#aplatonic aces are so valid too

[thegirlinthecher]

to me, being ace is like. 'wow that is person is so aesthetically attractive but everyone seems to call that hot so I guess I will too.' 'omg I have no idea what the fuss about this dancer is but the steps look really cool.' 'oh no, I really like hanging out with this person - is this platonic or should I re-evaluate my romantic orientation.' and 'does everyone actually feel like that and am I just an impostor taking up space in such a beautiful community?' all at once.

[nekropsii]

Wild how when I call Shipping Culture oppressively pervasive and awful for any Aro/Ace with the gall to enjoy anything on the Internet, I get called a Fun-Hating Killjoy and told to just shut the fuck up or off myself, no matter how mild or polite my comment is. Wild how when I say a character either is textually Aro/Ace or is easier to read as Aro/Ace than Alloromantic/sexual, people start talking down to me like I'm a child who doesn't know anything, saying "Friendly reminder that Aro(s)/Aces can Date/Have Sex too, just like us Normal People!". As if I don't know anything about my own identity. Wild how when I do either of these things or even just say I'm not into a pairing or uninvested in shipping in general people call me fucking homophobic, even if the (at least popularly perceived - let's be honest, people are wrong half the time) genders of the characters is never once made relevant. Even though their reasoning for me being homophobic is lack of investment in a gay pairing they like, and nothing more. Wild how people throw little baby tantrums at even the gentlest criticism of Shipping Culture, or someone choosing not to engage heavily in it. Wild how they have the audacity to ask, with hostility, what the fuck Aro(s)/Aces are talking about when they say Shipping Culture is hostile to Aro/Ace fans, or ask what's wrong with them when they say that they aren't into Shipping.

It's almost like Bigots don't realize they're being Bigots when they do Bigotry, so just saying you're not a Bigot isn't enough. It's almost like Aro/Ace people know what the hell they're talking about. It's almost like we have a fucking point. It's almost like we're valid in expressing contempt and frustration with the constant expectation to engage with Romance and Sexuality at every waking moment, even if we're Romance and/or Sex Favorable. It's almost like we're tired of getting our identities erased, and we're tired of expecting to "act normal", and we're tired of just taking it when Allos use the Favorable members of our communities as a scapegoat for why they should be allowed to totally erase any of our representation just for their "Harmless Queer Fun" - deliberately, and I mean DELIBERATELY, failing to recognize or acknowledge the character's orientation, and how an A-Spec's personal relationship with and expressions of Love are going to look drastically different from an Allo person's - and call us the Bigots when we even glance in the direction of objection.

It's almost like Allo/Amatonormativity are oppressive forces.

Alloromantics/sexuals are constantly looking for any reason they can to call Aro(s)/Aces unloving, unfeeling, frigid, soulless, cruel. Inhuman. They're looking for any reason they can to call us whiny children, stupid, people who "just haven't found the right one", addressing us only as "Works in Progress", or someone who can have their sexuality corrected with the right stimulus - Conversion Therapy and Corrective Rape are okay when it happens to us, after all. Any reason at all to call us heartless monsters. AlloAces are confused children. They can be fixed. AroAllos are manipulative, unfeeling sexual predators. They can't be fixed - just kill them. AroAces are frigid, mean bitches. They can be fixed. God forbid you're Aplatonic. God forbid you're part of the Repulsed spectrum. God forbid you're one of the Loveless. God forbid you hold any pride in your identity, God forbid you don't keep your mouth shut, God forbid you critique the overinflated importance Allos place onto Love as a concept. God forbid you critique something as asinine and juvenile as fucking Shipping Culture. Do any one of these and you've put a bright red, blazing neon target on your back.

Wild how the only real humans amongst us are the Romance, Sex, and Friendship Favorable who put their head down and mask as Allo, and side with the Allos when their fellow A-Specs get too loud for the comfort of their Allo friend's delicate little fee-fees. After all, Vitriol and Harassment are warranted when an Allo's feelings get slightly hurt that an Aro person says, on their own account, to no one in particular, that they're sick of every tag being 80% Shipping Content. Which is a vehemently evil personal attack, clearly.

Wild.

[genderqueerdykes]

Wow. Talk about having a shit experience. Why is people explicitly keep saying not to tag their aro or ace post as aroace.

Why why why am I not valid anymore? Can I really not be aro and ace anymore? Can I not open the tag and say "ahh aroace me is so related with this post" anymore? What is it??

It feels fucking shitty seeing community that barely get mention in big queer space like this. Gatekeeping their post and experience to the "right" identity only.

