#have been able to explain myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
listen-to-the-inner-walrus Ā· 2 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
It's been like a week or so since I finished the book I read for the Non Fiction square for @batmanisagatewaydrug's book bingo because I have struggled to talk about The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot without crying. Whether those tears were because I was sad or angry was kinda irrelevant because it was kind of all the same.
The book is about Henrietta Lacks and the immortal cell line, HeLa, that came from her cervical cancer, but it's also about a lot more than that. A big part of it is about exploitation and patients' rights and the ethical boundaries that science and medicine should be practiced within, and how common it is for that latter one to be ignored. But more than anything, it's about Henrietta's daughter Deborah and her search to learn about her mother and about her older sister Elsie.
Henrietta Lacks was a black woman who went to John Hopkins Hospital in 1951 because she found a tumour on her cervix though she - and most other people - wouldn't have used those words exactly. While she was being treated, her doctor took a sample from her cervix to give to George Gey so he could try to keep a human cell line alive outside of the body. At no point did they even attempt to get consent for it because well, most scientists were in agreement then that they didn't need to get consent. She also wasn't warned that the radium treatments she was getting would make it so she couldn't have another child. She died later that year but her cells lived on and a lot of people made a lot of money from her cells. It wasn't long before her cells were being shipped around the globe to researchers everywhere. An entire manufacturing plant for them was built at Tuskegee and manned by mostly African Americans while the infamous Tuskegee Study was also going on.
And her family had no idea. People became millionaires from her cells and for the longest time, her family had no idea. Her family lived and continues to live (the book was published in 2010) in poverty and they've not had reliable health insurance. And once they were made aware, they never saw any money for it and it took a very long time for any scientist or doctor to treat them properly. They were targeted by scam artists, and there was one incident where a doctor essentially misled the family so that they could get blood samples from her kids.
There are other cases where people have been treated like this peppered in the book and it just makes you shake with rage. There's a story about at least one doctor saying that the Nuremberg Code isn't relevant in the US because it's the US and not Nazi Germany. Also a direct quote from the book goes as such: "But the Nuremberg Code – like other codes that would come after it – wasn’t law." It's enough to drive you crazy.
And then there's Elsie, Henrietta's eldest daughter. And fuck I'm crying again. I can't talk about Elsie without crying even when I'm typing. I'm just gonna keep it short to get through it, but Elsie was developmentally disabled and died in an institution at the age of 15 after likely being an unwilling participant in very cruel experiments that no one at the time would have even thought of asking consent for. She was never told her mother died, all she knew is that one day her mother stopped visiting.
In some ways, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks is a harrowing read, but it's also very beautiful at times. There's also an aside about an absolutely bonkers eugenicist and his immortal (except not really) chicken heart as well as his dreams of being a South American dictator (he was French btw) and his eventual death awaiting trial for collaborating with the Nazis. Insert Bill Hader SNL "this club has everything" gif.
"If the whole profession is doing it, how can you call it ā€˜unprofessional conduct’?"
5 notes Ā· View notes
un-till-the-end Ā· 9 days ago
Text
More so than idolization, it'd be more accurate to say Till's perception of Mizi is "idealization"
28 notes Ā· View notes
yournormalidiot Ā· 3 months ago
Text
Did anyone else notice that in justice for tulsa pual littarly sings, "we could sit here asking why" then immediately changes the topic.
Like he sings it kinds quickly and as the moment starts to build tensionand momentum. Also directly after cherry pointe out how, Bob kinda got himself killed. Like pual def knew what cherry was saying was true and he knew that if the other socs took half a min to think abt it they'd realise to and they'd be no rumble, no revenge. But he doesn't let that happen.
He cuts off cherry, he says they could question it then immediately changes the topic, shifting their focus, so they can't think.
Cause Paul is to wrapped up in his own grief and anger (and probably guilt cause, he knew if he just spoke up abt what bob was doing, just this once, mabye he wouldn't be dead. He wouldnt hsve been ablento save him) and he's trying to find a way to let that out. Which he dies by attacking those who can't fight back and who are to blame, technically.
It shows a) they absolute lack of individuality of socs and how much they actually really on fitting in and having a leader.
And b) that pual is really a soc, him doing that despite Consciously knowing cherry is right is kinda manipulative. Especially sense he's useing it to start violence for his own sake.
23 notes Ā· View notes
iguessitsjustme Ā· 1 year ago
Text
I can't stop thinking about this so I'm making it everyone's problem. What's gonna happen if Joe sneezes when he orgasms? Cause he did previously. Is that gonna be how Ming finds out? I mean, honestly, probably not. BUT I'm just having a good time imagining new Joe sneezing as he cums and Ming just thinking "Surely not? one Joe sneezing is one thing but TWO Joes? It can't be...." and then giving Joe A Look.
