#god ok so. how to get people to help themselves to read better...

[frogeyedape]

My guy-is-gender-neutral ass brain thought "did yall know" said "do you guys know" and was prepared to argue against backlash to calling women (trans and cis and intersex, nonbinary etc) guys... It's just striking how easily my silly human brain takes heuristic leaps and sees things that aren't there. I have to slow down and read closely even after I've already hit an emotional trigger. Perhaps. Just perhaps. Other people could also slow down and read/re-read the actual words?

I had some thoughts in the tags. The result, which is not as much of a brain twister as I'd like but hey it's early:

My oppression and your oppression coexist. We are oppressed together. Our oppression has a favorite pastime; it likes to watch us fight to see who wins the oppression olympics. We both lose, and our oppression wins. Our oppressors look on and call us worm food and laugh at our pitiable antics. What if we shook hands, stood, and turned to face the oppressors together?

"this person is a transmisogyny denier"

look inside

they never deny transmisogyny exists, they just talk about transandrophobia

[echantedtoon]

My opinions on who'd be the best parents out of all the Upper Moons from Best dads to Worst dads. No real order other than that though.

AKAZA:

-Look. This man already drinks respect women juice so already he's one of the best demons, as he would treat his lover great. So if he becomes a father then he'll be very attentive.

-As soon as he finds out his s/o is expecting be prepared to be taken cared off. Man will take care of you. holding your hair back when you have morning sickness, getting you any food You're craving (as long as it's night), buys(steals-) anything you may want or need-

-he learns how to cook meals if he can't steal what you want and has to make it instead

-You once caught him reading some early parenting books, and on another occasion he was found speaking to more experienced parents in the nearby town for advice.

-legit cries for hours when he holds his mini me for the first time.

-Would be a very overprotective but overall good dad. Will be attentive to both the baby and you as you recover from giving birth. Will carry them around in a sling when you need a break and will take care of any household needs.

-Will want to start training his baby in combat when they're toddlers because of the fear of something might happen when he's not there.

-You would have to talk to him about his overprotective nature when he literally starts wrapping the house in blankets, and preventing the child from actually doing anything by themselves in paranoia they'll hurt themselves. But other than that he's a very good father.

10/10 The best dad of the Upper Moons

DOUMA:

-Ok hear me out. Douma is obviously not very good father material, but he would actually have experience in being around children and what to expect from them from being around tons of his followers' children for legit hundreds of years. So he knows some stuff about kids and babies. Not enough to be a legit parent but enough to at least have a comfortable level of what to expect.

-First time you tell him you're expecting he legit thinks you're teasing him. It's not until he's in the middle of a meeting that it really hits him- "Oh....OOOOOhh no-" "What are you going on about now?!" "My wife is going to be very angry with me."

-He whined about being kicked out of your bedroom for a week.

-You would be very well cared for absolutely. With plenty of servants, guards, midwives, chefs, and other people that he's confident will help you- May or may not have quietly threatened their lives with your care behind the scenes.

-Douma as a dad has legit NO idea what he's doing. He will cling to them and you during your entire pregnancy and you would have to fight to get him to let go of you or the baby which he always whines about. His response is to let his child run wild doing whatever they want and to spoil them rotten. All legit parenting will have to fall upon you because this man will coddle the hell out of his hell spawns.

-Once took his newborn to a meeting to meet his 'boss' and fellow moons. All were horrified to know he actually reproduced. Especially Akaza- "Oh dear gods no. HE'S MULTIPLYING!!"

6/10 Only because of the good resources he has and the fact he has somewhat experience with kids

KOKUSHIBO:

-Despite his past, probably would be the better father right behind Akaza. He has both experience with having a previous family, and being Upper Moon One can guarantee the safety of his partner.

-However despite this he's not around a lot. Being Muzan's strongest demon means he's always on missions, so most of the care would have to fall on you during both the pregnancy and general raising of the children.

-However he will always come straight back home if he is needed for any emergencies. He was there when you gave birth and Muzan allowed him to stay the first five months to care for you and the babies as you recovered for being so loyal.

-He's very attentive to their needs and your needs, however he'd be emotionally a bit distant. Not on purpose, but he has trouble with his own childhood looming over him.

-If he has to watch them while working, he'll carry his babies around in one of those double baby harnesses with one strapped to his chest and the other two his back with his long hair pinned up. (He has twins I don't make the rules-) Many want to laugh but are too afraid to do so.

-He WILL be training them in swordsmanship. No it's not up for discussion. If they aren't born demon he fully intends on turning them (and you) later in life with complete loyalty to Muzan.

-Faints when you first find out it's twins-

-Despite that he has his moments. He treats both children the same. Possibly out of a hidden fear of his past repeating through them.

7/10 He has experience and his moments but he's already planned out their entire lives and yours.

GYUTARO + AUNT DAKI:

-This man blue screens, gets angry and accuses you of pranking him, goes blank again, and then faints when you first tell him...In that order.

-Daki both laughs when he faints thinking it's the funniest thing ever, and is excited to be an Auntie. She's already planning on what should be done, cute mini matching Auntie-Niece (she's positive it's gonna be a girl) outfits, and will randomly kidnap you to go shopping without telling her brother which causes him to freak out.

-If you think Akaza is overprotective, Gyutaro is OVER-OVERPROTECTIVE. Not that you blame him for the area he lives in and his past. You won't be allowed to leave your shared hidden home unless Daki randomly takes you out for 'girls night' or he's right there with you and even then you're not going more than a foot from his side. If he thinks if someone even looks at you wrong, they're disappearing the next night as dinner.

-He's raised Daki from a baby so he has somewhat of an idea of what to expect and do but he's absolutely terrified about something going wrong. Will it looks like him? Will it be demon, human, or something between? He silently prays that the baby looks more like you than him despite your attempts to comfort his worries.

-Daki is more of the level headed one here smacking her brother over the head when even she thinks he goes too far- "You idiot!! You can't just try to feed her raw meat!! That's not how humans work!!" Honestly there's been some cases where she snaps him back to reality.

-Went baby arrives both panic. Gyutaro faints twice. Once when you first tell him that the baby was coming, and then a second time when he gets you to the nearest doctor and hears the first cries of his baby.

-Relatively good dad. He loves his little spawn so much. Spends hours outside of missions, Daki, and everything else just holding them and staring in awe at this cute chubby drooling monster he helped to create. Will generally raise them the same way he did Daki as that's the only way he knows how, however the difference is that you're here for balance and help.

-Daki is that Aunt who will spoil her niece/nephew rotten. Has no problems watching baby for a few hours when you both are exhausted and want some couple time. However expect the baby to be a little spoiled because of her.

8/10 Baby boy is trying his best

6/10 Aunt score for Daki for good intentions but a bad spoiling influence

HANTENGU + CLONES:

-If you know his Origins then you already know he's definitely not someone you want to have children with. So if you were to have children with him then most of the childcare would fall upon you and/or his clones.

-They all have different reactions. Urami is just..going blank. Staring unbelievably. Hantengu just hides. That's it. He just skidaddles. Sekido.exe has stopped working. The anger clone just faints. Aizetsu cries and hugs you asking if everything feels ok. Karaku and Urogi are really the only two that are visibly super excited. Zohakutan just thinks the entire situation is unnecessary.

-Really the only four you can rely on is the clones. The problem is Sekido often argues about the best things to go around with Karaku and Urogi with literally EVERYTHING to do with the baby. ITS often "NO!! WE'RE NOT NAMING THEM AFTER EITHER OF YOU!!" Or "You're assembling the cradle all wrong!!" Or "UROGI GET YOUR DAM TALONS AWAY FROM HER STOMACH BEFORE I CLIP YOUR WINGS OFF!!" Anger man is stressed.

-When not fighting Sekido on EVERYTHING the happy duo are actually very attentive. Or Karaku is. Urogi half stays away due to fear of hurting you with his talons and half causes the biggest problem of all. His birb instincts keep telling him to safely move you to a makeshift nest he built and bring you deer and other animals he hunted for food. Whenever he places you up a tree in the 'nest' it sends the other three into panic attacks. Especially Sekido who starts a fight with the harpy after.

-The two who you mostly rely on is Aizetsu and Karaku. Problem is Karaku stresses about everything so he compensates it for crude humor and insensitive jabs at yourself. With the hormones he often unintentionally makes you upset or cry which in turn freaks him out and sends Sekido into another fight with them.

