#arguably almost nothing else matters

[vacuouslyfalse]

I think I am going to have to keep making this post forever. If you think it is easier to take over the government from the left with violence than it is with voting in the US of A, you have completely lost the plot

Like... remember the big military? Most funded one in the world? Keeps doing imperialism everywhere, noticeably right wing in affiliation, no one on the left even pretends to try to infiltrate it or propagandize its members? That military? What do you think it's going to do in the case of a left wing revolution in the US? Politely roll over once you take over DC??? Start accepting marching orders from the people who keep calling them the running dogs of capital????

[waywardsalt]

:3

[moonsaver]

You're certain your professor hates you.

Dr. Ratio was by no means someone who would go easy on you. His unmatchable merit meant almost unreachable standards of discipline and wit, and that extended a rigorous course with a passing percentage of 3%

You and the very few classmates you've had all were aware about what was to come once you signed up for his classes. Continuous, strict teaching, constant supervision, problems so hard it took days to solve. The worst exams were the open book ones – they lasted days.

At some point, your classmates decided to study together as a strategy. All of you would collectively study like maniacs and it did end up with gratifying results.

At least, for everyone else. Except you.

No matter what you did, your grades plummeted more and more from the previous exams. And Dr. Ratio was no shy of calling you out on it, telling you with a looming stature to meet him after class, the strain in his voice already enough for your blood to run cold.

Somehow, however, everytime after class when you sat down with Dr. Ratio, he seemed agitated, but nothing more. Of course, he didn't go easy on you when it came to pointing out every detail of a mistake on your paper, and that was the worst part you had to tolerate. Afterwards.. he was alright. The condescending tone in his voice as he instructed you to read the reference materials wasn't exactly tolerable, but it was better than being called an idiot, a buffoon, a failure in every language he possibly knew.

Although, what would annoy you even more was your study sessions were confined more and more to his office hours. After a few more failing grades, he would extend the amount of time you'd have to sit across him in the suffocatingly silent, sterile room with only an expanse of books that you occasionally interacted with, and a few necessities.

Every time your hand stopped scribbling, or your eyes stopped scanning the text, he would tap the table with a finger, and ask, "done already?" And you'd immediately continue, replying with a meek, "no". Sometimes if you took a while longer to answer out of hesitance, his sharp gaze would snap to you, looking up from one of his thick books, his reading glasses perched lower so that his eyes peeked out from above the lens. That would be enough to snap you from your trance, and get back to writing frantically.

But the arrangement was fine. Until he started getting uncomfortably closer.

Sometimes, he decides watching your eyebrows furrow in frustration is much more entertaining of a pastime during his break to rest his eyes. His office chair creaks a bit as he leans forward, his elbows perched on the desk, resting his chin on intertwined fingers. This was arguably more intimidating to you – his gaze was unimaginably heavy. And you're sure he's aware of it too – his eyes watch the obvious trembling of the pen in your hands, and the tensing of your jaw, as the realisation he's observing you thoroughly flashes in your eyes.

If you weren't so exhausted after taking your leave,you would have at least had the energy to think he was.. enjoying your discomfort.

And things only got worse from there. Sometimes he decides getting up from his chair and looming intimidatingly from behind you is better. At times, he leans down, too close for comfort, his breathing hitting the shell of your ears as you feel his eyes scan your work, and you. Sometimes, a waft of his scent hits your nose. You're sure he can smell yours, too.

In this position, it only gets worse. His arm sometimes rests across your back and his hand hangs firmly on your shoulder, his other hand pointing out a mistake you've made, and moves your writing hand to the exact spot. His condescending voice practically reverberates through you, his warm breath mixing with the cool air around your ear, making you flinch if you're caught off guard. You can only hope his observant gaze didn't see it.

Unfortunately, as helpful as the after-class lessons are, it seems it's not successful enough to get you to pass his course.

At some point, you're in his office almost late in the evening, the entire vicinity is devoid of people, echoes of usually quiet machinery are heard in the hallway. You sit across from him, head hanging from shame, and dread. He sighs deeply, leaning back in his chair, folding his legs.

He'll have to try.. other methods.

[strlvvr]

my best friend’s brother (is the one for me) - part two

part two!! i’m so excited for this series guys

word count: 945 words

read part one here !

⋆｡˚ ⋆｡˚ ⋆｡˚ ୭ৎ ⋆｡˚ ⋆｡˚ ⋆｡˚

all i’ve been able to think about is the interaction between me and matt. the way he whispered in my ear, the hand on my back, the way he played with my hair, how he got up to “go to the bathroom”. i knew exactly why he had to get up. it was kinda hard to ignore honestly.

“i’m going to bed, you coming?” nick asked me as he was getting up and putting his blanket away.

“no, i’m not too tired yet,” i moved over on the couch a bit to grab my drink, trying to ignore matt’s stare.

“well i’m gonna go to my room for the night.” chris said, also putting away his blanket and grabbing his drink, heading down the stairs to his room.

me and matt stayed quiet for a couple more minutes, just watching whatever was on after the crow. 

“just us now…” matt said quietly, grabbing the remote to put something else on. he decided on inception, another one of my favorite movies, which he knew.

“2010 was leo’s best year for movies,” i moved to face matt to debate with him over this.

“oh yeah? and why’s that?” matt asked with a smile. this is a topic we discuss often.

“well he had inception AND shutter island come out that year. arguably two of his best movies.” he just watched as i ranted about leo dicaprio and just movies in general. chiming in with yeahs and acknowledgments, but letting me talk. i swear for a second, i almost saw a look of love in his eyes. 

i quickly dismissed the thought and let myself get lost in the movie after my rant. i moved over to back over to matt, missing the comfort of being in his arms. he gladly pulled me into him and we sat like that for most of the movie, only moving to grab more snacks or our drinks.  

as the movie started ending, i felt matt’s breathing get slower, subtle snores leaving his mouth. i looked around and saw the mess left by nick and chris and sighed, knowing we had to clean it up. i started to get up to get a start on the cleaning, but matt, half asleep, pulled me back down, mumbling something i didn’t quite hear. 

“mmm stay here.” he grumbled, tightening his grip on my waist.

“matt, we have to clean up the garbage..” i whispered, hoping he wouldn’t hear me and let go. unfortunately he did and loosened his grip, letting me get up. he slowly got up, grabbing the candy wrappers around him and followed me towards the kitchen.

“nick’s probably asleep already.” he pointed out, grabbing more garbage from the table. 

“yeah..” i put away our blankets and fixed up the couch.

“you can always come sleep with me.” he said quietly, watching me walk around the living room to find the remote. “it’s over there,” he pointed to where we had just been sitting. 

i chuckled, grabbing the remote and turning the tv off. 

“i think i might take you up on the offer,” i said, searching for any sign of regret on his face, finding none.

he put the last piece of garbage away and started walking to his room, stopping and looking back to see if i was following him. once i grabbed our phones, i headed toward him and his room.

no matter how many times i’ve slept in here, it always feels awkward at first. he always points out how i sleep better in his bed, and i always blame it on how comfy his bed is, even though it has nothing to do with his bed but everything to do with him. 

he walked over to the bed, pulling back the blankets and getting in. i stayed put by the door, just watching him awkwardly.

“are you just gonna stand there all night?” he questioned me, pulling the blanket off the other side of the bed for me.

“i was thinking about it,” i walked over to my side and got in, immediately being met with the softness of his blanket and the smell of his cologne. i grabbed his remote to put on some random show. we debated on a couple before deciding on family guy. staying on our respected sides while intently watching the show we’ve both seen hundreds of times, not daring to move closer to each other. as if we weren’t just cuddling on the couch and falling asleep together out there. 

it was different in his bed though. almost like it was too intimate to cuddle in a bed. we wouldn’t dare take that step in our friendship, even if we would wake up like that anyway. the more tired i got, the less i cared. i moved closer to him, feeling him do the same. he put his arm out, signaling for me to lay on him. none of us said anything, we stayed watching the tv. there was an understanding between us that it was a comfortable silence.

‘this is normal, there’s nothing deeper to this. just two friends cuddling and watching tv.’ i thought, feeling him play with my hair and rub the leg i snuck onto him. i was trying to ignore the flutter in my stomach with every move of his thumb on my thigh and pushing away all the thoughts that snuck into my mind. 

slowly i started to fall asleep in matt’s arms. right before i fell asleep, i felt him reach for the remote to turn off his tv.

“goodnight baby.” he whispered, before kissing the top of my head and falling asleep himself.

tag list:

@beersangel @whoseyouare @wh0schl0 @st7rnioioss @slutsformatt @h3arts4harry

[twilightprince101]

I see a lot of AU's for In Stars and Time revolving around the idea of "what if X character was looping instead of Siffrin" and they are all wonderful. I adore the sight of seeing how exactly they slowly but surely break down over the course of months, maybe even years of repeating the same day and seeing how they contextualize the game's events from their perspective.

But there's one piece of all of these AU's that I wish was included a bit more: their feelings at the very, very start in regards to communication with others.

When Siffrin is told that he can tell his party about the time loop at any time, he immediately dismisses the idea because that is who he is as a person. Extremely caring for others, barely caring for himself. This is arguably the catalyst for the entire story (yes, even compared to WHY the loops started at all).

But how exactly do the other characters deal with that information around the start? How do they initially start the timeloop when told "there's nothing stopping you from asking for help?"

For example: Mirabelle. She already has a LOT on her plate since she's struggling with being "The Chosen." But I feel that being put in the time loop like this would actually be a relief for her. She is quite literally chosen by some sort of deity to try as many times as she wants. She's thankful because she really was chosen by the Change God (hahaha). So maybe at the start she would be more confident, talk with everyone and explain the full situation at the clock tower. "Yes, we did die against the King, but everything is back to how it was. If we work harder, we can make it!" But she would do that, every single time. The same conversation. And she's too wrapped up in that routine that she just focuses on reassuring everyone that things will be okay and saying the exact same words. Mirabelle's catalyst is similar to Siffrin's in that they both care for their friends, but while Siffrin helps fix everyone's problems, Mirabelle helps comfort everyone emotionally and doesn't focus on herself.

Then there's Odile. I feel she would treat the matter objectively, almost like a standard time loop protagonist. The first thing she does is tell everyone about it, finding some way to prove it ("Bonnie got X ingredients, Isabeau never made a wish at the favor tree, etc."). But after a certain point, going through all of those extra steps becomes draining. So she instead focuses on saying the right words which will get everyone else to do certain actions. "If I ask what fruits Boniface is bringing tomorrow then they'll keep that in the front of their mind, which will cause them to eat the pineapple early, eliminating the risk that Siffrin will die of their allergy." But throughout it all, she never factors her own feelings as to why the time loops are happening. That is Odile's catalyst: she is too logical and doesn't acknowledge feelings as part of the equation.

Perhaps later on in the timeloop they would do different things entirely, stop talking to others all together. But this is specifically about everyone's catalyst at the very start, their own version of "Why would you need help? You're in the position to help everyone here." It would likely take longer to happen than Siffrin's, the emotionally repressed gremlin, but the end result would still be the same. It's about self-isolation after all.

I just think it's a fun thing to think about.

[adachikiyoshi]

Rating (almost) every Cherry Magic iteration

Manga, Japanese Drama, Chinese Radio Drama, Japanese Drama Movie, Thai Drama, Anime

After rewatching (almost) every iteration of the story multiple times, I've compiled a list of my personal reviews for each adaptation (and the manga) and how much I would recommend them, what they each did well and what they might have lacked.

Manga:

Personal Score: 9.5/10 (only because it's still on going)

Objective Score: 9/10

Skipability: 0, you can't understand the whole story without the manga and also, you're missing out.

If you're reading this post, you probably know the plot of Cherry Magic, so I won't explain much about that. Since this is mostly to rate the adaptations in comparison to the manga, I can only emphasize how important the entirety of the manga is to understand cherry magic. Doesn't matter how many adaptations you've watched, I don't think you can truly consider yourself a fan if you don't engage with the manga. It's the only version where everything has the proper time to be fleshed out, especially in regards to Adachi, Kurosawa and their relationship. Toyota's writing as the story goes on is something to marvel at and unfortunately, the adaptations have yet to reach that far to represent it properly. The art progression is also noticeable and even if the art style puts you off at first you can see and appreciate the improvement.

Japanese Drama (2020):

Personal score: 9.5/10

Objective score: 8.5/10

Skippability: Maybe a 2-3, you can still enjoy the story without it but it's worth seeing how the drama influenced the manga.

