#but for the sake of documentation and to see improvements down the line i will archive them here

[eyecollections]

Blood studies

[wordsnstuff]

Hi!

I have reached out to more people, but I'm still having problems with this, and I wanted to hear another opinion.

As a writer, do you have problems continuing a story once you hit a difficult scene?

Because I do, and honestly it's getting me frustrated at this point.

I have a good idea and a plot already done, but every time I hit a difficult scene I just get stuck, and can't write for weeks, sometimes months. I hardly even open the documents when it happens, and sometimes it comes right when I'm on a writing spree and being happy with my writing.

Do you have any advice on how to deal with this? How can I get past this issue and just keep writing more frequently?

I'd really like to hear it!

What do you do when you hit a snag?

When approaching this topic, the frustrating thing is that age-old advice has a lot of truth to it. Sometimes it is true that the best thing you can do when you're stuck is to stop struggling against the resistance and take a meaningful, intentional break to rest your mind and reset your thought process. Sometimes the key to getting started again is shaking up the routine and the altering the process until you find a new combination of habits that meet you where you are.

However, for a lot of us, the turmoil reaches deeper than that. A lot of people who do creative things are neurodivergent, so that has a place in the conversation when discussing what's preventing us from realizing our vision. Even if you don't identify with specific neurodivergence, there are a lot of tools and techniques that have been tried and tested for coping with immense, intrinsic difficulty with things like productivity, mindfulness, interoception, focus, and consistency. Just because these techniques are not specifically designated for you doesn't mean they won't be effective for you.

It is always a helpful exercise to take a step back and examine how you're feeling, both when you are writing and when you aren't, and try to identify any areas where you might be able to improve by changing things within your control.

When it comes to a specific scene holding you back from carrying on, I usually find that it's the result of a decision I made earlier in the plot that isn't serving the story as it continues to develop. I would take a chunk of time to take an analytical look at the scene, where it's come from, what is and isn't sparking in it (is the stagnation mostly due to the characters, events, environment, or lack of information, and is it a scene that is imperative to the reader's understanding?). A lot of the time, it's a scene that can be cut, or it's a scene that can be made redundant by infusing the necessary information of the scene into another place within the story.

If you've identified a scene as "a difficult scene", ask yourself why. If it's daunting because it's too long, then it can probably be cut way down and then added to later if while editing it seems a little thin. If it's challenging because things aren't falling into place and you aren't getting into a flow, then the set-up for the scene probably hasn't been developed effectively and you need to decide whether you're gonna go back in the draft to investigate or move on and return to it while editing.

If the information in the scene needs to be communicated at this specific point in the story, the problem might be the way you've chosen to present it. Pay attention to what your instincts are telling you, because pushing through a scene for the sake of getting past it will not produce a compelling scene to read. If you need to move past it, you have permission to do that. You can always come back and completely dig it up later.

Overall, I think it's very important to write with acceptance that the plot may not turn out the way you planned it. The process is much more effective and much more enjoyable if you aren't trudging along on a predestined path. If the characters and story develop outside of the lines, see where they go. You'll always have the opportunity to return to the outline and tailor later.

Best of luck,

x Kate

[leighlew3]

Hello, I was wondering if you could maybe help out. I have this fic, for like 6 years and I know how to write it. It's done in my head and in a few notebooks. I'm so scared to write. Afraid of disappointing whoever reads it. How would you go about it or how do you get over the fear of just saying "Fuck it" and do it? Thank you for whatever advice you may have.

Hi!

This reply turned out longer than I thought, but here goes.

Off the bat -- I'd suggest just writing it for yourself first and foremost. Get it out of your system and fleshed out into a proper document. That’s step one, so that it doesn’t just sit there inside of you because clearly it's itching to get out. And there's no risk there at all. For lack of a better metaphor it's like creative constipation. You've been holding this load for 6 years, lol. It's time to release it and lighten yourself a bit. Go ahead and write it. Just to express yourself. To check out and hone your skills. Etc. You can do that part at least, I believe in you!

And then afterwards, if you're not happy with it, then worst case: at least you finally know. At least you have closure on giving it a shot, and maybe realizing writing ain't for you or simply that you've got work to do to improve your writing. But best case, if you are happy with it and your confidence has grown a bit, then maybe you have a close friend that you trust to be brutally honest do a feedback read for you. And see how they respond before you then even have to think about putting it out for mass consumption. But that's way down the line. Don't even sweat all that just yet. One step at a time.

And then as for in the future if you do ever decide to publish it -- just know, some people are gonna be haters for the sake of hating. But if people have valid criticism, or they generally just don’t seem to enjoy it or it gets no response, then it’s our job as writers, whether it be professionally or when writing fanfiction -- to work hard on not internalizing it to the point of reactivity or self-hate, but rather simply process it if the feedback all has a similar criticism from everybody, or if nobody reads it or likes it at all, and see if perhaps there's a way to improve our work in the future.

Look, there’s no secret to ever getting used to baring our souls via expressing our stories, and then having to find out what total strangers have to say about it. I wish there was. It’s a very vulnerable position to put ourselves in. And some people handle it really well. Meanwhile some people handle it absolutely horribly (see some pro writers’ past behavior and lashing out on Twitter, yikes). The best thing to do, IMO, is to take it in stride even if it’s a big ouch moment, and then use that gut punch to learn and evolve as a writer. Because honestly, WORST CASE SCENARIO -- something stings for a sec, but you live on, you're still breathing, you still exist. Life goes on.

I mean, if you don’t think you can handle the feedback or you think it could be truly damaging to your mental health to be vulnerable like and have people not like it, that's totally understandable. But then if nothing else I hope you at least write it for yourself to get it out of your system and explore it in the safety of your own document. I will say though, IMO, for me, the good has always outweighed the bad as far as publishing or trying to bring something I'm proud of to fruition, because most of the time, someone somewhere will respond to a story and "get" it and like it. And that truly makes it all worth it to provide even just one person a brief escape from life and a moment to enjoy something. Something YOU wrote! It's an amazing feeling. Either way, I believe you are totally capable of at least taking that first step and writing it for yourself. I'd bet, no matter how it turns out, you'll at least feel like you accomplished something. Like you got it out of your system. Like you tried. And that alone is a great thing, IMO. Because if you don't try, you'll never never know. But I think you're more brave and capable than you think you are. And I think you can do this and at least churn it out into a full story for yourself. Because if it's been nagging at you for six whole years... there's a reason. And I think it's time to let it out. But just remember, it's just one step at a time. So do it for yourself first. You've got this. 😉💜

[immiryn]

On Otherkin And Cancel Culture

In the effort of being clear, I have personal experience with the topic at hand. I write this in an effort to spread awareness of the behaviors that I've witnessed.

It's also worth noting that I am speaking solely to my experiences in the Otherkin communities online, and that any prescriptions are to be taken in said context.

-----

My experience with the clumps of Otherkin communities is transitory. I'm a nomad. From one community to the next, I move. If a community dies, I move. If something particularly egregious happens that I cannot stomach, I move.

I have always searched for a place to call "home" in these communities, and these places for one reason or another lack what I need or desire. Often it's that activity dwindles down and that eventually a server "dies" of natural causes. In one or two occasions, it has been due to acts of a moderator or "public figure" of the server; whether that is something that I disliked personally, or something that affected the reputation of the place and thus caused a rift in the membership.

Within these communities, I have found a sense of tribalism. You are With, or you are Not. You cohere, or you leave. What brings us together is a sense of being Something Other, and sometimes some people are too Other.

This lines up squarely with my last big post, on "Kinnies" and discourse. Regardless of what the individual uses the term for, and regardless of whether they may learn about themselves as part of the group and cohere quite well, the clumps of community have sometimes decided that this was too Other for them. They don't fit into the tribe, so it's time to boot them out.

In general, as long as people are being respectful about it, I don't see a problem with server staff deciding what the focus of their server will be. It's when members decide this, or when people deign to be disrespectful and act without empathy in the process.

Something else that I've witnessed is more sinister in outcome. Most people who don't fit a particular tribe will find another to join. People who have been publicly called out and shamed over any number of behaviors will not.

The topic of the day is Cancel Culture. Hot words, hot topic. Strap in.

If you have substantial evidence, making a call-out post may well be worth it, especially in the more predatory circumstances. This typically involves a manifesto - a long document detailing clearly the transgressions and the evidence that proves that these transgressions happened.

A call-out post may come in two other forms:

A post is put out warning people away from someone. This can range from a paragraph to a few paragraphs, perhaps with a picture or two but sometimes without anything more than anecdotal evidence.

Someone says something in a community space, warning persons away from person X.

In both cases, there is little or no evidence of a transgression other than what one or possibly two people felt happened. There may not even be a criminal act involved. In this digital age, people are more than fine with getting angry over a minor argument and making it into something more.

Why is this a problem? Because people tend to trust their peers with their (social) safety, and don't engage in critical thinking as a result. This implicit trust allows people to share things like "x person did y thing, don't let them hang around". Short statements proliferate far more readily - if you've been on Twitter, you know what I mean - and the discrimination spreads.

When the discrimination is by an admin/mod or by someone who knows them well enough, it can spread through a community space without any real effort involved.

So, the target gets called out for their actions. What happens next?

They may be removed from the server or community with or without due process.

They may be ostracized from other community spaces as word spreads.

Individuals who find themselves vexed enough will assert their right to "keep others safe" by talking to people who associate with the target.

The above behaviors may even occur in a form of intervention, wherein language is used to encourage the target's associates to drift away in one manner or another.

Seems fair and all, but have you asked what kind of Justice this is? Here are consequences of our actions, in order:

Removed the target's ability to learn from their mistakes or argue for or against their issues.

Removed the target's ability to create new associations and learn to integrate into the community (or communities).

Allowed the target to take harassment for their actions.

Allowed the target's associates to be interacted with or manipulated in favor of reducing the assumed effects the target may have on others, which incurs stress and potential little-t trauma on the associates.

Allowed the target to have their associates removed from them, whom may have been able to interact with and understand the actions of the target in a way that allows them to communicate to the target about what happened.

In short, we've punished the target in a way that may not be befitting of the crimes, and we've done so in a way that removes their path towards reformation.

That's Retributive Justice. It creates suffering for the sake of suffering, making spaces "safer" but eliminating people who could contribute to the spaces we share.

-----

It's something that has happened to a friend of mine. Someone who was outspoken and sometimes quite brash in certain communal spaces, but who endeavored to improve the lives of people around them. The consequences for their "actions" have been severe, and people felt it necessary to intervene in my personal life as a way to get at theirs.

I have watched as my friend lost friends, lost people to communicate with and to understand the world through. I saw them lose access to the only place that was willing to host them in the first place, all because one or two people in charge got a bug up their ass over baseless allegations.

My friend lost the opportunity to argue their position, or to reform...if indeed there ever was one.

In the process, I lost my ability to trust in them. Fears, doubts, and traumas were stepped on without a care because the intervening individual "cared for my safety" ... despite only talking to me once or twice, a year or two ago. I've been having to work hard, to journal and process how I felt while trying to understand the motivations and the feelings on the other side.

-----

Shame and blame don't create reform. They merely allow us to create suffering for the sake of our own suffering.

Be wary of anyone who would shame or blame someone else without evidence to back it up. Especially if it's someone who holds a position of power in the social space(s) you inhabit.

[theodora3022]

Love You To Hell And Back(Yandere Claude)

Pairing: Yandere Claude Faustus x F!reader

Summary: Upon running away from home due to an unwanted arranged marriage, you took up a maid position in the Trancy household. You thought it would be simple, lay low for couple of months then the other family would cancel the engagement. Being a maid should be easy right? Just wash and clean the house and saying yes to their lords. You never thought you would end up in such a bizarre and dangerous household.

Notes: I am a Claude simp. If you do not know before, you do now. Do not get the wrong idea, Sebastien is handsome alright, but there is just something about those golden eyes makes me shiver in the best kind of way. (Also I love the French pronunciation of his name but whatever)

Word count:2k

Warning: Non-con touching, coercion, possessive behaviour, general Yandere content

SFW

As a lady on exile, you do not have many options. Your relatives were out of the question since they could inform your parents of your whereabouts, and so does all of your friends. Luckily, you figured out the perfect solution: disguises! And who is more unnoticeable then a maid? They blend naturally in the background of drawing rooms and parties, no one will bat an eye if there happen to be an extra one. Nobles do not care for servants, so a forged name and documents would get the job done. 