-Aizetsu is really the only calm one. He's used to literally everything. His brother's fighting, Hantengu's memories of past families, and everything else. So he's really the only sane one enough that takes you somewhere from the three to calm down, get you food, and give cuddles. Or whatever you need. He will cry when you cry though.

-This dynamic continues when your kiddo is born. Constantly arguing about what's best for the kiddo with you shaking your head in response.

4/10 Constantly bickering, fighting, and headaches for most of the babies childhood.

NAKIME:

-Not a woman who wants kids. I just don't see her having any. The closest you'd probably get is maybe a pet.

1/10 Only because she might be a good fur baby mom

KAIGAKU:

-Dont really see him as someone who'd want kids either but he might consider getting a dog with you.

1/10 Only because I can see him possibly adopting a big dog with you if you convinced him enough.

GYOKKO:

-No. Just......no. Bad idea.

0/10 Just no-

[ysaefinn]

Just binged your Suguru and I’m clawing at the walls!! Where have you been all my life??? He’s so…. I will be devoting all my night time imagining to your Suguru.

So… speaking as a type A, “i can do it myself”, type of person, would you be able to expand a little on doting Suguru? Like, how does he react to a reader that can care for others but believes in “walking it off”— someone who is all smiles and “don’t worry about me”s and tells little lies so that the people around her don’t worry.

If you’d like to🫣🤗

Hello darling!!!! Im so so so so so sooooo happy that reading from my blog made this happy. Truly i can't explain how much love i have for you for giving me a chance 🥹🥹

I wish you only the sweetest of dreams after you doze off from your nightly sugu day dream session my dear 🩷🩷

Im so so so so so happy you said this omg you should've seen the evil ass grin on my face when i finished reading 😭😭 bcuz this is actually me in a nutshell and my obsession with the the doting suguru agenda stems from exactly that.

Let me start of by saying that suguru understands your need to care for others, and he LOVES this quality about you. He admires you to no end, he's so so so so so so so fond of sweet helpful people, and honestly i believe he would find it much easier to trust and open up to someone like this bcuz he can relate to them a lot better.

That being said, suguru will absolutely not be falling for any of that bullshit 💀 you're little attempts to brush your discomfort under the rug will not go unnoticed by him, he knows you like the back of his hand, one look at your face is enough to see that you are indeed not ok.

As previously mentioned he loves you for who you are but he will definitely be trying to change it 😭😭 he will absolutely NOT stand for his baby hurting themselves for the sake of others (especially if it's cult!suguru oh my god that man has no regard for anything that isn't you) so you WILL be having that uncomfortable conversation he knows you are trying to avoid (maybe I'm projecting here), he can be very direct when he recognizes that you need something, he knows how hard it is to change the way you perceive others and how you act around them, but he knows you need this so he'll do it for you, anything suguru does is for your own good don't forget that!!!! And ok, fine, call him selfish, but what if he thinks the time you spend taking care of others is better spent being taken care of by him?? You're not helping by refusing to let him help you either. He will actually lose his mind if you continue to torture him like this 😭😭 of course he would be a lot more insistent when you both begin to officially date. Pre-relationship suguru knows he can only intervene so much. His ass is chewing the bars of his cage like a feral dog 💀

Anyway!! If speaking to you doesn't work, he's going to resort to inserting himself in literally everything you do until you eventually learn to just expect him to be there. He's cooking for you, hand feeding you, tieing your show laces, doing your skin care bathing you, brushing your hair, making your coffee in the morning, doing your laundry, before you can do any of it, you could be in the middle of something and he just...STOPS YOU AND TAKES OVER!!! the whole mother package pretty much, he basically drops you head first into domesticity (borderline codependency 😭😭 ) and you have no say in the matter.

The transition might be weird and awkward, and you might try to fight him but all you'll be getting back is a sickening sweet coo, "awh baby....just let me take care of you" while enveloping your entire body with his arms in one of his suffocating bear hugs then leaves you with a kiss on the top of your head to go back to cooking <- evil man with terrible intentions of making you depend on him forever.

[gold-rhine]

ppl freaking out about spaceship line from the trailer is kinda funny bc like. they said that sibs are space travellers from like moment one of the opening cutscene of genshin

but also you guys need to read the lore of skirk's artifact set, finale of the deep galeries. its about a space traveling alien lady (she's NOT SKIRK just to be clear, it was thousand of years ago), she's immortal observer, flying around galaxy and like watching worlds grow and die and shit. and she's not supposed to interact with the worlds. but then she sees one world just shining so brightly and beautifully she can't help herself, she goes to visit it to see what is shining so brightly. and turns out its dragon king Nibelung, and hes like shining with the unified white light combined of all elements and hes so strong and noble etc etc. And alien lady is sooo impressed with him and instantly smitten that she decides to break all of her neutrality rules and tells him "Listen, your world is going to fall to abyss one day and I just can't stand the thought of you wasting yourself trying to save it, I've seen literally all of the galaxy and you're better than everyone, please leave with me and we will travel together forever."

but Nibelung is not a bitch, so he refuses and says that she might look down on people of his world, but for him they are the most important thing in his life and he will be protecting this world even knowing he will die, and then his bones will be protecting the world (btw which is why ppl speculate gnosis are made out of him). anyway, he refuses, alien lady leaves.

then hundreds of years later she still can't get over nibelung. officially biggest chad in hoyo cosmos apparently. so she visits teyvat again. but this time the beautiful light is gone, she can't sense nibelung down there. so she gets worried, she puts her spaceship on the orbit and projects her mind into a body of a young human guy on teyvat to go see whats up. turns out its already after celestia's invasion. dragons were fallen, Nibelung is gone, its the golden age of the first human civilization under celestia, angels are guiding the humans. so she goes talk to like human rulers\philosophers or smth, idc, the point is that she out-argues them in like philosophy discussions about free will and shit. so they go ok if you're such a debate twitch streamer, go debate the first angel

so she does. she goes to the very first and most powerful angel created by celestia and SEDUCES HER. bc like angels are only supposed to love the humanity as like an abstract and only exist to follow celestia orders, they are not supposed to have free will and have personal connection. So this first angel falls in love with the alien lady in human guy body, rebels against celestia and joins the cause of human self-determination. And as result, celestia punishes all angels with a rule that any angel who falls in love with a human will get their body fucking destroyed and get turned into a seelie, a pale ghost of themselves. And the first angel and alien lady get their memories erased, so shes stuck in a human guy's body without remembering who she is

Anyway, we knew about how like the traveler and first seelie fell in love and were punished for it, that was in lore from like version 1, BUT the fact that this traveler is a space traveling lady who was in fact in love with NIBELUNG and seduced an angel using a human guy's body because she was trying to find Nibelung is like. WILD. the MELODRAMA?? imagine being that archangel and realizing you rebelled against your god creator and became Lucifer for loving a man and then turns out that man is actually a space alien lady puppeteering human body and shes using you to get to the dragon dick that she actually loves. IMAGINE.

[khaire-traveler]

As a devotee of Demeter, I sometimes feel that people only worship Persephone for the aesthetic.

I feel horrible for saying and thinking that but I can't help but feel that way. Certain pagans portray Persephone as some overpowered Mary Sue, downplaying the importance of her mother and sometimes even her husband.

I feel like people really ignore her as a agrarian deity. They claim to love her but feel the need to change everything about her - if you need to change her did you ever like her in the first place?

It honestly just feels like they're talking about a Wattpad main character instead of a religious figure at times it's so jarring to me. Imagine if someone on tiktok described their deity as a dark and daddy figure bad boy with piercings and then its literally just Jesus Christ.

And its not just Persephone, it's the whole pantheon! Some worshippers talk about the deities and their myths like characters and tropes from a telenovela. They are rarely treated like religious figures, they are more than just their myths.

