#getting to go on dates and invite people over. just getting to exist without anyone commenting on it.

[arlathen]

everyone i talk to: yeah, like your credit is about average, you've been consistently employed for several years, you make 5x the rent so can obviously easily afford it, you're a college-educated professional working for the university, you have a great chance of getting this apartment

me: thank u

me: BUT WHAT IF I DONT

[magicaldice]

Synopsis: Y/n goes to a party with her bestfriend without telling her toxic boyfriend. She unexpectedly meets Chris sturniolo & things start to unravel overtime.

⚠︎ : read at your own leisure.

any feedback, likes, comments or shares, are appreciated!

pt 1 pt 2 part 3 pt 4 pt 5 pt 6 pt 7 pt 8 pt 9

pt 10

I sit on Jackson's bed feeling used. He fell asleep right after he got his way. I don't know why I keep falling for the same lies. I sometimes question why I let this relationship keep going. And the truth is I think it's because I'm attached to a version of him that doesn't exist anymore. But I would never admit it outloud.

As Jackson continues to snore next to me, I hear my phone ding.

from chris: you wanna hang?

Me and Chris have been hanging out a lot. For the past month we’ve been hanging out multiple times a week. I enjoyed his company. It was comforting to have finally found someone so genuine.

I look over at Jackson who's completely knocked out. I couldn't imagine what Jackson would do if he saw me texting another man. But at the same time, I couldn't stand seeing him look so peaceful after the feeling of being used.

I mean Chris is a friend. It's not like there would be anything necessarily wrong with hanging out with a friend.

I end up texting Chris to come pick me up from Jackson's house. After getting myself put together I patiently wait in the living room for Chris to get here.

I watch as Chris pulls into the driveway.

"Is this Jacksons house?" he asks curiously while backing out the driveway. I let out a deep breath nodding my head. "You okay?" Chris asks, noticing my energy. "I don't know" I respond truthfully.

"What's wrong?". I look out the window, not really wanting to get into why I feel the way I feel. "You want to get food?" he asks. "Sure".

We head to a drive through and pick up some food before parking in a parking lot. "What's got you so quiet?" Chris questions. I shrug my shoulders. "I just- sometimes I don't know what I'm doing" I voiced. "What do you mean?"

"I don't know, sometimes I just feel used by the people I care about the most. It kind of hurts" I admit. "And by people you mean Jackson" Chris assumes, correctly. I stay silent.

After some random chit chat goes by Chris invites me over to his house. And without hesitation I accept his offer. Once we arrive to his house we go to his room. "Are Madi and Matt home?" I ask sitting on his desk chair. "No they went out on a date" he says, sitting down on his bed. I'm unintentionally reminded that Jackson hasn't taken me on a date for months.

"Your boyfriend okay with you hanging out with me?" Chris asks. I shake my head no. "What does that mean?" he asks. "He doesn't necessarily even know I left" I respond. Chris looks at me with confusion plastered on his face, waiting for me to explain.

"He was asleep when you picked me up" I admit truthfully. "And when he wakes up to see you not next to him what's gonna happen?" he asks as if he already knows the answer. I shrug my shoulders, staying silent not wanting to think about it.

"So what about you then, do you have a girlfriend or anything?" I ask as an attempt to change the subject. "No I don't really do relationships" he says. "Oh your one of them guys" I say half way joking. "What's that supposed to mean?". I shake my head and laugh.

"It's not that I don't do relationships, I'm just not interested in anyone enough right now to do the whole boyfriend thing" he confessed. "I mean I guess that makes sense" I respond.

"How long have you and Jackson been together?" he asks looking down at the floor. "And you want to know this why?" I laughed. "Just curious" he says shrugging, looking back up at me. "We been together for a year" I replied. He nods his head.

A brief moment of silence passes. "Come here" Chris said. You look at him confused by his words. "Just come here really quick, I'm not gonna bite" he said patting a space next to him on the bed. You stand up and walk over to his bed, and you sit next to him.

You lock eyes with each other, feeling like the air in the room has somehow become limited. Chris's hands reach up by your neck, you look down. He's fixing your necklace, untangling it and making it face the right direction. You look back up at him as he stays focused on fixing the necklace.

He finished fixing the necklace and looks back into your eyes, "all better" he says giving a friendly smile. Your body feels warm, too warm for your liking. What the fuck just happened? "Thank you" you say, sounding more like a question. Eyes still locked on one another.

And before you could say anything else, your phone starts to ring. A pit in your stomach forms as you read Jacksons name on the caller ID. Chris stands up and quickly moves to sit on his desk chair.

"Hello" you say into the phone. "Where the fuck are you?" he asks harshly. "With my friend" you respond breath shaky. "You ditched me to go be with your friend?" he snapped. You don't know what to say, so you just stay silent.

"I'm coming to pick you up" he says. You look at Chris who is studying your energy. "No don't. I want to stay at my friends" you respond. "Are you serious right now?" Jackson says in disbelief, as if you just said something completely fucked up. "Whatever y/n. Thanks for being a complete bitch" Jackson says before hanging up.

Your breath remains shaky as you put your phone down and stare at the floor. "What did he say?" Chris asks, noticing your energy. You shake your head, unable to say anything, afraid you might choke on your words.

Tears are forming in your eyes and your body feels weak. "Im sorry I just- I cant even" and before you get the rest of the words out Chris stands up, picks you up and throws you over his shoulder. "Chris what the fuck!" you scream out.

He carries you over his shoulder and out to the living room before sitting you down on the couch. "Stay here" he says before disappearing into the kitchen. What the fuck is he doing?

He comes walking back into the living room with a bunch of different snacks and a big cozy looking blanket. He plops down to me on the couch, setting the snacks down on a table in front of us.

"What are you doing?" I ask. "We're gonna have a movie marathon" he says cheerfully. "Jackson's missing out, him being a bitch just equals me getting to spend more time with you" he says before handing me mini donuts. "If he doesn't want to treat you right, I as your friend, will" Chris says shrugging.

"Oh so were like officially friends now?" I ask jokingly. "Oh so your saying we haven't been friends this whole time?" he asks.

"Your telling me that saving your life at a party isn't friend worthy?” he continued. "You didn't save my life you just made sure I made it to the bathroom instead of throwing up on anyone" I say laughing. "Yeah and got you taco bell, and let you steal my bed which practically is the same thing as saving your life".

I roll my eyes sarcastically "okay fine, you win". "Mhm. Now what movies should we watch?" he asks. You agree to watch whatever movies he wanted to put on. And as he decided to put on the hunger games movie he put the cozy blanket over the two of you. There was some distance between the two of you but not for long.

Chris grabs your body, forcing you to be right next to him. You look at him like he’s fucking insane. "Really? You can fall asleep and drool on my chest while stealing my bed but you cant sit next to me while watching a movie?" He asks.

He's right, even though I didn't know I had fell asleep and drooled on his chest that night of the party, it didn't matter. He was my friend and there was nothing to worry about.

As the movie played my eyes grew heavier and heavier by the second. All I knew is that I was so comfortable and tired, fighting for my life to stay awake.

With the tiredness taking over my body I lean in on Chris's shoulder, feeling like I'm in a state of peace. I felt so at peace that all the worries I had before drifted away, and at that point I hadn't been able to remember why I was worried in the first place.

Chris's POV:

I saw the tears forming in her eyes after she got off the phone with Jackson. It made me so unbelievably upset that he had so much power over her. That he treated her like shit, making her upset and anxious all the time.

It made me so upset that before even a single tear could drop from her eyes I had picked her up and placed her in the living room. I wanted to do anything I could to distract her from that piece of shit. I so badly wanted her to feel good, happy.

I distracted her with snacks and movies, trying my best to not let her get a single thought in about that fuck ass dude who she calls her "boyfriend". I wanted to try my best to be respectful of physical boundaries.

And I'd be lying if I said it wasn't hard. I wanted to hold her, be there for her. I wanted to kiss her and tell her everything was gonna be okay, but I couldn't that wasn't my role. It was supposed to be Jacksons, but he was majorly failing at it.

I know me and her are friends. Kissing isn't a friends type of thing. But I wanted to so bad as much as I tried convincing myself that I didn't. I wanted her to feel good, in multiple ways. But I refuse to fuck this friendship up with her.

For the past month we’ve been hanging out. She was someone who I felt a genuine bond with. And as much as we’ve been hanging out I still felt the need to get to know her even more.

I knew she was pretty, I knew she was attractive. But it's deeper than that. I needed to get to know her better because she intrigued me, and girls don't really have that effect on me.

I wouldn't say I have feelings for her. Because that's not what it really is. It's just attraction and curiosity right now, but I'm scared it'll turn into something else. And as she falls asleep on me while watching the movie I can't help but stare.

Maybe she's bad news. I mean she's in a relationship with someone, but sleeping on me. Or maybe I'm the bad news. I'm the one who grabbed her and pulled her closer to me, telling her that it was okay.

She couldn't hurt a fly even if her life depended on it. I knew that I was pushing boundaries. I knew that if Jackson saw her sleeping on my lap he would try to kill us both. But for some reason I couldn't get myself to care as much as I should.

As she continues to sleep, I can't help but question myself. Feeling emotions was never my thing. It's not that I don't feel, I would just feel so deeply all the time. I eventually just forced myself into feeling numb. Or what some might call "emotionally unavailable". But being around y/n makes me feel. And I kind of hate it for reasons that aren't valid.

But she's my friend, so I'll continue to feel & care. I just get really weird about getting close to people. I built walls around my heart a long time ago. I don't let myself get attached to people. I tend to run away when things get hard. I'm a very flawed person who has so much to work on still.

I start feeling exhausted with how much thinking I'm doing. I look down at y/n sleeping. What a beautiful sight I think to myself.

My eyes get heavy and I want to fight off my sleep just to be able to see her look so peaceful. But my body gets the best of me, and I fall asleep right with her.

Madi's POV:

Matt and I come home a little later than expected. And when we arrive at the house we were met with a surprise.

We walk into the house like normal but we stop in our tracks when we see y/n and Chris cuddling each other on the couch, both passed out. I look over at Matt who's already looking at me with a confused expression on his face.

"What the fuck?" I whisper laughing. Matt and I both look at y/n and Chris and then back at eachother. "Should we wake them up?" Matt asks. "No bro look at them, they look so peaceful" I respond.

"Im so confused right now doesn't she have a boyfriend?" Matt asks. "Technically yeah, but Jackson shouldn't even get the privilege of having that title" I said. "So do we just let them be?" Matt asks. I nod my head and we quietly head to Matt's room.

