#error code: other people's art

[cinnamorollcrybaby]

Can’t live without your love inside me now

Tags: sextherapist!Nanami x fem!reader, nocurse!au, taboo romance, heavy topics such as sexual assault, dead dove due to the power imbalance and heavy conversation, is this considered angst? idk

Synopsis: In which Kento Nanami is a sex therapist, and his client is a young neglected wife with an emotionally absent husband. He teaches you what love is really all about.

An: Just another warning that this fic deals with heavy themes. It’s honestly been so therapeutic for me to write due to my own history. If it’s not for you, I have plenty of other Nanami fics that are more lighthearted. For the anons in my requests asking for more Nanami, this is for you.

Part one. | Part two.

“With those things in mind, I’m interested in what has brought you into my office today.”

“I’m not sure… Sex just doesn’t appeal to me much anymore.”

Being a sex therapist, Kento Nanami has heard it all. He’s seen this same presenting problem again and again. He’s counseled young and older men with erectile dysfunction. He’s counseled persons of the LGBTQ+ community come to terms with their sexuality and how that relates to sex. He’s counseled so many people who come from purity culture and struggle with sex. He’s counseled couples who can’t seem to get it right in the bedroom. He’s counseled sexual assault survivors.

Kento Nanami prides himself on upholding the ethics of counseling. He keeps the code of ethics proudly sat upon his shelf. His goal as a therapist was to give everyone a safe space to divulge their most vulnerable inner thoughts to him.

Sex was too often treated as a taboo, offensive subject, which is why Nanami got into sex therapy in the first place. He wanted to change the stigma around it. Sex was a basic need for the majority of individuals, and many times, people have poor experiences with sex since it’s not normalized and hardly talked about.

“Okay, so is it fair to say you don’t often feel like you’re in the mood for sex?” he asked as he looked towards his client. A pretty young lady sat across from him on his couch. His “office” was in his home, finding that people often didn’t want to talk about sex in what they considered to be a “public” space like a therapist’s office.

“Yeah, I mean… I just...” your voice trailed off. You already felt like this might be a mistake. Your arms crossed over your chest as it felt like you were naked in front of your incredibly handsome counselor.

His office was nice, serene almost. He had different seating options and all kinds of fidget items around his office. He also had a plethora of books on a shelf behind his desk.

It seems he enjoys spending his time reading up about the art of sex. You can’t help but feel your face warm from thinking about him reading those sorts of things in his free time.

The walls were painted a nice soft blue grey color, and the office smelled like fresh linen from the aroma diffuser in the corner of the room. Several different houseplants were also scattered about. They all looked healthy, assuring you that Nanami paid attention to detail. He was responsible and consistent.

“Take your time,” Nanami assured you as he sat back in his chair. “The first visit is always the hardest. Don’t feel pressured to get down to the bottom of why you’re lacking a sexual drive. These things take time and trial and error.”

That was… almost reassuring. You took a deep breath as your fingers absentmindedly twirled a strand of hair behind your ear. The familiar ministration worked to calm your mind.

“I’m young, and I’m recently married. I have no kids. I feel like I should be… I don’t know— at my sexual prime or something.”

“What gave you that idea?” Nanami probed as he continued observing your small nervous habits. He found his lips trying to curl into a smile, but he kept his face meticulously trained as a look of interest.

“Well, girls talk, you know? My girlfriends talk about their lack of a sex life stemming from other obligations or from a lack of a connection…” you explained as you briefly looked up at Nanami. Each time his hazel eyes met yours, you had to look away immediately.

When you found his information online, you didn’t think he’d be this handsome. You just saw all of his credentials, and you had heard good things about him on different websites centered around “rating” therapists.

Of course, you had done some digging on him. There was no way in hell you were going to go to some strange man’s house to talk about sex. That sounded ridiculous.

“Do you compare yourself to these so called ‘girlfriends’ often?” Nanami asked calmly. His voice was even and smooth, allowing you feel even more safe to open up.

“I mean, no. They’re just all I have in terms of what’s normal for sex.”

“Okay, so let me make sure I understand this right. You lack a sexual drive. You feel guilty that you lack sexual drive because you believe you don’t have a good enough reason to not want sex on a regular basis, and you think that you’re not normal. Does that cover it?”

You winced a bit as it was all laid out on the table for you. Your eyes squeezed shut, trying to hide from how pathetic you sounded. You sheepishly nod in response.

“Y/n, open your eyes for me,” his voice spoke gently, coaxing you to slowly flutter your eyes open to look into his. Once he had your gaze, he went on, “These are all normal feelings to have. I can blab on and on to you about how our society is blatantly misogynistic when it comes to sex, but I’ll spare you the details since I’m sure you’re painfully aware. We’re going to figure this out together, alright?”

You took a deep breath, letting his words wash over you as a security blanket. It was nice to have someone to just talk about these things freely to. You felt a glimmer of hope shine through.

“Okay,” you said with a small nod, feeling more confident now.

“So, you mentioned earlier that you're recently married. Tell me a little bit about that."

You try not to have a physical reaction when Nanami brings up your husband. It was a topic that felt too raw.. too close to home. You’re supposed to be a dutiful wife, right? So, why would you feel that way when talking about your husband?

“Oh, uh… well,” you stammer, looking away from Nanami as you suddenly came up blank on your own marriage. “We got married about a year ago. Some say we’re still in the honeymoon phase, but…”

Nanami perks up a little in his chair. Some therapists take notes or record their sessions. Nanami doesn’t believe in it. He thinks it takes away from the moment. He’d much rather be present with his client rather than jotting down notes.

“But..?” he urges you to go on.

“But… I guess it just doesn’t feel that way.”

“What is your idea of the honeymoon phase? What does that look like to you?” Nanami asks, clasping his hands together in his lap as he relaxes into his chair.

You take a moment to process his question. What does the honeymoon phase look like?

“For me, it looks like the movies where couples do things for each other without being asked. They’re attuned to each other’s emotions, and they make a conscious effort to be sensitive to their partner’s feelings.” Your eyes meet Nanami’s once again, and you let out a deep breath. No one told you that counseling would be this mentally strenuous.

“Okay, what about in your current life? Do you feel like that’s how it is now?”

You nearly laugh from the question. You mentioned that sort of love being in movies because you’ve never seen it in real life. You’re nearly convinced that it doesn’t happen in real life, and anyone who claims to have that type of love must be lying.

“No, I feel like we’re both focused on our own lives… We just happen to also be in a marriage together.”

“That doesn’t seem like an active partnership,” Nanami responds as he searches your face thoughtfully. He can feel his heart ache for you. This is by far his least favorite presenting problem to work with because he can’t just tell you that you need to leave your husband. All he can do is inspire you to seek the changes you need. “What are you focused on in your own life right now, y/n?”

You feel the tension set in your shoulders and neck as soon as you hear that question. Just thinking about what all you have to do is enough to stress you out. “For starters, I work full-time. It’s a standard corporate job from eight to five, but it can be a lot.”

“That’s not easy, y/n. Just because that is what’s considered to be standard, doesn’t mean it’s easy. I’m sure that’s a lot on your plate.” His voice was low and calm. His presence felt so warm in the room; you feel like you’re finally able to open up a little.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. I also take care of the house and our pets.”

“The housework… is that all your responsibility?” Nanami asks as his eyebrows knit together slightly. He feels like he’s already scratching the surface of why you don’t have any sex drive.

“Yeah. If I want him to do anything, I have to delegate the work to him. My husband always says to just tell him whenever I want something done, and I should be grateful that he’s willing to help—“

Nanami couldn’t help himself. He doesn’t like to interrupt clients often, but the more you talk about tour husband, the more he’s having to hold himself back. “That’s the bare minimum.”

You’re slightly taken aback, and you look away from Nanami. A part of you knows that he’s right, but… you didn’t want to bad mouth your husband. A large boulder of guilt settled into your stomach.

“Tell me what you’re feeling right now,” Nanami’s voice returns to that gentle tone. “That probably wasn’t appropriate for me to say. I apologize.” He knows he shouldn’t have said that, and he knows he has to appropriately handle this if he wants you to feel comfortable enough to open up again.

“I guess I just… It feels wrong talking negative about my husband to another man. It just feels different when I’m ranting with my girl friends.” You straighten your posture and take a deep breath. It feels good getting that out in the open.

Nanami slowly nods his head. He can see why you view that act as troublesome. “So, you’re feeling tense because of our opposing sexes? Tell me. Does your husband know where you are right now?”

“Well, yeah… He was honestly the one who told me I needed help since I don’t feel any sort of sex drive.”

Nanami’s teeth subtly clench together, but he keeps a stoic expression as best as he can. The thought of your husband claiming that there’s something wrong with you absolutely repulses Nanami.

“How does that make you feel?”

Your fingers twitch a bit as you look down to the ground. You should be honest with Nanami if you really want the help that you came here for.

“I guess it makes me feel like I’m not good enough for him. Every time we have sex I try to cater to him, but it just feels like it’s never enough. If he had it his way, we’d probably have sex everyday, but I just don’t have that kind of time, energy, or desire.”

Nanami feels his chest tighten while he listens to you. This is why he hated working with this presenting problem. This man is ruining your confidence and self-esteem, and your low sex drive is either completely natural or it’s because of him.

If Nanami could show you what it was like to be truly loved, he would. Then, you’d probably open your eyes and see that your husband is the one who isn’t good enough for you.

He shakes those thoughts out of his head. He knows he’s bound to a code of ethics. He can’t pursue you romantically or sexually. It’d be morally wrong.

“That’s heavy.” He nods, allowing silence for reflection. He then speaks up again after a pregnant pause, “Let’s break down what you said sentence by sentence, okay? First, you have said that you feel guilty and not good enough in terms of sex.”

You slowly nod, still avoiding eye contact with Nanami. Why didn’t anyone tell you that this would be so emotionally exhausting.

“Do you put a lot of pressure on yourself to perform?”

That question alone opened up the floodgates. Tears bit into your eyes, and you covered your face with your hands. “All the time,” your voice cracked, betraying how deep this affected you.

“Oh dear,” Nanami says softly. He grabs a box of tissues, and he hands them to you. “Sex is meant to feel natural and progressive. It’s understandable that you don’t feel any drive if you’re constantly pressuring yourself.”

You nod as you take the tissues, dabbing your eyes gently.

“I just,” you let out a deep shaky breath, trying to calm your nervous system. “It’s easier to just do it and get it over with rather than to hear him ask multiple times.”

Nanami clenches his jaw. His hand gently finds your shoulder, and he makes you look up at him. “Listen to me. If you take nothing else away from this entire session, take this. Asking multiple times even though the answer was clearly a no is coercion. Whenever he asks multiple times, he’s hoping that you get tired of telling him no and just give in.”

Your eyes meet Nanami’s, and your eyebrows furrow a little. Coercion? No.. no, that can’t be right. He’s your husband. He’s just asking to make sure you hadn’t changed your mind. He wouldn’t coerce you into anything you didn’t want to do…

You slightly pull away from Nanami. “I don’t think that’s right… He wouldn’t do something like that. He’s not abusive.”

Nanami leans back. He chides himself internally for going in too deep too quickly. He’s grateful that you’re giving him grace right now. You definitely could’ve just left the session after he blatantly told you that your husband was a conniving piece of shit.

