#fractured relationships

[spoke9]

Alfie | EPISODE 2 : Teaser Trailer

The Fallout Begins Reference Artwork… Alexis Franklin

[jonathanmoya1955]

The Art that Stayed

I was expecting giants—brushstrokes that shaped history, colors that conquered time. But the walls whispered absence, their icons carried elsewhere, lent to hands that bear their weight. Only the quiet ones remained, anchored in the still air, aching to be adopted, longing for eyes to grant them meaning, a gaze that wholly loves their frail existence, to be taken in—cradled, fed, held close to…

[wickedzeevyln]

Ghost

“Just a second,” Ted raises his index finger at the man barely clearing the horizontal frame while still talking to someone on his phone. “I’ll get back to you soon. There is someone here,” said Ted pushing the button of his ear bud. “This better not be the wrong protein shake you delivered last week—” The man pulls something from behind his back and aims it at Ted, a revolver. “You stole my wife…

[sparklingcid3r]

Having thoughts about how, no matter how loud Pony and Darry get during their arguments, how much vitriol and hate is fueled into their insults and yelling, it doesn’t change the fact that Darry physically cannot go to sleep whenever Pony is out late and he doesn’t know where, too terrified of the thought that his brother is bleeding out in the dirt and he can’t do anything to help him.

And it doesn’t change the fact that Pony’s worst nightmares, the ones that leave him crying so hard he’s choking on gasps and Soda can only barely calm him down from, are the ones that put Darry in the car with their parents.

[catcherwrites]

I don’t have screenshots right now but Soren getting healed of his breathing sickness and paralysis with dark magic rituals that used a wind elk and a baby deer respectively does something to me

Cervidae like deer and elk are commonly associated with strength, resilience, and nobility, but also peace and gentleness across a range of cultures. In certain regions, seeing a dead deer was considered bad luck - and killing one was even worse luck. If I remember correctly, it had something to do with the loss of innocence and how some cultures view deer as sacred messengers?

I know many people associate Soren with dragons (I do too, don’t get me wrong), but there’s something so…human about Soren being represented by a comparatively ‘normal’ creature by TDP standards

[amber-laughs]

there is just no universe where catelyn likes jon i’m sorry. she knows about R+L=J? ned made traitors of her and her children, put jon’s safety above their’s and is now an even bigger threat to their lives. she hates him. Rhaegar wins and he’s prince jon? he’s still the product of the event that the entire country had to go to war for and probably got her father killed in the process. at the very least she resents him. maybe even hates him. modern au? he’s just the cousin with the teen mom that gets high with her son in the basement and sneaks arya razor blades or whatever. she hates him!

[xtrablak674]

I wrote this piece when I was getting to know Justice as an adult. Ultimately they decided not to have a relationship with me. This is a curious piece because I was struggling with losing a relationship I never really had I believe this entry was a surrogate for the relationships with the children.

I have over forty niblings, nieces and nephews but only talk to two of them regularly. Its not what I wanted, and I am sure its not what their grandparents would have wanted if they were still with us. But that is the thing about losing a matriarch or patriarch, there isn't a central person attempting to keep the family together.

I think its been about two years since I heard from Justice and their twin, I have three beautiful prints of them that hang in my home, which I am actually quite proud of because artistically they are beautiful shots irregardless of the subject.

I write all of this as my nibling sleeps feet away from me during their ten day visit. This is why I think its important to celebrate those who you do have as opposed to be concerned about those who you do not. You can't keep pouring into relationships where you get nothing back whether you are related directly by blood or not.

[Photos by Brown Estate]

I Lost a Nephew During the Pandemic but He’s Still Alive

When the abused becomes the abuser the circle is complete, and the trauma has won, the cycle will continue.