If you someone that do this please stop. I just want to see positive post about my aroace identity. Heck anything about Loveless Aplatonic Afamilial barely get talk about and they don't gatekeep their post from aroaces because what's the point?

this is a great ask, i really appreciate you taking the time to stop by & share your experience, anon. this is something i've noticed within the past few years and i've wanted to talk about it, so thank you for giving me a chance to do so

i've seen 2 excuses for this behavior and they're both terrible and only hurt other people and serve as a method to control strangers.

the first way people try to excuse this behavior is by saying "well I'M not aroace, therefore the post isn't for aroaces!!!!! it's ONLY for JUST aromantics or JUST asexuals not both!!!!!" i have gotten yelled at this before as well. like, profusely. over tags. i feel like people should NOT take a stranger's tags personally. even if they tagged it something you don't agree with or don't like... that's kinda not really your business. this particular behavior stems from people who neurotically check their reblogs/interactions, and it's not healthy.

if you find yourself scrutinizing every single interaction and reblog you get on this website, it might be a good idea to reduce the amount of time you spend on social media, because you quite literally cannot control what people do with a post once you post it. you're at the mercy of god at that point. like i cannot stress this enough: You CANNOT control what strangers do with a post once it's published. these are PUBLIC FORUMS. tumblr is not a private club where only the people you like interact with you. it's a public space. you gotta learn to cope with the fact that other people will interact with your posts in ways you don't like. i don't like it when rad fems interact with my posts, but i also can't stop them from doing so unless i already have them blocked, because they also have free will and a tumblr account.

the second excuse for this behavior i have seen is definitely the worse of the two. people will say that "aroaces get TOO much representation!" or things like "everyone ASSUMES you have to be aro if you're ace/ace if you're aro which isn't true and i take very personally which gives me an excuse to bully aroaces!!!!!!!!" like it legit comes from people thinking that somehow, aroaces are "over represented". the behavior stems from the OP feeling literally attacked by aroaces existing and feeling like they're somehow talking over aromantic people who experience sexual attraction, or like they're somehow talking over asexual people who experience romantic attraction.

people seem to have forgotten that aroace people are STILL ARO. THEY'RE STILL ACE. you can't sit here and go "well i'm mad that 'too many' people know about aroace people so i'm going to harrass aroace people like they're the ones making my life harder and not cisheternormative society." also it's disgusting because a lot of asexuals quite literally believe that aromanticism doesn't exist, and that the term came about to "rip off" asexuals. it's the "transandrophobia doesn't exist because it threatens trans women" argument but with aspectrum identities.

it legitimately causes you NO HARM if your post about just asexuality or just aromancitism is tagged as aroace. they are not saying YOU are aroace! they're tagging it that way for themselves, because they are aroace!!!!!!!!!!!! aroace people are aromantic! aroace people are asexual! stop with this weird gatekeeping and acting like posts tagged just aromantic or just asexual are for people who are ONLY aro or ONLY ace. this shit is hurting people. like i cannot get over the fact that aroace people are. aro. and. ace. and somehow people freak the ever loving fuck out about a mean nasty aroace making them feel bad for.... also being aromantic and asexual ?

like your experience matters. you don't deserve to be told that you can't interact with posts about aromanticism or asexuality because you're both of those things and somehow that's threatening aromantics and asexuals who aren't both. you are still aromantic. you are still asexual. you aren't hurting or threatening anyone. you deserve to be seen and heard, and you shouldn't have to specifically stick to JUST the "aroace" tag and nothing else. i DON'T understand this behavior.

honestly a lot of it smacks of arophobia on the behalf of asexuals and acephobia on the behalf of aromantics. it blows. it's not cool or cute or funny it's hurting people.

this attitude sucks. as the anon said, please stop this. it's unnecessary and petty infighting for no reason. aroace people are not a threat to other aromantic and asexual people. stop treating other people like shit for no reason other than you are insecure and angry about it. nobody is saying YOU are aroace if they tag your post about aromanticism or asexuality with "aroace". they're doing it for themselves. knock it off.

[ur-fav-is-aspec-inactive]

I’ve decided to make this blog for two reasons:

- a) I love submission blogs and I have a lot of character headcannons

- b) most the aspec submission blogs are inactive, and I can’t even find one that’s for the whole aspec community

- c) (ok so three reasons) I’m a part of the aspec community and I’d like us to share our aspec headcannons and ideas to make the aphobes angry!!

Hey hey hey, my name is Icarus, or Leonardo, though I go by many other names too, and I use he/she/they and it/fae/mer pronouns (shown in two separate lists for readability). I am a member of the aspec community and I run @ace-disgrace-withamace and the Instagram account @the.world.is.ace.here (along with my friend Rain)

I feel like i should include my whole label thingie here also because like. I’m running an aspec blog. So uh yeah

Im genderfluid, and sometimes agender

I am asexual

Now uh as for romantic orientation I am (checks notes)….