Answering advertisements seems to be a good way to start. Ah, there is one right here. The Trancy Estate? To your knowledge, there is only one young lord there, and you are not acquainted with the family. Seems the ideal choice: “Only for two months, as a replacement.” You know being a servant would be unpleasant, compare to your noble lady life now, but you had chosen between this instead marrying a man you despise.

Packing some essentials, you thrown on a simple cotton dress borrowed from your maids and sneaked out. You thought you had escaped from hell, not knowing you are better off staying. Because, you had quite literally, walked into a spider’s trap.

 A dark-skinned maid welcomed you, explaining how she has to leave the household for some personal business while giving you a small tour of the building. She seems nice enough, although you were curious why her right eye is covered by bandages. The manor is dead quiet and empty, giving you an illusion of how you can hear your own breathing.

“Miss Hannah, where are the other servants?” You shiver, tightening your clock just a bit. Although it is only autumn, the winds are chillier in this house, or so you felt.

“There is only five of us. Me, the triplets, and Sir Claude the butler. Our master can be...difficult, one could say.” Handing you a basket of maid attire, Hannah seem to be terrified of this master she speaks of.  

I wonder why he is so difficult. You thought as you thanked her and settled down in the little servant room you were given. Better put on these maid clothes soon, getting use to them as fast as possible. Blue and white does not look so bad together.

Kitchen duties are not so bad since all you need to do is chopping up vegetables and wash the dishes while the triplets took care of the cooking. Dusting is a nuisance, but with enough efforts it was taken care off. The triplets are an odd flock, as they never speak unless necessary. All your befriend attempts had failed miserably, you felt as if they look down on you somehow? Since you only do backstage work, you had yet to meet the master and his butler. Not that you mind, you want to kept your existence covert, after all!

You were trying to dust off the chandelier in the drawing room when you first met Claude. The stairs you use are a bit unstable, which causes you to have major anxieties about falling.

“Ahh!” You squeal as your staircase finally deciding to let you fall. Closing your eyes in horror, you were certain you are going to suffer at least bruises. But the expected pain never came. Instead, you felt a strong set of arms had caught your body mid-hair.

 Gazing up, what did you see?

Oh did that gorgeous face make this fall worth it. The tall man in black reminds you of those flawless Roman statues, of King David. You never thought humans can be this magnificent.(Well you are still right, as he is no human)

Gently placing you back on your feet, Claude started to examine you behind those clear glasses. You quickly smoothed the wrinkles on your skirt as you dip your head for greeting.

“Greetings, kind Sir. You must be Sir Claude. My pleasure to make your acquaintance. I am (y/n), the new maid.” Gods, he is handsome. You were not even sure words can describe how those golden eyes made you feel. Are you blushing? Ugh, get it together, self! He is only a butler here. It is beneath you to swoon over him. You put on a smile, then courtesies to the stoic man in the most elegant way possible.

The lack of callus on your fingers and your sophisticated manners informs him that you, are no ordinary maid. As a servant to his lord, Claude needs to make sure no sketchy individual can harm him. Some investigation would need to be done.

How interesting...Why would a high-born lady such as yourself ran away from your prestigious noble house, only to serve as a humble servant here? Just where did Hannah dig you up? Ah, that is no matter at present. Surely your cheerful spirts can light up the dull days of this mansion. The only thing Claude need to ensure is you do not expire as quickly as others. Alois can be such a spoiled brat; however no harm should befall to you as long as he can help it.

Your voice reminds the demon of little birds of forest mornings, chirping delightfully to a new day no matter how horrid the night before was. The way you thank him stuttering then trying to go back to your duties are just adorable, and amusing. It is clear as day:you are fascinated by Claude’s pretty face. Quite bold for a lady to do so. Claude had met a lot of people in his long life, but none of them intrigues him so as you do. He cannot grasp what exactly, but there must be something enchanting about you, that makes him want to pull you close and do unspeakable things to your good, pure body.  

Tender and cautious, that is what the knocks on his office door suggests. It is late, way past Alois’s bedtime. Who could have business with him this hour, apart from his demanding lord? “Come in.” Claude’s curiosity had spiked up.

It is you, still dressed and with a plate in your hands. What a pleasant surprise. And are those pastries?

“I...baked these for you, Sir. I want to thank you for your help earlier today.” Looking away, you quickly remind yourself how you should never indulge too much. However you had already spent two hours of your free time trying to bake something decent.

Did your parents taught you it is improper to visit a man’s quarters this late at night, alone? How rebellious of you, not that Claude minds anyway. You might appear to be demure and good at first sight, but under that nice façade is a bold maiden who does not care for modesty, how complex.

Chocolate chip biscuits, but with distorted shapes. “I am not very good at this, so I totally understand if you do not wish to eat them. I jus want to properly show my gratitude, that is all.” Nervously fidgeting your apron corner, you bit your lip when he raises one of them to his lips and took a small bite.

Edible, but has lots of room for improvement. Claude can practically taste your eagerness to please from the chocolate spheres. Seeing your gaze fixated on him, expecting his comments on your work, Claude let out a quiet laugh. Which made heat rush up to your cheeks. Is that a good or a bad response? It cannot be that terrible can it?

“Come.” He signals with a hand wave, and you hesitantly walked beside his chair. How cute, the butler and the little maid. It would be a shame to just give you some half-hearted praises and send you out, wouldn’t it? It is what a gentleman would do, of course. Claude on the other hand, has never been one. He could entertain that appearance for his lord’s sake, but in this little room with just you, there is no need for charades.

You were shocked when one gloved hand pulled you swiftly onto his lap, with the other locked around your waist, pressing you against his chest. Of course, you fantasized the idea of being the lover of such a fine specimen of mankind, but only the idea of it. Even though you are nothing more then a lowly maid now, you are still a lady of nobility with conducts of propriety.

Your shrinking pupils made Claude realize he might be pushing a bit too fast. But human lives are so fragile, so short compare to demon ones. If he does not seize this opportunity, who knows when is next one going to arrive? Whether it is your intention or not, Claude is now mesmerized with you. Now that he is holding you this close, breathing in your intoxicating sweet scent, the old demon had his first epiphany of a millennium: you are lovely, and he intends to keep you this way, one way or the other.

Squirming with protests, you tried to get out of his suffocating embrace. “Sir, this is not proper, please let go of me.” Yet you achieve no results, those iron grips still hold you firmly in place, those same arms that spared you an embarrassing fall this morning.

  “Little bird, finally thinking about propriety? You should know better then coming to my office this late unless you want something to happen.” Claude is close, too close, you can feel his breath fanning your ears gently. Gloved fingers trace down your jawline, making you tremble with fear. “Am I right, Lady (family name)?” You froze. What how did he-how do he know you are not a mere commoner? Had he already done a thorough investigation on you?

“Now, repeat after me, little bird.” His golden eyes shifted its color to pink, round pupils bending into a thin line. In normal circumstances, you would be terrified of how his features suddenly changed, but now you are too possessed by his intense gaze to think of anything else. Those eyes, you felt as if you could drown in those two magenta pools.

“I love Claude Faustus forever and I would do anything should he asks of me.”

“I-I love Claude Faustus f-forever...and I would do anything should....should he-e asks of me.” It is still your voice, although those words are defintely not your own. What is happening? Why do your tongue just moved on its own like man possessed?

“Perfect.” Running his bare fingers through your hair, Claude left a light kiss on your forehead, ignoring the horrid expression you are wearing. “You will behave, right little bird?”

“Of course, Sir Claude.” You did not just say that !There is no way. What has this evil man done to you? You never should have come here. Your terrible fiancée at least could not cast spells on you!

“I’ll take good care of you, my dearest little bird. After all, your fate is defined since the moment I lay my eyes on you. We are destined to be together.”

“Oh, do try to behave. It would be a shame if something should happen to your dear family. I would hate if you end up like your other human predecessors.” His lord, despite his young age, is a master at torture and inflicting suffering. There is a unfortunate reason why there is only a few servants in this manor, and the fact that they are durable demons too. Claude knows exactly where you would end up had he not intervened. Do not worry, he would never let you go. Demons mate for life, didn’t you know that? Why resist?

“I love you my dear, to the hell and back. We shall stay together until the end of time.”

[shadowsfiguresfigments-blog]

A good place to die Chapter 26 (smut)

Warning: Harsh language, violence, smut

He was all over me, literally. Whilst he kept my lips and tongue busy with his, his hands roamed across my body, gently caressing every square inch of it. The last tattered remains of my clothes fell off, but his silken gloves kept me warm against the cold air. I sucked on his lower lip to encourage him further, and in response he leaned into me. The sensation of his touch multiplied, and during a breath pause to draw breath I opened my eyes. Penny had sprouted another two pairs of arms, giving him a slightly spider-like appearance.

Whilst he played with my hair, he simultaneously worjed my erect nipples, kneading them; pinching them just enough to illicit a sweet stinging pain. And all the while his hands wandered down further, along my hips, in between my thighs. I pressed harder against him, the familiar desperate yearning overcoming any sense of self-control I had left. There needn’t be any more barriers between us, nothing to separate us – I had been inside him, literally, for fuck’s sake – and I tore at his clothes, fighting against the last veil of silk that stood between us.

His chuckle was barely audible, more of a deep rumble that went through his body right into mine. The hands in my hair disappeared and the pressure against me lessened, but before I could protest his fingers slipped inside me. My insides clamped down on him in an unconscious effort to pull him further along, and their effort was rewarded; Penny’s finger went deeper and deeper into me, as if they were growing in length. The weirdest sensation filled my stomach – his gloves, he must have popped his gloves – and a heartbeat later he touched that sweet, sweet spot.

I screamed as the orgasm hit me like a sledge hammer, but Penny was nowhere near done. His body pressed back against mine, finally rid of clothes and all decency, and he held me so tight I was no longer able to breathe properly. He was still mercilessly working my pussy, but another hand made its way between my ass cheeks. I briefly and very feebly thought about protesting, but in response he pressed against my G-spot again. Whether it was because I was dripping wet or by some transformation of his, his fingers quickly spread some hot liquid around my asshole. Then he inserted one.

One moment, there was the sensation of having soiled myself; then he pushed through the barrier and there was some pain. It didn’t last long, though, as having him inside both front and back quickly overwhelmed me. Still, it wasn’t enough for him. His tongue swelled up, almost forcing my jaws apart, and picked up the rhythm of his fingers as it thrust deeper and deeper into me. As he had swallowed me whole, enveloping me completely, he now filled my up with himself in every way possible. I no longer could feel any ending to my body, nor the beginning of his; all of my senses were filled with him alone.

Again, there was a brief pause as he withdrew his fingers from my pussy, then he shoved his dick into me. I came immediately, and this time it lasted. Wave after wave hit me, eroding my sense of self further and further. Something was different from all the times we had had sex before – something inside me had changed. It resonated with Penny in a way that was difficult to understand – like two sound waves with just the right frequency to suddenly amplify each other.

That resonance almost tore me apart, and I screamed on the top of my lungs as Penny shuddered and came.

The following week was entirely governed by the last minute preparations for both Bee’s return as well as the store opening, which would coincide. With Auntie’s help I fought my way through the rooms and seemingly unending layers of garbage and dirt. Thankfully Bee had already declared her intentions to renovate the whole apartment by herself, and she had spent countless hours picking colors and some new furniture from catalogs. The little insurance money she got wouldn’t allow for much more, but her DIY-attitude had significantly improved over the last days. We just made sure the dirt was gone and that the facilities worked; which they did. Still, by the time I was done every evening I did little more than hit the shower and fall into bed.

Penny found his own way to keep me company – he usually waited in my room, made good use of the phone I had gotten him, and occasionally accompanied me on my ways in the form of a big orange tabby. At night he would cradle me in his arms, making our fight seem like nothing more than a bad dream.

I didn’t have the energy to discuss it any further, either; nor could I bring myself to tell him I still felt rather overwhelmed by the sex we had had. It was a weird, uncomfortable balance that I just couldn’t deal with.

He had carried me home that night, wrapped into silk-like sheets he had miraculously produced, and he had washed me in our tiny shower. I was still entirely beside myself – I didn’t even spend a thought on auntie – and just stood there as he rinsed away his cum that poured out of my body.

He even tucked me into bed.

When the big day finally arrived, I was too tired to feel the least bit excited. I almost fell asleep twice during school, but fortunately no one noticed. It was Friday, and I was excused for the last lesson (P.E.), so I got to leave early. That also meant there was no chance of any potential bully waiting for me, and I didn’t bother checking my bike for any manipulations, as there hadn’t been any for quite a while. Of course, that didn’t turn out too well – somebody had opened the valves of my tires, and by the time I got to the shop, there was no air left in them. I didn’t care, though, as I had to prepare the little buffet auntie had organized for me (nothing major, just some tea and coffee, and some cupcakes she had surprised me with in the morning). After I finished that, I went through the registry and my documents for the last time, in a desperate attempt to not think about Penny and focus on the task at hand.