He takes a deep breath. “I apologize. I must have it wrong,” he says as he regains his posture. He knows he needs to make you understand. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

“Oh��? Uh, no.. no I’m okay, thanks.”

“Are you sure? It’s good tea.” Nanami leans in slightly, not breaking eye contact with you.

“Yeah, I’m sure… I don’t really think I can stomach it..” you respond, confused as to why he was suddenly wanting to make you tea.

“Tea is good for digestion. It might help your stomach. You really don’t want any? I can make it quickly with an electric kettle I bought the other day.”

You slouch back a little, a frown covering your lips. “I mean.. I guess tea would be okay.”

Nanami then gives you a knowing look, and the realization hits you. “Did you actually want the tea, or were you just going to accept the tea because I kept pestering you?”

Goddammit. This therapist is good.

Taglist: @theuniversesnepobaby @airandyeah

[vetyr]

hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT

Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.

When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.

I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.

Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.

For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.

Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.

The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!

It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.

I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).

Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)

[the-deltahub-official]

WELCOME, WELCOME.

THE TELEVISON IS ON,

THE CHURCH BELLS ARE RINGING.

IT'S TIME WE CONTINUE,

OUR ADVENTURES TOGETHER.

❖ Join the Oldest Deltarune Discord! (We’ve been around since Day 3 of the Game’s existence!)

❖ OCs and Non-Deltarune Characters are allowed!

❖ Explore the Dark World’s ever-expanding Castle Town, the Light World’s Hometown, and strange places beyond both.

❖ Confront THE ROARING KNIGHT, SHADE INC., THE CORRUPTION, and even THE ANGEL, as you pursue answers in an on-going and community driven story where YOUR influence can change the narrative!

❖ All new Original Dark Worlds! From haunted mansions, therapy offices. and more. Plus, personal takes on Future Chapter's Worlds.

❖ Custom Slice of Life Events, thought of and selected by YOU!

❖ Get punched by a Flexing Dice block

❖ An average sized community always looking for more people to share with!

❖ Make Music? Art? Got theories about Undertale and Deltarune you wanna discuss? We got the chats just for you!

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JOIN US NOW @ discord.gg/deltahub

Once again, this was a huge collaborative effort done by the Deltahub discord in honor of Chapter's 3 and 4 release. Contributors are listed below!

Background, Kris, and Poppy drawn by @fmsdraws

Asher (Goner) by @queerrayne

Chloe by @aurora-borealie

Aizawa and Shava drawn by @q--cool (Aizawa owned by Zephyr on Discord)

Moon by @lightmooncream

Everest, Deo, and Wren drawn by @dra-ghost (Wren owned by @code-kindness)

Wick by @strutinman

Scara by @artsy-savvy

error and INK by @peonysburrow

Starvil and Noelle by @lilydragonhart

Aero by @mav-doodles

Dust and Fennec drawn by @thespectralkitsune

Poob and Tank!Chara drawn by Ruri on Discord. (Tank!Chara owned by Static on Discord)

Royelle by @holidayking102

Scrya, Rashius and Legion drawn by @pipisofficial (Legion owned by @offbeatcat)

Sal Huette by @zavemann

[hobisfavoritespritecan]

Hey,

First of all, I absolutely adore your writing style and in general your stories (especially the Hannibal ones). Could you please write one, where Hannibal is overly possessive, because he thought his wife got too close to Chilton at one of his dinner parties? And to end it all of there is smut. (If you are comfortable with that).Thank you for considering

Close Call

Hannibal Lecter X Reader

⚠️ Warnings: Over possessiveness on Hannibal's part, slight angst, swearing, mentions of blood and wounds, sociopathic and manipulative tendencies, uhh first time writing smut so hopefully it's okay (it's fairly light) ⚠️

I also didn't read through this again and edit it, so I apologize for any grammatical or spelling errors!

Hannibal finds himself somewhat outraged at an overly confident Chilton getting too close to his wife. No matter, he'll just have to remind the two of you of what's his.

Dinner parties were nothing short of extravagant when it came to Hannibal Lecter's craft.

The wines were paired with the delicacies adorning the plates on the mahogany table; everything had its own respective place, down to the last spoon and fork on each intricately folded napkin. There was, of course, the smell wafting through the corridors of the Lecters' home, signifying the delicious meal being prepared in the kitchen and acting as bait to those mingling in the living room as they awaited the call to be seated. From your perspective, the table had to be crafted to perfection so that the party full of rich good-for-nothings had no complaints of the events of the night. Of course, you adored your husband's cooking, but less so you enjoyed the company he chose. Intelligence wasn't something that came from the accumulation of degrees and the bragging of doing so- in your opinion- but rather came from the passion associated with the understanding of others and their natural environments. In other words, conversations of nonsensical retellings of the rise to power and gathering of wealth that these particular guests had were of no interest to you. These people spoke of books on law and work projects as though they've forgotten entirely what it means to express humanity: experience.

But you were ever so careful to express your opinion on the subject of what it means to be human. Although you acknowledged your differing perspective, you didn't want to diminish the perspectives of those who might only know of the desires associated with "book smarts," and not what you referred to as "experience points." These two things could coexist, but it was often that a person leaned heavier towards either side. You still had more to learn about the balance of these, but alas, that is the human condition.

Hannibal loved you for this.

Being someone so intensely driven towards the path of psychology and law, it was refreshing being married to someone who expressed opposition to having that be the basis of every conversation. He loved a good conversation on written words and philosophers and mathematical expressions, but he loved even more to have someone in his life that kept him his understanding of biology and the preservation of his humanity. With his- er- hobby, as some would refer to it as- it became difficult to maintain this humanistic approach. These dinner parties served more as an obligatory social preservation to his image, so as not to be caught with his peculiar hobby.

And the culinary arts were his escape, anyways. A win-win except for the fact you'd be bored out of your mind talking to some of these people, he knew. Nevertheless, you had a polite smile etched onto your face wearing very presentable attire. You were a master at code-switching, it seemed, replacing your usually laid-back and outgoing personality with a more hoity-toity, reserved aura.

You had on a slightly more revealing outfit; a dress so navy it almost seemed black under any lighting that wasn't direct candlelight. This dress had been cut just above the knees with an off-shoulder neckline, exposing the very top of your chest and the beginning of your upper thighs. It was classily paired with silver earrings gifted to you by your husband, and a half up-do with your precariously crafted curls threatening to spill out of the fastened hairclip from behind. Hannibal had expressed just how lovely you'd looked as he helped you with your zipper earlier, placing a hemline of kisses to your collarbone.

He wasn't the only one who'd had this realization dawn on them during the night, however. A bright-eyed Dr. Chilton who'd received nothing short of a pity-invite, found himself drawing away from the conveniently placed appetizers to the lavish chairs facing the fireplace where you sat. He silently waited for your conversation to conclude before he decided to sweep in and take the woman's place on your right, finishing the glass of brandy in his hand before doing so.

"(Y/N)," He almost seemed exasperated, as if he were already slightly drunk, "A pleasure."

He reached out his hand to you in an attempt to get you to shake it as an overly friendly gesture, acknowledgement to his presence. You proceeded to smile at him instead, as you'd become familiar to his intentions.

"Hello, Dr. Chilton, how are you?"

His face flushed as he withdrew his hand from your space, opting to rest it against his leg as he sunk further into his chair, getting more comfortable. He was definitely drunk and if not drunk, then the far side of tipsy. You already didn't care for the guy much, so this chance encounter was a hinderance in your eyes before conversational topics even arose.

"You know, I never understood the drab curtains you chose for the interior of your living room, Mrs. Lecter. They block out all of the sunlight." He began, eyeing the bottle of scotch being poured out by another guest to the left of your chair. His eyes seemed to be glazed over as he spoke, however, the dimly lit fireplace seemed to cast some light back into them. His suit of choice was a corduroy one. The heavy material of the fabric already making him break out in a slight sweat.

Grimacing, you feign another smile as you fully acclimate yourself to the conversation at hand. You tell yourself to remember your polite flattery, but honestly with the way Dr. Chilton was, you knew he would take any sort of attention to his character the wrong way.

"Yes, that was the way we intended them to be, doctor. Have you ever been to our home during the daytime? It's not as drab as you may have perceived it to be."

Dr. Chilton had been coming onto you for quite some time now. Despite knowing you were wed and the many implications of your marriage you'd spoken about, he still managed to hold onto the hope that maybe one day something would spark between the two of you. It wouldn't. It hadn't. His blatantly disrespectful comments about yours and Hannibal's relationship were starting to burrow under your skin and take root in an uncomfortable fashion. Part of you felt bad for the man, another part wanted to sock him in the face.

Respectably, of course.

"Perhaps not. Maybe I spoke out of turn." He claimed, uneasily moving about in his chair despite his initial comfortability at the beginning of your dialogue. Maybe if you kept with the slight I-don't-like-you innuendos, then maybe he would be drunk enough to give it a rest and would return to his normal self come morrow.

"Maybe." You agree, taking a sip from your glass of Chardonnay. It was almost dinnertime. You could hold out until then, couldn't you?

"You know," Chilton began, staring deep into the fire and allowing a hushed sigh to escape your lips in anticipation of another redundant comment, "I used to set fires in Uni all the time. Its a miracle I graduated with any degree at all with the amount of trouble I used to get into as a boy."

Pause. Was there finally something worthwhile to discuss with this man?

"Really? And the occasion was...?" You asked, trying to direct the topic back to this small bombshell the Doctor had just dropped in your presence. Experience points were far more interesting to talk about than a poor understanding of the "48 Laws of Power," which was the last conversation you'd had.

He seemed to perk up in his chair realizing that you'd finally taken something that left his mouth with interest. "None, we were just playing with matches and grew bored. Only got caught because the wind carried the flames back to our dorm which almost set alight." He smiled and for a moment, you could see the memory replaying through those glossy eyes of his. You felt included, as if you'd been there yourself, watching the growing light of the flames dance around the edges of the matches you were playing with.

As if on cue, your husband's hand was gently but firmly placed on your shoulder from behind. You knew instantly it was him because of the wafting smell of his woodsy cologne and the wine he was drinking infiltrating your nose. His grip on you was polite but there was an edge to it, an unfamiliar one at that. Was something wrong?

Turning around, you see his darkened glare towards Chilton in the chair next to you. His matching dark navy suit making him look all the more professional and intimidating in this light; if you were Chilton you'd have run far far away from the glare Hannibal had. He seemed to pay no mind, however, eyes still focused on you until your husband broke the silence:

"Dinnertime."

It was at that moment that you noticed all the other guests had made their way to the kitchen and the three of you were the only ones in the living room. How long had you been talking to the doctor for? Hannibal's repressed anger suddenly made sense.

Walking to the kitchen, you were in awe at the sight before you. Hannibal had really put his all into tonight, and it showed. The plates were nothing short of art with the first course on display with accompanying sauces and garnish that turned them into something out of a museum painting. The entire get-up was something out of the Renaissance itself; everything in its perfect place. Hannibal stood at the head of the table, glass in hand as he prepared to make a toast to progress the night's dinner.

"I would like to thank you all for coming out tonight."

A collection of smiles and exchanged glances ensued, everyone pleased with their invite.