Arguably the most popular and most successful iteration of the story, the Japanese drama of Cherry Magic deserves every bit of praise it gets. Before I get into the pros and cons, I need to contextualise the environment the jdrama was created and aired in because recent conversations lack nuance on that aspect. The Cherimaho drama was produced and aired on TvTokyo in 2020 and it was the station's second BL drama, the first being the incredible slice of life gay cooking drama, What Did You Eat Yesterday? So, wanting to replicate the success of that, the creators wanted to focus on the human drama aspect of Cherry Magic without, of course, toning down its LGBT themes. And they did exactly that. And they did that very well. The execution, while not flawless, was incredible start to end. The way they adapted the characters into a more toned down environment felt natural, and not too far off from their original characterisation. It's a visual feast and among all adaptations, it has the best and most memorable soundtrack. The strongest point of this adaptation has to be Kurosawa as well as the way more minor characters were handled and fleshed out. The progression of the relationship feels natural and they managed to adapt the manga's fast pace in a way that doesn't feel rushed on film form.

As for the weak points, it all comes down to the second half of the show, which I feel I need to give context for once again: Cherimaho drama was created when the manga was merely at volume 4 (in events, that's their first date) and Toyota had shared with the writing team her drafts for volume 5. So, after the confession, the drama had to create original plot lines which, while not bad, did feel different from the strong beginning of the show. The most complained about is the rushed handling of Tsuge and Minato's relationship, which was to be expected as they had so little interactions at that point in the manga. And, of courss, the thing the jdrama is notorious for: the lack of a kiss scene. Was it disappointing? Yes. But believe me when I say that it's literally not as a big deal when you watch the entire show. The show does not shy away from its queerness and there is nothing in their actions that could be interpreted as platonic. This poor production choice (which we can assume was implemented by someone else, tvtokyo has also removed straight kisses from adaptations for some reason and also it Was the height of covid) should not sully your experience with the show and in no way does it take away from its queerness. This version also features an asexual character as well as a mini arc for them so it's clear that the writers knew what they were doing and they were doing their best and it's so clearly conveyed in the gentleness of the show. It is also evident in the movie sequel, but more on that on its time to review.

All in all, I would say you need to experience the jdrama as it becomes a set point for the manga; the story shifts in the best way possible and it's all thanks to the jdrama and its unpredictable success.

(Though nothing beats watching it weekly during COVID)

Chinese radio drama (2022):

Personal score: 9/10

Objective score: 9/10

Skippability: Above a 6 since it's not really influential but I am not exaggerating when I say you are missing out maybe the best spin on the story thus far.

Cherry Magic's first and best foreign adaptation to date. First of all, we need to acknowledge how bananas it is for a niche yaoi manga to get a chinese radio drama because of its drama's success. Second of all, it's hilarious and incredibly romantic and the best and most creative take on the story. The localisation made for some interesting changes in the story and when it came to original plot lines, they nailed every single one. It's been a hot minute since I rewatched it but it's such a memorable piece of media. It's extremely underrated considering how accessible it is (thank you naina <3). Audio form foreign media may be hard to get into but the radio drama deserves every second of your time. Literally the only weak point I can mention for this adaptation is that it's not a visual medium and it's hard to get used to at first. But the voice acting, the character writing, the music, the manga and original plots— everything was executed near perfection.

Oh and it's just fucking hilarious. Like, extremely so.

Japanese Drama Sequel Movie (2022):

Personal score: 9/10

Objective score: 8/10

Skippability: 0 if you've watched the jdrama.

Cherimaho the Movie was announced on November 28th 2021 for a, later revealed, April 2022 release. And us international fans were able to watch it on November 8th 2022.... And yes, it was worth it! A manga loyal sequel to the jdrama, which had an original ending, was a bit hard to execute so there are points you have to suspend your belief. But this sequel was a nice last peek into the relationship of jdrama Adachi and Kurosawa and a well done farewell to the jdrama franchise. I was especially moved by the tackling of the reality of a long term gay relationship and the way the characters handled it. The movie is essentially split into two halves and both are crucial for Adachi and Kurosawa's development. If I had to mention a weak point, besides one or two scenes, it would be that I would love for certain events and character actions to be more in line with the manga but I am also aware that those changes were made to fit the characterisation already set by the Japanese Drama. Oh and the no kiss thing is still an issue somehow. But again, the rest of the story being good enough makes up for it. Still questionable production choices.

Thai Drama (2023-2024)

Personal score: 4/10

Objective score: 6/10

Skippability: 10, only recommended out of morbid curiosity.

Harsh score. What did the show get so wrong? I will admit being biased against it at first. Right after the movie had just dropped, a new adaptation is announced and almost immediately steals the spotlight. It doesn't help that it's produced by GMMTV, who, along with japanese channel MBS, I consider the most annoying BL factories (with the rare exceptions) for fans and shows alike. I also wasn't thrilled that the casting was decided on a pre-existing couple rather than which actors would fit each individual character best. But I tried to look forward to it, especially since the cast and crew insisted that this was a manga adaptation rather than a remake and that they would go beyond the plot lines the japanese drama did. I had some gripes with the jdrama in comparison to the manga so that was good to hear. After a while, they dropped a few trailers and I decided that my worries were probably for nothing and that the show seemed interesting and we produced. And it surprisingly was! For a few episodes, at least. The localisation is very well done. Adachi's living situation, his transport to work, the work environment— vastly different from the original setting but successfully adapted to Thai culture. This version is a lot more lighthearted on about everything. At first, this was a fun spin. Focusing on its comedy, since it's a strong point of the earlier story. But, as the show went on, that wasn't necessarily a good thing. The strong point of this adaptation was the first few episodes as well as the production quality. It's visually beautiful as far as settings, Tay and Jan go. The runtime being longer kind of worked in their favor, as each episode would cover more ground (with exception ep1 which managed to adapt like 15 pages into 50 minutes). Another strong point is the handling of Tsuge and Minato—although their age gap wasn't properly conveyed, the chemistry they had, even if they were a bit out of character, was fun enough. Unlike the Jdrama, the writers here had a clearer visiom of what they wanted to do with them (and they also had like 7 more volumes of content).

Unfortunately, this is as far as my praises go. The weakest point of this show is its main character. Adachi, in this show Achi, is the most unlikeable protagonist I've seen in a hot minute—and I was watching Ossans Love while this was airing. Generally, he's not even that bad ; but he's kind of run of the mill stereotypical uke archetype you'd find in those manufactured BLs, pretty opposite of what Adachi is. He goes through no character development as he begins pretty much at where Adachi ends and he's just so uninteresting to follow. The actor didn't do a great job either but to his defense, he wasn't given much to work with. Kurosawa's counterpart, Karan was way better, at least but he can't make up for the protagonist. The completely made up heterosexual ship between Fujisaki and Rokakku (Pai and Rock here) was a pain to watch especially since they tried to keep Pai's independent nature from the Jdrama (where she was canonically aroace) which just made her disinterested in Rock's advances until the very last episode where she's suddenly into him–if i wanted to watch a badly paced heterosexual couple I wouldn't be watching a BL, respectfully. But besides all that, I think this adaptation was a wasted opportunity. It clearly had budget and time. But it relied heavily on the Jdrama instead of the manga and well, that's fine for fans of the drama but promising manga accuracy and delivering an even more sanitised version of the jdrama was just a huge disappointment. Why should I relive the japanese drama? What's YOUR take on the manga?

Also to clarify rumours I've seen spread around, Toyota was not involved in the making. The japanese side that needed to approve the script was not directly reporting to Toyota because another company has the rights to distribute the Cherry Magic IP, she wasn't as involved in negotiations and stuff as people claim she was, especially considering she learned of the show's existence a few days before the general public did. The usage of AI art in the drama's promotion despite Toyota being vocally anti AI was also a point of disconnect that left a bitter taste in my mouth. But also I acknowledge that Cherry Magic Thailand exists mostly for Thai fans, probably in a similar way the 80% of my country's tv shows are remakes and honestly good for them, I'd love to have a CM remake in my culture even if it's not "perfect" and I'm sure parts I personally found confusing as changes make sense in a way I cannot understand, hence why the objective score is pretty higher than my personal score.

Anime (2024)

Personal score: 8.5/10

Objective score: 7.5/10

Skippability: 4, cute and loyal enough so it's worth checking out

The much anticipated Cherry Magic anime was something, alright. I thoroughly enjoyed it from start to finish but it, unfortunately, has some glaringly big problems when it comes to its animation. For the runtime they were given, they were able to include much more than I thought they would and even if the pace tended to be faster than expected at times it wasn't as much of a problem; I love Cherry Magic a lot and I believe its strongest narratives begin after volume 5 or so and I'm glad we had the chance to see a little of that as well. The voice acting is definitely the greatest thing about this adaptation. In most of CM's adaptations, Kurosawa's actor tends to always stand out more but the anime for me is a bit more balanced; both Kobayashi and Suzuki are extremely talented and passionate in this. Thankfully, the same passion is also transmitted in the english dub, which is so fucking funny. A lot of people were disappointed with the last episode, as they fast forwarded some things for a grand finale but I'm willing to let it slide because at least they are self aware about the impossibility of a second season and chose to show some highlights we might not have gotten otherwise. Plus, they're making up with the movie so, we'll see! Back to the animation though, some episodes were criminal to sit through. It's sad because this treatment is likely because CM is a josei bl manga and animation projects like that tend to get the short end of the stick a Lot. That piano BGM *you know the one* was also frustrating at times. And I wish the colors popped a little more, yknow?

Honorable mention: Audio Drama (2019-)

I can't score it because I listened to it once on a bus ride and I'm not even sure I finished it. I'm sure I'll come back to it.

Happy Cherimaho The Musical to all those who still celebrate <3 And if you made it all the way here, don't forget to check the Cherry Magic Masterdoc <3

[crescenthistory]

i found a home, she's beautiful

Pairing: Lee (Bones & All) x Reader

Summary: Lee feels compelled to visit Kayla, and brings you along for the first time. It is as awkward as it's sweet, and it leads to him finding more words about how he feels.

Words: 3.8k

Warnings: not proofread, typical bones&all understated atmosphere, kayla and lee have issues, sibling tension, statements of love, hints at Bad Childhoods, gender neutral reader

Note: the lee and reader in this fic is assumed to be the same as in you and i, we've grown comfortable here (might revisit and edit this later who knows!)

***

It has been hours since you crossed the state line, and you can feel the air thickening, carrying the scent of earth and the remnants of a summer that hasn’t quite let go yet. Lee drives with one hand on the wheel, his other drifting between your knee and the gear shift, a soft but solid reminder of his presence. Despite his many hours on the road, he remains unable to sit still for long, but no matter what position he ends up in, his skin is never more than an inch away from yours. 

He hasn’t said much since the last gas station, a few miles back. Nothing, really, beyond repeating the basics about the town you’re headed to. 

“Three more miles,” he murmurs, almost to himself, like the words are a way to steady him.

Your gaze shifts from his steering wheel hand to his side profile, mentally caressing its edges, smoothing over the hard line of his jaw and the tension that rides up his shoulders. It doesn’t necessarily bother you that he is quiet, despite all the chaos of him, he has always had this stillness about him. He carries a world of things he never lets anyone see, only recently letting you slip further and further in through the cracks. Today, though, this town – there’s something else. You don't push. A rhythm settles between you in the last spurt of the drive, the kind that lets the silence speak when words don’t know how. You’ve been through enough with Lee to know when he is trying to brace himself for something.

You have met others from Lee’s past before, people he cares about, or once did. They always come with complications. They remind him of things he has spent years trying to forget. Kayla, though, she is different. She is important in ways he can’t put into words, you can only decipher the look in his eyes. Love, longing, guilt – wishful thinking, likely about what could have been. From the way Lee’s knuckles whiten on the wheel, it’s clear that seeing her again is something that carries more weight than even he is ready to admit.

“You nervous?” he asks suddenly, eyes flicking toward you for a brief second. He had felt your gaze on him.

“A little,” you admit, though your voice stays soft. “But you’re nervous too.”

The corner of his mouth quirks up in a wry smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. The sentiment is still nice. “Yeah,” he says, almost too quietly for you to hear. He flexes his fingers as he speaks.

He had gotten off the phone with her in a booth a week back. It was a routine you had started picking up on, a cycle spanning about a month or two. The tension in Lee would build, he would lose a bit of his carelessness and free spirit, and eventually he would find some way to call her. It was pretty much anyone’s guess whether he would come back to you looking like a weight was lifted off him or even more guilt-wreaked than before. Either way, he always had a more genuine smile on his face and would pull you in tight, regardless of where you were.

You had asked him once, when he seemed to be particularly weighed down by his thoughts, if he had thought about calling home. He had stared at you for a minute, searching your face, before chuckling and kissing you, smile against your lips. It wasn’t unusual for him to not answer your questions like that, it was only fair considering you did the same. Shutting him up with a kiss was arguably your favourite activity.

