#basically i need to learn how to study for fun

[g00my-4ng3lss]

Some wl tips that I learned over the years lol

(Tw: Very disordered tips)

1. Look up what your bmi will be when you get to your desired weight (and vis versa). This way you'll be motivated to keep loseing weight

2. Don’t act like you hate your body in front of other people. This will increase suspicion

3. Use a rubber band and snap it on your wrist when you want to eat,or if you think about eating, food=pain.

4. Look at food as calories and fat, not food.

5. When your own your period, use it as an excuse to why you’re purging. (If you already purge. Don't start if you don't already)

6. Use school as a way to get out of eating. You can lie and say you ate a big lunch so your not hungry for dinner.

7. Drink as much water as you can, water DOESNT make you fat! It can also help make you feel full!!

8. Chew sugar free gum when you want to eat. And if your like me and gum makes your jaw hurt tic tacs are a good alternative.

9. Only eat if you have to, don’t eat if you don’t want to or don’t need to, the longest you can fast is most likely for 5-7 days, it depends who you are.

10. Chew your food into tiny bites, until it’s like apple sauce. And if that is gross to you (real) then eat SUPER slowly in small bites

11. Don’t eat until 7am and don’t eat past 7pm, so you’ll have a 12 hour fast everyday.

12. Have thinspiration in different places, having a gallery for it on your phone help, and you can put it on your lock screen as well.

13. Eat ice when you’re hungry, that can help as well.

14. Distractions will be your bff. Binge shows, watch movies, etc. I make little rules for myself that I can only eat when I finnish [insert movie/show here].

15. Don’t tell anyone that you’re trying to loose weight, not even your closest friend (only tell people if you’re overweight).

16. Get clothes that don’t fit you and are too small and hang them up, they should motivate you to loose weight.

17. Exercise when your bored. Honestly keeping your body moving will do wonders for weightloss. Hell even fidgeting will help some. While fidgeting won't burn cals necessarily it will get you into the habit of moving more

18. Buy smaller clothes when you go shopping. so when you loose weight you’ll have clothes to wear. It will also work as motivation!! You can try them on to see how much more progress you have to make/how much progress you have made.

19. Do things that you enjoy when you loose weight THAT ARENT EATING,such as getting your nails painted, getting your hair done, buying nice clothes, etc. Basically non food related rewards

20. Whenever you do eat, eat food 500 and under, split serving sizes in half, it helps ALOT.

21. Find a photo you think is utterly revolting, like rotting meat. Look at it while you eat and really think about it. Pretend it is what your eating.

22. A fun distraction I do is add rules to myself as that one I can remember my goals/rules and also have something to do lmao I highly recommend it's so much fun and really helpful

I also make weird ass rules for myself

1. I can only eat when I finnish x amount of tasks. Like cleaning my room, showering, brushing teeth, complete homework, study for tests, etc.

2. I can only eat after I've had a nap

3. I have to at least fasted for 12 hours between dinner and breakfast. And 6 hours between breakfast and lunch.

4. I can only eat after paceing for 3+ hours

5. I can only eat after journaling. That way I can ensure it's not emotional eating lol

6. Can only eat when there is no 0s in the time. So instead of eating at 6:09 I would have to wait until 6:11

7. Can't eat with hands. I'm not a pig so I won't eat like one.

8. Have to drink at least 1 water bottle (16oz) before/after eating

9. Stick to more healthier food. Only have fun foods once every other day.

10. With that being said don't deprive yourself of craving too exstreamly. If it's between binging and moderation PICK MODERATION!!

There's more but I'm tired rn so I'll update when I wake up (let's pray I don't wake up guyss)

Update: I added the ones I didn't add before I went to bed lol (6-10 on second list and 22 on first list lmao)

[3liza]

im sorry i think im having an autistic oppositional moment that is wholly unreasonable. and that i need to work through it to get my head straight. i have to do some talking it through with myself ancient philosopher style. because no one NEEDS to know that rats and mice are different, really. no one tests you on it. if you arent a rodent specialist of some kind it really does not matter. but

im still having trouble believing anyone, even who lives in i think Indonesia based on their blog, who posts in english on an english-based site that uses pictures and posts about animals as a form of local currency, and who claims to have studied German and Italian extensively, both languages that like english have separate words for mice and rats and in my experience use them in language education templates extensively, would genuinely be unaware that there are more than one species of household pest rodent, and also that a pet rat is also a type of pet. i dont really understand that level of being checked out of information that ambiently exists in the places where this person appears to be interacting with large posts that link to other large posts where ambient information is in circulation etc etc. like they arent isolated and just using tumblr as a personal blog. but i think im having an unreasonable response like i said. i will just have to update my worldview

one of the big things about this thats baffling to me is they really do not look similar except when they are irl scurrying around your house, because the wild type mice and rats do tend to be sort of a similar brown color and often a young rat will be not much bigger than an adult mouse and they hide and move quick so i get it. but in a google search the speciation is really really clear from photo to photo

this is like that time i discovered my boyfriend at the time was unaware that when days got shorter in the winter or longer in the summer, it was because the sun both rose and set at ever-changing times of the day. he thought in winter the sun rose at the same time as it did all year (i should have asked him what hour he thought the sun ALWAYS came up every day but i was so shocked i didnt think about it), but just set earlier. he was like 25 years old and regularly stayed out working or clubbing until dawn, so he must have been putting in extra effort not to notice that the sun was rising at different times. this doesnt even get into that he was fully uncomprehending of how the planet actually works in orbit around the sun but i assume most people do not beyond "the planet spins and this is somehow related to how days and seasons work". learning he was wrong about this didnt seem to affect his life at all. despite it being the second thing they would tell you about earth if you were a visiting alien, you can live your whole life here never internalizing that information despite it appearing constantly everywhere, and it will take 25 years or never for someone to catch you not knowing shit about it. the basic principles of physics are not relevant to the everyday lives of human beings. weird to consider

anyway in my opinion you will have more fun if you know about multiple kinds of rodents or how the earth travels around the sun or that ponies are not baby horses. i think it makes your life better in a lot of ways so its cool that a lot of people are finding out about rats and mice today

there. i have successfully talked myself down from reactive irritability

[goldengodcannibal]

i think i need to start note taking again

[rigelmejo]

learning to code!

When I was 9 years old, I learned enough html to code neopets pages, my own geocities websites, and I even made forums on my own sites so my friends could all roleplay together or rant together lol. And then? I forgot so much. I no longer no how to make a forum, or even a 'next page' button - so even the dream of just making a simple blog or webnovel site feels like a huge hurdle now. (9 year old me could probably figure it out in 2 hours).

So I'm relearning! I figured this would be a fun post to place resources I find for coding, since there's coding languages, and I figure maybe if you like running you're blog then you also might be interested in tools for making blogs!

First, for those of you who miss the old geocities and angelfire type of sites to make your own free site on: neocities.org

You can make free sites you can code yourself, the way 9 year old me did. A lot of people have made SUCH amazing sites, it's baffling my mind trying to figure out how they did, I definitely wish I could make an art portfolio site even a fourth as cool as some of the sites people have made on here.

And for those pressed for time, who aren't about to learn coding right now: wix.com is the place I recommend for building a site, it requires no coding skill and is fairly straightforward about adding pages or features by clicking buttons. I used it to make my art portfolio site, I am testing out using it for my webnovel - the alternative is Wordpress, but wix.com is letting me basically make a wordpress blog Inside my own site. It's very beginner friendly in terms of "how the fuck do I set up a 'sign up for updates' message and have my site actually email these people my novel updates?" and "I need a 4x20 grid of my art down the page, that lets people click the art to see it's information and make it bigger."

I did neocities.org's little html tutorial today, it's the part of html I DID remember (links, paragraphs, headers).

My next step is to go through htmldog.com's tutorials. They go from beginner, to intermediate, to CSS. Unlike many a coding tutorial I've seen, they explain what program on your computer you need to WRITE the code in and then how to save it and how to open it. (You'd think this isn't a big deal but I've been looking into how to learn Python for months and I can't find a tutorial explaining what fucking program to write my python in... notepad? do I need something else? I don't fucking know!! My dad finally gave me a printed textbook which supposedly tells you what to download to start... I learned C++ in college and for that you needed Visual Basic to code C++, so I figured I needed Something to Write the fucking python IN.)

[dandyshucks]

always forget how much fun i find lineless digital painting until i do it again, for some reason i always expect it to be hell but then i get started and it's like,,, oh wait this fucks actually

WIP under the cut if anyone is curious fsdjkl

~

this is about fifteen mins in, I did a simple sketched outline of the bulk shapes first and then blocked out the gist of everything with my paint brush, and I've just gone in and detailed the hands a bit (since they're a good starting place i think for figuring out lighting :3 <- has no idea what they're talking about)

[annabelle--cane]

"the magnus protocol had a whole ARG beforehand? what?"

yes! it did!

"oh so I need to have participated in this whole big thing to actually understand the podcast?"

not at all! from the official post-mortem put out by RQ, "while the ARG was not something that was necessary to participate in to understand the magnus protocol, it was designed to contain a wealth of background story and context that would enrich any player's listening experience."

"a wealth of background context that would enrich my listening experience 👀👀👀 how can I learn about this?"

SO glad you asked. sadly, many of the materials made for the arg have been taken down since the game ended 😔 (ex., the official OIAR, magnus institute, and bonzoland websites. (edit ii: I found partial wayback machine captures! see below) though @strangehauntsuk is still up!), so we're a bit low on primary sources, but in terms of learning about what happened:

for a starting point, I would really recommend this video by @pinkelotjeart

it's super accessible, it was made in real time as the game progressed and follows the solving and revelation of clues as they happened, it hits all the major points of the mystery and moments of community insanity while eliding some of the nitty gritty puzzle grinding, 10/10 would recommend.

here's the official summary put out by RQ, and I'd recommend reading through this once you've already gotten a basic handle on the flow of the story and the basic connections between major clues and events. it's got some fun behind-the-scenes info and lays out the thought process behind the puzzles in simple terms

here's the full masterdoc of all puzzles and resolutions put together in the statement remains discord server. masterdoc my absolute BELOVED, masterdoc my bethrothed, masterdoc my soul mate. I'd recommend this as a second port of call after the above video as it either contains all details about the puzzles or links to other expanded docs that do.

here's the narrative summary doc that lays out all the plot and lore discovered in three pages of plain prose. if you just want to get to the good bits as fast as you can and get blasted directly in the face by contextless lore bombs, this is the doc for you. if you don't want to start with the video, I'd say this is another good entry point.

once you've got the lay of the land, some of the game materials that I found particularly interesting include:

the in-universe east germany expat usenet forum, with all content translated into english. most of it is irrelevant space filler with occasional extremely sus lore, but I still found it fun to read through. love to soak in some fictional forum drama.

chdb.xlsx, the spreadsheet of the names of all the children the protocol 'verse magnus institute was studying/experimenting on. EDIT: here is a version of the sheet without any annotations and with all of the names in their original order, kudos to @theboombutton for catching that the commonly shared copy had the order swapped around.

klaus.xls, a (very corrupted) spreadsheet with what looks like the classifications of a bunch of old OIAR cases.

EDIT: have a few more saved materials from the game that I forgot to include.

an in-universe audio ad to apply to the OIAR that ran before archives episodes and kicked off the whole game.

an in-universe video ad to apply to the OIAR, this one is an official upload that's still up from the game itself. you can subscribe to the OIAR's official youtube channel today, if you so chose.

the robo-voicemail greeting from the OIAR's phone line.

