#aro discourse

[kiwimuichiro]

"Aros aren't queer-" GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE GUILLOTINE

[a-polite-melody]

It would be so nice if every few years queer tumblr didn’t do a, “this queer identity is more privileged than the rest of us and shouldn’t talk about their issues/shouldn’t even be in the community,” about another identity.

Since I’ve been here it’s been: nonbinary people, bisexual people, asexual and aromantic people, polyamorous people, pansexual people, people who only use the word queer for their identity, trans men/mascs, and intersex people. At least. I might’ve missed something.

We’re stronger together. We all need space to discuss our experiences and all deserve not to be spoken over.

[artemx746]

“Other people have it worse—“ there are also other people who have it better and I’m sure those other people would meet both our stories with concern. Think about that before you say I need to be oppressed more to be valid

[queerum]

Ok I know aro posts being tagged as aroace is annoying but also. Aromanticism is very much part of the aroace experience ? Unless the post is specifically about allosexual aromantic I think it's kind of weird to police other aspecs' tagging system about their own identity. I get the annoyance of people tagging posts relating to your identity in a way you don't relate to but also it's just such a non issue. 'why is this post tagged aroace when there's no mention of asexuality?' well maybe because aroace people are aromantic too idk.

[arkancipher]

Happy Aromantic is trending :)

[aro-absol]

Regarding the discussion around the whole "aros can still date" phrase, I feel like I need to say something because I think some of the posts floating around on here are missing the point.

"Aros can still date" is a phrase we are spreading around to keep cupioromantics/romance-favourable aromantics from having their aromantic identity invalidated. Nothing more, nothing less.

While that phrase is something that protects cupioromantic and romance-favourable, it can also be used to invalidate other aromantic people. So, rather than discussing whether or not the phrase should be used, I think we should focus more on the context/situation it is used in. Because the way I see it, there are only very few situations where aromantics actually benefit from it.

Situations where you should remind yourself of "Aros can still date":

An aromantic person tells you they have a romantic partner

An aromantic person tells you they'd like to be in a romantic relationship

Situations where you should NOT say "Aromantics can still date":

Someone comes out to you as aromantic

Someone says they aren't interested in romantic relationships and don't want to date

Using it to justify your expectations on an aromantic person's love live despite them never mentioning any interest in dating

An aromantic person tells you that they are grieving their lack of romantic attraction

An aromantic person complains to you about amatonormativity/singlism

An aromantic person viewing their lack of interest in dating as a central part of their aromanticism

Literally any other discussion on aromanticism that isn't specifically about participation in or a desire for romance

Maybe this post is trivial, and everyone knows this already, but these discussions here on tumblr make it seem like some people aren't aware of this.

[certified-moth]

the most common trait i see in aro/ace exclusionists is the fact that they treat aspec identities as neutral. like any other part of someones identity immediately wins out. if an aro person is sexually attracted to men, that attraction is the determining factor in if they are queer. theres just a total refusal to imagine that aromantic and asexual experiences are a major determining factor in the way we experience life

i think it just goes to show how little some people are willing to engage with a variety of aro and ace people and understand how they experience the world. lack of attraction is not neutral, our entire world is shaped around romantic and sexual attraction and relationships. i think a lot of them would genuinely be surprised at how similar gay and aspec experiences can be if they were willing to actually listen to us

[black-ace-culture-is]

Hi there popular white/non Black aro blogger! Did you know that aspec racial analysis post you just reblogged from me also applies to other aspec identities that aren't asexual? Did you know that antiblackness in the aspec community comes from aromantics and not just asexuals? Including the ones you follow? And the one's you're mutuals with? Did you know that I'm an 'alloace'? That specific type of aspec that you claim has the most privilege even though the post i just shared shows thats clearly not true? Are you gonna admit that your perspective on alloaces is wrong because of that? Are you gonna stop supporting me as a Black aspec just because I have romantic attraction to women and I'm ace but not aro? When you talk about aroaces being isolated in society do you include the Black aroaces who've come to my page bc they feel excluded by blogs like you? When you talk about the stigma of sex without love do you include Black aroallos and the specific anti Black puritanism that they face and the fact you will not experience it because you are not Black no matter the oppression you face for being aroallo? Are you gonna address how antiblack puritanism harms Black asexuals too and how we're also branded as predatory and perverted or are you gonna keep claiming only aroallos experience that? Do you actually care about the harm coming from the ace community and how Black asexuals are being hurt or are you just tryna shift blame as part of your 'aces and aros should be separated' ideology? Just asking :)

[swoozyshroomy]

The thing about being queer is that it means you're ANYTHING BUT TYPICAL. And guess what? That includes aro/ace people. They're not what the world considers to be typical and therefore they're queer. Shocking

[artic-peril]

I swear to god I'm going to rip aro and ace exclusionists to shreds with my teeth

ITS A SPECTRUM DUMBASSES

I'm sick of seeing people getting told they're not aromantic or asexual or anything under the umbrella because they engaged in sexual or romantic activities at all.