A quick glance at my watch told me that I had about fifteen minutes left before the official opening hours started. I briefly wondered whether anyone would show up at all – Auntie and I had invested in some flyers, and we had distributed them both at her working place as well as my school. I had also thrown the remaining ones into random mail boxes on my various ways. Despite that, my reputation might very well end up keeping any potential customer from actually seeking the store – my store, I reminded myself – out.

For the first time in a long while I thought back to Yaneesha, Shot and the other idiots that despised me so much. The reason for their unwavering hate was still very much of a mystery to me, but I couldn’t bring myself to wish them harm. After all, they had ultimately suffered bigger losses than I did, and ever since Yaneesha had left school, I hadn’t been physically attacked anymore.

At least not by humans.

I sighed and unlocked the doors.

To my big surprise a couple of people entered while I was putting out the huge board I had painted. They roamed around the shelves, and a tiny silver-hair lady even told me how happy she was that the store was open again. I vaguely remembered her face and came to the conclusion that she was one of the very few somewhat regular visitors. Didn’t she have a fondness for novels? I directed her towards some new arrivals, which prompted my first successful sale.

It was somewhat difficult to believe, and the whole situation felt unreal. Something about the ordinariness was quite at odds with the crazy circus my life had become. I answered questions, recommended books, and made a couple of other sales. It wasn’t much, but still a whole lot more than what I’d expected – nothing.

Auntie joined me after I had been open for ninety minutes, and I could tell how tired she was. We both forced smiles, and despite my best efforts, she insisted on staying with me, though her face grew paler by the minute. Just when I had convinced her to sit down and stop fussing, her face lit up with recognition.

“Oh, you didn’t tell me he was coming. How nice!”

I whirled around just to see Benny-Penny standing outside the store, a red balloon on a string in his hands. For some reason that really touched me – I was just glad auntie sat behind me, so she couldn’t see the stupid smile spreading across my face. I rushed out and grasped his hands.

“I’m so glad you’re here”, I gushed. “I can’t believe you’re willing to go through this… Are you okay?”

He nodded, a familiar twinkle in his eyes, and handed me the balloon. It even read “Congratulations” on it. After quickly wiping my eyes I ushered him inside, ignoring the weird vibrations that built up in my stomach.

Penny looked utterly out of place, a wonderful mixture of awkwardness and otherworldly beauty that was just a tick off – probably not enough for anyone to realize but enough to cause the other visitors to show signs of unease. It was almost comical – a guy in a rather fancy suit started fiddling with his tie, a young girl put her jacket back on, and a group of teens moved closer together. Despite the fact that it wasn’t a good thing unnerve the people who I was supposed to sell to, it was still entertaining to observe. And I couldn’t help myself but marvel at his human form; the way his muscles visibly moved beneath the thin, tight sweater he was wearing; the way that ass looked in that pair of jeans; the way his movements were still the same as in his clown form.

I quickly went into the back room and tied the balloon to my backpack, not wanting to leave Penny alone for too long; but by the time I had returned he sat beside auntie and they chatted away merrily. He laughed – that wonderful, over-the-top crazy laugh of his, and shook his head. Auntie smiled, said something and started chuckling. For a moment she looked much younger, the stress lines fading, and my heart started hurting again.

How I wished I could see her like that every day.

I joined them, but I admittedly didn’t pay much attention, nor contribute much to the conversation – I was just content to see auntie and Benny-Penny happy. My odd behavior wasn’t noticed, though; Benny told one joke after another, and soon, my costumers had circled around us, joining in on the laughs. From time to time I could have sworn I saw a glint of something in Benny’s eyes, but it always disappeared so quickly I couldn’t be sure.

It was a rather pleasant experience to have him around. Time flew by quickly, and making sales felt like something I did on the side whilst I was mainly focusing on Benny. Finally the last pulk of people left the store, and I waved after them. Auntie stood up and started cleaning the buffet table; throwing away crumbled napkins and stacking plates. I offered to help, but she refused me; so I started counting the money I had made. When she left to bring the plates upstairs to the apartment, I dropped all pretence and threw myself into Benny’s arms.

“Thank you for coming”, I whispered, somewhat at a loss at how to convey the deep gratitude I felt.

He just patted my head, but I could feel how exhausted he was. I understood all too well – being around other humans and having to act normally was difficult enough for me, and I was part of their race. I reached up and cradled his cheek in my hand.

“I will make this up to you, I promise.”

Benny’s head shot up so fast I didn’t realize he had moved for a second.

Something was wrong.

His face had become devoid of emotion, the smile that had just been there completely gone, and there was an orange hue in his eyes. He stood utterly still.

“What’s the matter?”

“One of them is coming closer.”

“Who?”

“One of them.”

It took me a second to put his words and his behavior together.

“You mean… the ones that hurt you?”

He nodded, his eyes turning ever more orange. I took his hands and pulled him around to face me.

“Listen, if you need to get out of here, go. But I don’t think you’re in danger – you look like a human, you’re in a fucking bookstore, and besides, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, okay?” That had absolutely no effect whatsoever. He was still as tense as before. “Penny, I promise, you’re safe.”

He slowly lowered his eyes, exhaling loudly. Not even a second later, he tensed up again. This time, he was watching someone outside. I turned around and saw two young men walking down the street. They held brown paper bags and yelled loudly, pushing each other constantly. My somewhat rusty instinct for bad situations told me they were trouble.

“They want to trash your shop.”

I didn’t even question him; I was too focused on the fact that they had changed direction and were now clearly walking up to us.

“I won’t allow that.” I reached into my pocket for my phone, with every intention to call the cops, but this time, Penny grabbed my hands. He had the weirdest little smile, and his left eye started drifting to the side. For some reason, I got goosebumps. I could only watch as he left me and stood in front of the duo. They shouted something, he replied, and the three of them walked away.

What was I supposed to do? I still had my phone in my hand, and I contemplated dialing 911. But what should I say? That I had possibly evaded big trouble? That my killer clown boyfriend had just left with the troublemakers and they’d better start searching for the leftovers, if there would be any? And that Pennywise might be in danger? Hello officer, you know, there’s this creature that kills and feeds on humans, and I love him very much, and he got spooked, so could you please start an investigation, and by the way, clean up after him?

“Where’d he go?”

Auntie had come back to me and looked out the door. I shook my head, gathering my jumbled thoughts.

“Oh, his mom called, he’s supposed to help her with something.”

“It was nice of him to stop by.”

“Yeah, very nice.” I still stared at the corner around which they had disappeared, as if I could make my gaze bend around it to follow them and make sure everything was okay.

“Is everything alright? Did you quarrel?”

“Oh no, I guess I’m just… a little overwhelmed with everything.” My attempt at a reassuring smile was bad at best, but somehow auntie bought it.

“Oh well, it’s been some hectic weeks for both of us.”

I nodded. A quick glance at my phone told me it was time to close down. That, thankfully, wouldn’t take long. However, there was still-

“Look who’s come!”

For the second time that day, a very welcome visitor approached the store. This time it wasn’t my favorite alien killer clown, it was Bee; with a large suitcase in hand and a warm smile on her face.

[ohnobjyx]

To the snowy summit side by side

红尘中毁誉得失如何去量?

Part 7: And now... what?

This is a post long overdue. I must admit, this is the most difficult one, so I was putting it off, reading again and again what I had already written and browsing through the internet to try and get the most complete picture.

Disclaimer: in this case, almost all of the post is my personal opinion (I tried to keep the previous post objective). I’m biased because of the XZ friendly content I’m usually exposed to and by my own views of their situation. Open to discussion, but please make sure you’ve enough information to do so.

Let’s go back to anon’s original ask:

Hello could you give us an update on xz's situation? I know we*bo and his studio has taken some steps recently but how has this affected public opinion on xz? Has it improved/ are more people favoring him or has it gotten worse?

I think I have been answering your first question in the past posts. However, about the next two:

When I was compiling information and writing the previous posts, a song kept coming back again and again to my head, specifically, this part of the lyrics:

红尘中毁誉得失如何去量?

In the mortal world, how can praise or condemnation, success and failure be measured?

(Yes, it’s from WuJi-无羁)

Innocence

What happened to XZ was a combination of incredibly bad luck, strenuous social circumstances (the pandemic), high stress in the public and a set of underlying issues that had been festering for a long time.

From being a celebrity on the way up, he suddenly became a scapegoat for a conflict he hadn’t caused and the receiver of a lot of senseless hate. He didn’t do anything from start to finish in the 2/27, but ended up the most affected from it, as the consequences reverberated all the way from March to July.

Because XZ didn’t ask the author to write such a fanfic. He didn’t request for it to be taken down. He didn’t ask his fans to report anything. And he didn’t have anything to do with ao3 being banned in the country as a response. From start to finish, he didn’t participate in any of it.

Many of the analysis I’ve watched/read determine that the cause of the problem  were his fans. One of the bloggers even said that “his fans are the ones that have hindered his career the most”.

But, from my point of view, the saying of “two people can’t have an argument if one of them doesn’t want to” also applies here. From start to finish, the issue was filled with overreactions and exaggerated responses from both XZ’s fans and the rest of the people that engaged in this ridiculous fan war with them.

However, let’s keep in mind that “XZ’s fans” is also a huge generalization. Most of the people don’t have the necessary time, resources and mental energy to engage in ridiculous crusades in the name of their favoured celebrity.

Part of the reasoning of the anti-XZ faction is that he should have taken measures and steps to make sure that his fans didn’t cross the line. However, even if the people leading all of this are only a small % of his fans, they are still a lot of people. Being the receiver of their fans’ love and admiration doesn’t make him and his team able to discern who is a reasonable, sensible fan, and who is a crazed troublemaker. And being famous and admired shouldn’t make him the responsible of all of his fans actions (in my opinion). I think this is also how Western society would view the situation.

I was surprised to discover that c-society did expect him to “guide” his fans, because he has a huge influence on them and he’s supposed to guide them towards more civilized behaviour. It’s not of course what everyone thinks, but the stance his studio has taken also points in recognizing that they should have done that (there are more reasons to their stance, of course, explained in the part 5+6).

However, people did realize (I think) that most of the people that follows him gives him support silently. There are of course ardent and fervent people who jump to defend him, but even that kind of behaviour is discouraged by XZ’s studio (applying that ignoring the antis is the greatest way to defeat them).

So here it came the lyrics from WuJi. It’s true that a fraction of his fans have caused him a lot of trouble. But this kind of fans (there is a fine line between very invested and obsessed) are also the ones who push forward a lot of events, who create things like “XZ’s fans Association” and who promote his works the most. His studio did call them out in the end, and said that everyone should relax in their support, but it’s also true that this fans also had a great hand in pushing him to the top of the charts. There’s a very fine line between gain and loss here, so how can one measure the value?

(But the antis who disguise as his fans and create trouble just for the sake of ruining his reputation are a whole other issue. No excuses for them).

Finally, the answers

To answer (I know we*bo and his studio has taken some steps recently but how has this affected public opinion on xz? Has it improved/ are more people favoring him or has it gotten worse?) more exactly:

When we are talking about public opinion, it can actually be divided into 3 factions: his fans, the antis, and the actual general public who is neutral by default.

1. His fans stayed the same, supporting him through the storm. The opinion of the fans isn’t so easily swayed (though he has lost some in this process, he has also gained new followers), and the main feeling they have towards him now can be summarized in 心疼 (”xin teng”, a feeling that, in this case, can be described as “I’m really sorry that all of this has happened to you because I know that you were innocent in this”). I’ll explain a little bit more about his fans support in the last part of the post.

2. The antis can also be divided into 2 groups: “regular” antis and “professional” antis. The 2/27 Great Union community still exists, but it’s a closed off community and to enter it, the new member has to be approved by a moderator. I’ve seen public comments with the 2/27 Great Union tag, that after his interviews have morphed into “I’m a commoner and I hate XZ”, but they are a lot less active these days. Even if they still have hate after everything that happened, the average anti has gone back to their usual life after quarantine was lifted, so it’s less active.

Some of the “regular” antis will stay active, but that’s to be expected. For example, some of WYB’s solo fans were all exploding over the new vlog XZ’s Studio updated three days ago. While it’s ridiculous for the rest of us, these people will continue their “XZ is using WYB to further his own fame” campaign.

