#anyway i just did the same problem 3 times before i realized i was solving for the wrong fucking derivative and i hate everything

[queer-reader-07]

it is some kind of cruel joke that i have to study for my calculus quiz this afternoon when i could be reading a silly little t4t romance or rewatching one of my silly little gay shows

[mika-no-sekai-blog]

One bed

Azriel x reader

Word count: 3000+

Summary: Due to unforeseen circumstances, you end up in the same room as Azriel

Warnings: none

I'd love to say I have solved the Frozen thingy, but I haven't yet. I've started writing part 3 and that's where I stopped because of the madness around. I was so close to making a solid plan for it. Unfortunately, the work happened, then Christmas at work baking f***ing chicken farm. Then husband got fever🙄and he couldn't live without getting someone else sick as well, so now son has high fever too and I'm the last one somehow surviving here. At least I have whole week of holidays next week. I hoped to relax and write more, but we'll see. Wish me luck🥴

Anyway here's something small and not so angsty that just popped up suddenly. Hope you enjoy it.

And for everyone who celebrate, have a peaceful holiday 💕

"I thought I've reserved enough rooms," Rhysand sighed. The last hour he was talking with the owner of the inn we were staying at, trying all possible tactics to persuade him to find us one more room. Impossible task from the very beginning as the inn was full.

We were on non-official official mission. At first, there were only six of us supposed to go as Amren declined, intending to stay with Mor in Velaris, protecting it. However, the two of them had yet another quarrel recently, which led to Amren suddenly appearing with a packed bag in hand a few seconds before intended departure. Nobody, not even Rhys, had balls to tell her no. And that's why we ended up in this situation. Rhys had everything perfectly planned, as usual, but he couldn't have known this would happen. And now we were one room short, but again - nobody dared to tell aloud whose fault it was. Amren was like hungry bulldog, ready to tear to shreds anyone and anything at the best of her days. Now, she was pissed off.

Feyre and Nesta took their keys, Feyre giving me an apologetic look. From the start, they were supposed to share rooms with their mates. This was also kind of vacation for us, so it was only logical they wanted to be with their partners.

That left Rhys with last two keys in hand. Amren snatched one and without looking at anyone or even a small mumbled sorry, she left. We exchanged look and whole group finally relaxed.

"Sorry," Feyre murmured as she headed to her room with sorrowful expression.

Before she left, Nesta gazed at me with silent question and I nodded. I would be fine, for sure. Cassian winked at me as he followed her. They both knew about the feelings I had for Azriel for quite some time, each supporting me in their own way. At this point, probably everyone around knew, except for the mentioned Shadowsinger and I didn't plan to be the one to break the news. I knew my limits and he was off them.

Rhys turned to me and Azriel with sorrowful expression, brows furrowed. "I'm sorry, Az, but you know.. Ladies first," he offered me the last key. Spymaster didn't even as much as blink, no protests at all. He looked as his usual self, unbothered by the problem at the hand.

"Thankies," I smiled, took the key and looped hand to Azriel's arm. "Come."

They both opened mouth in surprise, none of them expecting this from me. Rhys recovered as first.

"Enjoy yourself," he smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"Ha ha ha, how funny," I stuck out tongue at him. He chuckled and hurried after his mate, leaving the two of us alone. I raised brow at Shadowsinger who was still too shocked to speak. He didn't even notice Rhys' teasing.

"What? Did you think I would let you sleep on roof or what?"

"B-b-but," he stammered, his cheeks dusted with pink.

"No buts. Come!" I had to pull reluctant Azriel down the hallway.

"I can try another inn-"

"Nonsense! You would miss all the fun. Plus, I really don't mind. We are friends after all. I have nothing to be afraid of, right?"

I came to a sudden stop, realizing something.

"Wait! You mind staying with me in the same room?"

Before, it didn't occur to me that he could be against. I thought we were getting along pretty well, given the fact that we tended to seek out each other's company, sitting together and talking. The two of us even often hung out in the city, venturing cafes and bakeries. I thought he liked to spend time with me, but it could be only my mistaken impression. I knew I couldn't hope for more than friendship and I was fine with that as long as I could be close to him. He could feel differently though.

"No!" he hurried with an answer, eyes wide. "No, nothing like that. It's just.."

"What is it?"

"It's just.. you are female and I'm male."

I was so relieved to hear that, that I wanted to laugh, but I didn't. "That means that you will pounce on me like an animal as soon as door close?"

He flushed fiercely, averting his eyes. "You know I will do no such a thing. It just means that you might be uncomfortable because of that."

"I'm fine. Believe me," I said softly and took his hand. "So come on, silly."

He chuckled and this time, he willingly followed me.

The room, we got, was quite a nice one for an old inn, but it was rather smaller one. Most of the space was occupied by bed big enough to accommodate Illyrian wings. It was one of the reasons Rhysand chose this place, thinking about the comfort of his brothers. We were supposed to spend here whole week, maybe longer, so it was necessary.

Except of bed, there was only small table with two old chairs, hearth and connected bathroom.

After we settled down, the air had somehow thickened, both of us suddenly embarrassed. And so I did what I could to lighten the atmosphere a bit, but every try for a conversation died out soon after it started. At last, I gave up.

"It was long day," I stretched out, all my joints making a satisfying cracking sound and Azriel grimaced. He didn't like when I did it. "I'm tired. Do you want to use the bathroom as first?"

"No, go ahead," he offered and started to line up on table all the daggers he had on him. I paused and watched him, amazed. How could he hide so many? I thought he had only two, max three. He noticed me and smiled shyly.

"I'll clean them while you take shower. Don't worry, I'll put them away afterwards."

"I don't mind them at all," I mumbled, ashamed I got caught. "I'm just stunned you managed to sneak in the whole arsenal. Seeing it now, I would bet that not only do you have one for each of us but also even one spare."

At that he finally laughed, the rich sound warming my heart. I already missed that sound. Corners of my mouth curled into satisfied smile and I quickly gathered all necessary things and went to the bathroom.

When I came out, the daggers were gone from the table. Azriel was seated on the same chair he occupied since we came, pyjama in hands. He was staring into space, looking somehow troubled. Shadows gathered around his ear and he looked up at me, faking smile. Without a word, he stood up and hurried to the bathroom.

While I was waiting, I shoved my used underwear to the bottom of my bag and climbed to the bed, snuggling up in a warm blanket. It was quite cold here, old window hardly blocking the cold wind from outside.

Azriel took quite long to finish. By the time bathroom door creaked open, I was almost asleep. He rustled around for a while and adding big log to the fire, he turned off lights. I waited. The room went completely silent.

I opened eyes. "Are you kidding me," I sat up, sighing. "Az, I thought, we already talked it out." I glared into a dark corner by the hearth.

"Don't worry about me and sleep," he replied from his place on the old chair.

"You can't sleep on that old crap. It will most likely give in soon." The only answer was silence.

"C'mon, Az. It won't do you any good if you're sleep-deprived. To none of us in fact. What if something happens and you won't be able to fight because you are too tired and sore?"

Again silence.

"Do you want me to help you to the bed? I warn you, I'm going to drag you here not by arm but by ear this time."

He chuckled. His wings rustled and mattress dipped under his weight. "Fine then. Have it your way."

I tucked him in like a small child, mindful of his wings and settled down, heart pounding in my throat.

"That wasn't necessary."

"Believe me it was. And don't try to fake it. I'm light sleeper. I will know if you get up in the middle of the night."

"Fine, fine." He sounded amused. He was lying on his back, wings folded and tugged close to his body.

"Relax. The bed is enough big for both of us. Even if you touch me. I'm not made of sugar, I won't melt into puddle," I assured him as I curled up on my side of bed with back to him, taking as little space as possible so he had enough comfort. He made a sound at the back of his throat.

I thought I wouldn't be able to sleep at all with him being so close. But as bed warmed up with his presence and his calming scent wrapped around me as another blanket, I fell asleep in no time.

* * *

Azriel didn't even blink an eye. He was just lying there, stretched on his back, gazing at ceiling. He wasn't used to falling asleep next to someone. After she reassured him, he relaxed a bit but only his body. He was too nervous and excited at the same time. He was scared to even breath, not wanting to wake her up. How could she sleep so soundly? Didn't she feel the same? Didn't his presence stir her nerves?

Shadows curled on pillow near his ear, whispering. They described him in detail how she drifted off with sweet smile on her lips. Smile that she was still wearing. He wished he could see it with his own eyes.

He dared to turn his head to the side to watch her back, her shoulder slightly rising with every breath. Even at place like this in the middle of nowhere, she kept smelling like field of spring flowers, delicate and sweet. He inhaled deeply, enjoying the moment.

He felt so lucky right now and thanked the Mother for sending Amren at last minute, giving him this opportunity. For years, he was trying to get closer to Y/N. No matter how many times, he was ready to tell her about his feelings, he always gave up in the end, not daring to even suggest it. She was everything he wasn't, beautiful, kind and perfect. She deserved better.

He watched her entire night, mesmerized. It was strange. She was always so energetic during the day, yet at night she didn't move at all. It made him wonder whether it was because of him or it was normal.

It was after the sunrise when he finally calmed down and dozed off for hour or two.

* * *

Three days later, a knock sounded on our door. We were just finishing off the lasts of our breakfast. We looked up in time to see Rhysand's head peeking in. He held hand over his eyes with sassy smirk on his lips.

"Can I come in? I wouldn't like to see something inappropriate."

I rolled my eyes while Azriel bid him in, unaffected by his teasing. Honestly, everyone was making fun of us for no reason. After the first night, Nesta pulled me aside to ask me how it went and how I felt. I had nothing to tell her. At least nothing interesting anyway. I slept like a baby and not only the first night, but every night after.

Every evening, Azriel dutifully took his side of bed and I curled up on mine. No touching, only a pleasant small chat between friends. It was noticeable that he didn't sleep much the first night, however after that, he didn't seem to have such troubles. I was glad for that.

"I came to inform you that finally one more room is available. If you want, one of you can take it," he grinned and waited for our reply with one brow raised.

Out of the corner of eye, I looked at Azriel who was already eyeing me with unreadable expression. It seemed he wouldn't speak and it was up to me to decide.

"Well.. I don't mind to share room with Az at all. But if you'd like to have your privacy.." I turned to him.

His eyes widened slightly and his lips moved without making a sound.

"I don't mind, too," he managed.

"So," Rhys dragged the word. "You want to stay together? Really?"

We nodded as one man, not willing to give him what he hoped for. He was visibly disappointed.

"Fine then," he sighed, "as you want. I'll inform the owner."

* * *

A week later we were so used to this situation and each other's presence that we returned to our usual selves, rambling about anything, laughing, even touching lightly.

Our mission was over and this was our last night of sharing room. Azriel was spread on bed next to me, his wing gently touching my back. I was slowly falling asleep while we did small talk. Somewhere between dream and reality I got idea. Crazy as it was, my sleepy brain didn't find anything strange or wrong with it and my body acted on its own.

With closed eyes I rolled to his side, wrapped arm around his waist and rested my head on his chest. Azriel made a surprised sound and stiffened, but he didn't try to push me away. His smell filled my nose, his warmth seeping into me. Frantic but steady melody of his heart lulled me deeper into sleep. Last thing I felt before I completely drifted off, was his body relaxing under me and his arm holding me close.

* * *

Azriel was so surprised, he couldn't think straight. What was happening? He touched Y/N lightly, yet she didn't mind. She was almost asleep, relaxed and seemingly comfortable with him as her pillow. He felt her smiling into his chest and that gave him courage to wrap his hands around her. She hummed with satisfaction and dozed off completely.

Azriel gazed at her, unsure what to think or feel. Naturally, it made him happy, a dream-come-true kind of situation, but was it really okay? Was it really happening? It seemed to him just like a figment of his imagination, fed by amazing week spent by her side, so close to her.

He pinched himself, really painfully, leaving a bruise on his forearm. It was real. He swallowed hard. Slowly small smile spread on his face. He could get used to this.

When the initial surprise and embarrassment had passed, he found himself enjoying this. His heart was pounding fast, as he touched her hair and pushed them aside to see her face. He couldn't help it and traced a single finger down her face and jaw, mapping her full lips, lovely nose and soft arches of her brows.

He chuckled lightly. Y/N didn't even stir. So much to a light-sleeper.

As he watched her, his fantasy took over, offering him all kinds of imaginary situations that could lead to them ending up in this position; from innocent snuggling together for the night to them being naked, covered in sweat and spent after good sex. His heart squeezed in pain. He loved it and wanted it all. He didn't even realize that he was tugging her closer and closer, holding her so firmly there was no space left between them.

Despite everything, the scenario of innocent snuggling immediately became his favourite one. It held a certain kind of peace and warmth, something he longed for the most. He kept replaying it again and again until he fell asleep, too. The fantasy followed him even to his dreams where it became so real that it was unbearable.

* * *

I woke up unusually early at dawn. Still drowsy I looked around, not comprehending where I was. I was warm and comfy, so ready to close my eyes again, until I notice rising and falling steady flesh under me. That completely woke me up.

I looked up, finding Azriel still fast asleep. He was smiling sweetly, yet the tears rolled down his cheeks, soft whimpers leaving his lips. My chest tightened at the sight. It hurt me to see him like this. I reached up and gently wiped the tears off.

He slowly opened eyes and looked at me, still smiling.

"Good morning," I whispered.

"'Morning, Y/N," he replied, his deep voice raspy in the most sexy way. His thumb started to move up and down my waist in soothing motion.

"Bad dreams?"

"Sometimes dreams can be so beautiful that they make one cry," he murmured. He sounded so sad that I felt like crying too. Instead, I placed both of my hands on his chest and rested my chin on top of them.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I searched his eyes.

He shook his head and wiped off the rest of his tears. "I just wish I could go back and keep having the same dream for the rest of my life," he sighed, his eyes never leaving my face.

I propped up on my elbow and caressed his cheek. "You know that dreams don't have to stay dreams. They can became reality if you want them to."

His eyes widened and he swallowed hard. He seemed to be thinking very hard about something. Determination filled his eyes and he lifted up his head, stopping an inch from my face, waiting.

It was so sudden that I held my breath, but I didn't pull away. Watching me closely, Azriel leaned even closer and his lips lightly grazed over mine. I moaned, my body acting on its own. My eyes closed and I firmly pressed my lips to his. All the years of my suppressed feelings poured into this one kiss, not believing that there would be any more. He groaned and opened up, slowly moving, testing the waters. His fingers dug into flesh of my waist, holding me impossibly close.