Im sorry i just wanted a place to complain and see if i am not alone

---

Khaire, Nonny,

Honestly, I agree with this sentiment. I've seen this time and time again where Persephone, and many other deities, get "fandomized" which can be problematic for others, even if it's ok in that individual's practice. Sometimes it feels like our religion isn't taken seriously, even by the people who actively practice it, but I also understand that people have different forms of practicing that work better for them. It's frustrating, however, when Persephone is depicted as this Mary Sue characterization of her where she's seen as, like, super edgy, badass, and powerful in a really fandomized way. It comes across as this person using Persephone as an avenue of self-expression rather than worshipping who she actually is as a deity (not to say she's not badass or powerful, to clarify). While it's ok to use a deity as an avenue for self-expression in worship (some trans folk, for example, view Apollon as trans-masc, and it actively plays a role in their worship), it's a lot less ok when you're making this deity into a cartoonish characterization of themselves. The gods present themselves differently to people, but I don't know; I guess I find it far-fetched to believe that Persephone would present herself in this sort of way. I can't speak for her, obviously, but I just disagree with this interpretation of who she is as a deity - putting herself above others, hating her mom, being a rebellious "wild child". I think that, psychologically speaking, some people might just find comfort in this representation of her and see themselves in it which is likely why they gravitate towards it. It's fine to have that experience, but I STRONGLY encourage these people to actually read the myths about Persephone, do the research on how she was worshipped, and actively try to better understand where she actually came from as a deity because this isn't just a character in a show that you relate to; this is a goddess that you're trying to worship, no?

Some people finding more success in their practice with this representation doesn't negate the harm these misconceptions and misinformation can cause. I've met multiple people who believe that Persephone willingly fled to the Underworld to "escape" Demeter (which is untrue), and that is endlessly frustrating to me, especially due to the cultural importance of the Hymn to Demeter (the myth of Persephone being kidnapped). The gods are not their myths, in my experience, but their myths still hold a heavy importance in the way they were worshipped in the past, and the way we worship them in the present. Demonizing an entire deity is the equivalent of trying to cancel a constellation of stars; it's pointless, extremely bizarre, and very "online" behavior.

But yeah, I think some people care more about the "character" than they do the deity, and I will say that confidently. I've met people who "ship" deities with each other, who make their experiences with deities sound - as you said - like a telenovela, and who actively spread harmful misinformation about deities in a way that legitimately disgusts and disturbs me. I've once had someone tell me that a deity [insert reprehensibly immoral act here] them, and to this day, I still cannot believe they said that to me when I was a beginner, just to dissuade me from worshipping that deity. The lengths some people will go to drag a deity is honestly both sad and ridiculous.

I wish some people took the religion more seriously in the sense that they didn't just make random shit up about deities, actively disrespect and disregard the culture the deities stem from, and demonize some deities while bolstering others. It shows a level of immaturity and indifference towards the culture these deities come from. It's not a fandom; it's a way of worship.

---

✨ Bonus round!! ✨

Some ridiculous things I've heard people say that sound like a fandom and/or telenovela (I will put the phrases in "" to express that these are things I've heard, not things I'm saying or believe in):

"Hermes and Aphrodite constantly gossip to each other about the other gods. No one fucks with Hermes because he knows everyone's dirty laundry."

"Ares is starting a revolution on Mount Olympus against Zeus to take the throne." (Yes, I have really heard this)

"Hermes is starting a revolution on Mount Olympus against Zeus to take the throne." (Yes, I have really heard this, too)

"XYZ deity has done [insert reprehensibly immoral and highly traumatic act here] to me."

"I caught XYZ deity cheating on their spouse in the astral realm, and I'm going to tell their spouse."

"The reason the gods haven't been communicating as much lately is because Hades ran away from Mount Olympus (?) and Hekate is going after him. Everyone is panicking a little bit."

"Zeus is such a playboy." (Bruh, do you really have beef with a thousands of years old god who came from an extremely patriarchal society? What, are you trying to cancel him?)

"Poseidon is such a playboy." (Now this take is wild; I don't really understand where it came from at all)

"Apollo is such an UwU 👉👈 shy boy! He's so cute and flustered all the time." (???)

"Persephone has a lot of emotional trauma from Demeter, who was extremely controlling." (No. No for so, so many reasons.)

"Apollo is a himbo."

People say the darnedest things. You really have to wonder what possesses someone to talk about religious figures in such a way, but you know what, if it works for their practice, then good for them. I'm not a big fan of the fandomization of the gods, and I definitely agree with you, Nonny. I won't say these people don't love these deities, but I can understand where you're coming from. It feels like they love the deities in an obsessive fan type of way sometimes, but that's not for me to say, really.

[silvyysthings]

https://www.tumblr.com/silvyysthings/785355024863772672/can-you-or-anyone-who-reads-this-tell-me-why-some?source=share

anon, do you honestly believe that Kylie is innocent being part of one of the most corrupt families in the world? One where they used blackmail (Kris has had blackmailed other men around her daughters), aided in sex trafficking, money laundered and help strip Britney of her wealth and helped the people who put her in conservationship, drugged and caused physiological damage to men - hello Pete and Kaney looking at ya. So, do you think that they and her are beyond exercising power and twisting his hands. Yes, he agreed and signed the contract but do you honestly look at this man and think yes he is happy and wants to be this situation and he is there by his own free will? Like have you seen his face in the last game in that video- does it look to you like face to someone who willingly wants to be there? Yes, he chose badly, yes he signed, yes he agreed but god damn it people make mistakes. I pray you never have a family member who falls into trouble or falls to addiction or signs a stupid deal. Anyways, the point was that Kylie is not innocent - she could have let him go seeing how unhappy he is but she thrives on attention (positive and negative) and she clearly want to get what she paid for (which fair). The way she smothers him, continues to strangle him even when he flinches away from her, forced him to kiss her (hello tennis match video) and makes him do things he is clearly uncomfortable with. This is not a behaviour of a woman who is just doing her job and fulfilling her role - this is a behaviour of toxic person, clingy and manipulative. It is frankly worrisome to watch. She is not just a PR girlfriend like Lily or even Eiza - did you ever see them act like this and forces themselves on him? No, because they were professional, respectful and doing their jobs. I know this is unpopular opinion in this fandom but I think him and Lily were at the very least friends. Kylie has bullied women (Selena and others) and have laughed and covered crimes when it comes to Megan Thee Stallion - look it up.

that all being said I do feel sorry for Kylie as she is clearly a product of her environment and being surrounded by that family, fame and money at a young age does psychologically mess you up. But and this is a big but she continues to chose to be involved and continues to literally bully Timothee and cross his lines even when she sees he is uncomfortable (we have enough video footage of this) and this is where I draw the line as this is not ok. It goes beyond doing your job. No one deserves to be disrespected and treated that way.

literally could care less if he has a PR relationship with someone, almost anyone in HW will be a better option at this point. It’s just how the business he is in works - you got to do what you got to do. But this behaviour from her and her family is unacceptable and bordering on abuse. This is why I personally not ok with her.

I don’t even care about how she looks or what operations she has . Is it a a good role model - no and is it harmful for young girls - yes . But on the flip side of the coin I think people are free to do whatever they want with their bodies and I am not one to tell a woman what to do. I have nothing against her surgeries and way she looks - don’t find it attractive or appealing at all and I prefer natural looks, but I think that doesn’t make her a bad person and i think she has the right and freedom to do and look however she likes. It’s her behaviour, complicitness and the way she treats people, treats Timothee, animals, children and environment that I have an issue with.

thank you for your opinion anon

[painfullyblissful2000]

somebody else probably did this already and that's ok :3

some of kip kinkel's writings!!

confession note

"I have just killed my parents! I don't know what is happening. I love my mom and dad so much. I just got two felonies on my record. My parents can't take that! It would destroy them. The embarrassment would be too much for them. They couldn't live with themselves. I'm so sorry. I am a horrible son. I wish I had been aborted. I destroy everything I touch. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I didn't deserve them. They were wonderful people. It's not their fault or the fault of any person, organization, or television show. My head just doesn't work right. God damn these VOICES inside my head. I want to die. I want to be gone. But I have to kill people. I don't know why. I am so sorry! Why did God do this to me. I have never been happy. I wish I was happy. I wish I made my mother proud. I am nothing! I tried so hard to find happiness. But you know me I hate everything. I have no other choice. What have I become? I am so sorry. "

from a journal in his bedroom:

"I sit here all alone. I am always alone. I don't know who I am. I want to be something I can never be. I try so hard every day. But in the end, I hate myself for what I've become."

Every single person I know means nothing to me. I hate every person on this earth. I wish they could all go away. You all make me sick. I wish I was dead.