Demiromantic and aroflux as well as abroromantic and probably a ton of micro labels but I can’t remember them hooray

Ok so rules:

First of all, any hate speech of any kind will be deleted. I will not argue with bigots.

Aphobes of any kind are not allowed. Why would you be here anyways, it’s an aspec blog for stars sake

Characters are allowed to be submitted by different people multiple times, either with different headcannons or the same. This is because A) one character could be many different kinds of aspec B) I will not remember

Submit in the ask box please

All kinds of aspec headcannons are allowed, including aplatonic and afamilial (yall are just as valid, no matter what other people say)

Please do not submit any characters from Harry Potter or associated works by or involving J K Rowling.

Cannon submissions are allowed too!

Oh, also- please specify what media they’re from because I don’t want to accidentally do the wrong character

This may be updated at any time

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Realistically speaking, I am demiromantic and demisexual, my wife is quite literally the only one I've ever felt these things for and her alone. I've never had this with others at all before. I'm also realistically speaking aplatonic too. The thing is, I've drifted from these labels due to the fact that so many people in the aro and ace communities tend to not take demise seriously. I feel such an immense amount of love and attraction to my wife, there's NOTHING "little or none" about it like people say the attraction is. Mine is huge, immense and ever growing. I'm literally such a sappy romantic to her, literally everyone probably assumes I'm allo; it's THAT much and i absolutely love it. But due to this, people made me feel unwelcome because of it all. So I've basically had to drop these labels. Is this common? Anyone else? I wish I could use the labels without people basically implying that I need to downplay my immense romantic and sexual feelings for my wife to be valid. It's extremely obnoxious

This is one of the reasons I'm not big on the 'little or no attraction' definition for asexuality and aromanticism, as you point out so well in this ask, it's just too narrow. It's worth noting though that it's not a universal definition, and there's a long complicated history of definitions for asexuality and aromanticism and there is no one universally agreed upon one.

I'm really sorry you've had to deal with people who've made you feel unwelcome for being demi, or who've made you feel like your identity and the attraction you experience are at odds when they should not be. Asexuality and aromanticism are not and never should be a rejection of sexuality and romance, it's about experiencing them differently and having our own relationship with them, but that relationship isn't necessarily negative. (Of course for some people it can be, but it's not what asexuality and aromanticism mean). It really does feel like gatekeeping has been on the rise lately, and it's the kind of thing that really doesn't help anyone.

I think how common it is depends on where you are and what kind of community it is, there's so many fragmented communities around, but if you want to find community, you might have better luck seeking out other demi people speicifically or gray-ace spaces (not that you should have to of course).

I'll throw this out to followers too, if anyone else has their own experiences they want to share or anything else they want to add, please do!

All the best, Anon, take care!

[anti-endo-aspec-space]

welcome to the anti endo aspec space!

[pt: welcome to the anti endo aspec space! /end pt]

we've seen a lot of pro endos in general aspec spaces & have felt insecure because of it, so we decided to create space for anti endo aspecs specifically. feel free to share your aspec experiences, thoughts, joys, vents, whatever you want to! every aspecs, not only aros and aces, are welcome here. your experiences may be related or unrelated to being a system / having a cdd.

about us

[pt: about us /end pt]

pronouns it/void. use we/us and i/me interchangeable. we're autistic cdid system with avpd, ocpd, and other physical and mental disabilities. we're loveless / heartless aromantic, asexual, and aplatonic. may sometimes post our aspec experiences here too.

what is aspec?

[pt: what is aspec? /end pt]

aspec is an umbrella term for having little to no attraction or gender feeling. aspec includes asexual, aromantic, aplatonic, anaesthetic, afamilial, analterous, etc. lack or absence some type of attraction. usually, aspec is used for orientation labels, but some agender people consider agenderness being part of aspec too. some people use split attraction model where types of attraction (sexual, romantic, platonic, alterous, familial, aesthetical, sensual, etc.) are seen as separated from each other. some people don't use split attraction model to describe their attraction or lack of it. both ways of describing own experience are valid.

dni (do not interact)

[pt: dni (do not interact) /end pt]

bigots (racists, sexists, queermisist, ableist, and other discriminations supporters), terfs, transmeds

endogenic / nontraumagenic systems and supporters

amisists, aspec exclusionists

radqueers, transids

pro-contact paras

anti-xenogenders, anti-neopronouns, anti-"contradictory" labels, anti-mogai

anti self-diagnosis

personality disorders abuse believers (narcissic abuse, etc.)

tagging things

[pt: tagging things /end pt]

#aspec space ask - for your asks

#aspec space [relationships] - for explicit and detailed descriptions of relationships and attraction. (ie, #aspec space sex, #aspec space romance, #aspec space friendship, #aspec space qpr, etc.)