EDIT II:

here is a wayback machine capture of the OIAR's official website.

here is a wayback machine capture of the bonzoland website.

(pretty sure both of the above captures just archived the home pages, though I haven't tried clicking all of the links. I'd say they're still worth looking at, the home pages give a good window into the vibes.)

once you start poking around in these documents, you'll find a bunch of links to others with further information, the materials I've included here just contain what I feel to be the most relevant details to getting a broad feel for the whole game. once again, huge shout out to the statement remains server, I was barely in there as the ARG was in progress and only ducked my head in every so often to find links like these. true mvps of the fandom.

[vetyr]

hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT

Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.

When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.

I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.

Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.

For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.

Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.

The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!

It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.

I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).

Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)

[sxorpiomooon]

What does your 30 year old self wants to say to you?

Paid readings

masterlist

buy me a coffee

Pile 1-

This is the third time that I'm writing for this pile, the first two times Tumblr glitched and removed everything. You guys will be the first in your family to do or achieve something big. 

One of the biggest lesson that you might have to learn in this life is to always be prepared of letting things go and start anew, from a clean slate. Some of you are stuck in a toxic relationship or connection that you realise that you have to let go off but just cannot seem to do so. Your thirty year old self is telling you that you need to learn to ask for help when needed. There are people I keep hearing adults around you that can help you out only if you let them. For some reason I keep having visions of Hayley and Claire from modern family? Yk how in real life how the actress who plays claire helped out hayley to get out of an abusive relationship? It's like that I feel. Scott street keeps on playing in my head. Be impulsive and be defensive perhaps you need to let your anger take over you to remind yourself of who you truly are. My pile one please do ask for help when needed. For the rest of you, your thirty year old self is telling you that in order to bring in the new good stuff you need to first make space for it by removing all the bad stuff that is no longer serving you. Be brave you need to reminded of who you truly are and no one else can do it better than someone near you who truly loves you.

Pile 2-

Learn how to balance and prioritise because the moment you learn these skills you will be able to survive anywhere in any condition. "You are not wasting time but opportunities" don't let opportunities pass you by because you feel as if it's not the right time or you don't have enough time because there is no such thing as having enough time or there being a right time. Time is only right when you make it so. I keep having visions of pink pilates aesthetic yall need to learn a skill that will keep you grounded be it yoga or pilates anything that will help you in keeping yourself grounded. You have to learn how to chill I keep feeling as if this is my workoholic pile. Some of you might even feel as if you are doing nothing in your life and fear that it will remain like this only however let me assure you that is not the case. I see you will be very very booked and busy in the future. I feel like that is also what your future self is telling you? That you have time now so do enjoy like don't waste it sitting in front of a screen stressed out. You have enough time now because you won't in the future, make full use of it.

Pile 3-

That's crazy the first thing that came to my mind even before I pulled the cards was "slow and steady wins the race" and I'm seeing the colour teal and peacock green alot. When I pulled the cards I feel as if this is directly being channeled from your future self to you as in this is actually your future self going "what I'd like to say to her blahblah" and that's what I'm channeling for you. I think you are sitting in front of a shop or a restaurant idk that's white and it's late night and it's windy you are wearing black you kinda look like that sister from the new YOU season? Anyways yes and I see a diamond somewhere maybe it's a bracelet or a necklace one of these and this is a question that your friend has asked you. The overall energy feels very very grateful and nostalgic. Your future self is speaking in a very grateful and nostalgic manner I heard bulgari? Anyways, they want you to be careless and very action oriented I heard "inaction is also an action" and "might as well just do it" they want you to go on alot of trips and basically say yes to adventures. I feel like this pile might not have much fun and might just try to stay in their comfort zone. The kind to decide to study instead of going out and partying and your future self wants you to know that you can do both. Party on you by charli xcx started playing. They also want you to spend your money and work hard I feel like they just want you to let lose and feel free for once. That everything will be ok and working hard doesn't mean that you have to devoid yourself of fun. You can have fun and still work hard. Man I feel like crying this feels so personal I feel like this pile will also be very defensive to my claim and say that oh they cannot afford to have fun etc etc but I think you can, every once in a while no matter the circumstances and this is not me saying this but you only so think about it

Pile 4

There are going to be alot of people who wouldn't want you to succeed, there will be alot of gossip and alot of betrayal but none of that is going to stop you from achieving what you have been working hard to get. The answer is pretty straightforward with this one honestly alot of relatives and friends around you will plot against you and throw dirt on your name but none of them will stand a chance against you. Alot will come, alot will go but only you will remain. You do not have to defend yourself verbally every time just focus on working hard. You'll see how as the time passes all of them will fall on their own and instead of you all the other people will be defending your name and honour. I heard aries and scorpio. Long short story by Taylor Swift pay attention to the lyrics. Do not indulge in petty gossip or with petty people I promise you one day the entire public will chant your name. This pile wants public recognition and it will get exactly that but in even bigger numbers that they except to. 

[cherrystaineddoll]

𝓽hings to do instead of scrolling ౨ৎ

summer is here, school is over and you have way too much free time on your hands. so unless you want to spend your whole days with your eyes locked on a screen, here's an in- depth guide on what to do this summer, or whenever!!

learn a new language - trust me, speaking more than one language is a skill that everyone should have, and it always comes in handy. you can watch tv shows, movies or youtube videos in your target language, read beginner books, use apps (not duolingo though.. ) and even just listen to music!! just expose yourself to the language as much as you can, even better if you know anyone you can have conversations with. you could also learn sign language!!

journal or scrapbook - writing down your feelings really helps understanding your own self more. you can try doing shadow work to really dive deep, or just write whatever you feel in that moment. it doesn't have to become a chore, and remember, write for yourself and not as if someone else was going to read!! as for scrapbooking, just print out some nice photos and decorate the pages with stickers, drawings, fun colored paper.. whatever you want, just be creative!!

make art - it doesn't have to look perfect, remember that all art is beautiful in its own way. even if you think you're not good at it, just create, it will help you feel better & you'll also get better with time!! you can draw, paint, sculpt, do pottery, etc. you don't have to follow any guidelines, just buy a random sketchbook, bring out your inner child and do whatever you feel like doing

learn how to play an instrument - this can be a bit expensive, but if you have any instrument in your house that you've never used, it might be a great time to start learning it!! you don't necessarily need to take classes, you can easily find tutorials on youtube, even though it might be harder to learn by yourself. but making music is a really fun activity & good for the soul

reading and writing - i will never recommend reading enough !! everyone should read. it helps you learn new things, understand different perspectives, expand your vocabulary, and so much more. i know books can be expensive, but you can always try to buy them at flea markets, or ask a friend/family member to lend you some. and just in case, there are always some sites where you can read books online for free, like zlibrary!! you can read before going to bed instead of staying on your phone (which is sooo bad for your sleep), at the beach while tanning or outside while getting some fresh air. and if reading books inspires you, you can try to write something!! i'm not saying you have to write a 600 page book, but you can try to write small stories, or poetry, and who knows, someday you might actually write a book! if you want to get published, there are some small literary magazines you can find on social media that publish the works of small writers, it can be a great way to start. you can also always post your works here on tumblr, substack, or any social media platform!! you could also try to write the story for a movie and start screenwriting, if you're into cinematography

research interesting topics - now that school isn't forcing you to study things that maybe you don't care about, you can study whatever you want !! remember, knowledge is power, and with the internet, you basically have the world in your hands. you can watch a youtube video, read a book, or simply research on websites (make sure they're reliable though). you can also take online courses!! i might make a post on ideas for what to research??

start a new hobby - your life can't only be made of school/work, sleep, and a screen. you need hobbies that you actually like and that make you feel good. some of these can be: baking and cooking, crocheting, knitting, embroidery, jewelry making, nail art, makeup, photography, editing, blogging/vlogging, coloring, candle making, soap making, perfume making, modeling, origami, sewing, making diy stuff, chess, puzzles, acting, singing, flower arranging, meditating, lego building, trying new hairstyles or outfits, doing animations, discovering new music, sudoku, the things i previously wrote, and probably a million other activities i can't think of right now

stay active - moving you body is good for both your physical and mental health, i'm sure we all know that. you can go on walks or runs in the nature with your headpones on, or do any sport that you like- some ideas: swimming, dancing (ballet, hip hop, modern, ecc) , tennis, martial arts (judo, karate, taekwondo, ecc), volleyball, basketball, athletics, gymnastics, football, archery, fencing, table tennis, boxing, surfing, rowing, hockey, horseback riding, softball, golf, biking, figure skating, rollerblading, skating.. you don't need to do it competitively (unless you want to), as long as you're having fun and moving your body. you can also do workouts, like yoga or pilates, at home or outdoors, or go hiking.

watch movies, tv shows, or documentaries - it can always be a good learning experience, or just something fun and relaxing that isn't mindlessly scrolling. a bonus: after you've watched something, write a very long, detailed and in-depth review in your journal. you can also post it wherever you want (like letterboxd, to fight all the one liners)

hang out - with friends, family, or even by yourself !! (i know, i know, it can be scary). you can do anything, as long as you're with the right people everything is fun, but here's some ideas: have a picnic, go to the beach, go to a water park, have a baking contest, do temporary tattoos, go to a concert, go out to eat, do a one day trip, go on a road trip, take a walk in the nature, go hiking, go to a trampoline park, go to an amusement park, visit a museum, go thrifting or shopping, have a board games night, try out a new cute cafe or bakery, do an escape room, have a karaoke night, have a movie marathon, and so much more!!

i hope this helped!! ♡

[hannie-dul-set]

fire and brimstone (and you’re a moth made of gasoline) — TWO.

SYNOPSIS. having fought tooth and nail out of high school, university, and law school, only to end up working for a law firm that basically serves as a clean up dog after the biggest organized crime group in the district, you thought you couldn’t get any lower than this. 

the bar is in hell, and yet you’ve managed to limbo six feet beneath that. alternatively— na jaemin is the personification of hell, and your very existence just makes him even worse than he already is. 

PAIRING. na jaemin x female! reader. GENRE. gang! au, lawyer! au, office! au, comedy, drama, romance, very light angst, this is a sitcom, hate to love(?), a somewhat questionable power dynamic, asshole! jaemin (my beloved…my kryptonite…) but he’s also an idiot, jaemin has an eye contact thing, inspired by the manhwas “weak hero” and “study group.” WARNINGS. an abundance of criminal activity (including but not limited to organized crime, fraud, blackmail, DUIs, unethical and illegal occupational practices, etc.), blood and violence, suggestive themes, eventual non explicit sex, jaemin with a tattoo, legal inaccuracies because i am not familiar with south korean laws, so i’m just using my own country’s as reference. also because this is just a stupid thirst fic. who gives a damn. WORD COUNT. 7.6k.

NOTE. i tagged this as hate to love. i meant it. na jaemin is an objectively shitty person and i’ve given myself the herculean task of trying to redeem him (if ever) HAHAHHAHAHAHA. also, i tried to cut as many corners as i could in the trial scene. don’t expect it to be accurate. anyway, hope this chapter is fun! please let me know what you think! CHAPTER THREE.

