#for context it is 1:21 here

[speedyshark95]

Can’t sleep. Threw up. Gonna just scroll on socials seeing Australia is buzzing right now. Gimme the content >:)

[astrocafecoffee]

Destiny Matrix

(predicting some events of your life and characteristics of your fs)

• For entertainment purposes only, enjoy •

•☞ Masterlist

Guys, destiny matrix chart is So gorgeous 😭 , I fell in love. I am new to this, but it's so fascinating, so I am sharing with you guys. Obviously I learnt a lot from ann_matrix_destiny insta page. I explained some of her work here, rest is mine.

✨What is Destiny matrix chart?

-A spiritual and metaphysical chart that reveals a person's life path, soul purpose, and potential.

✨How is it calculated?

-Based on a person's birth date, using a complex system of numerology and astrological correspondences.

💫 How to see some important events of your life?

see this area(perimeter line)of your chart , this will explain many important events of your life.

💚Age of getting married/ meeting with your significant other/ spouse:

- look at your age in your chart, if you see 3,5,6,19,20 at the top of your age then at that age you will get married/ meet your significant other/ start a family. Like in this chart I have shown above '5' is top of the age of 23.5- 24, so this individual will meet their spouse at that age/ get married.

• Going through Transformation in your life :

- if you see 13 or 16 at the top of your age , then at that age your life will drastically change/ you will go through a huge transformation of your life. You will change your location/ your career/ will shift to another country or city.

⚡Moving abroad/ travelling:

If you see 7,10,21,22 above your age then this is the best age for travelling or going abroad.

if you find 21 in your love line(circled part)then most probably you will marry a foreigner.

And if you find 7, 10 , 21 or 22 in this positions then most probably you will go abroad/ find your partner there .

Now , the future spouse part : -

💖 Hints about your future partner :

Look at the number below the heart symbol to know about your future partner. In this chart it's 21.

So, let's explain each numbers -

•Number 1: The magician

- creative and innovative

- skilled and talented

- confident and charismatic

- however they may also struggled with over - confidence and arrogance.

- gemini / Virgo zodiac sign placements

- profession : musicians, writer, public speaker, coaches and mentors , scientist, entrepreneur, marketing and advertising professionals.

- meeting: conference or seminar, art galleries, meuseum, workshop or studio, networking events or industry conference, class or training session.

• Number 2 : High Priestess

- intuitive and wise

- mysterious and enigmatic

- maybe quiet and reserved.

- soft spoken and considerate.

- cancer zodiac sign placements.

- profession: councillors, therapists, psychologist, Nurse or healthcare professionals, social workers, spiritual leaders, energy workers.

- meeting: secret or private settings, libraries, coaching, weddings , meeting in the context of any spiritual retreats.

• Number 3 : Empress

- Full of life , energy and vitality.

- encouraging others to grow and flourish.

- committed, dedicated and faithful.

- Taurus and Libra zodiac sign placements.

- profession: fashion designer , sculptors, teachers and educators,event planer, environmentalists, musicians, healthcare.

- meeting through : parties, gatherings, festival, fair, creative workshops, artistic projects ,meuseum, concerts.

• Number 4 : Emperor

- Natural born leader, authoritative, commanding.

- makes tough decisions with clarity and conviction.

- commited to family and responsibilities.

- zodiac sign: Aries placements.

- profession: executive, CEO, leader or manager, military officer, architect, Engineer, government officials, buisness owner.

- meeting : buisness meeting, job interviews, formal events , official ceremonies.

• Number 5 : Hierophant

- values established customs, rituals, and institutions.

- upholds ethical standards and moral principles.

- prioritise stability and security over change and uncertainty.

- Taurus zodiac sign placements

- profession: spiritual leaders and mentors, councellor , advisor or consultants, traditional healers or healthcare professionals.

- meeting: spiritual or religious gatherings, traditional ceremonies or rituals, educational and training sessions , counciling or therapy sessions, church,temples , mosques.

• Number 6 : The lovers

- collaborative, work well others.

- empathetic and aware of others feelings.

- true to themselves and their values.

- zodiac sign: Gemini placements.

- profession: counselors, coaches , writer , journalist, artist, musicians, public speaker, philosophers , scientist, researchers.

- meeting : social getherings or parties , creative or artistic collaboration, Beauty or fashion events , community or networking meeting.

• Number 7 : The chariot

- Determined, self disciplined.

- ability to overcome any obstacles and setbacks

- has clear direction

- zodiac : cancer placements

- profession: nurses , social worker, military, architect, psychologist, chefs , nutritionist, hospitality professionals.

- Meeting: family gatherings, home or domestic settings, caregiving or helping professions.

• Number 8 : strength

- courageous, brave , have inner strength.

- has capacity to forgive and let go.

- has self discipline and self control.

- zodiac sign: leo placements

- profession: artist , designer, performers , public speaker, motivator, executives, philanthropist, teacher, councellor, athletes, trainers.

- meeting: park or garden, fitness or wellness center, creative studio or art space, festivals, social gatherings.

• Number 9 : Hermit

- quiet, reflective, and introspective often preferring to spend time alone

- serves as guide or mentor

- discerning and concious about every step they take.

- zodiac sign: Virgo placements.

- profession: therapist, counselors,teachers , coaches , writers, editors, healthcare industry, social worker.

- meeting: therapists or counselor office, library , spiritual or religious sanctuary, coffee shop , book store.

• Number 10 : wheel of fortune

- flexible, able to adjust to changing circumstances.

- believes in destiny

- have philosophical outlook on life.

- zodiac sign: Taurus, leo, scorpio, Aquarius placements.

- profession: life coach, astrologer, environmentalists, entrepreneur, investors, historians.

- meeting: a farm , airport, bus station, temple, monastery, party,park , near mountain or river.

• Number 11 : Justice

- impartial and balanced

- they make descision based on reason and logics.

- have strong sense of morality and ethics.

- zodiac sign: Libra placements

- profession: lawyer, judge, counselors, social worker, activists, advocate, journalist, analyst , or spiritual leader.

- meeting: courthouse, law office, government building, council chamber, community centre, places of worship, philosophical organization.

• Number 12 : Hanged Man

- they are reflective , look inward for answers.

- they are open to new settings.

- courageous, deep understanding of themselves.

- zodiac sign: Pisces placements

- profession : spiritual leaders, therapist, counselor , artist, writer, healthcare industry, motivator, life coach.

- meeting : temples , church , meditation room , yoga class , hospital, library, therapy office,art studio, gym.

• Number 13 : Death

- they are like phoenix from the ashes.

- they can navigate difficult situations and come out stronger.

- constantly growing and evolving.

- zodiac sign: scorpio placements

- profession: therapist, estate lawyers, spiritual leaders, scientist, healthcare professionals.

- meeting: counselling centre, place of worship, innovation hub or entrepreneurship centres, hospital, wellness center.

• Number 14 : Temperance

- they strive for equilibrium in all aspects of life .

- they prioritise physical, mental and emotional well-being.

- have creative sides.

- zodiac sign: Sagittarius placements .

- profession: doctor or nurse , therapist or counselor, artist or musicians, spiritual leader, international relation specialist , life coach , designer .

- meeting : art galleries or museums, embassies or international conference centres , community centres, clubs , parks , garden , spiritual center , yoga class.

• Number 15 : The devil

- they thinks outside the box and brings fresh ideas .

- magnetic personality, can attract others.

- unconventional, transformative.

- zodiac sign: Capricorn placements.

- profession: politician, CEO, artist, law enforcement, military, detective , investigators, activists, occultist.

- meeting: historic mansion or estate, a secret rooftop, art galleries, studio , book store, library , cafe.

• Number 16 : Tower

- they seek honesty and transparency even if it's uncomfortable.

- rebellious, resilient, revolutionary.

- they are open to new ideas.

- zodiac sign: Aries placements.

- profession : scientist, inventor, engineer, architect, military officer, crisis manager, technologist.

- meeting: transformation hub, a unique event space or art studio, bookstore, library, co-working space.

• Number 17 : Star

- they have a optimistic outlook of life and believe in a bright future.

- inspiring, peaceful, compassionate.

- creative and imaginative mind.

- zodiac sign: Aquarius placements.

- profession: creative expression, artist , industry related to healing and wellness, science and technology, humanitarian work, counselors.

- meeting: yoga studio or wellness center, botanical garden or peaceful outdoor setting, co-working space, concerts? , innovation hub.

• Number 18 : The Moon

- they trust their instincts and have a strong connection to their subconscious mind.

- deeply in touch with their emotions.

- unpredictable, may surprise other with their actions.

- zodiac sign : Pisces placements.

- profession : psychic or medium, artist or writer, musician, poet , spiritual teacher, healer, counselors.

- meeting: mystical or esoteric shop, secluded beach, art studio, a spiritual or metaphysical bookstore, coffee shop.

• Number 19 : Sun

- they exude self assurance and positivity.

- optimistic, enthusiastic, charismatic.

- warm hearted , willing to share blessings with others.

- zodiac sign: leo placements.

- profession: actor or performer, artist, CEO , teacher or mentor, event planner, musicians, life coach, designer.

- meeting: cafe / restaurant/ hotel , studio , gathering hall, auditorium, music festival.

• Number 20: Judgement

- they are introspective and willing to confront their past and inner self.

- self aware, have deep understanding of their strengths and weaknesses.

- awakened, courageous, honest.

- zodiac sign: scorpio placements

- profession : spiritual teacher or guide , therapist or counselor, life coach, researcher, artist or creative expression.

- meeting: spiritual center or temple, yoga class, a writer's workshop, park , garden , therapy or councilling office.

• Number 21: The world

- they have achieved their goals and fullfill their potential.

- compassions, wise, confident

- adventurous and global minded.( Most likely a foreigner)

- zodiac sign: Taurus, Capricorn, leo , placements.

- profession : global diplomat, artist ( global or universal theme) , cultural ambassador, world traveler, humanitarian work.

- meeting: while traveling, international conference centres , airport, spiritual retreat, international art or music venues.

• Number 22 : The fool

- they are willing to take risks and embark on new journeys.

- spontaneous, carefree , open minded.

- have faith in themselves and universe.

- zodiac sign: Aquarius placements.

- profession: entrepreneur or startup founder, activist, humanitarian work,coach or consultants, designer, scientist,teacher, journalist.

- meeting: spontaneous meet-up or pop up events, inspirational seminars, creative workshops,cafe or coffee shop, outdoor adventure location.

----------------✨✨----------------

END .....( I am tired af 😭)

☞ Healing through marriage

Thanks for reading 💓

-Piko ✨

[strawbewiecake]

📌 what helps (no context necessary) 📌

Everyone asks “how do you stay on track” — here’s how. Take what fits. Ignore the rest.

1. Delay the decision.

Set a 30-minute timer. If it still matters after, fine. But most things don’t survive the wait.

2. Log everything.

You forget less when it’s in writing. Numbers > feelings.

3. Use small utensils.

Takes longer. Feels like more. Slows everything down.

4. Ice water. Always.

Cold = alert. Also makes the other thoughts quieter.

5. Mint > sugar.

If you want something sweet, go sharp instead. Gum, tea, oil, whatever.

6. Clean first.

Before anything else, tidy. It helps recalibrate.

7. Stand when you can.

Passive movement still counts. Don’t sit unless you’re earning it.

8. Plan out loud.

Even if no one’s there, narrate the plan. Hearing it makes it real.

9. Brush your teeth.

Twice minimum. It resets the mouth. You’ll want less.

10. Delay “first intake” as long as possible.

Once it starts, it gets harder to stop.

11. Track progress obsessively.

Whatever method works. Spreadsheets, apps, photos, stickers, scratches on the wall. Doesn’t matter.

12. Black coffee is a tool.

Bitter, hot, zero. Enough said.

13. Cut things small.

Visually it tricks the brain. Looks like more. Feels like less commitment.

14. Repetition = safety.

Same meals. Same outfits. Same schedule. Predictability keeps you in control.

15. Stay cold.

Blankets are earned. Heat is a reward.

16. Pick a uniform.

Avoid mirrors, avoid choices. Choose once, then stop choosing.

17. Never eat directly from packaging.

It’s chaos. Use a plate. Use a scale. Use a rule.

18. Save pictures.

Visual reminders of why. Make it a folder. Scroll through it when your brain gets loud.

19. Say no out loud.

Even if it’s just to the fridge. Out-loud “no” works better than silent guilt.

20. Delay. Again. Always delay.

Craving = momentary. Control = permanent.

21. Use liquids to kill time.

Tea. Water. Sparkling stuff. Sip constantly.

22. Keep your hands busy.

Paint nails. Fold clothes. Shred receipts. Idle hands spiral fast.

23. Don’t trust your mood.

Mood lies. Mood passes. Stick to the system.

24. Sleep earlier to avoid noise.

Late night = weak decisions. Just go to sleep. You don’t need that hour.

25. Check the stats.

Weigh in. Take notes. Keep score. It keeps you aware.

26. Routines over feelings.

How you feel doesn’t change what needs to be done.

27. Reward with non-food.

Playlist, candle, bath, nap, photo. But never what you actually want.

28. Watch people you want to be like.

Consume their content. Learn their habits. Copy until it sticks.

29. Replace "I'm hungry" with "I'm bored."

One’s real. One isn’t. You know which one wins.

30. Don’t keep “options.”

If it’s not in your space, it can’t tempt you.

31. No “just a bite.”

You know how that ends. Don’t start it.

32. Pause. Then pause again.

The second pause is where your power is.

📁 Reblog to keep this where you can find it.

💌 DM open if you want to swap more tips quietly.

[whumpuary]

Whumpuary 2025!

(edit in case anyone actually reads this, i messed up and put "i'm fine" in twice for day 25 and alt prompt, so either ignore that or you can use "do it" as an additional alt prompt)

these prompts came together through community submissions and then a voting form where people voted for their favorites, here are the top 53 prompts

i want to try a slightly new format where there are still only 15 days for creation prompts but with additional community prompts/questions. those are entirely voluntary but are here to possibly inspire some community interaction and trying new things

i'm excited to see some awesome creations in january!

go here for info/rules/tagging go here for faqs

(note: number 31 is not a creation prompt and therefore not required to complete the challenge, it's just colored black so the colors add up)

text version of the prompts and rules is under the cut

(image description note: there are 31 numbered prompts, on each odd number the text color is black and on even numbers the text color is white)

Whumpuary 2025

a whump-themed multi media creation event for january

create for at least one prompt from each odd/black number to complete the challenge community prompts (even/white) numbers are voluntary

main prompts

1. sacrifice | headache | "this will hurt" 2. how did you find the whump community? 3. choice | storm | black eye 4. what are your favorite whump tropes? 5. "do you trust me" | manhandled | chills 6. share your favorite whump creations (others or yours!) 7. unfair fight | insomnia | "no one is coming" 8. what media genre do you like whump in? 9. trapped under rubble | gunpoint | out of time 10. write your own whump prompt 11. "i didn't ask for this" | blood | abandoned 12. create something in a new/less familiar medium 13. close call | sleep | choking 14. what's your favorite character dynamic? 15. handcuffed | dead | "please, stop" 16. leave a comment on a whump fic/art/creation 17. drugged | "i'm glad you're alive" | revenge 18. favorite whump medium? (movie, book, art, ...) 19. "let them go" | overworked | head injury 20. send a nice message to someone in the community 21. bruises | "who are you?" | immortality 22. take 10 minutes to work on a wip 23. backhand slap | alone | "i can't do this anymore" 24. what do you take inspiration in? 25. "i'm fine" | missing | drowsiness 26. draw/doodle something whumpy 27. stuck in a loop | twisting the knife | rescue 28. find a creator in the #whumpuary tag and send them an ask 29. kidnapped | "don't leave me" | devotion 30. make a whump meme 31. say something nice about your own work

alt prompts

hiding impaled "i'm fine" rain betrayal hair pulling darkness falling (added later, not in the image: "do it")

rules & info

-any medium is allowed (art, writing, gifs, edits, ...) -prompts are open for interpretation (but the context does have to be whumpy) -create for at least one of three prompts on creation prompt days (black/odd numbers) to complete the challenge -if you're not aiming for completionist you can do however many prompts you want any way you want -community prompts (white/even numbers) are voluntary and don't count for completionist (but can be combined with creation prompts if applicable) -use alt prompts to replace main prompts you don't like some works posted on tumblr will be reblogged if tagged correctly -#whumpuary2025 -#whumpuaryno1 (number of the prompt(s)) -#sacrifice #head injury #"i'm fine" (the prompt(s) you're using) -any trigger/content warning tags -any additional tags (fandom, oc, other used tropes, ...)

[auroras-void]

Ok I am not normally one to be excited about the democratic party, but something historic just happened and I think us commie leftists should be talking about it.

Kamala Harris has just raised upwards of $50 MILLION, in ONE DAY, in just grassroots donations. (source: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/07/21/us/politics/bidens-exit-democratic-donations.html).

This is an insane amount of money for a political campaign especially given the context of the current election. I'm not an expert and I can't verify this but I believe this is more grassroots money than any candidate has raised this quickly in any country in all of history.

Added with Biden's existing warchest and this more than closes the fundraising deficit the Biden campaign had against trump and then some, even accounting for the post assassination attempt surge. On day ONE.

Money buys elections. This is a big fucking deal. This is the best news we've had in weeks.

Additionally, despite her questionable run as AG and some of her shitty "tough on crime" crap, Kamala still has one of the most progressive voting records in congress. (Source: https://voteview.com/person/41701/kamala-devi-harris) This matters a lot in a race that's going to be about voter turnout, and for those of y'all who have been reluctant to vote Biden due to his mishandling of the war in Gaza, iirc, she was the first person in the Biden Administration to start talking about a Cease Fire.

After being so anxious about Project 2025 so fucking much I actually started getting my passport ready just in case because of the shit about criminalizing trans healthcare, this is easily the most optimistic I have felt about politics in years. To the point I even went ahead and chipped in a few bucks to her campaign despite having like no fuckin money.