"Amongst this crowd are the most intellectual and inspiring people I've had the pleasure of getting to become familiar with. You're all of high accomplishments and achievements and I would like to thank each of you, individually, with a meal that encapsulates such dedication shown by you all."

Your husband then smiled at you and raised his glass.

"I would also like to thank my lovely wife, with whom I share this simple but joyous life with."

There was a hint of something there, something alongside the adoration he expressed for you on the daily. There was a twinge of that anger once more, but could it really be directed towards your conversation with Chilton? It seemed so clear to you that your husband surpassed the former in every way possible: intelligence and compassion, hell, down to the formal attire he adorned himself with daily. There was no way he would feel threatened by another man so unruly.

"Likewise." You said, tilting your glass up to the ceiling in acknowledgement of his kind and respectable words.

"Once more to reiterate, MY wife and I spent a long time on this meal so I hope you all enjoy it." He smiled a forced grin and directed his gaze towards Chilton. "And nothing on the menu for tonight is vegetarian."

...

The night was filled with more of the usual countless bantering between everyone in the room, trying to appeal more and more to everyone else. You were swept into what seemed like every conversation in the house and all of this sociability was starting to grow exhausting. The meal was phenomenal, to say the least, but did little to calm your worries with your husband's current expression of intolerance and dismay. You wanted nothing more than to head upstairs to your shared bedroom and to sort things out with him; to maybe end the night with a passionate kiss and to then retire to bed, finally. That desire, however, seemed like miles away because of the ongoing event that you were starting to despise more with every passing minute.

Not to mention, your dress was starting to get extremely uncomfortable, as if your skin were melting into the seams of the fabric.

As if on cue to make the night worse, Dr. Chilton was making his way towards you, undoubtedly much more drunk this time. He was stumbling over his own loafers and the floorboards were not his friend at the moment. He was making a fool of himself and you wanted so badly to just disappear.

Just then, the floorboard by the fireplace where you were sitting popped up in front of him. Everything from then went in slow-motion, the wood, the stumbling of Chilton's feet and the slow advancement towards the fire. Seeing how this would play out, you wanted to yell "Stop!" but you were frozen. Just as you had predicted, he had a horrid fall towards the open flame, his cufflinks connecting with the place stones and his right arm breaking the fall. His hand wasn't lucky enough to miss the fire, his scream instantly echoing throughout the room.

"Dr. Chilton!" Hannibal yelled, already to his feet with the pitcher of water from the charcuterie table. It was insane that his reflexes allowed him to respond instantaneously. Almost as if he had prepared for the doctor's fall. Springing the water onto Chilton, the fire was put out almost as quickly as it had started.

"Are you okay?" You asked the doctor, leaning down to his level on the floor, holding his now hurt hand.

"B-b-bandages." He was able to muster out.

The closer look you got to his hand, the closer you could see the wound. The flames didn't consume his flesh for very long, although there was now a coating of red on his skin alongside a few open gashes. Looking to your husband for help, you instead saw him standing above you, a scowl on his lips. He looked angrier than he'd ever before and the sight of it scared you. Had he been angry that the party was ruined? That one of his guests were hurt?

Chilton was then led to the kitchen where his wounds were properly addressed and tended to. The aid kit that had collected dust on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet had finally been put to use, and, upon further inspection, it had been decided for the doctor to call for an ambulance for a more professional treatment.

He left. Everyone followed suit. It was now only you and your husband.

"I'm sorry that had to happen the way it did." You said, reaching out to touch his shoulder and soothe him in my way you could. "Would you like me to help you clean up?"

He mumbled something under his breath before he made his way up the elongated glass stairs. It was unbelievably peculiar for him to retire to bed this early, especially before cleaning up from a party.

"Is something wrong?" You asked, voice coming out as nothing more than a feeble whisper. He stopped in his tracks, his blazer now resting atop his free arm opposite to the one holding the railing. His tie was loosened and from where you were standing, you couldn't see his face all that clearly.

He finally spoke up.

"What are your intentions with Chilton?" He asked.

You stopped in your initial tracks to follow your husband up the stairs. Was he accusing you of courtship? And with the doctor of all people?

"Whatever do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean, (Y/N)."

Your heart broke for a moment, there was no way he really thought that after years of marriage, after what you had come to learn about him and his... capabilities...that you would choose another man, albeit in front of his own eyes?

"I have no intentions with Chilton, Hanni. Not as an acquaintance, not as a friend, not as a lover." You continued to follow him up the stairs and to your shared bedroom where he placed the blazer and tie on the bedside table rather than hang it up as he usually did. He undid his cufflinks and unbuttoned the top his neckline.

"I only want you, Hannibal. You know that."

He pursed his lips and finally, from where he leant against the bed, looked up at you standing in the doorframe. Your expression was a worried one, not of someone who had underlying intentions. Hannibal knew what you wanted, knew who you wanted, but Chilton had gotten the better of him tonight. And besides, tormenting the two of you to remind both of you who you belong to was a much more satisfying game to play.

"Alright." Hannibal said, accepting your validation with his thick, Danish accent. "Show me."

"I- what?" You asked, being taken aback completely by surprise. His eyes were dark with thoughts you had grown to be all too familiar with from him. Despite clearly understanding his interpretation of the words, you still stood frozen at the door, waiting. There was something about this that wasn't going to be as sweet as the usual slow and sensual intimacy you'd had with your husband and you knew this fact.

Just then, as if taking your hesitance as permission, he stands and walks over to you, the height difference ever so apparent now that you were face to face. His gelled hair was now starting to come undone, as was yours, as he held your gaze. His hand came up to tuck your hair behind your ear and then trailed to your neck, your collarbone, your breast. He then allowed his hand to go further, down to your waist and then pulled you into him, holding you there as gently but firm as one could be. He was watching your face as he did so, never breaking eye contact even once.

Your breath hitched in your throat. A growing warmth developed in your midsection as your husband had you entranced with his every move. He was enjoying this, enjoying you, enjoying the situation he put you in. He had turned on his more sadistic side and it was becoming evident with the way he progressed down your body, replacing his hands with kisses and moving towards your thighs then back up, as if with haste, towards your mouth. You felt as though you were going to faint right then and there.

He suddenly stops his kisses and then goes to finish unbuttoning his shirt. His wide frame was revealed with every unfastened button popping off, slowly but surely. Every inch of his skin had been crafted to the likes of the gods, it was as if he were one of them himself. No imperfections in his skin as far as the eye could see. He was beautiful. He was the divine definition of beauty itself.

He swiftly moved his hands to your throat, fingers following suit as he held you there, against the bedroom wall, a juxtaposition to his masterfully divine beauty of feigned innocence. His breath was hot but not unpleasant as he whispered into the nape of your neck:

"You belong to me."

And that was all it took for you to fold entirely, becoming a puppet to his every command, desires of the flesh being the only thing on both your minds. You needed him and he needed you to need him. He wanted a full surrender, a full understanding that he was the only man you'd ever be able to fulfill these lustrous fantasies with.

"Do you understand?" He asked, not giving you a second to think any further before he moved you from the wall and to the bed, where he towered over you.

"Y-yes." You said, waiting to see what he would do next.

"Good. Now take it."

Confused, you looked up at him but he had already had other plans, flipping you into your stomach and forcing himself inside you, under your dress. The instant burn that you felt was replaced by immediate satisfaction as you saw stars. Through this position you could feel him inside you, hot and intense, pushing deeper and deeper until he bottomed out. He dug into you until he was all you could feel, hear, taste, see. He was owning every inch of your skin and forcing you to feel it.

And you loved it.

"Who do you belong to?" He asked, anger laced in his voice.

"You." You tried your best to get out with the intense feeling between your thighs but it was next to impossible.

"What was that?" He asked once more, forcing you to say it louder.

Just as you were about to respond, he picks you up and turns you around to face him, taking in his expression. You were on your knees looking up at him, tears in your eyes at the intensity of what had just happened. Your dress was definitely ruined by this point but you couldn't care less.

"You." You said, waiting for him to say something, anything at all. He placed his finger on your lips and smiled down at you while he toyed with them. He then put himself inside of your mouth, your jaws stretching to be able to take him.

"Good." He said, quickening his original pace as he sighed with content. You allowed him to finish before the two of you fell onto the bed in a tangle of limbs and bedsheets.

He was holding you in his arms now, making sure you were alright as he kissed the top of your head and face, looking at the marks he'd left on your skin. He'd make sure those were more visible the next time someone tried to intrude on your guys' company. Especially on a pity invite.

He'd also make sure not to let Chilton off with a warning next time, making sure to purposely set his entire body on fire, not just his hand.

But you were asleep soundly in his arms, full of him and he had won.

...

A/N : Hello! This is my first time writing smut kinda so I hope this is up to par with some other fanfic writers. I really hope this fulfills your request! Lmk if anyone has any other requests, my ask box is open! 🫶

[o-sunny-day]

Please Reset Your Save File :)

idk what came over me but here take this forgettable au wingdings undertale ARG ass image

speaking of being a mystery image with secrets to be unlocked, i’m gonna refrain from yapping. do the sleuthing yourself I believe in you

ok…. fine….I cant resist…. BUT DO THE TRANSLATING YOURSELF IM NOT DOING EVERYTHING FOR YOU

Ill start by explaining my proccess cause it was quite eventful!

The jumping off a cliff towards something was inspired off of this tiktok :D

Thought it worked GREAT for a character who was so dead-set on his goal he destroyed himself in the process of achieving it… And thats all I had in mind, Wingdings reaching twords his goal (a star/the player) and the rest I just went along with as I drew

I didn’t intend on the background being black, was just a placeholder, so once I finished the line art I fiddled with the color. thought some sort of “blue screen of death” would go well with the themes of what happens to him since he is IN a game. so the universe literally restarts (resets :3) itself to get rid of a glitch (him)

My theory currently is that his goal was to become some sort of player/gain the ability to reset, and once he did that, the game saw him as an error/glitch, so got rid of that- bro IS Turbo from wreck it ralph

After that whole idea- I was looking at some references to replicate the text and it made me go “OOOHOOO” when I saw the QR code like “oooo I could make my own and have some fun with that…” and so I did- and decided to link my original idea for that!

Reference:

I had fun making some differences in the wording to fit the situation

In the end, 2 silly illustrations that are fun to flicker between!

talking about the actual drawing though:

The cliff Dings is running off of has echo flowers because I SWEAR those are important. trust.

Him not wearing gloves is meant to depict how little he cares for his own safety in his last days. I did the same thing in my IM SANE amv!

The “star” having an eye is meant to show how its both the player, and seeing the stars/surface that Wingdings is reaching for.

The wingdings font covering Dings’ face/eye socket is meant to symbolize that perhaps he feels defined by his inability to communicate like other people naturally can.

“Ths Stars, They Cry Out Your Name” is my favorite thing in this… from Wingdings’ perspective, the only thing that matters, that understands him, that TRULY values him…is THE STARS. its like this goal that he has that will make him feel valued. Getting to the surface = being “worth it” But truly, the stars are the PEOPLE that care about him. Asgore, Alphys, Sans, people that are genuinely concerned over his obviously deteriorating mental health- they CRY out his name, not “call” like I had originally planned.

