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tumblr can you STOP already, every fucking time.
#it gets stuck buffering the fucking post#and yeah it does get posted#but it happens on my asks and my queued posts#just stop already#also my internet connection is fine and runs like a gem#i'm just over this
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AuDHD is so funny sometimes like what do you mean my hyperfixations/special interests will last for years on end or possibly forever but they will cycle out every month or two with absolutely no transitional period or warning. like i will think about the same topic every day obsessively for 46 days in a row and on the 47th day with no visible cause adhd brain goes "ok! bored of that now" and autism brain goes "dw i got something queued up for ya" and i blast into full blown obsession on some other topic whose mental file folders haven't opened in 9 months. brain's out here treating hyperfixations like a crop rotation. once the dopamine runs out it cycles in another one but once something's in the rotation it never ever leaves. last summer we brought in one from when i was 11. it's so funny to me but frustrating too bc like. i cannot stress enough my inability to predict or control this. or how completely abrupt and random it can be
EDIT: seems this is more common among ND people than i thought, and probably not limited to AuDHD specifically :] i was just describing my own experiences and didn't expect this post to blow up, so don't take me for an authority, but i'm glad it resonated with so many of y'all
#actually adhd#actually autistic#audhd#aphelion.txt#ik 'adhd brain' vs 'autism brain' is a gross oversimplification especially given how much overlap there can be#but it at least helps me conceptualize wtf is going on in my head when i do this lol#and yeah i'm mostly referring to fandoms in this post but it can happen w more 'Traditional' special interests too#like my linguistics special interest which hasn't popped up in a couple years now but whenever it does#i will fill literal notebooks while studying 4 languages at once and simultaneously inventing a conlang#and then i'll be like Ok that was fun! and several months later im deleting like. 2gb of textbooks off my iphone to make room for an update#And sometimes yeah there is a precipitating event like 'Oh something new happened in X fandom with my blorbo!' but sometimes it's like#yeah. no. idk either. switch got flipped in my brain and X no longer sparks joy. only Y rn. how come it's Y? yeah idk i also wish i knew#i don't think any of this is actually an uncommon experience for people with these types of neurodivergencies it's just.#the severity of abruptness and TOTALITY of the switch that makes me feel like a weirdo sometimes lol#like I'M getting mental whiplash from this sometimes. idk how y'all are still following my blog
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the price of your mercy
#hi rmbr that wip from seven months ago . well here it is as done as it's gonna get bc i cant take it anymore 💯💯#where are my edward elric fans in the crowd part two#fmab fanart#fmab#fma#fullmetal alchemist brotherhood#fullmetal alchemist#edward elric#was gonna post this on oct 3 but didn't have enough timeeee srry guys :(#anime#fanart#the stream of consciousness in tags is so funny bc i'll be having a convo w myself#and then i'm like oh yeah i forgot that tag LMAOOZ#fma brotherhood#digital art#cw eyestrain#tw eyestrain#cw blood#do not ask me what the lighting is doing idk#i've been trying to finish this for seven hrs it's DONE okay#anyway red bg my fav#always does me right#hopefully u guys also like this arc as much as me#i have other versions of this to post but i cant decide which is my fav
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I have a LOTT of sketches I could post rn but these 2 are recent and I'm fond of them <3 Steph costume ideas and Tim/Damian cringe bickering inspired by Batman: Brave and the Bold #18!