However, it’s different with the “professional” anti. As we said in previous posts, people like “B” has a lot of time, energy and resources to invest in a smear campaign against XZ. Where does all of that come from? I don’t know. What I do know is that once XZ’s topic cools down enough and another scandal of another idol, no matter how small, appears, they’ll shift to hate content about the other idol. What matters to them is to produce content that people will engage with, so they get more views and followers, and profit with it.

3. And now, the “neutral-by-default general public”. There is a problem in how we, as netizens, manage the information. In the previous post, I talked about a hater who had written an assessment because “XZ’s fans” had insulted her parents. While the main objective of the document wasn’t to see how the general public views him, I took the data she had extracted.

The general public isn’t so neutral anymore. While it’s true that XZ keeps gaining fans (he’s still riding on CQL’s success train), what general public, the average passerby, has heard from him is:

A XZ fan has stolen a deceased person’s account to keep promoting him

“XZ’s fans” attack a user’s parents on Father’s Day.

A primary school teacher promotes her favourite idol in her class.

These are bound to create a bad image and reputation in people’s mind. We know (I explained all of those incidents in previous posts) that only the teacher incident was truly caused by a XZ fan. There’s no proof that the person who insulted that user’s parents was a XZ fan, and w/ibo has proved that the “stolen” account incident was a scheme from start to finish.

However, the headache in all of those incidents is that the initial issue (“a XZ fan stole a deceased person account to continue to promote him!”) is announced widely and loudly, attracting people’s attention to it. However, people won’t dig up more information. Less than half will actually read the article or investigate more about it. W/ibo actually investigating it and discovering that it was all a plot to frame XZ isn’t given importance, nor does it go on the hot search chart. People only know what happened at first, but don’t know how the story ended. And this is a huge problem for him, because people accuse him but don’t care to know if he was actually the culprit.

(Wow, just like WWX in CQL).

So I found this to describe it.

There are still neutral people: those who couldn’t care less about the tabloids, and that never read gossip sites. These are still a great part of the general public. Anon was asking about the public opinion: the fact is that previously neutral people have only heared bad things about him for half a year, so that’s bound to affect their image of someone they’re not invested in.

If XZ were defeated, and retired, I’m sure a lot of articles like “framing the innocent” would appear. We people just like to have something to talk about.

His fans’ support

XZ ended 2019 with his followers on w/ibo numbering on 21,690,000. The exact number of his w/ibo followers right now is 26,458,877 (26,459,350 two hours later, by the time I’m editing this to post it). He continues to be liked by more people, and antis may try to reduce his popularity, but it’s a fact that his talent and effort are appreciated by people with no hidden agenda. 

XZ is also slowly coming back to work and to his endorsements, which are very good news. We saw him recently in the R/SEONLY add for Chinese Qixi, in the event for Cao Yu’s anniversary, the vlog the studio updated.

Less directly, Kai Xiao Zao, one of the brands that didn’t stop working with him even after 2/27 (they are a smaller brand, and they must have invested a lot in their endorser, so they can’t just put him aside like other bigger brands did), recently put up little stands in malls all over China to promote their new product. In every stand there was a wall for customers to write and a couple of XZ cardboard cutouts.

In his interview in Yunnan, XZ had been seen wearing his red cord bracelet, to ward off bad luck. So fans started to add their own amulets to ward off bad luck and offerings to the cutouts.

They started off like this...

Fans came...

And they ended up like this. The funny fact it’s that people started to add plush toys, hats and even food to the cutouts, so based on what “XZ” is wearing one can guess where was the photo taken.

This was a widespread phenomenon in all of KXZ stands. So to say that XZ has lost support from his fans would be certainly false.

His dramas are also expected to be aired soon and have been confirmed to. His patience is paying off little by little, and he’s coming back to work.

The moral of the story

I hope we can all learn something from this. If anything, it has changed my own attitude on the Internet. I used to be very quick to answer with extreme words if I felt strongly about a topic. Now I try to tone down my responses. I’m not saying that you’d all do the same, but it’s a lesson I extract from other people’s experiences. History should serve to avoid mistakes others have committed as much as possible.

In the technology and communications based world we live in, to believe that what we do on Internet doesn’t affect real people’s everyday lives is a huge lie. So, now that we can see that XZ is slowly coming back, let’s all remember that this once happened: let’s all be kind on the internet and avoid engaging with people who dedicate themselves to spread hate.

It has been hard on him. But he’s going to top the snowy summit. Let’s do our best to support him rationally.

Prev: Part 5 and 6: A snowy summit

[satelliteinasupernova]

33 and 54

Baby Fic & Secret Relationship  

As little as five years ago, this was the last place Jughead had expected to be. Hiram Lodge’s lackey, helping with his business by day, doing his dirty work by night. How exactly he had found himself in this position was a long story that had started with Archie getting involved with Hiram in their youth, and quickly snowballed from there. Still to this day, Archie was deeply in debt to the Lodges, and Hiram was a man who ensured that all his debts were paid.

Jughead only knew of one way guaranteed to clear the score, and that was to take down Hiram Lodge completely. If that meant living inside the lion’s den, so be it.

Jughead was standing at attention by the rear door of Hiram’s stately drawing room when the front door opened, guests escorted by another of Hiram’s men. Hiram stood up from the table at the center of the room as two women approached. One, his daughter, the other, her arm linked with Veronica Lodge’s-

“Betty Cooper,” Hiram greeted, clapping his hands in the performance of good nature. “It’s good to see you. You’ve been away from the city for too long. Nearly a year! Veronica has missed you terribly.”

Betty smiled, patting at Veronica’s arm. They glanced at each other, and the look was knowing. “I’ve missed her too. It’s good to be back.”

“I take it your family’s health has improved.” Betty’s family had their own ties, both to the Lodges and to crime, but a number of years ago they had ended up on the wrong side of a Blossom dispute and had been forced to flee town to save their hides. Betty was the only member of the Cooper family that was still welcome among the crime families, and it was largely due to Veronica’s -via Hiram’s- interference.

Betty and Veronica joined Hiram at his table, updating him with news and local gossip. Betty was sitting at most three paces away from where Jughead was still standing, and it took restraint for him to stay where he was.

It was well-known among the family that Jughead held a shine for Betty Cooper. From the first time he had met her, not long after allowing himself to be recruited by the Lodge family, he hadn’t been able to keep his clear admiration for her off his face. 

Luckily for them both, Betty had a good deal more sense. It was her ability to play at indifference that was their saving grace.

As she visited with the Lodges, Betty didn’t turn his way once, not even when she and Veronica collected themselves to leave. Jughead felt her absence when they were gone. He’d thought by now he would be used to it, she had been gone so long, but the room was brighter with her in it, whether he had her affection or not.

It was much, much later when he was given leave to go. Trading places with another, nameless, faceless, disposable man.

As always, he took the long way home, picking up takeout on the way. He gave himself time to be sure he hadn’t been followed before sliding into his apartment building through the back entrance.

In his apartment, Betty was sitting cushioned between pillows on the couch, in comfortable loungewear, all makeup clear from her face. In her arms, comfortably cradled in a fluffy colorful blanket, was a baby. Their baby.

She smiled at him as he approached, angling her chin up to meet him when he moved to kiss her. With his hand on her shoulder, he leaned down to leave another kiss on their daughter’s temple.

It was true that Betty hadn’t looked his way at first. She hadn’t noticed him at all until the day he had found her digging through Hiram’s documents when she’d thought no one was around. But loving someone was dangerous in their line of work.

“I have blood on my hands,” he’d said the first time she kissed him.

“So do I,” she’d responded. “Would you rather I not touch you?”

Betty could be stubborn. Once she decided she wanted something it was nearly impossible to convince her otherwise. The pregnancy hadn’t been planned. When she’d told him she was pregnant, he had pleaded with her. This would put them in danger, and how could they even hope to protect a child?

But Betty hadn’t folded. “I want this child, Jug. With or without you, but I’d prefer with you if you’re willing.”

The pregnancy had felt brutally long. He’d only been able to see her sparingly, sneaking away for a few days, claiming he was visiting his father out of town. On the day Betty went into labor, he’d been wracked with nerves, unable to be by her side because tensions were high with a Canadian smuggler, and Hiram wanted all his men on alert.

When he’d finally made it to Betty’s side that night, he had broken into tears. She had smiled, embraced him, kissed him. Then, she had introduced him to their daughter. 

He was still afraid. He would always be afraid. But from the moment he met her, he’d known he would spill blood for the sake of their little girl.

[pocket-void]

Hi Mock!

I wish you a good morning! (It's currently 8:30 am here and I hope you are asleep wherever you are because healthy sleep schedules and all that!) 🌻

I just found out that you write, too, and I've read "A cup of coffee" and honestly, is there something you can't do? Because that was really great! I enjoyed reading it so much!! And I love your Logan in it!

And can I ask: where so you get the motivation to do all this great stuff? Drawing, writing, school? Like, I have like 5 different writing projects screaming at me because I don't work on them and yesterday I outlined yet another fic that I'll probably never write because I just don't have the motivation and - how do you do it? Because I want to write. It's the best thing in the world to me. But I just can't get myself to do it, and when I do, everything I make feels kinda... not good. Ugly, if you will.

So I guess I just want to know what I can do to get myself away from that? Because I really need to write, I'll go insane otherwise O_o

Anyway, have a wonderful day and eat a cookie!! 🌼

Y’all who can format stuff in asks will never cease to bamboozle me. O///o

But hello!! I believe it’s the afternoon where you are now! ^\\\^ (Not to worry, if there’s one thing I try to get enough of it’s sleep!)

Heidhwkfns Yes I write too but it’s incredibly on and off since I’m not as confident with it and it takes much longer than art! >\\\< I 100% want to write more often tho, but my need to accomplish stuff just finds art less time consuming. I’m really glad you like “A Cup of Coffee” because I’m quite happy with how that one turned out! ^\\\^ (And also just genuinely surprised at how many people enjoyed it) So thank you!! ;///;✨💖

So, here’s the thing. I’m just a normal person, just like anybody else! There are days where I have 0 motivation to do anything, and days where I’m way too motivated but still do absolutely nothing anyways lmao- I can’t say that my experience will work for everybody of course, but I can try to explain how I feel or how I work things out when I don’t feel like doing things. u///u

The first step is to forgive myself, because it’s going to be ok. There’s nothing wrong with having an off day, and nothing wrong with not accomplishing anything for now. There should be no guilt involved in not touching something for ages, god knows I’ve got so much in the “maybe later” idea box that I will never get to. But that’s ok! My creations will never blame me for not working on them, so in turn I promised to never blame myself for it either. And if I ever go back to complete one of them, great! But if not, that still doesn’t mean that it was a waste. Everything you make has value, finished or not.

The second is to remember that I love them. I love them a lot. I love creating, I love art, I love writing, and I love the process behind them! What you write and create will never complain if they are “not the best” or “ugly”. Their value comes from how you feel about them. Nobody else’s imput matters. So what if it’s not great? So what if it’s a mess? My terrible crayon drawing from when I was 4? Love it. Still has my whole heart. They’re on my bedroom wall to this day! (Neatly framed and hung, courtesy of my dad) I ask myself why I sat down to do something in the first place, and the answer is always going to be because I love doing it! Everything I make means something to me, no matter how bad or how small. Because at the end of the day, I made something. And it’s all the reason I need to love it.

It doesn’t matter if this doodle looks bad or this draft makes literally no sense because even if it’s not good, I did it. Even if I feel like I’m going nowhere, I know that each creation is a small step in my long long journey of improvement. It might not seem like that sometimes, like everything we do doesn’t really seem like it’s getting better any time soon, but we can never tell unless we keep doing it right? Instead of being upset that I’m not very good now, I decided to try and look forward to how good I eventually will be. I find that prospect exciting! We never know how much we grow until we get there, it’s like a happy surprise! ^\\\^✨And in the meantime, I am allowed to be perfectly happy with what I already can do. How far I’ve already come. Even if other people tell me otherwise, even if it’s true that it’s not very great, who’s to say that I will always be? Not me, that’s for sure.

I am willing to be patient for the sake of what I do, because I am willing to do it for an eternity.