I'm even gonna drop the link here for y'all:

https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ads-gs-dd-kdhsearch-july2024?refcode=om2024_ads_gs_240721_kdhexmdonate_dd_us_all_actblue&gad_source=1

We have a shot to claw this back here. It's going to take work, and it's not a guarantee, and it's still not going to be ideal, but there is a reason to be hopeful again.

[riacte]

The Hermitcraft identity in relation to 2020 MCC - a plea to the modern Hermitcraft fandom to stop ignoring hermits

(An angry, semi-biased essay of 3.4k words about MCC9, MCC10, and False Supremacy)

Spurred by the recent Dream drama, people are bringing up reasons to dislike him and the DTeam, including MCC10 Red Rabbits (Jimmy, Dream, George, Puffy) (Sep 2020). Such as this tweet (Jan 2025) which has gathered 20k likes at the time of writing. Main talking points include: them ignoring Jimmy and them talking shit about his friends during Dodgebolt. It is easy to feel bad for Jimmy and feel righteous anger over Jimmy’s friends being shat upon. However, bringing up the lack of sportsmanship in relation to only Jimmy is reductive and ignores the overall context of the hermits being underestimated only to prove people wrong. 

The 2020 MCC hermits faced a long history of being overlooked and seen as “cannon fodder” / “free kills”, only for hermit duos to win twice in a row, with a hermit completing an ace and becoming the first back to back winner. Because while they were complaining about the Dodgebolt players missing their shots, False of Hermitcraft fame completed an ace in which she shot all four opponents in one round. Impressively, she did this with four arrows, meaning she did not miss a single shot. Thus, she directly contradicted any criticism about “missing shots”. This, combined with MCC9 which occurred two weeks ago, started the legacy of hermits winning MCCs, and proved that they were not to be underestimated. 

MCC10 Dodgebolt (from Jimmy’s perspective)

Onto the Dodgebolt itself. For context, Red team got third and missed out on Dodgebolt so they were understandably salty. Members of the Dodgebolt finale teams include:

Orange (winning team): Pete, False, Cub, Joel

Green: Scott, Shubble, Quig, Lizzie

These are all either Jimmy’s friends or people Jimmy knew/ in his circle. For instance, Pete and Jimmy were in the same team for MCC7 Orange (Jimmy, Martyn, Pete, HBomb). This was also a Dodgebolt with many hermits (False, Cub) or hermit adjacents (Joel would become a future hermit but he was NOT treated as a hermit in 2020, Scott, Shubble, Lizzie). 

Select quotes before/during Dodgebolt:

“We could’ve easily taken either of these teams too in Dodgebolt as well.” [2:15:19]

“This is too slow! C’mon, shoot shoot!” [2:19:15]

“We don’t really know anybody who’s in here” [2:19:56]

“Orange is choking a little bit” [2:20:44]

“These are slow games! Everyone’s missing so much.” [2:21:50]

“None of them are good shots, they’re all just missing.” [2:21:59]

“Let’s just pretend these are the two viewer teams.” [2:22:21]

Round 4 (Orange 2 - Green 1), aka False’s ace round, is when they start to care about False— “False is literally carrying”. They mention Green shouldn’t aim for Pete and aim for the others, False included. Jimmy points out False has hit every single shot when she takes out three. They acknowledge False’s skills at the least when hard proof is shown to them. 

Orange wins MCC10, Cub and Joel get their first win. HBomb is losing his shit in the admin stream as the guy who made the “False is going to be great at Dodgebolt” Reddit post. False became the first back to back winner following her victory in MCC9 with Blue Bats Rendog, HBomb, and Fruitberries. Another hermit duo has won MCC, showing the strength of hermit teams. But how did the story begin?

The Hermitcraft identity in 2020 MCC - False, Ren, Cub, Grian

Once upon a time, from a hermit perspective, MCC was only about False and Ren. 

After Jevin in MCC1, False and Ren joined together in MCC4 Yellow alongside now hermit adjacents Fwhip and Katherine. Importantly, they formed a hermit duo and hence started the tradition of hermit teams. It was False and Ren who first established the narrative of hermit teams. The hermits would join MCC, but only when with each other or with adjacents. They would be in their comfort zone. While they had fun, they wouldn’t win.

Given the fact that a lot of hermits have now branched out, this sentiment is less important, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. The hermits continuously support their friends regardless of teams and see a win for any hermit as a win for all of them. Still, it is my firm belief that the original narrative is only this strong because of False and Ren together. They got a boost because of Blue Bats 9 clout and do-not-separatism, but I think False and Ren, when teamed together, are just genuinely happy to be there and play games because they simply really enjoy each other’s company. The hermits are all wholesome, but False and Ren in particular helped to push the narrative of hermits being friends who stick by each other, win together, and just have a fun, whimsical time in MCC. This is also why False and Ren were the only hermits capable of forming Blue Bats and its wholesome legacy— same reason why it could only ever be HBomb and Fruitberries. 

While Pearl and Joel are hermits, they were not hermits in 2020 and they were not treated as hermits by themselves, the hermits, or the wider community. However, there was definitely a stereotype that the “builders” were less “cracked at the game”— builders in this case refer to people like Fwhip. However, before MCC9, hermit adjacents (NOT hermits) have made their way to the Dodgebolt stage, with Fwhip winning in MCC7 (HBomb, Pete, Eret). Dodgebolt finale teams who didn’t win DB include: MCC6 Orange with Jimmy and Martyn, and MCC8 with Fwhip and Joel. Meanwhile, from 6 to 8, the hermit teams (aka. False and Ren teams) got ninth three times in a row. MCC6 Yellow: False, Ren, Cub, Ryguyrocky. MCC7 Aqua: False, Ren, Grian, Pearl. MCC8 Yellow: False, Ren, Cub, Pearl. It should be plainly obvious that even among the builders (hermits included), the hermits (specifically False, Ren, Cub, Grian, not Pearl and Joel) were seen as “worse”. I would even argue it’s specifically Ren and False because they were The Hermit Representatives— Grian was in non hermit duo teams, and Cub played every other MCC. 

Also, at the time, the hermits were rather isolated from the rest of the MCYT community. Their closest non-hermit buddy was probably Pearl. They were true hermits. This was before Life Series or whatever. This was 2020. The idea of the hermits hanging out with speedrunners and competitive players was impossible. 

So, what changed? Insert one of the most memorable, significant, and culturally important MCC wins ever: the one, the only, MCC9 Blue Bats. 

MCC9 - Blue Bats and Dreamslayer

To be fair, it’s probably unreasonable for me to act like a team from 2020 is still widely known and remembered. It’s not like all four of them still talk about it. It’s not like one of them used their crown in a fairly popular experimental Minecraft series, creating a chain of events that led to the normalising of shipping in traffic/hermit fan circles. It’s not like one of them actually got onto the Hermitcraft server for a 2023 event and it all started from MCC9. It’s not like MCC9 Blue Bats is remembered in any official, tangible, and physical form in the year 2024– oh wait. 

Instead of a 170k fanfic, here’s a TLDR: HBomb and Fruit were seen as carrying False and Ren. They were the underdogs which Reddit ranked them in 6th. They went on a training arc and were doing pretty good in the MCC until it came to their least wanted game in game 7— Survival Games. Then they went crazy and got 7200 coins multiplied, landing them firmly in first. Even if you argue the coins were unfair (which some people did), Blue Bats got 14 kills out of a possible 36. Fruitberries got 8 kills because he’s insane. Blue had a steady SoT and faced Green in Dodgebolt, which was, coincidentally, 2/4 DTeam (George, Sapnap, Eret, Kratzy). Blue Bats were two down in Dodgebolt and was about to lose, then pulled a reverse sweep in which they won three rounds in a row. So Blue won, lives were changed forever, Rendog never got over being called king, we all know it, etc etc, and immediately faced backlash from angry stans. You can still see salty people under their win announcement tweet. This was September 12th, 2020. Two weeks later, September 26th, 2020, Orange won MCC10, False did a perfect ace (“False Supremacy”), and became the first back to back winner. 

Also, Grian killed Dream in Survival Games.

In addition to killing Dream on Lime (Dream, Fundy, Sylvee, Tubbo), Grian killed Fundy and Tubbo in quick succession, hence swiftly eliminated ¾ of Lime very early on in SG. (Here is a transcript of MCC9 for easy reference.) This is significant because Lime was in first before SG, followed by Green and Blue. In my opinion, Grian paved the way for his fellow hermits to win. This was part of why Lime was stressed and potentially played risky in the following SoT, which led to the infamous “Dream got locked in SoT behind an iron door” incident. Lime and their audience were dissatisfied and salty, hence they rushed to support Green, and it genuinely looked like Green would win, after all 79.4% of the audience thought they would— then boom! Reverse sweep!

Regarding the hermit identity: False and Ren are pretty obviously besties who achieved success together. It was the typical “friendship is power” hero’s journey. False and Ren proudly donned MCC crowns and showed them off in their Hermitcraft videos (False: HC7 E47, Ren: HC7 E23, Ren included highlights in his video). False and Ren literally brought their wins home to Hermitcraft— in Ren’s case, he also brought his win to Third Life, which became his crown for the whole Red Winter saga. Grian was frantically rooting for Blue in Dodgebolt, repeatedly telling Pink they have to support his friends. Pearl in Orange showed the same kind of earnestness. The hermits and their friends were all happy with the first ever hermit win.

But not everyone was happy. People complained about the SG scores, the iron door, and that the hermits were “carried”. Maybe people acknowledged H and Fruit (Fruit gained S tier status after MCC9), but some were invalidating the hermits’ first win. Thankfully, this has a happy story. As early as the 2020-2021 MCC break, MCC9 Blue was seen as one of the fan favourite teams, even topping MCC4 Pink (SBI) in a poll. And we all know which team is the one recorded down for prosperity in Sky Battle TCG. 

Alright, so maybe Blue Bats was a fluke. Maybe False and Ren got carried. Maybe Grian just went insane with bloodlust. Maybe the hermits were just lucky. Surely this won’t be supported with a trend of hermits winning MCC. Oh wait—

MCC10 - Back to Back Winner

Modern MCC fans may argue that MCC10 isn’t a “canon” MCC because it included two viewer teams, but won’t press on it because everyone treats it as canon. Well, everyone certainly treats False being the first b2b winner as canon, same for her False Supremacy ace (fun fact: Scott coined that term in MCC9 DB). 

MCC10 is interesting in the sense it’s like MCC9’s younger, more overlooked sibling. It’s iconic because of the ace, it has excellent team chemistry, but it’s not as theatrical as MCC9. MCC10 is also interesting because it’s like MCC17. 1) Orange team with False, Pete, and one other hermit 2) late game Build Mart 3) insane Dodgebolt performance by a hermit that overshadows everything else in fanon. 

Onto Cub’s first win. Between MCC9 and MCC10, False said she would try to get Cub a crown so they would match [Twitch clip]. Similar to Ren and False, Cub showed off his win in his HC7 E64. All three of their wins were written down on Hermitcraft in Hermiton Herald, Volume 12: “Minecraft Championships: The Hermiton Herald congratulates Cubfan135, FalseSymmetry, and Rendog for winning the MCC Championships this past month.” September was a huge month for the hermits, and it was definitely a celebration they brought back to Hermitcraft. 

MCC11 and onwards - the Grian storyline

Naturally, after ¾ of the active hermits won MCC, the attention fell onto Grian. With great gusto came Grian’s first competitive MCC team— MCC11 Lime Liches (Grian, False, Ren, Fruitberries). This was ¾ Blue9 and Grian’s first team with FruityB, whom he was a big fan of. Lime11 got fourth and had a sucky Parkour Warrior, but this was the beginning of Grian seeking a win. Grian’s next brush with victory came in MCC13, which was another Pete-False team with late game BM, this time also with Kara. They got to Dodgebolt but didn’t win. This was fine. Grian got third in MCC14 (Pete, Martyn, Oli) and third in MCCP21 (Techno, Wilbur, Jimmy). His team was unlucky in MCC15 (Shubble, Pearl, H replaced Pete after game 4), but got first in coins in MCC16 (Scott, Fruit, Joel) while losing Dodgebolt. Finally, finally, he won in MCC17 with a spectacular 1v3. MCC17 was also in September, hence September was seen as a hermit victory month (not a Desert Duo month or whatever). 

This section is to elaborate that the Grian storyline is inherently connected with MCC9. There’s the obvious Dreamslaying, but MCC9 Blue created a formula for hermit teams, winning teams or otherwise. People like H, Fruit, and Pete are recurring teammates, leading to the meme of “hermits adopting S tiers”. Blue9 did it first. False and Ren did it first. 

MCC12 - George becomes the second back to back winner

Oh boy.

MCC12 was on November 14th, 2020. Teams of interest include Lime (Cub, Pearl, Joel, Fruit— Cub’s first non hermit duo team) and the typical hermit team on Aqua (False, Ren, Grian, Fwhip). As stated in the title, George became the second back to back winner by winning MCC11 and 12, with his team defeating Lime12 in Dodgebolt (Pearl had Aussie ping issues). False, as the first b2b winner, nicely acknowledged this by replying to his winning tweet— “welcome to the club 😏”.  

And the people just ignored her! People on mcyttwt were ignoring her achievements! Hermittwt (which by the way started out as a Blue9 fanclub, Know Your Roots) was in the trenches. People made Tumblr posts pointing this out [1] [2]. The clout of DT was suffocating and their fans made them trend no matter who won, hence the hermits were underappreciated or even shat on. False had way less hype than George did when they both did the same thing only she did it first. In fact, people seemed to not know False was the b2b winner first. Does this feel familiar? Yeah, MCC10 Dodgebolt. Yeah, it’s not just about Jimmy being sad. 

I made posts complaining about it (this one on Nov 15th was rather melodramatic). Here is another ask on Nov 15th, in which I quote:

“I said this before but one tweet really hurt me because it was so painfully accurate. It said the hermits are just memes in the eyes of mcyt community/ mcytwtt. And it’s so true. Think about it: False Supremacy, Lord Grian Dreamslayer, Cub Supremacy. Of course fans of them use these terms but... in the end, to a lot of people, they’re just memes. Builders who were lucky. Just there for comic relief. Just there to be laughed at. And although the tweet was “bitter”, it validated my feelings. So... I kinda wanna spread that.” 

Misogyny

2020: False’s achievement gets brushed past because some George and DTeam stans were being annoying. Okay, that sucks, but she proved them all wrong and modern MCC community holds her ace in high regard.

2025: “Home turf” of the Hermitcraft/Traffic/Grian’s friend group fandom. False, and Ren, and Cub, and even Grian himself and the narrative they created gets brushed past because people only mention Jimmy being sad during MCC10 DB. Okay… wait. This is home turf. People are supposed to care. They’re Jimmy’s friends. We’re supposed to bring up every hermit’s achievements because we like Hermitcraft. Wait, I can’t hear that? Is that not a thing now? In which half of the hermits get overshadowed by the other half that plays a non HC series? Or even people who aren’t hermits? 

Misogyny doesn’t have to be intentional statements of “I hate women”. It can be accidental. Unintentional. It can be subconsciously holding men and women to different standards. For more on MCC and misogyny, there’s this Reddit post about post MCC29, which funnily enough is about False fans being unhappy with George and his fans. False gets overlooked in MCC a ton, for example she got spoken over in MCC17 (yes, the MCC17), she was also very quiet and kind of ignored in MCC22 (yes, with HBomb, Grian, and Scar). It’s improved now, with multiple (male) teammates speaking up on how good False’s comms are. 

Double standards can be seen when False won Demise 2 (with Ren getting the final kill, why is Ren always at the scene of the crime, do not separate indeed) and people didn’t like that. While False was busy, she was online and fended off attacks live on stream. It wasn’t her fault that people didn’t want to attack her. It wasn’t her fault that Ren was so loyal to her just because he is. 

False gets called toxic and bossy a lot when she’s just trying to wrangle her teammates aka. doing what male players do. Most audacious of all is when False got called toxic by Ren’s chat while playing Hungry Hermits. On hermit turf! On Ren’s turf! Just say you hate women and go. 

The examples of Demise 2 and HH are directly targeted towards the Hermitcraft fandom. You can’t blame DT’s fanbase anymore now. It’s coming from inside the house. 

Would you still love me if I was no longer a marketable girlboss :(

I’ve been here since mid 2019. I’ve seen the 2019 discourse. And I have seen False’s fanon popularity drop like crazy. It’s baffling. Do people not like her anymore because she’s not the only “girlboss” on the server? (Note: I find depicting anyone on Hermitcraft as solely a “girlboss” flattens them and is not accurate to any of their personalities.) Do people not like her anymore because she’s not in Grian’s close circle of friends? Do people not like her because she’s not in Life? Talking with friends on why this happened creates confusing groups of words like: “misogyny” “Life series” “Grian” “Boatem” “Soup Group” “Life series” “Life series” “Life series” etc. 

Take the beginning of HC10. Ren organised a mining contest with like ¾ of the server. Cool. Fun. Why was most of the talk on the other ¼ then? Why are hermits only relevant when they’re in Life series, or in Ren’s case, when they’re actively playing Life? (Note: I also get frustrated about Ren’s fanon characterisation and how much of it is dominated by exactly two ships and Life series.) And why the fuck are non hermits put on the same level as hermits (eg. Jimmy and Martyn, Lizzie gets a pass as she’s a hermit spouse however she’s not a Hermitgal) while ignoring existing hermits? In this case, False. False genuinely has more appreciation on the MCC sub than the HC sub and it is humiliating. Get your shit together, Hermitcraft fandom. 

Life seriesification is a genuine problem in the HC fandom. It would be fine if people kept them separate. But no, it’s spilled over to HC in which you significantly gain more clout if you’re in Life. I vividly remember when False won Blue River Raceway Grand Prix and I checked the Hermitcraft tag only to see people congratulating Scar winning. Winning what? A Hermitcraft event? Did he also win the Grand Prix? Silly silly me, he won Secret Life. Is the Hermitcraft in the room with us right now?  

