#i have to write a script for a video recording

[pet-rock-from-hell]

reducing writing to fit a word count is so funny to me. yes, replace this good sentence with a worse one. changing "it will" to "it'll" is revolutionary, so helpful. -1 word.

[iridescentis]

i would love to make youtube videos more often but i have no idea what to make like. what do the people want?? there's nothing in particular calling to me

[merriclo]

red alert matpat posted a zelda theory

[batim-rewritten]

sup.

[fictional-seviper]

Me: *has been a full-time creative for months* Also me: *makes $1,300 less per month on creative stuff than it takes to pay my mortgage*

[vanderslootassgiraffe]

(To the tune of "I've been working on the railroad")

I've been working on a Video!

For 18 fuckin years!

I've been working on a Video!

But all I've made is tears!

[simpingland]

Req: Can you write something with Ewan Mitchell and his co-star (pronounced feminine) where they are on the set of season 2 and how he is surprised by every performances that fem gives (Fem's character is bad and perverse), since since the recordings of season one he was already staring at her surprised by her actings and now with Season 2 he wants to spend more time with her, plus he likes her.

The Rehearsal// Ewan Mitchell x Fem!actress

Summary: Ewan is a method actor and it has been working fine for him. But he regrets this decision when season 2 of HOTD starts with a love scene, being partner with a lovely talented actress who propaply hates him and his mathods. But nothing is better than asking for help when one needs it, right?

|~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~|

Ewan watched from the monitor, patch removed but wig still on, your close-up was impressive. One look at you and you could see all the ambitions that were going through your character's mind, and he himself regretted not having told you yet. The good news was that filming for season two had just begun, and in this new season, Ewan had the opportunity to do scenes only with you.

They shouted cut, and you immediately broke into a smile, laughing after such an intense scene. You received compliments as you were photographed to keep the raccord straight.

"Congratulations, that's a good start," the director said to you. "Remember you have a special sequence tomorrow, get a good rest."

Yes, you remembered. And Tom (who played your brother Aegon) smiled mischievously at you. It was a kissing scene with Ewan, with whom you had barely exchanged a word since the moment you were confirmed as part of the cast, a year and a half ago. You only spoke a little at the audition, which was a chemistry test, and he was a sweet, unassuming guy. When he was announced as the official actor of Aemond... it was something different. You didn't interact in the scenes in the first season, his scenes were shared more with Fabien and Tom, while you had shared scenes with Olivia and Phia (Alicent and Helaena). The chemistry your characters were supposed to have was only hinted by the placement of you both in the scene or montages of shots that you only saw once the series was released. And in the meantime, Ewan had stayed away from all those with whom he didn't share any dialogue, with the excuse of staying focused on his character. Tom had already told you numerous times that Ewan thought you were a fantastic actress, but you always responded the same way.

"If he does, let him tell me so. Then I'll be flattered.”

When the script for the second season came, both of you, in your respective homes, had your hearts skipped a beat. Your character would approach Aemond in the throne room in the middle of the night. And there they not only talk, but share a kiss that promises to go further in the following seasons. Aemond confessed his love for your character, and being that it was a story taken from the world of Game of Thrones, it was sure to end in much more intimate scenes. Normal for actors and comfortable for a cast that was so friendly and close. But with Ewan being so distant and serious? It was difficult. You didn't even dare to call him. Nor did he call you. What you did do was call Tom.

"She hasn't spoken to me once since we started filming. I've seen her look at me sometimes, like she's trying to talk to me but then, before I could say a word, she's gone quiet again. Tom...I don't think I should take being a method actor so seriously," he said to the other actor.

"It amuses me immensely to be the connecting point for both of you. Don't worry, Ewan, she's a sweetheart, and very understanding. She knows that everyone has their own procedure. So if she has respected your method, you should respect hers."

"And what is her procedure?"

"According to Phia, she loves to walk back and forth repeating her lines in a thousand ways."

Right, Ewan saw the video Phia sent around the group so everyone could see how lunatic you looked. And even there, after discovering you were being filmed, you smiled tenderly at Phia asking her to stop. What else would he have missed since you weren't talking?

You had already taken off your wig, your hair was loose and your dress had been off for quite a while. You were waiting to take off your make-up when your trailer was called. You were expecting anyone, happy to have any interaction with the wonderful team around you, but when you saw Ewan, the smile must have dropped a little.

"Sorry if I'm intruding. Is it late?" Ewan asked you as he saw your friendly greeting getting lost in the air.

It wasn't dark yet, and the next day's filming was starting early, so you genuinely didn't know what to say to him.

"Well... I have to finish off some of the lines for tomorrow.’

The lines you had to say with him, and he knew that. But since that wasn't an invitation, Ewan understood instantly and nodded.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you...it's been an awesome first day of shooting for you. It's no wonder you're a fan favorite."

That made you blush.

"Well, that means a lot coming from you."

He smiled sheepishly at you, you were taller than he was, standing on the trailer and he was on the grass a few stairs down. And yet he seemed way too big.

"I promise I'll be on time tomorrow so we'll have plenty of time to rehearse," he said, trying to get out of the strange conversation he had started.

You nodded and watched as he walked away, the patch in his hand and taking off his seatbelts. Did he come with the intention of chatting? My God, you'd had a chance to talk at length with your fellow cast member and you'd wasted it? You needed to go over the scene as much as possible!

"Ewan!" You called out to him, hanging almost on your doorstep, he turned with that agility that is so engaging on screen (and in person). "Are you done for the day?"

"I've got to get out of my costume. But...yes, I'm done."

"Would you mind..." you mumbled in an exaggeratedly loud voice for him to hear. How embarrassing. "Would you mind dropping by again to rehearse?"

Ewan stood still for a second. He watched you from afar, so affectionate and shy, totally contrary to your character, and felt a deep tenderness.

"I'll be back in half an hour," he promised you.

You looked forward to it, and you'd be lying if you didn't say that you'd put your make-up back on a bit. Ewan, on the other hand, was hurrying more than usual to remove his own clothes, forgetting to remove his fake scars in the rush that followed him. He was punctual, and in thirty and a half minutes, he was knocking on your door again.

"I really appreciate you doing this, Ewan," you said as he climbed into your trailer.

"Don't worry, it's going to be fun."

You looked at each other for a second, smiling, kind of gawking, which was nothing like the scene you had to recreate.

"How do you prepare for a scene?" You ask.

"I listen to some music. But I want to try what you do. "

He looked at you expectantly, and you suddenly felt embarrassed. Like the girls at the school function.

"So... I close my eyes, and I create a map where everything looks a little bit like the set."

"And what do we choose to be the throne?" Ewan smiled, which made you blush even more.

"Well... "There was a fully finished teacup, with the inelegantly squeezed bag next to it, dripping. You'd forgotten to clean it up completely. "That cup itself."

Ewan frowned slightly, teasingly, and nodded. The next step for you was harder to explain.

"Now, Ewan, I need some space."

He sat down on your couch, script to one side, the bastard having already memorized it all. And from there he watched live what he'd been craving for months, watching you pace back and forth. You read the annotations and your lines.

"They will never forgive our family for what I did," Ewan replied, intoning in the silky voice he gave Aemond.

"If it's any consolation, I doubt they would be willing to let us live even if we had given them the throne willingly, Aemond..." though you paced, your hands and gestures maintained theatricality, and you repeated the phrase three more times, all with trapped deliberation. "This pantomime of repentance can only convince Mother...but not me."

"What pantomime do you mean?" replied Aemond.

Then your character stopped looking at Aemond to stare at the Throne. In this case you stopped to stare at the ugly teacup. You had to hold back a smile. Ewan looked at it too.

"It's impossible to fool you, it always has been." Ewan got up from the sofa and approached you, as Aemond does with your character. "It is a crude, chaotic and ugly object, but always that which I have desired."

Then the laughter you'd been holding back escaped, unable to think of the mug as anything else. And Ewan laughed with you, all the tension disappearing instantly. Now he could understand the affection with which everyone spoke of you.

"I'm sorry, really," you said, getting serious again. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise, this is fun. I'm going to try your method. Shall we close our eyes?"

"That's right."

You closed them at the same time, thinking about the huge room, illuminated by a silver light that simulated the moon. And after a few seconds, Ewan opened his eyes to look at you. Although you didn't have your white hair, or the elegant dress, your eyes were the same, as beautiful and bright as they were behind the cameras. And he had the privilege of being the focus of your attention and having them in the foreground.

"Though I think I was always more subtle with another of my longings..." he whispered close to your lips.

"That you tried at least" you whispered back.

"When I get the throne I'll need someone as sharp as you to accompany me. There is no woman in the seven kingdoms who compares to you."

