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isimpfortoomanypeople · 3 years ago

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High school sweethearts x Billy Hargrove x female reader

7 years after everyone left Hawkins high, Jonathan and Nancy hosted a reunion for the old gang. The last time they saw you was during your rocky relationship with Billy during high school, now 7 years have passed and the question on everyone’s lips is ‘are you two still together?”

Warnings: alcohol, the reader and Billy having a slightly toxic relationship in high school, the starcourt mall incident is mentioned in detail

A/N: I’ve received my first request, I hope that you enjoy it. They requested a fic where Billy and the reader use to fight a lot in high school, there’s a reunion and the reader shows up pregnant and married to Billy, Dustin teases Steve as he used to have a crush on you. I had so much fun writing this. I’m from the U.K. sorry if it sounds overly British in some parts. Apologies for all spelling and grammatical mistakes as I’m super dyslexic, enjoy

Johnathan passed a glass of Chardonnay towards Nancy who was sat on their worn out brown leather couch, deeply engaged in her conversation with Robin.

Robin grew her hair down to her shoulders since she graduated Hawkins high, choosing to run as far away from Hawkins as she possibly could, but on her salary it wasn’t very far. She lived with her girlfriend Vicki in a suburban neighbourhood, with one of those white picket fence and all that other bullshit you see in Hollywood movies, only instead of kids they were the proud parents of a grey tabby cat called Freddy. Their neighbours adored them both, but then again Vicki knew that the way to peoples hearts was through their stomachs and her homemade brownies was a sure hit. Their neighbours claimed that they envied their friendship for they were as close as close can be, which caused Robin to splutter out brownie crumbs over Mrs Robinson’s pearly white table cloth. Robin was glad that she could live out the rest of her days surrounded by the woman she loved, far enough so that her parents don’t catch them two in a compromising position for robin’s parents seriously lacked boundaries, but near enough so she could visit (annoy) Steve.

“Thanks babe” Nancy smiled taking the glass from Jonathan’s hands, placing a tender kiss on his cheek.

The light caught the shiny stone that was placed upon her left hand, it shone brightly on the silver band it was situated upon.

“Jonathan it was about time, you had no idea how many nights I heard Nance complain about the lack of ring on her finger-“ Robin’s words that clearly didn’t pass through the filter that laid between her brain and her mouth, was cut short by Nancy shushing her cringing as her cheeks flushed scarlet red.

“Oh was she now?” He questioned, sitting beside his fiancé placing his arm around her shoulder, smirking as he brought his beer bottle to his lips.

“Erm” Robin stuttered bringing her own beer to her mouth to stop her from landing herself into more hot water.

“This dude” Argyle laughed patting Jonathan too hard on the back that it made his beer slosh around in its bottle, which caused Nancy to momentarily glare at Argyle for the last thing she wanted right now was to scrub out a beer stain from her cream carpet.

“This dude had that pretty little diamond ring kept away in his closet for months, like honestly I’m not even engaged to the beautiful Nance but I was freaking the fuck out, if he wasn’t going to ask her I felt like I should”

“Dude!”

Argyle held his hands up in defence, while Jonathan buried his head within his slightly regretting ask Argyle to be his best man.

Argyle still worked at surfer boy’s pizza but this time he was promoted to manager. Argyle liked a stress free simple life, as long as he had enough money to pay his bills and to buy weed he couldn’t be happier, plus he had access to all the pizza he could eat.

The Byers/ Wheelers high school reunion wasn’t supposed to be about their engagement but when Jonathan took his damn time to pop the question, the events almost intertwined.

“I mean it could be worse, you could be a certain you know who” Robin added swigging her bottle back, she choked on the liquid as she realised what she had just said. Her and her stupid mouth

“Robin!” Nancy hissed at her friend

——————————————————————————

Yours and Billy’s relationship throughout high school was rocky to say the least, in fact it was turbulent. You two were both at each other’s throats, it was if you both made a game who would piss each other off the most. The amount of times you both called it quits only to wind up in each other’s beds and arms a few days later, it was nauseating to witness the dizzy game of back and forth between you both.

“Are you fucking kidding me right now!” You screamed, your eyes narrowing capturing Billy in a deathly glare, your nostrils flaring as you tried not to act upon your instinct to punch him right in his fucking perfect face

The cheerleader who was momentarily against his side scurried off not wanting to be caught in the crossfire of your fiery argument.

“It’s not what you think princess”

“Oh really? Then enlighten me Billy, why the fuck was Sophie just hanging off your arm!” You spat glaring daggers into his skin.

“You’re being over dramatic princess-“

“Oh I’m being over dramatic! Fuck you Billy we’re over!” You shrieked throwing the necklace that he brought you on your one year anniversary at his feet. You turned your back to him with tears burning at your eyes threatening to spill.

Robin placed her arm around you dragging you away before you did something you’d regret, but she wouldn’t of blamed you if you planted a punch against his jaw.

“Y/N” billy called after you

“You dare step a foot near her again you’re fucking dead!” Nancy threatened turning on her heels, walking towards Robin who was comforting a very distressed Y/N.

That weekend was spent crying your eyes out on Nancy’s bed, while the girls did their best to comfort you, trying their hardest to conceal the fact that they were secretly overjoyed that you two had called it quits. Just hoping that it was for real this time.

‘Y/N you left your - oh you’ve got to be kidding me!” Nancy groaned upon seeing the all too familiar boy kissing you passionately in the parking lot

Robin gritted her teeth in such a force it was surprising that her jaw didn’t shatter upon impact, trying her hardest to conceal her frustration.

They both loved you dearly but seeing you back in the arms of that jerk really pushed their patience . Like the past weekend that they had just spent picking up the pieces he left meant nothing.

“I’m done with him and I mean it”

“Honey I love you but you say this every single time” Nancy groaned placing a soggy cafeteria fry into her mouth.