“66%” hehehehhe funy gaster numbr

ok and last thing- Im gonna cry remembering this dialogue from the official Clock App

its so important for this AU, PLEASE

[gabrielleragusi]

For Artists: My Experience with Commission Platforms and Illustration Agencies

Hi there! I’ve been wanting to compile a list of commission platforms that I’ve personally used for the longest time, and I finally did it! I’ve highlighted the still-active commission platforms in bold and struck those that don't exist anymore so you can jump to the sections that interest you without needing to read my entire story.

Let me start by briefly introducing myself.

I’m Gabrielle, a fantasy illustrator. Since 2014, I’ve been working on book covers and illustrations for publishers, authors, and book subscription boxes. Early on, work wasn’t as frequent as it is now. I had to search for opportunities myself, and even small private commissions were important for building my portfolio and earning some money, which I’d spend on materials, books, and online courses. Like many other artists, I started out by trying my luck with the biggest art community available at the time.

DeviantArt

2009-2018

Once upon a time, there was a virtual haven called DeviantArt. To my teenage self, it was a magical place. I signed up in 2009 and thought I’d never leave!

At first, I created an account just to share my work and learn. I didn’t even think about commissions for four or five years. But when that first inquiry finally landed in my inbox, things took off! My mum swears she remembers my excitement when I got my first commission, but for some reason, I’ve completely forgotten about it. I can't remember what it was or how much it paid. It might have been a portrait of a fantasy character.

Commissions on DeviantArt were fairly frequent, especially considering my cheap prices at the time. I used to offer discounts and post my rates in my DeviantArt journal, or in Commission groups that featured artists either monthly or weekly. After checking out my profile, a client could simply send me a private message and from there, we’d discuss payment, deadlines, and other details, and the platform didn’t take any fees, much like how ArtStation works today. Everything happened through private messages or email, with direct contact between artist and client.

The downside of this process was that there was no dispute resolution system on the platform. I had to handle all issues myself, and unfortunately, problems did arise sometimes: there were clients changing their minds about commissions, asking for refunds after work was delivered, refusing to pay, or just ghosting me. These issues didn’t happen because clients were evil, but rather because I was inexperienced and allowed some to take advantage of my naivety.

However, all that frustration helped me develop my commission process through trial and error (mostly error). And despite the challenges, I can say with satisfaction that most of the commissions I received through my DeviantArt profile were positive experiences.

DeviantArt eventually introduced a commission feature for Core (Premium) users, which came with a platform fee, but I didn’t use it much, and I’m not sure if it still exists.

The real beauty of dA, though, was the connections I made. I was able to meet people, both artists and clients, that I’m still in contact with today, and some of whom I still collaborate with.

I closed my account in 2018 or 2019, but by that time, I hadn’t really used it for a couple of years. The new user interface was a bit of a turn-off for me. I had always loved the geeky, and dare I say cozy, look of the old green and grey aesthetic, with its customisable panels that you could move around and personalise with HTML code... But I digress.

Artists and Clients

2013-2016

While taking small commissions on DeviantArt, I discovered Artists & Clients. It was a nice platform for clients to get things like their D&D characters or groups illustrated for relatively cheap. I think my highest price was $50 for a single character portrait, with the platform taking a 15% cut. I used it for about two or three years before the platform started to change.

As more artists with hentai art styles flooded in, the homepage shifted, and so did the clientele. There’s nothing wrong with drawing naked anime girls, of course, but you can understand that if a client is looking for a fantasy, semi-realistic painting of their female orc character, or a realistic portrait of their spouse, it's more than likely that they won't bother sifting through a sea of anime girls to find the style they want, imagining it isn't here. Let's just say that, at the time, the website took a definite direction that wasn't in line with my genre, but this direction didn't make the different, more realistic art styles stand out either.

Soon, commissions slowed down for me, so I closed my account, but by then I was already working elsewhere.

That said, this platform could still be a useful tool if you’re looking to take on smaller commissions.

DreamUp

2014-2015

DreamUp wasn’t an AI generator back then. It was actually a subsidiary of DeviantArt, where clients could post projects and artists could apply. It was a competitive platform that offered well-paid work–very well-paid. I remember seeing jobs posted that ranged from $300 to $1,200. DreamUp was a very professional platform for clients with a mid to high budget.

I believe I landed my very first book cover commission through this website when I was in my last year of high school. I remember getting the job and going to school the next morning, excited to share the news with my classmates. Everyone was super thrilled for me (we were a really close-knit class!), and I felt like I was walking on air.

Unfortunately, as far as I know, that book was never released, but it didn’t matter because I was moving forward, and fast.

I’m not sure when DreamUp was shut down, but I do know that DeviantArt held onto the copyrighted name, assigning it to something so anti-old DreamUp that it still boggles my mind.

ArtCorgi

Now Artistree

2014-2019

When I received an invitation to join ArtCorgi from its founder, I already had a somewhat consistent portfolio. I was painting portraits and fantasy illustrations, and the clients on this platform were looking for both–your typical wedding and pet portraits, as well as book covers, which were what really interested me. To get to the latter, I had to do the former. Over the years, I’ve painted so many realistic portraits that now I have a strict rule for my own sanity not to do them any more. I have great respect for portrait artists, but it’s just not me.

When I first submitted my prices to the person I was in contact with, she kindly suggested that I raise them... a lot. That was a major step forward in my professional career. I went from charging $50 to $100/$200 overnight. And to my surprise, people actually wanted to commission me at those prices!

From 2014 to 2019, I took nearly every commission that came my way. I never spoke directly with the clients; all instructions and feedback went through my point of contact, which helped maintain a level of professionalism, although now that I’m used to working directly with clients, I’m not sure I’d want to go back to having an intermediary.

Sadly, as with all good things, this chapter came to an end. My point of contact eventually left communication in the hands of someone else, and shortly after, the commission fee changed to, I believe, 30%.

Simply put, 30% is an unrealistic cut for a website like this. For an agent that gets you all kinds of big work in the publishing industry, sure, but since this was not the case I had to stop taking commissions. Despite that, my overall experience with ArtCorgi was very positive.

Today, ArtCorgi joined another platform, Artistree. As far as I can tell, Artistree doesn’t take any fees from artists, with clients covering a small cost instead.

Sketchmob (?)

2016-2020

This was probably the platform I used the most. I’ve lost count of how many commissions I received through Sketchmob. Many. Enough to generate a steady income at the time. With reasonable fees and a variety of art styles available, clients contacted me almost daily. Communication was direct between artists and clients, and payments could be split. The review system also worked very well… for a while.

Once I raised my prices, requests became fewer and farther apart. But by then, I was already working with my own clients.

Is this platform still active? Who knows. The website is still up and the chat feature works, but I’ve seen users complain that money available for withdrawal never arrived via PayPal (the only payment method the platform accepted, if I remember correctly). Personally, I wouldn’t risk completing a job through Sketchmob right now, at least not until they release an update.

If you’ve used the platform recently and successfully received payment within the last six months, please let me know, and I’d be happy to update this section!

Upwork

2017-2019

In 2017, I was determined to break into the book publishing industry. After trying out Fiverr and Freelancer.com with no success (the competition was too fierce for someone just starting out), I decided to give Upwork a shot. The platform looked very professional, and while the process sounded a bit complicated, I wanted to land the interesting projects I saw featured in my category. I really wanted to work with a big client… but big clients didn’t seem to want me, despite having the Rising Talent badge.

In two years of bidding for jobs and submitting proposals, I only landed two projects: a small commission from a private client who actually reached out to me, and another project that I bid on.

Don’t get me wrong, I was ecstatic at the time and truly appreciated every opportunity that came my way. But looking back, I can see why Upwork didn’t work out for me. The platform just wasn’t the right fit for my style and niche, which is fantasy illustration. Graphic design, however, was (and still is) in much higher demand.

The commission process on Upwork wasn’t as simple as on other platforms. For instance, at the time, costs were calculated hourly, which was a challenge for someone like me who prefers working with flat fees (having already calculated my average hours spent on an illustration). From what I’ve seen, this has since changed.

One positive aspect of Upwork is its current 10% cut on what artists earn. I don’t recall if this has changed over the years, but 10% is quite reasonable in my experience. Of course, 0% would be even better, but for a platform as large as Upwork, 10% is fair.

Illustration Agency

2019-2021

By 2019, I had built a solid, consistent portfolio thanks to my personal work and commissions. I had a simple website in place, my Instagram following was growing… I was steadily working toward my goal of illustrating covers for big publishers (which didn't happen until two years ago).

So, when an illustration agency reached out to me one day, I was over the moon. I had always heard that artists were the ones who had to approach agencies, not the other way around.

Well, that should have been my first red flag.

I won’t name this agency because, unfortunately, I have nothing positive to say about it. In fact, the word “nothing” perfectly describes my involvement with them. Nothing came of this barely there experience.

The agency invited me to sign up, not on an exclusive basis, but they assured me they’d get me work. That work never came. Once in a while, I’d receive messages saying they were trying to pitch my portfolio to a French publisher or another client, but... nothing.

Please understand that meanwhile I was already working directly with shops and authors, so I don’t believe my portfolio was the problem. The real issue was something I didn’t realise at the time: some agencies do this. They feature talented artists in their catalogue without having actual clients lined up, just to appear more professional and credible to potential clients. Did this strategy work for them? Maybe. I’ll never know.

In 2021, I politely asked them to remove my portfolio from their website, and that was the end of it.

After that, I never actively sought out an agent again. By the time my portfolio was strong enough to approach a serious agency, I just didn’t need representation anymore.

Hireillo

2019-2022

My experience with Hire an Illustrator, or Hireillo, is mixed. At the time, Hireillo was a platform that hosted artists' portfolios, featured artist-submitted news, provided useful articles, resources, and directories of artists and agents. I joined the site hoping to catch the eye of publishers, but I was mostly contacted by authors and one fellow artist for a graphic novel.

Unfortunately, most inquiries didn’t go beyond the first couple of messages due to budget constraints. I did, however, have fun sharing news about my painting process and projects I landed on my own, which were often featured by the website. Additionally, if I had questions about 'complicated' things like copyright, or just needed advice, I could ask the website’s owner and that was incredibly helpful.

Despite these benefits, I didn’t see any real results, which was a little disappointing. The subscription fee was also... odd, for lack of a better word. $5 per week. In the end I just couldn’t justify the cost, so I stopped using the website altogether.

Reedsy

2019-2022

Finally, we come to the turning point.

I remember stumbling upon Reedsy randomly. It wasn’t very well known at the time, and I think it still isn’t. I was nervous when I submitted my portfolio because their catalogue features the best of the best: designers who’ve created covers for bestsellers, THE bestsellers, people who’ve worked on Stephen King covers, or George R.R. Martin's. Designers, editors, and marketers who are veterans. I didn’t have high hopes for my application. So, I was in shock when it got accepted.

I had an introductory Skype call with a representative from Reedsy, who explained how everything worked. Before the call ended, I remember asking if there was a good chance I’d get work through the platform. The rep laughed and said, “Yes.”

A few weeks in, I understood that laugh.

Reedsy has an overwhelming demand for book covers and commercial projects. For every designer there are many more clients. In peak seasons, I was getting requests almost every day. I’m not exaggerating.

Reedsy transformed my portfolio and my pricing structure. Thanks to the income I earned through the platform, I was finally able not to take everything that came my way but be selective and choose only the projects that really interested me.