The week after, he asked you if you would want to join him to visit Kayla anytime soon. He was a bit sheepish, so you knew it was important to him, and you were on the road within the hour.

The town comes into view, small and rundown, the kind of place that doesn’t ask much of its residents, just expects them to stay. It is the kind of town that raised Lee, and the kind he has always been running from. The houses are old, their paint faded under years of sun and neglect, and the main street looks deserted, as if life itself has slowed to a crawl here. You see the past everywhere – the echoes of what once was, the weight of what remains. You can only imagine what Lee sees.

He pulls into a gravel driveway in front of a modest house. The front yard is overgrown, the grass wild and unruly like it has given up trying to stay neat. It reminded you oddly of him, wild and beautiful, but you didn’t tell him. You take in the place through the car window, it feels abandoned but lived-in, in that way small towns sometimes do when people hold on to homes long after they have stopped taking care of them. The house is quiet, but you can see a curtain twitch at one of the windows, a small sign of movement.

Lee kills the engine, the silence settling thick around you both. Neither of you make a move to get out, but your hand sneaks over to hold his tightly. He squeezes back, his gaze remains trained at the front door, his jaw working as if he is chewing on words he is not ready to speak. You can feel the energy rolling off him, a nervous undercurrent that makes the air in the truck feel heavy.

“She will be so happy to see you,” you whisper, thumb stroking over the back of his hand.

“She always is,” he says, voice somehow already laced with melancholy. Then he laughs a bit before adding, “and then she gets real pissed it took me so long.”

“Before she goes back to happy again. It will be fine.”

“She… she’s gonna like you,” Lee says suddenly, knocking himself out of his trance and finally looking over at you.

A part of you wants to just remain tough for him in that moment. Another, louder one knows you know each other too deeply by now to not share the intimacy in that moment together fully. You try to not hold back your feelings anymore, even if it’s tempting.  “What if she doesn’t?”

His usual dark eyes soften and his lips twitch into something that might’ve been a smile if it weren’t for the storm brewing just beneath the surface. “She will.”

You nod, letting your trust help ease the atmosphere for him. You give his hand another squeeze, signalling that you’re ready.

Lee sinks back in his seat and exhales, long and slow, before opening the truck door. You exit yourself, hopping down and immediately slammed by a wall of heat. It smells oddly similar to the town you grew up in, and you shake the thought as best as you can, rounding the truck to follow Lee. The steps to the front door are uneven and squeak when you shift your weight, as you stand just behind him as he hesitates just for a second before knocking.

A beat. Then the door opens, and there she is.

Kayla looks almost exactly like you imagined – tall, lean, with strong features softened only slightly by time. She is older than in the grainy pictures Lee drag around, you can see she is beginning to step into adulthood, while still clinging onto her younger self. She has Lee’s eyes, sharp and focused, though hers carry a different weight than his. Maybe it’s the years. Maybe it’s the fact that she stayed while he left.

“Lee,” she says, her voice a mix of surprise and something that sounded like relief but not quite. “You’re late.”

“Wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t, right?” Lee jokes, his voice quieter than usual, like he’s not sure how to navigate this moment. Still, he moves in for a hug, holding her tight for a few seconds before stepping back with a half-hearted grin.

Kayla’s eyes shift to you, appraising but not unkind. She takes a moment, looking back and forth between you and Lee, like she is trying to figure out exactly who you are, or maybe what you mean to Lee.

She apparently figures it out as she says, only a few seconds after the silence turned awkward, “You must be the one Lee’s told me about. He said he hoped you’d join. I’m Kayla.”

“Uh yeah, I hope that’s me at least. Nice to finally meet you,” you try to joke, feeling the air between you both settle into something slightly more comfortable. 

Lee laughs a bit at that, introducing the two of you more formally before moving to step inside the house, nudging you slightly to get you to join him.

Kayla steps back to give you space to move in, and the smell of something cooking hits you immediately, it smells warm and familiar, like roast chicken and herbs. The kind of smell that reminds you of homes you have never had but wished for, a stark contrast to the harsh realities you and Lee survived for so long.

The inside of the house is small and worn, but it feels much more alive than the outside. You can see traces of Kayla in every corner – the carefully organised bookshelf, the faded quilt draped over the couch, the photos lining the walls. It’s a place built from years of history, from roots Lee never wanted but still has. 

“Mom’s still away?” Lee calls from the living room, as he walks around, fingers barely grazing over anything he walked past, taking it all in.

“Yeah, she’s got some shit going on nowadays,” Kayla yells back from the kitchen, a bit louder than necessary given the small space and open doors. “All of us do, don’t we?”

Neither of you answer. You felt kind of out of place still, like you were one part of Lee wandering through another, and he was busy staring at all the pictures framing the doors.

“Sit,” Kayla says, gesturing to the small kitchen table. “I made us dinner, assumed you hadn’t had any.”

You give her a soft smile, helping her out with carrying over the final things to the table. You glanced over at Lee, but his eyes were everywhere else. He has always been good at hiding when things get too close to the bone, but you can see the way his shoulders are stiff, the way his fingers curl into fists before he shoves them into his pockets. He doesn’t like this house – but when he looks at Kayla, he does soften a little. 

He eventually sits down in the chair beside yours, once everything is on the table, muttering some quiet thank yous to his sister. It’s simple, but it smells good, like the kind of meal that’s meant to fill more than just your stomach. You eat in relative silence at first, the clink of silverware and the hum of the old refrigerator filling the room. It’s not necessarily awkward, but there’s a tension underneath it all, like something’s sitting between Lee and Kayla that neither of them know how to address yet.

After a few minutes, Kayla clears her throat. “So… how long are you two staying?”

Lee’s fork hovers over his plate for a second before he answers. “Just for the night.”

Kayla’s expression tightens, just for a second, but then she nods, her face smoothing back into something unreadable. She stands to clear the plates, and you stand to help, but she waves you off, insisting, "I've got it."

Lee’s gaze follows her and his fingers tap restlessly against the table, a sure sign that he’s trying to work through something in his head.

“You’re still running,” Kayla says suddenly, not looking at him as she rinses a plate under the tap. Her voice is steady, but there’s something sharp underneath it, like she’s been holding onto those words for a long time.

Lee’s fingers stop tapping. His eyes harden. “Not running. Just an ongoing adventure.”

Kayla turns off the water, drying her hands slowly. She turns to face him, leaning back against the counter with her arms crossed over her chest. “You’ve been keeping to yourself for a long time, Lee. I thought maybe… maybe one day you’d come back for real.”

His jaw clenches, and you can feel the tension rising between them, thick like smoke. “I ain’t never been good at staying.”

“No,” she says, her voice softening, “you haven’t.”

“And I’m not by myself anymore anyway,” Lee adds tentatively, gaze finally shifting over to you. You smile back at him and it’s like something in his face settles.

Kayla seems to lull over his last comment. The silence that follows is heavy, but it shifts from the heaviness of a thundercloud to that of a thick wool blanket. There’s a rawness in the air, like they’re finally getting close to the heart of it, even if it hurts.

“You’re still my brother, no matter how much adventurin’ you need to do,” Kayla says after a long moment. Her voice wavers, just for a second, before she steadies herself again. “I don’t need you to stay forever. I just need to know you’re okay. That you’re not just… wandering alone.”

You can see the way Lee swallows hard, the way his eyes flick to yours again before he says, with more conviction this time: “I ain’t alone.”

Kayla’s eyes soften as they follow his gaze, landing on you. Her mind’s turning is visibly written across her face, and though she clearly is not happy, she seems to grow more comfortable. Like she’s seeing something she hadn’t noticed before, something that settles the worry

“You ain’t alone,” Kayla repeats, more to herself now than to Lee, her voice quiet, almost relieved. She looks at you with a kind of guarded curiosity, as if she’s trying to understand what it is about you that makes him different, what’s tethered him when nothing else could. When she couldn’t.

You hold her gaze, steady and unflinching, a burning desire building in your chest to make her see that you do care about Lee, that you know him. Maybe even better than he knows himself sometimes.

The silence stretches for a beat too long, until finally, Kayla sighs and steps toward the table, pulling out the chair across from Lee. She sits down slowly, her elbows resting on her knees as she leans forward slightly, eyes fixed on her brother. The energy in the room shifts again, quieter, more vulnerable.

“I don’t need to know everything,” she says, voice softened but steady. “I get it. There’s parts of your life you can’t talk about… won’t talk about. But what I need to know is if you’re good – really good. Are you taken care of, Lee? Are you actually alright?”

Lee doesn’t answer right away. He exhales, long and slow, his shoulders tense as if the weight of the question is too heavy. You can feel him pulling inward, like he's trying to build walls again, but you reach across the table, resting your hand over his. His skin is warm, rough beneath your fingertips, and he turns his palm up towards you.

“I am,” he says quietly, a small smile beginning to spread. “I ain’t the same as I was, Kay. Not anymore. We live different now, it’s… it’s a good life.”

Kayla leans back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest, her gaze flicking back to you. “You’ve done something for him,” she says, the words not quite a question but close enough. “I can see it.”

“I think we’ve done something for each other,” you reply softly, your thumb brushing over the lines of Lee’s hand.

Kayla watches you both for a long moment, her eyes narrowing as if she’s still trying to wrap her head around this new reality, this version of her brother who’s not just running anymore. Maybe there’s a part of her that is jealous that even this version is not fully within her reach, or maybe she’s just relieved that he has reached this stage. Whatever it is, her features soften in a way you hadn’t seen before.

“I’m glad,” she says, voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t think he’d ever find it.”

Lee clears his throat, the sound breaking the momentary silence, and shifts in his chair. He’s not used to being the centre of attention like this – used to anyone seeing through him so easily. You can feel the discomfort radiating off him, but before he can slip back into the safety of silence, Kayla leans forward again.

“I’m not gonna stop worrying about you, Lee,” she says, her tone serious but not unkind. “You can’t ask me to. You’re my brother. But if you’re telling me you’ve found something… someone, I’ll take that. I’ll take knowing you ain’t just a drifter anymore.”

Lee’s eyes flick to hers, a strange sort of emotion flickering in them before he nods, almost imperceptibly. He’s never been one for big gestures or long speeches, and this – this quiet, raw acknowledgment – is about as much as he can give right now. Kayla seems to understand that.

She stands, crossing to the sink, and for a moment, the tension lifts just a little, like they have found some kind of middle ground.

“I’m gonna miss you, you know, I always do,” Kayla says softly, rinsing off a plate. “But if you’re taken care of, I can live with that. I’m just… I’m just glad you came back, even if it’s just for a little while.”

“I’ll always come back for you, Kayla,” Lee finally says. “Even if it’s just for a little while.”

A half-hearted smile spreads across his lips; and when she mirrors it, you truly see the resemblance between the two.

Lee moves throughout the kitchen, his shoulders relaxing more and more, eyes still trained on his sister, drinking her in. You wonder if he’s realising how much she has grown as well, if he is comparing her to childhood memories drifting through his head. You hope they’re not all bad. By the way his eyes soften as he watches her move around the kitchen, you know they can’t be. This place, this house – it’s never going to be his home again, but it was once, and that’s something.

The conversation shifts to lighter things as the three of you move to the living room. Small talk about the town, updates on old neighbours, people Lee knew growing up. The less heavy the subject, the more you can feel Lee opening that part of him up, and your heart tinges as you watch how Kayla revels in it, knowing you see it more often than she likely ever will again. You can feel the lingering sadness in Kayla’s voice when she talks about some of old memories and people, some who have passed, some moved on, while others stayed stuck in this small town. Beyond the sadness, though, there is a strength in her, a quiet resilience that feels familiar in the way Lee holds his own burdens. 

It is late when you finally step outside, the heavy darkness of the countryside settling around you like a blanket. Lee’s hand finds yours as you walk back to the truck, loosely interlocking your fingers. The night is warm, the hum of cicadas filling the air. In that darkness, you can at last sense his true comfort, his belonging.

You climb into the truck, the door creaking as Lee slides in beside you. For a moment, you both just sit there, letting the weight of the day settle. The house behind you is dark, but you know Kayla’s still awake in there, probably watching you through the curtains.

“You alright?” you ask quietly, leaning your head back against the seat, letting it loll to the side to keep your eyes on him.

Lee doesn’t answer right away. His hands rest on the steering wheel, but he doesn’t start the truck. Instead, he stares straight ahead, his brows furrowed like he is working through something in his head. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he turns to look at you, his eyes soft but intense, like he is trying to convey something he doesn’t know how to say.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice low and rough. “I think I am.”

The words are simple, but they carry a weight you can feel deep in your bones. He reaches out, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering on your cheek. There is something in the way he looks at you, something raw and unguarded, that makes your chest tighten.