It ended as suddenly as it started. He reluctantly broke the kiss and rested his forehead against mine, heaving.

"I want it to become real."

[another-lost-mc]

I would like to imagine that my MC recently got a reversible octupus plushie she got from human world when she visited home. The demon brothers notices the new plushie in MC's room but did not care about it until they saw it changed to the angry face.

Now, everyone of them is frantic, including Luci but his prideful self decides to keep it cool.

Who in the Devildom made MC mad? Asmo and Levi is crying. Mammon is pacing around the common room. Luci, Satan, and Belphie are seething. Beel lost his appetite.

They did not notice anything while at RAD, or when the residents from Purgatory Hall visited.

Was it because Beel ate MC's pudding, when she specifically said that she's keeping it because she will eat it as a midnight snack?

Was it Levi when he *asked* MC to watch new anime season installment, for 3 nights in a row?

Or Satan when he spam messaged MC with cat pictures?

Spoiler- It was actually Solomon who switched it to angry just to troll the demon brothers and MC though that it was not a big deal anyway 🤣

a/n: I want one of those plushies too, they're so cute.

when mc has a reversible mood plushie | the demon brothers

0.5k words| sfw | gn!reader

cw: a bit of mischevious sleep/dream stuff in belphie's section.

They freak out when they see your plushie is turned to the angry side and assume you're unhappy. One day they peek in your room to talk to you. They spot the little octopus plushie laying on your bed and it's flipped back to the happy side again. Yay! But wait, what did they do to make you so happy in the first place?!

Lucifer thinks that you liked all the extra time you spent helping him with some student council business this week. You complained at the time, but was that a ruse to hide how much you enjoyed his company as much as he secretly enjoyed yours?

Mammon thinks you're his good luck charm and wouldn't you know it, he just hit it big at the casino. He has a few outstanding bills to pay off, but first he's gonna buy you something nice!

Levi gave you some extra gacha capsule toys he had duplicates of. He wasn't even sure if you liked that anime, but maybe he guessed your favourite character by accident. (After this, he's going to give you a lot of little gifts featuring a particular character whose name you don't even remember, but he looks so excited to give them to you that you can't refuse.)

Satan thinks about the books he's lent you recently and assumes curling on the sofa with a good book solved all your problems. He loves those particular books and now he's certain that you love them too. Of course you did, who else knows your taste in literature or anything else better than him? He can't wait to talk to you about them in more detail later.

The only thing Asmo can think of is that you realized a selfie of you two together on Devilgram started trending before he even noticed. Well, he's going to be taking your picture a lot more from now on. It's adorable how camera-shy you are, but he promises to keep most of them private for only the two of you to enjoy. ♡

Beel avoided a meltdown last night when the buffet he took you to threatened to cut him off. He tries really hard to keep his hunger in check when you go out together, so you must be really proud of him! Maybe he'll pick up a few dozen cupcakes at Madam Scream's as a thank-you gift...

Belphie could tell you were feeling stressed last night. His brothers just don't know how to leave you alone, do they? They bother you with their foolishness and you're too nice to say no (even though he knows your grumpy little octopus friend is a warning to them all if they don't get the hint). If he made you a little drowsy after dinner so you could go to bed early and get a good night's sleep, that's his business. He thought he was careful not to leave a trace when he visited your dreams last night too, but maybe you knew he was there all along? Well, he's happiest when he can spend time with you, awake or asleep, so it makes sense you feel the same way.

[nanabansama]

Hi!

I love your posts!!

I recently started reading Toilet-Bound Hanako-kun and your posts and I’ve become completely obsessed. But there’s a specific part between the Manga chapters 64 and 71 that left me really confused, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on it.

💭 What happens:

In Chapter 64, when Hanako, Akane, and Yashiro meet up with Aoi (or more accurately, when Aoi finds them), Hanako says that using the same elevator as before isn’t a good idea.

So they look for another way out. Aoi suggests a place, which eventually leads Yashiro and Hanako to the boundary where Sumire is.

So far, it seems like Hanako didn’t have access to the elevator at that moment.

🤔 But then in Chapter 68:

When Hanako, Yashiro, and Aoi are trying to leave, Hanako suddenly summons the elevator with no problem.

That made me wonder:

Was he able to use it all along?

And if so, why didn’t he use it earlier instead of following Aoi’s suggestion?

😮 Then in Chapter 71:

Hanako admits that he used Aoi as the sacrifice.

This raises even more questions:

Did he plan this from the beginning?

Or did he realize after Aoi had been taken by No. 6 and then decide, "I can use this to my advantage"?

Because it didn’t seem like No. 6 originally planned to use Aoi as the sacrifice either. He only seemed to decide that after seeing her.

❓ One more thing:

Even though Hanako is sealed, he’s still able to perform the life exchange between Yashiro and Aoi.

How is that possible if his powers are supposed to be restricted?

---

✅ To sum it all up:

1. Could Hanako actually use the elevator the whole time?

2. Did he plan to use Aoi as the sacrifice from the beginning, or was it a last-minute decision?

3. How is he able to perform such a powerful ability (the life exchange) while being sealed?

Sorry for the many questions 😅 I hope it’s not too confusing — I’m just really curious about this part of the story!

hello!! ☺️ im glad youre enjoying hanako-kun!

Yes, so as you say, i do think it's likely that Hanako avoided using the elevator because he wanted to exchange Aoi's lifespan for Nene's. Everyone in the story blames Hanako for Aoi's demise and he takes full accountability for it. He is guilty, and more importantly he feels guilty, despite his hands never directly harming her.

And yes, I don't think Hanako realized she had kannagi blood until after Hakubo sniffed her out. Then he just rid on Hakubo's coat tails and took advantage of the situation to benefit Nene, whilst also letting the Severance happen to solve the Urabon issue like Hakubo intended. Two birds, one stone.

As for the life exchange I'm not entirely sure how it worked! It's possible it wasn't really Hanako's powers that let it happpen? Just that it was some kind of ritual anyone could perform or take advantage of.

Anyway, Hanako may be sealed, but he still has abilities. We don't know how strong he is unsealed and how that compares to him sealed! For one, he can summon an entire elevator. He also has his tsueshiro, which gives him a cape that repels lightning. I've gotta say, that's pretty strong to me!

[mikehasfleas]

Bruh. I just realized. Moana 1 and Moana 2 are the exact same movie but Moana 2 is the worse copy.

Plot:

[ -example(moana 1, moana 2) ]

-moana wants something that she's scared of (voyaging, finding new people)

-moana feels like she has to choose between her family and the thing she wants (breaking tradition would be going against her family, she'd have to physically leave her family and she may come back empty handed which would make the voyage useless I guess? Didnt we already learn this lesson in moana 1?)

-moana goes anyway (leaves in secret, leaves but not in secret)

-moana becomes buddies with an old and stern yet silly person(s) who always wants to help, to a fault (Maui (wants to help humanity but ends up hurting them, is often comedic relief yet can be very serious, and is really old.), Loto+Kele+Moni=Maui without actually being serious about anything (Loto: always wants to help, to a fault. Kele: old and stern. Moni: silly comedic relief)

-moana has beef with the coconut guys ([no example needed, it just happens])

-moana learns about the main villain, who is an evil elemental being that has put a curse upon humanity (Te Fiti is fire and earth, Nalo is air and water)

-moana goes to a magical realm where she meets a minor villain and we hear their musical number while they have Maui's hook held hostage (Tamatoa with "shiny", Matangi with "get lost")

-we hear Maui sing his song ("you're welcome", "can I get a chee-hoo" (it physically pains me to type that name) )

-moana sees her grandma's + ancestor's spirits ([no explanation needed, girl's just seeing ghosts])

-they go beat the main villain and moana's necklace comes into play when curing the curse (Moana restoring the heart of Te Fiti, Moana diving down to grab the shell but ends up doing... whatever happened there (genuinely like what happened there) and touches the island)

-now that they fixed it they go stand on the island ([once again, no explanation needed])

-problem solved, desire is fulfilled, conflict fixed, end credits (moana got to sail with her people while still connecting them to their ancestors, moana sees the people she went out looking for)

Like. Am I crazy or did the writers just straight up chop moana 1 into little bits and try to recreate it without people noticing. It's straight up the same fuckin movie but moana 2 is a stupid copycat. It even starts with a baby in it like moana 1 did except this time the baby was irrelevant. Maui had the life and soul sucked out of his character and given to 3 characters who have 0 other traits and all Maui is left with is just being voiced by dwane johnson. You could Pepsi challenge these 2 movies and only know the difference because one of them is room temperature and flat. Moana litterally A-poses in a scene that made it into the final cut. It's so bad and I know that's partially because it was never supposed to be a feature length movie (it was originally gonna be a TV show on disney plus) but that doesn't mean it's a good movie. The entire theater I saw it in was cracking jokes at the most intense scene because we litterally could not take it seriously after Maui's song and we were on thin ice before that. I do not recommend watching it, like don't even hate-watch it unless you wanna hear the same soundbite of the rock singing off-beat over and over, which nobody should ever have to hear. I would've walked out if not for my pure morbid curiosity and the fact that I was there with my family. It shortened my lifespan by 4 years at least

[doin-just-fine]

Okay so I just read through your entire blog (hope that’s not weird) and it was really helpful, thank you for describing and sharing your experiences. (I am a questioning system for context.) As I scrolled down your blog I found myself wondering if certain feelings or thoughts were just how my autism/neurodivergence present in me and then I got to your post talking about that. And anyway I was wondering if you could maybe expand on how you pulled those two facets of yourself apart and how you knew that one wasn’t the other. Once again thanks for sharing your experiences it’s been really helpful reading them.

Not weird at all!

I assume when you say facets you mean the neurodivergence and the system-ness. Median systems can also refer to there alters as facets instead because it feels more accurate. Anyway heres a bit of an answer for you.

it's tough. Like really tough. Especially if you relate to the no amnesia part of all of this. I have no traditional indicators if systemhood except for trauma at an age before 10 and emotional amnesia. It's really hard to sort out whats what.

Heres what helped:

1: Does your mask have feelings sometimes?: When you mask does it share the same opinions as you all the time or are you only just thinking about if you're masking properly or not.

2: I do not recommend this but if you can do it safely then maybe try it. I went off my ADHD meds for a week: this dropped barriers and people got through a little bit easier.

3: understand who you are and look for differences that don't match that and then try to talk to them: Some might talk back.

4: When you talk to your brain does it talk back: if you said hey that intrusive thought was annoying could you stop please does you brain say sorry? thats different than talking to yourself. Typically talking to yourself is you problem solving, or thinking allowed. If your brain talks back to you outside of those moments maybe do the next thing on the list.

5: Internally operating as if I was a system: Treat the parts of you you suspect to be a head friend like it is a head friend. Treat it like it's a separate person form you. Treat it kindly, with respect, validation, and compassion. If it is a friend in your head understand that whatever their doing is in there eyes for the safety of you or the situation. Even if it's disruptive be kind and patient and let them know that they are valid in why they feel that way and that they are safe with you. If it is another friend they will hopefully appreciate the gesture and maybe feel like they trust you enough to show themself, and if it's not another person nothing bad happens in fact you probably did more good than you were realizing.

6: I theorize that everyone is on a system spectrum: Just like neurodivergence I think plurality is on a spectrum that we're all on and it goes from "just me and my autonomic nervous system working in the background" to "it's me and 50 very distinct friend in my head". I fall in a "my emotions have thoughts and feelings that differ from my own" zone on that spectrum.

7: don't be afraid to make your brain make sense for you: If thats calling it a system then so be it!

8: Try out being a system: Don't make it happen through simulated experience. More like: if you notice you feel different, or you think you have or may switch see what happens when you let yourself notice and embrace those moment. If it feels like you're playing pretend you may not be plural in that way.

If you have anymore questions or need clarifying let me know I was a little stoned writing this. (that can also help people in your head get through easier if you partake)

[jackie-shitposts]

do u think theres actually gonna be a sequel for carmen sandiego or r they just teasing due to the popularity of summer of sandiego

also i wish there was a miniseries with like 3 episodes of like the main ships (carulia/red crackle/carmivy) like idk i feel like that way all fans wud be happy LMAO but broo them not showing carmens mommy reuniting w her made me want to hit my head on the wall

like did her mom accept her and recognize her at first? did her mom slowly accept her and treated her like a stranger for the first weeks before warming up to here?? did her mom not accept her as her daughter due to the trauma of what happened that night?? like i need answers before i go boom.

The only thing said about a potential spinoff or sequel is that it was in the “earliest stages” back in september 2021. We’ve had basically zero update since then, and in addition they said the same about a live action carmen sandiego in 2017, and reiterated that again in 2021.

Summer of Sandiego and similar events being popular does have the ability to affect whether or not a TV show gets more content or not, although it doesnt have as much power as ratings/watch time do.

I think something that might point in favor of CS getting more content is the fact that the CS social media accounts have not gone dormant. Most social media accounts for movies and TV stop posting entirely after some amount of time, but its been years and CS socials are still active. Plus, some time ago they launched a merch store, which signifies that executives still think CS could be worth investing in (although it would be more profitable if they sold actually good looking merch).

All this to say, I have no idea what the fate of future carmen content is, but it doesnt mean we cant hope.

as for your shipping miniseries, I wouldnt want that for many reasons, the a big one being that i think rather than satisfy shippers, it would just make most of them fight with each other more than they already do. because nobody realizes that polyamory solves all your problems. sobs. and besides, theres always fanfic

I actually dont really feel the need to know who carmen’s mom is. While I have issues with how the show ended in regards to NOT elaborating on Carmen’s found family life after she was saved from VILE, I do agree that getting to know her mother is a story Carmen should undergo alone, at least to start. And from an audience’s perspective, why do we need to see her mother? She isnt going to have a face we recognize. And the show didn’t have the time to allow us to get to know her or care about her. All it wouldve been is a few seconds longer to see the hug we already know happened, and then jump cut 2 years ahead anyway. I think in regards to Carmen’s mother, they left it in a good spot that allows for further exploration in fanfic or the mystery spinoff.

[jasminegazer]

Chapter 5 Part 1

‘What the hell just happened?’

This day wasn’t supposed to be filled with so much fear and shock. It was supposed to be an a ok normal day at school with her friends. But April was here comforting Leo as he fell apart after what must have been hours of keeping himself together. It was one of the things April both loved and hated about him. How he tries so hard to protect the people he cares about but forgets to take care of himself.

