#aplatonic attraction

[mr-payjay]

shoutout to aplatonics and loveless people for pride month also

[cosmicredcadet]

Accept and support repulsed people or die by my blade

[romancerepulsed]

aspec terms for beginners!

since it's trending right now, i feel like it might be helpful to clear up some basic aspec (but particularly aromantic, as we are the center of attention currently) terms. if you have absolutely any questions, i would be happy to answer, either in the replies, dms, or my inbox!

★・・・・・・★

the split attraction model (SAM): a model of human behavior that posits that, for some people, romantic and sexual attraction are not the same.

[most often this will come in the form of someone being aspec on one axis and allo (not aspec) on another. for example, a biromantic asexual may be romantically attracted to two or more genders, but sexually attracted to none. some people may even use SAM for allo identities– a bisexual lesbian may be sexually attracted to multiple genders, but only romantically attracted to women (note that this is not the only way that someone can be an mspec lesbian, just one way!). the SAM does not apply to everybody, not even all aspecs! there are non-SAM aros, for instance, who do not differentiate their aromanticism from their sexuality.]

aspec: a collection of queer spectrums centered around the lack of a certain attraction or identity. the most common spectrums under the aspec umbrella are asexual, aromantic, agender, and aplatonic, though there are many other ways to be aspec.

asexual: experiencing little to no sexual attraction.

[aces can still have sex– whether its because they experience some amount of sexual attraction or they just want to participate in sex because they find the act appealing in some other way. that being said, there are still plenty of aces who have not and will never have sex. it is a spectrum.]

aromantic: experiencing little to no romantic attraction.

[aros can still have romantic partners– whether its because they experience some amount of romantic attraction or they just find relationships appealing in some other way. that being said, there are still plenty of aros who have not and will never be in a romantic relationship. it is a spectrum.]

agender: having no gender or little relation to any gender.

aplatonic: experiencing little to no platonic attraction.

[similarly to aros and aces, apls can still form friendships if they so desire– whether its because they experience some amount of platonic attraction or they find friendships appealing in some other way.]

aroallo: combination of aromantic and allosexual– allosexual being someone who fully experiences sexual attraction. an aroallo, then, is someone who is aromantic but not asexual. aroallos often do not have a standard relationship with sex due to its romantic connotations and the stigma against loveless sex. someone having sex with someone else they do not love does not inherently make them aroallo, much in the same way that having a nonsexual relationship with a partner doesn't inherently make either participant asexual.

aroace: someone who is both aromantic and asexual. because aro and ace are both spectrums, an aroace may still experience some amount of attraction on either or both of those spectrums, or they may experience attraction of some other kind (platonic, tertiary, etc.), and that attraction may be only for a certain gender or genders– these are known as oriented aroaces.

queerplatonic relationship: a type of relationship that is defined only by the people within it. i have a post dedicated to explaining this in larger detail.

partnering: an aspec (usually aromantic) person who has and/or desires to have a partnership or multiple partnerships– romantic, queerplatonic, or otherwise.

non-partnering: an aspec (usually aromantic) person who has no desire to form a partnership of any kind.

romance/sex/plato favorable: an aspec who desires or would not reject a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship. they are also generally not particularly bothered by seeing these relationships in their day-to-day.

romance/sex/plato repulsed: an aspec who does not desire a romantic, sexual, or platonic relationship and generally does not like seeing those relationships in their day-to-day. [x] repulsed people are not necessarily judgemental towards people who desire or participate in those relationships, they just do not desire them for themselves. repulsion often takes the form of discomfort or annoyance. [x] repulsed people are not necessarily cruel sticks-in-the-mud– they are perfectly capable of being respectful, and they very often are. repulsion does not always stem from trauma, though it certainly can.

romance/sex/plato positive: not to be confused with favorability, [x] positivity is the belief that romance, sex, and platonic relationships are human rights that should be supported and uplifted. someone can be [x] repulsed and [x] positive at the same time, because favorability/repulsion revolves around the self, and positivity/negativity extends to others.

sex/romance/plato negative: not to be confused with repulsion, [x] negativity is an inherently judgemental and harmful ideology. most commonly in the form of sex negativity, these ideologies are centered around the opposition to or personal judgement of people who engage in romance, sex, or platonic relationships. sex negativity in particular is embedded in western white supremacist societies and it is important for aspecs not to play into that.

those are the basics, but i have more information below the cut!

