#creatingnikki

[creatingnikki]

another year is ending and I want you to know that it is okay if you:

have not healed from the things that happened/did not happen from six months ago. just because the year is ending it does not mean your grief is too.

don't have any "fun" NYE plans to ring in the new year. this life is yours to live across days and months and years, and you can celebrate days other than the ones heavily marketed and shoved down your throat to shroud you in severe FOMO.

have no resolutions or goals for the new year laid out in elaborate lists or shared on social media or with your friends. you are braving through this life trying to do your best every day and hold the fort and so of course you know, deep down you know what is needed from you for you going forward and of course you are going to work in that direction. good luck love.

have not become a "better" version of yourself by any of the tangible or conventional measures. that kind of bettering is mostly to serve others, not yourself.

are not happy with yourself/your life as it is now. you're a work-in-progress, remember? and if you're progressing in a direction you do not like, then it's time to change the blueprints and the strategy.

take time off social media around this time to protect your mental health and whatever little joy you have managed to keep.

don't want to spend too much time reflecting on how this past year went and doing various forms of 2023-wrapped. again, it's your life. you can also revisit this year in memories and pictures and feelings whenever you'd like. it's not like you don't still visit 2012, 2017, and 2022, right?

feel disconnected from your friends, family, lover. I know this is "ideally" a time to be celebrated with your loved ones. but life is not ideal, is it? it's just life. and if right now you are not feeling the love, the joy, or just don't have the headspace or social energy to engage , that's alright.

are finding comfort in simpler things like a TV show from the 90s or that book you first read at sixteen or that slice of strawberry cake or a random post like this you come across.

don't feel hopeful, encouraged, or excited for the new year. given everything that's happened in the last couple of years, on the macro and micro level, it's only natural for you to feel weary as well as wary. when the good things happen, when the healing happens, when things begin working in your favour over time, you will automatically feel all those things. it's okay if until then you choose to be neutral.

[takingstockofwhatmattersmost]

Tagging @alex-a-roman @bipolarwritings @creatingnikki @daisylongmile @eternallycoilingserpent-blog @followcb @gracebriarwoodwrites @heartofmuse @in-my-thinking @jasmine7031 @katrinnac @lilysofthefield @mikefrawley @noorshirazie @offcenterwriting @poeticstories @quaintobsessions @robertjw4688 @spiritualseeker777 @thepoeticprocess @undertheguiiseofwoe @vhscorp @written-in-pen @x-anthippe-x @youreyesblazeout @zelphafrost

Photos tag game!

Describe yourself ONLY with pictures you have, you CANNOT search or download new pictures

I tag @a-book-of-creatures @b0chelly @crazydane666 @darknessisaname @dragonheartftherpays @dragoninanerdbody @dualistisk @echey @enekorre @itsskoll @musictherapy611 @nefermaet @pearlwingdraws @roskvawinther @who-is-page

[dg-fragments]

I never understood why people hyped long drives so much Was it driving aimlessly that gave them a sense of freedom? Or was it feeling the wind on their face and breezing through their hair that they loved? Perhaps jamming to their favourite songs that made them feel that life was one big party? But it was the day we met that it finally hit me - it's about the person sitting next to you. I never realized a long drive could ever be this meaningful, And a meal so fulfilling as the one that day, together with the sense of humor you brought, Perhaps even then it is indeed about the company. I have never been much of a talker but I listen and remember, For you see there's this fear in my sturdy heart, of saying the wrong thing, So I stay quiet and feel grateful for even the tiniest of moments I get to spend with you. But you...you talk in a way I could forever listen, With this passion and fierceness that I have not witnessed before. You strike me as a woman who knows what she wants and will not once fear going after it. But there's also this softness to your smile, to the way you carry yourself, A subtle grace, a lightness in your stride. And within this softness I melt, without realizing without meaning to either, Such is your charm that has caused me to be ensorcelled. With subtleness I wonder what lies ahead, what is going to come, For I know moments with you, I will cherish for sure. - creatingnikki & fragments-of-my-mind

A first time collab with the ‘daebag’ (awesome) @creatingnikki ^^

[autumnsunshine10]

Sometimes when we aren't looking

We find the brightest things

Like a rainbow arching across

The sky on a dreary rainy day

Coloring the clouds, the gray

Bringing a smile to a streaked

Once downturned face; wide

Eyes of wonder lighting up

At the sight, delightful sign

Grand design signified

Meant to be in your life

And you in mine

Thank you for adding vibrancy

To my sky

@creatingnikki (Happy Holi!)

