the docks the letter had mentioned. Spot the island out in the murky, sludge water. Before y’all get over there, the others stop. You find a mildly rotted crate that takes your weight. It groans, but it doesn’t bend or buckle or dump your ass into the water.

Astarion does not sit. Too busy looking back the way y’all came.

You chug from your waterskin. You physically feel better from the whole blood loss thing, save for the exhaustion and the ache in your bones. But you’re not panting after water anymore, so the fluids appear to be topped back up. You look out over the swamp. The tree growing from that island puts any childhood climbs to shame. You’ve only seen anything comparable when you went to that old growth rainforest up north, them trees so wide three people couldn’t hug it and touch hands.

With some luck (ha), the island will be deserted. You might be able to accomplish something in this godforsaken place without anyone getting their innards turning to outtards.

“How’re you feeling?” you say after chomping down the last of your bread rolls, two apples, and a chunk of sharp cheese (you try not to shudder at the bitterness).

Astarion glances to you without really seeing you. “Hmm?”

“With the, uh, my blood?” you say. “Did it help?”

“Oh. Oh yes, of course.” His usual smile slips back into place. “Much better. That Gur wouldn’t have been an issue if it had come to it. You could have seen those results yourself, but, alas, you chose to let him leave.”

Gandrel had seemed amiable enough. And though y’all were literal worlds apart, part of you resonated with what sounded a lot like racism. Not the same kind your ancestors had faced (at the hands of your other ancestors), but enough for it to twinge at you. Not civilized, not cultured, savages. As if Cherokees didn’t have towns and crops and trading networks spanning hundreds, if not thousands, of miles. Oh no, they couldn’t be “civilized” because that would mean they were people, and if they were people well, murder and theft would feel a bit more uncomfortable, wouldn’t it? Probably not enough to stop, mind. But enough to make a conscience itch here or there (and it did).

“I did,” you say. “And I’d do it again.”

He starts to bristle. He won’t get it, will he? Whatever bullshit he has against these Gur people, challenging it to his face won’t get you anywhere right now.

“We don’t know what we’re heading into over there, either,” you add. “Thought it might be best to save everyone’s strength.”

Astarion takes this with a small grimace and a soft sound of displeasure. “I don’t like leaving him out there. You didn’t want those Absolute cultists running around behind our backs.”

No, you didn’t. You suppose in his shoes, you’d be just as disconcerted.

“He’s looking for a run-of-the-mill vampire spawn,” you say. “It’s daytime, you’re running out here with SPF-0 and not bursting into flame, and ain’t none of us been mauled to death. Not, y’know, fatally. Mostly.”

His gaze flicks to your neck. The wounds closed and smoothed over by Shadowheart’s magic and Gale’s potion. You realize now just how fortunate that wasn’t visible when you’d met Mr. Swampman.

“Yes, I suppose it’s not as obvious,” he says. “Still.”

Behind the both of you, Shadowheart makes some jab about Lae’zel’s preferred diet. You check and find Lae’zel swallowing what you think is a still-kicking frog.

“Huh,” you say. To Astarion, “Why’s he after you, anyway? How’d he know you were out here at all?”

You hadn’t thought about that part until you say it. Y’all are less than a week out from the crashed butthole ship. Ain’t none of the others even knew where y’all’d landed (and you’re pretty sure they still ain’t completely sure).

“He was sent to fetch me,” Astarion says.

Who, you almost ask.

“It was Cazador,” he continues. You ain’t never seen a man sneer a word until now. The sheer loathing oozes from that name like a stink smearing the air.

“The shitbag who turned you?”

He blinks at the phrasing. The corner of his mouth makes the barest of twitches. Then falls back into that grim line. “Only he would know to send those vermin after me. He’s showing me his power, reminding me he can still reach me, all the way out here.”

You try, and fail, to hide the wince at “vermin.” Pasty White boy with a posh accent using that word to describe a whole group of people sits all wrong.

“It was a group of Gur that attacked me that night in Baldur’s Gate,” Astarion says. His gaze goes distant. “I would have died, had Cazador not appeared and ‘saved’ me.”

The Gur he says Cazador has just sent after him.

“Sounds convenient,” you say.

“It’s a message. He wants me back.”