Wow it was just about two decades ago when I first met my nephew. He wasn’t my nephew yet he was one of the twins of my former brothers very beautiful and intelligent girlfriend and soon to be fiancé. They had invited me up to their single bedroom home in Beacon, I think for thanksgiving. Quick aside this was before I had learned about the cult-like history in his girlfriends past where they didn’t celebrate things like holidays. 

I remember his best friend was named Oscar this maybe Latino dude a bit quirky but he had passed my muster in not being a total deadbeat. I still feel strongly that the people you surround yourself with reflect your own character. And my other former sibling surrounded himself with clear losers.

Kelly’s twins were paternal not identical and it was so curious to me that one was dark-skinned and one was light-skinned this physical duality also mirrored their significantly different personalities even so young they were their own people. I thought naturally I’d have an infinity for Marcus the darker twin because I had experienced the colorism that we don’t like to talk about in Black families and was of course rooting for team dark-skin! 

Justice’s shy temperament and more sensitive nature mirrored my own behavior at his single digit age. Both of the boys were adorable as you tend to be at that age and I enjoyed rough housing with them in my siblings very sparse living room.

As I think of this time, it reminds me there was a time before my anxiety about eating in public and I’m realizing that some of my anxieties may have been caused by the traumas and injustices I faced by the hands of the ones who I thought should be taking care of my interest. Silly me.

We shared a meal and I ate but didn’t stuff myself always being conscious about watching my weight. And afterwards we played my Justice League Monopoly a great after dinner game for friends and family. They day I met my nephew was a happy day and a very fond memory before everything went to shit.

Now this is the moment I should probably recount those shitty things but you know I don’t feel like rehashing the past and the poor decisions others made that effected me so negatively. So let’s skip ahead twelve years. Marcus has become a young minister at the Kingdom Hall and besides being an amazing student is a beacon of heteromantic role models, playing sports and ministering with vigor as he goes out on missions, handing out tracts and surpassing quotas.

Justice has become more and more aloof had stopped going to the Hall and his once pristine grades had begun to dip and I had begun to think in our brief contact that he may be queer so it wasn’t a surprise when his uncle called me and told me that his parents had put him out the house right on his eighteenth birthday. Damn!

The marriage was started amidst homo-anatagonistic roots and had produced a queer son who was an anathema to the doctrines and dogma of the families faith. The same faith that made me a pariah at the nuptials had claimed another victim. And even though my other former brother set up a call with me and my allegedly queer nephew there was no foundation for the boy to trust me or even know me. As I had predicted so many long years ago the start of their marriage dictated by his grandmother had ended up in me being frozen out of my siblings life and when the coupling produced a child, I had met him less than a handful of times. 

Here I wanted to assist my nephew but his parents had succeeded in him not getting to know me, and my assistance fell on very deaf ears and a young man who was very isolated felt even more isolated and I was horrified because there wasn’t anything more I could do. I can’t make a bond where there isn’t one, no matter how much I wanted that.

Someone had offered me a place to stay an offer that I later took them up on, so I wanted to pay it forward and I offered my nephew the same. When we spoke about this years later he said he had no recollection of this offer and I told him I wasn’t surprised he had just been rejected by his entire family and even though I was offering a lifeline he didn’t really know me from Adam and his trust in family had been so obliterated, that my earnest offer was like no offer at all because it held no value in his head. Because the seed was set that “family” equals pain. And who in their right mind would deliberately walk towards pain?

I had lost before I began but the urge for me to be a better uncle than my aunts and uncles always made me want to strive to attempt to be there for nieces and nephews even though I had continually been ousted, because I can only see children at the pleasure of their parents. 

Uncles and Aunts hold no legal sway with our court system unless they have legal custody of one of their siblings children. I learned this the hard way when I lost visitation rights with my youngest former siblings children and took the grandmother to court with the kids great grandmother to attempt to get the rights to see the kids. I wouldn’t see those kids again for ten years and then only briefly.