Then came the kiss. You looked into Ewan's eyes, up his nose and down to his lips. What was there left to throw yourself? Not much, but with him being so reclusive, with that being one of the few times you spoke to each other, it felt strange to pounce on him without consent. So you walked away, leaving the scene there.

"We can work this out with the director and the intimacy coordinator, if you like," Ewan suggested, a little flushed and extremely sweet.

You poured him a cup of tea while you discussed the romance that your characters might have developed over the years that the series skips. You imagined romantic scenes that might have led up to that kiss and concluded that they were a toxic couple, but possibly better than Rhaenyra and Daemon.

"You know, I love the way you act and I love that I discovered your process," he confessed. "I think the admiration part is not going to be too hard to act out."

"Oh...my process is really ridiculous, everyone laughs at me. I'm glad it at least works. But it gives me a hard time at auditions," you laughed nervously.

"Well, it's true that it's fun to watch. But it's certainly worth it. I don't think you have anything to envy the others, you're...magnetic." He said it with a seriousness that moved you, adding to his intense gaze. "I'm sorry I wasn't smart enough to tell you sooner, because I've been thinking about it since the day they put me in the same room you were in, back at the audition.”

You froze a little, so you just said what you felt in the simplest way and with the most honest smile.

"Thank you."

Ewan took the last sip of his tea and before he left you remembered one of the thousand questions you had for him.

"Is there a reason you haven't removed the scar? Something to do with method acting?"

"Scar?"

You touched his cheek, where the scar began, and Ewan understood instantly.

"Ah, gee, I completely forgot to go through makeup. I'll get a telling off tomorrow."

"Not if you sleep on it until tomorrow" you joked. "Let me help you, I love fake wounds."

You stood next to him, towering over him a little, and lifted the thin layer of silicone with the delicacy you had seen in make-up artists. You were envious of the woman who was in charge of characterising a person as curiously attractive as Ewan. He also smelled exaggeratedly good.

When you took it off, you threw it into the creepy teacup from earlier.

"I've almost run out from, the costume department before," he justified himself. You took the opportunity to wipe that part of her face with a makeup remover wipe. "I usually do this part myself..."

"I know, but I like it..."

And while you were stroking his face with the excuse of cleaning it, Ewan was watching your lips, and didn't notice that you had noticed. You pushed the wipe away, stroking his chin, and at the same time, you both pressed your lips together. A strange kiss, something special, sweet and soft. You stretched it out, standing almost still, afraid of what would happen if you broke apart. When you finally did, you looked at each other with a look of confusion, though neither you nor Ewan pulled away.

It was a dangerous idea, he was your partner, and you had been unprofessional. You broke away.

"I think you should rest. I've distracted you too much." Your tone came out agitated and Ewan rose slowly.

"No, it's all right. I liked it. I liked everything. Didn't you?" He had emphasised the word 'everything' and was looking at you with lambent eyes.

"Yes...I loved being with you."

He said goodbye with a smile of his, and you bowed at your door like a little girl. Most of the team had already gone to rest and you barely noticed.

You had to put on more concealer than usual the next day because of the lack of sleep you'd had from that strange kiss. Ewan had kept his promise and had arrived a good while earlier to re-rehearse the scene. You did it without the kiss or the lights, just with the director's instructions and with your cheeks flushed as you exchanged glances.

"Did you practice with the kiss?" the intimacy coordinator asked you.

You were completely silent. Ewan answered for you.

"Not really, maybe it's better to give a first kiss at the moment of the shot. More realism."

"Well, then I guess you've worked out the sexual tension and dynamics of your characters."

Ewan nodded and smiled, which made you smile. Had he put hours of sleep into your little meeting yesterday? Yes, he had, and he told the woman who was putting on his scar who asked him who had removed it the day before. When you returned to the set, lights on, costumes on, cameras rolling, Ewan looked at you in the distance, asking you with his eyes if you were ready. You nodded with a shy smile, and began to act when they shouted action.

Aemond, still dressed and coming from the castle library, walked into the empty throne room to watch you. You walked behind him, in a smart dressing gown, your hair loose and trying uselessly not to make a sound. Aemond then spoke aloud.

"They will never forgive our family for what I did."

You approached Ewan, who still wouldn't look at you.

"If it's any consolation, I doubt they would be willing to let us live even if we had given them the throne willingly, Aemond..." You leaned into him a little, as the director had recommended. He was so tall and so tense that you felt as safe as if you were leaning against a stone pillar. "This pantomime of repentance can only convince Mother...but not me." Then Aemond would look down to see you out of the corner of his eye, which made your character - and you - nervous.

"What pantomime do you mean?"

Then you looked at the throne, now there was no laughter to disturb you, only the terrible seat of swords before you. And Aemond was looking at it too.

"It's impossible to fool you, it always has been. It is a brutish, chaotic, ugly object, but always that which I have desired."

After a pause, he turned fully around to look at you, his height becoming primordial in that short distance. In that low light, Ewan's visible eye looked into your eyes, dropping to your lips subtly.

"Though I think I was always more subtle with another of my longings..." he whispered in his velvety tone.

"That you tried at least" you replied trying to keep your composure. If they knew how hard you were struggling not to fall to your knees at that moment they would have nominated you for an Emmy by now.

"When I get the throne I'll need someone as clever as you to accompany me. There is no woman in the seven kingdoms who compares to you."

He stroked your face gently, something that coming from Ewan was tender and expected, immensely pleasing, but then you remembered that Aemond could never be so gentle in the face of his urges, and you let your own out. You pressed yourself against him, pressing your lips together with all the assurance you had longed for the night before. You could feel Ewan intensify your kiss even more, placing his hand on your neck. All the possible kisses that had been going on in your head during the night were now dwarfed by the kiss that was happening right there. As fierce as your characters, with the longing you had just discovered that you and Ewan had shared for a year and a half.

It was only when they shouted 'cut' that you broke apart, catching your breath and barely breaking away. Some applause, chatter and comments from the team, you could hear little of what they were saying. You pulled away flushed, laughing at the sudden intensity. You looked at the director as Ewan smoothed his jacket.

"Let's look at the shot, I think it was simply perfect, congratulations."

Another round of applause, and you felt Ewan brush your unruly hair out of your face, stroking it as he ruffled your hair.

"What a pity not to have to repeat this scene..." He confessed.

"That's the thing about being so talented," you joked.

"Obviously..." he removed his patch and turned back to you to ask in a quieter voice, "although I'd love to have more private acting classes with you..."

You smiled at the hint.

"I'll give them to you if in exchange you let me remove your fake scars again."

"Deal."

[realprissygirl]

a few things i’ve been obsessed with lately

1. body glitter. literally i can’t leave the house lately without making sure my chest, legs and hands shimmer. my fav choice will be my in the stars and into the night glowtions along with my diamond shimmer mists from b&bw. also love that new shimmer pure seduction shimmer body mist from vs.

2. mixed metals. stacking my sterling silver and gold charm bracelets and layering different colored necklaces feels so luxurious to me.

3. champagne gold. refer back to #2. i have a skin tone that looks good with gold and sterling silver. so when recently shopping and trying on tops i fell in love with the shade “gilver”.

4. black satin. buying new sheets and i bought some new black satin pillow cases to compliment my bedroom scheme and it’s such a classy and minimal touch.

5. hyper feminine music videos by black artists. been loving watching mariah carey and toni braxton videos. not to mention lyssithadoll’s check on it by beyonce costume #devoured

6. girly youtube. been binging youtube lately. not just for fun but for inspo. i have a list posted of my fav youtube girlies. been loving maintenance day vlogs and can’t wait to record some.

7. scripting. affirming and listening to subs while writing out my manifestations has been so fun and i’m an actual master manifestor sooo

8. my natural curly hair. sometimes i don’t feel like doing my hair to run out and check off errands. my hair has been in such a beautiful healthy state i literally don’t need any styling products, conditioner, nothing. just edge control and water and i’m out the door.

9. stylist videos. been watching a lot of hair stylists do hair on youtube (about to get a vixen sew in) the art of cosmetology is so prissy and will always be a worthwhile career choice.

10. gratitude and thought reframing. in the past i spent a lot of time complaining and being sad about everything that wasn’t going right for me when i’m literally so fucking blessed. like i have so much to be happy for. also affirming negative thoughts does nothing but make them more valid. i’m glad ive stopped

[eclipseberrycake]

Poly! MoonBerryCake x Reader Pt.11

AN: The WEEK I have had omg. I was in the hospital then my partner was in the hospital and now I'm exhausted and the mental illness is coming back an bro I just wanna write about my funky lil guys.,

Part One -> Part Two -> Part Three -> Part Four -> Part Five -> Part Six -> Part Six 1/2 -> Part Seven -> Part Eight -> Part Nine -> Part Nine 1/2 -> Part Ten

Warnings: Mentions of past abuse, canonical references to harmful treatment of the other toons, mentions of smoking but no actual smoking, approximately two dirty jokes (Who makes them may surprise you)

☁ The air is cool tonight. It chills his cheek as he leans on the balcony, the once chilled stone of the railing warm under his arms as a reminder of how long he's been out there.

