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potatoplace · 4 months ago

Text

A Match Into Water

Feysand x Vanserra!Reader

Poly!ACOTAR x Reader Masterlist | Request

Summary: You fall ill, slowly, until it takes over your life. Your mates watch helplessly as you're torn from them too soon.

Warnings: chronic illness leading to death, seizures, fainting rapid weight loss, let me know if I missed something

Words: ~5.2k

Author's Note: So this is for the lovely 🪐 anon, inspired by the song 'A Match Into Water' by Pierce the Veil - I hope I got the vibes right for it, I went with mega angst 🙏 let me know how you guys like it! I didn't start crying til the end, but uh... yeah this one was tough for me to even write, it just feels very heavy. So read with caution. It's up on AO3 too! 🫶

18+ only pls

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

It began with a cough.

Not often enough to cause any concern. Not even every day.

And when it did become every day, you had gone to see Madja, who told you to drink plenty of fluids and gave you a special tea to help soothe your throat, which had grown increasingly scratchy.

Of course, you’d done your best to hide it from Rhys and Feyre at first. They were always so busy and stressed as High Lord and Lady of the Night Court, and you didn’t want to burden them further.

But when you had fainted during Starfall, tumbling off the edge of the House of Wind?

Rhys had caught you, thankfully, and you awoke to the sight of his violet eyes filled with worry. When you turned your head to the right, you saw Feyre, her blue eyes sparkling with tears, some of them already pouring down her cheeks.

“Are you okay, baby?” she asked you, one of her hands cupping your cheek softly.

Your head hurt and you were exhausted, but other than that you felt fine.

You didn’t have to open your mouth, Feyre already curled against the inside of your mind just how you liked. “Good, good. Madja’s run all the tests, but she wasn’t able to conclude what made you faint.”

“And, Madja told us that you’ve had a cough for a few weeks?” Rhys questioned, though you knew he was asking why you hadn’t told them.

With the little energy you had, you pulled him into your mind, showing him how worried you’d been for him and Feyre, how overworked they’d been the past few months, and how you only wanted to save them any worry for you, over something as silly as a cough.

Darling, he whispered into your mind, his midnight voice filling your head and washing away the ache that had been building. A cough isn’t silly, when it lasts for weeks. We want to make sure you are healthy, above all else.

You’re our mate, Y/N, a very important piece of our whole, Feyre cooed, climbing into the cot you were on and cradling you in her arms. We wouldn’t know what to do without you. So please, if you keep having problems, let us know?

You hummed in agreement, nuzzling into Feyre’s chest. I will.

Rhys’s head came to rest on your chest, listening to your heartbeat closely, but shot up a moment later when the door swung open.

Madja stepped in, clipboard in hand. “Ah, Y/N, it’s good to see that you’re awake,” she said as she stepped towards your cot, standing at the end of it. “Now, I wasn’t able to find the cause of your fainting tonight with any of my tests. I was wondering if you had any abnormal symptoms before you did? Anything like shortness of breath, lightheadedness, chest pains?”

You bit your lip, your eyes darting between Rhys and Feyre. “Uhm… I started feeling lightheaded when we arrived at the House of Wind, I think?” you said quietly. “And just before I went out my chest started hurting pretty badly so I went to the balcony for some fresh air…”

Rhys inhaled sharply at the news, and you turned to look at him. “You fell from the House, darling.”

Oh.

“Hm. If it happens again, make sure to sit down immediately, and try having something to eat or drink. And I’ll have you come in once a week-”

“Twice a week,” Feyre interrupted as she stroked your hair.

“Very well, twice a week until you’ve had no incidents for three months. I also want you to take more baths, they should help with the coughing you’ve been experiencing, in addition to the tea I gave you,” Madja said, writing out the instructions for you care and passing the paper to Rhys. “If you feel able to have your mates winnow you or carry you home, I think it would be a good idea for you to have a long soak in warm water, followed by plenty of sleep.”

Do you feel ready? Feyre asked softly. You nodded against her, and a moment later you were pulled into her arms and whisked through the fabric of the world, landing next to the bathing pool in Feyre’s old room in the Moonstone Palace. Rhys appeared just after, tugging you and Feyre into his arms. He pressed a kiss to your head, then to Feyre’s before letting his arms fall.

Let’s get you into the bath, love, Rhys whispered, a soft caress in your mind.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

Just like your cough, the fainting only happened every so often.

Until it began happening weekly. And then daily.

Feyre had stopped most of her duties as High Lady, passing all those that didn’t require her directly off to Mor, who was more than happy to help, given the circumstances.

Rhys set foot in Illyria and the Hewn City maybe once a month, with Cassian taking charge of wrangling the war camps and Azriel overseeing Keir’s rule.

They much preferred staying with you whenever possible, taking you on short walks on the edge of the Sidra or snuggling on the couch, reading the latest novels Nesta had recommended together.

That was all you seemed to be able to do these days, if you wanted to stay conscious.

Currently you were sitting on a cot that had become so familiar to you, it was practically your second bed. Madja was standing before you, her hands hovering in front of you as she used her magic to scan your body.

She sighed and lowered her hands, writing something down in your chart. “I’m sorry, dear, but I still can’t find anything that could be causing these symptoms,” Madja said softly, giving your hand a squeeze when your eyes filled with tears.

“Do you… Could the Dawn Court possibly have answers?” you asked, rubbing your forehead to try to help with the pounding headache that had been building the past hour.

“I could ask some of my contacts there, they might have more experience with what’s happening to you,” Madja sighed, and you could tell she wasn’t hopeful. “It’s worth a try. Now… Have you reconsidered telling your family? I’m sure they would care to know, your mother and eldest brother at least.”