The commission process is simple: artists pretty much decide how to split payments, what to include in agreements, and the best part, the most beautiful and helpful feature of all, they can request and adjust deadlines. For someone like me who's terrible with deadlines, this feature was a lifesaver. The admins are also very kind and responsive, available via email or chat.

Unfortunately (this is my last 'unfortunately', I promise), my time on Reedsy came to an end for personal reasons. I’ll explain since it’s no secret.

All my images on Reedsy were watermarked with my signature (my full name), which apparently violated the platform’s rules. Why? Because if a client saw my last name, they could contact me directly and bypass Reedsy, which meant the platform lost potential fees. I’ll admit this did happen a few times, but I had the good sense to redirect the client back to Reedsy.

After three years, an admin finally noticed and asked me to remove my full name from the watermark and any text on my profile. It was a simple and reasonable request, but here’s where the problem started. Profiles on Reedsy are public, and images appear in search engines like Google Images, meaning anyone could download my work and use it without permission. Sure, watermarks can be removed, but uploading my work without one in the first place felt like a bad idea. Btw, not only do I use watermarks, but I also use Glaze to protect my illustrations before sharing them online.

Anyway, for this reason, and also because I couldn’t get over the fact that full names were public at the time, something I won’t get into because, believe me, I tried over email, and my reasons went into the void (now, last names are just initialised, like Gabrielle R. Okay. Sure.), I had to close my account–they would have done it anyway because it was already 'flagged'.

Overall, if you’re willing to overlook the last name conundrum, I can’t recommend Reedsy enough. If you have a killer, solid portfolio and a love for books and editorial projects, go for it!

--------------------------------------------

I hope you'll find this useful! If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask (: Oh, and here's an old article I wrote in 2020, titled:

Tips to freelance illustrators to avoid being screwed over

Who knows, maybe I'll write another 'article' post in four years!

Instagram  - ArtStation - Website - Inprnt - Etsy - TikTok

[letsatomicbanana]

silly post in which results will be used for science (names are in alphabetical order + Dream and Nightmare share one option 'cause they're identical twins and the options are based on sanses that are more commonly headcanoned as autistic, from less to often)

PROPAGANDA:

Cross: Struggles with containing his emotions (feels everything 110% at all times), sometimes shuts down and is generally rigid who follows specific routine/patterns (although, you could argue that X!Gaster is responsible for his behaviour)

Dream and Nightmare: Dream doesn't seem to get social cues and is easily manipulable (this seems to have changed in more recent times tho, since he matured as a character) and is very emotional. Nightmare (passive) was a reclusive and shy kid who didn't interact much (tho, It's could be caused by the fact that the villagers hated him for being the negative guardian), seemed to have hyperlexia and an interest in literature (i think, correct if i'm wrong)

Error: Seems to have severe sensory issues (specially touch), doesn't interact with people, has a fixatd interest in Undernovela, chocolate seems to be his safe food, has problems with showing empathy and hates when things doesn't go his way. (Things to consider, most of his problems seems to caused due to the fact that he was trauamatized into solitude and has a highly inconsistent body, due to being a glitch.)

Ink: Shows issues with interpesonal communication and social understanding/cues, seems to have a fixed interest on AU's/Art, has hyperfixations that gets in the way of social interaction, constantly stims, extremly under-responsive to sensory stimuli, shows signs of object personification, has low-empathy and hates when AU's don't follow a specific script/rigid with changes. (Things to keep in mind, some of his traits could be caused by his isolation in the doodlesphere, but it isn't unlikely putting in mind how persistent they are. Ink seems to be coded as neurodivergent in canon)

Swap: There isn't much to say about him (due to a lack of canon) but since he's a papyrus-based character (who seems to be austitic-coded) it's definetly something to keep in mind.

[steamberrystudio]

08/06/2025 Devlog

Hello everyone! Back to update here again though it's been longer than it should be. I really thought I'd updated here like...a couple of weeks ago but turns out...no.

It's been over a month. How it's been a whole month, I don't know. That timeline does not make sense in my brain.

So you might be asking why I don't just set up reminders for myself. And the answer to that, my friend, is...I have reminders. The problem with regular automatic reminders is that over time they stop being effective. I literally do not notice them.

And that's kind of where my google calendar reminders are at the moment. I get them and my brain refuses to acknowledge them. I do update Patreon weekly (most of the time. I won't pretend I don't occasionally forget over there too) and Itch monthly. It's just that juggling multiple update avenues is tricky.

ANYWAY. I went through recently to clean up some of my reminders because I hope that getting fewer of them will make it so I actually notice the ones I'm getting.

We'll see.

Life with ADHD. Huzzah.

But let's jump into the actual update.

Summary Bullets:

Finished both new sprites for Chapter 6

Released the Chapter 6 beta

Made some corrections based on testing

Worked on the Ch 6 game guide

Made a Ch 6 teaser *points*

Finished Yren's character teaser.

Started somewhat working on Ch 7 here and there to get a head start.

Art:

Since my last update, the big "art things" I've done include - finishing the character teasers. I don't even know which was the last one I posted here. I may have only posted like...two on tumblr. But they all exist so there's that!

I finished the teaser for Chapter 6...Again. *points*

And I completed the two sprites I needed for Chapter 6.

Since Ch 6 doesn't have any CGs, I didn't have to worry about doing any of those so I've been able to focus elsewhere but there wasn't, ultimately, much art to worry about this time around in the first place.

Writing:

Finished and coded all of the POV scenes - about 10,000 words of content total.

The POV scenes this time around revolve around the love interests reflecting on the events of Chapter 5 and how they are beginning to feel (or how they have been feeling for a while now) about the MC.

The Chapter 6 update - including the bonus scenes - ends up bringing around 43,000 words of new content to the game, pushing the total released content to over 250,000 words.

A bit under 50% of the current total.

Of course, because the scenes are tied to Chapter 5, you have to replay to unlock them. I still haven't figured out how to do that retroactively yet. Since I haven't even decided what all the bonus scenes will be or where they will go.

Though I guess a slightly clunky method does come to mind.

Anyway, that's a problem for Future!Me.

Other Stuff:

Since my last update, I obviously did a ton of coding - finished all the sprite expressions, finished setting up the flowchart, finished glossary articles and translations and all of that. And just basically got the route fully functional.

I also fixed some errors and bugs - like one that was breaking the glossary.

I added a new toggle for the sound notification for the glossary articles. Because there are now glossary articles with descriptive text that unlock for every location and person you meet (for accessibility reasons), the sound notification is a bit intense at the start of the game. So I thought it was best to allow people to turn it off.

And of course, the fact that I released the beta version to testers on Patreon means I have been correcting some typos in that as well.

Fortunately it doesn't seem like there are any huge bugs this time around.

...SO FAR. LoL

But it's only been a week so...who knows?

Upcoming Weeks:

I will probably be releasing the EA version before my next update here even if I post the update on time. I am thinking within a week or so.

I need to focus on getting the game guides done before EA so that will be my main focus for the next couple of days, and beyond that I'll continue to fix any errors or mistakes testers find.

And, of course, also getting the preliminary parts of Chapter 7 set up in advance of really buckling down to work on it..

(Currently working on staging the sprite positions and appearances in Chapter 7)

If Chapter 6 is the set up for upcoming plot events, Chapter 7 is where things start falling into place and some of the many, many theories people have come up with start being proven or disproved.

Chapter 6 is likely to be the shortest episode I release. I had thought about releasing it along with Ch 5 or with Ch 7. But the problem is that Chapter 5 and Chapter 7 are both *really long*

Chapter 9 is technically shorter than Chapter 6 but I think I'm going to release Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 together.

If I do that, it means 4 more episodes and each one will be...really big.

Chapter 7 - 75k

Chapters 8 & 9 - 90k

Chapter 10 - 89k

Chapters 11, 11, & 13 - 114k

And that's without any bonus scenes or additional endings or anything.

I think it's a nice breathing space for me before we get into the monster episodes which is...all that's left (unless I break up the two multi-chapter episodes, which I may end up doing for sanity. WHO KNOWS. There are pros and cons either way.)

Anyway. That is all for now.

I will see you guys in a few weeks. *wave*

[signanothername]

UT/UTMV silly asks Masterpost (part 2)

All Masterposts

This will only include silly asks

*tip! Those in red text will contain an explicit discussion/visual display of some sort of trigger/content warning, these could be blood, emotional or physical abuse, emotional manipulation, death, self destructive behaviors, implied or discussed suicidal ideation, suggestive content or other sensitive topics

*tip! Those in orange text will contain an implied or mentioned trigger/content warning but no explicit discussion/visual display

*tip! Asks with 💬 are without art, only text

Let me know if I missed color coding anything :)

Nightmare gives me the vide he would drop kick a child 💬

Offerings notes 💬

I just want to pick up Nightmare like a scared kitten, even if he's going to claw my face off

On the topic of Nightmare being picked up by the scruff like a cat, may I present the hilarious idea of Error doing so?

If someone had found baby corrupted nightmare and taken him in, raised him, like, say for example, blue, how differently do you think everything would have ended up?

Dream being terrified of crowds. 💬

i glanced at the caption of your most recent post and thought it said family guy

Killer can speak French

I was wondering if you'd ever made your own UT au? Or if you were ever planning to :>

yk I've always hear people thinking horror wouldn't be apart of the bad sanses and I just have to say; HE 100% WOULD?? 💬

Killer's SOUL being able to hypnotize

Nightmare when his henchman suddenly collapses next to him

What's your opinion on the headcannon that dream smokes?💬

That fic you dropped was devastatingly bittersweet💬

I saw you reblogged a Killer art where he had an ectobody and it made me realise I don't think i ever saw you mention those? Like, do you headcanon they exist ? Or nah.💬

The Throne 💬

Favorite AUs?💬

Aliza

Opinions on passive nightmare?

How do you feel about lust sans? 💬

Just seeing the way you draw cross makes me feel taller than him for some reason💬

I love BPD Killer personally💬

BPD Killer💬

Wait is killer not wearing pants in the latest drawing or am I looking at it wrong

I remember that the dadmare version looked softer 💬

Human Ink

The bitty killer poll reminded me of this meme,,💬

☆consider; dream with insomnia & nightmare with hypersomnia (or even narcolepsy...)💬

i dare you to post a random draft/wip >:3

[kakao-lovey]

ㅤ♡ྀི ₊ How to deal with difficult people when you're highly sensitive

It's very easy to attract people who make bad choices when you give off the energy of wanting to help and make everyone happy. The truth is, it is very difficult to change a person's life. If they have consistently spent their life pouring energy into harming others through bullying, hate groups and gossip, chances are you won't change them. Because change would mean taking away their identity. I will not talk about 'Bad people' and 'Good people', because no person is inherently bad or good. 'Difficult' people, as I define it, have a pattern of making negative or harmful choices instead of positive ones.

My story

When the depression that ran in my family finally hit me at the age of 12, I looked for comfort with people experiencing the same things. Everyone in my friend group had their different ways of coping - from angry outbursts to online dating.

Eventually, I fell in love with a very beautiful girl whom I had become best friends with in the most miserable time in my life. She made me feel better, like I had someone with whom I could share all my secrets.