She had to help them figure this out. There must be something they can find if the turtles and April combined their strengths. They’ve done it once and they can and will do it again.

But right now April needed to let Leo go through his process and let himself feel like this. The same thing happened to April when she lost older family members too. You just need to let them ride out this feeling until you can help them move on.

She pulled him into a hug as the turtle boy’s sobs continued. Slowly turning to sniffles. And then unsteady deep breathing. April sprinkled in a few reassuring words and rubbed Leo’s shell as she comforted one of her best friends.

Even though the turtles and April shared an equal bond, something about her and Leo’s was special. Leo understood her more than his brothers did. He understood what it was like to truly hate how people treated others for something that wasn’t their fault to begin with.

It hadn’t been that long before Leo realized what happened.

“Oh god!” He shook his head and tried to wipe away the tears that were still streaming down his face, breaking their hug.Leo tried not to croak when he talked. “I’m so sorry April! I don’t know why I did that! I just-”

April squeezed his shoulder. “Hey Hey Hey it’s ok. You’re gonna be ok.” She looked into his eyes and tried to help pull out the calm confident smart Leo that she knew could help and fix this. That she and his family believed in. Just like during Superfly’s attack. Leo stepped up and inspired them all to push through their limits and save New York City.

Leo felt his confidence come back slowly and steadily as he finally felt the first wave of relief since last night. He didn’t care if he was blushing. Well he did but it wasn’t the most important thing. Getting help and regaining his strength to help Mikey was important. Even so it still felt great to be reminded that even though one of his brothers was in danger he still wasn’t alone. None of them were. Leo would make sure of that. “Thanks April. I uh I needed that.”

“No problem.” April and Leo stood there smiling at each other for a few awkward minutes before she cleared her voice ready to start their search for the youngest turtle brother. “Now if you don’t mind I have a million questions about what happened and how we’re gonna fix this.”

“Wait you’re gonna help. But I didn’t even as-”

“Leo. It would be insane if I didn’t help you guys.”

Looks of determination spread across their faces. The duo was back together ready to solve this mystery.

“Alright. Let’s get started.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ After rushing through the school day and letting his brothers’ club mates know that they wouldn’t be able to come, Leo returned to the heart and soul of his and April’s research. The old school dark room. The very first room the turtles got to explore in an actual high school.

He told April everything about what happened. Though it wasn’t easy it didn’t exactly trigger him into another anxiety attack. How many had he had anyways? 3? 4?

‘Focus Leo. Finding Mikey is really important.’

“So let me get this straight.” April said this as she pointed to rough sketches she had created on the dry erase board. Notes were jotted down next to the doodles. “You and your brothers were attacked by several cloaked figures and they each had a foot sewn onto their clothing?”

Though it sounded ridiculous it was true.

“Yeah pretty much. We didn’t get much time to see them because of how fast they were. We tried to fight through them but. . .”

“Ok. Let’s not look at what happened let’s look at what we know. Are any of you guys hurt?” April needed Leo to stay with her. She didn’t know how many more panic attacks they could endure.

“Oh yeah. They fought really well. These guys weren’t your average New York street punks. It was like they were taught and trained like we were. But in a much less defensive way.” Leo thought back to Donnie’s hand. It was practically the color of his old bandanna. Raph’s nose had been bleeding along with his mouth and scratches that tore through his skin. Leo was left in a similar condition. Someone had definitely used a roundhouse kick on his hip.

“Yeesh these guys sound like they would NOT take no for an answer.” April grimaced as she thought about how badly those wounds would feel like.

“But that’s the thing. Who would want us? What do four teenage turtle mutants help someone do?” Plenty of weirdos had crossed the turtle brothers’ path. It wasn’t unusual for someone to treat them like freaks even though they did save New York and possibly the world. But he never saw someone truly hate them to the point of breaking the law and kidnapping them.

“And who would have the guts or the heart to hurt you guys? You saved the world! Sure you look a little different but what kind of psycho wouldn’t at least tolerate you guys. What kind of sick ill minded cold blooded son of a-” April’s ranting was dulled as Leo came to a realization.

‘Blood’

He was suddenly drawn back to the night right before Superfly’s big attack. When him and his brothers had failed to stop the giant bug man from taking the last piece of his twisted puzzle. When they had been driven off the side of a highway, knocked out, dragged, and hooked up to a horrible machine. A machine designed to become a vampire once turned on. Sucking the blood and life out of its victims- the mutant brothers.

‘“What I want is your blood. And there is only one way to get it.”’

“TCRI.” Leo whispered as the present slowly moved into his grasp.

April broke out of her rant and looked shocked at Leo. “What?”

“TCRI. That’s who would want us.” Leo spoke louder but still in a slow dazed state. “That’s who would want us. That’s who would and could hire trained warriors to hunt us down. They have Mikey.”

The two teenagers saturated in the fear stirring up their stomachs. Bending their minds over to fears will.

If Mikey was being taken for the reason Leo thought he was, their family of mutants, containing the mystery of the ooze in their DNA, was in deep shit now.

that’s another chapter for the collection

Previous Masterpost Next

[minquiec]

Why GiftedEyes is kinda special to me

Oh my goddd it's been a while since I yapped 😭 I've just been busy I promise I never stop the yap but this is uhmmm smth new that I haven't really posted about cause I literally came up w it 3-5 weeks ago but it's a oc PLUS canon not oc X canon cause it's a platonic pairing between an oc and.....GOJO SATORU OUT OF ALL PPL but yea enjoy I think

This is but a temporary diversion from jipunk hshahaha cause thinking abt moving on makes me wanna throw up cause I don't like change 😍😍 but I realise it's okay to like multiple things at the same time and it doesn't define me 🤺 so anyways

(I still love all my ocs and characters and ships and what not I never move on I just can't multitask and fixate on two things at once [me trying to self affirm LOL])

So how the fuck did I get here

How did I join the masses and suddenly become a gojo satoru enjoyer? Tbh idrk cause I've been into jjk for a while and it kinda appears in phases where I'd be pretty into it for a week and then ease out and then repeat for the next couple of months but this time round it's especially bad for some reason bc???? Hello??? I suddenly grew heart eyes for gojo satoru?? Scratches head fr but LAWD ITA SO FUN cause fanart wise jjk is a way more popular series than spiderverse and i can literally feel my starving body being replenished

But besides him being obviously a pretty boy I've actually grown to like his character a lot

So you see ☝️🤓 the problem w me is whenever I like a character I always gotta really REALLY like them to the point when I start analysing their personality to see if I actually fr like them and that's how it lasts longer than an average "he fine I want him"

And w gojo I think I realized I rlly like characters who have compassion for other ppl? 😭 but it's gotta have layers idk I have a range of types so maybe I'm just talking bs

Cause it's not rlly obvious w gojo but he's really kind in terms of his compassion for humanity which makes me ssooo 🙂‍↕️☝️😭🙏🙆‍♀️🤺🫶💔💔🧍‍♂️🗣️📈📈🔥🔥‼️🆙🆙 and it shows in the way he treats his students (ignoring the fact bro stepped on peoples faces in shibuya but you sort of get what i mean not really) and in that one line where he said smth like "no one should take the youth away from young people" and im going to leap because of his own youth that was taken from literally his birth cause of his groundbreaking, historic birth with his six eyes AND limitless

So very obviously he didn't have a normal childhood, probably put on a pedestal and worshipped which meant he grew up! Kinda weirdly! And when he met suguru he could probably experience his youth for the first time (geto!! Suguru!!! Was his first and last blue spring!!!! Blue spring is a poetic way of saying youth!!!! I'm gonna LEAP) and that youth was prematurely taken away at FIFTEEN and SSEECONNDD YEAR when riko was killed which could basically be a metaphor of the death of their youth with their morals and principles being thrown into a clothes dryer and tumbled around

And I'm not gonna. Get into how much stsg make me wanna tear my hair out cause tbh I Will Cry cause I've cried atleast 4 times about them before and I'm trying to keep my peace and they actually make me so sad bc the depth of their connection Makes Me Want to dddiiieeeee 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ they're so much more than just ahaha silly ship tgt and it drives me crazy but I'm not gonna get into it bc once again; I'm Gonna Cry

Anyways back to sat or oo gojo, he can do very easily be that cold typical guy that doesn't care but instead he chooses to hold the responsibility of the jujutsu world on his shoulders alone bc unlike the higher ups who are fucking useless!!!! He doesn't want the youth to suffer for the mistakes (they inevitably do anyways though 💔) cause I saw this tweet where he literally, could've solved the whole shibuya incident in a split second if he wanted (hollow purple the whole place and easy as that) but because of the innocent people involved he chose to literally risk vulnerability by over exerting to the max like wtf did you see that he's insane he's crazy he's gojo satoru (which in the end cost him his temporary freedom 💔💔💔 but I digress)

But uhmmm that concludes why I like him so much rn 🙏🙏 I saw this rlly good tweet where it mentions from who I believe is a jjk screen writer?? And mentions that gojos attractiveness stems from his ability to show weakness and that he isn't all invincible in terms of character and im like uuueEEEEEE but I appreciate him a lot

So ofc as any normal person would deal with loving a character, obviously my crazy ass decided "wow!! What a tragic character who's so, so lonely!!! I can't stand this and my heart cries for you so I'm gonna give you a companion because the canonical media treats you too painfully!!!!!"

Like a normal person does

So now we enter mins crazy bitch domain, my mind palace, my noggin if you will and all this takes a sharp detour to Cringeville but when have I ever gaf

A key aspect of Ruri's character is that she revolves around the failure of authorities in her life, starting from young where she is exploited for monetary means because of her jujutsu talent. I kinda made it on purpose that she parallels w satoru in a way where both were deprived of a normal childhood due to their talent? She is then failed again by the higher ups in the incident where she loses an eye due to their mistake and it's important to note that during this time (around ~2006 to ~2007) the star vessel plasma stuff happened and haibara dying due to higher ups so it really just solidifies that theme of children being exploited and burdened for the mistakes cause by the generation before them.

So because of this, there's already a different kind of connection between all of the surviving students of this time (mmm sort of minus suguru cause he went off and uhm,, started his cult and became public enemy #1)

On top of this initial connection of trauma, prior to it ruri and satoru had a more whimsical thing going on where they both have special eyes kind of (hence why I named it GiftedEyes cause they're technically both gifted in their own sense and they got fucked up eyes hahahaha) and during this time period, he's just very cheeky and cocky and she barely tolerates him bc ehhh he's just like that but he's nice in his own fucked up way

For shoko and suguru it's more of a normal friendly close relationship cause ruri's canonically likeable HaHaHa she's just very nice to be around so the 4 are in this close friend group tgt but I won't get tm into their dynamic or whtevr the fuck they have going on

So after the star ves incident and ruri's accident, she disappears for like ATLEAST A DECADE I THINK,,, TO HEAL?? (I'm still working on this but all ik is the higher ups took her away for healing) so none of the three see her again till 2018 (WHAT REALLY FUCKS ME UP IS THAT SHE NEVER GOT TO SEE SUGURU AGAIN,,,,, there's one situation where she actually sort of walks past mimiko and nanako in a public setting and she recognises a bit of his CE [this shit ain't canon, making this up cause it's part of her CT ajjajaj] but she brushes it off)

But anyways the dynamic changed when they meet again as adults in 2018 where instead of barely tolerating his shenanigans, ruri grew to be one of very few people who actually indulge his personality (as masked as it might be bc cmon now) because seeing familiar faces after all they've been through makes her sad 😞😞 it doesn't help she's older AJAJA only by a little but she's biologically inclined (ruri: oct 20 shoko: nov 7 satoru: dec 7 suguru: feb 3)

And while I say indulge, I don't mean she's actively encouraging it LOL she still has that stoic calm personality from adolescence but it's more like she turns the other way whenever he's being goofy (she buys him sweets and souvenirs whenever she comes back from missions)

And its cause like, the idea of someone who's on the top of the chain, the world even, finding comfort in an old friend makes me soooooo sssssssooooooo aAAAUYYEEUUGGHHHHHH it's what he deserves after so long so this is my coping okay and it kills me cause i think he (bear with me here lemme be cringe) would find a lot of comfort in her presence again cause sometimes it's like she's a time capsule from the distant past where he was actually happy and can't help but almost revert to the silly cheeky version 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️ he may be suffering from his breakup for the past decade BUT atleast he got his girl SPACEBAR friends to support him (shoko and ruri)

Platonic love also really makes me sob cause like ,,, it's the way you've formed such a connection and affection (non romantically) strung by the mishaps and tragedies you've suffered together,,,ueueue but yea that's it i think i need to honk shoo mimimi they r special to me

[bcbdrums]

The Voice - ch. 3

Previous Chapter | First Chapter Read on: FFn | AO3

A Drakgo (Kim Possible) suspense and hurt/comfort story. Spoilers here, lol. Enjoy.

A/N: So like....my writing style... When I first wrote this I wrote it as one giant narrative, like most my stuff. So breaking it into chapters is kind of tricky. If it feels like they start and end abruptly or something...it's cuz this was never meant to be chapters. But posting 50K word fics in one lump (like I prefer...) is kinda frowned upon I guess, lol. So chapters it is. Anyway, hope y'all are enjoying.

Part 3

He paused a moment before standing as the cave opened up, catching his breath. Dragging Shego with the rain pouring down on his face had been difficult.

After he stood and carried Shego into the larger chamber, he debated a moment before setting her down at the highest and driest spot, propping her up to face the side of the room with the puddle and the ray of red sun that was bringing a bit of light to the cave.

He sighed shakily when the task was done and reached up to wipe his face...and then paused as he found one of his gloves to be muddied. He looked at Shego and saw streaks of mud on her legs and on her arms and middle from where he had carried her. He moved to kneel in front of her and started to wipe the mud off.

"I'm just...getting the mud off of you," he said, looking to where her head had lolled to the side. He also noticed that the four bleeding wounds had darkened where the blood was starting to coagulate. He couldn't decide if it was good or bad...because if her body's functions slowed more gradually, it would only prolong her suffering.

He scowled and took his gloves off and tossed them aside, and then took off his lab coat, which was covered in mud. He noted that the inside was still dry and clean, and after a moment spread it out against the wall. He almost moved Shego to sit on it until realizing that she was still wet. He would move her when she was dry.

He picked up one of the bags of chips and was about to tear into it when he realized it would be unfair to eat in front of Shego when she couldn't.