★・・・・・・★

> how are aspecs queer?

aspecs are queer because "queer" does not only mean LGBT. queer theory is about far more than just LGBT people– though they are undeniably a large part of it– queerness is any subversion of the traditional cisheteronormative standard. this includes things that cishets may take part in/identify with, because you do not have to be LGBT to subvert those standards. cishets who are gender-nonconforming are queer, for example. a good rule of thumb is that if you have to explain what you whole deal is to cishets, you're queer. queer does mean strange, after all.

traditional cisheteronormative conceptions of attraction, gender, and relationships do not account for aspecs. it is expected that everyone will one day form a traditional partnership with one other person, and that relationship will include sex (even if only for procreation, under some dogmas). virginity past a certain age is seen as a point of shame and something indicative of a larger problem in someone– in men, a red flag even. people past 30 without a relationship are pitied. our economic structure is build for couples and families– it's near impossible for someone to live comfortably alone. romance, friendship, and love are placed on a pedestal, treated as the meaning of life, the best thing anyone could ever experience. "love is the point of everything," as many posts on this site like to claim. people who reject these ideas are undeniably queer.

> i can get behind aros and aces, but the whole "aplatonic" thing feels like a stretch to me. how is not having friends queer? "platonic attraction" isn't even real.

aplatonicism is more than just "not having friends," and many apls have friends anyway, much in the same way that aros can date and aces can have sex. someone who does not have friends is not inherently aplatonic, they only are if they identify that little-to-no platonic attraction in themselves and choose to label themselves that way (just like how virgins aren't inherently asexual). still, apls who don't have friends exist, and they are all queer. what is a greater subversion of traditional cisheteronormative relationship structures than an outright rejection of what's seen as the most basic, fundamental relationship our culture has to offer?

you may not feel that platonic attraction is a distinct phenomenon in your own experience, and that's fine! ultimately, a lot of aspec terms exist for the utility and comfort of aspecs themselves. the SAM isn't for everyone, and platonic attraction isn't for everyone either. you do not have the authority to tell people what their own experiences are, nor should you care.

> i think it's sad that you're limiting yourself with these labels. you'll find someone one day!

for the broad majority of aspecs, our identities are not self-disciplinary, nor are they necessarily permanent. all queer people are capable of misunderstanding their identity or having a fluid identity– it is not a problem unique to being aspec. that being said, a lot of us may always be aspec and completely happy with it. being aspec is not a tragedy. the only thing i don't like about being aromantic is the judgement i receive from other people about it. non-partnering aspecs are not "missing out" on anything, because we don't even want the things we're rejecting in the first place. many of us are romance/sex/plato repulsed and are far more happy engaging with the world and with other people in different ways, because there is so, so much more to life than relationships, and it's wrong to presume that relationships are universally fit for everybody. telling an aspec that they'll find "the right person" one day is no different from telling a lesbian she'll find "the right man" one day. there is no "right person" for an aspec just as there's no "right man" for a lesbian. a lesbian is not "missing out" on a heterosexual relationship just because it's culturally perceived as superior and more fulfilling.

[disclaimer before anyone tries to do a "gotcha," i'm talking about a lesbian who is fully not attracted to men in any way. it's not like homophobes know the intricacies of gender identity and nonconformity as it pertains to homosexuality anyways.]

lastly, i wanna give a special shout out to the loveless aros and the relationship anarchists.

loveless aros are those who either feel little-to-no love as they understand it, or they are someone who supports the de-centering of love. they're worthy of a whole post of their own, but in summary: the loveless experience is all about finding joy in yourself and the countless things our world has to offer that are not dependent on the vague idea of love.

relationship anarchy is another concept worthy of its own post, but in essence it's an ideology aimed at abolishing the standard hierarchy of relationships (in the USA, depending on who you ask, its typically friendship < family < romantic partnership or friendship < romantic partnership < family) and allowing everyone the autonomy to define their relationships for themselves.

if i made any mistakes, let me know! and of course i'm willing to answer any questions anyone may have. :-3 thanks for reading my long ass post!

[peerkartosh]

how easy is it to call someone your friend? scare is too selective, while rage is too lavish.

have a good aplatonic visibility day everyone 🍏

[orientation-archive]

PT/narcplatonic/end PT

— NARCPLATONIA ; an orientation in which your platonic attraction is directly affected by your narcissistic personal disorder. examples of this could be being aplatonic because of your npd , or being hyperplatonic because of your npd.

— coined by me ; req by n/a !

— tagging ; @accessmogai

— symbol from this flag ( link )

[lovesick-coining]

Intusplatonic / Intraplatonic

[pt: Intusplatonic or Intraplatonic /end pt]

Intusplatonic / Intraplatonic - A term for when you only feel platonic attraction to those in your own system.