“I agree with Nance, Y/N he treats you like shit! You’re a beautiful girl who deserves the world and someone who can adore the ground you walk upon. But honey he isn’t it, I know you love him but you have to call it quits” Robin pitifully smiled towards your direction as she awkwardly rubbed her hand against your back. Really she wanted to scream at you to ditch the loser but she was trying her damn hardest to bite her tongue

—————————————————————————

“Y/N is coming tonight, dude you have to say something to her” Dustin suggested taking a long sip of his beer

“Okay A, it’s still weird that you can drink now! And B, okay just because she’s coming doesn’t mean that’s she’s available. I mean have you seen how attached at the hip she was with billy?”

“You’re kidding right? Hello her and Billy were arguing so much to the point that we all had to take a trip to the nurses office with our killer headaches. She’s now 27 I doubt she has the time for his immature bullshit. So what do you say king Stevie, you ready to save your princess from her tower?” Eddie smirked, elbowing Steve in his ribs while Dustin laughed at the sudden change in colour in Steve’s cheeks

“Shut up�� Steve mumbled taking a swig from his bottle, suddenly finding the floor very fascinating to look at. Wishing that the floor would open up a wormhole that would swallow him whole, away from his friends who are finding enjoyment in his embarrassment.

“Aww is Stevie blushing?”

“You have it so hard for her” Dustin snorted which was soon cut short by Steve’s death stare

“I hate you both” he groaned rolling his eyes at the two men in front of him.

“One Rocky road please” ordered a radiant Y/N, she look awe inspiringly beautiful with her cherry coloured lips.

Steve was freaking the fuck out, I mean it’s Y/N for Christ sake. The same girl from his English class who looked effortlessly beautiful without her trying, it’s like she never had a bad day even if she tried. Now she was inches away from him, damn scoops ahoy for making him where this damn sailor suit.

“The lady has great taste” smirked Steve trying his best at being flirtatious, despite Robin telling him that his attempt of a smoulder made him look constipated.

You took the cone from his hands, about to reach into your pocket for the cash to pay-

“It’s on the house”

“Oh thanks” you smiled in disbelief over this kind gesture “you’re Steve right? I’m Y/N we have English together”

“That we do” you turned to leave, smiling at him again to thank him for the free ice cream. He watched you go cursing himself for not plucking up the courage to ask for your number, Robin is definitely going to add a line on the ‘you suck’ tally, Steve swears that he can already hear her laughing at his misfortune.

Steve felt his heart drop as he watched you from the parlour window. As who should place their arm around your shoulder? No other than Billy Hargrove, Steve’s worst enemy in the whole of Hawkins high. The one who took his keg king title away from him but now his crush too!

Steve could feel the anger burning his skin as he watched the blonde haired boy placing a kiss on your lips.

Damn you Billy Hargrove!

So Steve admired you from afar, every time he saw you walk into class wearing Billy’s jacket with a turtleneck that rolled down slightly when you leant forward revealing a hickey, feeling like a bullet to his heart as he wish it was him taking you out on dates marking your skin to show everyone that you’re his. From the fiery arguments he overheard in the halls and the time you showed up to scoops ahoy with mascara staining your cheeks while Robin comforted you in the stock room. He knew one thing, that you were too good for an asshole like Billy.

But nothing could prepare Steve for seeing you both at prom. You and Billy looked vomit inducingly cute, you wore a scarlet floor length silk dress that complimented your every curve, while Billy wore a shirt in the same colour with most of the buttons undone showing off his rippling abs. Your wrist adorned a corsage of red roses and the ring on your finger caught the light like a disco ball. Showing off to the whole school your promise ring, that you are his and wanted to spend the rest of your life with him and only him, no matter how much of the school didn’t believed in your relationship, but you did and that’s all that matters.

His arms wrapped around your waist while you had yours tightly wrapped around his shoulders, your bodies pressed close together, holding each other close while you swayed to a slow song. Soft smiles spreading across your faces.

This killed Steve as he watched from the ends of the room, watching you be happy with him was torture. But if you were happy that was all that matters, and maybe he could be happy to accept that too?

When Steve graduated his parents brought him a house on the outskirts of town, he still continued to work at family video. Steve didn’t need to work with the whole rich parent thing, but he enjoyed the routine of his job and it was a chance to flirt (failing to do so) with the customers as his quest to find someone still continues. Yes he had a few flings here and there but with his disaster of his dating life he was starting to question if love was for him.

He busied himself in his work and keeping his the friendships he made . He had Robin who practically was still attached at his hip, they had regular movie nights ending up in too much beer, getting unbelievably drunk

and him having to apologise to Vicki for having to pick up her very drunken girlfriend. Steve regularly visited Eddie at the hideout not missing a single concert, corroded coffin was really taking off, attracting a large audience and last time Steve heard they were in talks with an agent. And Dustin practically lived at his when he visited from college in the holidays .

Steve must admit it felt weird standing in the kitchen of his ex girlfriend’s house who’s now engaged to someone who once had beaten him up, but when you have spent the last few years hunting down monsters most only believed exist in fiction, weird felt almost like the norm to him.

Mike and Will stood engaged in conversation leaning against a wall, Mike throwing the occasional glance to his girlfriend El who sat in the corner playing with Jonathan’s and Nancy’s puppy Lilly. For the party was getting a little too overwhelming for her and she decided that dogs were better than people, smiling at the small bundle of fluff that was curled up in her lap. Since she left Hawkins she finally felt at peace with her powers after gaining them back and not having a monster wanting to kill her for them nearly every year, and Mike became better at communicating his love for her and never fails to remember to add ‘love Mike’ at the end of all of his letters.

Max arrived to the party with Lucas following behind her, Lucas gave his girlfriend a quick kiss on the cheek before greeting Mike and Will.

“I missed you” El beamed at Max as she slid down next to her handing her a can of soda. Popping the tab and taking a long sip. Max and El were the only sober ones of the party for El didn’t like the taste and disliked the way it made her feel, and Max refused to touch the stuff after the way her mom used to drink herself to sleep. Max recently got her license so she was more than happy to be her boyfriend’s designated driver.

“You too el” max smiled scratching the pup behind the ears that slept peacefully on El’s lap.

—————————————————————————

The clock read out 7pm you were officially an hour late. Everyone was starting to become increasingly concerned that you weren’t going to show.

