#because it doesn't seem to exist in the language with the same sentiment

[buttdumplin]

I only know Mexican Spanish, so I can only speak for myself and those I grew up with but "mami" and "papi" are not the equivalent of mommy/daddy as used in sexual or intimate relations.

We use mami and papi with our kids. It's what our tíos and tías call us that affectionately. It's what the lady from the corner store calls us when she's sweet on us and can't quite remember our names. It's what our grandparents call us as they fix up a scraped knee. And they bring out papito/mamita when we're either in deep shit, or in need of comfort that can only come from someone with more knowledge, power, or experience than us. It's a diminutive term of endearment.

I'm not saying it's never used as mommy/daddy, but it's hardly ever a title. The context of it is so wildly different, because it's usually what we call someone we're responsible for.

"Mamas" tho? Mamas can fuck.

[sysmedsaresexist]

The Big "Is RAMCOA Antisemitic?" Debunk Post

Because I have to stay relevant, here we go

Let's start with a little speech. A bit of positivity.

You know, there is something good to said about this RAMCOA antisemitism discourse. The majority don't seem to be falling for it at all, and many are becoming more educated about the panic, RAMCOA/OEA and its history (the good and the bad) than ever before

RAMCOA/OEA a very real issue that deserves awareness and advocacy, and so far, I've noticed a massive surge in members of the community researching the ISSTD and the OEA sig's work.

It has brought antisemitism into light in a way that hasn't really been talked about on a large scale in system communities, and most don't know ever existed. Many, genuinely, had no idea that the satanic panic was antisemitic in these ways, and it's putting a lot of pieces together and adding a lot of context that'll help us grow and be better people going forward.

It's been really nice seeing such a positive shift to open, educational conversations, with people genuinely wanting to know the truth and unlearn harmful associations.

SAS stands with RAMCOA and OEA survivors.

So let's get into it.

SRA and The Memory Wars, lasting results

SRA started with Michelle Remembers, a book, in 1980. It resulted in thousands of unsubstantiated claims of abuse, daycare hysteria, set CDD research and OEA abuse back decades, affected millions, and to this day conjures images of cloaked figures sacrificing children.

The ISSTD was formed in 1984, amid the panic, with the goal of quickly developing an effective treatment and documenting the disorder as thoroughly as possible. Many mistakes were made. Clinicians aren't immune to societal panics, and lessons were learned the hard way.

I think an important distinction that many have forgotten is that the ISSTD's principal controversy isn't SRA. SRA didn't start or end with the ISSTD.

While the “Satanic Panic” played out in courts and in mass media, the ISSTD entered “The Memory Wars”, and it's this that they're most controversial for. False, implanted, and fostered memories weren't solely related to SRA. It was used to discredit all types of abuse and violence and is still used to this day to silence victims.

By the 1990s, therapists were being sued, licenses were being revoked, and members were fleeing the ISSTD. The False Memory Syndrome Foundation wouldn't be created for another couple of years, but that doesn't mean its founding members weren't already wreaking havoc.

The FMSF would be created in 1992, and their bigger and better attacks on therapists were brutal and persistent. The legal battles would be especially effective at causing therapists to refuse to work with victims of abuse.

Research on ritual abuse, CDDs, and repressed memories came to a grinding halt.

The Satanic Panic eventually fell into relative silence by 1995, but false memories lived on, loud and cruel.

The FMSF would eventually begin to write college textbooks for the next generation of clinicians. It would survive until 2019.

The ISSTD is still trying to regain its membership. It's only recently that they reached 1500, the highest since 1993.

Antisemitism, blood libel, and the satanic panic

If you're confused about how everything is related, I'm going to make it very simple so you grasp the basic idea.

This is not a history lesson.

Blood Libel, or ritual murder, is the idea that Jewish people sacrificed Christian children in religious rituals. Cloaked figures performing rituals and killing children and animals. The same thing you picture when you think of Satanists and rituals.

For those who recognize the connection (racists), this fuels their sentiments and creates a language for them to speak to each other.

It is true, a basic fact, that for many people, Satanists are anyone who doesn't worship the Christian god. Including and especially Jewish people.

SRA and RAMCOA

Depending on who you ask, the connection is either that:

MYTH: the ISSTD originally called their RAMCOA sig (Special Interest Group) the SRA sig. FACT: The RAMCOA sig, one of twelve ISSTD sigs, was created in 2008. There was never any kind of satanic ritual abuse group or association within the ISSTD.

FACT: Ritual abuse, the RA in RAMCOA, still has ties to SRA and brings to mind everything from the panic. ALSO FACT: That's why the ISSTD has renamed it to the OEA sig.

Hopefully we're all on the same page now.

Who's Grey Faction?

Grey Faction is a group of the TST (The Satanic Temple) and is closely related to the FMSF. While the FMSF generally attacked all types of abuse, GF, being related to Satanism, is focused on recovered memories and the (still alive) satanic panic. They believe that all reports of false memories supports satanic panic conspiracy theories. They continue the FMSF's work.

How did we get here?

Well, TST and GF are on reddit. Syscringe is on reddit. And now syscringe is here.

This is what syscringe bot says every time RAMCOA is brought up.

That link goes to Grey Faction.

So is RAMCOA Antisemitic?

Kind of yeah. It was a really good move of the ISSTD to change the name to OEA sig. They talk about the association on their website and stated they wanted to get away from that. No one won the satanic panic. Ritual abuse is real, but its history is tainted.

The discourse around RAMCOA isn't about helping Jewish people. At least, not for the people pushing the false connection that the ISSTD started and continues to maintain the panic to this day.

It's about discrediting the ISSTD and the trauma theory. It's about silencing victims, even Jewish survivors.

It's about ignoring that the ISSTD is making moves in the right direction.

It's about continuing the idea that false memories exist and that trauma memories can't be trusted or taken at face value. It's about downplaying the depravity of abusers and the lengths they'll go to.

I want to finish this post with a letter from a very dear friend. It's not a mod on this blog, simply someone wishing to stay anonymous.

Uplift Jewish Voices

Hello, I’m Noam, an ethnic and religious Jew. I face antisemitism on the daily and deal with having DID. I am not a RAMCOA survivor, but I have a number of friends who are. Today I’m here to talk about the recent discourse going around regarding whether claiming to have RAMCOA experiences is inherently antisemitic. TLDR: no.

Let’s start with understanding why people think this. The term ritual abuse originated from the term satanic ritual abuse and is often associated with the satanic panic. The satanic panic in the 80s and 90s was extreme and yes, did involve a lot of antisemitic conspiracy theories. People would suggest certain symbols or music or groups of people (often vague, or calling it a nationwide conspiracy) were “brainwashing” these “good Christian children” into satanic practices or straying from rigid Christianity. Jews are often stereotyped as Satanic, controlling things, and murdering and cannibalizing children/babies.

Ritual abuse nowadays is often still associated with Satanic cults, but it has a much broader and less accusatory definition in medical/therapeutic spaces. Per Schröder et al. (2018), “ritual abuse occurs when a religious, political, or spiritual authority uses its position of power and the sovereignty to interpret the respective belief system to manipulate and dominate its followers.” Some examples include repeated forced creation of CSEM, religious and other types of cults (yes, including satanic, but also Christian and other religions), and being forced to abuse others (Schröder et al., 2018). Trafficking is also a type of organized abuse. We know these types of abuses happen. But given the history of RA as a term and the harm claims of SRA caused, how does one determine whether something is a conspiracy theory or actual trauma someone experienced?

This page by the European Commission does a good job of talking about identifying conspiracy theories and the harm they do. I won’t recount the whole thing, but here are some basic things they state conspiracy theories have in common: a secret plot, a group of conspirators, unfounded/unreliable evidence, suggesting everything is connected, dividing the world into good people and bad people, and scapegoating certain groups (“Identifying Conspiracy Theories,” 2020).

What makes (many) stories of RAMCOA different from antisemitic conspiracy theories? I’m glad you asked!

• The secret plot in conspiracy theories often involves a large group of people in on some secret changing something about the world or identifying a secret thing that must have happened to lead to unfortunate current events. RAMCOA tends to stem from people or organizations working on a much smaller scale, and the things they are doing mostly affect the person/people experiencing this abuse. Abusers may try to instill in victims a sense that they control a lot about the world and the events that happen within it, but they don’t.

• A big question I like to ask people who spout conspiracy theories is “who is they (the group of conspirators)?” If they is some generic big bad, the government, “elites” (see the AJC’s Translate Hate Glossary section titled “cosmopolitan elite”), or vague and unknown, it’s usually a dogwhistle for Jews. The person themselves may not realize this, but perhaps they never looked further into the evidence behind these accusations and who those being accused are. RAMCOA perpetrators are not vague to their victims. They often have familial ties or other close relationships with them that allow the abusers to gain their victims’ trust (Schröder et al. 2018). The things they do to abuse people and the methods they use are not vague or mysterious actions to achieve an end. There are specific actions and tactics that cults and authority figures use for RAMCOA.

• Whether evidence is unfounded is a harder thing to distinguish, since many survivors of RAMCOA cope using dissociation or have an amount of dissociative amnesia around traumatic events (Shröder 2018). The Europe Commission suggests three main things to check for in regards to evidence about a claim. Who is the author and why are they writing this? Is the source reliable/reputable? Is the tone and style “balanced and fair or sensationalist and one-dimensional?” (“Identifying Conspiracy Theories,” 2020). I also like to think about, especially with regards to abuse survivors, if this is a conspiracy theory, why are they telling me the things they’re telling me? Most RAMCOA survivors I’ve met avoid talking about their trauma and are more focused on figuring out if what they experienced is real and how to heal from it. They are not trying to convince me of something; they are just sharing their story and looking for support.

• RAMCOA victims I’ve talked to, particularly those with DID, also have a more complex view of their abusers or are trying to come to terms with all the bad things someone they admired, trusted, and/or loved did. Conspiracy theorists tend to separate people into conspirators or innocents. There is no middle ground. Healing for a lot of abuse victims involves realizing that good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things; the world is not black and white.

• Scapegoating often involves generalizing and demonizing certain people or groups of people. I find a lack of seeing these “others” as human or wanting anything other than a single, unified goal. It also tends to involve assumptions much more than any personal experience. Anyone with even the slightest connection to a certain ideology is evil. RAMCOA often involves many victims, many of whom understand that other people involved with the organization that hurt them are also victims or have been scared or brainwashed into further perpetuating abuse.

• Also, while satanic panic was largely about going against Christianity, many religious cults are associated with particular sects or communities within Christianity, and they use certain ideologies within the group to deter people from leaving or reporting abuse. Perpetrators claim some sort of punishment or betrayal will be involved in these actions.

Anyways, I want to put emphasis on healing in RAMCOA survivors, where many of the points and purposes of conspiracy theories are antithetical to such a process. People should be allowed to find support, community, and reliable resources about what they have gone through (if it is physically/mentally safe for them to do so). Please do not insist that these traumas aren’t real on the basis of antisemitism from the satanic panic. The survivors I’ve met who talk about parts of their trauma are working hard to come to terms with it themselves and how to cope, and while they may be angry and upset towards their abusers, they do not try to insist to me how evil a group is and that there is a need to take direct action against them. They are just trying to survive.