☁ He wants to go back. He can hear your soft breaths and Cosmo's grumbles as he rolls back and forth a few times, but something in his gut curdles at the thought, crawling up his stomach and threatening to choke him.

☁ How can he go back to the group, to you, knowing what he knows now. It runs rampant in his brain he's sure he's almost dislodged his leaves by the number of times he's pulled at them.

☁ Him and Astro have since made it a habit of going through the old records of Gardenview, as it's both nostalgic and bittersweet, reading through the memories of things previously lost to him. Seeing the video of him and Cosmo baking, or the screenplays written for adventures between the four of you, or even just the letters the Toon Handlers had written concerning them all make his chest ache. Just the thought the four of you had previously been close before all of this is both a solemn thought and a warm comfort.

☁ He wonders what could've been prior to the breakout. What could've come from...well, all of it, really. There's a sinking feeling that nags in the back of his head at the thought, knowing if things had continued the way they were, there was a good chance he never would've gotten the chance to be with you and Cosmo.

☁ Him and Astro had the benefit of consistently being in each other's company, but since going through the old records, he's come to the disheartening realization that it was because of the breakout he was gifted with the opportunity to get to know the other commons, you especially. He knew Cosmo previously, even if his Handler attempted to minimize the contact between the two, but he truly didn't know you beyond the cute delivery toon and the minimal scripts that had you and him interacting for no more than a few minutes.

☁ While the ichor breakout was an awful thing, and he would never wish it to happen again, a part of him is grateful. It granted him a freedom he didn't know he was starving for.

☁ That being said, freedom doesn't come without it's cons. He's gotten on Rodger's case before for investigating areas he has no right to do, but those are mostly far more personal matters rather the general history behind Gardenview. Unfortunately for him and Astro, this lack of restriction has led to a few startling discoveries over the treatment of the toons that weren't mains.

☁ Recently, the Christmas toons had started making their own appearances on floors, so in the pursuit of getting Dandy research, you had also made it a personal mission to get them back too. So far, you had successfully gotten Ginger and Coal back, with Rudie evading you at every turn and the Bobette research slow going. They, Ginger and Coal, were stand-offish to begin with and while he didn't understand it, he gave them their space and left them to Cosmo and Pebble.

☁ After reading what happened to them after the Christmas season, however, he understood and worked with Astro to get Ginger's room an assortment of nightlights as to minimize the reminder of the old closets they used to remain locked in. Additionally, Shrimpo and Finn had been able to carve out a sizable doggy door in the wall beside the door for Coal to come and go as she pleased. Rudie's future room and Bobette's as well were both being fitted with similar things as well and- to his chagrin, as he looks back to check on you all- your room will need one too as he watched Coal's tail thump quietly, Pebble by her side and Blu on top of her.

☁ He blames Blu in all honesty. The lovable little shit had a way of making everyone love her, despite the circumstances of her appearance.

☁ Which was another thing entirely and the source of his current bout of restlessness. He groans lowly, rolling his shoulders back. His fingers itch for a smoke, but he promised himself he'd quite. It started when he was younger as a rebellious act against Sam, taking one from their packs and hacking at it until he got the hang over it. His own way of previously taking back his freedom. However, with it now freely granted, it wasn't needed and he, for the most part, quit it easily. It was mostly just a stress response at this point.

☁ He'd consider himself stressed at this point though. The most recent set of files had been...off. They'd been reluctant to open the file, as it was sealed with wax and stamped with all sorts of red warnings- very unlike the other files they'd gone through previously. They'd opened it anyway, reading through various employment records for an individual neither he nor Astro have heard of before.

☁ It was going on and on about an individual named Ciara, her start date of employment, her pay rate, her credentials and especially her role in Gardenview. It was written in black, bolded lettering, all caps to ensure there was no confusion. He can see it now, every time he blinks, flashing behind his eyelids as a reminder. "Ciara [Redacted]: TOON HANDLER"

☁ The only problem is he couldn't even begin to remember any other main besides the five of them, Dandy and Bobette. A part of him thought she was Bobette's Handler, but the employment date didn't line up with the holiday season. Astro had tried to hypothesis that she could've been a temporary replacement for one of the other handlers, but Sprout has a feeling he knows better. In fact, he's sure the room behind him, where the rest of you are fast asleep, was hers. It was the only one without a placard.

☁ He never doubted you ever. He knew this intricately, believed it to this day. No, his theory was that you didn't even know about it really, but too many things lined up for him to ignore it. It was little things that only meant something in hindsight.

☁ Things he never would've spotted previously coming back as he thinks all the way back to when he was first recovered. He remembers watching you outrun Twisted Pebble, managing to keep up in a way he knew the other common toons couldn't do when they were distracting. You had gotten hit during the retrieval run, but kept in front of him for the majority of time they needed to finish machines. Hell, he doesn't know how many times you've nearly sent him into cardiac arrest just by how...easily you're able to distract. It just comes naturally to you.

☁ Pebble, also, was right away practically attached to you at the shins, following you everywhere you went with a happy little tail wag. That originally is why Sprout figured Dandy hated you, but the further he thought about it, the more he thought there was a different reason. One he just didn't know yet.

☁ The biggest indicator literally slaps him in the face every morning. Blu's appearance, while was instigated by Dandy's interference, was still something he couldn't understand. Normal, common toons very rarely could interact with the magic within the tapes. There's only one he knows of, and that's Teagan. And even then, it's limited to influencing her own person. She cannot extend that magic to anything beyond herself. That is something exclusive to mains.

☁ They all use it to a degree, just not in the same way he does. The magic is everywhere, contrary to what most of the commons think, it's just strongest in the tapes, which is what he uses for his own ability. But the others call on it in different ways too. Vee uses the general area of tapes and where the magic is strongest to get a general sight on twisteds in the area. Shelly weaves it through into the machines to make them fill faster. Astro himself uses just a bit to rejuvenate someone's stamina. Hell, even Pebble uses the magic in the tapes to make himself appear like a larger target to twisteds after he barks. It's why they can't do it all the time, they need to let the energy stabilize. Recharge.

☁ Which is why he can't get over you doing it at all. Even with Dandy's interference, you shouldn't have been able to interfere with the magic unless you were....made with that ability.

☁ His eyes widen as he whips his head to look back into the room. Astro's not there, but Sprout can vaguely remember him telling him that he was going for a short walk. You and Cosmo are wrapped around each other, burrowing into the other in a heaping mass of legs, arms and tails.

☁ His eyes immediately dart to one of your hands. It's curled around Cosmo's shirt, flexing slightly before your fingers stretch out as you gently shift, the rest of your arm stretching out as well. There, in all their glory, are your paw pads. He moved off it too fast last time, but now it's all he can focus on. For all the times he's held your hand, felt you cup his cheeks, watched you do anything with your hands, not once did they stick out to him because they were something you aways had.

☁ Something you always had.

☁ Your hand curls back around Cosmo as he burrows into your neck, mindlessly hiking your leg further up where it's hooked around his side.

☁It wasn't momentary. It was all right there, in front of him, in front of them, and they'd all been blind to it. Even your twisted had shoved itself in his face, steps heavy and purposeful and audible. Your twisted even had an ability. While it wasn't a debuff like Shelly's or Astro's, or even incredibly fast (to a degree) like Pebbles, it was like his twisted. It could influence the environment. It charged and took away cover, took away any form of safety those who ran into it had.

☁ Falling against the railing, Sprout's eyes are stuck on you. If you were a main, what happened? Why were you practically wiped from the records, meant to remain a forgotten background character? Did it have to do with Dandy's distaste towards you? Did you have a passive ability that they just weren't aware of? Did you have any idea whatsoever?

☁ The door to the bedroom slowly opens, Astro slipping in before closing it just as silently as it was opened. He looks to the bed, nodding his head with every mental count he does before pausing. One of his hands physically points at both you and Cosmo, coming up empty for the third. Sprout smiles despite the current thoughts he's having, gently knocking on the balcony loud enough for the celestial to hear.

☁ He looks over at the noise, visibly relaxing before moving to join. He deters to the bed for a moment, bringing the blanket further up yours and Cosmo's shoulders before walking out to the balcony. Two of his hands reach for Sprout's cheeks, thumb running over the seeds. "You're cheeks are chilled. How long have you been out here?"

☁ Long enough." Sprout mutters, laying his forehead on Astro's. "I've been thinking."