Oh. If that doesn’t send a shiver of recognition down your spine. More than ten years later and you still don’t open mail from someone you don’t recognize. The second the sun sinks towards the horizon, your drapes are closed, and you know every single car on your street. You even recognize the usual doordash or uber drivers in your area. Because strangers…

You were working on that with your most recent therapist. Not making much ground, honestly, because your fears were fucking founded in reality, thank you very much, and she charged more money for an hour than you made in a day.

“How’d he know where you were?” you say. “We got taken so quick. Or, I did, I ain’t sure about the rest of y’all.”

“Oh, I never saw it coming, else it probably wouldn’t have happened and then I’d be worse off,” Astarion says. His eyes track something you can’t see. His expression goes flat. Not his usual version, though. This is obviously a mask. One to hide what you strongly suspect is disgust (you should be over this by now) and hatred (people say it wasn’t your fault but there were ways out, if you’d just been brave (desperate) enough sooner). “I’m a spawn. As my… my master, he can command me. Our bodies just obey. There’s nothing we can do to stop it. But he hasn’t since I woke up on that beach. I suppose I have the parasite to thank for that; the old rules have stopped applying. Even his. Especially his.”

That last part is soft, barely more than a whisper.

The quiet is interrupted by Lae’zel trash talking the entire concept of eating fruit. They’re doing just fine over there.

“He wants me back,” Astarion says again, still in that soft tone. “He’ll always want me back. He should be able to reach out and compel me, and he can’t. I don’t know if it’s the distance or the worm, but he’ll be furious that I’m still out here. Still free.”

The tiniest inflection on “free.” Something fragile. Tentative. The barest spark that must be breathed upon softly to coax it to kindle. Too strong, and it snuffs it out and kills that spark dead.

“So he sent a monster hunter after me to drag me back. Make an example out of me. Death would be too much of a reward.”

Damnit. If he’s right, if Gandrel really is unknowingly working for that sunovabitch, he’d have reason to kill him. You’d do the same; what he’s describing is hell, worse than anything you’ve known. You’d rip out someone’s throat with your teeth should that ever come for you.

You hope to god he’s wrong. Hope that Gandrel and his people are just doing normal, monster hunter things. Maybe Astarion tangled with this group before. Maybe he ended up on someone else’s shitlist (but how would they know where y’all are? Fuck, that part really bugs you).

“How concerned should we be?” you say.

“‘Concerned?’ Do you know the power a vampire lord possesses?” he says. Actually looks at you and then sneers. “Of course you don’t. He can change his shape, turn into mist, call wolves to do his bidding! Shrug off blows like they’re nothing. He could walk into our camp tonight and kill you all with his bare hands.” He leans in close enough you can smell his hair oil, that spicy herb mix. His face is sharp, eyes damn near burning. “And you would be lucky if death was the worst of it.”

You look to the scars on his neck. They’re ragged. Must have been painful.

Our bodies just obey.

You swallow down a queasy feeling.

“Then what should we do?” you say.

He stares at you. Almost looks like surprise, quickly snuffed for agitation. He scoffs. Stammers a second. “First, we have to…we…I don’t know. If we kill his lackeys, he’ll just send more. We have to be vigilant. Keep our wits about us. And kill any monster hunters on sight.”

That feels extremely directed at you.

Also not a plan. “Be vigilant?” It’s almost enough to draw an eyeroll. Except.

The way he talks, the way he watches the swamp. It’s familiar on a visceral level.

So that’s what that looks like from the other end.

Sasha said that was normal. The better of your therapists (when you could afford them) said the same. Being watched all the time, knowing you were trapped, knowing you were weak and helpless and there was nothing you could do because those higher than you had all the resources, the money, the obedience, and the power? It fucks with the brain. Turns the lever to dump stress hormones into the bloodstream and then kicks off the handle to jam it open.

And you were only in for, what? Fifteen, sixteen years? You don’t know how long Astarion’s been a vampire. But you’re pretty sure it’s way longer. And way worse.

“Okay,” you say. “Will do.”

He gives you a tight nod. Looks past you and his eyebrows flick up. You turn to find both Shadowheart and Lae’zel reaching for their weapons while Gale stands between them, arms raised, holding a carrot for some godforsaken reason.

“Oh,” Astarion says, tone all bright again. “Dinner and a show?”