Nancy and Robin felt a small pang of guilt eating away at them slowly for losing contact with you over the years. Not that it was intentional, when you left for college and then moved house as soon as you graduated they forgotten your number. It wasn’t till Nancy saw Max at the grocery store not long returning from college , she asked about you and Max said that she still had your number.

Maybe you hated her for loosing contact with you, believing it to be personal and didn’t want to show?

The knock at the door brought the pair out of their guilt induced downwards spiral.

Racing towards the door the women practically threw themselves towards the wooden frame, squealing in delight as if they were still in high school. Their old best friend was behind the door and they couldn’t wait to catch up with you over the years they had missed. Wondering if anything has changed, maybe you dyed your hair or got that tattoo you were always talking about?

Flinging open the door the two gasped when they saw you

“Oh my god congratulations!” Nancy screamed out in excitement seeing your stomach that was carrying your second child. Pregnancy suited you for you were practically glowing, you looked happy and they couldn’t be happier for you as you deserved that over your shitty high school experience.

“Thank you” you chuckled as Robin enclosed you in such a tight embrace you momentarily struggled to breathe.

“Robin careful of the baby!” Nancy scoffed slightly slapping Robin’s arm as she finally let you breathe

“I missed you guys”

“And we missed you, we promise that we’re never going to lose touch again. I’m going to be the best auntie Robin to your child” Robin joked, you couldn’t help but beam with joy at your old friends.

It has been 7 years since you last saw them both, but at this moment in time it was like you were all transported to the good old high school days. It felt like nothing had changed when so much had.

“So who’s the lucky guy?”

“My husband-“

“You’re married!” Nancy gasped, a small part of her was disappointed that she wasn’t able to attend it, but you were here now and could hopefully be able to attend hers.

“Auntie Max” called out a childlike voice, as a small girl ran into the house towards where Max was sitting

“Hey tiger” Max smiled picking up the girl and twirling her around in the air, smiling adoringly at the girl who was letting out high pitch squeals of laughter.

Wait auntie Max? That means? Wait what?

Robin and Nancy exchanged perplexed looks, their brows furrowed heavily as they tried to process what they just heard.

The commotion attracted the attention of the three men in the kitchen, who all looked just as bewildered as Robin and Nancy. That means that you’re still together with Billy, you were actually married to him and not only had one child with him but two!

It really should be obvious as little Kelly had the same sandy messy curls as her farther, completed with his piercing ocean eyes. But everything else resembled about her a mini you, for she shared your nose and face shape, she was the perfect combination of you both.

“No fucking way” Eddie whispered with wide eyes as Billy appeared from behind you gently kissing you on the cheek.

Billy hadn’t aged a day since he graduated high school, you both packed and moved to California where he worked part time as a mechanic at the local garage, and weekends he taught people how to surf. Determined to provide enough for his family and to be the farther he never had to Kelly and to baby Dean who was on the way.

While you taught English at a high school, quickly becoming your students favourite, as they said in their own words that you made the boring dusty books that the curriculum required you to teach actually fun. Well at least you did before you took maternity leave, now you were back in Hawkins to stay with Max and Lucas for a few days which subsequently led you to be invited to the Byers and Wheelers high school reunion.

You felt the anxiety bringing up the bile up your throat on the car ride there, every little thing was making you nauseous nowadays. Last week it was Billy’s cologne which ended up with him buying a new one which didn’t make you want to projectile vomit all over the place, pregnancy was the most rewarding and yet the worst thing you ever had to experience. All you wanted was the chance to be able to not have these raging headaches and to relax with a glass of wine sitting in your favourite jeans before they stopped fitting you.

“It’s going to be okay” Billy soothed placing his hand on your thigh rubbing small circles to calm your racing mind, which felt like it was racing at a dizzying fast speed.

“I love you”

“Love you too princess”

——————————————————————————

Robin, Nancy, Eddie, Steve and Dustin all gathered in the doorway between the lounge and the kitchen all looking at Billy in complete bewilderment. From what they last remembered of Billy was that he was quite possibly biggest asshole that they ever had the displeasure to have met, a rude, arrogant dick who had a habit of hurting their friend at any given opportunity. Now he was sitting on the couch with the three year old on his knee, she was giggling at her farther as he was dancing her bear in front of her face talking in silly made up voices. Safe to say that they were all utterly speechless, who would of thought that Billy Hargrove would be such a doting farther?

Kelly was very shy over so many new faces, so she wanted to be close to her dad. She definitely was a daddy’s girl.

“Hey” Argyle softly spoke capturing the three year olds attention, she looked at the new face with a timid smile. Argyle has a warming loveable presence which enticed the small child. “I’m Argyle what’s your name sweetie?”

“Kelly” she spoke shyly

“What a rad name”

In a few minutes Argyle pretty much adopted her like he was her fun uncle, leaving Billy and Y/N to actually catch up with the people attending the party.

—————————————————————————-

Having your body controlled and your life nearly snatched away in a matter of seconds made Billy realise a lot of things. One of them was that he couldn’t lose you, for you are the best thing to have ever happen to him. He acted like a dick to you but in reality he was scared of how much he loved you, it was easier for Billy to turn to his default setting of anger rather than to show this foreign emotion that felt almost uncomfortable to show.

But seeing you clutch his body so close to your heart that felt like it was breaking as each second passed by. You thought that you were going to lose the love of your life.

“Don’t you dare leave me, hang on baby please” you begged, your voice breaking into a strangled cry. Not caring that his blood was staining your clothes, for you needed to hold him close to you. Praying to whoever was listening to save him for you couldn’t live if he was gone.

They say that before you die your whole life flashes before your eyes, Billy saw all the times he hurt you, all the tears he made you cry over the way he treated you. He couldn’t let you have these memories of him to live on when he was long gone, deciding in that moment when his lungs tightened slowing down his breathing, if he was going to make it he was going to do whatever it takes to make things right as he couldn’t lose you.

Billy started to break down his many walls that protected his damaged heart around you, he started to communicate his feelings and not hold them in till they burst out and he says something that he later regretted. Once he was out of the hospital he started to see the school counselor, he begrudgingly dragged his ass their every week, he hated attending every damn session where he was forced to talk about his shitty upbringing but Billy is doing whatever it took to make your relationship work. He was determined to do whatever it takes not to fuck up again as much as it scared him to say he loves you, he truly loves you and couldn’t afford to let you go.