When we get to the room we get ready for bed. "I dont know if them being like that is a good thing" Matt expresses. "What do you mean why?" I question. "Chris, he's just a complicated person. Getting involved with him isnt the best idea" Matt spoke.

"I dont think we should worry about it right now. Their just friends, them being all cuddled up right now has nothing to do with us" I tell Matt, hoping that he wouldn't worry about it.

"I know Madi, I just worry about him sometimes" Matt voiced. "Just come lay down" I respond, not having enough energy to go back and forth with him right now.

And as me and Matt lay down ready to go to sleep, I can't help but smile. I never seen Chris interact with a girl like that. I mean I seen him around girls, but never doing that type of lovey dovey shit.

I knew Jackson was a piece of shit. I knew he would freak out if he had just seen what me and Matt saw. Them holding each other, cuddling while sleeping. But I didn't care, I thought it was sweet.

I don't think we need to read too far into it. Chris and y/n are friends, creating a bond. And that made me happy for her. Because I knew Chris could be a really good friend. As long as she's okay then I'm okay.

And to be honest, she looked more than okay sleeping in Chris's arms.

taglist

@overlygoin @riggysworld

[tv-show-stuff]

The Hollow Men

Thomas Kinard, in the aftermath

We are the hollow men

We are the stuffed men

Leaning together

Headpiece filled with straw.

It's not until the next week that Tommy realizes he probably just walked away from the best thing that has ever happened to him.

After leaving Evan's place - Buck's place, he thinks to himself, the final nail in the coffin - he gets in his car and does not think about it. He drives home and he does not think about it. He unlocks his door, walks all the way to his bedroom without turning on a single light, and he does not think about it. He strips down to his boxers and his socks and collapses face first on the duvet, not bothering to turn down the bed, and he resolutely does not think about it.

He spends the next five days feeling numb, moving fitfully through the motions, without taking a single second to process the monumental, life-altering decision he made. He gets up in the morning when his alarm goes off, makes his bed with military precision, showers and shaves and styles his hair and brushes his teeth and puts on his cologne like normal. He eats his standard two meals a day, breakfast and dinner, without really tasting them, deliberately ignoring the voice in the back of his mind saying "It's important to enjoy what you're eating, Tommy. Yes I know I was on the keto diet, what does that have to do with anything?" He goes back to skipping lunch, since there is no longer anyone who will wake up early to make one for him when he goes to work, and he doesn't feel like putting in the effort for himself ("If I have it ready for you before you leave, then you have no excuse to skip it, now do you?").

It's not until the sixth day that he realizes "Oh. I ruined something good for me because I was scared ." He's sitting on his couch, ostensibly drinking a beer that he's only taken three sips out of, half-heartedly watching the Kings play the Oilers, when he comes to this realization. His second thought after that is "This is not the first time I've done this."

The thing about Evan is, he's so solid. He's already lived more of a life in three decades than some people do for their entire existence. And even after everything he's gone through, he still manages to hold on to a level of optimism and determination and hope in a way that seams indefatigable. He's brilliant. He's bright. He's young, and exuberant, and after Tommy kissed him and helped him slot into place a piece of himself he didn't even know he was missing, he settled quietly into someone who knows what he wants.

Tommy doesn't know what he wants. Some days, he feels like he doesn't even know who he is. When he looks inward, he sees little more than smoke and mirrors; a labyrinth he doesn't know how to navigate. He's always felt a little off-kilter, like he's walking on a tight-rope, unaware if there's a safety net underneath him if he falls. He's never bothered to look down; he doesn't want to know.

Shape without form, shade without color,

Paralysed force, gesture without motion;

Evan told him he saw a future together. He admires Tommy. He thinks he's brave. Tommy is the furthest thing from brave. The bravest things he's ever done have all involved Evan: that world-shattering first kiss in his kitchen; walking away after that failed date; saying yes to his invitation to the wedding. He doesn't think he's got any bravery left in him.

One day, Evan is going to realize that Tommy is a coward. He's hollow, broken; he has no solid core, no inner structure. He doesn't want to be there when it happens.

Evan deserves better than a shell of a person. He's recovered from everything that life has thrown so far thrown at him; he'll recover from this too. He may be heartbroken now, but eventually that will heal. One day, he'll probably even be thankful.

Tommy won't ever recover from this. This will haunt him until the day he dies. It doesn't matter. He'd break his own heart a thousand times over; he's not sure he has much of one anyways.

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper.

Poem in italics by T.S. Eliot

This is my first fanfiction in a LONG time, and my first for this show, so please be nice! I'm not a great writer, but this has been haunting me and I needed to get it out of my system.

I'm barely in this fandom, but that man has me in a chokehold. A self-sabatoging character who thinks he doesn't deserve anything good?I can relate to that. Again, I'm really only a casual watcher, so if I've gotten any details wrong, please feel free to let me know (gently please!)

Also, I do have an ao3 account! I've never posted on it, I'm mostly only there to read, but if even 1 person likes this enough to want it put on there for some reason, let me know and I'd be happy to do so! I'm also thinking about adding more -possibly Buck's POV, maybe even a make-up. We will see if anyone even bothers to read this one lmao.

[boy-gender]

Hi, hope you're doing well!

I was wondering if you could offer any advice on something. So most of my family watch the news 24/7 (usually fox at that), so my mom has gotten to the point where she basically only watches the weather, which part of me can't really blame her for, it does get exhausting to constantly be up to date with everything happening and I've had to take step back several times recently. But she won't acknowledge anything that's happening really- lgbtq+ issues, the fact that vaccines may be in danger, etc.- I think that she thinks if she ignores it, it'll go away/it doesn't exist, or maybe she feels like if she down plays it enough i won't worry, and i just don't know how to get her to understand that's not how it works, and that these are serious things that I'm actually very worried about.

I've been in a similar, though perhaps not quite so extreme- my parents hate fox- boat. When I still lived at home, coming out as trans did not go over well. For a very long time my parents were doing the neutral my child/they thing, and using a nickname I didn't pick instead of my actual name I did pick. It wasn't the most overt bigotry, but it was very clearly disregarding my identity, and it made me feel horrible. I felt like a ghost in my own house- existing but not really, being ignored at anything beyond surface level. I explained that even if my parents thought they were doing something good by "compromising" on my identity, that identities cannot be compromised on. I am who I say I am, and either you get with the program, or stop referring to me at all. We will be strangers. They thought they were making a good half step forward; I had to be the one to explain that what they were doing was still as damaging as just regularly misgendering or ignoring me.

I wrote everything in a letter, printed it, left it on their bed, and slept over a friends house for the entire weekend. I didn't try to just educate them with facts about trans people- facts will rarely convince anyone on their own.

Instead I focused on the emotions. They're my parents, and presumably they love me even if they don't show it well. My parents, my dad in particular, are horrifically abusive. Banking on their love was a long shot. But often I find abusers do believe they love you- they think they're helping somehow. So I put logic aside and appealed to that.

I was honest. I told them how their behavior made me feel. I told them I felt ignored, disrespected, unseen. Like I was only half alive. Like they were prioritizing mourning a daughter over having a living son.

It worked. They started using my name and correct pronouns, though of course they still slip up. They're in their 70s and I came out at like age 17. I understand them falling back on the usual pattern. But they began to try, and that was what mattered.

I would do the same with your parents- if you feel like only your mom is reachable, then focus on her. Don't bother with the facts. She may very well be keeping her head in the sand like you say, so facts won't reach her. Instead, tell her how her behavior makes you feel. Without blame, without bitterness (even if you have it, put it aside for now). Without logic and facts and statistics. Tell her how you feel. Tell her of your fears. Tell her you need your mom right now to be in your corner because the state of the world scares you. Ask her to pay attention and be informed, so that you two can regulate your anxieties together. Give her clear ideas of what she can do to support you better, and welcome her to bring you her fears too. Now is the time to lean on each other and sometimes you have to invite people very explicitly to do that- especially with a parent, where they may think its inappropriate or against the natural order of things to rely on their child rather than only letting their child rely on them.

Above all just try to be honest, and give her the space to be honest back. Even if her behavior doesn't change, you might understand her motivations better. Itll atleast give you a better idea of where you stand, and that can be helpful too, if disappointing.

[asterkiss]

ello, dear fellow!

you please mind doing fake dating prompt 3?? thank you lots!

Woops, forgot about this. Also had an anon askign for this prompt as well so here we go:

Sequel to Homecoming. Still a high school AU.

- SEVEN MINUTES IN HEAVEN

The homecoming party had gone off without a hitch - or actually, no, that was a lie. There had been at least six hitches, with the last one being Mabel spilling the punch bowl all over her dress and the floor.

But most people seemed to believe she and Bill were dating at least, and it had been worth it to see the look on Pacifica's face as she danced with her hot date.

And, as keen as Mabel was to get changed out of the stained and damp dress she couldn't pass up when they were invited to an after party by the popular kids.

But Pacifica seemed to still have it out for her, and had led the groups crusade in shoving the couple into a closet for Seven Minutes in Heaven. Was this to test if they were really dating? A tube of lipstick had been shoved into Mabel's hand last second before the door was slammed shut.

It was dark, with only a thin sliver of light filtering in through a gap in the doorway over one side of her face.

'So....' She began, glancing aside. She could just make out the silhouette of her fake boyfriend.

His eyes slid in her direction before he grabbed the lipstick out of her hand. She blinked, watching as he smeared it over his lips without a word and leaned towards her.

'Hey, whoah, wait, what are you doing?' Her back pressed against the wall of closet as Bill continued to advance, planting his hands either side of her head. The light shone over his face now instead and she saw the amusement dancing in his eyes.

'Cm'on kid, even you know how this game is played. Pucker up.'

'Sure I do, but can't you be more romantic?' She wasn't against kissing the guy but come on now.

Bill blinked, and almost seemed puzzled by her request. 'I can't exactly take ya to a candle-lit dinner right now.'

'I know, but...' She shrugged, playing with a piece of her hair whilst she glanced aside with a blush. 'You could say something sweet or flirt a bit.'

'You first.'

Oh. Uh. She floundered for a only moment at the sudden request before breaking out into a grin. She leaned closer, placing a hand on his chest where she could feel his steady heart beat beneath her fingers. Time to put those online flirting classes to work, girl.

'Are you a parking ticket? Because you've got "fine" written all over you.' Wink.

He arched an eyebrow but didn't seem particularly swooned off his feet. Hm. Mabel tried again.

'Kiss me if I'm wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?' She pushed herself up on tip-toes, leaning her face closer in anticipation as she pursed her lips towards the guy.

Bill merely blinked. 'If you're talkin' about that old fart Sixer who teaches physics, then yes.'

Mabel stared at him. He stared back.