YOU DIDN’T THINK YOU’D EVER FEEL THIS KIND OF DREAD ON A MONDAY AGAIN. The usual dread borne out of starting yet another week as a capitalist slave is given. It’s nothing special. But the dread you feel today as you drive to Yeongdeungpo Police Station (yet again, to the point that you’re starting to feel like an inmate yourself) is a dread that you haven’t felt in a long ass while.

Specifically, eight years ago. You’re like a broken record at this point, but it doesn’t stop you from continually cursing Na Jaemin in your mind as you stomp through the echoing halls of the station. Officer Jung is leading the way yet again to the visitation room, all while suffering from the brunt of your temper.

“He didn’t decline your request today,” he starts, attempting to make conversation.

No fucking shit, you reply in your head. “Thank you for the patience, officer,” you vocalize with a constipated smile. 

It seems like Officer Jung managed to catch the eye roll you didn’t intend for him to see. He gives you one polite smile and doesn’t make any more attempts after that, speaking only once you’ve reached the visitation room to unlock it and wish you luck with a nod. 

You thank him, sucking in a deep breath as you force your joints to start creaking. Luck. The door clicks behind you. You damn need more than luck to get through this meeting and this entire case. You need the very devil’s mercy and cooperation.

“Good day, Na Jaemin-ssi.”

But the devil isn’t a merciful man. You swallow down a lump in your throat and force out a smile.

“How have you been?”

He stares you down with the weight of a thousand suns, stabbing you right in the gut with a pain enough to incite a wave of nauseous vomit. “Get on with it,” he rasps. “I don’t think you got Mark on my ass just for some stupid fucking small talk. Hurry up and get on with it.”

Your smile twitches. This guy has never learned how to speak nicely.

*‎

(You’ve established that your new seatmate is Na Jaemin. Yet that’s all you’ve come to know about him up until the bell rings to signal lunch time.

Carefully sneaking out of your seat, you peer down to see that he’s still deep asleep. You huff. Wow. Four classes have gone by, and this guy slept through it all. And none of the teachers even called him out— only going as far as sending a look of resigned acknowledgement at your direction, sometimes even relief. Sometimes fear.

Anyhow, that first half of your day was enough to answer why Natty gave you that warning earlier: that the seat you chose was the worst one possible— next to the very embodiment of trouble, even if you don’t know the details just yet.

Despite not knowing much, you’re already blaming him for the fact that you’re eating lunch alone. 

The heat from the stew broth pricks at the skin of your lips as you scan around the cafeteria. You notice a few familiar faces scattered around, all sitting either in pairs or in groups in their respective seats and tables. You even lock eyes with Natty at some point, who simply averts your gaze with guilt ridden twitch as she turns head to her friend, someone you don’t recognize was in your class. 

Seems like you were doomed from the moment you sat your ass down on that seat. Fuck’s sake. Whoever this Na Jaemin guy is, you don’t like him already. You decide to temper your annoyed steps with some ice cream from the snack bar, seeing that there’s still a couple of minutes left before the afternoon bell. You pick up an extra snack as well— a melon bread wrapped in green tinted plastic. Something to pick at from under your desk as you go through your afternoon classes. You grab a can of pink peach soda to drink on the way back.

Upon returning to your classroom, the first thing you notice is the fact that no one else is here when there’s only five minutes left before lunch.

The second thing you notice— 

“Hey, you.”

There is, in fact, someone here.

Na Jaemin had sat up from the cross-armed, sleep-ridden slump he’d been in all morning. He’s awake. Now that his face isn’t buried, you finally have something to match the name.

“Why the hell didn’t you wake me up?”

There’s a distinct scowl on his face as he sets his phone down on his desk, shoulders slacked and sitting with his legs apart, which pushed your seat away to the very edge of your desk space. 

You feel a twitch in your brow. The annoyance prompts your feet to move close, triggers your mouth to open and speak back. “What?” you start. “There’s—there’s a bell that—”

“I was fucking asleep, you dumb fuck.” Na Jaemin cuts you off, and you flinch. “You think I’d hear a damned bell when I’m knocked the fuck out?” 

A gut feeling kicks in, forcing you to preemptively stop, look down, and choke down the remnants of your words into a stifling silence. You try to take a peek at Na Jaemin’s expression, but the sound of a tongue clicking in annoyance and the reeling back of a chair forces your eyes to continue staring at the classroom floor, feeling your entire body reverberating with the loud sound of your heartbeat as Na Jaemin’s presence loom closer. 

“I asked you a fucking question.”

“S—sorry,” you sputter out. “I’ll…I’ll wake you tomorrow.”

For a brief moment, you manage to take a quick glance at na Jaemin’s face, standing right before you.

And the sheer disdain and annoyance in his eyes makes you instantly regret that very decision.

“Useless.” You flinch back down and  hear him release a huff as he snatches the half-drunk peach soda from your hands. Your feet are nailed to the ground, and Na Jaemin proceeds to down the remnants of the drink before tossing the empty can back to you, shoving past you as the bell rings— and you hear a fumble of apologies from outside the door as Na Jaemin saunters out of the classroom.

Finally looking up, you see your classmates crowding outside the classroom, some slowly trickling in upon noticing that the coast is clear. 

You don’t think you’re wrong to assume that they’d seen everything that happened in the room. You don’t think you noticed wrong either that they’re deliberately refusing to acknowledge it.

All of them make it to their seats. No one tries to talk to you after that, but that’s not the topmost thing that you’re troubled with.

You promised to wake Na Jaemin up for lunch tomorrow. You might have just become his personal alarm clock.)

*‎

In retrospect, that was a completely void agreement. God, it pisses you off thinking just how much of a doormat you were. Still are, considering you’re barely keeping it together sitting in front of Na Jaemin when you’re supposed to be the authoritative figure here. It pisses you off even more knowing that he doesn’t even remember you. 

His impatient taps on the wooden table echo and bounce off the walls of the visitation room. 

“Na Jaemin-ssi,” you inhale sharply. “Your hearing is this Thursday, two days from now. I’ve already made the necessary preparations for your defense, and—”

“So, you’re finally getting me out?”

Can this son of a bitch let you fucking speak? “Hopefully,” you promptly answer. “I’m confident in the case I’ve prepared. However, there’s…something I need you to do in order to ensure that the judge will rule in our favor, Na Jaemin-ssi.”

Here we go. You gotta tread this carefully. Very carefully, because you know damn well that Na Jaemin doesn’t like being ordered around. 

“It is very likely that the prosecution will call you to the witness stand. You have every power to invoke your right against self-incrimination. But in our case, allowing yourself to be cross-examined by the prosecution would actually be favorable for us as a testament to your innocence, so long as you stick to the script.” It’s hard to get a hint of how well he’s receiving this because you’re too scared shitless to look him straight in the face. All you can do is hope he’s actually listening and not picking his ears as you continue to prattle on. “You just have to agree to Atty. Jung Sungchan’s line of questioning— even the fact that you fought the witnesses. However, you have to say that you didn’t start the fight. You don’t remember how the fight started. And you sustained significant injuries yourself.”

Na Jaemin got out of that altercation with just a few bruises and scratches, but the doctor Mark Lee referred you to was able to turn that into a couple broken ribs and a dislocated shoulder. He agreed to attest to the medical report on the stand as well.

The only missing piece you really need right now is Na Jaemin’s testimony and cooperation. 

His lack of response does not bode well for you. The room swallows you up in its cold and eerie silence. “Do you…follow…Na Jaemin-ssi…?” you try to prod out a response. And you get a response, all right.

Just not the kind of response you’d been praying for.

“Are you saying that I have to go up there, pretend I took a beating from those sissy fucks, and act all pathetic and pitiful like a little bitch?”

There’s an angry kick against the table. You suck down a breath when you feel the wooden edge jam against your ribcage.

“Who the hell do you think you are to tell me what to do?”

Your eyes squeeze shut, ignoring the sharp pain on your torso because that’s the least of your problems right now. Why…why does he have to be so goddamn difficult? Fuck’s sake. “Na Jaemin-ssi,” you exhale. “I’m not—I’m not telling you to do all those things. I’m just saying that the only way we could see your full acquittal is if we prove that Yoon Naksung and his party were also at fault.”

“We? That’s your damn job, attorney. You want me to do your fucking job for you?” 

This is different from when he was trying to deliberately push your buttons last time.

He’s mad. He’s really freaking mad.

“Get out. Get the fuck out.”

You know a warning when you hear one. You waste no time gathering yourself and speed walking out the door— half out of fear, mostly out of angered frustration because holy fuck. This is a mess. You’re so fucking screwed. Sure, you managed to get Hong Hyunjae, and Ma Gildong to cooperate with you. Sure, you managed to get a doctor to fake his medical exam. But all that would be useless if your bastard of a client decides to run his mouth and brag about just how much he wrecked those idiots’ asses.

Say, you don’t force him to testify. Once the witnesses come out and follow the script you made, the judge might still compel Na Jaemin to take the stand to confirm things. If he says anything to the contrary, you’re as good as screwed. At best, you’d lose the case. At worst, you’d be charged with contempt of court, and you can kiss your license goodbye.

That’s how your meeting ends— with a looming sense of dread that follows you out the doorway.

You exit the visitation room as if you’d just gotten your life ripped out from your own hands. It doesn’t go under Officer Jung’s notice, who’d been waiting by the door. 

“JJS is always handling the tough cases,” he remarks.

You grunt. “Give us a call when you wanna get silly with your gun and try shooting at random civilians.”

Thank god he doesn’t attempt any more small talk, nor does he follow you out. You’re way too exhausted right now— mostly emotionally and psychologically, and you’ve almost broken yourself down to simply just admit defeat and abandon this motherfucker’s ass. He can continue being a bitch in jail for all you care. You’re done. You’re so fucking done. You decide that you don’t give a shit anymore and give Mark a call right outside the station.

Four rings. Then he picks up. “Hey,” you immediately start. “What will you do if I fail to release your dog?”

Mark Lee never even got the chance to greet you back when you tossed this question at him. “Hmm,” he ponders, leaving a gap for a quiet pause. “That’s not something I’ve even considered, attorney. I really value our relationship thus far.”

You don’t even give him a response before ending the call. Your arm falls limp on your side. Fuck. You’re so dead.

Either in the hands of Mark Lee, or Na Jaemin, should you continue trying to push him. You’ve only ever seen the lengths of the latter’s violence. You don’t intend on finding out just how much of a psycho the former is. So death by Na Jaemin, it is.

You bring your phone up and call Mark again and ask for another meeting with your client tomorrow. He says he’s always happy to oblige.

*‎

(At some point, after a whole week of being Na Jaemin’s alarm clock, you started to wonder— why the hell do you have to keep doing this?

Lunch bells. Dismissals. Having to leave the classroom for gym or for some other special class. He expects you to wake him up or else you’d get your fucking ass kicked, and even when you do wake him up, he gives you a nasty ass look as if he’s about to kick your ass, until you promptly squeak out that class has ended, or whatever your teachers’ instructed you to do that day.

It’s only after seven days of this bullshit that you realize that you don’t owe him. You’re under no obligation whatsoever to keep being his alarm lackey or answer to him in any way shape or form. He’s just a guy. He’s just a student, just like you. And you bet that he’s probably just bluffing. 

All he’s ever done is snatch your drink from you. He hasn’t even laid a hand on you.

So just as you march back to the classroom after having your lunch at the cafeteria— alone, because getting involved with Na Jaemin has ruined all your chances of making any friends— you decide that it’s finally time to put your foot down and tell him that you’re not his slave. You’re not doing this crap anymore.