The only reason I stay alive is because of hope. Even though I am repulsive and few people know who I am, I still feel that things might, maybe, just a little bit, get better.

I don't understand any fucking person on this earth. Some of you are so weak, mainly, that a four year old could push you down. I am strong, but my head just doesn't work right. I know I should be happy with what I have, but I hate living.

Every time I talk to her, I have a small amount of hope. But then she will tear it right down. It feels like my heart is breaking. But is that possible. I am so consumed with hate all of the time. Could I ever love anyone? I have feelings, but do I have a heart that's not black and full of animosity?

I know everyone thinks this way sometimes, but I am so full of rage that I feel I could snap at any moment. I think about it everyday. Blowing the school up or just taking the easy way out, and walk into a pep assembly with guns. In either case, people that are breathing will stop breathing. That is how I will repay all you mother fuckers for all you put me through.

I feel like everyone is against me, but no one ever makes fun of me, mainly because they think I am a psycho. There is one kid above all others that I want to kill. I want nothing more than to put a hole in his head. The one reason I don't: Hope. That tomorrow will be better. As soon as my hope is gone, people die.

I ask myself why I hate more than anyone else. I don't know. But my head and heart want him dead. He only knows who I am through reputation, and I know he is scared of me. He should be. One bad day, and there will be a sawed off shotgun in his face or five pounds of Semtex under his bed.

I need help. There is one person that could help, but she won't. I need to find someone else. I think I love her, but she could never love me. I don't know why I try.

Oh fuck. I sound so pitiful. People would laugh at this if they read it. I hate being laughed at. But they won't laugh after they're scraping parts of their parents, sisters, brothers, and friends from the wall of my hate.

Please. Someone, help me. All I want is something small. Nothing big. I just want to be happy.

End. New day. Today of all days, I ask her to help me. I was shot down. I feel like my heart has been ripped open and ripped apart. Right now, I'm drunk, so I don't know what the hell is happening to me.

It is clear that no one will help me. Oh God, I am so close to killing people. So close.

I gave her all I have, and she just threw it away. Why? Why did God just want me to be in complete misery? I need to find more weapons. My parents are trying to take away some of my guns! My guns are the only things that haven't stabbed me in the back.

My eyes hurt. They hurt so bad. They feel like they are trying to crawl out of my head. Why aren't I normal? Help me. No one will. I will kill every last mother fucking one of you. The thought of you is still racing in my head. I am too drunk to make sense.

Every time I see your face, my heart is shot with an arrow. I think she will say yes, but she doesn't, does she? She says, "I don't know". The three most fucked up words in the English language.

I want you to feel this, be this, taste this, kill this. Kill me. Oh God, I don't want to live. Will I see it to the end? What kind of dad would I make? All humans are evil. I just want to end the world of evil.

I don't want to see, hear, speak or feel evil, but I can't help it. I am evil. I want to kill and give pain without a cost. And there is no such thing. We kill him - we killed him a long time ago. Anyone that believes in God is a fucking sheep.

If there was a God, he wouldn't let me feel the way I do. ....Love isn't real, only hate remains. Only hate."

"Love Sucks

No, I don't believe in love at first sight because love is an evil plot to make people buy alcohol and firearms. When you love someone something it is always taken away from you. I also would like to add that I hate each and every one of you. Because everything I touch turns to shit. I think if you think you fall in love with someone at first sight it might just be lust. Love at first sight is only in movies. Where the people in the movies are better than you. That is why you go to a pone [pawn] shop and buy an AK-15 because you are going to execute every last mother fucking one of you. If I had a heart it would be gray.

It is easier to hate than love. Because there is much more hate and misery in the world than there is love and peace. Some people say that you should love everyone. But that is impossible. Look at our history it is full of death, depression, rape, wars and diseases. I also do not believe in love at first sight. But I do believe in hate at first sight. Therefore love is a much harder feeling to experience."

at the top of his Spanish work sheet

"I will hunt you down and put a hole in your head. With explosives. You hear me. Power to the shampoo. RIP [sad face with Xed out eyes]. You must DIE."

statement to his victims

"I have spent days trying to figure out what I want to say. I have crumpled up dozens of pieces of paper and disregarded even more ideas. I have thought about what I could say that might make people feel just a little bit better. But I have come to the realization that it really doesn't matter what I say. Because there is nothing I can do to take away any of the pain and destruction I have caused. I absolutely loved my parents and had no reason to kill them. I had no reason to dislike, kill or try to kill anyone at Thurston. I am truly sorry that this has happened. I have gone back in my mind hundreds of times and changed one detail, one small event so this never would have happened. I wish I could. I take full responsibility for my actions. These events have pulled me down into a state of deterioration and self-loathing that I didn't know existed. I am very sorry for everything I have done, and for what I have become."

relatable

[tummieaching]

hey it's ✉️, sorry about the delay, this is the second part of what happened the day I had to go to the post office 🤭

(Two). [cw for brief p1ss mention] Home now. Oh my god. I could barely function when I got to the front of the queue, my mind was just racing with "I think I'm going to puke, I'm going to be sick etc.", then I actually gagged when I was talking to the cashier and she asked if I was ok and did the signature for me so I could get out of there. I was so embarrassed.

It's hot and I started feeling so dizzy walking home so I drank a little water, and as soon as I swallowed it came straight back up, with a little of the milky stuff mixed in, I didn't even have time to move and it came out all over my t shirt and some on my leg. I don't think anyone saw. I sat on the grass for a few minutes because I was sure it was all coming up then, but I think maybe the shock and embarrassment kept it in because I just kept salivating and getting waves of dizziness (didn't dare drink more water), so eventually I got up and slowly managed to get home.

The smell of the puke on my t shirt was making me want to just bend over and heave but I made it. I was shaking when I finally closed the door behind me and went straight to the bathroom with a towel, my water bottle and the second glass of green tea which had steeped to a very dark colour. I was still feeling awful but turned on about all of this.

Since I already threw up on myself I left my clothes on and sat in the shower. I started reading stories on here that other people wrote about themselves being sick and hoped it would help me release my own stomach. It turned me on more and I rolled up a second towel and sat with it between my legs, rocking and starting to salivate as the motion irritated my stomach. I let the saliva run out of my open mouth down my chin and started to say things out loud about how sick I felt and how I needed to get it all up. Then the dizziness hit me hard and I had to lean against the wall to stay upright. I moaned a little and told myself I just needed to let it come and be sick and then I would feel better.

I grabbed the tea and drank it, it was cold so I could drink it very fast. It was incredibly bitter and as soon as I finished the cup I could feel it coming back up. I always get a bit scared right before I throw up so I told myself, let it come, get it up and before I could even finish a stream of sick gushed up out of me and splashed in the shower. I couldn't move because I was trying not to faint so it got in the cup, all over my legs and socks and part of the towel. I burped and retched and gasped for breath and then got sick again, this time it was soft, milky sludge that felt foamy in my throat and landed quietly on my chest. It moved really slowly in my throat and made me gag hard again.

The towel felt warm and I realised I had pissed a little as I gagged. The waves of retching came again and again and I got desperately, loudly, uncontrollably sick all over myself, this time it was like a thick soup with berry pieces. The chunkier stuff was sitting a slimy pool in my lap. I told myself I was doing a good job to calm me down because I didn't have anyone there to help me.

Next time I heaved so hard I had to grip the shower rail, it was gurgly and sounded much deeper than my usual voice and I brought up a big puddle of thick slightly darker coloured vomit that felt heavy as it settled in the pool on my top. It was sour and had pieces of pastry which, when I felt them sticking to the roof of my mouth, made my eyes roll back and I threw up again and soaked the towel. One memorable moment was when I tried to soothingly call myself a good girl but as I was saying "girl" I was violently sick so it came out as "good blbleeeuuuurghle" lol.

This carried on for about 40 mins and towards the end I was just burping and burping and every few burps I'd bring up a blob of rice pudding into my mouth and have to spit it out. It was a bit more intense than I planned but really hot.

The only issue is that now I've puked so much, my stomach is very sensitive and will be for hours - I vomited a bit of water while writing this just from my own descriptions and then when I was cleaning it up, another glob of rice pudding sick came up out of nowhere (I just managed to lean over the edge of the sofa in time to let it up onto the floorboards). I have a bowl with me now because I'll probably keep having these small sudden vomits for another few hours but I'm going to try to settle my stomach with mint tea.