'Just kiss me already,' she demanded, giving him a fierce look.

'Alrighty.'

Without any hesitation he smashed his lips against her with a force that would surely take anyone else off their feet. But Mabel wasn't just anyone. In fact, it was her who took Bill off his feet as she shoved her body against his own frame, causing the taller boy to stumble back against the side of the enclosed space. She followed suit, hands finding the wall behind him to balance herself as their legs tangled together.

The blond ripped away from her, and although she couldn't see his expression in the dark she was sure he looked bewildered.

Eventually, he just said: 'Jesus, how strong are you?'

'Uh.... Well, I can still pick up Waddles and he weighs 190lbs! Is that a lot?'

'What the fuck?'

Again, she couldn't see his expression but she could only imagine how he was regarding her right now. Most of the guys she crushed on tended to get weirded out when she showed how easily she could pick them up like a bag of grapes.

Oh well. Their loss.

At that moment, the door to the closet was thrown open. Mabel turned her head aside to see Pacifica staring at them in surprise. In the light, their position did look rather comprimising with her pinning him against the wall and their clothing crumpled.

She glanced back at Bill, whose lower face was smudged in red make-up. He paid no attention to the blonde girl, with his blue eyes instead fixated on her.

'Oh my god, look at the lipstick all over their faces,' one of the girls whispered.

Mabel felt a hand around the back of her neck, and barely had time to register it was Bill's before he was pulling her back towards him. She heard Pacifica release a grunt of annoyance as she slammed the door shut again, enveloping the pair in darkness once more.

And yet Bill's mouth remained on hers for much longer, the sensation of his lips sending a tingling feeling down her neck and spine. Her legs felt like jelly as she leaned all her weight against him, but he didn't seem to mind as he pulled away to speak.

'I like a girl who can kick my ass.'

Her face flushed. Okay, now that was a good pick up line. She cleared her throat, trying to appear smooth. 'I think they bought it, we can leave now. I mean, if you want.' Or maybe they could stay in here and kiss more? No, she didn't say that bit out loud. Behave, Mabel. This was a fake dating situation after all. It was purely to get back at Pacifica (on her end) and Dipper (on his). She didn't want to ruin it just when it was getting good!

'Are you kidding? it's barely been five minutes. I have a reputation to uphold. Gimme that lipstick again.'

Reputation? Wasn't his only reputation being an asshole? What was he talking about?

But Mabel didn't bother arguing, instead passing the lipstick over as he proceeded to yank her close and leave marks across her face and throat.

It was worth the yelling she got from Dipper later.

[a-deed-without-a-name]

Butterballs 6? Plz? I'll pay you in virtual hugs?

Oh, hi, Butterballs Anon. Long time, no see. I thought maybe you'd finally gotten the message the last time I and everyone else in my ask box told you to cut it out (for the fiftieth time) because you weren't doing anything but making me mad, but apparently I gave you too much credit. Again.

(If you're new here, check out the "butterballs anon" tag on my blog, and this will make a lot more sense to you.)

I doubt you'll ever see this, since I suspect you only come to my page to send obnoxious asks, but I've got a few things I want to say to you anyway.

You've been harassing me for...wow, look at that, three years. Maybe even longer.

(Jesus Christ. Three years of your actual human life spent obsessing over a goof-off smut fic. I know I'm throwing stones in my glass house here, but...yikes.)

I feel like I know you pretty well at this point.

You've been told to stop. It has been made very clear to you by myself and others that you're making me uncomfortable and upset. You've been told I have lots of other kink fics you can read. You've been told you can write your own Butterballs continuation if you want it that bad. But you haven't done any of those things.

Because you "want" it. You "need" it. You're entitled to it and baffled I don't agree.

It's not a compliment, it's not a mark of how much you enjoy my writing, it's that you're accustomed to getting your way or think that you should and you're frustrated by the fact that you're not.

Your complete lack of regard for someone else's boundaries and your gleeful ignorance of my multiple clear "no"s do not bode well for your behavior in real life.

Maybe it's going a bit far to extrapolate this much from sparse online interactions, but again: three years. After being told a dozen times to stop.

You think you're fun and cute and goofy. You're not.

And I very much doubt I am the only or even most heavily-targeted recipient of your attentions.

I don't know anything about your sexual or romantic proclivities beyond how much you love fat kink, but I shudder thinking about anyone you've experienced attraction to. The harassment they've probably suffered. The way your obsession and lack of respect - because no one's a real person to you, are they? Just a vehicle for the fulfillment of your desires - disrupted their lives. You're the story they tell first dates about the creepiest, clingiest person they ever met.

God help anyone who ever had an actual relationship with you. I pray you're single. I suspect you probably are.

If there are any people you still consider friends, you probably haven't seen them in a while. They get together without you, express relief you're not there, talk about how fun things are without you. Or they invite you because they feel they have to, a la the Geek Social fallacies, but the group keeps getting smaller as more and more people decide they don't have to put up with your bullshit, and those who remain are constantly on edge. Waiting for another outburst from you. Dreading the day they come your next object of obsession.

Your relatives talk disparagingly about your parents, because of the person they've raised.

You've probably lost at least one job for harassment. Maybe even talking about your fetishes at work.

I suspect you probably hide behind neurodivergence. "I can't help it, I have ________." Or passion. You're just so friendly and goofy, a lovable weirdo! But it's not any of those things. If it were, you would have stopped at some point in the last three years.

You believe, deep down, you're entitled to other people's time, and attention, and maybe even their bodies, regardless of what they want and feel. You think that if you just push hard enough, they'll give in and you'll win. Life is a video game for you. You're the only one with thoughts and emotions. The world exists to serve you, and it confuses and frustrates you when you encounter something that conflicts with that belief.

You are a bad person, Butterballs Anon. Full stop.

I don't want a hug from you, virtual or otherwise.

I don't imagine there's anyone left in your life who does.

[lonelymountainmonkey]

How am i doing (socially)

Well things have started getting better id say atleast compared to previous years (since moving to uni). I think the root of the issue was starting uni during covid, the study hall had a limited amount of spots(not that i went there either way) and lectures were digital so didnt really meet anyone, in the second year i went to the study hall maybe once or twice and talked to a guy id met in the first week. He's there most days and has gotten to know most of the people who go there. I talk a bit with some of them but nothing big. Now in the third year ive spent some more time in the study ahll and again realize everyone has formed social groups that ill never be a part of since i didnt spend time around when tehy formed. Dont get me wrong theyre nice people who ill talk to when we meet, but then it goes into discussion amongst them of whether theyre going out tonight or to a specific party that weekend and hte realization that i probably know all the people at the party yet wont get invited hits. If i had been a bit less weak when it came to getting out of the fucking bed and just showing up and talking to people i couldve had a functioning social life. I have however started to fix things thru volunteer work. I started working at a studnet bar and the people there are nice. I get along with most of them and have gotten quite drunk with a lot of the as well (thats gotta count for something socially), but i still find a lot of things missing thru those interactions as well. Mainly the whole non-party social things. They talk about meeting with friends for dinners or celebrating birthdays and i can remember the last time I did either of those. Most days the only interaction I'll have with a person is a phone call with my mom and the cashier asking if I need a bag for my groceries (if I even go to the store). I have gone days without speaking to anyone several times and normally I'm content with my own company, but there is still a yearning for something more. Last semester I participated in the biweekly pub-quizes at my faculty's bar alone. I did get a second place once but I can't even get anyone to come do a pub quiz. Now I'll get into a part which I rarely discuss although it always gets brought up at family meetings, how is dating going? Simple answer, it's not. I have never in my life been to something that could qualify as a date. Its been over three years since last I had sex or kissed someone. I've tried tinder, I've tried bumble it doesn't fucking work. There is nothing. Maybe there is something to the whole arranged marriage (there isnt, but you gotta let a man joke in his ramblings). I'm no Ryan gosling (even tho he is literally me), but I don't think I'm ugly either. I like to think that I'm at least sorta funny, and sometimes I know things. I realize that none of those last two really come thru in online dating, but I can't just show up to a bar alone and start hitting on all the girls there (still a bit of self respect left, also a bit socially anxious). Which means that I'll either hope something magically appears from my non-existent normal social interactions or that they set me up with a friend or that it doesn't change...

[badgirlcoven-official]

For that headcanons post, Luz Noceda?

Send a character’s name to receive four different headcanons

Realistic headcanon: I was gonna put this in unrealistic but actually thinking about it this is completely plausible I think it would be really funny for Luz to know a lot about systems/plurality from the internet and she's been like. kind of considering trying to create a willogenic system with Azura but she was never POSITIVE she wanted it (she did become plural and get an Azura fictive during her adventures completely unwittingly, you can decide whether from trauma or not, but she didn't notice that until after the dust settled and everything was over) but anyway for this reason she's up to date on the modern system terms and discourse* so she is Eda's go-to after she starts connecting with the Owl Beast. Like all she needed to know was advice on communicating better but Luz went on a tangent and now words like endogenic and medicalization are swimming through her brain and she has no idea what is going on anymore only that it all sounds really stupid to be fighting over when you have entire people in your brain to deal with.

Unrealistic headcanon: Despite knowing she is in fact like 14 in the 2021-2023 range I cannot imagine her having a childhood that's not at least partially like mine like realistically she would not have been a 2000s kid she'd be a literal infant then but I find myself projecting my childhood experiences on her anyway and just writing it off with the fact that sometimes as a kid u just experience things that are old.

Heartbreaking headcanon: The "last words" she says to Eda and King mirror the way that her father broke the news of his prognosis to her. She isn't sure she could even really talk about her own death without borrowing what he told her back then because how do you even put those emotions into words? How do you focus on the important part? Additionally, she wishes she would have thanked them before dying because when the time came for Manny to say his goodbyes to her, he thanked her for all of the joy that she brought him while he was still alive. She was able to know that no matter what happened in a future without him in it that she was appreciated, she wants her loved ones to also have that luxury.

Unrealistic but idc headcanon: She's a Deamonne kid Darius and Eber didn't intend this to happen but she kept inviting herself over and calling Darius variations of dad casually. Even if Hunter didn't exist she'd still be their kid they can coparent with Raeda and Camila she is collecting parents they have no choice/silly Also she teaches Darius how to make slime with glue and he has an etsy store now

(* if anyone tries to syscourse on this blog I'm going to throw them into the sun but in case it wasn't obvious all systems are welcome here idgaf what you call yourselves)

[ruggamuffingurl]

130 Days in Malta

February 24, 2024: Touchdown Malta

We came here with not enough pocket money, not enough winter clothes, no friends, and no idea where or what to do first. On our first week, we roamed around Sliema, got used to the place, got used to the weather, got used to the transportation, tried new restaurants, and of course, processed all the paperwork.