#aspec space vents - for vents

#tw [insert trigger] - for triggering topics (ie, #tw amisia, #tw queermisia, etc.)

please try to put trigger warnings in your asks if they contain potentially triggering topics. i will try to find and tag triggers too. if i miss something, feel free to ask me to tag it.

[tangents-within-tangents]

Hi, demiro ace here to learn more about apl! If I may?

I'm kinda thinking it might be best for everyone if we don't consider apl apart of the aspec community (which is historically/currently defined as both the aro and ace spectrums only). If the umbrella gets too big it's not really helpful anymore. I definitely get how they are related with similar concepts of not experiencing a certain type of attraction, but they are also complete opposites, no? And while there are those who identify as both aro/ace and apl, these spectrums don't actually overlap like the aro and ace ones do (which is why it is helpful to talk about them together under the aspec). Like that overlap is more akin to someone who also identifies as bi or trans and apl, it's an additional identity that doesn't really have anything to do with the other, a venn diagram not a connected spectrum.

Trans identities are about gender, lesbian/gay/bi/pan/etc are about who you experience sexual/romantic attraction to, and aro/ace are about how you (do or don't) experience that attraction. But aplatonic is about friendship, about how you relate to people outside of relationships. It's not a romantic or sexual spectrum so it has as much to do with aro/ace as it does with Lgbt-etc and vice versa, right? I just feel like it would be better to view aplatonic as a separate valid thing.

Like if it sucks and feels unwelcoming to you, maybe sometimes that just means it's not the right place for you, not that the place needs to change. And I'm not saying apl-phobia is okay and we shouldn't strive to be better (esp with acknowledging the overlap), but if you are mad at the 'values platonic relationships more than romantic and/or sexual ones' community for doing just that, that's kinda aro/ace-phobic.

yea sure to YOU sexual/romantic relationships don't mean anything/are devalued/etc, but not to all of us!!

Yeah we know, it's like that with all allos in the Lgbtq+ community! What do you want asexual/aromantic people to do about that? I could say the exact same thing, "sure to YOU platonic relationships don't mean anything/are devalued, but not to all of us." We shouldn't have to make caveats in all our posts for people who are allo-romantic/sexual when that's not what we're here to talk about no more than you should have to for people who are allo-platonic. It's just counterproductive.

That's kinda like a lesbian complaining about how all gays ever talk about is how hot guys are. Where those communities do relate is in experiencing same-sex attraction (the same way ours relate in experiencing a lack of a certain attraction) and even though they may technically overlap with people who are bi/pan (like we may with people who are on both spectrums) they are still quite different and therefore considered separate groups while still being included together under the wider umbrella of queer/Lgbtqia+

I think it's clear we would benefit from a similar distinction, and I'm curious to hear what others think about this. Like maybe 'anattractional' spectrum instead can be about anything with an a- prefix referring to a lack of an attraction (the same way Lgbp can be lumped together under homosexual or SSA), while 'aspec' can still refer to just the aro/ace spectrum.

(Also, I get the frustrations with relationship hierarchies, but I just want to clarify: when alloplatonic aro/ace's say we value platonic relationships more, we mean for us. We're saying that sexual/romantic relationships are less valuable to us (esp bc that is not reflected in an amatonormative society) not that they can't/shouldn't be valuable to anyone who is allo. When we speak out against amatonormativity, it's that we want platonic relationships to be seen on the same level of value as romantic relationships in society as a whole (the same way that feminism is about equality for women, not bringing them above men). Amatonormativity and platonormativity are mutually exclusive, getting rid of one doesn't mean replacing it with the other (especially since both currently exist). The normativity is the problem, we aren't speaking against the people who happen to conform with it but those who want to enforce it. It's about the mindsets and how they are exclusionary for those who don't conform.)

being apl in aspec communties sucks sm. everything is all about how important platonic relationships are and "dismantling relationship heirarchies", while just building new ones. it feels super unwelcoming.

like yea sure to YOU sexual/romantic relationships don't mean anything/are devalued/etc, but not to all of us!! some of us LIKE those things, and MORE than platonic relationships. its like we rnt even aspec at all 2 these people, like sorry some of us go against the grain of society while still having certain ""non queer"" parts to our identity. i feel like we are seen as not aspec/lgbt enough to participate in those communities. so much about the aspec communtity is about how untalked about we are and how we are never included or thought about in discussions, but aro and ace communtities do the same to us!!!

.