You shook your head. “I don’t want to burden him, he’s just taking charge of the court now that father’s been eliminated,” you sighed. “I’d like to wait until I’m better.” You stood slowly from the cot under Madja’s disapproving eye, though she didn’t fight you on your decision to keep the news limited to the Velaris, following Madja to the door. It swung open, revealing Azriel, waiting to take you back to the River House.

If you couldn’t go to your appointments with Rhys or Feyre, you preferred going with Azriel. Cassian always had tears in his eyes, and Mor was overly cheerful, to the point your head ached from the positivity. Azriel was a perfect, neutral party. You knew he was worried for you, yes, but he never had misty eyes or tried to cheer you up, instead giving you the space to process whatever Madja had told you that day, usually the same news that she’d found nothing that would tell her what’s causing your health problems.

Today was no different. He let you walk through the clinic and out the door before stooping to lift you into his arms, taking off into the sky a moment later.

Our little secret, he had called it after one particularly bad appointment. You’d barely been able to walk that week, and had been so depressed at your situation. All you had wanted to do was go for a short flight, but Rhys and Feyre refused, worried that it might cause you to faint or have some other problem pop up. But Azriel had taken you to your appointment that day, and after had taken you into his arms, slowly ascending into the sky.

You’d cried in his arms, the freeing feeling of the wind in your hair washing away most of your worries, at least until you touched back down, just outside the River House.

Today, you looped your arms around his shoulders and looked around, gazing with lovesick eyes at the city you cared for so deeply.

The city you’d barely been able to be in, with your condition.

Your eyes traced the path of the Sidra, marked each building that you used to regularly visit, where your friends live.

Until the right side of your body started tingling suddenly, the pain in your head kicking up a notch-

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

“We told you, NO. FLYING. How simple of an ask was that, Azriel?!” Rhys shouted in the distance, loud enough to break through the fuzziness in your ears. “Do you realize that you could have killed her?!”

A voice murmured something softly, and you tried opening your eyes to see what was happening.

But they were so heavy, and you were so tired.

You listened to Rhys yelling for a while longer, drifting in and out of consciousness until you felt a soft hand grip yours.

“Would the two of you shut up?!” Feyre asked angrily, her voice clear and close. “Y/N can hear you.”

An instant later, your other hand was held in between two large, warm ones, and you knew instantly that it was Rhys. Two hands gently grasped your feet, through a blanket.

It took you a few more minutes to muster the energy to open your eyes, blinking wearily up at Rhys and Feyre’s worried faces.

You hated that it was becoming a familiar sight.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” Feyre said thickly, tears shining in her eyes as she stroked your hair. “How are you feeling?”

You inhaled slowly, thinking. My mouth is dry, you pushed down the bond, your tongue like cotton in your mouth. Feyre beamed at you, lifting your head gently while Rhys grabbed a glass sitting on the table next to your cot, carefully pouring cool, soothing water down your throat. You finished most of it before you had them pull it back, feeling a bit more awake now.

What happened?

Rhys inhaled sharply, shooting a glare towards your feet. Standing there was Azriel, looking guilty and… scared.

“You seized in Azriel’s arms, mid-flight,” Feyre answered. “He brought you back to Madja’s immediately, but you’ve been out for an hour.”

It’s not Azriel’s fault, you whispered to her. I insist on us flying home, my puppy dog eyes are too good.

Feyre smiled at you, a sad thing. I know, love. Rhys will realize that in a bit too, and apologize.

You gave Azriel a soft smile, hopefully conveying that you in no way blamed him for what happened.

But you knew he would still blame himself.

Madja walked into your room, famous clipboard in hand and an assistant healer by her side. “Y/N, I’m going to be keeping you overnight for observation, just to be sure you won’t seize again without immediate care. Rhys, Feyre, you can stay if you’d li-”

“Yes,” your mates answered in unison, and Madja smiled at them.

“I thought that would be the case. Now, we can get you moved into one of our overnight rooms, the beds in there should be big enough to fit the three of you, but most certainly two of you,” Madja explained. “Now, Norelle will be doing most of your care overnight, but I will still be in the building, available at any moment if you need me. Right now, we still don’t know much about you condition, so tell her if anything changes or gets worse, okay?” she asked, expectant eyes on you.

“Okay,” you agreed, not missing the way your mates also nodded their agreement to her.

“Good. Now, let’s get you into that other room, it should be far more comfortable,” Madja said with a smile.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

You’d been discharged the next morning, with Madja repeating her instructions to sit down and have something to drink if you start feeling off, as well as having one of your mates call for her or Norelle’s assistance.

Only three days later, you had another seizure, hitting you while you were walking in the backyard with Feyre.

You were kept overnight again, and released in the morning, still with no answers as to why your body seemed to be slowly falling apart.

Five days later, you seized again, this time hitting your head on the living room coffee table when no one was in the River House.

You woke to a familiar face hovering above you, glowing hands tracing over your body. “Y/N, it’s nice to see you,” Thesan said softly. “How are you feeling?”

Your head ached terribly, much like it did before each seizure you’d had, and your entire body was sore.

Feyre relayed the information for you while Rhys carefully gave you small sips of water, his eyes completely devoid of stars.

“Hm,” Thesan hummed. “My magic can’t find anything wrong with you. Madja said that this all started with a cough, correct?” You nodded slightly. “And you began fainting at Starfall, preceded by lightheadedness and chest pains?” Another nod. “Those grew in frequency until you began seizing, yes?”