After a year, she broke off the relationship over text. It was never once angry, just a casual 'I don't feel the spark anymore'. She was difficult to get over, and it took me a couple of months. We grew apart, and in that year I started to heal. I went to therapy, had a long trial-and-error phase with psychiatric medication (But managed to find the right ones for me) and started to take interest in life again.

It felt like I was frozen solid in my depression, and when I thawed up, I became extremely sore and vulnerable. I cried over every piece of life that left me, may it be a tiny guppy or a seedling, because for once I had deemed life as worth living and therefore precious. I was (And still am) for the first time hugely fascinated by the things around me, passionate about nature, science and art, and exploring the world like a child. A year after my first breakup, I started receiving texts from unknown numbers with area codes I had never seen before. The first one asked my name, then sent a listen-once recording of her threatening me with blackmail, telling me to off myself and repeating all those same secrets I had told my friends those years ago.

More and more people messaged me, and it became too much. I changed my number, but the damage was done and I was deeply emotionally hurt. Suddenly, looking back at the time with my ex-girlfriend and our friends felt fabricated, like she was only pretending to want to be around me. I spent nights remembering the mistakes I had made, as an ill person, and it hit me like a brick to the face.

There were real-life confrontations, too. A friend of my ex-girlfriend showed me the groupchats she was in, with people all over the world passionately hating on one innocent person. She sent one of these victims a voicemail, while I was standing next to her, saying she hoped God regretted creating him.

I have healed from this, I can say with confidence. But, especially as a person with autism, I am always a bit of the laughing stock everywhere I go. So, I would like to share some advice to you lovies.

How to identify a 'Difficult person'

These here are a list of warning signs that may (In most cases, I believe) indicate that you should distance yourself from someone. These do not apply in every single case.

They joke about death: dark humour is okay, but people who make a habit of jokes on murder, cancer, or anything else that is serious and real tend to be desensitized and may (Mistakenly or not) make the same jokes when you or a loved one are in danger. They may expose you to hurtful media or even hurt you or an animal 'As a joke'. For example, when I was in medication-induced psychosis, my then-friends deepened my paranoia by saying things like 'But what if there really is a killer following you?'.

They disrespect your religion (Or any religion, for that matter) or spiritual beliefs: this is a huge sign, unfortunately, that a person does not care. If a person slanders your God(s) in front of you, it could seem like they are just being playfully annoying, but that is a disrespect you should never take, especially because that person knows you might leave, does it anyway, and therefore does not give a damn if you exit their life.

They make you feel tired, drained, or anxious: friendship is supposed to be mutually beneficial. If your friend is making you feel like a trainwreck after each interaction, leave. It is often your emotions telling you what you consciously missed, e.g. them being implicitly mean, making you feel unsafe or hurting another being.

They find your interests stupid, gross or childish: I have many interests that people disapprove of. Bugs and snakes, for one, are some of my favourite animals, and difficult people in my life kept talking about how gross I am for liking them. This could also present in people calling you a 'Nerd' for having science-related special interests, and going on about how they would never think about something as boring or complicated as that.

How to remain sane

If you just sent an important message to someone who might respond negatively, make a list of literally everything they might do or say in reaction that you can think of. It might look something like this: 1. They apologise and we become friends again 2. They send me a very long hate speech 3. They see my message and ignore it 4. They never see my message because they changed their number 5. They respond mysteriously with an unrelated emoji It may sound stupid, but it really helps! It makes you feel prepared for anything,

If you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Silence is your greatest weapon. Whenever you feel just slightly ticked off by someone, or they give you a red flag, keep to yourself, because they are likely to use anything you say against you. This is not to say that you should never ever tell someone a secret or have a vulnerable moment in front of people, just pick what you share to who very carefully.

Draw a very clear line with people. If you take anything away from this post, it should be that you can't keep putting yourself in their shoes no matter what they did. There's a boundary between mistakes and evil intent, and when they cross that, cut them off. It sounds cruel, but it is very necessary. Keeping negative energy away is the ultimate form of self-care.

Block, block, block. Change your number, if you have to. If you are in a situation where looking at your phone seriously endangers your mental health, you NEED to get out of there. Delete their numbers, block them on all social media platforms, and although is is more of a tip for cyberbullying internationally, if they live near you and confront you in real life pretend your phone got stolen or there was an error on your social media.

Limit your time spent thinking about the people who hurt you. Unless you are doing it in a productive way as self-reflection or to heal from trauma, overthinking and replaying every memory you ever had with them will do you no good. In my experience, it will actually interrupt your day-to-day life. Try to fill your day up with as many tasks as possible. Pick up old hobbies, read lots of books, study or work hard, make creative meals, anything that will occupy your mind.

Lastly, I wanted to mention that, if you are struggling with bullying, mobbing, anything that is hurting you, you are more than welcome to ask for help. From me, your teachers or parents, your siblings or relatives, even your *trusted* friends. Telling someone makes a world of a difference because you feel like you've got someone on your side.

If you feel like they've got dirt on you, you need to rethink that. Why? Unless you've said or done something that has directly hurt them, such as being mean or abusive, it could never match to what they've done to you, which *is* being mean/abusive. You having told them something about your identity, or you having said mean things about yourself or come to them with your problems is nothing. Love,

Kakao

[devilishmango]

The Story of Sin [UPDATE 4/27/2024]

Find the demo here. Link to the main post here.

Hey guys! 

Welp, I finished the chapter just in time for this month’s update. 😅 I really liked this chapter, though… Things are starting to not be ok for Sin, mentally, and I always love writing things like that 

In this chapter, you…

Pick up that small creature! [And NOT hurt it!! Good job!! 👏]

Hang out with Murmur for a bit and learn a bit more about yourself

Hurt Murmur’s feelings :( [It’s ok, you can apologize!]

Have another strange dream

Upset Will. :( [It’s ok again! You can apologize… Eventually.]

Hang out with Murmur and Anya for a bit. 

Some things- I’m slowly changing the look of the whole game. Now that some ✨THEMES✨ are settling in, I’m able to actually make the IF look a little prettier. I have some other art I will be adding later, when something in particular happens in the story, so get ready for that as well! [Also, this is random, but I realize that I’ve never mentioned this… The beautiful hand/forehead model for the SoS banner is my lovely little sister. Just wanted to throw that out there! 😂] I am also introducing a secret stat 👀 I’m not entirely sure how I want it to look on the stat page, so right now it’s just a number that will either go up or down depending on some of your choices. So, until I figure out how I want it to look…… Enjoy just a random number on the stats page. 😂

Also! If you are interested in being a beta-tester/proofreader, please send me a message on tumblr. Or, if you don’t have a tumblr, just send me an email. kg.1996@outlook.com Please only message me if you are serious in beta-testing or being a proofreader. I’m not really picky about how much experience you have, but I do want people who would actively be helping me correct things like grammar, bugs, coding errors, etc. Oh! Also, you will need a discord account to be a beta-tester or proofreader. That’s the only requirement!! 

And, since it’s been a hot second and I have a lot more followers now… If you are able to, and like my art/works to the point that you would like extra content, please consider becoming a patron, or buying me a kofi! I know times are tough right now, so it’s totally fine if you can’t donate anything. But even just sharing/liking/commenting/etc. Are other ways you can help support me. But, if you do have a few dollars you can spare a month, I have tiers on patreon ranging from $1-$5- you get extra content that you can request, and early access to updates and whatnot! 

One more thing! I was just able to get this month’s update done, but I definitely think May’s update might not happen. 🥺 Midterms are next week, AND I’ll be going on a small vacation to Portland, OR. for about a week at the start of May… So I may not have enough time to put together the update for next month! I’ll let you guys for sure when the time comes, but I just wanted to let you know now in case it ends up happening! Thank you for being patient and understanding. ☺️

See you all next update! 

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 45,725 52,969 [+7,244]

[johannestevans]

Do you have any tips or tutorial recommendations for making your own website?

I actually really do like the Wordpress client now I've gotten the hang of it!

I did tell 1000 of my subscribers to kill themselves in an email header by accident, and also battered those poor 1000 people with something like 100 emails in increasingly frantically apologised for errors over the course of the same three days, but that was before I really Got it.

With the above oopsies in mind, if you want to import previous newsletters or posts, for the love of God, do not import your existing newsletter subscribers until after all of your backposts have been imported across. That is the main lesson I have learned.

I had such a vision in mind of a triumphant surprise email going "Hey, look what I did! Surprise! Isn't it sexy?!" and instead everyone got 30 notifications about chapter updates from 2 years ago and an email that said "It's Your Responsibility to Kill Yourself" followed by multiple deranged apologies from me.

So. Don't do that.

Other than that, I'd actually wanted a proper website for quite a few years even before Patreon got so antsy with hiding my content - I tried to set one up a few years back with Wix, and I cannot recommend that less, it's a fucking awful site to use, and it's far less user intuitive than Wordpress.

Part of my issues with Wordpress were actually that a lot of website clients, unless you're building from scratch in HTML/CSS or another code, give you everything in Blocks, and because I remembered like 10 years ago where you didn't have to do that, and you mostly altered everything on the website with like, 10000 options tickboxes and sliders, I was like "wow this is awful". I will admit now, crotchety bastard that I am, that the Blocks system is better and more intuitive once you start to understand it. I just don't always do well thinking of things in three dimensions, so to speak, and I was shooting myself in the foot by going "WELL BACK IN MY DAY--"

Wix doesn't have a very good help section because they want you to talk to their people for help, but most sites for stuff like this do have really robust FAQ and help sections, and obviously, rely on those as much as possible.

At one point I was so upset with my inability to do something that Lorenzo literally came over and told me to leave the apartment (that was the day that I went to Pets at Home and spent a ridiculous amount of money on gifts for the cat), and while I was very grumpy about doing it at the time, taking breaks is crucial, especially if you get as frustrated as I do.

I realise that most of what I have said so far is niche tips for if you're stubborn and mentally ill, so in terms of actual website building, I would say it's important to have an idea of what you want the site to do.

Do you just want a landing page, so that if people search for your name or whatever, that this is the first result? That it links people to your books or your store, your socials? Do you want to have a gallery of work on display, or an archive of writing like I've made? Do you want people to be able to contact you, give tips?

I always wanted a robustly tagged archive with an in-depth tag page like the one I've set up now, and the goal for my Directory of Work on Medium and elsewhere was always that it would later be transferred to my website once it was built.

Then, I have an about page for people who are just curious about who I am and who I look like; commission info and information about booking me for events or inviting me to cons and such; the books I have for sale, publications I've been a part of, interviews and presentations on YouTube; my events calendar with conventions and such; the gallery where I'm showing off both art of my characters and where I'll later show art that I buy for my home and myself, such as the stuff framed in the stairwell or jewellery I buy from makers at markets and such; and then, of course, the subscriber benefits.

All of the above to go my goals which are, in order, to encourage people to read my work and make it easy for them to do so, to pay me money for my existing work or to offer me money for new work, and to show support for other events, artists, friends, and queer creators.

I would definitely advise thinking carefully about how visual or how word-based you want your site to be - I had to look for a recipe blog theme to find one that was stripped back in terms of images. Especially for adult websites, I'd be careful about payment providers and so forth.