She would never eat again.

Feeling sick to his stomach, he tossed the bag aside. He pushed his hair out of his face, and then did the same for her. He thought a moment and wrung the water out of her hair, and then lifted her head to try to lean it in a way that was more upright.

"So...so the paralysis...will last a long time," he explained. He tried to think of what she may be thinking and what questions she would ask. "I'm not sure how long since...we don't know how much venom the spider injected."

He looked at her still face. In his mind, he could hear her yelling about how it was all his fault, and how if he knew about spiders then he should be doing something to solve the problem.

"Um...when the rain stops, I'll try to fix the hover-car again. And then we'll go to a hospital. We're close to home. I know it hurts, but...it won't make a difference if we wait."

He stood up quickly and moved out of her line of sight as he felt the threat of tears in his eyes again. He was lying to her, but he also wasn't. It wouldn't make a difference to wait...because nothing could be done.

He turned and looked down at her again and made the decision not to be quite so selfish. He sat down next to her and cautiously held her gloved hand in his bare one. He moved near enough to press his dry shoulder into her wet one, and reached up again to brush the damp hair back. That time he pulled it all the way back so it wouldn't fall in her face again, and he stared at her half-lidded eyes.

"Would you like your eyes open, or closed?" he asked. He knew she wouldn't be able to answer. "If it keeps raining...and we have to sleep here, then I'll close them for you. Uhm..." He looked down to where he held her hand. He wondered if she wouldn't like it, and if she would rather he wasn't leaning up against her side. "If...if you don't like me being so close, you can...use me for target practice later. I was just thinking...if the spider had gotten me and I was paralyzed, I would want someone...I would want...you...close to me."

He bit his lip and mentally kicked himself. There couldn't possibly be a worse time to be talking about his feelings.

They had been on three dates. Only three. And each had only gone 'okay' as far as he was hoping. Shego hadn't left the dates early or set anything on fire, but she hadn't seemed as thrilled as he was either. None of the dates had ended with her smiling. But, she kept saying yes to his invitations... They were supposed to have gone on another at the upcoming weekend.

Tears filled his eyes again as he realized it would never happen. He would never get to tell her...that he loved her.

He wiped his eyes as quietly as he could with his free hand. He couldn't do it... He couldn't tell her something so important when she couldn't respond, and when she was dying... It wasn't fair. Especially if she didn't feel the same, then it would only make everything worse.

He sighed and looked back at her still face. Her lips were slightly parted, and he could see wetness at one corner of her mouth. Rain? Saliva? He held his breath and set his fingers beneath her chin and felt for her carotid artery...

"I'm just checking how fast your pulse is..." he said as he stared into her half-lidded eyes. The fear that he could have been talking to a corpse for the past twenty minutes nearly choked him, and he sighed in relief as he felt her heart beating strong, but far too rapidly beneath his fingers. He let himself gently stroke her cheek before he returned his hand to his lap, and then mentally kicked himself. That could have been very unwelcome.

"Sorry..." he said.

He took a deep breath and thought about what he would actually do when it stopped raining. He would have to fix the hover-car eventually...since he wasn't about to leave Shego to find help without any transportation. And not when giant monster-spiders were around, and perhaps even worse things.

"I think I can have the hover-car fixed...pretty quickly, when the rain stops. I really think it was just a blown fuse... I can replace it with another from a non-essential feature..."

Drakken's brow furrowed as a memory suddenly struck him. Of all things to think about, on the very worst day of his life...

"That actually reminds me...of this one camping trip with Cousin Eddie... I know you don't like him, so...so you'll like this story," Drakken continued. "It was the summer before I moved to Colorado. He said I needed to have one last adventure since I had...become so nerdy and lame, and that he was going to rekindle my wild side. He did that air guitar thing, you know, where he plays it really lamely... That's how he described me.

"It started badly since he insisted we just take the bikes, and I knew we couldn't take enough camping gear on motorcycles. But he insisted. He said we didn't need tents, that real men just slept in the dirt... We started at a camp site and then hiked out to be in the woods and somewhere more private. I was glad for that since the camp site was full and...it was embarrassing just to come in on motorcycles with almost no supplies. And there were...some really cute girls at one of the camp sites. Th-that's important."

Drakken swallowed nervously as he recalled the memory. He wondered if it was okay to talk about past romantic interests with Shego... His chest tightened in pain again as he realized that his relationship with Shego was over. He tried to shake off the thought and continued talking.

"And...I promise I'll get to how this is relevant," he said, knowing Shego would be complaining if she could. "It was all fine at first... I was cold at night since we didn't have sleeping bags, and Eddie ate all of the snacks that first night. And drank most of the booze... Not that I wanted much, I was never much of a drinker... And I was nervous since we didn't have any tents or other protection. Eddie told me that real men wrestled the bears into submission."

Drakken rolled his eyes. He glanced at Shego. "I'm rolling my eyes right now... So anyway...the next day Eddie went for a ride while I had no food. I had already decided the trip was worthless and was getting ready to leave. But then Eddie came back and said the cute girls from the other camp site were in the lake...s-skinny dipping. And he hauled me up onto the back of his bike before I could say no, and we drove to the lake. Eddie..." Drakken sighed in disdain, "didn't waste any time. He took his clothes off and stepped out of trees in full view of the world... He has a very overrated opinion of his body, if you want to know. I was so mad at him that I...nyeheh...I pulled out one of the fuses on his bike and tossed it away into the forest. It only took a second, he didn't notice. But then he had turned around and grabbed me and...started pulling my clothes off too. Please...don't picture that, I looked awful before college.

"So Eddie pushed me out of the trees with him to join the girls... I think he had been drinking that morning too... I kept trying to hide behind trees, and the girls saw us and...after they'd hidden themselves in the water they started laughing. Eddie tried to play it off... Tried to make jokes about how good he looked... He wouldn't let me go, so I finally ran down into the water to hide. Eddie stood up on a large rock and started flexing, and posing. The girls kept laughing and Eddie finally got in and approached them. He was actually able to strike up a conversation. But when he tried touching one of them they got into a splash fight. Two of the girls ran off, but the others stayed... One of them even apologized to Eddie for the splashing, which I thought was completely absurd... And it turns out— Ah...I won't get ahead of myself.

"Anyway, Eddie is talking to them and then he mentions me... He said that between the two of us we could...we could satisfy all of them. I have never wanted to kill my cousin more than that moment..." Drakken grumbled. "And one of the girls said that wouldn't be a problem, that we'd already given them enough entertainment. They said if we came near them again they would call the police. And then they got out of the water and left. Eddie tried begging...and cat-calling them... I was too embarrassed to even look. And after they left I ran back up to where the bike was parked. Do you remember...I said two of the girls had run away before? They stole our clothes. The others were just distracting us. They stole my clothes and I hadn't even done anything! But..." Drakken sighed, "remember I had pulled out a fuse and thrown it away? We couldn't find it. We searched for over an hour. So we had to walk...back...to the camp grounds. Naked. Eddie yelled at me the whole time for how uncool it was for me to sabotage his bike, and I yelled at him for forcing me to join in on all of his stupid ideas... We've never gotten along as well after that."

Drakken sank back against the rock with another sigh as he finished the story. The memory wasn't nearly as amusing as he'd remembered.

"I'm sorry, that...probably wasn't a very good story after all..."

He looked at Shego's still face. He felt her pulse again and found it a bit slower. He wondered if that meant she was relaxing...or dying.

[capyquest-logs]

DFX452 | Post 3 | 4/4/25

It's time to review what I've gotten done over the last few weeks. Here's a quick summary of my work since the last major blog post!

Modeled, sculpted, and textured a LOT of assets

Imported assets to UE5

Streamlined the dialogue system

Scripted cutscenes

Planned and scripted new capybara characters

Scripted cutscenes

Started building out forest grove

Began coding button puzzle

Began coding hand puzzle

Changed some grapple-mode camera mechanics

Now let's dive into some more detail.

Assets

I dedicated several weeks to just modeling assets, and oh boy, what a journey it's been. As a quick rundown of what I've done, here's a list for you.

Main gate

Lever and button

Wayshrine

Swing objects and shot objects

Statue location

Stone walls

Magic stone

Bamboo

Lily pad

Wood platform

Two wooden fences

Bridge

Rotating pusher (not yet textured)

Rotating platform

Up + down platform (not yet textured)

Stone hand statues

Grove wall piece

And here they all are, imported into UE5!

And here are two major pieces that I haven't brough into UE5 yet.

If you want more in-depth looks into these models, I recommend you look to some of my posts from the last few weeks.

Dialogue System

So, in my original demo, I had created a dialogue system that worked well enough, but moving forward past that first semester, I realized it was really inefficient for reusing characters when I wanted them to have fresh dialogue. My options were to either hard-code every single capybara's dialogue, which would be super disorganized and inefficient, or to create copies of every single character for each level. I also had no way of picking animations beyond the first level or so without even more hard-coding. Not good.

Everything would solve my problems if UE5 supported arrays of arrays. Fortunately for me, I found out about a node called Parse To Array, and it allowed me to have a sort of roundabout way of having arrays of arrays. This solves SO many more issues than just the ones listed above!

For reference, I had the dialogue change every time you talked to a capy, with each dialogue "chunk" split up into one or two sentences at a time. I did this by making an array for every single chunk of dialogue.

To fix it, I put each entire chunk in a single array, and would use the Parse To Array node to split up each chunk by using a non-used character to split the chunks into sentences. You can see the original on the left, and the fix on the right.

Now every level's dialogue fits within a single array!

Here is an example of an original capybara's variables next to the improved version.

Same exact result, but now the characters are much more scalable and efficient.

Cutscenes

I can't really write much about the cutscenes, partially because I don't want to spoil them, but mostly because all I have is the script so far. I've never done a cutscene before, so I'm a little nervous about getting it done in time. Regardless, I had my sister (who is both a very skilled artist and an amazing writer) rewrite my original cutscene script to flow better, and she even changed the layout of the script to make it easier to storyboard. Thank you, Claudia!

Dialogue Writing

Again, I don't have much to write about this part, but I've written out the dialogue for 13 new capy characters that exist within the second level. Now it's basically just a matter of copy-pasting the dialogue within a child of the parent capybara class. This won't take more than a day, tops.

Forest Grove

This is part of the demo I may unfortunately have to either simplify heavily or cut out entirely, just for the sake of finishing the demo this semester. If it comes to that, I will absolutely still finish it, even if it's after graduation.

Anyways, many weeks ago I mapped this area out, and just recently got the base landscape sculpt done. Everything is very flat right now, but that'll change.

I also created a grove wall asset that I've been using to make the walls of each area look more realistic.

I'm not yet done setting all the walls up, but I'll be finishing that soon.

Puzzles

I've almost finished the button puzzle and the hand puzzle. I'm super excited about them! I do have some minor issues with the hand puzzle, but I'll be asking for advice during my next critique next week.

The button puzzle is simple: stand on button, gate opens, but it gets a little more complicated as you go on. Still, overall, it was simple to code and will be simple to solve.

The hand puzzle is a bit more complicated. I decided to have it be manipulated by mouse, since the camera mechanics have the player character in the center of the screen at all times. Plus, it would involve line tracing and a lot of complicated (and somewhat expensive) code, so I have the camera shift to allow an overlay where I have UI widget buttons set to 0% opacity that controls the hands.

Grapple Camera

At the advice from a classmate, I'm changing some grappling mechanics. I haven't finished it yet, but what I have done is shift the camera slightly when entering grapple mode, instead of switching abruptly to a first-person camera. This makes it flow a lot better.

I've still got a lot of fixing to do, but this is a good start.

Well, that about wraps it up! See you later!

[olderjodijournals]

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 1, 1988

I’ve been up all night cuz I was afraid to go to sleep and not hear the alarm in time to go to court today for the little macho bully male pig.

I slept all night yesterday plus all day due to that fucking medication the shrink gave me.

I’m reading a book about people with sexual dysfunctions who go into therapy and use sex surrogates to cure their problems and I have decided to seek help for the problem I have where it’s too painful for a male to penetrate me which I read is called vaginismus caused by an obstruction or the walls of the vagina involuntarily tightening. I believe it would make me happier to solve the problem, and yes, I do sometimes wish I were straight and could marry a great guy and have a baby but it all goes back to my not being attracted to men. Yet I’d probably get an ugly female and I still believe that male or female I’d only get an asshole, and 98% of the males are assholes, so it’s mostly women that have assholes or are going to get them, not just me.

I know they don’t use sex surrogates here in Springfield. Most places don’t cuz they consider it prostitution, although I think in some cases, such as mine, it’s very helpful. I hope they can help me by just talking to me, but if I’m stupid enough to fall for a male, what if they rape me or beat me or steal from me or are like Ron, Nervous or Al? That’s all I get. What if I got another woman like Mary? I’ll never get a woman like Gloria. Never.

But I also decided that today I just might call that dating service for gay women called Woman To Woman. I hope I can afford it and if they give me a decent woman and I lose her or they give me a jerk, I want my money back.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 1988

The stupid males in court today want desperately to waste my time and so this case is being brought before a jury of 6 and then possibly to trial. Either way, I’m sure it’ll be dismissed and by the time the final court date comes up I’ll be moved and they can have a default warrant out for me for the rest of my life, cuz what are my chances of being picked up if I were to come to Springfield for a day or two? None. And how many cops know me by face and name? Maybe 3 cops, and it’s very unlikely that we’ll run into each other.

Today I also confronted Pig Corcoran, or whatever the fuck his name really is, with the sexually harassing phone calls I got and asked him if he knew anything about it and he said no and that he wouldn’t do that. Yeah, sure. Quite a coincidence don’t you think? I know it was him or somebody he put up to it.

I called that gay dating service for women, and according to them, their nearest offices are either Framingham, MA or Great Britain, CT. No way to get there by bus or by anyone else. Tammy says they’re a total rip-off. She said she went through a Jewish dating service to find Bill cuz she wanted her children raised as Jews. But to me what you are is what you are, and I don’t believe in that or religion. People are people are people.

Tammy said to place an ad in the personals section of the Advocate but to get a PO box address. I may someday if nothing else works.