Yet your newfound sense of will-power is promptly deflated when you slide open the classroom door and see that your seatmate isn’t snoozing in his usual spot.

In fact, no one is seated in their seats. Your brows furrow in confusion upon noticing that all your classmates are crowding the windows on the other side of the room, all pressing up the glass, gawking and gasping at the same thing.

“Is that Park Gunho from Class 9?”

“Yeah, dude. I heard him talking shit about Na Jaemin the other day, and— oh! Ouch. That’s gotta hurt.”

“Holy shit, is that blood?”

“Where the hell are the teachers?”

You managed to squeeze in between two of your classmates, looking through the glass and right at the crowded spectacle in the courtyard— just in time to watch Na Jaemin land a crunchy punch into Gunho’s nose that has you wincing, even when the fight is happening from several feet away. 

At this point, the other guy is barely standing on his feet. Practically limping when your demon of a seatmate twists his arm behind, only to shove a kick into his back, sending him straight to the dusty ground. You watch as Na Jaemin stomps a foot into the poor guy’s knuckle’s. You can’t hear Park Gunho from here, but you can feel his choked up yelp penetrating into your skin and shuddering into your bones. Holy shit. This guy is a fucking monster. And you almost just offered yourself up to him like an idiot.

The worst part about it is the fact that Na Jaemin looks like he’s having the time of his life. There’s this crazed look on his face as he walks up to Gunho who’s trying to lip away— only to be yanked by the hair and slammed back into the ground— pinned down by Na Jaemin’s foot as the latter huffs out a grin, and says something that fails to reach your ears.

Needless to say, you’re horrified. This could have been you. 

Na Jaemin seems to have heard your thoughts because right at that moment, he snaps his head up, pinstruck gaze shooting through the windows of your classroom— looking directly at you.

Your blood runs cold. You gulp.

Someone draws the curtains back down. “Fuck, you don’t think he say our faces, do you?” You feel yourself stumble back, and with lightheaded steps, you guide yourself to your assigned seat, and start praying to whatever’s up there that Na Jaemin did not recognize you from down there. 

Much to your relief, he doesn’t return upon the right of the afternoon bell. He comes back between fifth and sixth period, looking like he’s in the best mood he’s ever been throughout your first week here, and it drives an even deeper pit of dread in your stomach.

The classroom grows colder as he comes nearer to your desk. He haphazardly draws the chair next to you back, you flinch, and he sets himself down with satisfied huff, right before assuming his usual position— arms crossed on the desk, serving as his pillow for the rest of the class day. “Oi,” he muffles out to the only person he could be talking to right now— you. There’s still blood on his uniform sleeve. You start to feel nauseous. “Wake me when the bell rings.”

You thought that that fight between him and Park Gunho was the worst thing you’ll ever witness in Ganghak.

Turns out, things would just get worse from here).

*‎

“All rise! The court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Bae Joohyun, presiding.”

It takes all the strength in your body to get up and not fall over from a mere gust of wind from the courtroom’s ventilation system. You’re exhausted. You haven’t gotten any sleep last night from the crippling anxiety of what’s waiting for you today. It took everything in your power to just look presentable for today’s trial. 

You’re a shell of a human being— that much is obvious considering you’re one step behind when Judge Bae instructs everyone to be seated. 

“We are here on the case of Yoon Naksung, Hong Hyunjae, and Ma Gildong versus Na Jaemin. Is the prosecution ready to proceed?”

“Yes, your honor.”

“Is the defense ready to proceed?”

“Yes, your honor.” No, you’re fucking not. You did in fact manage to meet with Na Jaemin one last time yesterday, and you barely managed to acquiesce something of an agreement out of him— most likely because he was threatened by Mark. But you’re not sure if that threat was strong enough for him to actually cooperate with you today.

“Very well. Prosecution, you may make your opening statement.”

Speaking of the bastard, you notice from the corner of your eye Na Jaemin’s unabashed yawn while Jung Sungchan introduces himself and his clients. God. This is a sickening set up— him sitting directly to your right. It’s like this day was designed specifically to make you feel like you’re back in that hell. More than anything, you just want this over and done with. 

“Thank you. May I request the defense to make your opening statement.”

As you make your way to the designated podium, you cross paths with Jung Sungchan. He shoots you an over confident grin and walks past you with his nose high. You chew down a string of swears and curses. Every single man you’ve been dealing with as of late is determined to ruin your life. You hope they all run out of toilet paper every time they have to shit in a public restroom. You hope their zippers get caught every time they have to zip up their pants.

“Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen, the opposing counsel, a pleasant morning.” At this point, your soul is still completely detached from your body. Your mouth is practically moving all by itself as you do your introduction. “The prosecution argues that my client, Na Jaemin, is guilty for disturbing the peace and three counts of physical injury against Yoon Naksung, Hong Hyunjae, and Ma Gildong.” As you say this, your eyes and your eyebags trail across the prosecution’s table, locking eyes with the latter two as you scan past them. “We acknowledge that our party has done some injury to the witnesses. There is a fault in that. However, it is a well understood doctrine that two faults don’t make a right.”

If your client can’t cooperate to save his own ass, those two better do.

They’re smarter than Na Jaemin. They know what’d come for them if they don’t. 

“Your honor, the witnesses have acted in pari delicto, sustaining equally grave injuries against my client, and therefore have no right to seek legal relief. A verdict of guilt against my client would be a grave mockery to our justice system when the ones seeking justice are equally at fault. We hope that you will see the wisdom in our defense. Thank you very much.”

The moment you return to your seat and Jung Sungchan is called first to make their case, your brain continues moving in autopilot. You’re so tired. You’re so damn tired. You know that you should be setting Na Jaemin straight right now, but you can’t find it in yourself to even talk to him without bursting a blood vessel. Jung Sungchan continues to present their evidence— affidavits from his witnesses, a janky recording of Na Jaemin and the other three leaving a bar located right on the cusp of Yeongdeungpo and Mapo, separately where they’d allegedly first bumped into each other, and the same exiting the frame. 

Eventually, he calls Na Jaemin to the witness stand. The air refuses to enter your lungs as the bailiff leads him up the courtroom. You’ve re-oriented him with what he has to do yesterday. You close your eyes, press your palms together underneath the table, and mutter out pleas and manifestations that your instructions managed to get through his thick skull, that an angel would somehow possess him today and prevent him from screwing you over.

But you haven’t done enough good deeds in your lifetime to be granted this one wish.

Jung Sungchan asks him if he admits to being the person who caused Yoon Naksung and the rests’ injuries.

Na Jaemin responds with a shit eating grin saying, “Yeah, I fucking did it.” 

Your face contorts in horror. Your eyes fly wide open, blood draining from your cheeks. Oh, fuck. Oh, fucking hell, please no. Your demon sent client looks like he wanted to elicit his kind of reaction from you— smiling at you from the witness stand, and you feel your nails dig into your clenched palms, biting into the thin skin of your flesh.

To make matters worse, he doubles down. He’s determined to kill you right here and now. “That guy nearly pissed himself when I socked him in the—”

“Your honor!”

This is a stupid fucking move to make, but you’re panicking. And that very panic easily seeps out of your skin and burrows into the notice of your opponent from the other table. Jung Sungchan’s eyes are both sparking incredulously and victoriously at this pretty blatant concession. To think your own client would fuck you over. You’re about to cry. You’re fuming. You’re dying from embarrassment.

“I’d— I’d like to request a short recess to meet with my client.”

Judge Bae narrows her eyes at you. “Overruled.” Yeah, you didn’t expect that to be granted. Fucking hell. You sink back into your seat in defeat, the dread that had once only been creeping up to you now completely swallowing you whole. “Counsel, please continue with your questioning.

No, it’s okay. This is fine, you think to yourself. You still have your witnesses. You’re not totally screwed yet. Maybe that would be enough to dismiss this damned case. Maybe that would be enough to let you walk away scot free.

“Ahem,” Jung Sungchan clears his throat. “Na Jaemin-ssi. Can you tell us the events that unfolded after the four of you left the bar?”

Silence.

“Na Jaemin-ssi…?”

“I don’t feel like answering.”

You let out a muffled noise as you bury your face in your hands. Your face is burning. Not only is he trying to screw you over, he wants to mortify you in front of everyone here.

“Defendant.” Judge Bae Joohyun has decided to intervene. “Are you…invoking your right against self incrimination?”

You almost let out an anguished cry and slam your forehead against the table when Na Jaemin responds with a, “Sure.”

The bailiff escorts him back to your table, and he’s all smiles when he sits down. Is he happy now that he’s thrown a big ass fucking wrench in your plans? Does he not give a fuck that he might get incarcerated as long as he sees you miserable? What a sadomasochistic psychopath, you hope he burns in hell.

“You don’t look too good, attorney,” you hear him chipper from beside you. 

Your head snaps to the side. You hear a crash from inside your ears.

For the first time, you look this son of a bitch dead in the eye— and you might not have a mirror, but you don’t think you’re looking at him pretty pleasantly. In fact, you can feel your own self going lightheaded from the sheer animosity darting through blood vessels in your brain.

Jung Sungchan calls Ma Gildong to the stand, and you turn your head back to the front. Sure, the bastard next to you might have thrown a wrench into your plans, but you still have a few working cogs left— and they better fucking work properly. You think you still have that same, manic look in your eyes when you meet Gildong’s gaze from across the courtroom because he visibly gulps and clears his throat.

Jung Sungchan starts questioning him, and he does just as well as you hoped (unlike the last guy). That rookie attorney gets caught off guard when his client answers with a stuttering, “I—I don’t remember,” in response to Jung Sungchan’s request to recount who started the fight that night. “It all happened suddenly. It was hard to tell exactly who.”

“Witness Ma Gildog,” the judge intercepts once again. “In the affidavit you submitted, you stated that the defendant was the one who started the altercation without warning. What is the meaning of this?”

Ma Gildong looks at you. You look him dead in the eye and he promptly looks away with a hard swallow.

“I…I only wrote that because Naksung hyung told me to.”

Fuck yes.

“We—were were all drunk when it happened. It was hard to tell who started the fight. I didn’t even want to pursue this case, he—he was just pissed that that guy got more punches in.”

“What?! What the hell are you talking about?!”

“Order!”

You watch as the bailiff tries to settle Yoon Naksung down. You stifle down a smile. This whole trial wouldn’t have been necessary if he had only been as cooperative as the other two. God, you wouldn’t have needed to deal with this headache either. 

You hear Judge Bae set down the gavel.  “There seems to be some unresolved issues with the prosecution side,” she starts with a sigh. “In this case, let us have a short recess. We will reconvene after thirty minutes.”

Thirty minutes. That’s just fucking perfect.

“Recess? Are we having a snack break, attorne—”

“Please allow us to use one of your conference rooms.” You quickly shoot up and cut off Na Jaemin, a polite stance directed at the bailiff near you. “That would be alright, right?”

The way the bailiff looks at you makes you come to the conclusion that you don’t look exactly sane right now. Nevertheless, he humors you and leads both you and Na Jaemin to one of the available conference rooms in the district court. It’s hard to grasp the fact he is being very docile right now, lazily looking around with cuffed hands before him as he trails beside you, under the watchful eye of the court sheriff.

A door is opened before you. The moment the bailiff allows you and your client and closes the door behind, you swivel your heels, grab Na Jaemin by the fucking collar, and ram him against the wall with a loud rattle.