[aroaceconfessions]

This confession is simple. I hate being made to feel like shit that I’m not an Original aro/ace. I’m aroSPEC aceSPEC. I like consuming romance content, though don’t want a romance. I don’t like having sex, but I like reading about it and consuming pornographic content. Especially recently I’m made to feel like I’m part of the problem or something… I’m not ace enough I’m not aro enough. I like x reader fanfic I like the smuttiest smut. I’m disgusting, I’m a perv. I am enjoying not-completely-platonic things… ugh.

And then I feel even worse remembering: aplatonic people, asexual people who AREN’T aro, aromatic people who AREN’T ace, remembering EVERYONE ON THE SPECTRUM!!! Which many seem to not know about/completely forgot about.

They probably feel even worse than I ever could. None of us should feel this miserable.

You’re valid. ALL of you. I call for some more variety in content. Not just romantic, not just sexual. Like hey, those of you who are loveless? Y’all inspired me. Y’all really hit me that I’m quoiromantic and don’t understand what love even IS and I don’t perceive any of my relationships in any sort of Classic™ way.

We can call for variety without swinging in every goddamn direction. It’s the upbringing of society’s fault and we have to fix it with our own creativity and our own creation of media. It is not the fault of the one making goo goo eyes for the person across the hall and posting a detailed essay on this site about it. It’s also not the fault of the person staring at shirtless fanart of their favorite character for FAR too long.

It’s the fault of people who don’t believe we exist, who don’t believe that we are even possible. It is not the fault of the allo writer wanting to write about their gushing allo things. It is the fault of anyone who wants to devalue you, us as a community.

They might not care so much about the world building or whatever and that seems to offend some of the people here. Though, some of us don’t gaf about the romance or sex. We have different priorities.

And that’s all. Let’s get creative.

…

Ayo wasn’t this supposed to be simple—

[mobblespsycho100]

Thank u for showing interest in this guys /gen @agendercryptidlev @doublebubbletriplethreat @evilsciencedotcom

ok its a little. long so i'll put it in a read more

Evidence #1: The series literally starts off with him mocking a romantic couple and not taking them that seriously as his clients and also he was constantly just making fun of their aesthetic appeal (their. their looks). It's clear that he doesn't see their relationship seriously.

Evidence #2: Although not all aromantic people are aplatonic, Reigen seems to be aplatonic in a way that he doesn't actively seek for platonic relationships and bonds with others out of genuine "wanting to know someone else more and be friends with them" and instead is more focused on his own work. Even his mentor-student relationship with Mob started out with Mob being the one to actively seek someone to help him with controlling his powers better. Reigen doesn't go around looking for people to befriend, but instead he just kind of knows Mob's friends Through Mob. Even Serizawa who he recruited was mainly cuz Serizawa protected him first. This is literally a big part of the Seperation Arc, Reigen was always way too focused on becoming someone great that he rarely paid attention to other people as potential friends unless the relationship has some kind of potential benefit for him. This doesn't mean he doesn't care about his relationships with others of course, he /really/ does, but his genuine kindness is usually still at least partially motivated by wanting to be somebody (who can help and inspire others).

Tl;dr: I don't think he's a loser for all his friends technically being middle schoolers it's just easier to have some kind of friendship with others if you have a mutual close friend to help it all work out ( a.k.a Mob) Also like its. Okay to not have friends. Sometimes you just wanna vibe with all these teenagers that you can be a mentor figure/good adult figure for them. Just some weird bastard uncle or older sibling / dad whatever

Evidence #3: His lack of experience in navigating romantic relationships. He's pretty sure the last time he dated was like, way back in high school or something right? (im not sure on this either tbh) And he really didn't seem interested when his mom talked abt setting him up with someone (which is not always a sign that someone is aromantic but really I don't think Reigen has thought about marriage, like, ever. Unless it's for tax benefits.)

Evidence #4: His go to relationship/confessing advice being something simple like "just communicate your feelings well" or "play hard to get" like he's not even trying to sound like an expert 😭😭 also when Mob was asking his advice on this matter he literally just read off of google and if that isn't one of the biggest aro moods I don't know what is.

Evidence #5: He has never been shown really "flirting" with anyone. If he has to play up his charisma when talking to clients well then so be it. He's really casual and professional about it too (by it I'm saying sensual massages or whatever the fuck he does....)