(No spoons for ID, sorry!)

Self indulgent coining

The flag layouts used are the ones I saw in this post made by @extranthaeic

The colors used for this are from this Aplatonic Spectrum flag made by @acore-ballt

One does not need to identify as being aplspec to use this term/flag, our headmate we made this for just happens to identify as aplatonic/aplspec so we went ahead and used that flags color palette for this term

We are anti-syscourse, keep syscourse related tags off of this post if you reblog this. Thank you.

Tags - @radiomogai @wanderingdevotee

If anyone would like to be tagged in this post or future coining/flag posts please let us know <3

[aplatonicism]

i feel like this might be a bit offensive, and i'm super sorry if it is but

How does friends work as an aplatonic person? like do you not have friends, or do you have friends but don't feel connected (like afamilail but with friends) or is it a spectrum like ace/aro?

I don't think this is offensive, but thank you for being polite!

I would say that aplatonicism is definitely a spectrum the same way that ace/aro is, and that people have a variety of feelings and gradations and ways they interact with others regarding their aplatonic nature.

I'm happy to share my own experience with you here about the connections with people I have that would be assumed to be 'friends'.

Crushes: These are what I have in place of what would socially be considered "good friends". This is a small group of people that I am invested in maintaining an ongoing, close relationship with on a permanent/semi-permanent basis. These are the people I think about when they're not there, the people I remember to check up on and ask how they're doing, the people I'd be happy to help out when they're in a difficult situation, the people whose problems I'll happily listen to.

You are probably thinking "that just sounds like normal friends" but I am not done. They are also the people I have to be very careful with my level of intimacy around, because I am emotionally attracted to them. These are the people who I have to be careful not to cross romantic boundaries with. The people I have to be careful not to impulsively kiss. The people I have to be careful not to impulsively invite to live with my partner.

These are people whom I am attracted to romantically, but have to be careful not to cross boundaries with because it is socially inappropriate. And sometimes I still screw up and accidentally cross those boundaries.

These are the people I feel warm affection for, and would refer to as 'friends' if asked (despite it being somewhat inaccurate.)

Buddies/Pals: These are what I have in place of what would socially be considered "friends" but not close friends. These are people whom I'm familiar with through recreational pursuits or through families ties and other social connections. I enjoy their company when we're in direct contact, but I easily forget to check up on them outside of the context of our social/recreational relationship. I don't have any interest in an intimate relationships (sharing difficult life moments, interacting outside of shared hobbies) and it feels awkward and uncomfortable if they try to deepen the intimacy of our relationship in a way where it's obvious they're trying to rely on me as a close friend. 

I feel a temporary, easily faded affection for these people when we're interacting positively. I prefer to use the terms buddies or pals for this group of people, unless in a situation where it would be considered impolite, or in a situation where "friend" is obviously not being used to imply an actual close relationship.

Acquaintances: People I'm familiar with in my life and am polite to. Coworkers, family I don't see very often, people in social circles I'm connected to that I don't share any common interests with.

I don't feel any affection for these people.

I hope that makes sense! Please feel free to send follow up questions if you like.

[woodbyne]

   ＠ Reciplatonic

One who does not experience platonic attraction unless they know that the other individual wants to befriend with them first.

Request from anon.

Vibrant versions of the flag under the cut!

[Plain text start: Reciplatonic. One who does not experience platonic attraction unless they know that the other individual wants to be friends with them first. Request from anon. Vibrant versions of the flag under the cut! .Plain text end]

[naptimeneos]

⸝⸝ FICTOPLATONIC REDESIGN - image id in alt id & under cut

a redesign / alternate flag for fictoplatonic

requested by anonymous ! flag by plush !

📮 ─ THE LETTERBOX ✦ @smilepilled @septick

( alt id ; a flag with 9 stripes following a black-blue-black gradient. the middle stripe is yellow. in the middle, there is an explosion symbol in beige and yellow. on top of that, there is a symbol of a pen merging into a heart. )

[our-alterous-experience]

been thinking about alterous and how it’s so much of how i feel. how do i put it in words. you’re the love in the songs. the warmth from the sunlight. the cool breeze in the hot clothes. you are the sweetness that makes me drink the juice again. you are the thing i want to wake up and think of. you are making me fall in love before i can even blink.