Back to MCC10. “None of them are good shots, they’re all just missing.” False gets a perfect ace— four shots with four arrows. MCC29— False gets punched down in TGTTOS by George for eighteen seconds (my fic on that here). She gets a 1v3 and shoots the winning shot. She becomes the first ever four time female winner. If you think you can stop the Symmetry, that’s False. 

I hope the Hermitcraft fandom can do better than DT’s fandom. Because from what I can see, both fandoms kind of brush her aside. 2020, 2025, and I’m still angry and bitter about the same old things. It is fucking exhausting. 

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Plot Method

The Save the Cat! Beat Sheet was originally developed by Blake Snyder to help screenwriters plot movies, but it works just as well with novels.

It breaks down the 3-act structure into small, specific sections (sometimes just one scene long).

Each section pushes your story forward in its own way.

The exact word count/page count of each section depends on how long your novel is and what type of story you’re telling, but you can use the colored chart below and the percentages in the instructions as a guide. 

Context Note: This method is based on the concept of the Three Act Structure, which is an inherently Western approach to plot. It can be a useful way to tell a story, but it is by no means the only one.

ACT 1

Opening Image (0-1%)

Show a “before” snapshot of your protagonist and their world.

What is life like before the adventure begins?

It represents the struggle & tone of the story.

Set-up (1-10%)

Expand on the “before” snapshot.

Explore your protagonist’s life, including the internal flaws and external challenges they’ll have to overcome in order to change for the better by the end of the story.

Present the main character’s world as it is, and what is missing in their life.

Also introduce important supporting characters.

Theme Stated (happens during the Set-up)

What your story is about; the message, the truth.

Usually, it is spoken to the main character or in their presence, but they don’t understand the truth/lesson…not until later, when they have some personal experience and context to support it.

Thus, include a scene where a character says something that hints at what the protagonist’s big life lesson will be - how they’ll have to change and grow by the end of the story.

Catalyst (10%)

The moment where life as it is changes.

Examples: It is the telegram, the act of catching your loved-one cheating, allowing a monster onboard the ship, meeting the true love of your life, etc.

There’s no going back to the “before” world from here… What is the inciting incident that pushes the protagonist into the next phase of the story?

Debate (11-20%)

But change is scary and for a moment, or a brief number of moments, the main character doubts the journey they must take.

Show the protagonist questioning themselves and resisting the path ahead - wondering whether they have what it takes, or whether or they should just run home and hide under the bed.

“Should I just…?” “I really shouldn’t because…” “But what about…” Can I face this challenge? Do I have what it takes? Should I go at all?

It is the last chance for the hero to chicken out.

ACT 2

Break Into 2 (20%; Choosing Act Two)

The main character makes a choice and the journey begins.

We leave the “Thesis” world and enter the upside-down, opposite world of Act 2.

They make the choice to begin their adventure/transformation/journey/new thing.

Show your protagonist deciding to plunge into Act 2.

The Promise of the Premise (21-50%)

This is when the reader thinks “Ah, now we’re getting to the good stuff they hinted at on the back cover of this book!”

It’s also one of the longest sections in your book.

Show your protagonist getting used to their new world - loving it, hating it, making mistakes or doing well, meeting new people (see more below) and keeping the reader entertained.

This is when the main character explores the new world and the audience is entertained by the premise they have been promised.

B Story (happens during The Promise of the Premise)

This is when there’s a discussion about the Theme – the nugget of truth.

Usually, this discussion is between the main character and the love interest.

So, the B Story is usually called the “love story”.

Introduce a new character or characters who will eventually help the protagonist learn their life lesson.

Friends? Mentors? Love interests? Nemeses (nemesi?)? Who are they? How will they help?

Midpoint (50%)

This moment is when everything seems “great” or everything seems “awful,” depending on your story.

The main character either gets everything they think they want (“great”) or doesn’t get what they think they want at all (“awful”).

Either the Fun and Games section has lead to a false victory for your protagonist (they think they’ve been doing great so far) or a false defeat (they’ve been having a hard time so far).

What happens in this moment, halfway between beginning and end?

But not everything we think we want is what we actually need in the end.

Bad Guys Close In (51-75%)

Get ready for a bumpy ride. If your Midpoint was a false victory, now things start to go wrong for your protagonist.

If the Midpoint was a false defeat, well, things seem to be looking up, but the bad guys are getting closer and will have something to say.

Note: Bad guys can be actual physical enemies, but they can also be emotional enemies, like doubt or jealousy or fear.

Doubt, jealousy, fear, foes both physical and emotional regroup to defeat the main character’s goal, and the main character’s “great”/“awful” situation disintegrates.

Show the protagonist’s newly-built world beginning to unravel.

This will also be one of the longer sections in your novel.

All is Lost (75%)

This is when something happens to make your character hit rock bottom.

It’s the absolute lowest part of your novel.

Maybe someone or something dies (either literally or figuratively).

The initial goal now looks even more impossible than before. And here, something or someone dies.

It can be physical or emotional, but the death of something old makes way for something new to be born.

What does this moment look like for your protagonist?

Dark Night of the Soul (76-80%)

Your protagonist now has time to react to their “All is lost” moment, to mourn what they lost and wallow in hopelessness.

They’re worse off than they were at the beginning of the novel.

Show how low things have gotten.

Mourning the loss of what has “died” – the dream, the goal, the mentor character, the love of your life, etc.

But, you must fall completely before you can pick yourself back up and try again.

ACT 3

Break Into 3 (80%; Choosing Act Three)

The “aha!” moment; the “lift yourself up and try again” moment.

Show the protagonist realizing what they need to do in order to tackle their problems, both external and internal.

Thanks to a fresh idea, new inspiration, or last-minute Thematic advice from the B Story (usually the love interest), the main character chooses to try again.

Finale (81-99%)

The protagonist does what they decided to do in the Break Intro 3 beat, and (because of all the learning/growing they’ve done and the support or insight from the B Story), their plan works.

This time around, the main character incorporates the Theme – the nugget of truth that now makes sense to them – into their fight for the goal because they have experience from the A Story and context from the B Story.

The Bad Guys are defeated, the world is changed for the better.

What are the battles? How will the protagonist triumph (or not)?

This is another longer section, so you’ve got the space to make things dramatic and intense.

Act Three is about Synthesis.

Final Image (99-100%)

This is the opposite of the Opening Image, the “after” snapshot instead of the “before.”

Show the reader how the protagonist and their world have changed.

THE END

Sources: 1 2 ⚜ Writing Notes & References

[amiti-art]

Troilus design! (ft best dad Apollo) He's around 12 years old here.

Researching Troilus' story is not an easy task because unfortunately most of the ancient texts focused on him didn't survive and others only survived in fragments.

This story is brutal even for greek mythology standards so please keep that in mind if you want to continue reading this or do more research on your own.

Something that all of the versions seems to agree on is that he was a Trojan prince, son of queen Hecuba and was killed by Achilles. His father was either Apollo or Priam (Apollo fits more with the context of the story though).

Most of the versions also focus on Troilus' young age and he's often shown to be visibly shorter than Achilles on the vase paintings depicting his death.

The most popular version of the myth (which is also supported by ancient vase paintings) states that Troilus and his sister Polyxena (she's not preset in every version though) went outside of Troy on their horses and while they were at a fountain Achilles ambushed them.

Achilles then chased Troilus who tried to hide inside of Apollo's temple (possibly seeking his father's protection) but Achilles caught up to him and murdered Troilus either inside or in front of the temple and then brutally mutilated his body.

There 2 alternative reasons given for the murder:

1. There was a prophecy which said that if Troilus reached 21 years of age Troy would never fall.

2. Achilles fell in love with Troilus, tried to force himself on him and was enraged when the boy refused his advances. (This version seems to have more surviving evidence)

It could also be that the only reason that Achilles killed Troilus was the fact that he was a Trojan prince and therefore an enemy but this does not seem to fit with the brutality of the act.

Here are some vase paintings that show Troilus' death at the hands of Achilles

[squirrelwithatophat]

How the Chantry (and Orlais) Turned Kirkwall into a Police State

One aspect of the Dragon Age series that I’ve always found odd is the way in which rather crucial political and historical context surrounding major conflicts the player must decide tends to be relegated to codices, outside materials (e.g., books), and optional dialogue with minor characters... meaning that many if not most players don’t seem to end up actually seeing it. ��Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts (Dragon Age Inquisition) in particular has become somewhat notorious for what it left out, but it’s far from unusual.

With regard to Dragon Age II, there’s a popular perception among fans that the troubles in Kirkwall can be attributed almost entirely to rogue behavior on the part of Knight-Commander Meredith and various evil blood mages.  This is understandable given the overall narrative framing and Bioware’s aforementioned problem of making key context very easy to miss.  But once we take a look at the full picture, it ought to be clear that the Chantry did not simply “fail” in their responsibilities towards the mages or towards the citizens of Kirkwall more broadly — they actively created and maintained the very nightmare they later professed to be dismayed about.

Moreover, despite the running Mages vs. Templars theme, the mages were hardly the only one's who suffered under Meredith's rule. Indeed, Kirkwall endured a brutal 16-year-long dictatorship (9:21-9:37 Dragon) that came into being courtesy of the Chantry and the Orlesian empire and only fell due to the mage rebellion.

Here I’ll describe in detail (with sources and citations) the story of how the Chantry turned Kirkwall into a police state and one that ultimately descended into what the writers themselves termed "genocide."  

The Templar Coup of 9:21 Dragon

Our story begins with the conflict between Viscount Perrin Threnhold of Kirkwall and Emperor Florian Valmont of Orlais.  

With the beginning of the Dragon Age (the era), the Orlais had experienced a major loss of territory and influence.  In 9:00-9:02 Dragon (the exact dates conflict), the Fereldan Rebellion led by Maric Theirin and Loghain Mac Tir overthrew Meghren, the last Orlesian King of Ferelden (personally appointed to the position by Emperor Florian himself), and reclaimed their country’s independence after nearly a century of Orlesian occupation.  These events are described in detail in The Stolen Throne. Emperor Florian, however, remained reluctant to recognize Ferelden’s sovereignty -- with peace between the two countries not being fully established until his death and the ascension of his niece Celene to the throne in 9:20 Dragon -- and may have been eager to reassert Orlesian influence in the region.  Perrin Threnhold, meanwhile, ascended to the position of viscount of Kirkwall (also formerly occupied by Orlais) in 9:14 Dragon.  At some point during this volatile period, Threnhold decided to raise money by charging what the Orlesians regarded as unreasonably high tolls for passage through the Waking Sea, which also controlled Orlais’s sea access to Ferelden and its capitol, Denerim.

For reference, here’s a map with my highlights:

The Orlesian Chantry, founded by Kordillus Drakon I (the first emperor of Orlais), had from the beginning been dominated by Orlesian interests.  According to World of Thedas vol. 1 (p. 56): “The Orlesian capital, Val Royeaux, is home to the Chantry’s Grand Cathedral, the center of the Andrastian religion’s power.  Over multiple Blights, the Orlesians have used the Chantry to expand their influence beyond the nation’s impressive borders, notably to the north into Tevinter territory and southeast through Ferelden.”  The Chantry, not surprisingly, had backed the Orlesian invasion and occupation of Ferelden, most recently under Divine Beatrix III (probably) and Grand Cleric Bronach of Denerim. It should be noted that this is all part of a pattern of highly-aggressive and imperialistic behavior that has persisted for centuries from the early years up to (potentially) the events of Dragon Age Inquisition.

It also cannot be emphasized enough that the Templars are the Chantry’s army and were created by the Chantry in the first place.  They do not simply hunt and guard mages; they fight the Chantry’s wars and carry out its policies.  Quote: “the Order of Templars was created as the martial arm of the Chantry” (Codex: Templars).  According to First Enchanter Halden of Starkhaven (8:80 Blessed), “While mages often resent the templars as symbols of the Chantry's control over magic, the people of Thedas see them as saviors and holy warriors, champions of all that is good, armed with piety enough to protect the world from the ravages of foul magic. In reality, the Chantry's militant arm looks first for skilled warriors with unshakable faith in the Maker, with a flawless moral center as a secondary concern. Templars must carry out their duty with an emotional distance, and the Order of Templars prefers soldiers with religious fervor and absolute loyalty over paragons of virtue who might question orders when it comes time to make difficult choices.  It is this sense of ruthless piety that most frightens mages when they draw the templars' attention: When the templars are sent to eliminate a possible blood mage, there is no reasoning with them, and if the templars are prepared, the mage's magic is all but useless. Driven by their faith, the templars are one of the most feared and respected forces in Thedas” (Codex: Templars).  Likewise, a Chantry official confirms that the Templars are both “the watchers of the mages and the martial arm of the Chantry” (Codex: Seekers of Truth).  In Dragon Age Origins, the (unwillingly) Templar-trained Alistair elaborates, “Essentially they’re trained to fight. The Chantry would tell you that the templars exist simply to defend, but don’t let them fool you. They’re an army... The Chantry keeps a close reign on its templars. We are given lyrium to help develop our magical talents, you see… which means we become addicted.  And since the Chantry controls the lyrium trade with the dwarves… well, I’m sure you can put two and two together...  The Chantry usually doesn’t let their templars get away, either.”

In response to Threnhold’s intolerable restrictions on the Orlesian navy’s movements in its traditional sphere of influence, Divine Beatrix III, an acknowledged “friend of the emperor” (and predecessor to Divine Justinia V of DAI), ordered the Kirkwall Templars under Knight-Commander Guylian to force open the Waking Sea.  Viscount Threnhold retaliated for this obviously-illegal military interference by ordering the Templars expelled from Kirkwall and later executing the knight-commander.  Then-Knight-Captain Meredith Stannard led the remaining Templars to storm the Keep and arrest Threnhold before appointing a weak viscount unwilling or unable to resist her control.

From Kirkwall: City of Chains by Brother Ferdinand Genitivi (Codex: History of Kirkwall: Chapter 4):

Taxes were crippling and Perrin Threnhold used the ancient chains extending from “the Twins” standing at Kirkwall's harbor—unused since the New Exalted Marches—to block sea traffic and charge exorbitant fees from Orlesian ships. The Empire threatened invasion following the closure of the Waking Sea passage, and for the first time, the Chantry used the templars to pressure the viscount. Until that point, the templars had done nothing to counter the Threnholds even though, as the largest armed force in Kirkwall, they could have. Knight-Commander Guylian's only written comment was in a letter to Divine Beatrix III: “It is not our place to interfere in political affairs. We are here to safeguard the city against magic, not against itself.”  The divine, as a friend to the emperor, clearly had other ideas.

In response, Viscount Perrin hired a mercenary army, forcing a showdown with the templars. They stormed the Gallows and hung Knight-Commander Guylian, igniting a series of battles that ended with Perrin's arrest and the last of his family's rule. The templars were hailed as heroes, and even though they wished to remain out of Kirkwall's affairs, it was now forced upon them.  Knight-Commander Meredith appointed Lord Marlowe Dumar as the new viscount in 9:21 Dragon and she has remained influential in the city's rule ever since.

Given that this was written by a Chantry scholar, the self-justificatory rhetoric surrounding the viscount and the Chantry-instigated coup ought not be surprising.  It appears, however, that in Kirkwall itself popular perceptions of Viscount Perrin Threnhold are in fact fairly polarized.

Whereas Brother Genitivi calls Perrin’s father Chivalry Threnhold “a vicious thug who took power through a campaign of intimidation” and Perrin Threnhold “even worse,” an unnamed servant writing 7 years after the coup paints a rather different picture (Codex: Viscount Marlowe Dumar):

What happened to Viscount Perrin Threnhold was a travesty. I served in the Keep, and my blood boils when I hear people call him a tyrant. He was a good man who tried his best to free Kirkwall from the control of those who use power for their own purposes. It's always been that way here, hasn't it? Long ago it was the Imperium. Then it was the Qunari, then the Orlesians, now the templars... when have we ever ruled ourselves? He tried to kick those templar bastards out and give us real freedom, and what did it get him?

Whether Threnhold was an evil tyrant or a nationalist hero (or both or something else entirely) is beside the point, however.  He was not overthrown for mistreating the citizens of Kirkwall; he was overthrown for opposing Orlais and the Templars (acting as an arm of Orlesian imperialism and in defiance of their official duties).  Seneschal Bran, himself no fan of either Threnhold or the Templars (and the only character to ever discuss the coup out loud), points this out in an easy-to-miss optional conversation in Act 3.

Hawke: What happens if they [the Templars] don’t like the [nobility’s] choice [of viscount]?

Seneschal Bran: Do you know how Viscount Dumar’s predecessor, Perrin Threnhold, left office?  He was a tyrant, certainly, but his rule was not ended until he actively sought to expel the templars.  “The good of all” is inexorably tied to what is good for the templars.

It’s unclear whether Knight-Captain Meredith was acting on her own initiative in toppling Threnhold or whether she received prior encouragement from the Chantry, but either way, what is certain is that the Chantry moved quickly to legitimize her actions and bolster the new order.  Moreover, the intent to seize power for the Chantry and its military forces rather than “liberate” Kirkwall from the depredations of a tyrannical viscount can be seen in the way they illegally imposed their own viscount (one kept submissive through threats of violence) rather than allowing the people to choose or at the very least following accepted selection procedures (i.e., allowing the nobility to vote on the next viscount). Indeed, this refusal to let the nobility select the viscount as per tradition is the basis of Orsino's protest at the beginning of Act 3.

In any event, Grand Cleric Elthina, as the highest-ranking representative of the Chantry in Kirkwall (appointed to her position by Divine Beatrix III herself around 20 years before Act 1) and thus exercising authority over its Templars, presided over the show trial at the end of which Threnhold was imprisoned and later murdered in his cell. Then she rewarded Meredith with a promotion.

According to the codex for Knight-Commander Meredith:

She is credited with removing the previous viscount, Perrin Threnhold, from his position after he attempted to have the templars expelled from the city in 9:21 Dragon.  The acting knight-commander was arrested and executed, and Meredith led a group of templars into the heart of the Keep to capture Threnhold. He was tried and imprisoned three days later by Grand Cleric Elthina and died from poisoning two years later. Meredith was subsequently elevated to her current position.