The second week, we were able to settle into our new flat and got excited the first 2 days. We get to cook our own food and no more resto-foods. Until I got bored and started to feel something was missing - friends, lots of it! So I decided to download Tinder, not to look for what it was intended to do but to look for new friends.

March 8, 2024: And so I met this guy

We matched on Tinder and had a good chat with him. He doesn't seem like a perv. He asked me out for dinner, and I agreed. He picked me up, had dinner, had a good talk, a little tour around Sliema, and dropped me off. To be honest, in my 36 years of existence, that was my real date. Well, there's always the first time.

March 9, 2024: The Beginning of It All

As I have told you, we don't have enough pocket money for this Europe life. We're on our last euro and we're just in the middle of the month. Ana and Tita Jess decided to buy Tequila (always bound to wrong decisions), then when we were almost drunk, we decided to invite over my very first friend in Malta, the gentleman Indian guy, with the hopes of him bringing along his other friends and more booze. To more friends, salud!

It turned out, he's kind of an introvert so he didn't bring along any friends, but hey! He brought Vodka, that will do - and that's when it started.

March 19, 2024: Holiday - No work, 2nd Date

So I got bored. Again. Asked him for lunch. Got to know him better. There are signs of a little red flag (existing soul-mate) which I thought was in India but turned out also living here in Malta.

So the chatting continued until I realized I was kinda into him. He's gentleman, he's sweet - he went to our house to let me see the moon and he was under the tree, waiting for me to go to the balcony, he took me to beautiful places here in Malta, and I started being competitive with this existing soulmate. My stupid mind was into it! I had a goal to get his 100% attention, I wanted it all. I didn't like the idea of him having other dates. Besides, my adjustment phase of living in a totally different country was taken out from me, in a very good way of course, and I want it to stay like that forever.

Weeks passed. Weekends usually start on Wednesdays til Sundays, I've been drunk texting him almost every freakin' night. I laughed, cried, had butterflies, didn't sleep, got me smiling like crazy, etc. - it was a roller coaster ride in just 2 months.

More than Friends, Besties

June was still a roller-coaster ride. Every weekend we're together, cooking, drinking, watching sunsets and the full moon on top of the world, waiting for sunrise, binge-watching, star-gazing on the rooftop, and talking while cuddling. This is when I realized I was not in love with him, I was attached to him - meaning, I'm happy and at peace when I'm with him, and when we're not together, I'm a wreck. It's like my world starts to revolve around him. Which shouldn't be the case.

I was used to being single for 6 years. I enjoyed doing things I love without getting permission from anyone. I enjoyed meeting and mingling with other people without worrying about someone's feelings. I enjoyed staying out late with friends. I enjoyed being single and being happy just by myself.

I tried my best to accept that we wouldn't be together, that someone else had his heart, that never will I ever be part of his future plans. He said it, loud and clear. I can still hear every word - it still echoes in my head. I know I have to let go.

You will always be my incomplete favorite wish.

Is my happiness enough to stay? Or is it sufficient for me to let go if it’s the only thing I’m holding on to? We're starting to drift apart. I can tell. We're no longer asking how our day was. No constant texting. No longer giving updates on what we're currently doing, where we are, and who we're with.

I set a day to be our last day, June 16th - our 100th day, because I was hoping that by this day, you’ll get to like me, fall in love with me, and even choose me. But I was wrong, instead, I was the one falling in love with you every day. Whether you spent the whole day not texting me or being on the phone with her, I still like you. I’m still falling in love with you. And I still choose you. I thought it was just because I was in a foreign land where I didn’t know anyone or had no diversion that’s why I was falling in love with you, but no. I know what I feel and I was sincere about it.

I thought i was selfish for wanting you to want me so bad. But it turned out it was her who’s selfish for not letting you go. You always tell me to be “present”. I am. You’re the one who’s not. You’re the one living in a parallel universe where it’s just you and her.

I hope, next time you see me, i won’t be in love with you anymore. I’m raising my white flag, this battle i’m fighting alone is over. I’ve worn myself down. I am exhausted making myself worthy for you, so this is my surrender. She won.

I know it will be so damn hard to forget you. You have her and your friends, and I only have you. You’ve been so transparent with me since time immemorial. I’m the one who disregards all the red flags and insists on being with you. I wish you nothing but happiness.

The real goodbye is the one that happens slowly. Overtime. Wordlessly. There is no "see you again". There are no future plans. You stop checking up on each other. And eventually, you go back to being strangers.

So this is me from ignoring everyone else just to be available for you, to being available to everyone else just to forget about you.

[kat-holden]

I have been swinging between feeling horrible all day and thinking that I have been doing the same. How do I feel okay with this. I read the texts again, hoping that they were old messages, hoping that I missread them, but no. The things I want him to say to me, he said to the other girl. "I love you," "I will always be there for you." "I miss you."You look perfect.", "I want you."Everything is going to be okay."I want to spend my days with you looking at your beautiful eyes."

Why, why her? Why not me? What is so profoundly wrong with me that he can't say these things. I have tried, and I never stopped trying, not even when I communicated with you. I never ignored him and never withdrew my attention. Not when he was in America, nor when he came back home.

I should have seen it. When he said I looked weird with ginger hair, when he pushed me away day after day when I wanted affection. It is a vicious cycle. Last time when I was depressed he fell in love with her. And I am sure if I had given him the way out before we got married, he would have left.

I never told that to anyone, but she was invited to our wedding and I think she came too. I never told you that the night after our wedding I suspect he spent with her. And I kept ignoring it. How can I be so blind for so long?

All the times, he wouldn't look at me. All the times we went out, and he was elsewhere mentally. But I clung to the thought that he wasn't like that all the time. That we had our good moments no matter how rare.

But then he never comes to bed at night with me. I got to sleep and wake up alone. I sat in my room alone, and I had to beg for attention and split my time between him studying, his friends, and apparently a girl he loved more than me.

And yet, I feel like I don't deserve to feel upset. How could I since I had such chats with you. I had your name on my lips and your hands on my body. But I never allowed myself, not only because that was our understanding, but because I never wanted to substitute him, to say such things as he does to her.

I might miss talking to you, but purely because you quickly became my friend. Only because I know we are first friends and then whatever else there is.

Now I am alone. I am alone in my relationship. I am alone in a foreign house. I am alone in a city where I have no one. I am isolated, and the friends I have are his friends. The home I live in is his. The city I occupy is the one he chose and likes. I sit in this forsaken room, between the cursed walls, on the cold bed, and I wait. Wait for my turn for someone to care. For someone to see me.

I have become invisible again. I am no one and nothing. I am too bony, too flat chested, too harsh, too loud, I drink too much, I make him hate his home because I can't stand his mum. I am too much and I should change. Morph into something he likes.

For him, I existed in the 3 years he knew me. He keeps telling me we had to date longer. He keeps telling me we rushed getting married. And I kept ignoring it.

Please tell me, please, just I need to know - is it me? Am I wrong? Am I horrible to look at? What is wrong with me? Why does every person I meet and fall in love get so fed up with me and need someone else? Why is it the same thing over and over again?

Can I feel bad? Am I allowed to? How can I tell you all of this? I have to consider so many things. Your life, your feelings. You have so much on your plate right now that I feel this is not important. Besides, I don't want to ruin his however small friendship he has with other people. Who else is left? Last time when it happened, I told no one, and it destroyed me from the inside. I fear I will do the same.

You said, "Unless you do it, don't talk about suicide." Since I can't leave him, then I will take your advice and not talk, but do.

I will wait until after Christmas, I don't want to ruin that. And if everyone is fine by then. If people are genuinely happy without me. If he meets with this girl and they build a relationship, then I will be free to go, finally be successful at something in my life.

I have lived a life that should have ended 15 odd years ago. Feels like it's the right time to let go.

[briamichellewrites]

75

No matter what, Mike would always be Bria’s best friend. Joe knew that. She would always go to him first, out of everyone. He got it because Mike was the kind of guy who knew how to handle almost any situation. During his date with Bria, he learned about her family situation. He hadn’t paid particular attention to her before when she talked about her parents. Now, he was. The guy she thought was her father was her biological grandfather.

She was told he had done horrible things to her. He recorded himself sexually abusing her and he gave her drugs to keep her calm. The abuse was discovered when she became pregnant at sixteen. By that point, she had developed a heroin addiction and had to go into rehab for nine months. She was lucky to be born without drugs in her system.

It was a year ago that she found out her grandfather wasn’t her biological father. Who was it? His name was Curtis Roche and he was a billionaire. He left half his money to her before he died from heart problems. She didn’t even know he existed. What about her mother? She died from a heroin overdose a couple of years after she was born. A homeless man found her body in downtown LA and called the police. She disappeared after surrendering her after birth.

Bria was a heroin addict, even though she never used heroin. Her therapist told her she had second-generation trauma from what her mother went through. Her grandfather was in prison, the last she knew. Was that why she got along well with Chester? Maybe. They both had trauma, so they might have latched onto each other because of that.

Chester was also one of the craziest fucking people she ever met! He laughed. That was very true.

“I told Mike that in the event of a zombie apocalypse, he and I would be going after the zombies with submachine guns and weapons like flamethrowers and fucking grenade launchers. We thought you would be the only person crazy enough to join us.”

“Fuck yeah! I would run over them in a tank!”

Joe is officially joining Chessy and me on our zombie-killing mission. He’s going to be running over zombies in a tank. – Bria

Mike asked Joe about the tank the following day while waiting for the other guys to arrive at the studio. He grinned. How else would he destroy the zombies? Where would he get the tank? He had his ways. That was something he didn’t want to know about. What he was curious about was why he was hanging out with Bria again. She invited him over and he decided to stay for the weekend.

“Joe, congratulations!”

“Thank you. We’re not officially dating yet but…”, he shrugged.

“Still, that’s fucking awesome!”

They did play with the cats. They were very much like human siblings with Slash being the annoying little brother. Mike laughed. Joe had two older sisters, so he knew what it was like to be the little brother. He thought the weekend had gone well. Not once did he think about his video games because he was too busy with Bria and her cats. They were curious about him. When he sat on the floor, they used his lap to hide from each other.

Bria liked picking them up and telling them she loved them. It was adorable. Mike used the weekend to catch up on errands and housework. Misty was afraid of the vacuum, so she climbed up to the couch with her favorite toy. Yes, she was used to it. She just didn’t like the scary sound it made. Mike thought it was funny, though he petted her when it was over.