☁❤💛💚💙💜☁

[daisies-and-chai]

tyyy for the tag bby @brokoala-soup <3

Tagging : @rae-blogging @kaalboisakhi @creatingnikki @cleaverlydelusional @alfalfaaarya @blueskyisavibe @silverswallow @thelostjhumka @misssclumsy @ji-jii-visha @kitabaen @chaand-sifaarish @booksydaisy @waitingforthesunrise @magic-coffee @divalovesyou @swiftmendeshoran @all my moots and anyone who wants to do this!! I'm so sorry if I missed to tag you ILY!!!

how does pinterest see you?

search these topics and pick the 1st photo! (celebrity, shoes, outfit, aesthetic, purse, makeup look)

Thanks for the tag @alltoounwellll !!!

Np tags: @mourningliliesmorningglories @foxalade @where-is-vivian and anybody else!

[theprocast]

Things I’ve said under the stars

How do you exist so casually yet magically amidst all our chaos?

I want to live outside of this city.

Are you friends with the moon?

Do they look up and almost trip too?

I know the truth but I’m not ready to accept it yet.

Does the sun make you envious?

Okay. Let’s write some poetry.

Am I a fool romanticising everything unnecessarily?

It still hurts.

Can I borrow your acceptance for a bit? You stay where you are but never get restless.

What really is your name? Do you even care about humanly things like that?

How does it feel to be almost immortal?

Do you look down upon me after knowing all my secrets?

I miss her, can I reach out?

Is there any other planet we can escape to? Do we deserve to?

Is there anything in me 1% as bright as you?

Did Van Gogh get you right?

// creatingnikki //

[axelstillalive]

Ty sm for tagging me in this its actually epic (I'll find some ppl to tage eventually)

Last movie you watched: Nowhere Boy with Aaron Taylor Johnson. Omg it was so good i love it sm

Favourite type of tree: Willow trees 100% idk that many but i love love love Willow trees

Last concert you went to: I went to see black stone cherry last Feb and i loved it sm Black stone cherry is such a nostalgic band for me

Object directly to your left: my sink (I'm in my kitchen :O)

Favourite pizza topping: pepperoni, and chicken absolute perfection

Best book you read this year: That's so hard! I've been reading alot of romance and fantasy but my best book so far is either Terms and conditions by lauren asher, Love redesigned by Lauren asher or Iron Flame by rebbeca yarros

Do you collect anything? If so what: Yes and no, I don't have specific collections of things but i live getting special editions of my favourite books and i also love collecting fun little pen pots and cutw necklaces

Hidden Talent: I've been told i have an almost perfect pitch when singing so if someone was to olay a note on piano i can pretty much match it aslong as its within my vocal range

Tags: @jegulus-trash @creatingnikki @jameskinniesrise @questionablebookmouse @lifeto-be

The Most Random Tag Game

Hello! I quite enjoy tag games and really anything that builds community (and encourages people to learn how to reblog) on this site, so I wanted to start my own tag game! Join in if you want or just enjoy the responses :)

Here are the prompts and my answers!

Last Movie You Watched: Damsel; I thought it was mid

Favourite Type of Tree: Cherry tree, no question

Last Concert You Went To: The Last Dinner Party! I Had a really fun time and got a lot of compliments on my outfit!