Now, ritual abuse as a term and the history of its use is something I think needs more discussion. I would love to see more research about how the term evolved within medical/therapeutic spaces and how much of a connection the current definition and use has to antisemitism. But regardless of what we end up calling these types of abuses, there are real examples of them and people who have empirical evidence that they have been through such experiences.

Furthermore, I have a problem with a lot of the claims of antisemitism in relation to RAMCOA coming from goyim (AKA non-Jews). You are not the authority on antisemitism. You do not get to claim to defend us while not speaking to us about the topic. There is so much antisemitism going around, but I find so few people willing to listen to Jews when we talk about the struggles we face. (The SAS mods are an example of exceptions to this. I appreciate the amount I’ve been able to talk to them and how open and supportive they are. I love y’all.) Encouraging hate and disbelief is not helpful to us. What’s helpful is doing your research and learning about how to recognize and combat antisemitism. Take your energy where it’s needed, thank you.

European Commission. (2020, August 12). Identifying conspiracy theories. European Commission. <https://commission.europa.eu/strategy-and-policy/coronavirus-response/fighting-disinformation/identifying-conspiracy-theories_en>

Gerke, J., Fegert, J., Rassenhofer, M., & Fegert, J. M. (2024). Organized sexualized and ritual violence: Results from two representative German samples. Child Abuse & Neglect, 152, 106792. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.chiabu.2024.106792

[yanderes-galore]

Romantic Nanami(JJK) concept?

I can try, sure! Hope you enjoy him :) I had trouble writing his character as I guess I didn't connect with him as much as others? But I still enjoy him.

Yandere! Kento Nanami Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Overprotective/Possessive behavior, Manipulation, Stalking, Degrading behavior, Isolation, Childish punishment, Forced relationship.

Nanami doesn't seem like the type of person who easily gets attached to people.

He's learned that's a poor choice since he was young.

In fact, his youth was stolen from him due to his role as a sorcerer.

He's reserved and often not emotional/sentimental.

He's blunt and doesn't mince words.

So I imagine manipulation with him is the same, no flowery language or words to soften the blow.

He'd just be blunt and state you need him or something similar.

He'd be strict and serious, not expressing much weakness or emotion.

He's hard to read and can be an intimidating yandere.

Which would make Nanami another yandere who's unpredictable in this universe.

Except for him... it's because he rarely shows emotion or what he's thinking at all.

He's not necessarily possessive in my eyes... but he's certainly protective and I wouldn't doubt it if he was isolating too.

Nanami would believe all he does for you is for your own good.

So every person he scares off, every curse he gets rid of, every lock he places on your gilded cage by his side...

All to keep you safe... and hopefully happy.

He's quick to irritate which doesn't help with his strict behavior.

He seems like the type of yandere to scold his darling like a child, even when they're in a relationship.

You could be a sorcerer just like him... and he treats you like you'll die without him.

In a way, you can excuse this as him being scared to lose you like he's lost so many others.

But he still shouldn't do this... part of him knows that.

If you weren't a sorcerer then he tries his hardest to shield you from such a life.

If you were, it's like he wants you to quit.

Nanami would always watch you like a stern hawk.

As though you'll get hurt if he doesn't.

Sometimes he's sociable but often he prefers to just stay... reserved.

You are one of the only ones he really bothers to talk to that doesn't seem forced.

He's fond of you, really is, but is obviously not the most sentimental person.

Even as a partner he seems to act suffocating.

It's like a parent watching a child sometimes.

You can tell him off about this, complain he doesn't give you enough credit.

You can try to convince him you can take care of yourself.

But he just... refuses to believe it.

Nanami's affection is often silent.

Things like quiet (yet tight) hugs along with kisses.

While Nanami can be condescending, he's loving in his own way.

He seems like the type to want his spouse to be a house spouse.

Big house with security, you staying home all the time, it would soothe a lot of his stresses...

Plus, coming home to you would make him feel a lot better.

He likes the idea of a traditional life.

Maybe no kids, but you at home, and him coming to spoil you when he's home.

Would Nanami kidnap? Not really.

I feel it's a bit too out of character for him and his yandere type.

He's a yandere who lurks in the background of your life primarily before eventually confronting you.

He'd use manipulation but it's often taken as concern or orders.

For example, if he asks you to stay around him due to the Curse activity in the area, you'd most likely listen as you trust him.

Even more so when he becomes your boyfriend.

You may even understand his concern and not register it as toxic.

In a world where Curses exist around every corner, you understand when Nanami expresses concern.

Although, it can quickly start getting toxic when he removes your independence... "to keep you safe."

He does this by offering you to move into his home or convincing you to quit your job.

Would Nanami get jealous? He isn't very... open about it.

Like most emotions he tends to not show it.

It would be very subtle cues like clenching a fist or gripping a table.

He doesn't trust many around you but tolerates it.

Only because he knows you're his when you get home.

While he's mostly overprotective, a subtle feeling of possessiveness is hinted at in his actions.

Things like tight holds or rough kisses when you're alone show that in him.

Nanami doesn't entirely tolerate you fighting with him.

Arguments occur at times, especially when Nanami tries to coax you into giving up your independence.

He thinks you're being childish at times when in reality he's the one being paranoid.

Nanami may also punish you like a child, which just makes things more degrading.

Stupid things like, you sit in your room kinda thing (or spanking I guess).

Nanami no doubt means well... in his eyes.

But he takes it too far, unfortunately.

Would Nanami murder rivals? No.

He knows he's insane for being a Sorcerer (and keeping you in your shared home) but he draws the line at... petty murder.

The most he does is keep you at your shared home and away from people.

He feels that's where you're safest... and it reassures him you're his.

He shows his appreciation through affection... maybe even gifts.

He does seem like he'd buy you gifts, be that clothes or items he thinks you'll like.

Holding you close is comfort to him, his stresses melting easily in your presence.

His biggest issue is he's just overprotective... right?

It's not like he isolates you to keep you to himself, right?

He's... He's just concerned, right?

Giving you gifts and affection isn't to distract you, is it?

Nanami just wants you safe from potential danger because he cares...

He'd never isolate you for any other reason... right?

[ewecorr]

I'll say this with begrudging nuance but: I don't think Remmick is the vulture culture snatcher that many commentaries and thoughts seem to conclude with.

I actually don't chuff and shake my head at the narrative that Remmick is a great villain, because he is! He is. And he is a predator. Absolutement.

But I think the historical periods (because he had been around for centuries by the film's point) he ran through has left him seriously and nefariously jaded. He's had his ethnicity-- his literal and actual classification as a human-- changed and parred down loads and loads of times. He has done the rat race, he has lived and lived again.

So I feel all these ways and one of them is that I don't know if I can fully double down on his stealing of culture, of trying to enact the violence he underwent.

Sammie represents something I think he sees as sacred, and that he wants to have-- yes. He wants to possess.

He uses this re-volution and becoming to steal the past from his new flock; he assimilates language, perverses sexuality and banal bonds. It is evil! It is a manipulation to terribly force someone's human shades into a Many.

However, "culture vulture" doesn't ... make sense. Although the hyper popculturing of placing Bhad Bhabie and Remmick in the same category really tickles me, I also feel like it's a nasty discrediting of a man who is less man and more programme.

Remmick, who we meet, has a goal to feast and assemble. In Sammy, he sees an amazing addition-- he, in fact, likes the WHOLE of the juke joint. His sentiment toward them is informed by the man who he almost surely was. "Rocky Road to Dublin" skips essential meatier straits that would certainly lean into a cultural depravity take, but his focus is on the joy of finding that community- the merriment, the hope.

It is both propaganda and a horrifying mockery after slaying SO many people, but it's also a base part of him.

However, there's just too much substance, too many faces, for me to actually resonate with the conclusions I'm alluding to. Even our twins are themselves assimilations, walking and talking representatives of the candor and attitudes they adopted and played up while they ran the mob game.

Ryan Coogler did a lot with this film and I think there are so many interesting things people are picking up, and a lot of history we are revisiting with excitement and interest. I think a lot of these things need to be mixed together more thoroughly because, at the moment, I feel everyone's analysis has a layer of oil at the top that praises and dismisses Remmick as a simple white man who is Irish (if Irishness exists in him, to him, still, if that too is something that stays like the trapped soul in a dead body, if he loathes or loves that, etc.) who wants to tear Black traditions from the hands of our Black cast.

[mikotos-nape-nibbler]

I like your take, but I will say that while many fragmented personality states do not experiences discrete differences, some brains do. Yes it seems "performative" but sometimes brains do that becauae drastically different behavior/views are sometimes required for survival. It's as annoying for the person experiencing it as the person witnessing such a "switch" irl, because both parties are thinking "this seems totally fake."

The whole thing the brain is doing is convincing itself that the thing it is experiencing isn't actually real. Most people don't have distinct parts because the opposite is necessary. However, sometimes parts are extremely distinct because it is necessary.

How this manifests in 09 is completely up to the viewer so your interpretation is completely understandable and valid. However, do understand that overt symptoms don't make someone a sideshow freak. A lot of people carry that sentiment, but it's not true. It's not something that doesn't happen, it's hidden because it scares people.

The language we use to discuss these things is very valuable, and your input is deeply important and well-put. The language many communities use to discuss these things is unhelpful, and catering your discussion experience how you like is great. Still, no one who is truly expressing symptoms like "stereotypical" DID is enjoying their brain's performance. We hope more people can understand that, too.

What if 09 was free to be different day-to-day even when it's deemed weird? You're right that it's dumb to just focus on his self-states, but we can't toss aside their differences as entirely irrelevant. Yamanaka gave us ways to differentiate them because they are influenced by different life experiences.

I hope this doesn't come off as a rant! The way you explain things is very skillful; I understand what you're getting at. Still, it bothers us sometimes that these symptoma tend to be seen as a "circus performance."

nods nods. "discrete" is a different from "different" in the sense that a "discrete" thing means an individually separate entity with no overlap with anything- there is no possibility of continuity. whereas "different" can include some continuity despite a shift from an origin point. yeah, dissociated states can appear vastly different but, due to the fact that there's a continuity via co-existing within one body/brain, it doesn't qualify for the definition of "discrete". and "distinct" just means to appear different enough that it can be considered a haecceity, but not necessarily be inherently discrete. "different" ≠ "distinct" ≠ "discrete"

besides, to be "discrete" is to be static. isn't it kinda strange to call a person a static, non-changing, non-evolving entity? i don't quite see the point in caring if someone appears to be "performative" or not, nor do i care if someone appears "stereotypical" or not. and i especially do not give a shit if someone's being distinct or not; everything's a form of expression in the end and who's to dictate how one is to express their existence? besides, what really matters is how actions and subsequent responses impact an agent(s) or entity/entities. what matters more is how those expressions affect things and if a person is cognizant of why/how they express/phrase something as they do- the deliberation and understanding of one's acts of agency. it's better to know why you chant some slogan rather than to do it mindlessly, right? the same premise goes for what a person says or does or acts.

