#i learned a lot but i wish i went with a more interesting pose

[kondietorei]

alas the classic outfit swap

bonus doodle underneath ^^

drew this after realizing i only drew one sea salt ice cream orz

[daisynik7]

Iris

And I don't want the world to see me, ‘cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x f!reader

Rating: Mature – MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Word Count: ~4.5k (I went way over than I was supposed to, lol)

cw: switching POVs (2nd person reader, 3rd person Eren), canon-universe, VERY canon-divergent, consider this a what-if scenario, major AOT spoilers up to season 4, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut – PIV sex (cowgirl position), fingering 

Summary: At the Battle of Fort Slava, Eren Jaeger, hell-bent on launching his ultimate attack on Marley, injures himself to pose as a wounded soldier, granting him admittance to the hospital to finalize his plans. You, an Eldian volunteer working at the hospital, start treating this new patient, nervous about his mysterious demeanor. Eventually, you learn that you have much more in common with each other than you think. 

Author’s Note: Thank you @ichinosejager13 for your second request for the y2k karaoke party! I did something totally different this time; I wrote a fic set in the canon universe. I thought it fit well with this song, so I hope you like it! While it’s set in the canon universe, it is very obviously canon divergent, so please remember I took a lot of liberties with this. I am in no way suggesting that any of this is what I wish happened in canon. I just think it was an interesting idea to write. Also, I understand that this will seem very out-of-character for Eren, but let’s just roll with it because it's all in good fun, lol. 

Like, reblogs, and/or comments are ALWAYS appreciated! Thank you for reading! MDNI banner by @/cafekitsune.

Fort Slava, huddled in the trenches. Blade through his leg, bullet in his eye. This is the last vivid memory Eren can recall as he stands in line outside the hospital, waiting to be admitted. Some asshole Marleyan imitates explosion sounds, causing all of those around him to fall to the ground, cowering in fear. They suffer trauma from the battlefield, and even Eren, with a clear conscious now, is affected by it. A kid, another Eldian dawning the same yellow armband as he is, steps towards them, kneeling down to help them up. He even assists Eren, correcting his armband to his left arm instead of the right. Luckily, it goes unnoticed by everyone else, which is exactly what he wants. 

It's all part of his plan; the attack on Marley. It’s been in the works for months now, starting with his infiltration of the army, fighting alongside Marleyans and Eldians alike. He thought he’d have better clarity of the situation, maybe get convinced to call the whole thing off after bonding with other solders through the tragedies of violence and war. Unfortunately, it’s only made him realize how much more he needs to follow through with it. Nothing will ever change in this cruel world unless he’s the one to do it. 

There are days when he gets cold feet. He’s tempted to re-evaluate, find a way back to his home of Paradis, reunite with his friends, devise a better plan and figure it out together. But in all the futures Eren can see, his current plan is the only one that will work. The only one that will grant him the freedom he’s been chasing his entire life.  

The process is slow to get a room in the hospital. Luck remains on Eren’s side when he’s assigned a private room. It’s barren; a single-bed, just long enough to accommodate his stature, withered sheets and rusted iron on the frame. There’s a small nightstand beside it with two drawers to hide his belongings, which is essentially nothing, and atop is a small lamp, illuminating the room in a dreary glow. It’s not luxurious, but it’s enough for the time-being. Because that’s all Eren needs right now: time. 

Eventually, Zeke will find him. They’ve been contacting each other for a while now, and Eren has a firm grasp on what his older brother is trying to convince him to do with the Founder’s power. While he doesn’t agree with his idea to euthanize the entire race of Eldians, Eren needs to entertain it long enough to manipulate Zeke into letting him use his royal blood. 

It's all convoluted and fucked up, he’s aware of that. Somedays, he wishes he could escape this curse without doing anything at all. That one day, he’d be gone from this world, liberated from his Titan power, saved from this burdened life. This isn’t what he imagined while reading all those books he and Armin would marvel at as kids. This isn’t the freedom he was hoping for. 

He rests in his pathetic, yet oddly comforting bed, staring up at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. His leg and eye are still wrapped in bandages, so a nurse should be coming soon to check on him. There’s a faint commotion out in the hallway, but Eren is too lazy and too uninterested to investigate. Soon, it subsides, and the door swings open, revealing a women around his age, wearing a nurses uniform and the yellow Eldian patch on her left arm. He recognizes the attire from battle; the army had a few nurses stationed at the fort for casualties. 

“Mr. Kruger?” she asks. 

It takes him a second to remember the alias he decided to use. He confirms it, nodding his head silently. 

She gives him a warm smile, introducing herself. “I’ll be helping you from now on.”

~~~

You started working at the hospital a few months ago. For Eldians, it’s nearly impossible to be accepted into higher education, so nursing school was never an option. With opportunities so scarce, your best bet was to apply for a volunteer position at the hospital in hopes of using that as a steppingstone for an actual paying job. You don’t expect a promotion any time soon, not even in the near future, but at least you’re spending your time helping others.

While it’s rewarding, it isn’t glamorous or pretty in the slightest bit. Because you lack the proper education, your tasks mostly include bathing, feeding, cleaning up any accidents or messes. Occasionally, if your patient is open to it, you spend time with them chatting, doing activities with them, listening to their stories. This is rare, though. Most that are admitted are Marleyans who refuse to speak to you because of your status. Some are even reluctant to have you help them in the first place. The Eldians, sadly, are usually too traumatized to open up, so you do your best to make them comfortable however you can. 

When you meet your newest patient, Eren Kruger, you don’t expect him to be any different from the rest. You are, however, surprised at how young he is; he can’t be any older than you, judging by his appearance. His records show nothing except for his name and his status as an Eldian, which isn’t unusual, so you don’t think much of it. “Mr. Kruger, I know you must be hungry,” you start. “Lunch will be arriving soon. If you need assistance, I’ll be here to help you.”

He acknowledges you with another curt nod, remaining silent. You can’t help but notice how brilliantly green his eyes are. Have you ever seen irises like his before? You let the inappropriate thought vanish quickly before you ask, “Would you like me to bathe you now or after you eat?”

At this, his brows tighten. “Bathe?” 

“Yes, Mr. Kruger. We can bathe you before or after lunch, it’s up to you – ”

“I don’t want to bathe,” he says, avoiding your gaze. 

You blink at him, unsure how to respond. “Surely you must want to be clean – ”

He interrupts you again, muttering, “How can I, when I’m like this?”

You understand his hesitation now, not needing further explanation. Sometimes, patients with missing limbs have expressed concern submerging themselves in a tub full of water, not wanting to get their bandages wet. Quickly, you clarify, “It would be a sponge bath. We can do that while you’re lying in bed, actually. And your bandages will stay intact.”

This seems to be the answer he’s looking for. His expression relaxes when he says, “After. I want to do it after I eat.”

You smile softly at him, noting it on your checkboard. “Understand. I’ll go check on your meal now. Is there anything else you need from me?”

A beat passes before he replies, “Pen and paper. For letters.”

You write it, reminding yourself to bring it when you return with his meal. “Got it.”

A few minutes later, you return with a tray of food along with a wad of paper and two pens. You set it on his nightstand beside him, waiting for him to move it. When he doesn’t, staying still, staring blankly at the foot of the bed, you clear your throat. “Mr. Kruger?”

“I’m not hungry,” he murmurs. 

“But you haven’t eaten all day. You need nourishment if you’re going to get any better.”

“And who says I want to get better?” He glares at you, startled by the intensity in his gaze. 

You swallow hard, nervous, but still resilient. “You have to eat. You owe it to yourself after what you’ve been through.”

“And how would you know what I’ve been through?” His voice is steady, a hint of venom, barely enough to sting. But you’re determined. You sit at the edge of the bed, careful not to touch him. Reaching for the tray, you set it down on your lap, sighing. “I don’t know. I have no idea what war is like out there. All I know is that it’s not great for us here. At least out there, you’re fighting together as a unit. Marleyan, Eldian, it doesn’t matter. You’re working to defeat our enemy. And who knows? If we ever win the war, maybe life will be better for us here.” You shove the tray towards him, glaring back at him. “So the least you could do is try to see it through and survive, right?”

He studies you carefully, contemplating how to respond. Glancing at the tray in front of him, he smirks, scooping a spoonful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. You ease up, tension releasing from your shoulders. 

After a few more bites, he speaks. “Who do you think the enemy is?” 

Just when you thought you were in the clear, he asks you another question. “It was the Mid-East Allies. That’s who you fought at Fort Slava.” 

“But who do you think the real enemy is?” He’s finished with his potatoes, now moving on to his meatloaf. 

“Well, I suppose it’s whoever the government says it is.” You’re unsure what kind of answer he’s searching for.

“And if they say that we’re the enemy, then what?” He points between you, leaving you confused. 

“We…?”

“Eldians. Devils.”

“No, no. The Devils are on the island. We’re…we’re not like them.”

“Are you sure?” He stuffs the rest of the meat into his mouth, chewing and swallowing it all down. “What makes you think you’re any better here than you are there?”

Your face feels hot now, and you start to stammer. “Because…because that’s what we were told. We’re on the right side. They’re on the wrong.” 

His plate is nearly clean now. He slides his fingers on the remnants, licking it off before chugging half a glass of water. “What if I told you there’s a place for people like us? A place where you wouldn’t have to walk around with an armband. A place where you were treated fairly. Would you want to go to a place like that?” 

You feel yourself drawn in by his words. The idea of it sounds impossible. Ever since you were born, you were taught to know your place in this world. That place was here in Marley, destined to be a second-class citizen. You were told that the island across the sea was full of devils like you, but because you’re here, you’re better. You can’t deny that you’ve been curious what life is like out there. All this time, you thought it must be worst, secluded on an island, hated by the rest of the world. 

But is this life any better? Secluded in your own community and still hated by the rest of the world?

You pick the tray up from his lap, muttering, “I’ll go get your sponge bath ready.”

He doesn’t add anything else, watching you silently. You walk towards the door, ready to leave. Before you do, you say, “And to answer your question: I would.”

~~~

It was supposed to be innocent banter, that’s what Eren intended. He figured he could chalk it up to the trauma speaking for him, that she wouldn’t even be remotely interested in what he had to say. He thought she’d be like all the other naïve, brainwashed Eldians, ignorantly believing everything that was told to them. He realizes soon enough that he was wrong to underestimate her.

She comes to him every day, fulfilling her volunteer duties. Their daily routine begins with breakfast, then a morning stroll in his wheelchair out in the courtyard. Sometimes they’ll play chess at one of the tables, sometimes it’s checkers. Lunchtime comes, and then it’s time for a bath, one of Eren’s favorite parts of the day. Her hands are always gentle, gliding along his skin with a damp sponge. They’ll do another stroll outside, this time on his crutches, where he practices how to walk. Dinner arrives when it’s already dark out, and occasionally, he’ll ask her to read the latest news from the paper. 

While all this happens, they talk. They talk a lot. 

As expected, she figures out that Eren is from Paradis, though he bends the truth about his true intentions for being here. She doesn’t know about his Titan powers, thinking he’s a refugee seeking sanctuary here. Surprisingly, she isn’t offended about it; in fact, she’s curious. They spend most of their time together sharing stories of their childhood. Eren describes life in Paradis, she describes life in Marley. While there are stark differences between their upbringings, there are also blatant similarities. And together, they come to the gut-wrenching conclusion: Eldians are terrorized wherever they are, whether it’s here, or across the sea. 

Eren has only sent one letter in the past two weeks, and that was to his friends back home, informing them that he is in Marley, safe and sound. He doesn’t disclose his plan to them yet. In all honestly, he’s not sure what the plan is anymore. Zeke still hasn’t found him, nor has Eren gone out of his way to be found. What Eren does know is that he enjoys spending time with the woman who helps him. So much that he’s losing grip on what he’s supposed to be doing here. He has to do something soon.

It comes to a head one night, three weeks after he was admitted to the hospital. Eren requests for another sponge bath after dinner; it was a hot day and he worked up a sweat during their afternoon walk. She helps him strip his shirt off, starting with the wet, warm sponge at his chest, massaging small circles onto his sticky skin. He watches her carefully, noticing her eyes lingering on his body more so than usual. 

He speaks softly into her ear, leaning in close. “I have something to tell you.”

She continues above his waist, hands gently scrubbing, not bothering to look at him when she responds. “What is it, Eren?”

He’s thought about this all day. The plan. “Would you like to visit Paradis?”

This time, she does look at him, confused. “What?”

Louder now, and more confident, he says, “Come to Paradis with me. See what it’s like there.”

She scoffs. “I can’t just leave.”

“Why not?”

“Because this is my home.”

“They treat you like nothing here,” he argues. “At Paradis, you’re somebody. We can be safe at Paradis.”

She stops, tossing the sponge into the bucket of water beside her, frustrated. “Safe? After everything you’ve told me? You said it yourself; you’ve been terrorized by Titans since you were a kid. Every nation in the world wants Paradis gone. How can it be safe?”

He swallows thickly, gripping her hand delicately in his. “I can’t explain everything right now, but I have a plan. We have a plan.” He recalls one of the last memories he has of Armin, his brilliant friend, suggesting a small-scale Rumbling, enough to scare the rest of the world from attacking Paradis for centuries. He dismissed it quickly then, but now, he considers it. Could this be their best option? Instead of the billions of casualties Eren had originally devised? “You just have to trust me for now. Once we’re there, I can explain everything.”

She stares at him, clearly in shock from his suggestion. He doesn’t blame her. Eren is asking her to give up everything she knows. 

“Eren,” she starts, squeezing his hand tighter. “I don’t know if I can do that.” 

He smiles at her, brushing his thumb across her knuckles delicately. “I understand. I know it’s a big ask, and I shouldn’t have expected you to say yes. I just…I just think I know what I can do for Paradis to make it safe for people like us. Somewhere we can be ourselves, where people will know us for who we are, and not for what they see on our armbands.”

“It sounds like paradise,” she says quietly.

“It does. And I think I could make it that way. I know I can.”

She sighs, retrieving the sponge again. “I want to believe you, Eren. But I don’t think I can throw away my life for something I’m unsure of.” She starts to slide his pants off, ready to wash below his waist.

“Please, just consider it. I plan to leave soon, within the next few days. I just have to send out a letter tomorrow, and I should be ready to go.”

“You’re leaving? Already?”

“I know what I have to do now. I can’t waste any more time when we can end this war now.”

She peers at him, tears welling in her eyes. “I…” 

“What is it?” He sits up, leaning in close to cup her cheek, brushing away her falling tears. 