While merely implied here, Elthina is explicitly confirmed to have given Meredith the position of knight-commander in the first place in World of Thedas vol. 2 (p. 193):

Following Threnhold’s arrest, Grand Cleric Elthina appointed Meredith as the new knight-commander.  At Knight-Commander Meredith’s suggestion, a new viscount was chosen: a man named Marlowe Dumar.

Then in blatant violation of Kirkwall’s own laws and traditions -- again, dictating that the viscount be chosen by the nobility -- the Chantry had allowed newly-installed Knight-Commander Meredith to select the new viscount.  If approached in the Templar-occupied Viscount’s Keep and spoken to in Act 3, Seneschal Bran will explain:

Bran: When a line is judged unfit, or ends, we appoint from Kirkwall’s elite.  Or we would, if the situation was normal.  But it is not.

Hawke: Who nominates a new viscount?

Bran: A consensus of the nobility.  Normally.  And a willing nominee.

It seems to be the general consensus that Marlowe Dumar was chosen specifically because he was weak and willing to play the role of Templar/Chantry puppet (a subheading in Dumar’s WoT v2 entry even explicitly calls him “The Puppet”).  Meredith, after all, is not only responsible for his appointment but has been threatening him into compliance from the very beginning.

Again, Brother Genitivi writes quite bluntly: 

Knight-Commander Meredith appointed Lord Marlowe Dumar as the new viscount in 9:21 Dragon and she has remained influential in the city's rule ever since.

And quoting once more from the unnamed servant:

Now the Chantry has chosen Lord Marlowe Dumar as his replacement. After weeks and weeks of arguing, after telling the nobility that they would be choosing their viscount, after everyone saying it was time to use a new title—why not "king"? Why keep using the name imposed by the Orlesians? And after all that, the Chantry chose him. I suppose I can see why—everyone thinks he has the spine of a jellyfish, and it does seem that way.

Truly, he has the templars on one side, the nobility on the other, and everyone expects him to solve all their problems—yet he has no power to actually accomplish it. He keeps the peace as best he can, and I think he does a good job even if no one else does.

Likewise, to quote from Marlowe Dumar’s entry in World of Thedas vol. 2 (p. 184-185):

The new knight-commander, Meredith, appointed Marlowe to the seat, much to his surprise.  Just before he was crowned, he met in private with the knight-commander at the Gallows.  Marlowe was escorted, surrounded by grim templars, to Meredith’s well-appointed office, and there, she explained her reasons for the choice.  Kirkwall was filled with entitled degenerates... “With my help, you will turn this city around,” she said.  “We will be allies.”  Meredith’s message was clear: Remember who holds power in Kirkwall.  Remember what happened to Threnhold when he overreached.  To drive her point home, she presented Marlowe with a small carven ivory box at his coronation.  The box contained the Threnhold signet ring, misshapen, and crusted with blood. On the inside of the lid were written the words “His fate need not be yours.”  Marlowe ruled Kirkwall without incident for almost a decade, in no small part thanks to Meredith’s backing.  During his reign, the templars grew even more powerful, and the knight-commander’s influence was evident in almost every one of Marlowe’s decisions.

And from Meredith’s entry in WoT vol. 2 (p. 193):

Meredith presented Dumar with a carved ivory box at his crowning.  All present witnessed the viscount going white as a sheet as he opened it... It is not known what the box contained, but the reaction from Dumar made its importance to him obvious.  What is certain is that Dumar never openly or strongly defied the templars.  Over the course of his reign, Meredith’s grip on Kirkwall grew ever tighter, and Dumar’s failure to act absolutely contributed to the events that led to the mage rebellion.

According to Lord Bellamy, “a longtime political ally of Dumar’s” (p. 193):

“Dumar had a good heart.  A good heart and a weak will.  On his own he might have made a good leader, given time.  But he wasn’t on his own.  The knight-commander was always there, looking over his shoulder.  She let him know she was watching, that he wore the crown at her sufferance.  Meredith appointed him. This was a nobleman of only moderate wealth, with little influence.  She knew she could control him and there was little he or anyone else could do about it.”

Ultimately, the coup not only secured Chantry control over Kirkwall but furthered their (and the Orlesian Empire’s) geopolitical interests in the Free Marches as a whole. After all, the “Free Marches is [sic] best known as the breadbasket of Thedas. Its farms along the banks of the great Minanter river are the source of much of the continent’s food” (World of Thedas vol. 1, p. 65), and as with many a real-world “breadbasket,” its natural abundance and misfortune of lying between multiple empires had made it the target of one invasion and occupation after another. After the slave revolt of 25 Ancient toppled the Tevinter Imperium’s hold over the region (see Codex: History of Kirkwall: Chapter 2), the city-state of Kirkwall fell to Qunari invasion in 7:56 Storm, then invasion and occupation by the Orlesian Empire in 7:60 Storm, and finally gained its independence about 45 years later in 8:05 Blessed (see Codex: History of Kirkwall: Chapter 3). Prior to the Chantry-instigated coup, Kirkwall had enjoyed independence under a locally-chosen viscount for around 115 years, with Viscount Perrin Threnhold himself ruling for 7 years.

Other city-states of the Free Marches have likewise fallen under the Chantry’s sphere of influence (if not outright control):

Starkhaven is ruled by the Vael family. According to the codex for The Vaels, “They remain devout, dedicating at least one son or daughter per generation to become a cleric in the chantry.” The sole potential heir to the throne of Starkhaven is of course our DLC companion Sebastian Vael, “The Exiled Prince.” To quote from his first codex: “Sebastian Vael is the only surviving son of the ruling family of Starkhaven, which was murdered in a violent coup d'etat. Sebastian cannot forget the irony that he still lives only because his family was so ashamed of his drinking and womanizing that they committed him to the Kirkwall Chantry against his will… Since then, his belief in the Maker and His plan for Thedas have been unshakable. Embracing his new role, Sebastian took vows of poverty and chastity to become a sworn brother of the Chantry... until word of his family's deaths forced him to take up worldly concerns once again.” Elthina appears to have been playing mind games with Sebastian from the very beginning -- first she agrees to have him confined in her Chantry, then poses as a secret benefactor helping him escape from her clutches, with the revelation of her identity as said pretend benefactor leading him to embrace her authority and the life of a Chantry brother with genuine enthusiasm (see the Sebastian short story or his WoT v2 entry for details).  After his family’s murder, Elthina urges him to remain with her rather than reclaim the throne.  Yet when he gives up on seeking the throne and actually does attempt to return to the Chantry during “a crisis of faith,” he is “turned away by Grand Cleric Elthina, who believed he had not yet committed fully to either course” (see Codex: Sebastian - The Last Three Years), leaving him confused and even more under her thrall than ever.

Ostwick is dominated by the devout, staunchly pro-Chantry Trevelyan family. According to the codex for Trevelyan, the Free Marcher: “It is an old and distinguished family, in good standing among its peers, and with strong ties to the Chantry. Its youngest sons and daughters—those third- or fourth-born children with little chance of becoming heirs—often join the Chantry to become templars or clerics.”

Tantervale is certainly... special. According to WoT vol. 1 (p. 71): “Chantry rule is all but absolute in Tantervale, earning the city its dour reputation. The city guard is obsessed with enforcement. A street urchin would get a year in the dungeon for something that would get him a pat on the back in Orlais” (p. 71).

But let us return to Kirkwall, shall we?

"The Puppet”: The Reign of Viscount Marlowe Dumar (9:21-9:34 Dragon)

Viscount Marlow Dumar’s status as an impotent tool of the Chantry and its Templars appears to be common knowledge in Kirkwall.  Various characters, from city guards to lowlifes like Gamlen, casually refer to Meredith as if she is head of state and defer to her authority.

Immediately upon approaching the gates of the city in the first quest of the game, The Destruction of Lothering (Act 1), the following exchange occurs:

Guardsman Wright: So Knight-Commander Meredith wants us to sort you all out. Most of you are getting right back on your ships, though.

Hawke: That's a templar title. Why would a city guardsman answer to the templars?

Wright: We don't answer to her... but she's the power in Kirkwall. Don't know what would happen if the viscount went against something she wanted... But he's sure never taken that chance.

Likewise, if asked about “the word on the street,” Corff the bartender remarks as early as Act 1, “People say Meredith's the real power in Kirkwall, not the Viscount. Even Dumar answers to her.”

Ordinary citizens appear terrified of Meredith, and with good reason.  During the quest Enemies Among Us (Act 1, set in 9:31 Dragon), we get the following exchange with the sister of a Templar recruit:

Macha: I pleaded with him not to join the Order, but he wouldn't listen. You hear dark rumors about the templars and Knight-Commander Meredith. And now my brother is gone.

Hawke: (“Are templars so bad here?”) In Lothering, some templars died protecting villagers. I never heard any dark rumors.

Macha: And those are the stories my Keran adored. But it is not like that here, serah. There is a growing darkness in the order. They prowl the streets in packs. Hunting. And now, they say their duties put them above us, that they have the right to... take people from their homes. It is frightening.

Hawke: (“Tell me about Meredith”) What do people say about Knight-Commander Meredith?

Macha:  Oh, she has many admirers. They laud the service she does in keeping the mages in check.  But others say she is terribly fierce and utterly without pity. That she sees demons everywhere.  It is dangerous even to whisper such things.  People harboring escaped mages just disappear.  Templars interrogate and threaten passers-by.  My friend has a cousin who’s a mage, and she says he was made Tranquil against his will.  You hear more with each passing day.

Of course, Knight-Commander Meredith’s reign over the Gallows was notoriously brutal long before she came into contact with Red Lyrium.  Writing 3 years after the coup (but 7 years before Act 1), in 9:24 Dragon, Brother Genitivi remarks that "Kirkwall has been a tinderbox since becoming the center of templar power in eastern Thedas." As early as Act 1, mages in the Gallows can be heard crying out, “This place is a prison,” and “Knight-Commander Meredith would kill us all if she could.”  When asked if mages are imprisoned, the guardsman replies, “Used to be, back in the Imperial days. They kept slaves here until the rebellion. Now the templars run it and use it to lock up their mages. Guess not much has changed” (The Destruction of Lothering, Act 1).  Karl Thekla’s final letter before being turned Tranquil (with such illegal uses of the Rite having been repeatedly reported to Meredith) “said the knight-commander was turning the Circle into a prison. Mages are locked in their cells, refused appearances at court, made Tranquil for the slightest crimes” (Tranquility, Act 1).  If Hawke questions the truth of these accusations, Anders responds, “Ask any mage in Kirkwall. Over a dozen were made Tranquil just this year. The more people you ask, the worse the rumors become.” (Elthina also appears to be aware at least to some extent of the subsequent ambush, in which a Tranquil Karl was used as bait to ensnare his former lover).

According to the short story Paper & Steel (focusing on Samson): “Under Meredith, freedom was a cruel dream for Kirkwall’s Circle mages. They were often locked in their cells, watched night and day by templars who were told any step out of line was suspicious. All those young magelings, told that magic was a curse, that they were dangerous, and that they had to be shut indoors all their lives looking out through those windows. Some went mad. Others, mad or not, tried jumping.”  And from First Enchanter Orsino’s entry in World of Thedas, vol. 2 (p. 195): “Every time a mage died by their own hand, Orsino would hear Maud’s final words to him: 'This is no life.’ The templars didn’t seem to care about the suicides. Most had the courtesy to say nothing at all, but some would snigger when they thought no one was listening. 'One less to worry about.’ ‘The only good mage is a dead mage.’ Orsino’s anger at the templars grew...” (Note that this began long before Orsino became first enchanter in 9:28, three years before the start of the game). It's also worth noting Knight-Captain Cullen Rutherford quite explicitly attained his position as second-in-command of the Kirkwall Templars position because of his anti-mage extremism, later including violence against those perceived as mage sympathizers and their families.

To name more specific abuses, the Gallows features whipping posts (with dialogue confirming the reliance on whipping) and multiple other medieval torture devices, including a rack, a pillory, and iron maidens.  We also see numerous references to casual beatings, sexual assaults, forced Tranquility and facial branding, long-term confinement in dark cells, and permanent family separation (e.g., Emile du Launcet).  Escape attempts are typically punished with summary execution, according to multiple sources (e.g., Ser Thrask, Ser Karras, Grace). According to Ser Thrask, the most sympathetic Templar (besides Carver), kindness to mages would be a "badge of shame" among among his colleagues. For more, I recommend checking out the “DA2 mage rights reference post” by @bubonickitten​. Again, note that these are cruelties largely occurring prior to or during Act 1, long before Meredith started going insane due to Red Lyrium.

If Feynriel is forced into the Circle at the end of Wayward Son (Act 1), the ex-Templar Samson says, “I hear they got your boy Feynriel locked up in the Circle. Bad business, that. It ain't all templars that're bad. It's hard luck being born a robe, but most places, they make it work. That bitch Meredith runs the Order in this town like her private army. You don't toe the line, you end up on the next corner here in Darktown.  I don't think you got to hate mages to love the Order.  But Meredith don't agree.” Samson, it should be remembered, had been expelled from the Templar Order for passing love notes from the mage Maddox to his lover.  For the crime of “corrupting the moral integrity of a templar,” Meredith ordered Maddox turned Tranquil.  According to Cullen in Before the Dawn (DAI), “Knight-Commander Meredith wielded the brand for far lesser offences, believe me."

Ordinary citizens appear to be well aware of at least some of Meredith’s reign of terror in the Gallows, given that various NPCs (including some who do not personally know any inmates) will refer to it.  During Tranquility (Act 1), for example, a mob of Ferelden refugees threatens the party over fears that the latter intend to turn in “The Healer of Darktown” to the Templars. One exclaims, "We know what happens to mages in this town.  And it ain’t gonna happen to him." Moreover, the knowledge is sufficiently widespread as to have reached faraway countries.  A note dated 9:35 (set between Acts 2-3) from a mage of the Hossberg Circle in the Anderfels expresses utter horror: “I have heard that in the Kirkwall Gallows, mages are locked in their cells with barely room to stretch, let alone exercise.  I can promise you that any mage of the Anderfels would be stark raving mad after a week of such treatment... No wonder Kirkwall has such trouble with blood mages” (WoT v2, p. 173).  

And through all of this, Meredith has the support of the Chantry and more specifically Grand Cleric Elthina.

Not only did Elthina appoint Meredith to her position in the first place (WoT v2, p. 193), but if asked her opinion on Meredith in Act 1, Elthina snaps, “Gossip is a sin, child. Knight-Commander Meredith has an admirable devotion to her duties. It is not my role to form opinions on her character.”  An odd statement to make about a subordinate, since Meredith reports to her directly (as knight-commanders legally do to the nearest grand cleric).  The codex for Knight-Commander Meredith confirms at as of the end of Act 2, “she enjoys the grand cleric's full support and has free rein in Kirkwall as the commander of its most powerful military force.”  According to Elthina’s codex, many claim that Elthina “allows Knight-Commander Meredith more leeway with each passing year.”   According to World of Thedas vol. 2, which tries to put a more positive spin on Elthina’s role, her detractors “say her stubborn refusal to exercise her Chantry-given authority allowed the conflict between the templars and mages to escalate, finally resulting in the disastrous mage rebellion of 9:37 Dragon... Since Elthina was loath to exploit her authority as grand cleric, she refused to order either the mages or templars to stand down when tensions flared.  Many believe that she could have forced one side to retreat by showing her support for their position, but Elthina refused to take sides” (p. 196-197). This is at best an abdication of responsibility to dependents for someone intent on remaining in power.

Moreover, Elthina’s dominance over Kirkwall appears to depend in large part on at least appearing to manage Meredith and her troops.  According to her codex, “People frequently turn to her to mediate disputes—particularly those involving the powerful Templar Order, over whom she holds authority as the Chantry's ranking representative.” So Meredith as military leader rules both the Circle and the city-state through fear and violence, while Elthina maintains her power by playing Good Cop to Meredith's Bad Cop. Both then maintain a pretense of legality and legitimacy by fronting Viscount Dumar as the public face of the regime.

And this dual-power system works quite well for them -- at least until Meredith starts losing her mind under the influence of the Red Lyrium idol.

[A link will later be provided for Part 2 on Escalation and Direct Rule. If I ever do get to it 😭😭😭]

[thepromptfoundry]

Junited We Stand here at the Prompt Foundry!

During queer pride month and all year round, we're better and stronger when we stand together, so let's put some creative effort into expressing some of what goes into that.

If you use this list, please tag me here @thepromptfoundry, I’d love to see your writing and art!

Feel free to combine different days' prompts with each other, or combine them with other events like last year's Pride and Promptudice! Use your favorite characters from media, make some OCs, give us some academic analysis, make art that's all vibes, whatever tickles your fancy.

Respond to as many prompts as you want or as interest you, don’t worry about missing or skipping any. Remember, this is supposed to be fun!

If you have any questions or musings, check our FAQ, and if you don't find your answer, shoot me an ask.

Plain text list below the cut:

1 Shared history 2 Under the same umbrella 3 Diverse backgrounds 4 Being an us 5 Intersecting identities 6 Evolving understandings of ourselves 7 Friends of friends 8 Standing up for each other 9 Respecting differences 10 Conflicting needs 11 Similar experiences 12 Speaking up 13 Making space 14 Local community 15 Sharing resources 16 Personal support 17 Found family 18 Respecting what we don't understand 19 Changing language 20 Cultural context 21 Learning from each other 22 Remembering the past 23 Building for the future 24 Defending the youth 25 Doing the right thing vs using the right words 26 Strength in numbers 27 Telling our stories 28 Making ourselves heard 29 Fighting for what we deserve 30 Celebrating every win

[solifloris]

≡;-꒰ 𝐗𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐄𝐑 ꒱₊˚ ପ⊹ I  𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒆𝒏 - 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟐

╰┈➤ ❝ xavier x afab!reader | 18+ only

tags : long fic, porn with plot, prince!xavier x knight!reader, separate from the lightseeker era we know and more of a different royal au, slight angst, hurt/comfort, slowburn ish, mutual yearning, slight miscommunication (well it's xavier…), still has soft fluffy moments though, use of "my prince" "my liege" "your highness" from reader, kisses, first time, oral (f. receiving), heavy petting, vaginal sex, overall soft sex and very vanilla moments, slight use of pet names "angel" and "my queen" towards the end from xavier.