#dc comics#dc#damian wayne#stephanie brown#tim drake#been drawing more self indulgent doodles lately which is nice#these r sort of a part of that lol#i drew the tim and damian one back when that stort actually came out it's. definitely interesting#if only for portraying Tim and Damian as equally flawed individuals (contrasted to the zdarsky batman for example)#AND unintentionally highlighted how low-key embarrassing it is that Tim is still robin. it's got a part two coming out sometime this month#and the Steph doodle was inspired by me rereading her batgirl run since the trade came out! and remembering how hard Lee Garbetts art slayed#but yeah while i figure out what to post and how- have this#the tim and damian one got like 3 likes on the bird app meanwhile the Steph one is at 1.3k w 93 bookmarks#say what you will about the bird app but when you get the right ppls attention that place does NOT have to be batboy centric#(or soley batboy centric. i like them a lot (damian mainly) but the variety is nice compared to here)
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I still can't get over lucanis at the end of the wigmaker job -- having limped his way down the docks, nursing several broken ribs, dripping rivers of blood (some of it his own. most of it not) onto the floorboards before the innkeeper's horrified and irate eyes, having just Faced the Horrors frfr and cut a bloody swath through a party of tevinter high society as if setting out to contemptuously prove poe's red death a mere piddling amateur, in his fucking batman-ass black leather overcoat getup, presumably woozy with blood loss and fading adrenaline -- just standing there sadly like '🥺is my cousin here'
#the maker's tiredest little assassin literally just looking for his cousin pls stop yelling at him....... if found please return to illario#(illario get that man to stop yelling at me)#I think it's the 'lucanis explained' that really does it fhdskja the way that dialogue tag implies what his tone is there........#I mean yeah he probably DID think that explained something huh. he would think that. I love him beyond words.#dragon age#tevinter nights#the wigmaker job#lucanis dellamorte#I know I brought this up several times in my wigmaker job post but I quite simply cannot stop thinking about it he's sooooo fhfsjdkhfa#it was already so much back when we only had the short story but now that I can imagine it in his actual voice as well. it's everything#he is everything#also so funny that choosing this place to look was just a hunch his plan was literally just to knock on the door of every inn on the docks#until he found his emotional support cousin/brother/emotional support social skill person behind one of them
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oh, starlight.


#submas#idk i don't have any flavor text to add to this one. mainly this was me playing around with blending modes and lighting.#so yeah. anyways.#submas emmet#warden ingo#ingo#emmet#my art#im not even kidding half the struggle with posting these was getting the goddamn post to stop rearranging itself.#it's still not formatted how i want it to be but if i try moving either drawing the whole post unravels and for WHAT. why does it Do That.
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Gen obsessed with how.. *dead* your Jason's color pallete is. Like, that's corpse pale right there. Not a spec of blood left flowing in there (also father Todd's skin being full of color in comparison is a nice touch)

THANK YOU I love making him look a bit ghoulish. Guy who's not supposed to be alive but yes he is. no he isn't <3
#DC#DC Comics#Jason Todd#Red Hood#Jaybin#Robin ii#Art by me#Asks#I know vitamin D doesn't affect your skin colour BUT the easiest way to get it is sunlight which does ik nobody is bothered by this but me#But I have OCD. so you're getting clarification anyways 👍#Jason's way of saying if you spend too much time underground it's going to start wanting to keep you there 😁#I do think he bleeds normally and has a heartbeat and all that because he's not Dead. Alive? Well no also. He's likeboth at once and neithe#I think his physical state should be full of inconsistencies. you can't see his breath in cold weather but you can if he smokes etc.#There's also appeal to him coming back looking completely normal I do love mundane horror but#His death was important both in and out of universe and it altered things irreversibly so I think he can be a little Off as a treat#Also it adds to the misery that he's the same person like he died and came back the same person internally he's himself but#to others he looks and acts and is offputting he's Jason but Wrongg. Except not really#Because yeah he changed but that's just getting older and being affected by your experiences like everyone else ever#unfortunately for him he popped back to life Like That so everyone is just going eughh what thebfcuk#But that's a little off topic ANYWAYS one thing I really liked about Countdown was Jason being described as a siren in the dark#Like yea he's unsettling even if there's no clear reason as to why yet. He wasn't even doing anything his vibes are just rancid#My ideal Jason is one who looks like he wouldn't be out of place eating someone. He wouldn't. but you know. looming threat#I think he'd have fun indulging in the undead aspect in his more dramatic moments#Also the environment matters like during the day at the store he just seems a bit strange but at night in an alleyway it's uncanny valley#I have more to say on this topic but I'm writing a novel in the tags so I'll wrap it up#To summarize it's basically YOU CAN'T GO BACK YOU CAN NEVER GO BACK TO THE WAY THINGS WERE AND EVERYONE WHO LOOKS AT YOU CAN SEE IT#Thank you again for this ask I love when people bring up details they like to me because I like putting them in and talking about them#And just talking in general clearly lmao post-crisis really had so much going for it. lots of interesting characters
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i think one of the coolest things about dan howell is the example he sets of how your life isn’t over at 25, and one person won’t fix your life but you still can. dan met his actual soulmate at 18 and is only now, in his 30s, finding true and genuine happiness and fulfillment. meeting phil didn’t automatically solve all his problems, although he was clearly a significant part of the motivation to bother doing the work at all. but dan still put in the work himself for YEARS to improve himself and his life and it WORKED. your life isn’t over if you aren’t completely happy and fulfilled and the person you wish you could be in your 20s. putting in the work takes time but it is WORTH IT.