“She’s right, you know,” Lee whispers, his thumb brushing your jawline. “I was runnin’ for a long time. But…” He pauses, his eyes searching yours, like he’s afraid of the weight of what he’s about to say. “I don’t feel like I gotta run no more. Not with you.”

You smile at his expression of affection, heart blooming with how him that statement was. He often does not say things outright, but right now, in this quiet space, it feels like he is giving you everything he has.

You lean into his touch, your eyes closing for a brief second, letting yourself breathe him in. “You don’t have to run,” you murmur. “Not with me.”

When you open your eyes, Lee’s watching you with that same intensity, his eyes darker than usual, but softer somehow too. “Part of me wishes I could stay here, y’know, for Kayla? Maybe not here, I don’t think I would ever be fully embraced in this town again, but… I can’t picture it. This isn’t my home anymore, nowhere specific can be my home again.”

A soft smile remains around your lips as you listen to him speak, giving him the space he needs to express himself. 

His voice drops to barely above a whisper, and the words feel like they are for you alone. “You… you’re my home now.”

The confession settles in the space between you, wrapping itself around your heart like a promise. It is not the kind of thing Lee says lightly, not the kind of thing he’s ever let himself believe in before, but with you, it’s different. You are different.

You lean over the centre console, pressing your forehead against his, your fingers finding his and lacing together. The night stretches out around you, warm and still, and you know his words to be true. 

“Then let’s go home, shall we?” you whisper, to which his full-fledged Lee grin finally appears, the tension of the day washing away.

He turns the engine on, and backs out of the driveway and onto the road – the one that belongs to just the two of you. The one that never ends.

[a-boca-do-inferno]

SFW ALPHABET (caesar x human!reader) [request]

warnings: angst, fluff, swearing

words: 3.4k

notes: damn this took me forever cause i was rly feeling it jdfkj anyways i hope you enjoy!

Affection; how affectionate is he?

Caesar is possibly the most affectionate among his peers without a doubt, yet he still would seem somehow “colder” by human standards—mostly because of the different ways apes show any type of affection at all. Being a leader is a big part of who he is, after all, and ever so often that means putting aside personal preferences to be fair for everyone and on top of that, you are human. The ape king has to maintain a certain level of diplomacy when you two are in public as to not stir up unpleasant situations within the colony, a large part of them orchestrated by the likes of Koba, of course.

“He’s trouble.” That’s what Caesar signs to you one time, whilst you both watch over the sleeping apes from his home. The frown on his features is there; unchanging. “Gotta be careful. Fair.”

And you can’t blame him for that. Still, among what it all means for him to show any preference towards you in the public eye, being alone in your place or his is another matter entirely. The king is very touchy, always making sure to wrap a protective arm around your belly while you’re doing some task he couldn’t care less about at that moment. His thick fingers brush your midriff idly, his face nuzzling into your shoulder to get his fill of you for the day; almost like you’re a drug and it’s time for his fix. The element of taboo because of your different species, such a hard pill he has to swallow every day, in that specific position only serves to fuel his desire for you on astronomical levels. He’s completely, helplessly addicted to you.

Best friend; what would he be like as a best friend?

Caesar’s got one of those personalities where it doesn’t matter the relationship he has to you, there’s this unshakeable sense of understanding and security he transpires naturally, along with his obvious need to protect you at all costs, which is arguably shaped by his past experiences with the death of loved ones. Have you ever heard of the term “mom friend”? That is the ape king, all the way. His overprotectiveness might feel overwhelming sometimes, that’s true, but his good intentions are so painfully clear, you simply can’t bring yourself to stay mad at him for long. Not when he tries to win you over with gifts and whatnots; bringing you food when he’s out hunting, handcrafting those flower crowns you love so much, even going as far as confessing his feelings to you through a formal apology, pulling you softly by your elbow after you had supper so you can talk in private.

“How… are you?” Caesar will rasp, his green eyes sweet like honey when directed at you, and that look is all you need to know he’s silently recognizing he was a bit too much earlier—as usual. You cave immediately many times, because there’s no safer place in the world than his furry self holding you tightly, securely, as you fall asleep in his nest.

Cuddles; does he like to cuddle?

Absolutely yes! It’s his favourite time of the day. After so much work with the council, trying to figure out strategies to make apes’ resources last for the whole winter, there’s nothing else Caesar would rather be doing than laying down with you and pressing his body close to yours, cherishing your natural heat. He can’t get enough of your softness, hugging you tight almost like you’re his own personal plushie, his nose rubbing against your neck as he inhales your scent, enjoying every second to the fullest.

“Clingy”, you purr every time, to which the king only huffs, burying his face into the crook of your shoulder even further.

Domestic; does he want to settle down? how is he at cooking and cleaning?

Caesar is very responsible with chores in general, so his home is always neat. He’s definitely a domestic man, preferring the comfort of his own place rather than staying out too much—he loves his community too, of course, yet he’s got a quiet and more tranquil personality—so that’s why he’s invested in caring for his turf. As for cooking, the most he can do is human food, which isn’t so accessible nowadays, but Caesar can hold his ground making an improvised stew when it’s cold.

Also, another one of his favourite times of the day is when you two are in silence at home, just appreciating each other’s company after supper while you groom him in bed. It’s something he’s grateful for; he never asked for it, yet you decided you wanted to socialise and become closer to him through his culture, ape culture, and the king gladly let you do the deed.

Ending; if he had to break up with his mate, how would he do it?

Quite transparently—would casually ask you to join him alone for a serious conversation and lay all cards on the table. Caesar is very mindful with his words and how he says them, watching his tone, his expression, careful not to hurt you more than the absolute necessary. Ultimately, if he ever had to break up with you, it probably wouldn’t have anything to do with lack of sentiment from his part, but rather the impracticality of having a relationship with a human while being an ape—the king, no less. All his decisions are inevitably rational, always in favour of the greater good and in order to maintain harmony in the colony. Even at the expense of his own happiness, no matter how much it would hurt him, and so he’d definitely find the best way to tell it like it is whilst also being the most gentle he could manage.

Fiancé; how does he feel about commitment?

Caesar’s a marriage kinda guy, yep. Being brought up with humans undeniably influenced the way he sees relationships in general and to be honest, he never really felt like his way of approaching the topic fit with the way apes do it, although he’s not talked about it out loud to anyone. Primate culture revolves around utility of a mate and it’s often not monogamous per se, albeit there are some known jealous apes in the group—him included, despite never admitting it to himself either. The usual dynamic is simply a no-no for him, especially with you. He wants it all: the wife, the children, the pets. All he’s entitled to.

Gentle; how gentle is he, both physically and emotionally?

Caesar can be a tough cookie, we all know that. Of course, that is due to the fact he’s the leader and with his responsibilities, among them lie the aching need to appear strong all the time—however, when in your presence, all of that just melts away. You cause him to feel comfortable and safe to be soft and he indulges in that foreign feeling of vulnerability more often than not, allowing himself to relax and let his guard down, if only for brief moments. Physically, it may come as no surprise that the king is ripped. Not sure if it’s genetics or what, but he’s very strong and you feel his strength in all its glory when Caesar is pushing you down against your nest at night. Heh.

Hugs; does he like hugs? what are his hugs like?

Not the biggest hugger in general. The king is cuddly, yes, but on his own terms, on very specific times—when you’re both alone. Normally, Caesar prefers to keep any public displays of affection at a minimum, which isn’t to say he won’t hug you back if you come to hold him; he just won’t initiate it himself. He’s a bulky ape, and so being held by him feels quite literally like being snuggled into a bear hug, your face smashed against his furry, firm chest, his thick arms enveloping you and heating you up almost instantly.

I love you; how fast does he say the L-word?

He says it back immediately after you mention it, as it ignites a memory long lost in his brain. A moment when he was a child and Will silently cooed it into his ear, trying to soothe him after he got worked up and attacked the neighbour that one time. 

“(y/n) loves… Caesar.” He repeats, his voice raspy, green eyes watching you intently as he tilts his head, processing your words and slowly understanding what they truly mean. You nod with a faint smile and he hoots, bringing your foreheads together. “Caesar loves… (y/n).”

Jealousy; how jealous does he get?

Caesar’s unsurprisingly very possessive. He does try to keep it in check for your sake, most of the time, but also because he is a pacifist at heart—though no amount of peace inside the king would ever make him turn the other way whenever his gaze falls on you with another male a little too close. The scowl is inevitable and his nostrils flare, something deep in his gut burning, eating away at his stomach. Anger.

“(y/n)”, he calls—orders, his tone authoritative, his look and signing sharp, such a rare sight from him when talking to you. 

And with the slight huff at your direction, you already know what’s going on and make no fuss about it, politely excusing yourself and leaving the male’s side, approaching Caesar obediently. He stands tall in front of you, still frowning, and puts your body behind his, hissing at the stranger from a distance, his fangs showing in a threatening manner. Nothing much to happen from there, besides everyone around getting the message and dutifully going about their way, preferably away from you.

Kisses; what are his kisses like?

Shy and rough. Caesar does know humans kiss to show their love toward one another, after seeing it happen so much between Will and his girlfriend—but he has a silent insecurity concerning your different anatomies, since your lips are so distinct from his own, so much smoother and smaller, which prompts him to feel too self-conscious and overly alert at the possibility to hurting you with his fangs on accident. He does love receiving your kisses, though, even more so than giving them, readily sheltering himself in your arms as you run a hand through his furry head and pepper him with affection all over his face. His quiet grunts are enough to tell you the king’s not getting out of your embrace anytime soon, if he can help it.

Little ones; how is he around children?

Caesar’s got a naturally soothing presence, even around the most feisty baby apes. He’s overprotective of the little ones too, although not scolding them too roughly as he’s learned this approach was hardly ever effective with Blue Eyes when the prince was younger. His relationship to the young often revolves around his wise counselling—whether they asked for it or not, the kiddos just have to deal with papa Caesar going on and on about some life lesson when they just want to go out and play up in the trees already.

Morning; how are mornings spent with him?

Caesar’s an early bird, so he’s always up first. He’s got a habit of watching you as you sleep, revelling in the sound of your soft and steady breath, his green eyes observing attentively as your chest rises and falls. His routine is what keeps him grounded, and so he grabs some breakfast for you both and gently wakes you to accompany him in the meal before he’s off to his duties in the colony. Sometimes you two chat, other times you eat in silence and meet again at lunch, in the communal spot all the apes gather around. 

Night; how are nights spent with him?

Quietly—again, no surprise there. When Caesar’s not feeling too sexy, it’s often because the king’s very tired, so he refrains from talking a lot and simply enjoys your comforting presence. On good days he will talk about something funny that happened while hunting, and on bad days, his complaints will concern some dispute raised by troublemakers like Koba and his followers. You try your best to soothe his nerves in those moments, reassuring him of the trust the apes have in him not to fall for anyone’s opposition to his guidance, which he’s grateful for, too. It’s nice for him to feel like someone, you, will follow him no matter what. Gives him a sense of security he desperately needs.

Open; when would he start revealing things about himself?

You’d have to ask a lot at first, and not even with the promise of getting straight answers every time you do, despite your best efforts. Caesar’s obviously not an open book and even when he does talk about himself, more so about his old life with humans, you usually have to jump through hoots to interpret his philosophical riddles on your own—sometimes you even think he’s fucking with you on purpose, but you don’t mention it, not wanting to fight for such a small thing. Still, you are the only one who could ever question him as much as you do and not get completely ignored, anyway. He’s got a soft spot for you.

Patience; how easily angered is he?

Not very easily. Caesar’s got his head in the right place mostly—he only ever gets angry when it’s something serious concerning his family directly (you, Blue Eyes, Cornelius) and since he’s always silently making sure that you’re all cared for, it is indeed a rare sight to see him irritated. He does get mildly annoyed whenever you’re teasing him about his jealousy, yet it’s nothing compared to how he behaves when he’s feeling really possessive, as stated before.

Quizzes; how much would he remember about you?

A good amount, actually. Caesar will randomly mention some small detail about you that you didn’t even remember telling him in the first place; some things he says are even just his own conclusions he draws from little pieces of information you provide here and there, and they’re usually pretty accurate, which never fails to amaze you. It only serves to show how intelligent the ape king truly is.

Remember; what is his favourite moment in your relationship?

Possibly the first time Caesar understands you like him—more than a platonic feeling. At that point, though you two had become very close, there had always been this little voice inside saying that it couldn’t be really possible, not even in his wildest dreams. Whatever would you have seen in him, an ape? Sure, it was obvious you’d much rather be around him than any other male in the colony, and sure, you mentioned time and time again how glad you were for his presence as you knew apes had their shortcomings with humanity, and he insisted on integrating you into their world at the best of his ability, regardless. Yet the king never once considered those words anything more than you just being your sweet self. Clueless ass.