He also texted back and forth with Brad. Since he was busy, he responded when he had a chance. During one of their dates, Mike opened up to him about being cheated on by an ex-girlfriend. He found out she was cheating when she told him she was pregnant. She was unsure of who the father was at the time. He had to wait nine months before he learned the baby wasn’t his. It took him a long time before he could date anyone again because he had trust issues.

Brad had sympathy and compassion for him. Getting cheated on sucked. Did he still have trust issues? A little, but it was something he was working on. He wanted to go into a relationship thinking that his partner had good intentions without being jaded. Brad thanked him for telling him about his ex-girlfriend. He would be open and transparent with him. Thank you.

“Bria, you made it out of your teens without getting pregnant.”

The band laughed, as she looked like she wanted to strangle Phoenix. Asshole! He side-hugged her and told her he loved her. She loved him too. As a gay man, he would never be sexually interested in her. That meant he could pick on her like she was his little sister. How was her new career as a stay-at-home cat mom? It was fucking awesome!

Even when they woke her up at seven in the morning to be fed. It was like they collectively decided that seven was a great time to meow incessantly until she got up. Good thing they were both adorable kittens, though. Chester told her to wait until she had a newborn baby. They would wake her up in the middle of the night to be fed. She was way too young to have kids. If she did have kids, she wanted to be at least twenty-five or thirty years old.

“If I ever meet your next boyfriend, I’m going to tell him you’re a dick”, she told Phoenix.

He laughed. With the stress of taking care of his mother, it felt good to joke around and laugh. He was going to drive home again on Friday to visit his parents. They wanted him to find a guy to settle down with. He wasn’t interested in dating, especially since he just broke up with Mike. But if he met a guy worth taking a chance on, he wasn’t going to rule him out.

The band was relieved that he and Mike had an amicable breakup. They were mature enough to move past it and work together. They will always be an important part of their lives. After finishing the day, Joe was going home. His video games weren’t going to play themselves. He could almost hear them crying out his name. Joe! Come play us, Joe! He heard Bria mention splurging at Saks Fifth Avenue. Mike wanted to go with, so she invited him to join her.

They could even get dinner together. He was all for that! The band all said goodbye to each other before leaving. Phoenix asked Joe what he was going to do for the rest of the day. Video games. He laughed. Of course! Why didn’t he think of that? Mike was excited about going shopping for new shoes and clothes! He got into the passenger side of Bria’s car and got his phone out.

Haha, Bria will have to tell me about her zombie apocalypse idea when I’m back home. I miss you. I’ll be back soon. – Brad

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon @fiickle-nia

[blue-sterling0357]

how about some ciel headcanons with a demon s/o? not with angst, like s/o is a young chaos demon that just squeezed themselves on the contract so s/o helps ciel with his work and so.

🐈‍⬛ anon

(I remember a very similar thing of demon! Ciel with a albino! demon! S/O, it's quite cute, but I'm not adding it here! Hope you enjoy reading this!)

Ciel with a Demon! S/O

✣ You met Ciel, when Sebastian introduced you both to each other. Sebastian was an elder demon who used to follow you since he met you because he had this instinct to follow you, no matter what you do and he was right as you being a chaos demon happens to be quite harming to his contracts...

✣ Whenever you would get even a hundred mile near the person he has a contract with, they would get in some type of wierd situation, but he enjoys your company even though he hates all demons, except you as you're quite helpful and you knew how to protect his masters and wouldn't be salavting over his master's soul, like he though you would.

✣ So, upon his introducing you, Ciel took you in as one of his maids and upon taking you in, he noticed the immediate change it had on the manor, the trio would cause less problems for him, Sebastian's cats aren't shoing up as often, the place is often clean and Elizabeth ins't decorating it in embarrasing yet cute decor he hates so much.

✣ As he slowly developed feelings and you both started dating, he got to learn about you being a chaos demon, he learnt how Sebastian would protect him from you accidentally bringing chaos everywhere you go, but he doesn't care as you bringing chaos isn't going to change his loves for you.

✣ He is actually quite happy you're a demon, it's because he knows you won't die and it definitely won't be easy to kill, with Sebastian polishing your skills and helping you and though you're younger and around Ciel's age in demon years, you're a fast learner, except sometimes in battles you zone out, but are still fighting and dodging your enemy amazingly except you're staring into nothing...It concerns both Ciel and Sebastian as is this even normal?

✣ Ciel now has another protector, also since you eat the souls of certain people who try to attack Ciel and have a tasty soul, you're rather full and have no need of eating Ciel's soul. If it's Sebastian who kills the perpetrator, he will bring those souls to you, but only if they are high quality souls, he refuses to have his child/sibling/problem child figure have low quality and disgusting souls..

✣ Ciel allows you wayyyy more freedom than he allows Sebastian, like you have brought in three, white tigers in the manor, and Ciel didn't even care, he was also wearing a mask, did those even exist back then? But anyways, Seb is jealous at the amount of freedom you have, except it goes away when you invite him to cuddle with those three, adult, white tigers.

✣ Also, you're just as talented in things as Sebastian despite being at such a young age like you already know 21 languages, can manipulate anyone you want, great st using multiple weapons at the same time, fighting and dodging while drinking a smoothie or eating a cake at the same time. And even though Sebastian says it's because of him, Ciel doesn't believe him because he believes you're just amazing like that!

✣ If you're happy with showing him your horns and wings on occasions, he would love to groom them, clean them, wash them and polish them nicely for you and he does it so often, he knows everything about demon self-care, you'd look all shiny and whenever you and Sebastian show each-other your wings and horns, he's surprised at how clean they are, despite knowing how you don't clean regularly...

✣ Oh, speaking of wings, he loves to cuddle you and sleep with you while you have your wings out, he gets all whiny and upset if you refuse to show them to him when you go to sleep because they're dirty or smell or whatever because you know he will drag you to clean them no matter how late at night it is, cause he now can't sleep without stroking, touching or cuddling your wings..Have fun!

✣ Overall, he doesn't really care, but he's less possessive because he knows demons don't fall for just anyone they meet, only special chosen one, so you won't fall for anybody else and because he knows you won't die during a stupid assassin!

[karlwriting]

Your JJK darling but with a reversed personality

Featuring- Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento

Warnings- none, only fluff (A shy gojo and playful nanami)

Gojo Satoru (art by @teaforgods )

A quiet and self-contained sensei in JJK high school. Students often address him as a man of few words.

Acts cool, seems nonchalant to his surroundings. You always catch him quietly immersed in his thoughts. Sometimes, the corner of his month goes up , then a sigh follows.

‘What is he contemplating under the blindfold?’ You can’t help but wonder. It’s difficult to understand the strongest man.

He may seem cool, however, all his cool appearances change once you are around him.

To gojo, you always stand out.

Since when he can easily spot you out of a bunch of people? The way you walk, your cute gestures… Is it all because of the ability of his six eyes?

And why does he get so annoyed and upset to see you crying over Yuji’s death?

‘I’ll make sure the higher-ups die in the most painful way possible.’ The hate towards the higher-ups grew stronger in gojo’s mind.

Gojo didn’t know what these feelings were, and the knot tied in his heart was growing tighter everyday.

The moment he realized it’s called ‘affection’. Lord, it only gets so much worse.

He started to notice more about you. Your collar bones, the curve of your muscles when holding a bow.

Gojo feels so embarrassed to be like a stalker. He is just too… mesmerised by you.

He wants you to know how he feels, he wants you to know being friends is not enough and it’s driving him crazy.

He genuinely wants to tell you all of these, only the thought of it makes him impossibly shy. But deep down, he knows that action is needed.

‘I am a possessive man after all.’

Gojo invited you for a lunch today. You realize that you two spent more time together than before. To be honest, you have never felt this good.

“It’s not fair.”

“…Why do you say so? Did something happen to you recently?” Gojo says as he hands you a can of already opened coke.

“Oh thanks. I mean the blindfold. You can stare at anything without anyone knowing what you are staring at.”

“I get overly sensitive if i take my blindfold off.”

“Like all the stimulations to the senses get magnified?” You ask curiously.

“Yea, you can say that.”

‘…also how your existence stimulates me.’ He quietly thought.

“I see you always do the smirking thing under your blindfold… do you sense something that we don’t?”

You just caught Gojo off guard by this question. What should he answer? Will you think that he is a perv? Will you go away and never see him again?

“The reason of the smirk -” his voice trembles.

“- is that i find your reactions cute, unbearably cute. And you are the one i am always staring at.”

The only question on Gojo’s mind now is that:

Is there a blindfold for ears? So i can cover the redness of them?

Nanami Kento (art by @myaoruki)

You have never seen a lazy ass can be this sexy as Nanami Kento

Known to be the god of procrastination in the company. But his boss can’t brag anything about it because the work is excellently done.

If Nanami is believed to be the top employee, then you are the second. Despite the fact that you work overtime a lot, and he just leaves immediately at 6.

Your dark circles are what Nanami found cute and funny. How can this man tease your dark circles IN FRONT of your colleagues non stop?

“Did you not get enough of sleep because you kept thinking of me the whole night?”

“Darling I am sorry, i should have let you get enough of sleep last night. Sorry for being so rough.”

“Should we set boundaries every night?”

The colleagues around share each other a gaze, blushed.

Thanks to him, the entire office thinks that you both are dating. And he doesn’t deny it when people ask.

He seems playful, but deep down to his heart, the respect he has to you is tremendous.

If you want to stop the tease, he will gladly stop it and apologize.

He is 100% serious about you, he just doesn’t want to be too deadly serious at first. This is his strategy to grab your attention after all.

And to be honest, you don’t really hate it. It’s fun and talking to Nanami makes work more bearable.

But one day, a male employee approached you despite the rumours between you and Nanami.

That’s the moment he knew he must do something to show his growing affection to his girl.

You are working overtime as usual. Sitting alone in the office makes you feel kinda sentimental. Is your life just like this? Working non stop?

“Still working? Diligent girl?” You are so immersed in your thoughts that you didn’t even realize the approaching footsteps.

“Nanami? Such a surprise to see you in the office after 6.”

“I knew you would be here, hey- i bought us some food, let’s eat it.”

“What brings you here? Don’t tell me you are gonna work, people said you hate working.”

“Tell them to shut up, i love this company.” Nanami takes the food out then hands you a pair of chopsticks.

“For what?” He loves work? No way.

“Cuz you work here as well.”

“Oh cuz there’s a pair of dark circles you can tease at?” You roll your eyes.

“Ok i am deadly serious now, i worry about your lack of sleep.”

“Thanks, that new employee said he will take me to a sleep therapist. I guess i will go,”

“No. Not with him.” Nanami suddenly puts the chopstick down and stares at you. His hands grabbing your. You only sit here, confused.