Billy knew that you were going to be the one he was going to marry since the first day he laid eyes on you , yes you still fought but at least it was about small menial things that could be easily talked through, but now your relationship was stronger than ever.

Now there was no good and bad, it was just good and you both couldn’t be happier. Billy adored the ground you walked upon, he cared for you in every way he possibly could. He brought you flowers every Friday and you felt truly loved and adored by him, not this bittersweet lustful romance you experienced in high school. This now was true love, Billy was a great farther and a great husband doing all the old romantic cliches but you loved him for it.

Everyone in the party once didn’t believe in your relationship, thinking and wishing that it’d all be over soon to save the heartache for all of you. But seeing the way he looked at you with doting eyes, like you were the most beautiful woman ever created, they all admitted that they were wrong for it was clear to see that he loved you and you loved him.

A/N: I had so much fun writing this and I hope that you liked it , my requests are always open is you want me to write a fic based on any idea you have. Also Argyle gives me fun uncle vibes and El definitely would befriend the host’s pet.

@kayleigh--23

#stranger things fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things imagine #stranger things billy #billy hargrove #billy hargrove x you #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove x y/n

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resident-fungi-fren · 5 years ago

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Rainy Gays

Summary: Virgil hosts a radio station with Janus, and since it’s the only station that runs in their small town, just about everyone listens to it.

He still didn't expect one of those people to be his soulmate.

Ships: Intruxiety (Virgil and Remus) and hints at Roceit (Roman and Janus)

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Good morning gaybies and gentlethems, you’re listening to Rainy Gays Radio, and we’re your hosts, I’m Janus,”

“And I’m Virgil, clearly the superior host, and that’s why it’s my turn to talk about the weather. Let’s see, looking outside, there’s some clouds, oh shit is that a bird? Nope, false alarm, it’s just another cloud. Rude little shits, pretending to be birds. That’s false advertising. Anygay, it’s supposed to rain later this week, so we really will be rainy gays then.”

“Wow, what an original joke Virgil, you totally don’t use that one every time it rains.”

“Nope, never in my life, shove off Janus.”

“Why Virgil, I’m wounded. I thought we were friends, and now you betray me? I never thought you’d be the one to stab me in the back, my dearest friend, how can I go on without you?”

“Perish.”

“Well, just for that, I’m not paying for coffee later. You can buy your own latte.”

“Rude, how dare you revoke my caffeine privileges, and on today of all days!”

“Wow, what a subtle transition into today’s caller topic, you’re a master of subtlety.”

“Shut-“

“No. Today’s topic is what everyone’s talking about. The new drink over at [INSERT COFFEE SHOP NAME HERE], the only coffee shop in town, and therefore the lifeblood of said town.”

“What would we do without it?”

“Perish.”

“Bite me, you’re not allowed to use my tactics against me.”

“I just did darling~. Now listeners, here’s your chance to burn no more than ten minutes and call in, tell us all about your thoughts on the new drink, Virgil dear, remind me of the name?”

“Black Hole Latte, I think it’s supposed to be blackberry or somethin? I haven’t had my coffee yet today, is it showing?”

“Yes dear, you look like shit.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“Anytime darling. You know the drill by now, we’re taking callers starting, now.”

“Here’s our first caller, that’s quick, people must be extra bored today. You’re on air now, spill the tea. Or the latte.”

“Hey, it’s Thomas, have either of you tried the latte?”

“Not yet”

“Negative Thom-a-roony.”

“Well, it’s not bad, it’s definite blackberry, but honestly I’ll be sticking with my usual, I’m not a huge fan of branching out.”

“You gotta mix it up sometimes, keeps things exciting.”

“Indeed, variety is the spice of life.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind, but for now me and my regular coffee are going to chill in the nice safe bubble.”

“You know man, that’s such a mood.”

“Thank you for calling Thomas, lovely to hear from you again.”

“Anything to burn a little more time away from work. Speaking of which, I’ve gotta go there now. Later!”

“See ya. Say, we’ve known Thomas for a few years now, does anyone know what he does for work?”

“Of course we do, he’s uh, hmm, actually, I don’t think we do. A real enigma, that man.”

“Yeah, he’s a real tough walnut to crack.”

“Here’s our next caller, you’re on air now.”

“Hey kiddos!”

“Hey Pat”

“Hello Patton, aren’t you at work right now?”

“Yeah I am, but I just wanted to let you both know how proud I am, you’re doing great! And I tried the new latte on my way to work, it’s super yummy! I think you’d like it, Virge, it’s got some nice fruity notes! Just make sure you don’t drink it too late or you’ll never sleep!”

“Will do Popstar.”

“That’s all, love you both!”

“Love you too Pat”

“I do as well.”

“See you both later tonight!”

“And that was our resident puffball, Patton.”

“At least she didn’t drop another pun, I’m not sure how many more Logan can take.”

“Yes, we might have been in need of a new soundboard tech had Patton not resisted the temptation to pun.”

“Oh shit there’s been another caller waiting.”

“Oh dear, sorry for the wait, you’re on air now.”

“Really babe, keeping the sole provider of coffee waiting?”

“Oh it’s just Remy.”

“Just Remy? Careful Virgil, or you’ll be getting decaf for the next week.”

“Please forgive my sins, oh merciful coffee god.”

“Relax, I didn’t call just to blackmail you. I just wanted everyone listening, which we all know is pretty much anyone, that if I hear any shit about my new latte I have no qualms about putting you all on decaf for the next two weeks, so think carefully before you call.”

“Remy, I do think that’s considered censorship, which is in fact, illegal.”

“So is fishing off a giraffe in Idaho, that didn’t stop me then, and this won’t now.”

“Wait, you went fishing off a giraffe? In Idaho? When exactly did that happen?”

“A story for another time, I’ve got a coffee shop to run, later babes.”

“Alright, later-“

“Oh, one more thing, some weirdo came in and ordered it and poured in half a bottle of green Gatorade, and it was the most interesting thing that’s happened all day.”