“Will we ever see each other again?” Her voice is trembling, lips quivering. His heart sinks into his stomach, seeing her like this.

He presses his forehead to hers. “I’ll find you when this is all over. I promise you. Whatever you do, don’t go anywhere near the shore, okay?” The small-scale Rumbling should only affect the fleets, which will be in the middle of the ocean, far from the shore. Still, he can’t risk anything happening to her. Not when he isn’t there to protect her.

She nods, not asking for any further explanation. He presses a small kiss to her forehead. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to bring us peace.” 

~~~

Eren asks you to drop off a letter in the mailbox, addressed to someone named Azumabito. Apparently, she is an ally to Eldians who is stationed here in Marley, so she can arrange a ship for him to head back home. 

There are still so many questions left unanswered, though you decide not to ask them. Maybe it’s foolish to trust someone you’ve only known for a month. But Eren has given you more truth about this harsh world that anyone else the entire time you’ve been here. And he’s the only one who’s ever promised you a better life. 

Two days after you mailed the letters, you receive a response. It’s addressed to you, though you’re sure it’s meant for Eren. There’s a fancy insignia stamped to one corner of the envelope: a circle with a triangle in the center, formed by samurai swords. You keep it safe in your pocket as you head for the kitchen, ready to deliver Eren’s dinner. 

He reads it when he’s finished with his meal. You watch as he scans the letter carefully, mouthing a few words under his breath. When he reaches the end, he looks up at you, a small grin on his face. “She’s arranged a ship for tomorrow morning, before sunrise.”

You gasp, surprised at how soon his departure is. “Tomorrow?”

He nods, folding the letter and tucking it beneath his pillow. 

You let out a deep breath, unsure what else to say. Noticing your quiet demeanor, he reaches for your hand to hold it. “I know this is happening so fast. But I’ve never been more certain about what I need to do until now.” He interlocks his fingers with yours, smiling. “And you helped me with that.”

“Me? How?”

“By being you. By giving me a chance to explain myself. Even when you found out I was from Paradis, you didn’t judge me. You got to know me. It showed me that there are people, good people, on this side. That even in a ruthless place like this, there is beauty to be saved.” 

You don’t say anything, throat too heavy with emotion to respond. Blinking away your tears, you take his tray from his lap, walking quickly to the door. Before you can leave, he asks, “Can you please come back to help me shave?”

Without turning to face him, you nod, exiting his room, stifling your sobs on your way down the hallway. Your heart yearns for more time with him. For the past few weeks, being here has been an escape from your painful reality. You’re not seen as an Eldian, you aren’t considered a second-class citizen. With him, you’re just you. 

You know that you can’t keep him caged here forever. Like a bird, he’s ready to spread his wings. He’s ready to be free. While you’re heartbroken to see him leave, you’re thrilled for him to fulfill his destiny. All you can hope is that one day, you’ll be reunited in a better place than here. 

You return to his room a couple of minutes later with everything you need to give him a close shave. His facial hair has grown out quite a bit since he arrived. You lather his face with a small amount of soap, scrubbing the suds off with a warm, wet towel. He closes his eyes, indulging in your relaxing touch. After mindful preparation, you begin to shave his goatee with a straight razor, pulling his skin taut, gliding the blade carefully across his chin, cleaning it after every stroke. When you’re done with his beard, you focus your attention on his mustache, delicately moving the razor until his skin is smooth and shaven. You smile as you wipe off any remaining residue with the towel. 

With everything discarded into the bucket of water set on the nightstand, you take this time to admire his face, memorizing every detail. The flutter of his lashes, the bridge of his nose, the sharpness of his jawline, the plush of his lips. It’s only now that you realize how close to him you are. You’re kneeling beside him on the bed, noses almost touching, your fingers grazing his smooth skin. He opens his eyes to look at you, and his breath hitches at the intimacy, glancing at your mouth. 

Before you can move, he closes the short distance, kissing you on the lips. As quickly as it happens, he pulls away, blushing. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I should have asked first. I’m sorry – ”

You cut him off with another kiss, hungry for more. It’s his last day; in mere hours from now, he’ll be gone, and you’re not sure when you’ll see him again, if ever. It’s crossed your mind many times by now, how it would feel to be with him like this. The feeling of his lips on yours, the slide of his tongue in your mouth, the taste of his spit. You’d be lying to yourself if you said you’ve never thought about it. In fact, it’s been on your mind every night as you fall asleep, wishing you were in his arms instead of alone in your bed. 

He doesn’t pull away this time, sinking in deeper, slipping inside your mouth to swirl his tongue with yours. He’s just as sweet as you fantasized he’d be, luscious and rich in your mouth. His skin is smooth against your fingertips, tracing his jawline. One hand slides around your waist, tugging you closer to him, the other wraps around the nape of your neck, holding your head steady. You swing one leg over him, straddling his lap, hoisting the hem of your dress past your hips, revealing your panties. He moans, shifting beneath you in the bed to slip his trousers down, displaying his erection bulging in his underwear.

“Is this okay?” he huffs, catching his breath. His voice wavers, his only visible eye half-lidded with arousal, unable to keep his cool.

“Yes,” you answer, grinding yourself on him, kissing him sloppily. His grip is on your hips, guiding you to rut against his cock faster. The friction between you is enough to make you wet, your slick soaking through the fabric. 

“You’re an angel,” he whispers, dragging your bottom lip between his teeth. “I want to make you feel good.” His thumb teases the elastic of your waistband, hand slipping inside to rub your clit against his fingers. 

“Eren,” you moan, his sensual touch sending waves of pleasure through your body. He slowly slides two digits inside you, massaging your bud with his palm while he pumps his fingers into your sopping cunt. His cock is stiff beneath you, watching you ride his hand, cursing under his breath until you reach your climax, coating him in your arousal. 

You’re breathing heavily, in a daze from your orgasm. He removes his hand from you, slipping it past his underwear to jerk his cock. You reach for him, tugging his bottoms down his legs, replacing his fist with yours, stroking him eagerly. He whispers your name, bucking his hips in tandem with your movements. You’re aching for more, desperate to feel him inside you, feel him deeper. You position yourself correctly, pulling the crotch of your panties to the side to  tease the head of his cock up and down your folds. He sits up on his elbows, watching you with a nervous expression on his face. “Are you sure?” he asks.

You nod, smiling at him. “I’m sure. I want to be close to you, Eren.”

He swears, letting his head fall back into the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. You sink down on him, his dick stretching you out smoothly, still sleek from your previous orgasm. He moans, craning his neck to take in the lewd sight before him. “Oh my god,” he groans, thrusting his hips into you. 

You ride him slowly, his entire length filling you up to the brim. He plants his feet into the mattress to fuck you deeper, the metal frame creaking with every thrust. It doesn’t take long until you’re both coming together. He shoots his load inside you while you gush all over him, creating a wet mess between you that you couldn’t care less about in the euphoric state you’re in. You lift off him, rolling to his side, relaxing into the pillow with him beside you, cradling you in his arms. He gives you a smooch on the cheek, nuzzling his nose with yours. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“What?”

“You really are an angel,” he says, smiling at you.

~~~

Eren wakes up alone, and he’s almost convinced that it was all a dream until he spots the small note scribbled on paper laying his nightstand. 

It’s too hard to say goodbye, so I won’t. I trust you to keep your promise. We’ll see each other again soon.

With daybreak approaching, Eren leaves for the docks quickly with only the clothes on his back and letters in his pocket, including hers. With sunrise teasing the horizon, he makes it to the meeting place just in time. He recognizes Azumabito and greets her, explaining the situation as they board the ship. She informs him that they are waiting for several other passengers, so he makes himself comfortable by a window.  

A few minutes pass and one of the crew approaches him. “Mr. Jaeger, there is a woman trying to board, claiming they are with you. Do you know anything about this?”

He glances out the window towards the docks and to his shock, he sees an angel with a suitcase in hand, talking to Azumabito. His heart races, overjoyed as he jumps out of his seat, sprinting out of the ship to meet her. 

[itsbinghebitch]

just finished wedding plan and I have a couple of thoughts/feelings/complex emotions I need to express here--spoilers ahead [and many thanks to @the-conversation-pod for their wonderful commentary that made me give it a chance--I owe this cathartic watch to you!]

as a queer person from a conservative society I thought wedding plan was so so so special. in that--it very deftly depicted the pressures of being inside the closet in a small community where word travels fast (also posing unique challenges for lesbians in more traditional societies, which is why yiwa's story and the few nuances around her beauty/perfect femininity as currency made me shed several tears on MULTIPLE counts). but what really sealed the deal for me was this show ultimately depicting queerness as a journey: an uphill battle for Lom that he ultimately wins not solely through romance but through the power of community.

from a writing standpoint, I was very taken with the contrast betwen Lom and Nuea, and how textual it is that Lom is attracted to Nuea first at Pai and Sky's wedding for his unrestrained enjoyment. Nuea enjoys food and his job, enjoys his sexuality, and is very openly queer. that is something Lom has never imagined possible for himself: he has, by contrast, a restrained white collar life with set rules and a single peek into his rebellious side in the form of wakeboarding. and so the way the story is set up, Nuea is not only Lom's love interest, but also almost an aspirational role model for Lom. as a closeted man, Lom learns that other possibilities for his life exist, that unconditional enjoyment is allowed, that there is now a network of people past Yiwa and Marine who will accept him with no strings attached.

my spidey senses tell me queer people have been thoroughly involved in the production and writing of this show because this has totally been my experience growing up closeted in a conservative country as well. I think the most hurtful thing was having no role models (either peers people older than you in the public eye) and just not knowing a different life is possible. I had the exact same experience as Yiwa and Lom where I only saw two men holding hands on the street for the first time visiting western Europe. like Lom, I only ever felt free to explore and understand my gender and sexuality once I immigrated as a young adult. like in Thai communities as depicted in the show, the surveillance is constant and so deeply internalized. it changes the conception you have of yourself. this story very much felt like two actual gay men learning from each other in a way i've only really seen depicted in very few QL shows--Lom learning how to be freer from Nuea, Nuea understanding how Lom and Yiwa navigate the difficult situation he never personally experienced.

overall I felt really seen by this show in a way i can't say i've felt about a lot of queer media i've watched this year and beyond. I loved loved loved that wedding plan gave us a true range of experiences and a set of queer people who went above and beyond to protect each other as a de facto family unit and really wish QL will continue depicting the complexity of queer lives in the same way. 10/10 recommended-- one of the best watches of 2023 for me. i cried a ridiculous amount of times

[staring-at-a-blank-pagee]

"Dear Starry Dee,

I write to wish thee well, and due to my fondness of your gifts and personality. It's with great pleasure that I tell you your tea selections were of decent quality for drinking, and have went down a storm.

In return, I will pose you a question. What caused such deviation in your form? I've done my research into the Dee specieses, and you are.. Beautifully unique (Emphasis on beautiful, truly). I'm fascinated to learn more about you, both as a man born to pursue knowledge, and as a curious friend.

With all the kindest regards, Mapobas Dejasce Novavunora."

"I'm really glad you enjoyed the tea!!! Thank you for telling me how to make it properly, too... It tastes MUCH better this way. As for how I look, oh!! This is actually pretty interesting.

So, you know how us Dees are sort of defined by what we care about, right? And as we grow up we grow into that more. But it's not as well known that if you're really passionate about something, you change even more. Like the whole tribe of Key Dees that look like that cuz they just love their keys sooo much!!! It's pretty cool!!! So, yeah..."

"I spent a lot of time as a kid looking up and wishing that I could be a star, too."

[utilitycaster]

your takes are usually so interesting so i wanted to ask what similarities/differences you see between loveletters and imodna and how developed they've become

bc i can't help but feel like fcg/frida is a little bit like what some fans wish (and honestly a few insist) imogen/laudna are

some that i can think of include the stable (albeit rushed) closeness, the intimacy that's conveyed through magical means (e.g., spiritual guardians that look like frida) and the willingness to learn more about the other (even when it may disrupt the relationship)

Covered to an extent here, specifically in relation to what people claimed Imogen and Laudna's conversation in 3x49 was vs. how FCG and FRIDA's pre-first-kiss conversation went.

The thing about FCG and FRIDA is that this absolutely is a ridiculously rushed relationship...but it also makes sense. They're both the first aeormatons the other has met! They're going to feel a particularly intense connection on that basis alone - I don't know if the relationship really has staying power, but it feels quite reasonable that they'd dive into something very deep and intense very quickly. As for the other things you mention, I think those are valid elements but the magical indications of intimacy is pretty universal in relationships with at least one spellcaster in D&D; and the willingness to learn more about each other is because, well, they haven't known each other long. I think that last bit is also important because they both have other people playing major roles in their lives. If the relationship doesn't end well, FRIDA still has Deanna's friendship and Jaquoby; FCG still has Bells Hells.

There are plenty of things I take issue with re: the fanon of Imogen and Laudna, but I think the biggest one is that it tends to pose an "us against the world" codependence, even when canon outright contradicts it (I remember it being popular fanon very early on that Laudna didn't want anyone to touch her but Imogen even though Laudna repeatedly happily let Dorian carry her when he'd fly over obstacles) and the thing is, I believe the only path forward for them actually being able to begin a relationship with each other is them first developing stronger connections with the rest of the party. Their unwillingness to resolve conflicts because it would mean not having each other is also, I believe, why they can't take the step from friends into romantic partners. Choosing to become romantically involved is a massive risk in which they could lose each other in the process, and they'd rather not take it.

Getting back to my first point, I also think there is an artificial attempt at drawing similarities between Imogen and Laudna to force something like FCG and FRIDA's connection. The problem is that while they have things in common, it's not as obvious nor unique as FCG and FRIDA: Imogen's power set is much closer to that of FCG, and her typical discomfort due to a chronic condition is something Ashton can better relate to, and her parental issues are also closer to those of Ashton or Fearne, and Fearne is also Ruidusborn. Laudna and Ashton have extensively discussed their own similarities - physical alteration due to trauma, loneliness, complicated relationships with evil women from their pasts - and Laudna's hobbies give her a lot in common with Chetney, she goes to Fearne when she wants to explore her magic, and she has similar experiences to Orym in being a commoner whose life was tragically altered as collateral damage to people going after those in power. So they're stuck in this position in which they see each other as each other's bulwark against loneliness while finding a lot more to talk about with the rest of the party. That "tether" feels like an elastic band that snaps them back when they go too far from each other, which means they're held back from the growth and change that would be necessary for them to actually start a relationship. FCG has no such limitation. (I think this is one of many reasons why some shippers have developed such intense and bitter resentment for FCG over this arc, which I've discussed already as well.)