What if 09 was free to be different day-to-day even when it's deemed weird? You're right that it's dumb to just focus on his self-states, but we can't toss aside their differences as entirely irrelevant. Yamanaka gave us ways to differentiate them because they are influenced by different life experiences.

i think there's some misunderstanding here. analyzing the overarching systems in place that developed Mikoto Kayano in all his complexities isn't casting aside his differences, it's - instead - focusing on what caused X or Y etc. to manifest in Mikoto (which ofc includes whatever caused Z-difference to manifest); analyzing the macrofactors of the world that molds its inhabitants rather than analyzing the expressions of the microworld within a single human being. if you need an analogy, think of anthropology vs psychoanalysis: one is the study of a group of people/community and the other is the intimate study of a single person — patterns within many vs singular expression of individualism. once more, i really could not give a single modicum of fuck about how Mikoto expresses himself, freely or not. i care more about the Cause-Effect in the Cause-Effect-Response continuum when it comes to analyses. everyone's free to focus and approach analyses from whichever angle they choose to, i just happen to like thinking about the more overall structure of things - the panopticon of society itself and its effects en masse rather than the individuals. if you know the foundations of what causes something, it's more effective in changing more things - the structure of things - ergo affecting more people for better or for worse. genuinely if you want to analyze 09 and his psychology, by all means you've always been able to. all i'm yapping about on this account is wanting to see other topics of conversation about him- discussions that aren't just focused on MILGRAM's unethical abductive-reasoning diagnosis of the DID of Mikoto Kayano. i'm all for expanding discussion, not stopping or limiting them lol. and if prohibiting a few words makes it so people have to think and come up with their own ways to phrase things, it would expand the diversity of conceptualizations, understandings, and perspectives all because of phrasing things differently- all because you place yourself in the variety of lenses that gives meaning to the world that different words offer through its usage.

i can understand the frustration of the symptoms of a stigmatized disorder being seen as a "circus performance" and displaying overt symptoms being seen as "freaky" since that's just dehumanizing but there are ways to help destigmatize it. one of many ways is figuring out the language that stigmatizes or destigmatizes because meaning, thus image/stigma/preconceptions/nuance, is constructed in language. it's one of the basal instruments that is actively perpetuating or changing the current mores of thought, thus philosophies, thus people through its usage that is as essential as breathing. why do you think some people have a notion that a disorder like DID is "circus"-adjacent or "freak"-adjacent if not because of the language used to talk about it? words have nuances and if enough of those words-with-nuances surround a community enough, become embedded with it, it affects how its speech community members and outsiders/most of the population will understand it. now, how do you deconstruct stigma in language? (1) be critical of existing language; (2) educating and making speakers understand the meanings embedded in what they say; (3) once that's achieved, it's up to those persons to choose what to do with that further insight and if they'll be more deliberate in how they say things. this can apply to the individual or a/the community that's affected that deliberates what they will do with that language and how it's be approached and transformed to their will. language is a living, communal and mutual instrument that requires the effort of many individuals within the speech community to exist. language isn't static nor are thoughts nor people. things can change for the worst or better.

[mychemicalnations]

What the fuck, NaNo???????

this is a long post, buckle up.

Okay, if you haven't heard anything about NaNoWriMo's statement about the use of AI in writing, I am both jealous of you and here to ruin that for you.

The folks over at National Novel Writing Month have released a statement (which you can read here) that explicitly says that being Anti-genAI is classist and ableist. My gut reaction is that this is a fucking asinine take -- poor and disabled people have been writing for longer than we've even had the electricity that powers AI -- but the more I think about it, the angrier I get about the anti-community sentiment that they seem to be pushing.

The claims that are made in this statement are either non-issues or something that AI does not actually fix. Yeah, not everyone can afford to hire an editor, but that is a large part of why writing communities exist both in-person and online. Exchange works with a friend and help each other out, find a discord server and ask there. Make use of a writing community. The same thing applies to ableism; Yeah, we all have different abilities and not everyone can "see" what might need improvement. So you share your work with another writer and get feedback from your community. Writing is a skill that needs to be honed and in order to do that, you have to be okay with being bad at it sometimes.

I'm not even sure I can say much about their "General access" paragraph because, like... AI is not going to fix the systemic issues with the publishing industry. It just won't. That entire paragraph gets half-way to a point and then falls on its ass into the void.

As if I wasn't angry enough, NaNoWriMo edited the statement about 8 hours ago to say "Note: we have edited this post by adding this paragraph to reflect our acknowledgment that there are bad actors in the AI space who are doing harm to writers and who are acting unethically."

This makes me want to throw my computer out a fucking window. Using AI in writing or any other art is inherently unethical because the language models being used are trained on works by people who did not consent to their work being used to train said AI. It is theft. It is plagiarism. Plain and simple. Chat-GPT was trained using the entirety of the New York Times archive, so when you use Chat-GPT, what it produces is based off of the work of NYT journalists (read about the resulting lawsuit here). It's not that there are "bad actors", the programs themselves are built on stealing writing. We've known this for what feels like ages now. This is such a bullshit edit and a fucking sad attempt at saving their asses.

I am someone that doesn't even use Grammarly anymore because they literally market themselves as an AI writing assistant and I'm not willing to risk my entire degree for an application that can't even handle vernacular and dialect and makes mid suggestions at best. Genuinely fuck off and block me if you support the use of AI in writing. Also, my block button is rated E for Everyone and I will use it liberally if anyone comes into my notes supporting genAI. Unless I am feel particularly combative, then you will feel the full weight of my academic and creative integrity. You have been warned.

[pascaloverx]

Sweet Love

Summary: You're an up-and-coming writer, congratulations. To protect your beloved job, you're willing to do anything. Even strike a deal with the devil, better known as your sister's neighbor. You and Dean Winchester don't really see eye to eye, but in a moment of desperation, you agree to collaborate with him for a greater good.

Author's Notes: Many characters do not belong to me but to the Supernatural Universe (2005-2020). I hope you enjoy the fanfic's story. The fanfic will contain strong language and adult content. Dear readers, I'm here to let you know that if you enjoy this fic, please engage with it. Comments and likes are welcome. I appreciate everyone who follows this fanfic, but I must admit that it might be coming to an end. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.

chapter five chapter seven

CHAPTER SIX

The first few days avoiding Dean seemed the most complicated. Whether you like it or not, being next-door neighbors and getting used to doing certain things at the same time to meet in secret from Sam made everything more complicated. But by the second week of avoiding the Winchesters, you were already an expert at not running into either of them. That doesn't mean it was easy, though. Today, you finally sent the first draft of your new book to the publisher. So you decided to go out and do some grocery shopping. The store isn't crowded; it's a quiet time to get lost between the dairy and frozen food sections. You don't want to admit it, but even grocery shopping now reminds you of Dean. And you can't stand that.

"Are you sure your brother asked for this type of shampoo? He doesn't seem like the guy who needs to control oily hair." You hear a woman saying this, and it reminds you that you're running low on shampoo too. You head towards the hair care products, and your eyes meet the person you most want to avoid.

"You'd be surprised how much maintenance his hair needs. I need to grab something over there." Dean says loudly enough for you to hear. You try to avoid him by heading into the baby aisle. Now you're surrounded by powders, diaper packs, wet wipes, and formula.

"Can you stop running away from me?" Dean says in an exaggerated manner, definitely grabbing your attention—and the attention of almost everyone in the store.

" I wouldn't have to run if you'd stop coming after me, Winchester." You reply, turning to face him. Now it's just you and him, face to face, with only a shopping cart separating you.

"I doubt you have any idea how much I've wanted to find you these past few weeks. Even though I have no clue what I'd do if I did. It feels strange to say this while you're my neighbor and not long ago we were…" Dean begins to speak, and you look at him as if you don't know what to do. In reality, you have no idea what to do. Fight with him? Reconnect with him? But what exactly would you be reconnecting?"

"We were nothing. Now, can you do us both a favor and move on with your life?" You say, trying to avoid Winchester's gaze.

"For you, does moving forward mean pretending that the other person doesn't exist? Because if so, I don't intend to forget you. Or move on." Dean looks serious about what he's talking about. And you wish you could trust that he's serious about not forgetting you.

"Why would you say that, if you know that we shouldn't mean anything to each other? If you know that you're not over Castiel? If you're here with someone else, you shouldn't be talking to me like that." Your words carry a sentimentality inappropriate for the nature of your relationship with Dean. You both clearly should never have gotten close, since neither of you knows how to be casual about your feelings.

"I talked to him. After what you said. I realized I was being a fool for undervaluing someone who meant so much to me. And I'm here with a friend, not a substitute for you," Dean says, taking another step towards you, keeping his eyes fixed on you.

"And what do you want now? Why do you want to be near me? To apologize for being a jerk? Or to regret ever stepping into my life?" you say, leaving your cart still between you and Dean but moving toward him. Part of you wants to confront him without anything between you, and the other part just wants to forget this argument and jump into his bed.

"I would never regret you. Actually, I regret not being worthy of your attention. But the truth is, I don't know how to function without you anymore. Without waiting for my idiot brother to fall asleep so I can sneak into your place, going to the store to buy anything just to spend time with you, cooking for you after sex because we both get ravenous." Everything he is saying lowers your guard, everything so personal. The truth is, you miss the comfort of having him around. Not thinking about labels or anything else, just being together. Realizing that you are more than his writer neighbor and he is more than your womanizing neighbor.

"What does all this mean, Winchester? You declaring yourself like a lovestruck boy, what exactly does it mean?" Your question seems to surprise him. The truth is it feels like you've been going in circles when it comes to this relationship, if you can even call it a relationship, what you had or have.

"If you want me, it can mean an official relationship with all the trimmings—expectations, sentimentality, companionship, silly romantic dates, and awkward family moments. The full package. In good times and bad, in sickness and in health; until my brother and your sister kill me for breaking the rule of not getting too close to you." Dean says, smiling slightly. You move a bit closer to him, looking him seriously in the eyes. Until you open your arms and move toward him. Missing him outweighs your anger. Dean holds you firmly in his arms, and when you lift your head to look at him, he kisses you gently. A very soft kiss.

"You know you basically just proposed to me, right?" you say as your lips part from Dean's, who laughs.

"Sorry, babygirl, but I think you're the one who wants to marry me. But first, we need to take it slow. I still need to win your sister's approval, and one of us has to tell Sam what's going on," Dean says, and you chuckle at the thought of it. Just then, you hear someone clear their throat behind you. It's Dean's friend, standing there with a basket full of groceries.

"Not that either of you cares, but you can see all this sappy crap from a mile away. I'm Charlie, by the way, and I should let you know that Sam already knows. He actually made me bring Dean to the market to see if he could get over the weird breakup between you two." Charlie extends her hand towards you, and you shake it, feeling a bit awkward about how this is your first meeting.

"I think it's best if we all head home. It's a pleasure to meet you, Charlie. I'll finish my shopping and meet you at the exit." You say, separating from Dean and grabbing your cart again. Before heading back to your shopping, you and Dean share a quick kiss, and as you walk to another section of the market, you can hear Charlie cursing Dean for abandoning her with the groceries.