IMPORTANT - this is part 2 because apparently tumblr has a 1000-block limit that won't let me post the entire fic in one whole post...... so please see this link for part 1, or the full fic on AO3 !!

wc : 19.8k total / part 1 - 12.3k / part 2 - 7.5k

an : a tumblr continuation; this is still for @xavmc-week days 1 (knight x royalty), 2 (firsts), and 3 (moon/stars)! note that this is not really a standalone, and does work better with the context from part 1 <3

taglist to be reblogged : SIGN UP HERE

ko-fi jar / commissions

With a single word and a gentle touch, you turned a moment into forever.

Like many things between the two of you, it became routine.

One kiss, and then the second—it happened just the next night. Just as quiet, just as soft, just as gentle.

You hadn’t expected it, not really. You'd wished for it, sure, but you fully believed it to be a one-time-thing—

It wasn't.

Because that next night, he'd invited you in again. Another cup of tea, more idle chatter, something normal—

And then he walked you to the door.

Again.

He stood a moment long, and then you knew, and when his lips brushed yours in another sweet, sweet kiss, you could feel your heart soaring.

Again.

That night, there were still no words exchanged. Just a small, shy, mutual smile, and then the door closing softly behind you.

And after that, it became a rhythm. A routine. He would find you in quiet hallways with an unspoken glance; you would fall into step beside him without hesitation. Sometimes your hands brushed as you walked—accidental at first, then not so accidental. A ghost of a touch. A curl of fingers, before either of you would still remember to pull away.

And some nights, you'd wait by the door, unsure if you'll be invited in again But every time, the door still opened before you could knock.

Some nights, he would still be dressed in formal attire, a little disheveled, a little distracted, a little tired. Other nights, he was comfortable to be in less—a simple linen shirt, maybe even sleep clothes. His sleeves were always rolled to the forearm; gaze was always more relaxed.

Still, always handsome.

And you never really quite talked about the kisses. About the affection, the comfort, the—whatever this was.

They just happened. Folded into the end of each evening, like clockwork—like punctuation.

A kiss by the door. A hand brushing your wrist. A touch on the small of your back as you passed him a folded report.

It took 21 days to form a habit, but sometimes you'd think that this even took less—that was how natural it was. You could breathe, and you would breathe him in. Enough so for you to dream lighter, now. You'd to sleep with the tingle of his lips; wake up with the memory of it.

Naturally, of course, the court remained unaware. In whatever had pulled you close like this, you were still able to keep a straight face around the others. The guards still spoke of it as nothing, and if anyone noticed the way your gazes lingered longer than they should, then they didn't seem to dare touch on the matter in the first place.

It was enough, at least. For you. For him, hopefully.

And then night after night, as the castle settled into quiet and the corridors dimmed to a warm glow, you returned to him.

Always to him.

And you wished, deep in your heart, that it would always last forever.

&—

Of course it didn't.

A bond built in secret—how long, truly, could that last?

You kept your head down when you first heard it.

The palace walls were thin—decidedly so. You'd never cared for it, not before, but now it meant something. Words seeped through the cracks; like vines on a wall, winding, and winding, and—

Choking.

Two noblemen lingered in the corridor. Their voices were low, but not low enough. You could make out, still, what they were saying.

“A match with the House would secure the borderlands for a generation.”

“Well, I believe he’ll fall in line. He has no choice, if it's for the Kingdom.”

“But they say he’s taken to spending time with his knight, that woman. I'd heard she was his personal guard."

"Goodness! Then what would that look like, come delegation day?”

It stung.

You felt the bile build up in your chest, in your throat—

You could throw up.

You almost did.

And you turned, left—your hands clenched into fists at your sides, your limbs tense as you walked. You couldn't bear to hear any more.

It had been weeks.

One, or two—but more than enough for you to live in that pretty little illusion, and now it was time to stop it.

Xavier hadn't told you.

Just last night, you'd shared another soft little kiss—that one was longer than most, you almost stayed.

Almost.

Almost.

But he hadn't told you.

And how long had there been talks of this? How long had he been betrothed to a noble girl? How long had he known? Could he kiss you, still, despite all of this being said? Could he be with you, nightly, despite the arrangements being made for his hand?

When you entered your room, you went straight for your bed. Sat in it in silence, hung your head down in disdain.

Tears pricked at your eyes. Even in its absence, your armor weighed heavy. Right on your heart.

It was the weight of what you were.

You didn't go to him, that night. Not this, not the next, not the nights even after. And each evening that you'd steeled yourself not to knock on his door, a part of you ached like you'd gone too long holding your breath.

Because you'd never even spoken of what you were.

Never defined those soft, goodnight kisses, the brushing of fingers when no one looked, the stolen moments of laughter, of shared glances—things that warmed you, comforted you, made you feel… safe.

For you, it had been enough.

Just spending time with him like that, it had been enough.

Until it wasn't.

And still, you couldn't quite pretend that you hadn't seen it coming.

Xavier moved differently, now. His shoulders were tense in court, his eyes flicking towards you from across the room more often, as though checking to see if you'd still be there. You noticed it. It was hurting him as much as you, you could see it. You knew him well enough. Still, despite the secrets, you knew him well enough.

But this distance was necessary.

If 15 centimeters had shortened into 5, had dissolved into nothingness—

It had grown, since even longer.

15 centimeters to 20, to 30. To one foot, then two—a meter, then more.

The space between you had grown, even when physically, you were only just a few paces apart at all.

And it just had to be that way.

It had to be that way.

So why were you crying?

Why, then, where you turning down this corridor—were you heading to his chambers—

Why, then, was it so difficult to leave?

It was the fourth night, like this. Habitual movements. Heart thrumming with an ache that pulsed at your throat.

You were there before you could think; in front of the door, closed, that you were so familiar with.

Your hand lifted—

You didn't knock.

"This is stupid," you murmured, a pained whisper beneath your breath.

And then—

"…Is that what you think?"

Your heart stopped.

You didn't need to turn to see who had spoken, but—

You did, anyway.

Slowly, guiltily. You turned, let your eyes fall onto his figure, immediately falling into those blue, blue eyes…

Immediately finding that they weren't, now, as bright as you had known them to be.

"I… I wasn't…"

You tried to speak, but your words fell short. You'd forgotten how, almost. 21 days to form a habit, and it had been even less for it to break.

He stepped forward. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

"I didn't mean to…"

"But you’ve barely looked at me.”

Because I can't.

Taking a deep breath, you glanced away, let out a bitter exhale.

“Because… Because if I do, then I’ll forget what I’m supposed to be. A-and I can't do that."

A knight shouldn't…

Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as his brow knit, as something flickered in his eyes like a candlelight caught in the wind.

You knew that look.

Pain.

“So, what are you supposed to be?” he muttered.

Like he didn't know, or— like he couldn't admit it.

You hung your head, then. Refused to answer.

Because what were we, then?

"They said something, didn't they."

His tone was softer this time when he tried again, but it was not a question, not this time.

It was a statement.

Yet, still you couldn't raise your head.

“You think I care what the court says? About what they expect of me?”

"That's not it, I just…"

You shut your eyes tightly.

Well, you had to speak, didn't you?

"I think," you whispered then, slowly, "that you were born with a crown on your head, and I… was born to guard it. And it makes all the difference, Your Highness. Because roles like that… really just don't overlap."

When you say things out loud, it feels a little more real.

Unfortunately for you, that was exactly the case with even this. And maybe, then, it was why things had to fall apart so quickly.

You'd never spoken what you had out loud.

Xavier stepped closer.

Tentative.

The smell of him, then—clean sheets, warm parchment, something grounding—it hit you like a memory.

“You’ve kissed me every night for a week,” he murmured. “You’ve sat beside me in silence, you’ve laughed at my terrible impressions of the court’s musicians, you’ve been more than just duty—more than any of it, long before either of us dared say it.”

You held your breath.

“And now you look at me like you’re afraid to hope.”

"…Because, Your Highness. I am."

In that moment, your voice broke.

“Because this—whatever we are, I— i-it won’t survive a noble’s daughter, with silk hems and land attached to her name, and… and peace."

You still couldn't look at him. You closed your eyes, again, tried not to think about throwing up, tried not to think about how tense you were.

“I'm just a knight, Your Highness, and I serve you. You’ll have to marry. You’ll be expected to bed someone else, kiss someone else, share everything with someone else and pretend like I was nothing but a childish indulgence—”

"Is that… Is that what you think I see you as?"

You shook your head, but you couldn't trust your words to be of any use.

Your throat closed. Your vision blurred; a stray tear fell away.

You could feel yourself trembling.

And then he reached for you, slowly. His hand brushed against your glove, not taking, but—offering.

Hoping.

Without another word, another beat, you felt him lift up your chin, felt him lean in—

He didn't kiss you, not quite. But he pressed your foreheads together, searched your gaze, pleaded you, if only through actions alone.

"I want to choose you," he said quietly. Barely a whisper, barely a breath.

And somehow, you knew that he did.

But wanting something did not always mean that you could.

Now, at least, you knew that.

"But you can't," you whispered.

And you pulled away, took a step back, and bowed.

"Goodnight, my prince."

&—

Another week.

The corridors of the castle always sounded different at night.

Quieter, yes. But emptier, too. Like something had been there, and left, and taken all the warmth with it.

By now, you'd been avoiding his hall entirely. Formed a new habit—walked the longer path to your quarters, kept your head bowed more respectfully during meetings, left before he could catch your eye.

It simply had to be this way.

And, sure— you missed him.

You missed him in ways you didn't have the language for, in ways you wished you could described if only losing a piece of your soul was easy to describe. Because it wasn't just the shared looks, wasn't just the touches, the kisses goodnight—

You missed his voice. His smile. When they weren't meant for anyone else; when he said your name when no one was listening. These things—all of them—that soon, you knew, would belong to someone else.

That he would belong to someone else.

That he would marry someone else, and— and what could a knight do?

What could you do?

You'd heard it now through whispers, then through the official talks. A name had been floated; a political match that made sense.

And you told yourself that it was always going to end like this. That your role in his life was temporary. Just a secret, soft, guarded secret he'd kept while you both waited for the inevitable… soft around the edges, to be kept and folded away without too much pain.

But it did hurt.

Gods, it hurt.

Everytime you laid to sleep, you pressed your fingers to your lips like an idiot, and wondered if he remembered the last kiss like you did.

If he regretted it.

If he thought that things had stepped too far.

And then one evening, you lingered longer in the armory under the guise of inventory.

The space was dim, your hands were idle. You sat in the corner—you had run the inventory, but that was over now. And in this quiet space, your thoughts were louder than they should have been.

Because fuck it all—it hurt, and you missed him.

You wondered—should you have fought for him?

Should you have dared, even?

So little you could do in your position; so much that you could dream.

You groaned, head in your hands as your knees drew to your chest, and you barely even noticed that the door had opened.

A quiet pad of footsteps.

You raised your head, half-expecting a squire or a steward, but—

It was him.

Xavier.

You swallowed thickly, eyes frozen—

Then, quietly:

"There you are. I've been looking all over for you."

You could see his shoulders slump in relief a little, as if the mere sight of you had calmed him, as if he'd waited—desperately—for another moment to share with you. While you could do nothing. You watched, stayed still when he moved to sit beside you, a few paces away, respecting the boundary that he knew you'd put up, letting his words hang in the air a little.

"You… stopped coming to say goodnight," he added after a while. Not looking at you, but looking straight ahead.

As if he could scare you with another glance.

"…I, um. Didn't want to be a burden."

"You aren't, though."

You swallowed. You could feel your heart thudding painfully against your ribs. "…Well, they… They said you were meeting her. Next week, right? The… the noblewoman. Your betrothed."

Out of the corner of your eye, his expression flickered.

"Mn, they've arranged a meeting. But she isn't my betrothed. None of this means that I've agreed to anything."

"But you will."

Silence.

You turned.

"You… will, won't you?"

And then your eyes met, again you held your breath, and he gave you a slow, strained smile.

No.

"Your Highness, please, I don't want you to—"

"Do you know?"

He whispered, but it was enough to cut you off.

Your mouth clamped shut.

"Do you know how many times I've looked at the throne room, full of all these people… and only wanted to find your face?"

Your breath caught.

"I never wanted to stop what we had," he mumbled. "I thought you just needed space, so I gave it to you, I didn't mean…"

"But that's not the point, Your Highness. You're to marry, I can't just—"

"I thought you regretted it."

You exhaled slowly. "…Never."

Never.

And this time he drew closer; reached for you, as if so desperate, now, not to have you leave his side again.

How could you ever have it in you to pull back?

"Please," he whispered, "I— I haven't been sleeping."

His voice felt raw; you heard it strain like the way he was trying to keep it together in front of you.

"You… You're my knight, and you've protected me all this time,but you don't have to protect me from heartbreak. Not like this. I don't want it like this. I need you to believe that I can choose it, even if it hurts, and that I'll…"

You closed your eyes. In that moment, listening, you resigned—allowed yourself a moment of selfishness, allowed yourself to lean in, bury your face into his chest.

You heard it, the way his breath hitched.

Slowly his arms wrapped around your figure, questioning, unsure, but so… hopeful.

"I never thought I could belong in your world," you murmured. Your voice was muffled by his clothing. "I still don't know if I do. You're meant to belong to someone else, and I—"

"I don't want someone else."

"…I don't want you to want someone else, either."

He leaned down to rest his chin on top of the crown of your head then, and then there was silence.

Neither of you moved, neither of you said another word.

Right now, you thought you could enjoy it—just another quiet moment for the two of you, another illusion that everything was fine.

&—

The castle had never been louder.

“Did you hear?” said one.

“He turned her down," said another.

“It's a royal scandal!” "What will the court think?!" "Does this mean something for our Kingdom?!"

Word spread fast, as usual.

You'd borne the brunt of it before, but now you were a spectator—curious, at that.

It was today; earlier. Xavier had journeyed to meet up with his betrothed, and you'd purposely kept away from him, but he'd returned with nothing but silence.

You hadn't seen him.

He hadn't sat through his duties, hadn't offered a word to anyone… Not the King, nor you, nor—anyone. Just ridden straight through the gates and disappeared into his chambers without even an escort.

And you had heard all of this in fragments. Snatches of gossip, pieces and bits, a part of the vine that crawled, and crawled, and crawled…

Even your captain had to look up from his reports to ask, "Did you know anything about this?"

You didn't.

You knew nothing.

You didn't know why he’d done it, or what it meant, but—but you had hope that you did. The kind of hope that had you freezing; foggy. Something lodged in your throat, something unspeakable and trembling, and—

You could tell yourself to leave it alone.

You could.

You could.

But you didn't.

And in all manners predictable, by nightfall, you'd found yourself standing right in front of his door again.

It had been so long.

Your fist hovered, uncertain, still—

He'd said no, to a future. A future set out for him, a future that would've made sense, a crown-sanctioned bride that should have been—

He said no to the wishes of his Kingdom.

It was a risk, one unimaginable, even for you.

And you needed to know why .

So you knocked, once.

The door opened almost instantly, as though he’d been waiting, and he looked…

Tired.

Rumpled.

He had no cloak, no gloves, and his shirt remained half-unbuttoned at the collar, like he hadn't even bothered changing since he'd gotten back hours ago. So when your eyes met, for a moment neither of you moved.

Then, quietly, he stepped aside.

“You heard,” he said.

You entered, keeping your gaze on the ground. “The whole castle's heard.”

"… Of course."

He exhaled. A small, tired laugh escaped his lips. And still you wouldn't look at him, but you grasped at his sleeve, and tugged.

"Why?" you whispered.

“Because I couldn’t lie anymore.”

You drew in a breath.

“I thought I could do it,” he muttered. You could hear a dry smile in the way that he spoke. “I thought I could be what they needed, marry who they wanted… But I sat across from her, and all I could think was—she isn’t you.”

He took a slow step towards you; broke that distance in an instant. 15 centimeters? No more.

And every word, every breath, they would still you in your own movements, render you frozen to the spot, but he—

This time, he wouldn't let you.

“I tried to forget. To be noble. To be dutiful.” Another step. “But I’ve been in love with you for so long, and now I know that I wouldn’t know how to stop. I don't know."

You looked up, this time. Slowly, as he drew you in. A hand at your waist, a touch you didn't refuse—a gaze you couldn't look away from.

And, god, you were weak.

"…I like it, when you name things," you whispered back finally. A line that was familiar; memories drawn to that balcony, late at night, but a line you would repeat for yourself to hear. "It makes them feel more real. It makes you feel more real. Not like… Like a star, up in the sky, far too high that I can't dream to reach."

Like, you... have always been too far from me. But, I...

It began with trembling lips.

His hands rose to cup your jaw, and yours fisted gently into the fabric of his shirt—clinging, like you didn’t trust the moment to stay if you let go.

"It is real," Xavier breathed. "It's very, very real. This moment, and us."

And he kissed you.

Your lips met with the soft, inevitable gravity of two people who had always been drifting toward each other; like he had waited for years; like you had only a single remaining language in your heart that existed in the shape of him.

So when his hands began to roam—slow, careful, unhurried—you didn't stop him. You basked in it. The finality of it. It sent a heat heat skimming beneath your skin, and immediately your body responded before you could think, pressing into him as he guided you backwards.

And your name.

God, your name.

You'd never heard it sound so sweet, so loving, not like the way he whispered it between your lips. Every kiss, every movement—your name fell still, like a sigh; a quiet chant, and it made you weak.

The backs of your legs hit his bed, and you let yourself fall.

Into him, and the mattress—into everything and anything that this moment was building up to.

And he kissed you, and kissed you, and kissed you—barely spent a second away from you, even as he unfastened your tunic with slow fingers, each button undone like an unspoken confession.