Anyway this is all to say I think that separating Imogen and Laudna and forcing them into more independence is, ultimately, good for them and for the future of the ship. I don't think they will ever be able to become romantically involved unless they have stronger networks outside each other and feel comfortable enough to question each other; FCG and FRIDA, though they rushed into a relationship extremely quickly, have those networks and do have a connection that truly can't be found elsewhere in the party.

[vivalgi]

My review on BOLAS 2

In general I found the sequel to be a worthy successor to book 1. It had lots of funny scenes, heartfelt moments and surprising twists. Most of the new art was great and high quality as usual and I really enjoyed the world building. The main aspects that felt lackluster were romance and the final battle, plus a few smaller annoyances.

Things I liked:

world building - the story not only vastly expanded but almost turned the lore we'd learned in book 1 upside down. It was cool learning that the world isn't just black and white, the evil shadow realm and the good light realm, but much more complicated and each side sees the other as bad guys. It was a positive surprise to learn that amongst the dangerous monsters there were ordinary and good-hearted people living in the shadow realm. Tyril and Nia even had existential crisis after learning that dwarves were using shadow magic without getting corrupted.

complex (ex-)villains - that snarky Aerin was very annoying at first but it was hard to keep hating him even after the damage and heartache he'd caused in book 1, especially since Nia who'd suffered the most was able to forgive him. Similar thing with Valax. At first she seemed like a typical one-dimensional villain with a single wish to wipe out the light realm. Then it turned out she was just a purpose built tool and brainwashed to carry out someone else's world domination plans. In reality Valax was compassionate and cared about her people and sadly had never felt love and affection. Even the couple from the shadow court was strangely sympathetic.

dark and twisted moments - especially what happened to Cherta's grandmother. The way she turned into an ugly and murderous creature when Cherta was trying to keep her alive must have been an extremely traumatic experience. All the challenges the girl went through to find cure for her grandma only for it all to end in such an ugly manner. The couple of times when the MC had PTSD attacks were also heavy and heartbreaking. Or how we fed a cute puppy to a dragon for a magical feather.

Art - I loved most of the CGs, the one with Nia telling a story to kids was especially sweet and tear-jerking. The party artwork was a bit funny though, especially giant Nia just posing for us while others were busy with important stuff. New backgrounds were beautiful and new characters like the dwarves and goblins looked interesting. And why are evil women always so damn hot? I liked the original looks of LIs more but the redesigns were alright too, although I had to correct Nia's hairline to keep it consistent with book 1 hairstyles. Premium outfits were well done too, though I complained how different in style the male and female Whimsywood outfits were. My favourite was the male Shroudwatch outfit.

Things that weren't so great

pacing - The story started off very quickly. Following a short recap the MC was immediately kidnapped and after escaping and getting the gang back together it was a constant running and fighting. Luckily the story slowed down a bit later and we finally had more time to really catch up with our friends and loved ones after 3 years of waiting. The story should have focused more on how the kidnapping affected everyone. Those were the best scenes.

romance - some may like the poly/harem style freedom that they can easily romance anyone whenever they want without any limits and repercussions but for me it took away the sense of progression. It often felt like romancing my LI in book 1 meant nothing. There were a few rare moments where it changed a scene a bit but most of the time it seemed like we were merely friends. I'd like to see more acknowledgement that I'm dating one character, especially from other characters. I don't want my LI to be called just a friend when they're clearly more than that. I would have loved for an opportunity to lock to a certain romance path or involved parties to sit down and discuss polyamorous relationship. It was also strange that the MC had to sleep alone and couldn't choose to stay with the LI after making love. Another thing that grinded my gears were the romantic choices. Almost all of them were about asking a kiss from the LI, even with Valax after just a few flirty options. It's nice when picking romantic choices leads to kissing as well but romance is so much more than pushing tongues down each other's throats. Where are the tender moments, pouring one's heart out, cuddling etc? The romance has become too shallow and lustful in Choices books.

the main villain - The Ash Empress could have been an equally complex character like her daughter. After all, she turned out to be the former Mother of Grey, an old deity with an unfortunate destiny who was good-natured at first but banished to the shadow realm where she got corrupted. However, besides a tiny glimpse of hope for redemption, she remained a typical one-dimensional evil character with a banal desire to conquer the world. She didn't seem very dangerous and frightening either, despite her looks. Everyone kept making fun of the empress which easily triggered her. And defeating her felt super easy, barely an inconvenience.

the final battle - I think it was too big and convoluted. There was a lot going on, the MC kept running from one place to another to help others but the stakes never felt high enough or the odds against us, unlike the first book.

Other remarks + hopes and expectations for book 3

I wonder why the Watcher left the rift near the White Tower for last. After all, that's where our journey began in book 2. It doesn't make any sense besides plot convenience.

I guess since the story teased a new world deep below ours, we are going to spend most of the time there, which is how PB was able to give us such important choices at the end. We probably won't be seeing the consequences of our choice for long, only in the first chapter until we get the gang back together and start a new adventure. Later on it will probably just be mentioned here and there.

throughout the first two books we've had a chance to learn so many skills and find so much helpful magical bling that our MC feels very overpowered already. All of them seem underused as well. So, instead of being introduced to a plethora of new stuff, we could finally put the 27(!) already learned skills to good use and focus on something else...

...like characters. We now have 6 LIs who all are hungry for our attention. Let's spend more time with them. And the social quests could also have platonic routes. I would have gladly spent on scenes with others besides my LI but unlike WTD the 30-diamond scenes were purely romantic.

Threep (and Loola) should rejoin the crew. The owlbear cub was cute and Mal constantly picking on Tyril was funny but Threep was one of the highlights of book 1.

No more "💗 I'd like a kiss" choices. The heart icon already hints at the romantic choice, the rest doesn't have to be so obvious and should allow the writers to be more creative.

I hope to experience more moments that make us laugh, cry, puke, pull the hair out and punch the screen. Action scenes can be fun but it's the emotions I mostly look forward to.

Unlock the damn closet!

[los-ninos-tortugas]

Tuvok and Donnie interacting is so funny to me, because on the one hand I can see Donnie admiring Tuvok for his logical outlook and for not being driven by emotions, but on the other hand I can see him totally resenting Tuvok for being The Authority Figure That Says No. Add to that the facts that Donnie is used to little to no adult supervision and that the he is used to FIGHTING ADULT VILLIANS, and I can totally see Tuvok getting unwillingly pulled into a rivalry with a 16 year old. Which is especially funny when you consider that Tuvok is over 100 years old and from his perspective he is essentially being threatened by a toddler. (I kind of want Donnie to try and convince the other kids to join in on this feud...)

Lmao I love the phrasing of Tuvok being "threatened by a toddler."

It's kind of interesting because Tuvok is the first (non-hostile) alien Donnie has ever met. I think he would be very fascinated by Vulcan philosophy and the long and complicated relationship Vulcans and Humans have. Tuvok himself has a very complicated personal history with Vulcan teachings and humans so his unique perspective on the topics would definitely draw Donnie in and feed his love for learning. Add to the fact that Tuvok is chief security officer, he is in charge of the tactical functions of the ship (weapons functions, shields) as well as protecting the ship from internal threats. Tuvok being inherently level headed lends incredibly well to his job as an officer and I think in that Donnie might see a lot of what he wants to be as he grows into himself (not necessarily the whole suppressing all emotions thing that Vulcans do, just the logic aspect of it). There are quite a few parent aged adults on Voyager that Donnie would like to earn positive reinforcement from and Tuvok is definitely one of them... Which yes does make Donnie intensely frustrated when Tuvok has to be that authority figure that says no.

Because as you pointed out, Donnie is quite used to fighting adults and never really having to deal with an actually strict authority figure, so what I really think would happen is that Donnie would get very very annoyed at Tuvok because of the insinuation that Donnie can't handle things himself or that he is in any way incapable or incompetent in some capacity. To Donnie's mind I think it would be, "I don't understand why Tuvok won't let me do 'x' mildly dangerous thing I've gotten through way more perilous situations, logic should dictate that he would say yes >:(" And of course the line of logic that Tuvok is actually following is, "Adolescents have a tendency towards making up stories and tall tales in order to claim skills and accomplishments they do not possess for the purposes of seeming more impressive, because youths often struggle with self esteem. Donatello wishes me to believe he is capable of performing dangerous and nigh impossible feats because he seeks my approval, however I cannot in good conscience allow a child to attempt 'x' action as it poses a physical danger to him. He is angered when I tell him this."

I don't think it would take too much convincing from Donnie to get the other kids on board when he's feeling particularly rebellious, mostly because they also know Tuvok as The One Who Says No All The Time (even if they're not trying to do something particularly dangerous/disruptive, Tuvok isn't exactly known for being fun). I mean, the borg kids went from trying to seek out and be a part of what is the Ultimate form of Authority in the galaxy to learning the importance of their individuality, they're practically hard wired (no pun intended) to be especially rebellious at this phase. Naomi is maybe slightly less on board because she has a mom so she's a little more well adjusted to taking no for an answer than the other kids are but she's not necessarily left entirely out of it either.

In any case I do plan to explore Donnie and Tuvok's dynamic in Set a Course for Home because there's way too much story potential there to just leave it out. (I'm really going to try to give as many crew members their time to shine as I can.)

[gigglegirlhappy]

9/29/22

Normally I sketch my work out on paper before taking a picture of my work and doing the rest of the process electronically. This piece was one of the first high-effort ones I made where I didn’t do that, and instead went “fuck it, we ball” as I haphazardly scribbled the pose out while on a turbulent plane.

The sonic brain rot was starting to hit at this point in time haha. It’s a shame I picked the most obscure mf to be my blorbo bleebus bc there is like, no Ray content, which saddens me greatly because I love him dearly.

I do adore his characterization in the Archie comics. I love how shy and timid he starts off being, and I adore how he grows into becoming a more confident person as the story goes on, culminating in his confrontation with Mighty’s sister, Tilly.

I love his little stutter he had before the Genesis Wave reset the timeline, and how it doesn’t go away after he gains confidence in himself, like what happens with a lot of fictional characters who have stutters. Not only is it representation for people who have speech impediments, but it’s also a neat tool that reminds us of where he started, and it serves to show that our struggles don’t just dissipate after we learn to conquer, coexist with, or work around them.

And I absolutely adore his “big brother” relationship with Mighty. Mighty is the best big brother a kid like Ray could ask for, because he’s so supportive and uplifting. Their relationship can kind of be seen as a parallel to that of Sonic and Tails’s, but i feel like it’s more of a foil than a direct parallel. Where Sonic is energetic and impulsive, Mighty is more level-headed and intuitive. Where Tails is logical and independent, Ray is more driven by emotion and he operates much better when he’s a part of a team. The differences between the duos is arguably more interesting than their similarities, and I wish more people talked about this!

Gosh I’m gushing too much. If I keep going, I’ll never stop, haha!

[paytato435]

Chapter 7: Stability

Sunshine

Casey carefully noted the time he left the library and figured, with a little embellishment, he could easily explain away why he would be so late getting home everyday. And if he really needed help with homework, at least he’d have something to talk to Big Mama’s turtle about.

That sounded really boring. Maybe he shouldn’t do that.

But Angel had somehow made world history more interesting, and he could tell she was very interested in the subject. She went over the driest facts and notes and somehow turned it into legend. Which kind of amused Casey because she didn’t seem to be the type of person to be into such things. Well, who was Casey to judge? Appearances hardly meant anything these days.

Feeling more optimistic than he had in a while, Casey found himself arriving all too quickly to the Grand Nexus Hotel. 

As it turned out, Big Mama’s idea of getting her prisoners to socialize was to lock the both of them in the musk turtle’s bedroom. It was huge. Trophies, medals, and large paintings covered the four royal purple walls. There was a large armoire on the wall adjacent to him, and an ornate vanity across the room. Horrifyingly, there was the head of a stuffed ogre yokai mounted above the bed.

The bedroom also had a window looking over the arena- Casey had to admit, it was a pretty sick view. When he approached the glass, the girl followed him too.

“So, do you actually talk at all?” She just looked at him with curious brown eyes.

Cool, very cool.

“At least you have a good view of the arena. It’s something to watch. Are you in here all day?” 

The girl shook her head. Casey turned around and looked at all the paintings on the walls. Most of them were portraits of Big Mama’s champions; posing, dying, ripping apart their competitors. It was a little hard to look away from it all.

“This place is claustrophobic,” he whispered, more to himself than to the girl. He did a little circle of the room, before plopping down on the bed. “What do you do all day?”

The girl turned back to face the window and sat down on the floor.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” Casey watched her for a couple minutes as she stared out at the arena. Far down below, Mama’s ever triumphant kraken swung its nasty arms at a horde of small mice yokai. Or maybe they were hamsters- they were too small and too far away to tell.

Casey sat back down next to the girl.

“Big Mama says you don’t remember anything from before she picked you up. Is that true? Are you a yokai, or a mutant like me? Do you even know?” the girl shrugged her shoulders.

“I wish we knew your name. Stinkpot is an awful thing for her to call you.” she nodded.

Without even really thinking about it, Casey signed; ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s fine, don’t worry,’ she signed back.

“Wait… you sign?” Casey jumped, scooting back and turning to face her.

‘Sometimes.’

“Do they know? Are you mute?”

‘No, sometimes I am mute.’

‘Yes.’ It was enthusiastic, as if she’d finally been understood.

“Do you want to talk, not out loud I mean, but-”

‘Where did you learn to sign?’ she asked.

‘My dad,’ he answered without thinking much about it. “And my uncles.”

“We used it for signals, mostly. I don’t know a lot more than the basics, just for like… when I need to be silent.” the girl nodded.

‘Where did you learn to sign?’ she shook her head. Right, of course she wouldn’t know that. 

‘Sorry.’

‘I don’t belong here,’ she signed, looking a little sad.

“No, you don’t.”

‘Can you get me out of here?’

Casey took a breath. He wished he could break her out of here. But he couldn’t help her. If he did, he’d lose his cloaking charm. He couldn't let that happen.

‘I can’t.,’ he signed. He hated lying to her, but he had to figure himself out first. He needed his cloaking charm back, he needed himself back. Instead, he changed the subject.

‘What do you know about yourself?’

The turtle leaned back and scrunched her face together, as if trying desperately to remember something.

‘I love yellow. It’s my color.’

‘Life color?’

‘Yes.’

“Like your patterns?” Casey asked, looking at the yellow markings on her cheeks.

‘Like… sunshine. Call me Sunshine.’