[neige-leblanche]

this is Not something that i'd ideally have as a public post but ventapp is dead so whatever. i think im starting to realize the reason why i always felt a little uncomfortable w ppl getting me china-related stuff as gifts when i was in middle school/high school/college was bc it felt for lack of a better word fetishistic. like the sentiment felt very often like "they'll like it just bc it's chinese, not because of the item/contents itself" which like. while obviously not as bad as appropriative consumer trends or fetishization of people it feels like part of the same thing.

for context i'm white & studied mandarin chinese all that time. i was very vocal about my love for the language, and i *did* get to learn a lot abt chinese culture & history during that time which if uve learned any language for a while u know comes with the territory. and i really did think the cultural stuff was exciting so i feel like i'm being a bit judgemental towards my relatives who got me these gifts

but like. first & most obvious . gift contents. i wouldn't like getting a historical nonfiction book if it weren't about china so why would i like one about china. i don't like rubber stamps so why should i like rubber stamps of chinese characters. c'mon.

secondly i know this is/was a hot topic but the western appropriation of chinese characters as aesthetic objects. i am aware that this is v much a two-way street; my main purse is actually a canvas messenger bag i got in beijing with some just-barely-coherent english phrases on a patch on the front. however a lot of western-made objects with chinese characters on them do feel kinda like,, idk sleazy. bearing in mind i'm not an expert i've only been to china once & i havent been in school for almost two years now, i see 和平 written on western objects very often (direct translation of "peace") and i'm pretty sure i've never seen it as aesthetic calligraphy on an asian-made item (though i used to have a chinese-made button with calligraphy that included the word 平安, which means closer to "safety" but has connotations of peace too), but western hippie-adjacent people like the word "peace", so they want it on their stuff.

^ and this is a very inconsequential example that isn't morally charged like cultural differences often are, but it stands in rlly harsh contrast to a time my chinese friend got me a souvenir with calligraphy about filial piety, and when i translated it to my family they all started laughing. which made me think about how they probably would not have laughed if it said "faith," or "destiny," or any other christian cultural value, even though my family doesn't practice christianity, just like my friend probably doesn't conscientiously adhere to confucian teachings every day either. which in turn makes me want westerners who appreciate chinese characters to try just a little bit harder. like there *are* characters associated with good luck, and there are common words and phrases written to reflect their cultural values, and you can probably find scores of english-language webpages explaining them all. obvs don't pick any you don't personally like, but given that they exist, don't you think just throwing your personal favorite words into google translate so you can have them in The Oriental Language With The Pretty Writing System seems a little sleazy? like?????

[skaruresonic]

Where would you rank English among the other languages you've learned?

For reference:

= I studied Spanish for five years in high school (forgot most of it), = am currently on my second year of studying Skaruręʔkyéha·ʔ, = tried learning a bit of Japanese hiragana but dropped it, = and am researching bits and pieces of Cymraeg (Welsh) and Old Saxon in my spare time.

Language is fascinating, a window into the way people think. I think all languages have the capacity to be beautiful, but also that beauty is not a prerequisite for a language to be allowed to exist, because beauty is subjective. That being said, it's difficult to rank languages as being "better" or "worse" because they're simply different from each other. It's like evolution: all languages have become the way they are to suit their own specific needs. While it's true that I sometimes call English "weird" or "dumb," it's out of frustration with the sheer gulf between the krirù·ręʔ and Skarù·ręʔ ways of thinking. They couldn't be more different if there were galaxies between them. For example, a perfectly sensible question in Skaruręʔkyéha·ʔ is "Teʔ waʔnę́·te saʔnę̀·nę́hwih íhsʔę naʔ čaʔnę̀·nę́hwih haʔ tì·waʔθ naʔ haʔ nyaʔnę̀·nę́hwih?" "[Which] [your relatives] [more than] [you two are related] [the amount] [than] [the] [you and I are related]?" In English, this is surprisingly difficult to translate because we don't exactly have a clean, congruent way of phrasing the sentiment. The closest attempt we made was: "Which of your relatives is it the case that you're more related to them than you are related to me?", which just sounds awkward no matter how you dice it.

Learning Haudenosaunee languages requires a restructuring of your thinking, a loosening of English's strict adherence to word order and grammar. There are multiple valid and correct ways of saying the same thing. What you'd call grammar is, for us, more like a guideline or a template from which we make educated guesses. Though there are "less appropriate" and "more appropriate" ways to structure sentences, the greater emphasis is placed on pronunciation than grammar. And there is so much that overlaps semantically, you'll wonder what the difference is. Learning aspects and how we conceive of time is one of the most difficult parts of the language because English just doesn't conceptualize time Like That. We have a lot of subtle nuances when it comes to time specifically, such that, when you try to find the appropriate English to match it, it feels a bit like using a fireaxe to hammer in a nail. It'll get the job done, but it feels weird and much too blunt. But then there are times where the Skarù·ręʔ feels equally blunt. I'll be honest, some of it isn't politically correct. Some terms come from colonial times, like our calling Asia the "old world." We could probably stand to work on that; making new words is the most fun part, imo.

I don't want to say our language is more "vibey," but because English is a low-context language where words more or less mean what they say on the tin, Skarù·ręʔkyéha·ʔ seems vaguer by comparison, if only because words are broader in their meanings. You either need to provide more information via context or think more abstractly. Skarù·ręʔ people have a rather quirky view of the world. We looked at the giraffe and decided its most distinguishing feature was not its spots, its long neck, or its black tongue, but its lack of a voice: yuwętú·kęʔ. "Cranberry," when translated literally, means "it says 'duks'! (onomatopoeia)," referring to the sound they make when boiled: túks wá·ʔnęh. Listening is important when studying Haudenosaunee languages because critical differences boil down to a literal hair's breadth: a lack of a pause, the way you pronounce one E, whether you aspirate those Hs, all of that can alter the meaning of a word. To an English ear, these words all sound the same: uhčíhręʔ = bear učíʔreh = light učirę́hręʔ = brown učì·reh = bee stinger I guess the main difference is nowadays English sounds stricter, more rigid, to me. Maybe a little... slow? Lumbering? Idk how to describe it. All this being said, it depends. Sometimes when I'm tired, I'll switch to English because it's easier and I don't have to hold eight million conjugations in my head - but sometimes the opposite is also true! I've grown so used to saying certain basic phrases in Skarù·ręʔ that I'll forget to phrase them in English.

From what little I've studied of Japanese and Welsh, they seem to bear some similarities in structure to Skarù·ręʔ as agglutinative languages. Smaller pieces strung together to create more complex sentences. (And this is just me but I like how Welsh sounds lol. why are you all making keyboard smash jokes. stop that.) They also do some similarly loosey-goosey word order stuff, although IIRC, Japanese relies a lot on passive voice whereas the concept doesn't exist in Skarù·ręʔ; everything has a cause and effect, something happening to cause something else. You can't just say the word "run" in isolation; you need to provide more context. Who is running? When? Where? How long? "Put it in a story," as they say. English uses a mix of active and passive language. Not sure how much direct language Welsh uses quite yet. I think Old Saxon is cool too, lol. It's fascinating to trace the etymology of English words through it. There's no such thing as a double-negative in Anglo-Saxon; you can stack as many negations as you want. How cool is that? Why did we get rid of it?

[joannerowling]

re: ask about people "reclaiming", homophobic slurs that are not from their language.

It's very true. and it's coming equally bad from both sides. On one hand, people of non-english upbringing, who never lived in the environment and neve were submerged in the culture, where those slurs originated from, have literally no business reclaiming them. It's just ignorant and disrespectful. If some western trans gay boy began call himself a pidor/pidorás (really violent slur for gay man in many slavic languages) since he is gay so it's okay to reclaim this quirky slavic word for gay ppl, i would go feral. I don't understand, why doesn't it work the other way. It so easy to think for a moment and understand that it's not your word to reclaim.

But on the other hand, english-speaking LGBTQ+ community has desensitised q slur so much, that for a foreigner, who is constantly in these online spaces, it's doesn't seem like it's a slur at all. A lot of new labels and genders and orientations are now including the slur, so maybe it okay to use. That's why im constantly stumbling upon people from my native online spaces, who call themselves queerplatonic or queergender or something like that. (the f slur hasn't reached us so far and i hope never will). I can totally see how someone just picked a label because it became so common in the US/Canada/UK, and the opposite opinions are drowned out by the louder crowds or labeled terfy.

I will say, to play devil's advocate here a little only for the sake of rounding the argument: language doesn't evolve spontaneously, and occasionally slurs can go from "slurs" to "no longer slurs" through cultural change. For example, in French, we have the word "con", which initially meant vagina and would have been used as a misogynistic insult (basically the same as "cunt", i believe the two are etymologically close). However today "con" has evolved to be used exclusively for men with a relatively large range in meaning (going from "dickhead" to "idiot"; sometimes it's applied in a genderless way, kind of teasingly - as in "t'es con" to mean "you're a bit of a dummie" or "you just made a bad joke/excessive one". It's all in the tone and context). Most, oh i'd really say 90% of French people at this point, have no idea what "con" used to mean. I've had that conversation with a French radfem once who said she refused to use it because of the original meaning, and my question to her was, what matters when identifying an insult, the word itself or the intent? It's an open one.

Perhaps this is what people hope will happen to "queer", though i don't think it's a good parallel with "con" - it could be if "queer" was used to design some completely different group or thing than homosexuals. You could argue it's already kind of happening though, many more people than you'd suspect have started recognising that "queer" and "gay" are different things (mostly because "queer" associations and media have completely stopped putting forth the fight for same-sex rights). I've seen that sentiment on radblr, "they can call themselves queer all they like but don't include me in it", as well as the firmer "queer is insulting period, and heteros don't get to reclaim a slur that was never thrown at them". Since it's not my language i'm not gonna pick one position over the other, but i guess both exist for equally good reasons.

(Like you i also noticed "faggot" is much less subjected to that. People seem a little more aware of that one and less willing to "reclaim it" or approriate it, outside of the worst of trans identified women. Why that is i don't know. Maybe because it's perceived as being more exclusively used for gay men, and violence against gay men is more well-known in general?)

Another thing your second paragraph highlights is something we don't talk about a lot i think: that for how culturally diverse "queer" spaces claim to be, they are fairly homogenous and singularly minded beneath the surface. Especially outside of native English speaking countries, because the kind of people who can speak English fluently enough to access these topics have specific backgrounds (it's very visible in France because people are generally not good at English here). This is why you can find several active LGBTQIA+ groups in Paris or some big cities and will struggle to find even one in much less prestigious unis.

[tawked]

OK so I'm reading feedback on a piece of fiction I wrote.

This is a really long post I don't expect anybody to read.

This is just me attempting to process said feedback / get over my frustration with it lol.

Context: I'm putting out chapters of a thing that focuses on a relationship between four dudes in their late 50s / mid 60s.

No you can't read it, the blog where I talk about wanting to fuck Finster from Power Rangers or being disabled is not something I want to link to my pseudo-real life lol.