Your years and years of disdain for this guy just came to a breaking point today.

You’ve had fucking enough of his difficult attitude.

“Listen.” Your voice comes off as a hiss more than anything. You hear the sound of his handcuffs clatter when you shove him harder against the wall. You feel your nails dig into your palms through the collar of his shirt. You’re beyond livid. “I am trying my god damned best to get you out of here, Na Jaemin-ssi. You’re the last person I want to help. You’re the last person I could give a shit about, but here I fucking I am— fighting tooth and nail for you, for christ’s sake. I literally had to build up a defense out of nothing just to clear you from incarceration. All I asked is for you to not throw a fit, to follow my damned script, to sit still and still pretty for the rest of this stupid trial, and you couldn’t even fucking do that?”

Much to your surprise, Na Jaemin looks pretty much caught off guard. Not intimidated by any means, but he does keep his mouth shut, repeatedly blinking his somewhat widened eyes at you— the only other expression you’ve ever seen from him other than a scowl and that bastardized grin of his.

Another beat of silence. Your upper lip twitches into a snarl. “Useless fuck.” 

You roughly let go of him with a grunt and roll back your shoulders, facing your back to him and release a sigh. Whew. That felt so fucking good. 

Without another word, you take quick strides out the conference room, greeting the bailiff outside with a sweet and refreshed smile, maintaining that same air as you return back to the courtroom, an uncharacteristically cooperative Na Jaemin in tow.

The trial resumes. He doesn’t do anything stupid again after that because you’ve decided to completely remove him from the equation. Ma Gildong and Hong Hyunjae submitted new affidavits as evidence. Jung Sungchan and Yoon Naksung are red-faced and look like they’re sitting on burners from hell— even more so when it’s finally your turn to present your case, speaking before the court with a now clear head and your cards in place. When you call Dr. Qian Kun to the stand to attest to Na Jaemin’s physical exam result, the prosecution table is practically deflated in defeat by then.

You return to the defendant’s table. Your shoulders haven’t felt this light in weeks. Even lighter when the court finishes deliberation, and Judge Bae announces the final verdict.

“In light of the criminal charges against Na Jaemin—”

You inhale sharply.

“The court finds insufficient evidence to declare his guilt beyond reasonable doubt.”

Yes. Yes. Fuck, yes.

“Now, the civil liabilities attached to this case— the witnesses’ participation in the aforementioned offenses creates a unique situation. When both parties are at equal fault or in pari delicto, neither the courts nor law will grant relief to the parties. Although the defendant, Na Jaemin, had indeed inflicted less serious physical injuries against the witnesses, the witnesses have inflicted the same upon the defendant.”

Oh, fuck yeah.

“This court hereby dismisses the case without prejudice for want of prosecution. Court is adjourned.”

There is no one happier in this court than you right now. You lock eyes with Jung Sungchan from across the room. You stick your tongue out because you don’t give a damn anymore.

You’re free. You don’t have to deal with Na Jaemin ever again. You’re fucking free.

*‎

Well, you spoke too soon.

“What...what are you doing here…?”

Four days later, you see the very bastard sitting on your chair at the JSS office. He’s swiveling around, stopping the turn with a foot down to look at you. “Oh,” he starts. “Took you fucking long enough.”

Seriously. What have you done to deserve this? Nevermind, you’ve done a lot of things to deserve ten years worth of bad karma, but that’s neither here nor there. You’d just gotten back from a meeting with one of your clients— a normal client: a sweet, old lady who was drafting her last will and testament to make sure none of her nutjob sobs get even a percentage from her estate. 

The meeting ran longer than expected because the lady kept trying to ask you if you’re single and would be interested to meet one of her nephews. So, you’d just returned back to the office at 6 p.m., most of your co-workers having clocked out already, only to be bitch slapped in the face with this psycho again, not even a week since you’ve last seen him.

You ignore him, eyes flitting up to the direction of your boss’s office. The light is still on. You grit your teeth. This son a bitch’s entry was permitted by the other son of a bitch. If he’s miserable, he should keep his misery to himself.

“Hey, attorney. I’m tryna talk to you.”

“Y—yes?” you choke out, taking a step back when Na Jaemin rises to his feet. God damn it. Your outburst mid-trial was an isolated case as a result of your pent up emotions. You can’t be brave anymore— and he notices.

There’s a slight raise in his brow when you flinch back, a barely visible smile playing on his face. It’s almost like this bastard can smell fear, and you’re completely lathered in it. “You were pretty gutsy enough to swear at my face and shove me around the other day,” he says, voice low. “What happened to all that spunk, attorney?”

You bite down the swear at the tip of your tongue. “I sincerely apologize for my inappropriate behavior that day.” You’re doing your damn best to keep your head down, but it’s increasingly difficult when this guy is trying to get all up in your space. “Any—anyhow. What business do you have with JSS, Na Jaemin-ssi?”

A flip switches. Na Jaemin suddenly looks very annoyed.

“Ugh. Right,” he grunts, digging into his inner jacket pockets like it’s a chore before pulling out an envelope. A really thick envelope. Your eyes widen. He hands it over to you. “The boss wanted to give his extra thanks.”

Extra thanks for risking your life to release one of his mutts. Holy shit. You say nothing as you take the envelope from his hands, the weight of the paper bills pulling you down heavier than they’re supposed to be. You clear your throat and stuff it into the bag you’ve yet to set down on your desk. “Why didn’t he come in person?”

“He’s out on business,” Na Jaemin flatly replies. Then, there’s a twinge on his tongue when he follows it up, “Why? You want to see him that badly?”

The fuck? That very through slips through expression for a second. Na Jaemin clocks this. 

A grin takes over his expression. He releases a bare laugh when he walks past you with a hand on your shoulder. “I gotta hand it to you. You’re pretty damn good at pulling shit out of your ass out of nothing.” 

Your breath hitches when you feel a firm squeeze. Na Jaemin releases you with a hum and a pat and finally starts fucking leaving.

“See you around, attorney.”

When you’ve confirmed that the psycho has finally left, you immediately lunge for your chair and release a long and hefty breath.

Jesus fucking christ. How many times do you have to tell these Nalkeutta bastards that you never want to see their faces again? Not enough, apparently. Because the next day, Mark Lee makes a visit to your office again. He greets you a good morning and you quietly tell him to leave you alone and never talk to you again. He laughs and disappears into Doyoung’s office for the next two hours, before stopping by at your desk again to inquire about your desk nameplate preferences.

“Do you prefer acrylic or marble?” he asks, peeking out from behind your desktop computer.

“Gold,” you soullessly respond. “Avenir font. Engraved. Heavy enough to knock a man unconscious with one blow.”

“Very particular.” Your eyes flit up to see his pleasant smile, and it just ruins your day further. It gets worse when Kim Doyoung follows not long after him. “Oh, Mr. Kim,” Mark greets. “I was just about to head out.”

“Yes, allow me to accompany you down to the lobby, Mr. Lee,” Doyoung chimes in. You look up at him as he leers down at you, noticing that you are, in fact, here. “Congratulations on yet another winning case, attorney.”

He’s five days late. “Thank you. Are you gonna give me my own office yet?”

“You know very well JSS isn’t in the position to grant you that.”

Very expected response, but you’re annoyed anyway. They finally leave you alone so you can mentally curse them once you die from overwork and overexertion. Indeed, you know very well that JSS isn’t in the best spot right now. Your firm’s reputation has been slowly nosediving lately— fully getting tanked recently because of your latest acquittal of Na Jaemin.

The general public has been questioning your integrity as a law firm. That much is fucking expected when you’re partnered with the biggest crime organization in the district. It’s not that this partnership is a recent thing. But with the establishment of a new law firm within your territory, the GP now has a point of comparison to notice just how many obvious criminals JSS has helped to subvert the rule of law.

These articles and nasty forum posts have been the source of Kim Doyoung’s stress as of late. During the next few weeks, you watch his mood sour and sour by the day after every meeting with the higher-ups.

The source of the problem is obvious, but it’s not like JSS can just cut ties with Nalkeutta to clean its name. In fact, it would the dumbest move ever, practically industry suicide considering Mark Lee and his company is your highest paying client. Not only that. All of the firm’s employees practically have immunity from the hefty protection fees all Yeongdeungpo residents have to pay weekly just to pay the streets. And you don’t want to make an enemy out of Nalkeutta either by cutting them off. Your firm is caught in between rock and a hard place with no easy way out.

“I think the boss has started to grow white hairs lately,” Jungwoo tells you over coffee in the breakroom. 

“Why…are you looking at his hair?” you ask, almost worriedly. Jungwoo simply shrugs and you two watch as Kim Doyoung stomps into the breakroom in a fit again to angrily snatch a glass and nearly rip the fridge open for the pitcher of lemon water you started to make every morning, overpouring into the glass before chugging it clean and slamming the glass down on the counter.

He didn’t even ask for permission. What a monster.

Anyhow, you could give less of a shit about JSS’s steadily dwindling reputation. This ain’t your problem to fix. It’s your higher up’s problem. It’s Kim Doyoung’s problem, and— quite frankly— the peak of your week is seeing his grumbling swears every time he stomps out of another admin meeting, watching him scratch at the growing grey hairs at the back of his head through his private office like it’s your own personal TV show. 

It’s such a great sight to see. Added to the fact that you haven’t received a call from Nalkeutta lately, whether it be for consultations or just simple blotter charges, they haven’t been bothering you at all. In short, you’ve been having the best two weeks of your life. 

It comes to a peak when Kim Doyoung calls you to his office one day, prompting the assumption that JSS’s reputation situation has become way, way worse to the point that the firm needs the help of its rank and file employees like you to settle the matter. 

“Damn, good luck. Let me know what’s up,” Jungwoo sends you off.

Honestly, you’re looking forward to having a front row seat to Kim Doyoung’s meltdown, if things have gotten as bad as you think. Your knuckles tap against the wooden entrance to his office, and you’re filled with a longing envy when he tells you to come in because damn— must be nice to have an office of his own. Why does he always have a stick up his ass when he’s got his own 150 square feet kingdom where he can do whatever he wants?

“Come in.”

Muct to your surprise, however, Kim Doyoung looks well rested today.

The moment you step in, you notice that his usual constipated expression is nowhere to be found on his face. In fact, his skin is perfectly clear. His white button up is crisp and tidy. His glasses are shining. His hair is neat and styled— as though it hasn’t been run through a million times today.

Whoa. What the hell? Who is this? Who is this man in front of you?

“How has your work been, attorney?” he starts, elbows on the desk, chin resting on interlocked fingers. 

You tentatively make your way closer to his desk, slightly unnerved at this sudden disposition switch. “The same as usual.”

“That’s good to hear,” he hums. He’s humming. Kim Doyoung is humming. What? He sets his fingers on a folded piece of paper that’s been sitting on his desk, promptly pushing it forward to you. “Read this.” You’re beyond creeped out. You have no idea what’s going on, but you follow instructions anyway, inching a step closer to peel the paper from the glass surface of his desk, and unfold it in your hands. 

He wants you to read it. So, you do.

The moment your eyes register the heading, your neck cranes, squinting. “Sir,” you say, holding the paper down. “Are you sure you gave me the correct sheet?”

“Yes, yes,” he affirms, waving a hand in the air. “Please continue reading.”

You do. You read the heading once again. LETTER OF RESIGNATION, in bold and all caps. Followed by today’s date. Followed by your fucking name.