“I mean… teasing you is not only for fun, i only want you to notice me. And maybe you don’t even need a therapist if you have me? I am offering myself to you now. Please?”

At least Nanami does not procrastinate in confessing.

[asoiafsworld]

HEADCANON; DATING ALPHA ELLIE

pairing; alpha!ellie x omega!reader

warnings; alternative universe - a/b/o, ellie has a real dick, breeding kink, knotting, scenting, praise, degradation, no mentions of reader's gender but they have a vagina, fluff, mentions of jealousy and violence

author's note; i really really love writing any sort of a/b/o au and alpha ellie makes me go feral. i hope u guys enjoy this and tell me if u want another part <3

she's definitely the type of person to feed into the stereotype of alphas

intimidating, strong, protective, caring. yeah she absolutely loves the idea of other people seeing her that way

she never cared more about it than when she met you though

it was at a small party that was being held by one of her friends. you were invited by one of the people ellie didn't know very well which is why you didn't meet her before

you're just the sweetest and kindest person she's ever met. always a smile on your lips and listening attentively to what the others talk about

ellie would absolutely have to restrain herself from sniffing at your neck like a dog

she's addicted to your scent and the moment she smelled it, she wanted to be closer to you and talk to you

when you go to the kitchen to get yourself a drink, she takes the chance and finally talks to you alone

safe to say you guys start dating not too long after that

bc she's just. the sweetest and cutest and hottest and most respectable alpha you have ever met and that really doesn't happen often

besides i'm 100% sure that she has a mouthwatering scent so how could you not fall for her?

from anyone else's perspective, ellie is just like most alphas

but you know better

she's literally the softest little wolfie that exists

when she comes home from a busy day, the only thing she wants is to stick her face into your neck and smell at your lovely scent

when you ask her why she does that, she says it's because your scent smells like home to her

you have to suppress the urge to smooch her entire face

she's such a perfect alpha girlfriend oh my god

you get embarrassed when you ask her to scent your clothes but she knows that that's what you want

so she does it without you asking her

also pulls out her own clothes for u to wear

because nothing makes her alpha brain go more brrr than seeing you in her clothes and enveloped in her scent

gets easily jealous but you always make sure to not encourage anyone else to flirt with you

because she's beaten up rude creepy alphas for asking for your number and u don't really want that to happen again

but secretly, you like when she gets all angry and violent

she's so so protective of you

you could be at work or at your classes all day and she would still text you every single hour and ask where you are or what you're doing with a million heart emojis

she does this because she desperately hopes to hide how territorial she feels over you

as if anyone would dare to approach ellie williams omega after the things she's done to other alphas. they definitely know better now

but she's also just worried about you because sadly, most alphas are incredibly awful and she just wants you to be safe

usually, people assume that u cook because you're the omega. which is a very weird way to think and u both know this

however, ellie is the one that cooks the most

it's part of her instincts; caring for you

she likes the idea of you eating a meal made by her at least once a day

it's a simple form of validating her feeling of taking care of you

she's always looking out for you and making sure you eat and sleep in good amounts

she knows how awful you feel when you didn't sleep enough so most of the time, she ropes you into putting your phone down by promising cuddles

you know that it's her trick but it works

you fall asleep within five minutes of cuddling her

her holding you close to her, smelling her scent so closely... her arms are your comfort place and you don't feel safer anywhere else in the world than with her

okay let's talk about nasties bc sex with alpha ellie....

no one fucks like she does. literally no one

she's already a dominant person in her usual interactions with other people

but in the bedroom? and with you?

prepare to never walk again in your life

she always, always makes sure you're ready enough to take her

because let's be very real, ellie would have a monstrously big dick I KNOW SHE WOULD

so foreplay always takes long for both of you

and ellie loves it

the first thing she always does, without fail, is eat your pussy like she's starved

in my mind for a/b/o aus, it only makes sense for pussy to taste the same way as your scent

and since ellie is obsessed with your scent...

she definitely takes every opportunity to eat it

she has added alpha strength on top of her usual strength and definitely uses it to keep you from squirming

always praising you when you whine and whimper for her

you're usually embarrassed by your sounds but ellie's insistent on hearing how she makes you feel

the first time she ate you out, she came in her pants btw

she was so addicted to the way you taste and the way you look when you cum

she was so embarrassed afterwards but you comforted her and told her that it's hot

now, she has all the self control in the world

she makes you cum at least two times with her mouth and once wth her fingers before she fucks you

and god, her fingering game is STRONG

you're always squirming and begging for her to make you cum when she fingers you

and because you're sensitive from previous orgasms, you squirm away from her

but she's definitely not having it

she uses the strength of just one arm to hold you down and it's enough for you to not be able to move anymore

the feeling of her fingers repeatedly pounding into you and not being able to get away, her making you take her no matter what...

added with the was she talks to you, it makes you cum so fast

"my pretty baby, you're so close for me hm? want to cum for me?"

"you're only cumming because i want you to. because i allow you to."

"my dumb, stupid omega. you're so fucking desperate for me, listen to how wet your little cunt is."

when she feels that you're wet and open enough for her, she pulls out her dick and slowly starts to push into you

most of the time you're already crying from just the tip being inserted

it just feels so fucking good and you want her so badly

you hold onto her for dear life as she keeps pushing in and everytime, the same thing happens

"won't fit, ellie, please, 's too big, i'm too tight, it won't fit."

"shh, it'll fit, baby. fit a million times before, it'll fit now. and if not, i'll push it and fuck you anyway."

ellie can feel your slick around her dick as she says this and grins at how much it turns you on

but let's be real. as soon as she's fully inside you, she's gone

she gets feral and her brain is reduced down to her most base alpha instincts

all she has on her mind is fuck, knot and breed

and that's exactly what you want her to do

so you say exactly what you know gets her going

"alpha... please, fuck me, need you so bad."

she goes crazy when you say things like that to her

she loves fucking you in positions where she can easily control you

she loves missionary because she can look down at your teary eyes and see how affected you are and how badly you need her

and most of the time, she just grabs you by the hips and holds them in the air and fucks into you as if you're a doll

and it makes you go so weak because the way she holds you up with her strength makes you clench around her

she often gets a bit rougher when she fucks you

it's the only time she allows herself to let go and just be an alpha and she loves you so much for trusting her

she grabs you tightly, she slaps your ass until it's completely red and she bites you literally everywhere

she likes when she absolutely demolishes your neck and sees you not covering it up

she fucks you with so much power, strength, urgency and precision that it feels like you can't breathe at times

she usually makes you cum at least once as she fucks you and then again when cums too

she's usually just letting out her sexy grunts snd moans as she fucks you

but right before she comes, she says the filthiest things you could think of

"gonna breed you, my omega. gonna fill you up with my cum because you're a good whore for me. look at how pretty you are when you cry."

"don't worry baby, i'll give you a big knot like you deserve it. you just wanna be stuffed full by your alpha, huh?"

you're not even coherent as she cums inside you and fills you up to the brim

you just lie there and take whatever she gives you

and everytime it just feels so right when she's breeding you full and making sure you have nothing but her, your big, strong alpha on your mind

it feels so right and good to be connected to her like this and you're grateful that she does this with you and that she loves you

she comes back to herself not too long after and she leans down to kiss you and to tell you how well you did for her

"my good, sweet omega. did so well for alpha, i love you so much, my cute baby."

there's a moment where she debates on fucking you all over again when she pulls out and watches her cum leave your fluttering hole

but she knows she's too tired and you are too so she simply carries you to the bathroom and takes a long, warm bath with you

you're usually not very present after she's fucked you out and you just look too cute with your eyes half open and a little pout on your lips, occasionally holding them out for ellie to kiss

she loves it so much and takes care of you so well

she gets you all clean and in some comfy clothes and carries you to the kitchen, your legs around her waist

sits you down on her lap and feeds you most of the time since you won't eat anything otherwise

carries you back to the bedroom and makes sure to put on clean sheets and then lays down with you on top of her, your head resting on her chest

she praises you and softly gives you kisses all over your face

"my good baby. i'm so proud of you. love you so much."

and you two live happily ever after!

[kjs-s]

Put on an act

Pairing: Foggy Nelson x reader

Summary Foggy panickly introduced you as his partner to his ex.

Prompts :“Can’t believe I let you drag me into this” and “Act like we’re dating, I see my ex”

Word Count: 1300

Warnings:  none I can think of

A/N: This is my entry for @locke-writes 2k celebration. Congats again Noah and I hope you will like this

''We need to pick something meaningful. Which ones do you think will say 'thanks for sticking around' and ' we appreciate you'?'' Foggy asked you looking around the flower shop a little lost. Karen's ten-year anniversary working for Matt and Foggy was coming up.  The little celebration was your idea after Karen narrated how she came to work with them when you were first hired as a paralegal. You couldn't believe how fortunate you were to be employed by such terrific people.

''I know that, pick pansies, sunflowers, and yellow roses. We actually had a botany and flower meaning class in my university.'' Your tone was so sincere that you could fool anyone that didn't know how fond of sarcasm you were.

''Really?'' Foggy sounded enthusiastic hoping he wouldn't have to stay any longer in the shop and he could just return to the office and the case he was working on.

''Of course not. I have no clue, my botanic skills and non-existent. Let me look it up.'' You searched for the right choices while Foggy was trying hopelessly to locate someone to help you.

After about ten minutes you looked up from your phone.

''Ok, I think I have a decent bouquet picked out. We just need to find those four flowers and ask one of the florists if they go well together.'' You tried to show Foggy your phone but he panicky turned toward you and asked you to follow him out of the way.

''I'm sure those are great but right now I need a favor. Please act like we’re dating, I see my ex over there.'' He nodded towards the entrance where a couple was browsing the potted plants.

''The blonde one, with the cute red coat? She looks like a nice girl.''

''She is but we broke up because she was offered a job in Chicago and I wanted to stay here. And you know me, I couldn't deal with having a long distant relationship. So, please pretend to be my partner if she notices us.''

You didn't get the chance to respond before Marci was right behind you without her company excited to see Foggy again.

''Hi, I almost didn't see you there. How have you been?'' Marci greeted her ex and you couldn't help but admire her confidence. She had a way of talking and could make everyone around her stop to listen to her.

''I'm great. Still working with Matt and the business is doing fantastic. Oh, and that's my partner (Y/N) who also works with us.'' You shook her hand.

''So you are Marci. I knew Foggy's ex was a brilliant lawyer that helped him on cases and I am glad to finally meet you.''

''It's great to meet you too. I am happy that he found such a sweet person as you.'' Then the man who was with her earlier approached you.