Previous - Index - Next Chapter

[hollirae2]

So for those that don’t know, I play and love DnD. My friend ran a masquerade one shot for me and my friends. When I play one shots I like to try different races and classes I haven’t tried before to understand how they work. I played a tiefling barbarian named Marlis. I played him as this silly little guy who loves to hit and fight stuff, loves eating, drinking, all those kinds of things but doesn’t think with his head first a lot of the time. Sometimes I even had moments where I acted more like a kid who really wanted to do something specific but didn’t want to get in trouble kind of vibe (Bloodmoon vibes from the sun and moon show but without the blood luster or Ruin from the same show as examples). I also imagine he’s on the shorter end of the height scale (like barely pushing 5’4”) and has a war hammer that is much bigger than him. So we get to this giant castle that’s throwing a party and we get to pick out our masks before entering. I picked out a boar mask cause it felt like the chaotic touch I needed. Within the first 2 minutes of me being there, I start walking up to one of the tables with food and drinks on it. Marlis ends up bumping into a gnome or dwarf guy (I don’t remember) and this guy starts yelling at me. We exchanged some words and I start walking away to reach my goal that is the food/drink table. This dude punches me (after a first failed but cooly caught punch) when my back is turned and I turn around and absolutely clock him (best feeling in the world). After some conversations, I learn there’s a fondu table. I decide it’s a fun opportunity to learn about that in character. I (very much scooby-do style) pile up a plate and eat it then grab a small loaf of bread and head to the fondu table. I then soak this poor piece of bread then eat it (it was more cheese than bread, like soup almost). After some many fun moments we eventually get to this hidden basement area and we fight a wererat. We kill it then I proceed to smash a whole in the wall that leads to the kitchen. As we leave to head back upstairs, I rob the place of a ton of bread and add it to my bag. As we climb the stairs, a vulture appears as a bunch of people are screaming about their masks (the masks were cursed and we couldn’t get them off so people started turning into whatever animal their masks associated with). The party assumes this vulture is apart of this so they say to handle it non lethally. I, way too excited both in and out of character to start hitting things, accidentally kill it causing the main dude to spawn out and start the fight. My party member friend joked that my character wouldn’t get bread for the week for killing the bird (a joke I found funny) and in that moment, I get charmed by the villain who promises a life time supply of bread if I attack my friends. I start doing so and my friends kept trying to damage me so I could roll to get uncharmed. THE WISDOM SAVE IS THE ONLY TIME I ROLL BELOW A TEN AND ONLY FOR THIS STUPID SAVE! (P.S. I WAS ROLLING FINE BEFOREHAND) After many failed attempts on my end to get uncharmed, I finally get knocked out by my friends. I spent like 20 minutes fighting my friends and unintentionally failing this wisdom save over a lifetime supply of bread. DnD is truly an experience that even without context is a wild thing to talk about lmao

[tubborucho]

If I actually decided to write it back in june, it would be so so good. So here, have my notes:

If Tubbo got a diamond for every time he sees his best friend alive after said friend supposedly died, he would have 3 diamonds. Which is enough for a pickaxe or a shovel with an enchanting table. But he would make an axe, obviously. Or saved it for another set of gear.

——

“I would trust Tommy with my life. If I know anything about him, it’s that he would fight teeth and nails for somebody he loves. He would die before anything or anyone can get to Clem”.

——

The end is never the end is never the end is never the end

“To the ends of the Earth”

“And whatever comes next”

————

“Are we dying it blonde as usual?”

“Of fucking course, what else would I choose?”

“I dunno. Blue? Pink? Pink seems like a fun colour”

“Why the bloody hell would I choose to dye my hair pink when Tommyinnit blonde is obviously a superior colour?”

“Yeah, like cheese”.

“MY HAIR DOESN’T LOOK LIKE FUCKING CHEESE”.

“Sure thing, Tom. Didn’t take you for a pussy”.

*a few hours later*

Tubbo: Does anybody have colour remver? :D

—————————

1 chapter

“The end is never the end is never the end”

Tubbo POV (3rd person)

1. Seeing Tommy alive. Freaking out and crying session.

2. Getting their act back and observing the situation step:

* Where they are exactly?

- Possibly the Nuke reset the spawn?

- Or they got teleported somewhere away from the spawn?

* How are they alive?

- Can’t be Dream, he wouldn’t revive them for free

- Well, only possibly Dream if he made a mistake in the process, and that’s why they are away from him

- Maybe it was Prime (Tommy’s opinion)

* What to do?

- Go further, trying to find someone or a place to spend the night

- Communicators don’t work properly, they are glitching and the coordinates are jumping around

3. Started moving. Something is wrong, but they can’t quite place what other than some trees they’ve never seen before, but maybe they are just FAR away from Esempi Spawn Area. Spend at least half of the day just wondering in one direction. Some a bit awkward convos, because they didn’t expect to meet again after the Nuke.