The paper wrinkles in your grasp. Haha. You don’t remember writing a resignation letter. “Sir,” you start again, voice coming off as a weak wheeze. “There must be some kind of mistake.”

“There’s no mistake,” Doyoung confirms, spinning a pen between his fingers before pushing it forward to you in the same manner as he did with the resignation letter in your hands— your resignation letter. The letter that says you’ve found better prospects elsewhere and sincerely value the experience and growth you’ve had with this firm. What the fuck is this bullshit? You don’t fucking understand. “Would you please affix your signature at the bottom, attorney? I didn’t have your e-signature. That’s why I had to call you out today.” 

Your stomach drops to the very depths of your gut. “You can’t just fucking do this,” you say with gritted teeth. Kim Doyoung readjusts his glasses and responds with a sigh.

“Attorney,” he starts. “You’re well aware of the problem our firm has been facing as of late, correct?” You nod. He continues. “It’s a difficult situation. However, Nalkeutta and JSS have managed to reach an amicable compromise.”

Oh no. Oh, god, do. He can’t do this to you. He can’t fucking do this to you.

“Starting today, you will no longer be JSS’s Junior Associate. You will be working as a private lawyer for Nalkeutta Security Company.”

“You fucking sold me out!”

“I did not ‘sell you out’. Think of it as a promotion.”

Your mouth is hanging open. Your blood is boiling to the point of evaporation. The resignation is a crumpled mess at this point. You slam it back down on his desk. “I can’t even get my fucking severance pay if I sign this damn thing!”

“I’m sure the benefits you’ll receive at Nalkeutta would outweigh any amount of a severance pay that JSS can offer you,” your boss— former boss— flatly replies. “Now. Please sign the letter.”

Your head is spinning. You’re nauseous as fuck. It’s not like you can just run away. Mark Lee would have your fucking head. Sure, you hate working under Kim Doyoung, but at least it made you feel like an actual lawyer, serving only as an occasional cleanup dog for that damned wretched company. With this, you’re not just dipping your toes into organized crime. You’d be fucking drowning in it.

“Sign right there— yes. Perfect. Thank you for your cooperation, attorney. It was a pleasure working with you.”

Nalkkeutta has officially ensnared you in its burning jaws, and you’ve got no way of getting out unscathed.

fire and brimstone (and you’re a moth made of gasoline). © hannie-dul-set, 2025.

[martian-astro10]

Solar return observations- Part 5

If you have Saturn in 12th then sleep well, that is....if you manage to fall asleep in the first place. (I have it this year and IT SUCKS, I have literally not been able to sleep, I've tried every single tea, every meditation, white noises, NOTHING WORKS, I also have mars in 12th, so I'm just fucking tired the whole time)

North node in 2nd is an indication that you'll start earning money for the very first time in your life, it doesn't have to be a full time job (I have seen this a lot of times when a person starts working for the first time, like a part time job or something. You get to experience what it's like to have "your" money)

I'm pretty sure that an astrologer has already said this, but I don't remember who, so I'll say it again, Uranus in 3rd means getting a new cycle, bike or car, basically anything that helps you with short distance travelling. (One of my friends have it this year and he already had a cycle but it got stolen and he just decided to buy a car, since he has money saved up for one)

This is very specific, but if you have Jupiter in 9th/ 11th then GO GET THAT RECOMMENDATION LETTER. (If you are graduating or planning to get a new job, this year is good for that. The years in which my sister, my friends or I have had this, our teachers, bosses or colleagues were SO impressed with us and we got really good reference letters, we slayed so hard in those years)

Vertex in 6th can be a VERY busy and exhausting year. Too many responsibilities and not enough knowledge of how to deal with them. (I had this the year in which I started living alone, It was also squaring my moon and dude, TW the suicidal ideation was STRONG. I wish I could give some sort of an advice but I don't know what to say, you just need to learn how to deal with the problems as they come)

Mercury square Neptune....the level of miscommunication is insane. (One of my closest friends has this and she...I love her but she's being very annoying. We were on a trip and she was talking to some people, so me and my other friend, we started clicking pictures, cuz we didn't want to disturb her and she comes up and says "why are you guys doing this without me, why are you not including me, if you don't wanna hang out with me anymore just say it" like GIRL) if you have this, don't start unnecessary drama, communication will be difficult so just stay quiet

Chiron in 12th is one of the shittiest years in regards to mental health, I hate this. (My friends have had this before and it's there in my 2025 solar return chart and I'm already dreading it. Everything bad that can happen...happens. I don't care what anyone says, this placement is just pure EWWWW and NOTHING can convince me otherwise)

Aries in 8th can be the year in which you lose your virginity (If you WANT to) I know quite a few people who had this the year they lost their V-card. (It's completely okay if you don't though, take your time and do it with a person who you trust and love, no pressure)

Mars in 9th is such a good placement for travelling and studies. (I had this in my 1st year of college, I remember I was so excited, studying was very easy, I loved learning new things and stuff, it was very nice. I was also travelling a lot, discovering new places. I had a lot of energy, really fun year)

Sun in 7th is a great placement if you want to work with others. (My mom has it this year and her business is ON FIRE, every time she has a meeting, it goes so well and she always gets a better deal than what she expected) this is a really good time for working with others, in partnerships. If you are a student, then you're going to do especially well in group projects.

(all pictures are taken from Pinterest)

© martian-astro All rights reserved, 2024

[thevoidstaredback]

Part 4

Danny took to the Spanish Language like a fish to water, learning it's most basic form in three days, and every little nuance about it in another four.

Alejandro had been kind enough to let him stay with them and their family for the week. They were very accommodating and understanding as he learned their language and culture. He enjoyed trading knowledge with them, and he hoped they did, too.

He messaged Jazz every morning and every night. Long messages about what he did during the day. Just before lights out, he spent an hour or so going into more depth in his journal, going so far as to draw pictures from memory so that he wouldn't forget.

Alejandro's little sister, Maria, helped him with his art. She was amazing at it and he was honored to be taught by her.

Their father, Antonio, taught him about their food culture, teach him how to cook simple meals. He'd even been allowed to help with making lunch on days four and five!

Their grandmother, Abuela Maya, taught him their myths and stories, about how to stay safe and what to look out for. He didn't tell any of them, but he was pretty sure she clocked his ghostlyness the second she laid eyes on him.

Danny was getting anxious, staying in one place for so long, and he knew Alejandro and their family were picking up on it. He wanted to stay, but the feeling of being watched was starting to creep up on him.

Outside and down the street a little at the playground is where Alejandro found him.

"It's been fun having you here, Danny," they said.

"I've had fun staying here."

"But you're anxious to leave."

He paused. He didn't want to offend, but, "Yeah."

"Lo entiendo. A guy like you has a hard time staying still." They leaned back, laying on the grass with their hands behind their head like a pillow. A sigh. "I wish I could go with you."

Danny laid down, too. "Me, too."

"But I can't."

"I know." He had a feeling this was going to be a recurring theme.

Alejandro continued as though he hadn't spoken. Almost seeming to talk themself out of leaving with him, reasoning against leaving. "I have to stay to help take care of Abuela Maya and Maria. Papá es getting sick; he refuses to stay down, ¿sabes? Won't listen to his body, to his kids." A beat. Two. "Mamá died the same way, when Maria was four. She doesn't remember her, but I do. I miss her."

Danny didn't have words of comfort to share with his friend. What was there to say that hadn't already been said.

Alejandro chuckled humorlessly. "Sorry for dumping that on you."

"It's okay." And it was. Danny understood the need to say something. "My sister's been studying psychology since before I can remember. She says that talking is healthy."

"You have a ¿hermana?"

"Yeah. Su nombre es Jazz. She's the smartest person I know."

"Smarter than me?"

The humor was back. "Smarter than Abuela Maya."

Alejandro gasped in fake indignation. "You don't mean that!"

Danny shook his head. "I do."

They clicked their tongue. "Now I have to meet her. She gonna meet you somewhere so you can travel together?"

Danny shook his head with a small smile. "Can't. Circumstances won't let me go back, nor will they let her join me."

"Lo siento, man, that must be rough."

He shrugged. "Nothing either of us can do about it."

"Do you mind if I ask what's what?"

Danny paused. There couldn't be a lot of harm in telling Alejandro at least a little bit, right? But then, he hadn't even contacted Tucker or Sam yet, having muted their conversations for the time being until he worked up the courage to call them.

He sighed. "There's a secret I've been hiding from my parents for a bout a year now. And because of what's been happening state-side, it's not safe for me there anymore."

Alejandro was quiet for a long minute. "At least you have your sister."

"Yeah. At least I have her."

The two lapsed back into a comfortable quiet, watching the clouds until the sun hovered right over them and they had to look away.

"What's your plan now?"

Danny thought for a minute. What was his plan? He could probably meet with Dani somewhere for a bit before they ultimately parted ways again. She was still in Guatemala, according to her last message, and would be staying the week before moving on. They'd have to plan soon if they wanted to meet up.

"A cousin of mine," he said, "is in Guatemala right now, so I'll probably head her way."

"Maldita sea, your family must be rollin' in it to b able to travel so much!"

He looked away, bashful. "Not really. Jazz gave me what she had so I could leave the country, but that won't last, and my cousin won't accept any money she doesn't earn on her own. Not even the child support!"

"Your cousin has a child? And she's traveling with it?"

"No, I'm- she is the child."

"Then why is she getting child support if she's the child?"

"It's being sent to me, legally, but I put it all in an account for her to access when she wants or needs it."

The air turned heavy for a moment. Between one breath and the next, it was light again. "It's good that you guys have a good relationship. How old is she?"

"Yeah. She's a few years younger than me."

"Oh," was the stilted response.

Danny didn't like the heaviness the silence had taken again. "You ever seen a superhero?"

"Like the ones on T.V?"

"Yeah,"

"Not in person, no. But I've always wondered what it'd be like to meet one. Or, hell, even be one."

Danny had to scoff. "It's not all it's cracked up to be."

"You ever meet any?"

"No."

"Hm." A beat. Two. Three. "You should head down to Linares next. It's where Abuela Maya's from."

"Really?"

"Yeah. You might find some of the answers you're looking for there."

Danny thought about it for a moment. "Okay. Sounds like a plan."

"Good. No give me your phone number so that we can keep in touch."

"What?"

"I can't leave, but I'm not gonna miss out on the world because of that. I want pictures and messages and-" They cut off and pulled Danny into a hug. "You're the closest friend I've had in a while, 'nny. Don't forget about me, okay?"

The hug was awkward, laying down as they were, but he wrapped his arms around them all the same. "I wouldn't dream of it, 'dro."