#dan and phil#dan howell#phan#it’s so important to me the fact that they are soulmates and their relationship didn’t solve dan’s mental health#bc that’s just not what a soulmate does it’s not a failure of their relationship that it took time and work to improve mental health#and that yeah they are in their 30s now and yeah it did take a lot of time and work to get here#but rather than being sad like oh it took so long NO it’s an example of how there’s always hope there’s always more things do get better!!!#my post
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POV you’ve informed the Queen and the Court’s Sorcerer of something and they very clearly know something that they’re not letting on
#hehe just a silly doodle#Gwen’s great at subtlety so would this even happen? debatable#just feel like they’d definitely get up to magical shenanigans post-canon#plus there were enough things in the show that could make a reappearance#Lady Vivian is visiting? Oh no is she still under the curse??? D: *cue mutual looks of alarm*#(it’s okay she’s not. justiceforvivian2024)#but anyway STILL they’d definitely go sneaking around in the vaults or library to find answers to the latest Situation tm#like yeah magic is legal and Guinevere is literally the queen#but that doesn’t stop them from shiftilly snooping!! shiftilly snooping just Happens when ur friends with Merlin#it’s like enrichment for them#ANYWAY yet again I have NO idea what proper anatomy is and I did not use a reference for Merlin and only glanced at one for Gwen so#sorry I cannot do u justice merlin + guinevere </3#my mom once glanced at one of my doodles when I was home and she was like why does Merlin look like a monkey#WHICH WAS KINDA OUT OF POCKET TBH 😭😭#but maybe one of these days I’ll actually learn drawing-related things so I can better spread my beloved post canon Merlin agenda#Merlin#Gwen#merlin fanart#bbc merlin#my art#art#merwen#EDIT: fixed up the colouring bc it was bothering meee rip
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Happy Birthday to Fallen London; My favourite British people beefing it with bats simulator.
#fallen london#ambition: nemesis#mr.cups#the grey mourner#Happy belated birthday to me: I finished my Nemesis ambition. I get to make a fun comic about it. THAT WAS THE DEAL!!!#...Is what I would have said had I not spent *four* days trying to draw a cool dramatic comic. This is all I have to show for it.#I also missed posting this on the Flondon anniversary so I'm double Smad and frustippointed at myself.#This is niche content but I know there are flondoners following me who will understand.#I had to make a second account because all my friends who I played with *also* picked Nemesis and dropped the game at various gates.#I failed every possible check at Knifegate. I was on the verge of madness. And yet I still love this game.#Little known secret about me: over 70% of the blogs I follow on tumblr are flondon rp blogs.#The cool art and character lore brings me a lot of joy!#With that said; what the hell is the coincidence that right as I finish Nemesis -#The flondon community starts a Nemesis Race.#Guys. it’s not worth it. It is a revenge quest about losing everything you have to see your task through.#All to culminate in the discovering that you are beefing it with a fanfiction writing bat.#That said; I do feel like this story was very satisfying for my melancholic doctor.#I knew I would get the choice between sparing or killing my nemesis (the bat) and I had a long time to think it through.#Someone who wants to save lives and (does as much as possible to do make things better for others) choosing against mercy?#Someone who never permitted themselves to let the city truly become a home because they were not a person - they were a tool for grief.#Alright..Yeah the ending was really good.#I will be back with a part two. Clearly I'm tenacious enough to commit to what I started.#If I am not excommunicated on sight by the flondon community I will be back with comics for the other ambitions.