Evidence #6: Too busy thinking about how to get money to think about spending them all on dates with women or men or something

Evidence #7: This one is also what started the ace Reigen headcanons but the line "Is having a crush always related to sex? I don't really wanna talk to you about it." (Based Reigen btw)

Evidence #8: Honestly most of these "evidence" is just my own read of him and like. my own interpretation of course but. theres just something so Aro about a generally popular guy in his 30s not having a partner or a romantic relationship and he seems fulfilled and like, satisfied with that. I'm sure he really doesn't care about getting married. He's got Mob, Serizawa, Dimple, Tome, Teru, Ritsu (albeit reluctantly), he's got his emotional support friends/co-workers/people who genuinely care about him and look up to him because of his genuine kindness and pretty solid advice. He's got it all. Just some normal guy surrounded by espers and one evil spirit and also someone very similar to him personality wise (as some kind of daughter figure). It's neat.

Also I thought abt Ekuserirei QPR but at the same time I have a hard time visualizing Reigen in like. an Actual committed relationship with other people. I'm just kinda here man. But also Ekuserirei is genuinely such a fun dynamic so. yeah

Anyway thats my big brain thoughts on Reigen Aromanticism. all hcs are valid and if you disagree with me you can just, do whatever you want just not argue on my post thats just basic human decency ok thats all <3 💚💚 thank u for reading this far and have a good day everyone!! :]

[mcrmadness]

I'm starting to feel exhausted by seeing asexuality and especially aromantic related posts where sex- and/or romance-favourable people feel attacked and invalidated by sex- and/or romance-repulsed individuals (and everything in between or around the spectrum) or vice versa. Or when aromantic people get mad because sometimes people tag or take some aro experiences as ace experiences.

Like. Could people just chill? The experiences are not universal! Not each person has the same experience as someone else, and it doesn't mean YOU are any less valid than someone else!

I have been following some aspec community blogs here for a while now, and I'm seriously starting to feel like I need to start unfollowing soon because I just don't have energy for seeing posts like these over and over again. I usually try to stay away from communities and groups just because of things like this, I'm usually much better off alone. Within this it isn't really people discriminating each other but more like people taking every different aro/ace/aroace experience as aphobia or a form of oppression. Within their own community. Why?

I myself am aroace. A loveless or aplatonic, touch-repulsed aro. And a sex-repulsed ace. Sometimes I tag aro posts with ace because both of those sides of me relate to the thing. Sometimes there's an ace post, and it speaks to my aro side too, so I also tag it with that. It harms absolutely no one if I know my terms and myself, and tag the posts the way I want. This is just a website, for fuck's sake!

So please, people, stop taking everything so seriously and making everything more difficult than what it already is. Let people be who they are, let them use tags and terms they want, and just be you and use the tags and terms that feel like you! Someone else thinking and/or feeling a bit differently from you is not taking anything away from you as an individual, your personal experience is as valid as anyone else's. That's why we are individuals and not a bunch of clones, and it's a good thing. Thank you.

[alien-ally]

I posted 398 times in 2022

That's 398 more posts than 2021!

61 posts created (15%)

337 posts reblogged (85%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shmaroace

@wannabehuntress

@aro-aro-aro-ace-ace-ace

@kissimirrit

I tagged 354 of my posts in 2022

Only 11% of my posts had no tags

#aa mine - 181 posts

#reblog - 112 posts

#aromantic - 94 posts

#aro - 54 posts

#aroace - 34 posts

#aplatonic - 31 posts

#loveless aro - 25 posts

#loveless - 24 posts

#asexual - 23 posts

#ace - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#not at me imagining getting married and leaving home and sharing a bed with an absolute stranger and finding it absolutely repulsive

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Signs you are aroace:

- perpetual boredom

- you have an eye for quality

- you struggle to make posts like this

(unreliable source suggests 89% accuracy)

18 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#4

Perks of interacting with aspecs online:

- You can talk and have fun without being worried of unflattering advances

- There’s an automatic solidarity established 

- +1 new ally attained 

- You can be nice and compliment each other without the worry of it getting mistaken as flirting

- A kinship you rarely (or never) find irl

(feel free to add more >.<)

28 notes - Posted May 8, 2022

#3

Peace

So I see tumblr has been giving me daily prompts as part of the mental health month so thought to post a little entry:

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass the world is too full to talk about”

- Rumi

Peace is that I think. When you’re able to lie down on that metaphorical grass unrestrained. It’s the serenity that comes with knowing that you or someone has got you. Hence, it can be found in crisis too I believe. It’s feeling all the weight disintegrate from your mind loosening the taut braincells. Peace is the small smile that grazes your lips on a nice dewy morning. Peace is knowing you’re on the right path🤍✌🏽

74 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

#2

Koisenu Futari

Finished watching koisenu futari. The moment I saw it on tumblr I knew I had to watch it and to no one's surprise it has been life-changing. Representation wise and story wise it just kept getting better all the way. I had a smile on my face throughout, while different emotions flickered in my eyes.