Thank you very much for telling us your story here ... it's very arousing to read, I'm proud of you for getting it all up like that, I bet you felt so much better afterward ... the puddle in your lap oh goodness, it must have been warm for a little while ... and wow, you peed yourself too ♡ I would have loved to help you get it up ... your poor sensitive belly, I hope that bowl serves you well ♡

I'm rubbing myself reading this, sitting in front of the toilet myself, I hope it will help me puke soon ... I'm going to read it again after I post this ♡

[altruismaboveall]

ARES DEBUNKED

I’ve scrolled down probably ten dozen posts on Greek mythology with such misinformed facts that I kind of want to die…. My classics professors would probably have been eviscerated by how some of these questionable takes are being presented as fact.

IT’S FINE TO HAVE YOUR OWN INTERPRETATIONS OF THE MYTHS BUT DON’T STATE THEM AS FACT WITHOUT EVIDENCE/SOURCES ESPECIALLY WITH THE MORE HISTORICAL STUFF.

And don’t link like a website with ten thousand ads which also has no citations as your source cmon Tumblr we’re better then that lmao

To debunk of some them now:

No, Ares wasn’t worshipped or known as the ‘protector of women’. He does have a better reputation with them than others and you’re free to interpret those myths as supporting the idea but DON’T PRESENT THEM AS FACT BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO CREDIBLE EVIDENCE. I will say that he’s a better dad than most of the pantheon.

Also the whole ‘Ares Gynaecothoenas’ being proof of his ‘feminism’ is gonna be the end of me. Yes we have Pausanias’ account of this BUT HE NEVER MENTIONS THAT ARES DIRECTLY HELPED THE WOMEN FIGHT. THEY DID THAT THEMSELVES. WE COULD INFER THEY PRAYED TO HIM THROUGH THEIR ACTIONS AFTER BUT AGAIN HE DID NOT DIRECTLY HELP. always kinda funny when people inadvertently make an already fairly ‘feminist’ story less so by stating that a male god was the reason behind their success lol.

Also would suggest reading the Wikipedia articles for the myths people use to prop him up as the chivalrous protector of women - not a good source itself but they link all the primary sources way better then most Tumblr users will ever. For example, the ‘Ares got abducted while saving his mother and sister and was repaid when Artemis saved him’ thing is quite a distorted take on the story. Yes the giants did want to get to Hera and Artemis but some versions of the myths have Apollo actually kill them. Ares does get abducted in at least one version of the myth but no myth actually states Artemis went with Hermes to save Ares (misconception from OSP I believe but even their wikia explicitly states that Red is wrong here).

Did Ares rape/assault women? Ok now this one’s very interesting because even my classmates don’t agree on a single answer. The general consensus seems to be that he did EXPLICITLY rape/assault but some of the wording regarding Astyoche and Phylonome is kinda vague. I haven’t read the original text yet (my Ancient Greek is not amazing) but all translations use ‘seduce’ and I guess if you consider Leda and Zeus to be rape then Phylonome would be dubious at best.

Now was Ares was the patron of Sparta? I’ve not got enough knowledge on the subject to feel comfortable enough explaining to I’ll link a blog I think does a better job @the-good-spartan

Is Ares a pathetic loser? Now this one’s up to your interpretation. Personally I see him as a victim of the Worf effect - sometimes cool, other times not so much (Iliad and Diomedes… I know Athena was helping him but point still stands - he’s as strong as the writer/storyteller wants him to be). Still a big fan of his dynamic with Athena - so fun seeing the duality of war.

If anyone wants to add more be my guest (all I ask is for a source to be included hehe)

[nohara-rin-dot-mp3]

so you want to care about nohara rin

excellent choice really really good choice she's a fun character. despite (or perhaps because of) kishimoto's writing, there's a lot to her character that makes her very very interesting. i like her a normal amount personally.

here are the canonical character traits we know rin has from her appearances in the manga and the data books: she is a mildly talented but not prodigious mednin. she does not cry easily. she is kind, intellectual, and devoted. she collects shells. her favorite food is strawberries. her favorite word is friendship. she acts in a way that suggests she has a crush on kakashi and is generally friendly but distant with most people.

there are a couple of basic questions that we have to answer in order to create a compelling nohara rin characterization. IN-UNIVERSE okay i know that the answer to a lot of these is "bad writing" let's take a watsonian perspective here okay?

1- if she is a mednin of no outstanding talent, then how'd she manage to transplant a sharingan perfectly in the field?

2- why did she confess to kakashi when she did and in the manner that she did?

3 (most important)- why did she kill herself like that? why did she kill herself on kakashi, specifically? we know that the seal stopped her from slitting her own throat, yes, but it didn't stop her from jumping in front of someone's attack, and there were a lot of other people present (pretty much all of whom were trying to kill her!) who she could have used to kill herself. even MADARA is baffled by her decision making here. pleased, but baffled.

dubiously real questions to answer (take place in the war arc and it's either rin's ghost or obikaka hallucination doing this stuff)

4- why did she tell obikaka to kill themselves?

5- why did she tell obito that she though everything he did was cool and fine? (see: obito's afterlife as horror for my personal take on a dual-read)

these are the main questions that a complex rinterpretation needs to address. obviously, i'm biased towards the rin that i've put together over the past. oh god it's been two years. um. anyways. but addressing those questions from a rin-centric perspective can help you build a character who's really interesting!

pitfalls to avoid falling into: treating her as perfect. she is not "the mom friend" or "the braincell" or "normal." she wouldn't make anything better if she took kakashi or obito's place. the fact that kishimioto dehumanizes her by making her perfect doesn't mean that you have to as well!!!

ok under the cut i'll go a little bit more into some of the main characterization i use for rin/frameworks i like to play around with. my rinterpretation. if you will.

i like to cut rin in half. there is the canonical, symbolic non-person half of rin that exists only in memory and was never alive to begin with and the fucked-up miserable nohara rin that's a person no matter how much she insists otherwise. doing this allows me to lean into their respective identities and also make them aware of each other! which makes them worse! (see: um. this. i promise it actually makes sense in the context of my characterization.)

a couple of frameworks i use to reckon with the symbolic half of rin:

schrödinger's cat is a great way to understand why nohara rin exists as dead the entire time. basically, before the the box is opened, the cat exists in a superposition of being dead and alive at the same time. opening the box isn't what kills the cat, though. when the box is opened to show us that the cat is dead, reality is retroactively re-written and the cat ends up being dead the same time. now imagine that this is about a girl committing suicide instead of a cat and also you get to see the cat's dead body before you even know the box exists. that's nohara rin baby.

eye framework is based around the idea that closed eyes represent dishonesty and open eyes represent honesty. unfortunately, even when being honest nohara rin cannot be understood, and so we must be unable to see her eyes to understand her because you can only understand something that doesn't exist by not looking at it. elaboration here.

the important things to keep in mind about this half of rin is that she does not exist, and if she did, she would be full of nothing (as opposed to empty). also, this is the only nohara rin that anyone has ever known. also, she's a time machine.

nohara rin, the person, is defined by her two fundamental and conflicting desires which are to be known and to remain unknown. she lies so so much and is rotting from the inside out and she kills herself because she is miserable and she does it like that because she is spiteful <3. well actually it's a little more complicated than that but this is already getting long i'll just direct you over to my rinfic if you wanna see how i characterize her on a personal level.

IN CONCLUSION:

[aro-ace-christian]

Ok, so, I'm curious: what are your views on Christianity and the LGBTQ+ community's relationship, per se, and like what is it like being part of both (for you)? I'm aroace as well, and I'm struggling with my faith a lot currently but was raised Christian. I'm just really curious as to what your views are on everything I guess, as I've never met another aroace, or LGBTQ+ member in general, who also considers themselves a Christian. 💜

Honestly, I've noticed that the God I serve, the One I have a relationship with cannot be the same that others serve. Because my God is all about love. And that is abundant in scripture.

I spent a lot of time in prayer and research when I was figuring myself out. A great site that helped me reconcile how I've felt about myself lining up with Christianity is Hope Remains. It goes through scripture that people quote against the LGBTQIA+ community and shows translations that are much closer to the original Hebrew and Greek.

Because, the thing is, there are two major problems with how people view the Bible in today's world:

1) They don't look at context.