“Yes. Is there… Do you know what might be wrong with me?” you asked hoarsely.

“I’m not entirely sure, but I’ve seen a case similar to yours before,” Thesan answered, somewhat hesitantly.

“And?” Rhys asked shortly, his eyes finally ripping away from you.

“She… It was a difficult road for her, before she passed.”

Feyre sobbed beside you, and you managed to turn your head to look at her, ignoring the stabbing pain in your head as you did so.

Hey, it’s going to be okay, you whispered into her mind. It’s going to be okay.

Her eyes locked onto yours, the anguish in them bringing tears to your own. I know, baby, I’m just scared for you.

Don’t be, we’ve got the second best High Lord helping me now, you told her with a tiny smile.

Feyre chuckled wetly before turning to Thesan. “So, where do we go from here?”

“I’d suggest transfusions of my blood once every other week, and one of yours on opposite weeks,” Thesan explained, and you made a face. Ew. “That should help heal your body from whatever is happening to it, as well as plenty of rest. And since I’m here now, we can start your first transfusion today."

You nodded, ready to get it over with, and hopefully you would start feeling normal again soon.

Maybe you’d even be able to go shopping in the Palaces again, without being carried by one of your mates the entire time.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

A week later, and you’d had no seizures, and only two fainting spells.

Which was perfect, because your brother’s first ball as High Lord of Autumn was tonight, and you desperately wanted to attend.

“Please?” you begged Feyre as you pulled a gown made in autumn colored silks from the closet. “I really want to see Eris be crowned, Fey.”

Feyre sighed beside you as she tried to avoid your eyes, failing miserably. “Fine, but only because you’re so damn cute,” she cooed as she pinched your cheek, pulling you in for a sweet kiss a moment later. “But once we get back, it’s bedrest tomorrow, alright?”

You scrunched your nose, but nodded anyways.

Twenty minutes later, you and Feyre were dressed and ready to leave, meeting Rhys in the living room. He looked mildly upset that you were dressed for the ball, but a moment later he smiled softly at you, likely after Feyre had told him your reasoning. “Are we ready, sweet mates of mine?”

You both nodded before Feyre and Rhys sandwiched you between them, winnowing to the Autumn Court in the next moment and landing in the entrance hall of the Forest House.

Your head went fuzzy for a moment before clearing, and you ignored the worried looks your mate shot you as Eris approached.

“Eri!” you squealed as you flung yourself into his arms, relishing in the way he squeezed you tightly. Before, hugs like these were saved for behind closed doors, one less piece of information for people to use against him. “Being High Lord really suits you, you look amazing!”

“You look lovely as well, sweetheart,” Eris replied, though you could see the worry in his eyes.

You’d lost the smallest amount of weight, you supposed, but it must have been noticeable to him…

“Dinner is just about to start, but once that’s done, I’d like to steal you away from your mates for a dance," Eris said as he led you into the grand hall, the table already set for dinner service, roasts and all.

Dinner was lovely, even with some of the tensions shared between the seven High Lords and their Ladies - or High Ladies, in the Night Court and Winter Court’s cases.

You felt fine all throughout it, and felt well enough to dance once with your brother, after he was crowned with the gold leaf crown of the High Lord of Autumn, adorned with glittering rubies, diamonds, and emeralds.

But halfway through the dance, a dull pain shot up at the base of your skull before spreading further, your body tingling, and you were just able to contact Feyre before all went dark.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

“And when were you going to inform me?!” your brother asked furiously. “She is my sister, I deserve to know if she’s seizing every other day!”

A soft sigh came from your right, a hand gently squeezing yours.

More yelling, but you didn’t care to listen to it, instead shrinking into your mind, where Feyre was curled around you entirely, the inky night cocooning you so nicely.

You’d stay here forever, if you could.

Another hand clenched around your left one, so familiar that you knew it could only be your mother’s.

You drifted off again, coming out of your mind to the sound of more yelling. Your eyes cracked open, moving to the right to meet Feyre’s. Make them be quiet, please, you asked, the pounding in your head only worsened by the fighting.

She nodded, and mere seconds later the arguing ceased, Rhys and Eris making their way to your bed in your old quarters of the Forest House.

“Darling, it’s good to see you awake,” Rhys said quietly.

“Y/N, why didn’t you want me to know you’ve not been doing well?” Eris asked, his amber eyes locking to yours.

Because you would’ve dropped everything to see me, and you needed to secure the court, you told Feyre, and she passed the words on to Eris.

He sighed, but didn’t fight the truth of your words. “Still, I expect to know every detail of your care from now on, and for the two of you to contact me if anything even more serious occurs,” Eris demanded, eyeing Rhys and Feyre carefully.

Rhys nodded, and you knew that he’d keep his word.

“Now, I’m going to have the three of you stay the night until you feel well enough to travel, alright Y/N?” Eris asked, though you knew it was more of a demand than anything. You nodded. “Good. Sleep well, and I’ll see you in the morning. Mother should be back in no more than an hour, she’s off grabbing some tea for you, she insisted on being the one to make it for you,” Eris said, his eyes softening.

“Night, Eri,” you said quietly, watching him leave your old room before looking at your mates. “So… Bedrest?” you asked sheepishly before yawning wide.

“Bedrest,” Feyre confirmed, tears in her eyes.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

The transfusions helped, in a way. You were seizing less, but your appetite had vanished entirely for the first few days following them, no matter how you tried to stop it. You began losing weight rapidly, even as you were feeling slightly better from the healing properties of both Feyre and Thesan’s blood.

But the reprieve it brought you dwindled quickly as your health worsened once more, only two months into the new course of treatment.