64 notes Ā· View notes
itspileofgoodthings Ā· 7 months ago
Text
had a very nice realization about peace, especially spiritual peace, the other day. (Been brewing for a while.) and it’s just: peace is for the non-peaceful.
#very obvious of course#but it’s just—-#it’s hard to explain how messy I feel all the time#in all areas of my life#what a grubby little gremlin I feel I am#with my unfinished projects and my half-done things and my unsorted through internal life#and my room that needs vacuuming and my bathroom that needs dusting and the text messages that need answering#and the relationships that I feel need attention or fixing or solving#and tbh counseling has been helpful simply because my counselor is just like ā€˜girl if you don’t chill’#(kind)#like. she’d just like you’re doing FINE#everyone doesn’t have the dishes finished or everything in order at all times#so I’ve been able to kind of see the ridiculously high expectations for myself I just walk around with#and/or just the pressure I feel to have everything DONE#but even all of that aside it has just been dawning on me that—I can have peace in those contexts#not only once everything is ā€˜sorted’#because it’s not that I don’t think I deserve it or whatever! that’s not exactly the issue#it’s just literally my brain is like ā€˜peace is for people who have their shit together’#ā€˜and that isn’t you’#and it just !!!!! isn’t true!!!!!!!!#even if I were as grubby as I think I am (and sometimes I think I AM)#it doesn’t matter. you can still know peace. God still loves me#in the middle of the mess#my WORST states have been when I felt like I had to get myself spiritually in order before God could come#sort of dusted and vacuumed metaphorically speaking I mean#and of course there is work to do#but that happens only with God and because of God and IN God#so I don’t have to wait#can’t explain how often I have heard people talk about peace and been like#ā€˜not for me though’ but it actually IS lol. it I s. beCAUSE I am grubby!!!!!!!!
33 notes Ā· View notes
byanyan Ā· 8 days ago
Text
no one:
literally not a single person:
me: is byan really just adhd... or are they perhaps actually audhd......
10 notes Ā· View notes
redeemed-wren Ā· 1 year ago
Text
I am thinking about. Jamie and the Second Doctor.
Because out of all the incarnations of the Doctor, Two is arguably the one who uses manipulation and disguises the most. He thrives on using people's intelligence against them, on tricking people, on bluffing and his bluffs working. He has a different disguise every story pretty much and is constantly playing some kind of role.
And then you look at Jamie, and some of Jamie's most front and center traits are his loyalty and his honesty (and protectiveness, but less applicable). Jamie is loyal to a fault and extremely trusting of the Doctor. He's honest and straightforward and deeply caring.
And Jamie is the one who sticks by the Second Doctor for as long as he physically can--and you'd look at those two characters, one who is manipulative and cunning, and one who is loyal to a fault, and you'd think the Doctor would easily be able to take advantage of Jamie, that Jamie would just be a tool for him but he's not, they're on equal footing. Jamie pulls the Doctor down and reminds him what being human is all about.
140 notes Ā· View notes
venusiinfurss Ā· 1 month ago
Text
guys big news my brain told me that if i think about It one more time than It will stop hurting
#cw ocd/mh discussion in tags#who else up googling do i have ocd questionaire#slash is it normal to feel this way all of the time#i think what’s holding me back besides not currently being in therapy is that if i do have ocd what would be considered my compulsions#mostly aren’t physical. like mental stuff#although i have a lot of checking stuff as well#like i don’t think it’s normal to have anxiety attacks and panicking and just nonstop thinking about certain things#about different things and issues etc and not really be able to control it#like debilitating intrusive thoughts as well#nausea#to the point where it’s causing me significant emotional distress and affecting my life#and if i say what some of them they are i’ll sound fucking crazy lol#not to doxx myself/leak medical info but i’ve already been diagnosed with pdd/gad#although i think it might be mdd at this point in time#but i have no one to blame but myself because I'm not entirely honest with medical professionals#out of worry that they'll tell my parents#like it's gotten to a point where i'm just like i don't think this is normal#to be feeling like this all the time. besides my current Big (Trigger? idk if i can call it that) it would be nice to drive without feeling#like I've secretly killed somebody. or just drive without panicking the entire time#which btw NOONE understands when i try to explain it#but whatever#sorry for comment vent & rant i've had a shitty day lol. shitty week shitty year etc
12 notes Ā· View notes
en-djinn Ā· 3 months ago
Text
ive never had an actual fandom blog before and u can probably tell from me never using captions tht i tend to just post art and leave (and my main is just for funnies) bt i am reluctant to share my thoughts w ppl who do not share my vision cz i get angry/annoyed very fast and i get so tired of being pissed off all the time (why i deleted my old artblog and had reblogs turned off here) butttttt. everyone into adam seems nice. u guys have been nice to me. maybe i will post more things here. unsure.