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Was thinking about Stan's habit of grabbing his chest when he's scared and then thought about what if he did end up having a heart attack or something after Ford came back. Like, he's been stressed for ages and now he's gotta worry about Ford potentially getting the kids into something dangerous like he did and where he's gonna go after the kids leave and what he's gonna do without the Shack.
Maybe it hits him in the middle of tour or something. Like, he's been feeling off all day and looks kinda ragged so maybe Soos is keeping close and sees him go down. At first, people think it's part of the tour or some typical Stan gag. And then he doesn't laugh or try to play it up for money. So the twins run down to the basement to get Ford.
He's kinda annoyed that his planning time's been interrupted by Stanley's antics, but the twins seem genuinely upset so he goes to check it out. And finds out Soos and Wendy called an ambulance and there really IS a problem. Then he kinda disconnects from the situation. Like, he's panicking internally but this isn't the first major medical situation he's been in. So he calmly gets the kids (Soos and Wendy included) into Stan's car and follows the ambulance to the hospital. He's the one wrangling the kids while they freak out and asking all the questions to the doctors and nurses about Stan's condition. He can't take time to worry about his brother because he's got a bunch of kids to reassure and they're all looking to him because he's the eldest person there. He's an old man with all the answers in the universe. If anyone can tell them Stan's gonna be okay, it's gonna be Mr. 12 PhDs.
Except... he doesn't.
He doesn't know anything about his brother's medical history past the age of seventeen. Dipper's the one to mention Stan's medication and Mabel knows his diet and Soos and Wendy know about his boxing hobby and work schedule. Ford has a hazy memory about Stan chewing his way out of a trunk once.
He starts thinking about how Stan's the only family he has left. Sure, the twins are there, but they don't really know each other. Shermie and his son are just over the state line in California, but they don't know who he is anymore. Stanley's been wearing his face for years and they never seemed to notice. His parents are dead. Fiddleford is 30 years in the wind.
Stanley's the only one who truly knows him. Knows about his deepest insecurities and childhood dreams. Who knows his favorite books and comic book heroes. About his first disastrous date and the kissing bot. About how badly things had gone for him and been at his doorstep only a couple of days after receiving a single postcard after 10 years of silence.
And Ford knows nothing of the man Stanley became. Stanley doesn't know how Ford has changed. How he's trying SO HARD to fix his mistakes.
And suddenly being so angry over some paltry little machine doesn't seem so important. Ford's the one who built a doomsday device.
He's still angry with Stanley taking his identity, but what does it matter if no one noticed? Sure, Stan got him a criminal record, but he made one of his own in the multiverse. Their family has always leaned to the gray side of the law.
And now they may never get the chance to know each other again. 40 years without each other and the pain of potentially losing Stanley cuts Stanford so deep he feels like he's the one dying.
So he sits in that cold hospital waiting room, four hysterical kids surrounding him, and wears a straight face while his world falls apart around him.
If you lose your parents, they call you an orphan.
If you lose your twin, they don't stop calling you a brother.