Nothing could save you, it seemed.

You tried to keep your darker thoughts from Rhys and Feyre, but you were so exhausted most times that you existed within their minds, leaving your tired, sore body behind for most of the day. So they heard the loss of hope happening within you as you stayed bed-bound for over a week straight, seizing too often to even leave your room now.

Eris had begun visiting at least once a week since your incident in the Autumn Court three months ago, and had been coming close to twice a week for the past three weeks. Your mother joined him most times, but today had stayed home.

“…Going to try that, okay?”

You blinked yourself back to awareness, eyes focusing on Eris’s. “What?”

He smiled patiently at you. “We’re going to try something different today. Thesan believes that you have a blood condition, and that my magic may be able to burn it away,” he explained.

“Okay,” you said, too tired to try and understand his words. All you really wanted was to be in your bed at the River House, snuggled on both sides by your mates.

Instead, you’d been stuck in this room, an overnight clinic room of Madja’s that had been set aside exclusively for you, almost all of your things having migrated here, with how often you had to be here.

Rhys squeezed your hand lightly, afraid to bruise your now-delicate skin. “We’ll be right here, darling,” he said softly, and you could hear how he was fighting tears.

You must have fallen asleep, because the next thing you knew, blinding pain shot through your body, heat burning you from the inside. A scream ripped from your throat and the pain stopped, but your nerve endings were on fire, every inch of your body feeling like a gaping wound as your clothes, the bedding, air touched it.

“What the fuck did you do to her?!” a voice roared from beside you, amplifying the pain in your head until you went unconscious, darkness overtaking you.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

Mount Ramiel quaked beneath him as he slammed his fists into the ground, roaring into the air with a sound of pure pain and rage.

Pain, because his mate was dying, in pain every waking second of every day.

Rage, because the Mother had seen this fate fit for his mate, one of three pieces to a whole, who he could not imagine living, breathing, without.

The creature within him burst through his skin, night exploding around him and covering the mountaintop as he raged, waiting to calm enough to return to her side.

To watch her wither away, losing weight, losing consciousness, losing life.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

Feyre sat at your bedside, quietly speaking to Thesan about any possible treatment routes that they hadn’t gone down.

Obviously, the thought that burning your blood with Eris’s healing fire was a misguided one, one that had sent you into a days long coma, still sleeping beside her. At peace, for once.

“I’m sorry, Feyre, but… I think it’s time to consider her quality of life, how much the treatments have affected her,” Thesan said carefully, watching as Feyre’s eyes sparked with rage, before calming into the numbed acceptance she had been displaying for weeks now.

“What would…” she sniffled, rubbing a few tears from her eyes. “What would you suggest, if we… If she wants to stop treatment? To make her… More comfortable?” Feyre hiccupped, grabbing your hand tighter.

Thesan sighed heavily. “We could give her medicine for the pain, but aside from that… I think the presence of her mates, her family, her friends would be the most helpful.”

Tears tracked down Feyre’s cheeks, and she nodded.

She could make that happen.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

You woke to the sound of quiet chatter around you, your eyelids leaden curtains that refused to part.

Hello, love, Feyre cooed into the expanse of your mind, sinking down next to you on the bed. Can you hear anyone besides me?

Yeah, you replied softly, curling into her presence.

Good, people wanted to talk to you. It’s alright if you can’t answer, they just wanted to let you know that they’re here, alright?

You hummed into your mind, the corners of your lips tilting up when Rhys joined her in cuddling you, physically and in your mind. You let yourself sink into the midnight darkness of them, let them hold you safely as your friends and family spoke to you.

“Y/N, it’s nice to see you,” Eris said thickly, and you felt him grasp your shin. “I can’t stop thinking about when you were ten, and you walked around declaring yourself as the High Lord’s heir apparent to all of our brother’s, me included. I’m glad I followed you, or Doran would have thrown you against a wall for it,” he chuckled. “And Lucien-”

“I made you a crown of leaves from outside, and the three of us had a ceremony in the woods, crowning you High Lady of Autumn,” Lucien finished. “It’s one of my fondest memories at Forest House, along with you covering for my dates with Jesminda. It took you an awful long time to learn how to read spellbooks.”

You giggled in your head, thinking of how happy he’d been, winnowing back into your room after seeing his first great love.

“Well I love how you were always ready to go shopping with me, even if you didn’t need anything yourself. We would chat for hours and have lunch and…” Mor sighed. “I loved having that time with you, Y/N.”

“You’re an amazing cook, probably the best I’ve ever met,” Cassian said, earning a few chuckles and a light slap, probably from Nesta. “And I’ve always thought of you as a sister of my own.”

“Y/N, you know that I love how you can beat me in chess, and we both have the same perfect taste in teas. You’re the one that I confide in, and you feel like a sister to me, as well,” Azriel said softly.

“I loved getting to work with you in the kitchen, Y/N, it was so amazing to learn from someone who knows so much. You’re also so kind, and you treated me so warmly from the moment we met,” Elain said with tears choking her throat, and you heard her turn and begin to cry, muffled, likely by Lucien’s shoulder.

“Maybe I didn’t trust you with my sister at first, but you have the exact same taste in novels as I do, and that… May sound silly, but it made me realize that you loved my sister and her mate, even without the bond. And I’ll always love you for loving her,” Nesta choked out, the most emotional you’d ever heard her in the fifty years you’d known her.

“My… My darling daughter,” your mother sniffled. “You have always been there, by my side. You kept my hopes alive Under the Mountain, and seeing you love so freely has brought me so much joy.”