There is no race in doing what I love, because I am the only one on this path. I can see other people on their own paths too! And sometimes they’re faster and have way better stamina than me, but their final destination is ultimately going to be much much different than mine, even if we’re going in a similar direction. So there is no point in trying to match them; I decide to walk at my own pace. It’s much easier for me this way. Take breaks! Drink some water. We’ve all got our places to go. ^\\\^

Third thing about getting things done is, well, getting it done! Do you know how I wrote “A Cup of Coffee”? I pain stakingly stared at it all day with frequent breaks in between, read it a ridiculous amount of times until it didn’t sound like english, and had text to speech read it back to me a couple more times just so I could make sure, because I really really really wanted to finish it. And it probably was kind of messy, hahaha. >\\\<

I’m not suggesting you do what I did btw, because it’s not even how I always write things! My other story “Table for Two” was written under a much different context. For that one, I wrote parts of it on different days. I took walks thinking about how I’d word things, how I’d imagine the scene going, and how I should pace sentences. I actually deleted the entire first paragraph and started over a few times because it didn’t sound right. Then one afternoon I decided that I wanted this story done. So I sat down and did what I could, edited a few things afterwards, and tentatively showed it to a friend. I didn’t edit it much after that, but it was done!

If I learned anything from highschool, it’s that doing something imperfectly is better than not doing it at all. I’m still a pretty picky perfectionist and a terrible procrastinator, and it’s not easy! But I would much prefer something I make to be “messy but complete”, rather than “pretty good so far but not finished”. Personally for me, getting started is the hardest part of doing anything. I have yet to find an easier way to do it, but I know that sometimes I just need to sit down and do what I can to start writing. If a sentence sounds weird, I keep going, because I can come back to it later! But if a sentence doesn’t exist, I can’t fix that without, well, writing it. o///o So I consider that a start!

I definitely understand you when you say that you can’t get yourself to write because I currently kind of can’t either. >\\\< I have outlines that I won’t ever write, I have ideas that I’m not gonna get to, and I’ve got fics that I worry won’t be as good when I write them. But maybe today I’ll sit myself down and just write one sentence. Give it a title, make a document, and stare for a lil bit. Give it a beginning. Because for me, sometimes drawing the starting line somewhere helps. Maybe it can show me what direction I need to go in just a little bit clearer. u///u

At the end of the day, the thing I say all the time is enjoy what you do. It’s just genuinely the most important part of doing anything to me. Yes it can be hard and sometimes we worry about how it’s gonna be, but we still do it don’t we? We come back and try again because we love it. Because we really can’t live without it. So what’s wrong with just...doing it?

That’s how it is to be a creator for me, I suppose. And from one to another, I genuinely wish you the best of luck on your journey!!

After all, there will be no other quite like it. u///u💖✨

[deltawrites]

Warmth: Act 1 - 13

Fandom: Ikemen Sengoku

Disclaimer: This is only the first 1000 words of the chapter. If you would like to read the rest, click here!

Warnings: none

Masterlist: (coming soon)

You stayed in bed the rest of the day. Mai and a few of the maids came in to check on you and express their joy at your awakening, but you couldn't reciprocate their sentiments as well as you would have liked to. Just as you start to think of a way to repay the girls for helping you out earlier, a muffled thud makes you spring out from underneath your covers to see what it was. It was only Ranmaru, who was kneeling down by your bed.

"Did I wake you?" he whispers.

"No," you answer, sitting yourself up and stretching out your stiff body real quick. "Don't keep me in suspense. Has he made up his mind?"

"He asked me to escort you to his quarters. I made sure to check the area for anything that would indicate a trap being set, but the place is clean. It seems he's willing to just talk with you."

“Good,” you sigh. That’s one matter less to worry over. “Thank you for double checking everything for me.”

He shakes his head and looks up at you with a soft smile. "It's no problem, my lady. This is the least I can do for you."

He helps you onto your feet and begins leading you by the hand. You make sure to keep your grip tight and follow his lead with precision. The last thing you want is to not only get caught out of your room, wide awake, but for him to get into trouble for helping you out. Thankfully, the two of you find yourself at the familiar manor in no time. He leads you to the back, where Mitsuhide's room is presumably at.

“He’s in there.” Ranmaru points towards a pair of doors. A flickering yellow hue finds its way through the miniscule crevices of the sliding doors, indicating that someone is present in the room. “Are you alright?” he suddenly asks you.

You hadn’t realized that your body began shaking, nor of the fact that your breathing has stopped entirely. You can feel each beat of your heart within the front of your head, down to the tips of your fingers and bare feet. Strangely enough, this midnight meeting is even more panic inducing than the skirmish you were brought out to. You had nothing to lose then, being immortal an all, unlike now.

Your very survival is on the line here. Kuro, your most trusted ally and brother, is gone. He isn’t here to squeeze your neck and reassure you in his typical blunt manner. He isn’t here to sink his teeth into the back of your hand and tell you to shut up and stop overthinking. At least back then, when the two of you were enemies, his lingering presence always reminded you that you were never alone. Even with Ranmaru standing right next to you, firmly holding and stroking the back of your hand with his thumb, you can’t help but feel so cold.

For the first time in 300 years, you feel so alone.

However, you are alone for a reason. Mitsuhide is alive for a reason. Kuro would have injected every ounce of his venom in him if he didn’t have faith in you. He sacrificed his body and held back because he believes you are capable of taking charge of the situation and turning it towards your advantage like you did many times before, in this life and the last.

He believes in you now, just as he did back then.

Your hand shoots up towards your face and you bite down on the back of your hand hard enough to draw a bit of blood. Ranmaru flinches at the sudden action, but he’s shocked completely still at the crazed, determined look in your eyes even within the blanket of darkness. A trail of saliva and blood stays connected to your lips when you pull back until you wipe it away with your sleeve. You take a breath in, hold it for a few seconds, and then release it out.

“Ranmaru,” your voice suddenly takes on a commanding tone despite it being hushed. “I need one more favor from you.”

He can see that you’re still scared shitless, but ready to face whatever it is that lies ahead of you once you open those doors. You have earned his respect and gratitude too many times to count. Somehow, you’ve earned it again despite having never lost it before.

He lets go of your hand and takes a full step back before lowering himself onto one knee and bowing his head to you. A symbol of his respect for you. “What do you need from me?”

“Go away.”

Your command, although simple, completely throws him off. Before he can question you or ask for further clarification, your hand finds its way under his chin and lifts his head up to look at you. You're looking at him as if nothing was ever wrong, like you weren’t freaking out just moments ago. His tongue swells up with uneasiness when you begin to pat and brush the top of his head like one would an innocent child.

“While I have every intention of making that white-haired rat kiss the very ground I step upon by the time the sun rises, I can’t take any more risks from here on out. In case things don’t go as planned, I need you as far away from here as possible.”

“I-It’s alright!” he frantically brushes off your concern. “No matter what happens tonight, I’ll stick by your side-”

“No,” you sternly cut him off. “I don’t want you anywhere near here, and that’s final.”

“But-”

Your hand returns to your side as you lower yourself down on your knees, down to his same level. Whatever argument he had left is silenced by your final plea. “Please, just go.” You pathetically say. “I can’t lose anyone else today.”

Your hands return to him again, this time running against the few bruises and scratches that litter neck from restraining Mitsuhide earlier. Ranmaru received these wounds whilst you were in limbo within your head. Mai and the other attendants came to your side and offered their help without hesitation despite having little to no combat training. The people around you have gone to such lengths for your sake. Such influence over them amazes you as much as it saddens you.

You will make good on the efforts everyone has given for you. But should you fail, the least you could do is ensure that no one else falls with you.

After a moment of silence, Ranmaru thankfully nods his head in understanding. You usher him away before standing up and facing the towering doors once again. It isn’t until you can no longer hear his silent footsteps that walk forward, grab onto the round handles, and pull the doors open. You’re immediately hit with warm air, a stark contrast from the chilly air from outside. Inside awaits the person you both despise and fear the most in this world, Mitsuhide Akechi.

He’s seated down by a low desk, nestled comfortably to the left side of the room. In his hands are a couple of papers that his eyes skim over, slowing down only when he happens upon something worth his full attention. When you step in and close the doors behind you, he pulls his amber irises away from his work to quickly acknowledge your arrival.

“Come in and make yourself comfortable,” he gestures towards the cushion positioned in front of his desk. “I won’t be long.”

You slowly make your way into the room. Ranmaru reassured you that their isn’t any traps or tricks set up for you, but you’d rather be safe than sorry. You lower yourself onto your offered seat and observe his room in the meantime. The first thing that catches your eyes is the small flintlock pistol almost conveniently on full display within the recessed wall. A delicate vase with a single stem of white flowers is set right next to it. Whether he meant to set it up in such a manner, you can't help but feel like you're being mocked by the weapon being so shamelessly displayed next to delicate and pure flowers.

You mentally slap yourself, or rather, you envision Kuro slapping you on the back of your head with his tail for letting yourself get worked up over essentially nothing. You move your vision away to the other side of the display; a hanging scroll and a piece of round ceramic or porcelain held up by a wooden stand. The scroll is of a painting of the moon, illuminating the same type of white, bell-like flowers as the ones in the vase. You look down to inspect the details of the fine china, but something suddenly tugs on your sleeve.

It's a fox. Its fluffy fur, as pure a white as a fresh blanket of snow. Its slanted eyes press together in satisfaction as it gnaws on your sleeve. You try to pull the damp fabric out from its mouth, but it growls and bites down into it like a vice.

"Hey now," you light-heartedly scold it. "This is mine."

It rapidly trashes its head side to side, silently telling you that no, your sleeve belongs to them now. You let your arm go limp to fake giving up to its advances, pleasing it greatly and causing its tail to rapidly sway back and forth. As soon as it lays down and relaxes, you swipe the fabric away and securely tuck it out of sight before it could bite on it again.

Mitsuhide gives a quick glance up to check out the commotion. Chimaki is snapping her jaw and burrowing her nose into your side. She's determined to get back whatever it is that you took from her that was likely never hers in the beginning. You aren't bothered by her persistence, much to his relief. The inhuman strength and soul quaking hisses of your companion before he beheaded him and the brief flash of serpent eyes from you. It was all still so fresh to his head, yet he's somehow managed to keep himself as calm as can be and called you to his room instead of outing you the moment he way away from you.

He thinks back to his conversation with Hideyoshi earlier in the day, the documents in his hands nearly rip as his grip suddenly tightens.

"It's been a week and she still hasn’t woken up! There’s no signs of improvement, but no worsening symptoms either. Even the other physicians can do nothing but check her pulse and breathing regularly. Yet even then, all of them note of a few moments where she stops breathing, but her heart keeps beating. Augh, this is so frustrating!”

With how concerned he looked and sounded, one would think it was Nobunaga that was injured and not the chatelaine. You are highly looked upon by Nobunaga, if the reports of his hellish attitude and looming presence during the duration of your initial treatment is to be believed. Surely, you are not held in the same regard as their shared lord. But in the eyes of Hideyoshi, your favoritism from the one he is most painstakingly loyal to places you on a pedestal just as high as the Devil King himself.

That was a major issue for Mitsuhide. He needed to kick that pedestal from right under your feet before you can even think about claiming the one slightly higher than your own. Normally, he would work within the shadows and resort to his usual dirty tactics. For you, someone clearly not human, and for the good of the people of Azuchi, he was willing to step into the light and ask for some assistance.

But before he can even dip his toe into the otherside, Hideyoshi says something that unknowingly halted him and forced him back into his dark corner.

"She better wake up soon. If not for Nobunaga-sama or Hisa-Obaasan's sake, then for Hayai's."

Hayai. How could Mitsuhide forget him? One day, you came running to Hideyoshi, holding what you believed to be an interesting looking rock. It was not a rock but instead a turtle shell, with said animal still inside and a bit frightened. It was one of many reasons (although silly) that pushed him to carry out his unauthorized excursion to Ise. How can anyone who is human not know what a turtle is?! How can any human not think it odd that someone doesn't know what a turtle is?!

It's because he trusts you. Hideyoshi trusts you enough to not question what is reasonably questionable and suspicious. He is not the only one who's heart you've coiled around. Nobunaga is so charmed with you that he would raise hell over your well-being in his own home and demand Ieyasu to return immediately, despite being out on an assignment by his own orders. Ranmaru and possibly every single female attendant in Azuchi not only trusts you and considers you like a sister, but they're fully aware of your secret and have no intention to sell you out.

It is because so many people support you that he felt necessary to swallow his now fixed tongue.

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[warriorsredux]

Do you still have the raw scraps, the scribbled notes, the heap of text documents, the outlines, the early drafts, the character/setting/narrative/whatever sketches you made when planning the Redux? If you do, can we have a look at them? I wanna see how Master Dullard does it.