Girl I have writer friends who are open about being severely mentally ill on their bluesky or whatever, and people start reading their work for secret signs of their disorder. Will not happen to me lol.

Anyway!

Some lessons I've learned from this experience:

Body-Personality Essentialism.

Some people who engage with queer romance and sexuality have a belief that there are Normal Bodies, and everything outside of that is a fetish. Queer Normal Bodies include Abercrombie Model, yes, but also Bear, Twink, etc. We have a more diverse range of Normal Bodies than straight people seem to, but we still have the same broad social construct of certain bodily ideals.

Look, at the risk of coming off very "not like the other gays," some gay men have embraced a whole vernacular that categorises us on our bodies. It's very app brained, but it pre-dates apps and is a product of club culture, imo. I think this is fine and readily identify as a bear personally, but I find this comes with a range of complex assumptions about my personality and interests based on looks. The "straight-acting" vs. fem, masc4masc concept is a monster, bro. The language evolves but the sentiment always lingers.

In other words, it does, in my opinion, become problematic when these body types become associated with a specific character, social role or dynamic. All bears are socially confident, hetero-vibed, sexually aggressive, assertive, dominant, and into S&M. All twinks are fem little bottoms who wanna be somebody's pillow princess and have some kind of latent femboy nature.

Otters are sexual centrists.

Bears are masculine and have conventionally masculine interests. Twinks are feminine and can name five different straight pop singers they consider "gay icons."

In this construct, all bodies invite a kind of fetishism. What is a fat dude who is not a Bear? A Chub, and he's into X, Y, Z, both sexually and not. On and on. In a sense, this is a kind of body positivity and can mean a range of different things, because real people are complex and move through the world with natural nuance.

However, when we apply this kind of mindset to queer fiction, we risk reductionism. We invite the assumption that if a character looks a certain way, it is with fetishistic intent. A man is not just fat, he's A Chub, and exists for an audience of men attracted to that, even if this is not authorial intent.

Further, it does become uncomfy when you have white people referring to black men in the sub-community as "chocolate bears," Asian men as "panda bears," yadda yadda, regardless of the individual's comfort with it. I don't mean black men who embrace the "chocolate bear" status, those dudes exist, I know, I've fucked them, but I mean the way some white men will assign that label without even knowing the dude or whether he claims that for himself.

You're attaching race to somebody's identity and self-concept in a space it doesn't need to be, as a way of otherizing or differentiating them from the Normal Body they most resemble. You're not just a bear, you're a chocolate bear, whether that's an identity you claim or not. When we do this, the vibe is, whether intentional or not, attaching whiteness to the Normal Body. A black man must be inherently this different thing, an Adjective Body.

Like... c'mon man. Even if it's not meant with malice, it reinforces a weird vibe, right?

Again, this is not in reference to men who claim these identities for themselves. I am complaining about the way a lot of my fellow caucs will assign racial adjectives as a way of differentiating from presumed normative whiteness. There's a Bear, and then there's a Curry Bear, a Panda Bear, a Chocolate Bear. If you date too many Panda Bears you become a Rice Queen. The way whiteness becomes the default in queer sexuality is, idk, it just seems weird to me.

Queer Subjects as Inherently Sexual.

I think it's weird that no matter how much one avoids sexual subject matter, the presence of queer characters automatically makes a work sexual, even among queer audiences. We complain about the hets for refusing to let us exist nonsexually, or presuming sexuality to our presence, but then we kinda do it to ourselves when we consume fiction. Possibly because queer literature carries an element of expressing sexuality, and that's fine, but I find it's difficult for audiences of queer media to engage with nonsexual subject matter and material that nonetheless explores queerness.

When reading through this lens, everything becomes a sexual subject. The oldest character has been retired for two years and has health issues associated with being in his early 60s. Is this included for sexual titillation? No, it's because I wanted to write about a bunch of AIDS era survivors who were growing up around / after Stonewall and the initial Queer Liberation movement, seeing Mattachine representatives on CNN and so on.

That's just how old a lot of them are.

I mean, sexuality is normal, having kinks and so on is normal, and I think by virtue of putting any media out into the world, you're going to attract people who are big horny for it. I've learned life lessons from Bluey and especially Bandit Heeler, and the way fandom approaches that subject matter lol.

This is fine and I actually don't have a problem with it, but I do find it difficult when it takes precedence over everything else. The characters are old for a specific other reason, not because I fancy a stroke with grandpa.

Monosexual Fetishism of Polyamory.

Polyamory automatically prompts some audiences to imagine specific sexual dynamics.

So, preferences for group sex is a thing among a lot of poly people. But, I've also known poly people who only wanna fuck one-on-one while being in a kind of relationship web. I've been in that relationship dynamic. But, that kind of vibe is not really explored as often in media 'cause it's less hot, and panders less to a horny readership.

This especially applies to queer polyamory. This is a bad distinction and it's not one I see other poly people making, but there is a difference between swingers / open relationships, and the concept of being poly as an identity and constant relationship dynamic. Basically, the latter is a social dynamic whereby the polyamory is seen as in addition to a specific relationship; Janet and Brad are together, but sometimes they invite Dr. Frankenfurter in for sex. Dr. Frankenfurter isn't part of, for instance, household finances or meaningful future plans. Dr. Frankenfurter wouldn't be considered part of the core familial dynamic if Brad and Janet decided to have a kid.

This is a distinction worth making in fiction, I feel, not with an associated value judgment, but because cultural understanding of the former, that is a family situation with diverse and varying roles between a non-nuclear amount of people, seems to yield more restrictive discussion by audiences less familiar. In other words, some people reduce the former dynamic to the later dynamic, because they view polyamory as inherently sexually motivated, in the same way homophobes assign constant sexuality to queer people.

The desire for orgy-every-night sexual dynamics risks overtaking an emphasis on character relationships and subsequent dynamics, de-romantifying the dynamic for the sake of hyper-sexualizing it, basically.

[cecilia-souls]

"The Word Of Your Body" (Reprise) Spring Awakening

Spring Awakening is a coming-of-age musical set in 1891 Germany. I got recommended it recently and watched it with interest. Interest at the themes in which it wanted to explore. These themes being; sex, sexual abuse, rebellion, defying your parents, friendship, education, and religion. Melchior is a bright young man who thinks education seeks to turn young people into an asset in a capitalist system. He is very against religion and stopped going to church when he was young. Wendla is quite the opposite; she's naive to the world around her, particularly sex. She isn't naive because she isn't as bright as him, but because she has been shielded from the truths of the world. She has been shielded from the experiences of love and sex with the justification being that it is sinful. They are childhood friends and sing the song "The Word Of Your Body" together about wanting to explore sex and love with one another. The song is very heart-felt and melancholy, them both feeling the same way about each other but scared to act on those feelings. A combination of her religious shame and the fear of messing up their friendship.

Towards the end of the musical, Melchior gets expelled from school for a raucy essay about sex he gave to his friend. He sings "Totally Fucked" a song which carries the sentiment that he's been found out and is now released, not having to care any longer about following his teachers instruction. Right after this song, we cut to two of his classmates having a conversation. Immediately, I could tell from their body language that these two men were queer. These boys are Hänschen and Ernst, two characters that have been in the background and I didn't think were important at all. So why in the middle of this musical throw in a random gay love song?

The song is the reprise of "The Word of Your Body" with Hänschen trying to instruct Ernst to live like he does, manipulating the system to get to the top. He looks down on the other boys; he thinks himself better than them. He doesn't rebel, but he also doesn't let authority figures get the best of him. The way they sing this song, it's more unapologetically passionate; there doesn't seem to be any shame about what they're doing. The lyrics take on a new meaning, a more matter-of-factness, that they know they are going to embrace each other. The original was more longing and heartfelt, not knowing if the other person feels the same. In this song, they don't seem to be too worried about any consequences. There's no mention in the play about how sinful it is to be gay, and Ernst finds no trouble in declaring that he loves Hänschen. It seems to me that the point of contrasting hetero and homo romantic relationships in this way and their attitudes toward their relationships serves to point to queer attitudes toward oppression. I think that because fundamentally, the boys know and have known that their very existence is sinful. That their love will never be accepted anywhere and in any form. Their very personhood is something they need to hide, something that the people who oppress them would never accept. Wendla and Melchior, on the other hand, feel shame and anxiety about their relationship. Wendla is first supposed to get married before engaging in any sexual related activity. Chastity, innocence, and obedience are enforced on the young girls throughout the musical.

The oppression of girls in this society is very clear, none of the girls have a say what's done to them or what they are allowed to do. Two of the girls are sexually abused by their fathers, and Wendla in the end, dies from a failed abortion procedure. I think the reprise, highlighting the relationship between two men specifically seeks to point out how even when being queer, as a man you still have options in this world. You still have less anxiety than women about your status. These two men have less anxiety about their sexuality than some women do in this play. They don't dread any sort of consequence, and we see no more of their relationship for the rest of the musical.

This musical to me is the frightening reality that men throughout time have always been able to pursue their own futures. They have the option to be rebellious, follow the system, or to be a failure. But Wendla doesn't get this choice. Wendla dies, brutally. She loved a man, had sex with him, and got pregnant because her mother never told her how pregnancy happens. She died, and it wasn't her fault. Her mother made the decision for her, to get rid of this baby in a procedure that could kill her. Wendla screams for her mother as she's dragged away by the doctor, and that's the last we see of her, alive.

The point of this play is not to say that women have it worse in all circumstances but to point out the differences in the way oppression hurts people. We know the consequences of being gay in the 1890s, but the two boys don't seem very bothered by it. The sense that everything will be fine, and they'll "look back on this in 30 years" as something unbelievably beautiful, because they're going to live.

Wendla wanted to dream, wanted to have a family with Melchior, wanted to experience things, and live. That was all taken away from her, She doesn't get 30 more years.

[windsfavored]

❝  i  was  going  to  ask  if  you  had  any  real  interest  in  returning  one  day...  but  it  seems  like  i  already  have  my  ANSWER. ❞   not  that  he  can  exactly  blame  him  for  that.  the  picture  kaminari  paints  of  his  own  world  sounds  awfully  dreary  —  an  inhospitable  place  that  spat  on  the  very  idea  of  penance  for  one's  PAST  MISTAKES.  ren  wonders  for  a  moment  what  he  would  have  done  if  their  roles  were  reversed.  if  he  was  pulled  away  from  irminsul  —  or  if  he  were  never  given  the  opportunity  to  erase  his  own  existence,  and  instead  found  himself  forced  to  continue  in  a  world  fully  aware  of  his  sins.  would  he  snap  beneath  the  pressure?  find  his  resolve  worn  down  to  WORTHLESS  DUST  —  until  he  finally  becomes  desperate  enough  to  seek  out  an  escape?  ❝  i  can't  say  i  would  have  made  the  same  choice  in  your  position. ❞  is  the  answer  he  eventually  comes  to.  though  before  his  twin  can  take  it  as  a  critique  of  his  decisions,  ren  continues,   ❝  don't  misunderstand ...  i  just  know  how  i  think.  i  probably  would  have  shouldered  their  scorn  indefinitely  because  i'd  feel  like  that's  what  i  deserved.  i  wouldn't  have  the  will  to  seek  out  something  better  for  myself.  ❞

on  the  contrary,  there  are  still  times  wherein  he  feels  he  shouldn't  be  ALLOWED  to  be  so  happy  —  a  sour  note  that  poisons  every  gift  of  joy  and  good  fortune  this  new  life  sees  fit  to  drop  in  his  lap.  he  keeps  that  particular  thought  to  himself,  however.  he  already  has  a  fairly  good  idea  what  kaminari  might  say.