Guess what? This will come as a surprise to you as it did to me but I called Maria at work explaining that I knew and realized that I did wrong, and wanted her to understand and to feel free to confront me with any problems rather than to be scared and run away, and that once the problem is discussed, I would never make the same mistake again. I try not to anyway. So she said it was that I was too forward and scared her away and I then explained to her that when you’re alone so much and you get an opportunity to talk, you talk. I said that maybe I threw up my past in her face out of fear and that rather than be too shy I was trying to make friendly conversation for our first visit, and I also didn’t want to seem rude by ignoring her questions. She did seem to understand fully and mentioned my trusting her enough the first time we met to take her home with me and I said that I learned to tell the good ones from the bad ones and told her about Mary D, who attempted to attack me for prank calling her. She said that was awful and seemed to understand why I crawled into this little shell.

The sicko (Mary) came over for her record and started trashing the place before she turned on me, knocked me down, then ran.

I also told her what I heard about Bev and that I heard she wanted Bev, and she denied it saying her lips were sealed and she wouldn’t repeat any of it to Bev. I told this to Andy who got pissed at me fearing there was a good 98% chance that Maria would definitely go to Bev and that Bev would go to Andy all pissed off. I did not realize at the time that what I said could be harmful but to me, it is a test of trust and honesty.

Maria told me that she doesn’t have many friends herself and sometimes needs someone to talk to and would like to go to the movies or the mall and that when I called her at work upset about the barrette she was about to apologize and explain why she couldn’t come over, but I didn’t give her a chance and hung up, assuming she didn’t care, and I explained she was right cuz of past experience.

Andy, however, does believe that she wants Bev and that she put a hickey on Bev’s neck, though Maria denied it, saying she didn’t know Bev well, didn’t see much of her and has only known her for 6 months. Well, time will tell whether she’s a liar or she is honest.

The thing she did that really shocked me the most was give me her phone number. I told her I was so sorry for calling her at work, her place of business and she said not to worry about it at all and that if I had a problem to call her at work or home. She told me she usually gets home after 6 PM on weekdays. I certainly am not going to bug her or burden her in any way but in the long run, I still believe this will never be a sexual relationship and that she is still young and unaware of her sexuality. Bev, boyfriend, or not, she just wants to be strictly friends and that’s ok. Better than nothing.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 1988

I’m cooking a piece of lamb. Actually, before that, I just walked in. I had been out with Andy.

I slept all day today and never got my laundry done. Never called Channel 57 or mailed this letter I wrote to someone, but Nervous is mailing it. He was over earlier and we had a nice chat.

Before 6:00 Cecelia came over. We had a nice chat too in ASL and I did tell her I was moving. She said hopefully she could come to visit me.

Anna next door woke me up at 2:00 this afternoon to ask me about a phone call she got very early this morning from some girl who knew her name was Anna, and I guess used my name, by asking her if she knew me, but Anna hung up saying, “I don’t know who you are.”

I know nothing about it, I told her.

I spoke to Nervous today who may know of someone to take Sasha. Also, I spoke to Andy who should be calling any second.

Earlier I fell asleep and dreamt that my mother sent me puppies in the mail. Weird, huh?

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 1988

Tomorrow morning I’m going to do laundry at Nervous’s rooming house. I told him to go get his breakfast while I’m doing it so he doesn’t bug me. He said ok.

Andy’s sister Marla flew in tonight from California with her 4-month-old son, so Andy was psyched.

I wonder when the hell I’ll ever move. Yes, I’ll miss people here in Springfield, but I really do want to hurry up and move so I can be near my sister and nieces. I sure hope I’m able to get a lucky break in music somehow, someway, with or without Tammy’s help.

I’ve got to get a much more positive attitude. I can’t give up my singing even if Tammy continues to think I’m hopeless or if I have a few failures. Being too negative so much is going to get me nowhere. It’s what I’ve always wanted. It’s time to be a doer, not a dreamer. It’s soon or never. I won’t settle for anything else. I love to sing and now have a voice I never thought I’d ever have.

I also really want to improve my piano, guitar and Spanish by studying more and practicing my ass off. No more being so lazy.

Nervous said he’s looking for a portable organ like Andy’s which I love to death, but it may be just too expensive and I surely don’t want to see him get evicted again. I’m dying for one, though.

I was supposed to call yesterday for an appointment today to have gotten my hair evened out but now I’ll have to wait till Tuesday. They’re closed Sundays and Mondays.

Monday night is when Ma calls. Also Monday I’ll have to call La Baron. They sent me a bill for $1,068 and I’m not paying a dime. They never should’ve let me into school without approving my application for financial aid first. I’ll also call the people I filled out the application with. They’re also responsible. She was supposed to have contacted me and it looks like I may have to take them to court and hopefully sue them for the $561 that I paid to get into Mansfield for my manicuring course. They should definitely pay me.

Also Nervous is taking me to New Britain, CT to a service for gay women to meet other gay women. I just hope his car doesn’t break down in the middle of the highway or I’ll die.

Later…

I am still wide awake. I just did some reading and before that, I played my keyboard and guitar.

I ordered Gloria’s two Spanish albums Rio and Otro Vez.

Today, if I don’t sleep all day, I’m gonna do laundry, but if I do I can always do it later on tonight.

I called Fran’s old foster father and left a message for him to call me. I haven’t seen him in ages. Why is it that he only comes to visit once in a lifetime? Last time was when he bought the TV from me.

Rather than go to Johnson’s maybe I should go to McRory’s in the Eastfield Mall across from my mom’s store. It’s bigger, better and much cheaper and they have everything. I’m almost positive I’d find some really nice things there for the kids and some nice things for everyone else.

Sometimes I wonder if I should call about getting my vaginismus cured cuz it would make me happy and maybe it’s just a waste of time being gay, even if it’s not a choice.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 7, 1988

I am now at the Laundromat.

I have a busy week. Tomorrow I see Mary Lou at 2:15. Wednesday I work for Channel 57. Thursday I go out of town to New Britain. And last but not least, Friday I see Dr. Moshiri, who I shall bitch out from head to toe.

Sometime this week I’d like to do some gift shopping for the family and also get my hair trimmed and basically just evened out.

Can’t wait till Mom calls tonight, I have lots to tell her.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1988

Last night I took that medication again that Dr. Moshiri gave me and once again it put me right to sleep at 10:00. At 2:00 Andy called and I stayed up to reverse my schedule cuz yesterday I slept all day and never went to Channel 57. Today I have to go at 10:00, then at noon, I’m going to New Britain to that dating service. I have to be there at 1:00. But I couldn’t believe how that medication really calmed me down and took away all my anxiety.

Right now I have the hiccups.

Nervous bought me corrective tape cuz I typed him a business letter so I could easily erase any mistakes I made.

Yesterday morning I tried to call my sister but her line was busy for ages. I may call her tonight to tell her about today’s trip, but then again I don’t think she gives a damn. Oh well.

I called the doctor about my vaginal problem explaining I didn’t ever plan to have a relationship again with a male and that I preferred women and he said I shouldn’t even bother to do anything about the problem. He said not to force myself to do or be what I can’t. Do whatever’s natural for me and that’s being gay. I could never be straight and feel comfortable physically or mentally. Never. He’s right. He’s definitely got a point although I’d feel happier knowing that my problem was taken care of and it would surely help with everything else with a woman.

Nervous said he ran into Mary C and that she’s pregnant again. I’m not surprised, but it can’t be by John cuz she told me he supposedly had a vasectomy done. She’ll never make it with him cuz she has always cheated on him before, during and after their marriage and he’s a jerk. I never got her phone number but I don’t want it. She was never a friend. She only came over here when she wanted something.

I wish I could sleep now till 8:00 or 8:30 but I won’t chance it cuz I may never wake up and I must go to Channel 57!

Later…

I did stay up all night and right now I am at Channel 57 waiting for my boss Elizabeth who is still in a meeting.

After my work is done, and I sure as hell hope I get done before noon, I am going to New Britain.

Well, I am really very tired but I’d best ignore it cuz I have a long day ahead. I know I want to get something to eat either before my interview or right after. I’m starving! I’m so nerved up, too.

Andy says he’ll call me tonight and that he’ll be anxious to hear about how today will go. I’m quite curious myself about what will develop. Maybe not much. I think I’m dreaming an impossible dream which is something I seem to have done all my life and probably always will. All I get are jerks. Never can attract or hang onto the decent people.

I still don’t like the idea of spending the day with Nervioso. He’s a pain in the ass.

Later…

Sure enough, Nervous’s car did break down so he got a rental car and we are now heading for New Britain so my handwriting is awfully shaky.

Later…

Well, this place I went to definitely doesn’t seem like a rip-off but it is costly! $295, but to me, it’s worth it cuz as she agreed with me if you go to a bar all you’ll get is druggies and drunks who want one-night stands and may have aids. Also, I could put an ad in the Advocate for $35 and never know what I’m getting.

I filled out a personality questionnaire and discussed my hobbies, goals and interests and what attracts me sexually. All this info will be matched up with other woman’s info, and they will give me 3 people to meet that they feel are compatible with me.

I still have my fears and doubts, though. Will I ever find the right person? Someone who’ll attract me sexually like Gloria? If they’re the right person for me will they find me attractive? Will there be too many things wrong with the person? Will I get Miss Right and lose her cuz of my past or present problems?

Time will tell if this really is the answer or not. Another fear I have is what if the 3 women I meet are all wrong for me and I have to pay an additional $295 to meet 3 more? Can I cancel my membership when and if I find the right person? Will I have to pay a renewal fee? They weren’t very clear on all this.

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 1988

I called the dating service and she really reassured me, although there are no guarantees, but time will tell.

Friday I got a promotion from Channel 57. Instead of answering phones I’m gonna be the office manager. My job will be to help other girls with any problems they may have, tally up pledges and enter them into a book.

Wednesday of next week, Elizabeth is gonna bring over some envelopes to stuff.

Unfortunately, everything’s closed today but I’ll be going up to Shopper’s Drug today to see Emily.

Earlier this morning I scrubbed the kitchen floor 3 times as it was filthier than filthy, sang a little, and I hope to hell the inspector comes tomorrow and that Nervous calls so he can bring the cat back.

Am I very sorry I reunited as friends with Nervo! He’s his same old self. Pitiful. The way he drove to New Britain scared the shit out of me and he got us lost as usual after saying he knew where to go. I think maybe he did that deliberately, hoping they’d tell me it was too late whenever I got there and to come back another time. That way he could spend the day with me again.

He freaked out yesterday morning on the phone no doubt cuz Fran was here overnight, and after I get Sasha back I don’t want to associate with him again. I have learned my lesson. It took some time but he is a male and that’s the way they all are. Sick.

Later…

I went up to see Emily and I want nothing more to do with her either. She totally ignored me but when her pal Sylvia came in she jumped for joy. She’s totally abandoned our friendship. Ever since last year. But she has other friends she sees and calls all the time but she never calls me. Maybe she’ll get the hint when she never receives any more phone calls from me.

Believe it or not, I just got Mary C’s number. Yes, she’s still married to John and says she’s got 8 more weeks and 6 days till she has another baby. She says it’s John’s but told me a long time ago he couldn’t make anymore cuz he had a vasectomy. I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t by cheating. She’s cheated on him numerous times in the past. That’s why it surprised me when they got married.

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 1988

Nervous brought Sasha back last night. I really missed her although I never thought I would. I just hope the inspector doesn’t decide to double-check. Unfortunately, Carabetta allows no pets. Which is stupid. What if they were animals? Would they like to be homeless and out on the streets?

Also last night, Andy came over to teach me more songs. I’ve learned Talk To Me completely now and he also showed me some of If I Were You. I know Sara completely but need to finish learning La Isla Bonita. I attempted today to learn the song Piano Man by myself from an old book I’ve had for ages but it sure isn’t easy. I’m sure I’ll get it someday soon, though.

Today Andy called, but the answering machine picked up his call cuz I was in the shower. I knew it was him right away by the way he was singing at the top of his lungs. He and I both are crazy.

Nervous will no doubt call later.

Today I went to see my new therapist Mary Lou. She was ok. Nothing bad, but nothing spectacular. I ran my mouth quite a bit to her and she says I’m interesting.

Also today I was looking to buy a denim mini skirt, size 14 in girls, but they didn’t have a fitting room so I never bought it.

Before going to see Mary Lou I had a few minutes to kill so I looked in Falcetti’s for a music book, but I didn’t like the way this Madonna book was written and they have a shitty music selection, so I bought nothing there either.

I’ve been tired all day and I think I need to go eat now.

Later…

Nervous called. He didn’t have much to say. Just the usual about how he’s so busy running around here, there and everywhere. According to him, he was looking in a music store in the Eastfield Mall where they sell Yamaha keyboards. I wonder why cuz I told him to forget about that and instead just give me $100 for my birthday and Chanukah so I can pay for my dating service. Both would be nice, but that’s a little too much to ask for and that’d surely leave him broke and he’d end up evicted again.

Tomorrow morning at 9:30 I have an appointment with my asthma doctor in which I’m gonna have a taxi driver, who’s gay, that I met over the phone drive me cuz there’s no bus stop near their new office. I’m curious to see what she looks like. Probably butchy. She sounds like it just from talking to her over the phone. She’s had a girlfriend for 5 years she said.

Yesterday morning I called Maria at the bank where she works cuz I couldn’t get a hold of her for quite a while, and as usual, she hasn’t called me. I can’t believe she ever even gave me her phone number. Neither can Andy. Well, anyway, she says maybe sometime this week we can go see a movie. Yeah, sure! Why can’t she just be honest?

Later…

I just got off the phone with Nervous and right now I’m on the phone with Andy.

Emily really pisses me off. She never calls and therefore I’ll be damned if I’m ever gonna call her again. She’s busy, she’s tired. That’s a lie. She’s got time for other people and places. Like her friends Maria and Sylvia. She totally ignored me when I went to see her up at Shopper’s. Especially when Sylvia came in, as I may’ve mentioned before. I’m not even gonna say goodbye when I move.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 16, 1988

If I don’t get to sleep I’ll never make it to my appointment in the morning. Also, at 2:30 I have to see a GYN. A male. I hate these painful exams!

There are so many things up in the air right now and so many questions. What will happen in court? What will happen with the dating service? What’s my future gonna be? What’s gonna happen if no other medication but the Navane will work?

Later…

Well, Nervous called me at 7:30 but I fell back asleep so I missed my appointment. I rescheduled it for Dec. 1st.

Hopefully tonight I’ll be going to Food Mart. I’ve been out of soda and milk and want to get some TV dinners. Also, I should get some light bulbs cuz I have no more and if the lamp in the bedroom burns out, then I’m stuck.