I did try to keep in touch with Justice the uncle he didn’t know very well, and I know he secretly resented for being just like him. But one more card marked “Return to Sender”, had all but wiped out my will to continually chase after kids that clearly didn’t want this uncle in their lives, albeit that decision was being made for them. 

His number was disconnected and his social media presence was seemingly non-existent. I probably didn’t do a durable search being so disheartened about trying to connect with a family that didn’t seem to want me and I apologize for my human frailty in this moment. But it’s not because I didn’t want to find him, I had lost the hope that I ever would.

I think his cousin had mentioned his brother and I had a photo of my light-skinned twinned nephew at what looked like some university, in a cap and gown and I wept that it seemed like he had made it through even though he was discarded like yesterday’s trash. I contacted his twin and asked about contact information and was told he could only be found on SnapChat I set up an account just to get in touch with him called UncleTrevor674. 

I wanted to reconnect with him let him know I had been looking for him without success. And albeit his current internet presence was more robust I was missing the keywords Beacon and Florida. I didn’t know he had went down south for a few years and curiously enough had returned to Beacon. I saw now that adding these words did indeed make him easier to find but my own pain and hurt didn’t allow me the clarity to think of these things. I was excited to reconnect with him and attempt to have the relationship with him that I had been denied for so long.

But this was seemingly doomed because by my very nature of being his uncle I was the enemy, albeit when checking the receipts I had never done anything untoward to him. I was grouped in with all the people who had done wrong by him and even though I had tried repeatedly to be present and show an interest in his life, his friends, his interest, the damage had already been done. And my open hand was met with hostility and displaced anger, a pattern I knew all too well from my interactions with my former siblings who seemed to blame me for the fact that we were separated as children here again I was the target of the wrath of a young man whom I only wanted to connect with and support as best I could, and try to be the uncle to him that I never had.

His past traumas were much louder than the love and support that I offered and to protect myself I had to do the most painful thing I had to ever do with a niece or nephew I had to withdraw from the relationship and hope that time would heal the wounds that I didn’t cause, and that maybe someday I would get back the nephew I had actually lost decades ago but just never knew it.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

i do think seeing his mother cry alone in her room is a core memory for suguru that haunts him haunts him haunts him even after he’s killed her . even in dreams

[alcordraws]

I have no idea how to properly put this into words, but one of my favorite things in Demon Slayer is like. The sibling switch up dynamic. Tanjiro is used to being the eldest. He's a big brother, the responsibility of being The Eldest is ingrained into his very bones, and even with his friends, despite being younger, he's still used to being more mature than Inosuke, Zenitsu, and even Genya sometimes. Which is why I really enjoy when he's thrust into a dynamic where he's thrust into the younger sibling role, like with Rengoku or Giyuu (or Mitsuri to a degree). He wants to be respectful to them since they're older, but like. They're all kinda goofy in their own ways, they're too casual for Tanjiro to go Full Polite and Respectful Young Man. He has to bully them back a little bit the way one would an older sibling and it's funny that that's just a little out of his wheelhouse since he's used to being the oldest. In the same vein, Giyuu and Shinobu were both younger siblings who dearly loved their big sisters and now that they're older, they've also been handed the responsibility of mentoring someone younger. Giyuu ran away from this for as long as he could because his guilt and shame kept him from seeing himself as someone capable of ushering in a new generation. It also meant that he ran away from being understood until Tanjiro got through to him. Shinobu, I think, also tends to be closed off, but she saw this little girl that her sister cared about so much and threw herself into training her. And she did find understanding with Kanao, because Kanae had become a big sister to them both. Something about family being blood and bond. Something about Tanjiro being the one to scold Rui about the family you create being just as important as the one you were born with. Argh

[otsmosis]

Get along jester~

[1doesnotsimplyhavejust1fandam]

Promise I’m knocking on wood for this post, but I’ve been thinking lately about ships that could’ve and should’ve gone canon and never did. Obviously, there are many of them, especially queer ships. Most of the ships that I have been excited about or even gotten baited by also came with a healthy side dish of fear that if they did go canon, that the writers or a showrunner would ruin the dynamic that made the characters so special to me, and to everyone else who shipped them. It’s become tied to the way it feels that will-they-won’t-they ships only goes together towards the end of a show. As it’s dying, or even in the final few episodes, maybe as a last ditch effort to save the show, or to finally confirm that fans were not misreading the subtext about a ship.