The pain in your head kicked up when you tried to open your eyes to look at her, to see her once more. Suddenly every noise worsened it, before a wave of night washed down your spine and deadened your senses, and you heard almost everyone shuffle out of the room.

Mates stayed, though. Your Feyre, and your Rhys stayed behind, holding you close before sinking into your mind once more. They held you there, the sound of their heartbeats lulling you to sleep as they sent you images of Velaris, as if the three of you were flying again.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

Soft music floated through your mind as you came to, your eyes opening slowly to the sight of your room in the River House, and a careful, slow glance to the left and right let you know that your mates were laying beside you, their arms and legs tangled around you.

Hello, darling, Rhys purred into your mind as he nuzzled your cheek.

Good morning, love, Feyre whispered, planting a kiss on your forehead softly. Are you hungry? Thirsty?

Thirsty, you groaned, letting her and Rhys adjust you and pour water down your throat, easing the aching dryness that had taken root there.

It never seemed to leave you for long, always coming back to make you cough, to make you lightheaded, to make you fall unconscious.

I love you, Feyre cooed when they settled you back against the pillows, letting her lips meet yours gently.

I love you too, Fey-ruh, you said after a moment, your brain working slowly to pull the words together.

And you know I love you too, Y/N, Rhys said before pressing his lips to yours next, softer than ever before, like you would break at the slightest pressure.

Your lips pulled up at the corners, your eyes meeting his blank, teary violet ones. And I love you, Rhysie. You breathed heavily before putting another sentence together. Don’t either of you ever forget it.

Hey, now, Rhys said softly. Don’t be talking like that, love.

You felt Feyre shaking beside you, her grip around you tightening. It’s going to happen. Just… Don’t forget me. But don’t… You coughed, your entire body going rigid until your lungs calmed. Don’t forget each other, you pleaded with them, looking between them slowly, seeing the tears in their eyes. Promise me, you demanded. Please.

You might be leaving your mates, but you would be damned if they left each other to join you, lost each other after losing you.

Okay, we promise. I promise, Rhys assured you, stroking your hair.

I promise, we won’t forget us, but most importantly, we will never forget you, Feyre said, tears streaming freely onto the pillows now.

You breathed out a sigh of relief. Good. I love you, you said tiredly, relaxing as much as you could into your mates’ hold.

You hardly noticed as you went unconscious, the feeling slipping over you with the next push of your lungs.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

“This is it,” Madja said from the foot of the bed.

Your chest barely moved now, each breath growing shallower and shallower. You hadn’t woken in five days, the only liquids your body was receiving being from ice cubes, lifted to your lips to wet them.

Your frail, near lifeless body lay before them, and they could hardly breathe.

The sight of you withering away, the life in your eyes slowly dulling had been difficult, but nothing had prepared them for this.

Your death.

Rhys and Feyre crawled into the bed next to you, and pulled you against their chests, tears freely falling onto your skin, your hair, your nightgown.

They felt as your breath slowed further, your heartbeats growing fewer and fewer as your body finally gave out to the disease that had sapped your life from you in half a year.

When your last breath left you, when the golden thread that tied the three of you together shredded, severed, shattered inside of them…

Night erupted, covering the land in darkness, their anguished cries echoing throughout the Night Court as their mate lay in their arms, dead.

🤍🩵💔💜🤍

General Taglist: @daughterofthemoons-stuff @lilah-asteria @meritxellao @twismare @wrenisrad @icey--stars

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bambisworlds · 7 months ago

Text

chronically ill in the midst of calamity

living during the apocalypse is hard to begin with, it's even worse when you have an autoimmune disease like bambi. rick and bambi have been a couple since before the world fell apart, and they've found themselves in the worst conditions they've had to withstand so far. the longer she goes without proper hydration and nourishment the worse her symptoms are becoming. he's not sure how much longer he can take seeing her so weak (3,783 word count).

content warnings, but there's not much to warn about lol

f!reader, chronic illness!reader, established relationship, attentive!rick, caretaker!rick, season5!rick, bearded!rick, use of good girl, fainting/syncope spells, sister figure!michonne, mentions of death/violence, mentions of starvation/dehydration, this will follow the majority of the canon plot and include spoilers (but judith doesn't exist), let me know if i forgot anything x

my masterlist

i have POTS and i've daydreamed a lot about what rick would be like with a chronically ill gf. this is what i think he'd be like. also i basically just use the name bambi instead of y/n cause it gets annoying typing y/n over and over, so imagine her however you'd like :)

Rick was on edge. Not only were his insides gnawing at him for food, but the whole center of his universe, Bambi, was sick. Rick’s fingers absentmindedly combed through Bambi’s hair as he stared blankly at the ground. Her head was resting on his lap as she slept. His mind was trying to conjure solutions to get more supplies, or more importantly more food and water. Before the world went to shit the best way to help Bambi’s symptoms was for her to drink as much water as possible. She’d only had a few measly sips today and it was paying the price.

They didn’t have the medications she used to take for her condition anymore either, they had run out after a few months, and their only options to make her feel better were hydration and nourishment. She didn’t have either right now and hasn’t for a long time. Rick could handle the hunger and thirst, he would suffer through it if it meant Bambi had more food and water for herself. He had been lying to her and telling her he already had his portions when he was actually mixing his in with hers and only eating and drinking enough so his organs wouldn’t fail. Rick could handle starvation and dehydration. But he couldn't handle seeing Bambi so sick and weak.