“I see it.” Maurice commented one night, signing toward your figure a few rocks down. Caesar eyed his friend slightly puzzled, waiting for him to finish his thought, and the ginger grunted, “how (y/n) looks at Caesar.” He points at the ape king’s chest. 

And Caesar could only scoff, huffing and shaking his head, his hands gesturing rapidly, “Maurice… confused.” His deep voice mocks, to which the orangutan merely shrugged, a hint of amusement in his gaze.

And Maurice was right, as he often was.

Security; how protective is he?

Homeboy’s a bit paranoid, not gonna lie. But can you blame him? Being constantly in a state of war with other humans lurking around, trying to harm his colony and his family, along with the petty quarrels between the apes themselves, surely take its toll on the ape king’s state of mind. Your fights about the topic are very frequent because of that, precisely—whenever Caesar’s more stressed than usual, he’ll give you shit for going out hunting with Blue Eyes or Rocket, no matter how much he trusts them to protect you. In his mind, you’re only safe around him and him only. That’s something you’re both still working on.

Try; how much effort would he put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?

Caesar is a very caring mate and likes to flaunt it a bit. He would put his best into quick getaways from the hustle of the colony, making sure to plan something special just for the two of you next to the river, arranging a meal with your favourite fruit on display. He is also be very thoughtful with gifts, getting something personalised just for you like the head accessories you like to wear occasionally. The king is very reliable and diligent, always doing his part to maintain the relationship and keep things running smoothly, it’s just part of his leading nature to sort of take control over things. 

Ugly; what would be some bad habits of his?

Heavy is the head that wears the crown and with Caesar, apart from the responsibilities he’s got to live with, there’s also the never leaving stubbornness. The king has a sense of arrogance and a feeling of superiority that’s honestly not unexpected for someone in his position—he’s only ape, after all. A lot of arguments happen because of his inflexibility, and they usually concern colony affairs that sometimes you two disagree with, which causes a bit of tension when the power dynamics come into play in your relationship. If he’s the king and you’re his mate, then what does that make you, when you’re not even “publicly” acknowledged as such? It’s a tricky question that even Caesar can’t quite answer whenever you ask. 

Vanity; how concerned is Caesar with his looks?

His vanity arises when you two start your relationship officially. Caesar’s not so much concerned with how he looks, but rather how you perceive him, if he’s attractive to you given your different species and anatomy, and that is as far as it will go. He’s got more important matters to attend to than caring about how others—beside you—see him, either physically or otherwise. 

Whole; would he feel incomplete without you?

Yeah. Caesar’s a big softie inside and he feels something for you that is not even comparable to how he felt with Cornelia before—it’s so much more intense and consuming. It’s like you’ve become his very oxygen. Without you everything else seems so dull, colourless, lifeless. Even your silence is different from everybody else’s, the way you blink, the way you shift slightly in your spot beside him. When he can’t smell you around, it’s like the king unconsciously knows he’s too far away from home, and it almost feels unsafe for him to dare exist in that condition. And Caesar doesn’t even think much about it, there’s simply this… strangeness whenever you’re not there. This emptiness. A sense of nothingness that silently terrifies him when he does think of it for more than a second.

Xtra; a random headcanon for him.

Caesar’s a serious guy, it’s his default, but he just loves making you laugh. He’s often finding ways to goof around in his own manner, which only makes it funnier and more endearing to you, seeing this enormous, grumpy ape trying to make jokes for the sole purpose of seeing you smile. He’ll do it anywhere, anytime, with anything he can find close; holding up blueberries to his eyes’ level and making ridiculous faces, hooting and acting like some random goofy monkey, scratching his sides and screeching, sometimes even going as far as joking about giving you his “banana” later on.

You chuckle softly at his antics, bringing him closer into a gentle hug that he gladly accepts, letting out faint hoots at your familiar touch. “You’re so silly.” You murmur between laughs, and the ape king can’t get enough of that sound. It’s music to his ears.

Yuck; what are some things he wouldn’t like, either in general or in a mate?

Recklessness is the way to make Caesar lose it. He can’t help it, he’s got the fatherly and overly responsible thing going on all the time. That’s something he also has to come to terms with when being around you—he’s not sure if it’s human behaviour or if he’s just too much of an uptight ape himself, but you’re someone who seems to like toying with his patience like no one else does. He feels like he’s being tested, at times.

Zzz; what is a sleep habit of his?

Caesar’s a simple guy. He typically sleeps either on his side or on his back and prefers cuddling you from behind, no matter the position he’s in. The king may also occasionally grunt or make other soft sounds in his sleep, but they are generally not loud enough to wake you in his arms.

[oldmanffucker]

my first instinct upon seeing this was to get angry and want to hit this person with hammers, but actually I want to talk about this.

this post, and I didn't even want to click in the read the rest bc it made me to sad to see, is saying that Wilson and Amber only dated for a maximum of three months, so should he really be this torn up about her loss?

So, as a grief support specialist and house fan, let's talk about it.

First and foremost, it's the depth, not the length, of a relationship that matters. Quality over quantity, all of that. Of course. But also, if we look at Amber and Wilson's relationship itself, this is kind of the first time Wilson is in a relationship that feels really good to him. Amber doesn't just want Wilson bc she needs him and needs to be put first by him, she wants him to take care of himself too. He's being challenged for the first time (in a romantic context) (canonically) to not put himself on the back burner for everyone else, but to think about what Wilson wants. House, of course, does this too, but in different ways. Which is also to say that Amber is a revelation for him because she is like House--House who is his longest and arguably only real friend, the person he trusts the most, is most able to be himself around. And now he's found this person who he can feel all that in a romantic and sexual context too.

Which is all to say that this relationship wasn't like any other three month fling he had, this one had a depth to it from the very beginning that was really important and profound to Wilson, and was changing some parts of himself in a way that was really kind of life altering, even as it was also pretty subtle in many ways to the casual viewer.

This, plus the fact that her death itself was really sudden, very traumatic, and prolonged (a couple days and many really traumatic failed attempts to save her life, including his best friend risking his life for her), really adds up to someone being profoundly affected by this loss.

But beyond this, Wilson did not only experience the loss of Amber with her death. There are losses we grieve beyond simply dying. The whole experience before finding out she was even missing and hurt, of seeing House without memory, of even for a little while thinking they may have had an affair, of watching House kill himself (literally) to bring back his memories - this portion of the situation alone is an experience of a loss of safety. He's realizing that life is random, and terrifying in a whole new way than he may have known it before. His best friend was in a bus accident. Life is random and he could have died. There is no guaranteed safety. His best friend who knows everything suddenly knows nothing. A loss of the status quo, of what he's assumed is the way things are. he's watching his best friend go to extreme lengths in order to capture his memories. he's watching his best friend fucking die on a bus floor as he tries to revive him with his boss. Loss of control, loss of the norm, loss of the future they could have had if none of this happened.

THEN.!! He's made aware that Amber was involved in all of this. And we don't know where she is or how she's doing. He's now been introduced to ambiguous loss (which he has experienced at great length with his brother who went missing, and is now experiencing again). Now they have to find Amber. Okay and now they've found her and she's in a coma and really on the brink of death. And this too is an ambiguous loss of another variety. He's experiencing both sides of ambiguous loss about Amber back to back (1. Physical absence and psychological presence (ex. someone missing/estranged) 2. Physical presence and psychological absence (ex. parent w dementia, someone in a coma))

He then has to skip over the grieving part and jump into problem solving and trying to keep her alive. and then his boy best friend has to risk his life for amber and wilson and almost die. And then Wilson has to realize that now, his kind of technically-alive-but-not girlfriend, he has to let her go. And she's woken up and he has mere moments to say his goodbyes and I love you's.

And ALL OF THAT is just the loss itself.

Then he is "grieving" or "mourning" in the way that is generally understood by the average person. If you ask the average person (esp in the US) what grief is, they'd usually point to this--after someone dies when you're sad--and none of the many paragraphs of grief and loss grappling I wrote about just before that.

The average bereavement leave is 3 days. Grief will invariably last more than three days. The amount of time we see Wilson grieving is frankly, really fucking regular. Even for a death less fraught and traumatic (subjectively) than this one.

Besides all of this, there are a number of different grief styles, and I think that Wilson's grief style is that of the Intuitive, or Heart, Griever (isn't that just perfect? I wonder if the writers knew that when they named the episode Wilson's Heart...).

This type of griever is more overtly emotional than the Intellectual, or Head, Griever (the other 2 styles are the Blended, or Head & Heart Griever, and the Dissonant, or Head vs Heart Griever). But is again, really common! Perhaps the asker of this original Reddit question is a head griever, or a dissonant griever, or perhaps even someone who has never yet had to grieve, and has only been fed the myths about grief, and they're trying to make sense of such a large grief.

There is no right way to grieve, there is no correct length of time that that grieving should last. There's no correct amount of time you are allowed to know someone before you grieve their death or pain. The way you grieve is the way you need to grieve, you simply have to try to honor it.

(I don't have a reddit so I can't respond to this directly, but feel free to link this in the responses to the post itself if you feel so inclined)

[mytragedyperson]

The first time he sees it, Dazai almost brushes it off. Almost.

He's once again out with Kyouka, Atsushi and Kunikida, investigating another group of Gifted trying to take over Yokohama's underworld.

It should be easy. Dazai's done his research. He knows every member of this group, who has abilities and who doesn't, what those abilities are. He knows everything there is to know about them.

And he's planned for this. He put everything in place for his colleagues to put the pieces together. Everything was going as planned.

And then it happened. In the corner of his eye he saw orange. Only for a second, but he knew what he saw. For a second, he almost thought Chuuya was there. Then he turned his head. There was nothing. Nothing that could be that orange. No Chuuya. No person. No fire. Nothing.

He didn't think much of it. It could've been an ability. Not of someone in this group. None of them had an ability that could explain them being there one second and gone the next, and on top of that, whatever, or whoever it was, didn't hurt him or even try to. It- or they- were just... there one second then gone the next.

With anyone else, he'd assume it was a trick of the mind, their eyes playing tricks on him, but not him. His eyes and mind were too well trained for that.

So Dazai assumed it was an ability user who just got caught in the crossfire and wanted to escape. Again, he knew it wasn't anyone from the group they were after, so he decided to ignore it. Go on with his life. Whoever it was didn't seem to want to hurt him or the Armed Detective Agency, and they didn't seem to be involved. He could look into it after their job here was done.

And so he returned to his job.

He didn't forget about it but, upon looking up the various people with Abilities in Yokohama and seeing none that matched that flicker of orange, he decided it didn't matter. If they dd intend to cause harm he'd stop them, and if they didn't, it wasn't worth thinking about.

The second time it happens, the situation is... arguably worse. Some ability user has managed to not only force Atsushi to take on his tiger form, but also lose all the control working under Fukuzawa had given him. And Dazai can't get to him because he's too busy trying to fight off the big burly guy with the Ability user. This guy unfortunately doesn't have any abilities and is just really big and really strong. Dazai uses his speed and agility to avoid getting beaten up too bad, but the point remains that he can't get to Atsushi's tiger form, as it rampages through Yokohama.

Dazai is sent to the floor with a blow and is getting up when he sees it again, a flicker of orange. It looks like hair. This time it's there longer. Dazai doesn't get to look properly as suddenly the tiger is there, growling, ears flat, teeth bared, tail swishing. At first Dazai thinks the tiger is growling at him, thinks he's sensed the book and wants it back. But the tiger isn't growling at Dazai, but something next to him... right about where the glimpse or orange is. Dazai turns his head to look.

Nothing. Just empty space. Which is extra weird because he knows he saw orange there not even a second ago.

He reaches out a hand. If it's an ability like invisibility or messing with light or something, this should nullify it.

Nothing happens. Dazai considers that it could be speed.

But the tiger is still growling at something in that same spot.

So Dazai reaches out to the tiger instead. No Longer Human lights up the night. The tiger turns back into Atsushi, who immediately passes out. Dazai looks once more to that spot. Still nothing.

Dazai can't let it go. He starts to research more. Different abilities. He knows it can't be anything that would just stop them from being seen, as No Longer Human would've nullified it.

And yet the tiger acted as if whatever it was was still there, still a threat.

There was one other thing to consider, but... Dazai wanted to hold off on just branding it something supernatural in and of itself. Sure, he knew the supernatural still existed. Gods existed. People could be brought back from the dead. Abilities themselves could be considered supernatural, especially ones like Bram Stoker's Vampirism Ability. Hell, he and Chuuya had fought whatever the hell Lovecraft was, because he definitely wasn't using and ability or the product of an ability.

But most of the things he'd encountered that seemed supernatural had instead been the result of an Ability. Not all, but most. It had made Dazai somewhat sceptical of actually supernatural concepts. He'd seen proof of Gods and whatever Lovecraft. Anything else? Not so much.