Stripe is the default on the site, and I've been very careful about making sure none of my titles or descriptions that the Stripe client will see have words like erotica or adult in them - if someone from Stripe clicks through and sees the site, they might take issue with it, but that's another thing. I do get paid by Stripe through Medium, so I do already use them.

Most payment providers hate any kind of adult content, but are willing to give a tiny bit more wiggle room on erotica, or at least, they just don't notice it in the same way they do Real Porn, but there's nothing I can say other than "be careful and more importantly, be lucky" on that front.

Most of all, I'd say to try to have fun with it and try to enjoy the actual building process if you can - make something pretty and fun to navigate as much as you can, and if you can get some enjoyment out of it, your site users will as well.

[savagewilderness]

Nickistat week

Alright, let's share my fics for Nickistat week here too.

My BIG fic: BEWARE: It is A Lot:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66292558/chapters/170913904

My little fic (which you should read first anyway - they're babiiiesssss):

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66292003

More importantly though, you can submit your own fic here - https://archiveofourown.org/works/66292558/chapters/170913904 until 14th June.

Or you can donate to the charity money is being raised for here: https://www.sosamitie.org

Or pledge to donate per fic here:

And if you don't want to read either, or donate, I might share my third work, which is just a section of my big work, under the cut - if anyone is curious, how might Nicolas have answered to Lestat's speech about The Savage Garden that he spoke when on the roof of Nicolas' apartment, listening to him play...?

Our Conversation in The Savage Garden

I sat alone on the pianoforte stool in the apartment that was never ours.  Now you had left me twice.�� I watched the flames dance in the fire I’d stoked.  The blaze seemed to burn within my heart as well as before my eyes and as if entranced, my mind drifted from the maelstrom of tonight to Lestat’s concept of The Savage Garden.  

I realised with confusion that the phrase itself, I was sure, had never passed his lips to me.  Yet I knew his thoughts on the matter intimately.  How did I have this memory?  I could hear Lestat’s full articulation in my mind right now, as if he were whispering it in my ear like a thought placed inside me.  It was not real.  Yet, it was truer than anything real.

“Ah, Nicolas, your music, making every other form of speech seem false.” Lestat said.  He was somewhere distant.  I could not see him, only hear his voice, as if he floated beyond memory, beyond my fevered dreams.  

“Nicki, does beauty mean nothing to you because it comes from the despair inside you?  And the despair isn't beautiful, so beauty then is a horrid irony?  

Beauty isn't the treachery you imagine it to be, Nicolas.  It is an uncharted land where one can make a thousand fatal errors, a wild and indifferent paradise without signposts of evil or good. In spite of all the refinements of civilisation that conspire to make art—the dizzying perfection of the string quartet or the sprawling grandeur of Fragonard’s canvases—beauty is savage. It is as dangerous and lawless as the earth had been eons before man had one single coherent thought in his head or wrote codes of conduct on tablets of clay. 

Beauty is a Savage Garden. 

So why must it wound you that the most despairing music is full of beauty? Why must it hurt you and make you cynical and sad and untrusting?

Good and evil, those are concepts man has made. And man is better, really, than the Savage Garden. 

Deep inside Nicki, is it a harmony among all things you always dreamed of?  That is impossible, Nicki.  We can only seek goodness.  Do you dream not of goodness, but of justice?”

Where had these words come from?  Lestat had never actually spoken them to me.  Yet, I somehow knew that these were Lestat’s true thoughts.  And in them, he had indeed understood something of me.  But he had not understood me entirely. 

I thought my response as if he were here with me now.  

“Yes, Lestat, I do dream of justice and not of goodness.  But do not mistake me.  Do not imagine I do not understand or care for beauty.  

You think beauty is a meaningless, empty thing to me because of the irony that it is born of my despair?  That because it wounds me, I cannot feel its loveliness in my own soul?  I do feel it.  Oh, I feel it.  I feel it when I see the lightness of your presence on the stage.  I feel it when you are beside me.  And yes, I feel it in music, in my own music too.  My mind has always been primed to hold two opposing truths at once.  I can feel grace in my art even as I despise that grace.

Lestat, remember that night in the inn in the Auvergne, soon after we first met.  That first time terror truly gripped your heart?  You said, “We're going to die and not even know. We'll never know, and all this meaninglessness will just go on and on and on. And we won't any longer be witnesses to it. We won't have even that little bit of power to give meaning to it in our minds. We'll just be gone, dead, dead, dead, without ever knowing!”  And then you cried out, "Oh, oh, oh!”  You put your hands to your head to try to block out your own cries.

It was as if your body had become a vessel to express some ancient, unrelenting truth.  A truth we all understand, yet do not realise we know until it is lain bare for us.  Your wails seemed hewn from some common knowledge that all nature has, all sentient beings have.  Your voice articulated a truth deep within us, and yet beyond us.  

You could not stop your cries, nor gather yourself.  Your sounds were the truth of your pain and I felt and understood your pain entirely.  Your pain was humanity's pain, your voice the expression of it.

I held you.  I tried to help you, to soothe you.  But nothing I said could reach or console you.  

Do you remember how that felt?  I know you do.  

You have suffered your 'malady of mortality' many times since then.  And I am sorry for it.  I have tried to hear you, to assure you the feeling would pass.  

I am afraid, Lestat.  I am afraid that your suffering was never yours at all, rather that I infected you with it.  That you caught it from me.  I am so sorry.  And I lied to you: for me, the feeling never does pass.  And I fear it could be the same for you, that this malady may never truly leave you.  If that is so and you can never fully escape it, it is I who awoke it within you, and I can never atone for that.  

What greater sin is there than to infect one so full of light as you with inescapable darkness?  I am sorry for it.

That night in the inn, though.  Conjure how you felt in your heart and soul as the meaningless horror of existence consumed you.  

Now Lestat, imagine if I had looked into your tearstained eyes as your music you could not contain broke from your soul, “Oh, oh, oh!” 

That night, if I had responded to you, “How beautiful you are like this, Lestat.  How beautiful your suffering is.  How transcendent your despair.”  How would you have felt?  What would you have done?

Would you have struck me?  

Would you have fled?  

Could you ever have trusted me again?

I know you mean it as a gift, but this is what you ask me to accept when you say my music, wrought from my despair - is beautiful.  When my music is perceived as merely beautiful, I feel as though I have not been seen.  I feel as though I do not exist, as though Nicolas has been erased.  

It is not that I resent the beauty in my music, or that I wish my music to be ugly.  Rather, it is that I wish my music to be true.  No, I need it to speak truth. 

My music is the only language I have for all that I cannot put into words.  It is all I have to articulate all that will forever be left unsaid.  That's what music is!  Where words end, music speaks.  I want my music to be the voice of my soul.  And if it is not that, then yes, it cuts me deeper than any blade could.  It wounds me, not because it is beautiful, but because it is not true.

You speak of beauty, Lestat, as though it is something refined, something cultivated by a certain sophistication in society.  But Rousseau would say that is an illusion, a mask created by civilisation - to corrupt our true nature, destroy the truth within us, force us to shape ourselves according to others' expectations.  

Beauty should not be elegant and pleasing.  It should be as untamed as humanity would have been before we were taught to conceal our pain with artifice.  I wish my music to be truth!  Raw, brutal and unburdened by society's hand.  When you hear beauty in it, you place it within the confines of civilisation's polished mirror.  It is no longer the voice of my soul, but a reflection of the world's false ideals, a mirror that distorts rather than revealing what I truly am.

If all you hear in my music is beauty, then I have failed.

And if you perceive goodness from my art - that is worse still!

Perhaps it is you, Lestat, who diminishes my despair, not I who dismiss beauty.  

You would make something good of despair, something with moral or spiritual weight.  You always seek to find the light in every thing.  You would transform my music into something clean.  You once even told me my music was innocent!  But art is not moral.  Despair is not good and suffering certainly is not innocent.  Sometimes, there is only darkness. 

And I… I do not contain light.  I am darkness.  I am not good, not worthy.  

I am not the beauty of my music.  That I can shape my despair into something beautiful does not make my despair itself beautiful.

You flee from your own despair the moment it touches you.  Somehow, miraculously, you always escape it.  I would have you always outrun it.  I want that for you.  I want it never to catch you, my light, my love.  But do not mistake your escape from despair for peace or salvation.  Despair still waits for you, a sleeping lion, its jaws merely temporarily in the slackness of slumber.  

Oh, how I wish it did not wait.  I would bury Despair deep in the depths of the Earth so it would remain forever apart from you, so it could never find you to thrash its claws and sink them into your fragile flesh.  I would chain Despair in a pit so it could never drag you down, could never bite into your soul with its razor-teeth as it does me.

Yet, do not mistake my surrender to despair for cynicism either.  Truth is all I need.  I cannot live without truth.  It is not cynicism that corrupts my heart, but the impossibility for my heart to accept lies or mistruths.  My surrender to despair is merely a consequence of my unending battle for truth and justice.

You must find moral goodness in all things, Lestat.  You say art is good if it brings joy.  And yet you can take a breath then say beauty is savage, indifferent to goodness or evil, lawless.  Art can be both of these things to you as, like a sunbeam, you seek always to illuminate and reveal beauty.  

But for me, art only has value if it expresses truth.  And if my music, hewn from my despair cannot express the rottenness of my soul, then yes - it wounds me.  Because it is false.  Because it lies.

Art gives shape and resolution to pain that can never be resolved in life.  That can be cathartic.  I've known it.  I've felt it.  Art can provide a safe place to experience feelings that are not safe in life, that have no resolution or meaning.  Art can, for a time, give us the comforting illusion that all pain could be resolved, might contain meaning, whether within ourselves or beyond ourselves.  Thus, art suggests our own lives, our own selves could have meaning too.

But art is a siren song.  It seduces, then betrays.  For in life, there is only chaos and meaninglessness.  Life does not tend towards a satisfying cadence, nor fit to a tempered key.  There is no reason for pain or suffering.  There is no justice.  

You say that you yourself understand this.  But in your search for goodness, do you truly understand?  

I've seen you moved by my music.  I've seen my music, for a moment, ease your soul.  And that has meant something to me.  Even if I touched no one else… that my music touched you was a beautiful thing.

But what does my music mean to me?

I cannot escape the lie of it.  I ache for the resolution it proffers too, and I know I will never match that in life.  It is impossible.  Music promises meaning, but it is a fantasy I cannot believe in.  

It is a false mirror that flatters the thing it reflects.  Perhaps that is why I was drawn to studying the violin in the first place: To chase that illusion, even knowing it was a lie?  

Because I have known that catharsis too, hearing others play.  I have known it as I have played myself.  I feel myself disintegrate into music itself.  Nicolas is no more.  I become the notes, the phrases.  I rise and fall as the music swells and ebbs.  My emotion is only the music's emotion.  All memory, all experience is swallowed by sound.  

And for the briefest moment, as my music resolves at the final cadence, I feel a peace that has nothing to do with myself and comes only from the music.  A pure peace that it is only possible to know when art transcends thought.

Then, the music ends and I am sunk instantly back into the truth of my wretchedness.

I do not make music for the world.  

I do not play violin for beauty.  

I play for myself, for Nicolas.

And if my music cannot articulate all that I am, and express my full truth: my despair, my fury, my brokenness… then it is a lie.  It betrays me and it fools everyone who might hear it.