Only when it was off did he pause, sitting back.

You watched his eyes. Saw the awe in them.

Devotion.

Reverence.

"So beautiful," he whispered.

And as you flushed at his response to you, he kissed your jaw, your shoulder, the hollow of your collarbone. Soft, fluttering kisses, down your body, almost enough to have you weeping from the way he did it—like every part of you was worth loving. You'd barely even choked back a sob when he pulled away to undress. Clearly every bit as eager as wanting as you.

And so you froze a moment, drank him in—every golden line of his chest, the way candlelight haloed over the silvery strands of his hair.

You watched, still, as he came down over you. He placed both forearms on either side of your head, and a small smile played at your lips;

He said it again.

"You're so beautiful," he sighed. "Like… an angel."

You didn't know if you wanted to hit him or burrow in embarrassment, but even as your face reddened, that lovesick look on his face rendered you silent.

And this time, he took his time.

He trailed your jaw, your neck, your collarbone—feeling, this time, with the tips of his fingers, as if carefully wanting to leave on you a mark of his own touch.

He moved lower.

His gaze followed where his hands went, dipping down your sides, sliding over to brush beneath your breast. When he stroked over to your belly, you held you breath; when he held your hip and nudged your waistband down, you arched in permission.

And despite how the situation was—despite the way he'd leave you completely bare, despite the inevitable, then that this was leading to—you found that his touches were devoid of any ulterior motive.

His eyes, when he raised them back to yours, were so loving. As if, he wanted to say—even this, now, feels like coming home.

And maybe it was.

Maybe it was, in the way he seeked to explore every little inch of you. The way he traced your skin, meant to memorize every curve. The way every touch, now, built warmth right into you, slow, and steady, and tender, until he knew that you ached for him—possibly, then, in ways you'd never dared to explore before this.

So when he kissed you next, it was gentle.

Intentional, but gentle.

You could feel years of unspoken yearning behind the way his mouth moved against yours, the way he cupped your cheek and dipped the tip of his tongue into your parted lips.

Immediately, naturally—your legs parted, raising to cradle his hips.

Against your bare sex you could feel the friction of his bulge, and you tugged at his hair.

Off, you seemed to plead.

He only looked at you with a smile.

There was a sparkle in his eyes—love, still, and this time a little hint of teasing.

He nuzzled your cheek. "Do you need something?" he murmured.

He'd play the oblivious, innocent rabbit, even now.

"…Xavier," you whispered.

You closed your eyes, brought your lips close to his ear.

"Xavier."

And you had never said his name before. Not without titles, or formal address—

Never just his name.

You heard his breath hitch; felt his grip tighten around your arm.

"You…" He sounded like he was struggling to breathe. You could have sworn you felt him grow, against you.

And perhaps you felt daring, perhaps this was that unabashed, bolder side of you again—

You raised your hips and ground yourself against him, and you nearly trembled at the sound of his moan.

"Xavier," you repeated again, barely even a breath. "Please…"

There was a moment of parting, a moment where he stared, still, before he chuckled and complied. Slowly, articles of clothing bared him to you in turn, and you keened at the way he pressed himself against you once more. Firmer, this time. More sure.

"My angel…" he whispered, running a hand down your cheek before he kissed the place that he'd touched. "You're still here."

"I'll always be here. I don't want… to leave you ever again, Xavier, I…"

"Shhh. You're okay. I have you."

You gasped then, as you felt it.

The head of his cock rubbed deliciously at your entrance—not quite entering, but teasing, so, so, teasing.

Another roll of his hips drew a whimper from you this time, and his eyes glinted with mischief.

"You're enjoying this…" you whined.

He smiled. "Immensely."

And then he raised your hips, slot himself right at your hole, wrapped your legs at his waist—

"Breathe, angel."

The stretch was exquisite.

You felt yourself arching into him, trembling as he took you whole. Inch by inch he slid inside you, rubbing your hips in circles, bringing a hand up to his lips for him to kiss.

You were startled, almost. You could feel every vein, every ridge—every perfection as he filled you, and, all be damned—you wanted him. So, so, incredibly bad.

His hand moved, then, to stroke your side, a gentle, soothing motion as you pulsed and wrapped around him. He leaned in to kiss your temple, your cheek, your lips—as though trying to anchor you there with him.

"Are you okay?" he murmured against your skin. "Still with me?"

You could only nod, your voice too thick with emotion to answer.

His forehead rested against you, fingers threading with yours beside your head.

“You’re shaking,” he nuzzled you.

"I…"

Am I?

You marveled. You hadn't noticed, but you supposed that you were.

"I-I'm just—" You swallowed. “I'm really happy. I didn’t think I’d ever get this… you… us…"

He chuckled, kissed your cheek. "But it feels good, right?"

"Mhm. Real good."

"Can I move?"

You paused, then wrapped your arms around his neck— "Please."

And he did.

He fell against you, braced slightly on his arms, yet when his weight settled—it was grounding.

It was real.

So real, even if you felt you could float, because you felt him.

In, and out. In, and out.

He moved slowly, giving you time, watching your face with every shift of his hips. Every glide sent shivers through you. Every grind of his hips sent a heat sparking your skin.

"Xavier…" you whispered again; moaned. "Oh, god… y-you're so good…"

"Mh? Do you like it?"

He kissed you again, and you breathed him in.

And then you didn't realize you were crying, not until he pulled his lips away, brushed a thumb across your cheek.

"Am I hurting you? Is it too much?" He stilled, a moment, cupped your cheeks to get you to look at him. "You're crying…"

"No, I…"

You sniffled, a little, had to bite your lip a moment before you could continue.

You pulled him close, lifted your hips for him once more.

"D-don't stop, please," you breathed. "I'm just… so… in love with you…"

His eyes, already so tender, seemed to drown in your words, to overflow at the same time with a sense of love that only you could understand in turn.

His hips snapped—jerked, a little, as if spurred to action by the heat of the moment. Deeper, this time, so wonderfully deep. It drew a single, broken gasp from you—half sob, half moan, and he knew.

He did it again.

"…Like that?" he whispered.

Again.

You gripped his shoulders, drew your nails down to his back. "Yes. Yes, please, just like that, Xavier."

And then you had found your rhythm.

Steady, deep, and perfect.

His hands framed your face, kissed your cheeks where the tears had fallen… so much tenderness, and reverence, and devotion, and you believed—

This was how it was supposed to be.

This was how it was meant to be.

And your hands roamed his back, down to his hips, pulling him deeper. "More, please, my prince…"

"Mnnh, but you can't… s-say my title, like I'm not—"

"Xavier."

You moaned his name to placate him, but snuck in a cheeky smile.

"Xavier, my prince, my liege, my—"

You could have squealed at the way he kissed you then.

In a rush to shut you up, perhaps, his kiss had lost much of the gentleness with which he'd been treating you. Deeper, rougher, messier—his tongue found yours, and he wasn't breathing you in, he was drinking you in.

Dizzy.

When he pulled away, you forgot how to breathe, and still his hips continued to move at his rhythm.

"I dare you," he spoke through gritted teeth, panting, "to say that again." A challenge. "Do you wish so badly to be reminded of our differences when I'm inside you?"

And though his words made you flush, you only shook your head.

"It feels… ah… I-it feels more real when I s-say it out loud—" You gasped, trying to take the pleasure he was giving you. "Th-that despite everything— Even if you're the prince, and I'm the knight, we're — oh, god— w-we're both still here… In this moment… Together..."

He gripped your hips, rocked into you in a way that made you breathless.

"…You're right," he murmured. "That isn't going to change what we feel. Not anymore."

The pleasure built further, then. Gradually. Quiet moans became harder to keep in check, especially not when you could feel him pulse the way he did.

"I-I'm…" you choked out, trying to hold back a cry. "C-close… Xavier…"

"Mhm. I am, too. L-let's… cum together…"

He held your hands, gripped them tightly as he stilled.

He throbbed; you felt it. And a warm, sticky sensation filled you, enough for you to tremble, enough for you to still—frozen, captured—

He kissed you, again. Whispered your name onto your lips, a soft gasp, a prayer.

And even afterwards, he didn't dare leave you.

He gathered you into his arms, not minding the mess, not minding the way you'd tangled together in the passion you'd shared just then.

And he kissed you over, and over, and over again—

"Xavier, I love you," you sniffled.

"And I love you, my angel. For you… have always been mine."

And in the quiet that followed, as you drifted into sleep… You felt that you finally believed it.

&—

You woke slowly, the sunlight filtering through the heavy curtains in soft strips of gold. Yet, the warmth that cocooned you wasn’t just the sun—

It was him.

Still, always, him.

Xavier, half-asleep, lay with one arm lazily draped across your waist, his breath steady against the back of your neck.

For a moment you simply lay there, smiling quietly to yourself. The memories of last night came back in waves—his touch, his voice, the way he’d held you like you was everything...

You'd cleaned, before you slept, but you still felt every little sensation so vividly. Even now your body still hummed from it, a quiet, satisfied ache in all the right places. And you thought, foolishly, that you really might just lie here forever, suspended in the hush of a private morning.

Until you felt the press of his lips at your shoulder.

Soft.

Then, again—lower, this time.

You blinked sleepily, shifting under the sheets. “You're awake?” you murmured, a smile at the edge of your lips.

He hummed. "I wouldn't be, but you're distracting."

You huffed a laugh, turning your head slightly to peer at him over your shoulder. “I’m not even doing anything…”

“You exist.” His mouth trailed down the curve of your spine, slow, purposeful. “It’s more than enough.”

And before you could react, really, you felt the last shape of his smile against your back before he moved even lower, slipping under the covers.

“Xavier…” you warned gently, though your voice had little conviction. A thrill had already started curling in your belly—anticipation, excitement. “You’re insatiable.”

“But I’ve shown restraint for years,” he murmured from somewhere near your hips. “I’m just making up for lost time. Besides…"

You squeaked as you felt him lick right above your mound, sending tingles all over your body.

"I didn't taste you last night. Don't I get a taste test of my beloved queen?"

Beloved queen.

Your breath caught in your throat.

Another kiss; inside your thigh, nuzzling into you like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"X-Xavier—!"

His tongue was soft at first, teasing. Coaxing you awake in ways that had nothing to do with the sunlight. Your body arched of its own accord, slow and easy, thighs parting to grant him better access— You felt his hands hold you steady, and then he began to devour you with that same kind of reverence that made you feel drunk on him all over again.

You reached down blindly, fingers threading through his hair. “You really don’t have to—ah—Xavier—!"

“But I want to,” he said between kisses, between licks, with his breath still hot against you. “You taste really good, I wish I'd done this sooner.”

A moan spilled from your lips as his own closed right around your clit. It turned into a laugh, almost—you trembled, it was a little high pitched. “You—! Y-you're ridiculous,” you huffed, but still affection pooling in your chest as much as the heat searing between your legs.

This time, he didn't reply, not quite.

Just a groan—either from your words or the way you bucked slightly against his mouth, you couldn't really tell.

But oh, did it feel fucking good .

You felt him part your folds, add in a teasing lick at your entrance. He'd dip the tip of his tongue inside before gliding it achingly close to your clit—a few repetitions of the movement before it swirled over your bud, flicked it to the side.

"Oh, god—!"

Spurred on by your sounds, he only continued. Moaned against your skin, mixed in shamelessly with the lewd, slick sounds of your arousal. When his tongue slipped in, you cried—bucked, writhed, almost. Your fingers dug into his hair, and before you knew it, you were grinding into him, finding your rhythm.

"Xavier!" you whined. "Oh, god… oh, god, fffu—hnng—"

Your legs seized.

You felt him press you open, pushed onto the mattress, never daring to allow you any escape—

"C, c-cummin—ngh—!"

Your orgasm rushed to the surface as your back arched, curling into him with no more control over your movements.

But, greedily, he continued. Lapped you up, flicked at your clit. Enough so that by now you'd kicked at the covers, whined and tugged him up.

"Xavier… Xavier!" you huffed, panted.

When he stopped, finally, you sank weakly into the pillows, already drawing up one of them to cover your flushed face.

Not that he'd let you, of course.

He rose up to meet you with a smug, warm grin, crawling up to pull the pillow away and press a kiss to your cheek.

“Good morning,” he hummed.

Cheeky.

So, incredibly cheeky.

Donning a pout and feigning upset, you tilted your head to look at him, “Good morning, you menace.”

He only chuckled again and pulled you against his chest. “You like it, though.”

"You're lucky I do."

Your body was still warm, skin humming with the afterglow as you gave in and draped your arm across him. He was cozy, still. Despite the way you felt like you were already spent, you wouldn't turn away more cuddles from him. And in turn, he brushed his fingers up and down your bare back, slow and absent, as though touching you had become second nature.

You sighed contentedly.

"You know… most people start their mornings with tea."

"Mmm." A squeeze on your arm. "But this is better."

"You're going to spoil me."

"Good, I want to."

You felt him stir, then, and your breath caught—he ground against your thigh, just enough to earn you that delicious, delicious little groan.

"Your Highness…" you huffed.

"Mn, I know… But you're just so…"

Another grind, and you felt him tremble.

And it was so, so hard to resist, even for you.

"Please?" he murmured, nuzzling your neck.

"…Again? But you just…"

"I need you…"

And he rolled you gently onto your back, settled over you with a practiced ease.

A beat.

You looked at each other.

And now, like this, his eyes were so pleading, that you eventually broke out into a barely-contained smile of your own.

You were so weak.

He made you utterly, completely weak.

"Fine," you rolled your eyes, "last one, and then we get ready."

And it was so natural.

There was no urgency this time, only a warm familiarity as he slid into you. Still you felt the stretch, and still you felt yourself drawn in to take him all. And then you kissed, and gasped softly against his mouth, hands rising up to cradle the back of his neck.

“My prince,” you whispered, breath hitching as he began to move, “you’re impossible.”

He gave another peck to your lips, grinned as your hips lifted to meet his rhythm. This time it wasn't so deep, or hungry, or too much, it was just—

Right.

So right.

And kisses turned to giggles, and somewhere between slow thrusts and quiet moans, a conversation bubbled like the most natural thing in the world.

“I… still have meetings later,” he murmured against your neck. “Dull things. Reports, schedules. Nobles who love the sound of their own voices.”

Laughing softly, you arched into him again with a little hum. “And so I told you we mustn't take too long."

"But I want to spend the morning with you."

"You can't spend the whole morning…"

"Mn…" His hips moved with a slow roll then that made your eyes flutter, grinding against your sweet spot so perfect. “Still, it would be better if you were there.”

You grinned.

“As your knight or as your lover?” you teased, though something in your voice was soft. Wondering.

He looked at you then, his rhythm pausing just long enough for the weight of his gaze to settle. He brushed a strand of hair from your damp forehead.

“Both.”

You pulled him back into you, clung to him as you nuzzled into your neck.

"Ah, hearing you say that… feels almost as good as this…"

"This?"

He nudged your head, nipped at your cheek. You could feel him grin—another particularly angled thrust had the head of his cock kissing at your g-spot, and you shuddered.

"Mhm… just like that."

And he chuckled, timing every movement of his hips to hit that spot just right, just the way you liked it; only one time before and he'd already memorized every spot that made you cave so much.

He voiced it out. Poked his tongue out to make kitten licks at your neck, absolutely cherished the way that you groaned for him. "I already know what you like, angel. You like it here…"

His hand moved down, brushed against your nipple.

"And, here…"

With a grin, he dipped his head to nip at your collarbone.

"And, here…"

His hand moved lower down still, slid between your tangled limbs, and pressed against your clit.

You gasped, eyes wide, and he dared to grind against you, rubbing against your clit so perfectly that you nearly weeped again.

"X-Xavier!" you whimpered. "Y-you're so unfair, that's— ngh—"

Again he moved up your body to nuzzle your cheek affectionately, but his hand stayed at your nub and moved in slow, steady circles to match his hips.

“Today,” he said, breath warm and steady, “I’m going to tell them. The court. The council. Everyone.”

Your eyes widened, lips parted in pleasured puffs.

“I’m going to tell them I want to marry my knight,” he continued, fondly. “That I will.”

And you felt as if your heart could burst.

The world, around you, seemed to sway. Not from the motion of your bodies, even—but from this, this rush of emotion, the disbelief that settled into an overwhelming sense of love.

You didn't think you could love him any more than you did.

But he was very good at proving that notion wrong.

"You… you mean it?" you breathed.

"Mhm."

"You… I… I-I'm going to be your… queen?"

"Mhm."

He leaned in to kiss you again—that same gentle, soft kiss, followed by little fluttering ones all over your face until he reached the corners of your eyes.

Despite yourself, a little giggle fell from your lips, one that easily turned into a squeal as he flipped you over.

Now, with your face into the pillows, you felt his breath tickling your neck, as he gave you more kisses—down your back, along your spine, before he entered again.

Deeper this time. Much deeper than he had before.

"Oh, my god—Xavier, fuck— I—!"

He chuckled, raked his fingers through your hair. "Language," he murmured, "you're not being very classy today."

"Uh, it's your fault that I—!"

You barely got your words out before he slammed back into you, a motion causing your body to rock forward with a gasp. His weight pushed into you, laying like a weighted blanket, allowing you to feel just how deep he could take you.

"It's okay," he breathed, hot against the shell of your ear. "You're being such a good girl for me, my queen."

You could barely process his words, already dizzying at all these delicious sensations.

"You'll be the death of me, my liege."

When he moved again, it didn't take long for the both of you to reach your high. Similarly, still, to just the night before—his hips stilled, moans muffled into the nape of your neck, filling you wholly and completely and perfectly.

He'd turned you over then, pulling out slow, cradling your head in his hands.

"…I mean it," he whispered. "I want to marry you."

"…You're proposing to me after sex?" you laughed softly.

"Well… then do you accept?"

"Of course I do, Xavier."

He smiled. "I'm going to make you my queen. Just you wait."

"If… they don't accept?"

"We can always elope. You'd still be my queen."

You laughed again.