Her face was now constantly pale and green with an unrelenting tremble in her limbs. Her body pains were nearly unbearable and she was having presyncope spells (the sensation of fainting or very nearly losing consciousness) multiple times a day. Rick was so worried he could hardly keep his cool, wanting to smash someone's skull in as if that would do anything, but he knew he had to keep calm for her sake. Rick wasn't the only one who was worried. Everyone in the group loved Bambi like family, and seeing her so vulnerable made everyone's already protective natures grow tenfold.

Bambi's head stirred on Rick's lap as the barn doors creaked open and Maggie called to the group. Rick rubbed his thumb gently on her head, encouraging her to keep resting.

"Everyone… this is Aaron," Maggie announces. At the sound of a stranger's name, Rick's head flew in the direction of the door. He quickly, but gently, lifted Bambi's head off his lap and rose to his feet while drawing his gun, "We met him outside, he's by himself. We took his weapons and we took his gear," Maggie reassures everyone as Daryl patted the man down. Bambi sat up curiously. Rick stood right in front of her, blocking her partially from view while Michonne stood on Rick's left. They made a collective barrier between the stranger and Bambi who was peeking around Rick's legs at the newcomer. Aaron looked around wearily as everyone in the group stared him down, making it clear if he even moved too quickly he'd be on the ground with a bullet in his head.

"Hi," Aaron said, his tone unsure and weary, "It's nice to meet you," he continued as he took a step in the direction of Rick, Bambi, and Michonne to shake their hands. Everyone flanked around him, clearly not wanting him any closer to Bambi. Rick lifted his gun with a threatening tilt of his head as if he was challenging him to move any closer.

"You said he had a weapon?" Rick asks Maggie, disregarding Aaron's greeting. As Maggie walked over to Rick to hand it to him, he holstered his gun, still standing protectively in front of Bambi. Rick inspected the gun before making a show of counting the number of bullets in the gun before tucking the weapon into the waistband of his jeans, "There somethin' you need?" Rick questions Aaron, his voice husky and intimidating.

"He has a camp nearby," Sasha speaks up, "He wants us to audition for membership," she says with a disbelieving glance towards Aaron.

"I wish there was another word. Audition makes it sound like we're some kind of dance troupe. That's only on Friday nights," Aaron jokes, trying to ease the crushing tension in the barn. Yet nobody so much as smiled. Realizing nobody was interested in small talk or jokes he shook his head slightly, "And it's not a camp. It's a community. I think you all would make valuable additions, but it's not my call. My job is to convince you all to follow me back home." he explains but nobody says a word. Rick was still staring at Aaron with an unruly gaze, "I know. If I were you I wouldn't go either. Not until I knew exactly what I was getting into," Aaron swallows nervously and looks over at Sasha, "Sasha can you hand Rick my pack?"

Bambi bristles slightly as Aaron uses their names, meaning he has been watching them for a long time, "Front pocket, there's an envelope." Aaron instructs as Rick kneels beside Bambi to look inside the backpack. Bambi leans closer to try to look inside the pack as well, "There's no way I could convince you to come with me just by talking about our community" Aaron acknowledged before motioning to the pack, "That's why I brought those." he says as Rick pulled out a yellow envelope. Bambi rested her cheek against his shoulder as he listened to Aaron explain things further, "I apologize in advance for the picture quality. We just found an old camera store last--"

Daryl cuts him off, "Nobody gives a shit." he says gruffly.

"You're absolutely 100% right," he says to Daryl before turning back towards Rick who had started to pull pictures out of the envelope, the images all fuzzy and low quality. The top one was a picture of tall, braced walls, "That's the first picture I wanted to show you because nothing I say about our community will matter unless you know you'll be safe."

Bambi glanced up at Rick, trying to decipher what he thought. Rick looked at her briefly before looking back down at the pictures, "If you join us you will be. Each panel in that wall is a 15-foot high, 12-foot wide slab of solid steel framed by cold-rolled steel beams and square tubing," Aaron continues to explain as Rick rises to his feet, resting a hand on Bambi's back so she wouldn't bump her chin on his knee or something as he stood up, "Nothing alive or dead gets through that without our say-so."

Michonne looks over Rick's shoulder at the pictures as Aaron continues to make his pitch. Everyone was glancing around each other as if trying to communicate telepathically, trying to tell if the others believed his story or not, "Like I said, security is obviously important. In fact, there's only one resource more critical to our community's survival. The people. Together we're strong. You can make us even stronger."

Rick glanced down at Bambi, then over at Michonne, before he started walking briskly towards Aaron who was still babbling on about the pictures. Bambi's eyebrows furrowed as Rick advanced towards Aaron, not entirely sure what he was doing, and then Rick swung hard, connecting his fist with Aaron's jaw. Bambi's eyes widened slightly as Aaron fell to the ground, knocked out cold.

"Why'd you do that?" Bambi asks incredulously. He didn't even give Aaron a chance to finish explaining.

"We gotta secure him, dump his pack," Rick instructs Carl, "Let's see what this guy really is. Everybody else we need eyes in every direction. They're coming for us. We might not know how or when, but they are." Rick barks at the group. Bambi begins to rise to her feet and Rick immediately walks back over to her in two quick strides, "Sit back down, you don't need to be on your feet," he said firmly, gripping her arm to encourage her to sit back down. Bambi exchanged a glance with Michonne, who had sent her a meaningful 'talk to him' look.

"What if he's telling the truth?" Bambi asks Rick, staying on her feet even as he tries to force her to sit back down, "We gotta at least hear him out."

"Me and Sasha, we didn't see him. If he had wanted to hurt us, he could've," Maggie pipes up as well. Rick disregarded Maggie's words, snaking his arms beneath Bambi's thighs to lift her and walk her over to a nearby crate before setting her down on it and sending her a firm 'stay put' look.