Now, I wouldn’t say that I have some level of trust in the writers and showrunner of 9-1-1 that these other shows and ships did not inspire in me. That would be crazy given how much of a rollercoaster in quality this show has become. But I do believe that that Buck and Eddie are written in a way that it will be immediately apparent if Buddie going canon will destroy all the things we love about their relationship. They are canonical co-parents. Relatively codependent. Partners in and off the field in so many ways. Arguably each other’s closest relationship on screen (besides Christopher, who is not a main currently anyway). They are considered each other’s Person by each other, and the other people in their lives. If any of these aspects of their relationship were to change, it would be instantly recognizable, both to the writers and to us fans.

Their core relationship has by no means been stagnant because, of course, they’ve only gotten closer as the seasons progressed, but they have been pretty comfortably each other’s closest relationship for several seasons now. There simply isn’t a way to write them as they have been written since Eddie was introduced and ruin a canonical romantic relationship between them. The only fight they ever had was because they couldn’t see and support each other and Chris. It was fairly easily resolved. There would need to be some heavy duty character assassination in order to change the Buddie dynamic from what it has become. And I don’t think anyone involved with the show wants to do that. It’s a draw for fans, it’s good storytelling, and it is true to both characters.

So. Their dynamic, in my mind at least, is fairly secure. And if most or all of the aspects I mentioned remain a part of their relationship, then I will be a very happy camper, even with the potential for added romantic angst between them (if we must, but I do hope that we do not).

[the-worms-in-your-bones]

one thing i love about coming back and relistening to the early episodes is that now that i know where the characters and their relationships to each other are going to end up i can pay more attention to the little details of those relationships being built

[mofsblog]

Scratch is Lillith Evidence

I've kind of accepted this as canon but I havent really seen anyone compile all the evidences so uh here for anyone curious

Kayne first references her in Part 20 which does reveal that Lillith exists in Malevolent:

In part 37, when John, Arthur and Oscar are exploring the barn, John sees a painting of a woman with pale skin and dark hair and seems to go into a kind of trance when he looks at her (which. Gestures. Lillith. Gestures. Succubus-y powers. Gestures)

Later when they open the gateway in Part 38, Scratch merges with a woman who looks exactly like the one in the painting and she's described as having "alabaster skin", aka world's most highly specific descriptor, which also happens to the same description used in the Lillith entry in the Malleus Monstorum for CoC seventh edition (BIG THANKS TO @/unsafewaters for sending the images to me)

And then in Intermezzo, Kayne directly mentions having a daughter and claims that she would "love" Arthur which could tie back to him being Her Favourite. Also I don't like using evidence that isn't in the source material but in the post season 4 QnA, when Harlan's reading out the notes he wrote for Intermezzo, one of the things he reads out is the daughter line, which implies it was important enough to mention (and wasn't just a throwaway joke)

And last but not least, Yorick mentions that Scratch/Owlexander/the entity watching them is close in power to Kayne which would make sense if he created her

Also earlier in the episode, Yorick implied Scratch may be working against Kayne specifically which does imply they have a pre existing relationship which would make sense if she was Lillith:

Extra evidence: In the fake Edward Willaim Allan's journal, he has an entry where talks about how, despite the fact he distrusts his "dream dweller" (who we know is Scratch pre fracturing), something about them still fills him with awe and he feels oddly seduces by them:

Which is likely Lillith using her powers to influence him and make him easier to manipulate (since it's heavily implied, if not basically explicitly stated, she was using him to open a gateway for her to enter the world)