☁ "About Ciara?" Astro questions, and feels Sprout nod. "I-...I think I know who's handler she was."

☁ Astro remains silent, but he knows the other is still listening. Lifting his head, he looks back into the room, watching over you and Cosmo once more. Cosmo's rolled onto his back, mouth open as his breaths turn into damn near snores. You're on his chest, drooling onto his shirt. Both of you look content and peaceful, Astro surely ensuring your dreams are just so as well.

☁ There's silence between them before Astro is humming softly, his tail giving a gentle sway. "I thought so too, honestly." He sighs. "Too many things add up for it to be otherwise, I'm afraid."

☁ "...Do we tell them?" They have no method of confirming this short of turning this entire place inside out, which they have neither the time, patience or energy to do so. But it makes that earlier feeling rot in his stomach further and the idea of not telling you makes him nearly lose his supper.

☁ "I think we can bring the possibility and our concerns up to them." Astro hums, ever so calm. He always is, levelheaded and soft, consistent with his needs and open with what he expects from them and himself. While they all try to remain open with communication there are times where Sprout is so lost in the need to care and protect you three he forgets to express his worries out loud, or Cosmo is so wrapped up in his own anxieties that he refuses to try and push them onto the rest of you; even you've been known to break down in your own frustrations every now and again, simmering in your own little nest of pouty huffs and scoffs under your breath. But never Astro. The celestial has always been straight with them, even if he's grinding his teeth or wringing his hands as he does.

☁ And there is nothing Sprout appreciates more, especially in instances like this where he himself can barely think straight, but is quickly reoriented by the other. "Do you remember?"

☁ Astro falls silent as he comes up with a response. Sprout knows he doesn't need to expand on the question, but enjoys watching the other's thought process anyway. "I...can't say that I don't." Astro says carefully. "I have memories of running scenes with them, but I can't pinpoint if I knew they were a main or not. Just that they were...there. They always were." His lips spread into a small content smile as he looked over to where you and Cosmo where still sleeping soundly.

☁ Upon further glance though, it didn't appear as sound as it once was as you were now the victim of Cosmo's grappling, huffing as he rolled to lay on top of you. Sprout knows from first hand experience that if you aren't prepared for Cosmo's dead weight, it's like a punch to the gut. He only semi-pities you.

☁ "C'mon, you need some sleep." Astro huffs, moving to shove Sprout forward into the bedroom. "And we need to possible save Y/N."

☁ Sprout gives a chuckle at this before conceding, crawling into one side of the bed as Astro crawls into the other, the latter taking on Cosmo, who immediately wraps himself around the celestial while Sprout is allowed to wrap himself around you.

☁ The feeling in his gut is somewhat satiated, more so when you eagerly burrow into his chest with a content little purr. It makes his chest ache in a way he's not too sure is positive or negative just yet, and instead chooses to hold onto you anyway. His hand blindly grabs for Astro's and squeezes it the second he cans. He hopes the presence is enough to sooth his dreams for the night.

☁ Morning comes faster than you expect, but you pay it no mind as your attention is kept rapt and forward. Your brows are furrowed as you play with your fingers, tilting your head when no immediate change happens. "Do you think he's dead?"

☁ "Don't you manifest that." Cosmo hisses from where he's trying to pull away from Astro. His butt waggles in the air, which does in fact catch your attention and makes you smirk as you watch it, as he uses his legs to try and pull back, but Astro's grip is ironclad; you would know.

☁ "It doesn't make sense." You huff, having half a mind to take a picture so it'll last as long as you need it too. Cosmo's tail unfurls for a second to give a harsh little whip before he groans. "You could help!"

☁ You ignore him, instead returning your attention to what caught it in the first place. "He's always awake first though."

☁ Cosmo gives one final pull, practically cheering as he tumbles free only to tumble right off the bed. Once more, you could've helped and caught him, as you're sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed, but you only grin at him from his place on the floor. He shakes his head before shooting you a glare, using the bed to help himself up. "Thanks, my loving, and oh so caring partner who is supposed to love and help me in sickness and in health-"

☁ You shush him and his sarcastic tirade, forcing his chin to look at the duo on the bed. Astro immediately turns to lock onto Sprout, but the flicker in his tail tells you he's slowly waking up and probably listening to your bickering.

☁ "He's still asleep." You repeat, as if this is some big thing. Cosmo rolls his eyes with a scoff. "Astro is always-"

☁ "Not Astro."

☁ Cosmo looks over and as if it dawns on him for the first time, his eyes widen at the sight of Sprout. His leaves are messy with bed-head, but he's still sound asleep, shoulders rising steadily with every cute little breath.

☁ Cosmo's jaw drops and suddenly he's right next to you, watching Sprout as if he were another exhibit in the museum. "Is he dead?"

☁ "Oh, so when you do it, it's funny, but when I do it-"

☁ "It's still just as loud no matter which of you ding dongs do it." Astro huffs, startling you both. Cosmo slips back down to the floor with a thud and you nearly follow him, if not for Astro's tail whipping out to catch your hand. The celestial blinks awake, eyes darting to the two of you. "Are you both done?"

☁ "Sprout's still asleep!" You exclaim, as if this explains everything. Astro raises a brow, looking at the berry asleep on his chest, raising a brow as if to ask 'so?'.

☁ "He's never asleep this long!" You explain, gesturing wildly. "That's not our Sprout!"

☁ "I promise he's our Sprout." Astro easily reassures you both, watching Cosmo crawl back onto the bed, sitting far enough on the bed he wouldn't go tumbling for a third time.

☁ Sprout nose scrunches and he shifts and the three of you tense at the action. It's quiet enough you could hear a pin drop before Sprout is settling once more and you let out a sigh of relief

☁ "Not dead." You breath at last. "That's good, I was not looking forward to learning Ichor necromancy to bring him back if only to kill him myself."

☁ "I feel like this is a rare occasion. Like...Christmas." Cosmo adds, watching Sprout as well. "Or my birthday. Or maybe his birthday. Though, for future reference, if it was my birthday I would expect more. Maybe an early birthday gift." The diva shrugs, even if you shoot him a glare.

☁ "I have an inappropriate name to call you." You jokingly shove him before your perking up. "Hey! You know what this means?"

☁ "I don't think I want too." Astro huffs, furrowing the space between his brows.

☁ "Nothing bad!" You quickly reassure. "Or dirty." You add, shooting a look at Cosmo, who sticks his tongue out. "Kitchen's open." Is what you say at last, a devious grin spreading over your features.

☁ "Sprout'll kill you." Astro pipes in.

☁ "Uh, not if you take one for the team." You shoot back. "I'm not saying Gigi was in charge of inventory this time, but I am saying my record is 40 pudding cups and the chance at fifty bucks."

☁ "Fifty whole dollars. Wow- that's- Just woowww." Astro rolls his eyes sarcastically. "How did you know I've always wanted a sugar daddy?"

☁ Cosmo snickers even if you lean into the part, crossing your arms and puffing out your chest. "I'll get you the finest pops that I find on the ground, baby, don't you worry."

☁ This time Astro snickers, as if despite himself. "You're impossible."

☁ "Not yet, I'm not." You grin, moving to slide off the bed, but Pebble is right there, glaring up at you as if daring you to do so.

☁ Your jaw drops at this, once more foiled by this silly little creature who seems to have the ultimate vendetta against your kitchen escapades. Cosmo peers over your shoulder to see what make you pause before letting out a burst of giggles, only to clap a hand over his mouth before they have the chance to truly escape.

☁ "Remind me to give him a treat later." Your attention turns back to where Sprout is comfortable laying against Astro, letting the celestial play with his leaves, even if his eyes are locked on you. You have the audacity to give him a sheepish grin.

☁ "Heyyyy, youuu-" You begin, knowing you've been caught before you could even really truly leave.

☁ Sprout levels a look at you. "Well, now I know what you've been trying to do lately." He huffs before sitting up at last, rubbing his eyes before leaning back to press a kiss to Astro's lips. Cosmo eagerly crawls forward to be next, tail wagging behind him, and though you pout at being last, you accept your own good morning kiss.

☁ "Good, now Sprout's awake and we know he's not dead, about that early Birthday present-" Cosmo leans over, only for you to shove him by his face.

☁ "Actually," Sprout cuts in, looking back at Astro who nods. "We were hoping we could...talk?"

☁ You and Cosmo both settle, immediately sensing the shift and responding accordingly. You both sit side by side, watching Sprout with your full attention.

☁ He takes a breath, sitting forward as he plays with his fingers. "...What do you know of someone named Ciara?"

[cowboyod]

Another Man's Jeans

summary - You run into Spencer at Angela's birthday party for the first time since the breakup.

warnings - a little angsty

pairing - Spencer Agnew x reader

word count - 2665

note - Based loosely on Another Man's Jeans by Ashe. Let me know if you like it! I have a little more written so let me know if you want more!