“Sure! I like that. We could use some sunshine down here.” That made her smile.

'You have a family.' It was a question, inviting him to talk about his least favorite subject.

'I… I had a family,' he signed slowly. 'They are all gone now.'

'I'm sorry.'

'It's fine. I…'

Casey suddenly realized that he was having a conversation with someone completely unrelated to his future. The younger versions of his family weren't there.

'Could I… tell you about my dad?' he signed, nervously.

He committed to the ‘dad’ title. Spelling sensei wasn't worth it.

'I don't have anything to talk about,' Sunshine shrugged. 'Free real estate.'

Casey almost smiled. What was wrong with him?

'He passed away just recently,' Casey explained. How many days had it been? Somehow the days past had run together. Too many had passed. The knot in his stomach reminded him there would only be more to follow. He was constantly moving away from that moment at what felt like a breakneck speed. 'I didn't get to say goodbye.'

'What happened?'

Casey inched closer to the glass and put his forehead against the cool surface.

'He saved my life. We were under attack.'

Sunshine scooted up closer and he turned his head to watch her sign. He kept his cheek glued to the glass. He felt a little stupid doing it, but it kinda felt nice, too.

'I'm glad you are safe.'

'You and I are similar,' he noticed. 'No family. No home.'

'Then where do you go?'

'When I am not here I have a place to sleep. I go to school now, I guess. But where I am…' he took a deep breath. 'I don't belong.'

'Then we also have that in common.'

Casey forgot he wasn't trying to share things. He had deliberately left that out earlier.

'My dad wanted me here, but I sometimes wish I was back home.'

'But you said your family is gone? How could you go home?'

Casey had thought about this more than he cared to admit. There was nothing in the future for him. Sometimes he wondered if he could go back there just to be a part of that ending. Would he die? Most likely. But he could die anywhere, at any time. At least if he was there he would go to the same place his family was.

'I don't think I'll ever see them again,' he realized.

'Yeah, that's kind of what being dead means.'

Casey grimaced. He had been leaving her out of his thoughts too much.

'I'm sorry, I'm not making much sense.' he paused. He was also tired of explaining himself. 'I see them in my dreams sometimes… my family.'

'I don't have dreams anymore.'

'You mean you forget them? Most people do.' 

'I'm not exactly sure. I remember what dreams are, but that's it.'

Casey nodded in understanding.

'Do you know what color you are?'

'I'm pink,' he signed, smiling shyly.

'How do you know?'

'How do you know you're yellow?'

Sunshine looked out the window. She looked frustrated.

'I just do.'

"My uncle told me mine a long time ago," Casey whispered, joining her gaze. "He said it represents love and family."

'Ironic.'

"You don't have to tell me," he pulled up his knees to his chest.

'What does yellow mean to you?'

"Do you know?" Casey asked curiously.

Sunshine shook her head. 'I just have a vibe.'

"Colors are 100% vibe-based," Casey confirmed. "If you're the same yellow as your arms, that represents stability."

Sunshine wheezed.

"Stability?" The first word she said out loud made Casey snap to attention.

"Uh, yeah. Like the sun always rising in the morning. Reliable, patient, eternal."

“It doesn’t sound much like me,” Sunshine huffed. ‘I don't feel very stable right now,’ she admitted, lowering her head.

"If it makes you feel better, some people think it's all pseudoscience anyway. The life colors, I mean."

Casey remembered Donatello saying something similar once. At one time he would have agreed with him, but after his run in with Angel today…

"At the end of the day, it's just you," he shrugged. "Even if it's just a vibe, I think it's helped me get to know you better."

Sunshine nodded.

"What will you do when I'm gone?" he asked her curiously. It had occurred to him that she hadn't answered his question earlier.

'Mama has me training.' Sunshine signed again. 'Running, fighting, there's two others I see and train with, but I'm Mama's favorite.”

'Others?' Sunshine nodded.

'They don't remember anything either.'

'Turtles?'

'No.' she paused and thought about it for a minute. 'A pig-like thing and a rhinoceros.'

'Your competition, then?'

Sunshine nodded.

'Mama wants me to beat them both at my debut or whatever. They are… much bigger than me.'

'Rhinos are pretty big.'

When Casey looked into her eyes, he could see she now looked very afraid.

'Sometimes I can't even walk. I forget how to move. I fall over all the time. I can't beat them.'

'Why do you fall over?'

Sunshine rolled forward to her hands and knees to get up in what was clearly a struggle. It was like watching a toddler try to stand. When she was upright, she used the glass for a moment to balance herself.

The struggle was all too familiar, and realization hit Casey like a toddler run over by a shopping cart.

She was just like him.

'”Give me your hand, Casey.”

Casey looked down at his three fingers.

“Don't look at your hand Casey, just look at me.”

Casey couldn't look away. This was impossible. His fingers moved in a way he didn't expect. He'd often thought the third finger would act like his ring and pinky fingers together, but instead it was as strong and independent as his middle finger. He still felt that connection to his ring and pinky finger in his head, but when he tried to 'move' them, nothing happened. Instead, he tapped his 'middle' finger to his thumb repeatedly; morbid curiosity and a lingering feeling of fright hanging over him.

“Are you going to sit there all day, bud?”

“It's weird,” was all Casey offered his sensei as the larger turtle sat down next to him.

Leonardo offered up his own hand, and Casey took it. They were the same now. Well, sensei's hands were much larger and calloused, but the point still remained.

“You have to get up and walk at some point, Casey.”

“Yeah,” Casey agreed, but it was so hard. Having a shell on his back completely threw off his balance.

“The more you do it, the easier it gets.”

Just like squats, or running, Casey thought. But he was back to square one. Sure the muscle was still there, but the memory was not.

Leonardo took Casey's other hand and gently pulled him off the bed. “Lean forward,” he instructed.

Casey grumbled but complied, keeping his weight forward, his head nearly bumping into Leonardo's plastron.

“Too far, Case,” the slider smiled.

He scowled up at his sensei, but that movement tipped him too far back, and he fell back onto the bed.

He heard his sensei suppress a chuckle.

“How do you do it?” Casey asked angrily.

“Just keep trying.”

So Sunshine was a mutant too. That was hardly surprising. Big Mama had probably erased her memory so she wouldn't try to escape. She might actually have a family out there looking for her. This was really bad.

But Casey couldn't tell her that. If she knew, she'd probably freak out like he did, and it took him ages to get used to his body again. She had two weeks. They needed to stay focused on the situation at hand.

"I see what you mean," Casey said as he watched Sunshine walk across the room. She was doing better than he had, for sure, but he noticed she swayed a bit sometimes, and she was all too focused on the walking to say or do anything else. Another reason why she didn't talk much.

"When I come back tomorrow, we should practice walking," Casey suggested, standing up and moving next to her. He tried to give her room, but he was ready to catch her if need be.

She stopped and looked at him with broken eyes.

'Humiliating,' she signed, wobbling.

Yeah, he knew the feeling.

-

When Casey was finally released, he actually felt a little lighter than when he came in. He felt almost confident. Sure, the others were going to have questions, but he actually had some people he could talk to that weren't… a living breathing reminder of everything that he had lost. Yippee.

“Are you sure you need this back turtley-boo? All those little rough edges make you look so pontiferably dangerous.”

“Yes.” Big Mama rolled her eyes and handed him back the black cloaking charm. He quickly re-tied it around his ankle, and in a moment, he was Casey again. He could breathe again.

“You can come by anytime as long as it is everyday,” Big Mama told him, also handing back his bag. “Don’t think of running away. I have a tracking enchantment on you. I know where you are, always.”

He had been wondering how she was going to keep track of him.

“I have a question for you, Mama,” he stated, standing back up.

“Yes dearie?”

“What have you done to Synth?”

“Why, nothing fidgetbun! Synth is too useful to me. He’s not going anywhere,” she sighed. “And I’m watching you both, so don’t get any more nasty ideas.”

That was a surprise. He didn’t think she’d want him around after all that she’d overheard.

“You don’t know the name of the game do you?” Big Mama gave him a calculating smile.

“I have an idea,” Casey clenched his fists. In a twisted way, they were depending on each other. “But I suppose you aren’t about to let him make swords for Leo.”

Big Mama giggled.

“I couldn’t care less what those idiots get up to. We’ll just have to see what happens.”

Doctor Feelings II

"So, what happened today, Mr. Jones?" asked Dr. Feelings, peeking over his fake reading glasses.

"Aren't I supposed to be the one on the couch?" Casey asked, his head between his hands, and his butt in Splinter's old recliner.

"You watch too many movies, Mr. Jones. I'm the doctor here, I will be asking the questions."

Mikey squinted. “I just did, what happened today?”

“Ok, ask away.”

“Oh. Well…” What didn’t happen today? “I tried out for field hockey.”

“Field hockey huh? And how was that, did you have fun?”

“Actually, I did. Everyone said I played pretty well, but there was this one girl…”

“A girl, huh? I know all about those.” Casey glanced over at Mikey and saw he was scribbling away on a notepad- no, his drawing pad. He was doodling.

“She said I was a shit forward.”

“But you’ve never played hockey before!”

“Yeah, but it still kinda hurt.”

“Did you tell her that?”

“Of course not!” Casey snapped defensively. That would probably only get Angel to tease him worse.

"Why not?"

Casey sat on his hands and didn't say anything.

"Is she cute?" Mikey asked, raising his brow.

"What?"

"The girl. Is she cute?"

“Of course she’s cute!” he blurted out without thinking about it.

The face Mikey made was so immediately excited and opportunistic that it made Casey regret talking to him in the first place.

“Are you going to ask her out?!” he asked, jumping up and down in his seat.

“What? No! Well, define ask out? We went to the library today-”

“You went on a study date?! Casey what the fuck it’s literally the first day of school!”

“Casey did what?!” Oh no. Oh no no no no no NO.

The last person he wanted to talk to about this poked his head out of their shared room.

“Casey went on a date?!” Leo asked, his smile so large and mischievous it made Casey want to scream.

“I did not!” Casey shouted, sounding all the more unconvincing.

“He did!” Mikey shouted back to Leo, only making the situation worse.

“What happened to client confidentiality!?” Casey argued, standing up and crossing his arms.

“I’m not licensed!” Mikey countered with a smile. “Do I get licensed in the future?”

“There aren’t licenses in the future!” Casey pointed out, fuming. Mikey seemed genuinely upset as he pouted, but Leo came in just in time to make things worse.

“Tell me all about your new girlfriend, Case,” he insisted, dropping himself onto the living room couch beside his brother.

“Absolutely not,” Casey scoffed. “And she’s not my girlfriend. We just went over history notes together.”

“But you like her. Does she like you?” Casey could not believe this was happening.

“You could ask her out to the Homecoming dance! It’s coming up,” Mikey offered.

“That’s literally two months away!” Casey pointed out.

“Well, you never know, someone else might have their eye on her,” Leo noted, pointing and raising his brow.

“We are done talking about this,” Casey asserted.

“You might be done talking about this,” Leo smirked. “But Splints is going to wanna have a sit down with you if you don’t tell us how your date went.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” Casey whispered.

“Oh I dare,” Leo confirmed, lifting his feet up onto the couch and sprawling over Mikey. He pressed a middle finger gently to his temple. “I remember it like it was yesterday, the day Raph came home all excited with a crush on someone he had just bumped into in the Hidden City. Have you heard the story?”

“I could tell you yours if you want to,” Casey threatened.

“What?!” Leo suddenly lost his cool.

“If Splints has only given Raph the talk at this point, you guys are in for a world of pain,” Casey nodded.

“Even me?!” Mikey asked.

“Not as bad for you, Mikey,” Casey waved him off, looking down at the poor, helpless slider, and leaned down to get on his level.

“If you tell Master Splinter anything, I’ll let him know everything you get up to for the next twenty years.”

“How do you even know that?”

“Aside from your own over-dramatic monologues? Master Michelangelo told the best stories when he was wasted.”

Leo shot up from his position over his brother to give him a dangerous look. “You snitch!”

“I haven’t done anything!” Mikey yelped, popping into his shell reflexively. Leo jumped up to snatch at his brother, but Casey did it first, holding the boxed box turtle at arms length.

“Nuh uh uh!” he tutted. “I’m still having my session with him.”

“Well I think it’s probably my turn to take my feelings out on him,” Leo demanded.

“That’s not how therapy works!” Mikey squeaked from the safety of his shell. 

“Let him go, Leo. You can have him when I’m done,” Casey compromised.

Finally the slider relented, but he sure did not look happy about it.

“We are going to have so many words, hermano,” he puffed, before retreating back to his room.

“SO MANY WORDS!”

Casey had a feeling it was going to be more than just words.

“Is he gone?” Mikey whispered, poking his head out.

“Yeah, he’s gone,” Casey sighed, setting the turtle back down.

“Why’d you rat- why’d you snitch on me like that?” Mikey grumbled. “I haven’t even said anything!”

“It was funny, I guess,” Casey shrugged.

“If you think I’m going to help you out after that you’re insane.”

“Well you’re safe as long as you’re still talking to me,” Casey reasoned, only faintly recognizing that he sounded a bit like Big Mama as he did so.

“Fine,” Mikey huffed, picking his drawing pad back up. “But this is the last session for a while. I don’t know if I can handle this.”

“If I’m being honest, I don’t think I can either. I just needed him to shut up.” Casey leaned back into Splinter’s chair. It was scratchy and uncomfortable, but for some reason it just felt welcoming.

“I hear that,” Mikey nodded. “So you went on a date with the girl from field hockey, but you don’t want to talk about it. Anything else happen at school?” Casey didn’t think he had anything to say, but saw Mikey scratch his temple and he remembered something.

“There’s also a guy on the team who recognized me from the invasion.”

“WHAT?!”

“He saw my hockey mask in my bag.”

“April told you not to bring that!”

“I know, I know, but I get nervous not having my equipment with me.”

“I keep my nunchucks in my bag too.”

“Why do you bring your nunchucks to school?"

“Nuh uh uh, Mr. Jones. We’re here to talk about you. Why do you get nervous not having your gear with you?”

Because Casey never felt safe. Not really. There was always something out to get him.

Casey shrugged. “This is entirely unfair.”

“I’ll be having this conversation with myself later, don’t worry. Why do you bring your hockey mask to school?”

“In case something bad happens.”

“Like what?” Mikey was peeking over his drawing pad again. Casey crossed his arms.

“I’m not here to judge that.”

“I don’t know, like the technodrome exploding into the sky again. I know that’s ridiculous-”

“But you think it is.”