4. Seeing the Wall in the distance. Very confused, moving towards this Wall, because it means there are probably people there.

5. Tommy notices Quackity, when they get close enough, and immediate calls for him, getting his attention.

“Big Q! How are you, my man? It’s been so long! What happened to this place? Did you ditch Las Nevadas?”

“Do I know you?”

6. Census Bureau

———

story points:

* Tommy freaking out when he sees Wilbur

* Hair dying part

* Clem reminds Tubbo of Michael. Tommy and Tubbo talk it over, Tubbo explains to Tommy for the first time what exactly was his family. Tommy holds his face at the end telling him something nice and letting Tubbo hide his face in his chest afterwards before going to make them mac and cheese

* Somebody asking Tubbo is he is sure about leaving Tommy alone with Clem when the Binary Monster is hunting kids

* Tubbo falling into grinder mode, trying to be as safe as possible

* Trying (and still failing) to protect Tallulah’s first life

* Managing to help save Dapper’s first life (Maybe Tommy can place another waystone in just the right moment for Dapper to TP. Dapper still looses a life a couple of days later tho)

* Tommy is drawn to Philza and Wilbur anyway, even if they are not the same, even if they don’t remember. When one of them asks Tommy about their bonding with Tubbo, he answers “There’s safety in knowing someone for the most of your life. For better or for worse”

* Tubbo silently crying at the start when he first sees Tommy after the Nuke. He’s never been one to cry loudly, but the silent tears are the scariest anyway

* Cellbit suspects them to be a part of the Federation(?)

* Tommy feels uncomfortable at first when they arrive because he is withdrawn from Invisibility Potions

* Tommy and Tubbo change tickets with Roier to be co-parents

* Tubbo progressively becomes more and more possessive of Tommy

* Tommy tries to sacrifice himself once again and Tubbo just bursts with the angriest ‘NO’ locking him up in a cage. “NO! YOU DON’T GET TO DO IT AGAIN. YOU ARE STAYING RIGHT HERE AND LET OTHER PEOPLE DECIDE WHAT TO DO. I WON’T LET YOU DISAPPEAR OR DIE AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE MINE. MY FRIEND, MY PARTNER. MINE TO LOVE AND MINE TO CARE ABOUT. YOU ARE MY TOMMY AND YOU ARE NOT ACTING LIKE A FUCKING MARTYR ONCE AGAIN”.

* They have a conversation later. Talk out how Tubbo’s possessiveness reminds Tommy of Dream and how much he hates it because he struggles already with seeing himself as his own person: “I am your best friend. I am your Tommy. But me myself is my own”. Tubbo understands and apologizes, explaining why is he acting like that: “I can’t bear losing you again. I’ve already lost you trice, and each time it’s so painful, I can’t do it again, Tom”

feeling insane about c!clingy, am going to remember the au i had where they both woke up on the qsmp after the bomb killed them, alive once again, because it was epic.

[asoaf]

Deltarune incorrect quotes

Susie: Don´t worry, I have a permit.

Ralsei: This just says "I can do whatever I want."

Susie: Exactly

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

When Susie and Lancer were a "bad guys team"

Lancer: We´re currently considering becoming a bother or a nuisance.

Susie: Maybe even a menace or an inconvenience.

Lancer: We don´t know, we haven´t made up our minds yet.

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Noelle: Do I look straight?

Kris: Not in the slightest.

Noelle: No, I mean my parking job.

Kris: Oh, In that case then yes it´s fine

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Cop: You’re receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle. Susie: Shit. Ralsei: Wait, three? Cop: Yeah? Noelle: OH MY GOD KRIS FELL OFF!!!

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

First half of Chapter 1 (Pacifist Route)

Ralsei: Violence isn't the answer. Susie: You’re right. Ralsei: *sighs in relief* Susie: Violence is the question. Ralsei: What? Susie, bolting away: And the answer is yes. Ralsei and Kris, running after her: NO-

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Ralsei: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB? Kris: Bold of you to assume I was born at all. Queen: I personally was created in a lab. Berdly: I just straight up spawned lol.