“Did you say Gatorade?”

“I did, and now I’m saying bye, see ya, sianara, farewell, later bitch.”

“Wait who- and they’re already gone. Well, now I know there’s someone new in town, no one here would ever add anything to one of Remy’s coffee.”

“Excellent deduction Virgil, you should start a true crime radio.”

“You’re right, I should.”

“That was sarcasm, you’re not allowed to quit on me now.”

“Yeah yeah I know, but a guy can dream.”

“Dreaming is for the weak and the innocent, and you are neither.”

“I’d get mad but you’re right.”

“Did you just admit that I was right?”

“Oh look a new caller, how convenient-“

“Virgil answer me damnit- hello you’re on air now.”

“You know, I thought the coffee was good and all, but it was much better once I added my usual shot of Gatorade.”

“Did you just say- oh dear I think Virgil might need a trashcan.”

“Wow Virgil, do always make that wonderful gagging noise? I’d like to see what other noises you can make, with that lovely voice~”

“Dear random stranger, I think you broke my co-host, and possibly my back as well, seeing as I just fell out of it”

“Is that what that thump was? I was almost concerned for a moment.”

“Who the hell puts Gatorade in their coffee?!?!”

“Oh Virgil, glad to see you’ve recovered.”

“Don’t you play innocent, I will end you on air.”

“Wow, the sexual tension between the two of you is reeling right now.”

“Uhh, no thanks. Janus and I go way back, there’s no romance there, plus, we’re not soulmates.”

“Yes, Virgil is a dear friend, and while I love him, it’s purely platonic, and we’re happy with that.”

“Cool cool, does that mean Virgil’s single?”

“That’s what you got from that?”

“Yeah, you sound like you’re pretty hot.”

“I think you broke Virgil again, Gatorade stranger.”

“Oh, my name’s Remus! Though Virgil can call me whatever he wants, lover, dear, daddy, all acceptable.”

“Dude, you’re on the radio.”

“Oh, I’m very aware of that fact emo.”

“How do you know I’m emo?”

“You sound like it Gerard Gay.”

“Fair point.”

“As riveting as this conversation is, I think my brother is gonna stab me if I keep talking, so bye for now!”

“Why is your brother- and he’s gone, okay.”

“Final caller, you’re on air now, please don’t flirt with Virgil again”

“Is that what he did? I’m so sorry about my brother, Remus has zero filter.”

“Dude it’s fine, surprisingly we’ve gotten weirder calls.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, one time we got a telemarketer for a lingerie company.”

“That is weird, but trust me, doesn’t even touch on what Remus is capable of.”

“Good to know.”

“If he turns out to be a frequent caller, will you keep calling to apologize? You do have a lovely voice, so I wouldn’t be disappointed with the arrangement~”

“Oh I, um,”

“Stop flirting with the callers.”

“Callers? Do you do this often?”

“Only when they sound like a sunrise personified.”

“I’m hardly a sunrise, but yes, I wouldn’t be opposed to calling in again, Remus’s contributions aside.”

“Oh my god, I know the show is called Rainy Gays, but please stop flirting before I vomit again.”

“Apologies Virgil, we’re almost out of time anyway. Any chance I can get a name before we have to go, my dear?”

“Oh, Roman, my name is Roman.”

“A name fit for royalty~”

“Janus I swear to god-“

“And that’s all the time we have, for now, tune in later for your daily traffic report and water cooler conversation.”

“We’re not done talking about this-“

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Virgil glared at Janus as he packed up, the smug bastard smirking every time their eyes met. They had no right, looking so self-satisfied, how dare they flirt so smooth when Virgil was cursed to be an eternal gay disaster?

He huffed, and Janus snorted, and he threw them a glare.

“You could at least pretend to be sorry.”

“But Virgil, that would be a lie, and I would never lie, it’s a blatant mark on my character!”

“We both know that’s a load of bullshit.”

Logan walked out of the sound room, rolling his eyes. “With the way you two carry on, it’s no wonder the listeners think you’re romantically involved.”

They both gasped and spluttered, grievously offended. “How dare-”

“Just try not to flirt with the callers so much? You’re both incorrigible.” He straightened his tie, and slung his bag over his shoulder, heading out. “Don’t forget to lock up, we don’t want another raccoon breaking in.”

“Logan, don’t say such things about Virgil, his eyebags and crummy food choices don’t warrant name-calling!”

Janus just smirked when Virgil hissed at them.

“Plus, his hissing is distinctly cat-like.”

“You little-” was all he got out before he threw his balled-up scarf at them, which they caught with ease. Smug bastard.

He ruffled through his bag, then his coat pockets, then his bag again. He sighed, and scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Have you seen my keys? I can’t find them, and Joan will skin my alive if I lose another set.”

Janus sighed and pinched the bridge of their nose. “Virgil, have you ever considered getting a keyring? Or something to keep track of them?”

“Hey, I do! I got the stormcloud one, remember!” He protested sheepishly, “but then I lost that too. It’s with my keys, wherever those are.”

“Virgil, you are a disater, how are you still allowed to live on our own?”

“I have you and Pat as neighbors.”

“Fair enough, your keys are hanging on the key rack, right where you hung them up when you got here.”

“Oh.” He sheepishly proccured his keys, and then held the door open for Janus once they were ready, and the two headed home together.

“You taking the bus?”

“Not today, it’s quite nice out and I have the energy for it, a walk will be good for me, and for you too, a little vitamin D won’t kill you ya know.”

Virgil gasped dramatically, feigning offense. “Exxxxxcccuuussseee you! That bright motherf***er,” he pointed to the sun, “is absolutley trying to kill me. Skin cancer, sunburns, heatstroke, cataracts? All from the sun!”

“Virgil the sun doesn’t have an vendetta against you, it has one against all of humanity.”

“Bold of you to assume he’s human!”

The voice came from behind them, making them both jump, and Virgil couldn’t help what blurted out of his mouth, truly it wasn’t his fault.

“MOTHMANS LITTLE HOE! WHo the F*** STILL SNEAKS UP ON ME!?!?!”