Even if the supernatural did exist, not just as the result of someone's Ability but in their own right, Dazai wanted to be sure this wasn't some Ability user fucking with him and Atsushi. And right now, he wasn't sure of that. He didn't know what their motive would be.

The third time he saw them, all doubt of this being genuinely supernatural was thrown out of his mind. It was another meeting between the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency to discuss the terms of Fukuzawa and Mori's deal, that someone from the Armed Detective Agency would be joining the Port Mafia.

At first, they'd assumed Mori would want Dazai or Yosano back. Mori had surprised them all by instead asking for Junichiro. Apparently Kouyou had told him of Junichiro's assassination attempt during the whole Cannibalism incident, and he was impressed and wanted to see what he'd be capable of with real training.

Naturally, Junichiro himself wasn't a fan of this idea. Even less happy with this was Naomi, who didn't like the idea of her brother/lover working with the Port Mafia, especially since she couldn't be there to make sure he was safe.

Suffice to say, the meetings and negotiations were not going well and kept getting derailed by arguments. This wasn't helped by Dazai himself and Chuuya, who kept bickering. This lead to Kunikida scolding Dazai for not taking this seriously, which led to Dazai and Kunikida bickering. It also wasn't helped by Atsushi and Akutagawa arguing, which in turn wasn't helped by Higuchi jumping in to yell at Atsushi, which caused Kyouka to jump in to defend Atsushi. Ranpo kept making snarky comments, Yosano kept glaring at Mori and threatening him. The whole thing was a mess with only Hirotsu and Kouyou staying on track, but even they had given up and resorted to drinking their tea and making fun of the people around them.

Dazai had seen that flicker of orange again. And he's not talking about Chuuya's hair. Or Junichiro's hair. He tried to ignore it. He'd tried to catch a glimpse of who or what it was, but every time he looked properly, the orange flicker disappeared.

Dazai was alternating between bickering with Kunikida and bickering with Chuuya when suddenly he heard a confused, unfamiliar voice. "Is this some weird way of flirting or something?" It came from where the flicker of orange was.

Dazai scoffed. "Why would this ever be flirting?" He turned towards the orange with thinking. This time it didn't disappear. Dazai finally saw what- who- had been behind all this. It was a man, maybe only a year or two older than Dazai himself. He indeed had orange hair, but it wasn't the same shade as Chuuya's like Dazai had always thought when he caught glimpses of it, it was slightly darker, only a shade or two but enough to be notice able when he looked at him. His hair was shorter that Chuuya's though and messier.

All conversations stop immediately, all eyes on Dazai. He notices, he always does. But it's the least of his concerns.

"You can hear me?" The man asks. He sounds amazed.

Dazai can't look away from his eyes, widened as they are in shock. But that's not what catches Dazai's attention. His eyes are bright green. It's perhaps the brightest eye colour he's ever seen. They almost look like they're glowing they're so bright.

"You can see me..." It's not a question, but his voice is still amazed.

Dazai doesn't get it at first. Why would he not be able to see him? He looks at him closer and he knows. His skin, which is fairly tanned looks... weird. He can't figure out why at first.

Until he realises he can see through the man. Suddenly he gets it. The realisation hits him just as Kyouka speaks up.

"Who are you talking to, Dazai-san?"

--

Welcome to my first tumblr-exclusive drabble. I probably will continue this but it will just be me writing what I want for this AU/fic, which does mean the scenes may be out of order. You can make requests, either in the comments or in my asks

You can also make requests for other drabbles. To see what I'll write, check out my pinned posts. Requests don't need to include OCs and can be canon character x canon character or a crossover

If the request is related to this or another existing work (as I plan to do more), make that obvious so that I don't do it as a separate standalone thing.

If you read and enjoyed this, thank you. That means a lot. If you thought this was out of character, you're probably right. We'll chalk it up to being an AU. even though that actually has nothing to do with it. This is just how I wanted to write about it.

Also, a little something about No Longer Human for this AU. I’m pretty sure Dazai can control how much of an ability he nullifies, since the first time he nullifies Atsushi’s tiger, he leaves one of his arms a tiger paw as evidence for when he wakes up, so I’m running on the assumption that No Longer Human has something of an on/off switch and Dazai can choose if, when and how much of an ability will be nullified. If that's not canon, it is now.

[lastofthewardens]

okay fuck it i wasn’t going to post this but i'm having a moment.

i know we kind of know nothing at this point. a lot of filming has been away from the public eye since there are actors who haven’t been seen on set that we know for sure are in the show. plus anything we have seen is out of context. so really any assumptions would be jumping the gun a little bit, which means this is my disclaimer that i hope i'm completely wrong about what i'm saying and look very stupid later but.

it’s looking more and more like this show completely fumbled foggy nelson and kirsten mcduffie and just gave their roles to karen? which is crazy because as much as i love the OG show they already did that to ben urich (which they were criticized for by comic fans) and then of course there are the many debates about elektra among various sections of fandom. but repeating the ben mistake with foggy while also doing it 20x worse to a character that's even worse to do it to and then just giving kirsten NOTHING to work with is fucking crazy.

and as someone who also ships k*redevil, thought they had a real chance at something after s3, always imagined they would've been together in canon by the end of the OG 5 seasons they originally wanted, and wants them to be endgame (because sadly and unfortunately, neither show was ever going to make foggy and matt happen lol), this is so insanely off-putting to me, to the point that it may start putting me off things i previously liked if that’s what they did come next year when s2 comes out.

the way karen was originally ignored by this new show is wild and stupid, but i really don’t think the reverse should be happening like this or that karen should be getting literally everything now, all at the expense of the entire rest of the comic book cast, particularly dd’s most important longest running supporting character foggy and arguably matt’s best comic book love interest kirsten (she's SO much more than that too obviously, but like.. the new show isn't letting her be those things either?)

karen has been dead in the comics for a long time. i've always thought her show version should survive and that they shouldn’t kill her, and i stand by that, and i was impressed and glad when they subverted it in s3. but they could’ve kept karen alive and kept her a main character and gave her all the importance she deserves and even had a k*redevil endgame without it being done like this.

there's absolutely a world where they respect foggy's place and importance in matt's life and keep him included and alive, kirsten is treated as the badass she is and gets to do all kinds of law stuff with matt and foggy (and be a supportive friend, if they didn't want to do love interest, because they could still honor the spirit of their relationship), and karen still gets to be everything that was already awesome about her in the OG show.

the writing for this show (yes, even in the new episodes by the new team) is not good enough to justify the decisions being made or the disrespect to almost literally every character.

if you want to diverge from the comics, you don’t solve the issue of karen not being alive anymore by just deleting everyone else's relevancy and replacing every other character that exists with her so you can prop her up. she doesn't even need that, the character the OG show created in her was already awesome. you create new stories and show what having her around would’ve added. you bring back older stories she was in and recontextualize them. you respect the other characters that matter instead of taking things away.

you definitely DON'T antagonize and dismiss and disappoint fans of the source material who care about this stuff just to push your agenda. and this will just turn some fans even more against the ship and the character when they already had a hill to climb with some parts of this fandom. which sucks because i originally hoped that in a world where this show was good that people would change their minds about k*redevil and see it more positively, but now i feel like i can't blame them anymore. in the words of matt (apparently), 'fuck it'.

this new show is literally like a dark twisted mirror version of the series i love, like the ultimate be careful what you wish for, and i’m so sad about it today. wish it just stayed cancelled at this point.

[raayllum]

And honestly?

I love that Viren’s moment of refusal was with a creature he didn’t really care about. 

In his dream flashbacks, we see him walk through almost every meaningful relationship in his life - his king and ‘brother’ and possible victim in Harrow; Soren, back before their relationship was fractured and afterwards, and Claudia of course, following in his footsteps; Kpp’Ar, the man who helped him learn dark magic in the first place and who he coined for unknown but suspected reasons - save for his wife, whose absence speaks volumes, I think, in the levels of isolation Viren has routinely felt. (“Tell no one. Not even Claudia. You must carry this weight alone. It won’t be easy, but you are strong.”) Stoic, strong, lonely, y’know?  And these dreams highlight Viren’s willingness to do whatever it takes for the people he loves, no matter what. We also saw in S4 that he wasn’t particularly engaged in living beyond the set 30 days; happy to be alive, yes, but Claudia was still primarily the one pushing their mission forward.

But I don’t think it’s an accident that when Viren rejects dark magic, he also rejects the dehumanization - the de-personalization - of a creature that would be very easy to depersonalize. Because that’s what dark magic inherently is, either dehumanizing yourself or others in order to commit the acts you deem necessary. or both.

If his moment of refusal had been about someone he loved, it would’ve been about love, not the morality of it - and morality is what he’s always, arguably, needed more of, at least in that way.

It had to be a magical creature, a non human, a monster - that he saw as a person, or innocent (which Claudia is not), if nothing else, and refused to sacrifice it for his own gain. That’s the point. 

[strwbmei]

summary: fucking march's fever out of her

contains: soft sex, friends to lovers at the end, fingering (character receiving), arguably dubcon since march is sick, sort of porn with plot?, virgin march, not proofread, maybe ooc

pairing(s): march 7th x gn!reader

a/n: i need to spoil her and take care of her and eat her out. thank you

"Cute girls can't get sick!"

Or so, were March's last words before diving straight onto the freezing snow of Belobog and proceeding to make snow angels. It had been a long time since the Express had the time to visit Jarilo VI, and while you understood her excitement, her decisions, as expected, did not end well for either of you.

A few days later, March is still sick and you're taking care of her while the other Nameless enjoy their visit to Belobog. "[Name]..." She called out to you with a whiny voice, her lips put into a pout. "Don't you think it's fine for me to go down to Belobog now? Look, I'm basically fully healed!" She sat up from her bed, doing air punches as if that would prove that her fever was gone.

"Pfft..." You snorted. "What are you even doing? And no, I'm not letting you go anywhere until your temperature is back to normal." You say sternly, sitting down next to her. "I'm sorry, March. I know you were really looking forward to visiting Belobog again, but your health comes first."

She slumps in defeat as she lays back down on her side, her back turned to you. "Fine... I enjoy spending time with you like this more, anyway." She mumbled, but due to how quiet her voice was, you only heard the first part. "Sorry, what was that?"

"Nothing." March sighs, turning to face you with her rabbit stuffy clutched in her hands. "Hey, uh... I'm sorry you have to stay behind with me. I really wanted to show you my favorite spots in Belobog."

You tilt your head, resting the back of your hand on her forehead to feel her temperature. "You sure you're alright? You're being way too nice today." You tease. She pouts, playfully swatting your hand away. "Hey! And here I was trying to be considerate..."

You chuckle at her reaction. "Y'know, you're surprisingly pretty cute when you're sick."

"Well, for your information, I'm perfectly cute even when I'm not sick!" She retorts.

"Yeah, yeah."

In all seriousness, taking care of her wasn't an inconvenience to you in the slightest. She was surprisingly cooperative, and you'd be lying if you said that you didn't enjoy how much more clingy and affectionate she is when she's sick. After all, you've had feelings for her for quite a while now... Her bubbly personality and her admittedly cute looks just seemed to draw you in more and more each day.

March speaks up after a few seconds of silence. "Can I ask you for a favor, [Name]?"

"What is it?" You tilt your head in curiosity.

"Can you... cuddle with me?"

"Hm." You raised an eyebrow. Honestly, you expected something more serious. Cuddling was almost routine to the two of you whenever you hung out, especially during sleepovers when March would cling to you in her sleep like you were a pillow. You never minded. In fact, you've grown to like it.

Not once did she ask first, though. "Why?" You ask with a grin, ready to play it off as a joke. You're not sure what you were expecting, since it was a stupid question in the first place. Cuddling wasn't out of the norm for you two, and you wouldn't be surprised if she was the type to find comfort in snuggling with somebody whenever she was sick.

"Because I miss your touch..." She says in a voice barely above a whisper, yet one that you could hear in her now silent room where it felt like nothing else mattered other than the two of you. "Oh." You gulp, feeling the blood rush to your cheeks as soon as she says those words.

Meanwhile, March wants to dig herself into a hole and die. She wasn't supposed to say that out loud, and you were much less supposed to blush! She's surprisingly oblivious for someone so observant when it comes to you, so she never even considered the possibility that you might return her feelings...

However, you best believe she'll be putting out all of the stops if there is a chance that you do, in fact, like her back.

"You don't want to? Fine..." She pouts, and your train of thought is broken once she looks up at you with those eyes that you've always loved, oh so needily... "No- no, I mean, yeah, I'd... love to cuddle with you." You splurt out, stumbling all over your words.

Which is how you ended up in this situation: her body pressed up against yours in a way that isn't appropriate for friends. She might be sick, sure, but she's almost fully healed and there's no way she'd be doing this unintentionally... right?