And yet, my music always flows into beauty.  Just like everything in this Age.  All things in this era carefully fit to their prescribed aesthetic or societal mould.  Roles we are all meant to play.  Pretty façades.  Polished faces.  Everything elegant.  Even our sorrow must be powdered and dressed as if for the stage.  And music itself must fit to a form that may not offend the ear.  It may move, but ought never disturb too deeply.  Woe betide art might unsettle Enlightened hearts and minds!

But I am not made for the deception of this theatre.  I am nature, not art.  And if I am art, then I need my art to be an expression of nature's truth, not a lie of aesthetic fallacy.  

I am a broken thing that fits nowhere.  

I want my music to scream, and instead, it weeps.  

I want it to howl, but it only sighs.  

I want it to bleed, yet it sings unendingly on, refusing to break, no matter how profoundly I am broken.

And yes, Lestat - it terrifies me.  Because worst of all, I hear things I try to silence in my music too.  Things that I would rather not admit: that I still love and long, that I still ache and yearn, that somewhere, buried beneath the wreckage of my putrid soul, I still care.

Even as I sink and sink, I care.

But I am a ruined thing: sinful, selfish, empty.  

I am a fathomless abyss.  

And I fear, Lestat, that it is my music that has lied to you most of all.  That it told you I was worthy.  That it cloaked the ugliness of my soul.  That it made you think that I could be saved, that I could be loved.

And I am sorry.

Perhaps you have finally understood. 

Perhaps you simply saw the truth of what I am.

Perhaps that is why you left.” 

As the fire dimmed to embers, Lestat seemed burned to ash too, drifting from my mind, pulling the cinders of my heart with him.

I was alone.

[maggplays]

Bio? Something like that.

How did I start modding? Literally no one has asked this, but here's my story, don't worry it's not long... I guess that depends on what your definition of “long” is, haha! Hang on, here we go.

On a random day in January, 2024, a few days before my birthday, I might add... I woke up to stars in my right eye. A few days later, I was told I had a very rare injury and it would never heal. Those are not words an artist/gamer wants to hear! Long story short, I am now legally blind in my right eye. If you think, oh that's not a huge deal, you can still see. Humor me, get a cheap pirate eyepatch, put that on, then pour yourself a cup of coffee. Not as easy as you thought, right? Depth perception. It’s a thing. Anyway, on with the story. Suffice it to say, I was depressed. Majorly. Then, through some random conversation somewhere, I found Stardew Valley.

Perfect! 2D animation, cute pixel art, story that's not sugar-coated anime, I love it! Got to year 3, TBH I've never played past year 3 because ADHD, and realized the dialogue was quite lacking. Then I discovered mods. What the-, it's a freakin' goldmine! Downloaded a lot of things, mostly dialogue, and tossed half of them. While playing through a Sebastian run, I saw it. Oh. My. God. It's a coding error glaring at me in my dialogue box. This is NOT acceptable. I tried to ignore it, but then it happened again. Okay, time for some investigation. I opened the folder and found... json files. Interesting, I wasn't entirely clueless since I do know HTML code from back when the internet was a baby, Facebook had no ads, and dinosaurs roamed the earth. Okay, okay, the internet was more like a spoiled toddler. Yes, I'm old. Shut up. But I digress. It didn't take long to discover the misplaced punctuation and go on my merry reality-avoiding way. Until I got bored again.

I looked for more Seb mods, but there were like seven. Three were yandere, not my jam, and only 2 were updated for 1.6 and were dialogue-only. Solution? Make my own mod for myself. I spent six weeks downloading mods, learning code, Googling to very little effect, writing dialogue, learning how to make an event, discovering I knew nothing, and on and on. The perfect distraction from the whole eye thing. I finished a decent draft, loaded it up, and praise Yoba, it worked! And on we play. At some point, I saw a comment complaining about the lack of Sebastian dialogue mods. Huh, yep, they're right. Too bad. Oh. Well, I guess I could load this thing I made, it's really just my own internal story monologue while playing the game, I'm NOT a writer, and most people probably won't get it. But I did spend a lot of time on this, and maybe someone out there will like it. Heck, no skin off my nose since it's free. So I took a deep breath, made peace with my inner demons, and threw it out into the void of Nexus, expecting it to be swallowed up and ignored. That... didn't happen.

In the first few hours, several people downloaded it. Huh, Nexus must have a decent search algorithm. That was literally all I thought about it. The next day, 300 downloads. And comments! Mostly positive with the exception of one wild demand I subsequently ignored. At one week, it had 3,000 unique downloads. I was floored, 3,000 weirdos downloaded my mod. Add to that, people seemed to actually like it! I've never gotten so much positive feedback for anything in my life. Seriously. Apparently, my oddball internal monologue, thanks ADHD, is quite entertaining. Heck, might as well make another one... and here we are. Yes, I've gotten negative comments and unreasonable demands, but I do my best to ignore them and practice staying positive. Trolls be damned! It's a lot harder to do that for yourself than for other people, turns out.

So, bottom line, found something interesting? Try it! Does it make you happy? Keep doing it! Even if it's only for yourself, do the thing and let it make you smile. Share it with the world if you're so inclined. Get out there and kick ass!!

[nabi-unveiled]

🌸List five things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of 10 more people. Let's spread some positivity and joy today!🌸Rose💜

So I was at a baseball tournament most of the afternoon/evening watching my husband trying to recapture his "lost youth" (his words, not mine). It was crowded and required too much small talk with other people, but he was hot (my words) and it made him happy. In the end, I approve of this venture.

And now I've come back to an inbox full of love and warmth, and that makes me happy. 💖

So thank you @my-rose-tinted-glasses @watchthisqqq @dramalove247 @incandescentflower and @thumbpinkyy for the asks. They are so very appreciated.

Since I got 5 asks, I decided to be extra about this and do 5 things from 5 different categories. So here are a few of my favorite things:

Foods/Beverages

Warm Jasmine Tea. Even better if it's in a pretty mug/cup.

Macarons

Stove-popped Popcorn using Rosemary Infused Oil

Clear Soup. Even better if it's a mushroom based clear soup.

Homemade Cheerwine Ice Cream

Entertainment Related Things Besides Shows

Visiting art museums/art exhibits.

Reading a book or fanfic while snuggled onto my couch and wrapped in a soft weighted blanket.

Games of all kinds - board, card, video, puzzle. Doesn't matter. I love them. Except Apples to Apples. I've never seen the fun in that one. Everything else though? I'll play.

Music in general, but in particular anything with great harmonies or a music video that I love.

Pictures of Seonghwa (Ateez) or any other actor/singer that I find particularly attractive. My phone background changes about every 3 days, but it always makes me happy.

Items in Shows (Key word here - "Items")

Sweaters. Sweaters. Sweaters.

Food, particularly if it's symbolic

Bookcases, particularly if they're involved in a make out session.

Asymmetrical earrings (or other fun jewelry)

Plushies, particularly if they're cute and used to advance the narrative or hold symbolic meaning. This is the list I will now be working on for the foreseeable future.

Miscellaneous Items

Tea tree and mint scented shampoo

A well-organized spreadsheet. Bonus if it's color coded.

Mildliners (a type of highlighter/marker than I often write with)

Teapots. Particularly ones with feet. This picture is one of mine.

Waking up naturally (without an alarm clock or person waking me up). Bonus if I was asleep for more than four hours.

Memories that Make Me Happy

Before we get into this category, I need to clarify something. I typically say I'm like Sang Woo of Semantic Error, because I see a lot of myself in how he processes and handles emotions and social situations. However, there is one pretty big difference. I am not strict in my personal routines. I'm strict in how I organize things. I'm strict in how I control things. I'm very particular about clothes, touch, etc. But routine? I don't want one.

I LOVE adventures, tinkering, and trying new things. It's learning through experience. The important thing is that I need to be the one to make the decision and be in control of it. I don't like it when other people mess up my plans or make plans for me. Things that limit my ability to be spontaneous and go with my flow are hard. I don't like being locked down. At all. It's why I have a problem making a predicted "watch list" for the week. Many of my adventures are solo ones, but I do love it when I get to have someone with me.

With that in mind, here's some memories that always bring me joy.

1. I took a trip to London with my bestie when we turned 21. We both saved up for over half the year to afford the tickets. We ate peanut butter sandwiches almost the entire week. But for five glorious days it was just me and her going wherever we wanted and doing the things that were important to us. So many good memories in that trip.

2. I participated in the "One Chip Challenge" at a family gathering.

My husband's cousin is military. He came to the family Christmas party with these chips and laid out a challenge to see if anyone was "man enough" to do it with him. As a competitive person, I volunteered. Macho cousin protested that they shouldn't "allow" me to do it. After all, I'm not a man. But no one else volunteered. So we did it. Macho cousin? He was crying like a baby within 30 seconds. Me? My mouth was on fire, but my face doesn't give away a lot in those situations. Everyone was like "is it even hot?". I was like "yeah. It is." In the end, he capitulated first and drank the milk. I got bragging rights, and a stomach ache for days (not that I would admit it to anyone). Should I take joy in his misery and loss? Probably not. But I do.

3. I had a fun time rolling down a giant sand dune with my children on a rare family trip where we were touring lighthouses. Note - it's not protected from that type of activity and is even encouraged there. No ecosystem harm. Anyways, sand in every nook and cranny. Not comfortable, but so much laughter with the kids.

4. I raced my husband to the top of a mountain on our 15th anniversary to see the sunset from the peak. Well, that was no real race. I was dying about halfway up. But we got to the top. The view was gorgeous, and we then had fun trying to get back down the mountain in the dark. Don't worry. There was a well beaten path, and we had flashlights.

5. I got to go to a Stray Kids concert (Maniac Tour) for FREE. My brother had a friend who was given tickets through their workplace. They couldn't go so they gave the tickets to my brother. He called me up and was like "I know you like Kpop. Ever heard of this group? Would you be interested in going?" Heck yeah. I had a blast.

Ok. While I've been writing this, I've got asked by @hughungrybear. Thank you 🫶. Let's see if we can come up with a final category.

Activities

Sing and make parody songs

Take long walks. I do it to process, but also because I really enjoy it.

Take hot showers or warm baths.

Craft/make stuff. I used to do some 3D printing, but I don't have access to a 3D printer anymore.

K-pop Zumba routines during work breaks. I really enjoy dancing. I took a ballroom dance class and regularly went shag dancing (it's a beach style dance) during college. But life with kids gets busy so this is about as close as I get to dancing these days.

[wolfertinger]

can we get back to actual discussion of the terrible things these people have done instead of criticizing their art or acting like salem has bad art. "draw a background challenge!!" "this guy shouldn't be being praised so much, look at how many anatomy errors he has!!" like omfg u guys realize the stuff u say applies to other harmless artists too right. making fun of someone's art style on a blog supposed to center evidence is so sad

i agree. but, i do wish to say though. most of the time, anons point this out not as a pettiness, but as art criticism is one of the few things, if only things, salem cares about. he does not care, beyond thinking his art is no longer improving.

a good example, is when asian anons here mentioned the entire lack of asian coding in hitomi's design. the literal next day, he posted about learning to draw, monolids. is it the most important deal, in comparison to his asian fetishization, no. but, it at least shows he can change, when he WANTS to.