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Ralsei: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Kris will and will not eat. Susie: Grass? Yes! Ralsei: Moss? Yes!! Susie: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Ralsei: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Susie: Rocks? Usually nah. Ralsei: Twigs? Usually! Susie: Cheese? Inconclusive! Noelle: How did you… test this? Susie: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it. Noelle: ... I don’t know how to feel about this. Berdly: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

―――――――――――――――――――――――――――――――

Kris: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness. Susie: Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you. Ralsei: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

[0poole]

I LOVE No Straight Roads

Honestly it’s hard to keep me away from a game with great visuals and even greater character design. I knew from the INSTANT I saw these characters that I was going to love it. I just finished it because it’s (unfortunately) pretty short, and even though I cheesed the final boss through it’s very lenient death mechanics (Instant respawn at the cost of a good rank) I actually appreciated that it wasn’t a pure cake walk. I’ve yet to rematch all of the bosses, but since I had genuine trouble with the later ones I’ll hold off on that.

But who cares about gameplay, am I right? I sure as hell don’t. I would’ve bought the game no matter what the hell it was. I wanted the characters (and the music, although I realized that second) and that was it. 

First of all, I love any world that is super fantastical but cheesy in its concept, ala a city powered by music, and battles between artists using music. Ideas like this only spawn from a mind that wants to create a fun atmosphere, if nothing else, and it was sure as hell fun. I genuinely love when someone goes so far into a crazy idea and doesn’t waste your time explaining it with real world logic. Wanna know how a city can be powered by music? Shut up and look at the cute virtual mermaid. Lord knows I did. Every once in a while, it does you good to just let the player/reader/viewer just revel in the idea without having to go out of your way to make things seem realistic. It’s not about “turning your brain off” or whatever, it’s picking your battles.

Also, I can seriously love a world with great background characters to it. Any game with the right situation to insert the random nobodies you find onto the streets into the art in the credits really played into the greatness of the world’s less important characters, and that’s always a good thing. It’s technically world building. But, since I always love to pick favorites, I’d have to say my favorite background character is easily Mia, the NSR infodesk assistant. It’s funny, because you can literally search “nsr characters” into Google and she’s the third image result. I love how jumpy she is when you first interact with her, since NSR probably spread the word about B2J suggesting they’re rock thugs who’d beat up anyone, so for all she knows she could die right then and there with a guitar lodged in her skull. She’s probably just some intern trying to pay for college. She don’t want trouble.

Also, I just realized that 90% of the characters in this game have the same body structure that I always love, that being having arms/legs that sort of fan out in width into relatively large hands/feet. It’s a kind of limb structure I fall into so much because it just really hits me right for some reason. I really can’t explain why.

Anyways, I gotta talk about the big boys individually:

Mayday and Zuke are an amazing duo. I’m always a sucker for a cute and crazy girl, but honestly Zuke hit so many of the right notes too. I will say it’s weird to pair the martian Zuke with the humanly-skinned Mayday, but honestly it doesn’t even matter because he looks so cool on his own. I love his weird blocky blue dreadlocks, and his weirdly shaped shirt which bares his chest in the weirdest way... And, oh my god, Mayday’s weird Spongebob background flower eyes? It’s little tidbits like that that really make me jealous. How could I have ever thought of that? It looks so perfect, and I don’t know why. And her little booty jig she does in her idle animation? Adorable. I played as her as much as was reasonable not only because I’m a filthy button masher with little strategy but also because she’s so damn cute. I can also appreciate how she has a tough-as-nails persona while still keeping a semi-girly attitude, like with her falling for 1010 and Sayu. Characters are so much better when they’re a perfect blend of characteristics, instead of being all one-note, like how Zuke is the quiet one but gets heated against DK West, and all. 

Honestly the voice acting for every character is great, but I love when Mayday’s VA’s accent shows through. It’s a perfect twang to accent (consider this the only acknowledgement of a pun in this post) her snarkiness. 

DJ Subatomic Supernova was going to be an easy favorite since he’s all space-themed. Also, I don’t know why I always end up liking the egotistic characters. Not in the sense that I like their egotistic-ness, but in the sense that I like everything else about them and they just so happen to also be egotistic. The same applied with Empoleon (maybe like my 2nd favorite Pokemon) and Rarity from MLP, probably among others. Either way, I’ll never not love space themes. Not to mention he’s got a funky disco theme, and I’m slowly starting to realize that I am in extreme love with techno-funk styles of music. The instant I heard his music he cemented his place into my playlists. 