"Anybody see anything?" Rick asks the group. Bambi glared up at him, even as he planted a kiss on the top of her head, seemingly not caring she was irritated with him.

"Just a lot of places to hide," Glenn says as he looks out one of the peepholes in the barn walls. Rick yanked over another small crate and lifted Bambi's feet to set them on it.

"Keep 'em elevated," he murmured to Bambi before turning back to Glenn, "All right, keep looking," Rick commanded before turning towards Carl who had been stifling through Aaron's backpack, "What'd you find?"

Carl hands him a flare gun, "Never seen a gun like that before," Carl mutters as Rick pops open the gun to see what type of ammo it holds. When he realized it was a flare gun his eyes darkened. Was this bastard waiting for the chance to signal his group so they could ambush them? That wasn't an option for Rick, not with Bambi so sick and weak. On good days she could hold her own just fine, but good days were few and far between for her now. Rick stalked over to Aaron. Maggie was holding a wet cloth against his head as he slowly came to.

"That's a hell of a right cross there, Rick," Aaron chuckles dryly, barely able to lift his head off the dirty floor of the barn.

"Sit him up," Rick says lowly, clutching the flare gun tightly in his hand.

"I think it's better if--" Maggie began to argue when Aaron cut her off.

"It's okay," Aaron mutters with a groan.

"He's fine, sit him up," Rick says again, not caring if Aaron is fine or not.

"You're being cautious, I completely understand," Aaron says after he sits up with another pained groan.

"How many of your people are out there? You have a flare gun," Rick says, holding the gun up so Aaron and everyone else can see it. Bambi shifts nervously on the crate, maybe Rick was right and this guy was trying to double cross them, "You have it to signal your people. How many of them are there?"

Aaron sighs, "Does it matter?"

"Yes. Yes, it does," Rick says, making it clear he wasn't asking. He needed to know how many people were out there.

"I mean, of course, it matters how many people are actually out there, but does it matter how many people I tell you are out there? Because I'm pretty sure no matter what number I say… 8, 32, 444, zero… no matter what I say you're not going to trust me." Aaron says decisively.

"Well, it's hard to trust anyone who smiles after getting punched in the face," Rick quips.

"How about a guy who leaves bottles of water for you in the road?" Aaron argued. Daryl looked back at the couple of water bottles they had found in his pack.

"How long you people been following us?" Daryl demands gruffly. It had been days since they found the container of water bottles in the road. Rick glanced back at Bambi briefly, mad at himself for not noticing they had been followed and possibly putting her at risk.

"Long enough to see that you practically ignore a pack of roamers on your trail. Long enough to see that despite a lack of food and water, you never turned on each other. You're survivors and you're people. Like I said, and I hope you won't punch me for saying it again, that is the most important resource in the world," Aaron emphasized and Rick stepped closer to him.

"How many others are out there?" he demands calmly.

"One," Aaron answers and Rick shakes his head with a slight smile, "I knew you wouldn't believe me. If it's not words, if it's not pictures, what would it take to convince you that this is for real? What if I drove you to the community, all of you? We leave now, we'll get there by lunch."

"I'm not sure how all of us are going to fit in the car you and your one friend drove down here in," Rick says, trying to poke holes in Aaron's story. Bambi nibbled on her bottom lip, feeling conflicted. This man seemed sincere, but after so long of watching your back it's hard to take what people say at face value. If they're lying it could end with someone, or everyone, getting killed. Not to mention Bambi could barely see or think straight, she could feel another fainting spell coming on.

"We drove separately. If we found a group, we wanted to be able to bring them all home. There's enough room for all of us," Aaron insists.

"And you're parked just a couple miles away, right?" Carol asks.

"East on Ridge Road, just after you hit Route 16. We wanted to get them closer, but then the storm came and blocked the road. We couldn't clear it," Aaron explains.

"Yeah, you've really thought this through," Rick mutters, still not buying it.

"Rick, if I wanted to ambush you, I'd do it here. You know, light the barn on fire while you slept, pick you off as you ran out the only exit. You can trust me," Aaron promises.

Bambi could feel her limbs starting to tremble more than they already were, her vision going black around the edges as her throat began to tighten. She shakily got off of the crate she was sitting on, not wanting to fall backward and bang her head when she fainted. Carl instinctively reached to help her sit on the ground.

"Dad it's happening again," Carl says urgently as Bambi begins to struggle to keep her eyes open and slouched against him. Rick's gaze snapped in Bambi's direction and hastily walked over to her.

He dropped to the ground beside her, instantly cradling her against his chest, "You're alright baby, I'm right here," he tried to soothe her as she began to hyperventilate. Her breathing often picked up before she passed out like her throat was tightening and limiting her airflow. She couldn't slow it if she tried, "Try to relax, I'm right here. I'll be right here holdin' you the whole time until you wake back up," Rick insists as Bambi's eyes involuntarily drift shut and her breaths puffed out in short staccatos. Rick's hand cradled the base of her skull while the other curled around her to keep her from falling off his lap.

"I'm trying," she gasps out, her voice strained, "Can't open my eyes."

"I know, it's okay. Just let it happen," Rick coos, his grip tightening as her body began to tremble more, another common occurrence before she passed out. Aaron watched the scene curiously, asking what was wrong with her but Michonne quickly shushed him. Maggie had already gotten up to grab one of the few bottles of water, knowing Bambi would need it when the spell passed. Bambi's body finally went limp in Rick's grip and he sighed shakily, readjusting his hold on her to feel the pulse on her neck. Feeling her heartbeat gave him comfort when this happened, a reminder that even though she was unconscious she was alive.