“Listen, I know you really, really don’t want to see Spencer right now but it would mean a lot to me if you could come.” Angela pleads to you. Her birthday is coming up and Chanse and her have planned a party to celebrate. You know it’ll be a ton of fun and Angela has been talking about it for ages. The performances and the karaoke and all the details planned out sound incredible but the fact that Spencer is going is a huge deterrent. 

“I love you, I’ll think about it, okay? If I don’t show up I’ll make sure we do something special together, how does that sound?” You bargain with the birthday girl and she seems unsatisfied. 

“Pretty, pretty please. Think about it really, really hard.”

You met Spencer on the Smosh Pit set. You were just a one off guest, invited to be a part of an episode of Try Not To Laugh by one of the producers after they saw some of your own youtube videos. You were thrilled to be invited and meet some of the cast and crew. Spencer was in the crowd that day and every time you were doing your bits on the stage, he would catch your eye. You did your best to avoid eye contact while in the hot seat and failed miserably. Little did you know that this opportunity would turn into so much more than just one fun day.

After being invited to a couple Smosh shoots, you hit it off with a few of the cast members. You and Angela became close friends and invited you out with her, Chanse, and some of her other friends often. Angela had noticed Spencer and you giving each other eyes every time you were invited for videos and he  made sure he was either in the room watching the recording, or in the video when you were there. Eventually, Angela began to invite Spencer when you would agree to plans and vice versa. Then began what is arguably the best year of your life. 

After about a year of dating, Spencer and you began to hit a rough patch, both becoming incredibly busy and not being able to make time for each other. 

You are sitting at your desk deep in thought and frustration, looking at the near blank page in front of you. ‘Why are scripts so hard to start’ you think to yourself. You have about a thousand projects to finish and have started another one that was assigned to you by your script writing professor. You can never seem to get past that blank page without hours of frustration. The lingering editing projects and essays you also have unfinished cloud your mind and you are so visibly overwhelmed.

You feel arms wrap around you from behind your desk chair and you startle a tad. “Oh. Hey Spence, you scared me. Now's not a good time.” You say shortly, bringing him into your frustrated mind. “Why don’t you take a break? We could throw on a movie or something?” Spencer offers. “I really need to finish this, or start it I guess. I have a ton to do. I don't know if I have the time right now.” Tension grows in your voice and he squeezes your shoulder before leaving you alone.

Between school and passion projects, you never had time to do much anymore. And Spencer was drowning in his work schedule, trying to plan shoot weeks and games content and livestreams became taxing on him. The energy between the two of you began to dwindle and you would often break into exhaustion bridled arguments that always ended in one of you going back to your own apartment. The breakup made no sense to any of your friends, the two of you seemed perfect together. You were both always so supportive of each other and participated in each other’s hobbies and interests, you two were inseparable at one point. But the breakup made sense to you. You were sick of the fighting and so, so tired. It didn’t feel worth the fight anymore despite how much it hurt. Spencer hated the conversation. He loathed the fact that you gave up on fighting for him but he also felt the exhaustion of it all. 

Your finger lingers on his contact name. You fight your instincts and decide to call Angela instead. “Hey, honey! Happy Birthday! I love you!” You greet after she picks up. You both talk about the day ahead of her and her party later that night that Chanse and a few others are beginning to set up soon. “Yeah, hey! I think I’m gonna come out tonight. I want to celebrate with you and I have such a great gift.”

“Awwwe babe you don’t have to!” You can hear her smiling through the phone. “I’m so excited for you to come. It’s gonna be a relatively big party so hopefully you’ll barely even see Spencer.”

“It’s not even fair for me to be upset about seeing him. Like I’m the one who broke up with him. I feel like I don’t even have a right to be upset about it.”

“Your feelings are valid. Even if you’re the one who ended it, it’s still a tough thing to get through. You’re allowed to feel whatever you’re feeling.”

“I guess you’re right. I just don’t want him to hate me. I miss being around him. It's been months and It still hurts.”

While on the phone with Angela, she helps you pick out an outfit, landing on a casual green dress paired with your favorite doc martens. You felt pretty for the first time in months and you were excited to leave the house for once. You took your time getting ready, treating this like the event of the year. You weren’t going all out by any means but you felt good taking the time to get ready and feel good about yourself.

You take an uber to the venue just in case you have one too many drinks tonight. You’re early enough that you can help setting up the final bits of the party and Chanse puts you to work. You help set up tables and put out flowers and other finishing details and he runs off and makes sure everything else is going according to plan. People begin flooding in about half an hour later and Angela shows up not too long before the crowd.

“You look good, babe! Happy Birthday! Here’s your little gift, you can open it later if you want.” You smile at the birthday girl widely and give her hugs. 

“Oh my god! Stop! This is so cute!” Angela opens the bag to find a glass olive oil container with a pretty glass floral design. You remembered her talking about wanting some cuter kitchen stuff and you found the drizzle bottle at a local craft store and thought she’d love it. Angela put it away and after talking for a little bit, she excused herself to talk to some of her friends from Starkid. You wander to the snack table to see what kind of things they have and hopefully run into someone you know so you don’t look so alone. You grab yourself a little drink to keep your hands busy and scan the room for people to talk to. Unfortunately, you lock eyes with a particular curly haired boy. Of course you find him in a crowded room, you’ve always had a knack for finding him in crowds. I mean, who else would you possibly want to look at in a room full of people? You give him a tight smile, take a sip of your drink and try to look elsewhere. No matter where you looked, your mind kept wandering back to him. You wondered if he was still looking at you, if the eyes you felt burning into your skull were his, the eyes you had grown so used to. His eyes felt so familiar but so distant. You knew coming here was a bad idea, he corroded your thoughts without being anywhere near you, of course you were going to go crazy with him only some feet in front of you. You looked around again and found out that the eyes burning into your head were not his but a mere stranger’s. You couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed.

The eyes boring into your skull draw closer to you. The man introduces himself and you can’t seem to get his name to stick. You let him stick by your side because why not have a little fun? A distraction with a name you don’t remember might be what you need. He offers you another drink and you sit around with him and talk for a long while about nothing in particular. You think he’s talking about cars, his mustang, maybe? Who cares? All you can think about is Spencer. How he’s here somewhere, maybe flirting with some other girl or maybe, hopefully, he’s thinking about you. The man snags a flower from one of the nearby decorations and offers it to you, charmingly. “For you.” 

“Keep your flowers, let’s go dancing!” You offer with a spark in your eyes. He follows you to the floor as music blares through the speakers. You dance with the stranger while thinking of another. After a couple songs, the music cuts and Chanse is on stage beginning a little speech about our special, little Angela. Chanse planned out a couple show bits and after the speech, a musical number begins and the crowd is thrilled. You lean against the man you were dancing with and smile at how fun this whole thing is and how wonderful Chanse is at this whole party planning thing. 

You look around and once again make eye contact with Spencer. You feel a little loopy and you can’t tell if it's the alcohol, the lights, the music, or Spencer. You give him a little head tilt and brow scrunch, confused by his almost blank expression. He looked bored almost? Maybe annoyed? He is so hard to read nowadays. Not like you see him often anymore. He looks at the guy beside you and then back at you, jaw clenched. 

You look at the guy you’ve stuck around so far and decide you’ve had enough of him for now. “Hey, would you grab me a water?” He nods and walks off and you make eye contact with Spencer again. You think about going over there and talking to him but he wanders off before you get the chance. Luckily, you see Amanda across the room talking to a couple other Smosh members and decide to join them. “Hi, guys! Great party Chanse has done an amazing job!” You enter the group.

“Hey! Yeah, he’s great isn’t he? Angela seems to be having the time of her life! I’m glad you came!” Amanda greets. Shayne and Tommy speak about the party and the show before falling back into conversation about recent movies that have come out. 

Time passes and karaoke is a show stopper. Everyone is adoring the silly performances their friends are putting on. Chanse and Angela do a duet and people jokingly throw things on stage. The party is lively as ever and you cheer on all your friends as they go on stage. You and Shayne stick together, avoiding actually participating at all costs but continue to clap and cheer in support. The song is about to end and you look around to see who is going on next. Spencer looks at you and nods his head towards the stage, asking if you were gonna go up. You eyes go wide and you shake your head violently, he knows you would never. He laughs at your dramatics. 

Shayne sees this interaction and just nods and gives Spencer a look without you noticing. Spencer bites the corner of his lip and makes his way over to the two of you. “You guys should go up and do a duet” He laughs and you two look horrified at the idea. His laugh rings through your head. The absence of his laugh for the past few months has stung. 