Object Directly To Your Left: Purple unicorn pillow pet I've had for over a decade

Favourite Pizza Topping: Green olives or extra cheese

Best Book You Read This Year: Obit by Victoria Chang! I had to stare at a wall for like 5 minutes after finishing because I had to go to class and didn't want to cry

Do You Collect Anything? If So, What?: I collect soap, seashells, and I want to start a perfume collection but it's so expensive!!

Hidden Talent: I am disgustingly good at playing Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon (with any actors)

No-Pressure Tags: @munsondjarin @sp1rit-realm @loving-and-dreaming @dreamingofmarauders @maddipoof @honeyed-sunflowers @yrluvjane

[creatingnikki]

why do I need constant reassurance? multiple forehead kisses and a good morning text. being checked in on and constantly being in the loop with your whereabouts. a good night text even after we had a 2-hour call before bed. why? I don't remember being this way before. sure, I've always known to be more of a anxious attachment style person and I know I have abandonment issues. but I never felt this in need of reassurance. this constant presence and expression of your existence and feelings. and in the books and in the movies and even in the poetry, they say things like the right person would give it to you. the hundred forehead kisses and the thousandth reassurance. that the person who really loves you and cares about you would do it all. but the truth is, it's both a yes and no. the willingness will be there most times but what about the ability? a lot of times that may not be there. why? because they too are living a whole life with work and family and their own emotions and needs. so they can be there for you a lot of the times but all the time? no. that's unfair and unreasonable. and you aren't that, are you? unfair or unreasonable? so, please learn to calm your mind. don't let your emotions fluctuate so quickly. if three hours ago you felt so very loved by them, not hearing back from them for a few hours shouldn't make you feel abandoned or unloved. take a deep breath and drink your coffee and go look at the sky and finish your work and text your friend and dance to that old song and finish that cake and remember that you are loved — by him, by others, by the universe. I'm not forcing you to loveeeee yourself. I'm just reminding you that you are in fact very loved.

[bermuda-buttercup]

Your best is enough.