❝  i  won't  say  the  circumstances  under  which  it  came  to  happen  are  ideal, ❞  the  wanderer  continues  instead,  ❝  but  for  what  it's  worth ...  i  am  glad  that  you're  here. ❞   unsurprisingly,  admitting  to  something  so  achingly  sentimental  outright  makes  him  want  to  SQUIRM.  he  goes  back  to  pretending  to  be  interested  in  his  drink  —  though  as  he  goes  to  take  another  sip,  the  coffee's  BITTERNESS  hardly  registers  on  his  tongue.  ❝  ...  you  are  right  about  one  thing,  though.  irminsul  IS  pretty  infuriating. ❞  although,  the  wanderer  can't  help  but  feel  PULLED  to  it  in  a  way  that's  difficult  to  explain.  even  with  the  dregs  of  divinity  to  draw  upon,  it  was  almost  too  easy  to  manipulate  as  he  saw  fit  —  almost  as  though  it  came  NATURALLY  to  him.  (  yet  another  thing  ren  doesn't  particularly  want  to  dwell  on.  )  ❝  i  just  hope  we're  the  last  ones  who  get  any  clever  ideas  about  tampering  with  it.  to  be  honest,  being  unable  to  rely  on  my  own  memories  is  more  than  a  little  disconcerting. ❞

shifting  slightly  in  his  seat,  ren's  body  language  takes  a  more  casual  turn.  he  props  his  chin  up  in  his  hand,  bright  eyes  glittering  all  the  brighter  with  a  mischievous  curiosity.  ❝  in  any  case ...  you've  had  some  time  to  get  settled  in  now. ❞  to  become  known  to  more  people  in  this  world  than  the  single  digit  handful  he  had  been  previously.   ❝  how  is  that  working  out  for  you? ❞  lips  curve  in  a  subtle  yet  crooked  smirk.  ❝  ...  share  any  jokes  with  the  general  mahamatra  lately? ❞

what  kind  of  sibling  would  he  be  if  he  didn't  TEASE  him  a  little?

@windsfavored | FROM

kami isn't sure he wants to continue this conversation. it's never really come up before either, but now he feels STRANGE, like he should be remembering home. there's nothing really left back there waiting for him. kaminari never had an exorcist he gets to spar with, he never befriended the general mahamatra. even the traveler of that world had been...

he's not sure what word he's even looking for anymore. that world had always felt empty. but HERE? kami feels like he's finally reached some level of home. it's a strange feeling, almost uncomfortable, but there's nothing he's willing to give up at this point.

"i think irminsul is stupid," he says, shifting in his seat. he's holding his own drink, a cup of tea, though it's remained untouched so far. though, perhaps he SHOULD drink it. at least, cultural norms would dictate that bit of etiquette; he's not thirsty though. "when i made that wish, i thought..." he trails off, gaze growing distant as he stares through ren. "i don't even know anymore. i thought i could start over, i guess. i didn't think it would take me here."

he's not even sure how that was even possible. trying to understand everything about that tree, and about teyvat overall, only gives him a headache. "i can't really say i regret it, though." a blink later, and his gaze refocuses on his brother. "cruel joke or not, i feel better here than i ever did there."

he hesitates there, before lifting his cup to take his first sip. while he may not be thirsty, kami's nervous and more wants something to keep from fidgeting too much. he's never spoken up about what HOME had been like with ren before. neither of them are vulnerable in this way, and kami's not used to opening up to anyone. it feels like the right time, if there was ever a right time to begin with.

"i felt empty there." he traces the edge of his cup, no longer looking at ren. he's staring down into the liquid, watching the tiny ripples move outward. "i didn't take the same path at first. i wanted to face my past head on, to willingly face everyone i wronged. i thought i'd be able to earn forgiveness that way. or balance the books, or something. buer showed me kindness, and i thought i could repay it. but i was met with scorn every step of the way, and eventually, it all got to me, so i went back to irminsul." he looks up, then around to indicate what came next.

"and when i woke up, it was your voice i heard first, followed by lord kusanali's. so, we may be fools with some sort of death wish, but at least we can try to keep each other in check. it's better than suffering alone."

[tomatograter]

Do you think Dirk saying that he doesn't like to label himself as gay means he has internalized homophobia? Or does he really just don't like to put labels on himself? I've seen ppl saying it's homophobia but there's ppl in real life that don't feel comfortable with labels so I'm a bit confused honestly, cus we are talking about Dirk and he's... Dirk after all

Easy answer: Dirk is Gay.

Prolonged answer: I think it's kinda weird how some fandom discussion around "Dirk dodging the label in One pesterlog" has largely spiraled way outside of its original context to be talked about in a vacuum, especially when that context is crucial to understanding what is actually being said, AKA — it belongs to a deeply awkward conversation between Dirk and Roxy. One of Many they are implied to have had about the subject of Roxy's sustained, unwelcome, and oft drunken advances towards Dirk (& his splinters).

I'm going to reproduce it plus another bit of text down below, for the sake of comparison.

(To prevent the trickster text from looking like absolute shit, I have altered the background. Read the original here, if you're nasty: https://www.homestuck.com/story/5754 )

Now that we've been reacquainted with how and where that sentiment is expressed, let's try to break down what Dirk is doing here.

He is not receptive to Roxy's early advances, and spends most of the 'intro' for this conversation (not pictured) ignoring when Roxy flirts with him, until she gets upset at how 'boring' he is being right now.

Dirk is the one compelled to apologize.

He proceeds to shut the scenario down as an unwanted probability, eliciting further guilt-babbling from Roxy over how Dirk never wants to play along with the perfect traditional family fantasy, until she finally blows up and says it's because he's gay.

"I mean, yeah, that's what I thought."

Dirk, rather than saying I Am Not Gay, since he looooooves changing a conversational subject, claims that "Gay" is not entirely historically appropriate for this situation, given the non-negligible passage of time and the wildly dystopic circumstances* they find themselves in.

Dirk reassures Roxy he does still care about her.

Dirk is absolutely terrified of a similarly inclined (and intoxicated) Roxy up close. This is the most exclamations he's ever used.

Now, *These circumstances? The loss of 99% of the human race, including their society, customs, culture, and prejudices. (ALLEGEDLY.) It's important to remember that from Dirk and Roxy's side of the timetable, troll culture has been pushed as "the norm" for actual fucking centuries. HIC tried to recreate the caste system by artificially coloring human blood, leading to the death of billions. Faygo came out of the water tap, not water. Troll slang was incorporated into the English language. Humans ceased to organically reproduce. They were actively Discouraged from reproducing, since that's not something HIC could have total genetic control over; rendering traditional marriage and the concept of the nuclear family pointless.

You could also argue that same-gender relationships are not uncommon in Alternia, making "gay" altogether unnecessary by proxy, and that's true! But my point is this one: any union (or at least our society's holy concept of it) between straightie humans would be by definition undesirable under HIC's rule, too. She is the church, the president and the governing body. The population is only as good as they are assets for her to do whatever she wants with, including mass murder.

But wait! While that tracks… Roxy clearly still holds onto very 'conservative' definitions of romance for most of Homestuck. We see this multiple times. Dirk, as proved in conversations with Jake, uses 'gay' as an ironic pejorative. Suddenly it's not Historically Inaccurate anymore, Jake's interests are just gay.

Does this mean the context above is basically worthless, since they don't seem to have internalized it? No.

What must be kept in mind is this: Dirk and Roxy's only "active" link to de facto humanity is our society as it was in the early 2010's. Those glimpses they get by talking with jane and jake. They have all that dystopic context, yes, but the reality that seems the most "unfucked" to them for a grand majority of their lives are the halcyon years before the Condesce's rise to power: back when weed was illegal, BlogSpot was popular, movies sucked, MTV was still a hip channel, and gay generally meant something real bad. The wave of homophobia as a punchline or fear mongering tactic was at THE HEIGHTS. Marriage equality was a hot debate topic. Those were the dayz.

Dirk is keenly aware of the taboo implication the word "Gay" as a self-denomination carries. He's no dummy. But he's rarely direct with his intentions either. He's slippery as a bar of soap. (He's never "straight about his feelings", if you prefer.) And for a guy that cares so much about his reputation and maintaining a curated sense of utter coolness, he wants to avoid outing himself as any sort of weirdo no matter the cost.

But that's not all. I think the gravity of just how much Dirk believes he *owes* Roxy simply for existing as the last human in the same timeframe as her is a severely underplayed aspect of Dirk's core character, together with how much he tries to avoid her sexual advances only to end up feeling like absolute shit over it, because — if they truly are the last people on god's blighted earth, isn't he being "selfish" and "irrational" about not feeling shit for Roxy, in the grand scale of things? Is Roxy not his only friend in tangible reality, even if he avoids the mere suggestion of visiting her? Even if she gets black-out drunk and tries to push him into indulging her, regardless of how many times he's already said no?

(Spend enough time here and you realize how it directly mirrors the jane/jake experience.)

Dirk cares a lot about each and every one of his friends.

He pointedly adapts his speech based on whichever one of them he's talking to in an effort to express that investment. May it be reassuring Jane, fooling around with Jake, or trying to prevent Roxy from falling into a total catatonic doom-spiral; he avoids telling them anything that would be too crushing to hear. That's not what he's trying to do here. Not to say that he isn't bitchy sometimes, but that’s far from the central thing he does. The Epilogues have retroactively led people to believe that Dirk abhors and despises every single person he's ever been close to before (god forbid) LIKING them, and I think buying too much into that assumption ignores the foundations of his canon text, as well as the central motivation behind 99% of his actions in the story. This is the guy that grew up on Friendship Is Magic, has a picture of rainbow dash shamefully glued to one wall and a rainbow poster of Jake's symbol stapled to another, and everything he does is a little cringe attempt to demonstrate his worth by showing how much he cares about people, even when he's punching his actual feelings down instead of up and saying them.

Which brings us back to the load-bearing part of this question: Admitting to Roxy that there is absolutely no fucking way he will ever agree to having her babbys because he is gay is precisely the opposite of what Dirk wants to say, if his intention isn't pulverizing her. So he doesn't. And his worry on this regard is such that it prevents Dirk from even telling Roxy that he does love her, in the platonic sense, as a friend and hell-earth survivor, because he knows that specificity is what that would disappoint her greatly. (He only ever confesses this to Jane, on the death slabs.)

But also I think this is a really funny visual of Dirk's relationship with the word gay, to put statements into perspective:

[rcksmith]

The Agreement part.2 — Kaz Brekker

Resume/Masterlist

Couple: Kaz Brekker/ Fem!Reader.