People tend to look at one verse only. They don't look at the verses or even story around that verse.

A lot of time things are said to a specific people (Levitcus was for the Hebrews), in a specific time (Old Testiment laws were overwritten by Christ's death), or due to a specific circumstance.

2) People don't realize that the different translations in English aren't always exactly accurate.

There are words, phrases, and concepts that get lost when translated from language to language, from time period to time period, and from place to place.

If you've ever taken a foreign language you know this to be true. Even a simple children's book can have these issues. Compare that to thousands of years of translating scripture. That's why it's so important to go back to the original Hebrew and Greek.

For being AroAce specifically, I love to quote 1 Corinthians 7 to people. Paul never married. He says he wish others could be like him and stay single.

"I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.  But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

But as I stated above, even Paul's thoughts in scripture are all about context. He's speaking to the church in Corinth. He didn't know we'd be reading it 2000 years later. But even with that context, I find comfort there.

So TLDR: There are some great resources out there. But nothing beats prayer and research. I suggest digging into scripture and translations yourself and then through prayer deciding what it is you believe for yourself.

I hope that helps!

[shinia]

Okay so I just finished Remnant of Filth (including the unofficial translation) and I am having THOUGHTS that I can’t talk about with anyone so I’m going to talk about everything here 🤞

Warning : very very long post lmao

YUWU SPOILERS INCLUDING THE END (DO NOY READ IF YOU HAVEN’T FINISHED EVERYTHING GUYS INCLUDING THE BOOKS NOT RELEASED YET IN ENGLISH)

Ok so : first, this series is a MASTERPIECE. Why did no one force me to read it before ? WHY don’t people talk about it more ? This was so so good, probably my favorite damnei so far and one of my favorite book series altogether.

It has been a long, long time since a book made me feel so many emotions. I spent most of this year in a reading slump and only managed to go back into books recently, and this was so good.

First : the characters. I loved how they were all so well developed, even the secondary characters. Even when I hated them, Meatbun managed to make you feel all kind of emotions. I ended up actually liking Murong Lian even if I wanted to kill him at the beginning, I felt compassion for Yue Chenqing, I HATED Jiang Yexue, and I cried in a way I haven’t in a very long time for Murong Chuyi.

As for Gu Mang and Mo Xi, they were so tragically written. Two characters who just want peace and to be together, but have to give their all to their corrupt country, because they’re not just people ; they’re generals. The conflict of Gu Mang, who just want to love Mo Xi but is too loyal towards his goal : peace and recognition for slaves and commoners. His sacrifices for an Emperor who actively works against him. Mo Xi’s feeling and love that almost bleed through the pages ; all his emotions and his character tragedy. And even at the end, when Gu Mang was dead and he could have chosen revenge, he still choose to sacrifice himself for the world. Everything around them kept taking and taking and taking everything from them, and they still choose to be good at the end. They could have so easily become villains, and it would have been more than deserved, but instead they choose their paths. I have rarely seen two characters who deserved their happy ending more, and you can’t imagined how much I cried at the end when I truly believed that the book would end in a tragedy and that they wouldn’t ever be happy together. I feel like the ending is perfect for them honestly : even if they can’t be themselves, they’re happy, together, far away from a scheming court that took everything for them. Also, the fact that Gu Mang knew he was probably a member of the imperial family and still decided to hide it because he had decided to help the enslaved people ? He was a teenager at the time, and a slave. Everyone in the same situation would have said something to try and get better living conditions, but not him : he choose other people over himself, over and over again.

Except from them, my favorite character is without a doubt Murong Chuyi. I loved him when he appeared, loved him throughout the books, and loved him even more when the truth about him was revealed. I cried so much at his death : he suffered under Jiang Yexue for all his life, incapable of showing affection to his nephew, and still, he was always thinking about people, about how to do good in the world, even if it could never be revealed. And at the end, he tried to protect the cousin he never knew he had before. His happy ending was taken from him because of his kindness ; if he hadn’t been kind to Jiang Yexue when they were children, maybe none of that would have happened. The river of tears I shed over him were worth it, but I honestly would kill for his happy ending 🥲

Second : the plot. My god, the author was on fire with this one. All the plot twists, one after the other ? I went into this blind and only got spoiled Gu Mang blood relation with Murong Lian and Murong Chuyi, but this was WILD. Nothing is as it appears. Maybe I’m naive and rusty, but I really wanted to trust the Emperor or even Mengze. I did feel like something was wrong with Jiang Yexue, but I never imagined the depth of his depravity, to literally go all yandere on someone (I HATED HIM SO FUCKING MUCH OMG). And yes he didn’t know that they were half-brothers but STILL. Probably the only complaint that I have if that Mengze is not the girlboss I thought she was 😑 Why can’t we have a four dimensional, morally grey, interesting female character ? Is it seriously too much to ask ?

I honestly just read the seven books one after the other and can’t remember every plot-twist, but I know I kept being surprised about everything lol. I didn’t even cloak that Gu Mang was a spy until it was revealed lol I’m so dumb and ended up crying (again)(to no one surprise).

Okay so I think I’m going to stop here because this is already long enough but to finish : READ YUWU IF YOU HAVEN’T and if you have I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH ME (but if you’re here I do hope you’ve finished the story since I just spoiled basically everything)

[nekrosmos]

*burst into your room through your window* hi- *coughs glass shards out* I am here to say MANY things, positive things about your fic you wrote, but honestly it's more like my live reaction and my fav parts of the fic, it's gonna be long!!!! I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND READING ME YAP!!!

First of all, ∞/10, this is your first fic??? IT'S SO GOOD!! you got the atmosphere the vulnerability the softness the banter AND the good ol smut down, I love it, it was like I was joining them in the fishing trip because of how nice the visual was

ok from here on out it's all about my fav parts of the fic HEHE

the two had aged together is!!!!!!so!!!!!!!!freaking!!!!!!sWEET!!!!!they've been through it all together for the longest time!!!!!!

something about this just makes me change the way Im looking at Price, like..."he just love her" is such a deceivingly simple line but it holds so much weight. He may have "love" him but it was never a full attachment, rather just...embracing the love he was offered. He loved her because he could, not because of...everything el1se that matters. At least that's how I see it and GOD it hurts so good

ah hem AKSJDHAKS how did Nik not choke on air for that- anyways

Im getting my pitchfork for that CO (even tho the bastard is not around anymore) and the way Nik also got him?! *wails*

"there had been a lifetime of missed opportunities between the two" IS SUCH A GOOOOODDD LINEEEE GRRGGR YOUR BRAIN!!

🥺something about them giggling and being themselves just GRIPS MY HEART!!!!

it's the fact that the "friend" turned to "love" that got me feral I was SOOOO KASJHDKADJ hAPPY for em

chef au....

Nik the mAN YOU ARE!!! THE REST I COULD LIVE WITH!!!!GRRR!!! SUCH GOOD LINE!!! HIS NIK!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was walking when I read this part and basically fist the air in victory KASJHDKAJH also I love the train of thought here for Price...it's such a him thing to overthink

there is nothing wrong with that - URGH RIP MY HEART OUT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

again, another great line, frame this and smack it to my forehead because yes, that is Nik

I really really like in between the spicy scenes there are goofy scenes because...my god it just make everything lighter and more...how to say? real. In the moment and all, yk, it's so nice reading them laughing and stuff. But also this line "their romantic relationship wasn't born today, but weeks ago" again, chef kiss

very long ramble and Im surprised im allowed to type this much into an ask (ah heck it could get cut for all I know but) just know this fic was a lifesaver during my lunch break, had an extremely hard day and this helped a bunch.

Im looking forward to see your future fics if you do write them!!

Okay I'm officially smiling like an idiot and I think I'm gonna have to reread your ask many, many times because HOLY SHIT you just made me so unbelievably happy ​😭​😭​❤️​❤️​❤️​

It was my first fic with them !! I've been writing for a long time, switched to english a few years ago and have been writing casually ever since ,,,, But this was the longest fic I've ever posted and it was a nice challenge honestly !!

Also the way you pointed out some of your favorite scenes jdvlskjd,vpùidjvbpvj I'm losing my mind, I'm so happy ​😭​ I literally couldn't ask for better feedback !!!