[fallenrain40]

"aroace people can still have relationships-" NOT ALL OF THEM CAN. YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT. WHY DO YOU WORD IT AS "aroaces can still be in relationships" AND NOT "some can have relationships, and others cannot."? WHY MUST YOU INSIST THAT WE STILL CAN LOVE IN SOME WAY. WHY DOES IT MATTER. WHY SHOULD WE HAVE TO LOVE. WHY, WHEN TALKING ABOUT AROACES, DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO IMPLY THAT IT'S OUR OTHER WAYS OF LOVING THAT MAKES US ACCEPTABLE? WHY CAN'T THE FACT WE DON'T LOVE MAKE US GOOD PEOPLE? WHY IS THERE ALWAYS AN EMPHASIS ON THE OTHER WAYS WE LOVE, OR THE AROACES THAT CAN STILL DATE, AND NOT ON OUR LACK OF LOVE? IT FEELS TO ME, LIKE YOU ARE TRYING TO PUSH ASIDE THAT ASPECT OF OUR IDENTITY, BECUASE IT'S TOO STRANGE TO YOU. YOU MAY NOT SAY IT OUTLOUD, BUT THERE'S STILL A STIGMA AROUND LOVELESSNESS. IN YOUR MIND, YOU STILL ARE VIEWING LOVELESS PEOPLE AS LESS MORAL OR GOOD, AREN'T YOU? OTHERWISE, YOU WOULD CELEBRATE OUR LOVELESSNESS, NOT SHOVE IT ASIDE BECUASE "THERE ARE OTHER WAYS TO LOVE"

[absobel]

No but yeah "what is romantic attraction" and all but like, tf is even platonic attraction or like friendship. Help

[cosmicredcadet]

Fandoms can be so blatantly aphobic and the moment any aspec person points this out it's "stop ruining our fun!"

Fandom erasing an aspec character and it's "The character didn't have a canon sexuality" "People have different headcanons!" "let people have fun!"

Fandom ships an aro/aroace character and erasing their aromanticism and it's "some aro people date!" "it's actually a QPR (lie)" "You're homophobic!" "Who cares? let people have fun!" "It's not hurting anyone!!!" "You're just hating on my ship!!! you're starting ship discourse!!!" "It's just a ship it's not real!!!"

Fandom will purposefully make characters they dont like "Heartless" "Unlovable" "they dont feel love" and justify it with "They're awful and terrible and evil" and "no it's not aphobic! you're aphobic actually for assuming these are connected to aspec people at all uwu"

Fandom will create soulmate AUs and when aspec people express how aphobic those AUs tend to be they throw a fit and say "it's just fiction! it doesn't hurt anyone!" "Platonic soulmates exist!!!" "You're just a hater!!!"

it's always "Stop ruining OUR fun" ignoring the fact that the are actively hurting aspec communities by consistently pushing and normalizing aphobia and amatonormativity within fandom spaces. Because aphobia is their fun. They don't want us in their spaces unless we conform to their comforts.

[threecatsinpajamas]

ill murder the next person I see disrespecting aplatonics btw

[ace-does-stuff]

you know what, pour one out to every aspec that takes pride in both the absence and presence of their attraction, ya'll are cool as fuck

[growling]

I hate how every single post about how to be better towards certain marginalized groups nearly always just says that you should be friends with certain people, that if you aren't focusing on befriending these specific people and having friendships with them then you might as well be a bigot because it's a heinous thing to not have friendships. You ever saw an aplatonic person in your life??? Earlier today I saw a post about unlearning internalized ableism, which, at the end, listed all the practical ways you could help disabled people, and then stated that you don't have to do any of these but you should go out of your way to befriend people more severely disabled than you. Not anything else, just be friends with others.

Why are friendships getting put on such a big pedestal and treated as this Pure and inherently Good and even Activist thing to do? Why do I see so many posts along the lines of "if you care about x group then you need to have x friends, if you don't have any friends that are x then that shows you are unconsciously a bigot at best and downright dangerous at worst" like. What. If you can recognize that having sex with, or being in a romantic relationship with a person from a certain group does not automatically make you safe for that group (and is even sometimes met with downright suspicion), then the literal same goes for friendships. Being friends with someone isn't inherently better or least likely to treat someone like shit, be bigoted towards them, abuse them, harm them in other ways. You having insert number of friends that are disabled or whatever doesn't necessarily mean jackshit about you as a person.

It's just so fucking shitty having to see that in so many communities because guess what, my disabilities and disorders are what make me not experience platonic attraction and avoid most "conventional" relationships at all costs in the first place. I'm aware this makes me fucking evil and a lost cause apparently according to majority of all people, but there's literally nothing I can or even want to do about it. And if anybody ever approaches me, with the intent to become friends in order to fill in some "Diversity Quota" in their friendship circle, I'm going to be uncomfortable as fuck and not only because I'm aplatonic but also. It's fucking weird