Also! Semi unrelated but while I have your attention and talking about theories! I just wanna highlight a minor theory of mine that there's a high chance Kayne trapped Lillith in some kind of pocket dimension or prison of sorts because the prison line (from the second to last screenshot in this post) feels like foreshadowing and I find it odd that if she supposedly is close to him in power, she would need a humans help to travel through worlds (Also, she's framed as getting "freed" in part 38 when they do eventually open the gateway which leads to the question: free from what?) so that's something to consider

[mollysunder]

Anyone ever think about how Mel and Jinx are the type of people Swain targets the most when he wants to undermine a leading family in a territory of interest. Swain always clocks the black sheep, the problem child, the one who isn't listened to, and very easily makes their agendas align with his own. And more often than not he does it with the daughters of these families, like Katarina Du Couteau and Alyssa Delverhold.

Swain sees these prominent families in strife, and with a gentle hand, suplants the heads with his child of choice. It's Swain's way of setting up young proxy rulers that either believe in Noxus, or just don't believe it's worth anything fighting them.

[impossiblyatomictiger-blog]

I thought for like two seconds: the politics of Arcane suck, don't they?

Like, it's all about the cycle of violence, which is fair when it comes to the personal relationships, but becomes fucked with Jinx and Caitlyn in particular, as it is a microcosm of the Zaun-Piltover thing.

Like, Piltover has economic power over Zaun, what with its control of international trade, explicit ownership of Zaun's resources and many of its factories, and enforces that power through the Enforcers. While I do think that while Jinx's political strategy is non-existant, this oppression and exploitation needs to end, and non-violent reform will only perpetuate the system. While a peaceable revolution would be nice, the only real independance would seperate Piltover's richest from a lot of their wealth.

A similar thing is shown in how Jinx treats Caitlyn vs. how Caitlyn responds to Jinx. Jinx is a personal scale villain, kidnapping her and killing her mom; she resembles the stereotypical anarchist terrorist, but she chooses her targets much more carefully than that (or, at least, Silco does).

Caitlyn's response: take advantage of her status to restart the explicit subjugation of Zaun with the enforcers, and to gas them. Y'know, fascist stuff. Not a long walk from reformist to fascist, since being a reformist doesn't require you to think too hard about the system and how it doesn't work, and thus your biases remain unexamined.

The cycle of violence in the context of Jinx vs Caitlyn, and Zaun vs Piltover, suggests somehow that the relationships are even, that Zaun hurts Piltover, Piltover hurts Zaun, back and forth forever. Wonder what real world conflicts resemble this narrative, that they hit first, so we have the right to self defense even though we have all the power in this situation.

I really like Jinx as a character, I just want a fic that gives her coherent and actionable politics instead of the terrorist framing.

[queen-scribbles]

Taking advantage of a bonus day off to meta about my spy son and his relationship with his Sith gf. :D

It was really interesting with Arkady's run through SoR and RotE, watching his opinion on Lana change. When I started the prelude stuff, I wasn't sure they were going to work, considering he's... not the biggest fan of the Sith. (refresher: he grew up on Ziost and watched a Sith kill his best friend as a teen for "mouthing off". [read: not groveling enough] There was no punishment or anything bc that's The Sith's Right as Superior Beings and he's always been quietly furious about that.) And he was suspicious of Lana at first. But much as I hate the "you're not like other [X]" trope, it does sort of apply here.

Lana is far more practical, level headed, and open minded than any other Sith he's met. And, more importantly, she doesn't act like she's superior simply for being Sith. She listens to his insight, acknowledges and even compliments his skill(and others'). And not in the flattering, hope-to-distract-you way Darth Arkous does; her praise is genuine. That she trusts him with her concerns says volumes to Arkday and goes a long way towards softening his opinion, as does her willingness to work with Theron from Depths of Manaan onward. She's cunning, subtle, and patient, and all those are things he admires.