As for design, I still have no idea what the fuck he is. Clearly AI is at human levels in this world, but if he’s a robot why does he still have hairy legs? But, if he’s a human, is that weird orb his head? Is it just some sort of puppet which he controls from inside his giant jacket? I know I dissed explaining things realistically but I actually want to know with this guy. Even the wiki doesn’t say. Either way, he’s clearly the logical extreme of “being at the center of your own universe.” Even his jacket depicts a solar system, with his hood being the sun. Didn’t see that until I tried to draw him. I really wish this guy wasn’t so tied to his DJ stand so I could reasonably draw him without it. I don’t want to draw his hairy ass legs. It is a great touch for his design though (although I prefer his beta look with pants and long boots, another design trait I tend to gravitate to) since DJs could reasonably not wear pants, since they’re always behind a table.

Sayu is my favorite. It’s so plainly obvious. It’s weird to say that sometimes, because some characters like Sayu are so clearly engineered to be as adorable as possible, to the point where they’re basically a parody of whatever they’re supposed to be emulating, but then they do that so well that they are still likable for what they’re trying to parody. Also, even though I’ve never looked into any vocaloid superstars myself, the fact that they exist and are loved in real life is absolutely perfect to be used as a character design in a world like this. It’s so weird conceptually, but we all know it’s normal and realistic. But yeah, she’s a giga-cutie whom I’ve already drawn and I’ve listened to her theme on loop on many different occasions. Favorite character, favorite track, favorite weapon of choice (What did I say about Empoleon?), which, and I wouldn’t have noticed this myself, looks like the USB symbol you see above USB ports on computers. How crazy perfect is that?

Even apart from my unbridled love for cute monster robot(?) girls, her boss fight is probably the 2nd greatest of them all, at least conceptually. She’s just a hologram, so you can’t touch her, but you CAN disconnect the artists which control her in order to defeat her. It’s the kind of concept for a boss fight that could only work for this type of character. I’m a sucker for the cute girl that provides her voice, but I love how the animator (video editor? the yellow one) actually attacks you with a mouse and lowers the brightness of the setting once he appears. Also, the mocap guy being the deeply-voiced type but still providing the adorable movements of her body. It’s such a great combo of characters, and their little extra art in the credits makes me like them even more. I just wish we could interact with them individually.

DK West was probably one of the most interesting characters visually, especially since I knew of every other NSR member long before the game came out, but I only just heard of him closer to the release. I wasn’t sure where he was placed, but I definitely assumed his gig was the weird shadow demon we saw in the trailers. When I finally saw him in game, I was shocked to hear him speak an entirely different language most of the time, which was really cool. Also, finding out he was tied to Zuke and wasn’t strictly an NSR artist really made him more interesting. You know, if his fucking shadow clone magic didn’t make him crazy cool enough. Even though I suck at his game and am not especially fond of his raps, the visual of him rapping with this giant monster behind him and dozens of weird shadow wingmen by his side hyping him up was probably one of the coolest in the entire game. The dark way they were hyping him up too gave such a bizarre atmosphere, especially since it parallels his seemingly chill and smiley demeanor. 

I definitely hope they’ll introduce new bosses as DLC in the future, and make them sort of in the same vein as DK West, where they aren’t the biggest artists ever, but they want to pick a fight with B2J. I’d kill for any extra content this game can provide.

Yinu is obviously special since she was the subject of the demo they put out for the game. Even though I knew all her bells and whistles, she and her mom still beat me a few times in the full game. Considering she’s semi-tied to story-ish spoilers I kinda want to go more into her in a separate section. It is worth considering playing the game first since it’s not hard (with the easy going deaths) and it’s short length.

1010 seriously grew on me as I learned more about them and interacted with them. I got their shtick when I first looked at them, but after seeing that animation of them touring the city on Youtube I was kinda falling for them. Then, I learned that they’re apparently repurposed navy war robots? I mean, maybe not them specifically, but it seems to heavily point in that direction, with the warship cars and “attention!”s and all. It took me a bit to get into their music too, but once I actually fought them and put their actions to the music I fell in love with it. I swear, Neon J’s weird dancing can has some of the smoothest moves in all of gaming. I don’t know whether they mocapped out those movements or got one of the greatest animators ever, but it looks so impossibly clean his part of the song gets me like 30x more hype than it would normally. 

Also, their little art piece of them looking at fan mail in the credits is probably one of the most adorable things ever. Even if they’re just Neon J’s puppets, that piece of art really makes it seem like they love every one of their fans. I’m not gonna lie, I might swoon a bit too if they picked me out and gave me some special attention.