Regrettably, all of that is on my old computer, and that bastard is not inclined to charge to let me get a hold of that stuff again. There are a couple sketches in an old sketchbook, but I have no idea which one (I have many old ones hurriedly shoved into a drawer so I can pretend they don’t exist). I faintly remember some things, and I’ll throw them here:

There were SO MANY documents trying to keep track of everyone’s personalities and roles in the story. Somehow I knew which ones were which. This is remarkable solely because I did not name a single document anything useful. 

Seriously, all the documents were random keysmashes, jokes, single words or lyrics, none of which had anything to do with their content. I always do this. I don’t know why. It’s not helpful. 

There were also documents dedicated solely to quotes and snippets of writing I wanted to eventually use in the story. Bluestar snapping at Darkstripe was written and rewritten several times because I wanted to get it just right, but it was in my head since the very first arc. Other ones were the first impressions of Scourge (noting his strange, jerky way of moving and unsettling stare among other things), several jokes and bits of banter between characters, and so on. I like to write down dialog when I have it in my head so I can perfect it over time. As a result, when the time comes to post it in the actual story, it’s as good as it can be. 

One bit of dialog that never got in that I did want to use was something along the lines of “We- we are bound by StarClan to-” “Damn all of StarClan”. This was meant to be with Fireheart and Bluestar, and was inspired by a near identical exchange in Vattu (which you all should read, by the way). I liked the idea of peppering in swears where effective, but I never really went down that road. Which I feel like I should have done? Oh well. Don’t matter now!

I had a sprite sheet of pixelated cats with the names of ThunderClan’s members. This was my initial way of trying to keep track of the bloodlines - the sprites would be connected to each other with lines. It was theoretically easier, but it just got overwhelming, so eventually I just used the sprites for my own reference of color. I did eventually get help with the familial ties, which... thank fucking God for that. Jesus. Those who helped me with genetics, colors and families, you are godsends. You know who you are.

One look through a random plot document would make it very clear that I have a very loose concept of “sticking to the script”. That is, I would write down how something happens, leave it, rewrite it because I forgot that version existed, combine the two or edit them haphazardly, then expand way over what I needed during the actual process of storytelling. For example, say a conversation was supposed to happen that would give plot relevant news, then we would move on to another event. I would end up writing that conversation with so many sidetracks and banter for the sake of it (casual banter is one of my favorite things within a narrative - it’s largely why I love ROTTMNT and Pulp Fiction so much) that the conversation would take over half of the chapter. This happened on so many occasions I cannot possibly list them all. You might as well count every single chapter I ever wrote for this fucking thing!

A lot of the worldbuilding given in response to asks was made up almost entirely on the spot. I had the answers in my head without my knowledge - they’d just come to me naturally when questioned, even though I hadn’t considered that part of the world - but that doesn’t detract from the fact that I was improvising quite a bit with a lot of the Redux. A lot. Most of it was improv. Is that apparent on a lookback?

That’s another thing - I didn’t write down a lot of the worldbuilding. Appearances, cultures, funerals, language stuff, a lot of it I developed it as I wrote the Amendment posts. I had vague ideas and notes in my sketchbook, but the specifics were made as I typed on the keyboard. That’s kind of how I roll with worldbuilding. It’s not a good idea. I’m amazed I didn’t contradict myself too hardcore in this universe.

That’s all I can think of for now. If you have specific questions, it might dredge up the memories and I can give a proper response, haha!

[quilloftheclouds]

Any advice for someone who feels like their work isn’t good enough? Asking for a friend

Okay, so, this ask kind of hit me right in the gut. Because I deal with this same feeling, all the time.

No matter how much praise someone gets, no matter how much others tell you they love your work? There can be that thought that, no, it’s not entirely truthful, maybe they’re simply saying that to make you feel better. Or possibly you’re unwillingly comparing your work to someone else you admire. There are all sorts of reasons why these feelings might crop up.

(For simplicity’s sake, I’m going to narrow this down to writing, but this can apply to any kind of art-making!)

First, I’ll say this. We all start somewhere. We were all beginners at one point, all of your favourite authors were, all of the world’s greatest creators were, at one point, beginning. Annnndddd they likely were terrible. Especially in their own eyes.

But you don’t get better by not writing, not creating. So keep creating, and your work will get there. It’ll get to the level where you’re proud of it. It’s never going to be perfect, but it doesn’t have to be for you to be proud of it.

And maybe you’re not a beginner. You’ve been writing for a while, and yet you’re still not to the level you think you should be. There are famous creators out there who still don’t like their works. But there will be times when you do. You just gotta keep writing. Keep creating and keep getting better.

In this stage, though? Some little pieces of advice that I’ve found have helped, personally:

1. You can edit, rewrite, and start from scratch all you want.

You don’t have to stop, there’s no number cap, there’s no deadline if it’s your personal creative project. And often, first drafts are terrible. UTTER TRASH. Sometimes the second or third drafts feel like that too. But remember that editing something that doesn’t exist is… kind of impossible.

Why do all of that work if you’re just going to rewrite it, though? Because your skills will improve immeasurably from when you started writing. Because when you get to that edit or rewrite or whatever, you will be so much better of a writer.

2. Make a separate document/page/etc. Take from your writing lines you like, passages you’re proud of, and plop them over there.

(Making the sound effect helps. *PLOP*)

Hey look! You wrote those. YOU wrote those. Review this every time you’re feeling down about your writing. Yeah, maybe you feel like the majority of it is garbage, but diamonds don’t usually come up in big chunks. Doesn’t mean they’re not still there. Doesn’t mean they’re any less valuable. And they wouldn’t exist at all if you didn’t get through all the muck and gross stuff first.

Of course, diamonds don’t form from nothing. There was creative genius and writing skill that led to those, not just chance.

3. Comparing isn’t going to help. Try learning from others’ work instead.

First off, if they’re published, you’re likely comparing your work to authors who have had many people go over it with them to help get it just right. Even if not, even if we’re just looking at writeblr, this writing piece is likely something they chose to show others because it was one of their better pieces. So you’re essentially comparing all of your wilted flowers to a magnificent bouquet, when you can’t see all of the many, many wilted flowers that got picked over and left out of that bouquet.

Let’s try something else, then. What do you really like about this other person’s writing? That you wish you could do yourself? Okay, why do you think that is? Dissect it, take it apart and see what elements make up what you love. Now go back to your writing, or maybe just have fun with drabbles or short stories on the side, and try and apply those elements you found to your own writing. DON’T COMPARE. Please, try and stop yourself from comparing your own works to others’. It’s very difficult, I know. But shift your view. Focus on what you can learn, enjoy that you’re learning those things, have fun with the inspiration it gives you!

4. You can take a break, or try something new.

You can take a break. Sometimes it’s needed. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a break from writing, maybe you can work on some drabbles or some short stories or some poetry or fanfiction or maybe you could even try something new! Try a new style of writing, a new genre, there are all sorts of options! Of course, you can take a break from writing entirely, as well. Possibly when you come back, you’ll see that you actually like your writing after all.

And even if not, you’ll get there.

I hope that helped! I certainly am not an expert here, so if anyone else has any other advice, feel free to add on!

[mysticsparklewings]

I’m Not Dead‪

I'm not laughin', You're not jokin' I'm not dead I only dress that way Out nowhere take me out there Far away and save me from my Self-destruction, hopeless for you Sing a song for California --My Chemical Romance, "Boy Division" ____ Have you heard?? Have you heard the news?? Well if not, I'm gonna tell ya: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IS BACK, BABY!!! :D On Halloween, we got the announcement that they will be playing a show in Los Angeles, California on December 20th. And just a few days ago we got the news that they're also going to New Zealand, Australia, and Japan which basically confirms to me they're doing so sort of tour, whether they actually call it that or not. There's still a lot we don't know for sure; whether this is just a one-time reunion tour or their official comeback tour, if we'll be getting new original music both at the shows and available for download/purchase or if they're just going to redo their existing music and covers, if it's only going to be the main four that were there at the end or if there will be some of the other members that were in and out over the years rejoining them...Where all they're going to go on this tour...the list goes on. But! The important thing, at least to me, is that they came back at all. Six years. Six years we've waited and hoped and prayed, been let down by false rumors and speculation...And now it's actually happening. I just... Hence why I had to make an art piece celebrating the occasion and as an excuse to talk about it. (I figure if I'm going to dump my opinions on the internet I might as well make some art to go with them. Sue me. ) Originally, I was planning on making something more along the lines of true fan art, as this is more pseudo fan art here, but I just couldn't settle on one good idea that I felt really comfortable pursuing. Although I am still considering doing an updated (or at least colored in) version of my Killjoys, Make Some Noise! (lineart) I did a couple of years ago...we'll see. Anyway. Since we did get the news on Halloween, it's worth noting that originally I'd been debating if I wanted to do any makeup this year at all or just slide on a mask since my only plans were going to Krispy Kreme, who was offering a free donut if you showed up in costume. But after the news broke, my decision was made for me. I had to. MCR isn't strictly associated with skeletons/skulls, as has become my preferred Halloween costume, but The Black Parade, their second album, does have a little skeleton as the leader of the marching band, and the band members did wear skeleton/skull inspired makeup during that time. Admittedly this year's makeup wasn't nearly as involved or elaborate as what I've done in years' past, but it beats last year's absolutely nothing. I ended up taking a few pictures to preserve the look, as I always do even though I rarely take photos of myself, and I would decide to draw one of them where I was trying to do this face that Gerard (the frontman and lead singer of the band) has made on a several occasions; this wide-eyed intense stare. Partly because this, I'm sure, is very close to my actual face when I heard the news that they're back, the makeup was inspired by them anyway, and also because it pairs very well with one of my favorite lines from my favorite song by them. Said line being, obviously, "I'm not dead I only dress that way," from Boy Division, as cited at the top of the description. If I'm being completely truthful, I can't even really put my finger on what it is about Boy Division specifically that makes it my favorite, as I've yet to hear an MCR song I truly do not like, but I think there's something in the lyrics of the full song that just sells it for me in combination with the high-energy music. But whatever the case, it is my favorite nonetheless. Beyond that though, it's really hard to place the rest of them in any coherent order because, at least to my ears, they're all really great. Anyway. So I went about drawing my face, erring slightly more on the realistic side than usually (but obviously not too much) in hopes of capturing the facial expression. Which, it's pretty good, but I do think it could've been a little better. I think my biggest problem was getting the eyebrows a mouth right, and I'm still not sure they're quite there since my real eyebrows are pretty translucent and the mouth was hard to balance between looking logical and more neutral than sad/angry. And I think maybe the proper expression was a little more apparent in the sketch, but it's pretty normal to lose some feeling between the sketch and the final product so that I won't discount too much. After that, I had to take a break from the drawing to think about how to color it in any style it and everything. I ended up transferring the sketch to Mixed Media paper after deciding I wanted to use alcohol markers as a base but not knowing if I'd need to adjust it with colored pencil and/or other mediums on top or not, and I did the lines with my Faber Castell Polychromos once I felt like just black lines would be too harsh and thinking colored lines would be better. Plus, the Polychromos are very non-reactive to water, so if I really wanted to I could add watercolor or something water-activated without having to worry about the lines getting messed up. I did not consider how the Polychromos would react to the alcohol markers, but other than one or two spots where the top layer of pencil kinda dissolved after some heavy layering (which was easily fixed by just going back over the lines in that area again really quickly), fortunately, it worked out okay. Although sweet sparkles I swear it took at least twice as long to actually do the lines as opposed to normal between having to apply enough pressure to get the right amount of color down and working on the differences inline weight.   Anyway. I was a little worried about some of the shading/effects I'd be doing with the markers, but I think I did alright with it. This mixed media paper (Strathmore 400 series for anyone who cares) is nice and thick, so I had plenty of room to layer up and blend as I needed to get the look I was going for. This came in especially handy around the eyes and on the nose when I told myself to at least try and get the colors like the photo before cheesing it and just using straight (or nearly) black. The only area that I think came out a little rough is really the skin, mainly the forehead. But that has more to do with 1. There isn't much contrast on the face in the photo so I didn't want to take it too far in the drawing and 2. I think I may have started slightly too dark for skin this pale. I realize that's a weird thing to say, but when you're pale as a ghost like I am, you'd be surprised how easy that is to do. And to be fair, I probably could've tried to adjust that with colored pencils, and my original plan was to add some white pencil on top in the areas of the face where a highlight would naturally hit (forehead, bridge of the nose, cheekbones, etc.)  But by the time I got done with the markers, I honestly felt like it was nice enough without any additional pencil that I thought it might be best to just leave it alone. Since I still have the original drawing, my thoughts may change on that and I could update this eventually, but for now, my decision stands. On the other hand, I was actually pretty pleased with how the hair turned out once it was colored. That is until I scanned it in. I don't know why, but the darkest shadows in the hair were too dark and too bluish on the scan, despite everything else looking fairly color-accurate. I fiddled with the scanner settings for a few minutes to try and fix it, but it became quickly apparent there wasn't much to be done about it at the level. Which meant I had to try making the adjustments in Photoshop. Now, I've done my fair share of scan-fixing, photo editing, and just color adjustments on digital art, but for the life of me I could not get things to work the way I wanted them to here. It became to the point I'm starting to suspect if the actual true-to-life shades of purple of the drawing are just really hard or even impossible for computers to capture and/or create accurately. Fluorescent colors fall in that category, surely they're not the only ones. In the end, after more time than I bothered to document messing around with settings and adjustments, and firmly decided I was not going to essentially manually re-color/shade the hair digitally, I tried the only other thing I could think to do. I took the hair, as I had been for all my adjustments since the rest of the colors were fine, on a separate layer and took all the saturation out so I was left with just the gray values. And I noted while I was at that point that it didn't seem to be an issue of the contrast between the shadows and the rest of the hair. The transition looked perfectly acceptable in grayscale. Then, I added a color layer on top of that one, clipped it to only show up on the hair, and changed it to an "overlay" layer so that I would get the values from the gray layer, but colored purple. It did take a couple of tries to get the right shade of purple for the color layer, and I'm sure it's still not 100% accurate to the IRL drawing, but it's a heck of a lot closer than it was. And this gets even weirder when you consider that just a few days before I made this drawing, I made a different one for a friend where I used the exact same marker colors for the hair, blended in almost exactly the same manner, on the same paper, and it didn't have this problem when I scanned that one in. I have never in my life. Anyway. The accessories actually didn't give me much trouble in drawing or coloring. Admittedly, I did tone down how many feathers and stuff are actually on the tiny hat for my own sanity's sake, and while I did my best with the lace on the choker, I don't have a ton of practice with drawing lace like this so I'm sure it could be improved. Although I did decide to color both of those areas (what I didn't draw/fill in with the pencils at the line stage) with a super dark blue-violet instead of a gray or straight black for the purpose of not totally hiding the linework I'd put in and to make it just slightly more dynamic. Which I think was a good call as it seems to tie in pretty nicely with the grayish tones on the face. Other than that though, I did try to stay fairly accurate with my color choices, and I think I did pretty well with that, all things considered. (Despite having a much larger selection than I did just a few months ago, I do still need a wider selection of alcohol markers in some areas just for the sake of color accuracy and smooth transitions.) Once my face was done, then came the text. I searched for a while, hoping to find an MCR appropriate font that I could hopefully add by hand, but my search came up empty. I did find one I really liked the look of though, called "Miserable." So I scanned the drawing in and after the aforementioned hair struggles, I got to play with the placement and structure of the words. I knew I kinda wanted something that just has that "I'm a logo/t-shirt emblem" kind of feel, and in the end, I think I got that. But I do think I could've planned out the drawing itself a little bit better in terms of the space left to fit the words into. I really didn't do myself a lot of favors on that one.   It has its problems, but I'm still really actually kind of proud of how this turned out...and that's really all I have to say about it. Eh, maybe I'm just really happy because I know why I made it in the first place. Now if MCR can just come within 1-2 hours of my location so I can actually go see them...please... ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[storyofmyownlife]