“Yeah not happening tonight!” Shayne responds.

“You know I’d have to be like, totally out of my mind to even consider it, Spence.” The nickname rolls off your tongue so easily it almost startles you. It’s like you’ve fallen right back into place with him in front of you. But it’s never that easy. You and Spencer stay quiet for a moment and Shayne leaves quietly to find Courtney. 

“Hey.” He breaks the silence. 

“Hi” you merely squeak out. You feel butterflies flutter in your stomach in anticipation for what he’s about to say.

“You look good. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been better, I suppose. How are you?”

“About the same.” Another silence passes between the two  of you. “So who was that guy earlier?” his voice comes out a little bitter.

“I truly have no idea. I’m not even fully sure if he gave me his name.” You spill honestly. Spencer seems to let out a breath he was holding. “I like this shirt, is it new?” You move your hand close to his chest before moving it away, realizing your actions.

“Um, yeah, sort of.” He scratches his head awkwardly and you take the moment to stare at his tattoos. The ones you used to fall asleep tracing. 

“I’m sorry, Spencer.” He looks at you with sad eyes and nods slightly, his eyes locking on something.

“Hey, you. Thought you left.” The guy from earlier comes up behind you and puts his hands on your waist. You look a little startled at the touch but you let it be. 

“Hey. Um, This is Spencer.” Your tone screams uncomfortable and Spencer’s jaw tightens. 

“Hey, dude.” “Hey, man. I think you’re making her uncomfortable.” You bite your lip at his bluntness and you feel the man’s grip tighten slightly. You try to slip out of his hold but he doesn’t let go. “Dude, she obviously doesn’t want you. Give it up.” The man goes to fight back but you push away again and he gets the hint. 

“Sorry, man” he puts his hands up and walks away. Spencer scoffs and steps closer to you, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“You okay?” Your breath catches a little and you just nod in response. “I didn’t like how that guy had his hands on you all night. He seems so annoying.” you smirk a little, catching the jealousy in his voice.

“You know, not so long ago you were the annoying one who couldn’t keep your hands off me.” You smile at him and he laughs a little.

“Well at least you could remember my name!” a moment passes and you notice how close you are, your hand on his chest. He watches your gaze move from him to your hand and back to him. “He didn’t deserve to be so close to you when you look this damn good.” His voice dropped and it sent a shiver down your spine. 

“Are you just gonna tell me how good I look or are you gonna show me? Make your move.” You tempt him, trying to navigate where this will go next. His brows raise in shock and he recovers quickly, moving his hand to your face and leaning towards you. 

“What’s your angle here?” He’s so close to you and your brain takes a second to figure out what he actually said.

“Let’s have ourselves a little bit of fun?” You lean in further and finally meet his lips. You only allow it to be chaste and you spin around and start leading him out the door. He stays still, stunned for a moment before following you right out the door. “Hurry or I’ll be in another man’s jeans!” you tease.

[slavic-roots-western-mind]

Mogolian Language Resources

I finally got around to combining and sorting through the various material, so here are the materials that I currently use!

Memrises Mongolian 1/Mongolian 2 Great courses for learning the alphabet (the non-traditional Cyrillic script) and some basics e.g. introduction, some basic verbs.

CJV Langs Traditional Mongolian Script. A solid intro to the traditional writing script. I'm sticking to the cyrillic script for now, but this may come in useful in the future.

Open163 Mongolian Basics (Chinese). Another great video course from Inner Mongolia University for learning mongolian basics and pronunciation. The only possible issue is that it's entirely in Chinese and the traditional script is used.

MGL Radio. My level isn't high enough to understand it, but for now it's good to understand how spoken mongolian sounds and later for listening practise.

Radio Garden. This site allows you to listen to various radio programs from pretty much any country in the world, so it's great not just for mongolian.

MNB. This newsite may be currently a tad too advanced, but it's still good reading practice nonetheless.

This site. I love this site, this is a free collection of works in and translated into Mongolian. Reading Dostoevsky in Mongolian is a challenge that I one day will attempt.

Apps

Gertrainer. This is a relatively new app (6 months old?), which had a pretty good collection of vocabulary. The only downside is that the pronunciation recordings are available only in the paid version which comes at around 5 euros per month or 30 per year. Something to consider if I choose to study Mongolian more intensively, but for now I'm quite content with my current pace.

Ling. This seems to be also ok, but it charges a subscription fee and I am not ready for this commitment yet.

Simply. This is quite basic but it covers some vocab in the free version, with the rest of the vocab charging a fee.

Learn Mongolian. This is also has quite a solid vocabulary set, with pronunciations included.

There appear to be quite a few language schools offering lessons over zoom and classes in person (in Mongolia) but I have no idea if they're legitimate or not.

[project-sekai-facts]

do we know if the the videos of the units playing games together are actually the VAs playing? some bits are very obviously planned, but i wonder how intricate the whole process is, how much improv there is (or isnt), esp with a VS having to be present too

I'm pretty sure the gameplay is recorded by staff, then the cut it down and edit it, write a script, and have the VAs voice it. Some bits are planned like certain characters winning and certain characters being shit at games but the actual script wouldn't be written until afterwards they'd just tell their staff "ur playing toya u have to win". They've never specified but I'd assume that's the process, it's definitely scripted.

[kadisiyuswyrd]

MCR GAYLIST MASTERPOST

Hello, gays. I'm in the process of making a video & I'd like some input.

(I blame @cordspaghetti for keeping Alpharetta Gerard in my mind)

As the title implies, the video will rank every MCR song based on how gay it is in chronological order (more or less). Hopefully, it'll be released the first day of the new Black Parade tour (July 11, 2025). No promises, though.

At this point in the writing process (just finished Bullets this morning) I think Everyone Hates the Eagles is their gayest song. Prison, Mama, & To the End are up there, though ("he's not around he's always looking at men," I mean...c'mon).

I'm not too good at lyrical analysis, though, nor is my knowledge of MCR as robust as I'd like, so I'm interested to hear different queer readings of their songs.

As unserious as this video concept is, I actually want to approach it from a really earnest lens. Tier lists are already so subjective; gayness is such an arbitrary, amorphous label. I want to play around with the inherent stupidity of this.

There are some fundamental questions that I still haven't really answered but would love to explore:

What does it mean for something to be queer / gay (weird)?

What does it mean for something to be straight (normal)?

I really have no conception of what normality is anymore. I find strange things normal, normal things strange; when I act normally I feel strange, but am called strange when I think I'm acting normally...

3. How does rock music manage to attract both extremely gay and extremely straight fanbases (e.g. Nirvana, Queen, Misfits)?

Nirvana's fanbase always surprises me because the band was so left-leaning and anti-machismo, but because they sounded rough and masculine they attract these really weird, pretentious assholes. The way that rock music oscillates between hypermasculine presentation (leather jackets, jeans, shirtless, hairy) and queer theatricality (David Bowie, early Queen) is really interesting to me in general. It's a genre that's been sexist and feminist, homophobic and relentlessly queer in the same decade.

4. Is there value in deliberately ambiguous queer representation?

This question makes me think of iLLi. She emerged from ambiguity and I think that's part of her appeal. Fanfiction is grasping at straws to make something beautiful and whole. Isn't the ambiguity sometimes preferrable—to allow unique fan interpretation?

Not all of these questions need to be answered in the video, but I want them on my mind while writing. Part of me wants to make a normal tier list video, another part wants to kind of deconstruct it...but. this video is shaping up to be a behemoth as is, so maybe I should avoid scope creep and keep my ambitiousness in check.

We'll see how it goes. I'd love to hear from y'all.

(Also, big shoutout to @angstics who is, by my estimation, the seminal queer MCR scholar. I've been referring to a lot of their writing during the research process.)

Below is a list of the sources I'll be referring to during the script writing process. This is a living document, so expect this list to expand in the coming weeks. Cheers.

—Kay

Research w/Notes:

This article is a fun look at the early days of the band. It features a fun story about a sickly Gerard getting punched by record exec to give him energy to record his vocals. It worked.

Blistein, Jon. (2021). How a Sucker Punch Fueled the Rise of My Chemical Romance. Rolling Stone. https://www.rollingstone.com/music/music-news/my-chemical-romance-rise-book-excerpt-sellout-dan-ozzi-1247331/   

One of Gerard's answers during his famous 2014 Reddit AMA. Mainly focused on his answer to question 5 about Drowning Lessons and its status as MCR's "cursed song."

Way, Gerard. (2014). Reddit AMA https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/2i1840/comment/ckxylaq/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button 

A really thorough video about queer (sub)text in You Know What They Do to Guys Like Us in Prison. A helpful resource. souryogurtgirl. (2024). My Chemical Romance's Gay Anthem? YouTube. https://youtu.be/jDP5_Kl36ms

A TRACK BY TRACK BREAKDOWN OF TBP. Hell yeah.