How odd it was, you found, that even in this situation you could still find humor, and comfort. But you supposed that was what it was like—when things felt right, when things felt settled enough.

In your heart, you knew that everything was going to be alright.

The promise lingered, settled in the quiet that followed. Here, in this room, you had everything you needed—you lay with tangled limbs, your hearts so open and tethered, and a world of hope waiting on the other side of the door, but you had each other.

That was the most important part.

You had each other.

© solifloris. all rights reserved. do not: steal, copy, repost, reupload, modify, or claim any of my works as your own, regardless of credit given. absolutely do not use my works for AI training and other related purposes.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

Hello! I just wanted to say I stumbled across one of your posts and ended up looking through the trans tag in your blog for a while and idk it felt so so nice to see a middle aged trans guy just living life and being there for others who are at earlier points of their own trans related journeys, and I hope I can look as awesome as you and be as comfortable in my own skin and style and everything when I'm older.

I guess I also wanted to ask if you had any insight or advice about a couple things, if you're willing to share.. First thing is, did you ever struggle with passing but looking much younger than your age and that somewhat affecting your perception of yourself? I'm 28 and I started T 11 months ago (though at a pretty low dose because I wanted slow changes) and my face just recently started visibly shifting to a more masculine contour and I love it, but I still don't really look like a 28 year old guy.

I've always passed easily even before T but people think I'm like 18-21 max. Things were fine while I was in college (I came out at 19 so for a while my face just felt fitting enough and didn't make me feel either dysphoric or in a weird age limbo) but every year it feels more frustrating and makes me feel sort of alienated from myself including in mental ways, like I'm just a little kid who can't grow up. Like I'll never look like a "real guy" even though I can be stealth because I look like a weird teen and not like a grown up man. It's especially bad when I look at my amab younger siblings who are now also adults and see how I "should have looked" in some other life if I was cis. I guess maybe that's just another manifestation of dysphoria that I didn't have to deal with before? Did you ever experience something like that? And if yes did it get better after some years on T or how did you deal with it?

The other thing is just.. internalized transphobia. It's one thing to know things in a logical or intellectual sense but it's so hard to really feel and believe it sometimes and let go of all the awful transphobic stuff my family said to me during the first years of me being out. I just kept going anyway because I needed to be true to myself and my family basically bullying me wasn't gonna just magically change how I felt about my gender, but what it did do is put my already low confidence and self esteem (in this context regarding my gender) down on the floor. And sometimes I still just think and worry "what if they were right and I was wrong and I'll never be real and valid because of x y z", "what if I'm just delusional", "what if I'm a ridiculous freak". I know, in a way, that no I'm not. I'm just a trans person and they're just transphobes. But feelings like that just get to me sometimes and I don't really know what to do about them even nearly 10 years after coming out. Does that get better at some point? Just like you kinda stop giving a shit what people think about you in general as you get older? But how can you change those internalized views affecting what you think of yourself?

Bit nervous about asking this stuff tbh, so sorry it was so long also sorry if I worded any of it in a not so great way.

I will say though, that seeing older trans people like you does help a little bit. Just makes it feel like "hell yeah I wanna be like him when I grow up". So thank you for showing me that today ;u; (and also for inspiring me to put a little more thought and effort into my styling and fashion choices haha)

Heya, Anon! Let's see what I can cover here:

Looking young.

Oh my god, yes. I was getting carded to buy superglue and spray paint well into my late 30s (I started T at 33). When my partner first asked me out for a date, they were worried I wasn't old enough to drink yet (I was 36).

This is me 1 year on T, age 34.

Years 6 & 7 (ages 39 and 40), is when I feel I started looking older.

I feel like it's only been recently, 14 years in at 47, that I look in my 40s, and a "mature" adult. My beard finally getting full helped, as did my receding hairline. And I feel like my skin texture has toughened up enough, to where wrinkles show more.

That said, yes, it is tough and annoying to deal with. Even when people tell me I look like a particular cis man (where I actually see the resemblance, lol), when I look at us side-by-side, I feel like I'm just a pale shadow of him. I feel jealous and dysphoric, even while I'm flattered by the comparison. I wonder what I "should" look like, and it feels like something has been stolen from me. Its a roller coaster of emotions.

That feeling never really goes away, but you need to afford yourself some grace. You're going to be your own worst critic, and I guarantee you that, of many cis men you grew up with, you can probably still see the kid in them. So of course, you're going to see the kid in yourself.

But, you also just need to let time run its course. HRT is a marathon, and a lot of changes don't really settle for about 5 or 6 years.

I hate to say "enjoy it while you can" because I sure as hell bristled at being mistaken for a teenager or barely 20 when I was in my 30s. But do enjoy what you can of it. Because once you hit middle age, you're going to start dealing with a strange intersection of dysphoria and aging that I myself am still trying to navigate.

One other way I help myself get over negative feelings is to think of how differently my life would have been if I were cis. I honestly worry I would have been a worse person; even though being trans creates a lot of obstacles in my life, I feel like it's been a net gain: being able to know myself so well and help others learn about themselves.

Internalized transphobia

This got better for me with age. My epiphany was that, even over a decade into my transition, I was still softening myself for the benefit of friends and family. I was still using my gender-neutral birthname (I only recently changed it). I would call myself a "person", "guy", or "dude", instead of a "man". I dressed on the young and casual side, eschewing full-on masculine outfits like proper suits with ties.

I only recently pulled myself out of this. It still is a habit-in-progress to refer to myself as a man, even though I have always felt like one. And I've started to dress more vintage, not just because of hyper fixations, but because it's a way to lean into a presentation that is unequivocally, "this is a middle-aged man". And it's done a lot of good for my mental health.

What I'd suggest is to see if you are holding yourself back in any way wrt your gender presentation or how you talk/think about yourself. Give yourself full permission to acknowledge that you are a man, full stop. You're a young man, sure. But still a man, and a full-ass adult at that.

I hope some of this helps. Transition gives us a unique toolset for examining who we are and how we want to move through the world, and that work certainly doesn't end after finally getting on HRT. <3

[fleurmioneweek]

(banner art by @rangerbeads)

FLEURMIONE WEEK 2025

Hello Fleurmionemunyons!

Thank you to everyone who submitted prompts and to all who voted. It’s time to announce the out-of-context quote prompts and schedule for Fleurmione Week 2025 which will take place September 15-21st this year! 🎉

Day 1, September 15: “If you would excuse me now, I’m off to ruin my reputation” Day 2, September 16: “She talks so fast, I got confused!” Day 3, September 17: “Rule #1: The French are never wrong. Rule #2: If they are wrong, see Rule #1” Day 4, September 18: “I could ruin you” Day 5, September 19: “Veela are known for (insert word/phrase here), you know” Day 6, September 20: “According to ‘Hogwarts: A History’, this used to be a sex dungeon” Day 7, September 21: Free Day

Ao3 tag: Fleurmione Week 2025 and/or FleurmioneWeek2025

As always: no AI generated content (fic, art, etc) will be allowed

If you have any other questions, send us an ask or join the +18 fleurmione discord server. You might also want to read over the Rules and FAQs on the last fleurmione week here, they’ll generally be about the same this year.

Best of luck with Fleurmione Week planning! May the plot bunnies be plentiful, may the writer’s block bend and wither to your will, may procrastination be a gentle, pretty friend to overcome… er, you get the picture

Have fun!

[realchickenmanny]

Wanna see some cool data on people's favorite words?

If this is your first time seeing me, STOP READING AND GO SEND ME AN ASK WITH YOUR FAVORITE WORD! In June 2024 I picked up the hobby of asking random people on Tumblr their favorite word, and I just kept asking until we got here today. I've got about 7000 favorite words from a whole bunch of people on Tumblr.

First, the credit for doing basically all of the work goes to @thespyglassofvision. He was the one who ripped all the text out of Tumblr, making it way easier for me to filter it to just favorite words.

He also is the one who found all this cool data analysis! (Warning there's a lot of data, if you wanna just check out the list of favorite words its over here)

All of this data was taken from March 15th, when I collected only a measly 6700 words. If you want to use the list of favorite words for anything, feel free to!(Just show me because I wanna see)

Top 25 most common words:

Fuck: 132

Defenestration: 69

Petrichor: 64

Defenestrate: 51

Onomatopoeia: 38

Shenanigans: 36

Serendipity: 31

Ethereal: 28

Love: 27

Effervescent: 26

Antidisestablishmentarianism: 25

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis: 25

Indubitably: 23

Perchance: 22

Yippee: 22

Flabbergasted: 21

Silly: 21

Cunt: 20

Meow: 19

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: 19

Discombobulate: 18

Kerfuffle: 18

Scrumptious: 18

Serendipitous: 18

Melancholy: 17

The 25 longest words are:

Hottentottenstottertrottelmutterattentäterlattengitterwetterkotterbeutelratte: 77

Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch: 58

Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis: 45

Verfowaldachro'iley'akwe'ichrodekefowalchro: 43

Квазиантихороводоводоведофилофобофагоманы: 41

Isopropyl methylphosphonofluoridate: 35

Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia: 35

Donaudampfschiffahrtskapitänskajüte: 35

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious: 34

Konstantynopolitańczykowianeczka: 32

Satanarchäolügenialkohöllisch: 29

Floccinaucinihilipilification: 29

Najneobhospodárovavateľnejší: 28

Antidisestablishmentarianism: 28

Международный женский день: 26

Methylcloroisothiazolinone: 26

Prisencolinensinainciusol: 25

Subductisupercilicarptor: 24

Megaloblatta longipennis: 24

Drittschadensliquidation: 24

Raxacoricofallapatorius: 23

Low density lipoprotein: 23

Friggatriskaidekaphobia: 23

Rhombicosidodecahedron: 22

Icosadodecaoctatriakis: 22

How much each type of word was used (note: kinda scuffed. Whether something is a noun or adjective is mostly based on the context of that word, which just doesn't exist)

Noun: 3035

Adjective: 1259

Proper Noun: 1028

Verb: 957

Adverb: 278

Interjection: 94

Punctuation: 27

Pronoun: 25

Adposition: 13

Subordinating Conjunction: 9

Numeral: 8

Other: 7

Coordinating Conjunction: 6

Particle: 5

Auxiliary Verb: 2

Ordered by starting character frequency:

S: 841

C: 596

P: 585

A: 462

D: 424

F: 414

B: 361

E: 349

M: 341

T: 240

L: 235

I: 227

G: 211

H: 210

R: 203

O: 177

W: 149

V: 144

N: 118

K: 92

Y: 77

Q: 57

U: 51

J: 42

Z: 25

X: 10

:: 5

К: 5

П: 4

É: 3

Б: 2

Р: 2

ا: 2

ح: 2

と: 2

귤: 1

흐: 1

0: 1

2: 1

-: 1

": 1

Ż: 1

Ἀ: 1

Χ: 1

Д: 1

З: 1

ї: 1

М: 1

Н: 1

н: 1

О: 1

с: 1

Ц: 1

א: 1

ח: 1

ب: 1

ش: 1

क: 1

ब: 1

व: 1

श: 1

แ: 1

ぎ: 1

も: 1

ヤ: 1

夢: 1

早: 1

木: 1

松: 1

狐: 1

猫: 1

白: 1

着: 1

[todayisdeadinside]

Nick Grimshaw is GRIMEY: The Infamous Stripper Party (Harry's 19th Birthday)

I've been digging into this party since March and it's now June and I still feel like I'm missing so much, but this is everything I could find and all of the conclusions I've been able to draw. Sorry this post took so damn long, I literally kept uncovering more details and it just kept spiralling like a russian nesting doll of conflicting info.

Because of tumblr's image limit, I've posted my extensive photo findings from this party onto a sideblog @1d-hq, and linked those posts throughout. Strap in, Nick haters and Harry lovers alike. And yes, I made a whole sideblog for this post.

Table of Contents;

Source Breakdowns

Timeline

Contradictions

Guestlist

Unidentified

Details on Guests

The Stripper

DMs with Luis Govela

Niall

Unknowns/Questions

Final Notes

Source Breakdowns

This is so conflicting it's not even funny, but I did my best. To make this easier on myself, here's every article/source in chronological posted order, with what it claimed about the party. Major publication articles I didn't include just said the same shit earlier ones had said, so I cut them to cut repetitiveness.

For article timestamps, based on either common sense (ie: the hour is more reasonable in British time than my time) or context clues (ie: one article had the "3am" tag) I determined if they were already set to British time or not. I genuinely couldn't find a foolproof method to deduce this, though, so I could be wrong on a few of these (I even tried setting my laptop to British time).

I also screenshotted and posted all of the articles on my sideblog, so you can read them without giving clicks to the publications if that's something you'd like to avoid.

DailyMail #1 posted February 1st at 9:32am (post version)

About the day prior to Harry's birthday, Thursday January 31st 2013.

Early in the evening Harry (18), Louis (21), and 5SOS played football.

Harry (18) then went to La Bodega Negra with Nick Grimshaw (28) and James Corden (34) for food.

Harry (18) then went to Groucho Club, still with Nick (28) and James (34), where Caroline Flack (33) was also partying. (Allegedly Cara Delevingne was also there).

Harry (18) left Groucho at some point (unknown if with or without Nick and James) and went to Base Nightclub. He left Base at 3:20am, ending the night.

DailyMail #2 posted February 2nd at 9:16am (post version)

About Harry's birthday, Friday February 1st 2013.

Guest list claimed to be 39 people.

Stripper info: Claimed she cost £100, was dressed as a cop, stripped down to underwear for 10 minutes, forced Harry to bury his face in her chest, and she slapped Harry (19) with her truncheon (police stick).

Claimed location was initially the Alibi Club in Dalston, London, before moving to a "friend's" nearby house party at 3:00am, going home at 4:30am. Implied Harry (19) went to dinner with (at least) Theo Hutchcraft (26) before going to Alibi.

Claimed none of Harry's bandmates were present. Claimed Harry didn't invite them.

Metro posted February 2nd at 11:20am (post version)

Claimed location was that Harry (19) and his "cronies" went for dinner before heading to the Alibi, then later the "friend's" house, ending the night at 4:30am.

Claimed Niall (20) was present.

Deleted Sun Article #1 posted February 2nd at 1:51pm (post version)

Stripper info: Claimed she gave Harry (19) a lap dance, that she was dressed as a cop.

Claimed location was that Harry (19), Niall (20), and Nick (28) started at Rita's Bar & Grill, before heading to Alibi until 4:30am, no mention of the friend's house party.

Claimed Niall (20) was present, quoting, "Niall told a fan in a message on Twitter that he was "so shocked" and he had "never seen him so scared before."

Deleted Sun Article #2 posted February 2nd at 2:14pm (post version)

Stripper info: Her presence and the lap dance are mentioned. It's implied that the stripper portion and cake portion of the party happened at Rita's.

Claimed location was Rita's Bar & Grill for dinner and cake, then the Alibi club for the party. Claimed Harry (19) left Alibi at 4:30am, again no mention of the friend's house party.

Claimed Niall (20) was present.

Deleted Sun Article #3 posted February 3rd at 12:25am (post version)

This is a Sun exclusive where they claim to have interviewed Harry (19) at 1D's tour rehearsals the morning of Feb. 2nd. There are multiple alleged direct quotes, but I'm always skeptical of written interviews.

Stripper info: Mentioned the lap dance again, added that she forgot her truncheon (police stick) so she brought nunchucks instead. Claimed she put him under "arrest." Claimed a guest at the party recognized the stripper as someone he'd gone to college with.

Claimed the stripper set happened at the Alibi, which clashes with the prior article claiming the cake occurred at Rita's, and both insinuating the cake and stripper parts were one in the same. Claimed Harry left at 3:00am for the friend's house party, ending the night at 4:30am.

Mirror posted February 3rd at 3:00am (post version)

Guest list is claimed to be 70 people.

Stripper info: Mentioned the £100 cost of the stripper again, the lap dance of course, claims her performance was only 3 minutes. Claimed Nick hired the stripper because he "didn't know what else" to buy Harry.

Claimed location is initially an unnamed location until midnight, then the Alibi, before Harry leaves at 3:00am with "Eve Lee" for a friend's house party.

Claimed Niall was present, and that he flirted with the stripper. Mentions his tweet the following morning. "A friend" direct quote, “The irony of it was that apparently it was Niall who got close to the stripper, Harry wasn’t remotely interested.” Claimed Harry invited the rest of the band but only Niall showed.

“Zayn is keeping his head down at the moment, he thought better of going to a party where there was a going to be a stripper.”

This article claimed 1D had tour rehearsals at 9:00am the next morning on the 2nd.

DailyNews posted February 4th at 11:01am (post version)

Stripper info: Much of the same, but this one claims her first name is Millie, citing the Sun as having stated that originally. Claims 'Millie' owns a fashion photography business in London.

Timeline

From everything above and the images linked later, this is the most accurate timeline I've been able to put together.

January 31st 2013

Harry, Louis, and 5SOS played football.

Harry went to dinner at La Bodega Negra with Nick Grimshaw and James Corden.

Harry went to Groucho with Nick and James, where Caroline Flack also was.

Harry went to Base Nightclub (unknown if still with Nick and James) until 3:20am.

February 1st 2013

Harry and the 40-70 guests started the night at Rita's Bar & Grill for dinner, where the striptease and cake cutting happened. They left at midnight.

Harry and the 40-70 guests went to Alibi club until 3:00am.

Harry and a "small group of friends" moved to a "friend's house party" before calling it a night at 4:30am.

February 2nd 2013

One Direction tour rehearsals started at 9:00am.

At some point, The Sun interviewed Harry for their exclusive.

Proving Locations

Contradictions

The Sun contradicted itself by saying Harry stayed at the Alibi until 4:30am in their first 2 articles, but then in their 3rd saying he went to the house party at 3:00am until 4:30am.

The guest list was said to be 39 by the DailyMail, 70 by the Mirror.

The quote saying Zayn chose not to attend Harry's birthday because of the stripper is impossible. Zayn couldn't have possibly known about the stripper, considering Nick didn't even tell Harry ahead of time since it was meant to be a surprise. How would Zayn have known in advance?