End of The Decade

I started this about 9 years ago for a very simple reason-I was hooked on the tv show called Akward. Jenna, the main protagonist of the show, likes to write blogs about her life as a way to cope and express how she feels. Awe inspired, I decided to create my own anonymous blog with the hopes that cathartic venting and documenting the past can help me navigate the present. For the last couple if years, l had been given many opportunities to taste the bittersweet feelings of life. Truth to be told, I have never thought I would be here writing this blog to end the decade. The earlier entries can attest to this. Ten years a go my life was in shambles. I had a broken family, broken English, and the broken will to live.

My father, two siblings and I arrived in Canada on April of 2009 to finally live with my mom. With little regards of the past, I cherished the brand new start to live a life without prejudice. I felt very little emotion when I left the Philippines because I knew deep down I could finally escape the invalidation of others of how I suppose to love. Of course, then, I was naive to think that I wouldn't felt that way ever again- I was completely wrong. It did not take long before everything start to turn sour. Us siblings did not get a long. We did not group together and we did not know how to live with one another. My mom and dad started to fight a lot. Almost every night. My dad started drinking a lot for many reasons that I know now and understood, but not completely forgiven. He misses his old life back in his home country- the life of the party and his other family. My mom push him to work and help with bills. Just like my sister and my brother and I, My mom and dad did live apart for many years. The feeling of living with my whole family was foreign to me. A month after arrival, the incident happened. The police came and for many months the social worker came and visit us. The resentment between us siblings began to build up. For many months, my brother and I blamed my sister for telling the truth. Knowing what I knew now she did the right thing. Nevertheless, my brother and I alienated her.

I also had broken English. I did not make a lot of friends in Grade 8. I was that loner kid who would spend every day during lunch alone and would walk on the school ground by himself. My sister and my brother got their own friends. I wanted to make my own but couldnt. On the bright side, my brother became friends with the guy name Denver. He is one of the only few people in our lives who never left for the past decade. He is still with us.

I started high school. I made more friends who are Filipino. We all kind of form this group. Denver is also part of it. Within that inner group, we had more inner clique called cajibo. I'm not going to disclose who they are because I no longer associate myself with them and it does not matter. There were also four girls who called themselves kimfejeny and they became part of the inner group. Regardless of what happened in the end, they taught me a lot of things about life. For the first time, they made me feel what is like to find a family in a group of random strangers. I must admit they helped us work throughout with some of the traumas. We had crazy dreams together, we spent so many adventures together, and they taught me the life is not as simple as black and white. It all ended because I cared too much and told the truth when it was not my place to do so. Inspite of if all, there were some silver linings to it.

I worked hard to improve my english and move in advance english. My ESL teacher helped me a lot. I improved my academic performance in no time. I also began to developed new relationships. My brother and I became more close to Daniel, Alen, Kith, and Alden. I also began to listen to Taylor Swift's music. She did help me cope with unreciprocated love, broken hearts, and the unpredictability of life. I swear I had crush on couple of people at my high school. I'm just gonna name them here for memories sake- adam, alden, aiah, and andrew.

As time went by, I started thinking about my future. After taking few courses, I knew that I have a passion for literature and history. During my junior and senior years, I took classes in philosophy, history, and law. I was no good in math. Science was okay. I actually got the biology award college level and made it to the honor roll in grade 11 and 12.

In my senior year, this girl name Chelsea asked me out to go to the prom with her. I tagged a long with her friends. They were also friends kimfejeny and some members of cajibo. It was an okay time. I didnt really have an ecstatic time. Suffice to say, I got to go so it was a check for one of my bucket list. Since I'm on the subject, I also went to Red tour concert instead of going to my own school prom. Ed Sheeran performed with Taylor swift! They were both great. Another item checked off!

On my last year, I was also determined to move out. My mom was very supportive of it. We started to look for school. I got in to all of the ones that I applied to. I was torn between u of t and Mac. To be honest, I would not have considered or let alone knew about mcmaster if it wasn't for Andrew. I visited both schools. I thought that u of t provide more classes and opportunities for what I wanted to do. But, I wanted to have an experience like those in movies. Also, deep down I wanted to run away in hope that I could find myself and be. I decided to go to mac

My brother and I graduated. I said goodbye to my favorite high school teach who gave my brother and I a gift. But she did not need to because she has already given me so much and more. The summer was filled with excitement and anticipation. I held a get together before I leave for college. I said goodbye to my friends and left a note for my brother to read. There were crying involve because I felt that I did not deserve them at all. They were so good to me and I was not in return. That summer was bittersweet.

I started my university experience. I would not go in a lot of details because I pretty much documented my first year here well enough. Grace, Shane, nicole and devone made a difference in life, especially Grace. She saved me from myself.

In second year, it was interesting because it started off as bad. I was seeing this guy and wanted to be with him but couldnt. I also was very insecure about myself and my sexuality. Everyone went on dates, make out with someone at the party, etc. I risked my life a couple of times in pursuit of getting the same experience. With the help of my friend and after going to group support, I got through it all. I started joining clubs: board games society, humanities,etc.

Devon came back. Turns out he is bi. I've always liked and wanted him. I had wanted his approval but It was an impossible task. He was drunk and toxic. He liked one of my roommate to who kind of like him too, but did know it was right. She was also the only person who knew about my feelings towards him. Suffice to say my relationship with Devon was severed after the end of that year. Shane was also a drunk and feel like he would not approve of my sexuality so I cut my relationship with him slowly.

I also started dating someone name T. It was an okay relationship. He was a really good guy but I don't think we were meant for each other. I loved how he held me, but I knew I was not the one for him. I was not a good boyfriend to him. I think I tried to look for things in him that I want from my partner. Older, and hopefully wiser, know now that it was wrong. I ended it.

I had great times with my friends and old roommates. Spontaneous drives, adventures, and they gave me opportunities to experience things I never experienced before. Like going to demetris, hiking to trails and falls, random trips to McDonalds etc. Alicia also became my support on my last year at mac. I also became hers as well.

When graduated, I did not find a job immediately and was kind of down. I started to work out to motivate myself. I lost about 75 pound in a couple of months. With the help of family friends, I got hired at a law firm. I learned a lot of things from there. What it's like to practice law, experience to use office equipments, how to network, etc. The perks were great. But the coworkers and the work are not as great. Couple of coworkers come and go. 2 years and a half I still work with them. I also met Ashley, Selena, clarice, bryce, mike. Fun fact: Ashley's wedding was the first wedding that I attended that was not affiliated with my family.

A year ago, I woke up one day and decided to apply to post grad HR program. I was supposed to apply right after I graduated university but I knew I needed to take some time off. But, that day, I was determined to start a new. I got in to the program but was not able to start until last january. The program taught me so much about myself and others. I worked like I've never work in my life. In the end, I got 3.64 GPA. I've made friends and enemies.

My friends from high school that I mentioned before are still with me to this very day. We've gone through so many late night adventures together! I finished my internship last week and I now work as a full time employee at COC. I've traveled couple of times outside Canada for the past 2 years.My family and I recently went to punta Cana. I'm hoping to go to either Mexico or California next year!. I know in my last post I may have mentioned my struggle with the changing times. I know everyone in my life is starting to build their own life without me and that's okay. It is part of growing up. I'm also having short term memory lost lately but hopefully I get better. I'm hoping that my friendship with mike and Bryce would last longer. I wish my family the best in this new decade.

They say, life gets tougher as you grow older. My hope is I became tougher and more resilient still. I will ride the every changing tides of time while always looking up to the daylight.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye.

December 31st, 2019

Ps: pic 1 shows the books that I accumulated and read over the years. Pic 2 my favorite things the I received and owned this year.

[akwelvhi]

Transient transgressions that transcend time

I wanted to do something for Trans character day, but I couldn’t come up with something. Instead, this happened. Well -shrugs-.

“Trans-” 

Short for transgender or transsexual 

Trans also is sometimes used as a shortened term for Cis-trans isomerism, Trans-lunar injection, Trans-acting just to name a few.

Needless to say this word "trans" means a variety of things depending largely on the context of course. 

Same can be said for the word "bi" or "poly" - especially when these words are being used within the R&D or Science departments of Q-branch. 

Misunderstandings and mis-hearings is something bound to happen when you mix the staffs of the different levels and branches of MI6 into the one staff cafeteria (because MI6 will not part with the budget of paying for more catering workers who need to undergo such thorough clearance and briefings just to make food that feeds the humans who do Her Majesties important work)- anyway coming back from that tangent. 

It happened one day in the cafeteria, that this person overheard that person say something bad-sounding about something-trans or so, as such the rumour was passed down that trans people and others in the LGBTQ+ community were treated unfairly in MI6. Which somehow escalated to Q-branch having yet another - small unimportant task which snowballed into an issue - piled on top of their ever growing list of technological related issues that IT department deemed "not my department". 

The rumour in question had led to a staff generated poll, on one of those benign staff feedback portals, that had gained a viral response following. The strength and width in which the rumour and the poll in question had spread, had resulted in a portal crash so bad IT department submitted a request for budget approval of a new system because they couldn’t fix it. Which then became Q-branch's problem because well, Q was the youngest and smartest of all branch heads and that's just the way things worked much to Q’s annoyance. 