“It’s a little ridiculous,” Mikey admitted.

“Every morning I wake up and-”

“You have a silly little oatmilk coffee,” Mikey interrupted.

“Are you here to listen or what?!” Mikey ducked behind the drawing pad.

“I wake up thinking I’m back there again. In the future, and I… I have to remind myself that no, everyone is dead and that part of my life is forever over.”

“Yeah, I’m really sorry I keep interrupting. That’s horrible,” Mikey apologized, looking down at the ground.

“Isn’t it? That guy I met today, Gavin, he helped me pull my hair back for practice and I jumped out of my skin because I couldn’t keep my eyes on him the whole time. Everything is a threat.”

“You let him help you though?”

“Yeah.”

“How was that?”

“That was nice. I think we could be friends.”

“That’s good. He was nice to you then?”

“Yeah.” Casey glanced over and tried to look at what Mikey was drawing, but Mikey shifted away.

“Back off Future Boy, these are the doctor’s notes. Doctors only.”

“You’re gonna grow hair one day," Casey told him suddenly.

“What?”

“You taught me how to tie my hair back, when I was little.”

Mikey looked like he couldn't decide whether to explode or melt into a puddle.

“That is soooooo cool,” he whispered. “When you’re born I’m going to be the cool uncle.”

“Am I even going to be born, though?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

Casey had thought about this before, probably too many times.

“There will probably be another Casey Junior, just… not me like you’re Master Michelangelo.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, Master Michelangelo is made up in part of your shared experiences with him. But a Casey born here will never have the same experiences I had.”

“And…. how does that make you feel?”

Casey dipped his chin into his chest.

“More lonely than ever before, I guess.”

“One of a kind,” Mikey noticed, in an attempt to cheer the boy up.

“Sure,” Casey shrugged. “Are we done here?”

“I mean, we’re done whenever you want to be…” Mikey glanced over to Leo and Casey’s room nervously.

“Cool, we’re done,” Casey sighed. “I want to go to bed.”

“Well… give me a head start before you go,” Mikey told him, putting the pad down and edging his way back towards the entrance to the lair.

“I’ll give you ten seconds.”

Mikey sprinted away faster than Casey could blink.

But it wouldn’t be faster than Leo could chase him.

-

"Hey, where ya goin’, Pink?"

"Angel? Did I forget something?" Casey turned around and saw his fellow sophomore running to catch up to him. She was still wearing her field hockey clothes, but she was carrying her cleats in hand. She was only wearing her socks?

"Uh, what? No. I just… I needed to talk to you," she said between breaths.

"Do you… wanna change your shoes first?"

The color from Angel’s face, despite its rosyness from practice, seemed to drain away entirely as she looked down at her feet.

"Oh, uh, yeah.” She flashed her teeth at him with a frustrated expression on her face. “Give me a second, would ya?" She unzipped her bag and pulled out her street shoes. She struggled to keep her balance as she tried to pull one of them on.

"You can sit down if you want to," Casey offered, tilting his head to one side.

"On the sidewalk? No thanks."

Casey sat down on the sidewalk next to her. "It's not so bad," he shrugged.

With a huff, Angel let herself fall next to him, bumping into his shoulder as she went down.

"Hey, watch it!"

"You watch it, Pink. You would be the kind of guy to just sit wherever.”

"What does that mean?" he asked, even though he couldn’t help but smile.

Angel didn't answer, she just kept tying her shoes.

"Does it have to do with my pinkness again?"

Angel gave him a glare.

"Let me guess, you're purple. Does that make us a pair?"

Angel blushed, and Casey cracked up laughing.

"Ugh, Pink fuck! What is wrong with you?"

“And Pink Fuck, what’s up with that? Couldn’t think of anything better?” he teased her.

“Well what should I call you, Jones? You’re a big mess of colors dancing all over the place.”

“How does that work anyway, seeing people’s colors?” he asked, curious.

“It just does,” she shrugged. “What’s it like not seeing people’s colors?” she shot back, making a face at him.

She was unbelievable.

Angel finished tying her shoes, and then stood back up.

"So, what did you want to tell me?" he asked, getting to his feet as well.

Angel dug around in her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper.

"It's our schedule… for the games. Congrats… uh… you made the team."

"Wait, really?" he answered in disbelief.

"Are you actually surprised?" She looked like he’d just asked her what color the sky was.

Casey raised his eyebrows. "I thought you said I was shit."

"I did," she tilted her chin up in a pout.

"So how did I make the team?"

"You're the only guy who tried out, dumbass!” she jammed the schedule to his chest.

"Oh, yeah, I guess so," he figured, taking the paper from her and looking at the print. It looked like they still had a couple weeks before their first game.

"But you do get to be a forward, so there is that," she sighed, re-zipping her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

"Cool."

"Cool."

Casey tilted his head.

"Was that… everything you had to tell me?" he asked.

He couldn’t help but notice her blush again. It was kinda cute. "Where were you headed? I thought we were going back to the library again."

"We are, but you were taking forever so I thought I’d meet you there."

“You were gonna leave me?!” she huffed, adjusting her bag.

“I mean I was kind of hoping you’d see me and hurry up…” he kicked his boot on the pavement.

Angel gave him a look he hoped meant she was mad but willing to let him get away with it.

“Whatever, let’s just go,” she told him, passing him and bumping into his shoulder again as she went.

-

“Thanks for joining the team, by the way,” Angel said as they returned to the library. “I think Gavin told you already, but we hardly have enough people to actually play… what with all the…” she waved her hands around. She hoped he got the idea.

“The what?” Casey did not get the idea at all.

“You know, everyone skipping town because of the… what do you call them? The… not human students?” She felt her face going red. Again. (She had to stop doing that.) She never could seem to remember the word…

“Oh… the yokai. Yeah, I get it,” Casey finally nodded. “Uh, thanks for having me I guess?”

She scrunched up her nose. “Don’t you dare back out, okay? I’ll find you if you do.” She hoped that sounded threatening, and not like some kind of promise.

“And do what exactly?” Casey smiled good-naturedly. She didn’t like that he was smiling at all.

Angel raised her fists and waved them like she was going to box him. “There’s a good reason they let me on the men’s field hockey team. Go ask any of them!”

“I believe you!” Casey chuckled. This guy…

Angel wanted to go on, but they were quickly shushed by a librarian, so they slinked over to their table in awkward silence.

“I’ve been meaning to ask Angel, and… you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but-”

“Wait, did Gavin tell you what’s going on?” She cut in before he could finish. She had seen that look on too many other people’s faces before. She really hoped he wasn’t going to…

“He mentioned one of your friends disappeared, yeah.”

Fuck.

“Not my friend,” she corrected. “My best friend,” she hugged her backpack close to her chest. “We’ve been friends since second grade.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah. Everyone says that.” Please shut up.

“Well…”

“It’s whatever,” Angel cut in again. “Nobody ever fucking knows what to say. Even if you did bring it up.” She squinted her eyes at him. For the love of god stop talking.

“You seem… kinda normal about it,” he couldn’t help but wonder. “Aren’t you worried?”

“Of course I’m worried!” she raised her voice. She heard someone from a table over shush her again, but she ignored them. “What do you care?” she pouted.

Casey bit his lip, and Angel wondered where he’d gotten the nerve to even bring this up.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

And then Angel saw it. As he apologized, she saw his colors shift. The neon pink faded to a light rose. She blinked in surprise. She hadn't seen that happen to anyone before.

Well, not anyone she knew. People usually only had one hue. Sometimes it fluctuated in brightness or in shade depending on their mood, but the actual color itself didn’t shift; their hue was tied to their personality. You can’t just change your personality.

That was something that had caught Angel’s attention when she had met Casey. Pink was a weird color to have. While technically most people would say it was a shade of red, she argued his hue was pinned right between red and her own red-violet. Magenta might be more accurate, but Pink Fuck was way funnier. Whatever the exact color was didn’t matter- it was the family it belonged to that bothered her.

Reds had an exceptionally passionate or aggressive personality, and she didn’t see it anywhere in him. If she were blind, she’d guess he was the polar opposite- cyan or seafoam green. He was unbelievably cool and easygoing, so much so that it didn’t make any sense to her. The image of a wolf in sheep’s clothing came to mind. At first she had been curious to find out if she could break the cool facade.

But now that his color had shifted further red (albeit up many shades lighter), the curiosity swung immediately to fear.

The unstable aura was as chaotic as those she saw on the people outside Marina's apartment.

It made her shiver.

"Hey, are you alright?" Casey asked. She looked away immediately, realizing she had just been staring right into his eyes.

"You really shouldn't have," she agreed with a mutter.

"I… yeah," Casey looked down at his hands pensively.

And why would he care? Why was he asking about her? Why was he so upfront about spending time with her? He had shown up ‘coincidentally’ just after Marina had disappeared. Angel stood up. She had to get out of here. Casey followed her with his eyes, but didn't make a move to stand.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this right now," she picked her bag up.

"No, I'm sorry," he apologized again, but also looked confused. At the very least, he didn't act like the strange people she had seen before.

But that didn't mean she could trust him. Something about him was incredibly wrong.

She felt terrible, but quickly made her exit without another word. He had been so nice to her, even when she was constantly picking on him. But it was also too nice. It almost felt like he was playing mind games with her. She wished she could forget seeing the hurt in his eyes before she walked away.

That would have made her exit a lot easier.

-

 Kind

"Let me see your stance," Casey offered, and he helped Sunshine stand up. It felt like the world was shifting under her feet, but the small musk turtle managed to keep her balance.

She took her stance, practice sword in hand.

"Oh, you are waaaaay overcompensating," Casey realized, bending down to match her.

"You're too far forward, you need to stand up a bit straighter."

"That's what Synth said but-" Sunshine straightened up all the way, and started to fall back; just like Casey had done when he was younger.

"Ah!" Casey caught her and tipped her forward. "That's too far! It's like you're trying to stand like a human-" he cut himself off.

"A what?" Sunshine blinked at him.

"A human. Humans don't have shells, so they're center of gravity is different," Casey explained.

"What’s a human?"

Casey pressed his hands together and pursed his lips in thought.

"You don't know anything about anything outside of this nexus, do you?"

"I know… some things," Sunshine frowned. "Like, I know what sunshine is, even though there isn't any here. I don't know where it is, but it's warm and bright."

"It seems like parts of your lost memories can come through but others can't? Or haven't? You know ASL…”

Sunshine could see Casey looked very uncomfortable.

'I don't think we should be talking about this,' he signed.

'Why not?'

'We are being watched.'

'So?'

Casey shook his head.

'Don't trust Big Mama.'

Sunshine could figure that much.

'I will try and come up with a solution that will get your memories back. In the meantime, we need to stay quiet. Keep each other safe.'

'Get me out of here,' Sunshine pleaded.

'I will, I promise.' He sighed and turned to stand next to her. “Let’s focus on getting your balance right. You need to find that sweet spot between straight up and too far forward. Mimic me.”

Casey stood upright, but then shifted forward ever so slightly. Sunshine moved to follow him.

“This is uncomfortable,” she noticed, feeling the weight of her shell press into her lower back.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. It’s going to feel weird for a while, but you’ll get used to it.”

“How am I supposed to walk like this?”

“Slowly at first,” Casey took a step forward, and Sunshine followed him. She swayed a little, but otherwise kept upright. “Let’s just practice this for a bit,” he suggested, turning and facing her.

“Ok,” Sunshine turned to mimic him but wobbled, and in an attempt to catch herself, bumped into his head. “Ah!”

Casey backed up and caught her arm.

“Or, we might be here for a while,” he chuckled as she righted herself. Sunshine gave him a scowl, but she was secretly grateful for his help. He was also way more patient than Synth was, and kinder than anyone else she had encountered here in the Nexus. She had started looking forward to seeing him everyday.

But she could tell he was keeping something from her, too. All of them were. Of course her doctor knew, he didn’t even try to pretend that, he just outright refused to talk to her about anything. Synth tried to play dumb, but he was also a bad liar; he often caught himself saying things to her he shouldn’t. 

Like when he mentioned Casey's brother had visited. Sunshine had been complaining about her sword again when Synth snapped and told her off for being a whiny baby. (His words, not hers.) She had no respect for the weapon, just like that slider from before. He had been grumbling, and when Sunshine had asked what he was on about, he grumbled something about Casey's arrogant brother. Casey hadn't mentioned a brother- he had said all his family had died.

So while Casey was kind, he was also a liar.

Sunshine wondered how she could get him to talk. Not just because she was curious, but also because it seemed like something was haunting him. Ok, maybe the dead family had something to do with that….

Sunshine was making practice swings when the first question came to her:

"So you know how to fight, did you learn that from your dad?”

Casey, who had been standing by watching her, looked surprised by the question.

“My dad?”

“Uh, yes?” Casey’s cheeks flushed.

“Ah… well, I don’t always call him my dad you see. I was sort of using it as a shorthand…”

Sunshine gave Casey a frown. Oh boy, he was full of shit wasn’t he?

“Ok, I guess he was my dad,” Casey admitted, crossing his arms defensively. “I usually call him my sensei. It was… less confusing, I guess? Trust me, you don’t want me to get into it.”

“If it’s confusing… was he your brother’s sensei too?” Sunshine asked, confused.

Seeming just as confused, Casey looked at her like she’d just slapped him.

“Where are you getting this?” he asked cautiously, lowering his voice and inching towards her.

Sunshine shrugged. “Where am I getting what?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, I’ve never mentioned having a brother to you.”

“But you do have one,” Sunshine smiled, narrowing her eyes.

“I have four,” he grumbled.

“You told me you didn’t have a family anymore,” Sunshine pointed out. “Do you wanna elaborate on that? Are you not on good terms with them…?”

“Synth told you about Leo didn’t he?” Casey realized.

“He told me your brother was arrogant.”

“That’s one word to describe him,” Casey sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

“How would you describe him?” Sunshine asked.

“Why are we talking about this?”

“Because…” Sunshine shouldered her sword and placed one hand on her hip. “... everyone is keeping shit from me. What else do you want to talk about with a girl who doesn’t remember jack shit?”

“Yeah but… Leo of all people…”

“You told me your family was dead!” Sunshine barked, losing her patience. “Everyone in this fucking place lies to me. Do I actually care about your brother? Probably not, but I thought you’d be different from the others at the very least. They’re keeping secrets from me; every. single. one of them. I have nothing to do but sit around here in this room and think all day. Think about nothing besides how much I don’t want to be here surrounded by a bunch of selfish and evil people!”

Casey leaned against the wall of the training room. He looked down at the floor for a moment, before facing her.