This afternoon at 2:30 I’m definitely going to my GYN appointment to take care of this yeast infection. I’ll walk there. They’re not too far from here. I’ll probably leave between 1:45 and 2:00.

I wonder if that gay taxi driver, Linda, is gonna call today? I never know if Maria will ever call. Why can’t she just be honest? Why she ever gave me her phone number totally baffles me. It even shocked Andy. Andy says Maria hasn’t even called Bev.

I’ve got a package of bacon in the refrigerator that I think I’m gonna go make up now, along with a bagel for breakfast.

Later…

Believe it or not, I just got a call from the school department. This woman wants me to come in for an interview for volunteer work. She says she’s not in need of an interpreter but would like to discuss the possibility of me doing something else. That’d be great. It’ll keep me busy. I hope. I hope it’s full-time. I’m going crazy just sitting here every day going nowhere but to doctors and doing errands.

I spoke to Mary C also. She was watching a movie on HBO and says her son William is sick and she just brought him home from the doctor’s.

She said she may take a drive over later. Yeah, sure. She damn well better plan on giving me back my black sweatpants she took the last time I saw her. Either way, she is going to return them and never again will she be allowed to borrow one single thing.

I think now I’m gonna take a walk to the store. I’m dying for some soda.

Later…

I took a bath and shaved, then I ran to the store for some soda and a hamburger.

In a little more than a half-hour from now, I’m gonna start walking over to Ridgewood Terrace for the crotch doctor which I dread. Another male touching my body. It’s so painful, too.

The mailman just came, but not with Gloria’s records I ordered, so I sent them back.

Some stupid Puerto Rican is outside honking its horn as usual. I’m so sick of this neighborhood. After growing up in beautiful areas, I miss it, and it’s time to move. That is for sure. When I move I won’t have to worry about leaving my doors open or anything. I highly doubt I will associate with Nervous when I move. I won’t need him and it wouldn’t be the greatest idea for him or for me. He’ll always be lonely with no woman and no friends and when I move, or possibly before, maybe he’ll realize why. He’s such a sad case. Que lastima.

Later…

I am at the doctor’s office now and the secretary seems kind and reassuring but I still hate to go through this shit.

It’s almost 3:00 but the doctor is running late as usual. Aren’t all doctors always late?

Mrs. Witherspoon from the 4th floor drove me here. I called for a taxi but it never came and the dispatcher couldn’t page Linda.

Later…

Well, the exam went ok and yes, as usual, I do have a yeast infection.

The dispatcher could never page Linda the gay driver so I got a different driver to go home. It cost me $2.

It seemed so dark all day. Even at 2:00. It’s not even 5:00 and it’s already just about pitch dark.

I hope Elizabeth will be willing to meet me at Montpelier St. tomorrow night a little earlier when she brings to me those envelopes she wants me to stuff. She’ll never be able to see me nor I see her if it’s too dark.

I hope Nervous calls soon. I do want to go to Food Mart. Never would I ask him to take me anywhere during the daytime. That’s when he’s always in his fucked-up mood and is so agitated and acts and talks like a two-year-old. I wonder why the daytime makes him more nervous. Several mornings ago he was extremely wound up but I’m quite sure that was cuz Fran had spent the night which he’s been dying to do. The first question out of his mouth when he called was, “Is monkey brain still there?”

I wouldn’t put it past him to come down to Norwich and say, “My car broke down. Can I stay the night?”

He’ll never get to stay the night, and if he comes to see me against my wishes I’ll kick his ass.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 17, 1988

I fell asleep very early last night but kept waking up for 3 reasons. One is that the phone kept ringing. Two is cuz I kept having to pee after taking my water pill. Three is I kept having these weird dreams.

Last night I had this really weird dream about Nervous. Apparently, in this dream, I owned my own home which had a basement and a first floor. I was in the basement which was a long room lined with small windows along a wall that was a little over my head. I was going through some old clothes when I heard a car and said to myself, That’s Nervous’s car. I know it is.

I turned off all the lights and stood behind some furniture in the center of the room and waited. Sure enough, I heard him shuffling through the grass and saw him walk up to the farthest window at the very end of the room where my stereo was. He just stood there and waited, no doubt hoping I’d come down to listen to my stereo.

Next thing I know he was in the cellar with me, the lights were on, and I was telling him I heard his car and saw him walk up to the window. He stood there laughing. Then there was a double-size bed near the stereo and I was lying on it starting to feel very sleepy and he was sitting on the other side of it. All of a sudden he had his arms around me and asked, “Is this wrong?”

I got up off the bed and said, “Yes, this is wrong. You sleep here and I’ll go upstairs to sleep in my bedroom. When you get up in the morning, wake me up and I’ll let you out.”

But then he started to get up off the bed and follow me and said, “Let’s talk.”

Then the phone rang and I said, “Who the fuck is that at this hour? You answer it.”

Later…

I called Dee to see if she could do my hair, and she said to come in at 11:00. I want it trimmed so that it’s one length, although I don’t think I look really terrible with my short hair layered. Maybe if I grew my hair long again I’d look too much like a little girl. I know I’ll definitely keep the front short with layered bangs, but I guess I do really miss my length and it’s gonna take me about 5 years to get it even and to the middle of my back.

I was thinking I may walk up to Shopper’s for my Femstat and have breakfast at the deli next door.

Later…

I just had my hair evened out and it looks really nice. I also bought this shampoo which she used to make my hair really soft.

I was also up at the deli where I got eggs and toast and some coffee. Tony, the cop I know, was there and as usual, he teased my ass like crazy.

Elizabeth is coming over tonight with envelopes for me to stuff.

I told Nervous last night to call me around 8:00 so he can take me food shopping.

I’ve got to tell Nervo about the dream I had last night. He should definitely get a kick out of it. Probably wish it could be true, too. Getting his arms around me, staying overnight.

I bought some more clothes from Goodwill. A bra, two pairs of sweatpants, pajamas and another nightie, which is so tiny and fits me perfectly.

By the way, speaking of the weight I lost, even Tony noticed it too. It’s a little scary in a way, though, cuz every summer I automatically lose 10-15 pounds. This summer I certainly can’t afford to lose one more pound! I’d be bones.

Mary Lou just called saying I needed to see Dr. Osborne Monday at 3:00 cuz I never saw Dr. Moshiri. That means I can’t see her and that sucks.

Also, I’m gonna write to Medicare about their crazy policy that the therapists can’t come to our homes. We have to go there which sucks cuz not everyone has a car and it’s not easy for the therapists either.

I just finished having a whole can of sardines, 10 pieces of bacon and a bagel with cream cheese.

Right now I must go call Elizabeth and ask her to please try to bring my paperwork earlier.

Later…

Tomorrow at 9:00 I have to go to Channel 57 to do the work I was supposed to do here at home. Elizabeth says she was having trouble with her printing machine. Also, Channel 57 voted me volunteer of the month, therefore I’m to have my picture in their magazine with a few paragraphs about me.

Tomorrow I also have to get a dental check-up at the Holyoke Mall. I would never ask Nervous to drive me with the sick way he drives, nor could I stand to have to put up with him that long.

Nervo may be calling soon. I don’t need or want him to take me to Food Mart.

I wonder where Sasha is. Must be hiding out sleeping either under the bed or under the couch or chairs in the living room. 95% of the time, though, she’s on the bed.

SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 19, 1988

Yesterday I had a long day at Channel 57. I canceled my check-up so I could work longer but will reschedule after Turkey Day for sure.

Andy called and told me not to think he died but that he’s had company all weekend. A bunch of relatives are coming to see his sister and her baby. So he won’t be calling me till Monday.

Tammy also called to say that she wants me to get a ride down to her place on December 3rd for a Chanukah dinner, then stay overnight and celebrate my b-day the next day which will be a Sunday.

How? I don’t know if Philip will be able to get me down there. I’ll never ask Nervous but Tammy said to just use him for the ride and she’ll send him right back home afterward. I never want to have to use him to drive me anywhere and take the chance of getting killed or his car breaking down and I couldn’t stand to put up with him that long. He’ll never shut up and he’s a little pushy bastard!

She says she doesn’t know if Mom and Dad are even coming home this winter for the holidays and the store. She says she hasn’t heard one way or the other. It doesn’t look like they’ll be coming back until April. But then again, I thought I remembered Dad saying they would be here one time in the van as he was bringing me home from somewhere. Every other winter they’ve come in.

I changed the bedroom around to the way it was before I discovered this spider nest.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 21, 1988

Today at 3:00, I have to see Dr. Osborne. That sucks.

Tomorrow I go for an interview at the school dept. I wonder what they will need me to do.

I just called Elizabeth who says she’s gonna have some photocopying but isn’t sure when she’ll have the stuff ready but will call me today or tomorrow to let me know for sure. Probably Wednesday.

Last night I called Tammy and even sang for her a little on the phone. I told her I wanted a music book for my birthday. Either Canciones De Mi Padre or Madonna. Hope she gets it.

I still don’t know what to get my family and friends but I don’t think I’m gonna shop till next month. Around December 1st I’ll start my gift shopping.

Later…

I just called Tammy and told her that Philip can’t bring me down to her place on December 3rd cuz he’s going to Mexico. If not, I’ll be on the bus.

Tammy said, “Just use Nervous. It’ll be only for an hour and a half. “

No way, I told her. He’s too pushy, never shuts up, drives like a maniac and I just don’t trust his car.

Tammy said she’ll get back to me.

Nervous says he’s gonna get me a keyboard but I doubt it, and if he does, he better not expect me to kiss his ass cuz things aren’t gonna change.

Oh God, what’s he gonna do when I move? He’ll just die. I’ll give him my address and number but I really don’t want to see him. I will, however, talk to him on the phone. Why not? He’ll be paying and he’s more tolerable on the phone than in person. If I ever let him see me inside my apartment or in the neighborhood, he’ll no doubt be awfully curious and will probably spy. I hope he does. The thought amuses me.

Later…

I called for bus fare info just in case and the prices are outrageous. $20 one-way and $38 round-trip. Ridiculous. I’ll get down there somehow.

In 20 minutes or so I’ve got to catch the bus downtown, then transfer to the Feeding Hills bus. What sucks is that I’m gonna have to wait for a half-hour for the doctor and then 40-45 minutes for the bus afterward.

Later…

I am now at Osborne’s waiting to see the “Wizard of Oz.” I think I just saw Debbie, the little jerk.

When I got off the bus I went to Dunkin Donuts cuz I knew I had time to kill and I’ll have plenty of it to kill after I see Oz, too. Before I got on the Feeding Hills bus I went into Johnson’s and bought more journals. A big one and a little one. The prettiest one of all has no lines.

It’s about 3:00 now and I hope he’s not late as all doctors are. But then again it really doesn’t matter cuz the next bus isn’t till 4:00. After I see him I’ll be damned if I’ll wait outside. It’s too windy. I’ll wait in here.

I’ve been thinking about moving a lot lately. Yes, I really do want to move. And fast. But it’ll no doubt take several more months.

Later…

I just saw Ozzy and now I’m waiting for the bus. He’s a really nice guy. He says I’ve come a long way and have been through a lot. He agrees I am a survivor and can handle anything. He also says I definitely must stop the Navane. He understands it’ll be difficult but that it’s important to reverse the tardive dyskinesia. He gave me some tea which I’ll finish now, then go to the bus stop.

Later…

I am home now and I just ate 3 pieces of chicken, some rice and some green beans. Next, I’ll take my meds and my vitamins.

Some crazy wacko was running her mouth at the bus stop about the shelter she’s living in and the job she wants. Some people are weird. Reminds me of Nervo.

Wednesday I can’t forget to watch my show Unsolved Mysteries. I missed it last week.

I wonder when the people’s daughter, son and grandson upstairs are gonna move out. Their footsteps are obnoxious. Drunkie downstairs would just love it.

This morning, shortly before 8:30 I heard the bitch next door go out for work and I called her to make her run back inside, then hung up. She probably thinks she just got to the phone too late and will be wondering all day who it could’ve been.

Well, tonight is when Ma calls so I’ll postpone my shower till after she calls. Tammy has to get back to me, too.

Later…

The phone rang, I picked it up and said, “Hi ma.”

The reply was, “Wrong. It’s Elizabeth.” She was laughing and said she certainly wasn’t expecting that. She says she’s got no work for me this week but next Tues. she thinks she does.

I also told her I was apprehensive about being the office manager but says she’ll hang around at first till I get the hang of it. Also, Cheryl will be there. She said they’ll make sure I know what to do and that I’m enjoying it or else I can do something else. I told her that I’m sure I’ll enjoy it and that once I get started it’ll be easy.

I just remembered Andy’s calling tonight too, along with Nervous, as usual. He’ll never fail to forget to call.

Later…

Dad just called. He sounds good. I told him what I wanted but I guess they’re sending me money instead.

I discussed the progress I’ve been making on my piano and told him the two things that were the most shocking. One, my getting the voice to sing and two, their being on my side.

I told him I pictured him being part of an interview someday where a guy says to my father, “She says she’s so glad she has enough money now so she can take you out to dinner.” I can just see the expression on my father’s face. Dad said it’ll come in time. He seems so sure of me.

Later…

Tammy just called. No one can give me a ride to Salem! I gotta go with Nervous! Shit! Damn! Fuck! Why do I always end up having to use that low-life scum? He’ll never shut up. He’ll get us killed or his car will break down. Well, just think, soon I’ll be moved and I’ll be through with him.

Andy better not call me when I’m sleeping or else!

TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 22, 1988

I got up at 7:15 after having some very unpleasant dreams.

Sure enough, there was a message on my machine from Andy. I think I remember hearing it when he called, but I was just too damn tired, and I figured that once I was fully awake after talking with him, I’d never go back to sleep.

I had woken up at 1:00 to go pee and get some cookies and something to drink and the cat was so funny. She came over to where I was sitting at the kitchen table and squinted up at me through half-closed eyes. You could see she had definitely been sound asleep and wasn’t used to the bright lights yet, but as soon as I get up, she does too. Every morning it’s the same routine. I get up, go into the bathroom, close the door and she waits outside the door and meows. When I come out, she follows me into the kitchen where she demands to be petted and loved and then I feed her. After that it’s playtime. I have the same routine for waking up in the morning. Coffee, then music.

I also woke up last night at 3:00 to smoke maybe 6 drags off a cigarette, then again at 4:30.

Later…

Today’s the day I go for my interview at the school department on State St. I hope they need me full-time cuz I’m gonna have some free time till I move.