I am getting so pissed with it all. People don't stop being asexual just because they've experienced sexual attraction or sex itself.

People don't stop being Aromantic because they felt romantic attraction or are in a romantic based relationship.

People don't stop being demisexual if they have sex with someone without a developed relationship. Same with Demiromantic.

I'd also like to say: Aesthetic attraction doesn't equal romantic or sexual attraction. That doesn't invalidate anyone at all. Get it through your fucking skulls.

Like I said. It is a spectrum. I'm a hardcore AroAce myself. But I also feel some of what I interpret as aesthetic and sexual attraction to a small amount of the latter.

[thisismajortomtogaycontrol]

So random but yall better shut the fuck up about what asexual people and aromantic people can do. They can do whatever they want actually. No you shouldn’t be saying ‘well ace people can still fuck’ if you’re not ace. No you shouldn’t be saying ‘well aromantic people can still fall in love’ if you’re not aromantic. No you shouldn’t not be saying ‘ace people can’t fuck’ regardless of what you are no you shouldn’t be saying ‘aromantic people can’t fall in love’ regardless of who you are. Every single asexual and aromantic person is different. It’s up to them what they do. Stop telling people what to do.

[princess-of-morkva]

recently saw a post that went something like:

"imagine there is a guy in your show who shows interest in me, says so on screen, has never shown any interest in women etc. even though he said he was 'gay' in that exact term, you wouldn't say he isn't and ship him with a woman? that would be erasure, right?

but then people do exactly that to aspec characters (that have stated they have no interest in sex/romance or even expressed explicit dislike gor those)"

and i wanted to extend on it a little.

because, that is exactly the behaviour i see in some (straight) people regarding gay characters. they might often think they're not homophobic. they are "okay" with homosexuality and all that, but it makes them uncomfortable when two dudes kiss, on their screen! why would you think that character is gay, he never said so! - (it was very much implied).

it's this willful blindness towards queer identities. the same thing as "it's unrealistic to have this queer character in a historical drama!"

it's "i'm okay with you on paper, but i don't like acknowledging your existence until i really have to"

when people willingly ignore a-spec characters in fandom, it's really not different. those people might not think they are aphobic by doing so - but they don't really like acknowledging our presence, do they? it's such a chore. "why can't i ship this character? he never said he's aro."

because you won't acknowledge us until it's said right into your face. and it shouldn't be necessary.

a-spec people exist, and many of them don't have the access to relevant language to describe themselves.

your aro/ace character shouldn't have to scream at you about it for you to accept it.

(and yes, this does betray your treatment of actual, real life a-spec people, whether you like to think it or not)

[aidensinternetdiary]

"love is love was never meant to be aphobic" okay and idc. Sure, it was good for gay activist at the time for their rights but heres the thing: it still excludes aros. Revolving queer/gay activism entirely around romance is still feeding into amatornormativity and doesnt actually address the real reason why queerness needs to be respected: because we are people. We dont need to feel romantic love to be respected as human beings. That should be important. Im so tired of aspecs that defend the slogan and act like its not aphobic, especially alloaces cuz their not even aromantic and yet they think they can speak for us and our issues. This community is supposed to be solidarity and yet its always us aros that gets excluded in the conversation, always us aros erased from our advocacy to be respected. The romance obsession in our community that the slogan represents is why I cant even come out as aro to my dads, despite being gay and trans, because they dont think my sexuality is real. Its why a lot of aros are still getting erased and ignored in this community to this day. Its why amatornormativity is still here. Because instead of listening and understanding us, you chose to keep the status quo cuz its more comfortable for you as an alloro. Im done with us being invisible and I am done with you wanting to keep it that way.

[queerum]

aromantics are way too comfortable implying friendship is the most valuable part of life to bitch about alloros doing the same thing with romance

[randomtheidiot]

Every time an allo person suggests a QPR as a “romance in everything but the name” alternative to outright romantic shipping with an aromantic character, a puppy dies.

[elsbookblorbos]

*ahem* SHIPPING AN AROACE CHARACTER WITHOUT REGARD TO THEIR ROMANTIC ORIENTATION IS JUST AS BAD AS SHIPPING A GAY MAN WITH A WOMAN 📣📣📣