The poll in question asked. 

MI6 does not provide adequate support to staff belonging to the LGBTQ+ spectrum.

0 --- Agree

0 --- Disagree 

0 --- Others. Please elaborate : ______________________________________

The idiot who created the poll made the mistake of not only allowing all options to be selected instead of one. But also allowed the maximum character limit for long-answer responses which was a 1,000 character limit. 

The dear, poor, minion QB-X8 who was tasked to "fix that system, we don't have the budget for a new one. Q-Branch you fix it because of that 1.2 million project of yours." managed to uncover the source of the issue. 

The 1,000 character limit, was long enough a character limit, for a single keyboard smash response to somehow be translated to a line of code that led to the system crashing. It didn’t help that the system was already glitching to begin with. 

After going through approximately four thousand eight hundred and fifty two responses on LGBTQ related matters, in which over a thousand of them came from how they couldn't use the company medical benefits for LGBTQ+ related treatments. QB-X8 was understandably delirious enough that a loud branch-wide rant ensued. 

[[Disclaimer: MI6 medical benefits does allow coverage of any and all medical treatments as long as it is prescribed and administered by a professional physician. This includes coverage for cosmetic plastic surgery. Though of course like all medical insurance coverage. There is a cap. The cap is also dependent on your salary grade.]]

This led to Q authorising QB-X8 to send out a MI6-wide email blaster - with monthly reminders which included a pop-up box which would last a whole year, especially for those who took the time to flood the poll with multiple responses or those who did not answer properly. It was only due diligence, if those responders did not abide by the basic rules of completing a poll, then they obviously needed additional reminders. 

The email entailed, in detail, the medical benefits and HR staff entitlements document pasted out onto an email word by word format (no document attachment,  because some people don't open attachments). Which amounted to three hundred and twenty one pages of words. In Comic Sans font 15. No fine print excuses now.

On the plus side. HR was glad that 80% of the staff were finally fully utilising the benefits of the company’s medical insurance coverage - which had the company paying a very large six figure number paid monthly for the premiums. Employers and people in general always lost money to insurance companies. Well this year. MI6 would say they gained - in the sense that their staff were filling claims to the insurance company. Their staff were happy and healthier, the LGBTQ community included. And thanks to the 10 year agreement they just signed with said insurance company. It was all good on their accounts end too. 

On the minus side. Q-Branch was on the receiving end of random and frequent death glares whenever they were identified (should their staff pass be visible) when they visited the communal space which was the staff cafeteria. (So you see guys, this is where the hearsay that the cafeteria food is lousy came from. Q-branchers would rather just avoid the place, well at least for a year till the monthly emails stopped.) And medical's stock of hormone treatment suddenly depleted resulting in a month long waiting list for staff receiving timely service from medical. Thus irking their head to no end because medical has never failed to deliver. 

Overall. It was all good. 

The next poll that went up asking the same question (with the ' improved by Q-branch' modifications made so the system wouldn’t crash again) received an overall 87% satisfaction rating on MI6's staff benefits including support for LGBTQ+ staff. 

All is well.

Now if only people just read the damn fine print and hundred page document on terms and conditions. None of this would’ve happened. To think these people work for the government of Her Majesty for god's sake! 

.

A/N: The title may be a bit superfluous but it just wanted as many trans-words in it as possible, haha, sorry. XD

[thesevenseraphs]

Bungie Weekly Update - 6/20/19

This week at Bungie, we prepare for Calus’s new challenge.

If you’re reading this at the moment of publication, we’re currently live on the GuardianCon Charity Marathon Stream hosting a Bungie Bounty. We’re being hunted on all three platforms while a menagerie of hosts reads off donations to support a great cause! We have a list of incentives, ranging from releasing the TWAB early to showing off a few Legendary weapon concepts from our upcoming Destiny 2: Shadowkeep release. For more information about the GuardianCon charity stream, make sure to check their website. If you’d like to join the fun on stream, we’ll be live from 1–5 PM PDT (4–8 PM EDT).

Watch live video from GuardianCon on www.twitch.tv

Now, let’s get down to business on your weekly roundup of Destiny- and Bungie-related news.

Challenge Fit for a Guardian

Season of Opulence is full steam ahead. You’ve scoured the depths of the Menagerie, begun your quest for Truth, and taken the Crown of Sorrow. Our next stop on the roadmap begins June 25 with Menagerie Heroic mode.

So, let’s dig in. What does Calus have lined up for our most powerful Guardians?

Increased Power Difficulty: Starts at 750, increases to 770

Matchmaking is disabled; you must form a fireteam to enter

Weekly curated gameplay modifiers, rotating per boss

Unlike normal mode, Guardians can hit a failure state

Extinguish is active; if your team wipes, Calus will send you to orbit

Encounters never repeat; if you fail to reach 100% progress toward the boss after completing each encounter once, you will be returned to orbit

Heroic-mode-specific Triumphs, rewards, and challenges await you

Though we’ll be watching, this won’t be a race. We’re excited to see how players customize their experience with various challenges to show off their skill. Can you defeat Heroic mode with fewer than six players? Maybe with specific loadouts? Only time will tell.

Take Pride

June isn’t the only time when we live our values as a company, but it’s a great opportunity to celebrate them. Here is an important message from the Bungie Diversity Committee on how you can join us in expressing your pride, along with the people who make the games you play.

Pride Month is an exciting time of year, when we can all unite under a rainbow flag and celebrate our LGBTQIA+ family. Bungie has come together this month to do more than we've been able to accomplish before.

We have a Pride pin for sale on our Bungie Store, with all proceeds going directly to the It Gets Better Project (a nonprofit organization with a mission to uplift, empower, and connect lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer youth around the globe). This year, not only will Bungie continue its tradition of marching in the Seattle Pride Parade as an official sponsor, but we have also teamed up with other nearby dev studios to create a more united game industry alliance. While we celebrate this month, it’s vital that we stay centered on what Pride is truly about; the equal rights and representation of the LGBTQIA+ community, People who deserve to be celebrated and recognized for their role in making our community as amazing as it is.

“For me, Pride means being able to be visible to someone who needs representation (even when they may not realize it), as opposed to how it used to be where visibility only meant being a target.” —Jayce D., Designer

We on the Bungie Diversity Committee are committed to improving Bungie’s work culture, practices, and policies in order to make this community a more welcoming and inclusive space for our LGBTQIA+ employees and fans around the world. This work does not start and end in June; rather, it’s a series of challenges that we work on every day, month after month. Here at Bungie, we know there are still a lot of ways we could be doing better. We also know that our industry sometimes drags its heels when it comes to necessary change. However, we must keep moving forward for the sake of our own teams, coworkers, families, and players who need to know that they are seen, accepted, welcomed, and loved for exactly who they are.

“One of the most empowering things I’ve experienced is the acknowledgement that I exist in a world that generally pretends otherwise. This was the greatest gift games have ever given me, and one of the most important things I want to do as a developer is give that gift to players.” —David S., Engineer

We look forward to celebrating Pride Month with all of you. Let’s keep our eyes up, and do our part to forge a brighter future. —Bungie Diversity Committee

Please note: If the Pride Collectible Pin shows “Currently Unavailable” on the Bungie Store, this indicates that the item is currently out of stock. We plan to have these available through Pride month, and beyond. If you’re interested in snagging one of these pins, but it’s not available, make sure to click the “Email when available” option on the portal to be notified the moment they’re back in stock!

Preserving the Truth

The members of Destiny Player Support navigate the help forum daily, spreading helpful tips on how to work around issues or collecting data on any newly surfaced problems within Destiny 2. This week, they have some super good advice on how to keep your Truth quest on the right track.

This is their report.

Fall 2019 FAQ Update

This week, we’re making some updates and revisions to our Fall 2019 FAQ. See below for this week’s additions:

Q: What is included with Bungie Store purchases of physical editions of Destiny 2: Shadowkeep?

A: Digital products delivered via email before September 17, 2019: 

Digital code for Destiny 2: Shadowkeep Digital Deluxe Edition with Digital Deluxe Edition in-game bonuses

Digital Destiny 2: Shadowkeep Original Soundtrack

Players who selected and purchased the “No Game Code” option for Destiny 2: Shadowkeep will not receive any codes leading up to the September 17, 2019 release date.

Collector’s Edition exclusive physical collectible bundle contents delivered on or before September 17, 2019:

Collector’s Edition Exclusive In-Game Emblem Code: An exclusive in-game emblem code printed inside the physical collectible bundle.

Hive Cryptoglyph Replica: Follow clues in the Collector’s Edition to unlock the Hive Cryptoglyph and its secret contents. Dimensions: 7.8”L.

Metal Luna Mission Container: A metal Luna mission folio that holds esoteric relics and records. Dimensions: 8.6”L x 5.9”W.

Luna Mission Handbook: Containing 40 pages of schematics and design documents.

Luna Journal: A 160-page journal featuring additional story content that is bound with the mysterious charms and talismans of Eris Morn.

Artifacts from the Golden Age.

Q: When should players expect Destiny 2: Shadowkeep to ship from the Bungie Store?

A: Physical editions of Destiny 2: Shadowkeep will ship to players on or before September 17, 2019. Included digital codes will be delivered by email to players on or before September 17, 2019. Players should be aware that Bungie Store codes included with Shadowkeep physical edition purchases will arrive only by email, and that no versions include any codes in the box.

Players who selected and purchased the “No Game Code” option for Destiny 2: Shadowkeep will not receive any codes leading up to the September 17, 2019 release date.

Q: Who should players contact with concerns regarding their Bungie Store physical edition purchase of Destiny 2: Shadowkeep?

A: Customer service concerns related to physical editions ordered from BungieStore.com, to include the delivery of Bungie Store digital product codes, should be directed to orders@bungiestore.com.

Customer service concerns related to physical editions ordered from eu.BungieStore.com, to include the delivery of Bungie Store digital product codes, should be directed to bungiesupport@brandaccess.com.

Additionally, we’ve revised the following questions for clarity in response to player feedback:

Q: Do players need to repurchase Destiny 2 on each cross-save platform separately?

A: Destiny 2 will be accessible to players on all available platforms for free as Destiny 2: New Light.

However, players will need to purchase Destiny 2 expansions (Forsaken, Shadowkeep) for each connected platform in order to access that expansion’s content. Cross save will preserve all gear, character, and items across all platforms regardless of expansion ownership.

Q: Can players merge different characters, items, or Triumphs from different accounts?

A: Cross Save does not feature any form of account, character, or progress merging. Selecting a set of characters for Cross Save does not delete or alter the data of any other character sets. Other character sets will be inaccessible for use as long as Cross Save is active.

Q: Will Stadia feature cross-play with Steam or other platforms?

A: Cross-play will not be available for any platform in 2019. We are investigating this feature for Destiny 2, but we have no official announcements to make at this time.

Destiny 2 Season of Opulence Known Issues

Listed below are the latest player-impacting issues discovered in Season of Opulence:

Not Getting Truth from the Ascendant Chest: We’re investigating an issue where players may not receive Truth after they open the Ascendant Chest if they aren’t on the quest step “Candy from a Baby.” Players should ensure they are on the appropriate quest step before opening this chest.

Refer-a-Friend Linking Issue: We’re investigating an issue where new players can’t accept links from veteran players.

690 Gear for Alternate Characters: We’re investigating an issue where players don’t receive 690 gear on all of their characters after completing “The Invitation” quest.

Vestian Dynasty: We’re aware that Vestian Dynasty is dropping for players after Update 2.2.1.

Rune Bonus II Not Refunding: We’re investigating an issue where players who have this node active in their Chalice of Opulence don’t always receive a rune back when opening the Menagerie chest.

Double Rune Drops: We’re investigating an issue where players receive only one rune when two runes of the same type drop at the end of an activity.

Infamy Points and Bounty Issues: We’re investigating an issue where Gambit Prime “Civic Duty” bounties are not counting toward player Infamy ranks.

Crystals in Eater of Worlds and Crossroad Public Event: We’re investigating an issue where these crystals don’t transition correctly and it becomes difficult to shoot them.

Raid Witches Vessel Swappers Not Spawning: We are investigating an issue where the swappers do not spawn during flawless runs of the Crown of Sorrow raid, resulting in players being unable to complete the flawless run.

Static Shock Emote: We’re investigating an issue where players have a hard time interacting with this emote prompt.

Sturm and Drang Audio: We are investigating an issue where Sturm plays the reload audio on every kill when paired with Drang or Drang (Baroque), even when Drang’s magazine is full.