Later, I’ve got to call Mansfield about my written exam and the temporary permit I was supposed to have received in the mail a long time ago. I thought the director was supposed to get back to me, but she hasn’t yet.

December 3rd is gonna be one miserable day with having to put up with the mouth and crazy driving.

I want to hurry up and move so badly. Tammy says she highly doubts I’ll be here when the summer comes, but who knows? I didn’t think I’d still be here now.

I hope this court case gets dropped if I don’t drop it myself by not showing up. Everyone says it’ll get dropped and that they just want to waste my time. That’s males for you. My lawyer’s an asshole. A typical male for sure. I’m glad I’m gay. I really am. It may be hard to find a woman who’s gay, let alone a good one, but 98% of males are jerks. Statistics say so many wives and girlfriends get abused by their boyfriends or husbands.

Al dumped me simply cuz I wasn’t good enough for him, cuz of my past and cuz he couldn’t get it in there. He was very negative and there was always something wrong with me. He can have a happy life, cuz he’ll never get a decent woman, nor is he capable of loving anyone.

Later…

I’m gonna be volunteering at one of the schools doing library assisting, Monday, Wednesday & Thursday. Also, if they need me to speak sign language or Spanish, they’ll let me know. She also said sometimes for the holidays they need singers.

I called Al before I left and told him how I feel. All I want to do is make him happy and be happy as well. I want him to give me a chance to show I care and want him to try to care for me. I know what I did wrong back then and would never repeat my mistakes. I realize I may have had some problems, but he ran away as if he didn’t care. I didn’t mean to scare him away, but I just wish he’d open up and be more encouraging, not so negative. I would never hurt him. I just want to spend the night in his arms with good things to talk about. I want to feel cared for and I want to care for him. I know he’d never marry and have kids with me, and I accept that. He says he’s gonna call me later. If he does, he’ll never come over.

Later…

I just got Gloria’s album Otro Vez and I can’t believe how much I understand. The picture of her on the back cover looks pitiful. She had short hair, seemed plump and looked like Liza Manelli. There was this other girl too, but Gloria looked awful. They’re supposed to send me the other one called Rio soon. They’re temporarily out of stock of it. I owe them $10 for this album and tomorrow or Friday I’ve got to go to get the two 12” records I ordered.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 23, 1988

Well, they say it gets worse before it gets better. Today I had a miserable day, but I stuck to only 5mg instead of 10mg of Navane. I feel very much better than I have since I cut down. It was miserable as the doctor said it would be. I was very dizzy all the time and my mind was racing and I was anxious as all hell, but it’s gone now. The question is for how long, though? Tammy agreed I just needed to adjust. Still seems always to be worse before my period which I should be getting any day now. I’ve been cramping like hell.

Al was supposed to call me again tonight and he hasn’t yet and I have come to hope he won’t.

Andy never called last night like he said he would and Nervous didn’t either and probably won’t tonight either.

Speaking of Andy, he’s on the phone with me now. He may be coming over later.

Nervous probably won’t call til after my birthday cuz of the nasty things I’ve said. He’ll try to avoid giving me a ride cuz it’s for Chanukah and my birthday and he’ll never get me a gift. That’s how obsessive males are. They always figure they’re owed something in return.

I haven’t shit in a week and I don’t know why. I’ve taken my Medimucal and have eaten a lot. The Navane causes that and the doctor says once you cut down or stop, the side effects get worse before they get better, so I’ll have to suffer for a while longer. Probably won’t shit for another week or two.

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 24, 1988

I got back an hour or so ago from Longmeadow where we had dinner. It was nice, except for the fact that half the meal exploded on the stove, cuz as we’ve learned, you never put glass on a stove. But she did, so we had a hell of a mess. Also, Becky broke a plate. We took pictures of both of these episodes for Mom. She’ll love it.

When Tammy came to pick me up we went to Store 24 so I could get ciggies and a lighter and she said she saw Nervous. Probably spying. He did call last night and it looks like I am stuck with him going to Salem.

I just called Ma and said we’re so glad she’s 1400 miles away. We’re sending her pictures.

Tammy says my singing’s not the worse but it’s not the best. That’s good enough for me.

FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 1988

I woke up this morning feeling miserable so I called my allergy doctor. Next Wed. at 10:00 I see him.

Thank God Nervous woke me up. He tried at 10:00 but obviously, I never heard the phone. When he called back at 11:30, I was exhausted. If I sleep too much I feel tired.

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 30, 1988

I just finished watching Unsolved Mysteries. It was ok, but I’ve seen better shows of theirs.

Earlier I worked as the office manager at Channel 57 for the second time. It’s very boring and tedious but it’s something to do. It’s a very easy job though I had feared before it would be difficult. There isn’t much that’s too hard for me. If you can learn to play a musical instrument and all the other things I’ve learned, then you can learn anything, although I hate anything dealing with numbers.

There are still times I wish I were straight and could have sex with a guy and enjoy it and be attracted to a guy as I am to women, but they’re such assholes. But then again, male or female, that is all I ever get anyway.

I’m taking a chance nonetheless. I sent Between Friends $70, but if I’m not attracted to any of these 3 women or they’re jerks or they’re decent and I lose them, then I think I’d be damn entitled to my money back. I guess if that happens, you renew your membership. Like hell I will. For $295? No way!

I’ve been taking only 5mg of Navane and I’ve been basically ok. Only a couple of bad times, but they passed; those racing thoughts that make me depressed.

Well, it doesn’t look like I’m going anywhere for Chanukah or my b-day. Tammy and I got into another squabble as usual and she hasn’t called. But I won’t be surprised if she does. It’s like Andy said to me, “You know you’re gonna make up with her.” No doubt she’ll call at the last minute. Actually, though, I’m really kind of hoping she’ll stay pissed and not call. I don’t think I want to go down there. Besides, I despise the fact of having Nerve drive me down and totally dread it.

The bus ticket price coming back is crazy and I also feel I’d like to celebrate alone. Once again I get that feeling of pride at not turning to anyone on my b-day. I’m really doing great at sheltering myself and keeping independent.

Andy or Nervous should be calling any minute now I guess.

[cowboybrunch]

Ohhhh shiiiiit it's STS and I have recovered from reading "attention span." JFC that was so good.

I want to rotate two of your blorbos (specifically Theo and Callan) next to each other with this question. For the purposes of not having someone's head explode, let's say the events of the story/first episode remain largely the same.

What would they do if they were in a time loop? Would they have someone to act as a constant (the Hofer to Sullivan or the Gott to Royston, e.g.) or would they have to do all the work themselves? Is there a win condition or is the time loop an infinite punishment?

oooo >:) lets put these men in a time loop! essay incoming <3

i'm imagining Callan is working a case alone (say Hoot and Lee are on a holiday to get em out of the way for now). it's going smoothly, he's putting the pieces together, nearly solved when he steps out into the street and a bus is barreling towards him, horn screaming, etc. at the last moment, he looks up and sees Theo staring at him from the other side of the road. they reset just before impact.

Theo realizes they're in a time loop first, but he wouldn't know why or how to stop it. there would be lots of blame tossed around. Theo assumes that Callan did something to cause the loop. Callan doesn't trust supernatural entities at all so he accuses Theo of sabotaging their efforts to close the loop (even tho Theo isn't sabotaging anything, he's just a teeny tiny bit incompetent inexperienced with solving mysteries)

basically, it's an uphill battle to get them to cooperate with each other. i see a big blowout fight where Theo is getting more and more agitated and Callan is listing off every time that Theo did something to undermine their investigation (very calm and rational in true Callan fashion) and then Theo just snaps. throws out a bit of honesty, maybe about how his whole life thus far has felt like a time loop because he keeps making the same stupid mistakes, and that vulnerability is what makes Callan think, oh. this guy really isn't the problem. he's as trapped as i am.

they don't have a Gott or a Hofer in that someone else is aware that time is looping, but the only person (not including [redacted] but we're talking post-botrd so that's not an option) Theo would go to for help would be Marcella. she doesn't believe that he's in a time loop BUT she helps him anyway. "he's finally lost it... but, fine. what can i do?" he has to rehash the situation every loop which frustrates the hell out of him so by the fifth or sixth loop he's got his concise explanation down flat. knows exactly what to say and how she'll react to the info. sweet.

(Marcella thinks Callan is cute in like, a condescending way. she pretends to curse him/threatens to become the monster beneath his bed just to see him squirm. Callan thinks Marcella and Lee would be peas in a pod, so his emotions towards her are... complicated)

probably around the 8th or 9th loop, Theo gets discouraged and figures this is just his life now, he's done, there's no escaping, typical Heir of Death melodrama. Callan's gotta pep talk him, which Callan isn't very good at. and somehow this convo leads to the realization that the win condition is Callan recognizing his own fallibility, that he's unfortunately a human being and can't possibly know or control everything. it's a lesson about hubris!

also i really like the idea that the bus shows up at the same time regardless of where they are. so they try to run from it, end up in the middle of the desert or somethin, not a road in sight and BAM! out of nowhere. bus. reset. in a restaurant? bus. in callan's apartment? BUS!

this was a ton of fun to think abt :-) Theo just might be an honorary paranormal investigator once they get this loop closed. thank u for the ask!!! <3

[thequietmanno1]

TheLreads, Vigilantes ch 104, Replies Part 1

1) “Sp, where did we left? Ah, right, Koichi just flew into the stratosphere, then came back when he realized that calling for All Might would make me commit a homicide. Yeah, now we’re on a 1v1, My boy vs McBee. Time to see what shall unfold, on Chapter 104: The Bad one”- Koichi finally heeded his inner calling to heroism (that is, his own desire to not be on the sidelines this time), even if it means he’s breaking all the rules of common sense and self-preservation.  Took him a while to get up to Izuku’s level, I can tell ya that much.

2) “Yes but consider this: I’m going to rip your spine and beat you to death with it if All Might shows up to solve this problem.

Not you Koichi, I’m talking to Furuhashi right now.”- Koichi meanwhile, will be busy trying to stop Nomura blowing his spine out through the back of his skull before any official help arrives, thanks to him finally stepping up to the plate on his ownsome….without a solid plan of how he’s gonna get over his handicap of actually hitting an opponent in a fight.

3) “oh so Soga is in danger and might not survive the night?”- Downside of Koichi finally standing up to face Nomura. We don’t get Soga pulling the Benny Hill chase routine with the Anon drones.

4)“Alright Phelps, time to fight to keep the timeline stable.

The two henchman there, they can meet the same fate as Soga, we haven’t seen them in the main story anyway.”-Huh, actually, would Midnight’s gas even affect the Anon drones? It’s been a while, but whilst I recall that Nomura was especially vulnerable to her, I’m not certain if the drones need to breathe quite the same as a human does. 5) “Behold, The Bad One

the most evil boy to ever exist, the biggest troublemaker to walk the earth

behold…and despair”-well, Koichi certainly made Nomura despair there for a moment. Had him dead to rights and everything. Shame he didn’t quite land the hit, but at the same time, the fact he could have is arguably more of a slap in the face to Nomura than anything else he’s done so far. 6) “Everybody like “Uhhhhh- should we go help the boss? He’s gonna get his ass kicked if we don’t”

A side effect of having to micromanage every single nomu in this army that AfO generously granted McBee for some fucking reason.”- In choosing to make himself a mirror of Koichi to try and take his place in the narrative as both Knuckles’ successor and “the hero”, Nomura also made himself vulnerable to mirroring his moments of denseness and making poor decisions, like turning back to fight a villain when you have no actual drive to fight the villain. Both these boys are devoting all their available brainpower to this fight, because there isn’t enough to spread around and multitask up there.

7) "|[The Good, the Bad, and the ugly theme playing in the background]”- It certainly is in Nomura’s head at least. Sadly, koichi isn’t quite the movie buff he is, and hasn’t quite caught up to the script everybody else is working from, so he thinks this can maybe still be resolved without violence….though at least he’s prepared for Nomura’s refusal this time.  

8) “OH MY GOD KOICHI YOU ARE NOT EVEN SURE IF HE’S THE SAME GUY THAT CONFRONTED YOU AT THAT ROOFTOP

I SOMETIMES FEEL LIKE MY JOKES ABOUT HOW MUCH McBEE IS A LOSER ARE REDUNDANT, BECAUSE THE STORY IS MAKING SURE TO NAIL IN THAT MUCH.”- Can’t actually blame Koichi for this one. It’s like if Pennywise confronted one of the Loser’s Club in the guise of a fear one of the others hand, there’s no way to recognise him without the proper “mask” on first. Even his costume and everything looks a little generic if you critically analyse it, so there’s not really much about Nomura that truly stands out beyond his intense desire to be a stand-out individual….which only really reinforces the point.

9) “What you mean Koichi? That’s exactly how he always looked. Can’t you recognize his shiny, puppy-like eyes?”- I mean, technically, you’re correct, this is what he’s always actually looked like….but he never wanted us to see anything but the “mask” he crafted for whatever persona he was trying to turn himself into. 10) “Oh fuck you McBee, I thought the no face thing was supposed to be intentional, are you really implying you just forgot to apply your makeup? I hope you’re fucking with Koichi there”- Let’s be honest, the fact he puts his face back on just before fighting Koichi is Furuhashi’s way of letting us really savour his humiliation and frustration as he takes on his arch-foe and gets treated like a chump by him.

11) “Huh. Can’t say I see the similarities. I think you’re just projecting there McBee, you are lame enough to think you two are the same while Koichi is not even sure if you are the person who swore revenge on him a few weeks before.”- They do actually look kinda similar- similar facial structures, especially when seen side-by-side like this- but mainly because Koichi already has a mostly-generic looking face that doesn’t stand out much from the crowd. It also adds layers to his entrapment of Pop – he might have been resembling an idealised version of Koichi in terms of mannerisms and appearance, but at the end of the day it was still a copied product, and got rejected for the original despite his effort. Remember that he doesn’t move forward with his Bee Pop idea until Pop rejects him for Koichi, almost like he wanted to prove the fake could overcome the original in something as minor as winning a girl’s heart by being more attentitve to her needs, and switched tactics in frustration and perhaps slight depression after that failed to work/validate his existence. A sort of “If my best efforts can’t sway Pop from you, then you don’t deserve to have her either”.