Part 6

Translation 1 - Spanish: Granny Maya Translation 2 - Spanish: I get it. Translation 3 - Spanish: Dad is Translation 4 - Spanish: y'know? Translation 5 - Spanish: Mom Translation 6 - Spanish: sister? Translation 7 - Spanish: Her name's Jazz. Translation 8 - Spanish: I'm sorry, Translation 7 - Spanish: Damn,

[sqgeism]

𝒪.de To My Greatest Lie

synopsis — Being a royal is one thing, having an entirely independent, genius-filled kingdom in your hands is another. You were taught to seek truth in every turn and question, but what happens when you're faced with your greatest lie?

love mail — sigh... anaxa fans.. u win.... again.. for the 100th time..... this was fun!!! i hope everyone likes this as much as i like it LOOL lmk if this is interesting (^^; grammar errors were my evil twin and not me.. if u find out the one reference i make during this whole thing u get a cookie

tags — fantasy royalty au ! slowburn, likely a series depending on how well this does, reader has a non specified gender, author attempts worldbuilding. cries in the process, author wrote a series once and never continued so be warned, not entirely loyal to hsr lore but uses aspects of it, #whatamidoing

The Land of Genius has always been yours. Your father, the King, had been long deceased while your mother, the Queen, was proudly known as Queen Herta to your kingdom. Your country fostered intelligence and wit, every member and citizen clearly displaying a great deal of advanced thinking compared to most kingdoms. Which is why yours prospered, there were little to barely any problems that the people couldn't solve themselves. Queen Herta ensured that her nation wouldn't need to rely on the royal family, just as the previous kings and queens promised.

And when you were born, oh.. how Herta loved you dearly. She proudly brought you to the center of town for the people to adore, how you were the greatest gift to come from becoming queen, a child of her own. But being the next heir to a family of geniuses was no easy task, people rumored that you were born in the royal library so the first thing you saw was a book of history about the kingdoms history. A funny rumor, but it spoke volumes of just how much was expected of you, how hard you had to work as merely the heir. One can't fathom the amount of intelligence the Queen herself holds.

Although she held no expectations over your head, quite the opposite. Your mother, kind as she is, let you live and grow freely. It was a part of family duty to have your classes, let you learn etiquette and of course the basic subjects, but she didn't strap you to a chair to study your life away. She gave you the choice, the door for greater pursuit of knowledge was always open for you, Herta was just willing to wait for you to be ready for it. She knew you would be eventually, you were her child after all. The temptation to discover the answers to unsolved mysteries would find you eventually.

Something else did find you before it, though. More specifically, a boy with soft green hair and a knack for science for his age. The Land of Genius was always open to those who were curious, catering to minds that were eager to learn with them, especially during autumn seasons! Where the leaves would change and the people had a season-long promotion of inventions and gadgets for visitors, and perhaps Queen Herta herself to go over. Anaxagoras was one who was unsurprisingly drawn to the allure of the town, a mind as sharp as his that is undeniably full of potential.. It's no wonder he caught your eye.

That's at least the reason he thought for the heir to the throne to approach him. It turns out you just.. wanted a friend. And you've never seen him around before so you took your chance. He always used to tell people that it felt like the stars aligned for that moment, like it was all meant to be. Which in some ways you believed too.

You and him got along well, so much so that Anaxagoras was formally recognized to be your closest friends by the townsfolk who were just happy to see you so cheery. And more importantly, your mother who was usually described to be stoic, had her heart squeezing when you introduced Anaxagoras as your best friend. Her little baby was already making best friends, you were growing too fast for her heart to handle. (dramatic)

But visits aren't forever, and as the warm autumn color gets drowned by the white snow, your first little 'heartbreak' happened in winter. Your first ever friend telling you he had to go home to Amphoreus, made you all teary eyed and full of sniffles—only to see him again when all the ice melted. Turns out he had gone home to be with family, but was begging and pleading to see you again as soon as possible. And this time, when he returned, he had his entire family with him. Mother, father, and an older sister who loved to dote on you, a kind young woman that you saw as your own blood. Queen Herta was never one to lock herself away from the 'lower class', and welcomed Anaxagoras' family with open arms. She was admittedly lonely after your fathers passing, to be in the warmth of a family again was.. comforting. No one should handle that grief alone, even if she acted indifferent to her pain.

As years passed by, and the seasons changed again and again, the one constant thing amongst this progression with age was.. the visits. Every year you and Anaxa only got older and older, but your bond grew stronger and stronger. He was there when you were finally crowned your royal title; The Erudys. And while everyone called you as such, similarly to how people once called the Queen 'The Herta', but Anaxa had called upon himself to refer to you as My Erudys.

"My sweet, sweet Erudys." Was his favorite thing to say, albeit in passing it was usually to tease. But it was undeniable, the subtle skip of your hearts usual beats. The now brilliant scholar had grown to be an admirable young man, just as you became The Erudys. One would think the call for responsibilities would weaken your string of fate to each other, but the tie only grew tighter. As letters were exchanged and silent yearning for one another was felt, of course it was made known—but never to the extent of how they were truly felt. Especially from Anaxa, who made himself to be so imperturbable to the lack of time together, yet spent so many nights dreaming to be by your side again.

With too many words he whispered to himself, meant for you, being left unsaid and kept between him and the moon. Perhaps hoping that the stars could carry his message to you, as it was the only thing that made him feel at least a little comforted. You and him shared the same sky, born at the same time, and in the same world. Anaxa would be greedy to ask for anything more than that, even if what he already has is far greater than just sharing the lights in the sky. He *has* you, and you have him. And he'd surrender himself to you a thousand times in every universe.

But you won't know that, and the fact of the matter is that you likely never will. Because you had gone one morning with no letter, then another, until two mornings became an entire week, then one week turned into two.

Until weeks turned into months, and suddenly it had been a year. You still waited for the maids knocks in the morning, eagerly hoping that at least one would hold an envelope with that familiar signing of Anaxagoras' initials, but nothing ever came. But you were still patient, you had your mothers will, after all. Everyone always told you that Queen Herta waited years for you to show interest in the art of genius, so you could wait for Anaxagoras to send a letter. Just one would be enough, just one to know he's at least still alive. Becoming The Erudys came with responsibilities, and it was proving to be difficult to go on a leave so suddenly. You were choosing between your heart, that remained loyal to your relationships and friend, and your soul, which belonged to the kingdom and the people who live in it.

And the choice was clear, even if your heart screamed in an ache of confusion and desperation. It wanted answers, and now, but it just couldn't have them. You buried yourself in a pile of books during dawn, sword fighting in the middle of day, and practicing royal etiquette by dusk. It was this loop of consistency that kept your mind sharp but busy, though nothing could ever truly erase the absence of someone beloved. Even if you tried to stab through everything with the shade of green, you could never quite shake off how you saw him in the tiniest bits of everything, haunting your narrative.. In a way.

Nevertheless, the world doesn't stop even when you pray for it to do so. Just a moment of pause to really be able to know what went wrong, a moment that is never spared. So you continue to work, grow past this emptiness in your heart by filling it with love for your kingdom, for your family, especially mother—and yourself, even if you can't find it easy to do so, as you practically erased the existence of someone that was once held so dear. But he surely couldn't have expected you to just.. stay stagnant forever?

He would have wanted you to move on, right?

Anaxagoras would never allow you to slip like this.

But isn't it cruel to just forget all the time? The years you two spent growing?

It seems as if he let go, maybe he was just sick of playing royalty with some heir.

The hurt from the last statement only worsens, when you see him again on some random day in the town square—completely well, and even smiling with the folk. Your people, the people who watched you grow up with him.

He stands just by the fountain, clearly much taller, his hair a mess yet that smile is still engraved in your brain like a tattoo. "I— You.. Anaxagoras.."

His head immediately perks up at the call of his name, turning to look at you. The scholar smiles, treasuring the fact you have grown to be the very person he knew you would be.

"Hello, my Erudys. I'm home."

[azu-rei]

Sleep deprived thoughts about Al Haitham (personal impressions?):

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

• He rambles. Info-dumping is his love language and I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL. He gets this excited softness on his face when he talks about his interest. It's really subtle though so you need to pay close attention.

I think he's conscientious enough to realize that he intimidates most people so he doesn't bother to drag conversations on. For the select few however, good luck escaping his clutches once he starts (I would listen to this man talk for hours).

• Enjoys philosophy and debates but unfortunately has no one to actively share it with. So to substitute for the lack of such educational exchange, he annoys Kaveh for fun.

• He would be a very good teacher. Contrary to his cold and unapproachable exterior, Al Haitham would carefully explain topics his students don't understand (Given that they're willing to learn).

Best part, he simplifies concepts without making you feel stupid. This is the sort of man you want during study sessions ;)

• OVERTHINKER AL HAITHAM WHEN HE MAKES UP FAKE SCENARIOS AND COME-BACKS IN HIS HEAD.

I refuse to believe someone as hilarious and sassy as this man had never once tried to come up with cool retorts for the very slight chance he could use it on someone. He's part of that non-original experience, but that's a secret he's taking to the grave.

• Would stare you down in hopes you approach him first for a conversation.

• Smug with the :3 face

• Definitely touch starved but too stubborn to admit it. Al Haitham strikes me as the sort of person to push you away if you're being too touchy/clingy. It's not just in the extremes, it's also when you sit a bit too close to him so he shuffles away to create some space.

Once he becomes comfortable though, he becomes the greatest criminal to your personal space - only when he initiates though (he tries to be subtle but it becomes more obvious once you notice the patterns).

• Basically, the duality of this man is so fascinating - he feels so much yet expresses so little. He craves connection but is too scared to be vulnerable for it. Al Haitham's the kind of person who requires an excruciating amount of patience to open up but when he does, the pay off is very well worth it.

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Inspired by this post:

A/N: This post isn't me exclusively romancing my loves so my writing feels a bit awkward T^T. I don't really know how to write in this format but I hope it turned out okay.

[pome-seed]

The Soldier's Keeper ★ 1

Pairing: Winter Soldier!Bucky x Doctor!Reader

Word Count: 1.6k

Summary: A doctor, taken from your lab where you study degenerative muscular diseases, find yourself trapped and charged with caring for a living weapon. Terrified for yours and your family's safety, you must work to appease your captors and care for a man who seems haunted beyond words. And as time goes on, you begin to learn just how human the man really is.

Warnings: Mentions of kidnapping, fear, weapons, and death.

Authors Note: Hi! This is the first chapter of a very very long series. (basically the prequal of the soldat story I posted) I'm a little nervous doing this, but I thought it would be fun. I'd also like to say, I tried to do my best writing a woman who is terrified- so that includes a good amount of nervous stuttering and rambling in the first chapter. Bear with me! Please enjoy, comment if you'd like and let me know what you think! And please be kind!

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The door slammed behind you with a shudder, making you jump. It was dark. Quiet. Silent, even. The silence that followed made your pulse jump. Your gaze fell upon your charge. It couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t be. You felt glued to the floor, your nerves screaming at you to run, to hide, to close your eyes and pretend none of this was real.

But you couldn’t. 

You had no choice. 

Getting to choose was a luxury, one you weren’t allowed.

The large contraption of metal claws and tangled wires wasn’t what first caught your eye in the room. It was the man. Just a man. Unmoving and unspeaking. He sat on a black bench, made to restrain and recline. His long dark hair hung in his eyes, but his gaze stayed pinned to the floor. 

You knew who he was. You wished you didn’t. 

Hydra wasn’t an entity you wanted to be aligned with. Hydra wasn’t even something you were aware was still around until weeks ago. You were just a woman. A doctor. A scientist. A bright mind with many questions and a burning need to find purpose. 

But you bore the burden of knowledge. Of curiosity. 

You were determined to find the answer to deteriorating muscular disease. You were drawn to the topic from a young age, watching classmates and strangers alike die out from disease. Lose their ability to move, to function, to live. 

You spent your life studying it. 

And it only took seconds for you to regret it. 

Here you were now, tasked with caring for a man forced to live through time and death. A man you knew nothing of a mere month ago.