Within 4 hours, they tackled so many of the jabs aro/ace and loveless people get, it got sort of overwhelming. And the fact that they did it without being insensitive towards any of the downplayed identities. Without using the ‘we can still feel xxx love' or 'we can still form xxx relationships’ to validate aspecs. Cause no matter where you lie on the ace/aro/apl spectrums, you shouldn't have to be redeemed. The variety of interpersonal relationships portrayed was just chef’s kiss. The entire scene of Sakuko in the aspec club. How one pair of people only called each other when they needed help and still referred to each other as family. Seeing that made me incredibly happy, as an aplatonic that desires some form of a comradeship. Reminded me once again that it’s okay to work out something out of the norm, as long as it’s comfortable for me and those involved.

Personally, as someone with zero allies in real life, I've depended solely on myself for reassurance. So it gets exhausting. Terribly so. Figuring out that you greatly differ from the majority at a young age and battling the perpetual estrangement that follows. Realizing that apart from my family and a few friends no one might ever get to see certain sides of me. Only to get heart broken by my parents who may never truly understand me. For all the times I felt hopeless, every night I spend scrolling through tumblr and aven forums unable to fall asleep. All the instances I thought of coming out to my brother and parents, except dint because I was waiting to reach an age at which my words would hold more credibility. Dealing with the incessant triggers strewn around carelessly. For every single time I felt compelled to justify my experiences and orientations, my right to know myself, when my touch-aversion and lovelessness felt like a disability. The sheer horror and befuddlement that crept up to me while watching the news, finding out about the monstrosities that happened to young girls , children and women. None of it comes from trauma, but without me knowing, at some point, being this way became my trauma. All of it has been portrayed awesomely by this show. It reminded me that although it may seem that way for now, I'm not alone and will eventually find more people like me.

I enjoyed all the characters in the story cause despite their initial bad responses towards their beliefs getting challenged, they were willing to learn. Willing to accept even if they dint necessarily understand. Some even eager to learn more (spoiler: Kazu). But most importantly watching this made of realize just how many tropes could come up if we experimented with aroace characters. We only get crumbs of representation but just IMAGINE the countless plotlines and relationship dynamics we could come up with for aspec characters!!! Including the fake dating trope, lovers to realizing you're aspec to becoming allies trope and so much more. There is so much waiting to be explored. I'm tired of watching people marvelling about love. Now can we please explore lovelessness? I tell you IT'S JUST AS EXTENSIVE as the mighty love itself.

This is probably my hundredth time editing this post. I just can’t finish expressing what I feel about this. Each time feels as though I’m missing out on something. The ending was the most best and perfect ending to ever exist. In the end, home is just somewhere you can return to, someone you can split chores with, someone that motivates you to try out intense recipes (cause when you get to share the food you make is when you reach true content of a successful recipe), someone to help you with your vegetable garden and house maintenance. Someone you can go shopping with. It’s literally anything you want it to be. A family (subject to change) is what you want it to be.

The many times the words aromantic and asexual was shown on screen was simply immaculate. Each and every word uttered by Takahashi deserves a separate frame. From his dream of building a vegetable kingdom to his eccentric udon making tactics. Plus yes, his love for crabs. Can't miss out on that. Sakuko's amiability, love for long coats and Kazu's neverending absorptivity topped off by Maya's affection for pandas.

I give this show an absolute 10/10. Someone is saying we should replace 'sending love' with 'sending cabbages' among aroaces omg that sounds amazing.😭 Underrated vegetable cabbage supremacists please gather around immediately

Okay I'm finishing off, as for my last words: Yeah. People who can't fall in love exist. I'm one of them. But that's not the point. The point is

See the full post

89 notes - Posted April 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So I'd changed schools this year (junior in highschool), and just a few days ago i overheard a couple of my classmates talking about the lbtqia+ community and asked them if they knew what the 'a' in the acronym stood for, the first answer was asexual, to which i proceeded to tell em it stood for aromantic, agender and some other a-specs, from how they were so eager to learn i went 'wanna know a fun fact?' and came out to them as aroace (later greyapl as well). They told me that now that they know, it kind of made sense lolol. And today in the break while i was reading my book they came up to me asked how their favorite aroace was doing :/ and what my fav flag was

Today again, in the bus i asked another one of my classmates if she knew what the 'a' in the acronym stood for, first answer was agender, i was totally blown away, went woahhhh and proceeded to say what else it stood for. Then. . . she said at one point she thought she was aro. At that point i was enchanted, I Am Aromantic! i told her. we talked about it for a bit, when i discovered and identified with the terms etc. until my stop came. I told her how important that conversation was for me cause I'd never spoken about it to people irl, much less even meet people who knew the terms. She said she was touched. I said, no I am touched.