Warnings of series: Convenience/arranged marriage, swearing, mention of fight, mention of death, mention of desire, fluff, sensual, mention of post-traumatic stress.

Warnings of chapter: swearing.

Word count: 4k

A/N: I hope you guys like.💖

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are closet. Love you ❤️

— — — —

“What?!” Your exclamation came out louder than intended, and perhaps sharper than expected.

The salty sea breeze came through the window once more. The smell of salt and ocean invaded the room and for a second it felt like being in a ship's cabin at sea.

Kaz looked at you as if you were some child. Or someone deaf. But if he was swimming in acidic thoughts, he didn't say them.

"Think carefully." His voice was firm and explicit, the ones men use to convince women of something. “You want freedom, don't you? Live your life without having to fulfill a man's whims or your father's expectations. You wants to be able to snow on a ship without having a date to go back and make your own destiny. You want just needing to care what new adventure knocks on your door and what promise of wonders life awaits. It is not?"

How did he figure it out so well in such a short time? Was he too shrewd or were you too transparent?

You nodded, unable to say anything. Perhaps out of perplexity at how Kaz read you so easily. Or maybe the way he looked like an overpoweringly beautiful fallen angel in the moonlight.

“And the only way to do that is to get married.”

You frowned. “As I recall, Brekker, I came here just so I wouldn't have to get married.”

“And it's a stupid plan.” God, you wanted to kill him. “You asked me to have the Dregs take you to the harbor without your father's spies noticing. But it turns out your father's spies already know you're here.”

Your breath was lost somewhere between lungs and nose.

“Since you arrived, the noise from the Crow Club downstairs has become less shrill. And this is not typical criminal behavior. Either they have adopted good manners or someone they know they should fear has joined the Club.” Kaz sat more relaxed in the armchair behind his desk, his dark blue eyes locked on you. “I would bet on the second option.”

“So I came here for nothing?” You were starting to get angry at his beating around the bush. Because you knew it was manipulation. Brekker was laying the groundwork and you understood that.

“I did not say that. Turns out you can never get rid of your father. Not when he's a man with the purchasing power able to buy an entire country. There will always be someone who will recognize you, someone who will find you. And for the right price, the whole world is capable of being bribed. You would run away only to be chased by other spies, other people wanting the reward your father will give to whoever brings you back home.”

Very early on, you realized that Kaz Brekker was capable of crushing dreams as easily as crushing an insect. His destructive power was colossal and you saw all of your desires floating under his palm. Waiting just for him to brutally clench his fist and crush them.

But that's not what he did.

“You'll only get what you want if you follow his orders.” The breeze came through the window once more, ruffling her charcoal hair. “But if you can't defeat your enemies, change the rules of the game.”

“And is that where marriage to you comes in?”

“See it.” His body leaned very gently across the table towards you, it was a millimeter and ridiculous gesture, but it felt like him standing a breath away from you. “What you need is to get married. But marrying someone who doesn't give a damn about what you're going to do, and don’t have expectations of you. Someone who is not interested in home life, family life or Any other things you can offer other than money.”

Any other things you can offer. The night breeze this time was accompanied by an impure, almost obscene scene of the fallen angel in front of you on a bed of black duvets and caustic weather. A moment when the ends of his black hair brushed your forehead and your nose, moving back and forth as followed the rhythm of his hips and…

The sea breeze was gone, taking the obscene image with it and bringing back your common sense. For a second you wondered where that came from! You hadn't been in his presence for more than two hours and the entire compilation of what it was like Kaz Brekker, so far, had frightened you and attracted you in an absurdly dangerous way.

"And are that you came, I suppose." You hoped your voice couldn't give away your impure thoughts from seconds ago. “Do you want us to form an alliance where you receive my dowry and in return I am free from my father's demands and can do as I please with my freedom?"

“Alliance is a very strong term for what we are doing here.” He was succinct, “I would tell you to look at this as a business transaction. A marriage document is still just a piece of paper. And nothing else. Don't get carried away by sentimentalism. Things only have feelings if you want them to.”

Kaz was right, you knew that. For all your belief in true love and the many books romance novels you devoured, you still understood that a marriage could very well be seen as a business translation. It are a sad, cold way to see something so beautiful, but it still true.

“I have no interest in anything other than your dowry and you have no interest other than freedom. So what I'm proposing is something very sensible and objective. When we get married, your father will set you free, and you won't have any husband to please or any other crap. I don't want and don't expect anything from you, I don't care if you're sailing to Ravka or venturing on The Fold.”

“Do you want the money out of greed or despair?”

Kaz took a second to get a better look at you after that sneaky question. You had asked the correct question amid so many banalities and he realized that you were more cunning than you looked.

If he wanted to know your secrets, you also wanted to know his.

“A bit of both.” He was sincere.

“And what do you intend to do with my father's industries? Because you would win them too. And any misdirection could end up reducing my father's empire to nothing, and I don't want him to see the thing he loves most in ruins.”

Brekker heard the feelings in your voice. There was a hidden pang of hurt, but a lot of determination and honesty. You loved your father and understood him, even if you didn't agree with his principles. You had a fair and upright nature and were able to move mountains to get things done the way you thought was right. That was a red flag for Kaz. You were a good person. And he not.

He could never promise you things that go back to a good guy. But he could promise you honesty and justice. Kaz Brekker would never take something from someone the way it was taken from him so many years ago. He was a monster. But never in the same category as Pekka.

“I have no interest in having an empire doomed to fail.” His eyes were serious. “My motivation has always been greed. Why would I sink the company that is capable of making me such a rich man?”

He would have to be an idiot to let such a lucrative business go. And Kaz Brekker was anything but an idiot.

“Would you let me do anything I want?”

“I have no interest in what you don't or do.”

You hesitated for a second, as if remembering another detail. “My father doesn't believe in divorce, and even if he did, I would be pressured to remarry. Do you understand that we couldn't divorce?”

“I have no desire to marry again. And you might as well get other men you want without making a fuss, without your father finding out.” Always rational and objective. Without any inclination to the heart's desires. “There is no room in this world for feelings. Much less in this agreement. If you fall in love with someone you will have to be content with just relating to them, not getting married. And it seems like a small price to pay for so many benefits.”

It was the perfect plan. Did you know that. It was rational, objective and cunning. Something advantageous for both without costing too much. But why did you feel that something could go very wrong? You were a romantic person and you knew you could see things where they didn't exist. The truth was, you would have to leave your heart completely out of the picture.

Just a business transaction.

Brekker seemed to see a hint of hesitation in your eyes.

“It's very simple, Ms. Y/L/N.” That voice that gave you goose bumps hovered in front of you. “You marry me and you still have your freedom, because I don't give a damn about what you do after.”

“20 million from Kruges. Rich.” his eyes gleamed with a deep glow.

“And how do I know this isn't a trick?”

“I don't promise lies.” His firm face was serious “I won't give you happiness, Y/n. Much less love. Love doesn't exist in Kerch. But I will give you freedom, independence, a comfortable life that you are accustomed. And it seems to be much more than you have now.”

You knew you could be making a deal with the devil. Selling your soul to that man with the face of a fallen angel and the aura of Lucifer. But what choice did you have?

You couldn't go back if you sealed that deal. That man would be bound whit you, even by a piece of paper, for a lifetime. Was it worth the price? You didn't care for your father's press to want to be in the management and you had a lot more money than twenty million Kruges. What would you be missing? Your chance to marry one day whit someone you came to love? But if you came home without someone one day from now your father would marry you to a gargoyle. And the way out to flee no longer seemed a viable option.

Yes, it was worth it.

Seeming to see from the glint in your eyes that you've made a decision, Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel, reached out a leather-gloved hand toward you. His eyes sparkled with a mysterious spark, the scent of male cologne with a hint of danger lurking around the room. And for a moment, you felt a shiver go up your spine and the feeling that your life had just begun.

“Agree to marry me?” He said.

The feeling was that you were about to embark on the greatest adventure of your life. You didn't know what that little stunt with Kaz Brekker awaited you. But you would find out.

“Yes.” You took his hand in a firm, intense handshake that held a million secrets.

A satisfied, victorious smile came to his lips. And whenever Kaz gave him that expression, it felt like seeing the fallen angel that was the reason so many humans sinned. The clouds in the sky shifted, moving out of the moon's path and making the distilled rays of light shimmer more brightly. His black hair and white skin were graced with those bundles, and for a second his beauty was overwhelming.

You held your breath.

Brekker continued to say something, but you couldn't pay attention. Your heart began to race, the moonlight following in his footsteps as Kaz got up from his chair and went to fetch some papers from across the room. You couldn't tear your eyes away from him. His body was taller and thinner than you deduced when he was sitting down. Kaz had long, slender legs beneath black straight-cut pants, his chest was broad and his waist was narrow. For a second, you felt like running your hand over the contours of his body.

You shifted your attention forward abruptly. Focusing eyes on something else.

That was the curse of handsome men. They fooled women and made them daydream. With his underworld god beauty and mysterious aura with a touch of danger, Kaz Brekker was overwhelmingly attractive. And your blood reacted to that. Any woman would have reacted the same way.

“And we'll have to leave tomorrow morning…” he sat opposite you again.

“Sorry, what?”

You turned your attention to his words, not remembering half of what he said seconds ago. Kaz looked at you intently this time, squinting his eyes millimetrically, as if he was trying to guess which paths your mind had wandered in for the past two minutes.

“Your deadline is the day after tomorrow, isn't it?”

"Yes." You got back to the core of the problem once more. “The trip to my house takes a few hours. Half a day if it's raining.”

Kaz had his eyes on the papers in his hands, maybe they were maps or documents, but you didn't feel like craning your neck to see what it was. Leaning over to view the papers meant getting closer to Brekker, and two hours in his presence was enough for you to understand that nothing good would happen if you got any closer. Or maybe you didn't trust your own feelings and emotions.

“This will have to be done very discreetly.” He didn't look up from his papers. “If any rumors about our deal reach the wrong people, your father will hear about our plan. And that meant you will being forced to marry someone else, and me without my money. Does anyone know you're here because you planned to run away?”

You shook your head. “No. I didn't get to tell my friends. But now that the plan is different, I intend to tell a friend that…”

“You can't tell anyone.” Kaz lifted ocean blue eyes to you in an electrifying look that made you shiver.

“And what is supposed to say to my friends?” You felt a pang of indignation.

“That we are in love.”

This time, your breath was gone. The phrase was like pouring gasoline on an old, flammable woodpile. And you were afraid of what might be the match that would set off a fire.

Kaz noticed your reaction and was amused by it. “Just say some nonsense about falling in love with a criminal. It wouldn't be the first time a rich little girl has fallen in love with the bad guy, and I guarantee it won't be the last.”

“And you won't tell anyone about the truth too?” You wanted to change the focus you.

“I don't have to answer to anyone.”

This time you gave a smug smile and crossed your arms in an insolent gesture. “So everyone will think the infamous Kaz Brekker, Dirty Handes and Ketterdam's most dangerous gangster is in love with a rich little girl?”

Kaz narrowed his eyes at your teasing.