You slid a hesitant foot forward, your flat scraping the stone floor. Silence stretched, only broken by the friction of your shoe. He hadn’t moved. You held your breath, forcing another step forward. Your stomach turned as you drew closer. You held your shaking fists to your chest, trying to convince yourself  you weren't as scared as you were. 

Why were you so scared, damn it? He was just a man. But then again, men were always God's most brutal creation. And this man, he was different. 

Hydra’s officials spent those first few days briefly informing you about the man, and his condition- between threats to your life and family.

They told you of the broken creature that was the winter soldier. The man whose mind had become nothing more than a button of yes and no. Kill or be killed. They told you of how he could pull your spine from your back with his hands tied and his eyes closed. Of how a single word put him in action. 

You knew he wouldn’t act unless commanded to, but that didn’t halt the fear. A loaded gun still held the reputation of death, even with its safety on.

You stood only a few feet away now. You saw him clearer now. You tried to take him in, humanise him, knowing that's all he was. But god, was it hard. The shadow across his face, caused by his hair, didn’t hide his dull blue eyes. They stared straight ahead, haunted and waiting.

“My…” your voice cracked against your will, exposing your fear. “My name is Y/n…” you spoke quietly, afraid if you were any louder, he would snap. He didn’t move. 

“I’m- I’m here to help you,” you whispered, standing before him now. “I’m a doctor, you see...” Your throat felt dry. Did your voice always sound like that? “They told me your muscles are- well, that the cryo sleep is- um-” you swallowed. Your tongue felt heavy. “They told me your muscles- the tissue is deteriorating. The cryo chamber is having unexpected side effects…” 

You watched him as you spoke. If you didn’t know better, you could almost guess he was still asleep. Or dead. “Can-” you tilted your head at him. “Can you hear me?” 

No response. Not even a twitch. With great hesitance, you knelt before him, your bare knees pressing into the plush carpet. You were lower than him now, but leveled enough. And still, it was like he was looking right through you. “You’re in there, aren’t you? I mean-” 

He blinked, just once. But it was enough. He didn’t even seem aware of it. His brows were furrowed together, his jaw screwed tight. A dark shadow of  a beard speckled his skin. His hair hung in his face, shielding him. 

“I’m- I’m here to tend to you.” You whispered. “I’ll be monitoring your vitals, and the state of your muscles. But-” you tilted your head. “They also want me to clean you up.” He was so still it was unsettling. You weren't surprised, he must be used to every type of needle and poke and prod in the book. 

You glanced back at the door, where a small tray sat atop a table. You took your time steadying yourself on shaky legs, retrieved the tray, then returned to your spot. You dragged a chair over and sat it on the seat. you stared at the man, your heart heavy in your chest.  

It was still dark, flickering light bulbs buzzing overhead. It was still quiet, your breaths sounding like screams. It was still deeply terrifying. But you needed to do as you were told. 

“They want me to shave your-” you gestured to your own face. “I know it's- well- I don’t know, but I don’t really get to say no, you know?” you stammered, your words failing you. You paused, then swallowed, allowing yourself to gather your bearings. “What I mean is- is it okay if I touch you?” 

Silence. 

Tense, thick, palpable silence. You bit back the fear rising in your chest as you reached a hand towards his face. “I’m sorry, I really am.” You whispered, pulling your hand back to pick through your tray. There wasn’t much. Just a bowl of water, a razor, a rag, and a cheap can of shaving cream. 

You had never shaved a man's face, but you’d shaved your legs about a thousand times. How different could they be? “Can you-” you swallowed. “Please, lift your head.” It felt wrong to touch him, to move him. He was so deeply human, sitting before you. It was sickening. After a long moment, he tilted his head back, bearing his throat.

You choked down the dramatic gasp that wanted to follow. His eyes were dull, staring straight through the space ahead. “Thank you,” you whispered, grabbing the rag. Having been unfamiliar with shaving like a man, you followed the steps you would on your own. You draped the rag across his lap and picked up the scissors. 

You spent the next few minutes in painful silence, snipping away long tufts of hair. You shook off the stray hairs onto the tray, then laid the rag back over his lap. After wetting his face, you used your fingers to smear shaving cream across his skin. Goosebumps rose over your arms as you did so, guilt and uncomfortability burrowing in your bones.

Holding a razor to the throat of one of the most dangerous men alive felt wrong. So deeply wrong. He stared straight ahead, unblinking as the blade scraped over the veins in his neck. His breath tickled your knuckles as you dragged the blade beneath his lips. He was like a doll, or a corpse. 

“I’ve never done this before, believe it or not.” You whispered. “I mean, I’ve shaved. Just- never shaved someone else, you know? It’s not something people often do.” You paused, asking him to tilt his head to the left. “Though, I’m guessing you’re pretty used to people doing things for you.” You paused. “Not in the privileged, type of way- I just mean, it’s pretty clear you don’t get to make a lot of choices for yourself…” you trailed off, then had him tilt to the right.

“I am sorry about that…” you whispered. “Having a choice, its- it’s the difference between being a thing, and being human. That’s how I’ve always seen it.” You washed off the razor, then continued. “I mean- I’m a woman, you know?” You laughed dryly, nerves making your tongue loose. “History is written by men taking choices away.”

The razor almost slipped from your fingers when his gaze flickered to yours. You couldn’t stop the gasp that time. You froze, the blade pressed to his cheek. “I’m really trying not to make you uneven right now.” You whispered, the nervous joke falling short. 

For the first time in what felt like the eternity you spent in that room, his lips parted. You held your breath, waiting to hear his voice.

The doors behind you swung open. You flinched, cold dread spreading down your spine. You yanked back the razor when you realized you nicked him. “I’m sorry,” you mouthed, wiping the cut with the rag. 

“Finished up yet? This isn’t a spa. We just need him clean.” It was an older man, a voice you recognised. 

“Yeah- yeah, I’m done.” You rushed, patting his face dry. You shoved everything back on the tray and scrambled to the side. You noticed the soldier go stalk still again, his gaze tracking the new man.

“Great. We need to get started, then.” The man- Pierce - started. His gaze found you. “You’re no longer needed.” The words sent a sickening fear pooling in your stomach, twisting and heavy- like it would rip right through you. A pair of men in suits approached you. “You’ll be summoned when we’re ready for you to start your treatments.”

You blinked. Hands circled your biceps. The tray was shoved into your hands. You were moving towards the door. you wanted to glance back, but your bones felt rusted shut. 

They weren’t going to kill you today. But how long would it last? How long would your value survive you?

Authors Note: Hi! Okay, sooo I hope you guys liked it, or at least feel a little intrigued. It gets a lot better further on, I have like 30 more chapters already written, so just let me know if you want more!

Also, this was originally written from a "she" Pov, so if you find any mistakes, let me know- I had to edit everything to say "You/your" after. Anyways, please comment and be kind!

[fanbasetwo]

GYUVIN HAVING A SECRET CRUSH ON YOU!!

NOTE FROM SENA , i actually had an idea in my mind (which might explain how I made this one so fast lol) thank you for requesting this anon, I actually had fun writing this one! [REQUESTED] college au MASTERLIST!!

join my taglist by sending an ask or commenting here <3

i. THE CLASS PREZ & THE NEW STUDENT

From the moment you entered the classroom as the new student, Gyuvin—class president and campus golden boy—was assigned to guide you around.

He approached you with his signature bright grin and confidence, extending a hand. “I’m Gyuvin, class president and your new best friend. You’re in good hands.”

He quickly learned you struggled a bit with your studies, but instead of judging, he offered to help you. “No worries. I’ve got you.”

Gyuvin loved tutoring you—mostly because it gave him a reason to spend time with you.

ii. HELPING YOU CHEAT

Gyuvin is so against cheating—seriously, he’s class president, he’s responsible! But… he’s also whipped for you.

During a particularly tough exam, you whisper that you’re doomed, and Gyuvin just sighs dramatically. “Don’t move, okay?”

He slides his answer sheet ever-so-subtly toward you under the pretense of stretching, whispering, “This never happened.”

After the exam, he scolds you gently: “I can’t believe I did that! You owe me for breaking my morals.” But then he softens and grins, ruffling your hair. “You’re lucky it was you.”

He’d never admit that seeing your relieved smile made it all worth it.

iii. THE PROJECT PAIRING

When the professor announces a paired project, Gyuvin immediately claims you as his partner, leaving no room for debate. “We’re a team—no questions asked.”

Working on the project together brings you closer. You spend late nights in the library, him explaining concepts and teasing you when you get distracted.

He’d always bring snacks—especially a strawberry milk bottle—because he “can’t have his baby starving.”

The first time he calls you baby, you roll your eyes and shove him playfully. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why not? You’re basically my baby at this point. I take care of you,” he jokes with that boyish grin.

iv. THE STRAWBERRY MILK HABIT

Gyuvin starts carrying a strawberry milk bottle everywhere, and his friends are utterly confused.

“Why do you always have that?”

“My baby might need it,” he says casually, ignoring the teasing looks.

Whenever you look tired or stressed, he wordlessly hands you the bottle with a small smile. “Drink up. It’s your favorite, right?”

Even before you started dating, it became a small tradition—his way of silently showing he cared.

v. HIS TERRIBLE “SECRET” CRUSH

Gyuvin genuinely thought he was being sneaky, but in reality, everyone (including you) figured it out long before he confessed.

His friends constantly teased him for how obvious it was—how his eyes lit up when you walked into a room, how he couldn’t stop talking about you, and how he always prioritized you over everything else.

“You’re so obvious, Gyuvin. Even she probably knows.”

“No way. I’m smooth,” he’d insist, completely unaware that you’d been catching on for weeks.

vi. WHEN YOU FOUND OUT

You finally caught on one day when you overheard Gyuvin’s friends teasing him about how whipped he was for you.

“Bro, you’re carrying two strawberry milks now? Are you building a shrine for her?”

Gyuvin groaned, blushing. “I just want her to be happy, okay? Shut up.”

You cornered him later, smirking. “So… whipped, huh?”

Gyuvin froze, completely flustered. “Who told you that?! I mean—uh—what?”

vii. THE STOLEN KISS

Before you could fully confront him about his feelings, Gyuvin decided to beat you to the punch.

It happened after one of your late project sessions. You were packing up your things when he suddenly leaned closer, grinning mischievously.

“You know,” he said softly, “it’s not really a secret crush if you already know, right?”

Before you could respond, he brushed his lips against your cheek—a soft, fleeting kiss that left you stunned.

He laughed at your reaction, standing up and stretching. “What? I had to make my move before you started teasing me for real.”

viii. THE CONFESSION & DATING

Gyuvin finally confessed properly a few days later. He showed up at your doorstep with a strawberry milk bottle in one hand and a bouquet of flowers in the other.

“Okay, fine. I like you—a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Will you let me call you ‘baby’ for real?”

You couldn’t say no, especially when he looked so hopeful. “Fine. But only if you keep bringing me strawberry milk.”

From then on, Gyuvin became the best boyfriend—teasing you constantly but always taking care of you in his own sweet way.

His friends groaned every time they saw you two together, calling you the “power couple” because of how smitten Gyuvin was.

ix. AFTER DATING GYUVIN

He never lets you forget how hard he worked for you. “Remember when I helped you cheat during that exam? That’s love, babe.”

He still calls you “baby,” but now it’s with even more affection.

And yes, he always—always—has a strawberry milk ready for you because, in his words: “I’ve been your class president, your tutor, your partner… but being your boyfriend is my favorite job.”

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