(Vigilantes ch 49)

12) “Oh ho ho, they are getting closer, you can’t escape for much longer… Sure, they could already have found you if they had Ragdoll with them, but then we wouldn’t have the dramatic reveal that you’re Koichi’s brother and all that during the final battle.”- Well, more like he’s technically Koichi’s evil Twin- and a self-styled twin to boot, which is sorta a new one for the genre.

(Vigilantes ch 54)

13) “Let’s see what shall take place, on Chapter 54: Siblings-

Oh- Oh boy… Siblings? In a situation where we have both Koichi and McBee? Oh my, how… fun… (:  “- I mean, evil twins are technically siblings, even if this falls more under the heading of ‘intentional clone’, given he’s done everything but physically possess Koichi to ‘take his place’ in the story.

(Vigilantes ch 55)

14) “I feel like I’m losing my mind, it was just a panel, but all the red flags started going off immediately on my mind, I don’t trust furuhashi to not be planning something, and the more I think about it, the more I see that there isn’t nothing in it that contradicts the original, in those aspects at least. There were a lot of holes with the Nomu stuff so far, but this idea doesn’t feel too off to not be a possibility”-  Well, turns out the cloning part is more metaphorical than literal- I think- and in any respect No:6 has intentionally turned himself in a mis-mashed clone of Knuckle and Koichi together, in an effort to produce his own identity out of a blend of theirs. I guess the concept of cloning bodies to easily produce Nomu might be one way the VF would tie into AFO and Ujiko’s plans, but at this point their end goals- and even the true intent behind giving Nomura such freedom and resources- is still a mystery.

(Vigilantes ch 56) 15) “wait

wait- oh- If that thing there is what McBee really is, and what he said about wanting to actually be Knuckles can be taken at face value, then that means that he can actually shapeshIFT GODDAMMIT I FUCKING KNEW IT, I KNEW THAT TIME AT THE CRAB UPRISING WAS SOMETHING IMPORTANT HE DID CHANGE HIS FACE TO TRICK MONIKA

HOLY SHIT- DID FURUHASHI ACTUALLY FORESHADOWED SOMETHING FOR ONCE?! DEADASS?!”- Yep, though it turns out that even his idea of ‘becoming a younger knuckleduster’ is based off of recombining and utilising Koichi’s own character with Knuckle’s speed and techniques as O’clock, showing how he’s lacking in the creative spirit needed to really become his own person.

(Vigilantes ch 57)

16)“Oh boy here he goes again, just before he regrows his arm in the most dramatic way possible. I mean, he isn’t wrong, Knuckles is cool, but I doubt he ever paid attention to the goodest boy™ around, Koichi.”- Well, he sure as hell is now…

(Vigilantes ch 57)

17) “Sorry McBee, but just as you said, there can be only one, and there already is: Koichi, the chosen one, the true Highlander. Even if you kill Knuckles here it won’t matter, for the torch has already been passed and- oh wait, I think that knuckles really is dead right now.

…

Oh well, there’s that. You just find Koichi and tell him this dramatic speech instead.”-There, he said the speech. Happy now? (Vigilantes ch 82) 18) “Also, did you just got Koichi`s bad naming sense as well?”- Seeing as he’s basically tried to become a fusion of Koichi and O’Clock, it seems that proverbial merger came with some disadvantages to his capabilities, namely his naming sense.

19) “Uhhuuu~ scawy~

Can you go back to the no-eyes face? That one was way cooler and more intimidating.”- Cooler, yes, but honestly less expressive too – which is sorta natural, honestly. Nomura’s here first and foremost to voice his complaints against Koichi about how he’s “wasting” the role that Knuckles and Pop and everybody else have given him as the “hero” in their little tale, and the tirade loses something if he’s got no real face to let him know exactly how much Koichi gets under his skin….or, whatever his body tissue counts as now.

20) “Koichi is like “bro what I’ve done I don’t even know you””- Koichi basically lucked into getting an arch-nemesis when Izuku had to train his ass off to inherit OFA’s long-time one…and even then, his true nemesis is somebody else entirely. @thelreads

[etirabys]

on jogging

I took up jogging 2.5 months ago. I'm going off the c25k schedule, which slowly ramps you up from couch potato fitness to being able to run a 5k. This was much more effective than just trying to get into jogging by mimicking other, fitter, joggers, which was what I did every previous time I briefly tried to get into jogging. I feel embarrassed for never having thought of this before – it's clear that 'my brain was off' in those times when I went mimicry-running.

One issue that made me get into jogging so ineffectively: I didn't realize how terrible my starting physical fitness was. I used to think I was… like… normal? No athlete, for sure, but I'm a "normal amount of miserable" on hikes (and can complete most of them), I'm an intermediate boulderer, I rarely notice activities I'm gated from because of fitness. But when I started c25k with three partners, none of whom regularly jogged, they were all significantly less winded than I was.

And for the first dang time in my life I explicitly had a thought that went, "I can run 1 minute before my body forces me to stop. My partners can run 3-4 minutes. Some people can run 30 minutes."

Once I actually had any sense of "jogging levels" it was so clear how close to the bottom I was when I started out. That gives me some hope that being much fitter will solve my fatigue problems?

I used to be able to run 1 minute, and now I can run 2. By one (terrible but also kind of reasonable?) metric, I'm twice as fit as I used to be. But a nontrivial fraction of the population can jog 30 consecutive minutes! It seems worth getting to that point to see what that does to my energy levels / cognition.

–

Also: I haven't been sticking to the c25k schedule. I go 1.5 times a week where it expects 3, and I stuck a level between week 2 and week 3 because the 1.5m->3m jump looked insane to me. I've been on that custom level 2.5 for a month. I had a mindblowing conversation with the giant and 81k yesterday where I went, yeah, I've been stuck at week 2.5 because I've felt unready for week 3. And they said, that's probably because you're not going enough.

What do you mean? I asked. I've run about a full session and a half session every week for four weeks. Isn't that the same as 3 full sessions every week for two weeks?

No, they said, surprised I didn't know this. There's an optimal timing. If you'd probably stuck literally to the c25k schedule you probably could have gone from level 2 to 3 in a week.

GYARJRGH? I said. FUSBARIJIJJLK?

(I still disbelieve the literal claim that I can go to level 3 after doing level 2 properly, but I believe them that I would be leveling up a lot faster if I stuck to the schedule)

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Anyway, some things I'd like to say to my past self, who felt obligated to work out for fatigue issues and then proceeded to exercise very badly because there was such a big ugh field around the topic of exercise:

You do not realize how big the gap between you and even moderately athletic people is. This is good, actually. It means that the correct place to start is easier than you think.

You should try to do it like 3 times a week. Date a jock. There are some on tumblr

Consider starting this when you have positive pressure rather than negative pressure. When you're buckling under multiple joy-sparking projects and want to rise to the challenge, it will be much easier to start & stick to it than when you're an anhedonic lump who has nothing to look forward to, but knows that exercise will in theory make life better in some vague way.

[imsosocold]

Ace Attorney ships I find personally amusing

"I, an aro spec person, have little to no interest in ships" once said a foolish fool.

Dhurke and Manfred:

Genuinely they're such cool contrasts, Manfred is the embodiment of the status quo while Dhurke is the face of rebellion and is all about expression while Manfred is incredibly closed off and ridden with paranoia while Dhurke trusts in others so strongly and the fact they both take in someone else's kid to raise as their own out of their own senses of duty -

Dhurke should've gotten to radicalize that old man and also kiss him methinks.

Matt and Kristoph:

Do you know the quote " he's so stupid, I have to fuck him?" Yeah, that's the dynamic, even though Matt's quite cunning ( which Kristoph and most of the AA fandom don't want to admit). Both petty and paranoia ridden and identityless, thinking they're above everyone else yet being so self harming and sabotaging, completely consumed by the systems they worked in only to get tossed aside by them once their depravity becomes too visible. If you've seen my previous AA posts you know I love the idea of Klavier looking up to Matt and wanting to model themself after him. To Kristoph, however, Matt is the embodiment of the lifestyle that he fears will consume his brother. So even before the whole Farewell Turnabout reveal, there's resentment already there. Poor Klavier is naturally crushed when the truth comes out ( better get used that soon buddy) and admist the rage for Klavier's sake in Kristoph there's also the satisfaction of being right. I wouldn't be surprised if Kristoph visits Matt in prison just to gloat and try to fuel his paranoia but Matt, ever the actor, just bats his eyes and treats Kristoph like he's another fan. Naturally this gets under Kristoph's skin and makes him want to break Matt even more and the duo end up in this perpetual cat and mouse game that's more amusing to them than any other rivalries they've had, even with Juan and Phoenix.

Klavier, watching his brother stamp a pile of letters to Matt Engarde: I think you're more upset about what he did than I am Bruder.

Kristoph : Shut up Klavier, your boyfriend has a dildo on his head.

Kristoph naturally shares all this with Beanix in an attempt to bond with him over their shared hatred, but it has the opposite effect on someone who's dealt with someone also having " unnecessary feelings" almost his whole life. It is 100% what confirms his suspicions of Kristoph and you know once he defeats him he throws in the line "lmao have fun with your boyfriend in prison." ( Which makes poor Klavier even more distraught.) Matt swears the reason he's happy to see Kristoph in prison is purely out of the satisfaction in seeing an enemy of his fall. Anyway, their antagonism in person is even more extreme but with how they're forced to spend time together in prison, genuine time together, things get more complicated and it looks like Phoenix and Klavier were right all along. WELL FUCK-

Geiru and Dahlia:

Girlies who solve their problems with murder and frame those they're supposed to be close to ♡ Dahlia sees this girl getting crushed by the legacy of her family and won't allow history to repeat again.

They wouldn't have to put personas on for once and could just exist without expectation and judgement.

Also the contrast of graceful Dahlia with literal clown girl amuses me <3

Godot and Simon Blackquill:

Manipulative, mysterious hot prosecutors who are up their own asses? Yeah, they need to make out/j

In all seriousness both of them are so fucking tragic, trying so hard to protect the ones they care about and being willing to do fucked up shit to do so regardless of what happens to them. At the same time toxically assuming what's best for other people without their input ( especially regarding female characters) and harshly project their own feelings onto other people. They're sickly similar and I hope they realize this and heal together.

Bikini and Gant:

They're unhinged in opposite directions <3 So interesting that Bikini is similarly part of a corrupt system but hasn't been tainted by it like Gant was, probably because she hadn't gotten to see and experience the extent of it like Gant did. Both so easily could've become the other if their positions had shifted. Any so, Bikini would bring out Gant's more heartfelt traits and they'd definitely joke around together and be annoyances to everyone around them and just enjoy the little things in life. But primarily I'm interested in this duo because the idea of Gant leaving behind his work to join the temple life amuses me XD

Angel Starr and Dee Vazquez:

Fucked up, violent, revenge driven women who are willing to do anything in order to get what they want? Automatic click. Either they'll take over and rule the world together or they'll retire to a seaside town and grow old together. 50/50 chance with these veteran queers.

Larry and Sorin:

I’m a sucker for STEM and artist duos, romantic or otherwise. Their differing interests and personalities would bounce well off each other, making them a comedic yet chemistry filled paring that balances each other out. Also, flanderization aside, Larry is an understanding and caring guy and would support Sorin throughout his recovery and beyond.

Larry and Shelly De Killer:

The idea of cheerful guy who constantly gets accused of murder dating one of the most prolific killers ( also a cheerful guy) sends me, along with the concept of either of them taking the other’s last name. I think Shelly would be interested in Larry’s genuine love for life and continued nativity while Larry is absolutely smitten by how suave and cool Shelly is. 50/50 chance Larry knows who Shelly really is. Justifiably Maya and Phoenix flip out.

Sebastian and Hugh O Connor:

Parallels! Cocky people who believe they’re highly skilled only to realize their parents were pulling strings and while absolutely crushed, they strive to do better and are incredibly loyal to those they care about. They should go “ samesies!” and imprint on each other.

Simon Keyes and Nahyuta:

Love these two cause they’re so similar but complete opposites. They’re both self declared fighters of corrupt systems who are willing to sacrifice anything and everything ( including themselves) to complete their goals. Not to mention having an intense loyalty to their fathers and father figures. But while Nahyuta believed in fighting within the system despite knowing its corruption , Simon, refusing to sink to the level of those he hated, made sure to fight the system from the outside. I hope they bite each other <3.

Richard and Daryan:

Flamboyant queers with weird hair who are both based in their crimes and actually not appreciated enough. They should kiss and do more crimes.

Nahyuta and Matt:

The contrast. I want Nahyuta to look at Matt and see him as someone who was similarly raised into fitting a certain role and was unable to escape it and in turn swearing to save Matt’s soul. Matt is honestly confused but, amused and ever the opportunist, agrees to Nahyuta’s demands. Phoenix on the other hand is pushing Apollo to get his brother to stop, with Apollo explaining he literally can’t change his brother’s mind.

Luke & Ron & Desiree:

Okay, Ron and Desiree are a package deal. Anyway, I imagine Luke believes that having a rival means your relationship with them is naturally homoerotic ( I mean he’s not wrong) leaving poor Ron even more flustered and confused than usual . Desiree would just find it all funny to be honest and probably encourage the antics but if she wanted she could probably roast Luke out of committing anymore crimes and gain another partner in the process. Should’ve left the whole De Masque business to her to be honest.

Nahyuta and Kristoph:

“ You screwed over my brother.”

“ You screwed over your own brother.”

Both being forced to sacrifice so much for their sibling who doesn’t understand the extent of their sacrifices. Both committing horrible acts order survive, believing they alone know what’s best and are the only one who can carry such extreme actions out. But Nahyuta was the only one who got to grow beyond these viewpoints and tendencies while Kristoph only double down. Both of them hate each other but can understand each other and hate the fact that they can, they hate feeling anything for each other. Nahyuta wouldn't ever fall for Kristoph’s shit and Kristoph would hate being so powerless and exposed to him and even more so that Nahyuta doesn’t tear him apart from the inside. Nahyuta should become Kristoph’s architect and rebuild him in his image.

Uendo and Matt:

Matt learns Uendo genuinely enjoys giving performances and needs to know how. I think despite their drastically different experiences and ideals , they could form a genuine connection centered around having to suppress parts of themselves for the sake of their work. Since Matt work centered around entertaining kids and making them happy I think he could also get along with Owen well. I think Matt would have the best relationship with Patches out of all of them with Kisegawa and him having the most antagonistic relationship (but still caring). Honestly while one of the most simplistic parings it’s one of my favorites.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed as I spent too much time on this and I’d like to hear your own blursed ideas.