I actually really like your interpretation of that line about his ex wife !! I left it pretty open so people can hc whatever they want :3c In my personal hc, he really did love her immensely, but he kept hurting her unintentionally by never being around, never giving her what she needed because of his work, etc. ​Just one of those "it wasn't meant to be" relationships. (Also, other random hc, but Nik was here at Price's wedding, he got along really well with his ex wife, but everything about it broke his fucking heart over and over again. Oops 💔)

And I'm so glad you pointed out the banters during the smut scene !! It's my favorite thing to do honestly !! To me, sex scenes don't have to be so serious all the time, I like when characters communicate while it's happening, I like when they're laughing together <3 And these two have so much shared history that it just makes sense to me !!

God, again, thank you so much for this, you really did just make my day Gomz !!!! You're absolutely lovely !!

[lulutaylorsimaginarium]

The Chain

Summary: When the guys get stuck in a situation and hunted down by a drug lord. Frankie makes a call he really doesn’t want to make to the only person that can help them

Words:1430

Warnings: “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the right age to handle mature themes. We handle our own triggers with kindness and grace

AN: Mind any grammar mistakes even though the story has been checked. The author is dyslexic and it is the wonders of her brain.

THE CHAIN MASTERLIST

Chapter Sixteen

To say the next week was chaos may have been a bit of an understatement. They brought a Camaro and a VW Golf, because who suspects the VW Golf?

It felt weird to be spending money to be moving money, but it was what had to be done. Gabby had never really had money. She didn’t know how to handle it, but she also wanted the guys to have as much as they could have at the end of all of this.

 Gabby hated waste but was also allergic to luxury.

Maybe that’s why she never thought about keeping any of it for herself. She didn’t want it.

She just wanted to get the guys to safety.

It was different now.

When she first got off the plane, she only needed Frankie safe. Of course, she knew Benny and Santiago, but Frankie had been the main priority.

How time changed things.

They were getting better, Frankie and Gabby. It was dare she say, civil, bearable, even? 

But they still weren’t themselves, it felt strange to both of them and the others.

No one could fix it

Gabby didn’t know how.

She didn’t know what he wanted, and he refused to tell her.

Santiago and Will were taking off to find a transit van so they could move more money but the people selling it was pretty far away, which was good in a sense because it was less suspicious, but it also meant that they were going to be gone at least overnight and Benny was making the first trip over the border. Which left Frank and Gabby alone in the cabin together.

She was nervous about it

All over it

Even being away from Santiago.

She had always been on her own. Always needed her own space. Never afraid of the quiet. Why was it that all of a sudden, she felt co-dependent.

Something that she had never been in her whole life.

She had never been that girl who needed to be with her boyfriend, every second of everyday.

Ugh

God, was that what Santiago was?

Her boyfriend?

Just the thought made her shake her head and shutter a little bit.

Who the heck was she right now?

To even be thinking these things.

When she woke up the next morning feeling like she hadn’t slept at all.

Her body was heavy, and her mind was full. She knew herself well enough to know that she had crashed. She didn’t change out of her sweats but did  grabbed a hoodie, that she was fairly share was an old boyfriends’, although she couldn’t say which one.

Which actually said a lot about her life.

Gabby was always talked about, behind her back of course, but talked about none-the-less. When would she settle down? Surely, she couldn’t keep living her life so carefree without any ties to one place.

She was used to the whispers. She played into it, to a certain extent.

Gabby just kept on living her life

She was running on empty, but she wouldn’t change a thing. She needed these guys safe; she didn’t care about the money. She cared about the guys, but she also felt like crap. So today at least.

Things needed to stop

Will looked up to see her as she walked towards the stairs. Her hood over her head and not her usual sassy self

“You okay?”

“Nope. Tired. Dizzy. Sleepy”

“Maybe the reason we’ve been telling you to stop and slow down for the past few days”.

“Too much to do”

“Go park your butt in front of the TV and take a load off, would ya?”

“Ok” she said softly not quite ready to admit defeat but also liking the idea of being a couch potato.

Before she knew it there was a blanket and he handed her a cup of tea. Gabby looked up at Will and smiled.

“How are you still single?”

“I’m secretly a nightmare”.

“So am I” she whispered playfully.

Will went outside and left her with a quiet house. Gabby fell back asleep before her tea could get cold.

#

The night had been more peaceful than they were all used too. Rain falling lightly outside. Thunder rolling in and out. And back again. Good food, laughter, a warm fireplace, and a good movie.

Dare anybody say, normal.

So normal in fact, that Gabby fell asleep with her head on Benny’s lap without taking any of her new meds.

Even the guys had a quiet day given it rained for most of it. Everyone was rested, feed and more importantly, happy to be around each other. There was the feeling that the worst was over. After the night went well into the morning and the guys decided to pack it in for the day and everyone made moves upstairs.

Benny looked over at Santiago and asked

“Leave her here or carry her upstairs?”

“Leave her down here. If she wakes up now. She’ll never get back to sleep”

Santiago put another log on the fire and Benny covered her up with a blanket. Before both disappearing for the night.

No one noticed the footsteps on the porch. Slow, soft, precise. No one noticed the face peaking through the windows looking inside the only place that they had found peace in weeks but they weren’t the only ones there.

The stranger walked around the perimeter of the house and in the shed, looking at all the cars. The stranger found the storm shelter and tried the padlock, but it was too thick, and the sound of the chains echoed loudly on the wind of the thunderstorm.

So he abandoned his expedition and walked back along the lake the same way he came.

#

Shortly after Frankie had gotten comfortable in his bed, slowed his mind of thoughts of his child and the woman unbeknownst to him who was sleeping on the sofa below him. He heard something on the lake. The water seemingly moving on its own. It may have been the wind. It was probably the storm, but Frankie couldn’t help but take a look out of the French doors of his balcony.

It was too dark to see anything but he couldn’t shake that feeling. Something was wrong. He hopped out of bed and got dressed back in his clothes before making his way back downstairs. Will was snoring behind his door. Benny’s music softly pumping behind his. Frankie always wondered how the heck Benny could sleep through it, but he always did. Then there was Santiago, sleeping in his own room. Which had been a rarity since Gabby and Pope decided to do whatever they were doing.

Gabby’s room was empty. Frankie frowned into the darkness. Confused, concerned oddly feeling cornered for some reason.

He hated the way things were, even though he was the one to create the mess in the first place. Fighting or arguing. Even not agreeing wasn’t something that Gabby and Frankie did. They had conversation with a glance and  always backed the other up, even if that person was in fact wrong.

They had lost that, and he hated it.

He couldn’t quite say why he was acting the way that he was.

He just felt uncomfortable.

He walked down the hall and saw her on the couch, out to the world. The light of the fire glowing throughout the room. So bright, that it guided his way to her. He sat on the coffee table and watch her sleep for a few seconds. Touched the back of his hand to her forehead. The fever that she had this morning was now gone and she seemed more peaceful.

Frankie couldn’t leave her down there.

He knew that she never moved when she was like this. A whole night on the couch like this and her body would be screaming in the morning and for some days to come. Frankie gently pulled back the blanket covering her and noticed she was clutching something to her chest within her palm.

He softly pried her fingers away and saw that it was the lighter that had belonged to Sebastian.

Frankie knew that his death was affecting her more greatly than she was letting on but the sight of Gabby clinging on to the last thing she had of his, was a sight and a thought that Frankie just couldn’t take.

He placed the zippo lighter carefully on the coffee table and scooped her up in his arms before carrying her into her bedroom.

Frankie needed to fix this and fast.

[khaire-traveler]

Hey Stag! I’ve been a lurker of your blog for quite some time and I find you very insightful! I've been overthinking and journaling too much tonight and wanted to see what you thought on a topic that’s been haunting me for the past 3 hours….

So it’s no secret to me that my religion and practice is very on and off. At some points, I’ll feel very devoted to my deities and will go through the process of setting up altars, making offerings, etc. However, after some time passes, my dedication falters, I lose my focus, I become estranged from the practice. I know deep down I believe in my deities and that the faith is real, but I just find myself feeling unable to accept the process of it all. I’m not sure how else to word it… I’m not sure if it’s because i grew up on the outskirts of religion (parents never got me baptised or ushered me to church every Sunday) and I don't know how to properly pray or ask for guidance, or if it's because throughout my childhood I was told the Greek Gods and Goddesses were just like their myths: fake. But as I lean more into physical practice, I find myself doubting everything a little bit. A tiny voice in my head nags me; "What are you praying to?" "Why are you pouring water into a bowl?" "Why are you reading off these names to thin air?". Again, I do truly believe in my deities. I see them in everything, even in times where I'm furthest from practice. I know they're there and they will understand my doubts. I am only human after all. I guess I just wanted to know what your thoughts on this sorta thing are. Have you ever experienced doubt yourself? Any suggestions you have to help me get out of this skeptical mindset? I feel horrible for praying to the Gods but then actively thinking "Hey, y'know maybe you're wrong for that?!"