#gravity falls#stanley pines#stanford pines#grunkle ford#grunkle stan#stan pines#ford pines#long post#angst#potential fic idea#a one shot at least#was watching that one golden girls episode again and my brain kicked into high gear#ford just seems like the type to shut down and compartmentalize when things get too stressful#like yeah he gets angry and emotional when he's stressed#but i can also see him being able to hold it together long enough to control the situation as much as he can#especially if someone else needs him#and he cant fall apart with the twins and soos and Wendy around because that'd only upset them and make things worse#so hes gotta suck it up and put on a brave face even though he wants to cry and yell#because hes angry too#at stan for everything and especially for not taking care of himself and risking his health and the universe by working on that damn portal#but also at himself for holding a grudge so long when other things matter more#and hes terrified about how hes gonna take care of the kids#he cant raise babies! (preteens)#and soos is crying and wendy is yelling at the nurses because thats how her family does things#they need stan just as much as the twins do#just thinking
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fmtd au but open arms always somehow gets referenced through the thousands of years so it's just
smb: well maybe life could be amazing if you just greeted it- ody:
#yknow just the one thing ody avoids doing by ALWAYS STAYING RIGHT IN ITHACA#if he was sick of it by the end of 10 years imagine thousands#but it's never intentional it's just pure coincidence it gets brought up by different people#oh yeah folks. even open arms gets repurposed for this au oh boy does it#it's funny bc nobody does act a lot like peter b when he was at this point in the movie#he wakes up and either the bojack horseman theme plays or shit by bo burnham plays#OOC.#ODYSSEUS. / posts.#the final man to die au
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Lost all my mermay files but this one, so have a merman Geto!!
#jujutsu kaisen#geto suguru#jjk#jjk geto#artists on tumblr#my art#Mermaid au!#I had like a whole bunch of mermay stuff prepared for this month#and i was so excited to post them bc i have a whole au in my head#and a story for it#but#my ipad broke#it was 100 percent fine#then BOOM#everything gone#3 years of work just gone#i tought it would have done backups like my phone does but for some reason it was off hahaha#but yeah ill try and redraw Gojo at some point if I get my old ipad to work haha#wont stop me from drawing more fish satosugu tho
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Ohhh, I'm rereading Mystra's entry in the Sword Coast Adventurer's Guide... and this detail:
This means Gale was punished for trying to restore and preserve what he thought was a lost piece of Mystra's magic. Gale being Mystra's ex-lover put aside. He as her follower, she his goddess, was punished for attempting to do the one foundational rule of her faith.
I'm seething and so sad at the same time.
Edit: I used the word punish loosely, as in, toxic/abusive people will take any small mistake or action and twist it into something they can take advantage of. This post was also largely from the stand point of a toxic deity rather than a toxic partner, but both takes are valid here. Especially with the, “you didn’t stay compliant so now I’m giving you the silent treatment” part of it—from a god and a partner perspective.
#bg3 spoilers#rambles#bg3#bg3 gale#gale bg3#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#gale baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate gale#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldurs gate#I understand different versions of Mystra exist#but the bg3 version of her makes me seethe#all the time#TAGS PAST HERE ARE UPDATES#this post was most about comments on the religious trauma aspect#character flaws make character great so I know Gale isn’t perfect#but yeah I do read Mystra as a groomer with the comments minsc gave#like I hate her as a person#her character contribution makes the story interesting but I just objectively can’t excuse anything she does#she makes me feel enraged because they literally had to hide weave gifted boys from her#hello??? I’m sorry but you can’t make me like her or excuse her treatment towards gale after that knowledge#sorry I’m getting heated but goodness I have to say it or it’s going to make me implode
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siffrin pfp i made for myself a while ago hehe
#yes the quality is pretty bad but its mainly due to the fact that this was originally a really small doodle in the corner of the canvas#that eventually spiralled out of control a bit#also yeah those are actual constellations i drew there#posting art is sooo stressfull to me but im gonna get better i prommy#isat#in stars and time#isat siffrin#technically not spoilers but it sure does feel like it#drawinsometimez
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i've been thinking about exactly why people portraying one of the other crew members successfully killing Jimmy as a "for what you did to Anya" kind of thing rubs me the wrong way a bit and it's because like..... this is just another form of taking agency away from Anya, in a way. it's kind of framing her as some meek, shivery woman-thing who's entirely at the mercy of the men around her, either to hurt her or save her.