He spun around, and dropped his jaw as he layed eyes on the most drop-dead gorgeous man he’d ever seen. Was showing that much skin even legal?

The man gasped and looked down at his wrist, and his eyes widened before he looked back up at Virgil, grinning. “Well well well, looks like you’re my soulmate, Gerard Gay!”

Virgil sighed, “f*** me and my big mouth.”

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treago · 7 years ago

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Here are some useless facts about me for you guys. just a laundry list of bullshit

I have a younger sister. We took pictures last Saturday of all places we went to as kids or memories we had, were making a calendar for our parents. theres a lot of parks on the list, and its gonna be hard to distinguish them, but im looking forward to our burgerking set where we reminds me family of the time my sister kicked out my front teeth on a burger king slide minutes after seeing the dentist

I never had a sleepover with nonfamily. Having sleep overs was infrequent enough that even with family, I was overjoyed. It’s not really a sleep over when youre an adult, but if it is, i just as rarely do it

I floss regularly if I have access to it. I forget to buy it all the time. It's the only thing my dentist is proud of because it shows compared to my gums which are total garbage

Most of my English is self taught through television. My parents grew up close ish in Puerto Rico, met each other here, got married and spit me out a year and a half later. I remember being pretty good at spanish at one point in my life and i know its not the case anymore.

Home alone 2 is my Christmas movie of choice. My family marathons each of our Christmas movies that morning while opening presents. Mine is usually first and occurs during the whole time we’re opening stuff. If you got a candid camera on our gift opening im probably watching home alone most of the time.

I didn't pick up or hold a cat until I was well into my teens. My mom was allergic and I assumed I was too. I might be, I'm not sure, but I doubt it. I didn't have friends with cats till high school.

My first long term girlfriend cheated on me. It's something I don't like to think about because I effectually let it slide because I was so eager to have a girlfriend which is the dumbest thing ever. I was 21

When I was growing up my family always said I was negative and quiet and sarcastic. I desperately try not to be and most friends from work would say I'm not. I'm still bitter that the perception is the same as when i was younger

I dont remember why orange is my favorite color. I know it was green when I was younger because of the ninja turtles and I know Michelangelo is orange, but I'm 100% positive the reason I like orange has nothing to do with that.

I started watch anime to impress girls. It actually worked at the time but I was honestly more interested in anime.

Pills scare me. I had to take some when I was younger and couldn't really bring myself to do it. My dad yelled about it a lot and then my parents opted to cut the pill open and have me drink the water. My dad basically forced me to drink the water while he screamed at me. Its one of the few times I ever remember him being mean. I take a pill a day thats about the size of an m&m mini and refuse to take anything else

I destroyed my first email account by using survey websites to get money for maple story. We're talking 100s of emails an hour. Spam filters weren't what they are now so I just had to remake an email account thats how I arrived at needing my first consistent username. Super hint it's not treago, that was after I became ashamed of anime and needed to change the embarrassment

When I was in 3rd grade we had to taste test jelly for some sort of project. I did not want to taste jelly and was forced to try it. I didnt like it at all and puked. I have a pretty strong aversion to trying things I dont think I'll like because of it

i love telling people the story of how my car was broken into. i always tell it badly because im really excited to talk about it because its a fun story with a weird resolution. I love that its a story that couldnt really functionally happen to me at any other time of my life, and couldnt happen anymore really. Its also a story that requires set up and thats just the worst part about telling stories

the car story leads me into the fact that i never really listened to music intentionally. There was a small period when i was in middle school where i thought music was really important to being liked, so i listened to music. I remember asking my parents for a cd player for christmas that year, and i got nsync no strings attached as the cd. i dont think my parents understood they were a boy band who made music primarly for girls, they just were like “son gets cd with boys on it, and daughter gets cd with girls on it”. Real talk i never once listened to it, but i still adore the song bye bye bye now that im like 30 and have literally no shame in my music tastes

theres a lot of things i want to do that i need the right ambassador for. I’m just a hesitant person, and with gentle coaxing i do a lot of stuff i otherwise normally wouldnt do, but most people just want to force me to do things and that never goes well. Like getting a tattoo, trying weed, anal, are all really extreme examples but even super tame dumb stuff like touching bugs or going to a different country for a vacation

when i lost my job at the candy store, i basically decided i was going to be as nice as possible. i dont remember the reasoning behind it, but i do remember lots of push back against it. i distinctly remember saying “its never a bad day” and having one of my coworkers literally tell me, that “that attitude is going to change”, and i just had to be nice for my entire time there outta spite except i really enjoyed the personality i went with it permanently. I cant really remember how i acted like 5 years ago.

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scottielambchop · 7 years ago

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My Summer Set Review (2/2) ...Like, a Year Later

Hey guys, I got really tired on waiting for this thing to be edited (and honestly so did the person editing it). So here it is, unedited (sorry no boobs).

Herobust – Dirty Work: Before I get into this, I have a feeling that this song isn’t about the 1998 Norm MacDonald classic. This song starts off like it’s going to be a dirty-ass hip hop song, which is pretty tight, but then actual beat comes in which sounds like someone put a bunch of springs in a coffee can and then recorded it. As the song progresses, it sounds like someone autotuned an auto body shop. It’s bordering on unlistenable. The lyrics are really good though, you know, just about straight objectification of a woman. Jesus fucking Christ, it’s songs like this that make me really wonder why the fuck I chose to write this shit in my free time. All I can think about are junked out white kids twitching to this song in a grassy field and saying that they’re “in a groove.”

Keys n Krates – Dum Dee Dum: Holy shit, this song’s initial beat is just the words “dum dee dum” on repeat at different tones while someone uses a drum machine. There’s no drive or real buildup or anything. I know these kids like to dance to this shit, but I’m having a hard time even finding myself able to move. Then again, I’m not stuffed to the gills with blow and molly. I just don’t know what I’m listening to anymore.