''That's my husband Trevor. We got married five months ago and we just moved back to New York. Honey, these are Foggy and (Y/N).'' Trevor knew who Foggy was surprising you about how civil this random meeting was being. You could never imagine being that cordial with any of your exes due to the fact that you broke up because they were either immature or totally arrogant.

Marcia and Trevor had already placed their order and began to leave but not before they invited the two of you to dinner at their new house the next day. An invitation that Foggy accepted without a second thought.

''Are you out of your mind? Couldn't you lie and say we are busy or that Matt needs you for a case?'' You tried so hard to not raise your voice at him.

''I'm sorry, I didn't think this through. I can make something up to try to avoid this. Sorry, I honestly didn’t think it would bother you that much.''

''It's not bothering me. I just believe I would feel bad lying to them during the entire evening. They both seem so friendly. But it will be fine. I don't mind pretending to be your date or your partner. Now let us go see about those flowers. I picked daises that symbolize loyal love, arborvitae for unchanging friendship, and lastly for affection zinnia, and morning glory. I believe Karen deserves the best bouquet for her party.'' Foggy agreed with you and ordered the bouquet to be made and delivered to the office in the afternoon.

Later that day during your little celebration you informed Matt and Karen about your encounter earlier. They found it hilarious that you pretended to date and hoped you at least have a good time during dinner the next day.

You decided to get together before dinner to come up with a story about your relationship just in case they ask.

''We don't have to come up with a complicated story. I have been working for you for a while now and I liked you from the moment I met you. We will just say that after a while we decided to act on those feelings and hopefully, we will be together for a long time since we already see each other all the time. Simple enough?''

''Yes, I like it. I will say that I asked you out before the holidays so if you rejected me at least the office would be closed and I would only be humiliated and heartbroken at home.''

''I would never humiliate you. But, sure let's say that. I just can’t believe I let you drag me into this'' You playfully complained to him before making your way to Marci's home.

She and her husband were delighted to see the two of you, especially Foggy since he hadn't met any of Marci's other friends from when she used to live in New York.

As you predicted, you were asked about how long you are together and how your relationship started.

''I liked (Υ/Ν) since the first day we met. Matt was the one who decided on adding a new employee to our team and we were blessed with this angel. The first thing I noticed from our interview together was the approach to Matt's crazy questions. I hadn't seen anyone else answer him with such intelligence and creativity. And on top of that, we got lucky to find someone with a charming personality. I found the courage to ask (Y/N) out after working together on an extremely tough case. I can't hide that I was a little surprised that such a wonderful person agreed to date me.'' You mentioned that you were the lucky one. And indeed you always felt delighted to have met him. In addition, you hoped there was some truth to his words.

After dinner, he drove you home thanking you for everything and making small talk about work. However, you couldn't get his words out of your mind.

''Did you rehearse your little speech about how we started dating beforehand? Because it was really sweet.'' You asked him while still in his car.

''I didn't, I just honestly find you amazing.'' He couldn't bring himself to look at you right this moment.

''I find you amazing too. And I hope I could do this in a more romantic way but would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow? Just the two of us this time.''

''You mean it? Because I would love to.''

''Of course, I mean it. I will text you the details tomorrow morning after I make a reservation.'' You smiled at him and after giving him a peck on the cheek you left the car. The moment you entered your home you took notes of all the things you had to do the next day in preparation for your first real date.

[insertsickusername13]

Promises Made on October 30th

title is the concept and summary bc i thought of the title before the concept of the fic. whoops.

warnings: implied abuse, alcohol is referenced and consumed but not in like a bad way (most of the time), no smut but there's one scene where they kiss and i describe it in a gross way for some reason and sex is talked about once or twice

word count: 3.6k

 Jake spent most nights alone. He had friends, sure, and plans most evenings. Dates with girls, parties to attend, and though he’d like to spend the rest of his life swimming in a fuzzy unconsciousness where he was only just aware of his existence, half passed out on someone else’s couch, dawn always sunk her rosy fingers into the horizon and one hostess or another was forced to give Jake a pitying look as they showed him to the door.

 My parents will be home soon, some would say, and Jake would leave with a bitter laugh. If he was lucky, he’d get to stay and help clean up. On the best days, he could sometimes sneak in a quick fuck with whatever girl was still around. 

 Most nights, though, he left before anyone had the chance to kick him out. He spent hours sitting on the floor of his living room, staring at the front door and waiting for them to come home. If he pretended hard enough, the pictures on the walls weren’t the most terrifying thing he had ever faced. Photographs from family weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, and award ceremonies all taunted him. His parents’ faces stared at him, scrutinizing every move as he trembled, cried, and broke down. Every sob echoed back like a bullet ricocheted off metal. He was sitting expressionless in the middle of a war zone watching soldiers (read: dreams) and civilians (read: his future) bleed out and die on the floor around him. 

 Despite holding onto the childish hope that things would get better, that the future held something more than loneliness for Jake Dillinger, there was still the undeniable truth that it wouldn’t. Jake was doomed. Life wasn’t going to be anything special for him—he was going to suffer and he was going to have to get used to it young. He hated his parents, himself, his girlfriend, his life, and his house. He wasn’t going to kill himself, he wasn’t a coward, but he wasn’t going to wake up every morning and fight to be okay. He was resigned to his sadness.

 Until Rich Goranski knocked on his door at 10 pm on September 17th and showed Jake that silence wasn’t the only thing that could exist in his house. 

 He didn’t wait for an invitation inside. The second Jake had opened the door, Rich pushed past him and into the kitchen. He wasn’t quite fast enough for Jake to miss the bruises on his cheekbones or the way he favored his right leg over his left. Jake cataloged the injuries and promised himself he’d ask about them later. 

 “The hell are you doing here?” Jake called after him, his tone tipping over the border between annoyed and concerned.

 Rich shrugged and settled on the kitchen counter. He seemed to only be slightly aware of Jake’s presence, more focused on the empty floor in front of him. His eyes were glassy in a way that suggested he’d already been crying and was done with it. Jake studied him, searching for his next move in Rich’s body language. If Rich looked like he was going to cry again, Jake could probably swoop in for a hug without being called gay. If he didn’t, Jake would probably offer a drink. Or a movie?

 “Stop looking at me like that,” Rich snapped. He was looking up at Jake, his eyes narrowed and lips pressed together, almost like he was challenging him. Jake flinched back, unsure of what he’d done to deserve such treatment. 

 “Like what?”

 “Like I’m a fucking math problem or some shit. I’m not. Just fucking talk to me.”

 Jake considered him. Though it was invisible to Rich, Jake could still see bullets and spears flying through the air as people screamed out war cries and fought with everything in them for land or oil or their families. Metaphorical war didn’t end just because a friend had shown up. Jake was always surrounded by imagined violence; always on the verge of fleeing. 

 “I don’t know what you want from me,” Jake answered. His voice was barely loud enough to be heard over the sound of a bomb going off in the distance.

 Rich forced out a bitter laugh and hid his face behind his hands. 

 “God, fuck, me either. I don’t know why I’m here. Just fucking distract me. Do whatever the hell you want.”

 Jake found his parents’ record player in the living room and hit play. It was the only thing he could think to do—why, he wasn’t sure. But Rich had said anything, so Jake did anything. Some song by The Police (god, the irony) drifted through the room, a byproduct of his parents’ last anniversary together in the house. Jake had long since stopped caring—it didn’t even hurt to know they’d danced in this room, laughed in this room, raised him in this room. 

 He turned back to Rich and was met with a small, borderline amused, “What the hell, Jake?”

 “You said I could do whatever I wanted.”

 “This is what you want?”

 “I dunno.”

 Rich laughed as he hopped off the counter. The sound was so pure Jake watched the blood-soaked carpets go from crimson to pink as the rain washed away the worst of it. A white flag waved in the distance. Rich swayed to the music mindlessly, still favoring his right leg. 

 “Dancing?” Jake asked, the single word enough to get across his message. Rich nodded as he took Jake’s hand in his own and pulled him in close. 

 “Why not? We’ve got nothing better to do.”

 So Jake learned about music and dancing and how small Rich could feel when Jake had his hands on his hips, fingers digging into his skin just to convince himself Rich was real instead of some fantasy made up as a coping mechanism for his parents’ leering memory. Silence wasn’t the worst thing to exist. Jake knew how to make it go away.

 Still, that did nothing to dispel the obvious and ever-painful emptiness. Jake could play record after record as loud as he wanted until he had every song memorized and could sing it from any room in the house, but it was still empty.

He stumbled into the kitchen, drunk and disoriented, his feet dragging across the tile floor. Each step was like wading through the ocean, sea monsters grabbing at his ankles and trying to drag him under. He gripped counters and walls to keep himself afloat just long enough for Rich to knock on his door and saunter in, his presence a song in and of itself. 

 Jake followed his every movement with every sense: his ears, listening to the sound of Rich’s footsteps. Taste: kissing the corner of Rich’s mouth—never his lips, Jake wasn’t gay, but close enough that he could convince himself there was something like love brewing between them. Touch: holding onto Rich’s hand, his clothes, his hair, latching onto the warmth of him to convince himself the air conditioner wasn’t too cold or the empty spaces too vacant. 

 Sight: looking at Rich and only Rich. If he only looked at his hazel eyes and dyed-red hair and, on the days when Jake was weak and scared, his lips, then the shadows in the corners of the room lightened into something manageable and the photos on the walls that functioned as the closest thing Jake had to family faded into… well, photos. Just photos. 

 Rich helped, but he wasn’t enough to make the emptiness go away until October 15th.

 He showed up in the same way he had before. Glassy-eyed, hurt, and willing to do whatever Jake wanted to make everything slightly okay for a little while. 

 Tonight, Jake chose balloons. 

 “You can’t be serious,” Rich groaned. He was on Jake’s couch, a glass of white wine in hand. Something imported from Italy, or maybe France? All Jake knew was that it cost four hundred dollars.

 Jake shrugged. “Isn’t Brooke’s birthday coming up? It could be for her party.”

 “This is literally just a fucked up coping mechanism, don’t pretend it’s anything else.”

 Jake sighed disappointedly and leaned back against the couch. He was on the floor in front of it, a pack of two hundred balloons in his hand. They were all different colors—some neon, some pastel, some black, and others white. He’d bought them on a whim at a Walgreens for twenty bucks with no particular plan. Faced with his barren living room, the only signs of human existence the expensive vases on the end tables and the overstuffed throw pillows, he’d decided he’d blow them up and throw them around just to add a splash of color. 