Oh yeah, and the fact that Mayday was super sad in her showstopper against them was adorable and hilarious at the same time. The little tweaks they made to the showstopper for each fight were great.

Eve just has to be Lady Gaga, right? Like, an even crazier Lady Gaga. DJSS is Daft Punk (or any artist with a helmet persona, you know what I’m talking about), Sayu is Hatsune Miku, DK West is Kanye West, Yinu is a generic child protege, 1010 is a KPop boyband (just pick one) and Eve is Lady Gaga. That’s just how things are. But, again, this is the kind of boss fight that only this type of character could provide. It’s not just surreal imagery, it’s ARTISTIC surreal imagery. The fight is so mesmerizing in every way, especially by how it starts off so slow and calm and progresses to insanity, as well as the increased emotional investment in the fight making you feel so much more into it than just “That’s the boy band. Let’s fight.” Not only does it get you more invested, but it makes her artistic persona go deeper than just “she looks weird.” She is genuinely conflicted about her relationship with Zuke, and naturally that leads her to literally split him and Mayday apart. That mechanic specifically was the coolest, although I do wish they made it more obvious when you needed to switch over to a different side. I was getting pulverized by her fight too, since there were so many things to pay attention to. Her fight was definitely the best one. 

Tatiana and Spoilers:

Let’s be real with ourselves, the twist was so obvious. I do also think, though, that obvious twists aren’t bad if they’re just good reveals. At some point, a person just has experienced so many stories that “only pretty good” twists are easy to spot. It doesn’t mean that the twists are bad, it just means you yourself experienced.

I feel like her transition from rock to EDM was pretty understandable, even as a non-musician. She was so caught up in what she assumed was popular that it basically consumed her. It’s easy as an artist to want to forgo what you truly want to make in favor of what makes you popular, and clearly since her transition to EDM made her the CEO of the biggest company in the city (world?) that probably made her think she truly needed to change her outlook. Then, when she saw B2J try to bring it back, she sort of coined them as being as misguided as she was and knocked them down a peg. Plus, they were kinda being jerks about it.

It’s kinda like the Trolls sequel, where everyone pegs rock music fanatics as being too stuck up in their own heads to appreciate other types of music, which honestly seems more like the case than the alternative. When I first heard of the story of the game, I was seriously hoping they did put an asterisk on B2J’s ambitions because they were a bit sketchy from the start. 

That’s kinda where I want to talk about Yinu, because she was the true turning point in what they were doing. She’s literally 9 and yet she’s getting dragged into all this BS. When she said “I hate you all” at the end of her fight, and played a somber tune on her broken piano after the fight destroyed it, you kinda got a kick in the face to realize you’re kinda being an asshole to some of them. Sure, they fight back, but they wouldn’t fight in the first place if they didn’t have to. They are just people who play music under a joint name that B2J just so happened to get in hot water with. 

Then, of course, there’s Kliff, who also reeked of surprise villain, and who’s basically the embodiment of the bad side of B2J, where he just wanted to destroy for his own sake and not for the actual greater good. Once B2J realized their mistake, they backed off, but Kliff was so hard pressed to do what he planned on in the first place he wouldn’t stop. I kinda wish he got a bigger fight to his own since he’s clearly a big enough tech genius to divert a whole satellite into one specific building. Maybe the Elliecopter chase bit was his thing, but I do kind of wish he was there to fight against them too.

Even though Tatiana did kind of reform a bit quick, It’s still not too crazy to assume she could see that B2J was just misguided and the fact that they worked to revert their wrongdoings for her sake would make a pretty strong impressions. They clearly can hold their own, so it’s not like she wouldn’t want them to join NSR too. 

Oh yeah, and her boss fight was clock/time themed. If there’s a theme under space that I love, it’s clocks/time. 

And If I am to be respected by the internet, I must provide a negative opinion to balance out my positive one. I will say that the character model physics (like Mayday’s braids, DK West’s vest thing, Neon J’s fluffy neck thing, etc) got kinda funky at times. Especially DK West’s vest, which was completely messed up for every scene he was in... Also, even though the voices are mostly great, some lines felt a bit off. Just a bit. That good enough? Good.

But yeah anyway that’s another favorite game to add to the pile. Eventually I’m gonna have to compile a true list of my all-time favorite games/movies because I do kind of want to have a solid idea of what my all-time favorites are.