Tldr; Any experiences with doubt in your practice because little old me is strugguhlinggggg >< <3

Also thank you for being you! Your posts always bring me so much joy! :D

Khaire, I know this response is horrifically late; 2024 was insane for me, sorry. 💀

The first thing I have to say is that yes, I've experienced doubt. In fact, I'd argue every religious person - in any religion - has, at some point, doubted themselves or their faith. Doubt comes as naturally as breathing to us as humans; we question things around us by nature, being the curious creatures that we are. It's entirely normal to have periods of doubt, uncertainty, and otherwise. Especially if you don't have much experience with religion, it's understandable that you're struggling to push through this doubt if you've never felt it before (I don't want to assume; it's also ok if you have felt like this before and are still struggling, to be clear).

If it makes you feel any better to hear this, I've honestly had moments where I doubted if I was even practicing the right religion, worshipping the right gods, or even deserving to be a worshipper of these gods. I've questioned myself to hell and back, wondering if I need to switch things up during periods of intense disconnection. I remember having moments where I prayed to the gods, asking for reassurance or some sign that they were present because I just couldn't rationalize it all.

But that's the thing to remember: faith isn't meant to be rational. It's not something we'll make more sense of the more we question and analyze. It's also not something that we often benefit from hyper-analyzing. Don't get me wrong, always question things and ask yourself "why", as questioning things is how we reflect and grow as people, but when you recognize yourself beginning to spiral into disbelief, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and think back on the special moments you've had in your practice that reaffirmed the existence of the gods. Little moments, big moments - just anything you can think of. Remind yourself that it's ok if you don't have all the answers within religion because there are just some things that we, as humans, can't know for certain. Faith is holding onto your belief, even during these moments of trial and hardship. Faith is allowing these thoughts room to question but giving yourself room to breathe when it becomes too much. Faith is trying your best to see the gods in everything, despite struggling to give an offering with full belief. You are already faithful; there's nothing wrong with having a sense of doubt.

Maybe you'd benefit from shaking things up a bit within your practice, such as trying new things or making things more personal to you. Something I've found helpful is going performing small rituals - maybe something that lasts about an hour at a time - where I just write a basic little script of wait to say, get some offerings together, light a candle, and sit alone with that deity for a while as I read off the script. Such moments are helpful for me, I find, and I often enjoy them. Maybe that's not for you, though, which is entirely ok. To me, it sounds like you might be a little stuck in the monotony of a routine/a predictable practice. Give an offering/libation, try to pray, sit at the altar, repeat. I think going out of your way to try something fun, interesting, or brand new would be really good to try. The disconnection you're feeling may be a result of a practice that's become too predictable and much less personal to you. Incorporate things that resonate deeply with you - practices that strike a direct chord in your heart. Find something that evokes emotion within you or simply feels more interesting than what you're doing, and give it a try! I encourage you to get creative with it, even if it goes against "the norm" that people talk about online.

Also, as for praying, there are some posts in my pinned post under "Deities & Entities" that you may find helpful. In my opinion, there is no right way to pray; I say do whatever feels right to you. Pray aloud, pray in your head, pray sitting down, pray standing up, pray with your palms up, pray with your hands clasped, pray with a song, pray with art, pray with a dance - whatever works best for you. You can even pray by simply writing in a journal dedicated to a deity. There are no real limits on prayer besides those we apply to it.

I hope this post is helpful to you, a million years later. 💀 I also hope that you've felt more connected to your practice in recent times and that 2025 brings you new opportunities to explore religion in the ways that appeal to you most. May the gods be with you, if you wish them to be. Take care. 🧡

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - October 29th

I didn’t read--ok, that’s not true, I read a bunch this week, but I read some other fandoms, so this week’s list is a bit light, but have some gems on it! 

~*~ 

hell and high water by meidui for ishipallthings

Nobody tells him anything these days, Tony fumes to himself as he breaks into a run down the hospital hallway.

By nobody, Tony means Steve and all the rest of them, but mostly Steve. By these days, Tony means his six months of attempted retirement. By anything, Tony means Steve has been getting actual death threats for all six of those months and Tony didn’t find out until Steve landed in the hospital today because, again, no one fucking tells him anything anymore and Steve is apparently hellbent on turning Tony’s hair even grayer than it’s already getting.

He needs to see Steve.

Ashes and Silver by Corsets_and_Cardigans

“Sorry, but you can’t speak with her.” He looked apologetic, shaking his head at Steve.

“Please, I’ve been looking for her for so long.” Steve put his hands together in front of his chest, praying to a God that had long forsaken him. “I just need five minutes of her time.”

“Well, unless you packed a ouija board on your Harley, I can’t help you. She’s been dead for almost thirty years.”

Steve’s heart dropped to the floor. “Dead.”

~~~

Steve is looking for something special and Tony’s mother. He finds so much more.

one more moment of this silence by Red (S_Hylor)

Tony can see ghosts. Not just any ghosts, but ghosts of people how haven't found peace yet, or refuse to. Ghosts of people whose bodies have never been found.

The closer to their bodies he gets, the more he sees them, an ability, or a curse, that he uses to help the police find body's of missing people.

It's never easy.

the future whispers only by Red (S_Hylor)

Nine of them set out on the trek over the snow, towards the mountains, along the route that Carol had plotted out. Four days hiking, along on of the most difficult routes, but they were well prepared and experienced.

There's some things that cannot be prepared for.

Never Seen by Waking Eyes by CSHfic, VSfic

Tony inherits what appears to be the entire mildewed contents of his late great aunt’s attic, and Jan and Steve volunteer to help him sort through the boxes. Some of the objects they find are... slightly more interesting than others.

CCCLXXVII. by MilkSluice

The school they're in is desolate, and near destroyed. And not fully their own. Steve and Tony, shortly after a huge argument, find themselves bound to a dimension, in which they appear to be the only living souls.

The Road Through October Country by indigostohelit

It's a beautiful day in October, and Steve's hiding behind the library, his knee bleeding, when he sees the boy for the first time. Tony makes Steve laugh, and his hands are as cold as ice, and he doesn't leave footsteps in the mud. But in a cold graveyard after sunset, Tony asks Steve to make a choice that will change - or end - his life forever.

Never Be Alone by thepartyresponsible

Steve comes jogging up the path in a pair of offensively small bright blue jogging shorts. He’s shirtless and windswept and glistening – actually glistening – in the warm sunset glow.

“Sweet abs of liberty,” Tony says, hooking his sunglasses down his nose to get a better look.

“Of thee I sing,” Clint intones, reverently.

Wake Up Someday by thepartyresponsible

Steve relaxes back against his chair. He takes a quick look – just checking, just making sure – over his shoulder, and he gets an unexpected and vaguely life-changing glimpse of Tony’s ass, as he bends over the pool table to line up his shot.

When he looks back, Bucky’s staring over Steve’s shoulder, a familiar, dumb, dreamy look on his face. Steve feels something catch in his chest.

“Oh,” he says. He clears his throat. God, he’s an idiot. He is an idiot. “Him, huh?”

“Yeah,” Bucky says. He catches the corner of his mouth with his teeth, but it’s not enough to fight off the stupid grin lighting up his whole damn face. “That’s the one,” he says, low and fond.

Feel Whole Again by thepartyresponsible

Steve turns to leave. It’s easier to talk, somehow, when he’s not looking at him. “If you need anything,” he says, “I’m just a few floors down.”

“Might regret that, Cap,” Tony says to his retreating back. “I’ve been told I’m needy.”

Steve doesn’t know who the hell said that to Tony. It’s probably for the best that he doesn’t.

“It’s an honor,” he says, a little helpless, out of his depth and out of his time. “It’s an honor to be trusted with something like that, Tony.”