“I can’t tell you everything I know,” he explained, massaging his fingers. “But my brothers are part of the reason why I’m here. And as long as I am visiting you here, they can’t know what I’m doing. If you see them, you can’t approach them. Big Mama would be very much against it. If they notice you, turn the other way and don’t look back. They might even want to talk to you, chase you even, but you can’t let them know what we’re doing here.”

“Why is that?”

Casey’s expression went dark. “It will ruin them.”

“So what, you’re protecting them?” Casey nodded.

“What are they like?” Sunshine hoped she wasn’t pressing her luck, but to her surprise, Casey actually smiled. He rolled his eyes too, but he didn’t seem annoyed at the very least.

“Where would I even start?”

“We have plenty of time,” Sunshine reminded him, glancing at the clock on the wall. “Start with Leo, I guess.”

Casey sighed. “We’ll be here all night.”

Prev. Masterpost Next

Notes: Dialogue exchanged in sign language is written between 'apostrophes.' Scenes taking place in Casey's doomed future are written in italics.

[writtenjewels]

Music Hall part 4

Part One, Part Two, Part Three

Jason watched backstage, enthralled by how Salim commanded the space. No one would ever guess it was this guy's first time in a lead role. Every move, gesture, and word seemed so confident and sure. Jason made note of certain poses Salim made so Jason could recreate them later in his sketching notebook.

He applauded with everyone else when the show was over. Salim and the other actors went out for the curtain call and Jason noticed some of them were getting flowers. One of the other stagehands explained to him there was a stand out front for people to buy a flower for the cast.

Wonder if Salim would like one? The idea made him a little nervous. The guy was handsome and nice and the two of them had exchanged some light flirting. But did that mean Salim would be receptive to such an obvious token of affection? Jason ran into battle without hesitation during his tour of duty in the marines, but in matters of the heart he was a lot more tentative.

“Jason.” He turned at Salim's voice and smiled seeing the older man approach him. “What did you think of the show?”

“It was great. You were great.”

“Thank you, my friend,” Salim beamed, flushing in pleasure. “I need to change. Will you be here a while?”

“Yeah, I gotta help the guys strike the set.”

“Come find me when you're done,” Salim requested. “There is a cafe not far from here I like to go after performances.” Now it was Jason's turn to blush.

“Oh. Yeah, okay, sure.” Salim gave him another smile before moving away to remove his costume. Jason felt like his heart wanted to float away and was glad for the hard labor to channel some of his giddy energy.

He hurried to Salim's dressing room when he was done and knocked on the door. Salim emerged in his casual clothes and Jason suddenly wished he thought to bring a change of clothes, too. He was still wearing the required black of a backstage worker, now dirty from all the set movements he did during the show.

“I'm glad we finally have some time to talk,” Salim confessed as he led the way out of the music hall. “I feel like we've only spoken a minute or two since we met.”

“Guess so,” Jason agreed. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“Your art,” Salim decided after a moment. “How did you get interested in set design?”

That was a tough one to explain. Jason liked drawing and painting, but his parents drilled into him he needed a “useful” skill to get a job. So he got into construction work and met his best friend Nick. It was as they were painting the front of a house that it struck Jason: why couldn't he merge the two together. And one of the best places to foster imagination was the theater.

“And so here I am,” Jason concluded. “What about you? What got you into theater?”

Salim looked a little sheepish and admitted he, too, had taken a hard labor job when he was younger. He couldn't support a wife and a young son otherwise. Salim learned English along the way and when he was conscripted into the military, that knowledge elevated him to an interpreter. It was only much later that he could finally turn to the arts.

“And as I said, Zain convinced me into it,” Salim added.

“Glad he did,” Jason remarked. “Otherwise we woulda never met.” They made it to the cafe. Salim hesitated at the door, reaching out to take Jason's hand in his. He thoughtlessly squeezed Salim's hand as the other man stared at him with those warm brown eyes.

“I'm very glad that I met you, Jason.”

“Yeah,” he croaked out. Unfortunately they had to step apart to let some people exit the cafe.

Jason's heart was still going wild in his chest when he and Salim entered the cafe. Tomorrow he would come by the music hall early and buy those flowers.

[mahikacorpus]

ARTIST STATEMENT

First of all, I wanted to thank everyone for the support given to me to even start this project. My partner who let me call and complain to them about line weight or fingers being the bane of my existence, my professor who did her best to reign me in from biting off more than I could chew, my kasamas who let me ask them questions about schooling in the Philippines, thank you to everyone who listened or offered a suggestion. Thank you to the library for letting me check out an odd number of books, heaps at a time (and telling me that it's cool if I returned one late because its due date wouldn't change from the same day I checked it out.)

It went through many more revisions than I anticipated and had to place this project on pause a few times while life happened around me, but I finally have my bits and pieces that I'm really proud of putting out into the world! Obviously, I wish that I was able to complete the entire piece but sometimes the message you want to imbue into the world through art has to be on pause while you use your physical body to put the work in.

What made you want to make a komik?

I wanted to make a komik because I think that the visual medium of storytelling is so interesting since unlike oral storytelling or prose, the words aren't the only important element. Poses, lighting, color, detail vs lack of detail, and brush choices, are all incredibly important in tone and what an illustrator wants to convey. It was also an important medium to me based on the message of my story which puts images and words in a hard tension with each other. A picture can mean a million different things based on the text captioned underneath it. But when that caption, or those words are used to paint a unreliable narrative, it's important to wonder why and examine to what end.

What aspects of the class did you take inspiration from/where did you use your research?

Each section was inspired and based off of research I had done about the medium I was exploring. For example, with the newspaper, I took a lot of inspiration from how the news right now use certain words in order to paint the narrative that best serves a certain political idea. For example, the adultification of people of color, usually black children, in order to dehumanize them and garner less sympathy. Studies have been done by USC and Georgetown University about the negative impact that it has on young children, particularly young black girl's mental health. It is also important to note that while these intuitions have studies on the adultification bias, they also actively ignore the adultification bias that is currently affecting Palestinian children who are being murdered by Israeli soldiers.

However, I also heavily researched newspapers during Duterte's presidency in the Philippines during his war on drugs and the extrajudicial killings that took place. Language in the media was very important as is shown in the documentary about Maria Ressa: A Thousand Cuts. This documentary not only helped with the newpaper angle that I was interested in, but also the online small reporting blog that is called Snapport in the komik--after Rappler in real life. There is a very political conversation surrounding the usage of language a mainly visual based medium. When words are repressed or censored, can an image do the work on its own?

As for the final section, the Zine section, I took the most inspiration from Bamboo Girl and Call Out Queen. Along with looking into other Filipino zines from the Philippine Zine Collection. Since they tend to be the most DIY and freeform, I decided to really have fun with format and layout.

What conversations did you want to engage with?

I wanted to talk to a sort of demonization power that the media has and how it is so easy to use it to affect the social consciousness. I've thought about this a lot since learning about the Philippines under Martial Law. Because the Marcos not only had control of the narrative, mainly through cultural/media presence, but also through being the ones actively rewriting the history books. However, on the other end, how social media (which hasn't been regulated to the point of news outlets) allows for these stories to be heard and told.

I also wanted to look at the power of images versus words. In the komik, the first page is words over-powering a small image. The words are targeted and biased solely based on opinion. But as the story progresses, it's clear to see how the beginning narrative ripples through the community. How people the farthest away from the scene, mainly due to class or privilege, feel educated enough to speak up on it due to reading the news--without considering the bias the news might have toward affirming ideas of a lower class to the upper class. (This is something that has been prevalent all throughout the history of news, to the point that the first printed photo in a US newspaper was on March 4th, 1880 in the Daily Graphic, and the image was that of a shanty town. Giving the upper class something to gawk over at how people could live in such a way.)

It was important to me that the ending scene and beginning scene were the ones I focused on. I wanted to begin with words, dictating how you should feel about the blurred image of violence which is used more for shock value than important context, and ending with an image of coming together, of community and support, of love.

What was one of your biggest challenges?

Probably the most expected answer, time. It was consistently running against me, especially since I felt I kept spending the most time researching and revising rather than actually drawing. This ended up really kicking my butt, but also forcing me to pick the most important images and feelings I wanted my audience to come away from my piece with. It made me take this ginormous story which more than likely could've gotten away with me and made me distill it into its most saturated moments.

What did you fall short of?

There was so much more that I wanted to do and explore with formatting in conventional and unconventional ways that I'm not sure got across due to the small number of pages. However, I made sure to be 100% proud of the pages I produced, so I believe that's the silver lining.

[keefwho]

June 05 - 2023 Monday

9:22 AM

I feel so out of touch with everything I’ve done and everything that I am. With friends over time I start to live up to what I think our relationship is/should be instead of what it actually is. I slowly forget everything we’ve done to get to this point, but I do this with everything. I have a nasty habit of forming conclusions and then forgetting about the relevant information, all in an effort to make things simpler or easy to understand. The problem comes when these conclusions turn out wrong or become outdated. It just feels so hard to always keep so much data in mind at all times. I must be doing something wrong. I wish so deeply that I could figure out how to get better. I want some clear actions I can take. 

7:30 PM

I’ve felt so empty. I fear if I cannot figure myself out soon then I’ll be lost for good. That’s probably not the case but it sure feels like it. 

I’m so afraid of becoming someone that pushes away his friends and can’t pursue anything that makes him happy. I desire human connection but I either have to learn to accept myself first or develop the trust that allows me to believe other people want me. I know I’m afraid of growing anything because of the ability to fall. If you don’t build up then you can’t plummet, that’s unintentionally been the way I look at things. I want to be brave and build strong bonds. I want to grow my business, and my skills. I want to raise myself up without being afraid of falling. For me that takes a lot of bravery and the mindfulness to catch when I’m sabotaging myself. 

10:50 PM

This morning I made eggs and cup noodle stir fry with onions and a sausage link. I think this contributed to tummy problems tonight because that nor lunch had much fiber. This morning’s stream went well and is the last morning stream Daisy will attend for awhile which makes me sad. I sketched some otters and started my buddy Goodtimes’ commission which went well. After stream I successfully did my workout and I feel good about that. In order for it not to be a problem later, I took care of myself in the shower. I simply don’t want to put up with sexual urges lately, they’ve been stressing me out more than anything. Largely because I feel that they are unwelcome, but thats a result of my plummeting self confidence. Lunch was a pack of ramen and some fish sticks in an effort to eat things from my freezer first and my workout left me with a craving for calories that ramen always fulfills. During my afternoon work I hung out with David again. He apologized for being busy lately because he wants to deepen our newly found friendship which I thought was nice. I liked how straightforward he was, I can tell he has good communication skills. My problem today was forcing myself to hang out and chat didn’t really help how I felt. It was very hard to take true interest in the conversation or feel like I was actually welcome in the VC. Again, all my fault right now. I did all my work and left the call so I could do yoga in VRchat. The channel I watch, YogawithAdriene, finally released a new video. Conveniently it was for days where you feel down and need to remind yourself that you are cherished and loved. It didn’t really have that effect on me though. I mostly used the semi-alone time to sulk as I pushed through the different poses, as hard as I was trying to lighten up. Afterwards I layed in VR for a little bit and watched the clouds. After that I got off to play some Zelda and watch Twitch until Daisy messaged and we played together. We just pulled the Master Sword out of Zelda’s brain and started the next quest to look for the lost sage. Now she is asleep and I am going to bed an hour early because of a new schedule change so I can wake up earlier like I’ve always wanted to.

[ggthydrangea]

hi tabi my dear!! i'm sorry for my late response 😭

yes exactly!! it's freeing to do stuff alone sometimes, it kinda started bc one summer i wanted to watch a scary movie that came out (hereditary) but no one would watch it with me LOL so i decided i'll just go by myself. i used to worry what other people would think but i realized i quite enjoy my own company so now i'm more comfortable doing it! (and of course, since im a minho bias, this reminds me of his latest vlog where he went camping alone haha that was such a comfy cozy vlog 🥺 my mind is still there)

dont worry, i have "cannot shut up disease" too so i totally understand 😂😂 i have also heard of rowoon but i don't think i watched the dramas he was in! also chani was in that snow prince stage last year with mark and lino 😁 and oh my gosh, that mirotic stage with taeyang and hyunjin 😳 taeyang's pose in the beginning AHH

wait i know some of these sf9 songs you mentioned!! i LOVE o sole mio, what a great song. and i've seen the dance practice for KO because of that beginning part where they're rotating the members, that is simply insane!!!! i listened to all the other songs you sent, and they are really catchy omg?? and their choreos are so cool!! is taeyang the one in the sleeveless shirt in the now or never mv? hahahaha. also i love your sf9 info doc <3 it seems like there are a lot of quiet cuties in the group hehe 🥺 i love that!!! also i watched the horror dance prank video LMAO youngbin saying "i was really looking forward to seeing a ghost" famous last words and the way they all freaked out when the bat fell from the ceiling

yeah snowboarding/skiing are so expensive so we'll see if that happens hahaha 😅 i kinda know how to skateboard though and it seemed fun but idk! def one day it seems cool to learn. oooh have you read any good books lately? i like to read as well ^^ i havent watched any anime recently but i have watched a good amount (did you watch/read spyxfamily? that was the last one i watched i think and it was pretty funny). what video games do you like to play? im only a casual gamer, kpop takes most of my brain space 😂😂 i still havent finished zelda botw lol. and that is so cool that you dance too!! how did you get into dancing? i dont know anything about dancing and it always fascinates me to watch dancers move their bodies the way they do!! there is this duo whose dances i really like to watch (i didnt know this when i first found him but the guy, sean, actually did a dance collab that i love with taeyong and mark from nct too!! (also god mark is so hot in that video hahaha)

All good no worries! I can be slow to respond myself, and life happens!

Oh nice! For me it started in college, just with how classes and stuff worked out, I spent most of my time alone and had to go out of my way to hang out with friends, and I started to enjoy some of that alone time, I like just vibing sometimes.

I wish I could tell you what dramas he's been in, but honestly I'm really bad at remembering anything. XD The Mirotic stage is a lot but it's also fun!!! All of them killed it! Those stages with different groups together are so fun, a multis dream come true. 🥺 Now if there could somehow be a stage with both Chan and Taeyang I would die happy... 😂

You have good taste if you love O Sole Mio. 😔 I'm glad you like them all!!! Lemme check to see the only one I remember being shirtless is Hwiyoung... Okay Taeyang does have some shirtless outfits but so does Hwiyoung so I'm not sure which one you're talking about for Now or Never. XD

I'm glad you love my doc!!! I really love sharing SF9 with people so it made for a nice little reference to help! Haha that video... Those poor guys... It was so funny but I also felt so bad for them. 😂

I haven't been reading much recently, but earlier this year I read this YA dystopian book called Unwind! It was really dark but also really interesting, I liked it a lot! How about you?