Earlier articles claimed the stripper had a truncheon (police stick) but later ones claimed she'd forgotten it and had nunchucks instead.

The stripper's set was claimed to be 10 minutes long by the DailyMail, but 3 minutes by the Mirror.

The first Feb. 2nd DailyMail article claimed none of Harry's bandmates were present, but then Metro claimed Niall was there and other publications adopted that narrative aswell. Could chalk it up to shitty research, but DailyMail is the most reputable out of all of these (in my experience), so I don't know.

Guestlist

The names and ages (at the time) of everyone I think was at this party anytime from Rita's to the Alibi to the house party. I did my best to account for birthdays, but I'm bad at math so please let me know if any of these are off.

Big thanks to @voxina for helping me identify some of these people from the photos.

Harry Styles (19)

Nick Grimshaw (28)

Gemma Styles (23)

Niall Horan (20)

Theo Hutchcraft (26)

Miquita Oliver (28)

Pixie Geldof (22)

Luis Ortega Govela (25)

Eve Lee (Age Unknown)

Aimee Phillips (31)

Marco Gastel (27)

Danielle & Nicole Kahlani (30)

Preston Mahon (~60s)

George & Jake Barnett (25)

Sophie Sleigh-Johnson (25)

McKenzi Sager (28)

Unidentified:

Notable people I really wish were identified:

The non-1D bodyguard

These photographers

Link to ALL of the photos (question marks denote who is unidentified if anyone would like to take a crack at it)

Details on Guests:

Nick organized this party, and presumably invited everyone since the guest list is mainly comprised of his friends, lower-tier celebs, and groupies. Although it's fair to assume Harry had at least some invite power, with Gemma being there.

Speaking of Gemma, she isn't mentioned in any of the articles I found. Despite being Harry's literal sister, she isn't brought up once. I found out she was there because there's a selfie with Harry at Rita's Bar & Grill. She isn't seen in any other photos from the rest of the night, so I think it's safe to assume she left before they hit Alibi club.

Theo Hutchcraft is a name I see around a lot. He seems to be musically involved in Harry's solo career, if I'm not mistaken? I don't know much about his involvement with 1D in the band days, but I know this isn't the first time I've seen him at an event with 1D.

Miquita Oliver, Pixie Geldof, Luis Govela, and Aimee Phillips are all friends of Nick's. Everyone bar Luis I've seen at other Nick-centric hangouts where Harry was involved, but that's a timeline post for another day.

Eve Lee is identified in one of the articles, but I can't find anything about her online. I reckon she's a groupie? Or if she was a celebrity, she hasn't stood the test of time for her own name on google search results. I don't even know how old she is, which is always fun.

Marco Gastel is an interesting one. He's a Modest! Management employee, and was at the time, too. From a quick google search, I found photos of him with members of 1D and other Modest employees from back in the band days. He could certainly be the 'manager' Harry is alleged quoting 'ran to turn off CCTV,' but since I don't have enough specifics, I can't say for sure. Finding this guy's age was a hot mess, I had to reverse-engineer it off his LinkedIn based on when he started school as a kid, so it may be off by a year up or down.

Danielle and Nicole Kahlani are twins, they do hairstyling and makeup artistry respectively, and I believe they're linked with Lou Teasdale as well as being in Nick's friend group.

Preston Mahon was a 1D bodyguard, so his presence makes perfect sense. His birthday isn't listed online, but my amazing friend @summer-lovin-09 found a post from his ex wife who said in 2016 that he was in his 50s. Since it's been a decade, that puts him in his 60s.

George and Jake Barnett are also twins. George is Pixie Geldof's husband, although in 2013 they weren't yet married. Jake I can't 100% confirm was present, since the photo he's meant to be in doesn't fully show his face, so it could just be George again, who knows. George and Jake are in a band called 'These New Puritans.'

Sophie Sleigh-Johnson is also a bit hard to identify, but I feel confident about her face matching the photo. I don't know jack shit about her, but google says she's an author, so that's something.

McKenzi Sager is some sort of fitness guy, again I must thank @summer-lovin-09 for tracking him down just from a photo. I don't know much about him, but I linked his Instagram.

The Stripper

This is a compilation of all the info I could find on specifically the stripper. I found this article quite literally at the last minute in my research- I spent MONTHS trying to identify this woman.

Her name is Camilla Robson, which is where "Millie" came from. It's her nickname.

She's 30 years old.

Nick hired her, she's one of his friends, she is a pole dance photographer normally, and she did the job as a "favour to a friend."

Nick paid her the £100 to do the striptease.

According to Camilla's mother, she greatly regrets taking the job.

She's fucking loaded and definitely didn't need the money from the strip gig.

She was asked for a comment and declined, hiding her face.

This article was posted on February 4th 2013, only days after the party.

DailyMail source

All Camilla Photos

Can I be so real? This reeks of blackmail. She didn't need the money, but she took the job anyway despite not usually doing that sort of thing, and she immediately regretted it only days later. Also the whole phrasing of "favour for a friend" implies she owed her "friend" (Nick) something, and this was how she paid that debt.

All in all, it's concerning that she took the job at all given how young Harry was, and even more concerning overall that she regretted it so heavily right after. What happened here?

DMs with Luis Ortega Govela

Back in March, I dmed this guy. This was long before I'd considered making a post about this date, so I didn't go in with much of a plan, but it's still notable to mention the dms.

When I was hunting down photos of this party, I found one that was posted by Instagram user luisortegag, aka Luis Govela. It was this photo;

From inspecting the date element, I can see it was posted on Feb. 2nd, 2013 at 3:16am which I believe is British time since the actual post shows as being posted on the 1st for me, in American time, 5 hours back.

This means it was taken either right before Harry left the Alibi (unlikely because what club has what looks to be a bed lying around?), or shortly after he arrived at the "friend's house party." Personally, I suspect the friend was Luis, but that's pure speculation on my end. My main reasoning is that the friend is not named, despite the house party being mentioned by multiple articles, and Luis is one of the more niche people involved in this party, for being a friend of Nick's.

This photo raises so many questions for me. Why did Luis take it? Why did he post it? Where is Harry at this point- Alibi or the house party? Why is the photo so close to him? Since this was taken at 3am with him clearly unconscious, why did Harry allegedly keep partying until 4:30am?

Well, I tried to dm him in search of more info. I didn't expect anything to come of it, since none of my other attempts to dm people have ever gotten a reply. But this one did. (Oh, and these dms are from my anonymous burner, I don't have a main instagram at the moment)

Fair warning, because of my lack of a plan, I came on quite accusatory for no reason lmao. No wonder he blocked my ass.

He replied to my first message, then stopped replying after I mentioned Nick. He kept reading my messages for weeks, though- sometimes a few hours later, sometimes the second I sent them, which means he must have been regularly checking the chat if not leaving it open on one of his devices. He finally blocked me after that last message (which is why his name says "Instagram User" in some screenshots that were taken after he blocked me).

I don't know what to make of these dms, it's just weird. His behavior- replying once, then reading my messages but refusing to say anything more, before finally blocking me after WEEKS makes me wonder even more why he took and posted that photo of Harry. It's just such a strange bought of confusion, everything surrounding this man.

Niall

Okay, I have a crazy theory, but stick with me here. I don't think Niall was actually at the party. Papped outside the venue? Yes. In attendance for the festivities? No. This is by-far the most speculative part of this entire post, but allow me to break down my reasonings:

I have dozens of photos collected of this party, including many non-professional candids taken by guests. None of the photos from inside the venue actually feature Niall except one that I'll get into. The only other photos featuring him are pap photos outside one of the venues, and photos in a car.

Niall wasn't anywhere to be seen for the cake part, which you'd think Harry's bandmate-who's-like-a-brother would be there for. He also wasn't around for the striptease, despite articles claiming he was there, making comments, flirting with the stripper, even. Nowhere to be seen.

Niall wasn't mentioned in the first article to come out early on the 2nd. It came out 8 minutes before Niall tweeted about having had a "right laugh" at the party, which I think was the first 'confirmation' of his attendance. That first article actually claimed none of 1D had been present at Harry's party, saying he hadn't invited them.

Niall's tweet came out at 9:40am, and what started at 9:00am that morning? Tour rehearsals. Was he told to tweet that? And then, when the Sun came by later for their exclusive interview, were they fed the narrative that Niall was there? Was Metro fed the same narrative, and then other publications followed suit?

There's the supposed tweet at a fan where he said he was "so shocked" and had "never seen [Harry] so scared before" about the stripper that simply does not exist.

I did find a photo that looked to be of Harry and Niall together at the party, in the correct outfits and everything, but... it's a manip. A manip I could find no original source for, mind you. I have no idea who made it, or how old it is. It was on Pinterest with no credits.

Here's the manip vs. the original photos:

(Oh, and quiet credit to my friend who wishes to remain anonymous for figuring out that this was a manip and hunting down the original photos back in ~March or ~April)

I wanna focus on the original Niall photo (far right), for a second. This is the only photo I have of Niall actually inside a venue, which I'm pretty sure from the backdrop is from Rita's Bar & Grill. Things I noticed about this pic;

The woman he's with isn't in any other photos from across this party. None of them. Does this lean towards my working theory that Niall was photographed partying on a different night entirely with the plan in mind to say he was at Harry's party?

Why would the only photo of Niall with anyone from the party be with some random woman, and not Harry, or any of the prominent guests like Nick, Miquita, Pixie, ect? You're telling me he didn't take any selfies all night except with this random woman?

All Niall Photos

I also want to discuss the pap pics outside/in the car. I will admit, he was photographed with the same bodyguard (Preston Mahon) Harry was seen with that night. Niall was actually on the right street in the pap pics, too. I matched the brick on the buildings and the style of the sidewalk to the street Alibi was on.

Things I noticed about the pap pics outside the venue;

In the background of the pics with Niall, I didn't see any of the existing party guests from the copious photos with Harry. Photos with Harry outside almost always had someone recognizable in the background, but the same can't be said for Niall. Except, of course, for the one bodyguard.

Niall is papped getting into a silver car, which at first glance looks like the same silver car Harry is papped near in several photos. Except, the wheels aren't the same. So they definitely are different cars. Not much on it's own, but within wider context I think it's notable.

With the pics of Niall inside the car, again I see nobody recognizable from the copious Harry photos. We saw dozens of people walking the street, and dozens of people inside the venues, and yet none of them were caught in any of the Niall photos? They were all just missing? Or were the Niall pics taken on a different night?

Even one pic of Niall in the car shows part of a man with a poor hairline and a blue sleeve, who is once again not anyone from the party that got snapped with Harry. I thought maybe he was that dodgy photographer in the blue fit, but nope, the photographer's got a fringe.

And lastly, there's this photo of Niall and another random woman outside of some sort of hedge. For the life of me I can't figure out where outside the photo was taken, but I do have a damning theory that the woman is the same woman as in the Harry selfie that was used in the manip.

Notice her hairline? Nose shape? Smile? If you try to look past the eye makeup being different and see her eye shape, its the same aswell. I know it's hard to see because her hair is tied up in the first one, but doesn't the texture look similar?

This would prove that Niall's pics were taken on a different day to Harry's birthday. But it could be a reach, I'll admit that.

Unknowns/Questions I Still Have

Whether or not Niall ever tweeted at a fan talking about how scared Harry was of the stripper. I lean towards it being bullshit, but who knows. I've been surprised before. I scoured Niall's twitter from Feb. 1st-5th 2013, but no such tweet exists.

Why the Sun deleted their 3 articles on this party.

Why the DailyNews cited the Sun as naming the stripper as Millie when it was the DailyMail that named her.

I need to address it or I'll scream- what the hell did Nick mean when he said he hired a stripper for Harry because he "didn't know what else" to get him? That's an insane decision. Yeah, I'm really struggling to buy a gift for my teenage friend's birthday, oh, I know! I'll hire a 30 year old stripper and not tell him!

How the hell Zayn allegedly knew about the stripper ahead of time but Harry didn't. I reckon Zayn had no idea and that article was lying out of it's ass, but again, I've been surprised before.

Final Notes

Those are my thoughts, but I'd love to hear yours. I like to encourage discussion in the notes of my posts, because I am just one person who likes to research and yap; I don't know everything and the fact that I wasn't in the fandom in 2013 means I could have missed things with my retroactive research on this party.

If anyone can identify the people I couldn't, please let me know so I can edit this post. If you feel uncomfortable reblogging/commenting, you can always send an ask or dm. If you send me asks off anon (to include photos for example) and you ask me not to post your name, I won't.

Sign Katie Waissel's petition to help her publish her book exposing her time under Syco/TXF

UPDATE 1 UPDATE 2 UPDATE 3 (REBLOG) UPDATE 4 UPDATE 5

[sylusslittlekitten]

Luke and Kieran’s Advent Calendar

Day 16 – MYSTERY BOX DAY

Hosted by ©Sylusslittlekitten - All rights reserved

See the whole calendar here

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Presented by Luke and Kieran

LUKE: Welcome to Mystery Box Day, where we show love through mild psychological warfare and confusing packaging.

KIERAN: The rules are simple: every hour, Sylus gets a box. Could be a gift. Could be a crab. Could be emotional trauma.

LUKE: He made it through sixteen of them before walking out.

KIERAN: That’s personal growth.

LUKE: That’s restraint.

KIERAN: That’s love.

LUKE: I opened the rest. I regret at least four. Maybe five. Possibly the socks. [side eyes Kieran]

KIERAN: One box made him smile. That’s it. That’s the victory. That’s the birthday miracle.

LUKE: So scroll down. Witness the chaos. Pick your favourite. And remember—he asked for none of this.

KIERAN: And we did it anyway. Because love is unhinged.

-

Box 1 – Confetti Bomb.

Kieran: “Happy birthday, bitch!”

Sylus: “I will end you.”

Kieran: “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Box 2 – A Live Crab.

Luke: “His name is ‘Snip Snip.’ He likes jazz.”

Sylus: [Glaring. Side-stepping.] “Contain your crustacean.”

Box 3 – One Scented Candle. Called “Dark Brood.”

Kieran: “It’s supposed to smell like you.”

Sylus: “This smells like gunpowder and bad choices.”

Kieran: “Exactly.”

Box 4 – A framed photo of Sylus mid-eye roll.

Luke: “Caught in 4K, baby.”

Sylus: “…How did you get that?”

Box 5 – A glittery pink plush knife.

Kieran: “So you can murder cutely.”

Sylus: [Holding it. Considering it.]

Luke: “He’s keeping it.”

Sylus: [Hands it to Snip Snip.]

Box 6 – A single sock. Not his. No context.

Sylus: “Is this a threat?”

Kieran: “It’s a mystery.”

Box 7 – A little black book labelled ‘Sylus’ Threat Diary.’

Luke: “We filled it with your best insults.”

Sylus: [Flipping through] “Page 42 is out of order.”

Kieran: “He noticed.”

Box 8 – A recording device playing back his sighs, looped.

Kieran: “We call it ‘Soundtrack for the Soul’”

Sylus: [Presses stop. Doesn’t delete it.]

Box 9 – A child’s tiara. Bedazzled. With the word “Boss.”

Sylus: [Silently puts it on.]

Luke & Kieran: [Screaming internally.]

Box 10 – A donut. No explanation. It’s shaped like his face.

Sylus: “…Do I eat it? Is this cannibalism?”

Box 11 – A dramatic cape. Black. Silk-lined. Billowy as fuck.

Luke: “Because you act like a vampire, may as well look the part!”

Sylus: [Puts it on. Instantly looks 30% more terrifying.]

Box 12 – Fingerless gloves with reinforced knuckles and “BITE” stitched on the knuckles.

Kieran: “In case the enemies forget.”

Sylus: [Quiet nod. Wears them immediately.]

Box 13 – A cup of water labelled ‘Emotional Support.’

Sylus: [Drinks it. Doesn’t comment.]

Kieran: “He felt that.”

Box 14 – A tactical plush frog in full SWAT gear.

Kieran: “He’s your emotional support assassin.”

Sylus: “…Why does he have a radio?”

Luke: “He listens to crime podcasts.”

Box 15 – A black notebook. Blank inside. Title: ‘Plans.’

Sylus: [Flips it open. Starts writing immediately.]

Kieran: “He’s journaling! Emotionally or violently?!”

Luke: “Both.”

Box 16 – A full-sized cutout of Sylus with a speech bubble: ‘Shut Up, Kieran.’

Kieran: “I feel seen.”

Sylus: [Nods in approval.]

Box 17 – A pair of novelty socks that say ‘Daddy’

Sylus: [stares at Kieran.]

Kieran: “WHAT?!”

Box 18 – A thermos of perfectly brewed black coffee.

Sylus: [Pauses. Sips. Smiles.]

Luke: “Holy shit. He smiled. Day 16. 6PM. We broke the beast.”

Box 19 – Another Live Crab.

Kieran: “We thought Snip Snip needed a friend. Named him Little Pinch.”

Live Crab: [Blinks at Sylus]

Sylus: [Picks up phone.]

Sylus: “Rafayel?!”

Box 20 – A rubber duck dressed like a mafia boss.

Sylus: “…Duckfather.”

Kieran: “You named it. YOU NAMED IT.”

Box 21 – A sticker sheet. All of them say “Do Not Perceive Me.”

Sylus: “Give me the whole set.”

Box 22 – A weighted blanket in pure black, called ‘The Void.’

Luke: “For emotional pressure and warmth.”

Sylus: [Wrapped in it within 30 seconds.]

Box 23 – A tea towel embroidered with “I Brood Therefore I Am.”

Kieran: “You can use it while making death threats.”

Sylus: “…I’m keeping this in the kitchen.”

Sylus: [Starts twisting ready to whip.]

Box 24 – A nap voucher. Good for 1 hour. Valid only if he agrees to be cuddled.

Sylus: “…Who’s doing the cuddling?”

Luke & Kieran: [Both raise hands. Sylus walks away. The voucher is gone the next morning.]

Hosted by ©Sylusslittlekitten - All rights reserved

See the whole calendar here

Crackpost Masterlist here