8 notes Ā· View notes
energeticpoltergeist Ā· 5 months ago
Text
Part 1: Mad King's War
Prologue: Diverged History(pages 22-25)
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
< prev | start | next >
9 notes Ā· View notes
strongintherealgay Ā· 4 months ago
Text
Me: The way people villainize weed is indicative of how they view all drug users and addicts, which is anti-leftist and harmful to actual community building but also you don't have to personally like weed
People on tumblr.com: Umm, actually here is why weed is the worst substance on the planet and also every stoner in a 100 mile radius personally tokes up right in my face and also I am the only one whose wellbeing should be considered
19 notes Ā· View notes
nabaath-areng Ā· 5 months ago
Text
im having the worst body day in a good while in terms of pain but i refuse to lay down. for there lies the road to the devil (mental health spiraling with nothing to distract from it). i SHOULD cook. but im not sure ill be able to with the pain. especially since the pain is because it feels like literally nothing is sticking together, like im much more bendy and hypermobile and useless than normal, which severely affects both motor skills and body strength. not to mention that this is causing a bad jaw day where so chewing is pain cause i already cant keep it in place and keep my mouth properly closed. i keep complaining but like, holy fuck i want off this illness ride
#i wanna paint my nails also but i dont need to i just feel like it and also thatd cause worse pain but also hhrhgghh#glitter................. sparkles.....#but also i wanna shower cause im cold but i wont be able to stand up right now AND handle potentially passing out#id like to not slip and injure myself if i can at all help it if thats not too much to ask...#man im typing and causing myself pain from it but like what else am i supposed to fucking DOOOOOO#GGRRREAAAAAAAAA#im struggling to comprehend how its NOT the norm to be like this#like what do you MEAN this isnt the default human experience. what do you mean there are people who are free from this#at first i didnt understand i was fucked up because everyone told me im overreacting and everyone has it#only to find out that no they fucking dont and ive been damaged beyond repair trying to reach other peoples ability level#like how do you NOT feel angry and bitter about that? i dont WANT to be but abled people sell you a fucking lie#and then punish you for noticing signs that somethings amiss. and then YOURE the one whos demanding for being burnt out beyond repair#and unable to pretend youre fine and just like them for their comforts sake. god im sorry im just so#i cannot explain this as anything else but an ongoing process of grief and trauma and mourning#and i want to believe in reincarnation solely so that i could have another chance at life#where im not sick and forced to continue giving up the only things that made this pain at all bearable in the first place#im sorry ill be fine or rather i HAVE to be fine because otherwise i dont know what to do with myself and thats crushing me from within#silvi talks#i need a tag for my stupid annoying whining about my fucked up flesh lmao
9 notes Ā· View notes
waywardstation Ā· 1 year ago
Text
Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.
I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!
I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as ā€œin stockā€ after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!
42 notes Ā· View notes
kowwpow Ā· 10 months ago
Text
I’m gonna be out most of the day bc I’ll be helping my dad with a big shopping trip plus being out after, so I’m going to be super duper exhausted
I don’t do well in crowded or loud places in the slightest, I get woozy and tired and I feel miserable or like I’m gonna pass out, and if the shopping isn’t gonna make me wanna cry, the outing after will bc it’s gonna be packed with lots of noise and people
I don’t say this because I want to complain, I just wanna give a super quick warning that I might not be active tomorrow as well as today bc when I get exhausted, my mental health tends to decline as well ;-;
so- a bit of a warning that I may poof a bit (sorry! 😣)
#But yeah :)#hopefully I’ll be able to sleep it off tonight but since school is tomorrow might end up still tired and stressed (ᵕ—ᓗ—)#lol I’m trying not to complain or make a stink about it whilst still being informative—#Edit: uh so I don’t know what’s wrong with me this morning#But it’s already starting to go to crap unfortunately#Hgnhh I wanna talk but I keep telling myself it’s selfish to talk about how I feel#Idk I’m just messed up man#Feel like crap#eating earlier didn’t help it just made me feel worse#I don’t wanna go shopping or to the outing :(#But my dad said he needs help#And I don’t think I have a choice for the outing#And school tmrw :(#I don’t wanna do this I really font#I think I’m breaking down#Yeah I’m breaking down#<- that’s dramatic I’m sorry#Edit 2: if I trigger myself so badly that I have a really quick and strong breakdown will that make me fine for the rest of the day#Bc omg I have things I need to do! I can’t mope around and be dramatic all day!#I hate this! I don’t want it! Literally any other day would have been doable!#I can’t just ask my dad to stay home from the outing either because then that would entail me explaining why I don’t wanna go and I’d cry-#-in front of him and I don’t wanna cry in front of people#I hate this so much#i wish I could just poof into nonexistence#🌾#<- atp it’s a vent#Edit 3: I’m trying really hard ace but petting my dog isn’t working