I'm so behind on anime but I love some of them out there, I could ramble forever just talking about my favorites. I did watch the first season of Spy x Family, it was cute!

I don't game much these days, but I like a lot of the Nintendo stuff like Legend of Zelda, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, but also smaller series like TWEWY, Style Savvy, all sorts of games!

My mom wanted me doing something active and after looking around she somehow found Irish dance, I'm not sure how. XD This was back when I was a kid so I don't really remember. Dancing is so fun I love it a lot!!! Ooo those are really cool!!! I'm nowhere that good I just do it for fun, but I love seeing good dancers, it's so amazing to see all the things they do!!!

[yuhi-san]

More darius head canons cause i'm on a roll

(Mosty hexside & early being mentored by previous gg)

Darius did well in school and with grades. Except in group assingments, he would often argue on end with others if they didn't agree with him. He grew out of that, thankfully, and did learn to compromise with others

He was the kind of kid and teen that would say to your face whatever he thought about you at any time. He could be very tactless without a second thought. He grew mostly out of that, too. But even now he can come off as harsh and mean even if he really does intend not to.

Darius is not a graceful loser. At all. Especially in card and board games. He did not grow out of that one.

He has s amazing pokerface but still lost in hexes hold em to eda so many times that he stopped playing entirely

He knows eda was cheating but can't prove it and it drives him nuts (eda loves to rub it in)

He and eda obviously knew each other well (being somewhat infamouse in their own right) but darius was definitelly frendlier with lilith

They would grouse to each other about eda and raines love dancing

When lilith was younger, overly worried about what her mom would think of her lack of interest in a partner and was also feeling inadequate to eda, she asked darius once to pose as her bf (so she is not the odd one out at dinner with her parents and eda & raine)

He told her flat out no and that nothing would ever get him to subject himself to something like that

Alador was the first friend darius made after moving to bonesburough, by putting one of his fires out (literally)

(If asked how alador could rope him so easily into everything darius will just give an exasperate look a la i wish i knew)

Speaking of young alador, he was always full of ingenuity but combined with the limited experience and foresight of a young teen this made him one hell of a safety hazard for the general public

Darius and odalia do a lot of damage control (but sometimes they would egg him on if they thought his idea to be fun but they would never admit to that out loud)

Darius sass initialy went over aladors head a lot (its not that he is stupid, just often too caught up in his own mind). However, he soon figured out that acting extra dense is a sure way to annoy the loving daylight out of darius

Young darius can usually tell if alador is just trolling him but can't help but get railed up anyway

He is uninterested in sports

Perry once asked asked darius to help out commenting on a grudgby game because his partner was sick. He regretted it a lot

Darius commentary was mostly roasting the players, which did not go over well

While he knows very well that logic can't really effect emotions, he gets easily frustrated with how ridiculous people with crushes can act

"If you like them, ask them out. They say yes, great. They say no, you can start getting over it" simple.

It's what he tells both raine and odalia and later hunter

Hunter thinks it's the dumbest advice he ever heard and he needs to talk to someone who actually has experience with this stuff. Darius strongly agrees with the second part

Darius is very, very resentful. Like holy crap

You might not notice him having a grudge because he can be very quiet and patient about it but it will bite you in the ass if you wrong him (or the people he cares about)

However, he also wont forget good deeds done to him and will always repay them

Darius has almost always a comeback to everything and greatly enjoys to have the last word

If he suddenly does not dignify you with another comment, that does not mean you got the better of him. It means you are treading very dangerous water

He is very vocal when making his frustration and annoyance know but when he gets quiet you really need to worry

Because i see all that tickling stuff: darius is not ticklish but trying to just get your hands all over him equals instant regret. He has very little tolerance for that

Eber getting to clamber all over him is a privilege that comes with a long and strong friendship

Also eber knows darius very well. They know what is and is not okay and can read darius mood easily

He's the wine aunt (the you are supposed to savour a good drink you heathens version)

He is a somewhat picky eater/a foodie

Darius fought gilbert park during a match at a covention, lost spectacularly & got a concussion out of it*

When his mentor sent him on a mission with eber for the firsr time, darius first thought upon seeing eber fresh out of the woods (coverd in mud and leafs) was: what tf did i do to piss my mentor off like that

While darius already understood some beast speak, he was far from fluent

Their first mission together was to hunt a stonesleeper, just a few months before his mentors death

Once darius did learn about grimwalkers he felt very, very sick about it and occasionally it still haunts him

He did pick his coven rather late compared to most. The abomination coven wanted to train him as the next coven head but he was also a great candidate for the emperors coven as the golden guards mentee. He decided upon his mentors death (based on which would be more useful)

Eberwolf would initially gift him small obscure and often downright disgusting things. Darius is very grossed out but also deep down too much of a softie to throw it out so it is all in a box now

Beast custom can be very different from witches so he actually has no idea if eber was geniun or already trolling him by then. It's too late to ask now, it would be awkward

He is so not a morning person

He has a talent for arts and crafts

Darius refused to participate in dancing at grom. He thinks its ridiculouse (mostly he is just a bad dancer)

If he has to pick between really cold and really hot, he rather takes the cold

Darius rarely gets drunken but when then he will either a) crack up about everything or b) say some super messed up stuff that is so far beyond morbid humor (but sounded very funny in his drunken mind)

He is not a fan of his drunken self. At all. He knows he is mortifying.

The first time he accidentally sees his mom and step dad make out, he tells them no need to be sorry, he will just ask odalia to burn the memory

Unless someone might die or get seriously messed up, darius is a strong believer in the 'let them slug it out' philosophy.

Alador once thought it was a good idea to get in the middle of a bitch fight between odalia and boshas mom. The outcome just supports darius in his opinion

He's petty. So petty

Once the whole dou and collector thing bloes over, alador is the one to approach darius to maybe work out some things/patch up whatever friendship they have left. He is very awkward about it

A lot of small things caused their falling out, rather than one big thing. Though a big part is that darius didn't feel it was save to confide in alador about his mentor and belos and

Darius is initially surprised, then of course aloof and somewhat sceptical, probably wondering in the back of his mind what the goal/catch is

Darius too will have to relearn some things after all these years of being a rebel and part of belos inner circle

He does pretty well with hunter considering he does not even have experience with normal teens but man darius would not know how to deal with edric and emira for more than 20 minutes

* i swear i will write this story because it is also how darius meets his mentor. I wilö write it. I want to so badly

[taechaos]

Freaky Idea

Pt. 2 of New Idea

pairing: Stepbrother!Taehyung x Fem!Reader

genre: oneshot, pseudo-incest, smut

synopsis: The last guaranteed day you have with Taehyung is spent with his choice of adventure. You learn a lot of things about the history of freakshows, and how much of a freak your brother is as well.

warnings: mention of murder and somnophilia, riding, manipulation

word count: 3.8k

When Taehyung agreed to being your slave for a month, he wasn’t lying. He was attached to your hip throughout the whole time span, obeying your every command without complaint. You didn’t deem him forgiven, but you can’t say you don’t enjoy his company and compliance. The whole month was a bliss for you.

The first week, the morning after the… event, you had him prepare breakfast for you and your mother walked in on him cooking an omelette for you. She was perplexed, and with her morning drowsiness asked, “You’re home?” before smothering him with a hug. Your father gave him the minimum acknowledgement, and it went by quickly with your mother being surprised every time she saw him in the morning.

The second week, he drove you around and paid for your every need. You don’t know how he has so much money, but you wouldn’t be surprised if he sells drugs or had robbed a bank. You decided to reward him by kissing his cheek every time he bought you clothes and jewelries per your request. He realized he enjoyed spoiling you, and took you shopping in different malls for 7 days straight.

The third week, you met his friend. You had insisted, and he gave in after a short while of you begging because it was difficult to say no to you and rules are rules. His terms were: 1. You're going to act like his girlfriend, and 2. You sit on his lap. Maybe you didn't get it, but his friend Namjoon didn't seem dangerous enough for you to be behaving the way you were forced to. Sitting in front of a burning barrel in the middle of nowhere, Taehyung and Namjoon smoked weed together while you watched them. The conversation was fun, and you wanted to see him again. Taehyung didn’t allow you to question the ordeal. Rest of the week went by a breeze.

Fourth week was relatively calm as well, and now Taehyung is on his final day of slavery. It’s somewhat melancholic for you because you don’t know if he’ll vanish once the clock hits 12. You’re sitting on the kitchen counter, swinging your dangling legs while your step-brother inspects the fridge to find you something for lunch. The two of you woke up late this morning, well, afternoon, and you don’t know why you feel so exhausted and sore. You’ve been feeling this way for a whole month now, but you’re growing somewhat used to it. 

“This bitch is empty,” Taehyung grumbles before closing the fridge and standing up straight. When he notices your soft pout, he slithers his way between your legs. “What’s wrong princess? Are you tired?”

“Will you be here tomorrow?” you blurt without beating around the bush and peek at him under your lashes.

His brow ticks as he tilts his head. “Did you want to do something?”

“Well, no,” you drawl, “I just wish… you were here more often.”

"You know I can't stay away from you for long," he counters your worries, "especially if you allowed me to…"

"Stop." You distance yourself by pushing him away; you don't want to think about what he was implying. You made it explicitly clear that anything remotely sexual wasn't allowed to be brought up when you were around, and he’s been sticking to that rule until now - to your knowledge, at least. 

“Stop teasing your sister, Taehyung.” your mother enters the kitchen while tying the knot of her robe, now checking the fridge herself. 

He rolls his eyes before turning to her and retaliating, “I didn’t even do anything.” You giggle to yourself and bite your fist. “Did I tease you?” he asks innocently with his neck craned in your direction.

“Yes, he doesn’t even make me breakfast,” you joke with a grin. 

“The fridge is fucking empty!”

“Language,” your mother warns strictly before taking out a box of frozen pizza. “And it isn’t empty. Could you turn on the oven for me, love?” You nod and arrange the heat to 200 degrees while Taehyung scoffs, “I can’t survive in a house with women.”

“Man up,” your step-father butts in monotonously. “You have to rely on your mother to cook to this day. When will you move out? Act your age Taehyung, you’re 21.”

The light-hearted atmosphere dims with the presence of Taehyung’s father. There’s a distinct contrast between your two parents, and you can understand why your step-brother is so rebellious around them. The only thing holding them together is their dedication to religion. 

He only huffs and crosses his arms in response as his dad grabs a carton of juice and a glass from the cupboard. It’s tense in the room until Taehyung leans into your ear and whispers, “I’m only here because of you.”

A light blush tints your cheeks at his sweet confession, although it also makes you guilty. He later convinces you to eat with him in your room, and it’s comfortable in your bed as you chomp on the slices hungrily. 

“Is there anything you want to do today?” Taehyung asks as he chews on his pizza.

“Let’s do something you want for a change,” you answer after swallowing. 

Though he hasn’t been showing any lack of interest around you, you are aware that you haven’t been doing anything fun by his definition. You’re worried that you’ve bored him throughout this whole timespan of being together.

A smirk grows on his face and there’s that glint of mischief in his eyes that you’ve missed. Fair, the last time you saw it was before he traumatized you, but you try not to think about it much like you ignore the constant ache between your legs. 

“There’s this circus,” he begins slowly, “I hear it’s interesting. Would you want to come with?”

You know he’s leaving something out, his cautious tone and aura implicit he knows something you don’t. But you nod anyway, because you still stupidly trust him.

Taehyung’s car is old and retro, but he must have upgraded the engines for how fast he is driving. You like admiring his side profile as he holds the steering wheel, but the view is much more interesting when he catches you looking. It’s a far location, and you’re out of the city by the time he parks his car in the woods. How did he memorize the directions when it took an hour to get there?

“We’re here,” he announces before shifting the manual stick gear with a screech. You exit the car and he is not gentle with the way he slams the door closed, so you do the same. You can see hints of red colors between the cracks of the thin trees. 

“Is it open?” you question apprehensively. The sun hasn’t set yet, but it should be getting dark soon in the evening. 

“Hasn’t been open for a century. You wouldn’t believe the amount of history this place has.”

He takes the lead in his steps, and you follow behind though your gut doesn’t approve. The path isn’t long, and only then do you see the circus when Taehyung moves aside. It’s run down, worn out colors in the curtains, broken glasses on the ground and the circus barely holding itself up. There’s a huge cannon in the middle of the stage, the tip balancing itself on the ground. It’s kind of creepy, but Taehyung doesn’t leave you in the dark for long.

“A lot of crazy shit happened here, you know,” he piques your curiosity, “the clowns were fucking freaks. Any type of physical disorder landed you in here, whether you liked it or not. Even for babies,” he picks up an idle shard of glass, “these were jars. They had deformed fetuses on display on a stand, but the wind must have fucked it up.”

“Deformed fetuses?”

“Yeah, like, conjoined and some other stuff.” You grimace at his description, although it stirs empathy in you. The 20th century sounds inhumane. 

“Are these real stories?” 

“Yeah. And the cannon: they rocketed people from this very bad boy,” he points at it before standing under.

Your stomach sinks as you panic, “It could fall on you!” You pull at his hand and the force makes your chests meet. He smiles down at you before pecking your lips. You stammer, a little mad as he chuckles before walking to a wooden wheel. He makes a star pose after stepping on the metal stand, stretching out his limbs to fit the whole circle. 

“This was the Wheel of Death; they threw knives at targets on this. I think they only targeted females actually...” He nods at you to replace him as he hops off. You go along with his idea and climb on the stand, though it creaks weakly. He takes out a pocket knife from his pocket and you’re about to yell before he hurls it at you. It lands above your shoulder and you immediately scold, “What the fuck, Tae?! Why would you do that! I could’ve died.”

He shrugs with a bright grin, clearly unbothered by your stressing. “My aim isn’t too bad.” He walks over to you and collects his floating knife. “Besides, when have I ever hurt you?”

You bite your tongue and purse your lips with a glare. 

“See?” he whispers. “You can’t even name one time…”

He’s teasing your silence, how you can’t even dare to voice the specific night. You haven’t even told your parents and slept with him right after, and he finds that so interesting: that you trust him with your life. 