filthytruths

~~~

@creatingnikki it truly is xxx

[mycosmicbackyard]

Hi there ^_^ Happy Valentine's Day <3 I LOVE your blog aesthetic!!! I hope you have a day (and life) full of love and peace xoxo

Awww Happy Valentine’s Day!! And thank you so much <3 This really warms my heart, indeed! <3 

[creatingnikki]

Choosing myself means choosing boredom over the thrill of a hot and cold guy. Choosing myself means choosing to sit with the meh emotions over reaching out to an ex just to feel a blink of comfort. Choosing myself means choosing to brainstorm ways to feel less lonely than quick dopamine hits from flirting with idiots online. Choosing myself means choosing to weather storms over reaching for the closest open door when I don’t know anything but its nameplate. Choosing myself means choosing to be a bitch in someone else’s story over trying to change their narrative about it. Choosing myself means choosing what’s healthy for me. Not what’s nice or noble or convenient for someone else.

[creatingnikki]

sometimes the only way to move on from a person or an incident is by pretending like it never existed in the first place. because if you stop, even for a minute, and look or think back to it, your world will completely shatter. and you cannot have that. so, the only thing to do is pretend like they never existed so that you can continue to.

so, no, I am not erasing you. you and I exist in the past and there we are still calling each other by those cheesy nicknames and lathering body wash on each other and making each other laugh. I'll let them exist there.

but in this life that I have to continue living? I am going to revolt against every thought and feeling that urges me to go back to those two idiots in love who fell in love but never quite understood how to continue loving.

the human mind can be conditioned to just about anything, right? and I don't want to condition myself to your absence. rather, I want to live as though I never even knew your existence. sorry, but that's the only chance I have at getting over this, at moving on. and I'm going to take it. because of course I loved you but I love myself more.

[creatingnikki]

I am not a book

I let people go through me like they would books. I tell them things that are interesting, intriguing, fun. I share with them stories that are personal, intimate, warm, and burning. I give them all the context, the characters, the timeline. The plot twists and the cliffhangers. Oh, there’s no better living narrator than me. I tweak, I refine, I structure in real time—according to their disposition, their mood, their temperament. I match their pace. I cut the paragraphs short when their attention begins to waver. I throw in jokes when the grief gets too heavy. I make myself quotable. But the real kicker? I get them comfortable. I make them feel seen. Heard. Reflected. And then I make them feel special. I begin including them in my narrative—I describe them, I archive their anecdotes, I give them real estate in the book. I write them in.

But I am not a book. And even if I were—just how many people even read books today? They get distracted by other forms. They start finding me tedious. They think they know me. They believe they’ve learned something from me. Gained new perspectives. Had a few laughs. Gotten the space to be a bit soft, a bit human. And then? Then they want to put me away. They place me on a shelf, in the corner of their room, next to unread magazines and unopened birthday cards. They cram me in. And forget all about me. Sometimes they discard me altogether—quietly, while “organising” their life. What? Don’t you know? They need that shelf space now. For lube, condoms, and other things that offer a faster dopamine hit. They’re not readers. They’re skimmers. And I—I am a longform girl in a reels-first world. In a world where people can barely read an Instagram caption longer than five words, I have the heart of a poet.

I let people go through me like a book. Right from the first page, from the first meeting—they have access to my mind, my heart, my spine. They hold me in their hands and think it means they deserve the ending. I keep thinking they’ll keep reading. That they’ll annotate me. Talk about me with their friends. Come back to their favourite lines and co-write chapters with me. But no. They leave me lying there. Half-read. Misunderstood. Soft-spined and slightly stained. A lot of the times, they don’t even notice when the bookmark slips. They just never return. And I, fool that I am, keep writing. Keep narrating. Keep hoping. Keep letting people go through me like they would go through books. Accessible bestseller at an airport bookstore, the one guaranteed to engage you, stimulate you, entertain you. But also the one you leave easily after you devour it and can't really remember what it was about.

Oh, a poet’s heart is always such a fool.

[creatingnikki]

crash and burn. you have the lighter, you have the cigarettes. you ride your high horse, gravity in reverse— so what’s keeping you from the final fall?

run— but you can’t. swim— but you only drown.

now is not the time to make friends with the sun. your loyalty will always be: bloody and blue. you belong to the night, to the moon, to the looneys and the monsoon truths.

no sugar, no sparkle, no play, no pretend can wash you clean of the emptiness you house within.

and you know who the god of that is? you.

every time you showed grace, every time you forgave, every time you stayed silent— you created it.

this emptiness.

the grace, the kindness, the compassion— they were never meant to be gifts left on the altar of the unworthy and each and every last one of them has been.

and so now: say it. say bhenchod. do it. pick up the match. strike, babe. then walk into the flame like it’s your first true home.

you've been crashing, now it's time to burn.

[creatingnikki]

I want to make out with you while listening to Keshi songs on slow Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday afternoons. Curtains drawn, lights off, the room bathed in the warm, honeyed glow of a lazy sun.

I'll make us iced coffee and chai while you speak to your father on the phone; neither our beverage choices nor our boundaries with our families are the same.

I will re-explore your body and figure out: where you are ticklish, where you are hurt, where you long. And I will touch you in a way that you never again have to wonder if I even find you truly attractive.

For lunch, we will spend too much time deciding what to order and end up ordering from different places because you don't eat gluten and all I crave is bread.

It's not just being in different cities that is our issue, isn't it?

Our hearts may be sweet and pure but that doesn't mean they belong together—not even when they have so much care and affection for each other.

What to do now? Goodbyes don't work, promises don't either. Let's just linger?

[creatingnikki]

It’s been a while but tonight is a night I want to vanish. From the world. From this life. Let there be no trace that I existed. There’s nothing worthy to leave any part of me behind to. There’s also nothing much worthy to leave behind. Better. It was supposed to get better. Why does it get 1% better for 10 seconds before yanking me by the hair ten times worse? If everything is an illusion then why is this suffering so damn real?