14 notes Ā· View notes
collgeruledzebra Ā· 2 months ago
Text
been a while since ive had a spell of anxiety bad enough i genuinely can't tell how much im overreacting
#like AM i overreacting? almost certainly. are the REASONS for being anxious valid? might be tbh!! but then again maybe not#i really really hate this. i hate not being able to judge what is Reasonable what is Rational. most of the time although i cant dispel#the anxiety i can still on another level know that it is irrational and that tempers the effects. not this timeeeee#meeting with my mentor tomorrow im going to try to get things as clear as i can to move forward i just dont know if ill be able to make#myself explain how ive been feeling because im genuinely afraid ive been wasting both of our time by not taking enough initiative#like i think he thinks im much busier than i actually am but i have no idea what he thinks im Doing because he hasnt given me all that much#to do#(unless im missing something major which is very unlikely and not really worth worrying about i dont think)#but regardless i spend a Lot of my time just sort of whiling it away looking at literature that isnt really relevant scrolling thru shit i#dont care about on linkedin staring into space etc#and now the big meeting for the program is coming up and we still havent done the experiment we originally set out to do#and i really honestly think i couldve made more progress by now if id just decided to take things more into my own hands#but for some reason that didnt really occur to me until fairly recently and now it feels like too little too late#idk idk tbf im pretty sure most of the other people in this program have said they feel like they arent prepared for the meeting either#but like im unprepared for REAL for real and i know i couldve taken steps before now to avoid that#and yeah it comes down to feeling like ive wasted time and resources that couldve been used better by someone else#because they SHOULD be used i dont hate my job i dont hate the project or the program i think theyre all worth while#but somehow im just not transferring that into my day to day#BLEH. maybe hopefully i can get on a clearer track for the next month or so at least with this meeting tomorrow#personal tag
5 notes Ā· View notes
doctahchang Ā· 6 months ago
Text
would like to know the lore of my own oc that i have had for like ten years
edit: found an old sketch of her... i basically drew her for the first time eons ago and haven't changed her design ever since (sad that i won't be able to find those drawing again)
Tumblr media
#she is lots of things but she is also randomly dw master's sister. have been thinking about the idea of her being their daughter ever since#missy dropped that the doctor gave it to me when my daughter line#i was like twelve when i made her up okay!!! i basically stole clara's echos concept for myself but made it cooler. she is basically a#gallifreyan girl trapped inside of doctor's tardis and she exists there like a ghost spooking his companions without any memory of her#previous life. and she also has like a ton of echos bc when tardis appears in the parallel universes she creates it to keep the link with#said universe through the echo. whenever the doctor reappears there the link is no longer needed and said echo dies. and so. i basically#recreate her in every fandom i have ever been since then having some explanation in my head for me just basically using same character over#and over again AHAHAHAH#her original gallifreyan version died in the tardis bc she listened to the doctor's yappinh about travelling to other worlds too much#and like. when she tried to steal her tardis defense mechanism was meant to trap her (i remember listening to some first doctor audiodrama#where the same concept was descibed). that led to that tardis being decommissioned#but she still trapped her??? dying spirit??? in the eye of harmony which allows her to exist in some form#the only reason she is related to the master is bc they are my favourite dw character and i like to think that the fact that the doctor#was partially responsible for her death hit the last nail in the coffin of whatever they had HAHAHA#i remember when big finish did an audio drama with the master brainwashing a random girl to think that she was his daughter and i was like#NO HECKING WAY THEY DROPPED MY OC'S LORE??? HAHA THE LOSER STILL MISSES HER#i need to do something with her again. i guess#my post#yes that star trek oc is ger echo as well#too lazy to fix tags forgot to write down the part that yes tardis defense mechanism killed her#i dont know how to explain her being related to the master bc i also remember myself being a loom truther. but the doctor also had#susan? idk guys i haven't been in the dw sauce in a minute#i like to think that she HATES hates doctor's guts bc she has this subconscious envy that they are able to leave the tardis and explore#other worlds but she isn't bc she is trapped in there. girl if you only knew that you also exist as a plethora of other people in different#worlds. also her gallifreyan name was MILLENIA haha subtle foreshadowing#she also hates most of doctor's companions for the same reason. i bet that short period of time when missy was in twelfth tardis was#rather funny bc both of them didn't recognise each other#she holds like. 50% of responsibility for tardis malfunctions
7 notes Ā· View notes