 Jake looked up at Rich. He was half asleep but tense, his face scrunched up and hands clenched. It’d been bad this time around. It hadn’t just been Rich’s existence that pissed his dad off—he’d done something. Probably something minuscule, like broken a glass or clogged the toilet, but it was enough that what was usually a couple of light bruises and a limp had turned to black and blue blemishes over his right eye and up his chest. His lip was busted and every breath seemed labored and painful. Jake, unsure of what else to do, ran his thumb over Rich’s pulse and whispered, “Please?”

 Rich opened one eye to look down at Jake. Amongst the annoyance and pain, Jake saw a flash of pity. Rich shifted uncomfortably. 

 “Fine, but I have at least two broken ribs so you’re going to have to accept the fact I’m only blowing up one or two of these.”

 “Of course,” Jake rushed out, his hands already fumbling with the packaging of the balloons. “I wouldn’t—if it hurts, you don’t have to. Obviously. Just—”

 Rich thoughtlessly threaded his fingers through Jake’s hair. Jake’s voice gave out. 

 “I don’t understand you,” Rich whispered, not even bothering to look at Jake. “You’re confident all day, and then the second it gets dark you freak out. I’m the same person I am all the time. I know you don’t want to hurt me. Calm down.”

 It was, of course, a trend Jake had noticed as well. At school, he could control his tone and inflections to the point he sometimes wondered if he was accidentally manipulating the people around him into loving him. Then at night, when his defenses were already broken down by hours of facing the empty, stormy seas that were his house, he could barely find it in himself to get out a sentence without stuttering. 

 He blamed it on the one lie Rich had told in his claim: that he was the same person. He wasn’t. There was something different about nighttime Rich that had Jake’s face feeling too hot and the silence turning into the sound of his heart beating circles in his chest. 

 “Sorry,” Jake replied softly, “I dunno why it happens. You make me nervous.”

 Rich raised an eyebrow. Jake shoved a purple balloon in his face and hoped that would be enough for the topic to be dropped. It was still too sensitive, still too in the early stages of development, for Jake to be prepared enough to vocalize the worst of it. Someday, maybe. Probably. Once he didn’t have Christine to distract him or Jeremy’s constant insults to scare him into suppressing every urge that didn’t perfectly line up with the picture everyone else had of him in their minds. 

 Rich took the balloon and started to blow it up. For Jake, the process was effortless. Rich struggled through it tediously, taking small breaths and wincing after almost every one. Jake hated to say that he’d originally interpreted Rich’s complaints as a joke, but his worry hadn’t really spiked until Rich choked out an awkward, muffled cough and pained groan. 

 “Do you need—”

 “No,” Rich breathed, “No, I’m fine. Shut up, Jake.”

 Jake turned back to his neon green balloon without a word. He’d blown up almost twenty by now, enough to coat half the living room in a thin layer of color. He thoughtlessly kicked one with his foot and smiled as he watched it hit a picture of his mother and uselessly bounce off. Smiling, he kicked another one. It hit a picture of himself as a child. 

 He turned to Rich to tell him—about what, he wasn’t sure. Kicking balloons? Hitting pictures of himself and his family? His coping mechanisms were getting more fucked up by the second—and was almost immediately paralyzed by… fuck, by Rich. Just Rich. 

 He was sitting crisscross on the couch, a balloon in his lap. He’d spent the last four and a half minutes blowing it up to just a little bigger than Jake’s head. It was still smaller than it was supposed to be but Jake wasn’t going to complain. It was physically impossible when he could barely get enough oxygen in his lungs to speak. It wasn’t that there was a crushing panic on his chest stopping him from breathing, it was something much brighter. There were so many butterflies in his stomach they were flying into his chest and choking off every inhale. 

 Rich’s lips were wet. That was really what doomed Jake. He’d previously been unaware that every time Rich removed the balloon from his mouth he felt the need to lick his lips, but now that Rich was focused purely on tying the balloon off and was giving Jake ample time to stare, Jake was forced to acknowledge the way his vision tunneled at the sight. The way his whole body seemed to go warm. 

 Jake turned fully to face Rich, the balloon in his hand completely abandoned in lieu of watching Rich stick his tongue out in frustration as he struggled to keep the balloon inflated while tying the knot. When he finally succeeded, he burst into a smile louder than any record Jake had played over the past month.

 Rich looked up, eyes bright, and faltered when he found Jake already staring at him. He cleared his throat as his face flushed red. 

 “Uh, hi,” he squeaked out. Jake wanted to scream. This was one of the differences that left him speechless. Daytime Rich would smirk and call him gay. This Rich just looked flustered. 

 “Hi,” Jake whispered back. 

 “Whatcha doin’?”

 Jake considered his response carefully. One song or another was playing softly in the background, the balloons were filling up the emptiness. Everything was kind of okay. Jake had nothing left to cope with. He just… 

 “I really want to kiss you right now,” he answered. Rich froze. 

 “What?”

 Jake got up just enough so he was kneeling, purple and green and red balloons gathered around his knees and feet and the coffee table his back was pressed up against. He leaned up so he was close enough to run his pointer finger down Rich’s jawline and nudge his nose against Rich’s.

 “You heard me. You can tell me to stop.”

 Rich remained silent. Jake thought he felt ocean waters rising around his waist, drowning his balloons and pictures in stormy salt water. So he did the only thing he could think of.

He kissed Rich like his life depended on it, because it did, and felt his heart start beating again for the first time in months when Rich kissed him back just as desperate and soft and messily. 

 Hands tangled in Rich’s hair, mouth open and his tongue practically shoved in Rich’s mouth, licking at teeth like they were nectar or ambrosia, he scrambled onto the couch, limbs slow and unsteady as he climbed over Rich and forced him back against the couch. He tried to get himself closer to his paradise, his respite, his island in the middle of the ocean, but all he got was a wretched screeching sound and the feeling of air-filled plastic against his chest. 

 He pulled away just enough for Rich to let out a small whine as they lost contact with each other.

 “Rich.”

 “Yeah?” Rich asked breathlessly, already trying to lean up and kiss him again. 

 “Get rid of the fucking balloon.”

 Rich’s eyes widened, almost comically so. Jake wanted to cry at the way that sent his heart into overdrive.

 “Yeah, yeah, right, hold on—”

 He threw it across the room. Jake found the balloons kind of useless now. He was so filled with giddiness and hope that he couldn’t even comprehend how anything could ever be empty. 

 Until October 30th. 

 Rich didn’t need to knock on Jake’s door or let himself in. Jake was at Rich’s house, banging on the door repeatedly, each knock echoing and panicked. He didn’t stop until Rich swung the door open, rumpled and half asleep. 

 “What the fuck?” 

 “I need to talk to you.”

 Rich glanced back inside—presumably at his dad—before nodding. 

 “Yeah, okay, lemme get changed and put on my shoes, then we can go.”

 Jake nodded rapidly. His mind was racing beyond what he could understand, landing on panicked responses before he even knew what had triggered his fight or flight. He didn’t stop moving even as Rich disappeared back into his house. His foot tapped against the concrete. His fingers picked at his nails and the fabric of his shirt and his hair. Curses ran through his mind like a broken record, repeated until the sound was imprinted on Jake’s brain. 

 Rich appeared and suddenly everything in Jake’s mind went silent. 

 “So… are we doing this here or…?”

 “My house. Not uh—” Jake glanced back behind Rich. Not near your father was the implied statement. Rich sagged with relief.

 “Okay, yeah. Let’s go.”

 Jake could feel Rich’s concern in his gaze. He was watching Jake’s every move as if preparing for something, like Jake was going to swerve the car off the road and into a ditch or shoot himself. It made Jake want to laugh. Or scream. Or cry. He was going to die. 

 He didn’t even make it back to his own house. It was only a six-minute drive and he only made it four minutes in before he pulled over on the side of the road and stormed out of the car, his whole body trembling. He didn’t know where he was going, just that he needed an escape from the cramped driver’s seat of his car. He needed the autumn air to stop him from overheating and the wide expanse of stars to talk him down from an anxiety attack. 

 Rich fumbled after him, too confused to be panicked and too disoriented to be calm. 

 “What the hell?! Slow down—”

 Jake halted and spun on his heel, eyes wide. They were by a pond with benches and a dock and a parking lot only twenty feet away. There were grills along the beach and a football in the grass. Jake almost screamed. Every sign of humanity felt like too much. If he was going to do this, he needed it to be in the middle of the desert or the empty expanse of space with no one but Rich around to hear his confession.

 No. Fuck it. He needed to do this now. 

 “I’m gay.”

 Rich seized up. He was only a foot away from Jake, close enough so when he finally regained control of his muscles, he was able to reach out and take Jake’s hands. 

 “Really?” he whispered, looking up at Jake with eyes that literally shone like gold or diamonds. Jake wanted to drown in it.

 He swallowed his shame, not caring that it burned at his throat, and said, “Yeah. Yeah, fuck. Not all the way. I like girls. But I like kissing you and I like boys and I… I just like you. All of you. All the way. I like you. I’m really sorry.”

 Rich broke out into a grin. 

 “Yeah?” he asked just for confirmation. Jake nodded again. 

 Rich jumped up into Jake’s arms, fully committed to getting as physically close as he could. He wrapped his legs around Jake’s waist and his arms around his neck and fingers in his hair and kissed him hard on the lips. Jake felt like he was at home for the first time in years.

 “Me too,” Rich said between kisses, “Me too. So much. So fucking much.”

 Jake smiled into every kiss, so ecstatic he could barely keep himself standing. He fell back into the grass whispering, “Run away with me. Forever. It’s terrible here. It’s so terrible.”

 Rich nodded in agreement and pressed a gentle kiss on Jake’s neck. 

 “They hate us and we’re gonna find someplace better. I have enough money. Just run away with me, please. We can go anywhere you want.”

 “Anywhere?” Rich asked. He sounded pained, like the word burned as it came out. Jake nodded and propped himself up on his elbows. 

 “Anywhere. Just promise me you won’t leave.”

 Rich smiled and kissed him again. 

 “I promise,” he murmured, “I promise you’re beautiful, I promise I’ll run away with you, I promise I won’t leave, I—”

 He paused. Dread burrowed itself like a bullet in Jake’s chest. He searched Rich’s expression for answers before Rich had the chance to start speaking again. 

 “Not… not tonight, though, okay? There’s something I gotta do first.”

 “Is it—?”

 “Don’t worry about it, Jake. It’s nothing. How about Sunday? Give me tomorrow to take care of things, then we’re gone.”

 November first. The day after tomorrow. 

 Jake could handle it. He’d host his Halloween party, break up with Christine, and tie up any loose ends he had left. He’d be gone before he ever had to clean up the hell of a mess his friends were sure to leave behind in his parents' house.

 “Promise?” he whispered.

 Rich nodded. 

 “Promise. I just need tomorrow.”