Malaa – Notorious: First thing’s first, at the time of this review, this song has 6,382,678 views, so I’m thinking this is a banger… but I’m actually expecting the audio equivalent of dog shit through an Instagram filter. Ok, getting started. This song has a very basic beat, almost the type of beat someone would make when they’re trying to explain generic techno. And honestly, I’m not far off. It’s just low-key shit while lyrics from a hip hop artist are scattered about whenever it fits. I don’t hate this, I mean, I also don’t really like it either. It’s so nondescript that it’s hard to formulate an opinion on it. Which makes the high number of views makes so much sense to me, because either it’s so generic that it will keep any shitty 20-something basement party going without “harshing” anyone’s mellow, or someone had to listen to the song six million times just for to formulate an actual opinion on it. It’s probably a mix.

Ookay – Thief: This guy is straight-up made out of autotune. Thankfully, he’s trying to bring back the sexy saxophone, but the shitty over-bassed beats ruin any sort of goodwill that had going for it. Like, this song just sounds like a modern slow jam. There are lyrics… layers and layers of the same lyrics over each other, but it’s alright. I just kinda wish I didn’t have to see what this guy looks like. You know when a barista says “I’m also a DJ?” I have a feeling this guy is that success story. Compared to everything I’ve listened to so far, this song may as well be Rust In Peace by Megadeth, but ultimately it’s just Ookay.

Petit Buscuit – Sunset Lover: Jesus, more than 37 million people have listened to this. It starts off with a with an alright guitar (or synth guitar) riff, but then follows it up with an annoying high pitched voice speaking in a remixed foreign language. But this is really just non-offensive, kind of relaxing. It ever so slowly builds up more, adding in beats and other percussion instruments. Minus the remixed voice, this song is actually pretty good. I’d play it to help me sleep (I swear that’s not a dig). It’s just a quiet, relaxing song, people probably fuck to it a bunch.

Playboi Carti – Magnolia: This is a break from your typical bullshit dubstep/EDM on this list, which is a warm welcome for me. Sadly, this guy sounds like The Streets, but with an over-bassed beat. I don’t know what’s going on with hip hop anymore. Lyrically, it’s like they’re not even trying anymore, no rhyme scheme or anything. Just drone beats and incomprehensible rambling followed by a clearly audible “bitch” and that’s it. That said, still better than most of the stuff I’ve listened to.

Slushii – So Long (Feat. Madi): I can really tell how much this review process has started to change my outlook on things. I legitimately got excited when I saw actual people on the YouTube video thumbnail. My brain is breaking, ever so quickly. Anyway, this actually starts off like a pop song, slow beginning, nice pianos. Hell, even the girl singing sounds like she’s using her own voice. Ok, now the electronic part kicked in, but it’s not overly annoying. Honestly, this just sounds like generic hipster garbage, that people would namedrop to get some sort of superiority (“Oh that’s cute that you Animal Collective, but I’m more of a Slushii person.”) Regardless, I’m worried that they’ll get kicked off of the festival for being an artist that creates an actual song. Prayers for the Slushii family.

Snails – Frogbass: Oh Jesus, they’re hitting the ground running on this garbage. This just starts off really loud and obnoxious. And there’s a buildup where everything speeds up really quickly and subsequently gets quiet. All leading up the huge “dubstep” climax that just sounds like it was made on Sega Genesis sound chip. Like, that breakdown seriously gives me a headache. I feel like I need drugs… I SEE THE APPEAL NOW!

Space Jesus – The Weed: Well fuck, at least we’re now throwing out any attempts a subtlety with this song title. Honestly though, if I wasn’t working on this little project, and someone asked me if I’ve heard “The Weed” by Space Jesus, I would assume they’re one of the coolest stoner metal bands ever. But in all actuality, this song is just a conversation between two people about how a guy doesn’t smoke weed anymore, and that there’s a new drug or some shit out there, then it’s all remixed at different levels over some boring-ass, non-consistent beats. There’s seriously no drive to any of this shit. Like I understand that kids want to have some sort of music to listen to while they’re frying their brains on elicit drugs, but for fuck’s sake, try and maintain some artistic integrity. Oh, and this video has some dumb, weird fascination with waffles, but really, who gives a shit?

Ugly God – Water: Who could have seen this coming? The next natural progression from Space Jesus is Ugly God. In the future, I’m going to cite these two groups as a reason for my atheism. Once again, this is just generic beats with a guy mumbling over it. But wait, this guy rhymed “water” with “water” NEVERMIND HE’S A FUCKING GENIUS! And according to this music video, he’s also very talented at pouring two types of alcohol on someone’s daughter’s breasts. You know, because that’s a thing apparently. Also, this video has a weird gangster element, and utilizes the “f-word” (homophobic slur). Maybe the Christian conservatives were right about us shitty “snowflakes.” I mean, if (Ugly) God doesn’t have a problem placing himself above women and homosexuals, why should anyone else. I need to rethink my life.

Vanic – Too Soon (feat. Maty Noyes): This Maty Noyes girl has a pretty good voice… I think. It’s kinda fitting the trend of inward sing/mumbling so I don’t know what’s good anymore. But anyway, this song has the format of a pretty basic electronic pop song. Yeah, there’s a part in the middle where the keyboards make auto-tuned “veep” and “voop” noises, but at this point, nothing is surprising. The buildup is ok, and parts of this song are somewhat catchy. Yeah, it’s just a dance-pop song. Nothing groundbreaking, but it’ll get your ass shaking in the club or wherever the fuck you want to go.

Whethan – Savage (feat. Flux Pavilion and MAX): Well first of all, this video was uploaded by an organization called Trap Nation. I suppose there is no better time to let you all know that I have no idea what trap music actually is. So far all I can tell is that it just involves a lot of bass-y fart noises in lieu of a chorus. The quiet parts of this song are relatively tranquil, and I would very much like the song to just be nice an relaxing, but I guess that would make doing drugs in the middle of a field boring, so I guess Whethan added some loud robot farts to get you guys going… and that is trap music.

Wolfgang Gartner – Devotion: Apparently Wolfgang Gartner is the artist most retail clothing stores hire to make their in-house music. I’m currently watching a “lyric” video for this song, and they just have the same two lines on repeat throughout the entire song. It’s really loud and annoying, and yet I feel the urge to buy a pair of $150 jeans and a suit jacket.