“It won't be the first time that the man with a bad temper and dangerous soul falls in love with the little girl. And I'm sure it won't be the last.” You said.

You were provocative, witty and stubborn. You would always hit at the same height and loved to show people that could very well play their game. Brekker unraveled this perfectly. You weren't the kind of woman who would be peaceful, serene, and calm. You wouldn't be like Inej. You would not take his orders and his taunts in silent, contained rage. You were intense. And that was a danger.

Why did he get the feeling you were so much more than he imagined?

“Let's go to your house tomorrow morning. Nine in the morning.” He changed the subject. “I'll go with you and we'll get married.”

"My father must be preparing everything by now." You sighed. “He takes his promises very seriously and I have no doubt that, when I returns, the ceremony scene will be set in the party garden.”

Partly you were relieved about it now. Planning a ceremony are intense and personal. You never really thought about getting married, but you always imagined that if one day it happened it would be the man of your dreams. And you didn't know if you would want to organize a fake wedding. There were certain things that were inevitable to keep the heart from breaking.

“Better yet, the faster the better.”

The two of you discussed some more details of the plan in the next few hours. It was agreed that Kaz would pick you up at nine from your hotel tomorrow, in an elegant hired carriage (which you obviously would be paying for) and the two of you would go to your house in Kerch. For all intents and for all people, the truth would be that the two of you were in love. It was such a typical cliché that it wouldn't be the least bit hard to believe.

And after a while, you two could already show yourself to the world as a couple who barely saw each other. Rich society was full of them: marriage with coldness and distance, where the man has his bets and lovers and the woman her travels and her jewelry. Your father would surely understand and leave you alone. After all, he had gotten a son-in-law to inherit his empire. A young son-in-law with blood for business who would make your father extremely satisfied. However, now the two of you had to look like a couple in love. And the reality of the situation was a secret that only the two of you would take with you to the tomb.

But, that night it was difficult for you to sleep. Anxiety, restlessness and fear gnawed at you like cunning mice, rolling you from side to side in bed, whispering in your ears millions of futures where everything could go wrong. Where not even Kaz Brekker's plans could free you from the clutches of one of your father's suitors.

When the clock struck seven in the morning, you jumped out of bed with unsettling, restless energy. You didn't like feeling helpless and waiting for Brekker to show up was exactly the definition of a princess in trouble. You had to do something.

- -

“What do you mean to get married?!” Jesper choked on his breakfast, and Nina nearly spit out all her orange juice.

Kaz rolled his eyes and continued sorting through the documents on the large round table. He was going to be gone for a few days at most and needed the people he trusted most to take care of business while he was gone. There were a lot of robberies to do and Kaz spent the night crafting and modifying plans for options where he wasn't involved. He had made a list of what needed to be checked at ports and what needed to be resupplied at Crow clube.

The plan was to marry you when they arrived in Kerch and return to Crow Club the next day. Kaz knew he would have to bring you, the two of you would have to stay together until your dowry was delivered to him. After that you could go on any adventure you wanted.

But dealing with the Crows was being more exasperating than Kaz could have expected.

"I didn't even know you had a girlfriend!" Wylan was in shock.

"Nobody knew!" Nina and Inej had their chins on the floor. Matthias was the only one who didn't seem to care so much.

"I didn't know the affairs of my private life were your business." Kaz didn't look up from the papers he kept in folders for the stupid ones.

"But you never said anything." Inej said.

"It was the intention."

"It's with Y/n, isn't it?" Jesper had bright eyes and a gleeful gambling smile stretched across his lips.

Kaz looked up at the boy with chocolate creamy skin, and his eyes narrowed slightly.

“She spent hours in yours office last night.”

"Oh my Santis!" Inej, Nina and Wylan exclaimed at once, eyes wide.

"The daughter of the richest man in Kerch." Wylan said.

"YOUR DOG!" Jesper clapped Kaz on the shoulder with an open palm, a loud laugh echoing and joy filling his voice.

Kaz suppressed the urge to look at the spot where Jesper had touched him. It had been years since he'd gotten over the most brutal aversion to touch, when the mere thought of getting close to someone made him tingle and dizzy with imminent fainting. At 28 years old, Kaz Brekker had proven to be greater than the demons and weaknesses that haunted him, wanting to see his downfall. A man who wanted to defeat Pekka could have no weaknesses. And he prided himself on almost have none of them.

However, offhand gestures made him look at the spot where he had been touched. The sensation brought was not unbearable or nauseating, but strange. And when the situation was skin to skin in a touch that caught him off guard, the feeling was unpleasant. Like a splinter under the skin.

It was easier with people Kaz felt comfortable with, but it wasn't something he cared about. He forced himself to overcome the most brutal aversion just to be a man without weaknesses, no chance of being defeated in a torture, no chance of being defeated by a faint. No for to touch someon.

“I thought you didn't know her in person when I warned you yesterday.” Inej tried to contain her little smile.

“It was the intention. You guys forgot the definition of secret…”

"Boss." One of the employees had entered that exclusive room. "There's someone here wanting to talk to you, Sir." He looked apprehensive.

Kaz frowned. The crow club had no movement at eight in the morning.

"Who is?"

"I think…"

"Will you please let me through!" The female voice sounded outside the room.

Jesper and the rest of the gang were wide-eyed, mouths opening in amusement and bewilderment. Kaz was catatonic. What the fucking hell were you doing there?!

"What do you mean I can't talk to your boss?!" And you continued. “I spoke to him yesterday...Don't give me these arguments, my dad tells his employees to tell people exactly that...I swear if you touch out about me again I will...”

"Fucking hell!" Kaz came out from behind the counter, crossing the living room and opening the door.

He came face to with that scene. A short girl who argued with a bouncer who was triple her height and size. Kaz knew the man was arrogant and macho, and had probably nudged your temper. He would have been amused by the scene if he wasn't abgry that you didn't follow his explicit rules.

“Ray.” Kaz glanced at the bouncer, a steady gaze that made the brute immediately back away from you.

You even gave the man an angry look before heading towards Kaz.

"What are you doing here?!" He whispered angrily.

"I couldn't wait." You wiggled your fingers, a tic of anxiety. “I could barely sleep. It was lucky I didn't show up at six in the morning.”

“That's not excuses. We have a schedule!"

“But I couldn't wait!" You whispered too. “It's visseral. I can't just sit there and wait!”

What an insufferable creature!

"Well, you'll have to learn because…!"

"What are you two whispering back there? “ Jesper's voice interrupted the discussion in whispers.

The two of you turned to the troupe standing in the doorway of the Crow room. Playful, mischievous smiles were plastered across their faces, and you felt your cheeks blush. Kaz and you looked at each other, and in that second of silent complicity, the two of you finally stepped into the roles of partners in crime.

Tagged: @aleksanderwh0r3 @thedelusionreaderbitch @hi-there-x @mell-bell @glowingatdawn @subjecta13-thefangirl @itsnotquimey @thatchampagnebitch @lamoursansfin @lostysworld @s3xymoonman @is-it-really-a-secret

[chappybird]

So I read all of @mgame1988 's posts about this whole debacle, and the people they were conversing with on their blog, and here's the conclusion I've come to.

This person is, politely as possible, very socially clumsy. (The biggest sin you can be guilty of in the parp/cherp community. 🙄)

They were in a voice chat where the following opinions were misconstrued:

Even if Blaire White is a horrible person, it doesn't excuse transphobia towards her. (Correct!)

Calling a trans person a "Good Trans" is the same as calling a black person "Uncle Tom." (I don't personally agree with this but I understand the sentiment)

Gatekeeping can be used for good or bad. (True.)

Ped0s try to take advantage of the openness of the LGBTQ+ community. (True)

Ped0s have had some success in infiltrating the LGBTQ+ community. (Ehh, not true. Ped0s exist in the general population, so while you can find them in LGBTQ+ populations, it's not to any greater amount than in the general cishet population.

Gatekeeping Ped0s from the LGBTQ+ community is a good thing and good use of gatekeeping. (True)

Kink doesn't belong at pride parades because parades are public. (This is a very subjective opinion, one I very much do not agree with. It doesn't deserve this level of vitriol, however, and it's not that uncommon of an opinion.)

TERF is misused/the word TERF has problems. (It's complicated. It's definitely overused and has become a buzzword that isn't always appropriate to use.)

Using the term TERF to refer to a trans person is like calling a black person Uncle Tom (again, I don't really agree, perhaps even moreso than with Good Trans.)

Blaire White isn't a TERF. (She's not! Blaire White isn't a TERF because she's a conservative, not a radfem.)

Using the N word is bad (true)

...even if you're black. (another really subjective opinion that has a lot of baggage and is constantly debates on within the black community, but not one I have any right to weigh in on. MGame1988 claims they are mixed race, and I just so happened to notice a lot of people weighing in on this particular point are white. Moreover, one of them even used the "I have black friends" defense.)

These things seemed to be generally agreed upon or fairly irrefutable. In subsequent reblogs:

MGame1988 was extremely upset at first and may have potentially misspoke, or at the very least wanted a public apology. (An emotional response.)

This was later walked back to asking for the accusations to be retracted. (Reasonable.)

MGame1988 sent Steve 2 asks, and had an ongoing Tumblr message conversation. (Not thirty messages as Steve claims.)

MGame1988 threatened to go public with how racist/transphobic the MXRP community is. (I mean it does have a problem with both racism and transphobia. This was clearly an emotional response, moreover one made in desperation because they were being ignored. Socially Clumsy imo but it's not like they'd be lying.)

It's not Blackmail. MGame1988 isn't asking to be compensated. Simply acknowledged and for false allegations to be removed from the server. (Not appropriate, to be honest. But as established this person has honestly dogshit social skills.) Actually saying he was going to go public with the information should have been understood as a courtesy. He's well within his right. Blackmail implies he was sharing private information he was not party to. Furthermore, retracting the inflammatory stayements is a really ordinary thing to ask a mod to do. They should be removing inflammatory language when it exists in the server, because it is their job, because they are mods, and they have certainly blocked messages for people saying much less worse things.

I think that about covers everything relevant. That is all the things that we have concrete evidence for. And no I don't believe parp users on what happened in a VC, even if the have people to "corroborate" their story because as a community, y'all have proven time and again that not only do you misconstrue, take things in wildly bad faith and out of context, and just straight up lie, you are also the most perceptible group of people to mob mentality that I have ever met in my damn life. If one parp user jumped off a bridge I would be seriously concerned that dozens more would follow.

As one last addition: y'all need to come to terms with the fact not everyone is a radical leftists or educated on leftism. Most people are left of center, liberals, centrists, or not politically affiliated. That doesn't make them a conservative/republican/right-winger.

TLDR some random socially inept person stumbled onto the MXRP discord and aired some of their opinions, several of which were at worst guilty of centerism, was booted from the server and had an understandable reaction. Ultimately they were mocked and vilified by several users and even the owner put them on blast.

Edit: I realize I didn't break up what happened in the VC and what happened after, I've gone back and done that now. Also, I've realized that calling what he was saying he would do blackmail is bullshit. Edited the post to reflect these things.