Aaron glanced around the room, looking for any understanding as to what was happening, but nobody seemed overly alarmed, as if this was a common occurrence. Maggie crouched down beside Rick, holding the bottle of water in her hands. "She's startin' to come back," Maggie mutters, noticing the change in her breathing. Rick glanced over at Aaron, making sure he hadn't moved, even though everyone else was still circled around the room watching him. Rick began to rub her back as she came to, her eyes opening slightly.

"Hey baby, everything's alright," Rick soothes her, kissing her forehead, "It's all done," he coos, "My brave girl," he whispered against her forehead for only Bambi to hear. When her eyes began to look a bit more focused Rick nodded at Maggie, who then held the water bottle up to Bambi's lips so she could take a few sips. Rick continued to mutter encouragements and soothing words into Bambi's ear, rubbing her back and gently massaging her scalp.

"I'll check out the cars," Michonne says now that Bambi seems more stable.

"There aren't any cars," Rick grumbled, sending Michonne a disapproving look despite his gentleness towards Bambi who was still leaning against him, taking a few more sips of water that Maggie offered.

"There's only one way to find out," Michonne argues with a determined glint in her eye.

"We don't need to find out," Rick snaps.

"We do," Michonne insists, "You know what you know and you're sure of it, but I'm not."

"Me neither," Maggie agrees from her spot beside Bambi and Rick.

"Your way is dangerous, mine isn't," Rick shakes his head, readjusting his hold on Bambi to keep her firmly against him.

"Passing up someplace where we can live? Where Carl can live? Or where Bambi can live without having to make herself sick? That's pretty dangerous," Michonne protested before standing straighter to show how serious she was, "We need to find out what this is. We can handle ourselves. So that's what we're gonna do." she said firmly, leaving no room for argument. Michonne glanced down at Bambi who was cradled against Rick, limp in his lap like she was too weak to move, before looking back up at Rick meaningfully. A silent reminder of her own concern for Bambi's health.

"Then I will too. I'll go," Glenn says. Rick shook his head for a moment, as if he was going to protest, then looked over his shoulder at Abraham.

"I'll walk with them," Abraham says, pushing off the wall of the barn to go over to Michonne and Glenn. Rick then turned to Rosita and she agreed to go as well.

"If there's trouble, you got enough firepower?" Rick asks them.

"We got what we got," Glenn sighs and Rick reaches behind him to grab Aaron's gun out of the waistband of his pants and handed it to Glenn without jostling Bambi too much, "The walkies are out of juice. If you're not back in 60 minutes we'll come. Which might be just what they want." Rick says as the group begins to leave the barn to keep watch outside for any signs of trouble. Rick carefully lifted Bambi into his arms and walked over to a measly pile of straw they had used for a bed the night before. He gently set her down, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"Try to get some shut eye okay? I'll be right here if it happens again," Rick murmurs soothingly, resting his hand on the side of her face. Bambi nods, lying down on the straw. She always felt exhausted after these spells. Rick made sure her shirt covered the expanse of her torso so the straw wouldn't itch her, making sure she was covered and as comfortable as possible before walking over to the door of the barn to peer out for any sign of danger.

"When the world was still the world, I worked for an NGO. Our mission was to deliver medicine and food to the Niger River Delta. Bad people pointed guns in my face every other week. You're not bad people. You're not going to kill us. And we are definitely not going to kill you," Aaron says.

"Just because we're good people doesn't mean we won't kill you," Rick mutters, still looking out the crack in the barn door, "If the five of them aren't back in an hour… I'll put a knife in the base of your skull," Rick said with an eerily calm tone of voice before shutting the barn door and walking over to his backpack. He had found some electrolyte packets a few weeks ago and had been rationing them for Bambi. As he dug through the bag only to find empty packets he sighed shakily, running his hand over his face. Taking them after these spells helped her bounce back quicker.

"I don't know if asking will earn me another punch in the face but… clearly your girlfriend isn't well," Aaron said hesitantly and Rick looked up at him, his eyes turning into a deadly glint, "I don't know what's wrong with her but from all the electrolyte packet wrappers in your bag I take it Gatorade might help her?" Aaron swallowed nervously, afraid he would somehow set Rick off, "There's a half-drunk bottle in my pack. I'm sure you saw it in there." Rick only looked at him, before grabbing Bambi's backpack to see if she had any packets left. Knowing Aaron had been following them, Rick was worried he knew that Bambi was sick and the Gatorade was a trick, "This isn't a trick. This isn't about trying to make you like me. I just want to help." Aaron insists. Rick sighs again and glances over at Bambi who is watching them with droopy eyes.

Rick rose to his feet and grabbed the half-drunk bottle of Gatorade off the crate they had used to put Aaron's stuff on before walking back over to Aaron and holding out the bottle in front of him with a raised eyebrow, "She's not drinkin' this until I know it's not poisoned or some shit. Take a sip," Rick says firmly. Aaron sighs and leans forward to take a swig of Gatorade. Satisfied Aaron didn't immediately die or spit it out after, he walked back over to Bambi and helped her sit up, "Drink this baby, it'll help you feel better," Rick encouraged, holding the bottle to her lips. As Bambi takes a few sips Rick kisses the top of her head, "Good girl."

"We have a big community. Medical supplies, medicine… we have the means to help her if you'd let us. You'd have your own place to live where she can be safe and regain her strength," Aaron tries to reason and Rick glances down at his watch.

"You got 43 minutes," he mutters before focusing back on Bambi who was sipping on the Gatorade.

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