(i understand these are mostly for wish fulfillment on the audience's behalf because everyone would like to see Jimmy pay for his crimes. whether or not this is the intention of the person writing it isn't really relevant, characterization happens with or without intent. i feel like it misses the point by portraying it as an 'ideal ending'.)
because... Anya is a capable person. she takes things into her own hands when she can. it was partially(?) her idea to get into the cargo,
(before he interrupts her.. remember when she interrupted Curly in the dead pixel segment?)
it was her idea to get the code scanner from the cockpit,
it was her idea to get the medication from behind the foam.
(the chance to do these things herself is not given to her.)
she'd been keeping Curly alive for months in a critical state somehow, her psych evaluations at the start are only so useless because Jimmy refuses to take it/her seriously and Curly is obviously biased when he puts it into his own hands. he's known him a long time, like he said. "I'll just put good for that one."
there's not a lot of material to work with because of how the game is framed, but it's there. we are working with two very biased perspectives and neither one lends Anya what she deserves
there's significant changes in how she speaks post- and pre- crash, and depending on who she happens to be talking to. i recommend re-reading her dialogue, because the difference is drastic
she acts the way she does around Jimmy because he has tangibly done horrible things to her, is actively hostile, and physically could not escape him by any means. she can't take away Curly's agency herself, in my eyes. you have to remember that Especially in the post-crash segments of the game, it's entirely from Jimmy's POV, and he obviously does not (and has never) thought very highly of her or treated her with a shred of respect
i've seen a general idea that she can't bear to hurt other people for any reason, but that doesn't really track to me. this is the real point of the post by the way
it seems based on the parts where she says she struggles to give Curly medication. "It just hurts him so much, I can't stand the noise." "It makes me nauseous."
it's not really the same thing as, say, hurting someone in self defense
this sounds like she did want the gun itself. this never felt worded like someone who would refuse to, at very least, threaten Jimmy with a gun, with violence. if she had been given the agency to make that decision on her own. she wasn't though
she still tries to reclaim some of it even as she's denied it
by the end she's still trying to keep that gun out of his hands
i think some people overly soften her, for similar reasons the game itself is trying to comment on. she's not a tender victim who couldn't cause pain to another out of the softness of her soul, she's a person who's had every last bit of agency ripped from her repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore. that's the point. that's why framing her that way, "needing" someone to save her, is odd to me
she didn't need Curly to save her, she needed him to take responsibility
she didn't want to escalate things, but she's not an idiot. self defense was absolutely on her mind
but who knows im just saying shit *smiles serenely*
#dib noise#mouthwashing#sorryyyyyyyyy lol#i will defend you anya o7#its been fun to roll this game around in my brain. gives me something to do#long post#could be reaching though. it's unfortunate so much of her screentime is hammering home how poorly jimmy regards her#or her being scared/nervous in his presence#or trying to placate him#yes i know that's the point#are my feelings on how anya is treated by the the characters the fans and the game itself weirdly personal? yeah sorry#unfortunately i do think they didn't get the anya parts as solidly as the rest but oh well#everything has flaws#i've gone through a playthrough of this game like 10 times for this#you KNOW im sourcing my claims!!#not really an attack on the people who made the stuff i mentioned at the start#more of a commentary on how they relate with the source material itself#yes yes i know giving a crewmate a lethal weapon is probably not the best idea to curly#does that make this situation any less horrifying?#remember: these aren't real people. everything they do was written on purpose for a reason#i still need to write down my general thoughts on the game as a whole..#also not about one specific person post image writing ect it's a collection of things and ideas thrown onto one post#I'm not any good at ending posts like thase it kind of devolves by yhe end but thats ok
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