If those two interactions dint light up my entire car ride (yeah someone has to pick me from the bus stop, school bus sucks ); back home, rest of the day, coming weekend, next week and possibly this entire month. One of them is bi and another bi questioning (the one who questioned being aro). For once, perhaps the first time, to be myself, even if i wasn't trying to be anything else, to have people know, perceive me for what i am, i dint know what sort of weight it had on my shoulders until it was lifted away. Awesome people exist, just met some the past couple weeks and now will always remember these encounters as my first major coming out (i had already to my friends but this one felt different). I was overcome with so much elation, relief, happiness, joy, satisfaction, bliss, peace i wanted to scream it out. So here it is, it's not that hopeless after all

528 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[flarebossmalva]

okay i’m gonna try and decipher that last post? i used to vaguely follow mogai stuff because of being involved in the ~*~aroace community~*~ (till i realized their politics sucked and they didn’t actually care about aromantics at all) so i might know some of these. then again i might not

queer. considering that any LGBT person can reclaim that word that’s really all-encompassing. you might as well have said “this day is for the entire community but we will call you slurs” actually when i put it that way that’s an awful community event

hey what the FUCK does "transexpressive” mean is that like a fancy way of saying gender nonconforming or what the hell fresh nonsense is this

i’ve heard lithsexual/lithromantic used to mean “likes giving but not receiving” which afaik is just being stone butch and a separate word was not required. or idk just tell your partner about that instead of informing the public it’s kinda unnecessary information for the rest of us. akoi- i don’t know anything about

aspec, which i guess would refer to any ace &/or aro person. pretty broad considering how many weirdly specific identities this person thought needed to be included

dunno what “pomo” means in a sexual/romantic context but my first thought was postmodern

sure neutrois people are transgender and therefore LGBT but idk that they need their own day, i mean, a lot of nonbinary identities (including some common ones) aren’t on here at all so it seems a bit random to include this one

no idea what either of these are

“let’s give women who love women, men who love men, and nonbinary people who love nonbinary people a single day out of the month, to share, but demisexuals need like a week to themselves”

i’ve seen this word once before and i think it just means multiple gender attracted but every time i read it i think of an alien with like two heads or something

no idea but i hope it’s to do with condiments

culture exclusive genders all get one day to share because we wouldn’t want to seem racist by not acknowledging transgender people of color but we also aren’t dedicated enough to uplifting those folks to support their specific identities. anyway 21 days of the month are going to be dedicated to genders that a white kid made up yesterday

never heard of these either

i used to ID as a type of genderflux because i liked the word and the definition but i ended up ditching it because no one knew what it meant and i’d always end up explaining by calling myself genderfluid. oh, and genderfluid isn’t on here, spoilers i guess

“heteroflexible” i am ascending... i can’t believe “internalized homophobia” is a valid orientation in mogai land but here we are. nice of them to include homoflexible too in case you’re bisexual but don’t like calling yourself bisexual for some reason

i guess including LGBT subcultures isn’t a totally bad idea but it’s kind of unnecessary as everyone who’s part of one of those subcultures would already have a day. oh wait there’s not a day for being lesbian... or gay... or bi... or trans... hrm... who is this pride month for again

never heard either of these terms but assuming that these are gender descriptors i’m guessing “midbinary” means essentially the same thing as “androgyne” and “abinary” is just... nonbinary... or something

i guess this would cover bigender, trigender, etc., but i’ve never heard anyone say “multigender” before

assuming this one means your gender is not of this earth and honestly i think that’s #valid and also a big mood

listen... as a mentally ill trans person i understand that one’s perception of one’s gender can have a lot to do with mental health but at the same time if anyone told me they were anxiousgender i would probably laugh

queerplatonic isn’t an identity it’s a relationship descriptor

i thought this was a pokemon for a solid minute then i realized i was thinking of altaria

thought these were just less gendered alternatives to diamoric/sapphic/achillean tbh

“cissexism is queer i swear”

no fucking idea what this means but the -sex suffix makes me think it has to do with bio sex which is... not an identity it’s just how your body is, like, i’d be intersex regardless of whether i said i was or no

i do know this one. it’s an nb identity that’s essentially “i do have a gender but it’s not male or female or a mix of the two”

this sounds like something you get diagnosed with and it’s terminal

this sounds like the med they prescribe you after diagnosing you with the above

??? astrology ??? 

OHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD

reverse of lith-, means likes receiving but not giving, not really an orientation so much as a relationship preference

of course they would end with aplatonic of course they would why not

in conclusion i’ve just lost ten years off my life and also as a gay transgender intersex aromantic i genuinely have no idea what days i’m allowed to celebrate on under this calendar. good thing i plan to die immediately now that i’ve finished reading this awful, awful post