After a few seconds of contemplation, you decide to speak up. "We shouldn't be doing this, March." You say, your voice soft and barely loud enough for her to hear. "Mm..." She pays no heed to your words, instead opting to wrap her arms around you even tighter if that were even possible.

You gulp. She understands what you mean, right? Maybe you're just reading too much into her actions? Your mouth moves faster than your brain can, and you speak without realizing it. "You're driving me insane."

"...If I'm such a bad influence, maybe you should put me in my place."

She whispers with an almost seductive tone that you've never heard her use before, and you have to take a second to process if you really heard her say that. She knows what she's doing. Has she always been this bold, or is this how she usually gets with everyone every time she's sick? God, you hope that it's just with you.

You roll over to position yourself on top of her, your arms now on either side of her head as the mattress dips under the two of you. "Are you sure that you want this?" She giggles at your question, wrapping her arms around the back of your neck and pulling you into a soft, yet hungry kiss as if she'd been ready for this her whole life.

"Be gentle, okay?" She smiles once she finally pulls away, the room devoid of any other sound other than your heavy breathing and a silence that spoke volumes of the unresolved feelings you had for each other. "Just let me take care of you." You mutter as you leave a trail of soft kisses along her jaw and collarbones, your hand reaching out for the waistband of her pink pajamas. "May I?"

She nods in response, turning her head to the side in an attempt to hide her reddened cheeks. "Pfft... You really are adorable." You mumble to yourself as you pull her pants along with her panties down to her knees. Your fingers find themselves teasing her entrance, rubbing slow circles over her clit and occasionally collecting her slick.

"Mmpfh... I'm fine, [Name]. You can put it in now." As if sensing your worries that you were trying hard not to show, she spoke up. Although you've imagined this scenario multiple times before, you can't help but feel nervous. You want to make sure that her first time is as soft and as pleasurable as it can be.

"Tell me if it hurts, okay? Just relax." You say softly, carefully curling your index finger into her cunt and giving her a few seconds to adjust before pumping in and out at a slow pace. The small moans and whimpers she lets out are even better than you'd imagined. "A-ah... That feels good..."

As if on instinct, her hand reaches out for your free one; an act much too intimate for friends, but you indulge her nonetheless. Besides, the two of you have long since done things that most people would deem past the border of a platonic relationship. When did the line between friends and lovers start to blur?

"I've got you, pretty girl. I'm not going anywhere." You coo at her, the gentleness of your voice much in contrast to the quickening pace of your fingers.

Her eyes are fluttered shut. Her hair is sticking to her forehead. Her mouth is ever so slightly parted in an "o" shape. Truly, she is beautiful in every sense of the word. Beautiful like this; beautiful always. "Do you think you can take another finger, March?"

She nods almost too eagerly at your question. You slow down, whispering sweet nothings into her ear as you slowly insert a second finger and stretch her out even more. "That's it. You're doing so good, taking me so well..."

After a while, she starts grinding on your fingers, and you take that as a sign to go faster and give her more. The second you start rubbing and pressing down on her clit, she can feel herself nearing her orgasm. She looks up at you with doe eyes and squeezes your hand, and that's all it takes for the feelings you've been repressing all this time to break loose.

"I love you."

Before you can process what you said amid the sea of emotions you're feeling and apologize, she pulls you in for a kiss. Unlike before, this kiss is more tender and warm than lustful, as if she was trying to say that she loved you too. As if she had been waiting for you to say those words her whole life.

You swallow her moans and whimpers as she comes undone around your fingers, finally pulling away after what feels like an eternity. You wish that kiss would last an eternity. Hell, if it were up to you, that moment wouldn't end even after the seas had dried and there were no stars left in the vast skies that she loved so much.

Heavily breathing, you collapse beside her. "Uhm," You break the silence, albeit a little hesitantly. "I'm going to get you some water, and help wash you up if that's fine?" You're far too ashamed to look her in the eye after what you said.

She embraces you in her arms, and it's the safest you've felt your whole life. "Just a little bit more..." She nuzzles her head into your neck, inhaling your scent and holding you just a bit closer.

"I love you too, you big dummy."

╰┈➤ taglist ; @nbdaddykink , @roninraccoon , @sinsmockingbird , @fvrina , @commandercarbs , @sapphic-simp4015 , @truculentbantam , @vrachis , @dukemira , @arbiteriey , @krowbyss , @the-night-owl-blr

[vulpixisananimal]

[A:4 C:67]

(Odile)

(A few months ago, you would never have guessed that Houses of Change had secret hidden libraries. Then again a few months ago you would have said wish craft was just a fairytale and that mind craft was, at most, usable as a cheap carnival trick.)

(You were here with Asterion. A few weeks ago when you first looked through this library, you found books written in a language that gave you a headache to read. It took you a second, but you remembered to get Siffrin for it. And Siffrin referred to, of all people, Asterion. Well, Asterion with Rosmarinus helping. Right now, he was sitting nearby with a pile of books, attempting to translate and transcribe the contents. In the meantime, you looked for more of those books.)

(You’re sure to transcribe every book here; it would take months, if not years. So really, Asterion was just transcribing enough to get a general idea.)

(. . . Maybe, once all this has wrapped up and all of you can actually settle down, you could help them transcribe more of these books. . . Enough musing, Odile. You searched this section, off to the next one.)

(What were you searching for, really? While yes it was to check the forgotten books, but what were you searching for inside them? Some notes on wish craft? Some hints to the origin of sadness? Gems you did not know, but you will keep searching, as you always have. You walk to the next section.)

(There was someone here already, but no matter. This was the histories section, and considering that the Monets lived here, it was surprisingly small. You walk to one of the shelves and begin searching through it. . .)

(. . . A history book on the island would be invaluable. . . Gems, if you’re lucky, you might finally find that book Percival wrote on his own family! “The Monet Family; When ego overtakes devotion.” A stunning title, even still. Where would you. . .)

“Looking for something?” (The stranger speaks to you. She sounds young, and familiar. You turn around.)

(And you freeze.)

(Your eyes glazed over the stranger at first, like she was just background noise. But now, you see her in a crystal clear view. The cap, the bag, and, most revealing of all, the eye wrapped around said cap. You, you remember this. Those with eyes, that’s, t-that’s--)

“おはようございます [Ohayou-gozaimasu]” (You quickly bow your head.) “[You- a-are you-]”

“[I am~]” (The stranger bowed back.) “[Ohayou-gozaimasu, Madame Odile. It’s good to finally to meet you.]”

(The words, like everything else about this situation, left you stunned and confused.) “[M-meet, me? But, why would you want to meet me? There are certainly others-]”

“[Oh stop it.]” (She held up a hand.) “[Please, let me introduce myself before we engage in your theological crisis. The name I’ve chosen for now is Rimae, and I am the Expression of Search.]”

“[G-gems alive.]” (It’s hard to breathe, your hands wont stop shaking.) “[I-it, it is, wonderful to meet you, Rimae-sama, an honor, even.]”

“[Oh no need to be so formal, Odile-hakase.]” (The God giggled behind a hand, walking over to you. She reached up and tilted your head to the side.) “[. . . You’ve aged well for someone almost in her sixties.]”

“[. . .]” (You weren’t sure how to respond. You are talking to one of your expressions, arguably the one you have been praying to for the longest of them all.) “[. . . It hasn’t been easy.]”

“[Ha! Oh it never is!]” (She let go of your chin and patted your shoulder.) “[How have you been?]”

“[I. . . I have been, stressed as of late.]” (Does Rimae not know? Oh, no no you remember Loop telling you about this; it’s just manners.) “[Between saving Vaugarde, making sure these children do not hurt themselves, and now those cutting Monets to deal with- a-ah, excuse my language-]”

“[HA!! Hahaaaa no by all means!]” (The god turned back to the bookshelf and traced a finger along it.) “[I have no quarrel with the Monets, they are nothing to me. This isn’t an insult, it is a state of fact. You, however, mean much more than they ever could, and thus the Monets are on the ah, shit list, excuse my language~]”

“[. . Pffaha!]” (That made you crack into a smile. Gems, you were feeling younger by the second.) “[Thank you, again, but. . . Why? Why me?]”

“[Isn’t it obvious.]” (Rimae stops tracing her finger down the books, and pulls one out.) “[We never expect those in Ka-Bue to stay loyal to one Expression, if anything, it is opposed. But you, you were not loyal, but passionate. Ever since you were young you would pray for my assistance, and search for what you needed most. Many a time, all I needed to do was nudge you in the right direction, and watch you discover yourself all by yourself.]”

“[The search for your many lost possessions, the search for your mother when she left, the search for your education, and of course the search to change.]” (The God winked, and continued.) “[And then, the search for family, for help, for people, for this country, for everything. You have always been a soul driven by missing puzzle pieces; you have never given up, not even once, that is admirable, Madame Odile.]”

“[But, I. . .]” (Rimae holds the book out to you. You take it. Its cover reads “The Monet Family; When ego overtakes devotion.” You look between her and the book.) “[. . . . I did give up. I let my sadness consume me.]”

“[As would any mortal.]” (Rimae retorts.) “[It was because you were searching for answer, it nearly killed you, yes, but that search led you to learn more, did it not?]”

“[. . . . I. . . . I suppose.]” (You hold the book close to your chest, and look away.) 

“[. . . Odile Look at me.]” (You, hesitantly look down at the God. That eye of hers was looking right at you.) “[Do not listen to your inner demons, you searched hard for your family. You love them, they love you. You could do anything, and they would love you. This I know.]”

“[I. . . .]” (You take a moment to breathe carefully, so you don’t cry.) “[. . . T-thank you. . .]”

“[It’s my pleasure.]”  (She pinches your nose.) “[How do you feel now?]”

“[Better. Much better.]” (You rub your eyes with your free hand.) “[. . . Although, while I understand why you are here, I want to ask why you are here looking as you do?]”

“[What, like some delinquent student?]” (She laughed again.) “[Ha! It’s becoming quite the trend, you see. In fact I believe it was a good friend of the Change God who started it.]”

“[You mean the Universe]” (You raise an eyebrow.)

“[Ah yes! That is the name, thank you. I probably won’t be the last God to take a step in your shoes. And I chose to look like this because what else embodies searching more than a rebellious university student! Ha!]”

“M-madame Odile?” (You turn at hearing Asterion's voice. He’s standing at the far end of the history section.) “You were ah, taking more time than usual. So I wanted to make sure that. . .”

“Asterion and Rosmarinus, yes?” (Rimae chimes in, speaking perfect Vaugardian.) “Where would I search for the Big Dipper tonight?”

“O-oh!” (You could see the gears turning in his head almost automatically.) “. . . Directly north of here, about 7 degrees from the horizon, what-”

“And the star Hamal?”

“Due. . . Due east, nearly straight above us.”

“Very well done.” (Rimae turned back to you, a toothy smile on her face.) “またね, [Mata ne], Odile-hakase, feel free to call any time.”

“. . . M-mata ne, Rimae-sama.” (You respond after a moment.) “And, I hope you enjoy your time in Vaugarde.”

“Oh I’m sure I will~” (She giggled, then turned to leave. On her way out, she paused as she passed by Asterion. She looked down at him, then patted his head.) “And it’s good to meet you all, Asterion-kun, Rosmarinus-kun.”

(With that and a confused look from Asterion, Rimae turned the corner, and was gone.)

[vii0so]

[BSD 120.5] Theory/Analysis

NOTE BEFORE READING: 90% of this post was written on the day of the chapter's release but got forgotten in my drafts. As I'm too lazy right now to read through and edit, expect things that: make no sense, are worded as if the chapter came out today or recently, stop in the middle of the sentence/incomplete etc. Also for some reason I added stuff not directly relating to the chap...I'm sure I wanted to lead into a bigger point but by now I have no idea what I was going for.

I realised it's almost time for the new chapter and that's how I remembered this was still in my drafts...

So I'm posting it more for me rather than anyone else (which I sort of already do anyway).

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Well well well...it's been another month so I'm here again to put my 2 cents in on this month's chapter.

I'm sure there's no need to say it but the following will contain spoilers for BSD chapter 120.5.

And as always with my long posts...expect me to sidetrack a lot.

This includes a deep dive into Fyodor's title as well.

Today's Topics:

Humanity & Fyodor's outlook

Fyodor's title

Fyodor's humanity

Ability Users & Humans

The page isn't with Fyodor

Thoughts on Fukuzawa's "death"

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Humanity & Fyodor's outlook

Today's chapter gives us a great insight on Fyodor's goal, or at least confirms the one we already knew of and bathes it in a new light. But let's first start with what his outlook on humans is.

"An unlearned outlook befitting of your short lives."