There is, admittedly, a bit of a setback in his opinion after her "let Theron get captured" stunt on Rishi; the events of the Agent story have made him really sensitive to anything that resembles betrayal from within or not being able to trust your own team. He does insist she apologize, even if he can see her logic. Trust is paramount in something like this. Still, he can appreciate her ability to assess the situation, weigh risk/cost against benefits and make a call quickly in the field, even if he emphatically disagrees with that call.

She's invaluable, and picks up spycraft so quickly he's pretty sure she would have made an amazing operative if she didn't have the Force and get claimed by the Sith. In turn, he's not shy about telling her that. He thinks she's doing an impressive job with the limitations of not knowing who to trust, the lack of resources that includes, and the immensity of what they're facing. By the time they get to the end of Yavin 4 and the aftermath of fighting Revan/the Emperor's escape, he's a a big fan of This One Sith in particular, and has no problem with Marr putting her in charge of Sith Intelligence(even if he rankles at the general concept; he's gone free agent, this doesn't affect him xD). He is, in fact, effusive in his support of this, encouraging to her before they part, and quite saddened by the thought of how long it might be before their paths cross again(if ever). He likes her quite a bit.

In RotE, I was worried I was setting him up for no smooch bc he only took the flirts that seemed in character, and I know pub-side you have to take them all to get a Theron smooch. Lana is not so picky. xD Even if it wasn't Lana asking, he would have jumped to help seeing as Ziost is his home planet. (WHOOPS 😬) He didn't take the first flirt, no matter how glad he was to see her, bc it didn't feel right, under the circumstances. He gets the rundown on what's happening and her plan for dealing with it and backs her immediately. "If that's what you think we should do, we'll do it." He does think she's in over her head, but only bc the chaos unfolding on Ziost would be over anyone's head, even if they were standing on someone else's shoulders. Fortunately, since both he and Theron are here to help, that's three of them and maybe they can get one of their heads above water, so to speak.

It does, of course, only reinforce his general dislike of Sith as power-hungry tyrants(Lana and Marr being literally the only exceptions to this in his experience). He very deliberately doesn't say anything about the fact Theron had to modify the "pacification" weapon to be non-lethal(meaning it was lethal to start. :) The Sith were willing to kill their own people :) for expressing discontent. :)) Lana, do you see where he might have a problem?). There are bigger fish to fry. Like Vitiate.

Master Surro proved another ~Arkady Disapproves~ moment wrt Lana. Having had his mind played with and prodded, he's not inclined to let that happen to anyone, even if she is a Jedi. Lana, of course, thinks he and Theron are soft-hearted and irresponsible for not following what they could learn from this. Arkady doesn't think it will be worth it(who's to say there's any evidence of what Vitiate did or how he took/maintained control? You could break or kill her and gain nothing and she's been through enough.) [PS. He didn't say anything in KotFE ch 4 about Valkorion being in his head. This moment right here is why]

Even with that leaving a sour taste in his mouth, and the fact their big, last-gasp plan does not seem to have worked for more than ten seconds, he still admires her. She kept the Sith Emperor from taking over her mind, thought and acted decisively under extreme pressure(hot), worked well with other even with personal friction, and did the best she could with an impossible situation. When they fail, and Ziost is devoured (and he sure feels Some Kind of Way about that, even if he didn't have a lot of fond memories of home, it was home), Lana acknowledges the failure, figuratively dusts herself off, and thinks about what to do going forward.

It's very sexy, to him, the way she never seems daunted and presses on regardless. Of course he's not going to let her do it alone. Of course he's going to help. However she needs.

This method of helping is 100% fine with him. :3

I may do a separate post about their KotFE/ET era relationship (making it official etc) once he's further along than KotFE ch 5, but I will say: after the nightmares Arkady went through in carbonite, Lana's face being the first one he saw coming out of it was an immeasurable relief.