“You actually can’t? Wow, I didn’t realize I was such a good brother,” he grins lopsidedly before snapping his fingers. “On with the tour.” He is enthusiastic as he struts past the circus. You shake your head with a sigh but follow him regardless. “So there were sword swallowers, acrobats, strongmen, anything that drew attention. They had a shit ton of accidents and deaths, but you would die if you got boring as well.” Taehyung holds back a bush to let you pass; the place he’s leading you to is a lot more crowded with sages and trees than the previous path. “Once the initial attraction wears off, you’re a goner. They couldn’t survive in that society with those deformities, so it was suicide either way.”

“That is so cruel,” you mumble sympathetically. “This place was like a fractured fantasy.”

“At least they lived for a bit… up until someone ended it.” When he pushes away the woodruffs, you’re met with another rundown site with a few… cages? “This is the trailer. Where they stayed and got ready for their shows. Some were held against their will, and slept with the animals in those cages.”

You gape at your surroundings in shock. The trailer is missing one side of the wall, and the rest have been vandalized with random phrases written in spray paint. You don’t give much attention to the torture cages, because the trailer has a lot more to show. It still has couches on the incomplete hardwood flooring, and Taehyung plops on one. The fabric is torn and dust rises the moment he’s on the seat. “That’s so dirty, Tae,” you pull a displeased face.

“Don’t be rude to the past occupants. Their ghosts might still be around.” He wiggles his fingers as if imitating a monster. He then pats his thighs, beckoning you to sit on his lap. You begrudgingly do so, and he wraps his arms around your waist before pulling you flush against him. “Any theories on how this shitshow ended?”

“Police intervention?”

“Something like that, I guess. One of the acrobats went nuts and shot everyone, so the place was shut down.”

“What?” you widen your eyes at him. “Why did they do that?”

“He was going to be replaced, so he got rid of the competition. Very chilling,” he casually states. “There must be some bullet holes in the walls, but we can check that out later.” His head snuggles into your neck while you’re still processing his words, but you go blank when he starts leaving feather light kisses on your neck. “Right now,” he murmurs, “I just want you to ride me.”

“Ride you?”

“Don’t act innocent, you know what I mean. You said I could choose what we did today… and I want to fuck here.”

“Taehyung… I specifically told you we aren’t allowed to do anything sexual. You hurt me last time as well,” you frown at the mention. 

“I asked you if I ever hurt you earlier. Did you say anything?” he asks condescendingly.

“No…”

“Why are you saying I hurt you now? Don’t tell lies, baby. Besides,” his hand slides down to your thigh as he speaks in a low, sultry voice, “I’ve been loosening up your cunt. You don’t even wake up at night anymore. It won’t hurt this time, I promise.”

You had an inkling, the stupid inkling that you tried so damn hard to brush aside. “You fucked me in my sleep?” you force out, your mouth suddenly feeling dry. “And you brought me here just to–”

“Christ, no,” he cuts you off offendedly, “I’m not that sick in the head. I didn’t plan it, but I can’t say I wasn’t hoping. It’s not like I’m going to rape you.”

“You did it once!”

“I was on a lot of drugs then! I’m clean now,” he huffs in irritation. “I’m sorry about that, and I know my apology is long overdue or whatever, but give me a break. I’ve been into you since I was like 16.”

You turn to look at him - really look at him. There’s not a trace of guilt on his face; the roots of his messy teal hair have grown out; the beauty of his naturally downward lip corners; you don’t know what to think. Your mind is a mess because you don’t know what to make of his confession. He has manipulated you countless times, coerced you into doing things you would never do, and for once you reflect on his personality. This could be one of his schemes in order to get you to do what he wants, and ironically, he was supposed to be doing that for you. Through all of your scrambled thoughts, you only muster a meek “really?”

“Yes,” he affirms, “that’s why I want to be intimate with you.”

Lies, lies, lies, you think before gently pressing your lips against his. Despite your attempt at kissing him softly, he doesn’t cooperate by instantly sucking on your nether lip with vigor, his hands immediately meeting at your hips to gently rock them against his crotch. He bites your lip before swiping his tongue against it, coaxing, “Suck on my tongue.” The awkward angle from where you’re kissing him makes him turn your body to completely face him, your knees landing on either side of him on the uncomfortable chair. It doesn’t matter, because you’re starting to forget the whole setting, just about everything except for him as arousal begins to seep in. Heat pools in your stomach at the switch in mood, and he’s enjoying your compliance as he quietly moans into your mouth. 

While you’re busy relishing in his swirling tongue, he starts tugging down your pants and you help him without looking. You sit up to push it down your ankles and throw it on the floor along with your panties. “What’s gotten into you?” he chuckles breathlessly before leaving wet kisses on your lips and pulling away to take off his wrinkled shirt. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, equally breathless.

“I don’t know, you’re just… so hot when you’re horny.” His boyish smile grows on your flustered face as he says, “Take off your shirt. Wanna see those pretty tits again.”

You bite your lip to suppress your insecurities, but it doesn’t help when you’re left in your bra as you cover your chest. “Don’t be shy now,” he teases knowingly and removes your arms before unclasping the garment. “Take out my cock now.” His tone is gentle with encouragement. You unzip his jeans timidly, but your eyes grow in wonder at the outline of his erection. “I’m so hard for you,” he assures you in a whisper and takes your hand in his to rub himself. “You’re so pretty, and sexy. I fucked you every night because you’re just so irresistible. You understand, don’t you, baby?” 

“I… Yes,” you agree and finally push down his briefs. His throbbing cock stands proudly and you’re intimidated by the size until he murmurs, “I won’t hurt you.” He lightly touches your bare pussy, slick with your arousal as you shudder. He coats your vulva with all of it, giving special attention to your clenching hole as he inserts a single finger. “Does it hurt?”

You shake your head, and you’re confused by the lack of pain and the desire for more. It feels good and that is a surprise for you as you sink down lower on his finger. He curls it, adds another finger and stretches your walls, emitting a moan out of you. You’re liking it, and you don’t know why; he was so cruel the last time that you were convinced something would go wrong now. Nothing does, and if anything, his fingers make you feel the best you have ever felt though it is not enough. “More,” you beg and he replaces his fingers by pulling you to the head of his cock. He’s staring right at you with hooded lids as he rubs it up and down, making you release a needy whimper. “Please, Taehyung.”

And like the slave he was meant to be, he shoves it in with a grunt. Your scream catches in your throat at the initial sting, but it’s worth it when he screws his eyes shut in pleasure and bites his lip to hold back a groan. He looks angelic under you, although he is anything but. You realize he is waiting for your cue to move, and it flutters your hearts because he is more attentive to you this time. Rather than letting him take the lead, you act on your instincts as you roll your hips. It’s unsteady at first, the foreign position making it difficult for you to adapt to so fast. His audible quick breaths encourage you to take your time in angling your pelvis comfortably, and when an involuntary moan leaves you, you place your hands on his shoulders before sticking to the current stance and going up and down on him. 

“Oh shit, you’re doing so well,” he praises you between gasps, supporting your body with his hands, “feels so fucking good. My good girl.”

It gets to your head, how much he’s enjoying your motions. He meets them with thrusts of his own, perfectly hitting your cervix and blinding you with pleasure. What is it that makes you feel so wonderful in this situation? Is it the touch, or the complimentary fact that you’re the only person Taehyung wouldn’t get bored of? 

Could it be that you’re two of the same?

Maybe he’s the one desperate to please you, you think as he massages your breasts, flicking your hard nipples with his thumbs so graciously. The eerie silence is broken by both of your loud moans, ecstasy sensually building up in knots in your stomachs. Sweat accumulates on your forehead, your hair sticking to your face but not hiding the sight of his erotic expression. You arch your back and grind down on him, and he’s limp on the loveseat as he takes all that you give him so submissively.

It’s your turn to use him, and you actually start understanding what makes him so rash and impulsive in hopes of receiving this amount of serotonin. It’s worth it, the release of control and morals to be with him. “Taehyung, h-how did you do it?” you moan. “Every night, what did you do?”

“I,” he tries to catch his breath, “I used my fingers to stretch you out. One finger, then two, then three.” He groans and thrusts into you fast and hard, “I fisted you at some point, and you came in your sleep, and then on my cock. Moaning and whining every fucking night, like some filthy whore.” You mewl at his crude words. He’s so obscene with you, and you clench your walls in response. “You like being my whore, hm? Little freak.”

“Yes, yes,” you confirm in a whimper, nodding your head as you pass the dominance onto him. He’s fucking into you while you stand on your knees, eyes rolled back with drool about to drip from the corner of your mouth. He starts to rub your clit and kisses your neck for you to tighten around him over and over again; it’s heaven in an empty graveyard. It’s so fucked up, yet he can’t stop. You’re panting as he manipulates your body to mold with his. “I’m close.”

His hands fall on your ass, greedily kneading it as your hips begin to stutter, your orgasm climbing up just as your energy is falling down. It hits you like a truck: the peak of pleasure, accompanied by a silent scream, nails digging into his skin as your muscles tense. “Fuck,” you breathe once his thrusts begin overstimulating you, but it’s not for long as he shoots his load inside you with a groan. He’s twitching as his erection becomes flaccid, and you feel it as he pulls out. 

“Bet it didn’t hurt,” he jokes while you recover from your climax. You’re leaking with his cum and he uses his shirt to wipe you clean, making you shake from how sensitive you are. “I’ll buy you the pill on the way home.”

“Thanks,” you plainly say and stand up to pick up your clothes. You’re trembling slightly and a little achy, but it’s nothing compared to losing your virginity. 

“What? You gonna give me the cold shoulder now?” He’s only in his loose pants and has his shirt thrown over his shoulder. He buckles his belt while you put on your bra. 

“Why did you make us act like a couple in front of Namjoon?” After hearing his confession, the interaction before bugs you.

“What do you mean?”

“Is it because you didn’t want him to think I was single? Because you like me?”

“No, he’s a convicted felon. Crazy motherfucker killed his ex’s new boyfriend,” he reveals with a scoff. “Besides, if you like me, you’d like him as well.”

Putting your shock aside, you realize one thing: Taehyung doesn’t want to be replaced. Does that mean you hold power over him? Or will he do anything at any cost to be in your life?  Regardless of your internal monologue, you only reply with, “who says I like you?”

It’s a joke, and he knows it. As promised, he buys you an emergency pill and another shirt for himself on the way home. His days of slavery are over, and you wonder: where will he be tomorrow? Maybe take his father’s advice… 

[theheraldsrest]

Hello 👋.

Let's say the inquisition inner circle (and advisors) stumble upon a sub-human species living in the forest (harpies, lamia, centaur etc) would they spill the beans to everyone? Would they try and communicate with them? Or outright attack? I'm curious.

“Companions reacting to Sub-Human Species”

Thank you to @wozzmeyer for the ask! I’m curious, too! This post got me thinking about another post we had queued but instead it was cryptids and the only thing I can remember from it was Mothman and Solas having a stare down before he pushed a candle closer to it, making it just focus on that. He had to keep pulling the candle away so it wouldn’t burn itself. It was great. This was a quick one!

-Lord Lex

Cullen

-Ahahaha-no. Nope. He already has to deal with all of these other creatures and mounts and people and-just no. If they want an alliance, fine just go through Josey. If they mean harm, they’re not gonna last long. He’ll at least try for peace, but sooner or later turn it over to someone who’s used to these situations.

Josephine

-Fascinating! There’s so much we can learn from these creatures: their way of living, their culture, their traditions. Honestly wants to speak with them, show her respect as one should. If they allow it, she’ll try to hold back her questions so that she doesn’t come off as too pushy but she’s just interested! Of course, she’ll also respect them if they wish to be kept a secret. 

Leliana

-Probably knows about them before they even know about the Inquisition...or if they do, then she’s impressed. Would like to keep a distance between them and your people, don’t know if they are enemies or allies and would rather be sure before any further action is taken. Unless they pose an actual threat, doesn’t give much care to them. But, hey, information is power. 

Vivienne

-Is also quite fascinated with these creatures. Most of her readings on them say they went extinct/wiped out/disappeared, yet here they were! As long as they're not too savage-like, she’ll happily listen to them and learn about them if offered. And having information about their existence is quite important and essentially valuable information

Varric

-Damn. One of the first things he said when your group ran into these creatures. Thought you guys were goners but, if friendly, will love to hear about them. Writes most of it down, planning on using it for future books. If told not to reveal them, he’ll more than likely spin a tale around the actual occurrence and certain information on them. Oh centaurs in the west? Nah, gotta head south.

Cole

-!!!There’s more!!! People and creatures and magic, continuous life constantly changing. This is the most giddy you’ve even seen him (of course, the only difference is him bouncing on the balls of his feet). Talks with a lot of them, seeing what they’ve suffered, what they’ve gone through. A lot of them are quite fond of him, some not so much. You did have to come between him and another creature he was trying to help before they could kill him.

Solas

-Someone make sure he’s breathing. He had thought they had all been wiped out, yet here they were: alive and thriving. So many memories and so many traditions lost. If they’ll allow him, he tries to relive these moments for them, telling them their old tales to help them. He would take their secret to the grave if they wished to never be found out about. They deserve this.

Cassandra

-She more than likely attacked them before realising it wasn’t an enemy. If friendly, she does apologize but keeps an eye on them, suspicious of these beings. She stays stiff and doesn’t really open towards these creatures. No one has heard of them in a long time or even knows what they are, you expect her to trust them? But she will respect their wish for secrecy if asked.

The Iron Bull

-Has only a slight interest, but nothing else. Does keep note about them, studying them and watching their actions. If they’re even slightly bigger than him or say that they’re stronger than most, you can bet he’s going to test that. If still part of the Qun, he passes on the information of their existence. If not, he doesn’t really share it unless necessary, such as for help or advice from them.

Dorian

-If you so much as ask if the man who’s constantly studying different creatures, magics, and other miscellaneous things if he’s interested in this, you will get a look of disappointment. He’s writing everything and anything and trying to study them as much as possible. *Dramatically* If asked to keep it a secret, he supposes he can. Oh the temptation! No but seriously he’d kill people to keep these people/creatures safe.

Sera

-Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. She has to deal with that thing you call a spirit, now this?! First threatens them with her arrows, even after knowing they’re not a threat, and then stays as far away from them as possible. Especially if they have any magic hooha about them. Unknown magic is bad magic. Keep that shite away from her!

Blackwall

-Would also like nothing to do with it. This is unknown to him and continues to keep his guard up, but does ease a bit. Yes it’s interesting and a bit beautiful, but you don’t know anything about them except what people theorized. Doesn’t matter about keeping it a secret, he has no qualms with them nor does he wish for harm to come to them either.