"Your" = humans "Short lives" = human lifespans

This is basically saying: "You haven't lived as long as me so you don't know/understand" Or better yet, "You will never have enough time in your short lives to learn like I did."

Fyodor in his immortal life has seen things, witnessed eras come and go, same with wars. He has had nothing but time to observe humanity and their many flaws.

He believes no one with a short life-span (humans) will understand his learned outlook.

Note: We don't know how old Fyodor actually is. I personally believe that he's over two thousand years old but I only have one small piece of unrelated evidence that supports this. Though, no matter the age, he has lived a long time, that doesn't change.

Fyodor looks genuine in this scene. The look of "acceptance". Accepting the fact that humans won't understand or change, no matter how many centuries pass.

Note: It should be remembered that acceptance does not mean compliance. Fyodor is the perfect example of this.

It honestly feels lonely. Trust me, I don't even like Fyodor but this is just depressing, even for the villain. Imagine your ability has made you pretty much immortal and you watch humanity make the same mistakes, have the same flaws, see them drive themselves to ruin multiple times and no one will ever understand you as they haven't lived as long as you. (Arguably, I'd say Dazai got close)

TLDR: Imagine living forever and watching humans ruin themselves repeatedly and having no one who will understand what you're thinking. That's Fyodor's life.

He lost faith in humanity a long time ago.

Anyway...on a different note (slight backtrack), our boy Atsushi seems to agree or at least understand that "Humanity cannot bear such enormous virtue." Based on his expression here and the panel.

It's like his expression is saying, "Damn, he's right, I've gone through so much to stop this but it's just way too much even for me (an ability user)." or something...idk honestly.

Atsushi is emotionally tuned in with the world so maybe he just saw Fyodor's expression and was like: "holy shi-" again, idk.

"Pure evil"...not like anyone has said otherwise about Fyodor.

His calm yet determined(?) expression when Fukuzawa tells him this shows that he finds what he's doing as necessary and planned.

What Fyodor wants is a world war. Specifically, one that will eliminate all ability users. Instead of getting his hands dirty, it'll be done by humans.

Now, I know that ability users get separated a lot from your every day average human but Fyodor's choice of words shows that he doesn't view ability users as humans at all.

Though, the way he uses the word "humanity" may be more as in those of the greater population, or just "The ones without abilities."

With [One Order] though, does "humanity" include ability users? In theory it should, and yet it doesn't seem that way.

Fyodor believes there will be peace if ability users are gone...Looks like he either has never seen a world without ability users or there's more to this plan than he's letting on.

"What...are you...? I can't possibly see you as human."

Fyodor has never once claimed to be human. Or at least he has never seen himself as human.

And he clearly separates himself from those with short lives (humans) as a different being.

He has been considered a demon throughout the whole series.

Now for my monthly: "Analyse the original Japanese even though I don't speak it."

Today's segment will mostly be my curiosity taking word form, so feel free to skip to the next part or enjoy.

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Fyodor's title

First off, I didn't manage to get the raws to see the spelling of the title. I only heard the spoken Japanese version in the anime, which was "majin".

[ Dazai says it around 12:33 in Season 3 Episode 8 ]

So feel free to interpret it as either [魔神] or [魔人] (both are pronounced as "majin" but have different meanings).

Due to the official translation calling him "conjurer", I thought that maybe it was [ 魔人 ] but the fact that the fan translation calls him "demon", points closer to [ 魔神 ].

Left: Fan translation (DazaiScans) | Right: Official English translation

When you break it down more into individual Kanji, you start to see the difference and similarities.

Both are pronounced as "jin" when in "majin".

[ 魔 ] / "ma" is in both [ 魔神 ] and [ 魔人 ]. And it's from "ma" that we get the more demonic/evil meaning.

So, in a way, even [ 魔人 ] could be seen as "demonic person".

[ 魔 ] / "ma" is in "majin" and "akuma"

Now, when Dazai was called a "demon" he was referred to as "akuma".

As you can see, [ 悪魔 ] is way more serious than [ 魔人 ] or [ 魔神 ] .

This obviously gets lost in translation, as both become "demon".

One instance where Dazai is being referred to as 悪魔 is in the 15 light novel and manga adaptation. For some reason, it's not in the anime.

I'm not here to talk about Dazai's humanity though. I just wanted to show the difference in seriousness of "demon" between the titles*.

*Correction, "Demon" is not Dazai's title. While he has been called as such, his only known title was "Black Wraith" (Kuroi Yuuki - 黒い幽鬼).

Yuuki [ 幽鬼 ] - ghost; revenant; spirit (of the dead); departed soul

Kuro [ 黒 ] - black (as noun) - Kuroi [ 黒い ] = black (as adjective)

So back to the topic at hand!

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Fyodor's humanity

Fyodor being referred to as "majin" instead of "akuma" makes a big difference even if both can be "demon".

In this chapter - as I stated earlier - we see Fyodor talk as if he isn't human. Akuma would refer to a demon - not human, but majin refers more closely to an "evil being", and if it's [ 魔人 ] it can especially be seen as a "demonic/evil human".

Therefore, Fyodor's title shows that he is human, no matter how much he separates himself and the rest of the ability users from the greater human population.

...Wait a minute...just remembered something.

I should have trusted my memory and checked the raws from chapter 120 earlier...it was literally only a month ago and yet I almost forgot Fukuzawa literally used Fyodor's title at the end of the chapter!

So Fyodor's title is [ 魔人 ]

[ 魔 ] for "witch", "demon", "evil spirit"

[ 人 ] for "person"

...Remembering this earlier would have saved me so much time ;-;

I will still keep what I wrote from earlier - my rambling about wether it's [ 魔人 ] or [ 魔神 ] - as I spent way too long on it and don't have enough mental energy to change it.

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Ability Users & Humans

(Specifically in the eyes of Fyodor)

Now that we know it's [ 魔人 ], I can analyse further into Fyodor's view on ability users.

In short, Humans are...humans, I won't go into the foolishness and ugliness of humans, because in life there's death just like there's pain in love, it's yin and yang. Basically: where there's good, there's evil.

人類 - mankind; humanity

異能 - unusual power; superpower; ability beyond that of humans

者 - person (rarely used without a qualifier)

I understand 者 as the user in "ability user"

So 人類 vs 異能者 = Humanity vs Ability users.

[Section Incomplete] - I remember wanting to talk about how Fyodor sees himself and then talking about how that shows how he views humanity and ability users. First off, he doesn't care what he becomes or is seen as. He is the type to "willingly become a demon for future peace" (at least "peace" in his eyes). I remember having a plan (in my head) for this section but...by now I've forgotten and are too lazy to continue it.

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The page isn't with Fyodor

This may sound strange since we see Fukuchi hold the page too but remember: we never saw them actually use/write on the "page" that we've seen. It's basically just a normal piece of paper.

Fukuchi claims the paper he's holding as the page. [Chapter 83.5]

There's no proof of it actually being the page though.

Fyodor offers the page to Atsushi [Chapter 119]

This was Fyodor's plan to show Atsushi that the page is there with them. So that he has no reason to question where the page is.

If you see an apple in front of you, you won't be thinking "I wonder where the apple is" but instead believe that it's right there.

I had a far fetched thought that maybe the page was with Fyodor in the prison and then made to be found by Sigma in the guise of the note claiming he needs help:

When Sigma picks it up, it looks like there are two papers.

And yet, when he shows it to Fyodor there seems to only be a one:

Now of course, this could just be artistic error or even mere perspective but I don't think so. Every detail is usually intentional.

So what's the second paper?

The page.

...possibly

"How did Sigma not realise?" I don't know...Maybe it's been changed to appear as a blank page somehow.

This would tie in with my theory from last update that Fyodor is in a rush to get to Sigma before he wakes up.

Atsushi thinks Fyodor has the page and that he'll have to take it off him (steal it) somehow. He has no idea that the page isn't even close by but instead in Meursault.

A lot of people think "How could Atsushi's day get any worse?"

Well...fight a literal god-like-level being who is controlled by a 2k+ old evil mastermind who wants to get rid of all ability users by manipulating the general public and then never even get the page that you were fighting for because you were being manipulated this entire time and the page was never there...

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Thoughts on Fukuzawa's "death"

First off, I don't think I've mentioned it in my theories so far but I don't believe that those "killed" by ame-no-gozen will stay dead. At some point, all of them will be alive again with no issues.

Anyway, Fukuzawa's "death" reminded me of Rampo after the "Kamui is Fukuchi" discovery. Is this a sign that we'll see him in the next chapter? ...probably not, but it did feel like a parallel, at least to me.

Also, I know last time I said "maybe next chapter he'll die" but no, this is not the death

Btw, this feels like a parallel to me even if it's not exactly the same:

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██████████ Complete!

Note: The following segment was written around a week after the chapter released.

The moment I finished reading the chapter (a few hours after it released) I started typing this immediately. So I've been writing this on and off for a week now...

First, I was tired IRL, then the next day was busy, and the next and the next and...you get it. I probably wrote most of it on the first day while tired so don't mind if anything makes no sense.

This must be the longest theory post I've written for BSD so far...

Should I stop doing long posts? Would you guys prefer short ones? I try to do one long post per chapter, but I feel like not many people read them, precisely because they're long. I like doing it like this as it's more compact (in my opinion) but if you guys would like me to stop the long posts let me know.

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To the people who actually read this post, if anything doesn't make sense or seems incomplete, it's because I wrote all this while tired (35% with a headache) and whenever i came back to write more I couldn't remember what I was trying to say...

It was in my drafts partially incomplete so since we're expecting the new update soon, I remembered this and posted it.

[mushiimune]

blush first kiss or like how do they get together ….. bless u

RAHHH

Blink doesn't know he's in love until it's spelled out for him.

After spending all of the life that he chose to remember with Mush, there was room for little else except the way things had always been. They did everything together. Lived and breathed in the same space. Shared two halves of the same sandwich, sometimes the same bed. Nothing was ever wrong with it. Blink didn't see a need to change anything, until Mush started talking about girls.

Blink talked about girls all the time. Arguably, too often. Mush told him to hush up more times than Blink could count, because he mentioned Mary, or Betty, or Golda, and Mush would rather talk about Bunny, the stray cat from down the block who kept the streets clear of mice for the common newsboy.

Mush mentions one girl—one!—calls her nice, shows Blink the flower she gifted him, free of charge, for showing interest in her stand at the park.

"It's a rose," Mush informed grandly, tucking it into Blink's front pocket. Mush's cheeks dimpled with a grin. "I never had a rose before. It matches your hair, Kid."

Blink's heart swelled. It didn't match his hair at all. Mush was a beautiful liar, and really believed every word he said, even if it wasn't true. That was one of many good things about Mush. If he said the sky was purple instead of blue, his voice would be thick with such cheer and sincerity that Blink would have no choice but to believe him, and sock anybody who disagreed upside the head.

Blink watched Mush more closely. Mush didn't seem bothered by his personal space being invaded more than usual, but others did. They teased and poked Blink in the side, which did ltitle to dissuade him, or quiet the strangeness in his chest. Fluttering like a bird.

"I love you," Blink said more often. And Mush would reply: "me, too."

There. Good. No shame in the lodging house for loving your friends. Any day may be the last you see of them. The bulls didn't need a reason to scoop boys up off the streets like stray dogs, and put them away for the crime of being small.

Blink worried. More and more. A scrape was the end of the world, and if it wouldn't break every bone in his body, he'd take revenge on the concrete for scuffing Mush's knees.

Winter came. The flowers died. And almost, too, did Mush.

Blink couldn't decsribe what had come over him during those two weeks if his life depended on it. He didn't want to remember. Like every bad thing that ever happened to him, he pushed it out of his head. Half the eyes, half the problems. None of my business.

Mush's wellbeing was his business. He was so sick he saw ghosts, and didn't know who Blink was, besides safe. Blink didn't care if he got sick, too. He didn't care if that bed was the last place he'd ever be. With Mush was where he would stay.

It was a miracle, said Kloppman, that Mush recovered. Shaky and pale for a bit, quiet and feverish, but alive. Blink carried his papers for him, and kissed his forehead to make him feel better.

Blink's mouth got closer to Mush's. Even after Mush was recovered, the kisses didn't stop. The fervor of Blink's lust for live was renewed, because he'd almost lost it. Was he to blame for that? Mush made them matching friendship bracelets, and all was right in the world.

One kiss too many landed on Mush's lips. Mush kissed back. It wasn't discussed what exactly they were, because they both sort of knew. Maybe they were always headed for this, like a train barrelling down the tracks, already laid and nailed into the Earth.

What mattered was what they wanted. To survive, to be together, to sit on the same side of the booth at restaurants, and hold hands, even when it wasn't chilly. To be covered in flowers and wear each others' clothes. Life would be good—no, beautiful—as long as they lived it together.