Blu J – HDLCK: They sample Imogene Heap for this, so that’s pretty alright. But they replaced all of the music with the typical techno drums and claps, and then fill the rest off with random noises (you know, the sounds like when you hit a PVC pipe with a stick or whatever). I suppose it can make someone shake their ass. It just goes quiet and then loud and then quiet again. I’m now realizing that this review has become a test in how many times I can write the same goddamn review.

Kasbo – World Away: To start off, this just sounds like something that would be played in a dimly lit bar that would make you pay $25 for a gin and tonic. Very light and ethereal, but also really annoying. It’s like the audio equivalent of a late 20s/early 30s aspiring Instagram model. I can only picture people wearing big hats and big sunglasses listening to this and saying that this song is “so dope” and then going back to eating sushi and talking about how they want to travel the world and then live in a tiny home in an open field somewhere.

Russ Liquid – Feral Cat: Oh Jesus Christ this starts with what sounds like a pan flute and then evolves to a Moog synth. All of the sounds are compiling over each other, it’s like a multiple layers of noise that start and stop with the overall beat, like nothing is overtly loud, but there’s just so much happening all at once. After a bit, it just cuts its initial beat, and the noises just come all willy-nilly. There’s a point where a high-pitched voice is singing something, then there’s a clearly slowed down voice saying some bullshit at the same time, while it sounds like someone is having a stroke while playing a synth. This is like the official theme to a sexy headache.

Oh My Love – Spark: Oh good, it’s a band that saw early MGMT and the Phoenix back in 2009 and never grew out of it! That said, compared to practically everything else I’ve heard on this list, this has a straight-up song structure. And if I’m being completely honest, it’s actually pretty good. The female vocalist has a relatively pretty voice, and the beat isn’t overbearing. This song sounds like it would be played on a depressing montage about love lost over a summer in an indie film. Shit, I might actually listen to this song again, when I’m not forcing myself to review it. I have no idea who I am anymore.

Mielo – Surreal (Feat. Abby Sevcik): The beginning of this was highly inspired by the vocal prompts in Animal Crossing. Vocal cuts stopped and turned into actual vocals, which was nice… oops spoke to soon, it’s now just the word “you” in different pitches with a typical electronic beat. And now were back to the regular vocals. I get how this song works. It has some really peaceful, pretty singing and then it’s followed by one of the most annoying choruses. It’s kinda brilliant really, it provides audio highs and lows for people on ecstasy to better ejaculate. Yeah, a little under half of this song is good, but the rest is annoying horseshit.

Porn and Chicken – Ugh, no.

Attom – Stay: This is just local coffee shop background hipster music. Light noises, overpowering beat, peaceful synths and indecipherable vocals. Easy to ignore when you’re trying to finish your essay about how the works of Kant and Descartes affected the political cultures of their times or whatever. It wasn’t anything, Hell, it was hardly there. So needless to say, I like it better than 75% of the rest of this stuff.

GainesFM – Negative Energy: This is just typical modern hip-hop song with a minimal beat and mumbled lyrics. The only thing that sets this song apart from the rest of it is the fact that it sounds like vocals were recorded with a megaphone muffled through a pillow. At least he has the wherewithal to rhyme on occasion. Whatever.

Indrid Cold – Cosmic Dust: This starts off with a sample from an Apollo space mission. As far as I can tell, this guy is just a typical club DJ. Fun fact: I did once go through a minor techno phase in the very early aughts (we’re talkin’ ’01 or ’02). During this time, I listened to a lot of Paul Oakenfold, Chemical Brothers, and Orbital, and honestly, that’s exactly what this sounds like. It’s still shitty techno, but it reminds me of the shitty techno that I used to listen to, so I can tolerate it. Stupid samples though.

Ragebeards – Round 2: Ok here’s the deal, these guys are a local Minnesota DJ duo, I can’t really find anything of theirs on YouTube, so I’m watching a video on their Facebook. The problem (other than the fact that they suck) is that the video is more than an hour long, and I’m certainly not going to waste an hour of my life listening to this. Anyway, I can review this relatively quickly, imagine the worst parts of late 90’s Crystal Method and then add Michael Buffer/Jock Jams samples in there and that’s basically what you’ve got. Take that however you want, I’d rather listen to Filter.

Why Khakiq – Knew the Half: This song is pretty wild, man. It starts off as one of those mumblely hip-hop songs, but then the dude starts straight-up spittin’ rhymes. Then half way through, the beat completely changes to something faster and the guy really goes after it. And then it cuts back down. I dunno, man, I kinda really like this. Solid

Trufeelz – Set Ya Mind Free: Ok, imagine sped up Musak, weird synthy laser sounds, and then the same phrase being repeated on different pitches, one high and annoying, and the other low and breathy… and also annoying. But I can see how people dance to this. It sucks, but as I’ve come to realize, that doesn’t mean you can’t dance to it. OH COOL, THEY’VE ADDED PAN FLUTES AT THE END! NEVERMIND THIS SONG RULES!

Conclusion:

I’ve given one song by every artist a shot. Surprisingly, I found one or two that didn’t make me want to lobotomize myself with forklift (Hell, I actually found one that I actually kinda liked (Lookin’ at you Oh My Love)). But ultimately, most of the people playing this festival sound like the audio equivalent of vape rigs.

Most electronic dance music (techno, trap, house, flip, flop, butt, farts, Jeep Cherokee, flat earth, and whatever other subgenres) is the goddamn worst. Granted, I haven’t even smoked weed since 2009, so I don’t know what these guys sound like on drugs… or stranded in a field with people on drugs. The one thing I’ve discovered, is that this is just the next iteration of hippie bullshit. If you need drugs to enjoy the sounds robots fucking, maybe the sounds of robots fucking isn’t good. But whatever, I’m not going to fully shit on someone’s good time. I just won’t go to the goddamn festival.

If I can leave you all with one last thought, it would have to be “Fuck hippies and their bullshit music.”

But seriously, I hope you guys all do what you want, and do what makes you happy. I know I didn’t. I’m going to neutralize the nearly irreversible damage I’ve done to myself by listening to Propagandhi and Snapcase.

But seriously, seriously, fuck hippies.

Stay safe out there. Always know your dealer.

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