Great MCR essays. The essay SEX & VIOLENCE is the most interesting to me, at least in relation to this video. Love & suffering is such a deeply queer idea. The "queering of violence" is so central to MCR's lyricism. Love how the essay points out the importance of Gerard's delivery, that's something I want to highlight in my own analysis.

"Honey This Podcast Isn't Big Enough for The Both of Us" is not only a great resource for MCR fan discourse, it is just really entertaining podcasting. Maren & EJ are playful, yet insightful. Their episode on the demo lovers has been helpful to try to parse the storytelling of Bullets and Revenge.

Slowly diving a bit more into queer theory for this project. It's daunting, but interesting! I feel like queer time—the idea (to my understanding) that queer people's life trajectories are distinctly different and possibly even incompatible with the traditional straight narrative of getting married, having a kid, entering the job market, etc.—may prove a helpful concept, especially in relation to TBP.

Writer Kathryn Bond Stockton literally describes queer children as "ghosts" because many of them cannot yet verbalize their queerness and are they given a roadmap for what adult queer life will look like. I mean...that's very Black Parade coded.

Haven't read this read this yet, keeping it here to get back to it! I really want to understand the link between queerness and theater, there's gotta be some historical context that explains that a bit more clearly for me.

https://newprairiepress.org/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=4185&context=aerc

[signedkoko]

You are such a sweetie! Since your requests are open, if you feel inspired and motivated by this (otherwise you can 100% ignore it, writing is hard - I know), could I request a one-shot for Vox who falls in love with a imp!reader? Would love to see how you write their "forbidden" love, how would Vox feel and what if the other Vee's found out about it. It doesn't have to be a story, you can do it in headcannon format if you feel like it suits better! Just try to have fun ♡ -Nia

Intern [Romantic]

In which the techy overlord falls for one of his new hellborn employees, much to his dismay. Reader is genderneutral.

Song - Break My Heart by Dua Lipa

Any hellborn would die for the opportunity that graced you. Well, graced was not the right word; you fought for months against many candidates, beefed up your resume, and pulled some strings to get an unpaid internship for the Vee's. More specifically, a three-month internship at VoxTek with the potential to be hired in immediately after. 

It was a position people could only dream of, especially hellborn. Sinner-based companies had a tendency to place sinners above hellborns, but you knew that and used it to your advantage. You couldn't go in as equal; you had to know you were less and make up for it. 

The job itself wasn't all that bad, either. It was a lot of unpaid hours, from the crack of dawn to the dip of the sun or later, but it mostly involved the small details. Coffee, sorting, and delivering mail between sections were hard to mess up. 

There was the rare extra task where someone messed up and they needed someone to cover quickly. 

Today was one of those days. You were at the right place at the right time, sitting by the coffee machine, grabbing yourself your first cup of the day. 

That was when he entered, his shoes tapping on the floor with confident clicks, and when he spoke it commanded attention. 

Mostly because he spoke through every speaker in the building at once. 

"Who here can follow me? No questions asked."

Before anyone could chime in, his monitor did a full rotation of the room, his eyes narrowing when they landed on you. 

Your ear piece buzzed to life. 

"You, follow me. Now." The overlord spoke directly into your ear using the device, and knowing this may be an opportunity of a lifetime, you followed. 

There was no question about who it was: a monitor for a head, control of all technology, and a towering seven feet tall. Vox was the top of the top, and it was hard to believe you were allowed to so much as stand next to him. 

It was hard to keep up with his speed-walking pace, but he eventually led you into the mail elevator, hitting the twelfth floor while he muttered something about incompetence amongst hires and how he always had to take control of every production if he wanted it done right. 

With a ding and the slow release of the elevator doors, he took the lead once more, though this time he was walking slower and backwards, navigating with ease despite looking directly at you. 

"Alrighty intern, ready for your shot at becoming something more? Because our previous voiceover person just walked out on us, and now you'll be covering for them." He stopped with his back against a door, grabbing the handle and awaiting your reply. 

"But I only just spoke to..." 

"You're cute, you know that? How many videos do you think are out there with your voice? I listened to them all the moment I saw you." Vox only smiled wider when his words sunk in; he saw the usual flash of embarrassment as you pondered what he might have seen. Without waiting any longer, he pushed the door open, spinning so he was finally walking normally. 

It was a recording studio, and there were several other employees waiting, mostly those handling the recording equipment and some holding papers. 

Vox sat himself in a comfortable rolling chair in front of the glass window that overlooked the recording studio, spinning to hand you some papers that he took from a demon next to him. 

"Here is your script; all you have to do is read. Make it sound exciting! Something new, something beyond anyone's imagination, is now available to the public!" He put on a voice as he continued, demonstrating what he hoped you could manage. Someone ushered you into the booth and plopped some headphones over your ears. 

"From the top! 3...2..."

The whole process was a thrill, but you managed to run over the script in three separate recordings, of which Vox cited them all as 'stunning' or 'absolutely perfect!', though the producer claimed to need multiple for any potential recording malfunctions. 

For an overlord, he had been oddly kind and encouraging throughout the process, and he walked you out himself when everything wrapped up. 

Vox continued to speak about what the script was for and how excited he was for the launch, all while leading you through parts of the building you had never been to before. You thought after that he would have sent you back down and forgotten everything, but eventually you found yourself in front of your supervisor. 

"Vox! Sir- oh no, had our intern upset you?"

"No, no, not at all. Sorry, what was your name again? Ally? Yeah, listen, Ally, I need you to handle the paperwork they were assigned. Oh! And I want them promoted to my personal studio for tomorrow, too."

Before you or the sinner could ask questions, Vox was already out of there, chipper as ever. 

That evening, you went home with an upgraded badge and access card, along with details on your new position and expectations. It was a lot to get through, but you felt extremely proud of yourself for doing so well. Hell, you met THE Vox, and he wanted you to be the voice of VoxTek? 

While flipping through the pile of information, the most surprising aspect was the six-figure salary you were about to get started on. 

. . .

Surrounded by monitors, Vox watched various camera feeds as they traced your steps home. Vox saw you smile from several angles, the electricity between his antennae flickering. Each monitor had some kind of file or piece of information on you, and he was only pulled out of his trance when he got a call from Velvette. 

"Hello there, Velvette! What can I help you with today?" Leaning back in his chair, the overlord flicked his wrist, which shot the call from his monitor onto one of the many others displaying you. 

"I need your guys for a sh- wait. Vox, what the fuck is all of that?" While the fashionista originally had her eyes elsewhere, her gaze quickly fixed on his background, which was quickly followed by all the screens going blank with his logo. 

"That? Oh, oh no, its nothing at a-" 

"That's the imp you were talking about last week! The one you were trying to get to apply to VoxTek!" 

"Well, maybe, but-"

Once again, she cut him off with a gurgling groan. 

"Listen, I don't care who or what you fuck; just get your camera crew here and we'll talk about this later. Kay? Kisses!" Before she abruptly hung up on him, he could have sworn he heard a small 'at least they're hot' before the call disconnected. 

Tensed from the interaction, Vox could only groan and dramatically fall back into his chair, tapping his claws along the armrest. 

So what if he scouted you out? You didn't know that, and you were happy about it anyway! One by one, each monitor opened back up on your data, the overlord grinning. 

It was better this way; everyone would think it was the intern going after him, so nobody knew one of the top overlords in hell was dotting on some helpless imp.

Author's Note - I love Vox so much...hes so obsessive but he denies every accusation (its the same w Alastor lmao) like its going to hurt him! But thank you so much for the request Nia, I hope this interests you 🖤

Word Count - 1,219

[crosscheckings]

the passenger - screening and q&a with carter smith | horrorigins fest 9/28/24

so there was a screening of the passenger at horrorigins fest in tucson, az over this weekend that had a theater screening of the passenger and then a live q&a with carter smith afterward!

there were some really good questions and there's some video on horrorigins instagram (here and here, they haven't posted a full but i know there were several people recording and the festival is ongoing through today so they may post full video later) but some highlights:

he reiterated a lot of things that he's said in interviews about the script (so i won't go into detail about that)

he talked about his background at FIT and how benson's wardrobe was extremely intentionally chosen, and that the costume designer wanted to kill him bc the exact shade of his cardigan took three times to dye to get it right, it's also acrylic and very itchy (he has one too lmao)

he said that he gave johnny and kyle freedom to improvise on the script as much as they needed/wanted but that for the most part they stuck to it

burgers burgers burgers was a convenience store that they cleaned out and the stuffed animal place was in an actual empty mall that was "abandoned" (he mentioned there were like 7 empty malls they could have used, this one was completely empty so they didn't have to shut it down but idk if it was abandoned in the traditional sense)

he talked about the close ups and how much he loved kyle and johnny's faces and how he could shoot the whole thing in close up

the script was originally called "Randolph Bradley" which he did like but marketing didn't think would grab people and he also likes The Passenger for the movie they ended up making

i wish they had given the audience members mics when they asked their questions bc i'm watching the recording back to make sure i don't misquote something so i can't really hear some of the questions :( they also didn't upload the whole thing as of yet so the rest of this isn't verbatim but:

he agrees that at its core its a love story! when i asked my question i said "i wanted to touch on the love story comment from earlier" (bc someone else briefly mentioned it before asking a diff question) and he was like "i ALSO want to talk about the love story more!!" and was very excited that i brought up that "there's obviously a queer undertone to the film" and he just talked about what he saw in the script and how that came about, again said that jack stanley was like there's no romance but carter was like ummm anyway

he said that "this was the best thing to happen to either of them" (randy and benson) and agreed with someone who had described them as two sides of the same coin

he said that blumhouse also wanted them to lean into the weird romance aspect of it (or were okay with it), kyle was incredibly down to lean into the weird romance and was like "can we make it MORE gay"

afterward the fest went to a bar and mostly everyone went! so we actually got to hang out with carter just me and my friend and we talked a little bit more about the film and just other movies that he's enjoyed, we talked about his weekly newsletter, just random stuff like that. some highlights of that:

he said that kyle was all in on the queer undertone and was like can i touch johnny MORE

he said that there is a scene where benson touches randy again in a way that is similar in vibe to the scene in the mall parking lot where he touches his neck/wipes his tears but that they ended up cutting it because he (Carter) felt like it would undermine the emotional impact of that particular touch! he didn't expand on what the touch was or where exactly it went (he said it was after the teacher but didn't specify if it was after shepherd or mrs beard but i imagine he meant shepherd)

carter said that he would absolutely do a full up and down queer movie with kyle (if it was ever the right fit rather than writing a role for that reason)

it was really great and so interesting to hear his thoughts on the film and on filmmaking as a whole! he is really friendly and super nice and really knowledgeable. he had so much good stuff to say about the industry and he couldn't get enough of praising johnny and kyle both for their performances (rightly so) and what a good time he had making the movie.

bonus:

carter was kind enough to sign my poster (which he reposted the picture of on instagram). (i go into more detail about this event and stuff here) he also gleefully took photos of the saint randy and saint benson candles i made (because i am insane) and said he was going to send them to johnny and kyle because they would love them. kyle also reposted the picture of me and my friend the festival posted of us with the candles so now i am just dryheaving in my room. <3

anyway! support your local film festivals!! without horrorigns this wouldn't have been possible so support local and indie filmmakers and local and independent film festivals! <33

[sammsays]

I lay, right now, in my bed, surrounded on both sides by extended garment racks. They have blankets thrown over them, one over both the high and lower bar, making a "wall" — one that exists only for the purpose of sound dampening.

They aren't supposed to be around my bed, I did not buy the equipment for this reason. They normally sit in the barely used living room, blocking out the windows that are already covered by blackout curtains. I did not buy them for that reason either.

I purchased them for sound dampening.

They surround my computer in the corner of my room whenever I do a voiceover for my youtube videos.

This is supposed to be my job. It has been 5 months since I've uploaded a video.

The sound walls surround my bed because I'm supposed to have done a voiceover today. After several months of writing, I've trudged together a script putting together the thoughts I had already figured out within two days of analysis. It has been so long into writing that I cannot tell if it's good, great, or terrible. I have no choice regardless, if I didn't make it now, I might suffer a complete breakdown.

I've worked half the script into a real, honest to god recording, the last truly difficult hurdle of the videomaking process. The first half took around an hour and 15 minutes of raw recording time, but the actual process was closer to 3 or 4 hours.

I had to set up the booth. The two sound walls were a major difference maker, but they aren't the whole story. They create a smaller "room" within my room, one that helps a lot, but I speak into a corner. That creates a ridiculous amount of echoes, so I need something to dampen it. My thickest blanket rests there right now, hung up on two 3M hooks by small holes I cut into the fabric with a knife. I always need to take several minutes to find the right side of the blanket before hanging it up.

The process of hanging it up is dangerous. The hooks are near the top of the ceiling, so I need to get on my rolling chair and carefully move my body just right to reach them. If I were to mess up and fall over, to break one of my monitors or my desk, collapsing everything on it, I might full on sob for the first time in months. I haven't failed yet, so I haven't broken down yet.

Instead, I failed in another way. I am laying in bed because I simply could not do the second half. I was supposed to do it two days ago, instead I had a breakdown. I did not cry, but I angrily ranted to my master. He kept looking for solutions, ways to help me do the task, but all I wanted from him was permission to skip it for now. He agreed.

This was probably the right thing. I didn't work for months because of burnout, and two of the most stressful days of work in a row isn't particularly fun. That being said, I probably could have done it. I didn't do it.

I'm surrounded on both sides by these ramshackle adult-blanket-fort walls. I still feel like a child between them, but now it's no longer fun. I can't be the adult that just pushes through.

The pillows I use to block the vent for ambient noise removal are still laying just next to the vents.

My giant blanket is still hanging from those hooks.

I am surrounded on both sides in bed by these towering walls.

I pushed the task off to Monday. These will hang with me over the weekend, constant reminders of my inability to exist as my idols. Monthly uploads, biweekly uploads, consistency, work ethic, any modicum of persistence and grit. All of it seems to have faded away entirely.

I am surrounded on both sides by garmet racks with blankets folded over it. I want to throw that thick blanket over top and make a canopy bed with it. I want to buy a star projector and cast a beautiful light onto it, witnessing galaxies spinning and twirling above me. I want to be consumed in the dance of the cosmos, granted the privilege of feeling anything other than one thing, an individual.

I've lost the feeling of ever being part of a whole.

I am surrounded on both sides by garment racks forming walls that cut off my vision. I can't see my computer from this angle anymore, only the TV that I put on to go to sleep.

I wonder if that separation could be helpful. I only have one room that I eat, sleep, work, and relax in. I cannot afford a place with an office and a bedroom. I'm told often that separation of spaces is crucial for productivity, that the mind needs it.

My computer is my space for work and relaxation. My life is largely spent online, speaking to others like me, all drowning in different ways and at different levels of intensity. The soft warm light of the LED strips in my room are probably worsening my eyesight. I should probably look 20 feet away for 30 seconds every 15 minutes to reduce eye strain. I should cook more of my own food rather than air frying so many frozen meals. I should invest in a better chair, the amount of money I'd save just from quitting doordash alone would cover it.

I don't do any of those things. Sometimes I try, sometimes it works for a while, never does it really stay.

I am surrounded on both sides in my bed by garment racks I purchased on Amazon. I work for Youtube. I am renting an apartment run by large landlords. I buy food and supplies from Walmart. The blankets I stole from my family, but they, too, were likely bought at a major department store. I hate capitalism, but my way of life fundamentally would not exist without it. Every creature comfort I possess, every excuse I have to be comfortable and inside comes as a direct result of being complicit in this system. I cannot escape it at the cost of changing my entire life.

I am surrounded on both sides by blankets from my childhood. I was the youngest of many kids, and my life largely existed through hand-me-downs. I got my family's clothes, my brother's games, my Dad's anger issues. My interests were largely formed by my conservative suburban existence and upbringing. What I wore, who I knew, what I did. Xbox was the most freedom I ever had.

Blankets were comfortable to me because it would hide my body. People could percieve less of me, so more of me was able to relax. I would never sit down without a blanket. I've worn each of these thousands of times.

I used to have a blanket I would always carry with me. It was a giant comforter, a nice blue color and with a pleasant texture to it. It always remained perfectly cold, never trapping too much of my body temperature. I was an overweight kid, so getting too hot from blankets would happen to me a lot.

One day, I told my mom to throw it out. I don't remember why, maybe some narrative in my head about growing up I learned from television. I still miss it to this day.

I am surrounded at all times by reasons to be unhappy.

Sometimes I do well in fighting it, other times my strength just doesn't hold anymore. I long constantly for the chance to have had a childhood that I could wish to go back to, but I didn't. I know that I should logically try to improve my life now, and most times I do. Sometimes I can't.

I want to be the kind of person to make a blanket fort, use a star projector, and get lost in the sights — to project them into my own mind, use it to light up my own thoughts, dwarf them by comparison. I want to be the kind of person to allow themselves to lose control, to see their small place and to forgive themselves for not being able to affect what happened to them.

I am surrounded on both sides by things that remind me of my failures, and I am allowing them to remain.

I might move them out tomorrow when I feel more up to it.